Total Drama: Revenge of the Island

Episodes

Bigger! Badder! Brutal-er! [4.01]

Chris: [opening box, as an astronaut works on a robot] We've been to the movies. We've been around the world. [scene changes from outer space to Camp Wawanakwa] And this season, we're going right back to where it all began...at Camp Wawanakwa! I'm Chris McLean and as you can see, things have changed since we've been away. And by "changed", I mean, gotten really really really really dangerous. [a giant octopus's tentacle appears and smashes the intern into the water as Chris giggles] Good stuff! But the rules of the game remain the same. A handful of unsuspecting teams will bunk with complete strangers. Air their dirty laundry in our outhouse confessional and compete in life-threatening challenges all over the island and risk being voted off. Last one standing wins $1,000,000 dollars! Speaking of our cast, here they come now!

[A yacht with the original cast on-board appears all of the contestants from three seasons and are seen partying on a yacht floating towards the island; At the starboard, Duncan and Gwen are kissing; DJ, Leshawna, and Harold dance, while Eva stares at them; At the stern, Owen is dancing next to Sierra, who is hugging a smiling Cody (who has regained a bit of her hair after her injury from the plane explosion); Noah stares at Izzy, who is hanging upside-down as she plays with two lifeguard floaters; On the second floor, Tyler and Lindsay are kissing on the edge of the yacht's handrail, while Beth beholds Justin as he poses, concerning them both as a bird poops on his shoulder; At the bow, Sadie and Katie are both hugging Trent; Courtney is standing with a frown on her face; Bridgette and Geoff dance happily; Alejandro (who's inside the Drama Machine after his lava injury) holds Heather; and a feral Ezekiel is standing in the railway with his tongue out]

Owen: [as their yacht passes; devastated] NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Chris: [laughs] No, not them. This season, we've got all new players, fighting for the million! And here they come now, for real! [another yacht appears, carrying the new 13 contestants] Meet Jo.

Jo: [to Scott] Stay out of my way if you value your kiwis!

Chris: Scott!

Scott: [to Jo] Right back at ya. [sniffs his armpit]

Chris: Zoey and Mike!

Zoey: [to Mike] Can you believe we're here?

Mike: Yeah, it's... [looking at Zoey] beautiful.

Chris: Lightning!

Lightning: [knocks Mike and Zoey out of the way] Hello, Gorgeous! [kisses his bicep]

Chris: Brick.

Brick: [saluting, accidentally dropping Zoey in the process] Brick MacArthur, reporting for duty!

Chris: B and Dawn.

Dawn: [to B] Your aura is an exceptionally purplish-yellow. Oh, it suits you, though.

Chris: Dakota!

Dakota: Hey there. [giggles] Dakota here! And I'm here to win this! [is cut off by Chris mid-sentence]

Chris: Anne Maria!

Anne Maria: [applying spray tan] Ah, yeah, three more coats ought a do it.

Dakota: [pushes Anne Maria out of the camera] Whoa, who said you could pan away?

Anne Maria: [attacks Dakota with her spray tan] Don't push me, Blondie!

Chris: [as Staci walks up behind Anne Maria] Staci!

Staci: My Great Aunt Milly invented suntans. Yeah, before her, people used to smear themselves with clay. [Anne Maria sprays Staci with spray tan as well]

Chris: Cameron!

Cameron: Fresh air, a real lake, birds! [Birds knock him off a railing]

Chris: And Sam.

Sam: [playing video games] Oh yeah! Grenade launcher upgrade! Heh heh, now we're cooking!

Chris: Yup, it's our roughest, toughest, most explosive season ever! [detonates a bomb on the yacht] Right here on Total Drama Revenge of the Island.

Mike: [during his 1st confessional] Okay, my 1st confessional! So, uh, Zoey... Nice girl. Okay, super nice! I wonder if she'll go out with a guy like me. See, I have this, uh, quirk? I just hope my condition doesn't ruin everything for me again. [sadly] Oh...

Zoey: [during her 1st confessional] Wow, I can't believe I'm in the Total Drama confessional, it's so exciting. Everyone seems so nice. I hope they all like me, I could use a few more friends, or friends period. Oh, what if they hate me? Maybe this flower is too big. Am I trying to hard? You like me, right?

Brick: [during his 1st confessional] I may be the strongest player here, but I'm all about the teamwork. Back in Cadets, I took the teamwork award 3 years running. Also the bed making medal, the blindfolding medal, and the letters home to mom medal. I always win that one.

Cameron: [during his 1st confessional] I'm what's known as a "bubble boy." Growing up, my mom was really overprotective, so I've never gone swimming before. Up until 6 hours ago, I've never done anything before, except read and sigh a lot. [Sighs] But that doesn't mean I'm not a force to be reckoned with. No way! Danaus plexippus the monarch butterfly? [a butterfly lands on him] Ack! Oh, it's so heavy! [falls over]

Sam: [during his 1st confessional; laughs] I knew I should've played that sweet fitness workout game. [laughs] Uh, I just hope I don't get cut out first. That would be lame. But, if I stick it out long enough to get cut 6th or even 7th, how cool would that be? [laughs and pulls out his game]

[when Jo and Lightning cross the finish line, Chris puts all the new contestants in teams]

Jo: Yes! Sorry you had to lose to a girl.

Lightning: What girl? Lightning didn't lose, bro. Lightning never loses.

Chris: [pulls up in a quad] Captain Modesty, two steps left. You're on Team A. Yo, Jo, move right. You're Team B. [Scott runs up] Pit Sniffer, you're Team A. [Brick runs up] Corporal Brickhouse, Team B.

Brick: Sir, yes sir!

[B runs and knocks him over]

Chris: Silent Treatment, Team A. Bubble Boy, Team B.

Cameron: Okey-dokey.

Chris: [Zoey and Mike run up] Zoey the Lonely, Team B.

Zoey: Only as a child, seriously.

Chris: [Dawn shows up] Aura Whisperer, Team A. [Mike flinches] Saved by a Girl, Team B. [Dakota runs up] Princess Wannabe, Team A. [Anne Maria walks up] Tan in a Can, Team B. [Sam crawls up] Yo, Game Junkie, Team A.

Staci: [runs up] My Uncle Bill won the New York Marathon 4 times because marathons were proposed by my Great Great Great... uhhh. [faints onto Sam]

Chris: And Chatty Staci, Team A.

Scott: What the heck was that thing in the forest?

Cameron: I'm pretty sure that cry does not belong to any known animal species.

Chris: Relax! It'll all make sense eventually. [laughs maniacally] Now, this season of Total Drama will be a little bit different. For example, in every episode, someone will be eliminated.

[everyone gasps]

Zoey: It's never been that hard before.

Chris: I know, I'm good. But since you're all first timers, I'm gonna cut you a break and hide this bad boy pulls out a small bust of himself somewhere in the campground. A genuine McLean-brand Chris head. Your free ticket back into the game. Even if your teammates vote you off. Whoever finds it will become the most powerful player in Total Drama history! Is the cleft on my chin really that big?

Scott: Yep, and it looks like a butt.

Chris: Moving on! Time for the team names.

Lightning: Team Lightning! No, wait, Lightning Squad!

Chris: Great suggestions, Lightning, but the names have already been chosen by moi. Team A, you shall henceforth be known as; the Toxic Rats!

Sam: [chuckles] Killer.

Chris: And Team B, you are hereby dubbed; the Mutant Maggots!

Mike: Um, what's with all the references to chemical waste?

Cameron: It's the monster!

[when the trees are knocked down, Mike, Cameron and Zoey gasp as a squirrel comes out of the bush]

Jo: Hey, it's just a stupid squirrel.

Dakota: Awww.

[squirrel blinks sideways and Dakota screams]

Dawn: Oh my gosh, what wrong with it?

Chris: While we were gone, I rented the island out to nice family oriented bio-hazardous waste disposal company. Sweet people, but the waste is having a teensy bit of an impact on the flora and fauna.

[squirrel eats a butterfly]

Sam: Heheh. Cool.

Dakota: Weird. I want one.

[a squirrel roars and fires a laser, Dakota screams and runs into Sam's arms, the squirrel does a raspberry]

Chris: [laughs] Best. Danger. Everrr!

Dakota: [during her 1st confessional; sobbing] Chris is the meanest ever! Hang on. Pulls out mirror Okay, not to blotchy. Take two. Clears throat. [resumes sobbing]

Chris: Before we start our first challenge of the season, let's give out some rewards. Jo, because you made it up here before anyone else, your team gets a trampoline. [Chef is shown bouncing on a trampoline while holding a hacksaw] And the rats get a hacksaw. [Chef falls off and shouts]

[Lightning laughs at him and he gets hit by the back of the hacksaw in the face]

Lightning: Ahh.

Jo: [laughs at lightning then gets run over by the trampoline] Ahh.

Chris: What do these items have to do with this bomb?

Mike: Um, he won't really blow us up again, will he?

Chris: Won't I? Find out when we come back.

Anne Maria: [during her 1st confessional] Sure, I wanna win a million dollars, but not at the expense of my looks. I mean, check me out. Perfect hair, perfect tan. All this is worth a billion. Easy.

Lightning: [during his 1st confessional] 1st of all, tree climbing is not a recognized sport. Plus, that tree was covered in butter or somethin', but if Chris is trying to make Lightning look bad, he can't think again. Lightning never gives up and never surrenders. Sha-Yeah!

Scott: [during his 1st confessional] B thinks he's so smart, but once my plan goes into action, he won't know what hit him. Accidentally hits himself with the rock Ow!

Chris: Ah! Feels good to be back.

Owen: [shows up and asks Chris why he and the old contestants are not competing] Hey Chris, get this, the boat wouldn't stop.

Chris: Oh look, it's former player Owen, who's not competing this year!

Owen: Yeah, so I swam back to tell You That I'm- WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????????????????? Not competing?

Chris: I'm afraid you and the other "classic" campers have outlived your usefulness, Chef.

[Chef puts big bomb on Owen's face causing Owen to scream and run away as Chris and Chef blasted off the island from the explosion. After Owen gets blown off the island, Chris and Chef laugh and the Toxic Rats arrive]

Lightning: Woohoo! First place! Go team Lightning!

Chris: Tapping his watch Tick-tock!

Scott: Quick! Grab the good cabin!

[the Toxic Rats got their cabin destroyed from the Mutant Maggots' totem pole]

Chris: Too bad, it had an 8-person hot tub and air conditioning.

Staci: Yeah! My Great Great Great Uncle James invented log cabins. Before him, people had to sleep in the trees and they kept falling out all the time. The Rats give her death glares And my Great Great Great Aunt Philis invented roofs and before her, houses were just walls and furniture, and every time it rained, you had to a new sofa hah hah hah hah hah.

Chris: Regardless, as the only team with a cabin still standing, the Mutant Maggots win the first challenge.

Maggot team: [in pain] Yay.

Lightning: So where am I going to Sha-sleep?

Chris: No worries. We've got a backup cabin for you every bit as nice as the one you lost.

[A new cabin which is just a plain old cabin replaces the new one immediately via helicopter]

Lightning: Holly Crap!

Chris: Team Rat, I'll see you at the campfire for our first elimination ceremony of the season. [laughs and hi-fives Chef]

[Staci becomes the 1st new contestant to be eliminated because her constant comments about her relatives irritated her teammates]

Staci: Aw, but I was doing so good. [she catches the marshmallow, her hair falls out as her team gasps and she sighs] I guess it's the Dock of Shame for me, then.

Chris: Actually, we came up with something new this season. You'll love it. [cut to Staci who is in the Hurl of shame] Say hello to the Hurl of Shame patent pending.

Staci: Yeah! Catapults were invented by my Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great... AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Chris catapults her off the island]

Truth or Laser Shark [4.02]

Jo: Just did my morning 5K run. You?

Brick: 8K.

Jo: I mean, I did an 8K warm-up, then 5K at a full sprint.

Brick: My entire run was uphill.

Jo: Yeah, uphill with my eyes shut.

Brick: I ran backwards with earplugs.

Jo: why earplugs?

Brick: I don't know.

Jo: Team Maggot is lucky to have us. We won the challenge yesterday. We'll carry them all the way to victory.

Chris: Who did this on the one and only date, they'd ever had.

[A fart noise is heard, everyone except Sam laughs.]

Sam: Where did you get that?

Chris: Who wet their pants on the 1st and last day of school?

Mike: Whoa! One of us is a pants wetter.

Jo: He who sweats it, wets it. Team before pride, maggot.

Brick: Fine! It was me!

[Everyone laughs]

Chris: And it’s one all.

[the contestants cheered]

Zoey: Aww, Thanks, Brick! I know that must’ve been tough.

[Fang eats Scott when the Rats are lifted back up as Scott screams and fights Fang]

Scott: No! Wait for me! [he breaks free and swims to the surface; confessional and pulls a shark tooth from his leg] Ow! What the, a shark tooth?

[Fang uses the confessional, uses a mirror seeing his tooth gone, growls and breaks the mirror]

Chris: Alright! Shut it! Thanks to that diable digression now, we don't have enough time to finish this challenge! Happy?

[everyone talks at once]

Jo: Quitters!

Chris: Well. You won't be happy for long. Come back after the break where I came up with a whole new challenge, in which there is no escape! And in the Meanwhile. [presses the buttons, dunking everyone in the water]

Dawn: Anyone wanna swap? [rat is squeaking to her] What's that? Duck now? Ok. [she ducks as the cannonball avoids her and hits Brick in the face]

Brick: [after the cannonball falls off his face] DUH-AYEE! [faints as Chris laughs]

Scott: [strocking rat] That's a nice rat, that's a good rat [B points to his hand] Oh you want this rat? Then why didn't you say so Beverly!

[Dakota got eliminated because she cost her team the win by being too distracted by the paparazzi]

Chris: [As Dakota was in the Hurl of Shame] Any final words, Dakota?

Dakota: Umm. Yeah! First of all... [Before she can say another word, she gets flung away]

Chris: It was a rhetorical question?

Ice Ice Baby [4.03]

Scott: [confessional; laughs] Wimp. I grew up on a dirt farm, I can always chump on a claude if I get the munchies. [crunches on a big lump of earth and all of his teeth fall out]

Mike: [confessional] Okay. I admit it! I, I have multiple personality disorder! I tried to control them, but, they just won't listen to me!

Chris: And will the lady be participating?

Anne Maria: Have you seen my nails? These are why I drive with my feet!

Jo: Get ready to lose to a girl again!

Lightning: What girl? Who's he talking about?

Brick: My mom is a strong woman.

Jo: [to Brick] My parents made me a climbing wall playpen.

Dawn: [to Scott] You weren't held enough as a child.

Scott: [Confessional, hugging his knees as he looks utterly terrified] Okay, she's gotta go too.

[Dakota comes back as an intern after her 1st elimination]

Chris: [frustrated] I hate it when losers get all clingy.

Dakota: Hey Sam!

Sam: Oh, hi Dakota!

Chris: Oh! Dakota, you're no longer competing. Remember?

Dakota: I don't care about the money. Like I need it. [removes her harness] I just want, um, close up, please. [the cameraman obliges] Thank you. I just want camera time. People need to see more of my sparkly adorableness if I'm going to get my spin-off reality series. [gets clamped by Chef Hatchet and gets carried to Chris]

Chris: You know how you flew off into the sky last episode? That means you're done! Forever!!

Dakota: No, please! I'll do anything!

Chris: Listen Princess, this is my show! [Chris' cell phone rings] Huh? [to Dakota] It's your daddy! [on the phone] Hello, Mr. Milton. [excited] How much money?! [hangs up] You're back!

Dakota: Yes! Thanks, Daddy!

Chris: As an intern!

Dakota: An intern?! [as she's being carried away by Chef Hatchet] NOOOOOO!!!

[B got eliminated because Scott saw him as a threat when he threw the challenge and framed him for it]

Chris: And the toxic marshmallow goes to... B. [Chef drops the toxic marshmallow next to B. Then, B glares at Scott, who is satisfied about B's elimination] Time for the Hurl of Shame, buddy. [cut to B at the Hurl of Shame] Any final words, Beverly? Any words at all? [B tries to talk as the Rats gasp] Times up! [B is flung and he shouts]

Finders Creepers [4.04]

Dakota: [in confessional as an intern] So after Chris agreed to let me stay, he put a restraining order on the paparazzi! So now I'm stuck here for no reason! And he's making me, like, work! So not cool!

Zoey: [in confessional] Mike is so sweet. The way he's always encouraging Cameron is totally cool! The way he's always going into character is totally weird. But, hey, nobody's perfect, right?

Mike: [in confessional] Zoey. [gushes] She is all I think about! At least when I'm the one in control. [nervous chuckling]

Anne Maria: [noticing Brick's disappearance] Where did he go?

Jo: Ah, well. Two words; dead. Weight.

Anne Maria: Hey! Brick may not be attractive in any way, but he is still a person!

Mike: Yeah! Your cutthroat attitude stinks!

Jo: [smugly] It's called a winning attitude. Get used to it. Or get out of the way.

[Cameron finds Izzy that is disguised as a gigantic mutated spider to terrorize and capture the contestants during the challenge]

Cameron: [confessional] Turns out it was just one of the old cast members in a spider costume. Thankfully it cured me of my arachnophobia... although now I'm completely terrified of Izzy.

[Chef didn’t show up with the Marshmallow of Loserdom because Izzy was shooting him with toilet plungers, Brick volunteered to be eliminated, but Chris put him on the opposite team instead. Because of this, Chris was bummed that no one was going for as he put it, “a catapult ride.” Then Dakota came along telling Chris she was finished filling his toilets with spring water. Then Chris had an idea, he eliminated Dakota for the second time and welcomed her to swim back.]

Chris: Tonight's eliminated Maggot is tomorrow's new Rat!

Brick: I'm not taking the Hurl of Shame?

Chris: Nope! From here on in, Brick and Jo will be fighting it out on opposing teams! Kinda disappointing no one's going for a catapult ride, though.

Dakota: [walks over to Chris] I finished filling your toilets with spring water. [Chris looks at Dakota and grins] What? [in the Hurl of Shame] This is so unfair! Why am I being eliminated twice?

Chris: Relax. You're not being eliminated. You're welcome to swim back, I gave you a flotation device, after all.

Dakota: [Dakota's floaty duck pops] Wait! I need a new- [Chris pulls the lever; Dakota is hurled off the island] Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!

Backstabbers Ahoy! [4.05]

Chris: Hey! It's my show! I can do what I want. Watch this! [snaps his fingers and Chef throws a sleeping Dakota in the water]

Dakota: Where am I? [notices mutated fish, which starts attacking her]

Scott: [dreaming] Land shark, get away... [Brick's alarm clock goes off and Scott falls from his bed]

Sam: My ears!!!

Lightning: [wakes up] I'm up coach! Lightning is up!

Scott: What's happening?!

Lightning: Outta my way!!! [Lightning crashes into Scott and Sam]

Brick: [wakes up, undisturbed by the alarm and dressed up] Rise and shine, soldiers!

Lightning: [confessional] There I was, on the one-yard line ready to score a touchdown to win the Super Bowl, when the new guy's alarm clock went off! If he wakes me up one more time like that, he's gonna get struck by Lightning!

Scott: [confessional; holding Brick's alarm clock] Show you what I’m gonna do to Brick! [punches the clock and drops it in the toilet while he laughs; the muffled trumpeting starts to shake the toilet] What the…? [gets sprayed by dirty water as the toilet breaks]

Sam: Dude, sounds like a shaman warlock cast a screaming spell on you.

Lightning: Lightning was robbed!

Sam: What'd they take, your weapons or your armor?

Lightning: My protein powder!

Sam: Oh. Yeah, that is... totally worth freaking out over, probably.

[Bridgette shows up and used to help Chris chum the water and test the challenge along with Dakota]

Chris: Alright! Here to help us get today's competition underway, say hello to one of our classic competitors... Bridgette!

Bridgette: Let's get this over with. Remember, my contract said the demonstration only.

Chris: Relax! No demo needed! Just chum the water with our intern, Dakota! And try not to get eaten!

[As Anne Maria pushes Zoey to the ground, she grabs and rips Mike’s shirt off his body, and Vito comes out]

Vito: Ladies, why fight? There's enough candy for everyone. The candy being me.

Anne Maria: Yeah, Vito! Gimme some sugar!

Zoey: I get the message. [confessional] FYI, Mike, that is not toning down.

Anne Maria: [confessional] Princess Goody-Goody better step off. Vito and I are made for each other.

Zoey: [confessional] I don't like to speak badly about anyone, but Dawn totally creeps me out. Reading auras, talking to animals. I'm not saying she's a witch, but she might be a wizard.

Dawn: [confessional] Jo's gun was jammed. The gull that hit Sam could only have come from our boat! I swear by the great Earth Mother, I will expose Scott for the traitor he is!

[Dawn got voted off because she was accused of being a thief after Scott framed her for stealing from the other contestants]

Dawn: I knew the universe wouldn't want me to win such a perverse game. But what the universe does want me to do is sell these discarded TDR keepsakes on Crud's list so I can start a sanctuary for these poor mutated creatures on this island.

Chris: That's adorable! Pointless, but adorable.

Dawn: And to my fellow victims of reality television, I urge you to rise up against the soulless, sociopathic scoundrel hiding among you! The traitor in your midst is... [is shoved into a bag by Chef and put in the Hurl of Shame] Wait! I have to warn my teammates! [Chris hurls her off the island]

Runaway Model [4.06]

Anne Maria: Yeesh. Nice hair. Looks like Princess Leia lost a scissor fight.

Zoey: Actually, it's more like Queen Amidala.

Anne Maria: More like "Queen I'm-A-Dorka."

[Lindsay shows up and is used as a judge at a fashion model contest]

Mike: Hey, Zoey. Really like your hair.

Zoey: Let me guess. And your character, Vito, likes Anne Maria's hair? [Confessional] I really thought Mike was a nice guy. But either he's into me or Anne Maria. Pick a side, okay?

Mike: [Confessional] My multiple personalities are really messing things up with Zoey, especially Vito. I never thought I'd have so much trouble just keeping my shirt on.

Chris: Welcome to your challenge: The Weird and Wild Fashion Spectacular!

Anne Maria: Fashion, now you're talking.

Jo: Eh, fashion. Waste of time.

Anne Maria: So says the girl in men's prison sweats.

Jo: Hey, nobody needs to be reminded that I'm a girl!

Lightning: Sorry, who's a girl?

Chris: [blows an air horn] Zip it! You won't be walking the catwalk. Nononono. No amount of fashion can help you people. Ha ha. Here's how it's gonna work. Each team gets a wardrobe of clothes, a makeup kit, and ten minutes to dress and make up a model, which you'll send down the runway to be judged by myself, Chef, and today's Total Drama classic competitor, Lindsay!

Lindsay: [pops out of a briefcase] Yay! Don't you just love my new special fashion judgey shoes?

Zoey: Wow! We get to dress an actual model.

Chris: Uh-huh. Right after you catch one.

Jo: Catch a model? Child's play. The way they eat, they'll pass out after three steps.

Chris: Did I say "human models?" Don't think so. No, your models are in there! [points to the woods] They're wild, they're mutated, and like me, despise teenagers.

Zoey: [Confessional] Poor Scott. Who knew he had a sensitive side?

[After Sam failed to win the challenge for his team, seeing the challenge as a video game, he got voted off and eliminated; Afterwards, Chris volunteers Jo and Scott to switch teams]

Chris: Well, that was a complete fiasco. Brick, you bagged yourself a fashion fail. [Brick sulks with failure] And Sam, you just totally dropped the barrel on this one. [Sam looks away in disappointment] So, one of the rats is going home tonight, but, it's not gonna be Lightning or Scott. You're both safe.

Lightning: Sha-sweet!

Chris: Now then, the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom goes to… Sam.

Sam: [groans as the toxic marshmallow hits him in the head] Ow! Well, looks like I'm out of continues. Heh. Sorry I couldn't have been more help to you guys.

Brick: [salutes] Semper fi.

Lightning: Sit down, fool.

[Sam salutes in return and Chef picks him up by the back of his shirt, escorting him to the Hurl of Shame]

Chris: Thank you, Chef. Now for something very special. Mutant Maggots, you're probably wondering why I asked you to sit in on this elimination ceremony. I'll need a strong volunteer from each team.

Jo: [quickly stands up] Right here!

Scott: [stands up also] Ditto!

Chris: Pack your bags!

Zoey: You're hurling them too?

Chris: Nah. I don't give people time to pack before they get hurled. These two are switching teams.

[Maggot team gasps and Jo and Scott smirk at each other as they switch]

Scott: [sits next to Zoey and playfully elbows her] Hey, teammate. [snickers]

Brick: [holds out his hand for Jo to shake as she sits next to him] Welcome to my team.

Jo: [grabs his hand and pulls him into her face] No, welcome to MY team. [crunches his hand in pain]

Lightning: Aw, yeah! Team Man remains 100% dude! [Jo pokes him in the eyes] Ow!

Jo: Get your eyes checked, jockstrap!

Chris: Any last words before your ride to Loserdom?

Sam: Yeah, can I get all my handheld game systems back now? [sighs as Chef nods his head no]

Dakota: Sam, wait!

Sam: Hey. You're here to see me off.

Dakota: Aww. I'm gonna miss you! Here. [Gave Sam a slip of paper] Call me, okay?

Sam: I may have lost the game, but, I win the girl of my dreams… [gets hurled away and drops the slip of paper]

Lindsay: [at Boney Island with a group of beavers] So, do you guys know where the boat is?

A Mine is a Terrible Thing to Waste [4.07]

Chris: Who will thrive and who won't survive?

Jo: [confessional] Hey! Chris McLame! Guess what? You can make me swap teams, but you'll never break me. Now I get the girls' side of the cabin to myself, and I can finally work out like the ancient Olympians... Naked!

[In the infirmary, Dakota is strapped onto a bed and looks at her reflection, revealing she lost all her hair from the mine]

Dakota: Where am I? [screams in horror] NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [incredibly enraged] CHRIS IS A DEAD MAN!

Manitoba: G'day, Sheila! Names Manitoba Smith! Here leave the torches to the menfolk beauty.

Zoey: They talk like that in Manitoba?

Anne Maria: Do I look like a lifeboat?! [throws Scott off of her head]

Zoey: [holding back Anne Maria] I'm sure that it's an accident that Scott landed on you!

Scott: Yeah! An accident! I hope you both realize whose fault this is! The minecarts were Mike's idea!

Anne Maria: But he just didn't try to drown me!

[Jo and Lightning formed an alliance and both voted Brick off for helping the other team win the challenge]

Chris: Brick, it looks like your tour of duty has come to an end. DISMISSED! [throws a toxic marshmallow of losedom to Brick]

Brick: What!? But I was large and in charge!

Lightning: Yeah. Saving the enemy, Sha-traitor.

Jo: So long, soggy McGee.

[Anne Maria quits when she thought she had received a giant diamond from a feral Ezekiel. However, Chris revealed the diamond was a fake, and eliminated her with Brick and brings Dakota back to the game, putting her on the Maggots team]

Anne Maria: [jumps on the catapult with Brick] One side. I've got a Jeweler to see and a bank account to open!

Chris: Uh, the catapult is for exits only.

Anne Maria: Good. I quit. I don't need this stupid show anymore. Look at this thing, I'm rich!

Chris: Not unless cubic zirconia has suddenly become priceless.

Anne Maria: What? It's not a real diamond?

Chris: Nope, practically worthless. Lamest mine ever. Why do you think I dumped all that waste in here?

Anne Maria: Wait, I changed my mi- [she and Brick scream as Chris catapults them off]

Chris: [to Cameron, Mike and Zoey] Maggots, you're down a player. And one of my interns just isn't working out. But, I can't fire her or daddy will want all his money back. So, say hello to your new teammate, Dakota.

Dakota: You can't do this to me, McLean!

Chris: Oh, yes I can. Contract! Iron clad.

The Treasure Island of Dr. McLean [4.08]

Mike: What? Where are we?

Zoey: No! Chris must've set us adrift after we went to sleep!

Scott: Yeah… wait, I don't remember anything after dinner.

Cameron: [remembers] Dinner! That's it! [flashback to last night] Eww. What is this?

Chef Hatchet: Turkey buttolini. Enjoy your nap… uh, meal. [snickers]

Cameron: Turkey makes you sleepy. So, mutant turkey must've knocked us out cold. Genius!

Dakota: [tapping Cameron's shoulder] You got any sunblock? [Confessional] This is so not how I wanted to get back on the show. Now that my looks are on hold, I need an ally. If only Sam were here. He was so dedicated! Zoey's the only person I'd be seen with in public, post makeover. So I guess it's time to start the "friend-ing" process? Is that what it's called?

Chris: [as he and Chef Hatchet pull up to the campers on personal watercraft] Morning, suckers! How did you enjoy your turkey buttolini?

Dakota: Hey, Chris. How many times did you call your mommy today? [unaware that she starts growing taller as she continues talking] I had no idea that Tabasco was used as a thumb-sucking deterrent until I started interning for "Sippy-cup" McLean.

Chris: Uhh...

[The other campers all react to Dakota's "growth spurt"]

Dakota: [concerned] What? What are you all staring at?

Mike: Uh, your hair is already growing back. [Dakota now has short, spiky, bright green hair]

Dakota: [gasps] Really? [touching the top of her head] Yay! [notices that she is towering over her teammates; curious] Um, when did you all get shorter?

Chris: [after explaining the episode's challenge] Hey, Dakota! Catch! [throws her a compact]

Dakota: [opens the compact] What's this? Oooh, a picture of a scary monster? Big deal!

Scott: Dude, that's a mirror.

Dakota: [looking into the compact] Ahhhh!! I'm a monster!! [growling while breaking the compact; angrily, to Chris] When I get my hands on you, I'LL TEAR YOU APART!!

Chris: [panicked] Ahh!! Game on!! [backing up his watercraft away from Dakota]

[Gwen shows up and she was found buried underground along with Sam as a damsel for the contestants to rescue in a challenge]

Chris: Now, the 2nd part of today's challenge started off as a practical joke involving classic Total Drama competitor, Gwen. But, it's turned into more of a rescue mission.

Gwen: [hits her head against the treasure chest] Uh! What the?! [realizing she's buried alive, again] Oh no! I'm buried alive?! AGAIN?!! CHRIS-SSSSS!!! [bangs her fist against the treasure chest]

Mike: [to Chris] Burying someone alive is seriously dangerous. Even by your standards!

Chris: That's why we're using the buddy system and instead of letting last year's losers have all the fun. We bought one of this year's duds.

[It's revealed that Sam is also in the treasure chest with Gwen]

Gwen: Where's my? [pulls out her cell phone and calls Chris] Ugh! Lousy Chris with his stupid game on his crummy show! [Chris' cell phone rings]

Chris: [answering the phone] Hello-oooh?

Gwen: You've gone too far this time, McLean! You can't... [Sam passes gas]

Chris: Ewww-ugh!

Gwen: That wasn't me! This guy won't stop farting...ugh! I can't breathe... [passes out due to Sam's flatulence]

Chris: Eh, I'm sure she's fine.

Sam: [confessional; after seeing Dakota's mutated form] Whoa. The girl of my dreams just got a thousand times more awesome!

[Scott was voted off, but he used the immunity idol to save himself; therefore, Dakota was eliminated for the second time instead. Zoey voted Dakota because their friendship was hazardous to her health.]

Chris: Okay players. The votes are tallied and by a narrow margin, tonight's loser is none other than-

Cameron: Wait! What about the marshmallows for the people that are staying?

Chris: No can do. Someone ate all of them when she was in the infirmary.

Dakota: [laughs] Me got munchies.

Chris: As I was saying the person going home tonight is... Scott.

[Zoey gasps]

Scott: Sorry, but I ain't going nowhere. [holds up the immunity idol]

Mike: What?!

Chris: The invincibility statue! Nice! That means Scott is safe. Whoever has the next most votes is taking a ride on the Hurl of Shame and tonight. Thanks to Zoey, Dakotazoid is going home for good this time.

Zoey: [after Dakota's second elimination] Her friendship was hazardous to my health. I had to vote her off.

[Dakota and Sam are in the Hurl of Shame]

Chris: Ready to fly Dakota? Hello?

[Chef catapults Dakota and Sam off]

Grand Chef Auto [4.09]

Chris: [on the roof, waking the campers up with an alarm] Good morning, campers! Today we have a very special treat.

Lightning: [gasps] Fantasy football?

Zoey: [gasps] Expressoes?

Scott: Helicopter bear hunt?

Chris: Nope, it's merge day. No more Team Rat and no more Team Maggot. [jumps off the roof and walks to Jo and Lightning] For now on, it's every man, woman, and Cameron for himself.

Jo: [confessional] The merge. Finally. All that "team" hooey was really chafing my butt. Lightning's been pretty useful, though. I might keep him around a while longer. Just to intimidate the others.

[Duncan shows up and he was used as challenge demonstrator]

Chris: Challenge time! Today, it's all about grabbin' 'em and taggin' 'em. And to show you how it's done, I give you Total Drama's Favourite Juvenile Delinquent, Duncan! [Chef brought Duncan, tied to a dolly] Duncan owes me some camera time for skipping out on Total Drama World Tour. So, I save an extra painful challenge demo, just for him.

Duncan: Eat dirt, McLean!

Chris: No, that's your job! First up, the Smash and Grab! Hidden somewhere in the Mess Hall kitchen are six keys to Chef's prized collection of vintage go-karts. Some drive like well-oiled machines. Others, not so much.

Chef: Chris! Don't let these clowns drive my karts! They're going to smash them.

Chris: Yes, and car crashes equals ratings. Demo time, Duncan! Chef, let this perp out on a day pass.

Duncan: Later, losers! [laughs]

Chris: Okay. Probably should've seen that coming.

Scott: Here's the deal. You help me win today's challenge and I won't tell Zoey the truth about all your "funny characters".

Mike: How do you know about that?

Cameron: Sorry.

Chris: And the winner of Grand Chef Auto is... Where's everyone?

Lightning: Gone for that last landmark, the extra one that you added.

Chris: What last landmark? Ah.. [checks GPS] Mount Chrismore!!! DUNCAN!!!

Chef: That Duncan is one baaaaaaad dude.

Mike: Zoey, listen. My characters... there not just for show. I... I have multiple personalities.

Zoey: Yeah, I know. Cameron just told me.

Cameron: [offscreen] Sorry!

Mike: I should've told you first. I just didn't want you to think I was a total freak. Because, the real me... really likes you. A lot.

Zoey: [giggles] Are you kidding? I love oddballs! And you're officially the coolest one ever! Multiples just mean there's more Mike to love.

Chris: [to Lightning who thinks he has won] No. No vote for you!

Lightning: What?

Chris: You fell for an obvious prank by Duncan.

Duncan: [show up behind a rock] Sorry, bro. That wasn't me. [detonate Mt. Chrismore] Now that, that was me! [laugh maniacally with Chef]

[Scott won immunity, and his reward was to vote off a contestant of his choice. In the end, he chose Mike]

Chris: The real final landmark was the totem pole. So immunity and today's sole vote got to the 1st person who completely tagged it. Scott!

Scott: Yeah!

Chris: Scott. Eliminate the player of your choice. [whispers] Choose Lightning.

Lightning: No! Eliminate Jo! He's a rat!

Scott: Eeny-meeny-miny-mo, who's the biggest lose-o? [chooses Mike to be eliminated] It's Mike! [Zoey gasps] Thanks for towing me to victory! [laughs]

Chris: Mike, the toxic marshmallow of loserdom is yours! [the toxic marshmallow is facing Mike's face, then the scene cuts to Mike to the Hurl of Shame] Well, Mike is was nice knowing ya! All 4 of ya! Or is it 5? So hard to keep track.

Zoey: [to Mike, as he is about to be eliminated] Aww. And we were just getting to know each other.

Mike: I have something for you to remember me by. [gives Zoey a medallion with his face on it]

Zoey: Aww, it's beautiful! I wish we had more time together.

Mike: Well, I probably have time for a goodbye kiss. [leans in to kiss Zoey, but is catapulted off the island]

Chris: Or not.

Up, Up & Away in My Pitiful Balloon [4.10]

Lightning: Lightning, taking to the sky! Sha-bam! [punching Scott]

Chris: Uh-huh. And here to demonstrate, put your hands together for our Total Drama classic contender, Heather!

[Heather shows up and she was used as a test dummy to fly through rings of fire as she gives an evil glare and everyone reacts negatively to her presence]

Zoey: Wow! You're the Heather?

Heather: [to Zoey] Sorry, I have this policy of not talking to losers.

Zoey: Oh, I'm not a loser, you know unless everyone else thinks I am.

Zoey: [in confessional] Scott really brings out the jerk in me, which is kind of liberating. Besides he voted Mike off, he needs to pay!

Cameron: [in the Confessional] I am a 90 pound weakling. Okay, 89 and a half. With all of the Scotts and Lightnings out there, sometimes, I need to stay as invisible as possible. So, I'll hide behind Jo, then when it comes time to vote people off, everyone will target the serious competition, like Scott, or Lightning or, heh-heh, Jo!

Jo: Cam's a good kid. I'll carry him a few rounds, then I'll dump him! But first, Jockstrap's getting a ticket to the Hurl of Shame! He's got this silly "grudge" against me.

Lightning: Yeah! Because that Jo guy kicked me right into that shark's mouth! It was tenderizing me like a T-bone! Jo's gonna pay! Hmm. Man! I could really go for a T-bone right now. Anyway, I'm...

Scott: ...gonna whup...

Zoey: ...everybody else and...

Cameron: ...take home that million...

Jo: ...dollars for myself!

Lightning: Sha-licious!

Chris: [referring to Scott and Zoey's rivalry] Man, they really hate each other now, huh? [laughs while Heather walks up behind him, smiling evilly with a Gemmie statuette in her hand] I feel another Gemmie coming on! [Heather hits Chris and Chef on the head and throws both of them out of the zeppelin] Whoa-ah!!!

Chef: [as he's falling] Ahhhh!!!

Heather: [holding up the Gemmie statuette] 1 Gemmie for you. [holding up the prize money case] And 1,000,000 for me! [closes zeppelin door]

Chris: [after he and Chef Hatchet land on the ground] Ugh! I think I sprained my stubble.

Cameron: Um, Chris? Heather's stealing your Mobile Air Command Center.

Chris: [nonchalantly] Whatever, got it at the Air Force garage sale.

Jo: [knocks Cameron out of the way] And my million dollars!

Chris: Whatever, not my million bucks.

Zoey: And all your Gemmie Awards.

Chris: [now sounding worried] My Gemmies? [gets up assertively] Cancel the Obstacle Course of Doom! Your new challenge is to stop that zeppelin!!

Heather: [at the zeppelin's door, holding up Gemmie statuettes] Don't try to stop me! I've got gold statuettes, and I'm not afraid to use them!! [throws the statues]

Chris: [chasing after his awards] I've got you my precious-es! [gets hit by the statuettes]

Jo: Bubble boy! Get over here and take some more shots to the head! I've got a zeppelin to crash!

Cameron: Jo! Crash this! [There was a bomb in the smoke machine]

Lightning: [after crashing into the Zeppelin] Yes, that cool mil, it's mine! [to Heather] Alright girl, hand it over.

Heather: [fakes crying] Oh, I'm sorry. All I wanted was the money. But this is just gone too far. Here, just take it. [smashes Lightning with the case]

Lightning: [after being smashed by Heather] What is wrong with you? [gets smashed for the second time] You crazy! [gets smashed for the third time]

Heather: I was robbed!! I deserve that money!!

[Jo got eliminated because Cameron and Lightning voted her off due to their mutual dislike of her.]

Chris: [to Jo who is at the Hurl of Shame] Any final words to your fellow competitors?

Jo: In your face- [gets catapulted] Lightnnnnnnnnnning!

Eat, Puke & Be Wary [4.11]

Zoey: [holding on to a tree branch] Ugh. Cameron. Do we have to meet all the way up here?

Cameron: [sitting on the tree branch] I'm sorry, Zoey. It's the only place that's private. Aside from the innumerable cameras. First order of business. Get rid of Scott.

Zoey: That jerk's kicked off so many people! Now it's his turn to feel the pain!

Scott: Or is it? [confessional] I was out setting snares to catch that annoying shark, but I caught something better. Two losers. Ow!

Cameron: Maybe I can convince Lightning to join us and vote off Scott.

Zoey: Awesome! Then it'll be three to one with no chance of-- Ah! [hangs on to a tree branch while Cameron falls down]

Scott: [pushes Cameron away after he got caught from his trap] Today's forecast: geeky showers with a chance of nerd. [Zoey screams and she lands on Scott's arms] And girl.

Zoey: Scott?

Scott: Zoey. Nice of you to drop in. I just had a killer idea. Totally up your alley, here goes. You and me team up and vote off Lightning.

Zoey: [laughs] Oh. You're serious. Ow!

Scott: I know we ain't best buds, but you're not exactly a powerhouse. Do you really wanna go head-to-head with Mr. Megajock?

Zoey: Better a mega jock than a mega jerk.

Scott: Oh, really?

Lightning: [Swings by on a vine] Sha-bam! [He jumps high in the air, high fives one of the seagulls and lands in the water]

Scott: Wow. That sure helped make my point. Well, your call.

Zoey: [confessional] Ah, I hate it when Scott makes a point.

Scott: [confessional] That went well. But when someone hates your guts the way Zoey hates mine, it's always good to have a Plan B.

Chris: Challenge time! And since you've been abused so flagrantly, today's challenge is a super, safe, fun challenge! [the contestants cheer] Get ready for bubbles! Flowers and cotton- [steps on Scott's trap for Fang and gets thrown into the communal bathroom by Scott] WHOA-WAHHHHH!!! [the contestants painfully react]

Scott: My snare. I mean, Cameron's snare threw Chris into the outhouse!

Chef: [opens the communal washroom's door, repulsed by the smell] Woo-wee! I need 5 interns and a fire hose, ASAP! [to Chris] We'll get you out soon!

Chris: [trapped in the septic tank, coughing] Ugh! [furious] Those ungrateful puppets JUST CROSSED THE LINE!! Remember your nasty challenges, Chef? The one's that got the red light? Yeah! The light just turned GREEN!

Chef: I'll bring the pain! [laughs manically as thunder and lightning effects] Okay, cool it. [he prepares the challenge and tells the contestants to make a "delicious" meal] Listen up, dirtbags! I'm gonna push you 'til you break! Then I'll take the filthy little broken bits and give 'em another good breaking! No wimps are gonna make it to my finale. Do you understand?! First challenge, the cook-off!

Scott: Ha, a cook-off? What's next? A lawn-bowl-o-- [Chef hits him with a pan] ow!

Chef: Shut it or I'll shut it! Bring in the TD classic competitor!

[DJ shows up who is tied in a dolly and the intern used him as a food eater and a judge for the cooking challenge]

Cameron: Hey! It's DJ!

DJ: [his last appearance; after his blindfold is taken off] No, not here! I vowed never to come back as long as there was breath in my lungs!

Chef: Your contract disagrees, dough boy. You slime buckets are gonna cook something tasty. And this bag of mush will be the judge! You got 20 minutes to make a tasty lunch with whatever you find on the island! I believe in eating locally. Ready.

Cameron: Um, question. What are out options in the way of seasonings?

Chef: Get cookin'! [the contestants start the challenge]

Chef: 3, 2, 1! Spatulas down! Well, dish it up cupcakes! Move! Move! Move!

Cameron: Today, I've made a delicious quiche. [shows DJ his meal] with toxic mushrooms.

[DJ whines after Cameron shows him his meal]

Chef: Next!

Zoey: I present... the living salad! [spiders come out of the salad and land on DJ] Hey! [Chef takes her away]

Lightning: I went with an Italian thing, a ginormous maggot cannelloni, in a cream sauce. [the maggot screams but Lightning knocks him down] What did I tell you? Stay down! Uh? Fresh pepper?

Chef: Next!

Scott: I've made southern quiche surprised. If you managed to keep it down, surprise! [an eyeball pops out of his pie]

[DJ unties himself and runs away screaming in fear]

Chef: Well, looks like we lost our taste tester. Rule change! You've got to eat all of your own weird grub.

Scott: Nice quiche. Great minds think alike, huh? Hey look! It's a blogger from Bubbleboyonline.com!

Cameron: Really? Where?

Scott: [he switches the meals with Cameron] Nah, it was just a tree stump.

Chef: 3, 2, 1. [blows airhorn] Eat it!

Zoey: [eats her salad] Ah! Throat. So. Itchy!

Cameron: [eats a piece of Scott's meal and heads to the confessional] It had a sharp, froggy note. But how? [vomits]

Lightning: Sha-- [he and Zoey vomits]

Scott: [after eating Cameron's meal] Mmm. I loves me some good old fashioned mutant frog quiche.

Chef: Challenge is over! Scott wins! [everyone sighs] That's why he doesn't need to wear one of these tracking collars. [gives 3 tracking collars to Zoey, Lightning and Cameron]

Scott: [whistling] Ha. The finish. Now all that's left to do is touch the flag pole and win this thing. [Fang shows up and blocks his path] Huh? No! Not you! Not now! [screams as Fang chases him and trips on a rock] Ow! Ah, my ankle! Leave me alone, you freak! Why do you keep chasing me anyway? What? For your tooth? You have hundreds! Guess it's goodbye Scotty! [Fang falls down to the pit] And hello victory! Yes! One of my traps finally worked! Wait. I didn't dig a pit trap.

Lightning: Man! I must be gaining muscle mass! This running is making me almost kinda winded! Sha-bye-bye, suckers! Yes! First to the finish! Oh, yeah! Big winner! I beat Chef now, I'm the bomb, y'all!

[Cameron touches the flag pole with his back and wins immunity]

Cameron: Ow!

Lightning: Huh?

Chef: Cameron wins immunity!

Lightning: What? Then what do I win?

Chef: Dinner. [Fires his meatball bazooka at Lightning]

Lightning: [screams] My head! My beautiful head!

[Cameron and Zoey voted Scott off in retaliation for being a jerk and causing so many eliminations.]

Chef: Now, to the votes. Let's see. Got 1 vote for Scott, 1 for Zoey, 1 for Lightning. And the final vote goes to, Scott!

Scott: [in a wheelchair after being injured from the challenge] What?! You've gotta be kidding me! [The Marshmallow of Toxic Loserdom lands on his knees and he screams in pain and agony; Confessional] I can't believe it! Zoey totally duped me! Guess I must've rubbed off on her. [chuckles]

Zoey: [Confessional; satisfied] Sorry, pal. Better luck next life.

Lightning: [Confessional] Cameron stole my immunity, and for that he's gonna pay! Watch your step, smart guy. Lightning's coming for you!

Chef: [at the Hurl of Shame] I've been waiting to be the Hurl Master of this game!

Chris: [happily shows up on his jetpack after getting out of the septic tank] And you're gonna keep waiting.

Cameron, Lightning, and Zoey: Chris!

Chris: Yep! I'm the Hurl Master around here. You see, Scott, the Hurl of Shame is both shameful and painful, so I arranged for a friend to join you on your journey. [Fang jumps out of the water, startling Scott and takes his tooth back] This is my way of saying thanks, [angrily] for flinging me into a pit of poo! [catapults Scott and Fang]

Scott: [last words before being placed inside the Trauma Chair by Fang] WOOOOAAAHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!

Chef: Chris, good to have you back, man. I even saved you some quiche.

Chris: [satisfied after Scott's elimination] Chef! You are the man! [eats Scott's meal and vomits]

Chef: You are the Hurlmaster! [chuckles]

The Enchanted Franken-Forest [4.12]

Lightning: [in confessional with a Cameron dummy, mocking him] Hello, my name is Cameron, and I'm a sneaky challenge stealer! [in his normal voice] I made this Cameron-looking punching bag to give me extra motivation! What's that, you want me to punch you again? SHA-BAM! [punches the dummy]

Cameron: Lightning is furious at me for winning the last immunity. He's focused all his energy on pumping iron and psyching me out, me! The guy who gets psyched out by feathers and big drinking cups. [Chef puts two large drinking cups in front of Cameron as he falls] Are you even listening?

Soldier Zoey: You know what you gotta do? You got to grab your fear at the throat and throttle it into courage! The thing that can turn a passive, small-town teen who sews her own clothes into a hardened, extermination machine! [Uses a slingshot to shoot at Chef, dropping all his dishes] Besides, whatever Lightning's thinking can't be that bad.

Cameron: [in confessional, placing an ice pack on his hand] What happened to Zoey? Eh, no big deal, as long she protects me from Lightning. [screams as Lightning punches through the outhouse]

Lightning: End game is near. Bottom of the ninth, bases are loaded! Entering the storm corridor now, and it is time for the LIGHTNING TO STRIKE!! [lifts the outhouse] SHA-BAM!! [his pants drop down, and he drops the outhouse upon realization]

Lightning: Let's see, five more dashes this way, and over this squiggle, and I should be... [he trips on feral Ezekiel] Ah! [feral Ezekiel falls down, offscreen; prolonged scream and thuds]

Chef: [confessional] I knew coming back to the island would dig up old memories, but crying over a stupid plant? [sighs] That's just pathetic.

[Lightning won immunity, and his reward was to vote off a contestant of his choice. In the end, he chose Zoey.]

Chris: Elimination time! Lightning, by refusing to help rescue a fellow player from the jaws of a monster...

Lightning: Yeah, Baby!

Chris: You’ve secured yourself a place in the finale and you get to choose your opponent, in said finale.

Lightning: Sweet me! The lightning is not surprised that he's win.

Chris: Who will get the Hurl of Shame? Will it be Zoey, the formerly savage commando, or will it be...

Cameron: Me! It will be me!

Zoey: Cameron.

Cameron: Yes! Today, I mistrusted the very person who tried to save my life. A person who taught me the true meaning of friendship.

Chris: Um, Cam. Yeah! That's nice and all, but, it's not your choice.

Cameron: No! It's my time! I know it, and I embrace it. I entered this competition of boy in a bubble, but, I will return home, a man in a bubble! Chris, you may hurl when ready.

Lightning: Actually, I'm hurling Zoey!

Cameron and Zoey: What?!

Cameron: But, Zoey's a more worthy opponent. [Chef pushes Zoey away]

Lightning: Yep! And that's why she's gone. I'm taking you to the finals, so I can eat you alive.

[Cameron gulps and shudders in fear]

Chris: [to Zoey, who is at the Hurl of Shame after being eliminated by Lightning] Bon appetit! And Bon voyage! [catapults Zoey off the island, suddenly, realizes something] Whoops! She forgot her Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom! Oh, well. Chef! Dispose of it so it's not dangerous! [Chef makes a confusion look on his face] Well. I for one am relieved, having Cam and Zoey compete for the million would've been a friendly, huggy, snooze-fest!

Lightning: [confronts Cameron] Oh. There will be no snoozing and definitely no huggin'.

Chris: Yep! Just unrelenting deaf-defying brains vs brawn mortal combat, next time, on Total Drama: Revenge of the Island!

[Meanwhile, Chef tosses the Toxic Marshmallow of Loserdom in the fire, causing a major explosion.]

Brain vs. Brawn: The Ultimate Showdown [4.13]

[Cameron and Lightning become finalists of the season]

Cameron: Poor Zoey. She really deserved to make it to the finale.

Lightning: But then I wouldn't get to beat your sorry butt before I take home the million. Sha-win!

Cameron: This isn't over. I may be a little delicate, but I've still got what you athletic types refer to as "game".

Lightning: Yeah? Check this game! Huh! [laughs] Lightning's got it in the sha-bag!

Cameron: Perhaps. But not if the final challenge is of an intellectual nature.

Lightning: Ha. As if. Total Drama finales are always physical. Hope you like juice, 'cause I'm gonna crush you like a grape!

Cameron: [points to something offscreen] What happened to Scott?

Chris: Yeah, Fang had a little too much fun with him after he took the Hurl of Shame. So, we got him this nifty trauma chair! [pan to Scott who is put inside the Trauma Chair when he was mauled by Fang after his elimination] Even it has lights that blink yes and no. [the red light beeps]

Cameron: Is that a yes or a no?

Chris: No idea. But does anyone really care? It's Scott! [he and the eliminated contestants all laugh at him except B, Cameron, and Lightning]

[Cameron's ending]

All: [except Scott and B] 1...2...3! [cheers]

Chris: He's done it! Cameron has done it! Cameron wins Total Drama: Revenge of the Island and the million dollar prize!

Cameron: Yes! I did it! [everybody cheers for him except Scott and B; confessional] From a boy in a bubble to a million dollar winner? I wouldn't believe in myself if it wasn't all on tape! Lightning, if you're listening… [blows a raspberry]

Lightning: This is an outrage! The challenge was rigged! I did NOT lose to that bubble lover! It's impossible! [starts to cry] Sorry Pops...

Chris: Congratulations Cameron. To the winner go the spoils. [opens the million dollar case] $1,000,000 in cold, hard cash!

Cameron: Thanks! [to the eliminated contestants] And thanks for all your support! It made all the difference!

Anne Maria: So, what are you gonna spend it on first? Hair or shoes? Because both need a lot of work.

Sam: Didn't you hear his mom? He needs the cash to pump up his bubble.

Cameron: Well, I was going to use the bubble to heal my shattered body... But after surviving without any crippling injuries, I don't need to go back to my bubble ever again! [everybody cheers except Scott and B] And I couldn't have done it without all of you, so, I'm gonna spend it all on you guys instead! [everybody cheers again except Scott and B]

Sam: Hello, world's biggest television and every game system in existence!

Jo: I can finally open my dream gym!

Brick: Fashion school, here I come! [everyone on the boat looks at him awkwardly] Yeah, you heard me.

[Lightning's ending in the US and Philippines]

Mike: Oh my gosh! Cam, get up!

Cameron: [tries to get up] I can't! The suit's out of power! It won't budge!

Jo: Come on Megajock! Pin him!

Lightning: [In a daze] Lightning's going to the Super Bowl! Sha-Baaam! [falls to the ground].

[everyone gasps except Scott and B]

Chris: 1...2...3! He's done it! Lightning has done it! Lightning wins Total Drama: Revenge of the Island and the million-dollar prize!

Jo: [every contestant besides Jo, B, and Scott groans] Yes! Brawn over brains. Thank you. I taught him that, by the way.

Lightning: [confessional] See that? Not even lightning can stop the Lightning. [sighs] Victory is the ultimate Sha-Bam! From now on, you can call me "White Lightning."

Cameron: [confessional; sighs] I may not have won, but I did survive, and that counts for a lot when you grow up hermetically sealed in plastic. Just being alive is a personal victory!

Chris: Congratulations Lightning. To the winner go the spoils. [opens the million dollar case] One million dollars in cold, hard cash!

Zoey: Sorry, you lost Cam.

Cameron: On the contrary, thanks to my armor. I wasn't beaten nearly as savagely as I expected which means I don't have to go back to my bubble. Personal win!

Mike: So Lightning, how are you going to spend the money?

Jo: My fee is 10%.

Sam: If you need someone to play video games for you while you're laid up, I'm available!

Lightning: No way! I'm using this to buy my own stadium so I can get in shape for football season!

Chris: [holding an x-ray] My advice, super physio bro.

Lightning: Pain don't mean nothing to Lightning, I'll just walk it off! [gets a leg cramp and falls down] Sha-Mommy! [cries]

Jo: [confessional] I carry both these morons to the finale! Where's my million dollars? What a rip off!

Chris: Well. That's it for another season! Except for one last surprise, I hid on their boat! First rule of show biz. Always go out with a bang! [presses a button, but, gets blasted out of the docks, while, the other contestants cheer except Scott and B, lands in the water and realize that Chef was behind it] Chef! Until next time! I'm Chris McLean and this has been Total Drama: Revenge of the Island!

Guards: You're busted, McLean!

Chris: For what?

Guards: Creating an environmental disaster, that's what! Residents of Wawanakwa! Your island is under government protection! You're hereby quarantined! Prepare for heavy scrub decontamination!

External links

Wikipedia

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Total Drama: Revenge of the Island