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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation

American crime fiction television series (2000-present)

CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (2000–2015), usually referred to as CSI, is a dramatic television series about the Forensics Crime Lab in Las Vegas.

Season 1Edit

Pilot [1.1]Edit

Catherine: What do you think?
Warrick: Oh, he's lying. That's why I took this job. I can always tell when Whitey's talking out his ass. It's a gift.

Brass: I think every new hire should experience an autopsy on their first night.

Grissom: Morning. Gil Grissom, forensics. I'm taking over the case for Warrick Brown. Mind if I come in?
Husband: [sighs] How can I help you?
Grissom: I need to give you a pedicure.
Husband: Come again?

Grissom: If latex rubber and cooking spray went on a blind date, how would the night end?
Charlotte: A lot better than ours did.
Grissom: I know, Pink Floyd's not your thing.
Charlotte: I have on cowboy boots. I work in a lab. What makes you think "Dark Side of the Moon" synched to the Wizard of Oz is going to warm my damn barn?
Grissom: I just thought it'd be something different.
Charlotte: You want to be different? Pin me up against a wall; lay one on me like you mean it.
[Charlotte gets up and walks past Grissom.]
Charlotte: You're slacking, pal.
[She sits down in front of the computer database. The computer beeps and starts running through print comparisons.]
Grissom: How long till we get a hit?
Charlotte: It could be four minutes, could be four days but you can bet your ass she'll give you something. She always does.
Grissom: "Pin you against a wall?"
[Grissom casts Charlotte a sideways glance.]

Royce Harmon: [Recorded] My name is Royce Harmon. I reside at 7642 Carpenter Street, Las Vegas, Nevada. I am 41 years of age ... and I'm going to kill myself.

Catherine: [explaining the job to Holly, the new girl] We restore peace of mind. And when you're a victim, that's everything. Stick it out. At least until you solve your first. And after that, if you don't feel like King Kong on cocaine, then you can quit. But if you stay, with my right hand to God, you will never regret it.

Sgt. O'Riley: [Describing Brass and Grissom] Here comes the "nerd squad".

Greg: I've got to warn you, oral swabs don't always read right. Vaginal swabs? No problem. Anal swabs? Money.
Nick: Anal swabs?
Greg: Anal swabs.
Nick: Ouch!

Grissom: [yelling at Warrick] We solve these cases regardless of race, color, creed, or bubblegum flavor!

Grissom: I need you to roll up your sleeve and give me a pint of your blood
Holly: What for?
Grissom: It's customary for all new hires.
Holly: Why?
Grissom: So many reasons...
[some time later] [Grissom is undertaking a blood spatter reconstruction using real blood]
Warrick: Where'd you get the blood?
Grissom: The new girl. Want to donate?
Warrick: Hell no.

[Holly Gribbs is observing her first autopsy]
Grissom: You gotta breathe through your ears, Gribbs.

[To a room full of 'corpses', after Holly Gribbs was frightened into hysterics]
Grissom: You assholes!

Cool Change [1.2]Edit

Nick: How do you know all this crap?
Grissom: It's our job to know stuff.

Grissom: Yes, yes, Norman pushed. Norman jumped. Norman fell.
Sara: Wouldn't you, if you were married to Mrs. Roper?
Grissom: I don't even have to turn around. Sara Sidle.
Sara: That's me. Still tossin' simulation dummies? There are other ways to tell, you know.
Grissom: No thanks. I'm a scientist. I like to see it. Newton dropped the apple. I drop dummies.
Sara: You're old school.
Grissom: Exactly. And this guy was pushed.
Sara: How's the girl?
Grissom: She's still in surgery. She's not doing very well.
Sara: That's too bad.
Grissom: God, Sara, I have so many unanswered whys.
Sara: There's only one why that matters now, why did Warrick Brown leave the scene?

Sara: Do you know where I can find Catherine Willows?
Catherine: She's out in the field. Let me guess, Sara Sidle?
Sara: I know who I am, I think you're a little confused.
Catherine: If you think you're taking my case, Forget it.
Sara: Ok, we can stay here and argue or we can get out there and find who did this to Holly Gribbs. Two sharp woman are better than one..

Grissom: [Laughing] Jacks or better. You're under arrest.
Suspect: Oh, yeah? What for?
Grissom: First-degree murder.
Suspect: Oh. On what grounds?
Grissom: [Looking at suspect's boots] Roof dust.

Catherine dials the number on the pager:
Sara: What are you gonna say? Hi, I'm a criminalist, I was in the neighborhood...
Catherine:'s ringing.
Suspect: Hello.
Catherine: Ah, hey.
Suspect: Hey, who's this? I just dialed my own damn beeper.
Catherine: Uh-uh, it's my beeper now, I found it.
Suspect: That ain't your beeper, girl, it's mine, I do a lot of business on that beeper.
Catherine: What kind of business?
Suspect: You know, slinging a little something-something.
Catherine: Oh, a little something-something, or maybe a little bling-bling?
Suspect: Ah, so what you know about some bling-bling?
Catherine: Well invite me over to your crib, baby, and you might find out.
Suspect: Three Aces Motel, room 202
Catherine: Three Aces Motel, room 202, ahh, see you soon. (hangs up the phone)
Sara: ...
Catherine: Did I just do that?
Sara: What's a bling-bling?
Catherine: Got me.

Crate 'n Burial [1.3]Edit

Sara: Get a picture of the security pad, someone touches it before it's dusted I break their fingers.

Sara: You're standing in my crime scene.
Nick: No, you're in mine.
Sara: You got audio, I wanted that.
Nick: I out rank you.
Sara: Technicality, who'd Grissom handpick to work here?
Nick: Keep telling yourself that.

Sara: Excuse me. Is my evaluation interrupting you?
Grissom: No, I barely heard you.

Grissom: People leave us clues, Nick. They speak to us in thousands of different ways. It's our job to make sure we've tried to hear every single thing they've said.

Nick: Yeah, but I got her a chem set.
Sara: You keep that; might learn something.
Nick: Stop flirting with me.
Sara: Hey Grissom (holds up a roll of tape) Could you come tape me up? (walks back into the garage)
Grissom: (looks to where Sara has walked out) I love my work!
Catherine: (looks at Grissom oddly) It shows! (walks away from Grissom as he follows Sara into the garage)
Grissom: (is crouched in front of Sara carefully taping her hands whilst they share intimate smiles) So, you found Laura’s hairs here? Passenger seat, front of the car?
Sara: Right, not in the back which made me ask: What kind of a kidnapper puts a bound and unconscious woman in the front seat of his car? The back of my arm isn’t touching the sheepskin but there was sheepskin fibres on the back of Laura’s sleeve which tells us that she sat back like a normal person. “Cut me Mick” (Grissom cuts the tape and even more carefully pulls it from her wrists) Like this. (she shows him)
Grissom: So she wasn’t bound at all?
Sara: Correct, but that made me ask the question: What kind of kidnapper puts an unconscious woman in the front seat of the car even unbound? Answer’s usually in the question…you taught me that! So was she unconscious? We found Halothane on the patio. Halothane knocks you out…if you take it!
Grissom: So you’re saying that she never inhaled the Halothane?
Sara: Proof would be in her blood. Halothane stays in the system up to 48 hours.
Grissom: How lucky am I that I got a sample of her blood?
Sara: Oh…
Grissom: So you can go to lab and check that out.
Sara: Dammit! I wanted to carry the ball over the line!
Grissom: (blushes slightly) I know!

Pledging Mr. Johnson [1.4]Edit

Nick: I can't believe I used to live in a place like this.
Sara: And here I had all this respect for you.

[After finding out the drowned woman had fried calamari before she died]
Catherine: Now tell me, why are we here?
Grissom: 'Cuz it's the only place within ten miles of Calville Bay that serves calamari.
Catherine: And you know this because...?
Grissom: I come here for calamari.
Catherine: Oh. Alone?
Grissom: No. Sometimes I have a beer with it.

Grissom: [to Catherine after finding a severed leg] Well Watson, the game's afoot.

Dr.Robbins: The leg was severed post-mortem.
Catherine: Well, that's good news.
Dr.Robbins: How do you figure?
Catherine: Would you want to be alive while your leg's being cut off?

Sara: [to Warrick]: Fine suit.
[Warrick and Nick turn around to find Sara in the locker room]
Sara: [to Nick] And well, just fine.
Nick: That's harassment.
Sara: Hey, we have one locker room and it's my job to be observant.

Greg: What's Grissom doing?
Warrick: He's trying to find a missing boat.
Greg: And let me guess, Catherine got bored?
Warrick: Well you know Grissom, the shortest distance between two points is science. For Catherine, it's pounding the pavement.

Catherine: No. No way, use your own hand.
Grissom: Come on, Catherine, my hand's too big.
Catherine: No!
Grissom: It's the only way we can print her. Her skin on your hand should fit like a leather glove.
Grissom: May I take your hand?

Grissom: You just compromised our investigation.
Catherine: He deserved to know the truth.
Grissom: Knowing how she died, yes. Knowing that she had an affair -- how does that bring closure?
Catherine: I guess you just have to be on the wrong end of an affair to understand.
Grissom: You can't make this about Eddie. Look, you hurt our case because your ex hurt you.
Catherine: We bring ourselves to our cases. We can't help it. I knew how Barger felt. Would you just relax? I didn't give him chapter and verse.
Grissom: You can't give him anything, Catherine. We're scientists. We're not psychiatrists or victims' rights advocates.
Catherine: You're right, you know. I should be just like you. Alone in my hermetically sealed condo watching discovery on the big screen working genius- level crossword puzzles, but no relationships. No chance any will slop over into a case. Right. I want to be just like you.
Grissom: Technically, it's a townhouse. And the crosswords are advanced, not genius. But you're right. I'm deficient in a lot of ways. But I never screw up one of my cases with personal stuff.
Catherine: Grissom ... what personal stuff?

Grissom: Look ... could we have a truce?
Catherine: I would love to.
Grissom: Good.
Grissom: But let me do all the talking to the husband and the boyfriend.
Catherine: He had to say it.

Friends and Lovers [1.5]Edit

Nick: Blood's like my grandfather. Never lies.

Warrick: Don't take it personally miss, but he's [Grissom] kind of married to his job.

Grissom: There are three kinds of people I hate. Men who hit their wives, sexual assault on children, and the scum who deal death to kids.

Grissom: Teenage wasteland! (Referencing The Who's hit song, "Baba O'Riley")
Warrick: Who?
Grissom: Yeah!
Sara: Are you…Hitting on me, David? (seeing him smile awkwardly she puts her head in her hand) Let me offer you some friendly advice! If you want to pull girls then you gotta get aggressive! Lose the coat, (David looks disheartened at this) the glasses (David looks very disheartened at this) and grow some scruff! (David looks at the floor upset that Sara doesn’t fancy him) You do get a C for cute though! (David looks up in surprise then she smiles sweetly at him)

Who Are You? [1.6]Edit

Evans: [Pointing to an exotic dancer on stage] You dressed like that?
Catherine: If you want to call it dressed.

(Nick and Grissom discover a skeleton in the wall of a house)
Nick: Ten bucks says the owner sells the house.
Grissom: By law you've got to disclose everything. Three bedrooms, two baths, and a skeleton.

Greg: So, how many grains of sand in the ocean, huh?
Nick: I don't care about the ocean, just the sand in my skeleton. Can you pinpoint a beach?
Greg: I don't know. I might have to do some field research to find out. You think Grissom would let me go to Hawaii? (Nick sees Grissom in the doorway)
Nick:(to Greg) Why don't you ask him yourself?
Grissom: Ask me what?
Greg: Oh, nothing. I, uh ... I was just telling Nick about your sand. Well, it's not sand. It's not natural anyway. Here, check this out. (Grissom looks through the mircoscope at the sand) Now, if this were natural sand, the surface would be smooth. This looks more like Fremont Street on a Saturday night... rough.
Nick: Could the particles be sediment from the concrete where we found her?
Greg: No. No way. I analyzed the mineral content. It's feldspar and quartz. That's crushed gray sandstone. It's man-made, in a rock crusher.
Nick: What does that mean?
Grissom: It means she wasn't killed in Hawaii. (Greg freezes when he realized Grissom heard him before) Other than that, he has no idea. (Nick laughs)

[Eddie, Catherine's ex is accused of rape]
Grissom: So, how's the thing going on Eddie Willows?
Warrick: What thing?
Grissom: The thing that I told Catherine to pass off to you.
Warrick: (realizes and tries to cover) Oh, good. Um... we just put some stuff through the lab.
Grissom: Get ahold of the DMV?
Warrick: I was just about to.
Grissom:(slams the locker door shut as Catherine walks in) Warrick, why would you call the DMV for a rape case? (Warrick sighs at getting caught)
Catherine: Okay. I didn't hand it off.
Grissom: Really?
Catherine: I'm sorry, Warrick.
Warrick: If you want me to suave anyone, I got to know the shot.
Catherine: I know. (Warrick goes to the other side of the room) I'm sorry. (Catherine walks over to Grissom, trying to explain) I'm doing this for Lindsey.
'Grissom: You so much as breathe on the evidence, it's contaminated and I end up the bad guy.
'Catherine: Eyes, no hands.
Grissom: What's the status?
Catherine: Skin samples from under the women's fingernails are consistent with Ed's. I saw some bruises. But Eddie's style has always been very... involved. Vigorous.
Grissom: ...Vigorous.
Warrick: She's trying to tell you Eddie likes it rough.
Catherine: Thank you, Warrick. Eddie said that she was into it.
'Grissom: "He said. She said?" It's about the evidence, Catherine. (he goes to leave but turns back to look at her) And you may not like where it takes you. (leaves, Catherine stands there for a moment)

'Nick:(walks in) You brought the foundation of the house to our lab.
Grissom: It's a six-by-three-foot section. When the concrete dried it preserved a partial impression of our Jane Doe. Did you find out anything about the house?
Nick: I pulled the permits. Summercliff was built five years ago on nothing but desert.
Grissom: That would explain why the body was so desiccated.
Nick: House was sold subsequent to completion, so the homeowner isn't a suspect. Homicide is running a missing persons check.
Grissom: Well, if it wasn't for a leaky pipe she might have been down there forever.
Nick: I think our killer was counting on that.

(talking to Catherine about where she used to work as stripper)

Greg: So, the French Palace, huh?
Catherine: Yup.
Greg: You know, my friends and I used to go there. Payday Fridays.
Catherine: Uh-huh.
Greg: Maybe I saw you perform?
Catherine:(sighs) Oh, I doubt it.
Greg: Why?
Catherine': You would've remembered. (Greg looks absolutely stunned)

Sara: Both guns are nine millimeter automatics. Brass isn't going to like this.
Warrick: I don't give a damn what Brass likes.
Sara: Like I do? If Tyner's dirty, he goes down. I just know what happens when you piss off the P.D.
Warrick: Yeah, it's war.

Catherine: What do you got for me? I could use a rush.
Grissom: Well, this qualifies: 4-26. But I can't give you the case.
Catherine: Because?
Grissom: Conflict of interest. The alleged rape victim is an exotic dancer.
Catherine: And because I used to be one, I'll be biased?
Grissom: No. The suspect's your ex-husband. (beat) He's asking for you, but you can't take it. (Catherine stands up and looks at Grissom)
Catherine: Just let me do the pre-lim.
Grissom: All right. (he gives her the assignment sheet) Do what you can. But after the preliminary, you pass it off, okay? (Catherine doesn't say anything. She turns and leaves the room)

Brass: So I bet you think I owe you one, huh?
Warrick: We work. We get paid. You don't owe me anything.
Brass:(smirks) Fine with me.

Catherine: I'm a forensic scientist.
April Lewis: Scientist... wow. You look so normal.
Catherine: Thanks.

Grissom: Based on the auricular surface I'd say she died when she was about twenty.
Nick: She?
Grissom: It's in the hips. Pelvic bone is definitely female. You know, for a ladies' man you don't know much about bone structure.

Eddie: When are we going to talk about what happened?
'Catherine: What's to talk about? You cheated on me. I caught you.

Blood Drops [1.7]Edit

Brass: (finds a pair of blood covered jeans) Whoa. Is this a pair of jeans under all that blood?
Grissom: [quoting Shakespeare] Yet who would've thought the old man could have so much blood in him?
Brass: What was that?
Grissom': That's Shakespeare.

Grissom: What did you find out about the psych exam on the little girl?
Sara: The shrink says the kid is in a catatonic state from a trauma. I could've told you that. But she did respond to the name "Buffalo."
Grissom: Respond how?
Sara: She freaked out. (Catherine stares at Sara and takes a deep breath)
Grissom: And... what are you doing about it now? (Sara nods as she looks at Grissom)
Sara: Going back to the girl. I left her in the car. (Grissom looks at her. Catherine can't believe what she's hearing) The windows are cracked... (Grissom stares at Sara, absolutely no expression on his face. Sara breaks out into a smile and stands up) Give me a little credit. She's at the hospital!(Warrick snickers at the fast one Sara just pulled on Grissom and Catherine. Nick also smiles. Grissom turns to look at Catherine. Catherine stares)

Grissom: Ecklie! I want everything right now.
Ecklie: I've been going over it.
Grissom: The Collins case is my shift. You are completely off base.
Ecklie: What, you're afraid I'll find something that might show you up?
Grissom: Oh, I'm sure, if you could, you would have by now. Where is it?
Ecklie: I don't care that you got some pimply-faced kid to confess. You kept the Sheriff out of the loop. That's a career killer, Gil.
Grissom: That's what so sad, Conrad. You think of this as a career.

Brass: (looking at Jesse's polygraph results) Well, the sick bastard is on the up and up. Except your last question. Your "Why"?
Catherine: That they killed the family so they could be together?
Brass: Operator says his respiratory reactions were inconsistent. He's lying.
Nick: We got them both. I don't much care why they did it.
Warrick: I'm with you there.
Grissom: I care. I don't like holes. What are they hiding?

Sheriff Mobley: Grissom.
Grissom': Sheriff?
Sheriff Mobley: The mayor has already called. So what have you got?
Grissom': Nothing.
Sheriff Mobley: I'm not asking you to lay out your whole case. Just give me something I can run with. I have got to feed the press and defuse the panic.
Grissom': As soon as I have something, you'll have something.
Sheriff Mobley: Here's a thought. Why don't you try being more like Ecklie?
Grissom': I could speak volumes about Conrad Ecklie, but I have a crime scene to process so ... you'll have to excuse me.

Sara: Blood swirl on the wall. Are you thinking cult? Manson?
Grissom': Somebody left a message. I need to see the rest of it.

(Grissom shuts off the lights to check evidence, and not knowing Warrick was in the room, there's a thud and Warrick swears)

Warrick: You need to tell somebody when you're cutting the lights.
Grissom': What, are you working for OSHA now?

Grissom': Hey, stop! Evidence! (Det. O'Riley stops and changes his course, staying off of the main floor and on the sides of the room)
Det. O'Riley: We got to hug the wall? This is the only room with no blood in it. There's nothing to disturb.
Grissom': You guys will never get it, will you?

(Seeing a couple officer's throwing up)

Grissom': What's wrong with your two guys?
Det. O'Reilly: They've been inside.

(Grissom looks at the house and sighs)

Ecklie: I just got off the phone with the Sheriff. He wants results, Gil.
Grissom': He should go to a sports book. I hear the Stardust is good.
Ecklie: No. What he should do is go to his first team... my team.
Grissom': Teams, Conrad? I didn't know this was a competition.
Ecklie: Well, it is, and my crew usually wins.
Grissom': Really? Didn't graveyard beat day shift in softball last summer?
Ecklie: You know, you can joke all you want. It's your ass on the line.
Grissom': I think it was 14-3.
Ecklie: Like I said, it's all about results. And, if you don't get them, I will.

Sara: (looking at Brenda's coloring) That's very pretty. (Brenda scratches out the picture) Or not. (Brenda puts the crayon down) Want to go for another ride? (without saying anything, Brenda pushes the paper and all the crayons off the table and onto the floor. She puts her hands flat against her ears) I'll take that as a "yes."
Grissom: But why your mother and your brothers?
Tina: Because they should have protected me!
Grissom': You? (flash back shows Tina’s father sexually abusing her as a five year-old and her mother and brothers doing nothing)
Tina: I was young. I learnt to deal! But the night he came for my daughter…(sighs as she lets out her biggest secret)
Grissom: (realises why she asked her boyfriend to kill her family) Daughter? Who’s…
Tina: The father? I was thirteen. And no-one noticed as my clothes were slowly getting bigger! Nice, huh?

Anonymous [1.8]Edit

Brass: Oh, you're gonna love this. [opens bathroom door] Ring any bells? Rub-a-dub-dub, dead man in the tub.

Grissom: What happened?
Brass: You tell me, Carnac.

Brass: Quincy wants to be alone. We had a case like this 6 months ago. Murderer left a tape recorder behind as a suicide note. He thinks the killer may have struck again.
Uniformed Cop: Why does he want to be alone?
Brass: He wants to get his mojo working.

Grissom: Life's like holding a dove. You hold it too hard...
Catherine: ... you kill it.
Grissom: Hold it too soft...
Sara: ... and it'll fly away.

Grissom: We're going off the board, tonight.
Sara: Off the board?
Catherine: The ones that got away. [Gestures to the fish shaped bulletin board] Fish.
Sara: Oh. I missed that one.

Nick: You look a little tired. Want me to give you a bottle, make you go night night?
Warrick: Want me to clack that jaw and make you go night night?

Warrick: There's other questions to answer first.
Nick: Like what?
Warrick: Footprints and tire treads.
Nick: I hate you.
Warrick: You love me. Who are you kidding?

Greg: So, what's the pot up to?
Nick: We don't bet on cases.
Greg: Ah, of course you don't...So who's winning?
Nick and Warrick: I am.
Greg: Fiends.

Unfriendly Skies [1.9]Edit

Grissom: So, dead guy in first class?
Brass: Las Vegas Air, I always heard it was a good time.

Grissom: I want this whole plane taped off ... nose to tail and wing to wing.
Brass: Oh, it's going to take a lot of tape.
Grissom: I've got a dead body, a crime scene with wings. Something very wrong happened in this plane.

Sara: I take it that's not blood.
Grissom: No but there's protein in it.
Sara: Oh, the Mile High Club. That means that 2 passengers may have had no idea what was going on inside that cabin.
Grissom: You know high altitude enhances the whole sexual experience, increases the euphoria.
Sara: Well, it's good...I don't know if it's that good.[Grissom shoots her a look] Cite your source.
Grissom: Hand me a swab please.
Sara:[Smirks]] You're avoiding the question, "enhances sexual experience, increases euphoria" cite your source.
Grissom: A magazine.
Sara: What magazine?
Grissom: "Applied Psycho-dynamics in Forensic Science"
Sara: Never heard of it.
Grissom: I'll get you a subscription. Now cite your source.
Sara: Oh, now you want to go down that route?
Grissom: Yeah.
Sara: Nah, never mind.
Grissom: You started it. [Raises his eyebrows as if to say "Well?"]
Sara: Delta airlines, flight 1109, Boston- Miami, March 93, Ken Fuller, hazel eyes, organic chem lab TABMOC, overrated in...every aspect...Could we get back to work please?
Grissom: Yeah, I think due to your first hand knowledge and experience in airplane bathrooms, you should do the swab.
Sara: Fine.

Grissom: Well, in this case we're going to recreate the flight from ... 1630 hours on. [points to Brass] You are in 4B.
Brass: Lou.
Catherine: Lou -- the angry businessman. How about that?
Brass: [Sarcastic] Ha ha.
Sara: I want to be Shannon.
Grissom: Good.
Warrick: The stewardess.
Sara: Excuse me, it's "Flight Attendant".
Grissom: Catherine, the doctor, 3E.
Catherine: Single mom. What an imagination you have.
Grissom: [points to Nick and Warrick] Max and Marlene, 2E and F. You two are married. Who wants to wear the pants?
Nick: CSI-3 seniority, "sweetie".
Warrick: Yeah, whatever. You're henpecked anyway.
Sara: [To Grissom] Let me guess; you're the computer geek.
Grissom: In the interest of clarity, yes. Nate in 2C.

[Grissom and Warrick go to interview the final passenger]
Warrick: Mr. Cash?
Cash: [Smirks] I was wondering when you guys would get around to asking me some questions.
Grissom: So, what did you see?
Cash: Not much.
Grissom: [Barely holding his frustration] Mr. Cash, we're all very tired, here. And we don't have much time before our crime scene flies away.
Cash: I was in my seat.
Grissom: You were in 1A.
Warrick: Sitting ringside; how could you not see what was going on?
[Cash promptly pulls out a collapsible cane used by blind people, extending it]
Grissom: [Sheepishly smiles] "The blind leading the blind."
Cash: I'm not totally blind, I'm legally blind. My central visual acuity is 20/200.
[A flashback is shown of the crime on the plane, from Cash's perspective, then cuts back to the present]
Grissom: Can you describe the voices?
Cash: First voice, 4B. Businessman, I could tell by the way he ordered drinks.
Grissom: How so?
Cash: "JW Black, triple not double."
Grissom: That's Lou.
Cash: Second voice, 2F, kind of far away.
Grissom: Max. Third voice?
Cash: Third voice...ah, row behind me, two seats over. Mr. Dot-com. Guy must've typed sixty words a minute.
Grissom: Nate. That's very good.

Grissom: Please tell me you have something.
Female coroner: I know what set this guy off.
Grissom: That's more than what I got.
Female coroner: The guy had peticurual hemorrhaging, and I pegged that as probable cause of death. So, I crack his skull open, and what do I find? A cantalope in a soup can.
Grissom: [Raises an eyebrow] Tight fit.
Female coroner: And not from one or two blows to the head. He was also running a high fever, so I tested his spinal fluid. A normal human protein level is between 15 to 45 milligrams. Candelwell's was 60. Did anyone mention this guy had a headache?
Grissom: The flight attendant gave him two aspirin. Why?
Female coroner: He was suffering from undiagnosed encephalitis.
Grissom: Swelling of the brain.
Female coroner: It can register like a heart attack. Slurred speech, loss of vision. You throw in the altitude and the air pressure changes in the cabin, and our poor guy was probably out of his mind.
Grissom: Is that what killed him, encephalitis?
Female coroner: It wasn't the one thing. Ruptured spleen, intercranial bleeding, peticural hemorrhaging, and the guy's heart just...stopped beating.
Grissom: A, B, C, D or All Of The Above. Standoff with the police -- guy gets shot in the chest, runs back into his burning house inhaling smoke as he goes. The roof collapses, the air conditioning unit falls on his head, he dies. What killed him?

Nick: [to Warrick] Excuse me, buttercup.

Sara: (realises where they are all standing) Guys (they all turn to look at her) If you jump a guy at the exit, he dies at the exit!
Brass: Yeah! (he moves the fake body to where Sara is standing) And our guy died five feet away!
Grissom: He tried to get away! But they wouldn't let him! And we're not individuals anymore we're a mob!
Nicky: (nods) Oh yeah! (goes to stand next to Sara)

Grissom: If just one person had stopped and taken the time to look at the guy to listen to him, to figure out what was wrong with him it might not have happened. It took five people to kill him. It would have only taken one person to save his life.
Grissom: (to Catherine) I need their shoes!
Catherine: (eating a bag of chips) Why are you asking me?
Grissom: (stating the obvious) Cause you're the people person!
Catherine: (jerks her thumb to where the suspects are sitting) Why don't you tell them that? (Grissom looks very confused) They're not giving me bupbkus! (Grissom givers her the looks and she stands up and forses her chips into his hand) Okay people. Shoes (swallows her mouthful of chips) Off. (they all stare blankly at her) Now?!

Sex, Lies, and Larvae [1.10]Edit

Grissom: No, Sara's gonna work with me. You've got a missing person, Sheryl Applegate. Her husband notified the police that she took the car and headed to LA, but she never showed up. A few hours ago, the PD found her car at the bus station. They requested a CSI.
Nick: She took the bus instead, case solved. [grins]
Grissom: Well, right now, treat her car like a crime scene. [tilts his head to the side] Go.

Grissom: You've still got to convince a jury.
Sara: On guns. It's got to be better than bugs. Less Latin.

Sara: You're the one who's always saying it's better to have one piece of forensic evidence than ten eyewitnesses.
Grissom: What, do you tape everything I say?

Scott Shelton: [after Sara discovers blood that has been wiped clean off the wall] I have no idea how it got there.
Sara: Oh... How it got there was when you shot your wife in the head, wrapped her in a blanket and left her on the side of a mountain. Dead!
[points her finger in his face]
Scott Shelton: Get that finger out of my face bitch!
[they fight]
Brass: Stop! That's enough! [to Grissom] Get her under control!
Grissom: Get him out of here, Jim!
Scott Shelton: Told you she was a handful.
Sara: Oh, you don't know a handful!
Grissom: Hey, Sara, what's the matter with you?
Sara: I am a woman, and I have a gun and look how he treated me! I can only imagine how he treated his wife!

Grissom: You have empathy for her, Sara. You want someone to pay for what was done to her. That's normal.
Sara: You want to sleep with me?
Grissom: Did you just say what I think you did?
Sara: That way, when I wake up in cold sweat under the blanket, hearing Kaye's screams ... You can tell me it's nothing. It's just empathy.

Brass: So, you planning a little late-night luau? Roast pig?
Grissom: It's an experiment. Maybe Kaye was dead five days.
Brass: I thought your bugs never made mistakes.
Grissom: They don't. People do. The victim was wrapped in a blanket. Normally a blanket or clothing doesn't impact insect maturation. The insects usually fight their way in anyway. But I examined the folds in Kaye's blanket. She was wrapped tight---maybe tighter than I realized---which would have decreased the corpse's exposure to insects
Brass: So it took longer for the insects to get in there?
Grissom: And deposit their eggs. Maybe two whole days. I've wrapped porky here pretty tight.
Brass: Well, let me ask you this. You killed a pig just for this?
Grissom: This poor ham was already on its way to someone's Christmas dinner


Brass: Wouldn't a rabbit be easier?
Grissom: Gotta be a pig. Interestingly, they're the most like humans.
Brass: Yeah, I've been saying that since I was a rookie. You're on your own, pal.

Sara: Any idea how long she's been dead?
Doc Robbins: The elements really got to her. Grissom and his insects are going to have to figure that one out. (Doc Robbins turns around and sees Grissom picking up a bug from the body) Have we lost you, Grissom?
Grissom: " The worms crawl in, the worms crawl out, the worms play pinochle on your snout."
Sara: Shakespeare again?
Grissom: An old nursery rhyme.
Doc Robbins: A very special insect, Dr. Seuss?

Catherine: Hey, how's the body with the bugs?
Grissom: How do you know about that already? (he turns around and looks at Sara)
Sara: Hey, don't look at me.
Nick: We, uh, played a hunch; checked with homicide. You were late.

Sara: I hate bees.
Grissom: Just paper wasps. They're having too much fun to worry about us.
Sara: I never get used to this part, you know when the bugs get going.
Grissom: Just doing what god intended, recycling us back to the earth.

Brass: I ID'd her body through AFIS, and located her husband.
Grissom: Let me guess. Downtown? The Fremont District? (Brass looks disappointed)
Brass: You know, I'm not even going to ask.

(Warrick and Catherine are looking at the Sorenson painting and Nick walks in)

Nick: Hey.
Warrick: Hey.
Catherine: Nicky, how's it going?
Warrick: What's up?
Nick: Good, good. (he looks at the painting) Are you putting one of Lindsey's drawings into evidence? (Cath and Warrick laugh)
Catherine: If only her artwork brought in this kind of dough I wouldn't need to worry about her college tuition.
Nick: Yeah, I heard your missing person was a "painting".
Warrick: (scoffs) At least we solved our case.
Nick: Oh! (Nick puts a hand to his chest as if wounded)
Catherine: Keep walking. (Nick laughs and leaves the room)

Grissom: You've still got to convince a jury.
Sara: On guns. It's got to be better than bugs. Less Latin.

Sara: You're the one who said one piece of evidence is better than ten eyewitnesses.
Grissom: What do you tape everything I say?

I-15 Murders [1.11]Edit

Grissom: How ya doing Jim? How's your old job?
Brass: I can sling scum all day. You?
Grissom: I curse more.
Brass: Oh yeah? Well wait.

Grissom: You don't have a worry that technology is gonna make us obsolete?
Catherine: No.

Grissom: [swipes a yellow substance that has dropped on the leg of a shopping cart and licks it]
Brass: Oh, that's sanitary.
Grissom: Mustard. [Glances behind, noticing a bunch of jars of mustard on the shelf] Did you have any clean-ups in this aisle today?
Store manager: Yeah, as a matter of fact, we did.
Grissom: Life holds no surprises. [Takes a jar of mustard from the shelf, checks the price and hands two dollars to the store manager] $1.98 for the mustard, plus my two cents. [Takes the jar and drops it at Brass' feet. The jar shatters, splattering mustard on Brass' shoes and pants]
Brass: What are you doing?!
Grissom: Now, where do you go?

Sara: Grissom reinstated you.
Warrick: And you have a problem with that.
Sara: Let me guess. Grissom gets you to dime yourself off and now you both feel better? You're supposed to be in court. Instead, you're placing bets for a cheap thrill to satisfy nothing.
Warrick: Hey! This has nothing to do with you. So are we going to work together...or not?
Sara: I'm already working.

Warrick: What's that?
Grissom: the Monaco Casino.
Warrick: What? I don't believe this. Now you're pulling up film on me?
Grissom: Casinos tape everyone who walks through their door, Warrick, you know that. I thought we had a deal.
Warrick: We do.
Grissom: Look, what you do on your time is nobody's business. What you do on my time is my business. [Warrick sighs and sits down]
Warrick: I was at the casino. But I wasn't gambling. [Grissom sits and listens to what he has to say, screen cuts to a different scene]

Grissom: [reading] I've killed 5 women...catch me if you can.

Grissom: Sara Sidle. 419. [Grissom hands the assignment sheet to Sara]
Sara: Dead body -- bonus.
Catherine: Whoa, somebody likes their job.
Grissom: Nick Stokes. 416, fight at the Bellagio. She says she's a friend of yours.
Catherine: Ex-girlfriend, Nick?
Nick: Well, that depends. Was she the assaulter of the assaultee?
Sara: You tell us, you like leather or lace?
Nick: [chuckles] No, I'm not even going there. [turns to leave, but turns back] Lace! [Sara smiles]

Brass: A kid from a crime lab doing favors for a hooker, can't make the unit look too good, huh, boss?
Grissom: Yeah, well, I'll get into it.
Brass: I bet that's just what Nicky said.
Catherine: [walking past them and toward the crime scene] You two ladies done talking? It's hot out here.
Brass: [Leads them to the body] Kid over there was taking a whiz on the side of the road, found the body.
Grissom: [Touches the body] And she's a two-minute burrito that's only been nukes for a minute.
Brass: In this heat?

Nick: I need your shirt.
Kristy: Why is it every time we meet you're wanting me to take my clothes off?
Nick: Because every time we meet you put yourself in a position where you have to take them off.

[Nick walks into Grissom's office triggering his Big Mouth Billy Bass]
Grissom: That's my Big Mouth Billy Bass. It's better than a watch dog. I got some valuable stuff in here.
Nick: Yeah, I'm sure lots of people would want to steal your two headed scorpion and Miss Piggy.

Greg: [about Kristy's shirt] Now, I've done this procedure on jeans and leather jackets but never on something like this. It's very see through. Very Jennifer Lopez.
Nick: Down boy.
Greg: It's going to be a tough one to prove. This is only step one. You see, when a person talks saliva naturally comes out of their mouth. Let's say that we're tossing the hog back and forth, right? [as he talks the camera makes note of the saliva that comes out of his mouth naturally in illustration of what he just said] What can you tell me about the hottie that goes inside this blouse, huh? Is it true she's a friend of yours?
Nick: What, is it on the internet?
Greg: Might as well be. Just remember that. My saliva is getting on you, your saliva is getting on me.
Nick: Gross. [Greg grabs a spray pump and sprays it on the paper] What's that stuff?
Greg: Starch and iodine. If this is saliva, we're going to get the old dalmatian effect. So, Nick, uh, if I wanted to meet this friend of yours...?
Nick: No.
Greg: Figured. [Greg sprays the paper] That's a pretty big spot. That's more than just a spray. In fact, looks like a distinct glob of spit.
Nick: Then Kristy was telling the truth. But it doesn't mean it was the security guard's spit.
Greg: Step three.
Nick: I'm going to need a sample.
Greg: Well, the guy knows he did it. He's not going to cough it up.
Nick: If you saw the girl that went with this'd try.

Warrick: You just don't give up.
Sara: It's a flaw.

Sara: [storms in, angrily] You weren't in your office.
Grissom: And good morning to you Miss Sidle.
Sara: Warrick has a problem, ignoring it isn't going to make it go away. You asked for a report and then you completely ignored my recommendation!
Grissom: I read your report.
Sara: Then at least take him off my case.
Grissom: No. I trust him. Do you trust me?

Catherine: You know how you're always pushing that Holy Trinity stuff?
Grissom: Father, son and Holy Ghost?
Catherine: Victim, suspect and crime scene.
Grissom: Oh, that one.

Warrick: You're a CSI, Sara. You saw me enter the casino, did you ever see me place a bet?
Sara: You're telling me you didn't?
Warrick: I don't need to tell you anything. [Sighs] I went to the casino to collect a debt that was owed to me. We're on the same team. Next time, why don't you try talking to me, instead of going around behind my back?

Fahrenheit 932 [1.12]Edit

Jail Inmate: Yo Grissom! [hits the inmate next to him] This guy is the reason I'm in here. A shoe print! [to Grissom] Yo next time I go barefoot!
Grissom: Even better, footprints.

Grissom: The space heater overloaded the circuit causing a spark to ignite the kerosene.

Frank: Can you prove it? In court?

Grissom: The evidence can.

Grissom: You son of a bitch. You swept my crime scene. You sent cleanup!
Ecklie: I didn't send anyone. It's been on the books for months.
Grissom: So you knew, and did nothing about it even with a man's life on the line?
Ecklie: If you'd have checked the docket like everybody else you would've known what was happening. Coffee? (Ecklie holds the pot out to Grissom, Grissom hits the pot out of Ecklie's hand, it flies across the room and breaks against the door) Guess you don't want cream with that. (Ecklie leaves. Grissom notices the broken glass, and how the coffee drips on to it from the door, he makes the connection with this and the melted glass from the bedroom closet at the crime scene)
Grissom: (smiles) Thanks, Ecklie.
Grissom: Until we can explain why there was gasoline in the bedroom closet the charges stand.
Frank: Then I guess I'm a dead man.

Ecklie: What the hell are you doing?
Grissom: Something you probably should have done.
Ecklie: (scoffs) You're checking for faulty wiring? Waste of time, Gil. Fire started on the floor in the closet not in the wires in the wall.

Grissom: Look ... if this wire burned from the inside out then the fire started in the wall not on the closet floor. Discoloration throughout the conductor. It burned from the inside out. The cause of this fire was an electrical overload in the wall.
Eclie: All right, you say wall, I say floor. We differ on points of origin. The jury's only going to hear one word: Gasoline.
Grissom: Speaking of which ... where's your accelerant analysis work?
Ecklie: I personally swabbed the closet floor. Found traces of hydrocarbon chains confirming gasoline. Leave it alone, Gil. The DA agrees with me on this.
Grissom: Too many unanswered questions, Conrad. This case should not be going to trial yet.
Ecklie: No, there's only one unanswered question. Why was there accelerant in the closet? Only one person knows. And that's why he's looking at the death penalty.

Grissom: You tried to save your family, but that doesn't mean that you didn't start the fire. Are you lying about that, too?
Frank: You tell me.
Grissom: I will.

Grissom: Nothing harder to investigate than arson. If the fire hasn't ruined your crime scene...
Sara: ... The firemen have.
Grissom: Yeah.


Frank: You're not going to help me?
Grissom: I'll take your case. I don't know whether I'll help you or not.

Frank: Now, if there was gasoline in our closet someone else put it there. Find them. Grissom: I don't chase criminals, Mr. Damon. I just evaluate evidence.

Frank: So, you're the Grissom they wrote about in the newspaper? I thought you'd be older.
Grissom: Why did you contact me, Mr. Damon?
Frank: Arson specialist gave me your name. Well, six of them, actually. They all turned my case down. Will you help me?
Grissom: Fires are very complicated.
Frank: It wasn't too complicated for the guy who put me in here. (Grissom stares at him for a moment) You think if you stare at me long enough, you can tell if I'm innocent?
Grissom: I don't mean to stare ... but, yes, I can learn some things. For instance, the back of your hands are smooth. You read a lot. You have indentation marks on your nose from reading glasses. Your speech tells me that you're well-educated. Your occupation's not listed in the file, but I think that you had a white-collar job.
Frank: (nods) Paper-pusher for the phone company.

Catherine: The prisoner plea. Brass told me about the video.
Grissom: Yeah. If we take the case we have very little time to work it. The trial starts in three days.
Sara: How did he find you? 1-800 Grissom ...? (Nick laughs)
Catherine: Wait a minute. Ecklie was the CSI on that arson. I see a bad moon rising.
Warrick: Can a CSI take over another CSI's case?
Catherine: Only if they're of equal rank and they're looking for trouble.
Grissom: No trouble. We're both colleagues searching for the truth.

Grissom: I was supposed to pass out some supervisor evaluation forms. Where are they?
Catherine: (grabs the papers and beings to hand them out) Here they are.
Nick: (smiles) Mmm. Get to rate the boss. I dig this.
Catherine: Give him a perfect ten or your ass is out of here.
Grissom: No, it's not. (Sara laughs)

Catherine: Am I disturbing you?
Grissom: Yeah.
Catherine: Good. (Grissom looks up to see everyone standing there waiting for their assignments)

Grissom: Do I seem like the kind of guy who skips stuff?

Sara: So, Ecklie's conclusion of gasoline wasn't based on any physical evidence. It was based on Damon's credit card receipts.
Grissom: I can't fault him for that. The burn pattern is consistent with a gasoline accelerant.
Sara: But, hydrocarbons are found in all kinds of things: Oils ... kerosene, polyethylene-based compounds like laxatives-- even the foam used in push-up bras.
Warrick: Yeah. Under the right conditions, any hydrocarbon can be an accelerant. (this perks Grissom up now that he has something to go on)
Grissom: (to Sara) Thank you. Warrick, you're driving. (Sara smiles at Grissom)
Warrick: You ever worry about professional suicide?
Grissom: Not while I'm commiting it, no.

Brass: An innocent man. Jail's full of them.
Grissom: It only takes one.

Grissom: What are you so afraid of, Conrad? We're just a couple of science geeks. Why can't we work together?
Ecklie: No, we are public servants. We investigate cases as efficiently as we can and then we move on. We're not a clearinghouse for defendants on the eve of trial who don't like what we've turned up.
Grissom: Yes, we are.. if it's our mistake that put them there.
Ecklie: Fine. Spin your wheels.

Sara: Why would there be glass in the middle of the hot spot?
Grissom: Good question.
Warrick: Who cares? The guy torched his wife and kid.
Grissom: Really? Where's the trailing? An arsonist would spread the gasoline around to maximize the burn area.
Sara: He still did the job.
Grissom: Listen, you guys. You're like Dodger fans. The ball game's only in the seventh inning and you're already out of your seats.

Brass: What's this? An anonymous package from county lockup? (Grissom starts opening the package) Yeah, well, hey, just a second. Wait a minute. Give an innocent bystander a chance to clear out, will you?
Grissom: What are you worried about?
Brass: One minute, I'm eating tomato salad. The next ... I'm gazpacho. (Grissom opens the package and finds a video tape inside) With any luck it'll be the next episode of G-String Divas.

Nick: (evaluating Grissom) Organization... minus one.

Grissom: Damon opened the door. He lied.
Warrick: So what happens now?
Grissom: We chase the lie, 'til it leads to the truth.

Boom [1.13]Edit

Brass: There's been another fourth of July.

Sara: He's been out of work ever since.
Grissom: Sittin' around makin' bombs..

Catherine: Oh, these fire guys really know how to trash a crime scene.
Grissom: That's what they do. Put wet stuff on the red stuff.

[Grissom studies the pieces under the scope. There's ticking sounds coming from around him. Suddenly, an alarm rings. Grissom looks up]

Sara: Hey. (the alarm continues to ring annoyingly)
Grissom: Could you find that and turn it off, please? (Sara checks the clocks on the table, then finds it and turns it off. The alarm stops ringing. She picks up another clock)
Sara: Find the clock our guy used?
Grissom: (sighs): Not yet.
Sara': This is a good choice. According to the bomb data center which has a record of every component used in any bomb -- from Ted Kaczynski to teenage boys playing with fireworks -- the most recent timing device of choice is made by TimeTell SnoozeWell, $10.99 at any local drugstore. (she hands him the clock)
Grissom: You spoiled all my fun. (Grissom starts to take apart the clock and Warrick walks in)
Warrick': Gris, can I get something clear here?
Grissom: Anything's possible.
Warrick: Catherine gave me this "FP" which was part of the Hansen bomb and I'm supposed to figure out what tool the bomber used to engrave it.
Grissom: You isolate the tool, and then we trace it.
Warrick: Yeah, but he could've used any number of things to initial it. I mean, screwdriver, a drill bit, a box cutter.
Grissom: It's the same as guns-- we eliminate them one at a time.
Warrick: *sigh* So what are you guys up to?
Sara: We're off to blow up some bombs
Warrick: Oh i definitely got the wrong end of this case!
Grissom: [Playing off Shakespeare's Hamlet] Alas, poor Warrick!

Catherine: Sheriff, you arrest Nick now you end his career.
Sheriff Mobley: So, what can you offer me?
Catherine: Nothing, except my gut and ten years of experience. He didn't do this.
Ecklie: Ignore the evidence against Stokes it looks like special favors for CSI.
Sheriff Mobley: Well, I can't have that. Not and keep my post.
Catherine: So give me twelve hours, access to the crime scene and evidence without filing papers on Nick.
Sheriff Mobley: Twelve hours. But then we arrest Mr. Stokes with all the attendant documentation.

(Jack sits at the table in the room. In the observation room, Catherine and Ecklie watch)

Catherine: I ran priors. The guy's got an '88 conviction for sexual assaults.
Ecklie: (smugly) Boy, if I ever get in trouble, I know which CSI I'm going to.
Catherine: Let's watch the show.

Catherine: Hey, Nick ... I'm sorry to hear about your friend.
Nick: Who told you?
Catherine': Word travels. It was the day shift coroner.
Nick: So people know I was with Kristy last night?
Catherine: (looks at Grissom with a questioning look) Not yet.
Nick: Maybe I should just go to Ecklie and tell him I was there.
Grissom: When you're a suspect and you're innocent, keep your mouth shut. I'll talk to Ecklie.
Catherine: Bad idea. You and Ecklie ... oil and water. Just let me get into it.

Grissom: (looking at the victim) The Van Gogh effect... in stereo. Both ears gone.
Catherine': A perfectly symmetrical amputation. Means he was looking directly at the bomb when it went off.
Grissom: So either it drew his attention or it was contained in something that seemed benign.

Catherine: Who? Why? Will he do it again? Only time will tell.

Brass: (to Sara and Grissom, who are trying to identify the pipe used in the bombings) Don't you love the smell of sulfur in the afternoon?

Grissom: I can't tell whether he's brilliant or nuts.
Brass: Sound familiar?

Grissom: You told me you weren't dating her.
Nick: I wasn't till last night after I broke up her fight with this guy, uh... Jack.
Grissom: And Ecklie's at her house now.
Nick: Yeah, and I can tell you what he's going to find. My fingerprints; my DNA.
Grissom: What were you thinking, Nicky?
Nick: I wasn't.

Catherine: The sperm from the condom was frozen at 10:15 am. It's all heads, no tails.
Grissom: I'm not quite up to speed about the preticulars of....
Catherine: It takes about 7 hours for bacteria to eat away at the tails, that places time of ejaculation at around 2am. But Kristy's death was at around 6am.
Grissom: Well, that suggests a lag between ejaculation and Kristy's murder. But that doesn't disprove Nick's presence at the time of the homocide.
Catherine: You could be a little more supportive.

Greg:(Looking at Nick's sperm) Nick's little soldiers.

Ecklie: I need a DNA sample from you, Nick.
Nick: I assume you're trying to prove Kristy Hopkins and I were sexually active last night.
Ecklie: We found a condom, used.
Nick: And my DNA will match, no warrant necessary. And I have something else for you. (Nick hands Ecklie a piece of paper with writing on it) I got this off a valet surveillance tape.
Ecklie: A license plate number?
Nick: Vehicle belongs to Jack Willman. Had a fight with Kristy Hopkins outside the Orpheus last night around midnight.
Ecklie: Well, I'll look into it but come on-- your fingerprints, your DNA, that's what's going into evidence.
Nick: You just love that, don't you?
Ecklie: You think I want to believe a CSI could commit murder? Hell I don't even want to believe that a CSI could sleep with a hooker.
Catherine: You know what? Nick's private life...
Ecklie: Is no longer private. (beat) Catherine, I'm sorry if you guys don't like where the evidence is pointing. But show me otherwise-- tell me I'm wrong. In the meantime, my hands are tied. I have protocol to follow. (leaves)
Nick: (to Cath) I hate that guy.

'Greg: I would never doubt your word.
Catherine': Smart man.

Catherine: I think we'd better head over to the police station.
Nick: (who is suspected of murdering Kristy) DNA didn't pan out huh?
Catherine: Never have I seen such a clean match. Jack Willman killed her.
Nick: Thank you. (he hugs her)
Catherine: Hey, I'm just doing my job. Besides if they'd sent you to jail I'd get stuck with all your cases. (Nick laughs)

Sara: I ran a Lexis search looking for disgruntled employees, irate customers anyone with a grievance against thrift-right.
Grissom': You get any hits?
Sara: Norman Stirling -- former manager.
Grissom: How disgruntled?
Sara: Let go last year. Caused a commotion at HQ. Filed lawsuits against the company. He's been out of work ever since.
Grissom: Sittin' around, makin' bombs.

To Halve and to Hold [1.14]Edit

Teri Miller: It's kind of like that old saying: 'How a person does one thing is...
Grissom:... how a person does everything.'

(They may have found a piece of bone and Grissom sticks it in his mouth)

'Catherine: (alarmed) What are you doing?
Grissom: Bones are porous. They stick to the tongue (puts piece in mouth again) and this doesn't stick. (puts it back down) It's a piece of rock.
Catherine: I-I hope you had your hepatitis B shot. (Grissom gets up and starts searching for more bones, Catherine follows) Did you? (Cuts to Grissom and Catherine walking toward a cadet, who may have found a piece of bone)
Grissom: Could be a piece of wrist bone.
Catherine: Well, do you want to suck on it? To be sure?

Sara: [Referring to a victim's vagina] It DOES tell a monologue.

'Sara: So, ladies of the wedding party, you get a free course in the forensics of sexual intercourse. Secrets of our trade. Lynn, when you had your exam for sexual assault a SART nurse makes a clock like this. (turns around and picks up a piece of chalk to illustrate on the blackboard) This is the vagina. It does tell a monologue. Some bruising is normal when sex occurs. Injuries at 11:00 ... 12:00 or 1:00 indicate consensual sex or what we would call "avid." Injuries around the dinner hour ... five, six, or seven, indicate forced entry. The woman hasn't done anything to help her partner thus sustaining serious bruising.
Sgt. O'Riley: Sidle, I'm going to be just outside the door.

Greg: Skeletal muscle of Mel Bennett. It goes in... contents come out. In 30 seconds.. bioassay. I like saying that word. Bioassay. Sounds nubian.

Catherine: So, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Grissom: How amazing the universe is. Everything made from the same carbon, stars to trees, trucks to human bones.
Catherine: Uh, no, I was thinking that we have about 100 bone fragments. We could ID this body before the end of the shift.
Grissom: Hmm.
Catherine: Stars and trucks?

Catherine:(About a bone that was found in the desert) Well, it is a leg bone and my guess is that it didn't walk out here by itself.
Grissom: It could have been a hiker who got lost. It's interesting to me how you always expect the worst.
Catherine: You see, that way I'm never disappointed. And sometimes I'm nicely surprised. So, is this a crime scene?
Grissom: Potential crime scene. Did you know there are 206 bones in the human body?
Catherine: Yes professor. I, too, took osteology.
Grissom: Well, 205 more bones and we have a complete skelton. If we find the rest then we can determine if or if not it was a murder.
Catherine: Well, I feel it in everyone of my 206 bones that this was a murder.

Table Stakes [1.15]Edit

Catherine: [To Grissom, who is staring in awe at a group of showgirls who pass by] Close your mouth.

[Warrick is unhappy about Catherine assigning him to a different case]
Catherine: 419 at The Sphere, glass elevator. You're on it.
Warrick: This is a big case. I'm in a groove here.
Catherine: Well, groove on down to the Strip.
Warrick: Whatever happened to "You cross the tape, you go the distance"?
Catherine: I was probably saying that to get you to service my needs at the time.

Catherine: You want to take that thing off your head, Greg? It's evidence.
Greg: Cool your jets, Cath. I already got all the evidence out of it. Now, it's all woman. Did you ever wear one of these when you were dancing?
Catherine: I wore nothing but skin.
Greg: Ooh.(standing behind Greg is Grissom. Catherine sees Grissom and clears her throat. Greg turns around and finds himself face to face with Grissom. He takes the headpiece off of his head and reports) I, uh, compared the DNA from the tooth with hair follicles found inside the headdress. I think we have a match, sir. And I think we may have a homicide. Excuse me. (Greg steps back into his lab. Catherine suppresses a grin and looks at Grissom) [edit]

(Warrick has just gone in a pool to collect evidence)

Nick: (laughing) Marco? (Warrick dives under the water and gets the evidence and comes back up)
Warrick: Polo.
Nick: (teasing) You want to get out of there, sir? Pool closed at sundown.
Catherine: (joining in on teasing) Can I get you a towel, sir? (Warrick gets out of the pool)
Warrick: (dryly): Yeah, please.

Sara: (Sara's mad after getting called into work on her day off) What am I? Working food and beverage at one of the hotels? I haven't had a day off in three weeks. I mean if they're gonna call me in at least throw me a bone. Gimme the 419 on the elevator.
Nick: Someone's bitter.
Sara: I'm tired!
Nick: You? Tired? I thought you never sleep. (Sara fakes a yawn, Nick chuckles) Nice, nice. (they walk into DNA and Greg's blasting music)
Nick: What up, G?
Sara: You're awake. I hate you.
Greg: Couple glasses of Merlot, a rack of lamb on my day off. I slept like a baby yesterday. You look horrible.
Sara: Thanks, Greg. (Greg looks at Nick)
Nick: Don't look at me. I got 'sunshine' all night. (Nick glances over at Sara who glares back at him, definitely catching exactly who he's calling "sunshine") Check for DNA in the sexual assault kit and the fingernail, please.
Sara: Everything has to be in CODIS ASAP.
Greg: Oh, is that all? I want to know who's going to authorize my overtime?
Sara: Suck it up, Greg. You're well-rested. (walks away)
Greg: (to Nick) You want a valium for her?
Sara: I heard that!

Sara: This Chilean sea bass is excellent.
Catherine: So is this.
Sara: Okay, you got your missing widow. Her bloody tooth found in her own

bedroom which is currently occupied by two moes.

Brass: "Moes." I'm rubbing off on you. (Brass steals a bite of Sara's food)
Sara: No, you're not, and stay away from my seabass.

Dancer: Hi. Do you need a hand with that?
Grissom: Uh... no, thanks. I'll be fine.
Dancer: Are you a doctor?
Grissom: Of sorts. I'm just, um... looking around.
Dancer: See anything you like?
'Grissom: Yes. I do. (he picks up a music box, the dancer walks away)
Grissom: Catherine? (he opens the box and it play music) Tchaikovsky's "Waltz of the Flowers". (he looks underneath the music box and grins)
Catherine: What? Why are you smiling?
'Grissom: It's playing our song.

Grissom: (finding a tooth in the fireplace)I think the tooth fairy might have just left us a piece of Portia Richmond.

Grissom: (angry) Are you looking for work?
Nick: I just...
Grissom: The sign says, "Do Not Enter," Nick. You can't read anymore? You're blind? What?
Nick: Grissom, this is important.
Grissom: (furious) This is important. Sometimes in interrogations, Nick, you get one chance, one answer. And while I'm out here screwing around with you he's in there thinking up an answer that he didn't have before you walked in.
Nick: We matched the DNA taken from Lacey Duvall to a cold case in Texas ten years ago.
Grissom: And?
Nick: The suspect's name was Chad Matthews.
Grissom: C.M. The cuff link. Okay, I'm starting to forgive you.
Nick: Sara ran Patrick Haynes' social. The real Haynes is deceased. So Patrick Haynes is Chad Matthews and Chad Matthews is on the run.
Grissom: And he just ran into us.

Grissom: Have you got the DNA results from the fingernail Catherine found?
Greg: Yeah. They're not a match to Patrick Haynes.
Grissom: I never figured a man for the fingernail, Greg.
Greg: But this is where you break out the can of creep repellent. Half of the DNA markers are in common.
Grissom: A possible first degree relative?

Warrick:(About fingerprints in an elevator) It's like the Circle Bar on a Friday night - three million people on top of each other.

(Nick hands Sara a cup of coffee)

Sara: No, I can't drink any more coffee. My body clock is so screwed up. I just want a steak and a shot.
Nick: Tut's Tomb, steak and eggs $1.99.
Sara: Food?
Nick: Mmhmm.
Sara: Good idea. You're on.
Greg: (runs in the room) It's what I live for. You guys are not gonna believe this. You ready?
Sara: So much for the steak, I'll take the coffee.

Catherine: Well, according to her credit card records Portia Richmond hasn't spent a dime since she's been in the Mediterranean.
Sara: She's dead.
Catherine: Not necessarily. She may have been... swept off her feet.
Nick: Some guys still like to foot the bill.
Sara: Really? How would you know?
Nick: Hey, I only go dutch if girls ask the wrong question.
Catherine: What's that?
Nick: "What do you drive?"
Sara: It's a honest question.
Nick: No it's not. What it means is "how much do you make so you can take care of me".

Grissom: The Old Testament? The book of Jonah? And the Lord arranged for a fish to swallow up Jonah. You know what the problem with the piranha, though? They have high cholesterol.
Catherine: Cholesterol is found in humans, not fish. So how does a fish acquire human cholesterol?

(They catch the couple having sex)

Catherine: Caught in the act.
Grissom: I think that was the point.
Catherine: Oh yeah.

Brass: I hate having lunch with you CSIs, you notice everything.

Too Tough to Die [1.16]Edit

Grissom: If you try and chase two rabbits you end up losing them both.

Grissom: Every day we meet people on the worst day of their lives.

Sara: I wish I were like you, I wish I didn't feel anything.

Sara: [To Grissom] What type of system rewards the killer, when the victim is too tough to die?

Grissom:What do you do for fun?
Sara:I chase rabbits...

Sara: I don't like anything ... I read crime books and I listen to my scanner.

Eddie: ...By taking our daughter to dinner.
Catherine: Get over here.
Eddie: Come on, what? What?
Catherine: Just so pathetic.
Eddie: What?
Catherine: Just so pathetic.
Eddie: Watch it, Cath.
Catherine: Sucking up to our daughter 'cause I caught you robbing me.
Eddie: The only thing I ever robbed you of was good sex.
Catherine: No sex is worth you and you are not taking my daughter to a club with one of your music whores.
Eddie: Oh they are whores? When I met you, you were taking your clothes off in a strip club.
Catherine: It was a job Ed and it supported you just like every job I had, including this one.
Eddie: And who paid you to close up your nose?

Grissom: Let go of her.
Grissom: Catherine?
Catherine: Just keep him out of here.
Grissom: [to Eddie] I don't wanna ever see you in this building again. This is our place of business, you understand?
Eddie: I always knew you two had a thing.
Grissom: Go home Eddie.
Eddie: Sure.

Face Lift [1.17]Edit

Grissom: I think our robbery suspect just became our homicide victim
Catherine: Well that's one way to avoid the rap.

Grissom: I have a question
Teri: Ok?
Grissom: Since I screwed up our last date, would we ever have dinner again?
Teri: Oh we'll have dinner... just not together.

Sara: Interesting voicemail you left me
Warrick: What's that?
Sara: Meet me behind CSI and bring a night gown? I'll wear it for you but uh, I prefer pajamas.

Grissom: I hear that Greg found uranium on the swab from Felton's skull.
Nick: Yeah. He says I'm okay, but you know Greg. Tell me, am I radiating a green glow?

$35K O.B.O. [1.18]Edit

Nick: Pulled a couple of hairs off of our male stabbing vic.
Greg: Okay. Baby. Uh-huh.
Nick: What?
Greg: Nine lives.
Nick: Cat hair?
Greg: Meow.

Nick: Hey, Greg.
Greg: Shh. I might be looking at the mother of my children here.
Nick: Somebody's been putting in way too much overtime.
Greg: No, this is serious. I had a date last night. And this girl has the most impossible green eyes. Just, BAM. Shoulder-length blonde hair, intelligent. And she smells so good.
Nick: Cute toes?
Greg: Oh, ideal. And none longer than the big toe. Both feet. But you know I need to know what is on the inside.
Nick: What's in her heart?
Greg: No, her DNA. This girl has got some fine epithelials.
Nick: Dude, you're sick. Man, you have officially lost it.
Greg: There's a guy in Louisville, he charges 300 clams to test your spouse's underwear for foreign DNA. Now that guy is sick. I'm just a romantic.
Nick: Whatever happened to getting to know someone over coffee? Letting the relationship evolve. Romantic is sending flowers, not bogarting her skin cells.
Greg: Oh that's boring.

Grissom: You know what they say about looks.
Brass: They can be deceiving?
Grissom: They can kill.
Catherine: (annoyed) Am I almost at "ground zero"?
Consuction worker: Almost. About ten more feet. Uh, then you should be in the laundry room. You should have more headroom, too.
Catherine: I feel like I'm crawling through a straw! (Groans as she passes through a small gap and the construction worker closes his eyes in pleasure the Catherine notices a beetle) Sweet!
Construction worker: What? What is it?
Catherine: Are you getting this?
Construction worker: What is that? A roach?
Catherine: I'm not an entomolygist but (swivels round to a more comfertable position) I know one! He can tell us! (the building starts falling some more so she covers her head forgetting she has a hardhat on) Ahh! (looks up at the "ceiling") I thought you said this building was secure!
Construction worker: It is secure. Just hang on. The daily "sorties". I think it was an F-16!
Catherine: Nellis Air Force Base!
Alan Rich: So you really pulled this out of a corpse?
Sara: Yeah ... but I cleaned it for you.
Brass: We need to know the make of that knife.
Alan Rich: Well, it's not a knife. The tip's double-edged. Bevels on both sides, downward slope. This came from a dagger which means it's either carbon steel or stainless steel. I get asked this question more than you think. (He pulls out a lemon juice squirt container and puts a few drops on the tip of the knife.)
Sara: (explains to a very confused Brass) Acid in the lemon juice should react to carbon steel, but not stainless steel.
Alan Rich: How's a cop know all this?
Sara: (smiles) He's the cop. I'm the scientist.
Brass: I got a cop question. What are we looking for here?
Alan Rich: Dark spots. (The tip has dark spots on it.)
Sara: Carbon steel. What's next?
Alan Rich: Length. (Alan turns and looks for something behind the counter. He comes back with a piece of paper and a ruler.) Daggers are rarely more than an inch at the base. We got the tip. So, we can fill in the rest. It's basic geometry.(Placing the tip on the piece of paper, he extends the tip of the dagger to estimate how long the weapon used was. It's five inches. Top row, five-inch daggers, carbon steel.(He reaches into the display case and takes out a dagger to show them.) This is the one you want. $24.99. We don't take credit cards.
Brass: Yeah.
Grissom: (Grissom examines the bug Catherine took from the collapsed building. Grissom looks at the bug in the container while Catherine looks through the camera footage taken earlier on the computer monitor.) An anobiid powder-post beetle. Very nice specimen.
Catherine: He likes you, too. Now, tell me about him.
Grissom: Your building collapsed.
Catherine: You assigned me the case. You already know that.
Grissom: Well, this little guy confirms it. This species of beetle eats softwood. Tell me about the building.
Catherine: The frame's made of Douglas Fir.
Grissom: A delicacy.
Catherine: I did find more than a bug. Dry rot, questionable repairs, a jittery Engineer. And check this out. (She turns the monitor to the side to show Grissom.)
Grissom: Forget the beetle; this damage was intentional. You're looking for a homosapien.
Catherine: I know. Gives new meaning to "home wrecker."
Grissom: Catherine, there's a reason I assigned you this case. You're good with people, both the dead and the living.
Catherine: Translation: We're opening a political can of worms. The mayor's involved, an election's around the corner and you could've clued me in a little

earlier. (Grissom looks back at the beetle in the container. He turns eagerly to Catherine.)

Grissom: Can I keep him?
Catherine: Sorry. It's evidence.
Grissom: Don't forget to feed him. (He hands the container back to Catherine.)
Catherine: I know...wood.
Catherine: (to a worker) Where's the District Engineer?
Worker: (points) He's over there!
Catherine: (sarcastically) Follow the tie!
District Engineer: I'm the only District Engineer!
Catherine: Then it looks bad for you! (later) Well if a boat sinks...the last person to check for leaks was negligent!

Gentle, Gentle [1.19]Edit

Warrick: I'm all over it like a cheap suit.

Grissom: Have you let anyone else touch this note? Police, a relative, anyone?
Dad: No, just us. Why?
Grissom: Well, because the person who touched it before you has your son, and he's just left us the first piece of the puzzle.

Catherine: A guy cheats, but the wife commits murder. How come moms always end up the bad guy with you Freud types?

Brass: Geez. Haven't these people ever heard of divorce?

Sara: You told me a few weeks ago that nothing is personal. No victim should be special. Everyone follows your lead.
Grissom: Everyone didn't find that baby. I did. And that little boy is dead because someone lost their temper or screwed up, or god knows what. So, excuse me, but this victim is special.

[After getting punched in the head by a paparazzo]
Catherine: [Hands him an ice pack] Ice.
Grissom: I don't need this.
Catherine: Just do it.
[Grissom holds the ice pack on his head]

Catherine: You're an average family, burdened with a tragedy that put you under a microscope. That close, nobody can look good.

Sounds of Silence [1.20]Edit

[Grissom walks in with Dr. Gilbert, the female president of the School for the Deaf]
Sara: So that's why Grissom's late.
Warrick: You just don't like other women in his life.
Sara: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.

[Grissom wouldn't tell them how he learned sign language]
Sara: [coming into the room] What was that all about? Grissom signs?
Warrick: What does Grissom drink when he goes out at night?
Sara: He goes out?
Warrick: Exactly. Who knows anything about that guy?

Greg: I am the man.
Warrick: Why, what'd you do? Let me guess, you ran a DNA profile on the blood from the dead guy's knuckles and you got a match?
Greg: No.
Grissom: You ran a DNA profile and something very distinctive popped up?
Greg: Not quite.
Warrick: You made it out of bed and you dressed yourself?

Greg: Squirrels love 'em ... they get tossed at Dodger Stadium and they make a hell of a butter.
Sara: You're nuts. You know that.
Greg: Exactamundo. Peanuts!
Catherine: You missed the deadline. No Chicago for me.
Grissom: Oh, Catherine...
Catherine: This is the one meeting I needed to attend. I don’t always want to be second banana. I can probably do your job. I know that I can do Ecklie’s.
Grissom: I forgot. I’m so sorry.
Catherine: Make sure to submit the paperwork by the end of the day.
Grissom: I thought you said that it was too late.
Catherine: Well, I knew you’d forget so I upped the deadline — gave you a buffer. Don’t forget again.

Justice is Served [1.21]Edit

[Catherine and Sara have just seized a carnival as evidence and Sara is grinning madly]
Catherine: [annoyed] What?
Sara: Well, this is fun.
Catherine: As opposed to...?
Sara: A more scientific approach.

Dr. Hillridge: Tell me, Mr. Grissom, how does a man choose death as his profession?
Grissom: It chose me, actually.
Dr. Hillridge: I guess one man's corpse is another man's candy. Care for a sip? Full of folacin.

Dr. Hillridge: You have one more question. How could I consume raw organs? Not morally -- aesthetically. I dried them and ground them into powder.
Grissom: Protein powder.
Dr. Hillridge: You want an empirical experience...I've got a fresh one [protein powder shake made from human organs] in my fridge.
[Grissom looks away. An officer leads Dr. Hillridge away]
Officer: She is nuts, right?
Grissom: She's a cold blooded killer.

Dr. Hillridge: Mr. Grissom. You're looking grim. I'm afraid I don't have a supplement for that.
Grissom: We found blood in your kitchen blender. The lab has matched it to the dead jogger.
Dr. Hillridge: It had to happen eventually.
Grissom: Why?
Dr. Hillridge: You're the scientist. I should have thought you'd figured that out.
Grissom: I haven't.
Dr. Hillridge: Think of the bugs, Grissom. Cycle of life. Angels versus insects. When we die the fable we tell ourselves is we go toward a white light and angels. But you and I both know the hard reality is that insects arrive immediately and begin turning us back to earth.
Grissom: Yes. But the insects haven't killed anyone.
Dr. Hillridge: No. But they'd die if they didn't have bodies to feed off of. And so will I. ... Porphyria.
Grissom: The madness of King George.
Dr. Hillridge: Or the Legend of the Vampire. Which makes it a real hard disease to have. But it's real for me.
Grissom: It's genetic.
Dr. Hillridge: The only thing my father ever gave me. The first time it presented was after a minor sunburn. My lips receded -- so did my gums. I increased my glucose intake and I was fine ... for a while. I began a drug regimen but they only treated the symptoms. I had my spleen removed because it absorbed my blood. But nothing helped. Lesions started forming on my face. That's when I bought my first dog. Bullets and poison leave residue in the blood. Dogs kill clean. Imagine what I'd look like by now without them.
Grissom: You could've tried intravenous hematin.
Dr. Hillridge: Human blood is the richest source of heme.
Grissom: And so you extracted the organs with the most blood-- the liver, the spleen, the heart.
Dr. Hillridge': If you lock me up, I'll go mad.
Grissom: Unfortunately, a symptom of your condition. But you've been killing people, doctor.
Dr. Hillridge: I'll die in prison.
Grissom: Yes, but the people you'd be feeding off of will still be alive. Cycle of life.

Sara: The only person who could have done it, then is the person that was in the car with her, the mother.
Catherine: Her eyes were pointing in the wrong direction.
Sara: (shakes her head) I'm sorry. What?
Catherine: Carla Dantini was looking left when she told me about the accident. When a person is remembering, they look right and when they're creating, they look left.
Sara: And by creating, you mean fabricating. Neurolinguistics programming, human behavioral science.
Catherine: Call Brass and tell him to meet us at the mother's house.

Catherine: You're going to enter this as a homicide, right?
Doc Robbins: Technically, it's somewhere between accidental and undetermined.
Catherine: It's a homicide. I'm going to get your proof. So write down that "accidental" in pencil.

Grissom: You said that you were a doctor. May I ask your specialty?
Dr. Hillridge: Nutrition. My patients are mostly professional athletes.
Grissom: Do you ever consult with amateur athletes? Like marathoners?
Dr. Hillridge: You mean like that jogger? What was his name?
Grissom: Terry Manning.
Dr. Hillridge: Doesn't ring a bell. And I'm very good with names, Mr. Grissom. You'll let me know when I can pick up Simba.
Grissom: You're assuming a lot.
Dr. Hillridge: So are you.

Grissom: Catherine. (Catherine looks at Grissom and doesn't say anything. He notices that she walked out of his office) What are you doing?
Catherine: The carnival case. I'm taking it.
Grissom: The carnival case?
Catherine: A six-year-old girl died on a ride at the carnival over on Washington. The paperwork's on your desk.
Grissom:(nods and glances at his office behind her) Did you straighten up my office while you were in there?
Catherine: You think I overstepped? ... These people come to town, they commit crimes and they leave. I just want to get there before the carnival moves on.
Grissom: Okay. Take Sara with you.
Catherine: She's meeting me there.

Catherine: So you did the tox screen on my carny?
Greg: Roger that. You know, I have seen guys drink, like, five gallons of water to try and dilute their urine. It's the old straight flush. But all bad boy Sanders has to do is just test their specific gravity and-- blammo! -- I can still catch their toxic butts.
Catherine: Mm-hmm. So?
Greg: So your guy didn't do that.
Catherine: Great. What did he do? Try and mask it?
Greg: No.
Catherine: Oh, come on. That creep tested clean?
Greg: Yeah. For someone who's on the pill.

Nick: Man, do you turn it on like this at your seminars?
Grissom: People actually pay to go to my seminars, Nick. We've I.D.'d the dog.
Nick: Well, if he's got bits of jogger hanging out of his mouth, cuff him.

Greg: You know, most dogs have 42 teeth but, as you've discovered, your Cujo only has 41. Woof-woof.
Grissom: Did you ever hear a dog say "woof-woof," Greg? I mean, what is the origin of that? And what do we sound like to them, I wonder.
Greg: I don't know. Probably blah, blah, blah.

Catherine: Oh, before you came to Nevada you should have looked up the law. Mandatory drug testing wherever there's been an accident. Pee now, and don't tell me you're shy. (to an officer) Stay on him.
Sara: Mandatory drug testing?
Catherine: Yeah, well, there should be.

(Nick and Warrick are collecting dog scat)

Warrick: This sucks! But it's evidence, right?
Nick: No, hair and fiber is evidence, Warrick. This is combat duty.

'Warrick: Mountain lions are brutal.
Grissom: And smart... this one evidently knows how to use a scalpel.

Grissom:(Grissom admits to a mistake) What?
Nick: Well, it's just that most people don't admit to being wrong.
Grissom: I'm wrong all the time. That's how eventually I get to "right".

Evaluation Day [1.22]Edit

Grissom: [Looking at detached head] It means 6 - 8 hours ago someone lost their head and then... someone lost their head.

[Grissom and Catherine are examining a head]
Grissom: Do you think a woman could've done this?
Catherine: I could.
[Grissom glances at her, then back to the head]
Grissom: Scared of you...

Warrick: [Getting onto a roller coaster with Grissom] I thought we were getting a beer.
Grissom: We are, after this.
Warrick: C'mon, Grissom, you know this is your thing. [Starts to get up]
Grissom: Ah-ah-ah! Every 9 years and 34 days, I feel like sharing. You'll like it. It cleanses you.
Warrick: Cleanses me? Whatever happened to my evaluation?
Grissom: You're sitting in it!

The Strip Strangler [1.23]Edit

Grissom: The last time a security guard tried to help me, he ended up dead.

Grissom: Repeat after me, Silk silk silk.
Nick: Silk silk silk.
Grissom: Now what do cows drink?
Nick: Milk.
Grissom: They drink water. They produce milk.

Nick: Catherine. say, "Silk silk silk"
Catherine: Silk silk silk.
Nick: Now what do cows drink?
Catherine: Water? Why?
Nick: Never mind.

Catherine: Never doubt and never look back. That's how I live my life.
Grissom: I admire that.

Catherine: So, what, this guy has some strange chemical in his mutated DNA?
Greg: Freaky, huh?
Catherine: Freakiest semen I've seen in a while.

Season 2Edit

Burked [2.1]Edit

Warrick: Black tar heroin. This is the difference between a Cadillac and a Pinto.
Brass: How would you know?
Warrick: It's my job. I count at least six balloons, and that's just in the bedroom. The dealer must have come down the chimney. It's like Christmas in July here. Not that Braun even needed any more drugs.
Brass: Yeah, looks like the guy had a pill for everything. Can you get a print off those balloons?
Warrick: I can get a print off the air.

Janine Haywood: I told you I dropped them down the bathroom sink.
Brass: First time I heard that.
Janine Haywood: Look, I took two, gave Tony two and I accidentally dropped fifteen or twenty down the sink. It was an accident. You know, an accident? Haven't you ever spilled a drink?
Catherine: Not lately. We found fifty Xanax in Tony's stomach.
Janine Haywood: Don't pin that on me. I'd left.
Catherine: I'll tell you what you left -- your fingerprints all over the prescription bottle.
Janine Haywood: I went to the pharmacy waited in line picked up the prescription signed for it brought it back to the house. You know, Tony did nothing for himself except work and get high.
Brass: Got you a brand-new Mercedes, didn't it?
Janine Haywood: Yes, it did. And it'll buy me the dress I wear at Tony's funeral, too.
Brass: Look, when you left your half a house where did you go?
Janine Haywood: A friend's.
Brass: Well, let's get her on the line.
Janine Haywood: She's out of town.
Brass: Let me guess -- she's incommunicado.
Janine Haywood: That means you can't reach her? Yeah.

Grissom: In the last 48 hours have you been anywhere else besides those two places?
Walt Braun: No. My life's pretty routine.
Grissom: It might just get a little more routine.

Catherine: [to Grissom] Is this part of the Sherlock Holmes Fan Club Kit?

Grissom: It's been 24 minutes, Greg. When is this thing going to be done?
Greg: Well, with all due respect sir, it's not a baked potato. Did I ever tell you I used to live in New York?
Grissom: Is this going to be a short story or a novel?
[The mass spectrometer beeps and gives out the test results]
Greg: Excuse me. You know, heroin has a nine-minute half-life. After that, it metabolizes into morphine.
Grissom: What's the 6-MAM count?
Greg: A hundred fifty-eight nanograms per mil. Definitely not lethal. The same with your Xanax. Quarter-mil tabs, hundred micrograms per liter. Again, not lethal. There's addicts walking around Times Square with more drugs in their system.
Grissom: So Braun should still be walking around.
[Grissom turns to leave but stops]
Grissom: ...and the point of your New York story was...?
Greg: Oh, I was just going to tell you about another way to take heroin.. a suppository up the coolee. You just stand on your head, and then you let gravity...forget it!

Greg: Oh, is that alcohol on a bug bite? That's like butter on burns, man. Wives' tale.
Nick: Yeah, this is the guy who told me to put hemorrhoid cream on my acne.
Greg: Worked, didn't it?

Sam Braun: I remember the first time I saw you. You didn't have any clothes on.
Catherine: Yeah, well, that was a long time ago.
Sam Braun: I would've taken you home right then if I could have.
Catherine: I know, but you were married and I was a baby. It would've never worked!

Catherine: Who is this?
Brass: It's Braun's squeeze. She's an ex-stripper too. Perhaps you two met in a professional capacity.
Catherine: And, uh, where has she been the past 12 hours?
Brass: Uh, let's see. [he pulls out his notebook] Quote: "Out." Endquote.

Brass: [to a suspect] Newsflash, sweetheart. You can't make a deal if you keep your mouth shut.

Grissom: Would you mind if I took a picture for my bite collection?
Walt Braun: Whatever rubs your Buddha.

Grissom: Did you try this coffee?
Nick: Mm-mm.
Grissom: The last cup I had tasted like motor oil.
[Greg runs in]
Greg: Oh, don't touch it. That's my pot!
Grissom: Your pot?
Greg: Yeah, you know, from my own private stash. Blue Hawaiian -- $40 a pound. Only grown a couple times a year on the Big Island hand-picked to perfection.
Grissom: Good. You're using my water so I guess that makes it community coffee.

Chaos Theory [2.2]Edit

Greg: Well, this is one way to get her DNA. Bring me her whole life.
Sara: It's called zeal, Greg.
Greg: Or overkill.
Grissom: It's called protocol. Let's get on with it.

Grissom: Friedrich Miescher requests my presence?
Greg: Figured out my code huh? Well you know my boy, Freddie, discovered DNA.
Grissom: He's been dead a hundred years, Greg.

Henry McFadden: Paige and I dated once or twice. She wasn't my type. If you haven't noticed... I'm in the system now. The talent pool's pretty deep.
Nick: She dumped you!

Grissom: We told them what happened.
Catherine: Yeah. But we didn't give them what they needed... closure.
Grissom: Truth brings closure.
Catherine: Not always.

Catherine: No one can predict more than a few seconds into the future.
Nick: I predict I'll still be standing here one minute from now.
Warrick: Where are we going with this?
Grissom: Paige was in her dorm room and then ended up in the dumpster. Somewhere between her dorm room and the dumpster is our answer. That's where we're going. Coming, Nick?
Warrick: [to Nick] Nice try, Nostradamus.

Warrick: Where you been?
Grissom: I can't be everywhere, Warrick and they've banned human cloning.

Grissom: [To Greg] Are we paying you by the word?

Grissom: You showered.
Catherine: Thanks for noticing Gil, you're very observant.
Grissom: [studying a surveillance tape and inadvertently blocking Catherine's view]) Yeah? Well ... I can't tell what I'm observing here. What does that look like?
Catherine: A five-foot-eleven workaholic.

Nick: You know, it's easier to get a master's degree than a parking spot on campus.

Sara: Five Hundred Dollars. That's huge money at her age if you actually get it. That's a big college racket, like buying books back.
Grissom: Why would anyone want to sell their books?

Grissom: People don't vanish, Jim. It's a molecular impossibility.

Overload [2.3]Edit

Grissom: Man versus Gravity. Man lost.

Grissom: Suicide, huh? I don't know, Brian. On the day you decide to end your life, why would you go to work?

Sheriff: What happened to good old dusting for prints?
Grissom: When your crime scene is 12 stories up I don't want to take any chances.

Catherine: Naked kid under a blanket at his shrink's late at night and his mother's there.
Greg: Your case just entered a whole new dimension of weird.

Catherine: You're racing me, Nick. We're driving the same car. (Nick keeps walking down the hallway) Nick! (he keeps walking) Nick, I'll have you removed from the case. You're confronting suspects before the evidence is processed. You're flying solo, cutting me out. What's going on?
Nick: (takes a deep breath) Okay. There are some people you're supposed to be able to trust, you know? I was nine. And she was a last-minute baby-sitter. (Catherine's stunned) All I can remember doing afterwards is sitting in my room in the dark, staring at the door waiting for my mom to get home. But I've never told anyone before.
Catherine: I'm sorry.
Nick: It's what makes a person, I guess. I'm sorry, Catherine.

Grissom: Hey, is that from the deli?
Sara: Egg salad sandwich. You want half?
Grissom: No. Can I have your pickle?
Sara: You can have it.
Grissom: Oh, that's a nice one.

Sara: You turned my pickle into a light bulb.
Grissom: I'm electrocuting it.
Sara: You sure are.
Warrick: That would explain that smell.
Grissom: You know this is how I cooked my hot dogs in college.

Sara: We quit before we should have.
Grissom: Yeah, you did.

Greg: FYI, 30 swabs in six hours is not realistic even for me.

Catherine: You're racing me Nick. We're driving the same car.

Sheriff: Actions have consequences, Gil, even yours.

Warrick: [To Grissom] So you just proved murder.
Greg: I wouldn't break out that champagne just yet. Don't go shooting the messenger. Thumb print from the nail.

Catherine: What's the matter with you?
Nick: I'm on a case.
Catherine: We're on a case.
Nick: Right...

Warrick: You want his blood?
Grissom: One pint. To go.

Greg: I think I smell something burning in the DNA lab. I'd love to stay and chat...
Grissom: Greg, I hopes that's not the crossword puzzle.

Greg: Cheese, milk, sweaters. What do these things have in common?
Catherine: Goat cheese, goat milk.
Nick: Goat sweaters?
Catherine: Angora.
Greg: Ding, ding, ding.

Sheriff: [about Grissom talking to Brass] What was that about?
Grissom: Ah, we're in a bowling league together.

Warrick: Robert Harris. Does that name mean anything?
Grissom: Yeah, especially if you bet against me.

Warrick: Bobby Dawson's taking odds. 2:1 Grissom's wrong, 5:1 he gets suspended for shutting down the jail house, 10:...
Sara: Fired?

Grissom: [To the Sheriff] You look like the Sheriff, but you talk like the Mayor.

Bully for You [2.4]Edit

Brass: Who said the shooter was scared?
Grissom: Shot him in the back.
Brass: With his zipper down and his hands otherwise engaged.
Grissom: Yeah. We're looking for a coward.

Greg: You smell like death.
Sara: I've heard.
Greg: You know ... a real man wouldn't mind.

Sara: Anyone touch the bag since?
Hank: With that smell?
Sara: I thought you Emergency Service guys were tougher than that.
Hank: Hey, I'm plenty tough.
Sara: Down, boy. It was a joke.
Nick: (to Sara) Nothing like flirting over a D.B. (laughs)

Catherine: So how's your new toy working out?
Warrick: It's been downsized.
Catherine: Bummer. I know how you wanted to see that thing work.
Warrick: Well, it's the same difference, really. Air is drawn into the last tube the chalk absorbs the chemicals from the air. And mass spec will break it down at the lab.
Catherine: So why did you need the expensive one in the first place?
Warrick: 'Cause it was cool. (Cath smiles at his honesty)

Nick: Shut up. She was not.
Warrick: I saw her in action.
Nick: Really?
Warrick: Yeah, she was.
Nick: Catherine?
Catherine: (walks in and smiles) I was what?
Warrick: I was just telling Nick how you were a big bully in high school.
Catherine: A bully? All right, I guess I was. But, I mean, not the kind that people want to take a gun out and shoot.
Warrick: No.
Nick: No, no. You were the kind that guys fall all over themselves trying to impress.
Catherine: (smiling) Like you, Nick, huh? (Cath puts a hand on his shoulder for emphasis, he gets it. And sits down) Oh, Nick...what were you in high school?
Nick: Me? I was, uh...I was "dependable".
Catherine: Dependable.
Nick: Mmhmm.
Catherine: Dependable jock, dependable stoner?
Nick: No. Never a strap, never a smoker. Just all-around "dependable" guy, I guess.
Warrick: What Nick's trying to say he was unpopular. (Cath laughs. Sara walks into the break room)
Sara: Nick, Ronny's got something on Liquid Man, says it's hot.
Nick: Great. (gathers things and gets up)
Warrick: Hey Sara, what were you in high school?
Sara': Science nerd. (Nick walks past her and sniffs)
Nick: You changed? (whispers) But you still smell. Let's go. (they leave)
Catherine: So that leaves you, Warrick. What were you?
Warrick: Oh, I was short, I had big feet, thick glasses.
Catherine: You?
Warrick: Yeah. I got pushed around by all the guys and never got any play from the girls.
Catherine: The girls didn't even notice your eyes?
Warrick: No, they used to tease me about my eyes. Called me names.
Catherine: Aww, well, what do they know? They're your best feature.

(Sara is working on the decomp and Nick finds her in the lab, and she excuses herself for a minute)

Sara: Give me a mint.
Nick: (laughs) You're going to need more than one.
Sara: Just give me.

Grissom: Let me guess. Decomp in an enclosed space?
Sara: Yeah.
Nick: Yeah, in a zip bag.

Grissom: Lemons.

Sara: What?
Grissom: Use lemons. (Grissom mimics squeezing lemons on his own head to demonstrate what he means)

David: From the sound of it, I'd say he's been dead about two months.
Sara: Sound? (David shakes the bag, liquid sloshes around inside it)

Warrick: So were you a jock or a brain?
Grissom: I was a ghost.

Scuba Doobie-Doo [2.5]Edit

Catherine: Hey, I just talked to your partner. Working this case without me, huh?
Nick: Hmm?
Catherine: Greg Sanders?
Nick: Leggo my Greggo. He's a CSI wannabe. Please.

Nick: You just made yourself useful, my friend.
Greg: Oh yeah?
Nick: Yeah.
Greg: How?

Grissom: You never get a second chance to make a first impression.
Sara: A square of nine dots on paper and you can only draw four lines to connect them... without the pen ever leaving the paper.
Grissom: Right. Think outside the box.

Grissom': Mr. Renteria, your apartment walls are covered in human blood. Are you aware of that?
Clifford Renteria: Yeah.
Grissom: Do you have an explanation?
Clifford Renteria: It's my blood.
Grissom: Your blood?
Brass: You got a stigmata?
Clifford Renteria: No. I get nosebleeds.

O'Riley: Hey. I don't even know where to start with this one. Take a look at that. A scuba diver... up a tree.
Nick: Wow.
Catherine: How the hell he'd get up there?

Catherine: Hey, coffee boy. Where's my DNA? Cigarette butt? Match book time-delay device? Hair spray? Any of this sound familiar?
Greg: Bags under the eyes, coffee cups, stress face. Any of this look familiar? I'm working on it.
Catherine: Did Grissom put his stuff in front of mine?

(Catherine is walking by DNA)
Greg: Hey! Yo, Cat!
Catherine: (she walks into DNA) I'm going to forget you called me that.
Greg: Sorry.

Grissom: Two things that have nothing to do with each other.
Sara: Or everything.

(Sara walks out to find Grissom pacing furiously)
Sara: You okay?
Grissom: Ninety-five.
Sara: Excuse me?
Grissom: Normally my pulse is seventy, when it gets up to ninety-five, I realize just how mad I am. I- I have ten people working around the clock on this thing.
Sara: You're too hard on yourself.
Grissom: No, no. I'm not mad at me. There's a body in there and that guy knows where it is!
Sara: So what's your pulse at now? You wanna... take a walk around the block? Get some air.
Grissom: No.
Sara: Clear your head.
Grissom: I'm fine.
Sara: Okay. (touches his cheek, he looks surprised) Chalk... from plaster.
Grissom:(rubs his face): Oh.
Sara: Better go wash up.

Catherine: So I suppose you believe in Santa Claus?
Nick: After this... oh yeah.

Alter Boys [2.6]Edit

David: I hate when you CSI guys get territorial.
Catherine: Yeah well the victim's family hate it when we don't.

Grissom: We both have jobs that begin after the crime.
Father Powell: After the sin.
Grissom: Some people would call that a career in futility.
Father Powell: Some people call it a vocation.

Father Powell: You don't believe?
Grissom: In religion. I believe in God, in science, in Sunday supper. I don't believe in rules that tell me how I should live.
Father Powell: Even if they're handed down by God?
Grissom: How many crusades were fought in the name of God? How many people died because of someone's religion?
Father Powell: Fanaticism, not religion.
Grissom: Semantics. They're still dead.

Father Powell: He needs spiritual guidance.
[Grissom looks at the suspect, then looks at the dead body]
Grissom: Yeah, I imagine he does.
Father Powell: Ah. Then you'd have no problem with my talking to him.
Grissom: It's the 11th hour. I wouldn't expect anything less.
Father Powell: Eleventh hour?
Grissom: When the reality of their actions sets in, they usually turn to religion.
Father Powell: Can you think of a better time?

Caged [2.7]Edit

[Greg opens cupboard door and pulls book out]
Nick: Always thought you kept your porn in there.
Greg: I move it around.
Greg: Okay, now, this is a 66-kilodalton globular protein, composed of two disulfide-linked sub-units, A and B.
Nick: Very impressive.
Greg: And I know what you all think of me -- I'm just another pretty face who got to where I am by sleeping with Catherine.

Grissom: Aaron Pratt is a high-functioning autistic man with superior right brain abilities.
Nick: Kind of sounds like you.

Greg: Can I help it if I'm hip?

Dr. Robbins: I love this table.

[Sara is holding a dog she found at the crime scene]
Brass: That's not yours, is it?
Sara: I'm collecting evidence.

Slaves of Las Vegas [2.8]Edit

Sara: We want to know if you saw anything unusual last night?
Guy Handing Out Fliers: Unusual? I don't know what city you live in, but in Las Vegas "unusual" is what happens when you leave the house.

Lady Heather: Go ahead, ask. "How can I do this for a living?"
Catherine: Oh, that's not what I was thinking. [pause] How much does this place clear a week?
Lady Heather: Ten grand.
Catherine: I'm not with the IRS.
Lady Heather: Okay. Twenty.
Catherine: I don't make that in…three months.
Lady Heather: Sex pays a lot better than death.
Catherine: Plus the outfits are cooler.
Lady Heather: Well, I have this genius tailor. Worked at the Desert Inn back in the day. I let him come in weekends and play human ashtray, he designs for me and my girls. It's a fair trade.
Catherine: You got a good thing going here. And the best part is that these guys think getting slapped around and humiliated is their fantasy.
Lady Heather: Like I told my daughter—
Catherine: You got a daughter?
Lady Heather: Eighteen this month. Freshman at Harvard.
Catherine: Really? Mine's seven.
Lady Heather: Oh, that's a great age.
Catherine: Yeah.
Lady Heather: When I thought Zoe was old enough to hear it, I told her, "Honey, there are a lot of things you can give a man. Your body, your time, even your heart. But the one thing you can never, ever, ever let go of is your power."
Catherine: All my mother ever said to me was "Cash up front."
Lady Heather: Don't take this the wrong way, but I think you've got everything it takes to make a great dominatrix.
Catherine: I take that as a compliment.
Lady Heather: Well you should. It's just about knowing yourself, being strong…and not taking any crap from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.
Catherine: Well, death is still a man's business. And I don't have to tell you about police work.
Lady Heather: So how do you survive?
Catherine: By knowing myself. And working hard. And not taking any crap from powerful jerks who are used to giving it all day long.

Lady Heather: I can read anyone who walks through this door and know their desires. Sometimes even before they do.

Grissom: I'm that obvious, huh?
Lady Heather: Only because you try not to be.

Catherine: I just realized that you and I have a very healthy relationship.
Grissom: We do?
Catherine: When we have a problem, I don't paint Greg in latex and stick a straw up his nose.
Grissom: Good. He'd probably like it.
Catherine: You're supposed to say something revealing back to me.
Grissom: Okay. I never told anyone this, Catherine......
[screen fades to black]

Grissom: To get to the evidence, we may destroy the evidence.
Catherine: Do you get these haikus out of a book, or do they just come to you?
Grissom: Every time you find a body, you have to choose a path. And when you take that path, grasshopper, you risk destroying the evidence.
Catherine: We grab a trough and some fine-mesh screens and pretend like we're panning for gold, Master.

And Then There Were None [2.9]Edit

Grissom: Dressed as a woman among men dressed as women. Now, see? That's a disguise.

Grissom: A Harvard professor conducted an experiment. Asked a bunch of students to watch a basketball game - count the number of times the ball was passed.
Brass: Yeah? Groundbreaking.
Grissom: During the game a person dressed in a gorilla suit ran across the court. Afterward, the professor asked the students if they noticed the gorilla. Fifty percent responded, "what gorilla?"
Brass: That's wonderful, Gil. If I see a gorilla, I'll arrest it.

Catherine: Fluorescent powders?
Sara: Ye, why not, they're in the kit.
Catherine: Protocol's black.
Sara: Since when do you care about my choice of powders?
Catherine: Assistant coroner is four hours late and we are stuck out here until he transports the body and I haven't even heard from Grissom.
Sara: You know I've never tried green.
Catherine: I should never have been sent to this remote scene in the first place I've got seniority, I deserve no, I've earned the right to pick my cases.
[Sara hands her a candy bar]
Catherine: If I start eating I will shut up.
Sara: Do you have a mirror?
Catherine: Since when do you care about your appearance?... I mean at a crime scene.
Sara: It's not for me.

Ellie [2.10]Edit

Grissom: Whoa. Careful. Livestock. [Holds up his jar of roaches] Hissing roaches from Madagascar.
Catherine: Sorry.
Grissom: These babies run two and a half miles an hour.
Catherine: I don't doubt that for a minute.
Grissom: Fifth annual entomological convention in Duluth. Cockroach racing finals.
[Grissom pushes the door to his office open and walks in. Catherine follows]
Catherine: You're roach racing.
Grissom: Actually, I'm giving a tutorial on preserving mass crime scenes. The sideshow is racing this guys.
Catherine: Ah.
Grissom: I mean, to have a chance to run against legendary roaches like Cocky Balboa, The Drain Lover, Priscilla, Queen of the Gutters. It's huge.
Catherine: What do you feed those guys?
Grissom: Dog food.
Catherine: And who's...supervising night shift?
Grissom: You are.
Catherine: Me? I am on the red-eye to Reno. The Braun Family is opening a new casino. I am Sam's date.
Grissom: That's tonight?
Catherine: I told you once, memo'd you twice. [she sighs. Grissom is distracted by the roaches in the container]
Grissom: Man, these guys are primed.
Catherine: [leaving]: Better get somebody.

Warrick: The job is fine. It's the other stuff -- the personalities.
Grissom: I love mankind, it's people I can't stand.
Warrick: Is that Einstein?
Grissom: Linus.
Warrick: Charlie Brown. Figures.

Organ Grinder [2.11]Edit

Sara: The average American hotel room is covered with stains invisible to the naked eye.
Grissom: Yeah, but they're not all biological. Some are soda stains, food stains, whiskey stains, you know.
Sara: No matter how clean or expensive the room seems that's why I always travel with nonoxinol nine.
Grissom: You sound like you're making a commercial.

You've Got Male [2.12]Edit

Nick: Sara?
Sara: Yeah?
Nick: You've got to get out more. [Turns and walks away]
Sara: [Shocked, she walks back down the hallway]

Identity Crisis [2.13]Edit

[Nick is examining a car]
Greg: Is this the car the guy was killed in?
[Nick is clearly startled]
Nick: He was killed in the warehouse. And don't sneak up on a person like that!
Greg: Now you know how I feel, like ten times a day.

The Finger [2.14]Edit

Grissom: Okay, let's run this. Amanda was tired of being number two, so she calls up Mrs. Logan to discuss her affair with her husband. But Mrs. Logan doesn't just discuss it she throws down the gauntlet.
Catherine: Amanda broke the only rule. Don't call the missus.
Nick: Now he really has a problem.
Warrick: Two problems. His wife is going to leave him, take half his money and he was going to jail.
Sara: You got to admit, his solution was ingenious.
Grissom: Most killers take their time planning a murder. He took his time covering it up. Forty-eight hours to be precise. So Logan cleans up the crime scene and calls his lawyer. Asks him to help him with his little charade. I mean, what better way to protect your assets than to pay a kidnapper who's already on retainer?
Catherine: Everything from that point on was calculated.
Grissom: Blood on his hands...he's the last customer of the day at the bank. Acting suspiciously...
Catherine: ...driving recklessly.
Warrick: He knew he'd get hauled in to the cops.
Catherine: You bet your ass. He didn't leave those sunglasses behind by accident. His cell phone rang on cue. The call's for me. He practically forced that money into his lawyer's hands.
Grissom: Out of one pocket, into the other. I especially liked the little show he did for us in the coroner's lab. Trying to find out how much we knew.
Nick: Why make the map? Why lead Catherine to the body?
Grissom: Because without the body Logan would always be under suspicion.
Sara: If not by the police, by his wife.
Warrick: So, he left these wine glasses for you to find.
Catherine: Sure, we wanted us to suspect the wife. That's why he used her SUV to transport the body. And he let me mark the money because he knew that eventually his lawyer would touch it.
Sara: Why though? The money was in a suitcase.
Warrick: A million dollars. Pretty tempting.
Grissom: I saw the locker and I saw Logan's briefcase. It was too big to fit inside. His lawyer had to remove the cash by hand.
Sara: How could he possibly know that Catherine was going to mark the money?
Warrick: He didn't. He probably thought the bank marked it.
Nick: Besides, there's always fingerprints.
Catherine: So I did everything in my power to help him.

Burden of Proof [2.15]Edit

[A bug crawls out of the man's shirt]
Catherine: Oh look, one of your friends.
Grissom: It's a carpet beetle, it shouldn't be here.
Catherine: Vic seem more like a hard-wood floor kinda guy to you?

[Sara and Cath are in the hallway walking into the breakroom]
Sara: Wow, you got to go to the body farm?
Catherine: Yeah.
Sara: I've always wanted to go there. What was it like?
Catherine: Quiet.
[Now in the breakroom]
Warrick: I hear Grissom goes there all the time. Like even on his nights off.
Nick: [Walking over to the fridge] Why does that not surprise me? [He opens the fridge and sighs] Man, something stinks in here again. [He grabs his lunch out of the fridge]
Sara: What, bad milk? Cottage-cheese bad?
Nick: Worse. It's all over my sandwich. Smell that. [He hands her his sandwich, she reacts to the smell. She then kneels down to look in the fridge and sees a container on the top shelf]
Sara: Yeah. He's got one of his experiments in there.
Nick: You're kidding me?
Catherine Blood or bugs?
Sara: It's not bugs.
Warrick: Oh, that's so not cool. That's a community fridge.
Nick: Man, someone has got to talk to Grissom about this.
Grissom: [Walking in]: Talk to me about what?
Nick: You leaving your experiments in our refrigerator.
Grissom: Well, the lab fridge was full. I put in last night.
Nick: Well...
Grissom: I'm going to test for horizontal motion on bloodstains. Vis-a-vis surface textures. [Nick looks annoyed. Catherine takes a sip of her coffee and discretely tries to ignore the smell. Grissom is clueless as he takes out the container of blood from the fridge and opens it] Hey, any of you guys got any linoleum at home? [Catherine catches a smell of the open container and this time, she discretely pinches her nose trying to avoid the smell. Sara is quiet]
Nick: [sits down still annoyed at being ignored] That blood is rank, man.
Grissom I know. That's why the Red Cross gives it to us 'cause it's past its expiration date. [Grissom puts it back in the fridge and talks to Catherine about the case a little then leaves]
Warrick: Way to go, Nick. You really told him.
Nick: I told him...he just didn't hear it.
Grissom: I'm working a case!
Sara: I thought WE were working a case!
Grissom: You're right!
Sara: Aren't you going to tell me anything?
Grissom: Take some pictures of the experimnt for the DA and then clear that stuff up!
Sara: (looks at the meat) Meat? (shocked) Raw meat? (upset that he forgot) Me?
Grissom: Yeah!
Sara: Grissom. How many dinners have we shared?
Grissom: (uninterested) I don't know!
Sara: (getting increasingly annoyed) Take a guess! Over the year and half that we've worked together!
Grissom: Um...30?
Sara: (stating what he forgot) I'm vegetarian! Everyone (looks towards the entire PD) here knows I'm a vegetarian! It pains me to see ground beef!
Grissom: You're right! Have Nick do it!

Primum Non Nocere [2.16]Edit

Catherine: Pucks, bucks and... chicks.

Sara: Since when have you been interested in beauty?
Grissom: Since I met you.

Gil Grissom: There are three things in life people like to stare at - a rippling stream, a fire in a fireplace, and a zamboni going round and round.
Sara: Charlie Brown. I love a zamboni.
Gil Grissom: We all do.

Grissom: What is Victoria's secret, I wonder?
Sara: Beauty, Grissom, remember?

Felonius Monk [2.17]Edit

Nick: How do you get one vic, let alone four... To sit still while you put a bullet between their eyes.
Grissom: They were praying.
Nick: Yeah, for mercy.
Grissom: For whoever was shooting them.

Nick: Guy in the robe flagged down an officer.
Grissom: Guy in the robe is a monk, Nick.
Nick: Yeah. Well. [Nick looks at the monk for several seconds then turns back to Grissom] He's a quiet monk.

Grissom: Wherever you live is your temple. If you treat it like one.
Sara: State your source.
Grissom: Buddha.

David Phillips: [interrupts Nick and Grissom in the lab] Excuse me, sir, I'm sorry to interrupt.
Grissom: David, stop calling me sir. What's up with the Air Force?
Phillips: You're all clear for tonight.
Nick: Air Force?
Phillips: My dad's a colonel out of Nellis. Grissom's requested a meeting. [Grissom leaves with Phillips]
Nick: Why?
Grissom: [deadpan to Nick] I'm enlisting.

Chasing the Bus [2.18]Edit

Grissom: We need a treadmill, a big one.
Nick: All right, to do what?
Grissom: To exercise a bus.

Stalker [2.19]Edit

[Nick walks into the break room after pulling down a departmental newsletter from a bulletin board entitled "CRIME STOPPER" with an article about him]
Sara: [laughing]
Warrick: Who wrote this?
Nick: You're kidding me, right?
Warrick: [dramatic voice] Nick Stokes, crime stopper! [Warrick and Sara laugh] You went Hollywood on me man!
Sara: And I quote, 'In his off time, he enjoys creating and inventing toys.' That's...facinating...what kind of toys do you make Nick?
Nick: I thought I got my hands on all those departmental newsletters. Where'd you get those?
Sara and Warrick: [simultaneously] Greg.
Nick: [pause] Yeah, that figures.

Psychic Detective: [talking to Nick after seeing a vision involving him and his home] Green tea! Green tea....does that mean anything to you? Green tea?

Nigel: [after being taken in] I am one, who am I? I am one, who am I?

Cats in the Cradle [2.20]Edit

Nick: Hey.
Sara: Hey!
Nick: Wow. You look...
Sara: Happy?
Nick: Smug. Actually.

Sara: How is that possible? The mechanic saw the bomb.
Nick: X-ray vision?

Nick: Hmm... hello, sweetheart.
Sara: End cap.
Nick: Pipe bomb.

Nick: Sara, if you found a bomb in your car, would you close the hood?
Sara: No, I would back away fast. Um... maybe the hood dropped?
Nick: No way. BMW has built-in hood shocks.
Sara: Liar, liar, car on fire.

Robbins: Glad I'm a dog person.
Grissom: You know, house cats have only been domesticated for 4,000 years. They still have predatory instincts.
Catherine: Only 4,000?
Grissom: Yeah.

Greg (after being caught rocking out in the lab): I could have been a rock star.
Grissom: There's still time, Greg.

Nick: You know, when I was 16, I begged my mom for a car. Swore she'd come through.
Sara: What happened?
Nick: Encyclopedia Britannica. (laughs) All 24 volumes. Still own them, still use them.

Anatomy of a Lye [2.21]Edit

Greg: Your vehicle was painted Sarasota Silver. Also, only available on the S-Series '99 models. I checked with the Mercedes State Rep. Five were sold in Nevada. Sara's tracking down the owners.
Grissom: You've, uh, already shared this information with Sara?
Greg: Yeah, an hour ago. And she was way more fascinated than you are.
Grissom: Well, I'm somewhat fascinated by the fact that I'm your boss, but you talked to her first.
Greg: Well, you were at dinner.
Grissom: I've been in the lab all day, Greg.

Cross-Jurisdictions [2.22]Edit

[Nick and Sara are dusting a champagne bottle]
Sara: Hey Nick, have you ever been to a swingers party?
Nick: Well, if it's the same thing as a frat party yeah, lots of them. You know, you get enough booze going things can get pretty wild.
Sara: Frat party, huh? Well, I wouldn't know anything about that...How wild?
Nick: Multiple partner wild.
Calleigh: (holding up a shell casing) Normally you can spot a Glock casing from about a block away! (examining it) Rectangular firing pin impressions. This isn't fired from your chief's weapon! (realizes she hasn't introduced herself) Oh! By the way! I'm Calleigh Duquesne! (before Catherine can speak) Don't ask me how to spell it! (sees the look on Catherine's face) Southern!
Catherine: Well I'm southern too! (means the country) Nevada!
Horatio: (laughs at Catherine's comment which earns him a jealous look from Calleigh)
Calleigh: Do you have a theory on how the mother and girl ended up here from Las Vegas?
Catherine: We don't work theories! (notices Warrick checking out Calleigh) Do we, Warrick?
Warrick: (snapping back to reality) No, just the evidence!
Calleigh: (laughs) Well, we're a bit more fanciful down here. Aren't we Horatio?
Horatio: I'd say that's a fair point!
Horatio: (as Calleigh walks up to him) Hey!
Calleigh: (her and Horatio puts their heads together as she whispers) Delko esta en el canal en punto de sacar algo muy insteresante! (Delko's down at the channel. He's found something very interesting)
Horatio: Si carla vestos! (Calleigh nods solemly and walks away)
FBI: (nods to where Calleigh was just standing) What did she just say?
Horatio: She just said that you need to learn the language!
Horatio: (sees Sasha sitting in amongst trees) Sasha! (as she looks at him he says quietly as in not to scare her) Sasha? (he walks up to her) My name is Horatio!
Sasha: (frowning at the weird name) Horatio?
Horatio: (nods) Yeah! That's a weird name isn't it? My mother named me after a famous writer named Horatio Alger!
Sasha: Is your badge real?
Horatio: Yeah! It's real!

The Hunger Artist [2.23]Edit

Dr. Robbins: Educated guess: Beautification. She was injected with pig botulism. Botox ... the ultimate wrinkle cream.
Grissom: How did it get into her bloodstream?
Dr. Robbins: Bad doctor. Missed the muscle. Shot directly into her supratrochlear vein.
Grissom: Amazing the advances we make in science and the primitive uses we find for them.

Warrick: Looks like gink work. It's the kind of thing speed freaks do when they've been up for 10 days straight...and they've already taken apart the radio.

Warrick:(Throws magazine onto roof of car) Hey
Nick: Ooooh, Pretty girl

Season 3Edit

Revenge Is Best Served Cold [3.01]Edit

Nick: I wired the target to the car's alarm system. Gotta make sure we hear it.
Catherine: Always thinking there, Nicky, aren't ya?
[They get into their cars and buckle up]
Nick: Okay, remember full out the fifth then hit the nitrous and hang on.
Catherine: You just try to keep up.

The Accused Is Entitled [3.02]Edit

Greg: Psst, Grissom. [whispering] We got a development. I went over those swatches that Sara gave me from the bed sheet.
Grissom: Are you whispering?
Greg: I don't want that Gerard guy to hear me.
Grissom: Well, he's not here, so stop it.

Nick: (Looking at his beeper before going to the lab across the hall) You beeped me from across the hall
Greg: Uh yeah, I waved, you didn't look up.

Marjorie Westcott: [on television] Aside from the fact that the other woman in this case also known as Tonya is still at large and is still a likely suspect in this murder the evidence Las Vegas CSI did collect the evidence they're using to railroad my client, Tom Haviland, has been completely and irretrievably compromised. I'm holding in my hand compromised, contaminated evidence, ladies and gentlemen. CSI should be ashamed; and you, as citizens, should be outraged. This is not how we do things in America.

Warrick [to Grissom]: You don't recognize that guy, do you? It's Tom Haviland, movie star.
Grissom: Clark Gable was a movie star.

Tom Haviland: I get one phone call, right?
Grissom: Sure. Just like in the movies.

Catherine: D.A. just got the call. Tom's manager hired Marjorie Westcott to defend him.
Nick: "Soundbite" Westcott?
Catherine: Guilty, rich client, high-profile case it's right up her alley. Publicity for her new cable show.
Grissom: Forget about who's involved. We do this like we do any other case.

Casino Owner: Can the casino do anything to hurry this up, Mr. Stokes?
Nick: I'm processing as fast as I can, sir. It would help if I had the dice used at this table.
Casino Owner: We replace the dice every hour.
Nick: I've got my work cut out for me then, don't I?

Grissom: Tom Haviland's attorneys are not waiving time.
Nick: Are you serious?
Sara: They're actually exercising their right to a speedy trial?
Gil: No requests for continuances, no stall tactics. They're pushing for their day in court.
Warrick: Good defense attorney always does the last thing you expect.
Catherine: Yeah. What typically drags on for months has now been put on the fast track and the prelim is less than 72 hours.
Greg: I'm only done processing half the evidence.
Catherine: You're going to have to call in help, because if the judge thinks that our evidence isn't strong enough to go to trial, he's going to dismiss the charges on Tom.
Sara: Can't the D.A. drop the charges and we'll refile when we get our evidence together?
Catherine: Sure, but the odds are that Tom will relocate to Europe and pull a Polanski.
Greg: And what's a Polanski?
Grissom: Get-out-of-jail-free card. One more thing: Westcott just added a forensic scientist to their roster. She wants him to examine every piece of evidence we have against Haviland.
Nick: As soon as it's processed they'll get a copy of our report.
Gil: They're entitled to see it as it's processed.
Nick: I've never done a case where the defendant took advantage of that rule of discovery.
Gil: Well, when you can't attack the evidence itself, you attack the method of gathering the evidence.
Sara: So who's their guy?
Grissom: Dr. Phillip Gerard.
Sara: Phillip Gerard? Your mentor is their forensic scientist?
Grissom: Yeah. Marjorie Westcott's a smart lawyer.

Catherine: Marjorie's requesting copies of CSI's proficiency test records, by midnight.
Grissom: So relax. If any of us had failed the yearly proficiency test, we wouldn't be here.
Catherine: You completely forget, don't you? My test is on appeal.
Grissom: Oh, right.
Catherine: Board said I was wrong on one question. I said the question was ambiguous. They're going to rule my way, but not before the prelim. [sighs] Just trying to rattle me.
Grissom: Is it working?
Catherine: Maybe I should just take a page out of your book. If I don't collect or analyze anything, I don't have to testify. Of course, it helps to be boss. Very politic. Ecklie must be rubbing off on you.
Grissom: Yeah, that's it. Ecklie.

Warrick: I just got served. Movie star's lawyer wants the shirt that I wore to the crime scene.
Grissom: So give it to him.
Warrick: I had to throw it out.
Grissom: Why?
Warrick: It was covered in the blood from the accident victim.
Grissom: Well, you have to find it; otherwise, it'll look like you've got something to hide.
Warrick: Oh, CSI's on trial now?
Grissom: CSI's always on trial, Warrick; you know this. Burden of proof is on us.

Nick: [as he and Dr. Gerard are reviewing video surveillance] Looks like Raymond was disposing of the bodies for your client. You think he ran out of time before he could move Kim's out?
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Or Ray was disposing of them for himself. You've just supplied Tom Haviland with reasonable doubt.
Nick: No. What I showed you on video is Ray in the casino during the time the murders were committed.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: His zeal is clouding his judgment. It's not what did happen; it's what the jury will believe could have happened.

Grissom: [to Dr. Gerard] What happened to you? You were a pioneer in forensic science. How many bad guys did you put away in Hennepin County?
Dr. Phillip Gerard: My share. How many innocent men have been locked away since then because of sloppy investigating shortcut forensics?
Grissom: You look for mistakes in any lab, you'll find them.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: I shouldn't be able to, Gil.
Grissom: Humans are fallible.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Not this fallible: compromised blood, sweetheart deals...
Grissom: No, no, no, no. You're subverting good evidence. These are good people.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: The accused is entitled to the best defense possible.
Grissom: The accused is entitled, yeah. He's a movie star, that's why he's entitled. He's killed two women. You know it. But you're willing to decimate these CSIs so that you can spoon-feed a jury into letting him walk.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: A jury believes me because of my reputation just like they do you.
Grissom: The difference is, Philip, I get the same paycheck regardless of what I testify to.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: I'm saying this as a friend. For the reputation of CSI, tell the D.A. to drop this, re-file down the road.
Grissom: What about the victims' families? Who's their friend? [Dr. Gerard doesn't answer] My guys will see you in court.

Sara: There was another guy in that room. That's, that's great. The defense has us moving so fast we can't make sense of our own evidence.
Grissom: That's what they want.

Brass: [when Tonya's body is found] Did, uh, Tom Haviland ever play a boxer? Girl's face looks like hamburger meat.
Grissom: Looks like uncontrollable rage to me.
Nick: Grissom, you might want to come down here.
Grissom: Just say it, Nick.
Nick: Beans and franks. Tonya's a man.
Grissom: Looks like that old Hollywood saying: "Never get caught with a dead girl or a live boy." So, let's see Tom's in bed with what he thinks are two girls. He reaches down on one, becomes very confused. Most guys would have just cleared the room and gargled with whiskey. But Movie Boy, who brags about doing his own stunts, couldn't take the thought of having a man in his bed, so he freaked out.

Dr. Phillip Gerard: [to Grissom] You're not running evidence. Or have you changed your mind? [Grissom doesn't say anything] By the way, tell your mother I say 'Hello' next time you talk. I was so impressed that night we all had dinner. The sign language... how you interpreted for her. Fluid, didn't miss a beat.
Grissom: What'd you do, subpoena my doctor?
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Knowing your genetic predisposition for hearing loss?
Grissom: You've become a bottom feeder, Philip.
Dr. Phillip Gerard: Your work is dependent upon your five senses. The fact that you're losing one of yours wouldn't bode well for any evidence you introduced.
Grissom: You know, all those years I worked for you, you never got to know me at all, did you?

Catherine: [to Nick] Remember, if you get stuck just maintain the same posture. If there's any adjustments, you're seen as squirming. It's going to make you look shifty.
Nick: Thanks, Cath. You know, I've done this before.
Catherine: Well, I've done it longer.

[Catherine waits outside the courtroom on the bench and Nick comes out]
Nick: Damn!
Catherine: What?
Nick: Damn, damn, damn. I forgot to put case identifiers on my dice photos.
Catherine: Date, time and file number?
Nick: Yeah. [Catherine doesn't say anything] Don't look at me that way, okay? I wrote it down on the evidence envelope. I had to move fast. The casino manager wanted us out of there.
Catherine: The dice places Tom at the murder. Victim's blood mixed with his saliva.

Nick: I was sweating bullets looking at those photos.
Catherine: Did the judge exclude the dice?
Nick: No. No, just my credibility.

Warrick: Damn! Why didn't I see that coming? Gambling?
Nick: Hey, we're all in Nevada. It's legal; don't worry about it.
Warrick: Legal doesn't matter in there. You know the judge is going to throw out our blood evidence, right?
Nick: Truth is, it is compromised, Warrick.
Warrick: The blood is fine. It's their methods that are dirty.

Grissom: Your guys didn't get any extended body photos?
Brass: Chest, hands, arms right there.
Grissom: I need lower extremities for comparison.
Brass: Hey, Marjorie Westcott blew in here and shut us down. She said if we wanted full body shots we were going to have to get a court order. So the D.A.'s working on it.
Grissom: When, between testimony?
Brass: No kidding. Meanwhile, we're presenting half a case to a judge.

Marjorie Westcott: [to Sara] You date... you and Hank. You share a subtle communication. Did he move the bra to where you might have wanted it?
Sara: I didn't want it anywhere. I collect evidence without emotion.
Marjorie Westcott: You do get emotionally involved, though with the men on your cases. Hank Peddigrew isn't the first time.
Sara: Excuse me?
Marjorie Westcott: A murder investigation at the residence of one Charles Renteria. Eyewitness stated he saw you and your supervisor Gil Grissom standing alone outside and you were touching him in a romantic gesture.
Sara: I brushed chalk from his face.
Marjorie Westcott: Is that what they're calling it now?
Prosecutor for CSI: Objection, your honor.
Sara: Drywall dust. We were looking for a body.
Marjorie Westcott: It's a fair question, your honor. Just how far will Ms. Sidle go on the evidence to please her boss, Gil Grissom, whether he returns her attentions or not?

Catherine: Grissom... they're beating our heads in. Judge is going to dismiss... you can feel it.
Grissom: Don't get ahead of yourself.
Catherine: I'm not ahead of myself. I'm up there front and center taking hits along with the rest of CSI. You know, you've turned into a really lousy leader. I need your help, and you're on the sidelines.

Marjorie Westcott [to Catherine]: You took your clothes off for a living.
Catherine: For a very good living.

Dr. Phillip Gerard: Gil, good work.
Grissom: My team did it, Philip. I got good CSI's. [signs to Gerard] Oh, and, uh, my mother says "hello."

Let the Seller Beware [3.03]Edit

Grissom: Greg!
Greg: Yeah.
Grissom: Take off your shoes and socks.
Greg: See, now we're getting into this whole strip forensics thing and I'm not too sure I can hang with that - even if you are my boss.
Grissom: Your mother's maiden name was Hojem? Hojem is Norwegian, right?
Greg: That's right and you know my grandfather was tossed from Norway for getting my grandmother pregnant before they got married. To this day he still tells me, "Som man reder sa ligger man". [long pause] One must lie in the bed one has made.
Grissom: That's true. Right foot first, please.
Greg: Are you sure you want me to do this? Things could get loud in here!

Greg: [Greg limps into Grissom's office wearing only socks] What did you do to me?
Grissom: You had a reaction.
Greg: (laughs sarcastcally) I'm Hazmat meat. (sits down in pain) Quarantine, here I come. [Greg pulls off the socks and puts both his feet up on Grissom's desk. Grissom examines Greg's right foot]
Grissom: Your right foot, I swabbed with a placebo, regular tap water.
Greg: (fakes surprise) Yeah? (rushes on) Well, I'm not worried about the right foot!
Grissom: Left foot...eumycotic dermatitis.
Greg: (not understanding his latin) Oh, great. It's probably fatal.
Grissom: It's a mildew-induced skin rash.
Greg: [stares at Grissom] You infected me with mildew?
Grissom: Here. Hydrocortisone. Follow the directions, clear it right up. (Greg glares at him silently)

A Little Murder [3.04]Edit

Warrick: Cath? You all right? Don't let him get to you like that.
Catherine: I was scared...and I still am. [Warrick puts his arms around Catherine] Don't tell anyone, okay?

Grissom: You know what's really sad? This wasn't just a murder. It was a hate crime. Kevin Marcus hated himself.

Greg: There's, uh, something weird going on with the hairs from the ropes. Well, not weird. More (Grissom doesn't smile or laugh) Sorry, bad one.

Nick: Okay, back to midgets.
Grissom: Nick? "Dwarves" or "little people."

[After Catherine was attacked at a crime scene, she fell into the victim's blood]
Catherine (to Warrick): Don't touch me, I'm evidence.

Sara: Is this some kind of convention?
Grissom: Little People Convention. Every year they come from all over the world to a designated city. Socialize, network. It's their Prom, Olympics, and New Year's Eve all rolled into one. (As they walk, a man in a wheelchair nearly runs into Nick)
Nick: Oh, hey. Excuse me.
Man: Don't think so, square jaw. (Grissom and Sara continue along the ballroom unaware of Nick's close encounter)
Sara: Grissom, how do you know this?
Grissom: I get the newsletter.

Melanie Grace: My first IOLP convention -- I walk in, see 200 Dwarfs staring back at me and what goes through my head? "There's no way I look like these people." I ran.
Grissom: But you went back.
Melanie Grace: Eventually. I guess I realized it's nice to see eye-to-eye with someone.
Grissom: Mm.
Melanie Grace: I get the impression that's a little tough for you. "The freaks have looked at her in a secret way and tried to connect their eyes with hers as though to say, we know who you are. We are you."
Grissom (smiles): Faulkner.
Melanie Grace: Close. Another southern writer. Carson McCullers.
Grissom: I think we look for the differences in each other to prove that we're not alone.
Melanie Grace: What's yours? Your difference? (Grissom is silent) Mine's the worst. Random gene. Anyone can have a dwarf. Sometimes I've even seen terror in average-size people's eyes. I remind them that their little carbon copies might not be such a copy after all.
Grissom: Well, mine's genetic, progressive and impossible to predict.
Melanie Grace: And hard to notice ... unless you tell someone.

Melanie Grace: Does he ever talk?
Sara: Yeah. At, uh, random intervals.
Grissom: I was admiring your reaching tool.
Melanie Grace: I have one I use to wipe my tush with. Would you like to take a look at that, too?

Greg (grumbling about Grissom): You know, I hate it when he does that. I like to make a presentation, you know?
Nick: So, present.
Greg: Eh, forget it.

Nick: How long for DNA?
Greg: Well, give me something to compare it to. Get me the fiancée's blood.
Nick: Well, I can't just give you her blood. That takes a court order.
Greg: I'm open 24 hours.

Catherine [to Warrick]: Hey, um, hand me a swab, would you?
Warrick: You know I could do this for you.
Catherine: Not going to hurt any less. (Catherine takes a swab from the cut on her head)

Warrick: Two guys break and enter and get into some kind of an altercation.
Catherine: One ends up killing the other.
David: And almost Catherine. That had to be scary, huh?
Catherine: I didn't have time to be scared, David

Grissom: There's a theory in art that the Mona Lisa was really a feminized version of Leonardo Da Vinci himself.
Sara: Concept suggests ... Deep down we're all narcissists?
Grissom: Yeah. What attracts us the most is ourselves.

Abra Cadaver [3.05]Edit

Archie: Is that who I think it is?
Grissom: Who?
Archie: Toby Arcane. "Freak man".
Grissom: What makes him a "freak" besides that shirt?
Archie: All I can say he's not for the faint of heart.

The Execution of Catherine Willows [3.06]Edit

Greg: Hey, I hear you're cheating on me with an out-of-state DNA analyst.
Catherine: Apples and oranges, Greg. Fifteen-year-old hair samples no roots, room-temperature storage.
Greg: Room temp?
Catherine: Yeah, that's how we stored hair evidence back then. Microscopy was king.
Greg: Really? I thought Elvis was king.
Catherine: And you are how old?
Greg: Age is irrelevant in our relationship.
Catherine: Maybe so, but face it, Greg you just don't have the equipment.

Fight Night [3.07]Edit

Warrick: There was this one case where a boxer put lead shot in his gloves to increase his punching power. And also ancient greek limapulists used a glove weighted with metal, called a "cestus."
Grissom: You making a classical reference?
Warrick: Yeah. I thought you'd like that.

Grissom: I guess clothes do make "The Man."
Catherine: In this case, "The Man" makes the clothes... and produces the music... and represents the athletes... when he's not involved in street shootings, of course.
Grissom: And when you asked him what he was wearing the night of the murder, he couldn't remember?
Catherine: As far as he's concerned murder is just another way to separate himself from the Calvins and Ralphs of the world.
Grissom: Calvin and Ralph?
Catherine: Klein and Lauren. Fashion.
Grissom: Oh. Well, for most CSIs, fashion is irrelevant.
Catherine: Speak for yourself. The only thing between me and a wardrobe like this is a few extra zeros on my paycheck.

Snuff [3.08]Edit

Grissom: By the way, the definition of the word "retard", is to hinder or to hold someone back. I think your life is about to become…retarded.

Film Processor: I've processed hundreds of bogus snuff films. But this…this one just felt different.
Catherine: Yeah, it should. Arterial spray was real.
Grissom: It's not fake blood. It's human. That was a murder…on 16 millimeter.

[talking to the terminally ill suspect]
Catherine: You killed her.
Sara: I guess she killed you back.
Sara: (a phone book get thrown into the hallway as Sara goes by and she jumps back) Why are you throwing phone books?
Warrick: 'Cause a beaker gets glass all over the place.
Sara: (sweetly) What's wrong?
Warrick: It's this curtain that the porn girl was found wrapped in. I've got no prints, no second donor. I've got nothing to link this porn guy to the girl's murder. It's just driving me nuts.
Sara: (sarcastically) I'm fine.
Warrick: (realises he almost hit her) I'm sorry. Are you okay?
Sara: (smiles) Yeah. (puts her hand on his shoulder) You missed me by a mile. We may have something.
Warrick: Really?
Sara: Right here. I wanted to show you. When he's stabbing her, she's bleeding all over him.
Warrick: Well, a void proves that, but we still can't prove it's him.
Sara: Yeah, but her blood might. Catherine and I suspect transference. She had HIV.
Warrick: Well, how are we going to get a sample of Sampson's blood?
Sara: Warrant, based on the butterscotch dirt that you found on his car.
Warrick: [has a lightbulb moment] Oh, I like that.
Sara: [smiles] You might want to apologize to the phonebook.

Blood Lust [3.09]Edit

Grissom: Okay, Doc, tell me something I don't know.
Dr. Robbins: Okay. In fourth grade, I dropped out of karate class because a kid half my size made me cry.
Grissom: About the body.

Sara: You know you pulled me away from a forensic anthropology seminar, right? It's required. It's part of the continuing education program.
Grissom: Well, I'm sorry, but everyone seems to have something to do today. I have a teenager who was run over by a taxi. He wasn't hit by it; that's not what killed him. He was stabbed, fatally. For now, I have no ID, no suspects and no primary crime scene. I need you.

Grissom: How would you like to be part of an experiment?
Judy: I- I'm a secretary, besides, I heard what you did to Greg's feet.
Grissom: You'll keep your shoes on, I swear.

Thug: [After Brass is questioning them for beating a taxi driver who was supposedly fleeing a crime scene] If we were wearing badges, you guys would be giving us medals.
Brass: If you guys are wearing badges, I'm playing left wing in the NHL.

High and Low [3.10]Edit

Catherine: Hey, Greggy, any luck on those blood and hair samples?
Greg: Don't insult me. Luck is for those without skill.
Catherine: Spoken like a man who's never hit the jackpot.
Greg: Sad, but true.

Recipe for Murder [3.11]Edit

[Looking at the meat grinder the arm is caught in]
Grissom: We're gonna have to dismantle this piece by piece.
Catherine: Yeah.
Grissom: I'll get a foreman.
Catherine: I think I can handle this.
Grissom: You know about meat grinders?
Catherine: Well, everything's pretty much plumbing. Male into female parts. Righty tighty, lefty loosey.
[Grissom just looks at her as she starts to take it apart]

Got Murder? [3.12]Edit

[Nick and Sara sifting through rubbish they found near their victim]
Nick: Home pregnancy test, negative. Better luck next time.

[after Dr. Robbins has performed an autopsy on a living man, who later passes on]
Dr. Robbins: Alright David, take two.

Sara: She's a virgin?! So what are we talking here immaculate conception?
Catherine: More like the immaculate perception. Pseudocyesis: imagined pregnancy.
Sara: It's all in her head? Well, that would explain what she was doing in Dad's bed.
Catherine: Fantasizing.

Grissom (looking at the eyeball): Well, someone's missing a contact lens.
Catherine: That's not all they're missing.
Grissom: You know, ravens, like eagles, have been known to travel 30 miles from roost to feeding ground.
Catherine: 30 miles in every direction. Pi-r-squared. That means that we're looking at a ... 2,800 mile search area.
Grissom: "Once upon a midnight dreary while I pondered weak and weary over many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore."
Catherine: We're up a tree and you're quoting Poe. Give me something.
Grissom (holding the eyeball): "Quoth the raven: Only this and nothing more."

Warrick: Hey, I hear David's resurrecting the dead now.
Grissom (chuckles): Yeah, our little miracle worker.

Clyde: Look, everyone tries to get an edge in this business. I use jokes.
Warrick (hangs up the phone): Fred Sterns just passed away. Again.
Grissom: Dead guy. Not funny.

Sara (at a garbage dump): You know the average Nevadan generates three times more waste than the average American?
Nick: Yeah, well that's tourist trash.
Sara: Thirteen million pounds per day. I went to the recycling forum in March.
Catherine: The landfill manager says this is the active cell. Spotter says cell lift moves forward 20 feet a day. That puts the active cell right ... pretty much in front of us.
Nick: Man! You find the best evidence in the nastiest places.
Catherine: You are what you throw away.
Sara: It's like peeling an onion in peoples' lives.
Catherine: Well, this onion is our time line so peel back accordingly.

Catherine: Heard you got to be superhero today.
Doc Robbins: I consider myself a superhero every day.

Sara: Cans are on private property, it's not trash day, how did you get consent?
Catherine: I talked to the president of the owner's association.
Nick: What'd you threaten her with?
Catherine: A return visit.

Catherine (about the vic): What kind of identifying characteristics do we have?
Doc Robbins: Second degree midline episiotomy scar.
Catherine: Well, that narrows it down to more than half the women in this country who gave birth.
Doc Robbins: But there might be one other thing. At first I thought appendectomy, but check out her x-ray. She's had surgery. Some kind of implant at the L4-L5 interspace. I'll know more when I open her up.
Catherine: You're my hero, Al.

Doc Robbins: An artificial spinal disc. If you can recreate a spine the possibilities are endless.
Catherine: I thought, uh, disc replacement surgery involved fusing bone to bone.
Doc Robbins: Eh, typically, but it can limit mobility. With that little disc, your body doesn't know the difference. Matches range of motion, flexibility and an axial rotation of a normal spine. Still in clinical trials. Less than a thousand surgeries have been performed in this country.
Catherine: Oh, well, I like those odds.
Doc Robbins: You'll like this even better. Medium endplate, size 12, polyethylene component and a six-degree lordosis angle. Narrowed it down to one. Amy Ennis. Austin, Texas.
Catherine: Tourist?
Doc Robbins (chuckles): That's for you to find out.

Warrick: You know it's illegal in the state of Nevada to have venomous snakes?
Marty: If you handle them correctly, snakes are harmless. I know what I'm doing.
Grissom: Yeah, that's what we're afraid of.

Marty: You going to arrest me for blurring the lines?
Grissom: No. We were leaning towards murder.

Brass: Have you ever seen anything like this before?
Catherine: How it manifested? No. But the cause? (beat) People throw things away every day.

Warrick: You ever buy a brand-new car, Griss?
Grissom: Depreciation doesn't make it a logical investment.
Warrick: It's not about logic. It's about that smell. There's nothing like the smell of a brand-new car.

Random Acts of Violence [3.13]Edit

Detective Vega: You don't just spontaneously develop a fatal head wound.

Warrick: This guy has been in Mat's house.
Grissom: What is this?
Warrick: Mat's team won this three years ago. This trophy was given to the rec center last year. I found all this stuff in Jacobs' car. Look at this.
Grissom: If this is evidence, it needs to be tagged and cataloged.
Warrick: This is the same guy who shot Mat's daughter in the head and he's walking around laughing at us.
Grissom: Can you prove that?
Warrick: What is this? I've been putting guys away like this for years. And now that it matters it's like that you're holding me back here.
Grissom: Your job, Warrick, is to process the evidence. Objectively and without prejudice.
Warrick: I'm so tired of hearing that. I've heard it a million times. I can't be like you, I'm not a robot, ok? I, actually, care about this people.
Grissom: Y'know what? You're not working on this case anymore. I have another assignment for you tomorrow.
Warrick: Keep it.

Grissom: Greg, how many licks are take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?
Greg: The world may never know.
Warrick: Just see if you get some DNA off this stick, would you?
Greg: All work and no play makes Greg a dull boy.
Grissom: All play and no work makes Greg an unemployed boy.

Warrick: I blew it.
Grissom: Yeah. But you're not the one who's paying for it.

Nick: You gotta get a girlfriend.
Archie: You first.

Greg: I thought we had a relationship! What are you doing taking Archie into the field instead of me?
Nick: Right tool for the right job, man. You have to understand the world you're investigating (Greg gives Nick a look) Hey, Archie? What's that "Star Trek" episode with that guy and the forehead thingy and the time portal...?
Archie: In classic, TNG, DS9, Voyager or Enterprise?
Greg: Point taken.
Archie: Or were you thinking about Farscape?
Nick: I have no idea what you're talking about.

One Hit Wonder [3.14]Edit

Grissom: "The best intentions are fraught with disappointment."

Nick: The semen sample I recovered is still being processed in DNA.
Greg: [walks in] Not anymore. I'm done. And no jokes about me being fast in this department. The ejaculate outside the first girl's window -- spank high. Good news: It does have DNA.
Nick: Whose?
Greg: I don't know. Ran it through CODIS, nothing kicked out.
Catherine: Well, it's possible this guy's so new he doesn't even have a record.
Greg: Well, I can tell you this about him: Really low sperm count. Sample hardly had any swimmers.
Nick: That's probably from excessive masturbation. Guy's outpacing his ability to produce ... [he looks up and finds everyone staring at him] ... sperm.
Warrick: You'd know it, spanky

[Sara gives Bobby the bullet from her friend to process]
Bobby: Hang on a second. [smiling] You get approval from Grissom, I don't want him walking in on me.
Sara: [nodding] Yeah.
Bobby: Sara Sidle.
Sara: [smiling] Yeah, I did!
Bobby: All right. Just checking!

Lady Heather's Box [3.15]Edit

Grissom: May we come in?
Lady Heather: Say the magic word...
Brass: Warrant.

Brass: We are going back to Lady Heather's.
Grissom: I can take care of this myself.
Brass: Gil, do me a favor. Get a sport car. It's a lot cheaper and easier to handle.

Lady Heather: Unfortunately the language we speak in here doesn't necessarily translate to the world out there.
Grissom: No, in here, the submissive has the power... all he has to do is say the safety word and everything stops.
Lady Heather: Very good, Mr. Grissom.
Grissom: I'm just repeating what I've heard.
Lady Heather: You're a good listener.
Grissom: Part of the job.
Lady Heather: So, this is work?
Grissom: Yes, but I value your insight.
Lady Heather: I'm flattered...but you already seem to know the answers to your questions. You keep me in proximity when I walk away [She moves closer to him] and when I'm close you watch my lips. Are you losing your hearing?
Grissom: I'm losing my balance.
Lady Heather: Your sense of self?
Grissom: No, I know who I am.
Lady Heather: Do you?
Grissom: Yes... I do. [He touches one side of her cheek with one hand then the other with his other hand] You can always say "stop".
Lady Heather: So can you.
[Screen fades, then the next scene of them is in the morning at Lady Heather's house, having tea]

Nick: Hey Doc, I've come to get an update on ... stinky

Lucky Strike [3.16]Edit

Detective Cyrus: Death: the cheapest show in Vegas.
Grissom: Yeah. it doesn't suprise me. Remember the MGM fire? We found people burned to their slot machines cause they wouldn't leave the action.
Detective Cyrus: Only in Vegas.

Nick: Feces?
Grissom: Yep.
Nick: Under the fingernail?
Grissom: Yep. [Nick looks up with pained expression]
Nick: He wiped his own ass?
Grissom: [laughs] No, Nick, it's not human. It's scat. Could be from a bat.
Nick: Bat scat.
Grissom: Bat guano.

Nick: There's a sucker born every minute.
Grissom: Yep, and they all come to Vegas.

Grissom: Bats are like bees, Nick. Don't bother them, and they won't bother you.
Nick: Let's not bother them... I mean it.

Crash and Burn [3.17]Edit

Greg: Hey, I hear you're working on Hank's case.
Sara: I believe it's my case.
Greg: Territorial. You know, guys don't like that.
Sara: You're crowding me, Greg.
Greg: Well, I have some information that'll bring us even closer.

Sara: Diane Lambart lived two hours away. If she drove into Vegas with the intention of using it as a murder weapon. I'd imagine she'd be pretty stressed.
Dr. Robbins: Kamikaze Grandma.

Precious Metal [3.18]Edit

Grissom: So, let's see. You surf, you scuba dive. You're into latex, you like fashion models and Marilyn Manson. And you also have a coin collection?
Greg: Weird, ha?
Grissom: Well, I race cockroaches.

Grissom: What happened to your enthuasism, Greg?
Greg: Well, everytime I make a DNA match in here my world gets a little smaller. Out there I felt large.
Grissom: Out there... means a pay cut.
Greg: It's not about the money.
Grissom: That's good to know.

Doorman: Sorry, 5 dollars to get in.
Brass: [Pointing to his badge] I got a coupon.

A Night At The Movies [3.19]Edit

Sara: What do you think caused these marks?
Hodges: Give me more time. I'm not a miracle worker.
Sara: Well, that's obvious, Hodges. If you were a miracle worker, you wouldn't be rude.
Hodges: I wasn't being rude. I was being curt. Rude would be, "When I know, you'll know." Friends?
Sara: No.

Catherine: Hi. What'd I miss?
Grissom: Murder, seduction, deceit — the usual.
Catherine: Mm. This one of your favorites?
Grissom: Actually, I'm not a big fan of noir.
Catherine: Okay. Well, what do you like?
Grissom: I like silent movies.

Last Laugh [3.20]Edit

Brass: I'm chasing something that Gil Grissom isn't interested in ... a hunch.

Nick: You sure you don't want me to do this?
Sara: Are you kidding? I live for this. I mean, Shelley Stark and I are the same height and weight.
Nick: Yeah, but you're taller, thinner.
Sara: Oh, butter that toast, Nick.

Catherine: Oh, Dougie Max was poisoned.
Greg: To the max.

Catherine: It's physically impossible to absorb a fatal dose of cocaine through the penis.
Grissom: Cite your source.

Brass: Did you hear the one about the comedian who died onstage?
Catherine: Ba-dum-bum
Brass: I'll be here all week.

Catherine: We have a bigger problem than we thought we did.
Hodges: Why are you looking at me?
Catherine: I'm not looking at you.
Hodges: Yes you are!
Catherine: Okay...

Catherine: What do you see?
Grissom: Nothing.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: A punchline?
Brass: Ba-dum-bum.

Forever [3.21]Edit

Catherine: I'm gonna find out what Rone's mothers maiden name is.
Grissom: What's his mother got to do with it?
Catherine: She may have sold me my engagement ring.

Play with Fire [3.22]Edit

Archie: Nevada State Correctional Facility. Pretty casual for a prison.
Grissom: It's medium-security...
Nick: ...for nicer criminals.
Archie: [laughing] Right.

Sara: You got a minute?
Grissom: I was just leaving.
Sara: Yeah, the schedule says you're off tonight.
Grissom: I am.
Sara: Me too.
Grissom: You should be on paid leave.
Sara: I'm fine.
Grissom: You were fortunate and I'm not talking about the explosion.
Sara: You, uh, you talked to Brass.
Grissom: And Nick.
Sara: We got the guy.
Grissom: Is that all you have to say?
Sara: Would you like to have dinner with me?
Grissom: No.
Sara: Why not? Let's... let's have dinner... let's see what happens.
Grissom: Sara... I don't know what to do about this.
Sara: I do... you know by the time you figure it out, it really could be too late.

Inside the Box [3.23]Edit

Grissom: Albert. Got a minute?
Doc Robbins: Sure. What's up?
Grissom: I'd like a second opinion.
[Next shot of them is after he checked Grissom's ear]
Doc Robbins: I wish you had come to me sooner. The condition is pretty far along. Why'd you wait?
Grissom: [sighs] I hoped it would go away.
Doc Robbins: Doesn't your mother have this condition?
Grissom: Yeah. It's hereditary. I know I wasn't rational.
Doc Robbins: Look, Gil. I'm not gonna preach to you, you came to me. But Doctor to Doctor there's a chance the bone deposits have spread into the inner ear. In which case your hearing loss will eventually be permanent. If I were you, I'd schedule surgery as soon as possible.

Grissom: I'm not going with you.
Catherine: What do you mean?
Grissom: I'm scheduled for surgery at Desert Palm.
Catherine:: Surgery? [She walks over to him] Your hearing?
Grissom: [nods] Yep.
Catherine: I'm sorry.
Grissom: I'm not. Has to be done.
Catherine: What can I do?
Grissom: Nothin', I'm fine. Take care of the case.
Catherine: Wha--ah, that's it?
Grissom: That's it. Um... good luck.

Season 4Edit

Assume Nothing [4.01]Edit

[Grissom, after his ear surgery, hears the vibration of Catherine's cellphone against her bag]
Grissom: Your phone's ringing.
Catherine: You can hear that?...[Smiles] You're back.
Grissom: What?

[Nick sees Grissom examining the Magic Fingers]
Nick: Haven't you ever seen one of those before?
Grissom: Not in person, no.
Nick: Magic Fingers. Twenty-five cents for 15 minutes of vibration. Died a slow death in the '70s due to vandalism and seedy connotations. Good for sex. Good for sleep ... too.
Grissom: Good for us. Given the killer's appetite for sexual persuasion, maybe they blew the circuit. Overloaded it with coins.
Nick: And their prints on those coins.

All for Our Country [4.02]Edit

Grissom: Linens and towels from The Sphere on top of the washing machine, and what I believe to be sheets from the motel inside the dryer. Both positive presumptive for blood.
Nick: Think they were being smart taking the sheets, or did they just get off sleeping on 'em?
Warrick: Either way, they were sick and dangerous.
Grissom: What does that say about whoever killed them?

Catherine: Whoa, this isn't half bad for college kids.
Sara: Yeah, why live in a one room flea bag when you can pool your resources and live like this.
Catherine: Hey how about it, you, me, Warrick, Nick, Grissom?
Sara: Oh, nah,(shakes her head) not Grissom.
[Catherine and Sara walk into the house. Water is pouring down, almost like it's raining, from the second story and the two police officers on scene are using umbrellas]
Catherine: What the hell is this?
Officer: Ma'am, you may want to take one of these. [The officer hands Sara an umbrella]
Sara: Thank you, thanks!
Catherine: Where's the body?
Officer: Upstairs.
Sara: Upstairs?
Officer: Yeah.
[long pause]
Catherine: It's raining MAN JUICE?
Sara: Hallelujah?
[One of the officers dashes over to give them two pairs of boots]
Officer: You might want to wear these.
Sara: Thank you.

Fromansky: Someday, you're going to need me or my buddies at a scene... and wouldn't you know it, we all hit traffic on the way.
Grissom: Is that how you do your job, officer?
Fromansky: Have a safe night.

Greg: So I ran the blood you found on the gun through CODIS... on my own time... of which I have precious little...
Grissom: Greg, why do you always trail off like that?
Greg: Because you make me nervous.

Sara: So who's the punk now... bitch?

Homebodies [4.03]Edit

Grissom: Sun Tzu once said "“If you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of your enemies will float by." [opens the door to find a mummified body] But those were brutal times.

Feeling the Heat [4.04]Edit

Archie: You know, if I had my choice about how I was going to go out, it would not be electrocution. I think an aneurysm in my sleep, quick and painless.
Warrick: I like surprises.

Sara: Girl's out at the lake. She meets some random guy she knows nothing about and she goes off with him.
Hodges: She places herself in a bad situation.
Sara: And bad things happen.

Archie: Whoa-ho!
Warrick: What you got?
Archie: Ultimate power. I could program this bad boy to make me a cup of coffee.

Fur and Loathing [4.05]Edit

Brass: Well, the rancher's going to get off, Linda's dead, and Wolfie... skates with a misdemeanor.
Catherine: We took one look at those furry suits and thought "foul play," but this was really just a domestic dispute gone mad.
Grissom: Fur and loathing in Las Vegas.

Catherine: Well, I like hairy chests, but I'm not about to bop a six-foot weasel!

[After finding civet oil and ipecac on the blue cat suit]
Greg:That's what you get when you eat...

Jackpot [4.06]Edit

Lt. Brooks: You don't keep any secrets, Mr. Grissom? Not even from your wife?
Grissom: [amused] I used to. I'm trying to change.

Invisible Evidence [4.07]Edit

Hodges: Hey, I heard about court today. Must have been embarrassing, huh?
Warrick: Hodges, why'd you leave L.A. Again? Never mind, it's probably none of my business.

[Warrick is in the bathroom splashing water on his face. Catherine walks in]
Catherine: Hey you!
Warrick: Hey.
Catherine: How're you holding up?
Warrick: I'm fine.
Catherine: You sure?
Warrick: Yeah.
Catherine: You're in the women's bathroom.

Sara: Pin me down.

After the Show [4.08]Edit

Greg: I understand why all these cadets are here. They have to be. But what's up with all these off-duty cops?
Catherine: Chance to be a hero. Girl's beautiful. These guys don't get many chances.
Greg: For what?
Catherine: To rescue a princess.

Grissom Versus the Volcano [4.09]Edit

Grissom: Here comes the press. You're on. I wish I could help but I got a vehicle to process.
Sheriff Atwater: C'mon, Grissom. Bomb goes off and everyone thinks it's a hit. What do you think?
Grissom: I'm not thinkin'. I'm lookin'.
Sheriff Atwater: That's good. Can I use that?

Coming of Rage [4.10]Edit

Construction Worker: Trade you a hammer for a screw.
Sara: Name please.
Construction worker: Tell you mine, you tell me yours. Uh, come on baby, stuck with these ugly fools all day, pretty girl comes by, just having a little fun.
Sara: Yeah, a murder always makes me feel a little randy too.

Sara: You're not a victim, you were a lure. Do you know how many people don't report a rape because they're afraid that no one will believe them?
Ashley: Of course. That's what I was counting on.
Sara: I'm gonna do everything in my power to make sure you're tried as an adult.
Ashley: Good luck. I dress up real nice. Couple barretts, little lace collar, two dead parents. I'll be the saddest little girl in the world.

Sara: Clothing, $85. Earrings, $30. Latte, $4. Getting away with murder...
Grissom: Priceless.

Eleven Angry Jurors [4.11]Edit

Greg: No she didn't.
Sara: Greg, she told Warrick she put peanut butter in the chili.
Greg: I don't care if Mr. Peanut was taking a bath in the vic's lunch. It's not what killed him.

[A previously unseen stinger is pulled out of the victim's neck]
Grissom: Apis mellifera.
Sara: We're looking for another body.

Butterflied [4.12]Edit

[The doctor/suspect is leaving the room]
Grissom: Sad, isn't it doc? Guys like us, couple of middle aged men who have allowed their work to consume their lives. The only time we ever touch other people is when we are wearing our latex gloves. We wake up one day and realize that for fifty years we haven't really lived at all. But then all of a sudden we get a second chance. Somebody young and beautiful shows up, somebody we could care about. She offers us a new life with her. But we have a big decision to make, right? Because we have to risk everything we've worked for in order to have her. I couldn't do it, but you did. You risked it all. And she showed you a wonderful life, didn't she? But then she took it away and gave it to somebody else, and you were lost. So you took her life, you killed them both and now you have nothing.
Dr. Vincet Lurie: I'm still here.
Grissom: Are you?
[Camera shows Sara on the other side of the glass, she watched the entire thing]

Doc Robbins: Dismembering an adult male with this much precision and without cutting through the bone. 12 hours minimum.
Catherine: Half of a day. That's patience.
Doc Robbins: The, uh, patella was cleanly removed. And with one slice, the femur was separated from the tibia and the fibula. There's a perverse elegance to this butchery.
Catherine: Well, I'm not so sure I see it that way. A killer with knowledge of anatomy whose tool is a scalpel. I think that the butcher was a doctor.

Suckers [4.13]Edit

Grissom: Sara?
Sara: Hmm?
Grissom: Do you have any duct tape in your kit?
Sara: Yeah, that's what I use to keep it together.

[Grissom fishes the body out of the pool and discovers that it is a mannequin.]
Grissom: This is not a crime scene.
[Alarms go off, Grissom and Brass enter the building to find broken glass, the Japanese sword missing and the security guard tied to a chair with duct tape over his mouth.]
Grissom: This is a crime scene

Nick: [Nick puts tape over the finger print on the handle of a supposedly priceless samurai sword. When Nick pulls the tape to lift the fingerprint, it tears off part of the handle.] good is our insurance?

Paper or Plastic? [4.14]Edit

Officer Formansky: Before this goes any deeper I wanna hear it from you, are you gonna try and screw me on this? [Grissom doesn't say anything] Well?
Grissom: Well, I guess that depends on whether or not I get stuck in traffic on the way to your hearing.

Early Rollout [4.15]Edit

Catherine: We're mid-case. Why do we have to do this now?
Grissom: Well, unless I get this evaluation in, I'm gonna get written up.
Catherine: Okay. My goals...Oh, all right, okay, for starters, I'd like two consecutive nights off. I would like to cut my triples down to 10 instead of the usual 20, and I would love to find a reliable babysitter so I could have myself some kind of a personal life.
Grissom: You don't have a personal life?
Catherine: Write this down: I haven't had sex in six - no, seven months!
[Grissom stops writing on the evaluation and he looks at her]
Grissom: How can I help?
[Catherine's eyes widen]
Grissom: You... Advance, I mean. You... have any interest in changing sections in the lab? For instance.
Catherine: Gil, how do you do this? Honestly, how do you juggle scheduling and vacations and time...
Grissom: The goal of any supervisor is to teach someone to take his place someday.
Catherine: Are you goin' some place?
Grissom: You never know.
Catherine: Are you considering me?
Grissom: Why not? You're certainly qualified. [She gets up to leave] But a CSI who uses the DNA lab to establish her own paternity calls into question her judgement. Don't you think?
[He hands her the evaluation to sign and she thumbs through it]
Catherine: You left that out. Ar-are you covering for me?
Grissom: I believe that we dealt with this issue, handled it internally. As far as I'm concerned it's dead. And besides you'll never do it again. So, just sign your name by the red X.
Catherine: Before I sign, um... since we're putting all of our cards on the table there's something you should know, Sam Braun wrote me a check and I cashed it.
Grissom: For how much?
Catherine: Enough where Lindsey and I can do anything, and not enough to where we can do nothing.
Grissom: Sam Braun was a suspect in one of your murder cases, how does this not look like a pay off?
Catherine: I consulted a lawyer. It's a check from a father to a daughter it is completely out of departmental jurisdiction.
Grissom: What about conflict of interest? Not just for you but for this lab.
Catherine: Gil, I would never you or the lab.
Grissom: [Cutting her off and getting angry] Maybe not legally, but ethically? [She sighs and looks at her lap and then back at him] What else should I know, Catherine?
Catherine: That's everything. [She signs the sheet and leaves]

Brass: Hey, look what I found. A knife with blood on it.
Grissom: Look what I found. Dead guy.

Getting Off [4.16]Edit

[Analyzing the boxers found on the victim]
Catherine: Alright, what do those look like to you?
Greg: Semen stains.
Catherine:: Yeah.
Greg: Which on a man's underwear aren't exactly probative.
Catherine: No.
Greg: I can't tell you how long they've been there or how often the guy changes his shorts. You know, I knew guys who could go up to four days on one single pair of tighty whities.
Catherine: Thanks for puttin' that picture in my brain.

Greg: The gods of CODIS have blessed us with a hit.

XX [4.17]Edit

[Drawing a sample from a cadaver's bladder]
Doc Robbins: Urine... you're out.
Catherine: Home pregnancy test, huh?
Doc Robbins: It's about 10 times cheaper than the brand sold by our medicial supply company. But just as accurate.
Catherine: Eye on the bottom line. I find that very---
Doc Robbins: Sexy?
Catherine: Prudent. But that was a good try.
Doc Robbins: Ah, plus sign. You know what that means.
Catherine: Who's yo daddy?

Bad to the Bone [4.18]Edit

Brass: It's not as bad as it looks.
Sheriff Atwater: It never looks good when a suspect dies in custody.

(A little after Grissom was attacked by a suspect)
Catherine: You okay?
Grissom:: I'm fine. (she turns his head to the right to see his neck injury)
Catherine: Nasty. Kinda looks like a hickey. (Grissom makes a face and pushes her hand away) You wanna tell me what got this party started?
Grissom: I scraped his nails.
Catherine: That's it?

(After finding a body in the ground)
Warrick: What do you think, Grissom? Been down here at least 3 years? (Grissom sniffs, around it)
Grissom: It's probably more than 3 years.
Brass: You're kiddin' me, right?
Grissom: Rule of thumb is if the skull smells bad it's usually under 3 years. But this one smells like dirt.

Bad Words [4.19]Edit

[Reading the high school newspaper and a column by the victim]
Nick: The lead story by editor and chief Sabrina Abernathy, entitled: "Varsity Hazing Ritual". Now listen to this: "The question is not whether the so called student athletes should be expelled, but whether or not they should be arrested."
Warrick: Why, what'd they do?
Nick: Apparently something with several hookers and alot of testosterone.
Greg: Whatever happened to toliet paper and trees?

[Grissom and Sara search suspect Craig Kaufman's room for evidence for something connecting to the false word EXVINS]
Craig: What are you looking for?
Sara: A six-letter word.
[Grissom finds a replica Tokarev gun among Craig's things]
Grissom: P-I-S-T-O-L? It's not the word we were looking for, but it's interesting.

Greg: Everyone but the little guy was gettin' high and gettin' by. Daughter was on uppers, Mom's on downers and Grandma was on the cancer stick.
Catherine: Ritalin, Valium and Grandma's a liar.
Greg: Pants on fire.

Sara (talking to a suspect about a broken mirror at the crime scene): You know that's seven years bad luck.
Brass: More like seven to ten.

Catherine: So, it's gone from intentional to accidental to personal. Who have we got?
Warrick: Nick's girlfriend (Nick laughs)

(About trace evidence)
Grissom: What's it used for?
Hodges: Mostly Greg-Sanders-Wear. Um, names, airband logos, inane sayings, anything that could be put on a t-shirt.

Grissom (to Craig after he doesn't say anything about letting Adam choke): Out of words?

Nick: Well, Rick Chilson did call Sabrina a "bitch" while we were talking.
Catherine: Charming.
Nick: Yeah, he's an ass, but his alibi checks out.

Warrick: You know, Sam ... that word that you wrote on the floor ... you know, that's a really bad word.
Sam Abernathy: I hear it all the time. My grandma says it. (strikes a match and puts it out in the mug.) My mom says it. (strikes another match and puts it out in the mug.) And my sister says it. (strikes another match.) Well... she used to say it. (blows the match out and watches the smoke rise up from the burned match. He drops it into the mug)

Dead Ringer [4.20]Edit

[Grissom is driving next to Catherine who's running. The title theme from Chariots of Fire is playing from the SUV]
Catherine: [out of breath] What the hell kind of music is that?
Grissom: Inspiration.
Catherine: Sedative!
Grissom: Okay. [Grissom changes the song to a country one.] How's this?
Catherine: How 'bout something that doesn't twang?
[Grissoms changes it to "Are You Gonna Be My Girl?" by Jet]

Mendez: I just made Lieutenant. I've got nothing to prove.
Catherine: A man with nothing to prove. Now that would be a first.

Mendez: Those the best you got? [He points over to Grissom and Catherine]
Brass: Yeah, yeah, you got lucky.
Mendez: Well, if they're not I'll fly mine in.
Brass: Let me put it to you this way - I'd want them investigating my murder.

Warrick: This is, like, a two- $300 la Perla Nightie, ripped to shreds.
Sara: Oh, looks comfortable.
Warrick: It's not designed to stay on that long.

David [to Greg]: So, how was your run?
Greg: I'm still alive.

(When a corpse found on the roadside turns out to be a LAPD SES officer)
Catherine: So much for the race.
Grissom: At least we didn't come last.

(After Grissom pulls the SUV off of the road during her run)
Catherine: What are you taking a leak? The follow car is supposed to stay with the runner! We've been training for months, man. 20 C.S.I.s, 120 miles.
Grissom: Don't blame me. Blame him. (shines his flashlight on a corpse)

Grissom: Sooner or later, everybody gets replaced.
Mendez: Talk to me when it happens to you.

Catherine: How many cops are in town this weekend?
Grissom: Twenty thousand. And the road is closed to civilians.
Catherine: Spring break with a badge. Well, this ought to be fun. Every suspect's in law enforcement.

Doc Robbins: Well, the race isn't the only reason these guys come to town. It's a good party.
Grissom: Too much running, too much partying?
Doc Robbins: L.A. S-E-S. They go all out.
Grissom: Work hard, play hard, die young, leave a good-looking corpse.

Will: If I'm going to kill a guy, I'm not going to do it with twenty thousand cops around.
Catherine: Well ... sounds like you've been giving it some serious thought.
Will: Well, every cop does. My way? A sniper shot ... two hundred meters out. Coleman'd never even hear the "am" in "blam."

Mrs. Senteno: I married a cop. With that comes alcohol and women to take the edge off. First time ... he said it meant nothing. He promised never to do it again. By the third time ... I told him to stop confessing. I wasn't going anywhere.
Sara: Don't ask, don't tell.
Mrs. Senteno: I wasn't willing to trade my family for the flavor of the month. That doesn't make me pathetic.

Brass: Will Marshall, this is Catherine Willows, from the Crime Lab.
Will: There's something very wrong in the world if a woman like you is only handling test tubes.
Catherine: If you think that's all I handle, you're not as smart as you think.

Turn of the Screws [4.21]Edit

Grissom: This is the first time a roller coaster has derailed in Clark County. Huge criminal and civil liabilities issues, so keep it quiet. Photograph the scene. Bag and tag the detritus. Forklift anything bigger than Greg. We're going to put up a tent on the other side of the parking lot for crime scene reconstruction. Questions?
Greg: Yeah. What's that guy doing so far away from the others?
Grissom: Curious, isn' t it? [walks away]
Greg: So when he asks if anybody has any questions he's not really asking?

Grissom: There are three things in human life that are important, the first is to be kind, the second one is to be kind and the third one is to be kind.
Sara: Henry James.
Grissom: Very good, author of one of the greatest horror stories ever written, Turn of the Screw, and I'm looking for one.
Sara: A screw?
Grissom: Yes.

Greg: I found something a little unusual for a roller coaster. Not a sailor but a...
Sara: Semen. Sex on the roller coaster?
Greg: Or some kid shaking hands with Shorty.
Grissom: The release of epinephrine and adrealine while riding a roller coaster can produce a stimlatory effect. It enhances ejaculation.
Greg: Right.

No More Bets [4.22]Edit

Grissom: I thought that Nick was the best candidate for the position.
Sara: Why?
Grissom: Because he didn't care whether he got the job or not.
Sara: That's a stupid reason.

Sam Braun: Some people in this town think I'm a murderer.
Catherine: Some people in this town know you're a murderer.

Warrick: They used to tell me back in the day that if you were caught cheating you'd get a couple whacks on the hand with a ball peen hammer.
Doc Robbins: Ow.
Warrick: Second time you got caught you'd lose a limb.
Doc Robbins: Third time?
Warrick: A long walk in the desert with a shovel.

Sam Braun: I'm curious. What bothers you more? The fact that you couldn't pin a murder on me....or that Catherine cashed my check? [Grissom gives him a look] There were no strings on that money.

Bloodlines [4.23]Edit

Sara: Hey, hey, Nick, Congratulations on your almost promotion. Seriously, you deserved it.
Nick: Wow, that's really hard for you isn't it?
Sara: Yeah, it is.

Grissom: Maybe rape is just foreplay for this guy. Maybe what he really gets off on is killing.

Grissom: That's not what the evidence says.
Catherine: Well, maybe the evidence is wrong.
Grissom: You can be wrong, I can be wrong, but the evidence is just the evidence.

(When Grissom wants a blood sample)
Todd Coombs: This is harassment. I've already given you guys a DNA sample.
Grissom: You know that bone marrow donation you gave to your brother? I checked your medical records, his body rejected it and he died. I'm guessing that's when you found out about your unique condition.
Todd Coombs: The doctors explained it. I'm a creature of myth.
Grissom: A chimera. A head of a lion, body of a goat, tail of a dragon. You're a genetic anomoly. One person two completely different sets of DNA.

Officer (referring to Sara): She's lucky she wasn't on the strip; that's highway patrol's jurisdiction. She blew .09. Technically she's over, but they just lowered the limit so we cut her a break and didn't book her. But we did have to call the supervisor. (Grissom and the Officer enter the waiting room where Sara is)
Grissom: Well, thank you. I appreciate the courtesy.
Officer: No problem. (Grissom walks over to Sara, sits down next to her, and squeezes her hand)
Grissom: C'mon, I'll take you home.

Sara: What?
Grissom: How many vacation days do you have on the books?
Sara: About ten weeks, I guess. Why?
Grissom: I think you should take a week or two.
Sara: I'm still on the case. I just didn't do the interview for once in my life. When was the last time that you took a vacation, never, right?
Grissom: Okay.

Greg: Grissom, I have some information that'll be of a use to you but before you get it, I need a decision.
Grissom: What?
Greg: I'm tired of being on the fence here. Either I'm in the lab or I'm in the field. Which is it?
Grissom: Well, as soon as you can find and train a replacement, you can be in the field. Until then I need you in the lab. Now give.

Season 5Edit

Viva Las Vegas [5.01]Edit

Grissom: [about why the killer brought the Polaroid with him] Bring me the head of John the Baptist. Salome- wanted proof that he was dead. They didn't have Polaroids back then.
Brass: So you're saying our first victim was a hired killer. Hired by whom?
Greg: Whoever shot him?

Sara: [To herself in the mirror] So I had some time to think while I was away, enough time to figure out why I made such a stupid mistake, I...I do not have a drinking problem, I have a, problem. My PEAP counselor suggested it would be a good idea for me to talk to my supervisor and that's you, Grissom, so... I never told you about my family, I never told anyone about my family, why would I?...

Brass: Hey, Gil, there's something stuck to your shoe... Oh, it's just Sanders.
[Greg gives him a dry look]

Detective Cavalier: Electrocution. That's a quick way to go.
Warrick: Not always.

Al Robbins: The only other thing I found, was a swollen ankle.
Catherine Willows: Well, ever try shaking your ass in four-inch heels? (Robbins looks at her) Don't answer that.

Grissom: You committed a fatal error, Greg. You compromised evidence at a crime scene. A judgment like that can cost us a conviction. In order to solo in the field, you have to successfully complete three proficiencies.
Greg: I failed this one.
Grissom: Yeah. (Greg stands up, sighs and heads for the door) But...(Greg stops and turns around) Since you found a suitable replacement in the lab, I'm going to give you one more chance.
Greg: Thank you. Thank you.

Grissom: So, Greg, how do you explain adhesive and toilet bowl cleanser on the gun?
Greg: I don't know. I can tell you the toilets in the club had blue water.
Grissom: You inspected the toilet bowls for evidence?
Greg: Well, when you got to go, you got to go.
Hodges: Whew.
Grissom: At a crime scene, Greg?
Hodges: Everybody knows you hold it.
Grissom: You go across the street or next-door, somewhere other than the scene, until you've cleared the restroom. Did you clear the restroom?
Greg: No.
Grissom: Well, you could've flushed away evidence, wiped away fingerprints from the handle. Make sure you include this in your field notes.

Grissom: (to Greg while looking at a gun) What's this blue stuff on the slide and the grip? (Greg doesn't answer) It's okay to say you don't know, Greg. That's why we have a trace lab.

Chandra Moore: Warrick, right?
Warrick: Yeah.
Chandra Moore: I saw your presentation on longitudinal striations of the toenail in Dallas, A.A.F.S.? Really good work.
Warrick: Thank you. Thank you so much. And you are?
Chandra Moore: Oh, I'm Chandra. Chandra Moore. I'm the new DNA person.
Greg: Well, that's the plan anyway.

Greg: Nick! This is Chandra.
Chandra Moore: Chandra Moore.
Nick: Oh, yeah. Yeah, the new DNA girl. Right?
Chandra Moore: B.S. in bio-chem. M.S. in molecular biology. Five years of service in DNA at the CCL.
Nick: O-kay, well, I'm going to go use the no-pressure, no-AC, stinks-of-feet shower. So... welcome.

Greg: Grissom, I'd like to introduce you to Chandra Moore.
Chandra: Pleased to meet you sir, I'm a fan.
Grissom: Wow, you're hot.
Chandra: I'm... I'm sorry.
Grissom: You're eminating heat. This is a new infared camera. It's good for looking at evidence in the dark. (to Greg) Did you get her blood yet?
Chandra: My...why?
Grissom: So many reasons.
Catherine: (walking towards Grissom angry) Grissom? You can't possibly call that thing my office it's a cupboard.
Grissom: Catherine, I'd like you to meet Chandra Moore. She'll be doing DNA when Greg's in the field.
Catherine: Hello, I'm Catherine. (she turns right back to Grissom without giving Chandra a chance to introduce herself) We need to talk.
Grissom: Well, not now... too much work.

Alien Wedding Guy: Are you two married?
Sara: (quicky) No.
Alien Wedding Guy: No? Well we're open 24 hours. There's a toll free number right on the back. (to Nick) She's gonna getcha. (Nick chuckles)

(At a crime scene which is a night club)

Greg: I've never seen this place with the lights on before. Kinda like seeing a one night stand for the first time in the morning. (Grissom gives him a look) Beer goggles.

Catherine: Greg mentioned to you that my stuff gets done first, right?
Chandra: Yeah, well, in my lab, I decide what gets run and when. Unless Mr. Grissom tells me otherwise.

Brass: So witnesses heard multiple gunshots, they think. Because it was during the blitz. You know the lights were out; sirens were going off, search lights, the whole World War II experience.
Grissom: When exactly did war became a party?

Catherine: Why is it you guys can never hit the bowl?
Detective Vartann: You know if this guy took viagra, you're lucky he hit the floor and not the ceiling.

(Examining corpse found in the desert near Area 51 and David really thinks it could be an alien)

Sara: David, I think I know where he's from! Planet Seiko... (shows watch to Nick) E.T.
Nick: Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Greg: How was it?
Warrick: Sucked. I hate lawyers. I hate court; they all need to dry up and die.

Greg: So there's good news and bad news. Good news is, this is the busiest lab in the country. Bad news is, this is the busiest lab in the country.
Chandra: That's why I'm here.
Greg: I waited for you forever. I love you!

Down the Drain [5.02]Edit

Sara: I don't have a death wish and I'm not a drunk. In case you were worried.
Grissom: I'm not worried. I'm concerned.
Sara: Isn't that kind of the same thing?

Warrick: Alright then, lets head upstream.
Catherine: I knew you were going to say that.

Brass: Well, the kid gets murder, mom's an accessory, and dad gets felony explosives. It's a family-value pack.

Grissom: If you're gonna be sick, Greg, do it in the sink.
Doc Robbins: Not in the drain pan.
Greg: I don't feel sick.

Greg: What are you doing?
Grissom: Good you're here. (throws a cup at him) Fill this up for me will ya?
Greg: With what?
Grissom: It's a urine specimen cup, Greg. What do ya think?
Greg: (scoffs) Okay.

(A little later Greg comes back with the cup filled)

Grissom: That took a long time. You may need a prostate exam.
Greg: My prostate is just fine. I'm not a soda fountain.
Grissom: Well, hopefully you are, 'cause I need a number two as quickly as possible.
Greg: What is this all about?
Grissom: The victims body was found in the sewer. Ambient temperature 80 degrees. The corrosive chemicals caused the body to decompose faster than normal. And I wanna find out how much faster. Today.
Greg: This is some kind of CSI hazing. Make me appreciate blood and semen more.

Sara: I heard you finally lost your virginity. (Greg gives her a look and Sara smiles) First autopsy, how was it?
Greg: It was fine. How was your first time? How'd you react?
Sara: I puked.
Greg: I didn't puke.
Sara: Way to go, tough guy.

Catherine: Did I ever tell you the city paid me a dollar a square foot to rip out my lawn and replace it with rocks? Because we were in a drought.
Warrick: Are you kiddin' me?
Catherine: No.
Warrick: This city was not made for rain.

(About the victim in the drain)

Grissom: Well, at least we know where he came from. (shines his flashlight down the sewer)
Catherine: Aren't we going to at least draw straws?
Grissom: No.

Mr. Durbin: Sons of bitches! I'm gonna sue your ass into the ground. I hope you know that. Yeah. I'm gonna own you. I'm gonna own this whole place. In fact, maybe that's where I'll live. I'm just gonna move in here.
Catherine: Let me guess, he lawyered up?
Brass: Yeah. He stopped talking right after I told him we blew up his house.

Rick Dysart: (to Grissom after sweeping the garage for bombs) Only one thing you need to worry about: If you see me running, make sure you keep up.

Harvest [5.03]Edit

Greg: Just hedging my bets.
Warrick: How so?
Greg: Well, I need field experience, but before I get that, I need to find a replacement. So far, I'm oh-for-one. Plus, she's hot and thinks you're a tool, so I'm way ahead.

Doc Robbins: Childhood keeps getting shorter and shorter... you know why that is?
Catherine (sobbing): I actually don't know!

Marlon: Listen... I'm, uh... I'm sick. You know, I got this-this, this illness, which... look. I don't want to go back to prison. That's why I'm being so compliant. Now, yo, I don't work near no little kids. I stay a hundred yards from the school grounds. Man, I don't even go to the park.
Grissom: It's not a disease. It's a compulsion.
Marlon: I stay away from youth organizations, after-school programs, churches...
Grissom: We found a pair of boy's underwear in your bedroom. Explain that.
Marlon: I look at the photos. I look at the photos and I have the briefs for, um... release.
Grissom: So you fantasize, and eventually, the fantasy's not enough and you relapse.
Marlon: Hey, they're mine. I bought the underwear!
Grissom: Well, if that's true, then you were in a store where little children were shopping with their mothers.
Marlon: And what would you have me do, huh, man? What?! I mean, I even thought about chemical castration.
Grissom: Medroxyprogesterone is inconclusive. It renders the subject incapable of erection, but it doesn't remove the drive. You would still be capable of sexual assault using other objects.
Marlon: Listen... um, I haven't done anything, uh, illegal, so you can't hold me in here forever. Oh, is that killing look in your eyes a compulsion, Mr. Grissom?

Warrick (looking at the map of registered sex offenders): Phew! That's a lot of perverts.
Nick: Get out of jail, come to Vegas.

Grissom: Nick. You failed your firearm qualifications. You can't be here.
Nick: Oh yeah, well, I'm takin' it again, day after tomorrow. So I figured I could work.
Grissom: Not in the field.
Nick: You're serious?
Grissom: You're in violation just carrying a weapon.

Sara: This counts as field work, you know.
Greg: Oh, I'm smiling on the inside.
Sara: Dirty laundry or garbage? (before Greg can answer) You know what? You take garbage.
Greg: Thanks.

Catherine (to Lindsey): Mouthing off to teachers, slipping grades, and now hitchhiking. I mean what's next Lindsey?
Lindsey (muttering): Stripping.
Catherine: What did you just say? Okay, no phone, no friends, no nothing.
Lindsey: For how long?
Catherine: A month.
Lindsey: Whatever.
Catherine: Hey, you want to make it two?
Lindsey: Dad always said you were a drama queen.
Catherine: Well, what do you expect, Lindsey, since he was always high.
Lindsey: I'd take Dad high over you any day! Nana's coming to pick me up. I'll be out front.

Catherine: Have you been to bed?
Grissom: Yes.
Catherine: Did you sleep? (pauses) Me neither. She was the same age as Lindsey. She was trying to hitchhike.
Grissom: Where was she going?
Catherine: Fremont Street.
Grissom: Was she buying drugs?
Catherine: No! She's twelve. She's... just so angry. She doesn't talk to me.
Grissom: Well, if enough people knew what was out there hunting them, they'd never leave their house. I think you need to sit her down.
Catherine: Well, I don't want to scare her. I don't want my daughter to be this... frightened, paranoid kid who's always looking over her shoulder.
Grissom: Catherine, there's a big difference between scaring her and preparing her. And all the reasons why you should are in that room. (Catherine contemplates this)

Daniel (to Grissom): I didn't realize until... today... how lucky I am. I know pretty much... how and when I'm gonna die. Most people don't. It's what they're afraid of.
Grissom: Was your sister afraid?
Daniel: Never. I'm 11 years older than her, and she took care of me. She was my best friend, and I miss her. As much pain as...I caused her... and she wouldn't give up, and she...she wouldn't let me, either. That's why...during the last relapse, I made my parents swear that it was the very last time.
Grissom: But then your kidneys failed, and they broke their word, huh?
Daniel: They told me they... swore not to fight the cancer, so this didn't count. I wasn't gonna lose this fight. I couldn't watch her suffer anymore.
Grissom: This wasn't a mercy killing, Daniel. This was an execution. Bone marrow, transfusions...that's her blood in your veins. It dripped out of your nose onto the blanket while you were killing her. If you cared so much for Alicia, why didn't you take your own life instead of hers?
Daniel: Suicide isn't an option. It's an unforgivable sin in the eyes of God.
Grissom: But you believe that your god forgives murder? If that's your defense, it won't keep you out of jail.
Daniel (crying): But my death will. See, I've got about six more months. I'll be dead before there's even a trial. I-I do want to thank you, though.
Grissom: For what?
Daniel: For speaking for Alicia. You're probably the first person in her life to think only of her. You know, you may not believe in God, sir, but you do his work.

Greg (to Mia): So would you like to grab a bite later? I know a diner down the street that serves a mean liver and onions.
Mia: I don't eat out.
Greg: Never ever?
Mia: I don't like expectorant.
Greg: Really?
Mia: Kitchen staff talk while they prepare your food and then the wait staff repeats your order over the plate, and by the time you get your meal, there are several DNA samples coating it.
Greg: Wow.
Mia: Yeah. No, thank you. I don't eat birthday cake either.
Greg: Oh, blowing out the candles.
Mia: Ugh. Don't get me started.

Greg: Mia Dickerson, Warrick Brown.
Warrick: Welcome.
Mia: Look, I already know you have a running bet with another CSI over how long the new hire lasts, so let's skip it. You got something for DNA?

Warrick (to Nick): How'd you shoot, man?
Nick: Rusty. They say I have a flinch.
Warrick: You and I need to go practice some, huh?
Nick: Yeah, when do we have time to do that? If we're not processing a scene or working evidence, we're in court.
Warrick: Well, when they take your piece, you'll make time.

Grissom: Did you injure yourself, Mrs. Perez? (Mrs. Perez looks down at a bloodstain on her shirt)
Mrs. Perez: Oh, a nosebleed.
Grissom: That's a lot of blood. I'm going to need to take your shirt.
Mr. Perez: Why?
Grissom: If you like, I can have someone follow you home so that you can change.
Mrs. Perez: You think we had something to do with it? Our daughter is missing. She's out there somewhere alone and scared. What are you doing about that?
Grissom: I'm just collecting evidence.
Mrs. Perez: Fine. Here! (she removes her shirt and throws it at Grissom) Take it! Go find her!

Store Clerk: [to Brass as he carries a box of drinks] Look, dude, I didn't see it. [puts the box down on the side] Chica had a nice, round ass and that's what I was scoping.
Brass: What time was that?
Store Clerk: About 3:00. She comes in, grabs some candy, looks outside, waves at somebody. The next thing I know, she flips her wig. She's screaming about her sister. I didn't see the girl or a car. Besides, there's a lot of traffic out there.
Brass: Was it busy?
Store Clerk: Kind of.
Brass: How many surveillance cameras do you have in here?
Store Clerk: Inside we got five. They're all state-of-the-art. Place gets hit a lot. Outside they're all dummies.
Brass: Well, I'm glad to see you're so concerned about your customers after they leave the store.

Grissom (to Doc Robbins): Alicia's cause of death?
Doc Robbins: Cardiopulmonary arrest.
Grissom: Time of death?
Doc Robbins: That's a little trickier. No solids in the stomach contents, just a milky liquid. Liver mortis was fixed and deep purple with a vitreous humor potassium level of 20 millimoles per liter with faint putrefaction. So, I'd say she's been dead about... 44 hours between midnight and 8:00 A.M., the day of her kidnapping.
Grissom: Which means April Perez was lying about the abduction.
Doc Robbins: Yep. Story's got more holes than her sister's bones.

Brass: [to April Perez] I bought it. The hell we all bought it, but your sister was already dead when you raised that alarm. Her body told us that. There was no sexual assault. The evidence told us that, too. So you didn't think this through, sweetheart. So what are we left with? A false police report and a murdered little girl. So it's 1 to 4 for the Amber Alert. And for your sister, life imprisonment if it's an accident, and the needle if it's not.
April Perez: I didn't kill Alicia.
Brass: But you know, I get it. I get the picture. I mean, your brother's the center of attention. He's sick, he's dying. Your cells don't match. Your parents have Alicia. She's his savior. So, where do you fit in? What are you to this family?
April Perez: I'm invisible.
Brass: But not anymore you're not. She's dead, and your brother's sick. When he goes...
April Perez: That's crazy, okay. I told you, I didn't kill my sister.
Brass: I want to believe that. Come on. Help me to believe that. It just means you were in on it because you put on one hell of a show. You still using?
April Perez: No.
Brass: Maybe we should run your blood just to be sure, huh?
April Perez: I use now and then to take the edge off.
Brass: So how do you pay for this habit? Are you pimping your sister for drugs, April?
April Perez: Why don't you make up your mind? No signs of rape. If I was selling my sister, there would be, wouldn't there?
Brass: Depends on who you sold her to. You're not gonna talk your way out of this one. You need to get clean.
April Perez: What I need is a lawyer, which means this conversation is over.

Sybil Perez: [to Catherine about Alicia] You have no idea what it's like.
Catherine: I saw her medical records. I looked at her x-rays. I know what that little girl suffered, what you put her through.
Sybil Perez: So you would let your child die and do nothing. Never. No, you'd talk to doctors and research. And then you'd find out that the National Bone Marrow Registry can't help you 'cause your son is mixed race. And even if he wasn't, there aren't enough donors. Out of four million, only 205,000 are Latino. I did what I had to do.
Catherine: You put one child over another.
Sybil Perez: [scoffs] I don't expect you to understand. You don't have kids.
Catherine: Uh, I have a daughter.
Sybil Perez: So, what kind of mother are you? When do you see her? You work nights. You probably don't even know where she half the time. Alicia's life may not have been simple, but at least I knew her. Can you say the same?

Sara: [sees two pill bottles] Daniel Perez is taking oxycodone for pain, and Alicia was on diazepam.
Warrick: Diazepam? That's a pretty hard-core antidepressant for a kid that small.
Sara: I guess they didn't want her complaining while they were mining her body for healthy cells.

Brass: [to Carlos Perez] Wasn't Alicia part of your family? You're her father, you dumb bastard! You're supposed to protect her. What kind of man are you?
Carlos Perez: Guilty.

Crow's Feet [5.04]Edit

Doc Robbins: I found ten cc's of urine in her stomach. Digestive system is intact and I found no bruises or abrasions in her mouth. So there's only one way it could've gotten there.
Catherine: Chug-a-lug.

Swap Meet [5.05]Edit

Hodges: (to Greg) Good thing you didn't need to take a spelling test to work the field, funtain water!
Greg: My people are Norwegian, that's how we spell it.
Hodges: (sighs)
Greg: So was the funtain water in her lungs?

Mia: Nine vibrators, five plugs and four strands of beads.
Greg: And a partridge in a pear tree. Some kids are happy playing in the sandbox, others want every toy in the store. And apparently these are dishwasher safe.
Mia: I'll swab the nooks and crannies for semen and vaginal secretions and epthelials, but don't get your hopes up.
Greg: Oh, my money's on bag number two.
Mia: Twenty-six used condoms.
Greg: Just like being back in college, right?
Mia: Sara said you didn't lose your virginity until you were twenty-two.
Greg [Ignoring her]: Grissom and I figured that they practiced safe sex so we checked their trash. Check them inside and out, please.
Mia: I've analyzed condoms before, Greg. Just not in bulk.

What's Eating Gilbert Grissom? [5.06]Edit

Catherine: (to Greg) What's with the tape?
Greg: The evidence wasn't co-operating so I stuck it to 'em.

Warrick: Griss, this place is crawling with press. They want a statement.
Grissom: Not now.
Warrick: Well, if you don't say anything, they're just going to fill in the blanks...
Grissom: Screw the press, 'cause for all I know, the dead body is an auto mechanic who just painted his house blue.

Formalities [5.07]Edit

Catherine: What are you doing?
Grissom: I'm going insane, I don't understand this diagram!
Catherine: (sighs) You don't need a diagram, you need a woman. (Ties Grissom's bow tie) Looking forward to your speech.

Catherine: I thought you were going to process the scene with Grissom.
Nick: I was. He said he had it covered. Sofia Curtis is up there with him.
Catherine: Right... Ecklie's right hand.
Nick: Hmm?
Catherine: Ever do a case with her?
Nick: Uh-uh. Hey, I heard Grissom stuck you with his speech.
Catherine: A napkin is not a speech.

[Catherine comes in to talk to Greg, who's been reviewing video surveillance tapes for about 8 hours]
Catherine: Tell me something.
Greg: I think my eyes need band-aids.

Ch-Ch-Changes [5.08]Edit

Grissom: I thought you'd want to know what happened to Wendy.
Mimosa: I appreciate your telling me. Killed by someone in our own community. As if we don't have enough enemies. Her parents never understood her, but still I think they should know. What do I say?
Grissom: Show them an oyster.
Mimosa: I'm sorry?
Grissom: There are two types of male oysters, and one of them can change genders at will. And before man crawled out of the muck, maybe he had the same option. Maybe originally we were supposed to be able to switch genders, and being born with just one sex... is a mutation.

Nick: I've never seen junkies shoot up in the face before.
Woman: It's not smack, it's silicone. Gives you good cheek bones.
Mercedes: The ones who can't buy silicone... shoot motor oil.
Nick: Do they?
Mercedes: Calm down, pretty boy. We're not the monsters. The real freaks are the suit-and-ties want to take a walk on the wild side, before sneaking back to the wife and kids. Want to go?
Nick (shakes his head): Mm-mm.

Brass: Lepidro. What kind of name is that?
Grissom: It's from Lepidoptera, meaning "butterfly." Walter Clancy started out a gender-dysmorphic caterpillar and turned into a bloody butterfly.
Brass: Love hurts.

Brass: Hey, I uh talked to the manager. All he said was the renter paid cash and the guy; he seemed pretty normal.
Catherine: Normal people don't torture people in storage bins.

Grissom: Did you see any transexuals when you danced?
Catherine: Gil, only civilians confuse strippers and showgirls. You can't cheat the full monty.

Catherine: Women in convertibles are low-hanging fruit.
Grissom: And it was a top-down night.

Robbins: Piano wires. They're used to mobilize the lower part of the abdominal skin and anchor the neo-vagina, so it can heal in place.
Catherine: I can only imagine those cramps.
Robbins: The surgeon stuffs the portal with a cylinder wrapped in gauze to hold its shape while it heals, and sutures it.
Catherine: And how long does milady have to wear a wire?
Robbins: Well, after five days, the vagina is un-sutured, and the wires are removed.

Grissom: Aborigines say they dance naked to make the gods happy.
Catherine: The gods would be happy in Vegas.

Mimosa: (to Grissom) I'm glad you agreed to meet me, can I buy you a drink?
Grissom: Thanks, but I'm still on the clock.
Mimosa: But you still let me lure you away from the lab. Is that because I'm a beautiful woman? Well, I'm a beautiful woman now.
Grissom: Beauty's a societal construction.
Mimosa: So is gender, people find out you're empty half and they think you're psycho, Michael Caine with a bad wig and a pair of sunglasses stabbing Angie Dickinson and dressed to kill.

Mea Culpa [5.09]Edit

Catherine: Are you doing all this for the sake of the lab or to indict Grissom?
Ecklie: Catherine, there a number of talented CSIs, like yourself, who have put in to be supervisors. I just want to make sure the right people are in the right place.
Catherine: About my request, I really would like to supervise days.
Ecklie: Right. You're a single mother. Better hours. And I bet you could use the extra cash.
Catherine: No, this promotion isn't about money.
Ecklie: Must be nice to be independently wealthy.
Catherine: We're done here, right?
Ecklie: Yeah.

No Humans Involved [5.10]Edit

Grissom: (to Greg after a shooting at the crime scene) You okay?
Greg: No, I'm not okay! Who the hell's shooting at us?
Grissom: I don't know, but I think our single just turned into a triple.

Catherine: Taking your pet for a walk?
Grissom: I know how much you like my little fetal pig, so I'm giving him to you as an office-warming gift.
Catherine: That is so thoughtful. Now tell me why you really stopped by. You checking up on me?
Grissom: No.
Catherine: What've you heard? Who talked to you?
Grissom: See? You've only been on the job a week and you're already paranoid.
Catherine: [laughs] When I was your right hand and your left, I always knew if it hit the fan, you'd be the one to get dirty.
Grissom: Hey, that's the job.
Catherine: Yeah, that's the job. Did you ever play politics?
Grissom: I once ran for president of science club in junior high. Mary Hardy beat me out by one vote.
Catherine: I'm going to guess that you didn't vote for yourself.
Grissom: I'm not any good at politics. It cost me, that's how I lost Nick and Warrick.
Catherine: Your loss, my gain.
Grissom: Yeah, and at least I know that they're in good hands.

Who Shot Sherlock [5.11]Edit

Grissom: Deerstalker cap, violin, Meerschaum pipe, even a Persian slipper with tobacco stuffed in the toe, I imagine. All in all, meticulous recreation of 221-B Baker Street: residence of the world's greatest detective, Sherlock Holmes.
Brass: Also known as Dennis Kingsley, delivery guy. What do you think?
Grissom: Ask Greg. It's his case. It's his final proficiency test. Emphasis in the "final".
Brass: Okay, Dr. Watson, run it.

Greg: So, are you going to say 'The game's afoot?'
Grissom: I didn't know you were a Conan Doyle fan Greg.
Greg: I'm not, I saw a Sherlock Homes movie once by mistake.
Grissom: Well just so you know, those movies never ended like this.

Grissom: Anything useful?
Brass: Well I found out if I ever need a home loan, as a public servant I'm preapproved. You know the guy looks like a drug dealer, turns out he's a mortgage broker.

Sara Sidle: Woah, B.F.B, Big Frickin' Bullet.

Sherlock Holmes Man: So you actually think this is something other than suicide?
Brass: You know, I think you gotta drop the accent!
Sherlock Holmes Man: I can't! I'm English!
Brass: Oh!

Warwick: Nice, do you remember the chick's name?
Lyle: Uh, Jennifer.
Chris Cavaliere: Jennifer who?
Lyle: Jennifer uh, Nipplering.

Snakes [5.12]Edit

[looking at a university degree on the deceased's wall]
Catherine: Gang-banger girlfriend with a degree?
Nick: Sounds like a rock band.

(Warricks gets his cell phone and dials)

Brass: Detective Jim Brass.
Warrick: Congratulations Jim Brass, you are guaranteed one of these five amazing awards!
Brass: Warrick?
Warrick: A trip to London, a brand new Caddy, tennis bracelet, plasma TV, water purification system, you finally did it Jim, just send NZA a cheque for $300 and claim your prize.

Nesting Dolls [5.13]Edit

Grissom: (After breaking part of Catherine's evidence) Huh, oh boy, I've got to get my shift started. Good luck with the case.
Catherine: No, no, no, you're not just going to destroy the skull and split.
Grissom: You can make a nice mold from the impression.
Catherine: I'm shorthanded as it is.
Grissom: I think Sara just wrapped a case, if you need her she's yours.

[Greg is wearing a suit and tie and attempting to flatten out his hair for court]
Sara: Wow. Look at you, Mr. Straightedge. I did not know that your hair could do that.
Greg: I look like a dork.
Sara: No, no, no. You look like a pro, which is what you are.

Unbearable [5.14]Edit

Hodges: And unlike some of the men in this lab whose initials are Greg Sanders she probably washes her hands.

Greg: I don't mean to pry, but do you want to talk about what happened between you and Ecklie?
Sara: Not really.
Greg: I don't know if you noticed about me, but I'm a good listener.
Sara: I blew up at Ecklie, it was very unprofessional, and very satisfying, and now we're moving on. Thanks for asking.

Grissom: Hey, the rich are just as deviant as the poor.

King Baby [5.15]Edit

Grissom: Question. You come home, see your husband lying in the driveway, what do you do?
Greg: Is that a trick question?
Sara: Stop, jump out, run over to him.
Grissom: Or, take the time to pull into the garage and park and lock your car.

Ecklie: Catherine, look it's not that we don't have confidence in you.
Catherine: I smell crap.
Ecklie: What?
Catherine: Don't take another step. (shines torch around and sees feces). Joe?
Joe: Yeah.
Catherine: The Eiger's have any pets?
Joe: No kids, no pets.

Ecklie: When Eiger was looking into buying The Queen Regent Casino out from under Sy Magli the gaming commission turned him down, so he invited some of the commissioners over to his mansion for a party, a week later he had his gaming and his liquor licences. Must've been a hell of a party.
Grissom: Well, if The Wizard of Oz had nude pictures of the Wicked Witch, Dorothy would never had lost her slippers.

Greg: Brass subpoenaed Eiger's home phone calls in the last year.
Ecklie: Yeah, anything interesting?
Greg: Numerous calls from Eiger's house to Sy Magli's office.
Ecklie: Well, they were known business rivals.
Greg: Between midnight and 4 a.m., what I like to call: "Love Hours".
Grissom: Wouldn't be the first time that hate mutated into passion.
Greg: Public enemies, private lovers. So Jackie Collins.

Big Middle [5.16]Edit

Nick: (After seeing several notes in a beaver dam) Las Vegas, where even a beaver can strike it rich.

Detective Vartann: Hogs and Heffers convention. Maurice wasn't fat, what was he doing here?
Grissom: Maybe he used to be.
Greg: Or maybe he was a chubby chaser. (Grissom gives him a surprised look). Some men like curves.
Detective Vartann: There's curves, and there's rolls.

(Sara enters a room full of fat people)

McCaff: Walk softly, don't start a stampede.
Sara: I'm going to remember you said that McCaff, especially after these ladies sue you and the police for discrimination, you genius. Could you clear the halls for me please?

Greg: That means she slept with a dead guy. She's not only a killer she's a necrophiliac. That's what I call enjoying your work.
[They review the tape some more]
Sara: She's trashed. Maybe she passed out.
Greg: How drunk do you have to be to sleep next to a decomposing body? The smell alone is an alarm clock.
Sara: Not next to him, on top of him.

Compulsion [5.17]Edit

[About a wad of hair found in a drain. Hodges thinks it smells woodsy]
Grissom: You sniffed it?
Hodges: That disgust you?
Grissom: No. Actually it's the first thing you've ever done to impress me.

Spark of Life [5.18]Edit

Sofia: What's the problem?
Greg: Nothing. I'm fine.
Sofia: You're not.
Greg: I feel like a wuss. Grissom told me I should take a break, and I did.
Sofia: Your burn victim.
Greg: [nods] How do you get an image like that out of your mind?
Sofia: You go home. You, uh... hug your cat, your dog, your pillow. You have a beer, you watch a movie, and then you come back tomorrow.
Greg: Is that supposed to make me feel better?
Sofia: Rumor has it you used to be a pretty funny guy. Don't lose that.

(Hodges looks at Mia and sighs)

Catherine: It's hard to look and not touch isn't it?
Hodges: That poor kids has been working her tail off, only fair considering how DNA gets most of the glory these days.

4x4 [5.19]Edit

Officer: The best taco I've ever had.
Grissom: I'm happy for you both.
Brass: What, you'd piss of Ecklie again? This is a hit-and-run, I was expecting Greg Sanders.

Greg: Sara, I just want you to know when we were in the shower, I didn't see anything.
Sara: Really? Gosh, I saw everything.

Brass: Let me get this straight, Larry. An old man refuses to let you steal his money, so you jack a Hummer and try to run over his taco stand?
Larry: [Embarrassed] Maybe.
Grissom: I think this is the dumbest thing we've ever heard.

Gwen: Donny.
Donny: You're late, and you're not dressed, what's the deal girl?
Gwen: Please Donny, I've just had the worst morning.
Donny: Oh, you think you had it bad? Poor Chris is dead.

Hodges: How old were you when you first got drunk?
Nick: Oh, 16.. 17..
Hodges: Amortized over a generation, 12's about right?
Nick: So you're saying two generations from now, four-year-olds are just gonna be getting trashed?
Hodges: Pre-school graduation parties are going to be off the hook.

Hollywood Brass [5.20]Edit

Brass: We need to get a warrant, get into that house.
Annie: Yeah, well we don't have enough.
Brass: Enough for a city attorney?
Annie: You know give me a break. Do you know how many cars get jacked in LA every day? He admitted to being with the prostitute, what makes you think he's not telling the truth about the rest?
Brass: He's hinky, I can feel it.
Annie: Your gut can talk to my judge. Better yet, talk to Ellie. You should, you should get the 411 on Dakota from her.
Brass: There's an unreliable witness. So what do we do now?
Annie: We eat steak.

Annie: L.A. over 200 criminalists and you gotta bring your own guy in?
Brass: Well, Rick is like a vampire, he needs to be invited in.
Annie: If this goes to court, Warrick's going to have to come back and testify.
Warrick: Well, you got beaches, bikinis. Free trip to L.A. ? I'm down.

Brass: Hey Doc, did you get my fax?
Al Robbins: Yeah I did.
Brass: Yeah, well, it's all Greek to me. Can you help me out?
Al Robbins: Sure, of course, but I thought you were asked to come home.
Brass: I'll be home tomorrow.
Al Robbins: Well, I hope she was worth it.
Brass: What do you mean?
Al Robbins: Well I don't know, you put your career on the line, I assume there's a woman involved.
Brass: What are you a detective now?

Committed [5.21]Edit

Grissom: Jail or no jail, she won't last six months. She'll die without her son.
Sara: That would be better for both of them.

Robbins: It reminded me of that scene of Jaws when Dreyfuss cuts open the sharks stomach and all kinds of stuff came out.
Grissom: You found a license plate?
Robbins (shares stomach findings with Grissom): Highlights include band-aids, wood chips, hair and half a snapshot.
Grissom: Pica?
Robbins: Boo?
Grissom: Pica is a compulsion to eat non-nutritive food items. It's from the Latin word for magpie, a bird with a large and indiscriminate appetite.

Sara: When my father died, my mother came to a place like this for a while for evaluation. It looked the same, it smelled the same. It smelled like lies.
Grissom: You sure you're okay?
Sara: Crazy people do make me feel crazy.
Grissom: If you want, I can have somebody take your place.
Sara: I appreciate that. I do, I really do, but ... I kind of made a decision to move beyond that and... I really want to finish this case.
Joanne McKay: We have rules for a reason. You people come in here disrupting things. You're unsafe. This is your fault.
Grissom: Really?

Hodges: Would you ever bleach your hair? (Sara looks up from the microscope) I wouldn't, it's so Greg Sanders.

Weeping Willows [5.22]Edit

Grissom: Did you hear the one about the cop and the monkey who walk into a bar?
Catherine: I'm not in the mood.
Grissom: Neither was the monkey.

Iced [5.23]Edit

Grissom: And this must be Mr. Billmeyer. I'm so glad he's back.
Ecklie: Very funny.
Grissom: You might want to have Hodges analyze that cigar. Oh, and the print tech is free. He could, uh, spray the party hat with ninhydrin.
Ecklie: I think I remember how to do my job, Gil, thank you.
Grissom: I love it when you wear your gloves.

Greg: Spontaneous toilet combustion?
Sara (laughs): Or a college prank.

Warrick (looking at the body in the crop circle): The guy has a blindfold on.
Catherine: Pin the tail on the donkey gone wrong?

Sara (about the exploding toilet): Well, there's got to be some logical explanation.
Greg: Well, if dorm food is as bad as I can remember, we should consider explosive diarrhea.

Greg: Hey Grissom, when you went to college did you live in the dorms?
Grissom: Surely, you jest.
Sara (laughs): You know they say a B.A. is worth a million dollars of extra income over your life.
Grissom: Yeah, but the present value of college tuition is about the same amount.
Greg: So you're saying college isn't worth the expense?
Grissom: I guess it depends on what you learn.

Sara: Music, alcohol, candles. Kid was a regular Romeo.
Grissom: For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.
Greg: Condom wrapper. (Sara looks at him)
Grissom: So much for safe sex.

Catherine (to Warrick): I thought you said you were a dork in high school.
Warrick: I was a dork... I still am a dork. But I had dimples. I got a little action.
Catherine: I don't doubt that.

Greg (after finding semen on the doorknob): Trophy condoms.
Sara: Trophy condoms?
Greg: When a stud scores, he hangs his condom on his neighbor's doorknob.

Sara: Hey doc.
Al Robbins: Two dead bodies, both were in perfect health.
Sara: I am so hoping you have more in the report than that.
Al Robbins: Well there are two toxins that can turn a body pink post mortem.
Sara: We already ruled out carbon monoxide.
Al Robbins: Which leaves one, cyanide ingestion. Interesting fact about cyanide, not all everyone can smell it.
Sara: Right, it's a genetic quirk.
Al Robbins: Unfortunately, I don't have that ability.
Hodges: The nose has arrived.

Mia: Hey. Want to talk about semen?
Sara: Okay. (Mia hands Sara the file) Okey-dokey.
Mia: The semen on the vic's doorknob and the neighbor's doorknob is consistent with Trip's DNA. So, I'm thinking that Trip put a trophy condom on his neighbor's door and then transferred a trace of his reproductive material back onto his own doorknob.
Sara: You've uh, you've heard of trophy condoms?
Mia (chuckles): Sara, I went to college.

Catherine (about the victim): The only pathway is from the paramedics. How'd he end up in the middle of the circle? (David looks up at the sky)
David: I have an idea. (Warrick looks up) I'll keep it to myself.

Grave Danger [5.24]Edit

Nick: What's going on out here?
Police officer: Well, an anonymous 911 caller reported body parts in this area. I rolled, and found this. [Shines flashlight on a pile of intestines]
Nick: Mmm, tasty.

Brass: I;m going to get right to it, because time is of the essence here. Where'd you get that package bud?
Delivery Man's Attorney: I'd like to advise my client, careful how you answer that son, this man here's slicker than a snake in the green grass.

Walter Gordon: You know, I was under the impression that it was against departmental policy to negotiate with terrorists.
Grissom: Are you a terrorist?
Walter Gordon: Depends. [Shines flashlight in Grissom's face] Are you terrified?
Grissom: Look, I really don't want to talk to you. Where is my guy?
Walter Gordon: Oh, so he's "your guy", huh?
Grissom: Yes, he is. Where is he buried?
Walter Gordon: Are you two close?
Grissom: That's none of your business.
Walter Gordon: What does "Nick Stokes" mean to you? How do you feel when you see him in that coffin? Does your soul die every time you push that button? How do you feel knowing that there's nothing you can do to get him out of that hell? Helpless? Useless? Impotent?
[Grissom is silent]
Walter Gordon: Good. Welcome to my world. [Opens jacket, revealing Semtex strapped around him] Uh, if I were you, I'd back up a little.
[Grissom takes a step back]
[Gordon blows himself up]

Season 6Edit

Bodies in Motion [6.1]Edit

Brass:Let me tell you my story. Once upon a time, you follow your husband to a trailer park. You see him slumming with his little trailer bunny. You waited for him to come out...
[Flashback to, trailer door opens, Robert Durgee steps out. Amber sits in her car watching him. He lights his cigarette, suddenly car lights glare at him and tires screech as the car surges toward him]
Brass:When she pulls the body back in, before she can call for help, you torch the place. Kaboom. The end.
Amber Durgee: That's the craziest thing I've ever heard.
Brass [laughs]: Wouldn't even make my top ten.

Sofia: Your broadcast was for a blue Pontiac. Patrol figured this was worth a look.
Grissom: How bad does a smell have to get before Parking Control calls Homicide?
Sara: No way this car was at the trailer park. Think we've got a new case. First citation was issued five days ago. Car's probably been here at least six. [Sofia pops the trunk. Inside are the liquefied remains of two bodies] Six days in the summer heat.
Grissom: And a trunk becomes a crockpot.

Room Service [6.2]Edit

Nick: Are you baggin' Z's right now, man?
Hodges: I was just having the greatest dream.
Warrick: You were out.
Hodges: It was the 80's and I had this Don Johnson beard, you know, the Miami Vice stubble. It just gave me this air of danger. My lady loved it.

[Nick and Warrick are walking up behind Greg who is in the DNA lab]
Nick: I thought Greg was in the field, is he back in the lab?
Warrick: I don't know.
Nick: We gotta clear this up, it's like he's confused. Lab, field, field, lab. We have a lab on wheels.
Greg: Would you guys just shut up? I'm doing this as a favor for Ecklie, it's a one time thing, he's still interviewing lab techs.
Warrick: Are you making overtime?
Greg: I'm taking one for the team.

Bite Me [6.3]Edit

David: It's like the Red Sea in here.
Grissom: The Red Sea's not red, David.
David: No, it's blue from afar and transparent when held in hand, like any other body of water. I was just speaking figuratively.

Dr. Robbins: Husband claims she's a biter, fine line between pleasure and pain, but who doesn't like to cross it every once in a while right? [Grissom looks shocked at him]

Catherine: When exactly was the last time that you had sexual intercourse with your late wife?
Ray Lester: Four years ago, Rosie Palm and Thumbelina are the only action that I get.

Shooting Stars [6.4]Edit

Grissom: The Orionid meteor shower. You never get a view like this in town.
Brass: Hmm. So, uh, is this part of the investigation?
Grissom: No. But we're here, and it's beautiful.

Catherine: It's a big desert.
Grissom: About twenty-five thousand square miles
Catherine: Nearest town is Pahrump. That's about thirty miles from here
Grissom: But I got water, we can share.
Catherine: Who are you today, Moses?
Catherine: [on phone] Yeah, Jim. Uh, Grissom and I are gonna take a little walk.

Greg: How are we doing on the other IDs?
Sara: Including the ones that you just made, we got one.

Sara: Any good news, Mandy?
Mandy: A little bit. Male DB at the bunker matched your partial from the kitchen door, so far he's the only one with a record. Matthew Dickens, 19, bust for petty theft.
Sara: College student
Mandy: Yeah, very impressionable. When I start my religion, that's where I'm gonna recruit.
[Sara gives her a weird look]

Gum Drops [6.5]Edit

Sara: Everything in our experience tells us they're dead, all four of them.
Nick: Doesn't mean we just give up.
Sara: No one's giving up. It's just that... you're acting like you're gonna rescue a person, not recover a body and on this job that's not usually the case.
Nick: I was rescued.
Sara: It was not your day to die. When it's your day, it's your day, you know?
Nick: I don't think it was Cassie's day.

Sara: Can I talk to you for a minute?
Nick: Sure, what's up?
Sara: I-I think I need to talk about what happened at the station.
Nick: Oh, yeah.
Sara: I'm slightly concerned about its effect on the case, but more than that, I'm concerned about the case's effect on you, Nick, and I'm absolutely sure that, six months ago, you wouldn't have lost it like that.
Nick: I know, I'm sorry. I apologize for that.

Secrets and Flies [6.6]Edit

Catherine: So I understand that you're going up against Mark Thayer? The guy's an ass.
Grissom: Used to be a competent scientist. We actually co-authored a paper together ten years ago. I believe greed has gotten in his way.
Catherine: Well, I've seen him on the stand, he manipulates evidence.
Grissom: He manipulates people. The public assumes that scientists are ethical, but many of us are no better than politicians, evidently.

Grissom: It's always good to know what you don't know.

A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Excuse me Dr. Thayer.
Dr. Thayer: What the hell do you want?
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Well, to inform you that you have the right to remain silent. DA is filing charges for purgory and obstruction of justice, we won't be accepting a plea.
Dr. Thayer: This is all your fault.
Grissom: I hope so.

A Bullet Runs Through It, Part 1 [6.7]Edit

Greg: And what do I get to do? Go back to the lab and wait for a phone call?
Grissom: This is a running gun battle that started twenty blocks back, you get that.
Greg: That's got to be like, a mile, who's with me?
Sara: A bunch of pissed off locals with shot-up cars.

[After they got done putting red rods into a police car, indicating where the bullets hit it]
Nick: Looks like a porcupine.
Sara: There's not enough room between rods for a human being to fit.
Nick: Bell and Adams must've been really swervin' and weavin'.
Sara: 78 bullet holes. And Bell wasn't hit until he got out of the car.
Nick: And I heard Bell was a rookie, barely off training. It was just his time I guess, huh?

A Bullet Runs Through It, Part 2 [6.8]Edit

Catherine: Wow, you had the baby and got your figure back in one day.
Detective Ortega: No, that's impossible, believe me I know, my wife's had five kids.

Sara: Do you ever want to be a cop?
Warrick: Every time I get a speeding ticket, yeah.

[At a community meeting, in a church]
Grissom: Hello. My name is Doctor Gil Grissom. I'm the night shift supervisor for the Las Vegas Police Department's crime lab. I'm not a police officer, I'm a scientist.
Shooter's Brother: You work for the cops, that makes you a cop. You're not on our side.
Grissom: Actually, I'm a forensics expert. My job is to identify, collect, and examine physical evidence from a crime scene to determine who did what to whom and how did they do it. I've been asked to come here today by the Mayor and Sheriff Berdic to present our analysis of the evidence in this case to your community.
Shooter's Mom: Why here? Why should we believe your evidence?
Grissom: Physical evidence cannot be wrong; it doesn't lie. It's not influenced by emotion or prejudice, it's not confused by the excitement of the moment. I'm here [looks up] in God's house to explain to you the truth about exactly what happened the other day.

Dog Eat Dog [6.9]Edit

Sara: Edith car in a Lexus neighborhood.
Sofia: We ran the plates, our girl doesn't live here, we're tracking her down.
Nick: Bitch on wheels, can't wait to meet her.

Catherine: How many hot dogs did he eat?
Hodges: Approximately twenty.
Catherine: God. Ugh, do you think we might be able to ID the makers of the hot dog from the ingredients?
Hodges: No, believe it or not most hot dog companies are very proprietary over their recipes.
Catherine: Well how about through the girdle marks?
Hodges: Oh yeah sure, I'll just run it through the Hot Dog Appliance database.

Hodges: All the hairs lifted off the victim's clothes were consistent with each other. There's a sample under the scope. The root is shaped like a spade which is indicative of canine and the scale pattern is consistent with a golden retriever.
Sara: Oh, yeah the victims have a golden retriever.
Hodges: Well if you cracked that mystery at the scene, you would have saved me a lot of time. [sighs] I've been working like a dog.
Nick: You know studies have found that pet owners have lower stress levels, you should, you should check that out.
Hodges: Well, I had hamsters when I was growing up. My mother hated them she said they stank out my room. But I just loved to watch them spinning on their little wheels. One day I came home and they were gone. Somehow they'd gotten out of their cage.
Sara: How much did your mother hate them?
Hodges: They ran away.

Still Life [6.10]Edit

Warrick: What's a 4-5-0?
Karen: That would be sex with a dead body.

Werewolves [6.11]Edit

Robbins: You know, Gil, we're all intrigued by our nightmares when we watch freak shows, but basically we're all thinking the same thing.
Grissom: Yeah, I'm glad they're not looking at me.

Daddy's Little Girl [6.12]Edit

Warrick: Who brings a gun to a knife fight?
Grissom: The winner?

Nick: Hey, Grissom. You wanna talk to me?
Grissom: Yeah. Sit down. (pause) I heard that, uh, Kelly Gordon may be a suspect in your murder case.
Nick: Yeah.
Grissom: Is that a problem?
Nick: No. No, it's not a problem. Hey, by the way I heard the tape. I did a voice comparison. Sylvia Mullins is the other voice on that tape. She's Walter Gordon's ex-business manager so I'm pretty sure she had something to do with my kidnapping.
Grissom: But now she's dead.
Nick: Yeah.
Grissom: So... it's over.
Nick: Yeah.
Grissom: Good.
Nick: Good.

Kiss Kiss, Bye Bye [6.13]Edit

Li'l' Cherry: It wasn't just Lois' birthday tonight, it was also my bodyguard's birthday and I, uh, scraped my knees giving him his present.


Li'l' Cherry: What do I have to do to make you believe me?
Brass: I already had my birthday.

Archie: According to the Airline Global Distribution system, she boarded the flight and he didn't.
Nick: He was busy being dead.

Sara: Sure, especially if Lois was an accomplice, or dare I say, a killer.
Greg: Well, I don't see homicide anywhere on her schedule.

[Looking at Lois' ring]

Catherine: The canary diamond.
Sara: Wanna bet the birdie sings in the key of GSR?

[Hodges is coloring in his grey hair with a marker pen]:
Grissom: Vanity, thy name is Hodges.
Hodges: This isn't what it looks like. I actually like my grey hair, the few that I have.
Sara: Hodges, don't you know that grey hair can be very attractive. [Grissom and Hodges look at her suggestively] The, uh, ring?

Killer [6.14]Edit

Brass: We've been pulling bodies out of this neighborhood twice a month it seems like.
Grissom: I think that's actually an improvement.

Trent Hall: (To Brass) We didn't talk that much, but, but we would text all the time. That's like when you use your cellphone to send like you know, like, like words.

Greg: Every time I come to the desert I see porno mags. Who brings spankables out here?
Nick: It's probably just trash... blown in from off the street.
Greg: Nobody throws away porn. They're like heirlooms that you pass on down your family tree.

Pirates of the Third Reich [6.15]Edit

Wendy: I have a question. How do you have sex with the person who killed your daughter?
Grissom: Revenge is an act of passion.

Up in Smoke [6.16]Edit

Sara:: What were you doing on the roof?
Jonathan Wax:: That's what I do -- Chad's Chimney Sweeps, I clean fireplaces and chimneys. I was out at that Sidley place about a month ago. You can call Chad. I remember that place. Man, that guy had one big-ass chimney.
Sara:: I don't suppose you saw a body while you were there?
Jonathan Wax:: Look, I may be an ex-con, but even I would've dialed 9-1-1.

I Like to Watch [6.17]Edit

Cameraman:: Do you think forensic shows are just teaching the criminals how to get away with crimes?
Grissom:: Everyone learns from science. It all depends on how you use the knowledge.

The Unusual Suspect [6.18]Edit

[During court]
Hannah West: Marlon didn't kill Stacy. I did. [People in the crowd gasp]
Judge: Ladies and gentlemen, order in the court.
Hannah West: [Stands up and opens her sweater to reveal a dirty and bloody shirt] And I was wearing this when I did it.

Ecklie: [to Nick] Good news is Judge Crawford denied the defense's motion to dismiss.
Nick: Of course he did. She's just a mixed-up kid trying to protect her older brother. All the evidence points to Marlon.
Ecklie: Yeah, and all the jury's going to remember is a little girl in a bloody shirt confessing to murder. That's reasonable doubt on a silver platter.

Sara: Do you have any physical evidence that would conclusively rule Hannah out as a suspect?
Nick: Well... yeah. She's 4"3 and 65 pounds. The crime just required more strength than she's got.
Catherine: How old is she?
Nick: 12.
Warrick: In high school?
Nick: She's a high school senior. She skipped 6 grades. She's a prodigy.
Sara: Which means that she has the brains for murder.

Hodges: Does that make Doogie Howserette our killer?
Nick: Nah, I kinda doubt it.
Hodges: Don't be so sure. It's not easy.
Nick: What isn't easy, Hodges?
Hodges: Being profoundly gifted. Knowing that everybody knows that you're always 10 steps ahead of them. It's a lot of pressure. [Nick gives him a look, and starts walking away] Some days you just feel like you're going to snap.
Nick: I know the feeling.

Hannah West: You don't think I could have done it. Either one of you.
Sara: That's a big job... for a little girl.
Hannah West: Not if you have the right tools.
Sara: Smart kid like you, knows your brother is suffering, you feel bad, you wanna help... so you fabricate some evidence.
Hannah West: Uh, if you thought the evidence was fake I wouldn't still be in jail.

Warrick [to Catherine]: You rang?
Catherine: I got the DNA results from the blood on Hannah's sweater.
Warrick: Stacy?
Catherine: Hannah.
Warrick: So, she fabricated evidence and put her own blood on the shirt.
Catherine: Maybe, maybe not. I mean, the soil on the shirt was consistent with the dump site. Hannah could have been at the scene. She could have cut herself burying the body.
Warrick: Or she could have gone back to the field any time in the last four months and rubbed her shirt in the same kind of dirt.
Catherine: And counted on us to make the match? [Warrick shrugs] Well, that's just plain scary smart. I mean, my daughter is a few years older than her and the most important thing on her mind right now is how much belly-button to show off at the mall...I never thought I'd be grateful for that.

Sara: Shared bathroom... very Brady.

Sara: [reading what's on Hannah's dress] Rainbow party?
Nick: Yeah, it's a party game where the boys get the girls to wear different colored lipsticks while they have oral sex. The boy with the most colors wins. It's supposed to be trendy.
Sara: So much for "spin the bottle."

Mandy: 12-year-old killer, huh?
Nick: Starting to look that way, yeah.
Mandy: I bet that Grand Theft Auto had something to do with it.
Nick: Mmm, I don't know, I don't think Hannah is really the video game type.
Mandy: You never know. Between you and me, I actually think it's a ton of fun.

Hodges: Ah, teen lust. It starts with some chemistry, mess around with some biology. [Nick and Sara give each other look] And once you have some experience under your belt then you introduce the physics. Apparently chivalry is not dead. The bloody fingerprint tested positive for nonoxynol spermicide.
Nick: So much for the boyfriend.
Sara: If we can't pin this on Hannah or Marlon they could both walk.
Hodges: You could flip a coin.

Sara [to Nick]: I bet you really liked high school.
Nick: Yeah, playin' football, chasin' girls, books when I wanted to learn somethin', what's not to like?
Warrick: Hey, guys.
Nick: Hey.
Warrick: This is Darcy, my wife Tina's niece.
Sara: Hey, Darcy. [Darcy kinda waves]
Nick: Yeah, you were right she's about Hannah's size.
Warrick: More or less.
Darcy: Stop talkin' about me. [Warrick pulls an earbud out of her ear] Hey, that was the best part!
Warrick: That's what the pause button is for. It's time to work, it's child labor day.
(Sara laughs)

Sara: Stacy landed here and bled out from the trauma to her skull.
Nick: Darcy, why don't you put those headphones back on?
Darcy: Like I didn't hear what you just said.
(Warrick smirks)

Nick: [to Marlon] You moved the body, you buried it.
Marlon West: I know I did; I was there. What's the problem?
Nick: Well, the problem is what happened in the locker room. I mean, you're not the kind of guy who puts sodium in a showerhead to get back at somebody. You just trip them in the hallway.
Marlon: So you think I'm too stupid to have done it. Great, join the club.
Nick: I don't think you're stupid, Marlon; I didn't say you were stupid. But this is Hannah's game. The whole way.

Nick: The evidence says either one of them could have done it, but I think they were in it together.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Okay, I'll proceed against Marlon for the murder and bring charges against Hannah for conspiracy.
Ecklie: Another trial? You sure you want to go through all this again?
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Hannah's parents and the community will have my ass if I don't.
Sara: Well, then maybe this is good news. I was just going over Sofia's notes from the original investigation. The night of the murder, Hannah and Marlon's parents had left them alone in the house. A pizza was delivered to the residence around 9:00 PM.
Nick: That's right around Stacy's TOD.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: So, did anybody talk to the delivery guy?
Sara: Yes, and at the point that Sofia did, a month had passed. Now, the delivery guy's at the house all the time. He recognized photos of both kids, but he could not be sure which one answered the door that night.
Nick: But one of them did answer the door. [Sara nods] So that means they were not together at the time Stacy was killed.
Ecklie: Yeah. So much for conspiracy. We're right back where we started.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Where we are is in the crapper. Look, I have to disclose the cart. Defense is going to eat me alive.
Nick: Marlon's your guy. He's your guy, just because Hannah wasn't there doesn't mean she didn't help plan this.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Well, I sure hope it's Marlon, because he's the one we have on trial.
Nick: I stand by the case we filed.
Ecklie: I agree. The girl's just trying to protect him.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: Sara?
Sara: This was more about brains than brawn. I think Hannah did it.
Ecklie: 2 out of 3.
A.D.A. Jeffrey Sinclair: In my world, that's called an acquittal.

Sara [to Hannah West]: Hey there.
Hannah West: Did you come to say bye?
Sara: No, actually you and I are going to be seeing a lot of each other. If you thought the DA wouldn't prosecute a 12-year-old for murder, you were wrong. He wants justice for Stacy and her family.
Hannah West: Of course, he's a total linear thinker. Most of you guys are.
Mrs. West: Shame on you Miss Sidle. Come on, Hannah, you don't need to listen to this.
Hannah West: Mom...just give us a second. [her mom walks away] You were saying?
Sara: Here. [she goes and sits on the bench and Hannah stands in front of her] Hannah, with your gifts you could have done anything you could have wanted and you picked murder, you can't take that back.
Hannah West: You're worried how I'm gonna turn out?
Sara: Of course I am. I know it seems like a really long time 5 years, the Stacy's of the world would have been behind you.
Hannah West: Let me guess? You were a smart kid in school, maybe you feel that we're a little bit alike?
Sara: There aren't many people like you.
Hannah West: That's what my parents always say too. The last four months all they cared about was the effect of the trial on me not Marlon. It's been that way ever since I was 14 months old and started spelling words with plastic letters. It's so unfair and nobody ever sees it. He doesn't deserve to go to jail. If I get convicted, what's the worst case scenario? I mean, I'll be out in five years with an undergraduate degree. There's no Son of Sam law in Nevada. That was ruled unconstitutional, so I'm free to write a book about all of this. [Sara is staring opened mouthed at her, shaking her head] The story will be worth millions. Freaks are always good box office.
Sara (still shocked): You're not a freak.
Hannah West: When was the last time you had to sit down to be eye level with a murder suspect who was standing up?
Sara: Hannah West you are smart.
Hannah West: So I've been told.
Sara: But you are not smart enough to get away with murder.
Hannah West: I think I am. A lot of people are smart enough to get away with murder. You probably are too, but you have to be really smart to get people to think that something happened that never did.
Sara (deadpanned): What do you mean... exactly?
Hannah West: Please don't worry about me, I'm gonna be fine. [Sara is staring at her completely shocked and leans in close to her ear and whispers] I didn't kill Stacy, Marlon did. ]walks away, leaving Sara looking completely shocked]

Spellbound [6.19]Edit

Al Robbins: It could be a hallucinogen, in some native cultures shamans use peyote to call forth visions.
Grissom: Al, when someone sells love potions and magic spells, the only visions they see are dollar signs.

Greg: Hey.
Warrick: Greg, what are you doing here?
Greg: Oh, Grissom said you're backing me up, can't back me up if I'm not here.
Warrick: The next time you screw me up with Grissom, I'm going to back you up right off a cliff.

Catherine: Hey Gil, uh, if you're swamped I can always cancel my vacation plans.
Grissom: We got it covered.
Catherine: Good, because I wasn't really that serious.

Grissom:: I need to talk to you.
Greg:: You heard about the strip club?
Grissom:: I hear about everything, Greg.
Greg:: That ear surgery paid off.

Poppin' Tags [6.20]Edit

[A gangbanger is threatening Stokes and Brown]
Gangbanger: Yo think you're cops, y'all ain't cops!
[Stokes jumps out of the truck and levels his gun at him]
Stokes: That's right, we're not cops we're mad scientists, back away from the vehicle, let me see your hands now.

Troy: Cheap, fast and open 24/7
Brass: Just like my ex-wife.

Dollar:: I got more enemies than some countries got people.
Brass:: Give us some names.
Dollar:: It's gonna be a long list.

Rashomama [6.21]Edit

Brass (sees Undersheriff McKeen coming): Incoming.
Grissom (to Nick, Sara and Greg): I'll talk, you guys just look apologetic.
Undersheriff McKeen: Let me see if I understand this correctly. You let one of the members of your team drive his personal vehicle to a crime scene investigation, and even though there was a perfectly good crime scene vehicle there that personal car was crammed with every bit of evidence collected at a major murder investigation because two of you were maxed out on overtime. (Sara smirks and looks towards Greg who looks at the ground) And then the driver of said car, instead of securing that evidence in the lab, gave priority to his need for runny eggs, and the aforementioned vehicle was stolen from the parking lot filled with police cars. (Brass raises his eyebrows) Is there anything I missed?
Grissom: Just this: Even if we recover the vehicle the chain of custody has been broken. (shows Undersheriff McKeen opening a roll of Rolaids) so all the evidence has been compromised. No judge will allow any of it to be admitted into court. Oh, and also, we released the crime scene, so it too has been compromised, leaving us nothing to go back for.
Undersheriff McKeen: Thank you...for clearing up the situation. (leaves)
Brass: It could have been worse. (shows Undersheriff McKeen leaving in his car, knocking down all the construction cones and speeding off)

Undersheriff McKeen (talking to Brass about the case): It's gonna look like the CSI's were paid off, no one's gonna believe it was an unfortunate series of coincidences. So my choices are we're idiots or we're dirty. So which are we?

Nick (going through his flashback; walking under the arch): "You'd think she'd know better than to wear white on the bride's big day." The perfume of American Beauties was everywhere, though a rose by any other name would have smelled just as sweet with that much love in the air.

Catherine:: Anyone interested in the wedding DVD?
Greg, Nick & Sara:: Yeah.
Catherine:: Courtsey of Frank Rosetti. Owner of Cupid's Kiss. [(puts the DVD in)] All right, where do you wanna start?
Greg, Nick & Sara:: The toast.
[Catherine puts on the toast, and they watch]
Dianne Chase [On DVD]: Everyone, everyone, I wanna thank you for coming. You know, the Bible says love is strong as death and as mother of the groom a wedding is bitter sweet. You are giving up as much as you are gaining. In some cases you are giving up much more. [loses her speech as she starts to get tipsy] To hell with it, I'll wing it. My Adam. He studied at Oxford, he went to Harvard school of business and of all the intelligent, wonderful, beautiful women he met along the way he ended up with Jill, plain little Jill. There's nothing wrong with her, but what's right with her, haha, even her name is boring. [turns to Adam] It's all right to take a lover, you just don't have to end up marrying her.. I mean, do you really wanna shallow our gene pool like this? [Adam tries to get her to leave] I wanna thank you all so much for coming, oh I love you Adam. [Catherine pauses the DVD after the toast is done]
Catherine:: Justifiable homicide?

Grissom [going through his flashback]: "You'd think she'd know better than to wear white on the bride's big day." (reciting poetry as he's walking under the arch) Spring is but a song, where love and laughter are not wrong. The blossoms of desire do belong, and harmonia axyridis fly along.

Jill (about her mother-in-law): For the past six months she made my life hell and so I told anyone that would listen that she should die a fiery death so now everyone is gonna think that I killed her.
Grissom: Would you like to be more specific?
Jill: Okay, well when we got engaged, um...she ran into the backyard and she screamed "Why God, why me?" Okay. She wore white today. She... She invited Adam's very, very, attractive, very um...single ex-girlfriend. When she found out that I had registered for sporting goods she went behind my back and changed the registry to housewears. Saying that I better learn how to cook. Okay, I'm a vegetarian and she demanded roast beef. Um...and then, then there's the toast. The toast.
Grissom: Are you trying to make me think that you didn't kill her?
Jill: I would never do that to Adam. I honestly don't know how such an amazing man came from...from...that.

Frank Rosetti: I'm a 42-year-old paisan, she scared me. I wouldn't be surprised if her pantyhose rebelled against her and tied themselves to the car.

Grissom: That's a tight schedule. She would have barely had time to go to the bathroom.
Frank Rosetti: I don't sell bridal diapers for nothin'.
Greg: He was kiddin' about the diapers, right?

Catherine: So, you took the perimeter of the scene, right?
Nick: Yeah.
Catherine: Well, I saw this guy in the shadows, Archie blew it up, looks more like a suspect than a guest. (shows Nick the pictures) That face look familiar?
Nick: Yeah, yeah, I caught that guy sleepin' one off in the bushes. It's the groom's old man.
Catherine: Wow, I thought my wedding was bad.

Brass: So you didn't kill her?
Ernest: Nope, but you better check to see she's really dead, because I don't think you can kill the Devil.

Hodges: You know, you and me, we're not the marrying kind. The intricacies of our nature can never be understood by just one woman.
Grissom: Would you close the door please? [Hodges goes over and closes the door.] From the other side.

Nick (walking in): What's up?
Sara (holding up the bride's lingerie): I need your hands.
Nick: I thought you'd never ask.
Sara (smirks): I need you to um...reprint the bumper because the tape lifts were stolen.

(After Wendy tells them the DNA results)
Greg: We could compare them to the bucal swabs that we collected...if we still had them.
Sara: Well we'll just have to recollect them.
Greg: All 200 of them?
Sara: Yeah. And since we can't leave...someone else is...gonna have to recollect them.
Nick: This is crap. I've been waiting on IAB for 14 hours. I'm tired. And I kinda smell. And I don't have a friggen car.

(Nick's car arrives in the garage with half naked women painted on it)
Brass [to Nick]: Hey, pimp. How do you like your new ride?
Catherine: Hey look, they fixed it.
Nick (whining): Ooh, ooh, that's not funny.
Catherine: Oh, it's a little funny.

Mikey: Where's that Sara chick?
Catherine: Oh Romeo, I don't think that you have time for romance. You're being charged with grand theft auto, obstruction of justice and conspiracy to murder...
Mikey: Okay. I will cop to everything but the murder.
Catherine: Well, if you didn't commit the murder, why did you steal the car?
Mikey: Look, the lady was already dead, all right? And then you guys show up... and this bridesmaid comes up to me and starts askin' me all these questions about my tow truck.
Catherine: Which bridesmaid?
Mikey: The hot one. The next thing I know she wants to be the Bonnie to my Clyde. Asked me to steal this car and trash all the evidence.
Catherine: So you committed grand theft auto to get laid?
Mikey: Have you ever stolen a two-ton piece of machinery? It is way better than sex. And finding a girl that doesn't wanna kick you to the curb for it? I mean c'mon, that is hot! Besides, I haven't gotten a wedding gift for my sister yet.

Grissom: Did you know the original role of the bridesmaid was to act as a human shield against the bride's enemies?
Sara: Women would dress similar to the bride in an effort to confuse and outsmart evil spirits that might try to overtake her on her wedding day.
Nick: Wow, for somebody who's anti-wedding you sure know a lot about it.
Sara: I'm not anti-wedding, I'm just anti-stupid. You know, people who do things for the sake of tradition with no clue as to why...
Grissom (gives her a look): Anyway...

Time of Your Death [6.22]Edit

Al Robbins: Well tox detected methamphetamine, sildenafil and oxycodone.
Catherine: Stimulant, erection, and a painkiller, party in a pill.
Al Robbins: Where was that on my wedding night? [Catherine looks shocked.]

Hodges: In 1897, Williams Spinks received a patent for what came to be known as Spinks' billiard chalk. You may be surprised to know that cue tip chalk need not contain chalk at all, but is a mixture of axel light and silica. The abrasives give grip to the tip when it hits the ball.
Catherine: Stop trying to make that sound dirty. Our vic had a callous on his hand.
Hodges: Mmmmm.
Catherine: Don't.

Sara:: Please tell me there are something more to this guys and cars thing, besides the obvious penis extension metaphors.
Greg:: So you want me to lie?

Catherine: Caprice Unlimited: Anything is Possible. Sounds like a sex business. [picks up phone to call the company]
Sara: What are you going to say?
Catherine: Uh, something other than a guy is dead, and it looks like you're involved.

Bang-Bang [6.23]Edit

Doc Robbins:: Gil... have you ever been even close to getting married?
Grissom:: Once... when I was younger. Her name was Nicole Daley. I asked her to marry me. We were classmates. She liked bugs too. I gave her my grandmother's ring, but my mother made me get it back. [Doc Robbins nods] Second grade.

Way to Go [6.24]Edit

Grissom: I think I found a toupee, our vic may be bald.
Nick: Thanks that will help me distinguish it from the other severed heads I find out here.

Nick: Are you checking out my waist?
Hodges: I'm a, I'm a 32 incher myself... same as in college.
Nick: Oh, congratulations.
Hodges: You know, women aren't the only ones who feel the pressure to look good. Time was, having a rotund belly was a sign of prosperity and success... now, it just means you're a lazy glutton not getting any.

Greg: Just between you and me, does he always wear a suit [talking about Brass]? Like, when you guys go to dinner, the movies...or whatever it is you do when you hang out? 'Cuz I gotta tell you, the thought of him in a sweater really freaks me out.
Grissom: [smiles] We don't hang out, Greg.
Greg: No kidding? [shrugs shoulders] I just assumed.

Sindee: Look, I'm the victim here.
Catherine: Funny, you don't look dead.

Grissom: I don't know, most people want to die in their sleep, I suppose, never know that it's happening. Like a crime scene: surprise, you're dead. I'd prefer to know in advance that I was gonna die, like to be diagnosed with cancer, actually have some time to prepare; go back to the rain-forest one more time; re-read Moby Dick; possibly enter an international chess tournament; at least, have enough time to say goodbye to the people I love.
Sara: I'm not ready to say goodbye.

Season 7Edit

Built to Kill: Part 1 [7.1]Edit

Grissom: I got you a veggie burger.
Sara: Thanks.
Warrick:: What about me?
Grissom: I didn't know you were here. Soy, sorry. (Sara smirks)
Warrick: Where's the love?

Built to Kill: Part 2 [7.2]Edit

[Looking at Sven's architectural drawings]
Sara: If Sven is capable of creating these kinds of 3D renderings, he definitely could have built that miniature.
Sofia: Son defending the honor of his mother?
Sara: Name that Greek tragedy.

Sara: I hear we're out of suspects.
Grissom: Not necessarily, could be anyone in town. Or anyone out of town for that matter. That's a lot of suspects.

Toe Tags [7.3]Edit

Doc. Robbins: [to Catherine]: When was the last time you took a nap in Grissom's tub?

Fannysmackin [7.4]Edit

Catherine: What do you know about work boots? I'm guessing you haven't worked a day of hard labor in your life.
Greg: I wore Doc Martens in high school. It was the style.
Catherine: Yeah for skinheads.
Greg: Yeah, they kinda ruined it for everyone.

Greg: (after Grissom assigns him a case) Alright, who's my wingman?
Grissom: You're a big boy Greg; you don't need a wingman for this.

(Grissom walks in as Sara is repeatedly kicking a dummy)
Grissom: Whoa! Pick on somebody your own size.
Sara: Are you volunteering?
Grissom: (long pause) No.

Sara: Why isn't there a medic on Greg?
Sofia: He's been stabilized. Sara, he's gonna be okay. (Sara walks over to where Greg is lying and brushes hair out of his face)
Greg: Sara.
Sara: I didn't think you could see me.
Greg: I can't. I know that "Sidle Scent".
Sara: I'm going to take that as a compliment.

Greg: You should process the scene now; me later.
Sara: (chokes up) I came here for you, Greg.

Nick: I am sick of these punks, man. I'm serious, I'm sick of it.
Warrick: Then you're in the wrong town.
Nick: Maybe.

Grissom: Has someone called your parents? You should let them know-- [Greg groans] What's the matter?
Greg: They still think I'm in the lab.
Grissom: Why do they think that?
Greg: When I was in high school I never played any sports, no football, no basketball, definitely no hockey.
Grissom: [sarcastic] I never would have guessed.
Greg: Well, it wasn't my choice. My mom wanted four kids, ended up with only one. She always made sure I stayed close... and if I got a nosebleed, she'd take me to the ER.
Grissom: Well, now would be the time to come clean.
Greg: [beginning to cry] My mom's gonna freak.
Grissom: You tell her that you risked your life to save someone else's and I think she'll be very proud of you.

Man: I want to talk to a cop now!
Brass: (same time as Sofia) She's the cop.
Sofia: (same time as Brass) He's the cop.

Catherine: Pig and the piglets are in the pigpen.
Warrick: About time. Finally some good news.
Catherine: Did you know that Pig, a.k.a Cole Tritt, was the only adult? The rest of 'em were all under 18. One was 14.
Warrick: Are you kidding? Who raises these kids?
Catherine: I mean, they weren't all delinquents. Demetrius James was a college student.
Nick: Hangin' out with the wrong crowd in the wrong town. I'm tellin' ya, a fake I.D in Las Vegas is like havin' a--a free ticket on the hell train. Sex, drugs, gambling, no adult supervision, 24/7, by the time they're 21 they've done and seen it all.
Catherine: Make me slit my wrists why don't ya? I'm raising a teenager here.
Warrick: Ah, you're doin' a great job, Linds is gonna turn out to be a beautiful young woman. Besides, I grew up in Vegas, I didn't turn out so bad, did I?
Nick: Yeah. That was pre-Mirage. Back when you were a little squirt goin' to the casino, playin' the arcade games. Nah, Vegas is a different animal now.
Warrick: Yeah, these kids need to beat people up in the street to be entertained. They need some good discipline, they need their grandmother whuppin' their ass like I had.
Nick: Yeah, a good slap.
Sara: You know, it kinda sounds like you guys are blaming everybody but these kids. I mean, you don't get a bye just because you grew up here or your parents are on drugs or--- those kids were perfectly capable of telling the difference between a wild night out and beating somebody to death.
Grissom: The truth is, a moral compass can only point you in the right direction, it can't make you go there. Our culture preaches that you shouldn't be ashamed of anything you do anymore. And unfortunately this city is built on the principle that there's no such thing as guilt. "Do whatever you want, we won't tell." So without a conscience, there's nothing to stop you from killing someone. And evidently you don't even have to feel bad about it.

Double Cross [7.5]Edit

Catherine: 18 years and this is my first crucifixion. In a Catholic church with no crucifixes.
Grissom: I imagine the priest is a resurrection theologian as opposed to a crucifixion theologian. They believe in forgiveness rather than penance.
Catherine: We could all use a little forgiveness.

Brass: Is it bigger sin to lie if you're a priest?
Grissom: I hope so.

Catherine: This one's for you, Sam. [lights a votive candle]

Burn Out [7.6]Edit

Grissom: Okay, Carl, just tell me what happened.
Carl: Lucas and Jason had gotten into it with Jason's grandfather, he'd knock the boys around, they ran to Lucas's house but couldn't get in. So they came to me. I explained to them that hitting wasn't okay, I said that Jason needed to call his father and tell him what was going on.
Grissom: Did you let them use your phone?
Carl: They were too upset. When the grandfather pushed Lucas, he hit his head, I gave him a couple of aspirin.
Grissom: Well, if he didn't wanna call his mother, why didn't you call her?
Carl: I couldn't risk it. She might've turned me in.
Grissom: So instead, you took them from pizza?
Carl: I didn't touch him. I didn't wanna hurt him.
Grissom: You gave him liquor.
Carl: I stopped and bought some whiskey before we picked up the pizza, I was nervous about them being in the car with me, I didn't wanna go back to prison.
Grissom: And you wanted to get them drunk.
Carl: They---they just wanted to try it. I gave them a taste.
Grissom: It was more than a taste, Carl. Lucas's blood alcohol level was .16, that's twice the legal limit for an adult. Why didn't you take them home?
Carl: They didn't wanna go home, they wanted an adventure. [shows a flashback of them at the golf course] I promised them a dollar for every golf ball they brought back, Lucas wasn't feeling well, so he stayed in the car with me.
Grissom: And you knew that Jason wanted money so he could go to Texas and see his dad, so you bribed him in order to be alone with Lucus.
Carl: I didn't molest him!
Grissom: Who took his shirt off?
Carl: He was hot.
Grissom: What were you going to do him once his shirt was off?
Carl: It was innocent, he wasn't feeling well. He laid his head in my lap, I touched his hair---I didn't wanna ---I loved him. I loved Lucas and he loved me.
Grissom: Is that what you think? Then why didn't you help him? He told you that he hit his head, he was in pain, he had a concussion, Carl. You must've known that. I'm sure he was dizzy, probably had no appetite, maybe he was even slurring his words. But you didn't care about that because you wanted what you wanted. His brain was bleeding, now most kids don't die from that because someone who really loves them takes them to the hospital. But instead, you gave him alcohol and aspirin a lethal combination for his head injury---it prevented his blood from clotting. [pauses] You killed him, Carl. And you would've killed Jason too. Except he ran away from you and out of your reach.
Carl: You're not listening to me. I didn't wanna hurt anyone. I need you to believe me.
Grissom: I don't. You had choices, you made the wrong ones and now this little boy is gone.

Post Mortem [7.7]Edit

Greg: This isn't a trial, it's a circus.
Sofia: Yeah I heard, starring the mother.
Greg: I feel like I should say something?
Sofia: Like what?
Greg: I don't know.
Sofia: Sorry? You're gonna apologize to the mother of a guy who beat one man to death and was tryin' to do the same to you? That's as good as saying you're guilty and setting yourself up for one hell of a civil suit besides. You did nothing wrong.
Greg: I just wanna be able to sleep again.
Sofia: We put ourselves in harm's way every single day and sometimes we pay one hell of a price for surviving it. Other people will never understand that.

Happenstance [7.8]Edit

Catherine: Well, I got a phone, and keys but no purse.
Nick: Mugging?
Catherine: Take the purse, leave the Lexus?
Nick: Yeah, that's not real savvy, is it?

Warrick: You know that flash drive that I found in a locked drawer in Jill Case's office? I thought it was just a bunch of photos, but it turns out there was a little more than meets the eye.
Greg: You mean the flash drive was a Transformer?

Living Legend [7.9]Edit

Johnny: Now either you get out there and you arrest the ghost of Mickey Dunn, or you get the hell off my property.
Brass: We're the cops, not the Ghostbusters.

Grissom: Our Mexican fisherman signed his television release form "F. Krueger."
Catherine: Freddy Krueger. Nightmare on Elm Street.
Archie: Yeah, and the karaoke singer was Michael Myers from Halloween.
Catherine: Parts 1 through 9.
Archie: Yeah, but who's the hotel killer? Who's Pamela Voorhees?
Catherine: Friday the 13th?
Archie: No, that's Jason. Oh no wait, Jason was the sequel, Pamela, the mother, was the killer in the original. That's the question that tripped up Drew Barrymore in Scream.
Catherine: Yeah, and look what happened to her.
Archie: You watch slasher flicks?
Catherine: With Lindsey, I do. They never get the spatter right.
Grissom: All I know is the master of all scary movies was Lon Chaney Sr., the man of a thousand faces, and that's what we're looking for.

Loco Motives [7.10]Edit

[Catherine is trying not to laugh at Max, who is stuck waist-deep in cement]
Grissom: Catherine, do you need a minute?

Catherine: [to Max, while he's stuck in cement]: Are you ready to give me a name? You know, you are in a very deep hole, in every sense of the word my friend. Think about that while we chisel you out. It's going to take a few hours. Assuming we're careful. See ya!

Sara: Hey, guess what.
Grissom: Mankind has reached a new evolutionary plateau and starting tomorrow no-one will rape, murder or maim again?

Leaving Las Vegas [7.11]Edit

Nick: Sabbatical's usually a euphemism for sayonara. I don't think Grissom's coming back.
Catherine: Why wouldn't he?
Nick: I don't know. He shaved his beard, lost a little weight, he's been leaving when shift is over, I think he even took a day off last week.
Catherine: Maybe he's got himself a girlfriend.
Nick: That's what I'm saying. You know I thought you were going to leave a few months ago.
Catherine: Why, because I shaved my beard?

Grissom: Hey, how's it going on your civil case? Did you get a lawyer?
Greg: LVPD said they'll provide me with an attorney.
Grissom: Get your own counsel, Greg. That's your right.
Greg: Well, are you gonna give me raise because otherwise I can't afford that.
Grissom: Call the PPAC and talk to your union rep. This was an on duty incident, they'll provide you with an attorney.
Greg: How's the union lawyer gonna be any different?
Grissom: The department's only interest is the department. They'll throw you under the bus to protect themselves. When's your deposition?
Greg: Three weeks from tomorrow.
Grissom: Stick to whatever you put in the report. Don't waver, be consistent. Everything's gonna be fine.

Adam Novak: Why the hell's this department tailing my client?
Nick: Concern for his safety?
Adam Novak: That's cute. Jay Finch was acquitted of his mother's murder; he deserves all the rights of a free man.
Nick: With all due respect, Mr. Novak, no laws have been broken here.
Adam Novak: You can't try Finch twice for the same crime.
Nick: No, but you can for a different crime.
Adam Novak: Oh, I see this is a personal vendetta by CSI Willows.
Nick: Personal, to who?
Adam Novak: Me! She's a man-hater. No surprise, but how long do we have to pay for the sins of her father?
Nick: Y'know Catherine and I get along just great, maybe it's you.

Sweet Jane [7.12]Edit

Keppler: Hear you got one of the fastest growing murder rates in the country.

Brass: Yeah, we're very competitive.

Keppler: In theory, as the killer gets more and more comfortable after each act, the locations of the bodies should spiral outward from one central point.
Warrick: I'll tell 'ya one thing your dump sites do have in common.
Keppler: What's that?
Warrick: When the bodies were found in the location they were at the time had the highest crime rate in the city.
Keppler: Smart. Your crime center sure seems to move around here a lot, huh?
Warrick: Well, in Vegas new is old in 5 years. Old is history in 10, and nothin' ever seems to leave a mark.
Keppler: Sounds refreshing.

Doc Robbins: I reviewed that, uh, Jane Doe autopsy from '75.
Keppler: That was fast.
Doc Robbins: Well I'm sure the original examination was too. M.E. was a hack named Sam Bernard. He, uh, retired a little while after I started. Once saw him do a Y with a scalpel in one hand and a hot dog in the other.
Keppler: Take it he wasn't known for his, uh, rigorous analysis.
Doc Robbins: He was known for liking hotdogs.

[Keppler chuckles]

Doc Robbins: See the sutured cut across the top of her head and the Y incision?
Catherine: No.
Doc Robbins: It’s because they’re not there.
Catherine: So the original ME didn't even do an autopsy?
Doc Robbins: What can I say? He was a lazy bastard.
Keppler: That’s criminal malfeasance.
Doc Robbins: Well, if you want to tell him, I can dig him up too.

Catherine: Dr. Dave's smile is perfect.
Keppler: Would you go to a dentist with bad teeth?

Redrum [7.13]Edit

Catherine: [Referring to faking a crime scene] I'm not used to faking it.
Keppler: [Smirking] When's the last time you had to?

Catherine: I grew up in this town, I know all about playing the odds, you are gambling with my team.
Keppler: We talked about the risks going in, it's not like we can quit now.
Catherine: I'm not quitting, but I don't like it. And I hate lying to my guys.

Meet Market [7.14]Edit

[Sara finds Keppler in Grissom's office, looking at the miniature models]
Sara: Hi. What are you doing?
Keppler: Just looking.
Sara: What do you think?
Keppler: Meticulous. Obsessive. Clearly knows his way around a modeling kit.
Sara: Grissom didn't make those.
Keppler: No? Hmm. Fits the profile. Bugs in bottles, Darwin desk set.
Sara: He's a... bit of a collector of certain things.
Keppler: Yeah, I knew a guy in Philly like that. Kept a case of thumbs in his closet.
Sara: Friend of yours?
Keppler: No, serial killer.
Sara: Do you miss it?
Keppler: What?
Sara: Philly.
Keppler: No.

Law of Gravity [7.15]Edit

Wendy: I said "How do you feel about butt implants?"
Keppler: You don't need them?

Grissom: What you got?
Warrick: Well, I'm just following a lead off some serialized butt implants.
Grissom: I missed Las Vegas.

Grissom: I, uh, heard that there was some friction in the lab when I was gone.
Warrick: Did you ever hear of reverse forensics? [Grissom looks up at him, a little shocked]

Monster in the Box [7.16]Edit

Grissom: Catherine, lay out room, right away!
Catherine: [enters] Gil, where's the fire? [Catherine sees the miniature crime scene and looks confused]
Grissom: It's been sitting in my office for the last four weeks.
Catherine: But we caught the miniature serial killer, he confessed.
Grissom: Yeah, I watched him blow his brains out. But, I think the package was post marked after he killed himself.
Catherine: So maybe he arranged to have it sent post-mortum.
Grissom: The three other murders, the miniature was left at the scene. This one was addressed to me.
Catherine: So now it's personal.

Fallen Idols [7.17]Edit

Catherine: Yeah, crabs. I am buying Lindsay a chastity belt.
Grissom: There's a hole in the middle to let the urine pass so theoretically she could still get them.
Catherine: You are so creepy sometimes.

Ryan Lansco: [from video] Come on, guys. It's cold in here! At least close the door! [Reads] I, Ryan Lansco... am a diseased subhuman sex pervert. If you do me, you'll go home with a souvenir: your own little crab colony. [Angrily] My parents better never see this!
Sheila Latham: Oh, yeah? This is going up on YouTube, or maybe you'd like to put it on your FriendAgenda page. You put everything else up there, why not your crotch rot?

Warrick: What is this, Grissom? Romeo and Juliet.
Grissom: Post-Mortem photography. Memento Mori. In the nineteenth century the photo of the dead loved one was a popular keepsake. Death remembered. One last look.

Sara: [with a razor in her hand] Do you trust me?
Grissom: Intimately [she begins to shave off his beard]

Empty Eyes [7.18]Edit

Mary Wilson: Warrick Brown. I remember you standing on my steps with those guilty green eyes, afraid to come in because you knew your grandma would size you up no matter what kind of trouble you got into.
Warrick: I don't remember any trouble.
Mary Wilson: Like when you were thirteen years old, and you took her new Buick out for a spin.
Warrick: Oh... that bang with the bumper trying to parallel park. I forgot about that.

Big Shots [7.19]Edit

Wendy: You know, if you're still having trouble coming to terms with the fact that this is no longer your lab, I suggest counseling.
Greg: I would like you to run this for me, please?
Wendy: M'kay.

Lab Rats [7.20]Edit

Hodges: Four crime scene miniatures. Four murder victims. And one diabolical killer with an obsessive streak who still remains at large. I don't know if any of you have noticed how distracted Grissom's been lately, but it's these keeping him up at night.
Archie: You know the combination?
Hodges: Of course. Grissom could use some fresh eyes on the case and that's why I've asked you here. Obviously, this could be perceived as insulting to the CSIs who formerly worked the case, so secrecy is of the utmost importance. Double down low.
Mandy: [in a British accent] Oh James, it's Monnypenny. M needs you back at HQ.
Archie: Shoe phone was get smart, girl.
Mandy: Oh, that's right.
Henry: Ninety-nine was so hot.
Archie: Yeah.
Hodges: Four people are dead, the killer's still out there, and you're mocking?
Mandy: We're mocking you.
Hodges: You in or out?
Henry: I don't really know anything about these cases.
Hodges: We'll review.
Henry: I don't know, I have a lot of work to do.
Hodges: And by work, you mean IMing your Icelandic penpal who thinks that you look like Warrick Brown, because that's the picture you posted.
Henry: How?
Hodges: I just know. Archie? In?
Archie: What the hell? But I gotta leave early. I've got a surfing trip in Santa Barbra this weekend.
Hodges: Miss Mockery?
Mandy: Well, we can't leave the lab. We can't talk to suspects. What exactly does Grissom want us to do?
Hodges: It's not always what you look at that matters, it's what you see.
Henry: That's Thoreau.
Hodges: Oh, is it?
Archie: Okay, professor, and your point would be?
Hodges: The answers lie in these. We're lab techs. We think differently than field guys. They deal with people, we deal with things. Maybe we can't find the killer, but I think we can find the thing that links all four murders. This is an opportunity. We have one shift to show Grissom what we're made of. Tonight we could be heroes.
Mandy: All right, all right. I'm in.
Hodges: It's time to think outside the box.

[Archie is about to sit on Grissom's chair]
Hodges: Ah-Ah-Ah-Ah...
Archie: What?
Hodges: What are you doing?
Archie: Sitting.
Hodges: No no, you're tempting fate! You know how you should never try on someone else's engagement ring, hold the Oscar, use the excuse your grandmother died when she didn't?

Wendy: What on God's green earth possessed you to do this?
Hodges: It's my lucky day.
Wendy: What?
Hodges: It's my lucky day...

Ending Happy [7.21]Edit

Brass: So, when was the last time you saw the deceased?
George: It was like an hour ago when the, they took him away on the girder.
Brass: No, I, uh, you know I meant the last time you saw him alive.

Grissom: To me, sex without love is pointless. It makes you sad.
Sara: Well, I'm pretty sure I don't make you sad.
Grissom: No, you make me happy.

Brass: So the guy took an arrow through the throat and it prolonged his life?
Dr. Robbins: Apparently.
Catherine: And what are the odds of it not hitting any major artery?
Dr. Robbins: Whatever comes right before zero.

Greg: You know, I kind of feel bad for these girls.
Hodges: Don't feel too bad. They have health benefits, good pay. Women get regular check-ups. Industry is well-regulated. As opposed to picking a hooker up off the street. Does she have a disease? Multiple diseases? Is she crazy? Is she gonna roll you? Where do you go? Do you do it in your car, behind a building, down a dark alley? So you drive around, scared out of your mind, finally get the nerve up, pick one you like, call her over, she gets in. Next thing you know, you're down on the pavement, cuffed, because she's an undercover cop, but luckily you were three months shy of your eighteenth birthday so when you call your mom to come get you, it doesn't go on my permanent record.
Greg: [momentarily speechless] ... Okay.

Leapin' Lizards [7.22]Edit

Grissom: DO you believe that intelligent life exists on other planets?
Sara: I'm not sure there's intelligent life on this planet.

Preston: Chyna was sucking the life out of me. She deserved none of what she wanted and all of what she got in the end. I'm glad it took a long time for her to die. I can only imagine the pain.
Brass: You know, everytime I think about leaving this job, a guy like you comes along and reminds me why I can't.

The Good, the Bad and the Dominatrix [7.23]Edit

Catherine: [noticing the rope on the floor] Did she have ligature marks?
Brass:: On her neck, yeah.
Catherine: That doesn't make any sense. She was a dominatrix, not a submissive.
Brass: Maybe the party just got out of control.
Catherine: Somebody... didn't know the rules.

Catherine: S and M is a rich man’s sport. Kinda like hockey, a lot of equipment.
Sara: How much do you think a night like this would cost?
Catherine: Heather told me, five years ago she was clearing twenty grand a week. And that was before
Sara: [after a moment] What is she like?
Catherine: Beautiful, smart, intense... charming. The only woman I've ever seen rattle Grissom. [Sara starts to look uncomfortable] I mean he kinda liked that forensic anthropologist, Teri Miller, remember her?
Sara: Yeah.
Catherine: But, she wasn't enough of a challenge for him. Heather, on the other hand uninhibited and can beat him at mental chess, [Sara becomes more uncomfortable] they had chemistry and he is a scientist. I have no proof and I know he'd never tell me, [Sara becomes more uncomfortable] but I'm certain they spent the night together. [Sara becomes very uncomfortable]

Grissom: [about Lady Heather] This makes no sense. She's very strong, and tough as nails. Why didn't she fight?

Living Doll [7.24]Edit

Brass: You lose your interest in dead bodies?

Grissom: I found a thriving miniature hobbyist community on-line. Sites where people meet, chat, exchange building tips, list stores they shop in.
Nick: [looking at the miniature of Grissom's office] So that's why you built this thing? I mean... other then to creep us all out?

Catherine: A grown man who sticks his hand up the back of a doll, and speaks like a girl. Sounds healthy.

Catherine: Okay... we're in a David Lynch movie. Where's the dwarf?

Grissom: My God. She was at the crime scene.
Nick: So she salvages the car, and somehow gets it out to the desert, and grabs Sara, and puts her under it?
Warrick: I don't get it. What does Sara have to do with bleach?
Catherine: I don't know. This just feels different.
Grissom: It is different. [flashback to crime scene where Grissom takes a camera from Sara and caresses her arm] This girl holds me responsible for the death of Ernie Dell. I took away the only person she ever loved, so she's gonna do the same thing to me [everyone looks confused]

Brass: I don't want to waste time screwing around with this nut case. I'm going to get some bleach, and drip it on her until she gives up the location. I mean they can't accuse us of police brutality for that.

Grissom: Hi Natalie. My name's Gil. It's so nice to finally meet you. I-um, probably shouldn't say this, but... I'm a huge fan. I've been a crime scene investigator for 22 years, I've worked over 2,000 homicides, and you are by far... the best I've ever seen. I mean, you're such a great artist. And to be so young, and so talented, and... so pretty. I've thought about you every night for the last nine months. I even tried to do what you do. I built my own miniature.
[Natalie nods her head]
Grissom: You saw it? How'd I do?
[Natalie shrugs]
Grissom: Do you play chess?
[Natalie shakes her head]
Grissom: I play. As hobby. Quiets my mind, you know? Soothes me. At one point I became so consumed by it, that whenever I closed my eyes I could see the chess pieces moving all around the board. I was obsessed with correcting all my bad moves. I wondered if a game could ever be played without a mistake. I'd love to play you sometime. I'm so impressed by the way you embrace your passion. You'd make a great CSI. This last one was brilliant. You studied our crime scene so well, tracking the car to the junkyard, and then towing it all the way out to the desert where you knew we wouldn't find it. And then, the way you killed Sara.
Natalie: [shaking her head] I didn't kill her.
Grissom: You didn't?
[Natalie shakes her head]
Natalie: This is about her. Her, her, her. It's always about her.
Grissom: No, it isn't Natalie. It's about you.
[Natalie cuts him off]
Natalie: It's always about her.
[she takes a blade from her mouth and slashes Grissom's throat and watches as he bleeds. Then in a baby voice]
Natalie: Oh sad was the day for the little bisque doll, for they cut all her stitches away, and found the seat of the terrible ache. T'was a delicate task...
Grissom: [not cut, for it was all in her imagination] Natalie listen to me. Tell me where she is.
Natalie: For none of the doctor's had ever before...
Grissom: Natalie.
Natalie: ...performed on a dolly's inside...
Grissom: Please tell me where Sara is.
Natalie: ...They tried to re-stuff her, but didn't know how, and this was her wail as she died...
Grissom: [yelling] Stop it! Just stop this!
[shaking her head]
Grissom: Tell me where Sara is!
Natalie: ...I've got a pain in my sawdust. That's what's the matter with me.
[voice over, over turned car]
Natalie: Something is wrong with my little inside. I'm just as sick as can be. Don't let me faint, someone get mr a fan.
[a hand clawing at the ground from under the car]
Natalie: Someone please run for the medicine man. Everyone hurry as fast as you can, 'cause I've got a pain in my sawdust.

Season 8Edit

Dead Doll [8.1]Edit

Sara: Natalie. Natalie Davis. I know who you are. I know a lot about you. You make miniatures. I've seen you before, right? You work in the lab, on the cleaning crew. So sorry about hitting you back there. I guess, uh, I have a fear of trunks. In my business, you only find one thing in them. We actually have a lot in common, you know. I was a foster kid, too. Happy happy, joy joy. I do know what it's like to be alone, afraid that nobody's ever going to be there for you.
Natalie: [whispering] Ernie was.
Sara: Yes, he was. That's true, Natalie. I lost my father too. I know that Ernie loved you. He would not have wanted you to do this.
Natalie: [whispering] Ernie loved me more than Grissom could ever love you.
Sara: Grissom? I know what this is about. Natalie? What did you put in the water? Natalie. Huh? [Sara passes out]

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Grissom: Where is she, Catherine? It's 110 degrees, she's been out here all day, without water, she's disorientated, she's... dehydrated...
Catherine: She's a survivor.

A La Cart [8.2]Edit

Ecklie: How's the arm?
Sara: Fractured in two places.
Ecklie: [Ecklie tries to call Grissom, no answer, so he leaves a message on his phone] Gil, Conrad again. Message three, call me back please. [To Sara] It feeling better?
Sara: Yeah.
Ecklie: Good. So, you must know where he is.
Sara: Actually, I don't.
Ecklie: Really? Okay, uh... [pauses] Look, I don't wanna play any games here, this is as difficult for me as it is for you. So, let's just, uh, get this over with, shall we? Okay then, um, this is an administrative inquiry. You and your supervisor were in direct violation of lab policy.
Sara: Are.
Ecklie: [pauses for a second] Are. In direct violation of lab policy, which states that members of the same forensic team may not engage in a romantic relationship. So, when did you and Supervisor Grissom begin your relationship?
Sara: Well, we've always had a relationship.
Ecklie: [pauses, looks uncomfortable] I mean...when did you become intimate?
Sara: Two years ago. I think it was a Sunday.

Warrick: Well, it's a crowded restaurant, somebody must have seen something.
Brass: Not exactly, welcome to the latest fad, dining in the dark. [presses a remote that makes the room pitch black] The waiters are blind. No one sees anything. Piece of cake, huh?
Catherine: Did he just leave?
Warrick: I think so.
David: [anxiously] Guys...I have a dead body here...

Nick: [talking about go karts] You know, when I was a kid we used to make these things out of lunch trays and old lawn mower engines.
Greg: When I was a kid, I used to make bombs.
Nick: [looks at Greg]
Greg: [holds his fingers up to indicate "small"] Little bombs.

Ecklie: You've been dodging me, it's time to talk. Gil, nobody wants to hear about your love life less than I do, but since you didn't handle this right, I have to take a formal statement. '[Grissom (^^) stares at him] It should have been a conversation between friends. I mean, we could find someway around this. Catherine could have done Sara's evaluations. Why didn't you just tell me?
Grissom: We didn't want you to know.
Ecklie: Don't most women like the world to know they are dating someone?
Grissom: Where do you get your information about women, Conrad?
Ecklie: [php] Okay... so when did you two... you know...
Grissom: Nine years ago.
Ecklie: You know what? You two need to get your stories straight.

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Grissom: When did you tell Ecklie we got involved?
Sara: Two years ago. Why, what did you tell him?
Grissom: Nine years ago.
Sara (laughs): The Forensic Academy conference.
Grissom: Yeah. You, uh, had too many questions about anthropology for some reason.
Sara: Well, I was stalling. I was trying to get the nerve to ask you to dinner.
Grissom: You had a ponytail.
Sara: I'm gonna move to swing.
Grissom: We talked about this.
Sara: I know that you said you would do it but I don't wanna do that to the team. Besides, I am sure that I could use more daylight in my life. [long
pause] We should go.
Grissom: Yeah.

Go To Hell [8.3]Edit

Mandy: So, I got a hit off of the print on the motel's 'Do Not Disturb' sign. [hands her paper]
Catherine: Drug dealer with priors for assault. Nice.
Mandy: Well, don't get too excited because I got another hit off of the telephone. Pedophile. [hands her another paper] And I got one off of the dress, a rapist. [hands her another paper] And another off the bed frame. A prostitute, a pimp, and another prostitute. [hands her more papers]
Catherine: Is that it?
Mandy: For felonies, yes. Do you want misdemeanors too?

Brass: You ever been the Rachno's Central Motel?
Rev. Rhodes: Plenty of times. Hookers, addicts, drug dealers, pimps, wife beaters, runaways. I save people.
Brass: [shows him a picture] You ever save these two? [Rhodes stares at the picture, a little taken aback] You know them, don't you?
Rev. Rhodes: There's nothing I can tell you.
Brass: These people have a daughter and she's missing. And due to the fact that you're a convicted sex offender, you better come up with something more than these corny, priestly homilies, and you better come up with them fast.
Rev. Rhodes: I don't have to answer to you. I want to talk to my lawyer.
Brass: That's a good idea. Because you're under arrest.

Warrick: [while searching Rhode's apartment] You know, if I had to gauge it by his apartment, I'd have to say that Alistair Rhodes is just a regular guy.
Nick: Yeah, I'm sure that's what he wants everyone to think too.

Rev. Rhodes: Mr. you believe in a separate, living evil?
Grissom: You're a primitive man on the Savannah. You see something move out of the corner of your eye. You assume it's a hyena. You run, you live. If you assume it's the wind and you're wrong, you die. We have the genes of the ones who ran. We're genetically hard-wired to believe living forces that we cannot see.
Rev. Rhodes: The Devil's sliest trick is making us believe he isn't real. But call his name loud and long enough, [knocks on the table four times] guess who comes knockin' on your door?
Brass: Usually guys like you.

Ronnie: Cops must've picked him up before he died.
Sara: Maybe that's not all they did.
Ronnie: Well, it was a guess.
Sara: What is the first thing that police do when they question a suspect?
Ronnie: Check for I.D...Standard procedure.
Sara: Eddie Kaye's only identification was an expired driver's license found separated from all of his wordly possessions. Print it.
Ronnie: What? You're not seriously gonna go after the cops after something like this?
Sara: You know, that question I will answer. We're not here to protect anyone, Ronnie. Not even the cops. We're here to figure out what happened. If you can't do that, you should get different job.

Catherine: Staff tells me that you've already gone through the SAE kit.
Amy: They tell you I'm all banged up inside?
Catherine: Not in those words.

Catherine: Do you have any relatives?
Amy: Not anymore.
Catherine: I've got a daughter. She's almost your age.
Amy: [coldly] Maybe we should hang out.

The Case of the Cross-Dressing Carp [8.4]Edit

Grissom: Oh, I love it when you dress up.
Sara: Well, you know whatever it takes to get some time with you. How's the study going? Any sign of colony-collapse disorder?
Grissom: Nope, so far, it's healthy.
Sara: Nothing too healthy about smoking.
Grissom: Well, the scent confuses the guard bees, they won't emit the pheromone that tells the colony there's an intruder.
Sara: Oh, don't worry, he's harmless. Who's who?
Grissom: These are the workers, infertile females.
Sara: They don't sting?
Grissom: Well, not unless you swat one, close one up in your hand or freak out. Go ahead, take off your glove.
Sara: All right, I trust you.
Grissom: See, it's cool. The worker bees defend the hive, procure the pollen, make the honey, nurture the larvae and pupae in each of these group know, maybe we should get married.
[The bee on Sara's hand stings her]
Sara: Ouch.
Grissom: Sorry. Don't pick it out, makes it worse, releases the venom into the blood stream. It's better to scrape it. So, er, what do you think, you know, about-
Sara: -Yes. Let's do it.
Grissom: Yeah.
[She laughs, they try to kiss but have trouble in the bee suits]

The Chick Chop Flick Shop [8.5]Edit

Wendy Simms: I don't have huge breasts. Mine are kind of ... medium.
David Hodges: But perfect ...
(Wendy turns and glares at Hodges.)
Hodges: --ly adequate. Better, in fact.

Dickie: (To Catherine) You know, I could open up new worlds to you. Have you ever had the back of those thighs kissed by a man, who's standing up? [Catherine bursts out laughing] So you find dwarfs funny?
Catherine: [Still laughing] Sometimes, yeah.

Who and What [8.6]Edit

Catherine: Bring us up to speed Greg.
Greg: Okay, sure, um, Carmen Davis' keys were still in her purse, car's outside, no cash in the wallet and the credit cards have been removed and neatly stacked on the table. It appears as though they've been wiped clean. Killer was smart enough not to take anything that could be traced.
Catherine: Which suggests that he was an experienced criminal. What do you know about this guy?
Agent Jack Malone: Including everything you just told me? Everything you just told me.

Grissom: I'll call in some additional AV techs to help Archie get through the footage, but you know, I've learned that sometimes you can go faster by going slow.
Agent Jack Malone: Yeah, well I like to go faster by going fast. Waiting around isn't really my best thing.
Grissom:: I've gathered that from your interrogation technique. You know, maybe you should go back to your hotel and take a nap.
Agent Jack Malone: [looks around] Is this your office? Really? I mean, by choice? It's not some kind of, uh, surplus overflow issue?
Grissom: What's wrong with my office?
Agent Jack Malone: Oh, I don't know. Uh, [Looks at pig in jar] why don't you tell me. [Puts on glasses for a closer look]
Grissom: That's an irradiated fetal pig. I used it to determine the effects of radiation on tissue.
Agent Jack Malone: For what?
Grissom: For fun.

Goodbye And Good Luck [8.7]Edit

David: It's the third jumper on campus this year. Maybe it's contagious.
Catherine: I saw this documentary once on suicides off the Golden Gate Bridge, and they interviewed a survivor and he said the moment that he let go of the railing, he realized that all of his problems were fixable, except for having jumped.

Ronnie Lake: Mrs. Jimenez, are you okay?
Kim Jiminez: Bad back.
Ronnie: [looks at Mrs. Jimenez's back and finds a knife sticking out of it] Sara, she's got a very bad back.

Catherine: Such a scary thing, sending your kid off to college.
Doc Robbins: Is Lindsey looking already?
Catherine: Yeah. In fact, we looked at WLVU last month.
Doc Robbins: Well, at least she'd be close to home.
Catherine: She's free on campus, may as well be a thousand miles away.

Greg: Looks like our vic was in a goth band. You know, I used to be goth.
Nick: Mh-hmm.
Greg: Yeah, the goth-thing was just an act. Chicks dug it.
Nick: How does that work?
Greg: You act depressed to get chicks, you get depressed chicks.

Nick: [about Marlon West] He confessed. It was later thrown out on a technicality. We really didn't need it. The prosecution's case against Marlon was very strong.
Sara: Until Marlon's little sister Hannah got on the stand and confessed to the murder herself.
Catherine: Oh, yes, I remember this case. A high school senior at age 12.
Sara: She's a prodigy.
Nick: She's a pint-size Machiavelli. She manipulated events, fabricated evidence, and in the end...
Sara: She claimed that she did it because she loved Marlon. Some warped sense of justice... She graduated later that summer, became legally emancipated from her parents and went off to Harvard, pre-med.
Grissom: You keeping tabs on her?
Sara: Not recently. Look, accident or no accident, Marlon killed before. Hannah sunk this case, Marlon got a free pass, and now he's killed again.
Catherine: Well, we don't know that just yet. I mean, we don't have Marlon's DNA to compare with the semen that was found in the victim. All the old evidence was expunged with the verdict.
Sara: I want this case.
Grissom: The one that got away?
Sara: We're not supposed to let them get away, right?

Brass: We're here to talk to you about Kira Dellinger.
Marlon: Kira committed suicide.
Sara: Actually, she was murdered.
Marlon: Somebody I know ends up dead and I'm automatically a suspect?
Brass: History has a way of repeating itself, Marlon.

Brass: I don't know Sara, it's going to be tough to get a warrant.
Sara: I need Marlon West's DNA. If his semen is in Kira Dellinger, it puts him at the murder.
Brass: Look, they had a known sexual relationship, so there's no evidence of rape. And I don't know if you know this, but Marlon's mother and father were killed in a car accident last year. Judge Bowman is going to be very sensitive to that. It could look like harassment.
Sara: Jim, are you going to talk to the judge or not?
Brass: Wow, you really got it out for this kid. What's the deal here, Sara?
Sara: Marlon West has killed before.
Brass: Not according to a jury of his peers.
Sara: Did you have fun talking to Kira Dellinger's parents?
Brass: Excuse me?
Sara: Must've been a lot of screaming and crying and despair.
Brass: There usually is. What's your point, Sara?
Sara: My point is, if we had done our job right the first time, Marlon West would be in jail, and Kira Dellinger would still be alive. Talk to the judge.

Marlon: I'm telling you, I didn't kill Kira. I've never lied to you. Not once. You just never believe me. When I'm guilty, you want me to be innocent. When I'm innocent, you want me to be guilty.
Nick: Hey, you know what, Marlon? You can save it, 'cause unlike most people, you're not going to get me to underestimate you. I already know you're every bit as smart as your sister, especially when it comes to creating confusion.

Hannah: He didn't kill Kira. He cared about her.
Sara: Hannah, what makes you think that I would believe anything that you tell me?
Hannah (smiles sweetly): I suppose I'm an optimist. College has been a difficult adjustment for Marlon, especially after we lost our parents.
Sara: I'm sorry about that.
Hannah: You're not really, though. When will Marlon be able to leave?
Sara: Well, we are going to keep him here as long as we possibly can.
Hannah: At least that's honest. It also seems a little vindictive.
Sara: Given your brother's history, I think it's pretty sensible.
Hannah: What's wrong, Sara? You're different than you used to be. You're angry. And a little sad, too. Why?
Sara: If you want to spend more time with your brother, I recommend you invest in a good lawyer, Hannah.

Sara: I don't think Kira punched Marlon. I think Hannah picked up the tooth from a fight that Marlon had earlier in the evening. And I think she planted it on Kira. [Grissom is silent as he thinks about it] That's crazy.
Grissom: It's possible.
Sara: This kid is spinning me in circles, again.
Grissom: You know, Sara, some cases, some suspects, can get under your skin. Like this tooth. But you can't let 'em make you feel bad.

Hannah: You don't expect me to confess to something I didn't do?
Sara: I am just putting you on notice. You are not fooling me anymore.
Hannah: I think I know why you're so angry, Sara. I did some research. I read about what that serial killer did to you out in the desert, under that car...
Sara: We're talking about you, Hannah.
Hannah: It must've been so terrible being trapped like that all alone. Did your life flash in front of your eyes?
Sara: That is none of your business.
Hannah: You must've been so sad knowing that you were gonna lose everyone who mattered to you.
Sara: Stop it, Hannah.
Hannah: Look, I know how it feels. One moment my parents were alive, and the next they were gone.
Sara: Answer the question!
Hannah: My life changed in that moment. All that I have left is Marlon. Why would I do anything to hurt him?
Sara: [stands up and hits the table] Stop playing games with me!
Hannah: You're the one who's playing games.

Sara: [about Mrs. Jimenez] What happened? Her husband attack her again?
Ronnie: No, she came in voluntarily. Took some convincing, but she's agreed to go to a shelter.
Sara: She won't stay.
Ronnie: Maybe not. But at least now she has a chance. Look, I did it all on my own time, no OT. I know it's not the way you do things, but I think it's part of the job. At least, that's how I want it to be. For me.

Marlon: I asked Hannah to teach me how to make GHB, and how to get it into Kira. I just wanted to mess her up a bit. I snuck it into Kira's room a few days ago; I still had a key. Hannah must've made a copy.
Sara: I believe you, Marlon. I really do. But the only thing that a jury's going to see is your prints on the lube, your prints on the windowsill, and another dead girl.
Marlon: Why is Hannah doing this to me?
Sara: I don't know. All I know is ... you don't deserve to take the fall for this. And the question is ... are you going to let your sister get away with this and spend the rest of your life in jail?
Marlon: If Hannah wants me in jail, that's where I'm going to be. There's nothing I can do about it.

Marlon: Hannah, they're going to put me away for the rest of my life.
Hannah: The evidence is against you, particularly given your history of violence.
Marlon: Please...after everything I've done for you, after everything we've done for each other, at least tell me why.
Hannah: Because I love you.
Marlon: And I love you, too.
Hannah: No, you don't. But you will. I promise, I'll visit you every week.

Hannah: [to Sara] You need to talk to me again?
Sara: I do. I know that you killed Kira Dellinger. I just can't prove it.
Hannah: That must be frustrating for you.
Sara: Hannah, Marlon's dead.
Hannah: Wow. That's a really sad and desperate ploy, Sara. It's beneath you.
[Sara shows Hannah the photo of Marlon hanging at the windowsill]
Sara: He was doing well here, wasn't he? Making friends, joining a band, falling in love. But you're still a freak, just like high school.
Hannah: You're lying. No. This is a lie.
Sara: His world got bigger, and yours stayed the same, and you killed Kira so you could keep him all to yourself, didn't you?
Hannah: [screams] It's a lie! No no... it's a lie! It's a lie! Lie! [drops her backpack and grabs Sara's hands. Sara struggles with her and kneels as Hannah cries] Stop it! Marlon... he-he-he can't leave me all alone.
[Sara puts her arm around Hannah]

Sara: [voice over] Gil, You know I love you. I feel I've loved you forever. Lately, I haven't been feeling very well. Truth be told, I'm tired. Out in the desert, under that car that night, I realized something, and I haven't been able to shake it. Since my father died, I've spent almost my entire life with ghosts. We've been like close friends, and out there in the desert, it occurred to me that it was time for me to bury them. I can't do that here. I'm so sorry. No matter how hard I try to fight it off, I'm left with the feeling that I have to go. I have no idea where I'm going, but I know I have to do this. If I don't, I'm afraid I'll self destruct, and worse, you'll be there to see it happen. Be safe. Know that I tried very hard to stay. Know that you're my one and only. I will miss you with every beat of my heart. Our life together was the only home I've ever really had. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love you. I always will. Good bye.

You Kill Me [8.8]Edit

David: (Repeated line as a gag) No signs of sexual trauma.

Dr. Al Robbins: You know, David, our job is never easy, but this is a colleague. If your emotions are too raw and you feel you need to excuse yourself...
David: [Touching a frozen body which causes a crunching sound] Look! [touches dead body again] He's crunchy.

Wendy: Why is even potential advancement so threatening to you?
Hodges: Hey, Sanders left the lab, he got his ass kicked, I'm just saying.

Wendy: I fell off a ladder?
Hodges: Well you are kinda clumsy.
Wendy: Since when?
Henry: It's endearing.

Grissom: (After Hodges imagines Brass shooting Bobby Dawson six times) What do you got against Bobby Dawson?
Hodges: Nothing.

Cockroaches [8.9]Edit

Greg: Regal Sanitation was owned by Anthony Pezzulo. I'm studying mob history for a book I'm writing.
Warrick: Pezzulo? Wasn't he the mob boss who, uh, owned the Starfly?
Greg: They called Pezzulo "Whacko," not so much for his wacky personality as for his love for whacking guys.
Grissom: Until he himself got whacked at the Wisconsin Dells in 1983. Every mob-owned business in Vegas shut down when Pezzulo died.
Warrick: These scumbags like roaches. Just when you think they're gone, they pop back up again.

Lying Down With Dogs [8.10]Edit

Greg: Disposing of animals like this is illegal. Whoever dumped the vic must have known about the site from dumping dogs.
Nick: Yup. It looks like he's moving up the food chain.

David: Hey Doc.
Doc Robbins: Hey.
David: I heard your band killed last night.
Doc Robbins: Really? Who'd you hear that from?
David: My wife's second cousin. Works in the mayor's office for the budget and finance director. He was at the country club. Grooved to your moldy oldies all night.
Doc Robbins: They're classics.

Catherine: You going to be okay with this one?
Doc Robbins: I'm just not used to seeing them alive.

Brass: (about Warrick) You should have put him in your car and driven him home!
Grissom: I have to trust the people I work with, Jim.
Brass: Look, Warrick's a loose cannon. We both know that. He was in Gedda's strip club ...
Grissom: He was off the clock.
Brass: ... conducting his own police investigation.
Grissom: He's very passionate about this case.
Brass: Yeah, passionate enough to sleep with the vic who ended up dead in his car. Look, I know Warrick didn't have anything to do with it, but he needs to back off. Guys like Lou Gedda: they don't skip on murder and extortion by being lucky.
Grissom: What does that mean? You think Gedda's got friends inside the department?
Brass: Well, unlike Warrick, I don't make accusations... until I have proof.

Wendy: Anytime a dog is impounded in a criminal case, its DNA is collected and profiled. It's just like CODIS.
Hodges: DODIS.
Wendy: Anyway most of the cases in the database are gang-related. But I figured, well, it's worth a shot.
Hodges: Well, that'll look good on the old Grissom point meter.
Wendy: It's protocol.
Hodges: I'm just saying, be careful. No one likes a kiss-ass.

Henry: I know government employees aren't eligible for reward money, but I think we should at least get a small percentage.
Catherine: It's called your salary.

Steve Card: Lizzie was the #1 dog fighter in all of Vegas. That drove Gino nuts 'cause he was like this close to knocking her off the top spot.
Detective Vega: You seriously want us to believe that Mrs. Rodriguez, humanitarian of the year, was into dog fighting?
Steve Card: Oh, she was no Mother Theresa. But, see, she'd still be alive if she wasn't a dirty dog fighter. That rub, it made the other dog sick.
Catherine: Gee, I hate to see the sport tainted like that.

Nick: (to Gino) You know, there are two things a jury can't stand, people who abuse kids and people who abuse animals. So buena suerte.

Bull [8.11]Edit

Grissom: Guy was living the American dream. Every kid wants to grow up to be a cowboy.
Brass: Not a dead cowboy.

Hodges: (talking about cotton fiber) I need another piece for comparison.
Catherine: Forget how to use the scissors? (pushes them to him) Put your fingers in the holes and squeeze.
Hodges: (smirks) Yes ma-am.

Nick: (after Grissom read Cody's poem) It's not Shakespeare.
Grissom: I'm actually a fan of cowboy poetry.
Nick: Are you really?
Grissom: Yeah, it's just a way of organizing your thoughts and feelings so that you can make sense of them.
Nick: Sounds like Cody was trying to make sense of his girl leaving him.
Grissom: (returning the poetry letter to Nick) Yeah well, poetry can help you with that, too.

Wendy: Hey buckaroos, have you seen Catherine? Because I just got the results from that semen stain on Cody Latshaw's jeans.
Nick: Come up with a match?
Wendy: I did. I had to run an Ouchterlony test on it.
Greg: So, not from a human donor?
Wendy: No, no, bovine. (Nick and Greg look appalled) Yeah. I took a psychobiology class once and we studied a very interesting case. Okay, there was a guy who lived on a farm, and literally the only way that this guy could get sexually satisfied was when he was with livestock. (Nick tries to interrupt)
Nick: Hey, that's okay, I'm good...
Wendy: (growing more enthusiastic as she continues) Well, you see, apparently the whole thing started one ngith because he was in the barn and it started snowing, he was stuck in there and couldn't make his way back to the farmhouse so he decided that he would try and stay warm... well, with a sheep. (Nick just looks at Wendy) But then the horses were jealous, so, you know... And I think there was a cow in there as well...
Greg: You know, I think we got the picture.
Nick: I wish I didn't.

Nick: (slaps Precious Ricky's arm) I didn't take you for a country music fan, yee-haw. (leaves)

Greg: Cowboys, cattle rustling, and now a shooting at the dance hall.
Nick: Welcome to the Wild West.

Brass: Well howdy Partner. This is a new experience for me, first time I caught me a cattle rustler.

Nick: (about Cody) Well it's part of the tradition, you know. Solitary man out there trying to find himself.
Catherine: Yeah, but no man is an island. I mean, obviously, he had feelings for Nancy or he wouldn't have written her that poem.
Nick: Nancy? I don't know about that. Tiffany's the one that broke his heart.
Grissom: I don't think it's about either girl. (reading the poem) "I can't help now but wonder what your brown eyes were concealing." Did you read Tiffany's autopsy report?
Nick: Oh. Yeah, her eyes were blue.
Grissom: So were Nancy's.
Nick: Then who did he write the poem for?
Grissom: Wintwister. (Catherine and Nick can't believe it)
Catherine: The bull?
Grissom: I think that's why he went back to the arena that night. Wordsworth once wrote, "Through love we feel we are greater than we know." My guess is, riding that bull, Cody felt like a greater man.

Grissom's Divine Comedy [8.12]Edit

Madeline Klein: Nobody knew he was coming, Conrad. Nobody knew his name. Yeah, well, if you'd stop talking for a minute you'd understand. The investigation's been compromised. Lives are at risk. How many people do the right thing anymore? Have a conscience? Don Cook, didn't even know what he saw. El Mataocho doesn't kill for the thrill, or because he was abused as a child, he kills because it's his answer to everything. I had him eye-witnessed, it was enough for an indictment. No indictment, no trial, he goes free and La Tierra gets stronger, so don't patronize me by saying this might be an accident. I'm not asking you for advice here, I'm telling you. I want Grissom.

Warrick: (to Greg who has a scarf wrapped around his neck) What are you doing, a catalog shoot? Where's your matching hat with your pom-pom?
Greg: Leave me alone. I have a cold.

Madeline Klein: [to Grissom] Boy, you look like hell. I need sugar. You got a soda?
Grissom: Nice to see you, too, Maddy.
Madeline Klein: 6 months' worth of investigation; two months working with the grand jury; 5 low-level indictments against the LAT. Why you? 'Cause you're the only one who won't screw it up.
Grissom: My team won't screw it up.
Madeline Klein: Oh, right. Your team. Warrick Brown got mixed up with a crooked judge. Sanders ran down a civilian while on duty. Ms. Willows lied about being at a crime scene, among other things. And who can forget Stokes, your straight arrow? Suspected of killing his hooker girlfriend. How does the song go? "You call me up, I get 'em out of it"? If it weren't for me, you'd have no team.

Nick: [to Warrick] Hey.
Warrick: Oh, man, you look beat up.
Nick: I feel beat up.
Warrick: Why don't you ... uh ... take a break. I got this.
Nick: No, no, I'm cool. I can push through it.
Warrick: Yeah. You're ... uh ... breaking the lab's budget for rubber gloves here, dawg. Listen, get some rest, man. You'd do the same for me.

Brass: [to Donny Gomez] And why that apartment? Who do you know lives there?
Donny Gomez: Nobody. I got a mental illness. I'm a firebug. I'm loco.
Brass: You're loco?
Donny Gomez: Who knows? (Madeline walks in) Maybe I'll set the lawyer lady's house on fire.
Madeline Klein: Hey, little man with the big mouth. It doesn't matter what you say, 'cause all your boys are going to hear is that you rolled on Alvarado. (Gomez surges to his feet. His hands are cuffed behind his back. The officer grabs his shoulders)
Brass: Sit down.
Madeline Klein: Just bought yourself another ten years. I'm going to hand-pick your cell mate.
[Brass and Maddy leave]
Brass: Well, that didn't help.
Madeline Klein: That kid wouldn't roll if I gave him a night with Jessica Alba.
Brass: You're really good at making enemies, Maddy.
Madeline Klein: That's why I'm unlisted, divorced and carry a gun.
Brass: Did you take Cook back to Little Gordo's house? You know, maybe to verify his story?
Madeline Klein: Yeah, I always take my secret witnesses on a bus tour of the hood.
Brass: You know, when Don Cook first refused to testify that he saw Alvarado come out of Little Gordo's house, you know what I did? I took him to an out-of-town diner and bought him a cup of coffee. What'd you do?
Madeline Klein: I went to Little Gordo's. (Brass nods, Maddy gets it now) Damn it. Good job, Maddy. They saw me. I can't even blame it on the booze. All they had to do was trail me back to the courthouse and watch me go into the security entrance with 18 escorted jurors. That's how they knew grand jury. Damn it! This is where you're supposed to say, "It's okay. It could happen to anyone. It's not your fault Don Cook is dead." Like hell it isn't.

Hodges: (after Nick coughs) You know, in China people wear masks when they're sick. It's considered impolite to infect your co-workers.
Nick: Maybe you should go work in China.
Hodges: Maybe you should wear a mask.

Catherine: Never thought I'd be disappointed that we solved a case.
Grissom: Hmm.
Catherine: Court personnel files?
Grissom: Reading upside down is a talent.
Catherine: What are you looking for?
Grissom: The leak. 90 minutes after the warrant was issued, Alvarado's apartment went up.
Catherine: So you're looking at the judge, his staff, the clerk that issued the warrant, court reporter, any cops who knew...
Grissom: Yeah, but according to this, everybody cleared. The only ones left are the grand jurors and Maddy Klein.

Madeline Klein: Well, I was right about Alvarado, he was leaving Vegas. Otherwise, he would have killed me himself.
Grissom: You okay?
Madeline Klein: Yeah. Guess now, I owe you one, huh?
Grissom: I don't keep score, Madeline.
Madeline Klein: You know what Gilbert? You're the only man I know that's never let me down. Which means either that your a classic enabler or my soulmate.

A Thousand Days On Earth [8.13]Edit

Greg Fitzsimmons: I would never hit my kids cause, you know, my father used to beat me. He didn't beat me too much. He beat me just right. You know, I remember the last time he really slapped me around, just getting up off the ground, and thinking, "perfect." He really nailed it, you know? Any more would have been barbaric. And yet any less I wouldn't be seeking the approval of you drunks, so thanks. 'Cause parenting is hard and expensive. I just read the other day that if you were to have a baby today and raise that kid all the way through college, it would cost you one million dollars. And that's why I feel like no woman should ever walk out of an abortion clinic with her head hung down in shame. You walk out of there like you just hit the lotto. I'm a winner.

Greg Fitzsimmons: Come on, seriously, I love kids. Did you hug your kid today? Can I hug your kid? Can I hug your kid, sir?
Angry Audience Member: You touch my kids, I kill you.
Greg Fitzsimmons: Dude, it's a comedy show! I'm kidding. This is a joke. (the angry guy makes a gun motion with his hand at Greg) What? What was that? Oh... I see why you're so angry, that's your wife.

Fat Guy: [to Greg Fitzsimmons] I mean it, man. I was laughing my ass off.
Greg Fitzsimmons: Anybody finds a size 54 ass, I'll make sure we keep it on ice for 'ya.

Hodges: It's hard to believe that anybody could do something like this to such a beautiful little girl.
Catherine: So, if she had been plain or homely, it'd be easy for you to accept?
Hodges: No, but, maybe it's just me, that when something like this happens to a kid with a face like that, it just seems a little more tragic.
Catherine: Maybe that will work in our favor. (Catherine walks out)
Hodges: Did I just piss her off?
Grissom: Yeah, but she was heading that way when she came in.

Wendy: Okay. This one has a tag. And now... (hands hair follicular tag to Hodges) ... tag, you're it.
Hodges: Is that what passes for DNA humor around here? Never thought I'd miss Sanders.

Leo: Alright, okay, one night, ten years ago I did a hit of ecstasy and I threw in a hit of Peyote for good measure. By the time morning rolled around I was so high, I thought I was inside a living cartoon. I went outside naked and performed a joyous and impromptu dance to the Egyptian Sun God Ra.
Brass: That sounds really beautiful. I'm sorry I missed it.
Leo: Well unfortunately, twenty preschoolers playing in the yard next door didn't.

Catherine: What are you doing here?
Leo Finley: I was waiting for you.
Catherine: How did you get in here?
Leo Finley: Can't we talk about something interesting? Me for instance. I'm interesting.
Catherine: Yeah, let's do that. Let's talk about you.
Leo Finley: For starters, Norah left me. Actually, she threw my stuff out onto the street, got a restraining order on me, notified the neighbors and called my boss. "Hey, Scumbag. Don't bother coming in, we'll mail you your last check." So in one fell swoop, as it were, I lost my girlfriend, my livelihood and my place to live. I thought it was going to be different this time. Frankly, I blame you.
Catherine: I didn't create the circumstances of your life, Leo.
Leo Finley: You grind up the innocent with the guilty.
Catherine: Just take it easy. I was just doing my job.
Leo Finley: (mockingly) I was just doing my job.
Catherine: Yeah, I was just doing my job.
Leo Finley: I was just doing my job. I was just following orders. Blonde Nazi bitch! You get in there with your big boots and you kick it all apart and you don't care who you hurt. Whose life you destroy in the process.
Catherine: Calm down.
Leo Finley: No! It's not fair.
Catherine: Calm down!
Leo Finley: Don't tell me to calm down!
Catherine: (draws her gun) Just stay back and calm down!
Leo Finley: You going to shoot me? Would that help you figure out how completely you screwed my life up? Would you sleep better at night? Maybe, I should just save you the trouble and blow my own brains out, hm. What do you think?
Catherine: I think you need to talk to somebody.
Leo Finley: I am talking to somebody. I'm talking to you. So how about this, if I do decide to kill myself, I'm going to come over to your house, and blow my brains out right on your front lawn. As a gift to you and everything you stand for. How does that work for you? (turns and walks away)

Drops Out [8.14]Edit

Grissom: (looks up to see blood dripping from the ceiling) Looks like this crime has a second story.

David: (looking at the victim who was shot in the head) Organ donor. Her heart was in the right place.
Grissom: Unfortunately her head was in the wrong place.

Greg: Maybe the shooter freaked out and wet himself. Not exactly a hardened criminal.

Brass: The name on the lease is Kellen Tyford.
Nick: Drops?
Grissom: The nightclub promoter?
Brass: Yeah, and get this, he leases the upstairs apartment too.
Grissom: That's a lotta apartments for a guy who's getting free room and board.

Brass: (after Drops lost his chess game) Looks like something more than forensics be jammin' a brotha up in here.
Drops: Man, y'all some jinxes, man.
Brass: This is a set-up, don't you get it? Ivy league college student versus a high school drop out, convict, you got no chance. ... So said a jury of your peers.
Drops: 8 months, on a weak ass weapons charge, it's a vacation, man.

Drops: I can't explain these women. One minute, they're sending each other cupcakes on Facebook, the next they're trying to kill each other over a broken curling iron.

Drops: (about Dana) This is the type of girl that you have to find in person.
Nick: Well, give us some addresses.
Drops: What are you gonna do? Mapquest her ass? 'Cause that's not gonna work. There's only one way to find this girl. Let me out. (Brass laughs) No, for real, I mean. I can have her for you today.
Nick: You think that we can just pop you outta jail?
Drops: Yeah. Like 48 hours. You know the flick, they bust Eddie outta jail, get the bad guy, everything's cool.
Nick: You think this is a joke, man? Dead bodies are piling up around your new family, now that would worry me.

Catherine: [to Archie] You ever worry that you could be replaced by a computer?
Archie: Every day of my life.

Catherine: We've got a BOLO out on Dana Espinoza in connection with the apartment homicides. She's considered armed, dangerous, and pregnant.
Warrick: Oh! Raging hormones and a gun; we got to get that off the street fast.

Drops: (while being released from jail for 48 hours to help them, sees Brass and Nick) Well, look who it is: Mom and Dad. (they put cuffs and an ankle bracelet on him) One big happy family, huh?
Brass: Yes. Get in the car. (Drops does and Brass shuts the door) I got a feeling I'm gonna regret this.
Nick: I already do.

Nick: And what makes you so sure that Dana would go to this guy Bruce anyway?
Drops: If Dana's on the run, she's gonna need some on the run money, let's say Zigzag, handles certain aspects of my finances.
Brass: What? Like laundering the street fig?
Drops: No, actually my 401k. Why you always tossin' the pimp card at me, man? I guess to you a black man in a suit is a pimp.
Brass: Aw, did I hurt your feelings?

Nick: So, who else would Dana go for help? Zigzag doesn't seem to be like a very big talker.
Drops: You're a lot funnier than I remember, crime lab, you been goin' to cop-comedy school?

Brass: (unenthused after Drops gives him an address) Jackson and D, yippee, we're going to the hood.

The Theory Of Everything [8.15]Edit

Doc Robbins: (looking at the dead deer with a tutu on) Doe. A deer. A female deer...
David: It's not funny.
Doc Robbins: It's a little funny. (starts taking pictures)
David: Doc, I already took photos.
Doc Robbins: Not for my scrap book, 'ya didn't.
David: This is animal abuse.
Doc Robbins: The killing? Sure. The dress? Pet owners put sweaters on chihuahuas.

Doc Robbins: Together in death, as they were in life.
David: Guy abuses wildlife, then bursts into flames. I call it karma.
Doc Robbins: No physical signs that their relationship was anything other than platonic.
David: I mean, we're the ones encroaching on their habitat, you don't see them shooting us.
Doc Robbins: Consider this justice for Bambi's mother.

Hodges: You're a geeky, nerdy guy trapped in a woman's body
Wendy: So are you.

Officer: (about his girlfriend taking his pepper spray) But she dances nights at the Acid Strip.
Nick: (chuckles) What, does she clip the can to her g-string?
Brass: That'd be a deterrent to stuffing a tip in there, wouldn't it?

Grissom: Once is happenstance, twice is coincidence, three times is enemy action.
Hodges: Winston Churchill.
Grissom: Ian Fleming.
Hodges: I should know that I'm a huge James Bond fan.
Greg: What aren't you a fan of?

Hodges: In an interview in the San Francisco Chronicle, October 31, 1996, if I recall correctly, one Professor Gilbert Grissom revealed that as a boy he collected dead animals he found in his Marina Del Ray neighborhood and performed necropsies on them.
Grissom: Hodges, I want you to stop stalking me.

Hodges: Anytime you need a sniffer to detect it, my nose has the cyanide gene.
Grissom: What type of gene turned your nose brown? (referring to the squirrel he just necropsied) Go ahead. You can sew him up. (gets up and leaves)
Hodges: Will do. And I'll notify next of kin, too. (chuckles, then grimaces at the open body cavity of the squirrel)

Grissom: Your killer's a ground squirrel?
Catherine: In a way I argue self defense.

Nick: Is it bad when you start thinking none of this sounds too weird anymore?
Warrick: Oh, it's a bit too freaky how these cases are connected.
Greg: Grissom, you always say that there is no such thing as coincidence...
Grissom: There isn't.
Catherine: Oh, come on. You got the guy who bursts into flames, just divorced from the woman who was fighting squirrel wars with the Martins...
Greg: ... Who had hired the exterminator who's drugs were turning everybody's blood green.
Nick: And one of his green blooded customers was Evelyn, our lady of tinfoil, who was the last person that Kyle Plank touched before he died.
Grissom: There's one more connection. Evelyn had 200 bucks, and I'm thinking that when she was run over, she was on her way to buy more Thyocite. I think that Wayne Connor was with Dave Boer waiting for the money to arrive.
Greg: Only Evelyn never showed up, Connor lost his temper and Boer killed him in a fight.
Warrick: And it all started with Kyle Plank, lonely guy with a gut full of moonshine.
Grissom: String theory.
Nick: Grissom theory. This is better than a bedtime story.
Grissom: String theory is "the theory of everything." Quantum mechanics tells us about the very small. The theory of relativity explains the immense. String theory ties it all together. It proposes that atomic particles are made up of infinitesimal vibrating loops of energy or strings. Each string vibrates at its own frequency, like on a violin, producing notes and these notes make up everything in the universe.
Catherine: Cosmic symphony.
Grissom: These strings have been combining and recombining ever since the Big Bang. So, the connections between our victims or any of us are not that extraordinary.
Nick: But every one of them thought they were alone.
Warrick: Too bad they didn't know about Grissom's theory.
Greg: In a parallel universe, maybe they're all having breakfast together.
Catherine: In this universe, maybe we are.
Nick: Yeah.
Catherine: (to Grissom) And you're buying.
Grissom: No strings attached.

Two and a Half Deaths [8.16]Edit

David: Sorry for the delay, it's a paparazzi jungle downstairs.
Grissom: Yeah, well Doc Robbins isn't the only one with a scrapbook.

Brass: (about Annabelle) Y'know, it's a tragic coincidence that she died two days after you qualified for half of what she's worth.
Bud: Really? I thought that was the bright side.

Grissom: Then the rubber chicken was inserted port-mortem.
Dr. Robbins: And thus not the cause of death.
Grissom: Might have been a gag. Sorry.

(Hodges has been doing tests on the absorption of tampons)
Wendy: That time of the month, huh? I know, picking out the right feminine product can be so hard.
Hodges: You're gonna mock me or help me?
Wendy: I have to choose?
Hodges: I can't get this to work!
Wendy: Well that's probably 'cause you don't have the right equipment. ... You don't, do you?
Hodges: Haha, you're lucky you're cute. Annabelle Fundt was dosing her tampons with vodka.
Wendy: Does that even work?
Hodges: Kinda, even at their most absorbent, tampons only hold about 19 grams of fluid or about 20 milliliters.
Wendy: Well, that's enough for aunt flow but that is not going to get an alcoholic drunk.
Hodges: Who's Aunt flow? (Wendy gives him a look) Oh! All right, maybe she was just doing it to take the edge off but what I can't figure out is how she managed it because every time I throw one in here, it turns into Spongebob Squarepants.
Wendy: You don't take it out of the applicator first. Gimme! (Hodges gives her a tampon) Watch and learn. (she makes it clear how it works) There, that's why they call it an applicator.
Hodges: I always wondered how that worked.
Wendy: All men do.

Warrick: [about a bloodstain] Hey, what does this look like to you?
Grissom: Hermaphrodite on rollerskates.
Catherine: A puppy.

Hodges: Bud didn't marry Annabelle. He married Natasha pretending to be Annabelle.
Catherine: Well, one thing's for sure. Neither one of them is pretending to be dead.

Bud: Whoa, hey! Easy on the Emmy there buddy.
Grissom: Is that what this is?

Nick: Looks like a comedy writer came out of the closet.
Catherine: I doubt if it's the first time.

Greg: So, that's it. Robot-man, closet-stalker-guy gets his package grabbed and a TV star dies.
Nick: It is the classic story.

Brass: Forget it Gil. It's Burbank.

For Gedda [8.17]Edit

Nick: Crime scene at a funeral. Can't get much deader than this.

Grissom: What if the killer used the victim's car to transport the body?
Nick: He drives the victim's own vehicle back to the funeral home, stuffs the body in a double-decker coffin, hits a car wash, comes back cleans out the office, and then leaves us the keys. That's pretty considerate.
Grissom: Or very smart.

Nick (after Hodges was talking to I.A): I don't care, what'd you say?
Hodges: I said that I saw Warrick sitting alone in Grissom's office in the dark.
Nick: So what?
Hodges: He got a phone call and he got really pissed at the person that he was talking to.
Nick: So what?
Hodges: Then he was found an hour later in a pool of Gedda's blood.
Nick: Hey, you don't know what happened in there.
Hodges: Look, Nick, all I did was tell the truth as I saw it. That's what we're supposed to do, right?

I.A. Officer Wagenbach: (to Warrick; laying out photos in front of him) Your gun with blood tissue and hair at the scene. Your cuffs, on the vic. You covered in blood. You went to Pigalle to get revenge by giving Lou Gedda a taste of his own medicine. You're a CSI, what's the evidence telling you?
Warrick: (pauses) The evidence is ... the evidence is suggesting that I did it.

Season 9Edit

For Warrick [9.1]Edit

Ecklie: [arriving at Warrick's crime scene] Gil, how do you wanna handle this?
Grissom: I want us to do this, Conrad. I want Nick and Catherine on the car.
Ecklie: [softly] Okay.
Nick: I feel sorry for whoever did this.
Catherine: [finishes her phone call and walks over to Grissom and Ecklie] Greg's coming back from the airport, I told him to go straight to the lab. (pauses) We're gonna have to take your clothes to get processed.
Ecklie: I'll drive ya.
Grissom: I'm gonna go with Warrick.

Greg: I.. uh, need to do something.
Grissom: You could, uh, pick up Warrick's clothes from the coroner.

Grissom: He didn't wanna go, Sara.
Sara: (pause) Tell me.
Grissom: I was holding him. ... God, I could feel his life, ... I guess I felt that if I could hold him tight enough, he'd be okay.
Sara: You know that there is no place in the world that he would have rather been at the end. ... He loved you.
Grissom: [holding back tears] Yeah, I loved him. [Catherine comes in and sees Sara, Sara walks up to her and hugs her]
Sara: [while hugging Catherine] I'm so sorry.
Catherine: It's so good that we can all be together. [Greg and Nick walk in and Sara hugs them both]
Greg: I'm glad you're here.
Sara: Look, um, maybe I can pick up some of the slack. I... I know I can't work the case, but maybe I can make some of the, uh... arrangements.
Grissom: That'd be great.
Greg: I'll help you.
Sara: I'd appreciate that.
Nick: You know, since his grandmother passed, we were the only family that he had. He once told me that he'd like to be buried next to her.
Grissom: I went to her funeral with Warrick. She's, uh, buried at the Baptist cemetary on Eastern.
Sara: We're gonna need, uh, a key, I guess to his place.
Catherine: I've got one. I... went over to his place and got him some fresh clothes when he was in custody.
Nick: Warrick was right about Gedda and he was right about the department. [looks at everyone then at Grissom] Let's finish this for him.

Undersheriff McKeen: I know that you and Warrick were close, and I don't want you to think that I had it in for the guy.
Brass: Why would I think that, Jeff?
Undersheriff McKeen: I don't know... Maybe I'm feelin' guilty. I thought Brown was a bad apple. I was certain that he killed Gedda. And I was wrong. I know it's a little late for apologies but I-I... I just wanted to tell 'ya.
Brass: Hey, we all have regrets. I thought he killed Gedda, too. You know what the last thing that I told him was?
Undersheriff McKeen: No.
Brass: "I hope you remember how lucky you are." Some luck, huh?
Undersheriff McKeen: Thanks.

Sara: You know, after being in so many victim's houses, I never left my house without making the bed and taking out the trash, just in case I didn't come home.
Greg: What about now?
Sara: Since I left Vegas, I don't do that anymore.

'[Sara and Grissom are watching the DVD of Warrick's custody hearing]
Woman: [to Warrick] So what makes you think that you'd be a good father? You were raised by your grandmother. You never even knew your biological father.
Warrick: Which is exactly why Eli needs to know his. Look, the most important thing you need to know about how to raise a child is how give a child love, and I've been loved. He says I've always tried to be a good man, and I've screwed up. And when I have there's always been one man in my life to set me straight. I've learned a lot from him, how to be fair, how to forgive, ... how to be inspired, how to inspire others.
Woman: Sounds like a special person.
Warrick: He is. If I could've picked my own father, I'da picked him. [Grissom is clearly touched and saddened at the same time]

Grissom: There's no way that McKeen could've heard those shots. So why did he say that he did? He also implied that he saw Pritchard running away from Warrick's car.
Brass: But he never said that it was Pritchard.
Grissom: He led us to believe that though.
Brass: [sighs] You know when I first came to Vegas over twenty years ago... I haven't thought about this in a while, Jeff McKeen was a detective then. He invited us all to Mt. Charleston to his cabin, you know, all the new guys, have a barbeque, cook some steaks, have a few drinks, get to know each other, you know?. And it was a nice place, you know, but not too nice for detective pay. I mean, my radar's already up I came from Jersey, you know, guys took more than they gave, and they made it an art form, how not to push it, how not to make it showy, you know. Anyway, Jeff is sizing me up, he's sniffing around, he's telling me how great Vegas is, how great it'd be for my career... But I let him know, without bustin' his balls that I wasn't in a game, I wasn't for sale and it's a good thing that I took a look around up there at Mt. Charleston because I never got invited again, no more barbeques for me.
Grissom: First witness at the scene is the first suspect, right?
Brass: Right.
Grissom: When I told Warrick that Pritchard had framed him, he said that Gedda's mole had to have been higher up on the food chain. If I were McKeen I would worry that Warrick would never let it go.
Brass: Let's say that McKeen saw the interview video. The time that Warrick left the PD to the time that Warrick got killed was like an hour, hour and a half. Is that enough time to frame Pritchard? For all we know Pritchard's not even in Vegas.
Grissom: Yeah, but if Pritchard gets picked up somewhere else, that gives him an alibi, and McKeen is screwed.
Brass: Unless he knows exactly where Pritchard is.

McKeen: [after Nick finds him] Thank god you're here. I was tryin' to bring Pritchard in.
Nick: Shut up.
McKeen: He got the drop on me, he grabbed my gun, I lost control...
Nick: [points his gun at McKeen] I said shut up!

McKeen: Okay, you wanna know why I did it? Warrick had a big mouth. You know, I just shot him. I'd try to warn him, but he was just too stupid to listen. You know, when I shot him, he had a big smile on his face. I told him that he could keep his job, I didn't have the heart to fire him. [laughs]
Nick: Shut up.
McKeen: You were his friend. What kinda friend are you?! Shoot me, you son of a bitch! '[[Nick is shaking, screen shows Brass running though the woods, Brass hears a shot and runs over to Nick, who is stand over McKeen]
Brass: Nick...
Nick: McKeen has a gunshot wound to the stomach, he's lost a lot of blood, we should get the Med-Evac helicopter here ASAP.
Brass: What was that shot?
Nick: A miss.

Grissom: [at Warrick's funeral] As crime scene investigators, we meet people on the worst day of their lives. They've just lost a family member, somebody they loved, often in a horrible way. A piece of their heart is gone, and will never be replaced. The phrase we're trained to offer them, "I'm sorry for your loss", as we know now, doesn't offer much. Warrick Brown was a young boy when his parents passed away. Much too young to learn that life can be so tragically short. But I think that it taught him how precious life is, and so he lived his life to the fullest, each day as if it was his last day. I was with Warrick on his last day. All the qualities that defined him, his tenaciousness, his deep sense of loyalty, his courage to risk his life for what he knew was right, all those traits were with him on that last day. Just before he died, we were all having breakfast together. Our team. His friends. His family. And Warrick was... he was ... (sobs) I'm going to miss him so much.

The Happy Place [9.2]Edit

Nick: What's with the bikini?
Catherine: Maybe she wanted to leave a good looking corpse.

Archie: I got a pretty good timeline on Paula Bonfilio. At 4:15pm, a hold was placed on Paula's credit card by the Tangiers Casino Day Care.
Grissom: Casino day care, there's the fifth sign of the Apocalypse.

Art Imitates Life [9.3]Edit

Catherine: Autopsy report. Cause of death... 'Cardiac Arrest'.
Nick: That's coroner speak for 'I can't explain what killed her.'

Catherine: No organ damage, no disease, no trauma, this was a perfectly healthy young woman.
Nick: Yeah, 'til she dropped dead without dropping.

Doc Robbins: [upon seeing Riley shine a UV light over her teeth] Well, I always thought it was cool that teeth fluoresced but veneers didn't. How'd you get them?
Riley: Somebody bet me that I couldn't jump into a lake with a rope swing in my mouth.
Doc Robbins: And that pulled the teeth out?
Riley: No, but it sure did hurt my neck. On the way home I hit a fire hydrant.
Doc Robbins: And you bumped the steering wheel with your mouth?
Riley: No, I was on my bike at the time. I flew over the hydrant and crashed into the cross bar of a chain link fence.
Doc Robbins: With your mouth?
Riley: My shoulder, broke my clavicle.
Doc Robbins: Okay then, how'd you lose the teeth?
Riley: [points to each tooth] This one was a root canal. This one a post and a crown. And this one I uh, I was in college, I woke up one morning and it was gone. I don't know what happened to it.

Grissom: We got a serial killer, Greg, and he's working at the pace of one body per day.
Greg: Great. Somethin' to look forward to tomorrow.

Riley: [while searching the victim's apartment] The naughty drawer.
Catherine: What?
Riley: [picks up a bag of weed that's in the drawer and sniffs it] Hydroponic, medical grade, put-you-on-your-ass, send-you-to-dreamy-land weed. Nurses always got the good stuff. [smells the weed again]
Catherine: Uh, I take it you're aware of the lab's random drug testing policy?
Riley: Oh yeah, I got a bottle of clean urine in my locker just in case. I'm kidding.
Catherine: [laughs awkwardly] Good one. Here, I'll bag it. [Catherine smells it before she bags it]

Brass: Do you know Carla Perotti?
Jerzy: Who?
Brass: Carla Perotti!
Jerzy: Oh, yeah. She was one of my models, she's a lovely girl. [looks at the picture] That's a cheap imitation of my work.
Brass: Well, you have to take it up with the coroner because she's dead for real.

Brass: Maybe you, uh, maybe you bumped into him at a grocery store or something.
Jerzy: I don't go out. I don't shop. I don't bump.
Brass: But you do paint dead people.
Jerzy: I paint people who look dead, and you would weep if you knew how much I make doing that. If you haven't noticed our culture seems to be obsessed with sex and death.
Brass: I've noticed.
Jerzy: I'm gonna save you some time because I know what's on your mind. I don't kill my models. I don't even bang them much anymore, occasionally, of course, but I find not with same gusto and verve with as the days go by.
Brass: You bang Carla Perotti?
Jerzy: I'm not doing women.
Brass: You mind if I look around?
Jerzy: I'd like to paint you in the nude.
Brass: I don't do nude. Where would I pin the badge?
Jerzy: Exactly.

Catherine: Lividity says the victims died in the positions in which they were discovered.
Riley: So, what does that mean? That the killer's using some sort of gas chamber?
Grissom: I think so. He lures someone back to his place, slips them a sedative, then re-dresses and positions the bodies inside a sealed container, waits for the carbon monoxide to go to work. Once the bodies are in full rigor, he's got about ten hours to place them and have them discovered.
Nick: Now that we know the recipe, let's find the cook.

Patricia Alwick: Dr. Grissom! May I have a word with you?
Grissom: Yes, of course. Come in.
Patricia Alwick: I wonder why it is you hold what I do in such obvious contempt?
Grissom: Excuse me?
Patricia Alwick: The last time we spoke, you mentioned that you were having problems with Hank. Now, out of concern for you and because I take my job very seriously, I started asking around.
Grissom: Oh...
Patricia Alwick: And was met with a mixture of bafflement and smirks by most of your staff until David Hodges took pity on me and informed me that Hank was your dog.
Grissom: I apologize. It was a serious question.
Patricia Alwick: Oh, really?
Grissom: For the last few weeks my dog's been listless, barely eats, and I just wondered that if you thought it was possible that pets could take on the emotion of their owners?
Patricia Alwick: Well, companion animals were bred to respond to human beings. At some level, I do believe that they resonate with what their owners are feeling. So, what are you feeling?
Grissom: I've just been a little distracted lately. Uh, having a hard time focusing on the details.
Patricia Alwick: That's normal.
Grissom: Not for me. [pause] I wondered if you knew, typically how long this lasts?
Patricia Alwick: There's no typical. Days, weeks, sometimes years, the important thing is to acknowledge it, but you do have to talk about it, and if not with me, then with somebody else and soon.

Jerzy: [flipping the pictures facedown on the table] I can't stand looking at inferior art. It sears into my consciousness like bad Mexican food.

Brass: He's ready to talk but only to someone who understands his work. I'm ready to slap him around, but I figured you could show some restraint.
Grissom: I'll try.

Let It Bleed [9.4]Edit

Catherine: [to a group of girls] Finish puberty somewhere else, me and Mr. Big here need to talk.

Grissom: Does she have many friends?
Emilina: Money buys you a lot of people, but, but not a lot of friends.

Hodges: Oh, hey! Gil! So I scored two tickets to this Alec Knight lecture. He's of course, you know, challenging the Russian claim that the Romonov remains found at Yekaterinburg are authentic. [Grissom looks slightly confused] Open bar.
Grissom: Are you asking me out?
Hodges: Is that a yes?

Leave Out All The Rest [9.5]Edit

Hodges: My shoes are ruined. Why didn't you tell me to wear boots? Or better yet, hire some more CSIs.
Catherine: Trust me, you were my last choice.
Hodges: Thank you.

Henry: Ran tox on hamburger head, lows levels of THC and alcohol. For what it's worth I don't think he was injecting weed or beer into his nipples. Although, this, uh, one time Hodges and I were growing botox and he goes and he injects it...
Catherine: It's okay Henry, I don't need to know anymore.

[Grissom walks out of the room.]
Catherine: You're a doctor, is that normal?
Robbins: Grissom being socially awkward? Yeah, that's normal.

Say Uncle [9.6]Edit

Greg: If you speak English now would be a good time to start...
Suspect: If it's going to get me out of here quicker, I'll be William freaking Shakespeare.

Grissom: (about the victim) Attractive girl, on drugs, on the street, with an ex-con, and no I.D.
Doc Robbins: Sounds like a street hooker.
Grissom: Yeah. But not someone who pays for plastic surgery.
Doc Robbins: Ah, well, maybe it's a business investment, courtesy of her pimp.

Catherine: So this guy gets out of jail and under the running time of The Godfather, he's dead.
Riley: Well, a lot of people die at the end of Godfather.

Bob: One of my video analysts caught news of your double in Koreatown and recognized the male vic while scanning one of our video feeds from a unrelated shoplifting investigation.
Brass: Wow.
Catherine: Video analyst?
Bob: Yeah, why what do you call 'em?

Catherine: Wow. You've got some really great cameras.
Bob: As good as any on the strip. In fact our crime lab is better equipped than most in the country.
Catherine: Now, that's a crime.

Catherine: Our girl's done time. Three months for prostitution.
Greg: Three months, that's pretty harsh for Vegas.
Catherine: Prostitution with HIV.
Greg: Oh, that's like pointing a gun and pulling the trigger.

Greg: Nothing says 'I love you' like processed sugar.

Nick: I know this seems like a simple trash hut, but it could make or break the case. The sooner we find this stuff, the sooner we're gonna find this kid. So, don't be afraid to get your hands dirty. (notices Hodges not walking with them) Hodges, come on man, I know you're not nuts about the field but I didn't bring you all the way out here to just stand around, you know what I mean?
Hodges: Can I see you for a second?
Nick: What?
Hodges: You can work hard (opens up a trash bin right by the crime scene) or you can work smart. (Nick pulls out a bag from Dempsey's department store) Can I go now?

Brass: I just got faxed Sung Bang's prison record, and there's something weird on his personal release form. Listen to this, the guy left prison with a 9mm.
Grissom: They let him out of jail with a gun?
Brass: Well, it's only a misdemeanor, y'know, it's like a hotel, you get back what you checked in.
Grissom: So, you can go out and commit a felony?
Brass: Apparently.

Riley: How do we know Cora wasn't packing? The father of her son was a gangster, she was living with a gangster, I wouldn't put it past her.
Grissom: Well, let's see. [grabs the vic's jeans]
Riley: Most woman's clothes don't have a place to hide a gun, that's uh, that's what purses are for.

Grissom: You think they shot each other
Riley: Why not? There's motive. The evidence suggests it.
Grissom: Where are their guns?
Riley: Dead man with a gun in the hood, gone in sixty seconds. Jin skips town because this family dispute uncovers his once invisible gang. He leaves the booby trap because he's angry about it.
Grissom: It's possible. It's also possible that Jin shot both vics. Which is what the kid said and he was the closest witness.
Riley: If your uncle and your mother shot each other, you would probably blame the gang banger too.
Grissom: Okay, pilgrim. We'll settle this on the street.

Grissom: The kid shot his mother for shooting his uncle.
Brass: So you think Jin had nothing to do with it?
Grissom: Not the shooting.
Brass: Well, it makes sense. His uncle was trying to protect him and his mother was torturing him.
Grissom: Park never controlled anything in his life till he fired that gun.
Brass: An HIV-positive eight-year-old. No wonder no-one wanted to talk. Juvie may be the best thing for him. He'll get the care he needs there.
Grissom: Yeah. I'm sorry we solved this. I really am.

Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda [9.7]Edit

Nick: Take a couple of high school kids, put 'em in a fast car, add a few beers and a driver with a lead foot. Throw in an unexpected obstacle and the rules of physics and what you get is a very abrupt end to a party on wheels.
Cavaliere: You just described my whole senior year, which admittedly ended better than theirs.

Robbins: You want COD on Janelle Rowe?
Riley: Bullet to the head?
Robbins: Exsanguination from transection of the jugular by a .38 caliber round, if you please.

Hodges: Was treated hardwood and white ash; known for its durable bending quality and hardness. Not unlike me.
Catherine: You didn't learn anything in sensitivity training, did you?
Hodges: I took what I needed and I left the rest.

[Nick and Hodges are playing Mailbox Baseball in the parking garage]
Catherine: Nicky, for God's sake, are you trying to break your arm?
Nick: Don't sweat it, I tried it on the dummy first. Didn't break his arm, it's not gonna break mine.
Hodges: It became clear during our experiments that it would take something far more massive than an aluminum mailbox to generate the force necessary to cause the fracture in the victims arm.
Nick: We're thinking telephone pole, sign post, I'm gonna go back to the crime scene and check it out.
Catherine: Then why are you guys still in here smashing mailboxes?
Hodges: Because it's fun. My turn!

Young Man With A Horn [9.8]Edit

Hodges: Well it looks like they're a cute couple, I give you that, but what I don't get is why anybody wants to watch that show. I don't, it's a talent contest? It's more like a humiliation ritual.
Archie: Well you'd know about that.

Hodges: Specific type of asbestos called Amicide. Its particles are bound together by vermiculite and cellulose, the combination found in spray-on ceilings, that type of ceiling material hasn't been used in 20 or 30 years. You know, it's as if you victim found a hole in the time-space continuum and was murdered decades ago.
Grissom: Brilliant theory, Dave. Thanks.

19 Down [9.9]Edit

Langston: If you're going to waste our time on playing games and phony remorse, I'll pull the plug right now!
Nate: Okay, honesty it is then. I didn't like your book. Too technical and too depressing.

Grissom: So, let's assume that 'shoe print' was involved in all four murders. It's possible he knew, Gerald, right? Is it also possible that he was an accomplice of D.J.K.?
Greg: That would explain the 9 post-mortem stab wounds in Ian Wallace. It's a continuation of the master's work.
Catherine: But if he was D.J.K.'s helper, back in the day, why go quiet for 10 years and then suddenly start killing again?
Greg: Maybe he was doing time?
Catherine And when he realized that his old partner turned informant, he got scared and killed him.
Grissom: Maybe that's what brought the old thrill back. Once these guys get a taste, it never seems to go away.

One To Go [9.10]Edit

Grissom: I need a favor. It's something you're going to have to clear with the Sheriff.
Ecklie: What do you have bugs in my office?
Grissom: No. I have bugs in my office.
Ecklie: What?
Grissom: What are we talking about?

Hallie: Do you always keep tabs on your wife?
Brass: Yeah, that's why I'm divorced.

The Grave Shift [9.11]Edit

Robbins: I was just about to dissect his trachea. Care to do the honors?
Langston: It's been a while since I cut.
Robbins: It's like destroying a bicycle. Come on.

Disarmed And Dangerous [9.12]Edit

Miles: Agent Stanley, would you give us a moment alone? Please.
[Agent Stanley leaves the room]
Brass: How long have you two been working together?
Miles: Feels like forever.

Howard: Let me get this straight. You guys bust my company for selling roits, give everybody else a chance to plead out for easy time so the DA can make an example out of me because I'm, me personally, I'm corrupting the very fabric of American sports. You ruined my life, and now you want me to help you?
Brass: That pretty much sums it up, yeah.
Howard: Screw you.

Deep-Fried and Minty-Fresh [9.13]Edit

Dave: Rigor's began to set. And her live temp is 93 degrees. Which means she's been dead three to five hours.
Vartann: You want to bet that that's about the time the husband started drinking.

Nick: I think he might have got whacked in the head with a wet-floor sign.
Robbins: So much for safety in the workplace.

[Doc Robbins squeezes an ulcer and lots of blue pus comes out.]
Catherine: Death by Smurf? Have you ever seen anything like this?

Miscarriage Of Justice [9.14]Edit

Riley: Your husband's note, whatever it says it's... it's not going to take away your doubts or your questions. Some people just can't be saved.

Kill Me If You Can [9.15]Edit

Ray: Wealthy art dealer comes out for a late night swim. Somebody's there who shouldn't be...
Wendy: That is a whole lot of face-smashing. You think it was a crime of passion?
Ray: That is what it takes to make great art.

Brass: Miss Farrell, were you aware that Mr. Pennington withdrew over $100,000 from his bank account yesterday?
Darcy: Um, why? Uh, no, I didn't know anything about that.
Brass: Then this will be a short visit.

Ray: I found bloodstains on Miss Farrell's party dress.
Brass: Oh.
Ray: It's been washed.
Darcy: I look great in that dress. I wanted to wear it out tonight, so I had to clean it. It was dirty.
Brass: Those incriminating DNA stains can be so hard to get out.

Hodges: [About a tortoise with a suspect's fingerprint on it] I wonder if he's a rare species, because I read that African tortoises can be worth as much as $10,000.
Mandy: Please hurry, okay? Because he's been traumatized enough already.
Hodges: He's a material witness in a homicide investigation.
Mandy: I meant traumatized by you.

Turn, Turn, Turn [9.16]Edit

Haley: But I told her forensics is just science, you know? It's what you go to school for and... But you don't look like my chem teacher.
Nick: Thanks, I think.
[Greg walks in as Haley leaves.]
Greg: You do know, uh, crime scene's in the next room? I always look for the yellow tape.

No Way Out [9.17]Edit

Ray: I need side-arm clearance and I've got to take a look at the tactical manual again, these codes are very, very confusing.
Nick: Ah, the most important signal's a code 4.
Ray: Situation secure. Code 4.
Greg: Second most important: 4-82.
Ray: I know this, 4-82 is... What is it?
Greg: Lunch!

Mascara [9.18]Edit

Sylvia: Shouldn't you be out catching bad guys?
Ray: Shouldn't you be working on your thesis?

The Descent Of Man [9.19]Edit

Deputy Sheriff: But I'm telling ya, this is a crime. Look, I know the jumper, alright? Pierre Delongue and I served together in the French Foreign Legion. What? It's a real thing.

Bird Watcher: What a lonely place to die.
Ray: What place isn't, my friend? What place isn't?

George: Oh no. There is no death, only transmogrification.
Brass: Well that's a relief.

George: It is better to be agreeable than to be right.
Brass: That's not religion, that's marriage.

A Space Oddity [9.20]Edit

Collectibles Dealer: We're talking about a piece of television history. The actual space force microprobe Commander Artemis Bishop used to subdue the alien Gorth in the season two finale of Astro Quest. And it can all be yours for just $750.
Hodges: 750? Do I look like an idiot to you?
[Scene cuts to Hodges walking with the space force microprobe.]

Hodges: [Calls Brass on his cell phone.] It's Hodges.
Brass: Who?
Hodges: From trace. We have a situation at the Whatifitcon.
Brass: The Whatifit-what? How'd you get this number?
Hodges: I cloned Grissom's cell phone for a work related matter. That's not important now. We have a situation. It's one of the exhibitors.
Brass: Could you be more specific?
Hodges: He's dead, Jim.

Robbins: Uh, David, would you finish stitching him up please?
David: I'm not a seamstress, I'm a coroner's investigation, dammit!
Robbins: He's been doing that all day.

If I Had A Hammer....[9.21]Edit

Ray: so all you had was an eyewitness who was a half a mile away, testimony from Jeremy Ken't ex-cellmate and a single fingerprint from a rock?
Catherine: Back then it was enough.
Ecklie: Got it figured out? Legal just put this on my desk. [Hands Catherine an envelope.]
Catherine: I've been subpoenaed by Jeremy Kent. He's requesting a pre-trial conference.
Nick: Yeah, he probably wants to talk to you about how he got life based on a rock.

Ray: Can we call Dr. Barnard for a consult?
Robbins: Passed away in '98. Loved chili dogs, but his arteries didn't.

Brass: I'm going to need some contact information on them.
Tyler: Mom! We're going to be late!
Sabrina: Just a minute. [To Brass.] Mountain View Cemetery, Plot 921.

The Gone-Dead Train [9.22]Edit

Brass: I talked to the neighbors, nobody had anything bad to say about Mrs Kelly, in fact they all called her a saint. Specials eds teacher, she's a friend to kids, stray dogs, and anyone with a problem.
Catherine: Well I must have met her evil clone.

Catherine: Tetanus shot hurt more than the crazy lady attacking me.
Riley: You going to turn into a vampire now?
Catherine: Well, I already work nights so I don't think anybody's going to notice.

Greg: So Elvis, how'd you get these injuries?
Elvis: I'm a landscaper. Got a lot of cactus orders because of the drought.
Vartann: Or maybe they're from when you raped your ex, Kayla Newtons.
Elvis: I didn't rape Kay. We had sex.
Greg: Open up [swabs him.]
Vartann: You had the kind of sex where she said no.

Greg: Hold on there, Spuds. How much do you weigh?
Hodges: Uh, excuse you. That's not public information.

Dr. Shaw: I don't know. It's a set-up, I'm being framed.
Brass: Who framed you, Roger Rabbit?

Hog Heaven [9.23]Edit

Hodges: When you're done with fingerprinting, the officer will take you into another room where he'll collect the rest of your clothing.
Jackass: I ain't stripping.
Hodges: I promise you, jail scrubs are much cleaner and more flattering than the blood and grease soaked homicide evidence that you're currently wearing.

[Hodges gets headbutted by Tonya after he demands she apologizes to Wendy.]
Wendy: That was stupid.
Hodges: Oh, chivalry is not dead.
Wendy: No, but its nose is bleeding.

All In [9.24]Edit

Catherine: Chill out Conrad, you'll have it on your desk by the end of shift. Yes, I've included a 10% cut across the board, just make sure there's 10% less crime and we'll be fine.

Hodges: Ah, the 70s. Recession, energy crisis, conflict in the Middle East, my how times have changed.
Riley: Least we don't have to put up with disco.

Hodges: It's an old Hux Club casino chip.
Riley: Hampton Huxley, the dead porno mag guy?
Hodges: No, it's not porno, it's a lifestyle. For one brief shining moment in the 80s scantily-clad Hux Club kittens, serving cocktails and dealing blackjack was the pinnacle of Las Vegas high society.
Wendy: How'd you get in?
Hodges: Sadly only through the glossy pages of the magazine, which I purchased for the articles.

Season 10Edit

Family Affair [10.1]Edit

Catherine [as Greg is carrying a container of goo]: Mr. and Mrs. Decomp?
Greg: 'Til death do they centrifuge.

Ray: According to the SMD's, Wilkes traveled 3.2 miles from his last engine stop. Now, how do you drive that far, that wasted and still stay on the road?
Nick: Individual tolerances vary, just ask Keith Richards.

Ecklie: Alright, look guys, I got a press conference in an hour and I'd rather not say something that I'll have to backtrack later on. Did Wilkes intentionally kill Olivia Hamilton?
Nick [same time as Ray]: I'd say so.
Ray: I doubt it.
Catherine: Maybe you should cancel the press conference.

Nick [to Ray]: Shooting review board?
Ray: Yeah. [reads the letter] They cleared me.
Nick: Good. Kill or be killed, Ray. It's a terrible situation to be in, man, don't let it bother 'ya.
Ray: It hasn't been bothering me. And that's what's been bothering me.

Catherine: Sara, I know that you walked into some fireworks in the breakroom.
Sara: What? Ecklie? Please.
Catherine: No, I just read Riley's exit interview. She had some... harsh things to say about my leadership, that the team's fractured, that it lacks cohesion because of me because of my managerial style. I don't know. I-I admit it, I admit that things are different since Grissom left.
Sara: Well... it's like when a great baseball team loses its clean-up hitter; suddenly everybody's swinging for the fences and nobody's playin' small ball.
Catherine [smirks]: You're using a baseball analogy.
Sara: Ah, apparently part of being married is attempting to share in your spouse's interests.
Catherine [chuckles]: Okay. That's a weird side of you.
Sara [smiles]: I know. Look, you still have a lot of great players and some new talent. Maybe you just need to reshuffle your lineup.
Catherine: English, please?
Sara: You are a great CSI Catherine, and you know how to manage your team. The only thing Grissom had that you don't... is you. [Catherine smiles.]

Ghost Town [10.2]Edit

Greg: Porn house, drug house, Millander house in between, they must throw one hell of a block party.

Ray: See, Craig, you and I have something in common: We both have father's who killed people.
Craig: Your father was a serial killer?
Ray: No, he was a soldier in the Korean War. He even got a Bronze Star for his work.
Craig: That's different.
Ray: No it's not. See, after the war was over, my father continued to fight, every once in a while he would go out to a bar, not so much to drink, but to pick fights. I remember one day, he came home he was very excited. He had a black eye and a fat lip, and was bragging about how he had knocked somebody out. Said he hit the man so hard the paramedics had to peel him off the floor, said it was the most fun he had ever had.

Sara: Craig, if we made you feel like you were paying for your father's crimes, I'm sorry.
Craig: You know, I never even met Mr. Millander, yet I'm more like a Millander than a Mason. You probably wonder how that happened.
Sara: It has crossed my mind.
Craig: You see, my father, Doug Mason, took me to the Halloween warehouse once a month. He told me that the owner, Mr. Millander was his friend, and then my father would play with me with me just like every father would play with his son. Millander's costumes were toys to me, and I'd told my father every time that we went to tell this Mr. Millander that he was a genius. And then one day it all stopped, I lost both my father and my idol. And making masks and rubber hands is my way of keeping the connection alive.

Working Stiffs [10.3]Edit

Ray [seeing Hodges looking at himself through the computer camera]: So, they say people have a good side and a bad side. What's the verdict?
Hodges: I don't seem to have a bad side.

Brass: You know, I'm curious, uh, have you had any problems with disgruntled employees lately?
Terrence: No more than usual. I mean come on, you know what we do here?
Brass: Yeah, I read the sign. You're support operations for The Tangiers.
Terrence: Which means we laminate badges, distribute uniforms and issue parking permits. We are the testicles of the casino business, my friend. If you're working here, it's not 'cause you want to be.

Coup de Grace [10.4]Edit

Brass: I put my credibility on the line for you. CSIs said excessive force, I said 'no way'.
Officer Finn: That's right.
Brass: Oh, really? [plays the dispatch recording of Officer Finn calling Sergeant Johnson a black son of a bitch.]
Officer Finn: I don't remember saying that.
Union Rep: I'm advising you not to speak, not until we hear the complete recording and check the witness statements.
Officer Finn: You think I'm racist? I don't remember, if I said he was black, I was describing the suspect. I was so focused on what the gun was doing I...
Brass: Did you see his face?
Officer Finn: No, it was dark out.
Brass: Are you telling me, you didn't recognize Scott Johnson? He was a trainee, he rode with you, he was your damn partner for four months. You spent 8 hours a day in a car together. You saw more of him than you did of your wife.
Union Rep: This was over 5 years ago.
Brass: So you're telling me you didn't recognize a guy who put a formal complaint in your file for racial discrimination? Let me read this to you: "Frequent and excessive use of racial epithets including the 'N' word."
Officer Finn: First of all, no. I didn't recognize Johnson. And second, yeah, sure, I use street talk with the trainees.
Brass: Come on, you know that doesn't fly anymore.
Officer Finn: But believe me, whatever they get from me is nothing compared to what they're gonna get from the real gorillas in the jungle.
Union Rep: That's a poor choice of words.
Officer Finn: I am training them for the real world and of the dozens and dozens of people I have trained, and that is every color of the rainbow, pal. That hard ass was the only one who ever complained. The only one. He's the racist, not me.

Ray: Look, when I had a gun pulled on me, I didn't check for skin color before I pulled the trigger. Finn's motives are not what we're after, just the evidence that's gonna tell us about his actions.

Detective Moreno '[looking at the computer screen]: Each dot represents a crime involving firearms. And that... that's just the last year.
Sara: Wow. You leave town for a while and all hell breaks loose.

Catherine: Finn took action in the line of duty. Johnson was trying to help a kid at risk.
Nick: So where's the bad guy in this?
Ray: You tell me.

Blood Sport [10.5]Edit

Ray: I was teaching at WLVU when Coach Miller won his second conference title. And everybody loved him, treated him like a god.
Catherine: Even gods have enemies.

Doc Robbins: Coach was struck at least a dozen times.
Nick: A lot of rage here.
Doc Robbins: Agreed. The multiple impacts crushed his skull and drove bone fragments into the brain, causing catastrophic hemorrhaging. It's like when you push your finger into a hard-boiled egg. The shell cracks but the pieces stay in place.
Nick: Thanks for ruining another breakfast for me.
Doc Robbins: It's what I do.

Doc Robbins: C'mon, you're not gonna ask me about the zombie thing?
Nick: Well, you're obviously eager to tell me.
Doc Robbins: Well, damage was predominantly on the right side of the brain to the neo-cortex which controls thought, language and reason. It was almost completely destroyed. But the paleo-cortex which lies beneath it remained intact. The paleo-cotrex controls learned instinct and rituals. Which explains why the victim was able to brush his teeth and eat his breakfast without noticing that he was bleeding to death.
Nick: They never seem to get that right in zombie movies.

Julian: Captain, do you know how much the university pays campus security?
Brass: Well, I know that prison inmates make 15 cents an hour. Is it less than that?

Pal: You found my Beemer? Good work, boys.
Brass: When you reported it stolen, did you know there was a dead girl inside?
Pal: Well, it came fully loaded, but a dead girl wasn't part of the package.

Death And The Maiden [10.6]Edit

Catherine: What's with all the blood?
Hooker: Oh, don't take that tone with me, blondie. This is the blood on an innocent Samaritan.
Brass: Oh, yeah? We got a special on Samaritans, we're arresting them tonight.

Greg: Why'd the killer put the gun back in the register? Langston? ... Ray? ... I'll answer my own question. You see, Greg, cop pulls you over and finds cash on you, no big deal. If he finds a gun, then you're going to jail.

April: And don't be surprised if Mr. Baker never admits he was raped. Odds are, you'll probably close the case on lack of co-operation and then make fun of him around the office. Have a nice day, Mr. Stokes.
Nick: Hey, what is your problem? I'm just trying to do my job here.
April: I've watched you guys stand over dead bodies and crack jokes. I still see a human being when all you see is evidence. Which, might make you a good investigator, but it also makes you cold, hard, people.
Nick: So you can feel compassion for dead people? But you can't feel it for someone who's alive, wearing a badge, tryin' to help! Good luck with that. Enjoy your sandwich.

Nick: So, you catch a guy burglarizing your store. You wanna teach him a lesson, I get it. You beat him, you stab him, you shoot him. But do you have to rape him?
Ray: Greek warriors in ancient times would sodomize their enemies after a battle, to humiliate them, take their manhood...
Nick: Yeah, yeah. I understand the concept of humiliation: rape isn't about sex, it's about violence. But this is a little excessive, don't you think?
Ray: Well... for some men... violence is their sex.

Ray: Sometimes, when God closes a door, Satan opens a window.

The Lost Girl [10.7]Edit

Hodges: If you're gonna have me keep doing Archie's job, I'm gonna need a raise.
Nick: Lemme know what Ecklie says to that.
Hodges: I was hoping you'd ask. You're a supervisor.
Nick: Yeah, well, it's good to hope for things.

Brass [to Anthony]: We also found Dede Chase's driver's license, how'd that get in there?
Anthony: Dede partied with my girls for a couple days. Asked me to hold on to her valuables whilst she went clubbin'.
Brass: Did she also ask you to beat her, rape her, and slit her throat?

Wendy: What is this stuff?
Greg: Uh, Langston sent us some souvenirs from Miami and New York.
Wendy: Oh.
Catherine [unwraps a mini-statue of Liberty]: Mm. I was kinda hopin' for a little somethin', somethin' from Burgdorff's.
Wendy: I love this.
Hodges [puts on sunglasses with palm trees on the side]: How do I look?
Greg: Bitchin'.
Catherine: Ridiculous.

Lovers' Lane [10.8]Edit

Nick: Time for a toast. You know, bowling is a family sport. I'd like to raise a glass to our CSI family. Cheers. [They all drink] But unfortunately, it's time to give the family a little ass-whoppin'. [They all laugh]
Hodges: Oh, really?!
Catherine: All of us?
Ray: Be careful, Nick, don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash.
Everyone: Ooh!

Appendicitement [10.9]Edit

Nick [reading the "Closed Notice" at Harry's]: "Notice closed by the board of health. Suspected point of origin of hepatitis B outbreak. Date of closure 7/3/09." Oops.
Hodges: That was five months ago.
Henry: Nice, you were gonna give me hepatitis for my birthday. Thanks

Nick: We've got a dead body here, boys.
Henry [unenthused]: Best birthday, ever.

Henry: Maybe the raccoon lept through that window ninja style, and before this guy could shoot it, it landed on him and chewed his face off. Well, I guess we should call it in, huh? Oh, that's right, we've got no reception!

Shirley: You think I don't know what you see when you look at us? [takes a sip of her martini] Bunch of ignorant drunk crackers. Shiftless peckerwoods. Lemme tell you somethin', we built this place outta nothin' with our hands, and our sweat and our determination. Mayor of Vegas used to eat here.
Greg: [whispers to Hodges] Alright, if I can't find a phone, I'm gonna make one. Keep an eye on her. [walks off]
Shirley: We had politicians, celebrities, rubbin' up elbows with the common man. Some nights, we had eight, ten limos stacked out up front. Then Harry took off, it all went to hell. He didn't care who he hurt. [making another martini] Are you sure, that I can't fix you boys one of these?
Hodges: You know, I could use the little boy's room.
Shirley: Ah, toilet is all stuffed up. There's one in the basement. But, you don't wanna use that one, believe me. There's like, a million black widow spiders down there. It's like a black widow convention is what it is. You just like puff up and die, so... Use the bushes. [Hodges goes to leave]
Henry: [grabs his arm and whispers] Whoa, whoa, what am I supposed to do?
Hodges: You heard Greg, keep an eye on her.
Shirley: [pours Henry some whiskey] You are gonna drink a man drink, just like that. [Henry chuckles nervously]

Shirley: This place was a gold mine. That man, he walked away with $250,000. All I got... [hands Henry a postcard that reads "Florida" on the front] was a postcard. Just to rub my face in it.
Henry [reading the postcard]: "Shirley, by the time you read this, I'll be sippin' pina coladas, on an island somewheres far away with the new love of my life who is much younger than you. Don't come lookin' for me 'cause I'm all gone. Good-bye, Harry."
Shirley: You ever hear anythin' so mean in all your life? [sniffles]
Henry: No, ma'am.
Shirley: You're real cute, you know? Now, what'd you say y'all come out here for again?
Henry: It's my birthday!
[Shirley squeezes happily and climbs on Henry's lap]
Shirley: Why don't you come over here and give your Auntie Shirley some sugar?
Henry: [laughs uncomfortably and starts to lean away] Uh, no, I can't, I'm engaged. I'm married, actually. I have syphilis!
Shirley: Perfect. Me too.
Henry: (muffled) Help!

Better Off Dead [10.10]Edit

Greg: Guy stands in the middle of a 3-way shootout and strolls out alive?
Nick: Was he just lucky, or bulletproof?

David: Knocked over by a car, fell down a well, attacked by coyotes, poisoned by a spider, lost in a cave, traded for a Mike Schmitt rookie baseball card, and my favorite, [Sara walks in] given to a farm. Allegedly.
[Sara looks confused, looks at Henry]
Henry: The tragic fates of the Phillips' family dogs.

Greg [holds up a stuffed animal]: I mean, is this what women really want?
Catherine: It's what men think women want. Like candy, it's sweet and hard to resist but sooner or later we just want some meat and potatoes.
Greg [imitating the stuffed animal talking]: All women I take out just order a salad.
Catherine [laughs]: God, I used to have drawers full of this crap from guys. Now, I just want a man that I can count on.

Brass [to Mr. Trent]: We have a warrant to search your house.
Mr. Trent: What's this about?
Sara: An overdue library book.

Sin City Blue [10.11]Edit

Doc Robbins [as Ray is observing the body]: He's talking to you, isn't he?
Ray: Yes. Sometimes I wish they would tell me more.
Doc Robbins: Sometimes I wish they'd just shut up.

Catherine: Why didn't you just report it?
Fiore: Well, if I called the cops and you found them, then there would be reports saying that I had brought a girl back to my room. And I couldn't take the risk of my wife finding out. She's an heiress, has all the money. Simple cost-benefit analysis.
Catherine: How does that analysis work? Their lives for your wallet?
Fiore: The solve rates for murders, for homicides in Clark county? 62%. My wife finds out that I'm philandering? That's a 100% chance of divorce.

Fiore: Look, it was a mathematical certainty that a woman like that would report the assault or she would blackmail me for the rest of my life. So, the only logical thing to do was to kill her.
Greg: And you applied that same logic when Karen Jones showed up at your door?
Fiore: You know what the stupid girl did? She pointed a gun at me and she demanded that I give her 50,000 dollars for her friend's funeral.
Catherine: Well, according to my math, the 50,000 dollars that you saved is gonna cost you 20 years to life.
Fiore: Look, I-I am a good man. I work hard. I love my wife. I contribute to society. I mean, these people, you deal with them all the time. And those girls? They were just... They were just worthless criminals.
Catherine: No, they were human beings. You're the worthless criminal.

Long Ball [10.12]Edit

Catherine: In other words, you got nothing.
Hodges: When you put it that way, it makes me sound ineffectual.
Catherine: [smirks] That's the secret to good leadership.

Catherine [after Hodges finds the primary crime scene]: See what you can accomplish when your pride's on the line.
Hodges: Everyday of my life.

Nick: You know, Ray, for somebody who doesn't like golf, you certainly seem to know an awful lot about it.
Ray: It's not that I don't like golf. It's just that you have to focus your mind, practically every fiber of your being on a small white ball that you wanna hit just the right way, and then when you hit it, the feeling is exhilarating. And so you chase the small white ball all day, so that you can hit it exactly the same way. You chase that feeling. Kinda like cocaine. Not exactly the best hobby for an obsessive personality.
Nick: Yeah, people like that are better suited for a job in criminalistics, huh?

Internal Combustion [10.13]Edit

Catherine: You don't look nearly busy enough.
Archie: Well, thank you. It is my gift to look relaxed while doing many things. Unlike Hodges, who has the ability to look overwhelmed while really doing nothing at all.

Sara: It's Cindy Warner's phone.
Nick: They say the only way to get a teenage girl away from her cell phone is to pry it from her cold dead hand.
Sara: Well, whoever they are, let's hope they're wrong.

Hodges: The suspect hides the murder weapon in plain sight, in her auto shop class. It's pretty sophisticated for a high school girl, right?
Wendy: Well, she's definitely more sophisticated than the ones you chat with on the Twilight message boards.

Catherine: When you're young, you think you're immortal and when you get older you just want to remember how that felt. Driving crazy fast on open road...
Nick: We're not getting that old, are we?

Unshockable [10.14]Edit

Ray: I've seen access denied, but access restricted?
Sara: Denied is get lost. Restricted, that's like a fence you want to climb over.

Doc Robbins: Put down the saw! Step away from the guitar. You were about to commit murder on an immaculate '62 Fender jazz bass with the original factory paint.
Nick: So, what?
Doc Robbins: For someone from the Great State of Texas, you show very little respect for a true American art form.
Nick: Hey, just 'cause I'm from Texas doesn't mean I like country music.

Neverland [10.15]Edit

Hodges: You know, I read something a while back. Said that the distance from home that the average parent would allow their 9 year old to wander had shrunk to a tenth of what it was when I was a kid.
Catherine: The world's a scarier place, that's for sure.
Hodges: Oh, I was terrified back then. But a boy who ventures out thinking the world isn't a place to hide from, shouldn't be proven wrong.

Lynn Stecker: If someone wanted to plant blood, they could do it in any crime scene. What kind of a monster would kill a kid to accomplish that?
Brass: The same kind of monster who couldn't just divorce Samantha Rose.

The Panty Sniffer [10.16]Edit

Catherine: I know, just make sure no one enters the casino with vests, radios or uniforms. We can't have any mistakes.
Nick: Copy that. How's the stakeout going?
Catherine: Well, so far it's like watching bad porn.

Vartann: I just don't get these two idiots. They're born into money. They graduated good schools. Their daddies paid for it all.
Catherine: Sounds like you've got an issue with rich people.
Vartann: No. I got an issue with rich kids killing poor kids.

Ray: Can you tell us what you did after you had been ejected for the second time?
Clint: I hooked up with another buyer. Paid him to buy up Brenda's whole table. He dropped off the merchandise around 11... and I blissed out in my room for the rest of the night.
Nick: Holed up in your hotel room with a bunch of women's panties is not an alibi.
Clint: If you'd ever tried it, you'd know it was.

Vartann: [to Catherine] I always thought that I was... you know, better alone, you know? But I miss having someone to come home to. [after few seconds] I didn't mean to put you on the spot. Just wanted you to know.

Robbins: My uncle was obsessed with the smell of chocolate chip cookies. One day, my aunt came home and found him with his head in the oven. Thought he was committing suicide. She realised at that instant, the secret to a happy marriage: fresh baked cookies every day.
Ray: You're really kind of freaky, doc.
Robbins: Coming from you, I'll take that as a compliment.

Irradiator [10.17]Edit

Hodges: And, uh, you can tell Homeland Security that the quantity of radioactive material in this is infinitesimal and poses no threat.
Catherine: Oh, you can tell them. Hang on a second. No. If-if the radiation source is infinitesimal, why are you wearing three lead aprons?
Hodges: Despite my aversion to children, sperm count.

Field Mice [10.18]Edit

Wendy [to Hodges]: That's what you're doing, you're lying to children?
Hodges: It's a teaching exercise.
Wendy: It's an exercise in self-love.
Hodges: Just play along and be a role model, please?
Wendy: Uh, no. Why would I play along with you?
Hodges: Because if you can't even imagine yourself out in the field, how will you ever expect Ecklie to?

Guillermo: So why lie?
Wendy: I guess I'm afraid that maybe I'm gonna wake up one morning and I'm gonna think that I spent most of my life fighting crime in a test tube.
Guillermo: Just because something is the size of a molecule doesn't mean that it can't be filled with intrigue and excitement. CSIs gather the evidence, but analysis is really what gives it meaning. You need both to find the truth.

Hodges: You see, Wendy suspected what I was up to, and she was urging me to come clean. I swear, it'll never happen again. Mea culpa. [to Henry] Can you forgive me?
Catherine: [to Hodges] This is going to go on your permanent record. [to Henry] You got your confession. Happy?
Henry: Hmm.
Catherine: Nobody likes a snitch.

World's End [10.19]Edit

David [walking in the sewer to get the body]: I think I bumped into every piece of dog poop and used condom in the city of Las Vegas.
Catherine: Oh, David, suck it up. [sees the body] There he is.
David: Yep, he's dead.
Officer Mitch: David, you think you have a hard job?
David: Well, Officer, I am the one who has to haul him out of here.

Brass: Okay, let me get this straight, you'd rather do the legwork on a next-of-kin notification you'd rather do that than slog around in the sewer looking for evidence? I mean, that-that is not the down and dirty Sara Sidle I used to know.
Sara: I like to know where haters come from.

Doc Robbins: A racist gets stabbed before he can drown. A lot of people would call that justice.
Ray: We still have to call it murder.

Greg [to Carl]: Okay, you don't have to talk if you don't want to. But if you're smart, you'll write down everything that happened that night. [slides a notepad and a pen over to him] In your own words, so at least we have your side of the story. [Carl writes something down, and slides the notepad over to Greg. It reads 'I want a layer.'] You want a layer?
Carl: It says lawyer, dude. Don't you know how to read?

Greg: Sounds like Shawn was really trying to change his life.
Catherine: Probably what got him killed.
Ray: It's always easier to , uh, embrace hatred than it is to leave it behind.

Take My Life, Please! [10.20]Edit

David: When a man is dead, a man is dead. Why keep killing him?
Ray: Either you're very angry or you're having too much fun to stop.

Greg: It's hard to get a hair into his throat without intimate contact. But I guess you're never too old. Especially with the blue pill. In fact, I know guys my age who are using it. Guys who you know, need the boost. Other guys.

Lost & Found [10.21]Edit

Ray: You know, Doc... I'm against the death penalty, except when it comes to people who kill children.
Doc Robbins: I think they should be tortured first and then guillotined.

Doctor Who [10.22]Edit

Sara: I understand not wanting to share the details of your personal life with your co-workers. But when you don't share the fruits of your investigative work...
Catherine: No, he will from now on. He wasn't purposely shutting us out.
Greg: Look, I really like Ray. I think he's a great CSI. But if he doesn't trust us, how can we have his back?
Sara: And how can he have ours?

Catherine [to Ray]: You're not going to your scene anymore. You're going home.
Ray: You're suspending me?
Catherine: No, I'm diagnosing you. You got the whatever virus. Take a sick day.

Meat Jekyll [10.23]Edit

Sara: I'll be back to give you a lift home?
Nick: Oh, no way. You're a terrible driver.

Wendy: How is he [Nick]?
Hodges: I'm assuming he's okay, because he wants us to bring him a pizza or he's gonna kick our asses.

Season 11Edit

Shock Waves [11.01]Edit

Catherine: After losing Warrick, I thought, if I just worked hard enough, if I focused completely on the cases that I-I wouldn't have to think about his death. ... There isn't enough work in the world... I realized that I couldn't do my job without talking to somebody.
Nick: I never knew that about you.
Catherine: Well, I'm-I'm good at hiding things. Like you.

Brass: I know your heart is in the right place, Nick, but the family would be more comfortable if you weren't here. Now, I have been were you are. I know how you feel but sometimes the best thing is to walk away. Okay? That's the right thing.

Doc Robbins: I was never going to be Fred Astaire.

Pool Shark [11.02]Edit

Mr. Boozell: The manifests don't lie. It's clear that the shark in the pool did not come from my tank.
Sara: Well, it had to come from somewhere.
Mr. Boozell: Well, maybe it checked in last night, VIP. No, VIS... Very Important Shark. He checked in, took a dip in the pool this morning, had a bite to eat. Now he's on the hook for murder.

Nick: So that's Earnest Boozell, huh? The Booze?
Catherine: Biggest shark in Vegas.

Blood Moon [11.03]Edit

Sara: Did you know that a 12-letter word for across the woods is Transylvania?
Nick: (sarcastically) Grissom? Is that you, Grissom?

Sqweegel [11.04]Edit

Catherine: You and Margot have something in common.
Nick: Yeah, what's that?
Catherine: A stalker.
Nick: That was a long time ago.

Ray: (cutting Margot's stitches) I'm sorry. Your cuts are evidence.
Margot: Don't you doctors and police ever talk to one another? Wouldn't it have been a lot easier if that cute young resident hadn't stitched me up at all?
Ray: Well, he was just doing his job, and I'm doing mine. What's the matter, I'm not cute?
Margot: Not right now.

House of Hoarders [11.05]Edit

Sara: Sometimes when we're faced with crimes that are so...incomprehensible we want answers. We want to believe that there's some order to things. Sometimes there just isn't.

[At the hoarder's house]
Nick: How could someone live like this?
Sara: Well, it smells more like somebody died like this.

Nick: You know, I almost threw out something Grissom gave me. Ah, yeah. Blue marble.
Sara: Oh.
Nick: You know what he said when he gave that to me?
Sara: Something profound, I'm sure.
Nick: He said, "Nicky, if life ever gets crazy..."
Sara: "...roll with it." He gave me the same marble. (both laugh) You should hold onto that.

Cold-Blooded [11.06]Edit

David: Did you know that coyotes won't eat the flesh of crystal meth users?
Ray: Really?
David: It's true. I read it. They can sense the stuff is poison.
Ray: Well, that places them at a higher evolutionary mark than a good deal of human beings.

Ray: Anything printed on the keychain?
David: (joking) If found eaten by animals, please call...
Ray: David.
David: Sorry.

Bump & Grind [11.07]Edit

Sara: Everything that happens to us, the good and the bad, is part of us. Took me a long time to realize that, uh, it doesn't have to define who we are, we get to decide that.

Hodges: So, is this, uh, bullet fragment telling you a story?
Greg: Once upon a time, a cranium met a nine-by-19 millimeter Parabellum round. The end.

Nick: Since when do you worry about identity theft?
Greg: Every aspect of our life has been reduced to binary code, Nick. All we are is zeroes and ones. Easy pickings.

Nick: What is the code for suspicious ooze?
Ray: 6-6-6. Well, at least the primordial variety, the stuff of creation, Heaven and Hell.

Nick: I think I'm gonna grab a beer...or ten. You wanna join me?
Catherine: I don't think so.
Nick (grins): You sure? We could talk about our feelings.

Fracked [11.08]Edit

Man: Can I help you, Officers?
Nick: You sure can, big man. I gotta take a look at your trucks.
Man: Why?
Nick: (handing him the warrant) Because that piece of paper says so.

Dr. Robbins: Mrs. Robbins has a birthday. The big one. She doesn't want to make much of it, which means I have to. You got any ideas?
Catherine: Can't go wrong with diamonds. Girl's BFF.
Dr. Robbins: Man's worst enemy.

Conrad: Catherine, you're a crime scene investigator, not Erin Brockovich.

Brass: Drop the Woodward and Bernstein act, okay?

Wild Life [11.09]Edit

Catherine: I-I-I've had all the complicated relationships I could handle. This is who I am. Please don't try to change me. I promise I won't try to change you.
Vartann: So, what? Take it or leave it?
Catherine: Call me when you decide.

Brass: So Sylvester and Tweety whacked their owners.
Greg: Think of it as a series of unfortunate events.
Brass: What do you mean, don't think of it as a cartoon?

Hodges: Wh-What is with this family? Even the animals hate each other.
Sara: Why didn't you just separate them, Hodges?
Hodges: Even though I project an aura of raw courage and unwavering self-confidence, I suffer from... ornithophobia.
Sara: You're afraid of birds.
Hodges: Let's just say that I was terrorized by a flock of Canadian geese while visiting my uncle in Saskatchewan.

Nick: Isn't this a little Cirque du Soleil?

418/427 [11.10]Edit

David: Looks like a .22.
Dr. Robbins: Used to be the preferred caliber for mobsters and assassins.
David: (with a rap accent) Nowadays they go for a Glock four-oh.
Dr. Robbins: Thank you, Ten Cent.

Man Up [11.11]Edit

Brass: Nice little crime scene you got here. So you called in your own 419 off a web posting? I mean, I heard of firemen setting fires to get overtime. Don't tell me you're dropping bodies for extra cash.

A Kiss Before Frying [11.12]Edit

Hodges: Group, I'd like you to meet Dr. Raymond Langston, Nick Stokes and Greg Sanders. These are our CSI field agents. They go out and collect all those little bits of evidence, and then they bring them to me for answers. (about the burned victim) Ooh! Looks like they're cooking up a searing mystery today.

Catherine [to Greg]: You did good.
Greg: Yeah, well, most bosses wouldn't have given me the chance to make it right.
Catherine: Oh, make no mistake. I'm pissed off at you, Greg. You disappeared on us, you walked into an ambush, you almost got yourself killed and then you left the scene of a crime.
Greg: Am I on suspension?
Catherine: You should be (pauses) But I'm the last ones who should be throwing stones. I've been blinded by lust once or twice. Just do me a favor. The next time you get the hots for a mysterious babe, let me check her out for you. I got an eye for the rotten ones.
Greg: Deal. Catherine...
Catherine: Yeah?
Greg: Why do the rotten ones smell so good?

The Two Mrs. Grissoms [11.13]Edit

Ray: (about the burned body) Gonna be hard to burrito him like that.
David: I could put him in the passenger seat of the van. Then we could use the car pool lane.
Ray: Always looking for the silver lining, eh, David?
David: Yeah. That's me.

Sara: (about Mrs. Grissom) She's very hard to get close to. She questions everything. She's got to be right about everything. She's mostly unavailable.
Catherine (chuckles): Sorry.
Sara: What?
Catherine: Oh, it's... you just described Grissom. Like mother, like son.

Sara: (about Julia) She also made it perfectly clear that she would not continue with the interview until I was out of the room. What did Brass say?
Catherine: What do you think? He wants you off the case. I said no. I told him that you're a professional, and completely capable of being objective.
Sara: Thanks.
Catherine: You are capable of being professional and objective, right?
Sara: Yes, I am.

Grissom: So anyway, how was your week? What'd you do?
Sara: Well, I almost got blown up twice. I accused your ex-girlfriend of murder. And, oh, I-I told off your mother.
Grissom: Oh, good. You kept busy.
Sara: Yeah. See what happens when you stand me up?

All That Cremains [11.14]Edit

Ray: It's always very difficult to accept the truth about people. Especially about people that we love. Denying it doesn't make it go away.

Greg: Instead of coming back for her stuff, she comes back for revenge.
Ray: Well, revenge is one thing, but, uh... shoving his dead wife's ashes down his throat and slicing him up... that's a monster.

Targets of Obsession [11.15]Edit

Nick: How you doing?
Catherine: I'm still in one piece.
Nick: Yeah, you should probably get checked out anyway.
Catherine: That's usually my line.
Nick (laughs): Hey, you're always taking care of me. How about I take of you for a change?
Catherine: Okay. Thanks, Nicky.

[Vivian, Nate Haskell's self-proclaimed "fiancee", has been watching Nate's trial along with a group of other women who admire him. She approaches Raymond Langston outside the courtroom, during a recess.]
Vivian: Well, you heard that expert- he's not responsible for his actions. Besides, the love of a good woman can change any man.
Raymond Langston: Why don't you tell that to the seven women we found buried under his floorboards?
[Vivian doesn't reply, but walks away when one of the other women in her group invites her to join their "prayer circle". Jim Brass walks past them and greets Raymond.]
Jim Brass: [Sarcastic] I see you've met the Brides of Haskell.

[A spikestrip has stopped Jason McCann and Timothy Johnson's van as they attempt to flee Las Vegas. A police roadblock and helicopter surrounds them and demands their surrender.]
Timothy Johnson: We gotta give up. We got no choice; look at all those guns.
Jason McCann: Shut up.
Jim Brass: You're surrounded! Get out of the car!
Jason McCann: I'll give up, but only to Stokes!
Nick Stokes: [From the blockade] Yeah, I'm here. So give up!
Jason McCann: I wanna talk to you!
Nick Stokes: We'll talk! Get outta there!
Timothy Johnson: Jason, look at me. Live to fight another day, remember?
[Jason cocks the pistol he's holding and stares coldly at Timothy, aiming the pistol at him.]
Jason McCann: Get out.

Turn On, Tune In, Drop Dead [11.16]Edit

Ray: You know what I believe? I believe that people that bring suffering and pain into this world should have it repaid to them tenfold, either in this world or the next one.
Doc Robbins: Careful. Evil has a way of making friends with the good and dragging them into the darkness.

Dr. Aden: Knowledge demands its payment.
Ray: It's always nice when somebody picks up the bill for you, though.

Dr. Aden: San Francisco girl, huh? Left my heart, and half my cerebral cortex in Frisco. You ever see The Dead play the Fillmore?
Sara: No, uh... too busy with the dead everywhere else.
Dr. Aden: Lucky you.

"Ray": so how are things with you and Gil going. "Sara": well don't tell anyone but we think that I might be having a baby so things are really great yeah how are things with you.

The List [11.17]Edit

Ray: (to prisoners) Listen up! I want your sneakers! I want your jumps! I want your DNA! I want to see your hands! I want to see your eyes! This man you killed was a cop! So there will be consequences! Prison will not protect you!

Catherine [to Greg]: Running from another stripper?
Greg: Burlesque dancer. And that's not funny.

Hitting for the Cycle [11.18]Edit

Ray: You know, when a man lets his wife down, loses her... sometimes he can lose himself. When your marriage fails, what no one tells us is that it makes us feel like we've failed somehow.

Greg: Pizza Pizza.

Unleashed [11.19]Edit

Ray: Some people...just can't ask for help. They don't know how.

Debra: I had to get her out of there. I mean, it was for her own good!
Ray: Usually, when people say they're doing something for the good of others, that usually means they're doing it for themselves.

Heather: Doctor, you want legitimacy. You want to know that it's okay to lose the muzzle for a while. I can say this: The good Dr. Langston isn't going to catch Nate Haskell.
Ray: If I give in to my nature, I won't catch him...I will kill him.
Heather: Yes, you will.
Ray: What becomes of me then?

Nick: Albert... What you did today was incredible. It was like being part of a miracle or something.
Doc Robbins: It felt good helping the living for a change.
Nick: You're a good man.

Doc Robbins: You know, it's not how you come into this world that counts, it's how you live it.

Father Of The Bride (1) [11.20]Edit

Catherine: Here's what we have: Haskell's out there, and he may have a new face.
Sofia: Well, the new face is a game changer.
Brass: I'm sick of this guy. He's like the Joker in Batman. Except without the laughs.

Cello And Goodbye (2) [11.21]Edit

Ray: Hey, it's Ray. I know you're working. I didn't expect you to answer, but, uh... you're the only one I can talk to. The only person who I think will truly understand this. At least, I hope you'll understand when I've done what I have to do. You know, we all make choices... live with the consequences. The only person I have ever dead. And now... There's only one thing left for me to do. Good-bye, Al.

In a Dark, Dark House (3) [11.22]Edit

Sara (to Greg): We have all had a moment in the dark where we had to fight our way out, and when we did, it was up to the rest of the team to shine a light on that darkness to see what happened. That's our job. I just need to know what I'm dealing with, and then I will deal with it.

Nick: (to Ray) You know, I'd give you a hug right now, but unfortunately, you're evidence, if you know what I mean.

Season 12Edit

73 Seconds [12.1]Edit

Morgan: (to Greg) Good to put a face with the name. You don't look like a history nerd.
Greg: Neither do you. I mean the nerd part. Not that you are a nerd or that there's anything wrong with being a nerd.
Catherine (to Nick): There are no more under-the-table deals, no more going rogue, no more personal vendettas, no more L.A.
Nick: Now, what does this have to do with L.A.? I wouldn't change anything about what I did there.
Catherine: I would! I'm not in charge anymore, because this is our problem. We lead with our hearts instead of our heads and then we justify it after the fact.
Nick: Why you so pissed off?
Catherine: I got demoted, Nick! I got demoted!

Tell-Tale Hearts [12.2]Edit

D.B.: There is no perfect crime, but if you create enough reasonable doubt, you might just have the perfect defense.

Bittersweet [12.3]Edit

Catherine (to D.B.): I know why Ecklie brought you in. Clearly, as a supervisor, I was too close to my team. I allowed one of them to walk into a house with a serial killer.
D.B.: Right. Wh-what are you saying?
Catherine: I'm saying that you can't let Sara walk through that same door. You are the supervisor now. You've gotta protect the team.

Maid Man [12.4]Edit

D.B. (to Oscar): So, this is a bullet-proof suit. Guess it comes with a lifetime guarantee?
Oscar: Yeah. You get shot and they fix it for free.
Morgan (to Nick): What do you gotta do to pull the primo cases?
Nick: Well, if you ask me, they're all primo. And hey, look at the bright side, you get to work with me.
Morgan: That's the bright side?
Nick: (laughs) Oh...

CSI Down [12.5]Edit

Morgan: I'm not saying I don't like Vegas. I'm just saying L.A. clearly owns it in a number of key categories. Vegas has no heart, no history...
Greg: No history?
D.B.: No taxes ought to quiet your complaint.
Morgan: No ocean.
Greg: All right, Morgan, I'll give you the ocean.
Morgan: And the weather and the Lakers. And the ability to walk down the street without being handed full-frontal business cards.
Greg: Okay, but if you think L.A. beats Vegas at night, you need professional help.
Morgan: Oh! You offering your services?

Freaks & Geeks [12.6]Edit

D.B.: (to Catherine about how his wife was his first and only love and experience): Yeah, somethings are simple like that.

Brain Doe [12.7]Edit

D.B.: What color is the horse? (nobody answers) Really? No, it's a famous story. A traffic accident near a ranch, right? Several cars and a horse are involved. The horse is severely injured and the officer at the scene wants to put him out of his misery with his .357. Unfortunately, the bullet ricochets off the horse's skull and hits an officer standing nearby. Kills him dead as a doornail. And when this is all reported to the chief, the only question he asks, "What color's the horse?" There were seasoned investigators all over that scene for hours, taking notes, gathering evidence, but nobody noted the color of the horse.
Nick: If you miss one small detail, then who knows what else you've missed. 'Cause you never know what's important.
D.B.: Cool story, huh?
Hodges: That is a good story.

Crime After Crime [12.8]Edit

Greg: Messy stabbing, messy scene, clean getaway. Like the killer just vanished.
Morgan: Bloody Mary.
Greg: Well, yeah, there's an empty bottle of vodka on the bed.
Morgan: No, not the drink, the ghost. You stand in front of a mirror, lights out, you say your name three times and she bursts through the glass and kills you.
Greg: Are we at a crime scene or a 7th grade sleepover?
D.B. (to Greg): Hey, how did swab-a-palooza go?
Greg: Uh, 200 party guests, all swabbed, printed and checked for spatter. All clean.
D.B.: Well, maybe you'll have more luck at your next case. I want you to restock your kit and go meet Morgan at the park motel. (Greg walks away smiling) It's a scene, not a date, you wacky kid.

Zippered [12.9]Edit

D.B.: I tell my daughter every morning; if he wears a badge he's wrong for you.
Catherine: And what if your wife's father had said the same thing?
D.B.: Actually, he did..

D.B.: Like a CB Radio on steroids.
Agent Pratt: What's a CB Radio?
D.B.: [glares]
Agent Pratt: Gotcha!

D.B.: Find anything
Hodges: Afraid not..
D.B.: OK
Hodges: no, no, no... a frayed knot.. a piece of string tied into a knot hung in the magazine and well... it was frayed.

D.B: Those are the stolen supplies you're talking about?
Agent Pratt: That's the problem we are here to fix
D.B.: How many are we talking about? Give me a number.
Agent Pratt: 144
D.B.: 144 of these!! That's not a problem, that's a war zone.

Catherine: We know he was shot in the kitchen, wrapped in a shower curtain and brought here.
Agent McQuad: Where he was shot again... and again..

Hodges: I think your wrong on that one.
Morgan: I'm sorry?
Hodges: Oh, don't be sorry, just be wrong.

Catherine: No body, no suspects, but if you're in the market for a murder weapon.. pick one

Genetic Disorder [12.10]Edit

Doc Robbins: I'm sorry for not believing you,
Judy: I'm sorry for keeping secrets, I wanted it to be a surprise.
Doc Robbins: You certainly did that.

Greg: I have the motive for murder. Queue the banjo music.

Judy: Al, we need to talk.
Doc Robbins: Judy, I need to believe in you, in us. And if we talk and I'm not convinced, it will be gone.

Hodges: I'm just saying when I play "Sexual Healing" its foreplay.
Greg: Playing it for yourself doesn't count.

Brass: You've got to prepare yourself; it's only going to get worse.
Doc Robbins: You need to prepare yourself to be wrong. You past is clouding your judgment and I expect more than that from you.

Brass: A cheating wife and her dead lover, do you see something I don't?
Greg: Yeah, a crime scene that has yet to be processed.

Ms. Willows Regrets [12.11]Edit

'Nick: (about the beetles) It's amazing. They picked it clean in less than an hour.
Greg: Yeah, they eat even faster than you.

Willows In The Wind [12.12]Edit

D.B. (to Catherine): How you doing? You all right?
Catherine: Well, considering I've been shot in my side and cauterized by a hooker's curling iron, yeah, I guess so.
Nick (to Catherine): What are you saying?
Catherine: That I've been offered another job. With the FBI. I've decided to take it.
Sara: When?
Catherine: Well, it's effective immediately. I tendered my resignation. For real this time. You are all family which is why this is the hardest decision I've ever made. I mean, how could I leave this place? How could I leave all of you? But not only are you in great hands... but you... are a rock-solid, bad-ass team of criminalists and don't ever forget it.
Nick: We all just love you, Catherine and, you know, even though you're leaving, you'll always be here with us, always.

Tresses To Kill [12.13]Edit

Hodges: You ever see that Japanese movie "The Ring" about that creepy girl who lives in a well and vomits hair?
Sara: I thought the only Japanese culture that you knew about was octopus porn.
Brass: He took her eyes. That sick bastard. Why?
D.B.: Hell with why. I want to know who.

Seeing Red [12.14]Edit

Finn (to D.B.): I want to have some ground rules.
D.B.: Okay.
Finn: All right, number one, you are not to call me Jules in front of other people. It is Finn.
D.B.: Finn.
Finn: Number two, we are never going to talk about the past.
D.B.: Sounds to me like you want to live in the moment.
Finn: And when that Zen crap starts, we need to have a safe word.
D.B.: Pick one.
Finn: Uhm. "Stop." Would that work?
D.B.: You got it.

Stealing Home [12.15]Edit

Specialist: (to Finn while she's doing the polygraph test) Do you have any criminal history?
Finn: I was married twice. Did my time.
Specialist: Have you ever had sex with an animal?
Finn: (laughs) Oh, my... really?
D.B.: Oh, God.
Specialist: Yes or no?
Finn: Well, my first ex-husband was a bit of a dog and my second, a pig. Does that count?
Finn (to D.B.): Well, I've been walking around this place the last couple days, trying to find the problem. This place is like a family. You've got the best of the best.
D.B.: That's true.
Finn: So why... why'd you bring me here?
D.B.: Best of the best can always get better.

CSI Unplugged [12.16]Edit

Finn (to D.B.): How do you do it?
D.B.: Do what?
Finn: Never lose faith.
D.B.: Some things I hide better than you do.

Trends With Benefits [12.17]Edit

D.B. (to Professor Laudner): So, Pete was in your office last night, and the two of you got into a fight.
Professor Laudner: Yeah. That's none of your business.
D.B.: You're pulling the privacy card. Wow. After you made a career out of exposing everyone else's business. That's a little hypocritical, don't you think?
Professor Laudner: (sarcastically) Guilty.

Malice in Wonderland [12.18]Edit

Ecklie (to Morgan): If you think about it, a wedding's a pretty good place to rob, huh?
Morgan: You'd be the wedding expert, I guess.
Ecklie: Your mom's a multiple offender too, you know.
Morgan: But her second one stuck.
Finn (to Ecklie & D.B.): I, uh, found some other stolen things in the ambulance, and if it's okay with you two, I'd like to return one tiny piece of evidence.
Ecklie: On what grounds?
Finn: It has sentimental value.
D.B.: I didn't know you had sentiments.
Finn: I didn't say they were mine.

Split Decisions [12.19]Edit

Nick (to Archie): Earning your money on this one, huh, Arch?
Archie: Oh, man, I am so sick of looking for this face.
Nick: Well, look at the bright side.
Archie: Oh, we still know who we're looking for. Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, man, I am tired of that joke and I am getting really tired here.
Sara (to Brass): You think she's lying? You think she knew Kiel?
Brass: I think she's more than lying. I think we're looking at a modern Ma Barker here. You know, Ma Barker had four sons. Herman, Lloyd, Arthur and Fred. Masterminded her own Little Crime House on the Prairie.
Morgan: Wow. You're like a World Book of Crime.

Altered Stakes [12.20]Edit

Morgan (to Hodges): I didn't know you spoke Italian.
Hodges: Si, Italiano è la lingua dell'amore.
Morgan: Oh, I always thought the language of love was français.
Hodges: Only to the French.
Morgan: Touché.

Dune and Gloom [12.21]Edit

Nick: Live fast, die young.
David: Not me. The wife's pushing for a minivan. Bugging me about safety ratings and car seat compatibility.
Nick: So, do you have some news to share?
David: No, no, it's still hypothetical. But hypothetically, I don't want my kid's first impression of his dad to be some minivan-driving geek.
Nick: What are you worried about? Your kid's still gonna think you're the coolest guy on the planet. That is till Uncle Nicky comes over and picks him up in a GT500.
David: Thanks, man.
Nick: You're welcome.
D.B. (to Sara): Can you imagine? The whole world seems upside down to you, enemies in every shadow, never knowing for sure what's real and what's not, and then you finally meet two friends? People you have a dream in common with.
Sara: For once, you fit?
D.B.: Yeah. Like three gears, three damaged gears that are finally meshing, and they're working, they're racing, they're not just dreaming.
Sara: Until it all goes up in flames, because there really was someone lurking in the shadows.
D.B.: Crazy, isn't it?

Homecoming [12.22]Edit

Moreno (to Finn): All right, what's going on with you tonight?
Finn: It's complicated.
Moreno: Yeah? You ever think that maybe you're the one that's a little bit complicated, hmm?
Finn: You know what? It's so much hotter when you don't talk.

Season 13Edit

Karma to Burn [13.1]Edit

Jack: I, I, I don't know what you're talking about.
D.B.: (pulls his gun) I don't have much time.
Jack: Come on, man. Who you kidding? You're not going to shoot me. You're the good cop.
Nick: (pulls his gun) I'm not. I quit last night.
Sara (to Nick): Words have consequences, you know. I mean, if you say you quit, you need to mean it.
Nick: You quit.
Sara: Well, yeah, right, but I didn't say it out loud. I left a note at Reception for Grissom and I walked right on out of here.
Nick: And you're still here, so don't preach to me about integrity, okay?

Code Blue Plate Special [13.2]Edit

Wild Flowers [13.3]Edit

It Was a Very Good Year [13.4]Edit

Play Dead [13.5]Edit

Pick and Roll [13.6]Edit

Fallen Angels [13.7]Edit

CSI on Fire [13.8]Edit

Strip Maul [13.9]Edit

Risky Business Class [13.10]Edit

Dead Air [13.11]Edit

Double Fault [13.12]Edit

In Vino Veritas [13.13]Edit

Exile [13.14]Edit

Forget Me Not [13.15]Edit

Last Woman Standing [13.16]Edit

Dead of the Class [13.17]Edit

Sheltered [13.18]Edit

Backfire [13.19]Edit

Fearless [13.20]Edit

Ghosts of the Past [13.21]Edit

Skin in the Game [13.22]Edit

Season 14Edit

The Devil and D.B. Russell [14.1]Edit

Take the Money and Run [14.2]Edit

Torch Song [14.3]Edit

Last Supper [14.4]Edit

Frame by Frame [14.5]Edit

Passed Pawns [14.6]Edit

Under a Cloud [14.7]Edit

Helpless [14.8]Edit

Check In and Check Out [14.9]Edit

D.B. (while looking at the the hotel bed spreads under a black light): Might be my biggest regret about this job. I know way to much about hotel bedspreads.
Henry: And hotel carpets, don't go barefoot.

Girls Gone Wild [14.10]Edit

The Lost Reindeer [14.11]Edit

Keep Calm and Carry On [14.12]Edit

Boston Brakes [14.13]Edit

De Los Muertos [14.14]Edit

Love for Sale [14.15]Edit

Killer Moes [14.16]Edit

Long Road Home [14.17]Edit

Uninvited [14.18]Edit

The Fallen [14.19]Edit

Consumed [14.20]Edit

Kitty [14.21]Edit

Dead In His Tracks [14.22]Edit

Season 15Edit

The CSI Effect [15.1]Edit

Buzz Kill [15.2]Edit

Bad Blood [15.3]Edit

The Book of Shadows [15.4]Edit

Girls Gone Wilder [15.5]Edit

The Twin Paradox [15.6]Edit

Road to Recovery [15.7]Edit

Rubbery Homicide [15.8]Edit

Let's Make a Deal [15.9]Edit

Dead Rails [15.10]Edit

Angle of Attack [15.11]Edit

Dead Woods [15.12]Edit

The Greater Good [15.13]Edit

Merchants of Menace [15.14]Edit

Hero to Zero [15.15]Edit

The Last Ride [15.16]Edit

Under My Skin [15.17]Edit

The End Game [15.18]Edit

About CSI: Crime Scene InvestigationEdit

  • Ted Danson: The show had a new way of coming at crime and murder and mayhem. Taking a scientific point of view on a crime show was new back then, and allowed viewers into the darker side of life in a way that wasn’t just cops-and-robbers.
  • Marg Helgenberger: Being involved in that show for close to 12 seasons was, certainly, the highlight of my career … and it had such a huge impact on my life. Being a part of a show that becomes a cultural phenomenon, that doesn’t happen very often. The phrase “the CSI effect” was coined because of the show, and just the amount of kids who were inspired to become criminologists – that’s certainly an impact I wouldn’t have anticipated when I began the show.
  • But they had asked me, “What do you think Grissom’s been doing?” And I said, “Well, I think he’s in the ocean. I think he’s sick of dead bodies and bugs, and he wants to save fish.” So we put that together, and then they said, “Well, what are we going to do about you and Sara? The fans are desperate for you to deal with that.” So I said, “Well, just let ’em sail off into the sunset!” [Laughs.] I mean, if that’s what they want, why at this point would we care? Give ’em what they want! And I just thought it was sort of nice, in that we’d tried to stay away from that stuff all along. We even tried at the end to just keep it as simple as possible: off they go onto the boat. So I was good with it. I just hope that the fans, the people who watched it, were happy about it.


External linksEdit