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The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie

2004 film directed by Stephen Hillenburg and Mark Osborne

SpongeBob SquarePants: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 (Main) | Movies: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie / Sponge Out of Water / Sponge on the Run / Saving Bikini Bottom: The Sandy Cheeks Movie | Spin-offs: Kamp Koral (s1, s2) / The Patrick Star Show (s1, s2, s3) | Specials: SpongeBob's Big Birthday Blowout, The Tidal Zone

The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (or just The SpongeBob Movie and also known as SpongeBob: The Movie or SpongeBob SquarePants: The Movie, featuring Alec Baldwin, David Hasselhoff, Scarlett Johansson, and Jeffrey Tambor) is a 2004 animated film based on the Nickelodeon television series SpongeBob SquarePants, on November 19, 2004, originally planned as the show's series finale. The film's titular protagonist, as in the TV series, is SpongeBob SquarePants. He and his best friend Patrick Star embark on a journey to save King Neptune's crown and protect Bikini Bottom from the evil clutches of Sheldon J. Plankton.

Hero. Legend. Sponge
Directed and written by Stephen Hillenburg.

Dialogue

edit
[Seagulls flying across the sky. On a look-out post, a pirate looks through a telescope. He moves upward to get a better look at something. The screen shows the view in the telescope of another pirate on a dinghy with a treasure chest on it]
Pirate 1: [first lines] I got it! I got it! I got it!
Pirate 2: [squints] Dinghy ahoy. [looks down to tell his friends] Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow!
Pirate 3: Dinghy off the port bow!
Pirates: [off-screen] Dinghy off the port bow!
Pirate 4: Captain, dinghy off the... [slammed in the face by the door]
Captain Bart: [walks on deck] Dinghy.
[The captain, as he pushes through, signals to his friends to let the pirate in the dinghy onto the ship, along with the chest]
Pirate 1: I got it! I got it.
Captain Bart: Where is it?
Pirate 1: It's right here, captain.
[They open the chest as gold light illuminates the captain's face]
Captain Bart: I never thought I'd see it with me own eye. [excitedly, he holds tickets] Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie!
[The pirates cheer]
[The movie starts out on Bikini Atoll Island]
French Narrator: Ah, the sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So...uhh...wet. [the camera submerges underwater until it stops in front of the Krusty Krab] Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery, the Krusty Krab restaurant, where...
Police: [pops up in front of the camera] Back up! Back up! [waves arms to back reporters and citizens up]
French Narrator: Hey, wait a minute. What is happening?!
[The screen pans out to show the Krusty Krab is surrounded by cops. A red crab chats to news reporters]
Mr. Krabs: Please, settle down! We've got a situation in there! I'd rather not discuss 'til me manager gets here!
Female Fish: [off-screen] Look, there he is!
[A black boat with orange flames drives up. A yellow leg in a black boot with an orange snake on it in the shape of an "S," steps out of the vehicle. With a stern look, a yellow sponge climbs out of the boat. He walks toward the Krusty Krab]
SpongeBob: Talk to me, Krabs.
Mr. Krabs: Oh, it started out as a simple order: a Krabby Patty with cheese. [SpongeBob blows a bubble] When the customer took a bite, no cheese!! [cries]
SpongeBob: [slaps Mr. Krabs' face] Get a hold of yourself, Eugene. I'm going in. [inside, a fish sits at a table, looking extremely nervous at his Krabby Patty; enters] Take it easy, my friend. I'm the manager of this establishment. [sets a briefcase down on the table] Everything's gonna be just fine.
Phil: I'm really scared here, man.
SpongeBob: [opens the briefcase and takes out black gloves, putting them on] Do you got a name?
Phil: Phil.
SpongeBob: Do you got a family, Phil? [Phil whimpers. Choking over his words, he is unable to speak; snaps his fingers at him in order to get his attention] Come on, Phil, stay with me. Let's hear about that family.
Phil: I got a wife and two beautiful children.
SpongeBob: [puts on a headset] That's what it's all about. I want you to do me a favor, Phil.
Phil: What?
SpongeBob: [with tweezers, he picks a slice of cheese out from his briefcase] Say "cheese". [as he lifts the top bun off, each glimpse shows a close-up of his determined look, the tweezers with the cheese, and Phil watching. Sweat drips down his face. Later, he kicks open the door with his foot. The crowd gasps. He has Phil, who is smiling, in his arms. The cheese on the Krabby Patty sparkles] Order up.
[The crowd cheers and lift SpongeBob on their shoulders]
Crowd: Three cheers for the manager! Hip! Hip! [blows foghorn from their mouth, leaving SpongeBob confused] Hip! Hip! [does it again] Hip! Hip! [and again]
[The scene changes to SpongeBob in his bedroom with his pet snail, Gary. SpongeBob turns off his alarm clock]
SpongeBob: Hooray! Gary, I had that dream again. [runs over to a calendar] And it's finally gonna come true! Today! Sorry about this, calendar. [tears off the calendar page for the day before to reveal "March 7." On the page, it has a picture of the Krusty Krab 2 with rainbows and hearts around it] Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs will announce the new manager.
Gary the Snail: Meow.
SpongeBob: Who's it gonna be, Gary? [chuckles] Well, let's ask my wall of 374 consecutive employee-of-the-month awards.
[The camera zooms away from SpongeBob and Gary to reveal many "employee of the month" portraits]
SpongeBob "Employee of the Month" Awards: SpongeBob SquarePants!
SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion!
[In another house shaped like an Moai head, a pale turquoise squid, takes a shower while singing. Behind him, using a brush, SpongeBob scrubs his back also while singing]
Squidward: [covering himself with a shower curtain] Ah! SpongeBob, what are you doing in here?!
SpongeBob: I have to tell you something, Squidward.
Squidward: Whatever it is, can't we wait until we get to work?!
SpongeBob: There's no shower at work.
Squidward: What do you want?!
SpongeBob: I just wanted to say I'll be thanking you in my managerial acceptance speech today.
Squidward: [off-screen; yelling] GET OUT! [angrily kicks SpongeBob out of his house through the bathroom window]
SpongeBob: Okay, I'll see you at the ceremony.
Patrick: [comes out of his rock, naked] That sounds like the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2. [notices he doesn't have his trunks on] Oops. Hold on. [he closes his rock. Then it opens again, now wearing his shorts] Congratulations, buddy.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks, Patrick. And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party 'till we're purple!
Patrick: I love being purple!
SpongeBob: We're going to the place where all the action is.
Patrick: You don't mean...?
SpongeBob: Oh, I mean...
Both: Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!
[Mouse-sized Sheldon J. Plankton watches the interview of the Krusty Krab 2 from a telescope inside the Chum Bucket]
Plankton: Curses! It's not fair! Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer! [echoes, groans and strains]
Karen: [enters the scene] Don't get worked up again, Plankton, I just mopped the floors.
Plankton: Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if only I could have managed to steal the secret to Krabs' success, the formula for the Krabby Patty. [sees the dream of the secret formula] Ohhh... [wipes it out] Oh! Then people would line up to eat at my restaurant. Lord knows I've tried. [he and Karen head into the lab] I've exhausted every evil plan in my filing cabinet...from A to Y.
Karen: A to Y?
Plankton: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.
Karen: What about Z?
Plankton: Z?
Karen: Z. The letter after Y.
Plankton: [looks in the folder drawer] W, X, Y, Z. [grabs the Z folder] Plan Z! Here it is, just like you said.
Karen: [rolls her eyes] Oh, boy.
Plankton: [looks at Plan Z folder] Oh! Oh! Ohhh! It's evil. It's diabolical. [sniffs it] It's lemon-scented. This Plan Z can't possibly fail! [heads outside] So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'll have the formula. Then everyone will eat at the Chum Bucket, and I will rule the world! All hail Plankton. ALL HAIL PLANKT--! [gets stepped on by SpongeBob] Ow!
SpongeBob: I'm ready, promotion! I'm ready, promotion!
Plankton: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
SpongeBob: [notices he stepped on Plankton] Eww! I think I stepped in something. [drags his foot on the ground as if trying to get green stuff off while Plankton screams in pain]
Plankton: Not "in something", "on someone", you twit!
SpongeBob: Oh. Sorry, Plankton. [peels Plankton off of the sole of his shoe] Are you on your way to the grand opening ceremony?
Plankton: No, I'm not on my way over [mockingly] to the grand opening ceremony. [normal voice] I'm busy on planning to rule the world! [laughs]
SpongeBob: [pauses] Well, good luck with that. [runs off again] I'm ready, promotion! I'm ready, promotion!
Plankton: [heads back to the Chum Bucket] Stupid kid.
Penelope Puff: We paid $9 for this?
Sandy Cheeks: I paid 10!
Anchovy: Dork?
Mr. Krabs: No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.
Pearl Krabs: A goofball?
Mr. Krabs: Closer, but no.
Yellow-orange fish: A ding-a-ling!
Tom: Wingnut!
Mabel: A knucklehead McSpazatron!
Mr. Krabs: Okay, that's enough!
Plankton: [chuckles, flying on his jet-pack] Time to put Plan Z into effect. Starting at the undersea castle of King Neptune. [chuckles again as he flies inside the castle and hides behind a royal fish's foot]
[A squire plays his trumpet as King Neptune and his daughter, Princess Mindy, sit down on their thrones. King Neptune bunks the squire's head with his trident to remind him of something]
Squire: Oh, right. [clears throat] The royal court is now in session. Bring the prisoner forward.
[Some guards bring up the crown polisher "prisoner" up as he shakes nervously]
King Neptune: So, you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown?
Prisoner: Y-Y-Yes, b-but-
King Neptune: [angrily yells in his face] BUT WHAT!?!?
Prisoner: But it's my job, your highness. I-I'm the royal crown polisher.
King Neptune: Well...then, I guess I can't execute you. 20 years in the dungeon, it is.
Princess Mindy: Daddy! You're free to go.
Crown polisher: [touched after she frees him] Bless you, Princess Mindy. [runs away]
King Neptune: Mindy! How dare you defy me?
Princess Mindy: Why do you have to be so mean?
King Neptune: I am the king! I must enforce for the laws of the sea!
Princess Mindy: Father, I wish you'd try a little love and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.
Squire: That would be nice.
King Neptune: [bunks the squire again] Squire! Clear the room! I wish to speak to my daughter alone. [everybody else leaves before showing Mindy his crown] What is this, Mindy?
Princess Mindy: Your...crown?
King Neptune: And what does this crown do?
Princess Mindy: Covers your bald spot.
King Neptune: It's not bald, it's thinning. [sets the crown down on a stool and looks in a mirror] This crown does much more than cover a slightly receding hairline. No, this crown entitles the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea. [Plankton peeks from behind the crown, snickering evilly, preparing to steal it] One day, you will wear this crown.
Princess Mindy: [alarmed] I'm gonna be bald!?
King Neptune: [realizing] Thinning! Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it until you learn to rule with an iron fist, [reaches for his crown, but puts on the stool pillow instead] like your father.
Princess Mindy: Uh, Dad? Your "crown"?
King Neptune: [notices the pillow on his head] What the-? [looks at the stool, with his crown gone!] MY CROWN!!!! [screams in horror] Someone has stolen the royal crown!
Plankton: [flies away with Neptune's crown] I got it! I got it! [laughs]
[He flies past Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat, which we get a view of inside. The bar is filled with people eating ice cream. Suddenly, a Goofy Goober Clock speaks]
Goofy Goober Clock: Hey, all you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favorite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober! [The kids cheer]
Kids: Howdy, Goofy Goober!
Goofy Goober: Hey, fellow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing! ♪Oh, I'm a Goofy Goober, yeah. You're a Goofy Goober, yeah. We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah...♪
Goofy Goober and Kids: ♪Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah!♪ [Cheering]
[We then see SpongeBob sobbing at the Nut Bar]
SpongeBob: All right. Get it together, old boy. I know. I'll just stop thinking about it. [He stares at nothing] Hey, you know, I actually feel a little better. I don't even remember why I was sad.
[Patrick walks up to him.]
Patrick: Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager! [SpongeBob starts crying again] Wow, the pressure's already setting in.
SpongeBob: No, Pat, you don't understand. I didn't get the promotion.
Patrick: What? Why?
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a... kid.
Patrick: [slapping his forehead] What? That's insane!
SpongeBob: I know...
Patrick: Well, saying you're a kid, it's like saying I'm a kid! [Waiter walks up to him handing him a Goober Meal]
Waiter: Here's your Goober Meal, sir.
Patrick: I'm supposed to get a toy with this. [Waiter throws a Goofy Goober hand puppet at his face] Thanks.
SpongeBob: [sighs] I'm gonna head home, Pat. The celebration's off.
Patrick: Are you sure?
SpongeBob: Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood. [he starts to walk away]
Patrick: Okay, see ya.
Waiter: [hands Patrick a Triple Gooberberry Sunrise] And here's your Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, sir. [SpongeBob starts to walk back to Patrick]
Patrick: Yum!
SpongeBob: A Triple Gooberberry Sunrise, huh? I guess I could use one of those.
Patrick: [pats SpongeBob on the back] Now, you're talkin’. Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.
Waiter: [handing SpongeBob one] There you go.
SpongeBob: [admiring it] Ooh!
[SpongeBob and Patrick gleefully eat rapidly and get ice cream on the waiter, both of them burping after they are done.]
SpongeBob: Boy, Pat, that hit the spot. I'm feelin’ better already.
Patrick: Yeah!
SpongeBob: Waiter, let's get another round over here. [the waiter gives them two more. They eat them and get more ice cream on the waiter] Oh, Mr. Waiter! Two more, please! [the waiter gives them two more]
SpongeBob and Patrick: Whoo! [they eat the sundaes and get even more ice cream on the waiter]
'SpongeBob: Waiter. [they eat two more. By this time, the waiter is covered in ice cream. We see Patrick finishing his ice cream] Oh, waiter. [singsong] Waiter. [slurring, seemingly drunk] Wait-or! [yelling angrily and pounding on the table. The bowls are stacked sideways] Waiter!
Waiter: [puts a scoop of ice cream on a sundae] Why do I always get the nuts?
SpongeBob: [seemingly drunk on ice cream, up on stage holding a lollipop microphone] Alright, folks! This next song goes out to my best friends in the whole world: Patrick and this big peanut guy! It's a little ditty called...
SpongeBob and Patrick: WAITER! [they all pass out. The next morning, SpongeBob wakes up to find the waiter trying to get him up.]
Waiter: [to SpongeBob] Hey. Hey, get up. Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home. Come on, pal.
SpongeBob: [After recovering] Oh, my head. [He looks drunk]
Waiter: Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning. Go scrape up your friend and get goin'.
SpongeBob: My... [burp] friend? [Sees Patrick lying on the floor. He looks drunk, too] Patrick! Hey, what's up, buddy? [Then realizes something] Wait, you said 8:00. I'm late for work! Mr. Krabs is gonna be... :[disgustedly] ...Mr. Krabs.
[Krabs is on a ladder with a can of paint and a paintbrush changing the price of Krabby Patties]
Squidward: $101 for a Krabby Patty?
Mr. Krabs: With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.
King Neptune: [arriving and his squire blows his trumpet] Greetings, subjects. I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs. May he present himself to me at once.
Mr. Krabs: I am Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. Would you like to order somethin'?
King Neptune: NAY!!! I'm onto you, Krabs! You have stolen the royal crown, you cannot deny! For, clever as you are, you left one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime! [shows him a fake note that Plankton made to frame him]
Mr. Krabs: "I stole your crown. Signed, [eyes widen] EUGENE KRABS"?!
King Neptune: Relinquish the royal crown to me AT ONCE! [points his burning trident at Mr. Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: B-But, this is crazy! I didn't do it!
Mr. Krabs on answering machine: Ahoy! This is Eugene Krabs! Leave a message.
Clay: [on the answering machine] Hi, Mr. Krabs, this is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to? Yeah. I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' me the crown. Neptune's crown. I sold it to a guy in Shell City and, uh, I just wanted to say thanks again for sellin' the crown. Neptune's crown… [Krabs tries to stop the machine by breaking it but it continues to play, as Neptune boils with rage. Krabs rips the phone from the cord but the phone still works for a brief moment before dying out] ...which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.
Mr. Krabs: [chuckles nervously, stammering] Eh-heh-heh. Eh, d-don't you just hate wrong numbers...?
King Neptune: MY CROWN IS IN THE FORBIDDEN SHELL CITY?!?!?!?!?!
[King Neptune screams bloody murder at the top of his lungs. Cut to Plankton outside using the pay phone, listening to King Neptune's incessant screaming.]
Plankton: Plan Z, I love Plan Z!
King Neptune: [stops his excessive bellowing and points his scepter in Krabs' direction again] PREPARE TO BURN, KRABS! [lights his trident]
Mr. Krabs: Wait, Neptune! Please, I'm beggin' ya! I ain't a crook! Ask anyone, they'll vouch for me!
King Neptune: Very well, then. [extinguishes his trident and turns to the other fishes] Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fish-meal, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?
SpongeBob: [still drunk; burps] I got something to say about Mr... [burps] Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy, oh, you've come just in time!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm flattered you would do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth killing Mr. Krabs over.
King Neptune: Quiet, fool! Mr. Krabs stole my crown and now it's in Shell City. That's why he must die.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Doesn't it seem a little harsh to kill someone over a crown?
King Neptune: You don't understand! My crown is a symbol of my king-like authority. And, uh, between you and me, my hair is thinning a bit...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, your highness, I'm sure it's not that noticab- [Neptune takes off the paper bag from his shiny head revealing an insanely blinding glow] -aaaald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
Crowd: Bald! Bald! Bald! Bald!
Fred: [eyes sizzling and burning] MY EYES!
King Neptune: [puts the bag back on] Alright, alright.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh...King Neptune, sir? Would you spare Mr. Krabs' life if I went to get your crown back?
King Neptune: YOU, go to Shell City?! [his eyes bulge out of his head as he laughs, then goes back to normal] No-one who's gone to Shell City has ever returned! What makes you think you could? You're just a kid.
King Neptune: Very well, Mindy. I'll give him a chance. But, when your little "champion" fails to return, I get to splatter this crab all over the wall!
Mr. Krabs: Huh?
King Neptune: [to SpongeBob] And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactly ten days.
Patrick Star: [appearing out of nowhere] He can do it in nine!
King Neptune: Eight!
Patrick Star: Seven!
King Neptune: Six!
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs: Patrick! [tackle him]
King Neptune: Six it is, then.
Patrick Star: [Krabs strangles him] Five...?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, shush!
King Neptune: Until then, the crab shall remain frozen where he now stands. [points his trident at Krabs]
Mr. Krabs: No, wait, I'm beggin' ya! [King Neptune instantly freezes him]
Squidward Tentacles: Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs! [knocks on him 3 times] Oh, no, this is terrible! Who's gonna sign my paycheck?
King Neptune: Come along, Mindy.
Princess Mindy: [to SpongeBob and Patrick] Listen, you guys, the road to Shell City is really dangerous. There's crooks, killers, and monsters everywhere! And what's worse, there's a giant Cyclops who guards the outskirts of the city, and preys on innocent sea creatures! Don't let him catch you, because if he does, he'll take you back to his lair, and you'll never be seen again!
Patrick Star: [infatuated] She's pretty, SpongeBob.
Princess Mindy: [shows SpongeBob and Patrick a bag] Here, take this.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What's in here? [opens the bag and wind blows into his face]
Princess Mindy: It's a magical bag of winds. I stole them from my father.
Patrick Star: You're hot.
Princess Mindy: Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds, and you'll be blown back home.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Ding-a-ling! Hey there, old buddy. Freeze! [laughs] 1 secret formula to go, please. No, no, don't trouble yourself. I'll get it. [takes the formula] Well, I'd like to hang around, but I've got krabby patties to make... over at the Chum Bucket. Plan Z, I LOVE ya! [laughs]
[SpongeBob and Patrick arrive at a gas station]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Fill 'er up, please.
Floyd: What'll it be, fellas? Mustard...er ketchup?!
[Floyd and Lloyd slap their legs and laugh]
Patrick Star: Are they laughin' at us?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, Patrick, they're laughing next to us.
[Floyd and Lloyd walk up, still laughing]
Floyd: Where are you two dumb kids headed, anyway?
Patrick Star: Kids?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Now, Patrick. For your information, we're not kids, we're men, and we're off to get King Neptune's crown in Shell City.
Floyd and Lloyd: Shell City?!
Lloyd: Isn't that the place that's guarded by a killer Cyclops?
SpongeBob SquarePants: That's right.
Floyd: Lloyd, take off your hat in respect. [they remove their hats] Respect for the dead! [Floyd points at the duo and slaps his knee. Lloyd jumps on Floyd, Floyd chokes Lloyd, all while both are laughing hysterically]
Floyd: You two ain't gon' last ten seconds over the county line!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, yeah? We'll see about that. [the Patty Wagon drives over the county line; a masked thug fish is standing in the way]
Thug: Outta the car, fellas. [SpongeBob and Patrick get out as the thug drives away]
SpongeBob SquarePants: How many seconds was that?
Lloyd: [check his watch] Twelve.
SpongeBob and Patrick: [they drop their bags and point] In your face! [they then slap their knees, point and laugh]

[Floyd and Lloyd stand silent, look at each other, then back at SpongeBob and Patrick as they run around laughing and blowing an airhorn]

Patrick Star: Who's the kid now?
Floyd: They're dead.

[SpongeBob and Patrick run down the road laughing]

Perch: Excuse me, Plankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom news. Can I get a minute?
Sheldon J. Plankton: Anything for you, Perch.
Perch: All of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?
Sheldon J. Plankton: Well, Perch, before my dear friend, Eugene Krabs, was frozen by King Neptune... [whimpers] I'm sorry. He confided me a secret wish. "Sell the krabby patties in my absence at the Chum Bucket," he said. "Don't let the flame die out." [fake sobs; takes a bucket helmet out] By the way, act now, and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket helmet with every purchase. [puts it on Perch's head] Here ya go, Perch.
Perch: Thanks.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Evil Plan Z is way ahead of you, baby. I've already hired someone to take care of those two. HE'S A VICIOUS, COLD-BLOODED PREDATOR!!!!!
[Elsewhere, a green fish rides a motorcycle. The word "Dennis", hence his name, is written on the back of his leather vest. A license plate on the back of the motorcycle reads, "I Kill U". His boot reads, "Your Head Here", with an arrow pointing to the sole. Dennis stops at the gas station. He picks up a sesame seed, and takes off his sunglasses, revealing another pair]
Dennis: Sesame seed.
Floyd: Hey, mister, does that hat take 10 gallons?
[Floyd and Lloyd smack their knees and laugh more. With his shadow looming over them, Dennis stomps over to them and rips off their mouths. Both mouthless gas attendants look at each other as Dennis drives away]
Victor: HEY! Who blew this bubble?! [to all his fellow thugs] You all know the rules!
Thugs: [in unison] All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by every able-bodied patron in the bar.
Patron: Bar.
Victor: That's right! So, who blew it?! [from inside the bathroom, SpongeBob and Patrick panic and frantically pop all the bubbles] So, nobody knows?
Thug: Maybe it was...
Victor: SHUT UP! [throws a chair at a thug]
Squidward Tentacles: So, you're selling Krabby Patties, eh, Plankton?
Sheldon J. Plankton: That's right, Squidward. And there's a free bucket helmet with every purchase. Care for one?
Squidward Tentacles: No! You may have hoodwinked everyone else in this backwater town, but you can't fool me. I listen to public radio.
Sheldon J. Plankton: What's that supposed to mean?
Squidward Tentacles: It means you set up Mr. Krabs. You stole the crown, so Neptune would freeze him, and you could finally get your stubby, little paws on the Krabby Patty formula. [Plankton looks at his hands] It was YOU all along! But you've made one fatal mistake! You've messed with MY paycheck. And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the land, King Neptune!
Sheldon J. Plankton: We'll see about that, inspector loose-lips. [laughs, and pushes a button on Karen]
Karen: Now activating helmet brain-control devices.
Squidward Tentacles: Huh?
Patrick Star: [driving] Hey, look, free ice cream! [turns sharp left]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, boy! [runs out through boneyard to get ice cream]
Patrick Star: [to a skull on the ground] How you doing? [suddenly looks alarmed] Wait a minute. Wait a minute! SPONGEBOB!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah?
Patrick Star: [pause] Make mine a chocolate!
SpongeBob SquarePants: OK, gotcha covered.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What kind of old lady are you!? Eww!
[A red monstrous frogfish reveals itself from the ground. SpongeBob screams in horror and bites off the old lady's left arm, falls down]
Patrick Star: [catches SpongeBob in the Patty Wagon] Did you get the ice cream?
[The frogfish roars]
SpongeBob SquarePants: STEP ON IT, PATRICK!
[Elsewhere, Dennis stops at the Thug Tug. Stepping off his motorcycle, he sees soap on one of the footprints from SpongeBob's shoe. He lowers his bandana, revealing his mouth. A scar is on his left cheek]
Dennis: Hmm... [blows on the soap as a bubble forms]
[An image of SpongeBob and Patrick laughing appear in it]
Victor: [offscreen] Hey! [Victor and the other thugs are behind Dennis] You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a rule around here about blowin' bubbles. [snaps his fingers]
Thugs: All bubble-blowing babies will be beaten senseless by- [not having any time for this, Dennis punches Victor, causing him to fly into the air. Victor screams as he flies into the Thug Tug as the other thugs watch] ...every...able-bodied...patron...in the...bar.
[Victor crashlands into the Thug Tug, which tilts back quickly and sinks off over a cliff. Dennis drives away on his motorcycle as the thugs watch him in fear]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Mindy!
Patrick Star: Mindy?! [struggles to put his pants back on]
SpongeBob SquarePants: How much did you hear?
Princess Mindy: I heard enough.
Patrick Star: Did you see my underwear?
Princess Mindy: No, Patrick.
Patrick Star: Did you want to?
Princess Mindy: Look guys, you may be kids, but you're the only ones left who can get that crown.
SpongeBob SquarePants: What d'you mean, the only ones left?
Princess Mindy: Things have gotten a lot worse since you left Bikini Bottom. [takes out a magical clam shell, opens it, revealing Bikini Bottom, now being ruled by Plankton] Or should I say...Planktopolis.
Princess Mindy: [after making SpongeBob and Patrick into "men"] So now that you're men, can ya make it to Shell City?!
SpongeBob and Patrick: HECK, YEAH!
Princess Mindy: Are men afraid of anything?
SpongeBob and Patrick: HECK, NO!
Princess Mindy: And why?
SpongeBob and Patrick: BECAUSE WE'RE INVINCIBLE! YEAH![they jump off a cliff] WHOO-HOO!
Princess Mindy: [yelling down to them] I NEVER SAID THAT!
[While singing "Now That We're Men" after making it to the outskirts of Shell City, SpongeBob and Patrick stop to see Dennis who managed to get there before them and waits for them]
Dennis: Finally! [cracks his knuckles] I gotcha right where I want you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, can I help you with something, sir?
Dennis: Name's Dennis, I've been hired to exterminate you.
SpongeBob SquarePants: You're gonna exterminate us? [at a brief pause, SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other for a moment...then laugh, wiping their tears as they calmed down] Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna let you off with a warning. Step aside, and you won't have to feel the awesome wrath of our mustaches.
Dennis: You mean, these? [rips off the fake mustaches off of SpongeBob and Patrick's faces. The duo feel their cheeks with wide eyes] I thought you still had a piece of salad stuck to your lip from lunchtime. [flicks the seaweed]
[SpongeBob and Patrick gasp. In slow-motion, the seaweed tumbles in the air. The seaweed lands on the ground as SpongeBob and Patrick look at them with bug-eyes]
SpongeBob SquarePants: They were fake?
Dennis: Of course they were fake! This is what a real mustache looks like. [lowers his bandana, and as he grits his teeth, a bushy mustache appears on his face]
Patrick Star: Is he a mermaid?
Dennis: Alright, enough gap.
[As SpongeBob and Patrick tremble in fear, Dennis looms over them]
SpongeBob SquarePants: What are you gonna do to us?
Dennis: Plankton was very specific.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Plankton?!
Dennis: For some reason, he wanted me to step on ya.
Patrick Star: Step on us?
Dennis: Yeah, that way you'll never find out that he stole the crown!
[SpongeBob and Patrick look at each other in confusion and surprise. With an embarrassed look on his face, Dennis rubs the back of his neck]
Dennis: Uh, perhaps I've said too much.
[SpongeBob and Patrick cower in fear as spikes pop out of the soles of Dennis's boots. He lifts one, and looms it over them]
Patrick Star: That's a big boot!
Dennis: Don't worry. This will only hurt a lot! [laughs maniacally] I love this job!
[As Dennis continues to laugh, an extremely large boot stomps on top of him]
Patrick Star: BIGGER BOOT! [tries to run away]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [stops Patrick] Wait, Pat, this bigger boot saved our lives.
Patrick Star: Yay!
Both: Thank you, stranger!
[They look up to see a giant scuba diver-like monster, breathing heavily]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uhh, stranger? [the scuba diver looks down at them with his hands open] IT'S THE CYCLOPS!!!
[The duo run off screaming as the scuba diver slowly walks, chasing them]
[At Shell City, the scuba diver has put SpongeBob and Patrick in a fish bowl. The duo turn around and see him, then scream as they run wildly while the scuba diver laughs maniacally, and they hit the walls of the glass bowl, then bump into each other as the scuba diver walks off]
SpongeBob SquarePants: What's he gonna do with us? [the scuba diver picks up a toolbox] Oh, no! He's going for his evil instruments of torture! [the scuba diver opens the box and takes out a bottle of glue and a jar, containing googly eyes] Glue? Googly eyes? [whimpering] [the scuba diver hums as he glues some googly eyes on a dead clam] He's making a humorous diorama of... [the scuba diver finishes his diorama] Alexander Clam Bell?! Patrick, he's killing sea animals and making them into smelly knick-knacks! And I think we're next!
Patrick Star: [being grabbed by the scuba diver] You think so?
SpongeBob SquarePants: [as the scuba diver puts him and Patrick on a table under a lamp] The heat is so intense from this lamp, that I can't move.
Patrick Star: Tell me about it.
[The scuba diver laughs maniacally. He takes a book and walks to the bathroom, shutting the door behind him]
SpongeBob SquarePants: This doesn't look too good, Patrick.
Patrick Star: You mean we're not gonna... ♪ Get the crown, save the town and Mr. Kraaaaabs?! ♪
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't even think we're gonna be able to save ourselves, buddy.
[SpongeBob's arm falls off, then Patrick puts it back]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks.
Patrick Star: Don't mention it.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, it looks like what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.
Patrick Star: You mean that we're attractive?
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, that we're just... kids. A couple of kids in way over their heads. We were doomed from the start. I mean, look at us. We didn't even come close to the crown. We let everybody down. We failed.
Patrick Star: Shell City...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah, we never made it to Shell City.
Patrick Star: Shell City...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Exactly, buddy. Yeah, the place we never got to.
Patrick Star: Shell City...
SpongeBob SquarePants: Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.
Patrick Star: No! Look at the sign! [points at a sign over the door] "Shell City: Marine gifts and sundries"!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Shell City is a gift shop? But if this is Shell City, then where's the...?
[They sit up; the crown is revealed to be on a pedestal not far from the heat lamp]
Both: C...Crown...!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Neptune's crown! This is Shell City! Pat, we did make it!
Patrick Star: Yeah, I guess we did.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [sniffles] We did all right... for a couple of goofballs.
[As the lamp dries SpongeBob and Patrick up completely after they spot King Neptune's crown, leaving a heart-shaped tear, the pirates and crowd sadly watch and sob]
Captain Bart: That's the end of SpongeBob. [voice breaking] Come here, you!
[As the captain hugs one of the pirates, a parrot flies over and lands on his shoulder]
Parrot: [squawking] Shut up and look at the screen!
Captain Bart: [looks at the screen with a surprised expression] Argh! The bird's right. Look! It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers!
[The heart-shaped tear, trembles and comes together to form a big tear. It slides down a cord. The tear pokes through the outlet, causing it to spark. The light from the heat lamp turns off, and smoke rises to a sprinkler. More sprinklers spray water around the room. The spraying water brings the dried-up SpongeBob and Patrick back to life as they gasp and breathe in]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hey, we're alive!
[The pirates and crowd cheer]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Let's get that crown!
Patrick Star: Right!
[The duo grabs hold of the crown]
SpongeBob SquarePants: On 3, Patrick. Ready? 1, 2, 3! [the crown lifts] Hey, it's lighter that I thought. Whoa!
[The scuba diver is actually holding it by the top, causing SpongeBob and Patrick to scream]
Scuba Diver: [pumping a fist] Roar!
[Suddenly, the gift shop starts to shake like an earthquake]
All: Huh?
[Knick-knack seahorses tremble]
Scuba Diver: Huh?
[As the modeled creatures begin to tremble and shake, the scuba diver looks around]
Patrick Star: What's happening?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I don't know! [suddenly surprised] Look!
[All around the room, the creatures come to life, each one at a time, even 3 fishes playing Mariachi instruments who play Jarabe Tapatio]
Scuba Diver: [looking around] Huh? What? Huh? [as he watches more creatures come to life, they growl angrily at him. A lobster taps on the back of his helmet, getting his attention. He turns to face it] Huh? [from his point of view, the lobster reveals the glue bottle and jar of googly eyes] Uh-oh. [the lobster squirts glue onto the scuba diver’s helmet, causing him to fall back] Whoa!
[As the scuba diver collapses hard on the floor, the creatures leap and fall to attack him. The Mariachi Band fish shrug as if saying "Oh well", then continue playing. The scuba diver is pinned down to the floor as the creatures beat him up. He tries to get up, but more creatures keep him down. SpongeBob and Patrick escape Shell City with the crown on the beach]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Come on, Patrick! Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom. [sets the crown aside] Do you still have that bag of winds?
Patrick Star: [shows a lump on his rear] I sure do! [the duo laugh as he takes out the bag] Here you go.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [confused] Umm...
Patrick Star: What?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Nothing, nothing. [takes out the instructions for the bag] Okay, let's go over the instructions. Let's see, it says here: "Step 1: Point the bag away from home."
Patrick Star: [pointing the bag at Shell City] Okay.
SpongeBob SquarePants: "Step 2: Plant your feet firmly on the ground."
Patrick Star: [keeps his feet on the ground] Right.
SpongeBob SquarePants: "Step 3: Remove the string from the bag, releasing the winds."
Patrick Star: Check. [removes the string, the bag zips off]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Well, that seems simple enough. [reads the instructions again while Patrick looks around, searching for the bag] "Point the bag away from home, your feet firmly on the ground, pull the string, releasing the winds." Alright, let's do it for real.
Patrick Star: [spots the bag with bug-eyes] Uh, SpongeBob? [points]
[The bag, deflating like a balloon, is blowing away! SpongeBob gasps as he and Patrick chase it]
SpongeBob SquarePants: No, no, stop!
Patrick Star: I was bad! I'm sorry! Please, bag, I'm sorry! I just thought...It was a mistake!
[The bag flies up to the sky, then lands in the water. The duo is stranded on the beach, looking sad]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, no! How will we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?
[From the distance, a man's voice is heard]
Man: I can take you there.
[It's David Hasselhoff, wearing red swim-trunks, running in slow-motion, like from his show Baywatch. With his bare feet seen on the camera, he stops near SpongeBob and Patrick who look up at him]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Who are you?
David Hasselhoff: I'm David Hasselhoff.
Both: [joyfully] Hooray!
SpongeBob SquarePants: Um, so where's your boat?
Hasselhoff: "Boat?" [laughing]
[Later, Hasselhoff swims on the water with SpongeBob, Patrick and the crown on his back]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Go, Hasselhoff!
Patrick Star: Next stop, Bikini Bottom!
[Back on the surface, Hasselhoff, with SpongeBob, Patrick and the crown still on his back, zooms across the water like a speedboat. A fisherman startles as he falls off his boat after seeing Hasselhoff. Tilting his head from side to side, Hasselhoff smirks]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray for Hasselhoff! Nothing can stop us now!
Patrick Star: [looking over his shoulder] Huh? [points] Unidentified object off the hindquarters.
[Something above the sea zooms toward Hasselhoff like another speedboat]
SpongeBob SquarePants: [narrowing his eyes] It looks like... [the speeding figure rises from the water. It's the Cyclops's boot!] Bigger boot. But how? [the boot stops behind Hasselhoff's foot then lifts upright revealing a green smudged smear, resembling Plankton earlier when SpongeBob stepped on him, on the sole. The smear sprouts out arms and legs, then breaks free from the sole. It's Dennis, his clothes now torn, damaged and ragged and his sunglasses broken revealing his eyes. Without his bandana, his mouth is revealed with sharp and pointy teeth as he grins evilly. SpongeBob and Patrick are shocked] AAHH! Dennis!
Dennis: Did you miss me?
[The squire plays a drum roll, as Neptune stands in front of Krabs ready to burn him. Plankton sunbathes and looks through binoculars]
Sheldon J. Plankton: This is the best seat in the house. Alright, Neptune, let's get it on! [eats his popcorn]
King Neptune: Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die.
Eugene Harold Krabs: [trembles and sweats icicles] Please, I didn't do it! [whimpers]
King Neptune: There is nothing else I can do.
Mindy: You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more time.
King Neptune: Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a little more ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-ti-time...!? WHAT!!? Mindy, will you butt out? I won't have you stalling this execution!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Stalling? I'm not stalling anything.
King Neptune: Yes, you are.
Sheldon J. Plankton: No, I'm not.
King Neptune: Yes, you are. You're doing it right now!
Sheldon J. Plankton: I'm stalling?
King Neptune: Yes.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Stalling?
King Neptune: Stalling!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Stalling.
King Neptune: STALLING!!!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Oh, boy...
[Back on Hasselhoff's back, SpongeBob and Patrick cower in fear as Dennis looms over them. Silhouetted by the sun, he takes off his broken sunglasses]
Dennis: Now, where were we?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Patrick, run!
Patrick Star: No! I'm tired of running. If we run now, we'll never stop- [Just as he is grimly about to fight, Dennis sends him flying, and he lands on Hasselhoff's foot] Run, SpongeBob!
[SpongeBob screams as he runs under Dennis. From Dennis's point of view, SpongeBob rushes over to Hasselhoff's rear, where he slides down. Dennis stabs it with a dagger]
Hasselhoff: Ooh! Take it easy back there, fellas.
[On Hasselhoff's right leg, SpongeBob tries to avoid Dennis]
Patrick Star: SpongeBob, be careful!
Dennis: Come on, kid, give it up. Dennis always gets his man.
SpongeBob SquarePants: NEVER!!!!!!!!!! [in slow-motion, he jumps over to the other side of Hasselhoff's left leg] Yeah, I did it!
Dennis: [also on the other side] You got guts, kid. [SpongeBob yelps] Too bad I gotta rip 'em outta ya!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [taking out a pile of Goober Dollars] Uh, I don't know what Plankton's paying you, but if you let us go, I can make it worth your while.
Dennis: [takes the dollars] It's gonna take more than 5... [looks at the dollars] What is this?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Uh, that, sir, is 5 Goober Dollars. Legal tender at any participating Goofy Goober... [Dennis grabs him by his throat] I got bubbles. Fun at parties.
[Bubbles from the bubble wand sprays into Dennis's eyes]
Dennis: My eyes! [as he holds his now-soapy bloodshot eyes, he throws SpongeBob over his shoulder]
Patrick Star: I gotcha, SpongeBob! [catches him]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Thanks, buddy! [Dennis looms his spiked sole over them] Uh, thanks a lot.
Dennis: [enraged] That's it! I'm through with messin' around! See ya later, fools! Huh?
[As a boat horn honks, Dennis looks over his shoulder. Hasselhoff ducks under a catamaran. Dennis screams. The view cuts to black a bit as he is struck by it. SpongeBob and Patrick look on]
Patrick Star: See ya.
[Back on the surface, Hasselhoff stops near Bikini Atoll Island]
Hasselhoff: OK, fellas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom is directly below.
SpongeBob SquarePants: But we'll never be able to float down in time!
Hasselhoff: Who said anything about floating?
[As he stands up, SpongeBob and Patrick cling onto his shoulder]
Houston Voice: Initiating launch sequence.
SpongeBob and Patrick: What the...?
[On Hasselhoff's chest, his pecs become launchers, much to SpongeBob and Patrick's amazement]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Did you see that?
Patrick Star: The control!
SpongeBob and Patrick: [as Hasselhoff grabs them and the crown off of his back] Whoa!
Hasselhoff: All hands on deck. [places them in his chest, and yells with strength. His pecs begin to squeeze the crown]
Houston Voice: 10 seconds to liftoff. 9, 8...
[Glimpses show Neptune pointing his firey trident at Krabs, Mindy and Plankton watching, and Hasselhoff gritting his teeth as he continues to squeeze the crown for the liftoff on his pecs]
Neptune: Eugene Krabs, the time has come... [lights his trident]
Princess Mindy: No.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Yes!
Houston Voice: ...6, 5...
Neptune: ...FOR YOU...
Princess Mindy: No!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Yes!
Houston Voice: ...3, 2...
King Neptune: ...TO FRY!
Princess Mindy: NO!!
Sheldon J. Plankton: YES!!!
Houston Voice: ...1.
[With a blast, SpongeBob and Patrick scream as they hold onto the crown for dear life as they zoom towards Bikini Bottom]
Krabs: [closes his eyes] NO!
[The duo crashes through the roof. Just as a ray of light is about to hit Krabs, the crown blocks it, saving his life. The ray of light blasts up to the surface where Hasselhoff relaxes]
Hasselhoff: You've done good, Hasselhoff. You've done... [the ray of light zaps him, but he survives, now cinched] Ow.
Eugene Harold Krabs: [opens his eyes] Huh?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Hooray! We made it!
Patrick Star: We made it!
[The duo jump in joy as Krabs, still frozen but smiling, joins in]
Neptune: My crown! [picks his crown up] My beautiful crown! [kisses it]
Princess Mindy: [comes in and hugs the duo] SpongeBob, Patrick? I knew you could do it!
[Patrick chuckles, until....]
Sheldon J. Plankton: [clapping slowly, sarcastically] Oh, yes. Well done, SpongeBoob.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Sorry to rain on your parade, Plankton.
Sheldon J. Plankton: Oh, don't worry about me. My parade shall be quite dry under my UMBRELLA! [yanks lever]
SpongeBob, Patrick Star, and Princess Mindy: Umbrellaaaa...?
SpongeBob SquarePants: Because I did what everyone said a kid couldn't do, I made it to Shell City, and I beat the cyclops, and I rode the Hasselhoff, and I brought the crown back!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Alright, we get the point.
SpongeBob SquarePants: So, yeah, I'm a kid, and I'm also a goofball, and a wing nut, and a Knucklehead McSpazatron!
Sheldon J. Plankton: [coughs] What's goin' on here?
SpongeBob SquarePants: But most of all, I'm...
Sheldon J. Plankton: Okay, settle down.
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm...
Sheldon J. Plankton: Take it easy!
SpongeBob SquarePants: I'm...!!!
Sheldon J. Plankton: WHAT THE SCALLOP?!
SpongeBob SquarePants: [bursts into song] I'M A GOOFY GOOBER! (ROCK!)
[SpongeBob uses a Goofy Goober guitar laser to free the citizens of Bikini Bottom]
Sheldon J. Plankton: MY PRECIOUS HELMETS!
Squidward Tentacles: Ha!
Penelope Puff: Ooh!
Sandy Cheeks: Yee-haw!
Gary the Snail: Meow.
Sheldon J. Plankton: His chops are too righteous! The helmets can't handle this level of rock and roll! Karen, do something! [notices his computer wife crowd surfing] Karen? [Karen laughs as Plankton grits his teeth angrily] Alright, that's the last straw! Neptune, I command you to-
[SpongeBob frees him, too]
Princess Mindy: [giving the crown to her father] Here you go, Daddy.
Sheldon J. Plankton: I'd better get out of here. [puts away the headphones and tries to run off, but he's blocked by the freed fish citizens]
Sandals: Look! It's the wizard who saved us!
Sheldon J. Plankton: Out of my way, fools! [then gets trampled by every fish]
[Plankton is now completely squashed by the freed citizens]
Sheldon J. Plankton: Come on, I was just kidding! [an officer scoops him up with a shovel] Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you? [the officer puts him into a little truck with the back door labeled "Institution for the Criminally Tiny"] With the helmets and the monuments. [laughs] Wasn't that hilarious, everybody? [everyone goes back inside the Krusty Krab 2 as the truck drives off] I'll destroy all of you!
[Last lines]
Eugene Harold Krabs: SpongeBob, me boy! I'm sorry I ever doubted you. [hugs him] That's a mistake I won't make again.
SpongeBob SquarePants: Oh, Mr. Krabs, you old soft-serve!
Eugene Harold Krabs: And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I should've done 6 days ago. Mr. Squidward, front and center, please! [Squidward comes] I think we all know who rightfully deserves to wear that manager pin.
Squidward Tentacles: I couldn't agree more, sir.
Harold: Hooray for SpongeBob!
[Everyone cheers]
SpongeBob SquarePants: Wait a second, everybody. There's something I need to say first. I just don't know how to put it.
Squidward Tentacles: I think I know what it is. After going on your life-changing journey, you now realize you don't want what you thought you wanted. What you really wanted was inside you all along.
SpongeBob SquarePants: [takes the pin] Are you crazy!? I was just gonna tell you that your fly is down. Manager?! This is the greatest day of my life!!! [jumps up happily as the screen freeze-frames and fades out]
[In a post-credit scene, the pirates look at each other. The captain talks about Hasselhoff]
Captain Bart: [closing lines] You know, David Hasselhoff is a great artist.
Usher: Excuse me, sir. You folks have to leave.
[The pirates growl angrily at her]
Captain Bart: What? [points his sword at her] Say that again, if you dare.
Usher: [pirate accent] You folks have to leave.
Captain Bart: [after an awkward pause] Okay.
[The captain leads his friends out of the theater while the usher sweeps up popcorn]

Cast

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Character Voices

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Additional Voices

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Live-Action Characters

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  • David Hasselhoff — Himself
  • Kristopher Logan — Squinty the Pirate
  • D.P. FitzGerald — Bonesy the Pirate
  • Cole McKay — Scruffy the Pirate
  • Dylan Haggerty — Stitches the Pirate
  • Bart McCarthy — Captain Bart the Pirate
  • Henry Kingi — Inky the Pirate
  • Randolph Jones — Tiny the Pirate
  • Paul Zies — Upper Deck the Pirate
  • Gerard Griesbaum — Fingers the Pirate
  • Aaron Hendry — Tangles the Pirate, Cyclops Diver
  • Maxie Santillan — Gummy the Pirate
  • Peter DeYoung — Leatherbeard the Pirate
  • Gino Montesinos — Tango the Pirate
  • John Siciliano — Pokey the Pirate
  • David Stifel — Cookie the Pirate
  • Alex Baker — Martin the Pirate
  • Robin Russell — Sniffy the Pirate
  • Tommy Schooler — Salty the Pirate
  • Ben Wilson — Stovepipe the Pirate
  • José Zelay — Dooby the Pirate
  • Mageina Tovah — Usher
  • Chris Cummins
    Todd Duffey — Concession Guys
  • Michael Patrick Bell — Fisherman

Teaser Trailer

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[The teaser trailer starts with the Paramount Pictures logo]
Voice: Sonar 4-0, is that sound still out there?
[The scene cuts inside a submarine]
Man #1: [speaking German] Concact, bearing 60°. Quite faint.
Bart Mancuso: What do you got?
[Seaman Ronald "Jonesy" Jones holds up his hand]
Beaumont: What's going on, Jones?
[Jonesy holds his headphones. He hears SpongeBob laughing]
Man #2: I can hear…
Man #3: What is it?
Man #2: Splashes!
[The people look up as they hear SpongeBob laugh again]
Jonesy: 3,000 yards. Closing, ultimately fast.
[Mancuso and his friends look closely at the submarine radar, where a silhouette of SpongeBob appears on the right. Vice Admiral James Greer looks shocked]
Greer: Mother of God!
[The scene cuts to the bathroom of SpongeBob's house. In the bathtub, SpongeBob plays with his submarine while laughing, wearing a sailor's hat. Gary, with his eyes above the tub's surface, watches him]
SpongeBob: Don't you just love playing submarine, Gary?
[Gary meows underwater as if to say, "I guess so."]
SpongeBob: Prepare to dive!!
[As SpongeBob imitates a propeller, he plunges his submarine into the tub. The scene cuts back inside it, where water sprays through the walls! The people try to clog them]
Man #4: Move it! Move it! Move it!
[The movie's early title appears overblack]
Announcer: The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie.
[As the theme song from the show plays, the scene cuts to the bottom of the tub, where SpongeBob's submarine lays on the drain as the tub water goes down. A rubber duck is nearby]
Man #5: Captain, sir. Uh, you're never gonna believe this.
[The scene cuts back inside the submarine as the show's theme song fades]
Jonesy: For a second, I thought I heard…
Mancuso: Heard what?
Jonesy: I thought I heard singing, sir.
[The theme song ends with a pirate laughing as a nose flute was heard. An orange fish with white text reading, "Nickelodeon", swims above red words reading, "Thanksgiving 2004", ending the teaser trailer]
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