Richard: Oh, dear God! Naught to 60 in 3.2 seconds and then on into space...That is savage! Savage, savage thing! I can't get enough of that. I'm gonna do that again.
[On the Huayra's handling]
Richard: Amazingly, you can corner this car like a halfwit and come out the other side alive. And that's because, in the Huayra, the black art of aerodynamics is watching over you...It doesn't feel big, like a Lambo, and it's all been set up so well and made so stable that even I can corner it hard without hiding in the glovebox whimpering.
[Concluding his review of the Pagani Huayra]
Richard: There might be some people watching right now who could actually afford one of these things. And it's the job of you, me, and everybody else to stand around and join together in a chorus: DO IT! DO IT! DO IT!
[On The Stig]
Jeremy: Some say that we have at least thought of a new way of introducing him. But we haven't. It's The Stig!
[On the Pagani Huayra]
Jeremy: The Pagani...Pagani Hu, Huuuuuuin.
Jeremy: Huummugh. It's a stupid name!
Richard: Why is it stupid?
Jeremy: It hasn't got any consonants in it. Consonants are the meat of the language; if you had no consonants in your name, you'd be...I-a. And I'd be...Eeeee.
Richard: People have waited a long time for us to come back, and that's it.
[While going into a theatre in the P45]
Jeremy: This is the joy of a P45. Everything is a drive-through.
[Refering to those performing "Radio Ga Ga" during the musical "We Will Rock You"]
Jeremy:[voice over] And nor, as it turned out, was the Mustang's voice activated telephone directory.
Jeremy: Richard Hammond.
Female Computer Voice:For media device, say, "User device, USB line in" or "Bluetooth audio". For settings, say, "Phone or Voice settings". For sync services, say, "Services". If a route is active, you can say, "Next turn", "Update route", "Route status..."
Jeremy:[angrily] Shut up!
Female Computer Voice:Or see the tips available at www dot sync my ride dot com.
James: And it's actually untreated copper so over time, it'll turn green … unless a scrap metal merchant removes it in the night.
Richard: Inside they've continued the theme of using unusual materials, so the dashboard is made out of recycled newspaper. I'm guessing they'll have used the Guardian for everything on the left and the Telegraph for everything on the right. Actually the newspaper is good because it means there is no need to Bluetooth your phone to it; The dashboard will already have listened to your messages for you.
Jeremy:[voice over] And, in the dressing rooms, we had the obligatory team talks.
Jeremy: Right, chaps, we are fine athletes, I think anyone can see that. But there is a lot we can learn from actual rugby players. [gestures to the whiteboard behind him] This was drawn up for a recent match they played and this is what I want you to concentrate on in the second half. "Mindset", "Go for it", "Enjoy it", "Never give in". OK? And I think we can add a fourth to that, which is [writing] "Ram James May". OK? Ram him whenever you see him and ram him hard. Really hard.
Jeremy: Tonight, I hold up a jar, James points at a hill, and Richard eats a sandwich.
[While working on the Rover James, a car made exclusively for the elderly people, Jeremy shows off his modified speedometer]
Richard: Brilliant — so it only reads 20 even if they're doing 80 miles an hour.
Jeremy:[correcting Richard] 115. [imitating an old woman] "I'm only doing 17 miles an hour," so they're happy. The people stuck behind, whose wives are in labour and they have meetings to get to, they're happy. Everybody wins.
Jeremy:[voice over] I was also rather proud of my old-people-friendly rear fog light.
Jeremy: This will be mounted in the car, this is the switch. So as soon as it starts a little bit of light drizzle, the elderly person turns on the rear fog light and then what happens round the back is… absolutely nothing at all.
Jeremy:[voice over] Hammond softened the suspension and I installed a pet cage.
Richard: A cat bolted to the roof?
Jeremy: I'm not bolting the cat, I'm bolting the cat cage to the roof and then it'll be up here and I won't get asthma.
[While driving Rover James]
Jeremy: Now, listen, I've got a couple of questions for you. First of all, this. [making squeaking noise]
Richard: Yeah. Underneath the brake pedal, I've fitted one of these, [holding up a squeaky rubber ball] so you know which pedal you're hitting.
Jeremy: Oh, I see! So there's no chance of unintended acceleration.
Richard: Yeah, that's a big problem solved.
Jeremy: Am I pushing the right pedal? [squeaking noise] Yes, I am! There's an audible reminder! That's brilliant!
Richard: Not only that, but the nature of the noise…
Jeremy: Yes, it's funny. When it comes to cadence braking… [rapid squeaking noise heard]
Richard: Oh, that is lovely!
Jeremy: …'cause a cadence-braking situation is a panic situation —
Richard: Yeah, it's bad.
Jeremy: — but that sprinkles some comedy into it.
[While playing bingo]
Richard: I've never concentrated so hard in my life.
Caller: Two and eight, 28.
Jeremy: Oh! I'm literally wetting myself!
Caller: One and five, 15.
Jeremy: It's coming out!
Caller: All the sixes, 66.
Jeremy: Oh! Say 86!
Caller: Six and five, 65.
Jeremy: Oh, boll —!
[While trying to get an elderly woman into the high seat chair of the Rover James]
Richard: See, in the advert for the chairs, we were told they were very easy to get into and out of, you know.
Elderly woman: Get me bottom round.
Jeremy: Shall we get a nurse to do this?
Elderly woman: No, I'll do it if it kills me!
Richard: Well, we'd rather it didn't!
Jeremy: I was going to say —
Richard: There's a lot of paperwork.
Elderly woman: I'm so sorry.
Richard: Can I help at all?
[She finally manages to get in properly]
Jeremy: Well done, with both our dignity nearly intact!