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Samurai Jack (season 2)

season of television series
Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the second season Samurai Jack.

Jack Learns to Jump Good [2.1]

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Jack: [after fighting tribe of gorillas away] Who were they?
Monkey Man: Other tribe.
Jack: Why do you not defend what's yours? [the man kneels to a flower]
Monkey Man: We peaceful like flower. Know not how to protect ourselves. Other tribe [punches flower to pieces] take food, SMASH home, NEVER LEAVE US ALONE! We pick up pieces, replant somewhere else. [Jack pauses for a beat] We scared. Now, like before, we find new home. [long beat]
Jack: l could show you how to defend yourselves... how to protect what is yours. [the man is suddenly happy, jumps on Jack to be held]
Monkey Man: And we show you to jump good!
[he starting hooting to his tribe of monkeys; they all raise their fists]
Monkey Man: They agree. We learn to protect and defend.
Jack: And they will show me to jump good?
Monkey Man: No. [Jack reacts shocked] I mean, yes. [Jack smiles]
Monkey Man: You jump good!
Monkey Man: Hungry? HERE FOOD! [stuffs fruit into red gorillas' mouths] Still hungry? HERE MORE! TAKE IT! [stuffs more food] Never come again. [He gives the signal to catapult the red gorillas away.]
[Jack runs to the time portal before Aku appears suddenly behind the portal again]
Jack: Aku!
Aku: Samurai fool! Your efforts are in vain again! [he grabs and seize the time portal] This gateway to the past is once more beyond your- [Jack jumps up high and reaches Aku's face before he could finish his sentence] Ey? You can fly?!
Jack: No. Jump good! [he slashes Aku and freeze frame]

Jack Tales [2.2]

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Jack: [he is only allowed one question to decide which of the two worms is the "magic" worm, armed only with the knowledge that one tells the truth and the other lies] If you were your brother, which one would you say was the magic worm?
Worm 2: Which one are you asking?
Jack: It doesn't matter.
Worm 2: Hmmm. That's easy. It's him!
Worm 1: Of course! It's me!
Jack: Then I choose you.
[chooses Worm #2 instead]
Worm 1: He knows!
Worm 2: What makes you choose me? I told you it was him!
Worm 1: Yes, me!
Jack: If you were the truth-telling one then what you said would be a lie because you will answer truthfully what your lying brother will say. Therefore I can safely say that the answer will be the opposite of what you say. On the other hand if you were the lying worm then you will tell me what your truth-telling brother will say but it would be a lie, therefore the answer will also be the opposite of what you say. Understand?
Worm 1 and 2: Uh...?
Worm 2: Of course!
Worm 1: Good answer! [Worm 2 swallows Jack whole] Hey, don't haul it all! [Worm 2 gulps him down] Little did he know we're both liars!
Worm 2: [laughing] Magic? I haven't done that since I was a little larva!
Jack: [smiling] When does the magic begin? [smiles enthusiastically, but suddenly frowns when he sees a group of sad people] There is no magic, is there? [two of the people shake their heads no]
Worm 2: Jack!
Jack: You know of me?
Worm 2: Of course I do. I'm magic.
Worm 2: What's your favorite color?
Jack: Blue... no, red!
Gypsy Woman: [standing along with her family] Give us the food and your life will be spared!
Jack: You mean my...sword?
[Jack holds up his sword to the starving family to taunt them]
Jack: Hungry?
[the family lick their lips and drool in hunger]
Jack: Come get some!
Fairy: But you don't have the magic words.
Jack: Magic words? What magic words?
Fairy: The ones the gargoyle knew. Now we'll never get out.
Jack: I wish we were free.
[the Fairy is surprised and looks at him. Jack warmly smiles. Fade to black as a sound is heard, indicating that Jack and the Fairy are free]

Jack and the Smackback [2.3]

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Ganeesh: A wise man knows everything. A shrewd one, everybody. You can hide but you cannot run. A true coward runs not from his opponent but from himself. Many receive advice. Only the wise profit by it.
Ringmaster: Facing the twelve-time champion of the ring, the Administer of Agony, the Baron of Brutality, the Carver of Carnage, the Dealer of Destruction... Gordo the Gruesome!
The Ringmaster: Our talent search has spread throughout the universe, to bring you only the finest quality of challenger. He'll battle the greatest of champions. No victory is too small, no wound is too great, no weapon is illegal. And now, the Dome of Doom presents for your pleasure... Two-Sandals the Treacherous!
Gordo: PREPARE TO SUFFER, TWO SANDALS THE TREACHEROUS! I WILL BEAT YOU LIKE A DRUM! I WILL HANG YOU OUT LIKE LAUNDRY!
The Ringmaster: And now, without any further...
Gordo: I AM THE MASTER MECHANIC, THE ALPHA AND OMEGA! I WILL PUT A HURTING ON YOU, SLAVE! I'M GONNA TEAR YOU UP INTO LITTLE SHREDS, AND THEN I'M GONNA TAKE THOSE SHREDS AND TEAR THEM UP INTO LITTLE SHREDS! I WILL MAKE YOUR MOTHER CRY! I WILL MAKE YOUR AUNT EDNA FROM WITHERSHOOT PROPER AND SOUTH OF BARNABY CRY! ARE YOU READY FOR PAIN, TWO SANDALS?!
[crowd cheers]
Samurai Jack: I am not intimidated by your shouting. A true warrior fights not with words, but...
[Gordo the Gruesome punches Samurai Jack in the face]
Ringmaster: Deep from within the deepiest abyss of the seventh ocean of Amalgamous arose a champion of unimaginable proportions. Half machine, half flesh, all terror. The Aqualizer.
The Aqualizer: Dome of Doom, once more have you summoned. To answer your call, I have risen from the depth of the abyss to conquer the ring and to put an end to this lowly amateur.
[Aqualizer begins a fight against Jack]
Aqualizer': Do not fear. I have traveled the seven seas and conquered far greater foes than this mere contender.
[The fight continues until Jack smashes Aqualizer's helmet, revealing a worm]
Aqualizer: Help me! Help!
Crowd: Doom doom doom!
Ringmaster: The crowd calls upon you, Two Sandals, to put the doom on the Aqualizer.
Jack: No, I will not participate in the senseless violence any longer! You will have to get your entertainment elsewhere.
Ringmaster: This is a dark moment indeed. Not only has he insulted the ring he has insulted us. We will show no more mercy to this show sandaled heathen. Introducing the champion to end all champions! Weighing in at a mere 700 tons I give you Sumoto!
Jack: I will not fight.
The Ringmaster: Then you will be destroyed.
Jack: I will not fight you, Sumoto.
Ringmaster: It's the Sumoto Swan Dive! No challenger has ever survived it! Thank you, Sumoto, for putting the doom back in the Dome of Doom!
[Jack hair tickles Sumoto as this time Sumoto starts to laugh]
Ringmaster: This...This cannot be! It looks like Sumoto is...ticklish?!
[Jack tickles Sumoto more as Sumoto laughs and giggles until Sumoto gets tired and defeated]

Jack and the Scotsman II [2.4]

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The Scotsman: [upon reuniting with Samurai Jack] Remember me? [laughs heartily, then grabs a shield protecting Jack from gunfire] Watch it!
Scotsman: [having been crying on Jack's shoulder] I'm just overcome thinking 'bout her. How can I live without me bonnie wife?
Samurai Jack: I suggest we waste no time crying then.
Scotsman: Aye.
Jack: Is your clan always that wild?
Scotsman: Aye, that's why I never stay at home. I'm the mellow one.
Scotsman: Me Clan Druid rolled the bones. They said seek the help of a stranger. Yer the only stranger I know, and yer as strange as they come, laddie.
Jack: And what is haggis?
The Clan: Sheep's stomach stuffed with meat and barley!
Scotsman: But lovely lump, the druid said...
Scotsman's Wife: The druid?! Who listens to a man wearing an elk skull on his head?
Scotsman: But he...
The Scotsman's Wife: Shut it!
Scotsman: Yes, dear.
Scotsman's Wife: I've never been so humiliated in me blessed life! I have a gimbly old dullard for a husband and a scrawny tree for a sidekick! I'd be better off saving meself!
Boone: The moon is full. Destroy the men and throw the fat female in the pot.
Scotsman's Wife: Fat? Fat?! I'M NOT FAT! I'M STOUT!
Boone: Silence!
[the Scotsman's wife punches him in the stomach then tosses him]
Scotsman's Wife: LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!!
Jack: Seems we must find an alternate way out.
Scotsman: Why?
Jack: The door is so very small and your wife is so very...
Scotsman's Wife: WHAT!?
Jack: Oop…
The Scotsman: RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!! Don't squash him, muffin! He's a friend of mine!

Jack and the Ultra-Robots [2.5]

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Alien: They came from nowhere. They left as mysteriously as they came. To the east, they left to the east.
Robot: They appeared from nowhere. First came explosion. We tried to defend ourselves, but our attempts were futile. And then, there was fire. We didn't stand a chance. They were relentless. They destroyed the city, all of it. Then, they left as mysteriously as they came.
Samurai Jack: Madness. This senseless destruction must be stopped.
Robot: They-they-they left to-to-to the east.
[Shuts down]
Jack: Why? Why did you destroy all those villages?
Ultra Robot Leader: To lure you to us. To draw you out.
Jack: What?
Ultra Robot Leader: Yes, we have been hunting you. We have come to destroy you.
Jack: Your search is over. Come and get me.
Extor: Of course, on your own you are not strong enough to cut through their adamantium metal. But with my last scientific invention you can cut through them like butter...
[holds up a huge mechanical arm]
Ultra Robot Leader: All too easy.
Extor: High-five.
Jack: What?
Extor: High-five.
Jack: What?
Extor: High-five.
Jack: I do not understand.
Extor: Never mind.
Ultra Robot Leader: Fool. Your sword does not match the power of Aku.
Jack: Wrong. This sword carries the history and strength of my people. Its power is immeasurable. Great ancestors, hear my plea.
Extor: What are you doing?
Jack: If I am worthy, grant me the strength to vanquish this evil abomination and send him back to...
Extor: [seeing the Ultra Bot Leader coming to Samurai Jack, worried] Jack, snap out of it!
Jack: I honor all who trust me. My cause is worthy, great ancestors.
Extor: [scared] JAAACK!
Jack: Let my sword be your instrument of justice!
Ultra Robot Leader: [Last words] Unbelievable.
Extor: High-five.
[Jack and Extor high-five each other]

Jack Remembers the Past [2.6]

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Emperor: Dry your tears, my son, for nothing worth having is easily attained. Sometimes you must fight for what is yours... and for what you believe in. Remember, my son... it is not one's outward brawn, but rather one's inner strength that makes them mighty.
Jack: [cries] My home.

Jack and the Monks [2.7]

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Jack: What is at the peak of this mountain?
Monk #1: Truth.
Monk #1: Do you give up? Will you abandon their hope? Can you not feel their desperation? Will evil forever rule the world? HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN?!
Jack: No, I have not forgotten.
Jack: Thank you, mountain monks. Thank you. [shouts on top of the mountain's summit] Aku! l will never give up! l will return to the past and destroy you!

Jack and the Dragon [2.8]

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Jack: Poor, unfortunate creature.
Peasant: I'm not poor!
Jack: What!?
Peasant: I might be unfortunate, but I'm not poor!
Jack: Tell me, where is this horrible stench coming from?
Peasant: Oh, you must mean the stench that ruined our crop, that rendered generations of back-bending labor completely and utterly useless. That...
Jack: Yes! That stench.
Jack: Your pet speaks very well.
Scissorsmith: My pet- that's my wife! Never sell a wizard an expired fishing license.
Scissorsmith: Look up there. [points to sign] Now, do you see the words "free information" anywhere on that sign?
Jack: No.
Scissorsmith: Try using this magnifying glass. See it now?
Jack: No.
Scissorsmith: Well that's because I don't sell free information!
Scissorsmith: Then you'll need... this!
Jack: I've had enough of your bartering, Scissorsmith.
Scissorsmith: This one's on me. Sheep's bladder. It'll help you breath up there in those fumes. Place it over your head like this and breath calmly. If you have any small children with you, secure your own mask first, then the child's. You will find exits located to the east and south end of the cabin. Beverages will be served shortly.
Scissorsmith: At the fork in the road, follow the rocky path. It will take you to the dragon's lair.
Jack: Where will the other one take me?
Scissorsmith: Space Ace!

Jack vs. the Five Hunters [2.9]

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Lionor: Our race has existed for countless eons. The hunt is our way of life. It runs through our veins. It makes us rich, rich beyond material wealth. We accept your challenge. But we need not your treasure. Our reward is the thrill of the hunt. For we are Imakandi.
[Jack is captured easily by the Imakandi]
Lionor: [disappointed and disgusted] This was such a waste of time! This prey is not worthy to continue! Let us tell Aku that he can claim his prize!
Jack: Aku... No! I will not be brought to Aku like an animal! [breaks free and escapes]
Lionor: [smiles] We hunt, my brothers.
[The Imakandi capture Samurai Jack again and Aku appears before them]
Aku: Congratulations, Imakandi! You are undoubtedly the greatest hunters of the universe. All that have preceded failed. But YOU...you have captured the one being who ran free in this world of mine.
Lionor: Yes, truly this was our greatest hunt. And this samurai has proven himself as the mightiest and most elusive of prey.
Aku: Yes, yes, now please hand him to me.
Lionor: No.
Aku: What?!
Lionor: I cannot. A prey that has provided such an intense and noble hunt has earned its right to run free. It is the way of the Imakandi.
Aku: Insolent FOOLS! I will take what is mine!
Lionor: No, you will NOT! [with that being said, the Imakandi disappear along with Jack in blue flames before Aku can grab them]
Aku: NO!
Lionor: The greatest prey of all is a prey that has earned its freedom. That is our way. The Imakandi way! Run free, Samurai Jack... Run free.

Jack vs. Demongo, the Soul Collector [2.10]

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Aku: From deep within the bowels of the Pit of Hate, I summon: Demongo!
Aku: As far as the eye can see the land is desolate and full of despair. Shadows draw across the earth and block out the light. Darkness oozes from every crevice. Hope has been eradicated; only terror reigns! And yet there is one who mocks my omnipresent evil with his existence! He possesses a sword which could destroy me. They call him...Samurai Jack!
Demongo: You've met your match, samurai! Crush him! Crush, crush, crush, crush, CRUSH!
Demongo: What is my bidding, my master?
Demongo: I am the Dealer of Destruction, the Merchant of Doom!
Demongo: You cannot win, Samurai! I am more powerful!
Jack: A power fueled only by the strength and skill of the great warriors whose essence you have stolen, Demongo! Without that, you are nothing!
Demongo: Heh, heh, heh, heh, heh. You are wise, Samurai... but who cares?! Bleah!
Jack: There must be a way to defeat Demongo, a way to stop Demongo from using essence, essence of trapped warriors. Trapped essence? Free the essence, Demongo has no power; how do I free the essence? [sees essence has been reabsorbed by Demongo] Yes, from within. How do I get inside?
[he strikes the Tiger Warrior, then grabs hold of its essence as Demongo is reabsorbing it]
Demongo: [he starts realizing something isn't right] Huh? [sees Jack hurtling towards him] Impossible!
Aku: You have failed me Demongo.
Demongo: No, Master. Please forgive me!
Aku: Hmmm... [thinks about it] NO. [crushes him] Once again the saga continues.

Jack Is Naked [2.11]

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Jack: Get back here, you thief!
Taxi Driver: It seems as though that angry mob is trying to get your attention.
Jack: Please, we must leave immediately.
Taxi Driver: The urgency in your grip tells me you are in grave danger. I will take you the heck out of here.
Taxi Driver: Well, the cat's out of the bag now, my friend.
Jack: [dressed up as a princess] Hello.
Burglar: Hey, why don't you watch where you're NAKED?!
Jack: Sir, I apologize for what I am about to do, but I must borrow your clothes.
Burglar: My wha-? [Jack knocks him out with a punch]
Cop #1: Calling all units. Calling all units. Almost naked man running loose in terminal. I repeat, almost naked. Arrest him immediately.
Jack: A stranger world than this, I fear I have yet to visit.

Jack and the Spartans [2.12]

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Spartok: Long ago, he came to us in our time of need. His name was Jack. Nothing would be the same.
Spartok: The war was finally over. But the warrior was gone. His shield was all that was left. This stranger who became a brother aided us in our time of need and made a difference. His sacrifice and that of the others defeated our enemy, saved our lives, and ensured our freedom. They will be honored and remembered forever... the 300 plus one. But I believe the one survived. A warrior that great... could not be stopped so easily.

Jack's Shoes [2.13]

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Jack: You have insulted my footwear. [the bikers laugh] My sandals don't like to be laughed at.
Jack: I don't mean to trouble you, but I was wondering... [stomach rumbles] Thank you, but there are villains at large that I must deal with.
Old Man: Oh, there are always villains. But you cannot defeat them on an empty stomach.
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