The Simpsons/Season 25

season of television series

The Simpsons: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 | Movie Crank calls

The Simpsons (1989–present) is an American animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by Matt Groening. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

Wiggum: When I look at people, I don't see colors; I just see crackpot religions.

Marge: He's like a husband in a widow's memory, perfect.

Lisa: Bart, why is the dad I've always wished for creeping me out?
Bart: I don't know, 'cause you're incapable of experiencing joy?
Lisa: Point taken.

Bart: You have some big underpants to fill. I didn't know they made underoos in size 52.
Homer: They're called superoos, son, with pictures of the cast of The Expendables.
Bart: More like The Expandables.

Homer: I'm not sure man who eats right and doesn't drink can be good in bed.

Homer: Oh, I've been listening to this song for three days, and it's only the end of the first verse!
Homer: Marge, they knew what they were getting into when their parents sold them to the circus.

Burns: I don't hand out candy, you son of a Grinch.

Homer/The Fat In The Hat: Now hop on my cycle, there's nothing to fear. And we shall have candy...and maybe some beer.

Homer/The Fat In The Hat: (his dying words after Maggie stabs him) I'm frightened of nothing/Not even hellfire/Just don't ever let me be played by Mike Myers.
Reverend Lovejoy: So, is there truly anyone among us without regrets?
Agnes: I have no regrets.
Seymour: Really, Mother?
Agnes: Oh, I didn't see you there.
Mr. Burns: Speaking of return on investments, my Apple stock is up 3,500%.
Homer: Aw, you misheard that on purpose!

Milhouse: Why are you doing this, Bart?
Bart: 50% attention-seeking, 50% to drop things on people.
Ralph: He's gonna visit my sky granny.

Rafael: (to Homer) That's a ball-proof window, sir. Would you like me to ask Siri for a nearby hospital?
Siri: (to Rafael) I'm sorry, I don't see any "hops petals" near you. Deleting all contact information.
Rafeal: No, no, I didn't ask you to do that, Siri. I...
Siri: Delete confirmed.

Ned Flanders: Pray for a miracle, boy. God can hear you better from up there.
Bart: (Pray to God) Dear Lord, please help me land safely. Or transform this basket into a flying killer robot that I control with my mind. Amen.
Ned Flanders: That's not a prayer.
Bart: My God says it is.

Marge: It's all my fault. I should never have listened to those KISS albums when I was pregnant.
Chief Wiggum: (to Marge) Marge, with all due respect, that's ridiculous. My Sarah listened to Mozart and Churchill speeches when she was pregnant with Ralphie, and he can't even open a refrigerator.
Eduardo: Did you hair burn off in a fire that trapped you in a candy factory?
Homer: D’oh

Bart: I feel kind of melancholy.
Homer: Hmm...melon-collie.

Ned: That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I'm going to call you kettle corn.

Willie: You want me to carve it into a thank-o-lantern?
Lisa: No, this is good.
Willie: Well, this knave's got to carve something.
Moe: Read 'em and weep. The novels of Charlotte Brontë.
Carl: I thought we were playing cards.

Homer: You like lies? Here's a few: College is expensive, but it's worth it.

Homer: I'm sorry, Homer, Jr. You'll occupy an idealized place in my heart that no one can ever quite fill.
Bart: Therapy, please.
Lisa: Me too.

Lisa: I'm a Schwarzenegger wife!
Homer: But you're also the housekeeper. So it's all good.

Homer: (After imagining telling Marge about Homer Jr.) This simulation has been brought to you by your brain, a subsidiary of your penis.
Moe: Alright, '80s party! Where's the beef? Tear down that wall because I think the beef is behind that wall.

Principal Skinner: I must say, Lisa, it was amusing to see you thoroughly de-high-horsed.
Lisa: That isn't a word.
Principal Skinner: Oooh, back on the saddle she climbs.

Principal Skinner: It's called precipitation because it never fails to precipitate bad behavior.

Lisa: Excellent! [tents fingers] What am I doing? Untent! Untent!
Skinner: You're like egg salad at a picnic, Simpson. Even when you look good, we know you're going bad.

Lisa: You could do what Everybody Loves Raymond did.
Krusty: Go off the air while I'm still good? That horse has left the stable, gone to the glue factory and has been used to make art projects.

[after Bart complains to Marge because the family does not believe in him]

Homer: Bart, sweetie. This is an opportunity for you to turn things around... yet again. And I believe in you... yet again.

[after Homer arrives at the pier]

Bart: [sobs] Skinner didn't let me go. [sobs]
Homer: Really? Oh. I bet that submarine isn't so fun anyway.
Bart: [sniffs] You think so?
[in the submarine]
Navy captain: Fire that torpedo, Milhouse!
Milhouse: Aye-aye! [presses a button] Where did it go?
Navy captain: It was just imaginary.
[outside the submarine, the Springfield lighthouse blows up]
Gloria: Well, there's a rec room off the kitchen. But sometimes it's there and sometimes it isn't. Our house is very odd that way.

Quimby: Don't you idiots see what this means?
Lenny: Idiots? Why do we re-elect this guy?
Carl: Because his opponent has a long Slavic name.

Gloria: Global warming. Huh, by pure coincidence every scientist was right.
Gratman: I'm here to arrest and hopefully stage the prison suicide of the mastermind of this operation: Homer Simpson!

FBI Troop 1: Copyrighted material!
FBI Troop 2: Don't look at it!
FBI Troop 3: Somebody sell me a ticket!
Gratman: Get your earmuffs on and your blindfolds on. We were trained for this.
[he shoots Homer's laptop and the projection screen reads "NO SIGNAL"]
Gratman: [grabs Homer from climbing over a fence] From now on, the only place you'll be watching movies without buying a ticket is jail!

Lenny: [on piracy] That was so much better than the cinema. It mixes the wonder of movie-going with the rush of stealing.
Carl: All we want is brand new, big-budget entertainment in our homes for nothing. Why doesn't Hollywood get that?

Homer: That was the greatest thing I've seen on a computer that I could talk about with you in the room.

Homer: Hey, they tricked us! That's a commercial! If I wanted to pay for commercials I can't skip, I'd sign up for Hulu Plus!

Homer: Wait, you guys saw the new Radioactive Man sequel?
Carl: Uh, it's not a sequel, it's a reboot.
Lenny: Actually, this one undoes the stuff from the last one, so it's a deboot.
Bart: Homer, will you take me to buy a comic book Tuesday at midnight?
Homer: And miss the back half of Jimmy Kimmel? That's when he experiments, boy.

Comic Book Guy: I cannot hide the snide inside!

Comic Book Guy: The closest thing I have to a father is the Obi-Wan doll in my store, and he comes from a race of celibate knights so...

Comic Book Guy: Nerds don't get girls!

Comic Book Guy: Since I met Kumiko, strangely, comic books no longer seem so important. I will also be selling greeting cards. And, every day, I will give one to Kumiko in commemoration of today with the salutation, "Best... Day... Ever."
Burns: Beware, rabbits. I spy with my transplanted eyes.

Lisa: How does this mean anything when everyone's forced to do it?
Marge: What did I say about pointing out the meaninglessness of things?
Lisa: Not to.

Nelson: Simpson, there's going to be a heart in my hand, either paper or yours.

Marge: I'm afraid wives don't make passes at husbands who wear those glasses.
Marge: Bart's usually first in line for taco night, but now he's muy tarde. Is it alright to say tarde?

Homer: Pressure is how you make your beloved diamonds, Marge.
Marge: I don't have any diamonds.
Homer: Quit pressuring me!

Homer: If God needs money, why doesn't he just write another Bible. The first one sold pretty well.
Lisa: Nobody form any opinions while I'm gone.
Chief Wiggum: Well, hurry! We have no minds of our own.

Homer: Don't you think the parts that aren't evil, are a little...pretentious.
Bart: Absolutely...we're talking about Lisa, right?

Todd: We took the pledge.
Rod: We won't have sex until we're married.
Todd: To each other.

Ned: Just tell them that God wants them to ignore everything in their bodies that God is making happen.

Ned: (Sighs as he looks at his late wife, Edna Krabappel and wearing a black armband) Sure do miss that laugh.
Nelson: Ha-ha! I miss her too.
Nelson: Simpson, I won't forget this. From now on, you and I are as tight as whiteys.

Dolph: Well, you're gay for homophobia!
Kearney: Wow, you just made me gay for tolerance.

Homer: Honey, Grandpa is the closet thing I have to a father and I love him, but three octogenocerauses?!?

Homer: My lifestyle is my retirement plan.
Homer: Emojis! Now she's gone too far.

Homer: Kettle corn, the heroin of the farmer's market.

Homer: That's the great thing about art, everyone can have their opinion about why it sucks.
Skinner: So from now on, our cafeteria will only serve delicious Stuffwich's heroes, hoagies, and torpedoes.
Nelson: What about po' boys?
Skinner: Sorry, Nelson. Poor boys, such as yourself, will go hungry.

Homer: The only thing that keeps me from living here is that fish that swims up your pee stream. That is a deal breaker.

Superintendent: Skinner! I have seven other principals, and I've never yelled their names. Not even once.

Dolph: Why are you concussing yourself? Why are you concussing yourself?
Milhouse: A fat kid with a dream. I can't compete with that.

Lisa: He's just Ralph with a dream, the dream of not ralphing.

Homer: Whoo hoo! I've got a date with my daughter!
Cletus: Yeah, we've all been there. No need to act like you just invented air conditioning.

Milhouse: I never would have suspected the one criminal in town.

Patty: Justin Blobber over there doesn't remind you of anyone?

Bart: Don't want to be seen with you when you're hitting bottom.
Lisa: At least we hope it's bottom.

Homer: Wow…this looks just like the dress you wore on Project Runway!
Bart: Wow, now I see why they call you Miss Hoover. You must have been vacuuming for an hour.

Frink: You used up all your clones you fat, fat, fat reckless, fat pig.

Marge: You can live with your no good son.
Bart: Hey, what did I do?
Marge: Nothing for 30 years. You're perfect for each other.

Bart: I am as healthy as a horse.
Marge: Horses only live 30 years.
Homer: Oh, why are you doing this to me, booze? I drank every kind of you.

Lenny: Why do they call this a yard of ale?
Carl: Easy. After you drink it, you're passed out in a yard.

[Groundskeeper Willie has been talked into posing nude for Evelyn Trunch's art class]
Groundskeeper Willie: Oh, I just came in to take out the trash!
Evelyn Trunch: And you shall leave immortal! Also, take out the trash.

Bart Simpson: I admit, I did make a voodoo doll of Mrs. Trunch. But I just asked for a stomachache, not a baby!
Principal Skinner: Classic wish maker's mistake: vague language.

Homer: Do you know how embarrassed I was to get a call at my arraignment for my behavior during the pub crawl because of a voodoo curse my son placed on his art teacher?

Bart: A minute of fun, a lifetime of work. I've never heard of a pregnancy like this.
Krusty: Come back, I'm a clown! I can't afford to look ridiculous!

Homer: Marge, did you replace our regular mirror with a magical mirror from a mystical salesman at a weird store that if we went back to find it, it wouldn't be there anymore?
Marge: No.
Homer: AAAAHHH!!

Homer: Get it together, Homer. I'm sure lots of people every time you look in the mirror and see a hideous flesh monster, just a one-time thing. (sees a reflection of normal self) Oh, brick me! (taps on the glass) Leave me alone! Why don't you go back to where you came from?

Homer: (noticing the beer is plastic circles and reflects it to normal) What the--? This isn't beer. Beer is plastic circles. How can I drink-- this?

Homer: Marge, would you give up eating steak in the matrix to go slurp goo in Zion?
Marge: We don't have that movie here.

Homer: Oh, they're so cute when they're Duplo.

Homer: It's not selling out. It's co-branding. Co-branding!

Willie: Stop it! If you pull out these bricks, the whole school could collapse!
Bart: But there's a skunk in there.
Willie: (gasps) Scottish steak! (bursts into it, making the whole school collapse, except for the broom closet)
Skinner: You are going to rebuild on every brick of this school.

Ralph: Yo soy el language lab!

Comic Book Guy: As an adult who surrounds himself with child's toys, I represent the part of your psyche that prefers this artificial world!
Bart: I want you to binge watch all the shows you've ever done.
Krusty: I've never said no to a binge.

Rabbi Krustofski: What did the burning bush say?
Krusty: It said ow! Put me out! How many talking bushes do you think there are?

Krusty: No one told me this roast would treat me the same way as every roast I've ever seen and laughed at.
Lisa: [narrating] Bart won a blue ribbon, but was it worth it?
Marge: Lisa! Bath time!
Lisa: Mom! I'm narrating!
Marge: The water's going to get cold!
Lisa: Fine!

Bart: I suck, you suck!

Krusty: How can they say I'm past my prime? Me, the voice of Ovaltine.

Lisa: [while the Gracie Films logo begins, but no music] Usher, will you stop that person who's shushing?
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