7th Heaven (season 1)

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7th Heaven (1996-2007) is an American television drama series created and produced by Brenda Hampton that centers on a minister's family and their lives in the fictional town of Glenoak, California.

Anything You Want [1.01]

Annie: Have you ever heard "for everything there is a season"? "A time to..." uh...hmm... "a time to--" do something or other. The point is that you just have to let nature take its course. You can't hurry these things.

Eric: [about the kids] Why is it that they like your parents and not mine?

Annie: Because my parents are better.

Annie: [to Eric] You wanna talk dog with Simon or puberty with Lucy?

Eric: So you took up plumbing when we were pregnant with Simon?

Annie: No, electrical and plumbing was Mary, Simon was ethnic cooking.

Mary: [referring to kissing] The point is, I don't know where my hands go or his hands or my face or his face or his lips or my lips, and I don't want it to be awkward; couldn't you just show me so I have some experience?

Matt: Don't kiss me.

Mary: Would you stop? I'm not gonna kiss you. Ok, so do I touch his face with my hands? [Mary moves her hand toward his face]

Matt: No, look, if anybody touches face, he touches your face or maybe he doesn't; I don't know.

Mary: [moves toward Matt as if to kiss him] So I close my eyes and... [Eric sees Mary trying to kiss Matt]

Matt: Oh Dad, this isn't what it looks like.

Eric: That's a relief.

Family Secrets [1.02]

Annie: [to Ruthie] Do you have Daddy's shoes honey?

Eric: You know Daddy really needs his shoes, so if you have them - [Ruthie smiles and runs away]- I'll wear my good ones. Have you seen my keys?

Annie: On the counter.

Eric: On the counter....and, uh...my wedding ring?

Annie: Bathroom sink.

Eric: Oh. Good. Now all I need to do is find the list of people that I'm supposed to visit. [Annie hands him the list] Thanks.

Annie: I don't know what you'd do without me.

Eric: [kissing her] A lot less of this.

Annie: You know what I was thinking?

Eric: That once we get Ruthie in school we can walk around naked again?

Annie: [smiling] No...

Eric: But we could. [Annie nods]

Mary: Okay let's look at the facts as we know them. Fact: He said he was going to the library.

Lucy: Fact: He never goes to the library.

Mary: Fact: He stayed out all night long.

Lucy: Fact: He was probably with a girl.

Mary: Ok... that's not a fact but it's a safe guess; let's just assume. Assumption: He spent the night with the girl.

Lucy: Assumption: He made out with her all night long.

Mary: Fact: You are way too young for me to be playing this game with you now go get ready for school.

Eric: So many questions I don't know where to start. Why don't we try "Where were you?"

Matt: I was at a friend's [house].

Eric: What friend?

Matt: Just a friend; you don't know her.

Eric: Oh it's a her? That's interesting. Have you completely lost your mind? You stupid idiot.

Simon: Now Ruthie, this is an adult conversation.

Ruthie: What are we doing?

Mary: Nothing, sleepyhead. Come here.

Ruthie: Are we in trouble?

Lucy: What makes you think somebody's in trouble?

Ruthie: Because I went down to the kitchen and Daddy just said, "Good morning".

Mary: So?

Ruthie: He usually says, "Good morning, Pumpkin!"

Lucy: He probably just forgot.

Ruthie: He always forgets when someone's in trouble.

Mary: Well, it's Matt, but you don't have to worry because it's not any real big trouble.

Ruthie: I think it is.

Simon: Well, Matt I've been thinking...

Matt: Well, don't do that; you might hurt yourself.

Eric: I've got three daughters myself.

Mr. Nicholson: Yeah, any of them pregnant? [slams the door in his face]

In the Blink of an Eye [1.03]

Lucy: You remember my dad?

Jimmy: Oh yeah, the God guy.

Eric: Yeah, I see how you charmed my daughter.

Matt: I'm sorry, Dad. I'm a total screw-up.

Eric: Not total. [lovingly embraces Matt]

Matt: I'm a total idiot.

Grandma Jenny: Hey, that's my grandson you're talking about! And he's not an idiot. He's just a 16-year-old kid trying to make his way in the world.

Matt: How long will that take?

Grandma Jenny: Well, if he's anything like his grandmother it may take fifty or sixty years.

Ruthie: Do you guys need anything? It's not 5:00 yet.

Mary: So?

Ruthie: Simon says I'm responsible for everything before 5:00.

Mary: Yeah, well, go tell Simon nice try, but you're not his personal valet.

Ruthie: Okay!

[Later that day]

Simon: That's it, pack it up sister, you're out of here!

Ruthie: No, I'm not your personal ballet!

Annie: When did you start drinking wine?

Charles and Jenny: Yesterday.

Matt: [to a cop] No officer, I wasn't drinking.

Cop: Well, that's an interesting cologne you're wearing. Step outside.

Eric: So what are you and Jeff doing tonight? [Mary stares at him] That's right, I'm prying. It's my job, my duty, my life.

Mary: Oh I don't know. We really don't have any plans, we might just drop by a party or something.

Eric: Whose party?

Annie: Have we met these people?

Mary: I don't think so.

Eric: Is it just for older kids?

Mary: I don't know.

Annie: Is alcohol allowed?

Eric: Will the parents be home?

Mary: I'm not sure, it's just a party. It's not like the guy throwing it handed out his biography.

Eric: That would be autobiography and if he had you might have had a shot at going.

Mary: Dad!

Eric: Sorry kiddo, not gonna happen.

Mary: What am I supposed to tell Jeff?

Annie: The truth. That we said no.

Eric: He knows who your parents are.

Mary: Yeah, the people trying to ruin my life! [stomps off]

Eric: Not only trying, but sometimes succeeding.

Jenny: [in Annie's dream] I love you Annie, but I have to go now.

Annie: Mom? [goes into hallway]

Charles: I'm sorry Annie, she's passed on. She's gone. [Annie sobs into Charles's chest; Eric holds her]

No Funerals and a Wedding [1.04]

Eric: Alone at last!

Annie: Worth the wait!

Eric: I'm glad to hear you say that!

Eric: [At Steve and Susan's wedding] You may now - [Steve and Susan start kissing] - continue kissing the bride.

Ruthie: Mommy? Can we sing Grandma's song now?

Annie: Yes, sweetie. Tell you what. We'll go upstairs, we'll wash our faces, we'll get into our jammies, and I'll sing you Grandma's song.

Annie: Did Renee have her baby?

Matt: Yeah, she had a little girl.

Simon: Cool.

Matt: Oh, and get this, Mom. You'll love this. She named the baby after Grandma.

Simon: She named the baby "Grandma"?

Matt: Her name was Jenny, Simon.

Simon: Oh. I had no idea.

Steve: I'm a tortured man because... I'm a bigamist!

Eric: Well, I have good news. She can't divorce you; you're not legally married.

Eric: Hey, Luce, have you seen your mom?

Lucy: [shakes her head] Not lately.

Eric: [walking over to Lucy sitting down in the hallway] Hey, how's my little girl?

Lucy: Not so good.

Simon: [just waking up] Hey, where's Grandpa?

Eric: I'm sorry Simon but...he's gone.

Simon: Wow, him too?

Eric: No, to Phoenix, Simon. He went back to Phoenix.

Simon: [chuckling] Oh. I thought you meant-

Matt: Come on Simon, let's go.

Annie: Simon, honey, we've talked about Heaven, remember? It's a place where good people go where they're surrounded by so much love.

Simon: Yeah, but I need to know where that is, Mom.

Annie: Oh. Well, it's... it's up there.

Simon: I was hoping you'd be a little more specific than that.

Mrs. Morgan: Where's your father? He's all right, isn't he?

Annie: Oh... um... yes, he is, he just... ah...

Simon: Don't worry, he's not dead, he just went back to Phoenix!

Ruthie: Mommy, are you always going to be here?

Annie: What do you mean?

Ruthie: Are you going to pass away like Grandma?

Annie: Someday I will. But not for a very long time, so you shouldn't worry, ok?

Ruthie: Ok.

Annie: And I can promise you this. As long as I am here, no matter how old you get, you will always be able to count on me. I will always be there for you no matter what.

Charles: [walks in] Annie?

Annie: Daddy!

Charles: Oh Annie, I wish I had lived up to that same promise you just made to Ruthie.

Annie: We can help each other get through this.

Mary: You know Mom? Sometimes when I'm really mad at Daddy... too mad to see him or talk to him... he gets right in my face and makes me tell him what's wrong! It drives me nuts, but I feel better after.

Annie: Mary, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't act so mature while I'm trying desperately to feel sorry for myself.

Lucy: It's not fair. Grandma should be here. It's like there's a party and she wasn't invited.

Eric: Luce, I know it's weird having all these people here, and all this food, but... it's not really a party. It's just people who cared about your grandma and your mom, who are trying to-

Lucy: I don't mean today, Daddy. I mean life. It's going on without her. It just isn't fair.

Annie: I can't believe Daddy.

Eric: He's still in shock. He's not himself.

Annie: No. Unfortunately, he's exactly himself.

Simon: Nobody seems to know where you go when you die.

Ruthie: I know where.

Simon: You don't either.

Ruthie: Uh-huh!

Simon: Fine, where?

Ruthie: I don't know the name, but I know it's where I was before I was born.

Simon: You were in Mommy's stomach before you were born.

Ruthie: No, before that.

Simon: I don't know where that is. I can't picture Grandma there.

Ruthie: Picture Grandma right here, in your heart.

Matt: [about Simon and Ruthie] The munchkins are still conked.

Annie: Oh good, the poor things must be exhausted!

Lucy: So am I!

Mary: Me too. I feel like I could sleep for a week!

Eric: I think it's been a rough time for us all.

Grandpa Charles: [cheerfully] Don't worry, it's all gonna be ok!

Eric: Wouldn't this work better if I were consoling you?

The Color of God [1.05]

Nigel Hamilton: Please God, stop the fires.

Mary: Goodnight Keesha, goodnight Lucy.

Lucy: Good night Mary, goodnight Keesha

Keesha: [laughing] This is just like being at the Waltons!

Lucy: Yeah except the Waltons weren't-

Mary & Keesha: Black? Yeah, we know.

Matt: [to John] Parents! Can't live with 'em, can't live with out 'em.

Morgan: [to the Congregation] We cannot fight hate with hate. What are we teaching our children today that will make things better tomorrow?

Ruthie: Why do you think they burned your church?

Lynn: I guess because they didn't want us to have a place to talk to God.

Ruthie: Oh.

Nigel: Forget it, Simon. You can't fight ignorance with violence. My dad wouldn't want you to hit him and neither would yours.

Halloween [1.06]

Lucy: [to her family] Daddy hates Halloween.

Ruthie: Daddy, are you bigger than the bad Man?

Eric: Ruthie, I'm bigger, I'm stronger... and I work for God.

Ruthie: Yeah!

Annie: [to Mary about Ruthie who is asleep] Poor thing! She must be exhausted from torturing me.

Saturday [1.07]

Lucy: I've got some good news and bad news.

Ashley: I'm Ashley. I don't get bad news.

Simon: Dad just goofed up, that's all.

Ruthie: Daddy doesn't goof up!

Matt: Mary's a team player. She has basketball to fit in. Simon already knows who he is, and Ruthie's five.

Eric: You forgot Lucy.

Matt: No I didn't. She's the one you need to worry about.

Eric: Why's that?

Matt: Well, because she always feels left out.

Eric: Hey, what punishment can I give Simon and Ruthie for wandering off the way they did?

Matt: Hmm... that's a tough one. Ruthie's so cute.

Eric: Yeah. She reminds me so much of your mother. And Simon's so funny, it's hard to be mad at funny.

Matt: You know, maybe you could not let them out of the house for a week.

Annie: Nice try not unless one of you wants to be locked up with them.

Ruthie: You forgot our punishment, Daddy.

Simon: [to himself] Unbelievable.

Simon: [in response to Eric and Annie kissing] How come you guys get to do that while we have to clean the bathroom?

Eric: This is my reward for cutting the grass.

Simon: Well, what do we get?

Annie: You get to live here for free.

What Will People Say? [1.08]

Annie: Men who abuse women are such cowards!

Eric: What can I do for you?

Jake: Let me get straight to the point. I heard that you and my wife are having an affair.

Eric: Yeah, I've heard those stories, but I don't believe any of them.

Jake: She'll never press charges against me. Never.

Eric: Where the hell have you been, Jake? This is 1996! Your wife doesn't have to press charges, she has two broken ribs. That's enough for the police; they'll press the charges.

Jake: [about his wife] You can't keep me away from her. I'll follow her to New York, you know.

Eric: I really wish you would, because I have a friend who's a judge there, and a couple other friends who work outside the system. You know the kind I mean? Bad people who've turned good but occasionally slip up? I'm sure they'll be glad to show you around New York.

[Simon sniffs Gabrielle's hair]

Lunch lady: What are you going to have sonny, peas or corn? [Simon continues smelling Gabrielle's hair] I said "peas or corn?"

Simon: I will have whatever she is having.

Gabrielle: Corn.

See No Evil, Hear No Evil, Speak No Evil [1.09]

Simon: [to Annie] Weeks ago, I said Ruthie shouldn't move in with me, but did anybody listen? No. And what happens when nobody listens? [pulls up his shirt to reveal chicken pox] Someone gets hurt!

Matt: I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't even think.

Eric: Those are all normal feelings and reactions.

Matt: Not for Mom. She's been so calm about everything, and I just sat there while that piece of junk took all our stuff.

Eric: What do you think you should have done?

Matt: I don't know. Something. Anything but just sitting there and letting some guy rip off Mom's wedding ring.

Eric: You can't blame yourself. Whatever you did, it was perfect. It was perfect because it got you and Mom home safely. And it was just a ring. It wasn't our marriage.

Annie: And tell Eric I'm fine.

Patrica: I have no idea of what you're talking about.

Annie: [smiling] How long is Eric planning to work this afternoon?

Patrica: He'll be done by 6:00.

Annie: You wanna call him from here?

Patrica: No, I'll wait until I get home, so he'll think his plan worked.

Matt: I don't know what's wrong with me. I just can't pull it together.

Eric: Matt, last night, a man held a gun to your head and threatened your life. Now it would be nearly impossible for anyone to just pull it together.

Annie: I just keep thinking about what would have happened if just one thing had been different... if a gust of wind had suddenly kicked up, or a leaf had fallen on his shoulder, that man could have killed my son.

Eric: You can't think about what could have been, you have to think about what is. You're ok, and Matt's ok, and God was watching out for you both that night; and you have to have faith that He always will.

Annie: I know. You're right. I know you're right. I just don't know how to stop being afraid.

The Last Call for Aunt Julie [1.10]

Simon: Aunt Julie, you're hurting me!

Julie: Shut up and give me the key to the liquor cabinet!

Annie: [runs in the room and pulls her away] Get your hands off of him! Don't you ever touch my children!

Julie: Annie! Oh, God. Oh, God!

Annie: Get out of this house now!

Julie: [while drunk] I didn't mean to hurt Simon.

Annie: You did hurt Simon!

Julie: But I didn't mean to! I love him!

Matt: You know, Mom, isn't this a time where Aunt Julie really needs her family to be there for her, to help her through this?

Annie: I understand what you're saying, Matt. But I can't have you and your siblings put in danger. I won't allow it.

Ruthie: Is Aunt Julie going to die like Grandma?

Matt: Well, I hope not, but it's up to God to decide when somebody dies.

Ruthie: God sure has a hard job.

Annie: Why do you have to do this yourself?

Eric: Because I don't think she can get through this with anyone else, and I don't want to lose her.

[Pause]

Annie: Fine. But no matter what happens, those kids are my first priority. So you're on your own.

Eric: Come on, Julie, we're going home.

Jack: Who are you, the world's oldest Boy Scout? The lady doesn't want to go yet.

Julie: That's right, Jack. You tell him!

Eric: [to Jack] I'm the last person you want to mess with right now. I'm taking my sister out of here, and if you don't get your hand off of me, I swear I will beat you to it.

Eric: [about keeping Julie at their house to detox] Why won't you let me do this?

Annie: Five reasons! Matt, Mary, Lucy, Simon and Ruthie!

Julie: [to Simon] I've found a place that will help me get better, and I will. Because every time I think about having a drink, I'll remember how it made me so sick that I hurt my nephew, whom I love very, very much.

Now You See Me [1.11]

Matt: Mom, Dad, this is Tia.

Tia: Nice to meet you.

Eric: Nice to have you with us. Hope you weren't bored.

Tia: No, I loved your sermon. It was very deep.

Matt: I told you she was terrific.

Eric: Oh, and perceptive, too.

Tia: I think it's so neat to see anyone's parents at work. Work is so much a part of what people are whether it's working in the home like Mrs. Camden, or out in the community both are such important contributions to society.

Annie: Thank you. I don't hear that often enough. Matt, if you two don't have any plans, would you like to bring Tia by for Sunday dinner?

Matt: Well, I was thinking that we'd grab something on our own.

Tia: Actually, if it's no trouble, Sunday dinner with the family sounds really nice.

Matt: Um, sure. Ok.

Tia: But only if you'll let me help, Mrs. Camden.

Annie: Oh, well, it's great. Matt, would you mind stopping and getting some ice cream on the way home?

Matt: No problem. See you then

Tia: Bye-bye.

Annie: Nice meeting you.

Tia: Thanks for dinner, Mrs. Camden. Could I help you clear the rest of these dishes?

Annie: Oh, no. Relax. We're enjoying your company.

Eric: Yeah, it's not often that anybody around here wants to talk about my sermons after church.

Tia: I just think that frost poem you quoted was so beautiful.

Annie: It was a good choice, wasn't it?

Eric: Yeah, I'm surprised you're familiar with the death of the hired man.

Tia: Yeah, it's in our English lit book, but I never heard it read out loud before. It was perfect. I mean, the safe choice would have been something like the road not taken.

Annie: Exactly. Wouldn't it? You know, when Eric and I first started dating, he wrote some pretty wonderful poetry himself.

Matt: I bet it wasn't anything you could read out loud in church, huh, dad?

Eric: I wouldn't say that I would.

Annie: It was very personal.

Tia: Could you quote the frost poem again?

Eric: Well, I think people around here have probably had enough eloquence for one day.

Matt: That's right. We wouldn't want to have to call the poetry police.

Tia: Please, just a line or two?

Annie: Go on honey, I thought you were pretty terrific myself.

Tia: Please? The line about home.

Eric: "Home, he mocked gently. Yes, what else but home? It all depends on what you mean by home. Home is the place where, when you have to go there. They have to take you in."

Tia: Excuse me.

Annie: Matt, go see about her.

Matt: Dad made her cry.

Eric: Your mom picked the poem.

Matt: I'm going.

Eric: What do you think that was about?

Annie: I don't know, but she's obviously in a lot of pain.

Eric: Should I...

Annie: Not yet.

Tia: [Crying]

Matt: Come on. Tell me what's going on.

Tia: I'm sorry. I generally try not to burst into tears. Unless I'm alone.

Matt: No, that's ok. We're, uh, we're big on emotions around here.

Tia: I know it doesn't seem like any big deal, but my parents just got divorced.

Matt: I'm--I'm sorry.

Tia: You don't know how lucky you are to be part of this family.

Matt: Oh, oh, yes, I do... But I'm also lucky that I met you.

With a Little Help From My Friends [1.12]

Simon: Can I have coffee?

Annie: No, what's wrong?

Simon: I'm a new father, that's what's wrong. I got absolutely no sleep last night. Me and Ruthie were supposed to take turns with the feedings, but I couldn't get Ruthie up!

Annie: Why would you have to get up for feedings?

Simon: Well, every time the puppies ate, we fed Happy, so she wouldn't run out of milk!

Lucy: [after being surprised with a party] I didn't deserve this. Thanks.

Mary: You're right, and you're welcome.

Matt: Don't listen to her, Luce, you deserve the best.

America's Most Wanted [1.13]

Ruthie: Forget about the book. I have to learn "The Star Stapled Banner"!

Simon: It's called "The Star Spangled Banner", and you'll learn it in school.

Simon: "Oh, say can you see..."

Ruthie: Who's Jose? Jose, can you see?

Matt: Mary and I would like to go to dinner with John and Keisha tonight if that's ok. We'll be home early.

Eric: Well, what's the occasion?

Matt: No reason. We just haven't seen John and Keshia for a while, and we thought we'd grab a burger together. That's all.

Eric: Where?

Matt: The Varsity.

Annie: [to Eric] He's now covered who, what, when, where, and why.

Eric: What's this?

Matt: That's a glass.

Eric: Did you buy it at the Varsity?

Matt: No. I didn't buy it.

Eric: Did you take it without paying for it?

Matt: Dad, everyone takes something from the Varsity. It's like a school ritual.

Eric: It's like stealing. No, it is stealing.

Eric: [to the manager of the Varsity] I'm Eric Camden. I'm Matt's father.

Manager: I'm not dropping the charges.

Eric: Just hear me out first.

Manager: Ok, but I'm not dropping the charges.

Eric: My son knows he was wrong. That's why he apologized. Matt's learned his lesson.

Manager: That's not the problem. The problem is that the rest of those kids haven't learned anything. I lose thousands of dollars every year. If I raise the prices of food to cover the losses, I have no customers. Kids shouldn't steal, and they should learn that if they do, there are consequences. If I let Matt off the hook, they'll think they can get away with anything.

Eric: This isn't about all those other kids. They didn't come in here and apologize to you. This is about my boy. He tried to do the right thing, and he's getting punished for it. What kind of message is that?

Manager: It says there are consequences if you break the law. That's a message I'd like to get out. You got a problem with that?

Eric: Yeah, I do. Isn't the law supposed to be about justice and mercy as well as punishment?

Manager: I guess we'll find out tomorrow in court, won't we?

Ruthie: [singing] "Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the..." Hmm, hmm, hmm. "fight..."

Simon: It's "perilous fight."

Ruthie: What does perilous mean?

Simon: It means dangerous.

Ruthie: Then why don't they just say that?

Simon: Because that's how they talked in the olden days.

Ruthie: Why?

Simon: I don't know why. I just want to get some sleep.

Ruthie: [pauses, starts singing again] "Through the dangerous fight..."

Simon: You can't change the words. It's our national anthem!

Ruthie: But nobody understands it!

Simon: It's not meant to be understood. It's like opera.

Ruthie: I understand Oprah. I watch her on TV!

Simon: [to Ruthie] No, "hailed" is not a bad word, and neither is "hell" unless you say something like "Go to hell!"

Eric: [walks in] What did you say?!

Simon: Oh, um. I was just trying to explain that "hell" is not a bad word. It's just how you use it, like if you say something like "There's a heaven and a hell", that would be ok, right?

Eric: Yes, that would be ok, but that's not what I heard you say.

Seven Is Enough [1.14]

Annie: [about George] So you want him?

Eric: I don't know. We did always say we'd adopt after Mary.

Annie: Then after Lucy.

Eric: Then after Simon.

Annie: And now it's after Ruthie.

Eric: We'd be crazy to even consider it, I guess. Right?

Annie: We are crazy. We'll talk to the kids and George tomorrow.

Eric: [when he and Annie want to adopt George] I don't see where your opinion fits into this.

Colonel: That's wonderful. You're dreaming again. Who's gonna pay for the kid? The adoption? The court costs? And let's not even get into how you're going to send him to college, or any of your other five, for that matter.

Eric: They'll get to college the same way I did, Dad. They'll get jobs.

Colonel: You still resent me for not paying your way.

Eric: I don't still resent you. I never resented you for that.

Colonel: Yes, you did then, and you still do. But you and your sister needed to learn that you have to work for the things that are important.

Eric: I know that, Dad. I get it.

Colonel: Yeah, you get it because we taught you the value of hard work and discipline!

Eric: And I'm happy to credit you accordingly!

Ruth: We just thought you might already have your hands full.

Eric: [when his parents say they're going to adopt George] George is not your average kid. He's had a tough life. The adoption itself is gonna be hard on him. He's gonna need a lot of love and support.

Colonel: And you have a corner on that market?

Eric: No, of course not, but support of any kind isn't one of your strong suits.

Ruth: That's not true.

Eric: Do you ever remember holding me or Julie when we were upset? Did you ever allow us to express any of our feelings?

Colonel: If you're asking me if we wiped your noses and held your hands, then the answer is no. No, we were too busy keeping a roof over your heads and food on the table!

Eric: Well, there's more to parenting than that, Dad.

Colonel: Oh, and what does that mean?

Eric: It means that you are not the parents for George.

George: [to the Camdens] Why can't you adopt me? I'll be good, and I'll stay out of your way. You won't even know I'm there!

Colonel: George, listen to me. Eric is smart about these things. He knows what's right. He's a good man, a smart man, and if you're lucky, you'll grow up to be like him. Anyway, why would you want to live with a couple of old war horses like us? You've got a whole house full of great kids right here.

George: They're all dreamers.

Ruth: There's nothing wrong with a little dreaming.

Colonel: No. It's time you settled down and started a little dreaming of your own.

George: I already did. My dream was to be with you.

Happy's Valentine [1.15]

Annie: That was Patricia. She and Morgan were wondering if we'd like to drive up to Stedmond Caves tonight and go camping!

Simon and Ruthie: Yes!

Annie: No. No. Just me and your dad.

Eric: And what, we'll put the kids in a kennel?

Annie: No. They can stay here with the Hamilton kids.

Eric: And who's gonna babysit?

Matt: Not me.

Eric: No, of course not. Who would keep an eye on you?

Matt: I'm 17.

Eric: Exactly.

[As the Hamilton kids are coming in]

Annie: Hey, you know, don't stay up too late and um... don't eat too much junk food and have a good time!

Matt: How are they gonna have a good time if they can't eat junk food and can't stay up late?

Ruthie: Mommy, do we have to give the puppies away?

Annie: Yes, honey it's time. And they have a good home to go to.

Ruthie: We have a good home too.

Annie: Yes, but I think they starting to get so big that they are getting in Happy's way.

Ruthie: I get in your way, and you still keep me around.

Annie: Ah. It's not the same, sweetheart. It would be like you living here when you are 30.

Ruthie: I have to live somewhere else when I'm 30?

Annie: You'll probably want to live somewhere else when you're 30.

Ruthie: Yeah! Maybe even when I'm 7 or maybe 8.

Brave New World [1.16]

Simon: [as he is preparing Ruthie for the first day of school] A lot of kids cry when their moms drop them off on the first day of pre-kindergarten. Don't do that. Once inside the classroom, you'll probably do some counting. Beads, Cheerios, or something. Don't eat them, whatever they are. Then you'll probably color, glue, maybe cut. Don't get regular scissors. They'll only tear if you're a leftie, which you are.

Ruthie: [holds up her thumb] Right.

Simon: Your other right. Don't worry. After that, you're pretty much in the home stretch. Then you'll take a nap, you'll have a snack. Stay away if it's coconut, and then Mom will come to pick you up. Oh, yeah, and never, ever pick anything. It will come back to haunt you.

Ruthie: No crying, no coconut, no picking. Got it.

Simon: Good. I'm glad we had this little talk. Welcome to the big leagues.

Annie: I hate to interrupt this seminar, but one of us has a very big day tomorrow.

Simon: No kidding! My day is completely booked. School, lunch, recess, more school, Happy, and then homework. Where does the time go?

Annie: I have no idea, Simon.

Lucy: You know, when I called you last night, your mom said you weren't back from my house yet.

Suzanne: Maybe she didn't hear me come in.

Lucy: I guess.

Suzanne: You know, it's a big house, and my mom's kind of a flake. You do the math.

Annie: [to Ruthie] What's the matter, honey? Not too hungry today, huh?

Simon: Opening day jitters, Mom. [to Ruthie] Listen, eat something light. A little toast, maybe. Throwing up at school is just as bad as crying.

Eric: Simon.

Simon: What? I'm just giving Ruthie the benefit of my experience. I mean, come on, let's face it. It has been a while since you or Mom were at school.

[Simon leaves]

Annie: Honey, it's gonna be okay. You know the teacher, and she's really, really nice, and you're gonna make lots of friends.

Ruthie: Fine. I just don't like this cereal.

Ruthie: Talk to the hand.

Simon: What?

Ruthie: Talk to the hand 'cause the ears ain't listening.

Simon: Where did you learn that?

Ruthie: From my new friend Skyler. He's a superhero.

Annie: [to Ruthie] Honey, I thought you liked going to school.

Ruthie: I like peanut butter, but I don't want it every day. If I had known pre-kindergarten was every day, I would never have signed up for it. This is all your fault!

[punches Simon in the arm]

Annie: Ruthie Camden! Where did you learn to do something like that?

Ruthie: School, and I'm never going back, ever!

Eric: So your sister shoved a guy's head in the toilet?

Matt: Up to the collar. You would have been proud.

Michael: [after Mary dunks his head in a toilet] I want to file assault charges.

Principal: Fine. And Mary, I assume you'll want to file sexual harassment charges?

[Long silence; Michael looks baffled]

Principal: What did you think that was? Messing around? Joking? Having fun? It's not. It's sexual harassment.

Mr. Towner: You know, I'm not the least bit surprised that you feel this way.

Principal: Mr. Towner, I know you'd like to believe that this is about "sisterhood" when actually, it's a matter of right and wrong. You see, your belief is incorrect, and holding fast to it at this point really isn't going to help anyone, including your son. So, Mary, how do you want to handle this?

Mary: [pauses] It's over. I just want to let it go.

Principal: Really? I'm not inclined to be as generous as you are. [to Michael] You talk trash, you write trash, and you dare to snap this woman's bra strap? At the very least, your head is gonna wind up in a toilet! You harass one more human being in this building, and you will find that you have no friends here. Got it?

Michael: Yes.

Principal: Good. Now go spread the word. I know you're good at that.

Eric: [to Mary] There's always going to be somebody who'll try to take your dignity and self-esteem. Just never let them take your voice.

Choices [1.17]

Matt: You gotta trust me on this, 'cause when it comes to this kind of stuff, guys don't think like girls.

Mary: I know. I'm sorry.

Matt: Where'd you get that dress?

Mary: [crying] I stole it. I didn't think it was a big deal!

Matt: So you put it on and went to a fraternity party?

Mary: I know, it was stupid. I'm sorry.

Matt: It's OK. But you should know: From now on I'll be watching you like a fox/hawk.

[Simon and Ruthie find a $50 bill on the sidewalk]

Ruthie: Maybe we should give it back.

Simon: To who? The sidewalk?

Ruthie: How about a little tiny goldfish? They won't be no trouble.

Annie: "Any".

Ruthie: Any what?

Annie: A goldfish won't be any trouble.

Ruthie: I know. So can I have one?

Faith, Hope, and the Bottom Line [1.18]

Simon: Well, I know my phone number when someone asks for it.

Ruthie: And still no one calls.

Eric: I just can't go for a security system over a person.

Lou: And that's what makes you a caring, compassionate minister... and a lousy businessman.

It's About George... [1.19]

Colonel: Hello.

Jimmy: Hey.

Grandma Ruth: "Hey" is for horses. Are you a farmer, Mr. Moon?

Jimmy: No.

Colonel: Do you know who I am?

Jimmy: Lucy's grandfather?

Colonel: I am Colonel John Camden, United States Marines!

Julie: I don't think I can do this.

Matt: That's what you need: A warm relationship with your father.

Say Good-bye [1.20]

Mary: How about this dress?

Lucy: Sure. Whatever. You'll look great.

Mary: Or maybe I could just shave my head?

Lucy: Sure. Whatever. You'll look great.

Dangerous Liaisons (1) [1.21]

Eric: Honey, I think you need to sit down now and try to relax.

Annie: Bite me!

Eric: "Bite me"?!

Eric: [praying] We thank you for this food, Lord, and... any other help you could pass our way about now would be greatly appreciated, with an eye toward peace and harmony. Amen.

Annie: [on the phone with hotel receptionist] Ginger... somebody. What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know? How many "Ginger"'s do you have there? Is there a "Ginger" convention in town or something?

Simon: [to Matt] When you see Lucy, tell her she never looked better or I'm a dead man!

Matt: Wow! What did you do to make your hair look so blonde and... um... beautiful?

Lucy: I'm trying to figure out if you're lying, and if I think you are, I will be killing Simon tonight!

Dangerous Liaisons (2) [1.22]

Matt: Great. Even with Mary in the hospital, Dad still finds a way to teach me a lesson.

Simon: Well, you've kind of got to admire him for that.

Eric: Your hair looks nice, Luce.

Lucy: Nice or sexy?

Eric: Uh... nice. Definitely nice. If my 13-year-old daughter had sexy hair, I'd shave her head.