The Simpsons/Season 29

season of television series

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The Simpsons (1989–present) is an American animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by Matt Groening. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.

[Marge cooks food for her family]
Homer: Aw, water soup again?
[Marge knocks out a three eyed crow and adds it to the soup]
Marge: Now, it's crow soup.
Homer: Ooh, I call an eye!
Lisa: Me too!
Bart: Me three!
Marge: And Maggie gets the break.
[Marge plucks the beak out and gives it to Maggie]
Maggie: Aaaeeey! Uh-Ah!
[Maggie uses the beak as a passy and sucks on it]

Lisa: Lousy nobles. We serfs are starving, while they're feasting and jousting and posing for tapestries, where they're friends with a unicorn. As if any unicorn would like them. Unicorns like nice people. I'm a nice person.

[Homer pokes his father's spider web, looking for his mother-in-law's]
Grandpa: Son, is that you?
Homer: No.
Bart: Isn't this great,baby alone time. Where's Maggie’s Peek-a-boo.
Lisa: Well, what do you think of my late pick-up room?
Ned: It's wonderful, hard to believe it's the same room they found all those dead rats in.
Lisa: Maggie, you can whistle? (she gasps surprisingly at Maggie's talent.) you're gifted too, maybe more gifted!
Lisa: No one ever wants the apple. They must be afraid there's a razor blade in me.
Bart: [sarcastic] Yeah, THAT'S the reason.

[Homer eats a living chocolate bunny, who screams in pain]
Lisa: Daaaad! I can't listen to this horror!
Homer: Okay, I'm onto it.
[Homer bites the mouth off]
Lisa: Thank you.

Marge: Maggie, sweetie. You should be in bed.
[Maggie is revealed to be possessed by Pazuzu]
Maggie: No one leaves alive!
Marge: Ooooh, her first words!

Dr. Hibbert: Someone's starting their terrible twos. [chuckles]
Maggie: Someone's having an affair with his nurse!
[Bernice glares at Hibbert, who quickly takes out a thermometer]
Dr. Hibbert: Say "Ahh!"
Maggie: Aaaahhhh-DULTERER!

Maggie: [possessed] I am Pazuzu, demon of the southwest wind!
Lisa: Wait, wait, so you're not even as powerful as the south wind or the west wind? How lame is that?
Maggie: I used to be very important. Google it!
Helen: She's completely cooked. Unlike the children she brought to the potluck.
Rev. Lovejoy: Oh, Helen is a bitter as the lemonade she brought to the potluck. What a terrible potluck that was.
Sideshow Mel: Why wasn't this a town hall event? I like to see them balance on the stools.

Homer: Marge, can you cook a Hot Pocket in the dryer?
Marge: Homer Simpson, the only time you shut your mouth is to keep food inside!
Reynolds: Well, here's $400, and screw you.
Bart: Wow. I finally found my path in life: socio.
Homer: Why you little --
Bart: I'm not little. I'm 20, and I live at home.
Homer: Why you disappointing --
Bart: You know, you're choking someone who can vote.
Homer: But did you vote?
Bart: No.
Homer: Why you little --

Homer: Sweetie, marriages are like water heaters. They sit peacefully for years, until they explode in a fireball, ruining everything you own.
Bart: Nothing good ever comes from trying.
Otto: I brought my stems.
[Otto opens his coat to reveal a bag with stems in it]
Security Guard: Sir, this is a conference of science, technology, engineering, and math. [the points to a STEM sign]
[Otto walks to a DOPE sign]
Otto: But what about this one?
[Dr. Hibbert walks out of the room next to the DOPE sign]
Dr. Hibbert: Dialogue on pedriatric education.
Mr. Burns: I need you to tell me who is worthy of surviving the Apocalypse with me. I only want the sharpest razors in this town's Halloween candy.
Mayor Quimby: Did you know we had to lay off a third of the police force? That's right: Eddie.
Eddie: I used to have a gun!

Manacek: Your story had everything: a field trip, a dream sequence, Sideshow Mel.
Marge: We're going to spend family time together without watching TV.
Lisa: Mom is right - Americans watch way too much TV. How many hours? Let me Google that. [uses her iPhone and laughs] Instead of TV, I typed "TB"! Let me Google that!
[The family all start using their iPhones and consoles, to Marge's annoyance]
Marge: Turn off the devices, pronto!
Lisa: "Pronto!" Odd word. Let me Google that.
Bart: Hey, I'm doing something educational.
Marge: Educational, my foot! I saw pixels.
Bart: It's Tunnelcraft. A simulated world, where you explore, mine resources, and work with friends to build replicas of real buildings.
Marge: Can you die in it?
Bart: Yes.
Marge: It's a video game!

[The Simpsons are in a book store]
Homer: [reading book title] "Man-Killing Snakes of the Amazon".
Library Owner: Sir! Never say "Amazon" in a book store!

Lisa: Something that started decades ago and was applauded and inoffensive is now politically incorrect... What can you do? [glances at a picture of Apu]
Marge: Some things will be dealt with at a later date.
Lisa: If at all.
Homer: If the beer's in a frosted mug, you're not alcoholic, you're an aficionado.

Marge: Homer, what's your favorite movie?
Homer: Fast and Furious 6.
Marge: And what's the theme of that movie?
Homer: Cars.
Marge: What was the OTHER theme?
Homer: [gasps] Family.
Homer: Well, we did it, kids. And the best thing is, the next episode will beat Gunsmoke.
Bart: What about all the episodes they made on the radio?
Homer: [mad] Have a beignet.
Lisa: Oh, I hate confrontation.
[shivers then nervously glances at Bart]
Bart: So just leave your body.
Lisa: Ok.
[Lisa leaves her body and appears as a spirit]
Lisa: Oh my god! - Hey!
[camera pans downward to see Bart slapping Lisa's face. Lisa possesses herself back and pushes Bart]
Ned: [plays Christian parody rock music in the car]
Homer: Maybe we should talk.
Ned: Well, of course, my friend! Wanna talk about Jesus?
Homer: No.
Ned: Wanna talk about Ecclesiastes?
Homer: No.
Ned: Wanna talk about baby Jesus?
Homer: [turns Christian rock back on]
[As the family hook up the VCR]
Bart: Gross, the remote has a cord on it!
Homer: My first remote. Coincidentally, the same time I got fat.

Maude Flanders' Ghost: You've got to talk to me, Bart.
Bart: Leave me alone, leave me alone! The power of Homer's socks compels you!
[He holds them up; Maude screams and flees]

[Nelson and his gang confront Homer, wearing Ghostface masks and armed with T-shirt cannons]
Nelson: Maude Flanders says hello.
Homer: [cheerfully] Hello!
[They fire T-shirts at him, knocking him down]
Nelson: Let's move! [they leave]
Maude Flanders' Ghost: Thank you, Bart. I'm finally at peace. [starts to float away]
Bart: You know Ned remarried?
Maude Flanders' Ghost: He WHAT?!
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