The Simpsons/Season 36
The Simpsons: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 | Movie Crank calls
- The Simpsons (1989–present) is an American animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by Matt Groening. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.
- Chief Wiggum: Simpson, we are family sending you to juvie and throwing away the keys, is what I would say if I wasn't about to start a whole new chapter in my life. [Bart groans] I'm joining the Chicago P.D. I'm gonna lead the ADU.
- Lou: The All-Decapitations Unit?
- Chief Wiggum: Yeah, there won't be a lot of laughs. I think it’s a drama. One thing's for sure though, I'm going to miss this pla-
- Bart: ENOUGH OF THE STUPID LIGHT SWITCH!!
- Homer: I know, I know. It's a lot to process suddenly having a great father.
- Bart: Dude, you're not capable of change!
- Homer: [through teeth] I hear you and I validate your feelings.
- Bart: You're not a great father, you are Homer Simpson. A drunk, neglectful sack of crap, and that's why everyone laughs at you!
- Homer: Why you little... [angrliy strangles Bart, smashes onto his cake]
- Marge: Bart, look what you did to your cake.
- Homer: Mmm, floor cake. [takes a bite of Bart's cake]
- Bart: Ten. I stopped it. I'm still ten.
- Marge: [to Bart] When are you going to grow up?
- Bart: Never.
- Billy O'Donnell: Okay, listen, you stay in the car until I get back.
- [Agnes doing cube rotation while waiting for Billy to return]
- Agnes Skinner: I waited and waited.
- [Agnes snoring and cube rotations all over on her and gasps]
- Cletus: Ma'am, are you okay? 'Cause I've been staring at ya since 2:00 in the morning.
- [Agnes groans]
- [Cletus takes a cube rotation]
- Agnes Skinner: I never saw Billy again. Abe, what if Burns knows I was there?
- Grampa: I guess I'll have to ask him. Luckily, I'm wearing my gun.
- [grunts]
- Mayor Quimby: Thanks to Lisa Simpson's tireless and tiresome advocacy, Springfield will now be providing free LED light bulbs to every household.
- The Rich Texan: I can use the money I save to pay for these louder bullets!
- Sideshow Mel: I applaud Springfield for finally embracing a progressive idea.
- The Rich Texan: Whoa, Nelly! It's a progressive idea? Well, now I hate it.
- Luann Van Houten: Okay, ladies. Let's all take out this month's book. Then open it, close it, and break out the wine!
- Marge Simpson: Luann, we're not feeling very "woo." What we're feeling is woo-ried.
- Bernice Hibbert: Mm-hmm.
- Kumiko Albertson: This is an intervention.
- Luann: I don't have a problem with drinking.
- Lindsey Naegle: It's not the wine.
- Lindsey Naegle: The question is: Do you want to live your life like this?
- Luann: Oh! And I suppose all your throw pillows just say nothing. Anyway, it's not like it's hurting anyone.
- Kumiko: Isn't it?
- Marge: Luann, we're here for you.
- Luann: But… but being a funny wine mom is my thing. I have absolutely nothing else in my life. [He starting to crying, Milhouse sighs]
- Marge: You like coffee, right? What if your new personality was coffee?
- Luann: Coffee merch doesn't get me there!
- Bernice Hibbert: Chocolate?
- Luann: "It's chocolate o'clock somewhere"? That makes no sense, Bernice.
- Miss Hoover: How about "proud slut"?
- Luann: Hmm… hmm… I love it.
- Malibu Stacy: Hi, Shauna!
- Shauna Chalmers: Um. Who are you, freak? Besides a freaky freak, you freak.
- Mailbu Stacy: I'm Malibu Stacy. You're Malibu Stacy. I came here from Malibu Stacy Land because a rea girl who plays with me needs my help. And that's you, Shauna.
- Jimbo Jones: You still play with dolls?
- Shauna: [Scoffs] No.
- Malibu Stacy: It's okay to be complicated. As women, we can encompass multitudes.
- Shauna: Encompass my fist! [He jumps and Stacy screams, he started to punch]
- Dolph: Yeah, get her!
- Shauna: Get out of here and leave me alone, loser! I'm so sorry. Meet me at home after school. We'll have a tea party, I love you so much.
- [He started to punch again]
- Malibu Stacy: You're not fighting me! You're fighting your fears of growing up!
- [He stop punching, he surprised, Malibu Stacy just smiled. Shauna kicks Malibu Stacy's head out of floor. Smithers had to get in the car. Malibu Stacy's head is over at Smithers. Smithers screams. Nelson yawns]
- Mrs. Muntz: All right, good night, Nelly.
- Nelson Muntz: Mama, could you tell me a story? How about one from the Kingdom of the Classy Ladies?
- Mrs. Muntz: [chuckles] Another one?
- Nelson: Aw, please! I never get tired of their adventures.
- Mrs. Muntz: Well, once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Muntzeena. Oh, and she loved to dance with all of her friends atop the glittery stage of…
- Nelson: Lord Tracksuit's Manor!
- Mrs. Muntz: One five eve, a party of Knights of the Order of the Bachelor from the Valley of Silicon were there, tossing much gold.
- Nelson: Did they bring a wizard with them who could control the weather?
- Mrs. Muntz: Oh, they sure did. And boy, oh, boy, did he make it rain. But treachery was in the air. As the evil Princess Rylee with two Es stepped onto the stage, bidding the troubadour play "Poureth Some Sugar Unto Me."
- Nelson: But that's Princess Muntzeena's frolicking ditty. Rylee stole it!
- Mrs. Muntz: Indeed. And filled with righteous fury, Muntzeena removed her magical Lucite heel, and chuckled it at Rylee's stupid face.
- Nelson: Oh, Princess Muntzeena didn't get docked two weeks' pay again, did she?
- Mrs. Muntz: No. Because the keeper of the door, Sir Gordo of the Latin Kings, is fair and wise and kind of into older broads. So he banished Princess Rylee to the shift of the morn, when all the princes are sleeping off last night's potions.
- Nelson: Then King Nelson came in, stole all the ducats and treated Muntzeena to lunch at Krusty Burger.
- Mrs. Muntz: Oh, my hero.
- Nelson: No, mom. You're mine.
- Mrs. Muntz: Ah, shut up.
- Kent Brockman: Breaking news. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. A ship carrying America's entire supply of cigarettes has become lodged in the Panama Canal.
- Sea Captain: R, D, R, D, R, D. [After the ship was turn left, but he couldn’t do that, Horn blading in the ship, crowd laughing] Do you think the honking is helping? ‘Cause I don't!
- Kent Brockman: Experts say the cigarette shortage could mean months before shelves are restocked and lungs re-blackened.
- Bernice: Oh, hey there, handsome. What's your name?
- Dr. Hibbert: Dr. Julius Hibbert.
- Bernice: No, it's not.
- Dr. Hibbert: Hello, stranger. Got any sexually transmitted diseases I should know about?
- Bernice: Ugh. My name is Lavern McCray. I'm a lingerie model.
- Dr. Hibbert: Well, we have that in common.
- Bernice: You're a lingerie model?
- Dr. Hibbert: No, uh, my name is also Laverne McCray. I-I mean Maverne MacDoolittle?
- Luigi: I want-a my mamma!
- Mamma: Eh, what you should want is a lawyer. How's about-a both?
- [At Springfield Court, Judge Snyder pounds the gavel at Luigi]
- Luigi: [holding a pizza] It's-a not-a looking a-good, Mamma. They gonna send-a me away forever.
- Judge Snyder: Counselor Mamma, your closing argument?
- [Mamma grab the papers, and put them down. Mamma clears throat and starting to slap the people]
- Mamma: Don't you dare take-a my sweet, sweet, sweet baby boy to jail.
- Mamma: Next week, on the Mamma-At-Law… Civil forfeitures laws unfairly discriminate against low income communities.
- Lunchlady Dora: I believe every great dish is born of dreams. I'll often awaken with a new creation fully formed in my head. Every morning, I go to the farmer's market to get inspired. Each ingredient becomes a character in the story of lunch. Today's story is, I have 14 bucks and 500 kids to feed. Salt. Fat. Acid. Heat. No, thanks.
- Ruth Reichl: I've eaten in restaurants all over the world, and Lunchlady Dora's doing things I never thought were possible… or legal. Someone needs to stop her. Maybe the government?
- Lunchlady Dora: When I present my food, I want it to evoke an emotion. Panic.
- Wendell Borton: Ah! [He fells]
- Agnes Skinner: So, hi. This is my first time on one of these sites. I'm not really sure how this works, but it's time to admit that I'm lonely. Janice passed away six months ago, and I'm finally ready to open my heart to a new enemy. We were at war for 50 years. Oh, God. What a nemesis she was. The most loathsome, sorry excuse for a human being you ever met. May she burn in Hell. I know you're not supposed to talk about your ex, but that relationship is a part of me. Anyway. Ever since I spit on her ugly grave, I've been alone. I'm looking for someone in my rage bracket. I'm not young. I don't have time to waste exchanging passive-aggressive emails or shooting hostile stares across the supermarket. I'm looking for a real commitment. [On phone] If you think that could be you, reach out. I just wanna make someone miserable for the rest of their worthless life. Hmph! [He chiming in phone]
- Rayshelle Peyton: Oh, Milhouse fell down. I think he's okay, but it looks like the poor guy's about to… [Milhouse wailing]
- Rayshelle Peyton: Doesn't betting on bad things happening to children feel just a bit wrong?
- Miss Hoover: I feel nothing and I'm fine with that.
- Groundskeeper Willie: It's Sheri.
- [All groaning]
- Dewey Largo: Oh, yes! Yes!
- Groundskeeper Willie: Correction, the faller is Teri. Repeat, Teri.
- Luann: Now, you must be ready for a nap.
- Bart: No, I have to save... [yawns] ...the lady.
- Luann: Nighty nighty. [closes and locks the door]
- Homer: THIS IS BULL! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO SULLY SULLENBERGER!
- Marge: Homer, stop it! You always do this. You'll get us banned.
- Homer: So? We'll take our business elsewh--
- [muffled shouting]
- Marge: There is no elsewhere. Because of your past behavior, you're on the No Fly List of every other airline in the country. Even Spirit.
- Ralph: Every time you pull his finger, his pants cough.
- Todd: Jesus is God's Rod.
- Homer: [laughing] Jesus is God's Rod.
- Fausto: Blasphemy.
