Total Drama Island

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Total Drama Island is the first season of Total Drama.

Episodes

Not So Happy Campers - Part 1 [1.01]

[at the begining]

Chris: [first lines] Yo! We're coming at you live from Camp Wawanakwa, somewhere in Muskoka, Ontario! I'm your host, Chris McLean, dropping season 1 of the hottest new reality show on television, right now! [moves to Dock of Shame] Here's the deal, 22 campers have signed up to spend 8 weeks right here at this crumply old summer camp. They'll compete in challenges against each other, then have to face the judgment of their fellow campers. Every 3 days, 1 team will either win a reward, or watch one of their team members walk down the Dock of Shame, take a ride on the loser boat, ha ha, and leave Total Drama Island, for good! [moves to campfire pit] Their fate will be decided here, at the dramatic campfire ceremonies where each week, all, but one camper will receive... a marshmallow. [takes a bite of one marshmallow] In the end, only one will be left standing and will be rewarded with cheesy tabloid fame and a small fortune, which let's face it: they'll probably blow in a week. To survive, they'll have to battle... Black flies... [flies buzzing] Grizzly bears, [grizzly bear roars] Disgusting ass camp food!

Grub on Plate: Hey now.

Chris: And, each other! Every moment will be caught on one of the hundreds of camera situated all over the camp. Who will crumble under the pressure? Find out here right now on... TOTAL... DRAMA... ISLAND!

Beth: Hi, looks like we're your new friends for the next eight weeks...

[Duncan arrives while his foot steps on a speaker while playing rock and roll]

Chris: Duncan, dude!

Duncan: I don't like superises.

[The 22 campers gathered round for a group picture.]

Chris: Okay. 1, 2, thr- Oop! Okay, forgot the lens cap! Okay, hold that pose... 1...t- Oh, wait. Card's full! Hang on...

LeShawna: C'mon, man. My face is startin' to freeze!

Chris: Got it Okay!, everyone say 'Wawanakwa!'

Campers: Wawanakwa! [the dock gave way underneath them] Aaah!

Chris: This is Camp Wawanakwa, your home! for the next 8 weeks the campers sitting around you will be your cabin mates, your competition, and maybe even your friends. you big, the camper who manages to say on Total Drama Island the longest without getting voted off will win $100,000.

Chris: Here's the deal, we're gonna split you into two teams, if I call your name out, go stand over there. Gwen… Trent... Heather… Cody… Lindsay… Beth… Owen… Katie… Leshawna… Justin… and Noah. From this moment on, you are officially known as… The Screaming Gophers!

Owen: Yeah! I'm a gopher! Whoo!

Katie: Wait. What about Sadie?

Chris: The rest of you, over here. Geoff… Bridgette… DJ… Tyler… Sadie… Izzy… Courtney… Ezekiel… Duncan… Eva… and Harold. Move, move, move!

Sadie: But Katie’s a gopher! I have to be a gopher!

Courtney: Sadie, is it? Come on, it'll be okay.

Sadie: This is so unfair! I'll miss you, Katie!

Katie: I'll miss you too!

Chris: You guys will officially be known as… The Killer Bass!

Gwen: [during her first confessional] Um, okay. So far this sucks.

Lindsay: [during her first confessional] I don't get it. Where's the camera guy?

Owen: [during his first confessional] Hey, everyone, check this out. I have something very important to say… [farts and chuckles]

Heather: Bunk beds? Isn't this a little…summer camp?

Gwen: That's the idea.

Heather: [scoffs] Shut up, gothic.

Not So Happy Campers - Part 2 [1.02]

Leshawna: [after Heather refuses to jump] Oh, you're doing it!

Heather: Says who?!

Leshawna: Says me! I'm not losing this challenge cause you got your hair did, you spoiled little daddy's girl!

Heather: Back off, ghetto-glamor, too-tight-pants-wearing, rap-star wannabe!

Leshawna: Mall-shopping, ponytail-wearing, teen girl-reading, peeking in high school prom queen!

Heather: Well, at least I'm popular.

[Gwen looks shocked, Noah looks amused, Cody looks scared, Justin pulls out his mirror and admires himself]

Leshawna: You're jumping!

Heather: Make me! [Leshawna grabs Heather and throws her down] AAAAAAAAAH! [lands in the safe zone] Leshawna, you are so dead!

Leshawna: Hey! I threw you into the safe zone, didn't I? [to herself] Now I just hope I can hit it, too. [jumps] AAAAAAAAAH! [lands in the safe zone, right next to Heather]

Tyler: [sets the crate down] I gotta take a whizz. [walks off into the bushes for quick pee break]

Eva: Hurry up. We're already behind.

Katie: Oh, I have to go too.

Sadie: You do? Oh, my gosh, me too.

Trent: Hey! What's up, guys?

Leshawna: Hey! Are you missing a couple of white girls?

[As it turns out, Katie and Sadie we're doing their business in the lake, to relieve themselves after they sat on poison ivy]

Sadie: Oops!

Courtney: They're getting a drink.

Harold: Yeah! If they drink with their butts.

Ezekiel: [laughs at Harold’s jokes] That’s funny!

Leshawna: [shocked to witness Courtney's swollen eye] Ooh! What happened to your eye, girl?

Courtney: Nothing! Just an allergy!

Ezekiel: Think it's getting worse!

Courtney: Shut up/Shut it! We don't want them to know that.

Ezekiel: My dad instructed me to look after the girls if they needed help.

[First elimination of the series; Ezekiel got eliminated because his sexist comments against women angered the female members of the Killer Bass]

Chris: [after Ezekiel got eliminated] Can't say I'm shocked. I saw you picking your nose, dude. Not cool. Dock of shame is that way, bro. The rest of you, enjoy your marshmallows. You're all safe for tonight.

Courtney: [to a cameraman with the Screaming Gophers enjoying their hot tub party in the background] Are you recording this? [zoom in on her] Good. They can enjoy their little party, all they want. But I am gonna win this competition! And no one is gonna stop me.

The Big Sleep [1.03]

[Chris blows the airhorn which wakes everybody up.]

LeShawna: Oww! Jeez, It’s 7 in the morning! Do I look like a farmer to you?!

Duncan: [mischievously puts Harold's hand into a mug of water, causing him to pee his pants] Oh, gross it worked! Dude peed his pants!

[Eva furiously tears apart the Killer Bass' cabin, searching for her MP3 player]

Eva: [growling in rage] Where is my MP3 player?! One of you must have stolen it I need my music! No one is going anywhere until I get my MP3 player back!

Courtney: OK, whoever took it better give it up now before she destroys this camp.

Heather: Hey, guys. Wow, this place is a real mess.

Courtney: Someone stole Eva's MP3 player.

Heather: You don't mean this, do you? I was wondering who it belong to. I found it by the campfire pit, you must have dropped it.

Eva: Oh, thank you! Thank you, thank you!

Heather: Sure thing.

[Eva got eliminated because she had her temper after Heather stole her MP3 Player, and believed that somebody on her team had taken it]

Eva: [sarcastically] Nice, really nice. Who needs this stupid (lame-o) TV show anyway?! [kicks Chris in the knee]

Chris: [clutching his leg] OW! Have a good night sleep tonight. You're all safe.

Dodgebrawl [1.04]

Chris: Duncan, you look like death/crap, dude.

Duncan: Stick/Stuff it.

Courtney: Harold snored all night.

Chris: Wow. Four nights with no sleep? How much are you hurting, dude?

Courtney: [confessional] We are so sucking right now! Okay, yes, Eva was a psycho, but at least she was an athletic psycho!

Duncan: Wake me up, and it'll be the last thing you do. [goes back to sleep]

Courtney: [rolls her eyes; annoyed to Harold] This is all your fault you know, you and your snoring face!

Harold: It's called a medical condition, GOSH!

Heather: Okay, we can't get lazy. The Killer Bass are gonna be trying extra hard to catch up. [gestures to a sleepy Gwen] Who wants to sit the first one out with Sleeping Beauty?

Noah: All right, I'll volunteer. Now let's see you all keeners get on out there and dodge.

[Chef looks at DJ, Courtney, Katie, Tyler, and Harold on one side of the field, and Heather, Lindsay, Owen, Leshawna, and Cody on the opposite, getting ready to begin the dodgeball challenge]

Heather: Bring it on, fishies. Otherwise, winning three in a row just won't be as satisfying.

Tyler: Oh, you're going down! We're gonna bring the dinner to the table and then we're gonna eat it!

Chris: Both teams ready? Best of five games wins. Now, let's dodge some balls! [Chef blows his whistle, commencing the challenge as both teams cheer; Cody throws a ball to hit Tyler, but he dodges and glares fiercely at him; Tyler then spins around and accidentally throws the ball at Sadie, hitting her in the face] That'll smear the makeup.

Courtney: [annoyed] Nice job. Now let's see if you can hit someone on their team!

Harold: Time to unleash my wicked skills.

Leshawna: Yeah? Then bring it, stringbean! Let's see what you got!

Courtney: [to DJ and Katie as they face-off Cody, who is the last one standing on the field] Easy out, guys. Easy out.

Chris: [after Cody throws a dodgeball behind DJ like a boomerang; surprised] That is one tough ball to dodge!

Harold: We can do this! We just have to believe in ourselves!

Courtney: Oh, I believe. I believe you stink/suck!

Tyler: Yeah. You throw like a girl.

[Geoff laughs]

Courtney: You should talk.

Tyler: It was a warm-up throw. Look, I can dominate this game. Just give all the balls to me.

Courtney: Fine, just try to aim for the other side, okay?

Chris: [after Owen hardly throws the ball at Geoff, hitting him in the face] Owww! That one's worth an instant replay. [footage plays Geoff getting hit in the face repeatedly] Forward. Okay, rewind. Forward. Rewind. Forward. Rewind, forward. [laughs] Rewind. And pause. Ho-ho. That's gonna leave a mark.

Leshawna: Ooh! He dropped it like it was hot!

Courtney: [worried] Okay, this is really bad. One more game, and we lose the whole challenge… again! We can't let that happen, people. We need someone strong, someone mean, someone who will crush those lame-o/stupid gophers into the dirt!

[The Bass looks down at Duncan, still asleep]

DJ: [believing it's a bad idea] Uh-uh. If we wake him up, he'll kill us!

Courtney: He won't kill us, guys, he wants to win too.

Harold: Courtney's right, we need Duncan's fierceness to win this.

Courtney: That's the spirit, Harold. Now go wake him up.

Harold: Why me?

Courtney: Because, other than Tyler, you're the worst at dodgeball, and if he does kill you, you're the only we can afford to lose.

Harold: No way, I'm not doing it.

Courtney: Well, who's gonna wake him up?

Duncan: [wakes up, grunts, and snaps the stick in half] You better have a really good reason for sticking this up my nose!

Courtney: Look. We are down two-nothing. I can appreciate that you need a little nap time. But we need your help.

Duncan: Oh, and why should I help you, darling?

Courtney: Because I can personally guarantee you that if we lose this game, you'll be the one going home… Darling.

Duncan: [sighs] Fine, I'll play. On one condition, you do what I say when I say it. Okay, here's the strategy I picked up during my first visit to juvie, it's called "Rush the New Guy."

Courtney: Where were you?

Tyler: Nowhere!

Courtney: You were with that blonde Gopher girl, weren't you?

Tyler: No! Maybe. So?

Courtney: So she could've been getting you to spill all of our weaknesses to her!

Chris: The Killer Bass win!

[The Killer Bass cheer victoriously for their first win]

Owen: [horrified shock] It's impossible! [falls on his knees, crying in defeat] WHY?!

Duncan: [as he and the others carry Harold; impressed] Nice dodge, skater nerd.

Chris: [to the sulking gophers] Gophers, what happened?

Noah: What can I say? Weak effort. [the other gophers glare annoyingly at him]

Gwen: [irritated] Oh, shut it, Noah. [walks off]

Heather: You know, for once, I agree with her. [walks off as well]

[The female gophers, including Cody, leave]

Noah: Touchy. What? [Owen, Justin, and Trent glare at him] I'll tell you, the team spirit is severely lacking lately.

[In their first elimination ceremony, the Screaming Gophers voted off and eliminated Noah because he refused to participate in the dodgeball challenge and ticked off his teammates by being overly sarcastic]

Chris: Campers, you've already placed your votes and made your decision. One of you will be going home, and you can't come back…ever. When you hear me call out your name, come pick up a marshmallow. Owen. Gwen, Cody. Trent. Heather. Beth. Justin. Leshawna. Izzy. [the nine gophers claim their marshmallows as Lindsay and Noah are on the bottom two] The final marshmallow goes to… Lindsay.

Lindsay: Woo-hoo! Yeah! [gets the final marshmallow]

Noah: [shocked after he got voted off] What, are you kidding me?! Alright, see if I care. Good luck, because you just voted out the only one with brains on this team.

[The gophers pelts him with marshmallows as payback]

Leshawna: You need to learn a little thing called "respect", turkey!

[The other gophers cheer]

Noah: Whatever. I'm outta here. [leaves to the Dock of Shame]

Not Quite Famous [1.05]

Heather: [blows whistle] Okay, I'm the team captain, so here's how it's going to work.

Gwen: Wait. Who said you were team captain?

Lindsay: She did, just now.

Heather: Lindsay, Beth and I took a vote, and I won.

Gwen: Threatening them to vote for you isn't exactly democratic.

Chris: [unimpressed by Tyler's yo-yo talent] Man, that is weak.

Courtney: [enraged at Bridgette for accidentally destroying her violin] You… You killed my violin!

Bridgette: I didn't mean to! There must be something we can do

Lindsay: [yelling at Bridgette after she lands on Tyler's arms] Hey, puke on your own boyfriend!

Heather: On your own what, Lindsay?

Lindsay: I didn't say boyfriend!

Heather: Originally, I was going to dance for you, but instead I want to celebrate team spirit with a collaboration. [Pulls out Gwen's diary, which she stole]

Gwen: She wouldn't! [winces in fear]

Heather: With words by Gwen, performance by me, enjoy. [clears throat] "Okay. So, I'm trying to ignore him, but he's just so cute. If they had custom-ordered a guy to be a distraction for me here, it would have been McHottie. [Lindsay gasps; Cody points to himself, smiles, and nods, believing the words are about him] We just totally connect. He's pretty much the only person I can relate to here and I know it's a cliche, but I love guys who play guitar." [Gwen watches in horror as her diary is being read to the whole world]

Cody: Wait... I don't play guitar. [Camera pans over to a guitar-holding Trent, who Cody makes eye contact with in a confused manner]

[Gwen nervously scooches to the right and runs off]

Heather: [closes Gwen's diary] Thank you.

Courtney: That was so mean.

Bridgette: Seriously.

[Heather convinced her alliance, Owen and Izzy to vote Justin off, as opposed to her]

Chris: [after Justin got eliminated] Time to catch the boat of losers, bruh.

Heather: Later bruh.

[To get back at Heather for reading her diary in revenge, Gwen dumps Harold's red ant farm into her bed]

Gwen: [confessional] If that evil little cow thinks she is getting away with this, she has another thing coming. [confessional ends, Gwen walks up to the Bass' cabin, knocks on the boy's side and Harold answers] Did you say you brought a red ant farm with you?

Harold: Yes.

[Moments later, Heather runs out of the cabin, screaming with red ants crawling all over her and she trips and falls on the ground]

Gwen: [smiling with satisfaction] Sweet dreams, everyone. [chuckles]

The Sucky Outdoors [1.06]

Heather: [scratches her arm from the ant bites after the previous episode] Ugh! She is so the next one to leave.

Trent: Who?

Heather: Who do you think? She dumped Harold's red ant farm into my bed!

Trent: Yeah, but you did read her diary out to the entire world.

Katie: Well, at least I know how do to drive, you… you have-to-walk girl. Now who’s smarter?

Sadie: Trip to the beach last year, ring a bell?

Katie: Oh, I can't believe you're bringing that up. I did have a totally fetch bikini on that day, though. Ha.

Sadie: You drove my mom's car into a snack shack!

Katie: It was totally in my blind spot. Whatever. If it wasn't for me, you'd be riding the bus to the mall.

[Two squirrels watch the girls argue on a tree branch]

Sadie: Well, if it weren't for me, you wouldn't be able to find your way to the mall.

Katie: Oh, I know my way to the mall.

Sadie: You leaned on me. [purple squirrel mimics her] If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't even be on this show.

Katie: [gasps; blue squirrel mimics her] You're just saying that because I'm prettier than you are.

[The two squirrels start laughing]

Sadie: [gasps] I knew you thought that!

Katie: It's true. Everybody thinks so.

[Duncan tells the Bass team a scary hook story]

Duncan: One night, a lot like this one… [later…] So suddenly… they-they heard this tap-tap-tapping on the side of the car. The girl started to freak out, and by this time, even the guy was getting a bit scared. So he turned the car on, and he stepped on it. When they got back to the girl's house, she opened the door and screamed, because there, hanging from the door handle… was the bloody hook! They say that this killer is still alive, wandering these very woods. He could be just about anywhere, really. Maybe even right… [takes out a hook on his right hand] HERE! [the Bass screams in terror; cackles evilly]

Courtney: [infuriated] Duncan! That was so not funny!

Duncan: Oh, yes it was! I just wish it was all on camera! Uh, oh, wait, it is!

Courtney: You are so vile. Do your parents even like you?

Duncan: I don't know, Jumpy McChicken. I haven't asked them lately.

Courtney: [confessional] Okay, I just wanna say for the record, that I was totally asleep and therefore, unconscious at the time of the "alleged cuddling" with said Neanderthal. So essentially, it's like it never happened.

Courtney: [clears throat; to Katie and Sadie after they make up from their fight] Are you two finished with your little love fest? [Katie and Sadie both nod yes] Good, because thanks to you, we just… [glares at them, sharply] lost the challenge!

Chris: All right, Killer Bass. One of your fishy butts is going home. Gophers, you're going on an all-expense paid trip to… the Tuck Shop!

[The Screaming Gophers cheer and run off after winning as the Killer Bass gasp in shock and glare angrily at Katie and Sadie, for showing up late]

[Katie got eliminated after she and Sadie had gotten lost and showed up too late at camp to save their team]

Chris: Ladies… This is the final marshmallow of the evening. Sadie.

Sadie: No! Why Katie? Why her?!

Katie: It's so unfair!

Sadie: I so can't do this. I've never been anywhere without Kaite. We have to be together or I'll totally die!

Katie: Sadie, listen to me. You can do this. You are strong, and beautiful, and like, maybe even smarter than me, and plus, you're like the funnest girl I know. You have to do it for both of us.

[At the Dock of Shame, the girls hold hands for one last time as the Boat of Losers takes Katie away]

Sadie: I miss you already!

Katie: [sobs] I miss you more!

Sadie: No, I miss you more!

Katie: No way, I totally miss you more!

Sadie: I miss you infinitely more! BYE!

Phobia Factor [1.07]

[Sadie lies down on the Dock of Shame, sobbing in despair after Katie's elimination]

Bridgette: Katie would want you to keep going. [sighs] Come on, let's go back and join the others. [grabs and pulls her by the ankles as she rips of a piece of the dock, and drags her back to the campfire; to Courtney] It was a long goodbye.

DJ: Snake! [smacks the green gelatin out of Beth's hands]

Cody: Chill, dude. It's just a gummy worm.

DJ: Sorry for tripping. Snakes just freak me out.

Tyler: I feel you. Chickens give me the creeps, dude.

Gwen: You're afraid of chickens?

Duncan: [chuckles] Wow, that's--that's really lame, man.

Gwen: [confessional] So suddenly, everyone's having this big share-fest by the fire. Like Beth went on and on about how her mortal fear's being covered by bugs. Harold's afraid of ninjas. Even Heather admitted she's afraid of sumo wrestlers. [end of confessional] What's my worst fear? I guess, being buried alive.

Lindsay: Walking through a minefield… in heels.

Owen: Flying, man. That's some crazy stuff.

Izzy: I would never go up in a plane. Never.

Geoff: I'm scared of hail. It's small but deadly, dude.

Bridgette: Being left alone in the woods.

Sadie: [sniffles] Bad haircuts.

Lindsay: Oh, okay. I change mine. That's so much scarier than a minefield.

Cody: Having to defuse a time bomb under pressure.

Gwen: [on walkie-talkie with Trent while being buried alive] I need some kind of distraction. Tell me a story. Um, why do you hate mimes so much?

Trent: [on walkie-talkie; sighs] My mom took me to this carnival once when I was 4 so I could see the elephants. I was stoked.

Gwen: Yeah?

Trent: I was so busy watching them that I lost her for a minute. I called out, but when I turned, all I could see was this horrible white face with black lips pretending to be me! I screamed and tried to run, but every time I turned around, he was there, doing this creepy fake-run-and-scream routine. [A mime touches him on the shoulder and he turns around; screams frightfully and runs away as the mime chases him]

Gwen: [through walkie-talkie] Trent?

Chris: [on megaphone] Just talk to him, bro, and ask him to go away.

[Chris and Trent are trying to dig Gwen out of the ground when they hear an explosion]

Trent: What was that?

Chris: If I had to guess, I'd say Cody just blew himself up.

Up the Creek [1.08]

Chris: If you take anything off the island… [spookily] You'll be cursed forever!

Bridgette: [Confessional] I've seen surfers get eaten by sharks before, but this? This was horrifying!

Paintball Deer Hunter [1.09]

Heather: Beth, Lindsay, go warm up the shower for me. Now! And remember…

Beth: Not too hot this time. I know. [yawns]

Cody: [confessional] I was so psyched to be a deer. I'm small, but I'm quick. Lots of practice from dodging spitballs in math class.

Heather: What took you so long?!

Beth: Here. I hope you know what I had to go through to get those.

Heather: [snatches the chip bag out her hands and looks inside] There's like… 11 chips left. [sniffs] And they're barbecue! [throws the bag in the ground] Go exchange them for dill pickle.

Beth: No.

Heather: What did you just say?

Cody: I'm just gonna… Yeah. [takes the barbecue chip bag and dashes away]

Heather: Take it back.

Beth: [inhales deeply] No!

Heather: Take…it…back.

Beth: No. I'm tired of being your slave. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a challenge to complete.

Cody: Mmm. Barbecue. [chuckles] The king of chip flavors.

[Beth faces off against Heather after quitting her alliance]

Heather: I'm giving you one last chance.

Beth: Why? Because you know you can't win without your little alliance?

Heather: I can make your life miserable here!

Beth: You already do, Miss Come-Put-Lotion-On-My-Nasty-Alligator-Skin! What do I have to lose?

[Meanwhile…]

Leshawna: Two hours of sneakin' around in the woods and I haven't shot a darn thing. What kind of messed up person actually does this for fun? [suddenly hears Beth and Heather fighting]

Heather: Fine. Be all alone then, loser!

Beth: It's better than working for you!

Owen: Duncan, you sly dog, you.

Duncan: The girl can't keep her antlers off me. [Courtney angrily kicks him in the groin; pained tone] Can't even bend over.

Leshawna: [confessional] Who do I vote for? Well, Heather's been a pain in my butt from day one. But I gotta say… Cody.

If You Can't Take the Heat… [1.10]

Heather: Gwen, Lindsay, you're on the citrus macadamia upside-down-cake flambe.

Lindsay: [to Gwen] Know how to make an upside-down flamer thingy?

Owen: [slipping while carrying a crate of oranges] Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! [accidentally crushes the oranges]

Heather: [annoyed] Go back to the truck and get more oranges.

Owen: I'm on it.

Heather: Trent, you and Owen are on ribs. Leshawna and Beth, you're on pineapple skewers and mango dip.

Leshawna: Girl, let me handle the appetizers. I know how to make a pineapple chutney that would melt the socks off the devil.

Heather: Oh, really? Well, that's so great. But since I'm head-chef, we're gonna stick to my plan. And my plan is pineapples with sticks through them. Got it?

Courtney: Careful your big paws don't mash the pastry.

Duncan: Careful your uptight butt doesn't curdle the custard.

Heather: These slices are totally uneven. Switch places with Leshawna.

Leshawna: What are you talking about? They look fine to me.

Heather: Um, I didn't get to be head-chef because of poor presentation.

Leshawna: No, you got to be head-chef because you called it. And who you think you're fooling with this crispy-white-apron power trip you on?

[The Killer Bass are watching their argument]

Heather: Are you gonna be a team player or not?!

Leshawna: Ooh, I'm a team player, all right, but I'm also allergic to pineapples!

Heather: Just get slicing. Now! Thanks, guys.

Leshawna: [muttering angrily] Ooh, two-faced, bossy little… [accidentally gets pineapple allergy rash on her arms; groans in annoyance] Yo. What do you recommend I do about this?

Heather: Yo, I recommend you scratch after we win. Get back to work.

Heather: [screams in horror at her reflection in a frying pan, knowing her eyebrows were burned off] My eyebrows! Owen?!

Owen: Is it finally lunchtime?

Heather: No! Go get my makeup bag from the cabin!

Owen: But the bees…

Heather: NOW!

Leshawna: Excuse me, I need a bathroom break.

Heather: Well, evidently, I need new eyebrows, but we don't always get what we want, do we?! Ugh! It's like I'm on a team of morons/losers!

Leshawna: [confessional; having enough] Oh, that is it. Someone's gotta teach this girl a little respect.

Heather: [runs into the freezer to get her makeup bag and Leshawna closes the door, locking her inside] Hey, you can't do this, I'm head-chef!

Lindsay: Do you think Heather's really mad at us?

Heather: [furiously pounding on the other side of the door] I WILL DESTROY YOU! [starts weeping]

Leshawna: She'll get over it. Girl needs to learn how to chill.

Leshawna: [seeing Owen eaten the entire plate of ribs as she walks into the kitchen; enraged] Tell me you did not just eat that ENTIRE PLATE OF RIBS!!

Chris: What the heck is this?!

Lindsay: It's Heather's recipe. [gasps in realization shock] Oh, my gosh, she's still in the fridge! [runs into the kitchen to get Heather out of the freezer]

Leshawna: What? Girl was making everyone trip.

Chris: Oh, I hear that.

Owen: [gasps in shock as Chris cringes, seeing Heather out of the freezer] Oh, the horror!

Heather: [with her body all light-blue; shivering angrily] You guys are s-s-s-so dead! Is it over?

Chris: It is. The Bass won 21 to 12, and it's not just cause I almost died. The rib sucked/sank too. [glares at Owen]

Heather: Great! That's just great! Why do we keep losing, people?!

Who Can You Trust? [1.11]

[Heather is wrapped in a blanket, shivering and sneezing from being locked in the freezer in the previous episode]

Gwen: [smugly] Need a little echinacea?

Heather: [sarcastically] Oh, you're so funny. You think that you can just lock me up in a freezer and get away with it? I am gonna make you sorry that you ever met me.

Gwen: Too late.

Heather: You are such a-a-a… [sneezes; groans angrily] I hate this place.

Courtney: [catches Duncan stealing another coffee mug while getting a refill] I saw that! How can you just steal a mug?

Duncan: 'Cause it's cool-looking and I don't have one. [chuckles] Didn't have one, that is.

Courtney: But you might get kicked off.

Duncan: Aw, and here I thought you didn't care about me.

Courtney: We're one player short, and I don't want to lose because you feel like going all criminal on us.

Duncan: [scoffs] Whatever. You dig me.

Courtney: [groans in annoyance] Why do I even bother?

Trent: [to Lindsay; in slurred voice while being poisoned by the Fuji blowfish] I thought you said you passed Biology.

Lindsay: I said I took Biology. [disgusted] Ewww!

[Chris, Lindsay, Geoff and Bridgette surround Trent, lying on the floor, vomiting and gagging]

Chris: It's cool. Give him 24 hours and he'll be up walking and breathing, good as new. [walks off]

Geoff: Uh, is anybody gonna help this guy?

Courtney: Where am I?

Heather: You're in the infirmary. [to Chef Hatchet] Got anything for removing jellyfish?

Sadie: [after she got voted off; sharply] You know what? That's fine with me, you… marshmallow-eating freaks! [runs off to the Dock of Shame, bawling, as Courtney waves goodbye to her]

Chris: The rest of you are safe… for now.

Basic Training [1.12]

X-Treme Torture [1.13]

Heather: [confessional] I couldn't let that little dork wad win, so I decided to cut him loose. [takes out a knife from her pocket] Game over, Gumby!

Chris: As you know, if you do not recieve a marshmallow, you will be forced to walk the Dock of Shame, and you will never ever return to camp. Bridgette and DJ, you are safe. [through megaphone] Geoff! You're safe, too!

Geoff: [in Spanish] Muchos luchos, compadre!

Chris: Okay, that leaves Harold, who bailed big for reasons unknown.

Harold: [confessional] Boobies/Booyah.

Chris: And Duncan who bailed even bigger because Lindsay left his circling the drain in a shameless–

Duncan: [angrily grabs Chris by the shirt collar; through gritted teeth] The chick was determined!

Chris: Which is why you're safe.

[After Harold is eliminated…]

Geoff: Harold saw your boobies/chest?

Owen: Can we see?

Leshawna: Heck, no. [realizes] Wait a minute. [walks to the end of the dock, calling out to Harold] Whose boobies/chest did you see?! [hears Heather coming out of the Mobile Shower; angrily walks over to her] Uh-uh. Uh-uh-uh-uh-oh-oh-oh-oh! Oh, see now, you messed with the wrong sister!

Heather: Oh, please. It was a total fluke. You think I'd actually show that dweeb my boobs on purpose? [starts to run away as Leshawna chases after her]

Leshawna: [enraged] Get back here!

Brunch of Disgustingness [1.14]

Leshawna: Nobody's leaving until I find out who ate my pudding pockets!

Heather: I ate them. So what?

Leshawna: Whoa! Pump the brakes a minute! You're "so what"ing me?! That's my food. No one touches my food!

Heather: Whatever, deal with it. It serves you right for leaving your junk everywhere, especially that. [points to a purple bra hanging on the bunk bed] That is bugging me.

Leshawna: Yeah, it bugged me too, if I didn't have anything in the front or in the back to shake.

Heather: Yeah? Well, you got so much junk in your trunk, your jeans should come with a trash compactor!

Leshawna: [enraged] Ooh! You want a piece of this?!

Leshawna: [as Heather makes a taped line, diving the girls' side of the cabin in half] Yeah, that's right. You keep putting down that tape. And if you cross it, I'll smack you down!

Bridgette: [confessional] Okay, sure I've eaten tuna salad sandwiches, but I never worked out my position on eating live fish, but I had to get in good with the group.

Trent: [confessional] When I was a kid, my parents used to hold me down and force feed me broccoli. They only did it because broccoli's… [shudders] good for you.

Chris: Wow, it's still tied up! We're down to last course of the challenge. It's delicious dolphin wieners! Hot dogs made of dolphin.

Bridgette: [gasps in horrified shock] But dolphins are our friends!

Heather: What are you waiting for? It's already dead! If you don't eat it, we don't win!

Bridgette: Oh, I can't! I'm a surfer! I swim with dolphins!

Heather: EAT IT!

Bridgette: NO! I'm not doing it! You can't pressure me!

No Pain, No Game [1.15]

[Episode stars with the girls giving each other the silent treatment; Leshawna eats a bag of chips while glaring at Heather and Lindsay, reading magazines as they look at her, then looks at Gwen, writing her diary who then looks at Bridgette, cleaning her surfboard as she looks at Gwen; A fly lands on Heather's nose as she tries to smush it with her hand; Lindsay accidentally smacks her in the face with her magazine, trying to kill the fly]

Lindsay: Oops.

Heather: [angrily] Lindsay, you are a total… [covers her mouth when a yacht horn blows]

[A yacht pulls up, carrying the guys back from their spa resort]

Duncan: What a weekend!

Owen: Ooh-wee! Oh, sweet mother of mirth. You can't buy that kind of fun.

Duncan: I think Owen and DJ took a real shine to those lovely ladies who served us hand and foot.

DJ: Hello, the spa treatments? My alligator elbows, totally gone.

Owen: Ooh, like velvet.

Leshawna: [confessional; annoyed] Psh. Those should have been my alligator elbows getting the hand and foot treatment.

Search and Do Not Destroy [1.16]

Hide and Be Sneaky [1.17]

Lindsay: I am so glad they included grape-tastic pop in your reward last night, Heather! It's totally my favorite. It's the only thing I've really been craving on the island.

Heather: [enraged] I cannot believe that Leshawna shredded my clothes! She is so gonna pay for this!

Lindsay: Well, you did steal Gwen's boyfriend. That's pretty major.

That's Off the Chain! [1.18]

Hook, Line, and Screamer [1.19]

Wawanakwa Gone Wild! [1.20]

Trial by Tri-Armed Triathlon [1.21]

Haute Camp-ture [1.22]

Chris: Welcome to Playa de Losers! The all-inclusive luxury resort where our campers are sent after being brutally voted out of the game to lick their wounds and accept their fate as reality-show has-beens. When we are down to the two final competitors... their fate will be in the hands of these 17 losers!

Cody: After I got my body cast off and the stitches removed, I started to realize this place is pretty sweet.

Trent: Yo, Cody, need some sunscreen? You're looking a bit pink, dude.

Cody: No, thanks. I'm trying to get a tan. It attracts the ladies.

Courtney: I don't care how nice this place is. I'm not supposed to be here. After I was kicked off, I found out exactly what went on the night I was eliminated. [flashback to Harold switching the votes to eliminate her, getting vengeance on Duncan] It was all Harold's fault! I should be in the final five right now! When I find that little twerp, I'm going to grab hold of him and wring his skinny, awkward, little neck! You hear me, Harold?! I know you're hiding around here somewhere! He has to come out sometime, and when he does, he is going to get it!

Harold: Okay, I guess what I did to Courtney was pretty heinous. It's just that Duncan wouldn't stop bugging me and stuff.

Eva: Heather can kiss my butt! It's all her fault I'm stuck in this place! She's a scum-sucking, backstabbing witch and I'm going to enjoy watching her go down!

Chris: Wow, tell us how you really feel.

Eva: I just did.

Izzy: Okay, well, I think Heather is a total psycho.

Courtney: Heather is a formidable competitor, but I can't say I approve of her tactics. I mean, reading Gwen's diary in front of the whole world? So uncalled for.

Harold: Heather was definitely the scariest female on the island, but I'm sure I can handle her. [bushes rustle next to him] Did you hear something?

Courtney: There you are, you little traitor!

DJ: Duncan? Man, that is one tough dude. I saw him wrestle a grizzly bear to the ground.

Harold: Duncan? I hate that guy. He made me pee my pants. He drew on my face with a marker. He strung my underwear up a flagpole, put hot sauce in them, and fed them to me for lunch in an underwear sandwich! He's beyond annoying. Idiot!

Bridgette: Duncan's not as tough as he seems. Courtney told me he has a sweet side to him.

Bridgette: I think Gwen's really cool. Her and Leshawna were so nice to me when we merged teams. I'd vote for either of them to win.

Camp Castaways [1.23]

Are We There Yeti? [1.24]

I Triple Dog Dare You! [1.25]

The Very Last Episode, Really! [1.26]

Special

Total Drama Drama Drama Drama Island

Chris: I introduce the winner of Total Drama Island as the youngest of 3 brothers, Owen.

Katie: Justin’s taking a long time.

Sadie: Let’s play Magic Square.

Katie: Oh, okay! Who will Katie hook up with tonight? Justin! Yay!

Sadie: Justin? But he has a crush on me!

Katie: Says who?

Sadie: Says the magic square! Watch! Who is Justin crushing on? Sadie!

Katie: [gasps] You fully stole him from me!

Sadie: Um, earth to Katie. I can’t steal someone who isn’t yours!

Katie: Um, earth to traitor. Just because Billy Carlisle liked me better in fourth grade?

Sadie: He did not like you better! You gave him your PB&J sandwich so he’d ask you to the dance! If I had PB&J that day or even just a P, he’d have taken me!

Katie: [gasps] That is it! We are so done as friends! [storms off]

Sadie: I don’t care because I’m SO much more done than you are! [storms off as well]

Eva: Watch it! It's a trap!

Noah: Justin. The anti-me. So we meet again.

Izzy: Whatever you guys do, don't look him in the eyes! He has powers.

Justin: Give me the case.

Izzy: Back off, really hot guy!

Justin: I didn't want to have to do this, but you leave me no choice. (Takes off his shirt)

Harold: Me and Leshawna can move together to my mom's basement when we turn thirty.

Izzy: [confessional] I scared my grandpa so badly that he wet his pants one time.

Chris: So, you lost the case! Way to go! I didn't wanna have to do this! But, since none of the 14 of you officially won, you officially tie!

[Cody, Tyler, Noah, Ezekiel, Courtney, Katie, Sadie and Eva arrived on the docks very late]

Chris: As for the rest of you, your treasure hunt ends here! Along with all your hopes of ever winning any money off of being on this show. The good news though, you'll be watching all the action of season 2 from the sidelines!

Courtney: Wait a minute! I wanna be on season 2!

Chris: [To Courtney] Tut-tut-tut-tut. Fine print.

Courtney: [Confessional, furious about not qualifying for season 2] Oh, That is it! If they thought they knew they were in trouble before, they're in huge trouble now!

Chris: In exactly 2 days, you will all report to a brand new location for a whole new challenge and the last one standing will receive $1,000,000! So don't forget to tune in to Total Drama Action!

Audition Tapes

Ezekiel

Ezekiel: Is it on? Okay. Watch this guys! I'm gonna bag me a big old moose! [blows a kazoo] Mom? Mom?! Oh shoot! I'm sorry!

Eva

Eva: 57, 58, 59, 60. You see that? I'm the only girl in school who can do more than 10 pull-ups. So whatever you can throw at me I can handle it. Hey! You're dead! Do you hear me?! So, if you want a strong competitor who gets along with everyone pick me. You can edit this right? Awesome. Thanks.

Noah

Noah: Hey I'm Noah. You may not know me but you will because I'm going places. See? I got a plan.

Joey: Hey Noah! Way to go on winning class president! You deserve it, man!

Noah: Thanks, Joey. See? I got smarts and that's what wins in the end. Trust me. I got this one in the bag.

Justin

Voice: Justin. Justin. Justin.

Tyler

Tyler: What you need on this show is a real athlete, and I'm your man! Yeah, baby! Catch this action!

Izzy's First Audition

Izzy: Okay, so there are some things you should know about me. Um, I'm really loyal, and I'm like so smart you have no idea. Maybe even a genius. And the thing I'm best at is, I'm awesome at twirling fire batons! Okay you ready? Okay!

[Izzy twirls the fire baton until she throws it up to the ceiling, the fire sprinklers came on]

Izzy: Oops! Okay, should not do that indoors. Sorry mom!

Cody

Cody: (rapping) Girl, you know it's true, you make me feel so blue! When you don't come around, I was lost and now I'm found! Come on-

Cody's Dad: [calling offscreen] Cody! What did I tell you about making all that noise?!

Cody: [calling] Sorry, Dad! [to the camera] He just doesn't get it. I'm gonna be a superstar one day. Even bigger-

Beth

Beth: Skater boys are cool, yeah, yeah. Wanna be with you, yeah, yeah. Can you hear? Call me! Cause I'll be there for you, call me! For, uh, you, yeah. And when you call me-

Beth's Dad: Beth? Beth?! What's all the racket up there?!

Beth: Nothing! One day, I'm gonna be a star. You'll see. They'll all see.

Courtney

Courtney: Vote for Courtney. Hi. Vote for Courtney. Oh, hi. So as you know I'm running for student council president. And if I win, I'll be the youngest one ever at this school. If you pick me for your new show, I promise I'll conduct myself with integrity, honor, and I'll get two new pop machines for the cafeteria. Oh, [bleep]. I just mixed up the two speeches. Can we start over? What do you mean no?

Tom: I mean I've got to get to gym class.

Courtney: You promised you take my audition for Total Drama Island, Tom. Look. Just give me the camera. Give it to me. Oh. You are so not going to be my secretary if I win. Vote for Courtney.

External links

Wikipedia

Wikipedia has an article about:

Total Drama Island