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The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie

2004 film directed by Stephen Hillenburg and Mark Osborne

SpongeBob SquarePants: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run / Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie / Plankton: The Movie | Spin-offs: Kamp Koral (s1, s2) / The Patrick Star Show (s1, s2, s3) | Specials: SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout, The Tidal Zone

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (or just The SpongeBob Movie and also known as SpongeBob: The Movie or SpongeBob SquarePants: The Movie, featuring Alec Baldwin, David Hasselhoff, Scarlett Johansson, and Jeffrey Tambor) is a 2004 live-action/animated film based on the Nickelodeon television series SpongeBob SquarePants, on November 19, 2004, originally planned as the show's series finale. The film's titular protagonist, as in the TV series, is SpongeBob SquarePants. He and his best friend Patrick Star embark on a journey to save King Neptune's crown and protect Bikini Bottom from the evil clutches of Sheldon J. Plankton.

Hero. Legend. Sponge
Directed and written by Stephen Hillenburg.
Hero. Legend. Sponge. taglines

Dialogue

edit
[Seagulls flying across the sky. On a look-out post, a pirate looks through a telescope. He moves upward to get a better look at something. The screen shows the view in the telescope of another pirate on a dinghy with a treasure chest on it]
Pirate 1: I got it! I got it! I got it!
Pirate 2: Dinghy ahoy. Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow!
Pirate 3: Dinghy off the port bow!
Pirates: [off-screen] Dinghy off the port bow!
Pirate 4: Captain, dinghy off the- [hit in the face by the door]
Captain Bart: Dinghy.
[The captain, as he pushes through, signals to his friends to let the pirate in the dinghy onto the ship, along with the chest]
Pirate 1: I got it! I got it.
Captain Bart: Where is it?
Pirate 1: It's right here, captain.
[They open the chest]
Captain Bart: I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie!
[The pirates cheer]
French Narrator: Ah, the sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So...uhh...wet. Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery, the Krusty Krab restaurant, where-
Police: Back up! Back up!
French Narrator: Hey, wait a minute. What is happening?
Mr. Krabs: Please, settle down! We've got a situation in there. I'd rather not discuss 'til me manager gets here.
Female Fish: Look, there he is!
SpongeBob: Talk to me, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, it started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. When the customer took a bite, NO CHEESE!! [cries]
SpongeBob: [slaps Mr. Krabs' face] Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. Take it easy, my friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. Everything's gonna be just fine.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
SpongeBob: Do you got a name?
Phil: Phil.
SpongeBob: Do you got a family, Phil? [Phil whimpers] Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.
Phil: I got a wife and two beautiful children.
SpongeBob: That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
Phil: What?
SpongeBob: Say cheese. Order up.
Crowd: Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! [blows foghorn from their mouth] Hip! Hip! [does it again] Hip! Hip! [and again]
[The scene changes to SpongeBob in his bedroom with his pet snail, Gary. SpongeBob turns off his alarm clock]
SpongeBob: Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. And it's finally gonna come true. Today, sorry about this, calendar. Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager.
Gary the Snail: Meow.
SpongeBob: Who's it gonna be, Gary? [chuckles] Well, let's ask my wall of 374 consecutive employee-of-the-month awards.
SpongeBob "Employee of the Month" Awards: SpongeBob SquarePants.
SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion.
Squidward: Ah! SpongeBob, what are you doing in here?!
SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever it is, can't we wait until we get to work?!
SpongeBob: There's no shower at work.
Squidward: What do you want?!
SpongeBob: I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
Squidward: GET OUT!
SpongeBob: Okay, I'll see you at the ceremony.
Patrick: That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. Oops. Hold on. Congratulations, buddy.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party 'till we're purple!
Patrick: I love being purple!
SpongeBob: We're going to the place where all the action is.
Patrick: You don't mean?
SpongeBob: Oh, I mean.
Both: Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!
Plankton: Curses! It's not fair! Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one CUSTOMER! [echoes]
Karen: Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
Plankton: Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. Ohhh. Oh! Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet from A to Y.
Karen: A to Y?
Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
Karen: What about Z?
Plankton: Z?
Karen: Z. The letter after Y.
Plankton: W, X, Y. Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said!
Karen: Oh, boy.
Plankton: Oh! Oh! Ohhh! It's evil. It's diabolical. [sniffs it] It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't POSSIBLE FAIL! So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. ALL HAIL PLANKT--! [gets stepped on by SpongeBob] Ow!
SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion! I'm ready, promotion!
Plankton: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
SpongeBob: Eww, I think I stepped in something. [drags his foot on the ground while Plankton screams]
Plankton: Not "in something", "on someone", you twit!
SpongeBob: Oh. Sorry, Plankton. Are you on your way to the grand opening ceremony?
Plankton: No, I'm not on my way over to the grand opening ceremony. I'm busy on planning to rule the world! [laughs]
SpongeBob: Well, good luck with that. I'm ready, promotion! I'm ready, promotion!
Plankton: Stupid kid.
Penelope Puff: We paid $9 for this?
Sandy Cheeks: I paid 10.
Anchovy: Dork?
Mr. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.
Pearl Krabs: A goofball?
Mr. Krabs: Closer, but no.
Yellow-orange fish: A ding-a-ling.
Tom: Wingnut.
Mabel: A knucklehead McSpazatron.
Mr. Krabs: Okay, that's enough!
Plankton: Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune.
[A squire plays his trumpet as King Neptune and his daughter, Princess Mindy, sit down on their thrones. King Neptune bunks the squire's head with his trident]
Squire: Oh, right. The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward.
King Neptune: So, you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?
Prisoner: Yes, but-
King Neptune: BUT WHAT!?!?
Prisoner: But it's my job, your highness. I'm the royal crown polisher.
King Neptune: Well then, I guess I can't execute you. 20 years in the dungeon, it is.
Princess Mindy: Daddy. You're free to go.
Crown polisher: Bless you, Princess Mindy.
King Neptune: Mindy, how dare you defy me?
Princess Mindy: Why do you have to be so mean?
King Neptune: I am the king. I must enforce for the laws of the sea.
Princess Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.
Squire: That would be nice.
King Neptune: [bunks the squire again] Squire! Clear the room. I wish to speak to my daughter alone. What is this, Mindy?
Princess Mindy: Your crown?
King Neptune: And what does this crown do?
Princess Mindy: Covers your bald spot.
King Neptune: It's not bald, it's thinning. This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. One day, you will wear this crown.
Princess Mindy: I'm gonna be bald!?
King Neptune: Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn to rule with an iron fist, like your father.
Princess Mindy: Uh, Dad? Your "crown"?
King Neptune: What the-? MY CROWN!!!! [screams] Someone has stolen the royal crown!
Plankton: I got it! I got it!
Goofy Goober Clock: Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober! [The kids cheer]
Kids: Howdy, Goofy Goober!
Goofy Goober: Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing! ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah...♪
Goofy Goober and Kids: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪ [Cheering]
SpongeBob: All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad.
Patrick: Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager. [SpongeBob starts crying again] Wow, the pressure's already setting in.
SpongeBob: No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion.
Patrick: What? Why?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid.
Patrick: What?! That's insane!
SpongeBob: I know.
Patrick: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid.
Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
Patrick: I'm supposed to get a toy with this. Thanks.
SpongeBob: [sighs] I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.
Patrick: Are you sure?
SpongeBob: Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood.
Patrick: Okay, see ya.
Waiter: And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir.
Patrick: Yum.
SpongeBob: A Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.
Patrick: Now, you're talkin’. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.
Waiter: There you go.
SpongeBob: Ooh.
[SpongeBob and Patrick eat the ice cream and burp after they are done.]
SpongeBob: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feelin’ better already.
Patrick: Yeah.
SpongeBob: Waiter, let's get another round over here. Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, please.
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo!
'SpongeBob: Waiter. Oh, waiter. [singsong] Waiter. [slurring] Wait-or. WAITER!
Waiter: Why do I always get the nuts?
SpongeBob: Alright, folks. This next song goes out to my best friends in the whole world: Patrick and this big peanut guy. It's a little ditty called...
SpongeBob and Patrick: WAITER! [they pass out]
Waiter: [to SpongeBob] Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.
SpongeBob: Oh, my head.
Waiter: Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get goin'.
SpongeBob: My... [burp] friend? Patrick? Hey, what's up, buddy? Wait, you said 8:00. I'm late for work! Mr. Krabs is gonna be...Mr. Krabs.
Squidward: $101 for a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
King Neptune: [arriving and his squire blows his trumpet] Greetings, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: I am Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order somethin'?
King Neptune: NAY!!! I'm onto you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny! For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime! [shows him a note]
Mr. Krabs: "I stole your crown. Signed, EUGENE KRABS?!
King Neptune: Relinquish the royal crown to me AT ONCE!
Mr. Krabs: B-But, this is crazy! I didn't do it!
Mr. Krabs on answering machine: Ahoy! This is Eugene Krabs! Leave a message.
Clay: [on the answering machine] Hi, Mr. Krabs, this is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to? Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City and, uh, I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' the crown. Neptune's crown. Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
Mr. Krabs: Eh-heh-heh. Don't you just hate wrong numbers?
King Neptune: MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY?!?!?!?!?! [screams]
Plankton: Plan Z, I love Plan Z.
King Neptune: PREPARE TO BURN, KRABS!
Mr. Krabs: Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm beggin' ya! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!
King Neptune: Very well, then. Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish-meal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
SpongeBob: [burps] I got something to say about Mr... [burps] Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, oh, you've come just in time.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
King Neptune: Quiet, fool. Mr. Krabs stole my crown and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
King Neptune: You don't understand! My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And, uh, between you and me, my hair is thinning a bit.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, your highness, I'm sure it's not that noticeabaaaald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
Crowd: Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
Fred: MY EYES!
King Neptune: Alright, alright.
SpongeBob SquarePants: King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
King Neptune: YOU, go to Shell City?! [laughs] No-one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned. What makes you think you could? You're just a kid.
King Neptune: Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But, when your little "champion" fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the wall.
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
King Neptune: [to SpongeBob] And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days.
Patrick Star: He can do it in nine.
King Neptune: Eight.
Patrick Star: Seven.
King Neptune: Six.
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Patrick!
King Neptune: Six it is, then.
Patrick Star: [Krabs strangles him] Five?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, shush!
King Neptune: Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands.
Mr. Krabs: No, wait, I'm beggin' ya! [King Neptune freezes him]
Squidward Tentacles: Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! Oh, no, this is terrible. Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
King Neptune: Come along, Mindy.
Princess Mindy: [to SpongeBob and Patrick] Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers, and monsters everywhere! And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city, and preys on innocent sea creatures! Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again!
Patrick Star: She's pretty, SpongeBob.
Princess Mindy: Here, take this.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What's in here? [opens the bag and wind blows into his face]
Princess Mindy: It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.
Patrick Star: You're hot.
Princess Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds, and you'll be blown back home.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Ding-a-ling! Hey there, old buddy. Freeze! [laughs] 1 secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got krabby patties to make... over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I LOVE ya! [laughs]
[SpongeBob and Patrick arrive at a gas station]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Fill 'er up, please.
Floyd: What'll it be, fellas? Mustard...er ketchup?!
[Floyd and Lloyd slap their knees and laugh]
Patrick Star: Are they laughin' at us?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us.
Floyd: Where are you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
Patrick Star: Kids?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Now, Patrick. For your information, we're not kids, we're men, and we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City.
Floyd and Lloyd: Shell City?
Lloyd: Isn't that the place that's guarded by that killer Cyclops?
SpongeBob SquarePants: That's right.
Floyd: Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. Respect for the dead! [both laugh]
Floyd: You two ain't gon' last ten seconds over the county line.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, yeah? We'll see about that.
Thug: Outta the car, fellas.
SpongeBob SquarePants: How many seconds was that?
Lloyd: Twelve.
SpongeBob and Patrick: In your face! [slap their knees and laugh]
Patrick Star: Who's the kid now?
Floyd: They're dead.
Perch: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom news. Can I get a minute?
Sheldon J. Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
Perch: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
Sheldon J. Plankton: Well, Perch, before my dear friend, Eugene Krabs, was frozen by King Neptune... [whimpers] I'm sorry. He confided me a secret wish. "Sell the krabby patties in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out!" [fake sobs] By the way, act now, and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. Here ya go, Perch.
Perch: Thanks.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. HE'S A VICIOUS, COLD-BLOODED PREDATOR!!!!!
[Elsewhere, a green fish riding a motorcycle stops at the gas station and picks up a sesame seed]
Dennis: Sesame seed.
Floyd: Hey, mister, does that hat take 10 gallons?
[Floyd and Lloyd smack their knees and laugh more. Dennis rips off their mouths]
Victor: HEY! Who blew this bubble? You all know the rules.
Thugs: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.
Victor: That's right. So, who blew it? So, nobody knows?
Thug: Maybe it was-
Victor: SHUT UP! [throws a chair at a thug] Somebody in here ain't a real man. [To SpongeBob and Patrick] YOU! We're on the baby hunt, and don't think we know how to weed them out. Now everybody line up! DJ, time for the test. No baby can resist singing along to THIS.
Patrick Star: SpongeBob, it's a Goofy Goober theme song.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I know.
Radio: # Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. - You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. - We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. - Goofy, Goofy, Goober, Goobers, yeah! #
[one of the thugs coughs]
Victor: IT WAS YOU! You're the baby!
Thug #2: No, no! I only coughed, I swear!
Victor: DJ, turn it up louder!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Don't sing along, Patrick.
Patrick Star: I'm trying. Trying...so...hard.
Victor: # I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. - You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. - We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah. #
[SpongeBob and Patrick inhale]
Siamese Twins: # Goofy, Goofy, Goober, Goobers, yeah! #
Victor: [laughs] Well, well, well. Which one of you babies was it?!
Siamese Twins: It was him. Uh, he did it. I've never even eaten at... # Goofy, Goofy, Goober, Goobers, yeah! #
Victor: Well, looks like we got ourselves a double-baby.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Man, that was a close call.
Patrick Star: Guess what I got
SpongeBob SquarePants: THE KEY! Shh.
Squidward Tentacles: So, you're selling Krabby Patties, eh, Plankton?
Sheldon J. Plankton: That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
Squidward Tentacles: No. You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
Sheldon J. Plankton: What's that supposed to mean?
Squidward Tentacles: It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown, so Neptune would freeze him, and you could finally get your stubby, little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. It was YOU all along! But you've made one fatal mistake! You've messed with MY paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune.
Sheldon J. Plankton: We'll see about that, inspector loose-lips. [laughs]
Karen: Now activating helmet brain-control devices.
Squidward Tentacles: Huh?
Patrick Star: Hey, look, free ice cream!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, boy!
Patrick Star: [to a skull on the ground] How you doing? Wait a minute. Wait a minute! SPONGEBOB!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah?
Patrick Star: Make mine a chocolate!
SpongeBob SquarePants: OK, gotcha covered.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What kind of old lady are you!? Eww!
[A red monstrous frogfish reveals itself from the ground. SpongeBob screams in horror and bites off the old lady's left arm, falls down]
Patrick Star: [catches SpongeBob in the Patty Wagon] Did you get the ice cream?
[The frogfish roars]
SpongeBob SquarePants: STEP ON IT, PATRICK!
[Elsewhere, Dennis stops at the Thug Tug. Stepping off his motorcycle, he sees soap on one of the footprints from SpongeBob's shoe. He lowers his bandana]
Dennis: Hmm... [blows on the soap as a bubble forms]
[An image of SpongeBob and Patrick laughing appear in it]
Victor: Hey! You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowin' bubbles. [snaps his fingers]
Thugs: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by… [Dennis punches Victor, causing him to fly into the air. Victor screams as he flies into the Thug Tug as the other thugs watch] every… able-bodied… patron… in the… bar.
[Victor crashlands into the Thug Tug, which tilts back quickly and sinks off over a cliff. Dennis drives away on his motorcycle as the thugs watch him]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Pull your pants up, Patrick. We're going home.
Princess Mindy: But you can't go home.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mindy?
Patrick Star: Mindy?
SpongeBob SquarePants: How much did you hear?
Princess Mindy: I heard enough.
Patrick Star: Did you see my underwear?
Princess Mindy: No, Patrick.
Patrick Star: Did you want to?
Princess Mindy: Look guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What d'you mean, the only ones left?
Princess Mindy: Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. Or should I say...Planktopolis.
Princess Mindy: So now that you're men, can ya make it to Shell City?
SpongeBob and Patrick: HECK, YEAH!
Princess Mindy: Are men afraid of anything?
SpongeBob and Patrick: HECK, NO!
Princess Mindy: And why?
SpongeBob and Patrick: BECAUSE WE'RE INVINCIBLE! YEAH! WHOO-HOO!
Princess Mindy: I never said that.
Dennis: Finally. I gotcha right where I want you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, can I help you with something, sir?
Dennis: Name's Dennis, I've been hired to exterminate you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're gonna exterminate us? [SpongeBob and Patrick laugh] Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
Dennis: You mean, these? [rips off the fake mustaches] I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime.
SpongeBob SquarePants: They were fake?
Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like.
Patrick Star: Is he a mermaid?
Dennis: Alright, enough gab.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What are you gonna do to us?
Dennis: Plankton was very specific.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton?
Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on ya.
Patrick Star: Step on us?
Dennis: Yeah, that way you'll never find out that he stole the crown. Perhaps I've said too much.
Patrick Star: That's a big boot.
Dennis: Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot! I love this job!
[an extremely large boot stomps on him]
Patrick Star: BIGGER BOOT!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [stops Patrick] Wait, Pat, this bigger boot saved our lives.
Patrick Star: Yay.
Both: Thank you, stranger.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uhh, stranger? IT'S THE CYCLOPS!!!
SpongeBob SquarePants: What's he gonna do with us? Oh, no! He's going for his evil instruments of torture! Glue? Googly eyes? He's making a humorous diorama of...Alexander Clam Bell?! Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knick-knacks! And I think we're next.
Patrick Star: You think so?
SpongeBob SquarePants: The heat is so intense from this lamp, that I can't move.
Patrick Star: Tell me about it.
[The Cyclops laughs. He picks up a book, and walks to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him]
SpongeBob SquarePants: This doesn't look too good, Patrick.
Patrick Star: You mean we're not gonna... ♪ Get the crown, save the town and Mr. Krabs? ♪
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy.
[SpongeBob's arm snaps off, then Patrick puts it back]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks.
Patrick Star: Don't mention it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.
Patrick Star: You mean that we're attractive?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, that we're just... kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed.
Patrick Star: Shell City.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.
Patrick Star: Shell City.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to.
Patrick Star: Shell City.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.
Patrick Star: No. Look at the sign. "Shell City: Marine Gifts and Sundries".
SpongeBob SquarePants: Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...?
Both: Crown.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Neptune's crown. This is Shell City. Pat, we did make it.
Patrick Star: Yeah, I guess we did.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [sniffles] We did all right for a couple of goofballs.
Captain Bart: That's the end of SpongeBob. Come here, you!
Parrot: [squawking] Shut up and look at the screen.
Captain Bart: Argh! The bird's right. Look! It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers.
[The heart-shaped tear, trembles and comes together to form a big tear. It slides down a cord. The tear pokes through the outlet, causing it to spark. The light from the heat lamp turns off, and smoke rises to a sprinkler. More sprinklers spray water around the room. The spraying water brings the dried-up SpongeBob and Patrick back to life as they gasp and breathe in]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, we're alive!
[The pirates and crowd cheer]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Let's get that crown.
Patrick Star: Right.
SpongeBob SquarePants: On 3, Patrick. Ready? 1, 2, 3. Hey, it's lighter that I thought.
[The Cyclops is actually holding it by the top, SpongeBob and Patrick to scream]
All: Huh?
Cyclops: Huh?
Patrick Star: What's happening?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know! Look!
[All around the room, the creatures come to life, each one at a time, even 3 fishes playing Mariachi instruments who play Jarabe Tapatio]
Cyclops: [looking around] Huh? What? Huh? [as he watches more creatures come to life, they growl angrily at him. A lobster taps on the back of his helmet, getting his attention. He turns to face it] Huh? [the lobster reveals the glue bottle and jar of googly eyes] Uh-oh. [the lobster squirts glue onto the Cyclops's face, and falls over] Whoa!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Come on, Patrick! Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. Do you still have that bag of winds?
Patrick Star: I sure do. [the duo laugh as he takes out the bag] Here you go.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [confused] Umm...
Patrick Star: What?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Nothing, nothing. Okay, let's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here: "Step 1: Point the bag away from home."
Patrick Star: Okay.
SpongeBob SquarePants: "Step 2: Plant your feet firmly on the ground."
Patrick Star: Right.
SpongeBob SquarePants: "Step 3: Remove the string from the bag, releasing the winds."
Patrick Star: Check.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, that seems simple enough. "Point the bag away from home, your feet firmly on the ground, pull the string, releasing the winds." Alright, let's do it for real.
Patrick Star: Uh, SpongeBob?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, no, stop!
Patrick Star: I was bad! I'm sorry! Please, bag, I'm sorry! I just thought...It was a mistake!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no! How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
Man: I can take you there.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Who are you?
David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
Both: Hooray!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Um, so where's your boat?
Hasselhoff: "Boat?" [laughing]
[Later, Hasselhoff swims on the water with SpongeBob, Patrick and the crown on his back]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Go, Hasselhoff!
Patrick Star: Next stop, Bikini Bottom!
[Back on the surface, Hasselhoff, with SpongeBob, Patrick and the crown still on his back, zooms across the water like a speedboat. A fisherman startles as he falls off his boat after seeing Hasselhoff]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now!
Patrick Star: Huh? Unidentified object off the hindquarters.
SpongeBob SquarePants: It looks like Bigger boot. But how? AAHH! DENNIS!
Dennis: Did you miss me?
Sheldon J. Plankton: This is the best seat in the house. Alright, Neptune, let's get it on!
King Neptune: Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die.
Eugene Harold Krabs: Please, I didn't do it!
King Neptune: There is nothing else I can do.
Mindy: You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.
King Neptune: Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time!? WHAT!!? Mindy, will you butt out? I won't have you stalling this execution.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.
King Neptune: Yes, you are.
Sheldon J. Plankton: No, I'm not.
King Neptune: Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.
Sheldon J. Plankton: I'm stalling?
King Neptune: Yes.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Stalling?
King Neptune: Stalling!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Stalling.
King Neptune: STALLING!!!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Oh, boy.
Dennis: Now, where were we?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, run!
Patrick Star: No! I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop- [Dennis knocks him away] Run, SpongeBob!
Hasselhoff: Ooh! Take it easy back there, fellas.
Patrick Star: SpongeBob, be careful!
Dennis: Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man.
SpongeBob SquarePants: NEVER!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, I did it!
Dennis: You got guts, kid. Too bad I gotta rip 'em outta ya.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while.
Dennis: It's gonna take more than 5...What is this?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, that, sir, is 5 Goober Dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober - I got bubbles. Fun at parties.
Dennis: My eyes!
Patrick Star: I gotcha, SpongeBob!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks, buddy. Yeah, thanks a lot.
Dennis: That's it! I'm through messin' around! See ya later, fools! Huh?
[A boat horn honks, Hasselhoff ducks under a catamaran]
Patrick Star: See ya.
[Back on the surface, Hasselhoff stops near Bikini Atoll Island]
Hasselhoff: OK, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom is directly below.
SpongeBob SquarePants: But we'll never be able to float down in time.
Hasselhoff: Who said anything about floating?
Houston Voice: Initiating launch sequence.
SpongeBob and Patrick: What the.?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Did you see that?
Patrick Star: The control.
Hasselhoff: All hands on deck.
Houston Voice: 10 seconds to liftoff. 10, 9, 8...
Neptune: Eugene Krabs, the time has come... [lights his trident]
Princess Mindy: No.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Yes!
Houston Voice: ...7, 6, 5...
Neptune: ...FOR YOU...
Princess Mindy: No!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Yes!
Houston Voice: ...4, 3, 2...
King Neptune: ...TO FRY!
Princess Mindy: NO!!
Sheldon J. Plankton: YES!!!
Houston Voice: ...1.
Krabs: [closes his eyes] NO!
[The duo crashes through the roof with the crown. Just as a ray of light is about to hit Krabs, the crown blocks it and deflects it upward through the ceiling, saving his life. The ray of light blasts up to the surface where Hasselhoff is]
Hasselhoff: You've done good, Hasselhoff. You've done... [the ray of light zaps him] Ow.
Eugene Harold Krabs: Huh?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray! We made it!
Patrick Star: We made it!
Neptune: My crown. My beautiful crown. [kisses it]
Princess Mindy: SpongeBob, Patrick? I knew you could do it!
Sheldon J. Plankton: [clapping slowly] Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my UMBRELLA!
SpongeBob, Patrick Star, and Princess Mindy: Umbrella?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do, I made it to Shell City, and I beat the cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Alright, we get the point.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, yeah, I'm a kid, and I'm also a goofball, and a wing nut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Sheldon J. Plankton: [coughs] What's goin' on here?
SpongeBob SquarePants: But most of all, I'm...
Sheldon J. Plankton: Okay, settle down.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm...
Sheldon J. Plankton: Take it easy!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm...!!!
Sheldon J. Plankton: WHAT THE SCALLOP?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'M A GOOFY GOOBER! (ROCK!)
[SpongeBob uses a Goofy Goober guitar laser to free the citizens of Bikini Bottom]
Sheldon J. Plankton: MY PRECIOUS HELMETS!
Squidward Tentacles: Ha!
Penelope Puff: Ooh!
Sandy Cheeks: Yee-haw!
Gary the Snail: Meow.
Sheldon J. Plankton: His chops are too righteous! The helmets can't handle this level of rock and roll! Karen, do something! Alright, that's the last straw! Neptune, I command you to-
[SpongeBob frees him, too]
Princess Mindy: [giving the crown to her father] Here you go, Daddy.
Sheldon J. Plankton: I'd better get out of here.
Sandals: Look! It's the wizard who saved us!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Out of my way, fools! [then gets trampled by every fish]
Sheldon J. Plankton: Come on, I was just kidding. Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? With the helmets and the monuments. [laughs] Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? I'll destroy all of you!
[Last lines]
Eugene Harold Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy! I'm sorry I ever doubted you. That's a mistake I won't make again.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve.
Eugene Harold Krabs: And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done 6 days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please. I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin.
Squidward Tentacles: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Harold: Hooray for SpongeBob!
[Everyone cheers]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
Squidward Tentacles: I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Are you crazy!? I was just gonna tell you that your fly was open. Manager?! This is the greatest day of my life!!!
[In a post-credit scene]
Captain Bart: [last lines] You know, David Hasselhoff is a great artist.
Usher: Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave.
Captain Bart: What? Say that again, if you dare.
Usher: [pirate accent] You folks have to leave.
Captain Bart: Okay.

Taglines

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  • A hero will rise.
  • Bigger. Better. More absorbent.
  • Hero. Legend. Sponge.
  • Sponge meets world.

Cast

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Character Voices

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Additional Voices

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Live-Action Characters

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  • David Hasselhoff — Himself
  • Kristopher Logan — Squinty the Pirate
  • D.P. FitzGerald — Bonesy the Pirate
  • Cole McKay — Scruffy the Pirate
  • Dylan Haggerty — Stitches the Pirate
  • Bart McCarthy — Captain Bart the Pirate
  • Henry Kingi — Inky the Pirate
  • Randolph Jones — Tiny the Pirate
  • Paul Zies — Upper Deck the Pirate
  • Gerard Griesbaum — Fingers the Pirate
  • Aaron Hendry — Tangles the Pirate, Cyclops Diver
  • Maxie Santillan — Gummy the Pirate
  • Peter DeYoung — Leatherbeard the Pirate
  • Gino Montesinos — Tango the Pirate
  • John Siciliano — Pokey the Pirate
  • David Stifel — Cookie the Pirate
  • Alex Baker — Martin the Pirate
  • Robin Russell — Sniffy the Pirate
  • Tommy Schooler — Salty the Pirate
  • Ben Wilson — Stovepipe the Pirate
  • José Zelay — Dooby the Pirate
  • Mageina Tovah — Usher
  • Chris Cummins
    Todd Duffey — Concession Guys
  • Michael Patrick Bell — Fisherman

Teaser Trailer

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[The teaser trailer starts with the Paramount Pictures logo]
Voice: Sonar 4-0, is that sound still out there?
[The scene cuts inside a submarine]
Man #1: [speaking German] Concact, bearing 60°. Quite faint.
Bart Mancuso: What do you got?
[Seaman Ronald "Jonesy" Jones holds up his hand]
Beaumont: What's going on, Jones?
[Jonesy holds his headphones. He hears SpongeBob laughing]
Man #2: I can hear…
Man #3: What is it?
Man #2: Splashes!
[The people look up as they hear SpongeBob laugh again]
Jonesy: 3,000 yards. Closing, ultimately fast.
[Mancuso and his friends look closely at the submarine radar, where a silhouette of SpongeBob appears on the right. Vice Admiral James Greer looks shocked]
Greer: Mother of God!
[The scene cuts to the bathroom of SpongeBob's house. In the bathtub, SpongeBob plays with his submarine while laughing, wearing a sailor's hat. Gary, with his eyes above the tub's surface, watches him]
SpongeBob: Don't you just love playing submarine, Gary?
[Gary meows underwater as if to say, "I guess so."]
SpongeBob: Prepare to dive!!
[As SpongeBob imitates a propeller, he plunges his submarine into the tub. The scene cuts back inside it, where water sprays through the walls! The people try to clog them]
Man #4: Move it! Move it! Move it!
[The movie's early title appears overblack]
Announcer: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.
[As the theme song from the show plays, the scene cuts to the bottom of the tub, where SpongeBob's submarine lays on the drain as the tub water goes down. A rubber duck is nearby]
Man #5: Captain, sir. Uh, you're never gonna believe this.
[The scene cuts back inside the submarine as the show's theme song fades]
Jonesy: For a second, I thought I heard…
Mancuso: Heard what?
Jonesy: I thought I heard singing, sir.
[The theme song ends with a pirate laughing as a nose flute was heard. An orange fish with white text reading, "Nickelodeon", swims above red words reading, "Thanksgiving 2004", ending the teaser trailer]
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