Full House/Season 3

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 | Main

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Full House was a television sitcom that ran on the American ABC network from 1987 until 1995.

Tanner's Island [3.1]

[while Danny runs after the runaway boat, Jesse follows him]

Rebecca: Jesse, you'll never catch that boat!

Jesse: I don't wanna catch the boat. I wanna catch Danny!

Back To School Blues [3.2]

Joey: [upon seeing Jesse move like Elvis Presley] Jesse, Elvis never made one golf movie.

Nerd For A Day [3.4]

Danny: Joey, let's go! We're gonna be late!

Joey: Danny, what is the big rush?

Danny: Joey, you know I always leave the house at exactly 7:48. Now, thanks to you, I'm already two minutes late.

Joey: What are you talking about? We are right on time.

Danny: Joey. That's a barometer.

Joey: Well, in that case, we'd better get moving. There's a hurricane brewing.

Granny Tanny [3.5]

Jesse: Who let you outta your crib?

Michelle: I let me out.

Jesse: You mean you climbed over the bars and jumped down all by yourself?

Michelle: You got it, dude.

Jesse: Jail break!

Star Search [3.6]

Jesse: Joseph, you've been in toon-town for 2 days. Now, start acting like a human being.

And They Call It Puppy Love [3.7]

[Joey reads from the tabloids]

Joey: Listen to this, Michelle. "Psychic struck by lightning". If he was any good, he'd have seen that coming.

Divorce Court [3.8]

Rebecca: [whilst Jesse, Danny and Joey race] For those of you at home who think you're watching a slow-motion replay, do not be fooled. They are actually moving at this speed.

Dr. Dare Rides Again [3.9]

Pete: (in an old video from '83, when Jesse does the dare of his life) The doctor is about to operate!

Jesse: Aren't you a little overdramatic there?

Pete: Not if you die.

Jesse: Hey, look, I was dared, so I'm gonna do it.

Girl next to him: Not without a kiss for luck first.

Jesse: Have mercy.

Pete: [so annoyed by their good-luck kiss, covers the camera lens with his right hand] Aw, don't waste tape on this. This is disgusting!

The Greatest Birthday on Earth [3.10]

Danny: Joey, what is an elephant doing in my living room?

JoJo: Surprise, Cleano!

[the elephant catches JoJo's briefs with his trunk]

JoJo: The surprise is on JoJo. She got my underwear!

---

Danny: I got a great cake.

Joey: Did ya get the triple chocolate with pink frosting in the shape of a clown's face with a big cherry-red nose? Did ya, did ya, DID YA?

Danny: Yes, Joey. Look at this. [shows Joey the cake]

Joey: Yes!

Joey & Stacy and... Oh, Yeah, Jesse [3.12]

Joey: [Right after kissing Stacy] Ay chihuahua!

Jesse: Ay chihuahua?

Joey: I could've said, "Have mercy!" but it felt more like an, "Ay chihuahua!"

Misadventures in Baby-Sitting [3.14]

Brian: Oh no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!

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Danny: [to Steve, who is smoking heavily] You, sir, are a chimney!

Bye Bye, Birdie [3.16]

Michelle: Hi, Dave, you're a pretty bird!

Miss Petrie: Ready for a story boys and girls?

Michelle: Come on, it's story time!

Aaron: Miss Petrie, Dave flew out the window, Michelle did it.

Miss Petrie: Well, it was just an accident, I'm sure Michelle didn't mean to do it.

Michelle: I'm sorry, I'm a bad girl!

Aaron: A very bad girl!

13 Candles [3.17]

Stephanie: [alarm clock goes off] What time is it?

D.J.: It's 3:47. I was born on this day at exactly 3:48.

Stephanie: You have an excellent memory.

D.J.: (gets out of bed and looks at watch) 3, 2, 1, yes. (looks in mirror) I am now officially a teenager.

Stephanie: Well, pin a rose on your nose!

D.J.: I gotta rest up for my party tonight. Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited.

Stephanie: I liked you better when you were a kid.

D.J.: Well, those days are over. You are now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman. (gets into bed) I'M 13! (bounces in bed)

---

Kimmy: D.J., what are you doing dancing with Elliott? You should be dancing with Kevin Guin.

D.J.: I would, but Kevin didn't ask me.

Kimmy: Then ask him. It's very simple, watch. (Turns to Bitterman) Hey, Bitterman, you wanna dance?

Bitterman: Sure, why not?

Kimmy: Maybe later. I'm busy.

---

• Jake & Kimmy (after they kiss): Whoa, baby!

Mr. Egghead [3.18]

Michelle: Joey broke Stephanie's nose.

Danny: [to Joey] You broke Stephanie's nose?!

Those Better Not Be Those Days [3.19]

(Danny, Jesse and Joey look into the future and see that Stephanie, DJ and Michelle are adults and still living at home)

Adult Kimmy: (Walks in) Hola, Tanneritos!

Jesse: Kimmy Gibbler! Oh, my God!

Adult Kimmy: Eat your hearts out, boys. (Smirks) Too bad you weren't nicer to me when I was a kid.

(afterwards)

Danny: And we all lived miserably ever after.

Jesse: That was so depressing.

Joey: Yeah. Can you imagine the girls still living here?

Jesse: No, not that - my hair.

Honey, I Broke The House [3.20]

(when there was a car in the kitchen)

DJ & Kimmy: WHOA BABY!!

DJ: There's a car in the kitchen!

Michelle: I told you so.

DJ: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here?

Michelle: Yes, I do!

DJ: How?

Michelle: Through the window!

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Jesse: Have mercy! There's a... Th-there's...

Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen.

Jesse: Thank you. How'd a car get in the kitchen?

DJ & Kimmy: Through the window.

Jesse: Everybody okay?

DJ: Yeah, we're all fine.

Danny: (offscreen) Hello?

DJ: But I don't think Dad is gonna be fine.

Jesse: Well, alright. We have to break this to him very gently, okay?

Danny: (offscreen) Hey, where is everybody?

Kimmy: In your new garage.

DJ: We'll be right back. Stall Dad.

---

DJ: Good face, Dad.

Danny: Is everybody alright? Where's Stephanie?

DJ: We're all fine. Stephanie's at dance class.

Danny: Look at this house! Look at this kitchen! Look at this mess! I just waxed the floor! Where's my best friend Joey?

DJ: Dad, let me get one more picture of you.

Danny: This is a very serious matter!

DJ: That's okay, you don't have to smile.

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Michelle: You're in big trouble, mister!

Danny: Joey, are you okay? You had us worried sick!

Joey: Danny, I'm fine.

Danny: In that case, you're in big trouble, mister!

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Joey: Are you upset because I took the last ice cube and didn't refill the tray?

Danny: Something like that.

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Joey: MY CAR! Rosie! This is my punishment for not filling the ice cube tray?!

Danny: Are you saying you didn't know about this?

Joey: If I did, don't you think I would've bought a bigger jar of touch-up paint? Danny, when I left, Stephanie was watching my car. What the heck happened?

Jesse: (arrives with Stephanie) Well, here's somebody who knows what the heck happened.

Stephanie: I was taking a make-believe drive through the country, and I wanted to play the radio. So I turned the key, and the next thing I knew, I was in the kitchen.

Joey: I should've never left those keys in the ignition.

Stephanie: It's not your fault, Joey. I had no business being in your new car! It was perfect!

Joey: Well, almost. The radio didn't work.

Stephanie: Now he tells me.

---

Stephanie: I dro--- I dro--- I dro---

Rebecca: You dropped something? Did something break? What did you break?

Stephanie: You name it, I broke it.

---

Stephanie: I sorta drove Joey's car into the kitchen.

Jesse: You're the one who drove Joey's...? Steph, you can't even drive!

Stephanie: You're telling me.

Rebecca: No wonder you're moving to Mexico.

---

Michelle: My turn to drive the car.

Joey: You know the rules, Michelle. Nobody gets to drive 'til they're 8 years old.

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(Joey leans on car, sobbing.)

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Michelle: Don't cry. Be a big boy.

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Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!

Just Say No Way [3.21]

(DJ walks into the hallway and sees Kevin with two other boys)

DJ: Kevin!

Kevin: Hey, DJ!

DJ: What are you doing out here?

Kevin: Just hanging out!

Paul: The dance was lame, so we started our own party.

DJ: (sees the beer can under Kevin's jacket) You're drinking beer!

Kevin: Yeah. Tastes horrible. (offers her the can) Want some?

DJ: No, I don't want some! You guys aren't supposed to be drinking beer!

Paul: Big deal! We're just having some fun. Try it!

(he shakes his own can and sprays her with it)

DJ: Cut it out!

Kevin: (to Paul) You didn't have to do that! I'm sorry, DJ. I'll go get some paper towels.

DJ: Why don't you guys just get out of here?!

Paul: You are so uncool!

DJ: Oh? And you think you're cool? (she grabs the can and shows them how it's done, as Jesse walks through the door) "The dance was lame. Now we're having a party!"

Paul: Forget it, DJ. We don't want any beer.

Sam: Yeah, we're only 13.

(they run away from her)

Jesse: (noticing what just happened, as well as what's in her hand) DJ Tanner!

DJ: Uncle Jesse--

Jesse: You're in big, big trouble, young lady.

---

(after the break...)

DJ: Uncle Jesse, I didn't do anything.

Jesse: Oh, yeah? Then what's this?

(takes the beer can)

DJ: It's beer, but--

Jesse: (interrupts her) Oh, you gonna tell me you weren't drinking it? I can smell it all over you!

DJ: Those guys were the ones drinking. I was trying to stop them.

Jesse: Alright! Save it! (throws it in the trash) I saw the whole thing. Come on, you're going home!

DJ: Uncle Jesse!

Kimmy: (noticing the confrontation) DJ, where are you going?

Jesse: Home. She doesn't feel well!

(and that shocks Kimmy)

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(DJ enters her and Stephanie's room, crying)

DJ: How could they do this? I was telling the truth! I don't deserve to be treated this way; I didn't do anything!

Stephanie: What didn't you do?

DJ: It doesn't matter. Nobody believes me anyway - not Uncle Jesse, not Joey, not even Dad.

(sobs)

Stephanie: I believe you, DJ.

DJ: You do?

Stephanie: Of course I do. You're my big sister. And besides that, you were looking right in my eyes. When you lie, you look at the top of my head.

DJ: Thanks, Steph. (they hug) I gotta find a way for them to believe me.

---

(in the kitchen...)

Danny: I can't believe this is happening! She's only 13, and she's such a good kid.

Joey: (walking over from the counter to the table and sitting with Jesse) Danny, this could happen to any kid. There's - there's a lot of pressure on them to try drinking.

Jesse: (to Joey, possibly addressing Danny as well) I know, and not just from other kids. From, you know, sometimes, these celebrities, and rock stars, and people these kids look up to. I mean, they're - they're making drinking look cool. I mean, they're sending the wrong message to kids. (turns to Danny) Let me tell you something! DJ is gonna get the right message, okay? She's gotta know that there's no drinking, period. I say we go upstairs and lay down the law!

Danny: Jesse, wait a minute. Just sit down. (he does) I think it's not as simple as just punishing her. I think we have to find out why DJ did it, so we can decide the best way to help her. I just don't want her to be one of those kids who has to learn the hard way.

---

(at the school, Kimmy and the others are helping clean up from the dance)

Kimmy: (as her best friend comes in) DJ, you missed everything! Kevin and Paul and Sam got caught drinking. They're gonna be suspended from school.

DJ: I hate to say it, but they deserve it. Your mom's waiting outside. I have to find Kevin.

Kimmy: (points to him sitting in a chair) He's over there waiting for his parents. You better talk to him now. You may not see him for a long time.

Kevin: (drunk) Hi.

DJ: Hi. You and I have to talk. My family thinks I was drinking.

Kevin: (drunk) Oh, man.

DJ: You gotta tell my dad I'm innocent. Why did you have to go and drink anyway?

Kevin: (drunk) Those guys said it would loosen me up. I thought you had more fun with me.

DJ: Well, I didn't have fun with you tonight. I had fun with the old Kevin.

Three Men and Another Baby [3.22]

Jesse: (about the baby they're watching) You see cute, I see smelly diapers.

Fraternity Reunion [3.23]

(after the TV fell off the banister)

Danny: What? Why? How? Who?!

---

Michelle: Daddy's a girl.

Stephanie: No, he's a woman.

Kimmy: An ugly woman.

Our Very First Telethon [3.24]

Danny: I close my eyes for two seconds and it's a Kimmy Gibbler telethon.

Joey: Danny, you've been out for four hours.

Danny: (checks his watch) Four hours. Why didn't anyone wake me? Oh no, I'm ruined, I ruined the telethon, my career is over...

Rebecca: Danny, we're still on the air.

Danny: (to camera) That concludes the dramatic portion of our show.