Friends (season 7)

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Friends (1994–2004) was an American sitcom revolving around six 20-30 something friends living in Manhattan.

The One with Monica's Thunder [7.01]

[Monica opens the door to find Ross and Rachel kissing in the hallway.]

Monica: Oh, I'm sorry, I seem to have opened the door to the past! I know what you're trying to do! You're trying to steal my thunder!

Rachel: Oh, no honey — we weren't trying to steal your thunder, honest. No one was meant to see!

Monica : Right, now I get it. That's why you two were kissing in the secret hallway where nobody ever goes!

Chandler: You have had a lot of sex right?

Joey: Today? Some, not a lot.

The One with Rachel's Book [7.02]

Monica: What happened? You still have the Monica wedding fund, don't you?

Jack: Yes, we have it. Only now we call it the beach house.

Monica: I can't believe - there is no money for my wedding?

Judy: We might have some money if your father hadn't thought it was a good idea to sell ice over the Internet.

Jack: It seemed like such a simple idea.

Judy: Stupid, Jack, the word is stupid.

Monica: I've been thinking - it's not right for me to ask you to spend all of your money on our wedding; you worked hard for that.

Chandler: I thought about it, too - and when I proposed, I said I would do anything to make you happy. And if having the perfect wedding will make you happy, then that's what we'll do.

Monica: But what about the future and stuff?

Chandler: Forget about the future and stuff. So we'll only have two kids; we'll pick our favorite, and that one will get to go to college.

Monica: You thought about that?

Chandler: Yeah.

Monica: How many kids were we going to have?

Chandler: Four - a boy, twin girls, and another boy.

Monica: What else do you think about?

Chandler: Stuff like where we'd live - like a small place outside the city where our kids can learn to ride their bikes and stuff, and we'd have a cat with a bell on its collar, and we can hear it every time it ran through the kitty door. Then we'd have an apartment over the garage where Joey can grow old.

Monica: I don't want a big fancy wedding anymore.

Chandler: Sure you do.

Monica: No - I want everything you just said; I want a marriage.

The One with Phoebe's Cookies [7.03]

Phoebe: You know, I think my grandmother would be proud that we're trying to figure out her recipe. I'm sure she's looking up at us and smiling.

Ross: Looking up?

Phoebe: Oh, yeah! She was nice to me, but she's in hell for sure.

Joey: Look at this clown. Just 'cause he got a bigger boat, he thinks he can take up the whole river. Get out of the way, jackass! Who names their boat Coast Guard, anyway?

Rachel: That is the Coast Guard.

Joey: What are they doing out here? The coast is way over there.

The One with Rachel's Assistant [7.04]

Ross: [quietly to Chandler] How could you tell her?!

Chandler: I had to! We're getting married! Couples can't keep secrets from one another!

Ross: Well, I guess Monica should know about Atlantic City!

Chandler: DU-UUUDE!!

Monica: What happened in Atlantic City?

Ross: Chandler and I are in a bar...

Chandler: Did you not hear me say "DU-UUUDE"?!

Ross: ...and this girl is making eyes at him. After a while he goes over to her, and a minute later I see them kissing. Now you're thinking, "Chandler's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls!" And you're right, he's not the type of guy who just goes to bars and makes out with girls! [widens his eyes]

Monica: You kissed a guy?!

Chandler: In my defense, it was dark and he was a very pretty guy!

Ross: I laughed so hard...

Chandler: ...that we had to throw out your underwear again?!

Ross: Whatever, dude! You kissed a guy!

Chandler: In college, Ross used to wear leg warmers!

Ross: Chandler entered a Vanilla Ice look-alike contest and won!

Chandler: Ross came in fourth and cried!

Ross: Hey! I welled up!

[Monica is laughing hard]

Ross: You find that funny? Maybe Chandler should know some of your secrets!

Monica: I already told him everything! You shush!

Ross: Once, Monica was sent to her room without dinner, so she ate the macaroni off a jewelry box she made!

Monica: Ross used to stay home every Saturday night to watch Golden Girls!

Ross: Monica couldn't tell time till she was 13!

Monica: It's hard for some people!

Chandler: Of course it is! [secretly backs off and mouths 'whoa']

Monica: Chandler once wore my underwear to work!

Chandler: HEY!

Monica: I'm sorry! I couldn't think of any more for Ross!

Ross: In college, Chandler got drunk and slept with the lady who cleaned our dorm!

Chandler: That was you!

Ross: Whatever, dude! You kissed a guy!

The One with the Engagement Picture [7.05]

Rachel: Hey, look, look. Phoebe's talking to "Cute Coffeehouse Guy."

Ross: You guys call him Cute Coffeehouse Guy? We call him "Hums While He Pees."

Chandler: Yes, and we call Ross "Lingers in the Bathroom."

Phoebe: [walks in] Hey, you guys, "Hums While He Pees" just asked me out!

[Monica and Chandler are looking at photos.]

Monica: Chandler, what is wrong with your face? This picture is supposed to say "Geller and Bing to be married," not "Local woman saves drowning moron." [The photographer laughs.] Hey, don't laugh at him. He's my drowning moron.

The One with the Nap Partners [7.06]

[Ross, Chandler and Joey sit on a couch watching a movie]

Chandler: Die Hard, still great!

Joey: Hey, what do you say we make a double feature?

Ross: What else did you rent?

Joey: Die Hard 2!

Chandler: Joe, this is Die Hard 1 again.

Joey: Ohh... well if we watch it a second time then it's Die Hard 2!

Ross: Joey we just saw it.

Joey: And?

Ross: And it would be cool to see it again!

Joey and Ross: Die Hard!

Ross: [to Chandler] Dude, you didn't say Die Hard. Is everything okay?

Chandler: Yeah, I just... I got plans.

Ross: Well, John McClane had plans.

Chandler: Alright, you see the thing is... I wanna get outta here before Joey gets all worked up and starts calling everybody "bitch".

Joey: What are you talkin' about... bitch?

Chandler: So uh, what did this woman look like?

Monica: She was like 30, dark hair, attractive.

Chandler: Well, is there any chance you were looking into a bright, shiny thing called a mirror?

Monica: Come on, was it somebody maybe you dated in college?

Chandler: No, no I only dated two girls in college, both blonde, both not attractive… [Thinks a little while.] Hold on one second; let me check this out. [He gets up and grabs a photo album]

Monica: What are you doing?

Chandler: Well, let's see... [Finding the picture he wants] Okay uh, is that her? [Points to the picture]

Monica: Oh my God yes! Who is she?

Chandler: Julie Grath, my camp girlfriend.

Monica: Did you break up with her?

Chandler: [pause] No, we're still together. Yeah we went out for two summers, and then I broke up with her.

Monica: Why?

Chandler: Well, ‘cause she came back the third summer and she’d gotten really fa-aa-aw-ow…

Monica: Fat?!

Chandler: I did not say fat! I said, "Fa-aa-aw-ow…"

Monica:: You broke up with a girl because she was fat?!

Chandler: Yeah. Yeah, but it was a really, really long time ago! Does she still feel bad?

Monica: Well, apparently she does.

Chandler: Well, you know what they say, elephants never forget. [Monica is not amused by that statement] Seriously, good luck marrying me.

The One with Ross's Library Book [7.07]

Phoebe: You have no idea how amazing she is..

Joey: No idea ? Who do you think brought her here?

Rachel: Cupid!

Phoebe: Joey, she is so cool, she speaks 4 languages.

Joey: Man, do you know what guys want?

Joey: It was awkward. We were both nervous.

Phoebe: Didn't you sleep together?

Joey: Yeah.. That really calms me down..

The One Where Chandler Doesn't Like Dogs [7.08]

Ross: I hate to lecture you guys but it's kind of disgraceful that a group of well-educated adults, and Joey, can't name all the states. You ever see a map, or one of those round colorful things called 'a globe'?

Chandler: Magellan? You got 46 states.

Joey: The question, Rachel, is this: does he like you? Otherwise, it's just a moo point.

Rachel:Uh, Joe — a moo point?

Joey: You know, like a cow's opinion. It doesn't matter. It's moo.

Rachel: Have I been living with him too long, or did all that just make sense?

The One with All the Candy [7.09]

Joey: [watching a discussion between Monica and a neighbor] Hey Chandler, do we know that lady?

Chandler: Maybe. Isn't she the woman who lives below you and has sex really loud?

Monica: [still talking to the woman] All right, I'll do it just this once! But you can't tell anybody!

Woman: [exasperated] Yes! Yes! Please, just give it to me!

Joey and Chandler: Yeah, that's her.

Monica: Ross! My neighbors ate all my candy!

Ross: Mine stole my newspaper! It's like a crime wave!

The One with the Holiday Armadillo [7.10]

[Monica and Chandler kiss.]

Monica: Hey, do you think you can keep that suit a little longer?

Chandler: Santa? Really?

Monica: Yeah. Is that okay?

Chandler: Did your dad ever dress up as Santa?

Monica: No.

Chandler: Then it's OKAY!

[Ross, dressed as a "Holiday Armadillo", has been telling Ben a Hanukkah story]

Chandler: [dressed as Santa] My favorite part was when Superman flew all the Jews out of Egypt! [Joey, dressed as Superman, grins]

Ross: The Armadillo was actually not so thrilled about that part!

The One with All the Cheesecakes [7.11]

Monica: Here's Frannie. Huh! Won't she be happy to see me?

Ross: Now wait a minute, you be nice! All right? I didn’t bring you here so you can ambush her.

Monica: Frannie was the one who found your Playboys and showed them to Mom.

Ross: That bitch!

Frannie: Monica? What, what are you...?

Monica: What am I doing here? You invite my brother, you invite my whole family, and not me? Why? Why wouldn't you want me at your wedding? What could I have possibly done? Stuart!

Frannie: I believe you know my husband.

Ross: So it's really a question of who could you have possibly done.

The One Where They're Up All Night [7.12]

Phoebe: There it is. Look at that.. Isn't mother nature amazing?

Chandler: That's a plane..

Phoebe: Well, alright… 1,700 bags of peanuts flying that high. That's pretty amazing too.

Ross: Look at all those stars. Infinite space. Really makes you wonder.

Joey: You know what else makes you wonder? Check out the rack on this chick!

The One Where Rosita Dies [7.13]

Joey: What are you doin'?

Rachel: Moving a chair so I can have a place to sit?

Joey: No, no, Rosita does not move.

Rachel: As in... what?

Joey: As in... Rosita does not move!

Rachel: Why not?

Joey: 'Cause she is in the equal distance from the kitchen to the bathroom, and she is at the perfect angle so that no glare is comin' off Stevie.

Rachel: Stevie, the TV?

Joey: Is there a problem?

Phoebe: I'm hearing what you're saying, but at our prices everyone needs toner.

Earl: Not me.

Phoebe: May I ask why?

Earl: You wanna know why. You wanna know why?

Phoebe: I surely do!

Earl: Okay, I don't need any toner because I'm going to kill myself.

Phoebe: Um... is... is that because you're out of toner?

The One Where They All Turn Thirty [7.14]

Joey: [To Rachel] Look, turning thirty is not that big a deal.

Ross: Oh really? Is that how you felt when you turned thirty?

[Flashback to Joey's thirtieth birthday]

Joey: Why God, why?! We had a deal. Let the others grow old, not me!

Chandler: [to Joey who's removing his tie] Would you put that back on? Monica's gonna be here any minute.

Joey: But it hurts my Joey's apple.

Chandler: [frustrated] Okay, for the last time. It's not named for each individual man.

The One with Joey's New Brain [7.15]

Ross: What? A Brain transplant?

Joey: Yes, its a highly controversial procedure.

Ross: It's ridiculous!

Joey: Well, I think it's ridiculous that you haven't sex in three and a half months.

Ross: It’s winter. There are fewer people on the street.

Monica: Why is your family Scottish?

Chandler: Why is your family Ross?

The One with The Truth About London [7.16]

[Chandler and Monica start to make out.]

Chandler: How drunk are you?

Monica: Drunk enough that I know I want to do this. Not so drunk enough that you should feel guilty about taking advantage.

Chandler: That's the perfect amount!

[Monica and Chandler jump under the bedcovers. Chandler swiftly doffs his clothes.]

Monica: Wow! You are really fast!

Chandler: It bodes well for me that speed impresses you.

The One with the Cheap Wedding Dresses [7.17]

Monica: You stick to your job.

Phoebe: What's your job?

Chandler: Staying out of the way.

Joey: We gotta set a spending limit on the date, I cant take her to a fancy place like that.

Ross: Well, Sorry. That's what I do on dates.

Joey: [By stretching hands] Well, I guess I'll just do what I do on dates.

Ross: So, Let's decide on spending limits.

Joey: $6?

Ross: I was thinking more like $100.

Joey: Okay.. Can I borrow $94?

The One with Joey's Award [7.18]

Joey: You guys are not gonna believe this. I just talked to my agent and ..

Phoebe: Oh my... [Joey looks surprisingly] I'm sorry. Too soon. You go..

Rachel: Oh, see now I feel bad for the kid! I had a crush on a teacher once and it was so hard! You know you-I couldn't concentrate and I blushed every time he looked at me. I mean come on, you remember what's it's like to be 19 and in love.

Ross: Yeah. I guess I can cut him some slack.

Rachel: Yeah.

Joey: How'd you get over that teacher?

Rachel: I didn't. I got under him.

Joey: Problem solved.

The One with Ross and Monica's Cousin [7.19]

Monica: Chandler and I have this pact not to have sex until the wedding.

Ross: A no-sex pact, huh? I seem to have one of those going with every woman in America.

[Ross and his attractive cousin Cassie are reminiscing.]

Ross: And I'll always remember that summer, because that's when I realized that we are related.

Cassie: It took you that long to figure it out?

Ross: I'm a little slow. [under his breath] Just as our children would be.

The One with Rachel's Big Kiss [7.20]

Chandler: Batman is so much cooler than James Bond.

Monica: What? 007 has all those gadgets.

Chandler: Batman has a utility belt.

Monica: 007 has a fancy car.

Chandler: Batman has the Batmobile.

Monica: 007 gets all the ladies.

Chandler: Batman has Robin.

[Rachel is telling a story of how she once kissed another girl and Phoebe doesn't believe her]

Phoebe: Okay it just seems a little wild and you're so... vanilla.

Rachel: Vanilla? I'm not vanilla. I've done lots of crazy things. I mean I got drunk and married in Vegas.

Phoebe: To Ross.

The One with the Vows [7.21]

Monica: Do you realize that in 4 weeks from today, we're gonna be married? 4 weeks, baby, 4 WEEKS!

Chandler: Do you realize that you get louder every week?

Ross: [about the vows] How did you write this?

Chandler: I stole from Monica and changed the name.

Ross: You can't do that.

Joey: If he goes first, he can.

The One with Chandler's Dad [7.22]

Ross: You're fast and irresponsible. That adds up to a bad driver.

Rachel: Well, in high school, that added up to head cheerleader.

Joey: Hey, Pheebs, check it out. [Shows Phoebe he's wearing a lacy women's thong]

Phoebe: Hmm, nice. Manly, and also kind of a slut.

The One with Monica and Chandler's Wedding

Part 1 [7.23]

Ross: I need to talk to you about something.

Chandler: What's up?

Ross: This may be a little awkward..

Chandler: Listen, if you wanna borrow money it's kind of a bad time. I'm buying dinner for 128 people tomorrow night.

Ross: No, it's not that. What I'm gonna say to you I'm not saying it as your friend, I'm saying it as Monica's older brother.

Chandler: But you're still my friend?

Ross: Not for the next few minutes.

Chandler: During this time, are you still my best man?

Ross: Nope.

Chandler: Can I still call you Ross?

Ross: Okay. You guys are getting married tomorrow and I couldn't be more thrilled for both of you. But as Monica's older brother I have to tell you this: If you ever hurt my little sister, if you ever cause her any unhappiness of any kind, I will hunt you down and kick your ass. [Chandler bursts out laughing] What? I'm serious [Chandler laughs again] Hey dude! Stop it okay? I'm not kidding here!

Chandler: I hear what you're saying and thanks for the warning.

Ross: No problem.

Chandler: So we're friends again?

Ross: Yeah.

Chandler: You won't believe what Monica's older brother just said to me!

[Chandler's parents meet up at the rehearsal dinner. Chandler's father is now a transvestite.]

Charles Bing: Aren't you a little old to be wearing a dress like that?

Nora Bing: Don't you have a little too much penis to be wearing a dress like that?

Part 2 [7.24]

[The future in-laws, including Chandler's cross-dressing father Charles, are chatting.]

Judy Geller: Well, he better not come by here. He can't see the bride in the wedding dress.

Nora Bing: As I recall, when we got married, I saw the groom in the wedding dress.

Charles Bing: But that was after the wedding. It's not bad luck then.

Nora Bing: Honey, it isn't good luck.

Monica: Chandler, for so long I wondered if I would ever find my prince, my soul mate. Then three years ago, at another wedding, I turned to a friend for comfort. And instead, I found everything that I'd ever been looking for my whole life. And now here we are with our future before us and I only want to spend it with you, my prince, my soulmate, my friend. Unless you don't want to. You go!

Chandler: Monica, I thought this was going to be the most difficult thing I ever had to do. But when i saw you walking down that aisle, I realized how simple it was. I love you. And any surprises that come our way, it's ok, because I will always love you. You are the person I was meant to spend the rest of my life with. You wanna know if I'm sure?

Joey: You may now kiss the bride. So I guess by the powers vested in me by the state of New York and the internet guys, I now pronounce you husband and wife. O WAIT! Do you take each other?

Monica: I do.

Chandler: I do.

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Friends (season 7)