Total Drama Action

television series

Seasons: 1: Island 2: Action 3: World Tour 4: Revenge of the Island 5: All-Stars and Pahkitew Island | Main

Total Drama Action is the second season of Total Drama.

EpisodesEdit

Monster Cash [2.01]Edit

Chris: Last season on Total Drama Island, Owen and Gwen battled it out for $100,000! In the end, Owen, a super-sized guy one this super-sized check but then gave it up for a chance to win 1,000,000 Big Ones! With the million big ones smacked into a briefcase, our 22 campers set off on the race, for the case! Until the case was eaten by an alligator, and then a shark. [laughs] I betcha they didn't see that one coming! Now the 14 who were the closest to winning are given a chance to win ANOTHER Million Dollars! [chuckles] Actually, it's the same money. They've been instructed to report to an old film lot for a whole new set of Challenges! 14 Days, 14 Castmates, one heck of a lot of Cash! Welcome to, Total, Drama, ACTION!

[the 14 contestants who we're tied from last season's finale get dropped off at a film lot.]
Duncan: Man, I miss the smell of the city.
[everyone else got off the bus.]
Heather: [with her new wig] Step off!
Gwen: You step off!
[Both growl at each other, before falling off the bus and Gwen runs into Harold and Harold runs into Leshawna]
Harold: Ow! Sorry, Leshawna!
Leshawna: No harm done! [the bus drove away] Where is everybody?
Gwen: Uh. Maybe we got off at the wrong stop.
Justin: That broken-down bus only had one stop.
Heather: I'm not hanging around here.
Leshawna: You're gonna give up the chance at a Million Big-Ones. That's a lot of hair-weaves.
Heather: Guess I can stay for a bit.
Beth: Face it. The money's the reason we all put up with Chris.
Trent: Beth, you got your braces off. Nice!
Justin: Hot as ever.
Leshawna: [pulled Justin away from Beth] You look Fi-I-I-ne, girl!
Gwen: You really do!
Lindsay: You're totally on your way to looking the part of my new BFF! That's my new best French friend. I'm so moving to France when I win.
Beth: My mom said my world would totally open up when I got my braces off! She was right! I'M going to France!
Lindsay and Beth: Yay!
[suddenly, Chris drives up in a cart.]
Duncan: Dude! It's about time!
Chris: Hop on, Everyone! C'mon, people! Sheesh! We haven't got all day! This cart's rented by the hour!
Owen: Izzy! Run! [Izzy whistles] I mean, Kaleidoscope.
E-Scope: No one leaves E-Scope behind! [Tarzan yell]

Chris: Welcome to the set of Total Drama Action! This season's hottest reality show will be shot here on an abandoned film lot.
Lindsay: [gasps] Does this mean we're going to be in the movies?
Chris: No, it means you're going to be on TV. And don't interrupt me. Ever! [flicks finger on Lindsay's nose]
Lindsay: Oops! Sorry.
Chris: You'll be spending the next 6 weeks here. Competing against each other in challenges and for rewards. All for the chance to win some monster cash.
Owen: Yeah baby, I'm going to win some moolah!
Chris: Sheesh! Like last season, one team will win and the other team will watch one of their own make their way down the dreaded Walk of Shame to the Lame-o-sine [rolls up window]
[Lame-o-sine causes dust to spread on the trolley, everybody chokes and coughs]
Trent: Could you have sprung for a better ride?
Chris: [rolls down the window] No. Now since we don't have the outhouse to dump your deepest darkest secrets in, you'll dish the dirt in our new makeup confessional.

[when the monster is not able to carry Owen]
Owen: [in confessional] Boy, am I ever glad I didn't go on that diet! [laughs] Being big can really have its advantages. You know, like, uhh, when you're trying not to, uhh, be captured by an animatronic monster for example. That's just off the top of my head.

Trent: [to Owen, who finally arrives at the cast trailers] It took you ten and a half hours to walk three city blocks?
DJ: That's just sad, man.
[Owen pulls a pin out of nowhere and uses it to pop the bounce house]
Duncan: How come no one thought of doing that last night? [everyone groans]
Leshawna: [after getting freed from the jumping castle] Wait! Where's Izzy?
[the monster returns and drops off Izzy, stepping on a trailer in the process]
Izzy: Thanks for the date, baby! Don't ever leave me, cause I'd find you!
[Owen glares with jealousy]
Duncan: How did you manage to escape?
Izzy: Monster and I had a romantic date. He doesn't take no for an answer. Mm-hmm. Pretty crazy, can't even tell you guys.

Owen: [arrives] Let's get this speed-eating contest started! On your marks, get set, [runs off] come to papa!
Chris: No way! [Owen eats all the food on the table and mumbles after he finishes all of it. Chris comes up to Owen, after watching him eat everything in the craft services tent] Owen, the man of many appetites. How was it?
Owen: The turkey was a bit-- [burps] --dry.
Chris: Not surprising, since the food was fake.
Owen: Fake?
Chris: Yep! Just props made from foamcore, silicone, sawdust and wax. It wasn't a speed eating contest. It was a contest to find the key.
Owen: What key? [burps out a key] Oh! You mean this key?
Chris: That'd be the one.
Owen: Does this mean I win?
Chris: Yes. Yes, it does.
Owen: Alright!
Duncan: [confessional; laughing] Did you see that? The dude ate foamcore and wax! Full props for that, man. [continues laughing]
Geoff: [confessional] Way to find the key, dude! I used to think Owen was just some party dude, but he's really a stand up guy. Party on!
Harold: [confessional] I could have done that, you know. I just wasn't hungry.
Owen: [confessional] No, wait, wait, wait, wait! There's still one more! [burps very loudly]
Leshawna: [confessional] You know what that boy has? Guts! Guts full of foamcore and rubber. But guts still the same.
[Owen is still lying on the table after gorging down faux foods and Sees Chef about to give him a dissolvable indigestion stimulator]
Owen: Oh, don't worry. I'm good. [laughs] My mom says I got a gut like a goat's. [bowel movement noise] Nope, call 911.
Chris: [walks over to Owen] You're gonna need it, since you're the winner, you get first pick of the trailers. [the teens cheer]

Owen: [while choosing the trailer] I choose... the squashed one! [all the boys argue] What? It has more character!
Girls: [cheer until the monster squashes their trailer; they groan]

Alien Resur-eggtion [2.02]Edit

Chef: [chasing Heather] This is for last season when you put laxatives in my brownies! The only thing that should give people the runs is my under-cooked meat! [shoots Heather with the paintball gun and her wig falls off]
Heather: My wig! [She jumps to grab it but it was too late] No! Don't look at me! [Confessional] Ever since my head was shaved last season, my hair is growing in all patchy and uneven. I have tried everything. Lotions, lasers, traditional Burmese medicine, [she sips from her cup but ends up spitting out the medicine in disgust and throws the cup to the side] Loser shamin'!

Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to Trent, Gwen, Harold, Duncan and Izzy.
E-Scope: E-scope!
Chris: Fine! E-Scope! Lindsay, Justin and Beth are also safe!
Both: [Hugs Justin] Yay!
Chris: And so is Owen, my man!
Owen: Aww. Thanks, Chris! And thanks Chef! For doing what the prunes couldn't!
Chris: Next is DJ, surprisingly Heather and last but not least... [Bridgette, Geoff and LeShawna are the bottom three] LeShawna!
LeShawna: Whoo-Hoo! [Hugs Bridgette and Geoff] Oops! My bad!
[Geoff and Bridgette had their first elimination that consisted of a double elimination, in which the two castmates with the highest number of votes would be eliminated.]
Bridgette: But, But. I thought everyone liked us.
Duncan: Liked being the operative word. [Confessional] I know exactly who's going to get it this week! [mimics Bridgette and Geoff kissing]
Lindsay: [Confessional] Two words! Bridgette and Geoff!
DJ: [Confessional] Least they'll have each other!
Chris: Any final words?
[Bridgette and Geoff continue to make out, much to some of the contestants' disgust, and they continue to make out as they head for the Lame-O-Sine]

[Exclusive clip: Geoff and Bridgette are at the Lame-o-sine after their elimination]
Geoff: Who gets kicked off a show for making out anyway?
Bridgette: It's not like we weren't serious about the game. We so-so we're weren't we?
Geoff: Yeah. Well, money isn't everything.
Bridgette: Says who?
Geoff: Money doesn't bring happiness.
Bridgette: Really. What does?
Geoff: My mom's mac and cheese?
Bridgette: That ridiculous!
Geoff: You're ridiculous!
Bridgette: I can't believe I blew a million bucks for you!
Geoff: Oh, worth, woo. [Bridgette gasps as she and Geoff start to kiss] I'm sorry.
Bridgette: I'm sorry.
Geoff: I love you.

Riot on Set [2.03]Edit

[Gwen and Trent begin choosing their teammates for their teams]
Chris: Okay, let’s get this bloodbath started. You’re gonna choose schoolyard style. Boy, girl, boy, girl. Ladies first. Since we have no ladies here, Gwen.
Gwen: [sighs] I dunno. Duncan?
Trent: [gasps; Confessional] I can’t believe she just went ahead and chose Duncan! I mean, they’re kind of alike. And now she wants to be on the same team? What am I supposed to make of that? You think you know a person! I choose the beautiful Lindsay!
Lindsay: Yay!
Gwen: [confessional] “The beautiful”? What, was Trent trying to tick me off by picking Lindsay like that? You think you know a person. [End confessional] Because I like to keep things cool, I pick Leshawna.
Leshawna: The girls are back in town!
Lindsay: [gasps] You know what would be so great? If you picked Tyler!
Trent: Tyler’s not in the game anymore.
Lindsay: [disappointed] Seriously? Bummer.
Trent: I choose Justin.
Gwen: Oh. Pick all the good looking contestants. That’ll get you far.
Trent: It will in show biz.
Gwen: [growls] DJ.
Trent: Beth.
Leshawna: Remember, keep your enemies closer.
Gwen: No. Really? You don’t mean... Fine. We choose Heather.
Heather: Really? [Confessional] It’s about time someone realized who’s the most valuable player here. I mean, seriously, people.
Trent: [Confessional] How do you choose between flakier and flakiest? At least Owen got farther in the last game, that’s worth something. Dude, I don’t know. I had to pick someone. I choose Owen.
Owen: Woohoo! [high fives Trent]
Harold: Uh, hello? Don’t wicked skills count for anything? I mean, who else here went to film camp and is fully trained as a junior cinematographer with a thorough knowledge of lighting filters, film stop–
Gwen: I pick Harold. If for no other reason but to shut him up.
Harold: Wise choice.
Gwen: There were no other guys left.
Harold: Still.
Trent: Um, I guess Izzy is on my team then. Izzy?
[E-Scope ignores and whistles]
Lindsay: She likes to be called Kaleidoscope.
Trent: [sighs] Oh, right. E-Scope?
E-Scope (Izzy): Here! Hi!
Chris: Gwen, I christen your team, The Screaming Gaffers. Trent, you’re the Killer Grips.
Beth: Grip? I-I don’t wanna be a grip.
Heather: Please. It’s not like being called a gaffer is something to brag about. It sounds like something that has rabies.

Izzy: Oh, please. Let me do it! It's gotta be me. I've got an old soul! I'm like, eighty-seven years old on the inside, because I've been reincarnated, like a bunch of times! Actually, I'm the reincarnation of my very own Granny Mavis! [Scottish accent] Aye there, laddie! You spilled a wee bit of haggis on yer kilt! And I can tell ya, all the lots are risin' up to the claw!
All: Okay, fine!

Lindsay: Your makeup, gorgeous! And now, I'm gonna make you really feel like an old lady!
(crack)
Izzy: I feel like eighty years have already passed since they've started to adjust the lighting!
Beth: Don't move.
Izzy: Oh, don't worry. I can't. My legs are totally asleep!
Owen: Could I get that last line again?
Izzy: My legs are asleep! (Owen screams)

[E-Scope got eliminated because she lost the acting challenge for her team.]
Chris: ...Izzy! Time to go.
E-Scope: I'm not going anywhere. That's not my name.
Chris: Can I get a pen, over here? [is given a pen and writes on the results] It says "E-Scope, now, okay? [E-Scope nods] Yo, guys, wanna make sure we keep this ballot in the files as an official record of Kaleidoscope's departure? I'll notarize it. Foresight, that's why they pay me the big bucks!

Izzy: [in Lame-o-sine after her elimination] Woo! I feel so alive! I'm the Izzy E-Scope! I can kick backsides on reality programs! I can tie my ankles together and do back flips down an up escalator! Wanna see! [camera nods] Well then, we will have to go someplace with a up escalator, won't we? Yes, when Hollywood starts calling, E-Scope will have a lot a things on the special skills portion of her resume! [goes down the the floor of the car] I just made myself invisible! Can we stop for banana milkshakes and cheese? Oh, oh, oh, oh! Let's go some place with an up escalator! Do you know what I mean!? Woo!

Beach Blanket Bogus [2.04]Edit

Duncan: [laughs at Trent for falling for his unscrewed salt shaker prank] Ah, sorry for the morning assalt!
Gwen: [slaps Duncan in the back of the head] 3rd grade called: You're due back in class.
Trent: Real mature. Don't you know it's bad luck to spill salt? [tosses salt over shoulders, and ends up hitting Heather in the face and she screams] Nothing a little pepper won't fix. [the pepper shaker top comes loose as well, and spills all over his eggs. Trent tosses pepper over his shoulder, once again ends up hitting Heather in the face. She goes into a sneezing fit and runs away screaming]
Duncan: [laughing] Ah, you still gonna finish those eggs, bro? [eats a piece of Trent's eggs]
Trent: [upset] Are you nuts? Now I only have eight pieces left!
Duncan: Am I nuts? Dude, you are officially capital "W" weird.
Gwen: [comforts Trent from behind] Which is good, because I happen to really like weird. [eats a piece of Trent's eggs] Now you have seven, which is an odd number again. Isn't that kinda better?
Trent: Abso-Gwen-ly.

Lindsay: [freezing] When did you guys move the beach to Antarctica?
Chris: [wearing winter clothing] As some of you can see, we're actually in the shooting studio.
Duncan: [freezing] And the AC's cranked because...?
Chris: All the cameras and lights get so hot, they can melt Chef's heart. [Chef smiles and waves] And the network told my agent sweaty isn't a good look for me. Your first challenge: hang ten this deck into the big blue without swallowing tail in the soup.
Leshawna: [aggravated] What did you just ask me to do?
Trent: He means whoever stays on the surfboard the longest wins.

Lindsay: Yay! Go Justin!
Beth: Yeah! Go!
Lindsay: Copycat.
Beth: Tan-orexic. [gasps in horror at what she said] Sorry! Friendship bracelet?
Chris: [staring at Justin posing on the surfboard] So... perfect... Almost makes me believe in the inherent goodness of the human race... [loads seagull firing gun] Almost.
Beth: [as Chris loads the seagull gun] Justin! [in confessional] I wanted to tell him he looked like a surfing god. Instead, I said... [the camera cuts back to Beth at the challenge] Your face! Watch your beautiful face!

Owen: [as Gwen and Duncan hug in celebration of his winning surfing challenge] Man, Gwen's team is unstoppable!
Trent: Try unstable. A ticking time-bomb of betrayal. We have to stop them!
Owen: With what? A freight train? Toot-toot!
Trent: [tapping the friendship bracelet to his head] 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
Owen: Exsqueeze me?
Trent: [repeats] 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9.
Owen: Uh, your secret weapon is being weird?
Trent: If being weird brings us good luck, then yeah. I'm weird. Besides, Gwen likes weird.
Chris: [to the camera] If you at home like weird, you'll love what's coming up next!
Trent: I'm telling you, sometimes being weird is cool.
Chris: [shaking his head] Delusional. So sad.

Trent: [naming the Killer Grips sand castle] I dub thee... Casa Gwen!
Gwen: Now he's naming buildings after me?! I think Trent might be obsessed!
Trent: Nine moats... nine flags... [chuckles] nine wicked jam rooms...
Gwen: At least his number nine obsession is even worse than the me one.
Duncan: Four letters in your name, five letters in Trent. Put 'em together and you get...
Gwen: [startled] Nine! He can't be doing everything nine times just for me!
Harold: Dude always does everything nine times. And I reckon it started when he figured out you might like him.
Trent: [counts the number of waves he gives Gwen] 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9!
[Gwen waves back nervously]
Duncan: Could say, uh, you sent him to Cloud Nine. [chuckles until Gwen shoves him hard on the arm]

3:10 to Crazytown [2.05]Edit

LeShawna: [Confessional, her hair poofs up] Darn! Humidity! Whatcha think you're looking at! Nothing to see here!

LeShawna: Uh, Chris! You are gonna send someone to help DJ, right?
Chris: [laughs].
[The screen paused]

[Heather and LeShawna are assigned to break the tie]
LeShawna: After you, teammate!
[Heather and LeShawna pull themselves together and they climb the ladder.]
LeShawna:
Heather:
[Heather continues climbing with LeShawna following behind.]
LeShawna: At least I have hair!
Heather: Your afro is so big, it has it own gravity!
LeShawna: Oh. I'll give you gravity! [pushes Heather off the board, but, holds on to LeShawna and the two girls fall]
Gwen: Where'd they go?
Chris: Not there! Way up there!
[Heather and LeShawna are hanging by a weather vane]

[Trent got eliminated because Justin heard that he was throwing challenges for Gwen and told Gwen that she owed them. Gwen then requested the team to vote him off]
Trent: [after he got eliminated] What? This has to be a mistake!
Chris: Trent, it’s time to go.
Trent: But I can’t leave without saying goodbye to Gwen!
Chris: Yo, Chef? A little help here?
Trent: [gets carried by Chef] Gwen! [gets dropped off the limo]
Chris: 3:10 to Crazytown. Trent is now aboard.
Gwen: Did you call me in here just to make me feel bad?
Chris: Yes, yes we did.
Gwen: Well it worked.
Chris: My work here is done.

Trent: [in Lame-o-sine after his elimination] So, it really stinks that I gotta go. I thought, this season, I'd go all the way, with Gwen. Things with Gwen and I were great. You know that sweet spot on the sofa? The one you spent years carving? That's how Gwen felt to me. Things got a little nuts. Okay, I got nuts. Liking Gwen made me crazy. Crazy enough to lose a million bucks. I guess the Grips are better off without me. UH! [bangs his head against the wall] Think my forehead needs a bit of time to heal.

Aftermath I [2.06]Edit

Bridgette: Aww, poor Trent, right? What happened to him is just so wrong.
Sadie: We felt so terrible for Trent. Like, he went nuttier than my sister's peanut allergy. [waves to the camera] Hi, Cindy!
Katie: But he's still super cute! I barf a little in my mouth every time I think of what happened to him.
Sadie: Oh my gosh, me too! [barfs a little in her mouth]'
Geoff: [disturbed] Uh... okay. Cool. Uh, thanks for that.

Izzy: [waves to camera] Hi, everyone out there in TV land! [scans audience until she sees a familiar face] Graham Cracker! That's my old boyfriend, Graham! He got a restraining order against me last year. Remember that, Graham? So funny! Okay, we were in the courtroom and judge was all like, [impersonates judge] "You will not come within two hundred meters of the plaintiff or you shall suffer the consequences of this courtroom!" [regular laugh] The long distance was hard. But we made it work. By the way Graham, you should get new blinds for your room. What are they made of, lead? I couldn't see a thing with my binoculars. [giggles] Miss you, Graham Cracker! [pulls a cracker from her top] I'm totally into crackers right now. They're just so flaky! [giggles and eats the cracker]

Bridgette: What went through your head after being voted off?
Izzy: When you realize you're not getting a Gilded Chris Award, well... I can't lie to you. [cringes and suffers]
Bridgette: Wow! It's that painful to remember?
Izzy: No, I just can't lie to you! [points to her neck] I was outfitted with a lie deterrent microchip that emits shock waves at the first hint of dishonesty. That's a really nice top, Bridge. [gets shocked and then giggles]

Bridgette: Trent was such a stand-up guy. He did not deserve what happened, right?
Sadie: Oh, totally not.
Bridgette: And all because of Gwen.
Geoff: Whoa, back up, Bridge. Couples break up; it wasn't Gwen's fault.
Bridgette: Trent lost out on a million bucks because of Gwen.
Geoff: So, Gwen went behind Trent's back and told his team to vote him off, that doesn't mean...[hears the audience gasp in shock] Whoa, what?
Trent: [backstage, having just heard what Geoff said] Awww man, what?! Are you kidding? Gwen did what?! This is a joke, right?
Geoff: Whoa... did someone not tell the dude?

Geoff: Trent isn't innocent in this. What about the time he kissed Heather? Gwen was totally wrecked. Remember?
Sadie: [gasps] I remember! Trent totally cheated on Gwen, first season.
Bridgette: That was Heather's fault. She tricked Trent into kissing her.
Geoff: A dude hardly needs to be tricked into kissing the hottest chick on the show. [the audience, Izzy, Katie, Sadie, and Bridgette gasp at what Geoff said] What?
Bridgette: I cannot believe you just said Heather was the hottest girl on the show!

The Chefshank Redemption [2.07]Edit

Chris: Could it be the Grips?
[Lindsay, Justin, Owen and Beth are sitting on the bench]
Owen: Hey! We heard that!
Beth: It could still happen! We're not losers!

Owen: I love you guys! I promise I'll never ever blow another morning- [farts] Starting now! [farts again] I mean now! [green steam comes up from the vent in the boy's trailer]

[Owen's attempting to reach the trailer's air duct]
Harold: Owen you'll never fit.
Owen: I can try my best.
Harold: It's not about trying, it's just a scientific fact.
Justin: [screams] A hang mail!
Harold: No time, Justin! Climb! Climb! There'd be a lot more to climb if Mount DJ was here.
Duncan: Where is DJ anyway?

[Izzy emerges from the soil and returns to the game]
Screaming Gaffers: Kaleidoscope?!
Izzy: Yip! Yip! Yip!
Duncan: Yep, I'd say that's her.
Izzy: Yep! I've been living underground amongst the prairie dogs. [an angry prairie dog emerges from her hair, growling] Aw, Butchie, it's okay. These are my friends.

Izzy: Follow me! I know a shortcut to the finish-place.
Gwen: [nervously] A shortcut?!
Heather: Isn't it great, Gwen? We're totally going to win, Gwen!

Izzy: Alright, Killer Grips! [laughs] High Five!
Lindsay: But, we voted you off.
Izzy: Uh-uh! You voted off Kaleidoscope.

Owen: If you were food, you'd be dessert! Chocolate covered chocolate with chocolate sauce and sprinkles...[laughs]...chocolate ones!!!
Izzy: [laughs] That is so nice, Owen! You're a banana split with, like, twenty six bananas and a whole lotta "split"! Yeah! Too funny.

[Gwen got eliminated because she threw the challenge and voted herself off in order to repay the Killer Grips for when Trent was throwing challenges for her]
Chris: Time's up! I'll tell you the votes! Duncan, Leshawna, DJ, and Harold. Another award and one day to compete. Tonight's final Gilded Chris and another chance at the million goes to... Heather!
Heather: [to Gwen] Sorry, Gwen, you're not the winner. You lost, so you're a loser. It's just logic!
Leshawna: [in confessional] Voting for Gwen? Yeah, that hurt. I'm not saying Heather was right, but something must have gone on for Gwen, smacking Harold upside his sweet, little head like that. Girl wasn't right, and when you're not right, YOU'RE WRONG.
Harold: [in confessional] Thing is, if Gwen had stayed in the game; according to prison rules, I'd either have to break a shovel over her head or fall in love with her. Obviously, neither option was feasible.
Heather: [in confessional] My vote plus Leshawna and Harold's equals the greatest day of my life. Bye bye, Gwenny!
[Chef puts handcuffs on Gwen]
Chef: Dead girl walking!
Duncan: Leave her, take me!
Chef: Sure, whatever. [Chef takes handcuffs off Gwen]
Duncan: What? Wait, wait! Okay, I didn't actually mean...
Gwen: [takes handcuffs out of Chef's hands] Nice try, Duncan. You're not getting off that easy. Good luck, eh? [in confessional] Definition of lousy: being a stickler for your word and having to vote yourself off. [looks and points upwards] Whoever's in charge of karma, I hope that counts for something!
Chris: [shown looking like he is beaten up] Folks are getting feisty! Voting yourself off may win you a few 'karma points', but they do lose you a million bucks. Check... you... later.

Gwen: [in the Lame-o-sine after her elimination] Guess I'm not going to get my necklace back from Trent. Oh, well. Guess that's karma for you. (sighs) I'm so relieved that this whole thing is all over! Is that... Trent!? Hurry up, driver! Can we please shut this off now? Aftershow? There's an aftershow!? Oh, you've got to be kidding! [tries to open the door] Let me out of here!

One Flu Over the Cuckoos [2.08]Edit

Harold: [confessional] He's a worthless punk, or my name isn't Harold Norbert Cheever Doris McGrady, the fifth. [gasps upon realizing that he said his full name] Please don't tell Duncan about the Doris part!

Owen: Hey! You know what my brothers and me did once? We had a no hands pizza off! [laughs] You should've been there!
Izzy: Let's pretend I was... here!
[Izzy jumps off her chair, gets on her hands and knees, and begins tearing into one of the pizzas]
Owen: You're magnificent.
[Izzy eats pizza with no hands and goes overboard]
Lindsay: My hair!
Justin: My pecs!
Owen: My pizza!

Izzy: [confessional] I am so glad to be back! I was top of my pre-med class before the RCMP started chasing me, so this should be a snap! And Owen is just the sweetest thing ever! If he were a candy bar, he'd taste just like caramel covered marshmallows.
Owen: [confessional] It's so sweet to have Izzy back! It's like Christmas, but with pizza! [laughs] It's Pizz-mas!

Duncan: This pie is rad! Who knew Chef could rock the za!?
Harold: Aren't you having any, Leshawna? [Leshawna looks up from her reading]
Leshawna: [confessional] I love pizza, but me and dairy do not agree, and, brother, you do not wanna be around for that.
Duncan: Well, [grabs another slice] no pizza for Leshawna, means more for the rest of us.
Harold: Hey, slow down, DJ hasn't had any.
Heather: Where is DJ?
DJ: [sneaks into the mess hall from the kitchen after making the pizzas] I've been here the whole time, obviously. Now, hand me some pie. [Duncan throws a slice to him, he holds under his breath after tasting it] Man, I am good.
Leshawna: Hmph. Well, I'm not gonna just sit around and watch y'all eat. Tomorrow's a Reward Challenge. No need to bust our humps when no one's getting kicked off.
Duncan: [puts down book] Lady has a point. I'm out.
Heather: [in confessional] I could have forced them to stay, but it's not like they'll help us win. I mean, medical terms? Please. Those two would only come in handy if the challenge is about piercings or plus-size shopping.
[Duncan and Leshawna are talking outside the mess hall]
Leshawna: Now that Gwen's gone, we gotta watch our backs around Heather. I was thinking, what if you, me, and Harold form an alliance?
Duncan: [laughs] What, you, and me, and Harold!? In an alliance!? [laughs uncontrollably]
Leshawna: I'm serious!
Duncan: [walks away] Yeah, yeah, whatever.

Heather: Wow, you actually do have a heart.
Duncan: I vote for Leshawna to win the reward.
[Leshawna cries and says stuff, and then interns take her to the limo]

The Sand Witch Project [2.09]Edit

DJ: Maybe it's time to stop cheating. Being in this alliance with you? It makes me feel all kinds of wrong inside!
Chef: This is not about right or wrong, son. It's about you and me winning that cool mil!

LeShawna: Since when does Chef interfere in challenges? Smells kinda funny to me.
Harold: Oh, that's me. Sorry. I was saving them for later.
Justin: You guys gotta let me be the killer! The mask offers good protection for my beautiful face!
Izzy: Okay, I am such the better scarier. My own dog is terrified of me, okay?
Owen: But you're cute as a bug in a rug!
Lindsay: Hey, you guys? Um, Beth?
Justin: Later, Lindsay. I wanna be the killer, okay? And that's it.
Izzy: But look at my scary face! [babbles]
Owen: D'aw, that's not scary, that's adorable.
[Izzy growls]
Owen: This is a scary face.
Lindsay: Beth is going to be our serial killer and that is that! Beth's a non-screamer. We have to have her as the killer or we're going down!

[Chef appears with a chainsaw and Duncan, Heather and DJ screamed, with DJ fainting.]
Chris: Well. It looks like the well known Screaming Gaffers have won this one, seeing as they bury the needle. Join us after the break to see if DJ's still alive. DJ! Come in, DJ!

DJ’s Mother: [in DJ's dream] Mama hates a cheater, Devon Joseph! I’m very disappointed in you, poopy-doo.

[The Killer Grips are at the ceremony after they lost the challenge]
Chris: And now, fraidy-cat Grips, it's time to announce who will not win a Gilded Chris this week! Who deserves to go home bitterly disappointed, tears in their eyes? [Chef, with a glare, gave Chris a slip of paper] And the Gilded Chrises go to Izzy, Beth, Owen. Still on the chopping block, Lindsay and Justin.
Lindsay: What? I can't be going. Why would people be mad at me? Beth?
Beth: You were a little… bossy.
Lindsay: Hello! It’s called leadership.
Chris: And the final Gilded Chris goes to…
[Lindsay was about to be voted off, but DJ announced that he was quitting the game out of guilt for the secret alliance he had with Chef Hatchet]
DJ: STOP! I'm gonna do what I've should've done long ago. Make mama proud. I'm voting myself off.
Chef: DJ! [laughs sheepishly] Why don't you and I have a chat before you do anything stupid!
DJ: No, Chef! I'm not listening to you anymore! Chef and me, we had an illegal alliance. [Everyone gasped upon hearing this] He's been tutoring me and tuff, coaching me through the challenges. I'll miss you all!
Owen: Wait. Wait. Wait. You've been cooking all the delicious food. The pizza, the cheesecake, the sandwiches.
Duncan: Dude! You can't leave!
Justin: [The Killer Grips walk onstage] Yeah! Can't we just vote Chef off instead?
DJ: Sorry, buddy! Gotta make it right for mama!
All: Aww...

DJ: [inside the Lame-o-sine after quitting the game] Wednesday, momma and I are going to the petting zoo. She likes the ducks because they have honest faces. I like the bunnies because they don't lie. I hope she isn't as mad at me in real life as she was in my dream. I did the right thing in the end. Isn't that what matters? So I lost out on a million bucks, but I still have my integrity. Well, with everyone who didn't watch the show, I guess. As for the people who did watch the show, maybe I can bake them my famous cinnamon buns.

The Sand Witch Project's Alternate Deleted Scene [2.09.5]Edit


Justin: You guys gotta let me be the killer! The mask offers good protection for my beautiful face!
Anais: I guess that could be okay.
Izzy: [Lindsay raised a finger to speak, but Izzy interruped her] Okay, I am such a way better scarer. My own dog is terrified of me, okay?
Owen: But you're cute as a bug in a rug! [Izzy looks at him in digusted]
Gumball: Dude, little tip: You're only picking Izzy as the killer for stupidity.
Bloo: [To Gumball] Just give it a chance, Just this once?
Mac: [Interrupts Bloo] I think I'll have to go with Gumball on this one, Bloo, Sorry...
Lindsay: Hey, you guys? Um, Beth?
Justin: Later, Lindsay. I wanna be the killer, okay? And that's it.
Kyle: This is getting out of hand.
Panty: [To Justin] Yeah, and your beautiful face are the size of dinner plates. and fierce, and oh, God, are they sensitive!
Stocking: Of course girls who freak out over Justin's beautiful face. I say titters because his face is so beautiful, that actually make me laugh.
Panty: Ah. It's cool. Your tits keep you from looking like a girl. I get it. Then you won't feel like you're hooking up with a pedophile.
Izzy: [To Panty And Stocking] But look at my scary face! [she made a face, that is more silly than scary]
Stocking: [To Izzy, And Gets It Now] I do not understand how I can ever be related to you, You're nothing but a crazy, hoe-bagging nutjob!
Panty: Remember that time when I told you to become a killer? You gotta be the killer with that inner fucking peace!
Izzy: [To Panty] Yeah She would, but Justin's beautiful face just completely blew her out of the water.
Owen: [To Izzy] D'aw, that's not scary, that's adorable. [Izzy turns around, back into her scary pose, and hisses at him] This is a scary face.
Lindsay: BETH IS GOING TO BE OUR SERIAL KILLER AND THAT IS THAT!
Stan: [Groans Loudly And Then He Begins To Violently Shout At Her] I DON'T CARE!!!!! DAMN IT, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME IN PEACE????!!!!!!!!!!! [Wrap sound, everyone on his team are unstandably and incredibly pissed off at him for all of the hurtful things he said, processing them to beat him up, it became slient, but for the next 10 seconds] I'm Dead Aren't I?
Izzy: LET'S GET HIM!!!!
Stan: no..No..NO...NO! [in lighting fast, they aggressively begin to beat him up mercilessly as the screen fades to black] AAAAGH!!! GET OFF OF ME YOU BUNCH OF MONSTERS!!!!!!
Gumball: So?
Anais: It looks like your face to face turned into more of a... face to fist...
Gumball: What the... What?!
Lindsay: [confessional] Can I just tell you that fel-
Stan: [Suddenly Snaps And He Launches Into An Rage Outburst] YOU KNOW WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [With Alot Of Rage, Stan Violently Throw A Huge Rock At Lindsay, Smashing Her To The Sky, Screaming In The Process, Earthy Crust starts playing]
Mordecai: OH REALLY STAN!!! ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW!?!?!?!?!
Stan: [Yells Back At Mordecai] YEAH REALLY!!!!!!!!
[Stan's Behavior Got Worse, And As Of A Huge Result, This Challenge Erupted Into A Violence Argument Of Fury, Much to Bloo's Reaction And Gumball & Anais's Horror]
Mordecai: YOU'VE KILLED YOUR OWN TEAMMATE YOU ASSHOLE!!!!!!!!
Stan: [Becoming Very Angry] STOCKING IS GONNA BE THE FUCKING SERIAL KILLER!!!!!! LOOK I DON'T CARE!!!! [Points at Beth angrily] BETH IS STUPID ANYWAY!!!!!!!!!!! [That Was It, It Was At This Moment Where Lindsay's Patience Went Completely Dry]
Lindsay: [Finally Fed Up With Stan's Rudeness and Jerkass] AAAARRGHHHHHH!!!!!! [runs at Stan and pins him hard against studio 10] BETH IS GOING TO BE THE KILLER! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?!?! YOU'D BETTER GET THAT HURTFUL THING'S THROUGH YOUR RUDE HEAD!!!! SHE IS GOING TO BE OUR KILLER, AND IF YOU KEEP BEING SUCH A JERK I SWEAR THE GOD....I'LL SMASH YOUR FUCKING TEETH IN!!!!!!!
Stan: [He Loses It, Talking In Cartman's Voice] FUCK YOU LINDSIOT!!!!!! [releases a furious fist, knocking Lindsay to the ground]
Cartman: FIGHT!!! [Stan begins to bruise her up violently, Mordecai punches Stan in the face, leads them into a full blown fight, everyone gather round to watch, Half of them are cheering them on, the other half stay quiet, Wendy cries and hides her face with her notebook, terrified at Stan's Violent Outburst]
Cody: Woah, School Fight!
Junior: Yeah Stan, You Beat Her Up And You Keep Fighting Him!!
1Smash18: Oh You Got The Best Of Both World Right There! Except There Attacking Each Other! [Eats Some Popcorn]
Anais: I guess logic of reason just went down the drain.

[The Next Day Before DJ got booted off and Stan being disqualified for being too dangerous, Bloo is talking to a group of the team Screaming Gaffers: Haorld, Heather, Duncan & Leshawna]
Bloo: ...It was completely crazy! Lindsay shouts that Beth would be the killer and that is final, But then out of nowhere...Stan suddenly snaps and smashed her into the sky with a huge rock and grows increasingly incorporate into the completion of accepting Beth as a killer and insulting her saying "Beth is stupid anyway!", so Lindsay begins to yell at Stan threating him that she will smash his teeth in if he keeps being such a jerk and Stan just violently started whaling on her limb from limb!
Leshawna: Smells kinda funny to me.
Bloo: [Being Serious] I'm telling you! Stan just bruise Lindsay up, and beat the shit out of Mordecai, and then he got disqualified as of a result!
Haorld: Stan did that? that was kinda harsh.
Heather: Are you being serious?
Mac: He is being serious!
Bloo: We need to avenge Stan right now, But at some point, The Killer Grips might start suspecting something's up.

Masters of Disasters [2.10]Edit

Chris: Just as the Killer Grips were about to cut someone loose, DJ’s conscience, A.K.A. Mama DJ, got the best of him. DJ called himself out as a cheater, hopped into the lemousine, and rode off into the sunset.

Chef: [pulls out giant book] Ahhh, my unpublished manifesto. I've lived a lotta years! [he hurls the book at Owen nailing him in the mouth]
Owen: Ouchie! That'll hurt come morning.
Izzy: Oh, no! Owen! Are you okay?
Chef: [smugly] My editor was right, my life really is dangerous!

Beth: [confessional] Did Owen actually break his jaw?! [gasps] That’s so tragic! Owen lives to eat!
Izzy: [confessional] Owen is my buddy! He’s the only one who truly gets me. If something happens to Owen, I’ll be stuck with my imaginary friends. And let’s face it. I should’ve ditched them years ago. [hollow knock] Yeah, Phil. I’m talking to you!

Chris: The good news is, it looks like Owen won the challenge for the Killer Grips!
Leshawna: Oh, no, he didn't!
Harold: Yeah, we got our whole team across the finish line!
Chris: Serious injury trumps all!
Heather: You just make up the rules as you go along, don't you?
Chris: I love my job!

Izzy: How's Owen doing?
Chris: Oh, Owen's fine, a little broken jaw, but it's all wired shut now. Shouldn't take more than 4 - 6 weeks to heal.
Beth: Oh no! It's that bad?
Chris: [with feigned enthusiasm] I mean, he's doing fine.
[The Killer Grips glare at him.]

Justin: What is that?
Beth: I really wish my boyfriend was here. He's a registered lifeguard.
Izzy: Uh-huh. Yeah. It would be great if he were here, you're right. You know what would be better?
Beth: What?
Izzy: If he existed in the first place! Now let's get out of this death trap!

[cranking]
Izzy: Oof! [splash] Wow. Heh, what a head rush.
Lindsay: Yay for Izzy's hard head!
Justin: Hey, look. I think it's a way out!
Beth: Or maybe that's the exit!

Beth: Oh no! It's a combination lock!
Izzy: Sound familiar?
Lindsay: How are we ever going to open it?
Beth: Guys, we better get to it quick before the water gets too high!
Justin: I'll do it.
Lindsay: No, I wanna do it.
Justin: Just give it to me. Lindsay. Lindsay. Lindsay.
Lindsay: Look, I just...But I wanna do it! Come on!
Izzy: Urgh...
Justin: So come on, what are the numbers? Read 'em out.
Izzy: Ugh! I'm surrounded by loons!
Justin: Where?
Lindsay: Oh, I love ducks!

Chris: Really, it might be time to end the challenge. The water's getting pretty high. And uh, those kids are terrible swimmers.
Chef: Focus! I want my chips back. I'm starving. [crunch]
Chris: This is getting serious. Turn off the water! [gasps] We've gotta get the cast out of there! Simple formula! No more contestants equals no more episodes equals no paycheck and the end of my luxurious lifestyle!
Chef: Texas Hold 'Em?
Chris: You're not hearing me!
Chef: What? Gin Rummy?

Chris: Okay, here’s the deal. You can go and eat with the Gaffers… if you promise not to sue.
Owen: [through teeth] Promise.
Chris: Promise promise? Not like, fake promise? Your fingers aren’t crossed, are they? Enjoy.

Owen: [through teeth] Hey! You dropped your chips in my pop! Hey! You spilled your pop in my chips!

Full Metal Drama [2.11]Edit

Owen: [clenched teeth] It’s not about what I’m doing, it’s about what I’m not doing.
Harold: Pipes a little backed up?
Owen: [clenched teeth] Who knew a diet of blended corn beef and cheese puff shakes could stop my whole system? [strains] C’mon, c’mon! Just a nugget!
Chef: Make way, coming through!
Owen: [clenched teeth] Chef, a little privacy? I’m trying to poop-a-doop here.
Chef: Doctors orders, I’ve got the cure for your no-can-doo-doo right here. One part fruit, nine parts bran.
Owen: [clenched teeth] That isn’t even food-esque!
Chef: Don’t push, kid. They’re making me serve you on account of my bad behavior.
Leshawna: Give it here. I’ve been starving half to death since DJ left! [drinks it all]
Chef: Girl’s gonna feel that.
Leshawna: My, my! Who knew liquid bran could be so tasty? [burps] Even on the return trip.
Owen: [clenched teeth] I’d say that my work here is done, but I never even got started.

Duncan: What’s going on in here?
Heather: I’m trying not to puke is all.
Leshawna: Y’all, I really think it might be over now. I’m feeling much– [farts]
Heather: Ugh! I am out!
Duncan: It smells like blue cheese in here!
Leshawna: I’m so sorry. I feel like I really let the team down.
Duncan: You think? Harold, what have you been doing all this time?
Harold: Trying to keep the team together, no thanks to you. Or Miss Toxic Emissions here.
Leshawna: Be mad at Chef, he made the stupid smoothies.
Duncan: Ugh, you can’t do anything right! You’re an idiot!
Harold: At least I’m here. At least I’m trying. What kind of lousy Marine leaves his squad all alone?
[Leshawna farts]
Duncan: Dude, we gotta get out of here.
Harold: Not until you say we’re a team.
[Leshawna farts again]
Duncan: Who cares when we’re gonna die of toxic butt poisoning?
Harold: And say you value my contributions. [Leshawna's stomach rumbles] That ominous warning usually means a really bad one is coming.
Duncan: There are worse ones? You’re not a complete loser, okay? I value the small portion of you that isn’t a loser. Can we go now?
Harold: Anything you want, teamie.

[Duncan and Harold open a box after they won immunity for their team]
Duncan: All this sadness.
Harold: All these tears!
Duncan: Dude, no tears. That was just our eyes watering off Leshawna’s butt blasts!
Harold: Still. All this hatred, for what?
Duncan: An empty trunk!
Harold: The madness of war!
Harold and Duncan: Why?!

[Izzy got eliminated again because Justin convinced Beth and Lindsay to vote her off, as opposed to him, when she told him that he wasn't that cute.]
Chris: This one's a nail-biter. I'd say no one's safe. Lindsay, how do you feel about your chances?
Lindsay: Let's face it, Chris! It was my lousy Admiraling that cost us the challenge, if I go home tonight, I won't blame anyone, except Beth.
Beth: Why me?
Lindsay: I had to blame someone.
Chris: Then, there's Izzy. You overdid it on the first challenge and cost your team an important victory. Will it be your crazy bum sitting in the lamousine tonight for the second time?
Izzy: Explosivo does not answer most questions!
Chris: Justin! Beth and Lindsay seem to have kinda left your corner, pretty boy. Are you worried?
Justin: I never worry! Causes wrinklage!
Chris: All right then. Votes have been tabulated. So, it’s time to present the awards. [A parachute falls along with the vote sheets] Tonight, the Gilded Chris goes to… Beth, Lindsay, and… Owen. [Izzy and Justin are the bottom two] And now, only two nominees left. The final award goes to... JUSTIN! [Justin is given his Gilded Chris, Izzy is shocked]
Izzy: Porqué?
Owen: I'll miss you, Iz. [Owen is about to kiss, but Chef grabs Izzy, and carries her to the Lame-o-Sine]
Justin: [in confessional] I'm not saying I voted for Izzy just because she said I'm not cute. Okay, it was because of that. Thing is, Beth and Lindsay told me they were sending me home. So, you see? I didn't lose my mojo. I just needed to... shake things up, huh. With my new patented all-time, lady-killing, Mega-Flip. [Justin flips his hair, by shaking his head] I'm back, baby.

Izzy: [in Lame-o-sine after her second elimination] Yeah, getting voted off feels like it happened weeks ago. I guess cause it did happen weeks ago! [giggles] But I know my team loves me! I know it was Justin who got me voted off. But I don't blame him! And if Big O voted against me, I'm not even mad at him! But Explosivo? He is one crazy vengeful hombre! So, Big O, I'd check your sleeping bed before you get into it tonight. I think Explosivo might have left you a little something to remember him by! [takes out bomb] A little something that goes: Boom Boom! [she almost drops the bomb and tries to catch it]

Aftermath II [2.12]Edit

Gordon: Ahoy, mates.
Geoff: Ello, ol' chap.
Gordon: I'm from London, Ontario, and I wanna be a chef! I'm making DJ sandwiches! But there's some stupid (censored) ingredient I can't (censored) figure out! (censored)!

Gwen: Duncan didn't vote me off.
Courtney: Only because you had your goth girl hooks into him!
Gwen: Courtney, we're just friends! Please tell her, Trent.

Gwen: We're just-
Geoff: (Pointing to the anvil) Watch what you say!
Gwen: Friends.
(The anvil stays where it is, proving that she's telling the truth)
Courtney: I am so calling my lawyer!

DJ: If you can't be honest, Bridgette-
Bridgette: No, no, that wasn't from me!
(The anvil comes loose, proving Bridgette was lying)

[Bonus post-Aftermath]
Gwen: [dismayed] Oh, man. They really let me have it out there. That was tough. And seeing Trent was no cakewalk either. Guess Trent's the man now. Sure has a lot of girls after him. Who knew he had so many fans? It's nice that he stood up for me. Maybe he still likes me a little. [sees Trent walking by with Katie and Sadie, all three laughing; dismayed once again] Or not...

Ocean's Eight - Or Nine [2.13]Edit

[Courtney returns to the game after winning her lawsuit against the show]
Duncan: [at teller's desk] Afternoon, ma'am. That's a great set of legs you got there, but right now I'd like to focus on those lovely hands of yours. I need them to start filling this pillowcase with cash.
Courtney: Anything else I can do for you today, [pulls off wig] Duncan?
[Duncan squeaks and then faints]

Chris: [straining to read a document from Courtney's lawyers] Teams, it is my honor to report that Courtney is back for the duration of the game. [Courtney waves to the Gaffers as Duncan looks scared] And, we're all exceedingly happy about it!
Heather: She got voted out fair and square!
Courtney: Sorry, Heather, but myself and the law firm of Fleckman, Fleckman, Cohen and Strauss would beg to differ. We filed a wrongful dismissal lawsuit against the producers and won.
Harold: Great news, eh, Duncan?
[Duncan shoves Harold in the face and to the floor]
Chris: So, Courtney, since you were our bank teller in the challenge, great job by the way, you get to decide which team deserves to win first prize, your bag of loot.
Courtney: The choice is obvious, it's Duncan! I mean the Gaffers, since they were the only team that managed to get to my ticket. [Duncan walks up to get the bag] Congratulations.
Duncan: [very confused and strained look and cracking voice] Thank you?
Heather: I've seen manlier men trying on women's shoes.
Chris: [waves hand over Grips] So that means, The Killer Grips win second prize!
Justin: What's second prize?
Chris: [waves hand over Courtney] Courtney! For the rest of the game, or until she's eliminated!

Courtney: [in confessional] Those Total Drama Dirtbags have some nerve making me second place! They will definitely be hearing from my lawyer [pulls out cell phone] again!

[The Gaffers enjoy their bag of loot after winning the challenge.]
Duncan: We’re rich! Oh-ho! Look at all this!
Heather: "Non-negotiable Chris cash, accepted only in the Total Drama Action craft services tent towards the purchase of water from the tap?!"
Harold: Sometimes, I really hate that smile of his.

[Although all Killer Grips voted off Courtney, her lawyers made it so she could not be voted off in that episode. She voted off Owen for losing the challenge]
Chris: Like always, Killer Grips, one member of your team will not be receiving a coveted Gilded Chris, made of the finest Belgian chocolate. [Owen's stomach grumbles and his jaw holder breaks lose and a piece hits Courtney in the eye] But not like always, and this is important to remember: This week, according to our lawyers, none of you are allowed to vote off Courtney. You got that, dudes!? The show can't afford any more lawsuits! [whispers] My massage budget has been sliced in half! [The Killer Grips casted their votes. Chef gives the vote sheets to Chris] And the Gilded Chris Awards go to Beth, Lindsay, Justin. [looks at the vote sheet] Why do I have four votes to boot out Courtney when I specifically said you COULDN'T?
Justin: I guess we couldn't help ourselves.
Lindsay: No matter what? My finger would only press the Courtney button.
Chris: Well, that leaves us with one vote that counts.
Courtney: Owen, you've been eliminated.
[Owen walks up to Chris]
Justin: This is bull!
Lindsay: You can't do that!
Chris: Sorry, bud, no Chocolate Chris Award for you.
Owen: Not even an ear?
Justin, Beth, and Lindsay: Speech, speech, speech, speech!
Courtney: He lost the game for us, guys. Hello?
Chris: Anything in your contract that'll stop him from speaking?
Courtney: Um, no... but --
Chris: Then... a little light for my friend here.

Courtney: Faster, you deadbeats! The teams aren't called the Gaffers and the Slackers! Now move! Mush, mush!
Beth: Mush? We're not sled dogs!
Courtney: Of course you aren't. Because if you were, this one would've eaten you!
Chris: It looks like the Gaffers are about to make a clean getaway and win the challenge!

Owen: [reading his speech] This has been the role of a lifetime. Thanks to Justin, [shows Justin as a hot dog in Owen's eyes] who inspired me every day with his physical perfection and "hot dogginess." To Lindsay, [shows Lindsay as a bottle of soda] who is also beautiful, in a "soda-poppy" kind of way. To Beth, [shows Beth as a chicken leg] who motivated me with her delicious crispy skin, [Beth frowns] and her tender, juicy goodness. To Chris, [shows Chris as a slice of pizza] who also smells -- [The Gilded Chris theme begins to play, as to cut Owen's speech short] What? No, no, you can't play me off yet! To my mom, who let me quit piano lessons! To my brothers, I'm sorry for scamming you out of your Halloween Candy.
Lindsay: [in background] We love you, Owen!! [Lindsay, Justin, and Beth throw their Chocolate Chris' at Owen]
Justin: This Chris is for you.
Owen: [begins to mumble because of the Chris that landed in his mouth, and awakens from the flashback in regular clothes, on the ground] I love this game!
Chris: And that wraps up another totally dramatic episode, without absolutely no loose-ends to tie up. Isn't that right, Chef?

Owen: [in Lame-o-sine after being voted off by Courtney] If Lindsay and Beth hadn't looked so tasty, none of this would have happened. I guess you can't win 'em all, especially after suffering an injury to the body's most important organ - The mouth! Hey. Now that I'm free, I can go anywhere I want. [chuckles] Driver, take me to the nearest food court, and step on it! I've had more than enough action, it's time for some snackin'! Hoo-hoo! One last cheese squeeze before I go. [farts]

One Million Bucks B.C. [2.14]Edit

Courtney: Hey, girls. (everyone glares at her) Isn't anyone glad to see me?
Heather: (creepily) Great to have your hair...here! It's great to have you here, Courtney!

Lindsay: [Confessional; angered by Courtney's actions] Courtney thinks she knows everything. But she doesn't know that when I was twelve, my flat iron once accidentally set fire to my grandma's house. Twice!

Chris: Thanks to Courtney's lawsuit, She'll be playing by a set of different rules.
Duncan: You said there are no rules.
Courtney: There are if you have a good lawyer.
Chris: Chef, Let's get this over with... Ahem! Rule one. Not withstanding that contestants are not permitted with contact from the outside world. The contestants hereafter refer to as "Courtney" may retain a Personal Digital Assistant. AKA her PDA.
Beth: What?! That's so not fair! I'm the one with a boyfriend!
Chris: Care to take that up with our legal department, Beth? [Chef breaks a court mallet and Beth gasps] Didn't think so... Rule Two. Where as contestants shall continue to receive allocated meals provided by Chef Hatchet, Courtney shall be entitled to a gourmet dining experience consisting of producers, and myself as applicable. I hope you like lobster.
Beth and Heather: No way!
[everyone, but Chris and Courtney yell in protest]
Chris: Let's see your lawyers get you out of this one.
Courtney: What?! I'm still sleeping in the girl's trailer!
Chris: Where she will have a pure goose down pillow, extra comfy loftier, and 700-count sheet. Oh, and her Own... Private... Bathroom! [everyone yells in protest at Chris and Courtney again] Those are the new rules. Let's call them "Courtney's Rules" in honor of Courtney. Who gets special treatment. And an unfair advantage.
Duncan: Nice. Our spoiled princess didn't waste anytime hooking herself up!
Courtney: And you didn't waste anytime hooking up with Gwen after I left!
Duncan: While I'm touched you're obviously still hot for me, my relationships are none of your business.
Courtney: You're on TV! They're everyone's business!
Duncan: Well at least the whole world knows I play by the rules... Most of the time! What? Don't think you can win the million bucks fair and square?
Courtney: I could kick your two-timing butt with my eyes closed and both hands tied behind my back!
Duncan: Gonna be pretty tough to eat lobster like that! [both growl at each other]

Heather: (Confessional) I got some! Courtney's hair! Soon it will be mine, all mine! (starts laughing like a maniac) What? I'm not crazy, I'm just bald!

Duncan: (Confessional) I did not hook up with Gwen. Having Courtney back reminds me how much she drives me crazy. And how much she drives me crazy.

Courtney: [in confessional make-up room] Sure, Duncan has this primal animal magnetism, but he also wants to make me hit him where it hurts. [yells and hits Duncan with bone in the crotch]

Duncan: [in confessional make-up room] EEEE! Why do they always go for the kiwis? WHY?!!!!

Heather: (Bonus confessional) Reward challenges are such a waste of time. [an arm pops up and wipes the tar off her face] I wish we had a gilded Chris ceremony every night. Let's get on with it already. So I can get my million bucks and get a decent makeover. I mean, a super sized serving of meat? Who cares? I've got something better... Courtney's hair! [licks the hairpiece and sticks it on her head; An intern barges in and tries to take it, but not before she puts up a fight] No, you can't have it! It's mine! Well, okay, it was Courtney's, but I took it, which makes it mine! [The intern takes Courtney's hairpiece off of her head and leaves; She puts her caveman wig back on her head, realizing it's stuck on] It won't come off! I have hair! I finally have hair!

Million Dollar Babies [2.15]Edit

Harold: Ooh! Ooh! I got it! Let's cheer for Norbert Swindlow!
Heather: Who?
Harold: The inventor of the pom-pom? Duh.
Heather: I say we cheer for me.
Leshawna: You?
Duncan: I'd rather cheer for my school principal, my mother, Leshawna.

Leshawna: [recorded video on Courtney's PDA with Leshaniqua] Ooh, Heather! Mm! Just mean for the sake of being mean. Lindsay has half the brain cells, max. And is usually gone out shopping. Ooh, Ooh! Probably with Justin's giant ego. [laughs] Duncan, likes to think he's a bad boy, but when Courtney was there, she basically dragged him around by his eyebrow ring. Beth, actually wears a side ponytail. A side pony! And Harold? Darn fool's sweet on me, but he's getting about as much play as an old school cassette in a world of MP3s! [She and Leshaniqua laugh hysterically]
Leshaniqua: Ooh, girl.
[Courtney ends the video and everyone glares angrily at Leshawna]
Leshawna: You don't understand, that was outside the game! I didn't know anybody'd see it!
Lindsay: So, you weren't just joking? I thought maybe you were joking.

[Heather got eliminated because Leshawna's cheerleading convinced Duncan and Harold to vote for her, who lost a challenge and had a bad reputation from past actions, instead of Leshawna]
Chris: So, the Gaffers lose it again! Must be tough! Especially with your own teammate dissing you all over the World Wide Web.
LeShawna: Hey! I got enough problems with you messing things up.
Chris: And Heather, you would have to feel awful about your humiliating. loss to Beth on the badminton court. (Pause) Heather?
Heather: Sorry! I'm trying to remember what feeling awful is like.
Chris: Duncan might remember, since he lost to a girl in wrestling.
Duncan: She's not a girl. She's Courtney! It's a whole other thing!
Chris: Harold! I'd say you might be the only one who might be safe.
Harold: Well, Chris. I...
Chris: No one wants to hear it! [Gave Harold a Gilded Chris] Just take the statue! [Tosses another Gilded Chris to Duncan] Diaper Shark! You're safe too! [Heather and LeShawna are the bottom two] LeShawna...
Leshawna: [nervously] Yes?
Chris: I'm sorry, but...heads up!
[Leshawna catches the award and stands up in delight]
Leshawna: Yes!
Heather: What?! You voted me off?! Me?!!

Leshawna: Heather, if it's worth anything, you can count me as a friend. [Heather smiles] Just don't tell anyone that I said so, and if this ends up on the TDA Website, I'll pretend it was all CGI.
Heather: Hey, something to remember me by, [takes off her wig, and hands it to Leshawna] and to wear next time your hair looks as bad as it does today. [Heather steps into the Lame-O-Sine, and Leshawna scowls as it drives away]

Heather: [in Lame-o-sine after her elimination] You know, it's really just a total relief to be out of there. In a mill isn't worth wasting another second of my time with those freaks. At least I didn't have to lick anyone's armpit this time. And now, I have the time to get a weave and correct this travesty. I mean the million would have come in handy to get some totally rad extensions, and my dad's so cheap I'll probably end up with pony-hair. Maybe I can cut my mom's off while she's sleeping. She's always had nice volume. Now that the dumb game's done, the possibilities are endless.

Dial M for Merger [2.16]Edit

Courtney: [Confessional] And that's the only million LeShawna will ever see. [Gets out her PDA] My lawyers are working on it right now.

[Lindsay tries using the doorknob to get in the girls' trailer, and a camera, scans her face.]
Voice: Intruder alert! Entry denied!
[The stairs dissolve and it sends Lindsay falling down a hole. Duncan comes over.]
Duncan: What the?! [A tranquilizer dart hits him and he passes out and falls in the hole]
Courtney: Duncy!
Harold: Duncy?!
[A bowler hat knocks Courtney out and falls in the hole, the others gasped.]
Justin: Run for cover!
[Leshawna, Beth and Justin take refuge in the boys' trailer, Harold tried to follow, but, the door closed on him.]
Beth: What's happening?! Are we gonna die?

Harold: [in confessional] I used to think the producers were mean. But now I think they're actually trying to kill us! If you ask me, it's a conspiracy to- [An intern knocks him out by hitting him in the back of the head with a nightstick]

[Justin, Beth, and Leshawna are trapped in the boys' tralier]
Justin: Hey, where's Harold?
Beth: We're all gonna die!
Justin: Beth, it's gonna be alright. Just focus on my calming beauty, and my soothing complexion. [Beth cries her eyes out] Ah! I'm hideous!
Leshawna: Oh no! This is not happening to me!
[a gas bomb is thrown inside, and Justin, Beth, Leshawna get knocked out]

Justin: [after Beth elbows him in the eye] My eye! My beautiful, un-insured eye!
Beth: I'm so sorry! Are you okay? [Beth touches his elbow]
Justin: Ah! I bruise easier than a clingstone peach. Must prevent swelling... I need ice! Ice! [Justin runs away, then looks at himself in a mirror] I... am... a hideous beast! No one will ever hire me now! My modeling career is over! I'll have to go work in the circus as one of those... circus freaks.

Chris: One last thing, since I am so ho-hum bored of the teams, I'm busting them up! From now on, it's every dude and dudette for themselves!

Duncan: [As Courtney jumps over the lasers] If I were a wolf, I'd howl! Ah, what the heck! [Howls]

Chris: Three, Two, One! [blows raspberries] Suckers!

[Lindsay is talking to Courtney at the Lim-o-sine as she ignores her]
Lindsay: Isn't this fantastic? You and me together. Oh, I hope there's a cracker factory next door. I love cheese with crackers. Let's play a game. You name all the cheeses you can and I'll do the same.
Courtney: Ah! [angrily lets go of Lindsay]
Lindsay: Gorgonzola, swiss, cheddar. Seriously strong cheddar. Can you guess what it tastes like? Seriously strong. [Courtney angrily leaves the Lim-o-sine] This is fun. Cream cheese, cheese sticks. Cheese in a can.

Super Hero-ld [2.17]Edit

Chris: Where are your tights?
Duncan: I don't do spandex, I'm The All-Seeing Eye, and I've got psychic powers. I can see into the future.
Harold: Yeah, right.
Duncan: Harold is about to experience a painful life lesson. [punches Harold in the arm]
Harold: Ow!
Chris: Even I saw that one coming. Two points.

[After Courtney insulted Lindsay as Wonder Woman]
Lindsay: Courtney just stepped on my invisible jet!
Chris: Courtney, minus two points for stepping on Lindsay's jet.
Courtney: What?
Harold: Can I have a ride?
Lindsay: Sure! Who wants a ride in my invisible jet?

Harold: Top that, All-Seeing jerk!
Duncan: [grabs Harold by the cape; threateningly] You may have forgotten that my real superpower is being able to cream dorks like you!

Harold: There is no way I am voting off Leshawna. We're supposed to have an alliance with her, Duncan. We should vote you off for a reason.
Duncan: Pals before gals, Harold? We're outnumbered, and if you don't do anything I say, I'll tell Leshawna that you pick your nose in your sleep.
Harold: You do have circumstantial evidence at best.

[Harold was goaded into voting off Leshawna by Duncan and Courtney.]
Leshawna: You guys voted for me?
Harold: [cries] I'm sorry. I didn't know if I could trust you, but I made a big mistake. A big mistake.
Leshawna: Awwww, honey-pie, don't you worry. I made a mistake once too. Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Harold: Do you forgive me?
Leshawna: Come here, sugar baby. Leshawna's gotta a whole lot of love. [gives Harold a hug]

Leshawna: [in the Lame-o-sine after her elimination] I gotta say, I didn't really see that coming. I should've, but I didn't. Hmph, go figure. Who knew that free matty patty would cost me a million big ones? Poor Harold, I'm sure he was bullied into it. Just one more reason I can't stand Duncan! [growls and grabs a cushion from the car seat; camera skips, revealing Leshawna has torn up the Lame-o-sine interior due to her rage] Don't worry, I'm good. I'm good. You just wait, Duncan. I'm coming for you. One little scratch on my boy Harold and Leshawna will be getting all up in your business. Oh man, I broke a nail!

Aftermath III [2.18]Edit

Geoff: Bridgette thinks we need to bring more insanity to the show. (Bridgette glares at him) I mean profanity. (Bridgette punches him) Okay, okay, more humanity. She thinks I've gone way too over the top. But then, so have our ratings!

Bridgette: You don't have to do this, Owen.
Geoff: So, Owen...
Owen: AAAH! [talks about his childhood flashback] In the 3rd grade, I cheated on my math exam. In 4th grade, I stole my uncle Max's toupee and glued it to a goat's butt at the petting zoo. In 5th grade, I knocked my little brother down a flight of stairs and blamed it on my other little brother. When my mom sent me to summer camp for fat kids and they served us lunch, I pigged out, and the rest of the camp had nothing to eat for an entire week. But the worst thing I've ever done... I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and went to school and hid the puke in my jacket. And then I made a noise like this [makes retching noise] and I dumped it all over-
Bridgette: Owen! I don't think that's what Trent meant. [shows people in VIP section smiling; almost as if they're about to laugh]
Owen: What other kind of truth is there?

Geoff: Heather, do you think Courtney's a worthy competitor?
Heather: No. (gets electric shock)
Geoff: Do you think Lindsay's as dumb as she looks?
Heather: Yes. (gets electric shock)
Geoff: Do you think Beth could be a threat?
Heather: Beth? Absolutely not! (gets electric shock)

Leshawna: Truth is I like Harold! A lot. Sure, there's a part of me that can't resist those little man biceps of his - who could? But we're friends, which is how we're keeping it.

The Princess Pride [2.19]Edit

Justin: No, I am a noble gentleman, a brave knight, a handsome prince. I would never hurt a lady.
Harold: Although a guy who's working with you is apparently fair game!
Justin: I said I was sorry, Harold. I refuse to raise a sword to Courtney. I give up any chance at immunity to spare her. And now... [puckers his lips, expecting a kiss from Courtney]
Courtney: Sorry, Justin. I just can't let immunity go. You understand. [pushes Justin off the tower with sword]
Justin: I forgive you, princess! [falls and hits the castle backdrops and then, lands painfully on the ground] I'm okay.
Chris: Courtney wins immunity, again!

[Justin got eliminated because Courtney pretended to like him to get him to throw the final part of the challenge to earn invincibility for herself as well as tensions between him, Duncan and Harold.]
Chris: So, with immunity, Courtney is the first to win a Gilded Chris.
Courtney: [Catches the Gilded Chris, then feels the pain] Ow.
[It's revealed that Beth was pinning the Princess Courtney doll.]
Beth: I think she felt that! Cool!
Lindsay: Get her elbow!
Chris: Before we continue the awards though, I have some news. Courtney's lawyers called and demand an 80% of all the profits of the Princess Courtney merchandise. So not gonna happen! So, we're renaming them after the only other two brunettes left in the competition. Beth! [Beth squeals excitedly and hurries onstage] You get your very own Princess Beth doll. And the contract stating you get 0% of the Princess Beth profits. Along with a Gilded Chris award. You live another week!
Beth: [Squeals] Fairytales do come true! [Notices something] Oh my gosh! [runs off] Take the pins out!
Chris: Also still in the competish. Lindsay! Eh. Harold! [Justin and Duncan are the bottom two] Who will lived happily ever after? And who will die penniless? And the last Gilded Chris goes to... Justin! Duncan, you're out.
Courtney: WHAT?! This is an outrage! Justin should be going home!
Chris: Yeah, you're right. I was just kidding. Justin's actually the one who's been eliminated! [Gave Duncan the last Gilded Chris]
Duncan: [to Courtney, smirking] An "outrage," huh?

Justin: Courtney? [Courtney was on her PDA and she waves] Beth? Lindsay?
Lindsay: Princess Beth is so cute.
Justin: Is no one even going to miss me?
Duncan: Ciao.
Harold: See you in the funny papers. Farewell! Auf Wiedersein. Don't let the door hit you in the...
Justin: Okay, stop already! I'm going, but you'll regret it. With me gone, things have started to become 80% less handsome. [bumps his head on the door] Ow! Alright, 79!

Justin: [in the Lam-o-sine after his elimination] What I've learned, well maybe the good looks won't take you everywhere you want to go. I mean what if I ended up with, a wounded face, bruised ego, and a show that I can't even wear. Oh Courtney, maybe if I stopped modeling and threw all my energy intro getting smarter, you can fall in love with me but modeling pays and Heyzeus my booker says that even with my severe facial wounds he could give me a bunch of leg modeling and some celebrity kid's birthday party.

Get a Clue [2.20]Edit

Lindsay: (Annoyed when Courtney undermines her contributions) I was the one who said Chris was giving us hints!
Beth: (Soothingly) You did, sweetie.

Courtney: What's my prize!?
Chris: [British Accent] I don't recall having mentioned any sort of prize... [Normal Voice] but thanks for releasing me it was getting stuffy in here.
Courtney: You're not smoking!?
Chris: What! Oh no! Of course not! [swallows his pipe]
Courtney: Ew.
Chris: What? It's chewing tobacco!
Harold, Lindsay, and Beth: Ew!
Chris: Nah! Just kidding, it's black licorice.
Everyone: Ew!!
Chris: Yeah you're right; this stuff's disgusting.
Courtney: I am going to get a prize I promise you that.

Chris: It's not prize time yet.
Courtney: Make it prize time!
Chris: I'm trying to do my job here.
Courtney: Maybe I should get my lawyers to do their job.
Chris: Moving on...
Courtney: I want a prize. I want a prize! I WANT A PRIZE!

Chris: Welcome aboard the 7:30 to Funville. Let the party begin.
Harold: There's a party? Awesome!
Beth: And it's for all of us? Awesomer!
Lindsay: This is great, and we all get to share this, huh, Courtney?
Courtney: Whoop-de-doo. I'm sticking with my delicious exclusive cheese-flavored cheese-type prize snacks.
Beth: Can I have one?
Courtney: Did you win them? [chewing with her cheese-flavored chips] Mm.

Harold: I'm failed him!
Beth: Oh, the humanity!
[Harold and Beth screaming]
Lindsay: Dead guy on the train! Ew!
[Harold and Beth screaming]
Duncan: Would you pull it together, losers? We've got to figure this out!
Lindsay: This reminds me of the time we were on the bus on the way to cheering camp. The head cheerleader, Carmalita Santos passed right out! I always hated Carmalita because Carmalita thought she was so great. But we had to do something! She was drooling! So me and Bitsy Stephanopolis ran to the front of the bus. Bitsy's real name is Elizabeth, but everybody calls her Bitsy.

Lindsay: So Mrs. Witlock came running back from the rest stop with some full sugar fruit punch! Not the aspartame saccharin stuff. That doesn't work for these types of situations. And she gave it to Carmalita and we have to get some fruit punch for Carma...uh, Chris!
Courtney: Yeah. Okay, anybody else have any great ideas?
Harold: Knowing a bit about trains myself, I can say that an engineer is probably steering this thing, and could be counted upon for aid. Duh. Beth, try the phone to the engine.
Beth: Hello? Hello?! Nobody's answering!
Lindsay: We're trapped! We're all gonna die!
Courtney: Is everybody here really that gullible? Yeah, Chris just happens to croak right here in front of us, and we can't reach anybody? [grunts] He's probably not even dead! [grunts] I only watched when you guys had to jump out of a plane. You guys were in that episode. Doesn't anyone remember that there was no plane? [grunts]
Beth: She's right.
Courtney: I guarantee the crew is just shaking the train car. And the window view is a holographic projection. This is obviously all make-believe. [grunts]

Courtney: [frustrated that Lindsay won the challenge] No! This isn't fair! I won two portions, already! I was the one who knew you weren't dead! She couldn't even tell the difference between a human being and a rubber dummy! Besides, I didn't do it! I'm innocent!

[Lindsay unhooked Duncan from the restraints after winning the challenge.]

Beth: Look, I'm obviously a little old for make believe. But Courtney would not have been someone I invited over to my pretty pretend palace, ever. She'd always want to be the daddy, the doctor and the prime minister of all my dolls, and they won't like that one bit! I mean, wouldn't. If I still played with them. Which I don't.

Lindsay: [Confessional] I really should've brought Beth. At least we'd have something to say to each other. But it was a good strategistical, logical move. Because it messed with Courtney's head.
Courtney: [Confessional, angry] This. Is not. Fair!
Beth: [Confessional] How can I be mad at Lindsay? Watching Courtney be jealous was the best! Especially when she tried to pretend she didn't care.
Courtney: [Confessional, furious after Lindsay chose Duncan to go to the movies with her] Who cares? Not me! I couldn't care less! Not if I try to care less! I do not care! [screams]

Lindsay: [Bonus confessional] Going to the movies with Duncan? It reminded me of ordering [holds up a soda and a bucket of popcorn] the "Mega-Combo" at the movies. At first, you think it's gonna be fun. Courtney's losing her mind, Duncan is "pretty okay" most of the time, the butter's glistening off the popcorn, good, right? [eats the popcorn and dumps the rest out of the bucket] But by the time the previews are over, you've eaten half the bucket, [pours out the soda] finish the drink, and you're feeling a little bit sick. [burps and covers her mouth in avoiding to barf]

Rock 'N Rule [2.21]Edit

Chris: A few things that every certifiable rock god needs to know that I can talk about: You need to know how to rock out on the guitar, work the paparazzi, and trash a hotel room. Yeah! Any questions?
Lindsay: Why is Owen eating my popcorn?
Owen: [reappears and laughs] Hey everybody!
Everyone: Owen?
Chris: Owen! You were supposed to wait for your cue, what is wrong with you?
Owen: I was hungry! And when I'm hungry I forget everything except what my tummy is telling me. [in confessional] Me and my tummy are very close, we'd be even closer if it weren't for my chest.
Chris: Owen! Get lost! Until I get you your cue! [Owen runs off]

[Owen returns to the game after his elimination]
Owen: Hi everyone! I just can't help myself!
Lindsay: Yay Owen! [Owen hugs her]
Beth: Hi Owen! [Owen hugs her]
Duncan: Hey man!
Harold: Good to have you back! [Owen hugs him and Duncan]
Chris: Fine Owen! Fine!
Courtney: Hello? Not fine. No way Owen is allowed back. I had to file a lawsuit to get back on this show. I'm contacting my lawyers.
Chris: You're not the only one with lawyers; Owen also filed a lawsuit...and won. His jaw was busted by Chef and he was unfairly kicked off the show. Is that good enough for ya?

[after Duncan wins the first challenge]
Chris: Nice one, Duncan, you broke it.
Duncan: Oops. Sorry!
Chris: Impressive both of you, but the winner is... Duncan!
Courtney: What?! But I played every note! I played behind my head, and on my knees, and with my teeth!
Chris: Yes, yes you did. But you tried way too hard. And if there's one thing rock stars don't do, it's try. Even a little. You saw Duncan.
Courtney: Yes! He played every tenth note and broke his guitar afterwards!
Chris: Exactly.
Duncan: Watch and learn, baby doll. Maybe one day you'll be able to rock as hard as me.
Courtney: [Hits him in the crotch with her guitar and he screams in pain] That hard enough, baby doll?

Chris: And now the moment you've all been waiting for! The photographic evidence. Let's see your best shots, shall we? Courtney ducked. Duncan socked. Owen tripped. Natch. Beth slipped. And Harold, if that's not a cry for help, I don't know what is. And Lindsay posed. Which means we have a winner! Lindsay!
Lindsay: Yay!
Courtney: How is that possible? I did the best job of avoiding the paparazzi.

Courtney: [Confessional, furious after Lindsay won the second challenge] I hate, HATE, HATE losing! So when Lindsiot won, it took all my years of transcendental meditation to keep it together. [screams in furiously]

Owen: [he sees Lindsay jumping on the bed in the final challenge.] Oooh, that looks like fun! [Owen then cannonballs onto the bed, nearly crushing Lindsay in the process.]
Lindsay: [she is in the confessional, after Owen lands on her trying to jump on the bed. She is fine, but disheveled.] THAT WAS SO TERRIFYING! I saw my life flash before my eyes! It looked a lot like Owen's butt.

Duncan: [Confessional, amazed by Courtney taking the hotel room by storm and destruction] Ah! Nothing sharpens my dog collar more than a girl with a ton of attitude! Mm-mm-mm.
Courtney: [Confessional; Meditating] My meditation teacher would've been so proud.

Harold: I sure am glad you're back, Owen.
Beth: [offscreen] Pst! Guys, over here!
Harold: Ladies? What's up?
Lindsay: Beth and I have been thinking about who to vote off. Since we can't lose Courtney, we're thinking Duncan.
Owen: Vote off Duncan?
Lindsay: Hello-o! Did you see how grumpy he was today? Plus, Courtney would never admit it, but she'd go ballistic if he got kicked off!
Harold: You don't need to convince me.
Owen: I don't know...I think I'd like to vote for Courtney.
Harold: But, she has invincibility.
Owen: I know I'd be wasting my vote, but it's her fault I got kicked off the show! Plus, I don't think she was very nice today.
Lindsay: I don't think so either, Owen.

[Lindsay accidentally voted for herself, and was eliminated in a 3-2-1 vote.]
Chris: Six left! One must go! And it won't be Courtney.
[The gang casted their votes.]
Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to Beth, Courtney, Harold and Owen. Only one left and the last Gilded Chris goes to... Duncan! Lindsay's going Bye-Bye!
Beth: But, Lindsay? Harold and I voted for Duncan.
Chris: Thought so. In fact, what happened is a first for the show. A contestant accidentally voted themselves off.
Lindsay: What?!
Chris: Take a look, unlike me, the camera never lies. [shows a video clip of Lindsay voting herself off as everyone gasps and Duncan laughs] Lindsay, it's time to say sayonara. [short pause, with Lindsay staring at him blankly] That means goodbye.
[Lindsay sadly gets up and walks to the limo]
Beth: [runs up] It's my fault. I distracted you. And now you've lost your chance at the million!
Lindsay: [brightening up] Don't worry. Friends are worth way more than money.
Beth: Lindsay, that's the sweetest thing anyone said all season.
Lindsay: Really?
Beth: Totally.

Lindsay: [in Lame-o-sine after voting herself off] Getting kicked off the show may be the best thing that ever happened to me! Now I can devote my time to something real meaningful. Like, helping the poor look better! I see them on the street and think, uh, with some blush, some eyeshadow, okay, and a lot of foundation, I could work miracles! And I'd have a line of skin care products named....Lindsay! And I'd make sure that none of them are tested on animals. Well, at least not the cute ones!

Crouching Courtney, Hidden Owen [2.22]Edit

Chris: Owen earned himself a penalty last night when he snuck off-set to go...(a skateboard lands in his hands) skateboarding.
Owen: What?! I would never ride something with wheels that small!
Chris: Yes. You. Would!
Owen: Oh! You mean last night, last night, right... yeah... I, uh, flagged a taxi and went into town to catch the skatepark...

Duncan: [about Harold's punching] Is that the best you can do? Come on, Grandma! My cat punches harder! [brief pause] Did I mention I kissed Leshawna?!
Harold: Grrr... [punches a hole through the punching bag and chokes Duncan]
Duncan: [choking] Okay, better, better...

Owen: Whoa! Harold did you hear that?
Harold: Did Leshawna Jr say something?
Owen: I think LJ has a message for us.
Harold: What is it girl? Speak.
Owen: [opens Leshawna Jr's box] Sounds like something about beating Duncan to a gooey pulp.
Harold: Can't be LJ would never [gasps about what Leshawna Jr said] did she just say kick his butt?
Owen: She totally did.
Harold: [sighs] Leshawna, Leshawna. As Confucius once said "Forgive thy enemy, be reconcile to him" You inspire me to be better LJ. Let me do the same for you.

Beth: [while Courtney is attacked by an octopus] You're so lucky to have a PDA. It sure would be nice to talk to my sweetie Brady...
Courtney: Go ahead and call him! After all, that's what FRIENDS do! They help each other with phones... and alliances! [in confessional] Look, I'll do anything to make this alliance happen. Of course Beth is trying to counter-manipulate me, but that's okay because I'm counter-counter-manipulating her! It's called a countertop. Hello!
Beth: [talking to Brady] No. I miss you more. No. I miss you more! Of course you're still my googley googy floppety flop.

Owen: So Harold, what do you miss most about Leshawna. Not the one in the box, the one you voted off.
Harold: Well, there's her melting laugh.
[Duncan laughing]
Owen: Go on.
Harold: And her delicate beauty.
Duncan: [laughs] Sorry, sorry. It's just that girl's as delicate as a freight train and... [Harold takes his glass and throws the water in his face as he is rubbing his eyes] What the... [Harold punches him hard in the face, knocking him out, then running ahead]
Owen: Sorry Duncan. [Sasquatchanakwa comes out of cave and roars at Owen and Harold]
Harold: Silence Geisha. [takes his glass and spills it]
Sasquatchanakwa: [referring to Harold purposely spilling his water; in confessional; gruffly] Not cool!

Owen: More Kung-Fu Noodle Soup, Master?
Harold: Thank you, kind Geisha.
Owen: [as he pours more soup for Harold] Mm-hmm. And I won't even eat until you're all full. Swearsies! [brief pause, takes a sip out of the pot of soup] Ooh, tastes like... poisonous... [his throat swells up] BLOWFISH. [faints]

Duncan: [Bonus confessional with a cold tuna steak covering his black eye] Yeah, Harold banished me from the sushi feast, one of the perks of winning the reward. Can you believe how fast the student became the teacher? Little twerpwad did me proud.

2008: A Space Owen [2.23]Edit

Courtney: Duncan, can I have your pillow? Mine floated off somewhere.
Duncan: No can do, babe. I already gave it to Scruffy.

[After Beth took a ride in the Vomit Comit, Courtney forfeited and Beth won immunity.]
Chris: Last chance, Courtney! Ride the Vomit Comet now, or risk a ride in the Lame-O-Sine later?
Courtney: Uh-Uh! No way! I forfeit!
Chris: Well, then! In light of Beth's willingness to get her feet wet. So to speak! I declare her the winner of today's challenge!
Beth: Yes!

[Courtney and Beth get in a fight in the their trailer after Beth won immunity]
Harold: I, too, love a catfight, but only between actual cats wearing tiny boxing gloves.
Courtney: I can't believe you went against me like that!
Beth: You deserved it for being so mean and bossy towards me!
Courtney: Oh, if that's how you feel, the girl alliance is over!
Beth: Fine!
Courtney: Fine!

[Harold got eliminated because Owen voted for him to keep himself covered, since he had been caught by Harold. Duncan also voted for him after he squished Scruffy.]
Chris: And five will soon become four as we bid farewell to another cast member. Everyone! Cast your votes!
Duncan: This'll teach you to mess with my Scruffy! [votes for Harold]
Harold: Bye-bye, traitor! [votes for Owen]
Owen: Harold's on to me, I know it! [votes for Harold]
Beth: The girl alliance is over! [votes for Courtney]
Courtney: [To the viewers] Back off! There's a reason why this is called secret voting, people.
Chris: And the Gilded Chris goes to... Beth, Owen, Duncan, and... Courtney. [throws the final Gilded Chris to Courtney] Sorry Harold, you limousine awaits.
Duncan: Get on with it, Doris! [Harold runs to Duncan, and pulls his pants down, Chef grabs Harold] I kinda had that coming!
Harold: Fifth place?! But Owen's the traitor! You've gotta watch that guy like a hawk! [Chef tosses Harold into the Lame-o-sine] No wait! A falcon! Their eyesight is way superior.
Beth: Goodbye, Harold. I'll wait for you.
Harold: Haven't I suffered enough?
Chris: We'll see about that.

Harold: [in the Lame-o-sine after his elimination] I suppose fifth place is better than sixth place. But it would have been sweet to place in the top four over that traitor Owen! I almost got third place in the school archery competition. Till I put an arrow through the principles Achilles tendon! I still have another two years of detention to look forward to when I get back. I get to hang with all the bad kids! They let me do their homework for them and stuff! You could say that I'm their leader! Man, just wait till they hear I have a sort-of girlfriend! Do I have to tell them it's Beth?

Top Dog [2.24]Edit

Owen: [farts and wakes up] Wait, no pillow whipped at my head? No angry threat to stick a cork in it? [gasps and stands up] Where's Duncan?!
[cuts to Duncan entering the trailer, groaning]
Owen: Where were you all night? An alien abduction? It was, wasn't it?! You were subjected to an endless night of alien probing! Oh, the humanity!
Duncan: Chill, Owen, I spent the night in Courtney's trailer.
Owen: Really? What did you two do all night? Come on, come on!
Duncan: Down boy! We talked. About relationship stuff, mostly. [Takes out contract]
Owen: Dude, Courtney gave you...homework?
Duncan: [in confessional, holding the stack of papers] Courtney wrote me a thirty-two-page letter outlining all my faults and how to correct them if we're ever going to have a serious relationship. All of which she expects me to memorize! I think I would have preferred a night of alien probing.

Courtney: [After Duncan has gone completely insane and shoots a rock at Beth] Lord of the Flies, much?

[Beth and Courtney looked at the message on Courtney's PDA, realizing that Harold was indeed telling the truth about Owen, being Chris's mole]
Beth: Harold was right!
Courtney: Cheater!
Beth: I trusted you!
Owen: I accidentally toot!

[Courtney got eliminated because Duncan betrayed her and Beth thinks she was a bigger threat than Owen. Chris also fired Owen because Courtney's lawyers told her and Beth about his purpose of returning, causing Chris to fire him from the show.]
Chris: This is a big one, cast. Beth is safe from elimination, which means the rest of you are fair game. So sharpen those claws and cast your votes. Someone is going home for the last time!
Beth: Owen betrayed us... but Courtney's the bigger threat! [votes for Courtney]
Owen: I like Duncan, but Beth and Courtney eat less. More for me! [votes for Duncan]
Courtney: See you never, traitor! [votes for Owen]
Duncan: [snores, then wakes up, unnoticeably votes for Courtney] Huh?
Chris: The Gilded Chris goes to... Beth, and... Duncan! Courtney, since Beth and Duncan both voted for you, it's time for your ride home! Owen, I'll deal with you in a moment.
Courtney: WHAT?! Duncan voted for ME?! UGH! [Tosses away her voting device]
Duncan: [in confessional] Court's popularity's in the toilet; I can't have her dragging me down. But the real reason? The thirty-two-page letter. And people call me psycho!?
[The other contestants uncovered Owen's identity as Chris' mole, so Chris fired Owen from the show]
Courtney: [As she was forced in the Lame-O-Sine] How could you do this to me. After everything! We are so done!
[Chef closed the door. Duncan and Beth looked at each other and Chris led Owen to the Lame-o-Sine]
Owen: Uh, Chris? I think you forgot to give me my Gilded Chris Award...
Chris: Sorry, Owen. You've been fired.
Owen: But... whyyyy?
Chris: [pushes Owen into the Lame-O-Sine, while Courtney is shouting indistinctive in the limo] What's the point of having a spy who's already been spied?

Courtney: [in the Lam-o-sine after her elimination] Better be Duncan who wins. He signed an iron-clad contract, and I'm taking my 50% of the million bucks! I don't care if it gets locked up in the courts for years. My lawyers will take my calls, when they realize how much money I'm going to make them. "On vacation for three weeks?!" I'm not paying them to take personal time! [throws the PDA out the window] Fine, I'll represent myself. Who needs lawyers, anyway? All I need is this little paper that holds my entire future. [the contract gets blown out the window] Nooooooooooooooo!

Mutiny on the Soundstage [2.25]Edit

[Beth and Duncan are becoming the finalists of the season]
Beth: I never thought I'd be the last girl left on Total Drama Action! Yep, now it's just me...all alone...in the scary trailer...I miss all my girls, even Heather! [teeth chatter]
Duncan: [hears Beth's teeth] Ugh! It's Beth chattering again! With a face like that, I'd be scared too, right guys? [no answer] Right... nobody left to laugh at my excellent zingers. The good news is there's also no one left to reek up the trailer with jungle breath, nobody to wake me up with screaming night terrors - "Mommy! Mommy!" - and nobody with any chance of taking my guaranteed million away. [hears Beth] Put a blindfold on, loser! Man, I'm never gonna get to sleep. [a bomb is placed in Duncan's trailer causing him to pass out] What the?
Beth: DID YOU SAY SOMETHING DUNCAN? [a bomb is placed in Beth's trailer causing her to pass out]

Beth: I'm everyone's friend! I like everyone, they like me!

Beth: [When she finds out Chris is upset about Chef leaving] Have you thought about being nice? Works for me sometimes!

Chef Hatchet: What color is Courtney thinking of?
Duncan: Right now! Are you serious? Ohhhh. I don't know, blue?
Courtney: [in separate room outside set] Burnt sienna! Ugh, he doesn't know anything about me!

Chris: [gasped as he see Geoff and Bridgette kissing on a tanning bed] My tan-o-matic-cure! It's been taking!

Bridgette and Geoff: And the winner is...
[everyone looks on in admiration, until both Duncan and Beth come in at the same time]
Bridgette: It's a... tie?
Geoff: So, um, what exactly are we gonna do about the million dollars?
[The others are shocked or upset about the results]

Aftermath IV [2.26]Edit

DJ: [voting for Beth] I really, really, really hate to choose, but I had to vote for Beth. She wins for being so gentle, and there's not enough gentle millionaires out there.

Owen: [voting for Duncan] I vote for Duncan for being such a healthy eater and because he still feels like one of the guys. [farts] I think I maybe had one fiber-rich scoop too many and my psyllium blendy this morning.

Courtney: Once again this show cheaps out on production. How much can a decent pen cost? [pen explodes in her face] Oh, come on!

[Duncan's ending]
Chris: The Season Two Total Drama Winner is... Duncan!
Duncan: [laughing triumphantly] AHAHAHA, YEAH!!!
Courtney: [runs up and hugs him] We're rich!
Duncan: Whoa-ho-ho-ho, not so fast, sister. Who said I'd share anything with you?
Courtney: [kisses Duncan, who subsequently looks content] Every king needs a queen.
Duncan: "King," huh? That doesn't sound so terrible... [they continue kissing]

[Beth's ending]
Chris: The Season Two Total Drama winner is... Beth!
Beth: Yeeeeaaaaaah! [the other contestants cheer and Brady enters] Brady! [Beth and Brady hug]
Lindsay: Wow!
Heather: He's not only real, he's really handsome!
Justin: Now I wish I didn't vote for her.
Duncan: Wanna get outta here and grab a bite to eat?
Courtney: I don't usually hang with losers..
Duncan: Neither do i but i asked you didn't I?
Duncan: So uh where do u wanna buy me dinner?
Courtney: I would like to give you a homemade Knuckle-Sandwitch!
Courtney: But first let me look up a strategy and call my lawyers! an election-fraud?

Celebrity Manhunt's TDA Reunion Show [Special]Edit

Geoff: Why didn't you dummies open the door?!
[reveals test dummies]
Trent: Uh, dude! Those are dummies!
Geoff: Oh, Yeah! [suddenly, realizes something] Wait a minute! Isolated location! Dummies! Nuclear-testing signs! Flesh-eating mutants!
Mutant: Hi!
Geoff: Dudes! We gotta get out of here!
[Geoff and everyone else runs away as a bomb drops out of the sky and the building blows up.]

[when Geoff, Justin, Beth, Trent, Katie, Sadie, and Eva arrived at the Celebrity Manhunt studio]
Geoff: We gotta rescue the gang! Then, we gotta party!
Blaineley: Too late, Big Guy!
[The contestants and Chris appear on TV, celebrating the new season]
Trent: Hey! What's Chris doing with everybody on TV?
Geoff: And bags of money?
Josh: Looks like you missed the boat, Chris just cast your buds on the next season of Total Drama!
Blaineley: And one of them will walk away with one million dollars!
Geoff: No! No! Nooo!!!
Eva: [starts getting furious] What?! No way! I'M GONNA LOSE IT! [starts hurling objects]
Blaineley: We better sign off!
Josh: I agree! Thanks for watching Celebrity Manhunt's Total Drama Reunion Special! [gets hit by a camera]

Sierra: [in confessional] O-M-G. This is my first confessional EVER! I am so excited! I never thought I would be on Total Drama, my favorite show in the world! Talking to all of my favorite TV stars is SO fab! Now I will finally put to rest all those Cody blog questions, like "How many freckles does he have on his back?," "What kind of deodorant does he use?," "How many times does Cody sleep facing west?," and "What song does he sing in the shower?" Ooo. [giggles] Oh! [giggles] Oh, my! [giggles] That last one will definitely be a six month analysis. Oh, yeah! [laughs and shrieks]

Alejandro: [in confessional] Watch out Total Drama nerds! The new guy is going all the way to the top!

Chris: [about the new season] 16 teens, a trip around the world, What more could you possibly want?
Chef: How about music?
Chris: Yeah, everybody's doing the musical thing, now. Sure, and music! See ya next time, on "Total Drama..." [cut to on top of the control tower]
Chris and Chef: [singing] Musical! [cut to baggage car, where they stand on top of] Musical! [cut to the front of the plane] MUUU-SIIIII-CAAAAAL!! [the front of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet falls and breaks]
Chris: Uh, maybe not! [the third season's TRUE name is shown: Total Drama World Tour]

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