The Simpsons/Season 35
The Simpsons: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 | Movie Crank calls
- The Simpsons (1989–present) is an American animated sitcom broadcast by the Fox Broadcasting Company created by Matt Groening. The series is a satirical depiction of American life, epitomized by the Simpson family.
- Superintendent Chalmers: So, since Otto has disappeared with our bus, and our brownie pans, parents will have to drive their own children to school.
- [parents complain]
- Principal Skinner: Well, fewer of you would have to drive if you sat down and arranged a carpool schedule.
- [parents complain harder]
- Bart: Perhaps, but on the other hand… [Burps at Lisa in her face, then laughs]
- Lisa: Ugh. Mom!
- Bart: Gotcha!
- Marge: Bart, say excuse me.
- Homer: Must hammer nails.
- Announcer: Attention, shoppers. A mother's love is forever, but mother's love rat poison is only on sale till the end of the day.
- Marge: We have to meet the new neighbors before they hear about us from the old neighbors.
- Homer: Hey, I have friends in this neighborhood. There's the guy whose lawn I used as a shortcut, the guy whose mailbox crashed into our car, and Mrs. Bad Halloween candy.
- Bad Halloween candy lady: If my candy is so bad, why do you take so much of it?
- Mr. Burns: So you want me to talk about Persephone Odair? That's easy. She was a brilliant entrepreneur who wanted to save the world. How I wish that was her only shortcoming.
- Lisa: Hello, Bob.
- Sideshow Bob: H-how did you get in here?
- Lisa: Well, I knew if I killed enough people in the most gruesome possible ways, they'd send me to your prison. But to get into your cell, I had a little help.
- [The security guard is revealed to be Maggie Simpson]
- Sideshow Bob: Lisa the killer? I never thought you had it in you.
- Lisa: [slicks back her hair] The Lisa you knew? Didn't. [musses it up again] But I'm another story!
- Sideshow Bob: Oho, really? Split personalities? Trope alert! Call the first thought police!
- Lisa: [scene shows Lisa killing her victims] Professor Lisa had no idea she was my accomplice. [scene changes back to the present] But she's gone now. She was my last victim. Or rather, [takes a knife, grinning menacingly] second to last.
- Sideshow Bob: The penultimate! [Bob steps onto a rake and it whacks him. He grumbles.]
- [Lisa turns on the gramophone. He is an Englishman from H.M.S Pinafore begins to play and Lisa dances along with it, until turning her attention back to Bob. She menacingly approaches Bob with a knife. Scene goes outside the cell, as Lisa kills Bob, while Maggie chills next to the cell door.]
- Lisa: Have you seen our dad?
- Moe: No, just these hundreds of silly versions of him, which is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I mean I'm printing money over here.
- Agnes: My Werthers, my choice.
- Bart: I call a drumstick.
- Homer: Nice try, boy, but we agreed I'd get both drumsticks every Thanksgiving on the day you were born.
- Bart: Aw, no fair. I was too young to sign that.
- Homer: I believe this is your foot, is it not? And I had it notarized.
- Bart: Why you giant.. [angrily strangles Homer]
- Lisa: [sighs] But the worst was yet to come. That Thanksgiving would surpass Christmas and my birthday as the saddest day of the year.
- Homer: Mmmm...pepper spray.
- Marge: Oh, my head. Homie, what do you take for a hangover? Huh? [Homer is running away] Oh fine, be that way.
- Homer: For once, I'm the one who spoke truth while drunk.
- Marge: Oh, oh. Running away from a fight?
- Homer: Well, I'm still mad at you!
- Marge: Well, I'm still mad at you!
- Homer: You told everyone that I don't care about romance, and now they think Homer Simpson is vanilla in the sack!
- ["Homer Simpson is vanilla in the sack!" echoes, followed by "vanilla in the sack!" echoing three times]
- Groundskeeper Willie: Ah, you broke my sniffer. You do love me.
- Marge: [singing] I'm getting the mail, hallelujah, I'm getting the mail. It's something to do. [stops singing] Hmm. What the Helen Mirren?
- Marge: Stimulus checks? We were supposed to catch these during the pandemic. Should we spend the money now or wait for the next one?
- Bart: So what are we gonna blow it on, jet ski or motorbike? Vroom, vroom, vroom!
- Lisa: [to Marge] Mom, there is something I've always wanted for this family, but it's not a thing, exactly.
- Bart: Vroom?
- Lisa: ...but rather, it's an experience. Something we can all treasure and talk about for years to come.
- Marge: Wow. Well, then maybe we should do it.
- Bart: [to Marge] Wait, that's the move? Go all sincere and emo? Gross.
- [Bart walks away from the kitchen]
- Lisa: There is one small issue. My idea will take finessing with Dad.
- Marge: Hmm.
- Bart: Students, look to your right, look to your left. These are the people you'll be cheating off of.
- Barney: I use mine for corn holders.
- Waylon Smithers: All right, Simpson, this is the 691st time you've left us for another job.
- Homer: Yeah, well, I have a good feeling about this time.
- Smithers: So, we finally said what the hell, we have a form for everything else around here, so why not this?
- Crazy Cat Lady: [the dogs barking] Monster. Monsters all. Ow!
- Lisa: So he's afraid of germs on toilet seats.
- Homer: [As he wakes up from the Mario Kart nightmare After He (As Wario) knocks Lisa (as Mario) Off the Rainbow Road with a bomb.] It's-a me, Wario! It's all my fault! Wah!
- Lisa: I am so sorry. You can sell my Malibu Stacy Dream House. It's increased in value. I just redid the kitchen.
- Homer: Relax. We're not gonna sell your toys. The sax is where the real money is.
- Marge: Homer.
- Homer: What? My upper-lower, middle-lower, lower-class income isn't gonna get us out of this.
- Marge: Hmm. In order to save this family, I'm gonna have to do something I've never done before, get a job.
- Bart: Oh, you've had tons of jobs: cop, realtor, gym owner, erotic baker, weed sommelier.
- Bart: Dad, where's my bike?
- Homer: How would I know? I don't know. You probably lost it.
- Bart: Dad!
- Homer: I tipped it! I gave it to my barber because he cleaned up my eyebrows. [Crying hugs Bart] I'm so sorry, Bart! I'm so sorry.
- Marge: Ugh, Bart, stop it! This is enough!
- Homer: Yeah, this isn't just some little quirk like wearing a fedora or being a Libertarian. You got a disgusting brain in a greasy jar.
