South Park/Season 20
South Park (1997-present) is an adult animated television series created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. Distributed by and airing on Comedy Central, it follows the surreal adventures of four young boys who live in the small town of South Park, Colorado.
Member Berries [20.01]Edit
Skank Hunt [20.02]Edit
The Damned [20.03]Edit
Wieners Out [20.04]Edit
Douche and a Danish [20.05]Edit
Fort Collins [20.06]Edit
- Kyle: So somebody, like Heidi, could use it to see your entire Internet history. Everything you ever said and did on the Internet, even before you were together.
- Cartman: [a look of fear crosses his face] Well, Heidi doesn't actually use the Internet. We've sworn off that stuff, so it's kewl.
- Kyle: Right, but somebody, like me, could look up your entire Internet history, print it out, and give it to Heidi. I would imagine there's some things you've done or said on the Internet you wouldn't want Heidi to know about.
- Dick: If someone Photoshopped a dick in your wife's mouth, would you just think it was funny?
- Gerald: You mean my [shows his phone to Dick with image of Sheila Photoshopped] fracking screensaver.
- Dick: It's true. You're just an asshole. I thought you were the ultimate rebel. I actually looked up to you and you're nothing but a super... dick.
- Gerald: And what are [points at Dick] you, Dildo Shwaggins? Huh? You think you're a fracking political activist hauled up in your shifty little midget condo. You're nothing but a passed off little giant, lashing out at everyone because you can't get laid!
- Tom: A historic election, and all the votes are in. Except of course in the city of Fort Collins, Colorado. It's been several days now since Fort Collins was hacked. Everyone's e-mails and Internet history became accessible to the public after being targeted by the Danish Trolltrace program. According to our eye in the sky, their votes will not be tallied anytime soon.
- Eye in the sky: It's complete bedlam inside the city limits, Chris. [traffic accidents at every intersection, a broken fire hydrant spewing a geyser of water, three giraffes running through the streets...] Since the city was hacked there have been murder, suicide, and complete lack of civility. We also understand that nearly everyone within Fort Collins who was married is now divorced. Back to you, Tom.
- Tom: This barricade behind me was put up not only to make sure nobody goes into Fort Collins, but also to make sure nobody gets out, since there's no telling whose Internet histories they've seen
- Dangling Man: [at the top of the barricade] Please! [Tom glances at him and the camera zooms in] My wife is so pissed at me! [a bullet strikes him from the air and he falls to his death several stories down.] Guh!
Members Only [20.08]Edit
- Sheila: [outraged in shock to Ike] It was you all this time! What have you done, Ike?! Do you have any idea the damage you've caused?! How can my child be such a monster?!
- Kyle: [enters home and finds Ike sitting in the corner] Ike? What are you doing?
- Sheila: Don't talk to him! He is in big trouble!
- Kyle: What'd he do?
- Sheila: It's him, Kyle! Your brother is the Internet troll who's caused all this pain in our community!
- Kyle: What?!
- Sheila: It was him all along! Now we have to figure out what to tell people when they learn that this ugliness came from our family!
- [Broflovski Residence; Kyle's room]
- Sheila: [enraged] WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?! HOW DARE YOU OUTRIGHT DEFY ME LIKE THAT?! Your brother was being punished for using the computer, and you just decide to leave with him?!
- Kyle: I just felt bad for him, Ma.
- Sheila: You felt BAD for him?! After all the horrible things he said to people online?! Your brother is a sick troll, Kyle! You just wait till your father gets home!
- Kyle: "Officials have stated that all communication with Denmark has ended and that a military strike on the country is now imminent."
- Ike: Yay!
- Kyle: "The President stated that since the-"
- Sheila: ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?! [Kyle and Ike scream and fall away from the computer] GET OFF THAT COMPUTER!!!
- Kyle: Mom, we were just using it to look at the news.
- Sheila: I DON'T CARE! I said, no computers! You kids are addicted to the Internet! You're sick, and you're addicted! It's changed your brother, and now it's turning you against me, Kyle!
- Kyle: I'm not against you, Mom.
- Sheila: You are! Your father goes away on business and all you do is defy me at every turn! The next time you defy me, it will be your last! DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!
- Kyle and Ike: Yes, mom.
- Sheila: And when your father gets home from Denmark, you two are both going in for counseling.
- Kyle and Ike: Denmark?
- Kyle: What is Dad doing in Denmark?!
- Sheila: The government sent him over there to do paralegal training. So it would have been nice if you could have shown a little support!
- Kyle: Ike. It's time. I don't know if i'm strong enough to go through with this, but it's the only way now.
- Ike: I know.
- Kyle: Just remember... I always loved you, little brother.
- Ike: I love you, too, big brother.
- Kyle: Let's just get it over with.
- Ike: Mommy?
- Sheila: Yes?
- Ike: Suck my balls. You're a fat bitch. [runs off]
- Sheila: WHAAAT?! [gets out of her bed and chases after him downstairs to the kitchen] You get back here, you little monster! I HAVE HAD IT WITH YOU! Don't you run away from me Ike! Who do you think you are!? [to Kyle] Where is he?! Where is your brother?!
- Kyle: He's in the pantry.
- Sheila: Don't you try and hide from me now! [goes in the pantry] You are in big trouble, Ike! [Kyle shuts the door behind her and props a chair up under the door knob] Whaaat?! What whaat?! Kyle! You open his door right now!! Open this door!!!
- Sheila: [still locked in the pantry, angrily banging from behind] YOU BOYS BETTER NOT BE ON THAT COMPUTER! I'LL MAKE YOU PAY FOR THIS! YOU LOCKED YOUR MOTHER IN THE PANTRY?! I'LL LOCK YOU IN YOUR ROOMS FOREVER!!!
- Ike: You are all dumb ass Frack wads. [as Shelia enters Ike's room.] Lick my asshole you Mexican Bitch.
- Sheila: Ike! [Ike screams] You DARE lock me in the pantry so you can play on your computer? [runs for his computer, picks up the monitor and smashes it to the floor]
- Ike: Mommy!
- Sheila: You're gonna pay for what you've done!
- Ike: [screams as he runs out of his room and down the hallway into Gerald's study] Kyle!
- Sheila: Ike!
- Kyle: Shoot! [gets off the computer]
- Ike: Mommy got out!
- Sheila: YOU! You helped make your brother this way!
- Kyle: Mom, there's been a mistake. Ike isn't the troll. We're trying to help the-
- Sheila: [interrupting] SHUT UP! Not another from either of you! You're both grounded from the computer, FOREVER!
- [Tucker Residence, Sheila runs up to the door]
- Sheila: [pounds on the door and Laura answers] Laura, have my boys come to see Craig? They're hiding from me. [Laura looks at her and breaks down, crying] What? What, what?
- Laura: [sobbing] The son of a bitch. He's such a bastard! When you marry someone and you think you know them...
- Sheila: I don't know what you're talking about.
- Laura: Troll Trace. [points to a laptop on the table] It's up and running. It can tell you anybody's Internet . I couldn't resist. I looked up my husband. The Web sites he's visited are just... disgusting!
- Sheila: May I use this a moment?
- Laura: Sure. Type in any name. It'll show you everything they've ever done online. Be careful. You might not like what you see.
- Sheila: [viewing Ike's Internet history] There's nothing here. Maybe Kyle was telling the truth. Oh, Laura! I think my boys were being honest with me.
- Laura: About what?
- Sheila: I accused Ike of, of, I can't really say, but this thing says he's clean. I've gotta find my boys, Laura. Thank you so much.
- Laura: It's not our kids we have to worry about. My husband was on three married-but-dating Web sites! He looked at porn 4,000 times in one month! Aren't you curious what your husband does? Huh? Sure he doesn't have any girlfriends?
- Sheila: No. I, I have to respect Gerald's privacy.
- Laura: Sure, yeah, respect. Nice of you to give him that. Come on, you really think you can resist the urge to type in his name... just for a quick little look?
- Kyle: And so, life goes on. The end of civilization didn't happen. A massive electric pulse completely erased the Internet. We've been given a second chance. A mulligan. Anything we might be ashamed of, gone forever. Maybe now boys and girls can learn to respect each other again, and realize how careful our online lives have to be. Because we've all seen what happens when the Twitters, Facebooks, and trolls decide our reality. Now that we've been given this second chance, it's up to all of us to see what we do with it.