Friends (season 6)

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Friends (1994–2004) was an American sitcom revolving around six 20-30 something friends living in Manhattan.

The One After Vegas [6.01]

Monica: What are you guys gonna do?

Rachel: Well, I guess we just find a divorce lawyer.

Chandler: Well, I think, I think... Ross already has one.

Monica: Yeah, yeah, that guy's finally gonna be able to put in that pool.

Ross: Ha, okay...

Chandler: Now, this one's free, right? Because you paid for the first two, so you get the third one for free...

Ross: Laugh it up! ...but the joke's on you... because we don't need to get divorced... okay? We're just gonna get an annulment.

Joey: An annulment?! Ross... I don't think surgery's the answer here!

Ross: Wanna hear something weird?

Phoebe: Always!

Ross: Rachel and me are still married.

Phoebe: What?

Ross: I didn't get the annulment. We're still married. Don't tell Rachel. Okay, see you later...

The One Where Ross Hugs Rachel [6.02]

Ross: I just don't want my tombstone to read, "Ross Geller - 3 divorces!."

Phoebe: Don't feel worried about that! Your tombstone can say whatever you want it to say! It could say, "Ross Geller: Good at marriage!" Y'know? Mine's going to say "Phoebe Buffay: Buried Alive."

Ross: We were drunk! I would've married Joey with that amount of alcohol!

Phoebe: Hey! You could do a lot worse than Joey Tribbiani!

The One with Ross's Denial [6.03]

Joey: Yeah, why don't you move in with me? It'll be great! We could stay up late, watch movies. And you know about Naked Thursdays, right?

Rachel: Yeah, yeah. I think I'm gonna find my own place.

Chandler: Hey-hey! I thought Naked Thursdays was just our thing, man!

Joey: Thanks for coming back. Okay, there's been a lot of people interested in the room, but I have narrowed it down and you are one of the finalists.

Potential roommate: Great!

Joey: Okay, now before I make my decision, I just want to make sure our personalities match, okay? So I made up a little test. Now, I'm gonna say a word, and then you say the first thing that comes to mind.

Potential roommate: I can do that.

Joey: Okay, here we go. Pillow.

Potential roommate: Fight!

Joey: Very good. Okay, G.

Potential roommate: String?

Joey: Excellent. Okay, um, doggy.

Potential roommate: Kitten?

Joey: Ooh, sorry. [sends her out the door] So close though, bye-bye!

The One Where Joey Loses His Insurance [6.04]

Joey: Probably a residual check. Can you open it? I got... [shows his hands tied with string]

Chandler: Benefits lapsed.

Joey: That's weird. I don't remember being in a movie called "Benefits Lapsed."

Chandler: [chuckles] It's not a check. They are saying your health insurance expired cause... you didn't work enough last year.

Joey: What? Let me see that. Oh no! This sucks. When I had health insurance I could... catch on fire, you know or get hit by a bus. Now I gotta be careful?

Chandler: I know what you mean, man, there's never a good time to stop... catching on fire.

Joey: Well, I guess I am gonna go get a job, I'll see ya later.

Chandler: Ok, make sure you look both ways before you cross the street.

Joey: [mocking] Make sure you look both ways before you cross the street. [turns and walks into the door]

Phoebe: So, my reading was wrong - I'm not gonna die!

Monica: How do you know?

Phoebe: Because my psychic's dead! She must have read it wrong.

Rachel: Oh, Pheebs, I'm sorry.

Phoebe: Hey, better her than me. Ooh! Let's bake cookies!

The One with Joey's Porsche [6.05]

Rachel: Oh. Look who it is – my husband, the apple of my eye.

Monica: I wonder what age it is that you stop being able to put both legs behind your head.

Phoebe: Oh, I can still do that.

Monica: How are you still single?

Joey: Why isn't that valet back with my Porsche?

Passer-by: Maybe because you've got the keys?

The One on the Last Night [6.06]

Chandler: Here is the phone bill.

Joey: Oh, my...!

Chandler: That's our phone number.

Joey: Here it is-our last pizzas together as roommates.

Chandler: I wish I'd known you were going to do that. I ordered Chinese.

Joey: Oh, well, that's okay. Hey, actually, in a way it's kinda nice. You know, our last dinner together. Me, bringing the food of my ancestors; you, the food of yours.

The One Where Phoebe Runs [6.07]

Ross: I just finished this fascinating book. By the year 2030, there will be computers that can carry out the same amount of functions as an actual human brain. So theoretically, you could download your thoughts and memories into this computer and live forever as a machine!

Chandler: And I just realized I can sleep with my eyes open.

Monica: Honey, that's a great idea nailing your boxes to the floor!

Chandler: I didn't nail my boxes to the floor.

Monica: Oh so you can move them !

The One with Ross's Teeth [6.08]

Chandler: [offering Joey a game of PlayStation] Hi, my name's Chandler! I just moved in next door, and I was wondering if you'd be interested in battling me in a post-apocalyptic world for control of the galaxy's last remaining energy source.

Joey: Sure.

Rachel: [Referring to her boss Kim] She doesn't like me very much.

Chandler: That's great. Because my boss doesn't like me either.

Rachel: My boss doesn't like me either.

Ross: Maybe it's like a universal thing.

Joey: Or maybe because you're all hanging around here at 11:30 on a Wednesday.

All others: Let's get off to work...

The One Where Ross Got High [6.09]

[On tasting Rachel's English trifle/Shepherd's pie]

Ross: It tastes like feet!

Joey: I like it!

Ross: Are you serious?

Joey: What's not to like? Custard, good. Jam, good. Meat, GOOD!

Monica: Dad, you know that mailman you got fired? He didn't steal your Playboys, Ross did.

Ross: Yea, well Hurricane Gloria didn't break the porch swing, Monica did.

Monica: Ross hasn't worked at the museum for a year.

Ross: Monica and Chandler are living together!

Monica: Ross married Rachel in Vegas, and got divorced, AGAIN!

Phoebe: I love Jacques Cousteau!

Rachel: I wasn't supposed to put beef in the trifle!

Joey: I wanna gooooo!

Judy: That's a lot of information to get in thirty seconds. All right, Joey, if you wanna leave, just leave. Rachel, no, you weren't supposed to put beef in the trifle. It did not taste good. Phoebe, I'm sorry, but I think Jacques Cousteau is dead. Monica, why you felt you had to hide the fact that you're in an important relationship is beyond me.

Jack: And we kinda figured about the porch swing.

The One with the Routine [6.10]

Ross: And that's the story of the dreidel. Now, some people trace the Christmas tree back to the Egyptians, who used to bring green palm branches into their huts on the shortest day of the year, symbolizing life's triumph over death. And that was, like, four thousand years ago.

Rachel: So, pretty much around the same time that you started telling this story.

[Rachel, Phoebe and Chandler are looking for Monica's Christmas presents]

Phoebe: [finds a bag under the couch] Oh! We have a large one!

Rachel: It's a Macy's bag!

Phoebe: [turns it over and an old shoe falls out] Ooh! Who's it for?

Rachel: [reads note attached to shoe] "Dear losers, do you really think I would hide presents under the couch? P.S. Chandler, I knew they'd break you."

Phoebe: Uh oh. I think she may be on to us.

The One with the Apothecary Table [6.11]

Rachel: OK, fine! I'll just tell Phoebe it's an antique apothecary table, she doesn't have to know where it came from. Oh, look at this! Little drawers! Oh look, look, it says that it holds... three hundred CDs!

Chandler: Ahhh, just like the apothecary tables of yore.

Rachel: Your what?

Ross: You know what I think?... She's weird. It's because she's a twin. Twins are weird.

Rachel: Ross, she is not weird. She just likes her stuff to be one-of-a-kind.

Ross: You know what's not one-of-a-kind? A twin!

The One with the Joke [6.12]

Phoebe: I didn't know Playboy prints jokes.

Ross: Yeah, they print jokes, interviews, hard-hitting journalism. It's not just about the pictures!

Monica: It didn't work on Mom. It's not going to work on us.

Gunther: [handing Joey the bill] Here you go.

Joey: Ah, Gunther, I can't pay for this right now because I'm not working, so I've had to cut down on some luxuries like uh, paying for stuff.

Gunther: Well, if you want, you can work here.

Joey: Uh, I don't know. You see, it's just, see I was a regular on a soap opera you know? And to go from that to this, I just… Plus, I'd have to wait on all my friends.

Gunther: Okay, but the money's good, plus you get to stare at Rachel as much as you want.

Joey: What?!

Gunther: Flexible hours.

The One with Rachel's Sister [6.13]

Joey: Altogether, it's $12.75.

Chandler: This coming from the man who couldn't split our $80 phone bill in half.

Rachel: Honey! What did you do that bad that make dad cut you off?

Jill: Okay.. I bought a boat.

Monica: You bought a boat ?

Jill: Yeah. It wasn't for me. It was for a friend.

Chandler: Boy, did we make friends with the wrong sister!

The One Where Chandler Can't Cry [6.14]

Fan: That was Phoebe Buffay, the porn star.

Joey: [laughs] I don't think so.

Fan: No, it was. She was in Sex Toy Story 2, Lawrence of a Labia. And I got her autograph. The guys at the comic book store aren't gonna believe this. [leaves]

Joey: [goes to the counter] Hey, Gunther, don't let that guy in here anymore. He said Phoebe's a porn star.

Gunther: Well, I wouldn't call her a star, but she's really good. You should check out Inspect Her Gadget.

[In reference to Phoebe doing porn.]

Rachel: Well, I guess it makes sense, you know, having such a terrible childhood.

Chandler: I had a terrible childhood and I don't do porn.

Rachel: Yes, but you're dead inside.

The One Where It Could Have Been

Part 1 [6.15]

Rachel: Hey, you guys! Guess what? Barry and Mindy are getting a divorce.

Joey: [Looking at Ross] What is the matter with you?!

Phoebe: No, Barry and Mindy.

Joey: Oh, sorry. I hear "divorce," I immediately go to Ross.

Chandler: I always thought having a heart attack was nature's way of telling you to die!

[Phoebe stares at him angrily.]

Chandler: But you're not gonna die... I mean... you — you are going to die, but you're not gonna die today... I wish I was dead.

Part 2 [6.16]

Ross: Sorry your husband cheated on you.

Rachel: And I'm sorry your wife is gay. I guess women ain't that great either, huh?

Ross: Try telling my wife that.

Joey: Now listen, the last day of auditions is Thursday. Okay? So I gotta get in there by Thursday. Okay? Just remember Thursday. Thursday. Can you remember Thursday?

Chandler: [mockingly] Yeah. So, Tuesday?

Joey: Thursday! Look, if you need help remembering, think of it like this: the third day. All right? Monday, one day. Tuesday, two day. Wednesday, when? Huh? What day? Thursday! The third day! Okay?

Chandler: Thank you.

The One with Unagi [6.17]

Phoebe: Now, we can kick anybody's ass!

Rachel: Yeah!

Ross: After one class? I don't think so.

Rachel: What? You want to see me self-defend myself? Go over there and pretend you're a sexual predator! Go on! I dare ya!

Ross: Well, of course you can defend yourself from an attack you know is coming, that's not enough. Look, I studied karate for a long time, and there's a concept you should really be familiar with. It's what the Japanese call unagi.

Rachel: Isn't that a kind of sushi?

Ross: No, it's a concept.

Phoebe: Yeah, it is! It is! It's freshwater eel.

Ross: All right, maybe it means that too.

Rachel: Ooh! I would kill for a salmon skin roll right now.

Ross: Y'know what? Fine! Get attacked! I don't even care!

Joey: I used to get medical experiments done on me all the time!

Chandler: Ah, finally: an explanation.

The One Where Ross Dates a Student [6.18]

[One of Ross's students wrote a flirtatious evaluation of his class]

Chandler: So, who is she?

Ross: I don't know. The evaluations were anonymous.

Joey: Well, do you still have their final exams?

Ross: Yeah.

Joey: Well, it's simple. You take the final exams and the evaluations, you see whose handwriting matches, and boom. You got your admirer.

Chandler: A hot chick is at stake and suddenly he's Rain Man.

Rachel: Phoebe, come on, I don't wanna switch. Please, come on, I can throw wet paper towels here.

Phoebe: No, but at Monica's you can eat cookies over the sink.

The One with Joey's Fridge [6.19]

Chandler: You don't look good, Joe.

Joey: The fridge broke, so I had to eat everything. Cold cuts, ice cream, limes. Oh, and what was in that brown jar?

Chandler: That's still in there?

Joey: Not any more. By the way, you owe me $400.

Chandler: Is this a service you're providing me?

Monica: Chandler, do you think we talk about our relationship enough?

Chandler: Yeah. Do we have any Fruit Roll Ups?

The One with Mac and C.H.E.E.S.E. [6.20]

Monica: Aren't you dressed yet?

Chandler: Am I naked again?

[While playing foosball]

Joey: How cool it would be, If you could watch a life size version of this? How crazy would that be?

Chandler: As crazy as soccer?

The One Where Ross Meets Elizabeth's Dad [6.21]

Paul Stevens: So, Ross what's your problem?

Ross: Excuse me?

Paul: Why can't you get a girlfriend your own age?

Rachel: So it seemed that my prom date had stood me up, so Ross selflessly offered to take me.

Elizabeth Stevens: What a nice story.

Paul: So Ross was in college and decided to jump at the chance to take a young girl to her high school prom?

Rachel: I definitely did not see that one backfiring! I'm going to go to the bathroom.

The One Where Paul's the Man [6.22]

Elizabeth: [while making out at the cabin] Hey umm, you brought protection right?

Ross: Why? Are there like bears or something? [looks around nervously and then sees that Elizabeth is shaking her head no] Ohh. Oh, protection. Yeah-no, yeah-no, that-that-that I forgot.

Monica: Please, stop freaking out.

Chandler: I'm not freaking out. Why would I be freaking out? A woman named Heldi called and said we were getting married, but that happens everyday.

Monica: Honey, we were at this beautiful place, and I-I-I just put our names down for fun! I mean, what's the harm in that?

Chandler: Right here!

Monica: Chandler, please don't think I was trying to pressure you. Phoebe and Rachel...

Chandler: Phoebe and Rachel! So the people that knew about our wedding before me were you, Phoebe and Rachel, Heldi, and apparently some band called Starlight Magic 7 who are available by the way!

Monica: It was a mistake. Please don't take this to mean anything, because it doesn't.

Chandler: Okay.

Monica: Really?

Chandler: Yes, if it really doesn't mean anything, because you know that I'm just not ready...

Monica: I know! I know.

Chandler: Okay.

Monica: I'm gonna go tell Joey that... that you're back. I was really worried about you.

[Monica leaves and Phoebe comes out of the guest bedroom]

Phoebe: Hey, did she buy it?

Chandler: Totally.

Phoebe: So did Heldi show you the place?

Chandler: Yeah, it's beautiful.

Phoebe: I can't believe you're gonna ask Monica to marry you!

Chandler: [smiling] I know.

The One with the Ring [6.23]

Rachel: I wish I could get him to open up a little bit, share some feelings.

Phoebe: That's easy! You just have to think of him as a — as a jar of pickles that won't open.

Rachel: So, what are you saying; I should run him under hot water and bang his head against a table?

Phoebe: No, that's what you do when you want to get the truth out of someone.

Monica: I know of two surefire ways to shut a man up. And one of them is sex.

Rachel: What's the other one?

Monica: I don't know. I've never had to use the other one.

The One with the Proposal

Part 1 [6.24]

Chandler: [to Ross] You've got to forget about Elizabeth, man. If you're not careful you may not get married at all this year.

[Chandler and Monica run into Richard and his new girlfriend]

Richard: I see you grew your hair long.

Monica: Yeah. Oh, that's right, you always wanted me to. I see you grew your mustache back.

Richard: Yeah, my nose was getting lonely.

Chandler: [to Richard's date] And you don't have a mustache, which is good. [laughs, stops abruptly and extends his hand] Hi, I'm Chandler and I make jokes when I'm uncomfortable.

Part 2 [6.25]

Rachel: Phoebe! You picked Joey AND Ross! You cannot have two backups!

Phoebe: Of course I can. It's just good sense to back up your backup. Look, I've already lost Chandler.

Monica: You wanted it to be a surprise.

Chandler: Oh my God.

Monica: Chandler... in all my life I never thought I'd be so lucky as to fall in love with my best — my best — There's a reason why girls don't do this.

Chandler: Okay, okay, I'll do it. I thought: wait, I can do this. I thought that it mattered what I said or where I said it. Then I realized the only thing that matters is that is that you — you make me happier than I ever thought I could be. And if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life trying to make you feel the same way. Monica, will you marry me?

Monica: Yes. I knew you were likely to take a wife.

Joey: [from outside] Can we come in yet? We're dying out here!

Monica: Come in! Come in! [Joey, Rachel and Phoebe enter] We're engaged!

Joey: Yeah, you are!