Full House was a television sitcom that ran on the American ABC network from 1987 until 1995.
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Our Very First Show [1.1]Edit
- Danny: Let's go mom, your bags are in the cab, the meter's running.
- Claire: The baby's sleeping like a baby.
- Jesse: (Seeing how small his closet is) Oh, great. I'm in Webster's room.
- D.J.: Rule #1, you never touch my stuff. You should be taking notes. Rule #2, you never set foot on my half of the room.
- Stephanie: How do I get outta here?
- D.J.: Easy, you jump out the window and climb down the tree.
- Stephanie: I don't think so.
- D.J.: Suit yourself.
- Stephanie: I'll find a way out.
Our Very First Night [1.2]Edit
- Jesse: Aren't you supposed to be in bed, dreaming about Tweety Bird or Big Bird or Larry Bird or something?
- Jesse: Now you can have ice cream and chocolate milk, no cookies.
- (D.J. and Stephanie are about to have their pizza)
- Jesse: Alright, girls. Listen here, now. It's almost midnight. You guys listen to two, three songs match, and each a pie, then straight to bed. No nonsense.
- Stephanie: Boy are you strict!
The First Day of School [1.3]Edit
- Stephanie: Okay, wanna listen to the pledge? I pledge allegience to the flag of some states of America.
- D.J.: Let me tuck you in, very tight.
- Stephanie: And to the public which understands, with God, and Liberty, I'm dead meat!
- (Stephanie refuses to go to school)
- Danny: Sweetheart, don't you want to go to school and be smart?
- Stephanie: I'll stay home and watch public television.
- Jesse: Come on, Steph. Spill your guts. Why don't you want to go to school?
- Stephanie: Because I don't know anybody. I'll be all alone. It will be real scary. I won't know anybody. And I won't have any friends.
- Danny: Ohh, Steph. You're gonna make friends. I promise. You and I, we're gonna go down there together. And Daddy's not gonna leave until everything's alright.
The Return of Grandma [1.4]Edit
- Stephanie: (after Danny, Jesse and Joey have cleaned the house) Grandma Irene, does this mean hell is freezing over?
Sea Cruise [1.5]Edit
- Stephanie: That's grandma, we gotta buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz off!
Daddy's Home [1.6]Edit
- Joey: Shut up, punk.
Knock Yourself Out [1.7]Edit
- Sandman: Lou, you fired.
Jesse's Girl [1.8]Edit
- Danny: Hold on, Steph, I'm gonna call the cable company.
- Stephanie: You'll get a busy signal....fix it!
- Jesse: I'm just smiling away like I'm Nancy Reagan.
The Miracle of Thanksgiving [1.9]Edit
- Danny: (cuts the turkey) Scratch the white meat. We have dark meat and really dark meat.
Joey's Place [1.10]Edit
- Jesse: Don't "huh" me. You waltz in here 25 minutes late and expect sympathy? Ha!
- Danny: I didn't know you...
- Jesse: I have cleaned the house, and washed and ironed your clothes, and ran a daycare center for socially deviant munchkins, and missed Oprah. Ran this one to a ballet lesson, this one to a dentist. No cavities, thank you very much. Do you realize I have slaved over a hot stove so you could have a hot meal when you come home?! Huh?! Hmm? Hmm? Hmm?
- Danny: Jesse, I'm sorry.
- Jesse: "Sorry". "Sorry". "Sorry" doesn't change the fact that my chicken tetrazzini is ruined! Ruined! It's all dried out. But do you have the common courtesy to call to say you're going to be 25 minutes late?! NO! Well, I am not an animal. Oh, my God. What's happening to me? I'm turning into June Cleaver.
The Big Three-O [1.11]Edit
- Danny: (To Michelle) What does Mr. Car say? You're right, he doesn't say anything, because he's dead.
Our Very First Promo [1.12]Edit
- [Jesse and Joey hear the "monster"]
- Jesse: North American Silver-Footed Ferret, adult male, 2 1/2 pounds. I'd say from the echo, he's heading towards the garage.
- Joey: How can you possibly know this?
- Jesse: Its a gift.
Sisterly Love [1.13]Edit
- Jesse: Now, I bet you're gettin' tired of all that strained baby food, now, I've got you a corned beef sandwich with a big fat kosher pickle, now what do you want on the side, potato salad or coleslaw? Just the pickle, okay? It's still warm.
- Stephanie: [reads her script] "I love Oat Boats, because Stephanie takes heaping spoonful of cereal. They taste great. She takes a bite."
- [D.J. laughs, until her sister stares at her]
- D.J.: Oh, I'm sorry. Go ahead. Rehearse.
- Stephanie: [reads again] "I love Oat Boats, because Stephanie takes heaping spoon--"
- [D.J. laughs again]
Half A Love Story [1.14]Edit
- Stephanie: [about Jesse] What a guy, huh?
A Pox in Our House [1.15]Edit
- Joey: Germs take one look at my body and say "Hey- why waste our time?"
- Jesse: Women say the same thing.
- Joey: I can't have chicken pox, I'm immune.
- Jesse: You're immune to common sense.
But Seriously, Folks [1.16]Edit
- Joey: I tried, and I failed. I'm just glad I figured this out now, and not when I'm 46.
Danny's Very First Date [1.17]Edit
- Danny: [as his daughters enter with ice cream] Hey, girls. I thought we were going out for ice cream.
- D.J.: We wanted to make sure we still liked it.
Just One of the Guys [1.18]Edit
- D.J., Joey, and Jesse: [after scoring the first touchdown] IN YO' FACE!!
The Seven-Month Itch (1) [1.19]Edit
The Seven-Month Itch (2) [1.20]Edit
Mad Money [1.21]Edit
D.J. Tanner's Day Off [1.22]Edit
Cutting It Close [2.1]Edit
- DJ: I can't believe you did that.
- Danny: Breakfast is ready. We're having pan... (sees Jesse's hair) ...cuts
- Joey: (upon seeing Jesse's new haircut) You went from Eddie Van Halen to Pee-Wee Van Herman.
Beach Boy Bingo [2.6]Edit
- The Beach Boys: Ba ba ba... Barbara Ann.
- DJ: Ba ba ba... Barbara Ann.
- The Beach Boys: Oh, Barbara Ann, take my hand. Barbara Ann, you got me rockin' and a rollin'. Rockin' and a reelin'.
- Stephanie: Ba ba ba ba ba ba.
- Danny: I am stoked! Whatever that means.
Joey Gets Tough [2.7]Edit
- Danny: You watch Wake Up San Francisco because it's nice, and easy. Well this morning, I had a little too much coffee, so we're gonna do it nice... and rough.
A Little Romance [2.11]Edit
- Nick: (to Rebecca after she paid seventeen hundred dollars for Jesse in a date auction.) You know you could've had him for free.
Fogged In [2.12]Edit
- [Jesse enters his room where D.J. is recording her own version of "The Locomotion"]
- Jesse: What are you doing?
- D.J.: The Locomotion.
- [Jesse looks closely at the tape]
- Jesse: Where'd you get this tape?
- D.J.: It was in there.
- Jesse: Oh, no. [rewinds the tape] Please, tell me you didn't tape over my Casa de Pancakes jingle.
- [after he's finished rewinding, he plays the recording on the tape of "The Locomotion", then to the end of...]
- Jesse and Joey: [on recording] Casa de Pancakes. OLE!
- [Jesse disappointedly stops the tape]
- Jesse: I can't believe it! It's gone! You guys destroyed it! Now I'm gonna hafta do the whole thing over again.
- Danny: What happened?
- Jesse: Aw, they messed up my jingle tape. Joey's goin' away. I'm gonna hafta do this whole thing over again.
- Danny: Don'tcha think you're overreacting?
- Jesse: Overreacting? You think I'm overreacting?! I'm not overreacting! Okay?! I had this all worked out! I spent the whole night doin' it! Now my whole life is ruined! Okay. Now, I'm overreacting.
- Danny: Jess, ya lost your temper again. Huh?
- Jesse: Well, she shouldn't be in here-- [sighs] Ah, I'm just tired. I lost my cool. I did come down on her pretty hard. Didn't I? She'll be okay?
- Danny: I think you better straighten this out.
- Jesse: Yeah. All right. I know just how to handle this.
- Danny: Good. Jesse?
- Jesse: Huh?
- Danny: D'you need a hug?
- Jesse: Haven't I been through enough?
Little Shop of Sweaters [2.14]Edit
Pal Joey [2.15]Edit
- Young Jesse: Hey! One at a time!
- Sheldon: There's the kid who was picking on me!
- Miss Borland: That's it, I'm calling your parents!
- Young Joey: But...
- Young Danny: Wait, Miss Borland. That boy's lying, Joseph has been a perfect angel.
- Sheldon: Tanner's the liar!
- Miss Borland: That's not possible! Daniel Tanner's never been into trouble a day in his life. Let's you and I visit the principal, Sheldon.
- Young Joey & Young Danny: Sheldon?
- Sheldon: (Looking at Young Joey & Young Danny)
- Young Joey: Thanks man, you saved my life!
- Young Danny: You saved me first.
Baby Love [2.16]Edit
- Rebecca: Dustin? You would name our child Dustin?
- Jesse: Yeah, you got a better name?
- Rebecca: I sure do... Emily.
- Jesse: No son of ours is gonna be named Emily.
- Rebecca: Our daughter's name is Emily. Our son's name is Prescott.
- Jesse: Prescott? Might as well name him Emily. Our son is gonna be called Dustin.
- Rebecca: Prescott.
- Jesse: Dustin!
- Rebecca: Prescott!
- Jesse: Dust... When did we have a kid?
- Rebecca: Well, we better get going. You don't wanna miss your plane.
- Connie: You're right, it might accidentally take off on time. Come on, Howie, wake up. It's time to go.
- Michelle: Howie, no go.
- Danny: Howie, yes go. Howie go back home.
- Michelle: Me go.
- Danny: [imitates an Indian] No, little Kemo Sabe. No can go to Nebraska. Take many moons.
El Problema Grande de D.J. [2.17]Edit
- Linda: Hasta luego.
- Danny: Ah... El Pollo Loco!
- DJ: Dad, you got to do something; listen to my report card. It's so unfair! A-A-A-A-A-A...
- Joey: How dare they! This is an outrage!
- DJ: Listen to my Spanish grade-D
- Danny: A D in Spanish?
- Joey: Que pasa?
- DJ: Huh?
I'm There For You, Babe [2.20]Edit
- DJ: You have the brain of a paramecium.
- Stephanie: If I have the brain of a paramecium, then you have the brain of just one mecium.
- DJ: (to Jesse) There really is no way to beat her, is there?
Tanner's Island [3.1]Edit
- Jesse: I'm not trying to catch the boat. I'm trying to catch Danny. (Catches up to Danny) I'm not going to hurt you. I just want to talk to you. How does one lose a boat?
- Danny: The rope must've slipped off the rope-thingy.
- Jesse: The rope-thingy... Skipper?
Back To School Blues [3.2]Edit
- Michelle: Wait for me, I go too!
- Joey: Hold on there, you little Sesame Streaker. You don't start nursery school 'til next year.
Breaking Up Is Hard To Do [3.3]Edit
Nerd For A Day [3.4]Edit
Granny Tanny [3.5]Edit
Star Search [3.6]Edit
- Jesse: Joseph, you've been in toon-town for 2 days. Now, start acting like a human being.
And They Call It Puppy Love [3.7]Edit
- Michelle: Ah, nuts!
Divorce Court [3.8]Edit
- Rebecca: (Jesse, Danny and Joey are competing against each other in a race, which Becky is filming for their show) For those of you who think you're watching a slow-motion replay, do not be fooled. They are actually moving at this speed.
- DJ: I'm older.
- Stephanie: I'm younger.
- DJ: I'm taller.
- Stephanie: I'm shorter.
- DJ: I'm smarter.
- Stephanie: I'm... not falling for that.
Dr. Dare Rides Again [3.9]Edit
- Pete: Goodbye, filth ball!
The Greatest Birthday on Earth [3.10]Edit
Joey & Stacy and... Oh, Yeah, Jesse [3.12]Edit
- Joey: [Right after kissing Stacy] Ay chihuahua!
- Jesse: Ay chihuahua?
- Joey: I could've said, "Have mercy!" but it felt more like an, "Ay chihuahua!"
No More Mr. Dumb Guy [3.13]Edit
Misadventures in Baby-Sitting [3.14]Edit
- Brian: Oh no! Not Kimmy Gobbler!
[back at the house, Danny, Steve, Jesse, Joey and Paul are still playing poker, while Steve keeps smoking his cigarette]
- Steve: Is my cigarette bothering you?
- Danny: Oh no, man. It's a poker game. You're supposed to stink.
- Steve: [squishes his cigarette away] This is the last cigarette of the evening.
- Danny: What a shame. [Steve starts smoking a cigar] Oh, here's a refreshing new smell. [Steve blows some smoke]
Lust in the Dust [3.15]Edit
Bye Bye, Birdie [3.16]Edit
- Michelle: Hi, Dave, you're a pretty bird!
- Miss Petrie: Ready for a story boys and girls?
- Michelle: Come on, it's story time!
- Aaron: Miss Petrie, Dave flew out the window, Michelle did it.
- Miss Petrie: Well, it was just an accident, I'm sure Michelle didn't mean to do it.
- Michelle: I'm sorry, I'm a bad girl!
- Aaron: A very bad girl!
- Michelle: I'm a very bad girl.
13 Candles [3.17]Edit
- Stephanie: [alarm clock goes off] What time is it?
- D.J.: It's 3:47. I was born on this day at exactly 3:48.
- Stephanie: You have an excellent memory.
- D.J.: (gets out of bed and looks at watch) 3, 2, 1, yes. (looks in mirror) I am now officially a teenager.
- Stephanie: Well, pin a rose on your nose!
- D.J.: I gotta rest up for my party tonight. Oh, and don't forget, you're not invited.
- Stephanie: I liked you better when you were a kid.
- D.J.: Well, those days are over. You are now sharing a room with a sophisticated, mature young woman. (gets into bed) I'M 13! (bounces in bed)
- Kimmy: D.J., what are you doing dancing with Elliott? You should be dancing with Kevin Guin.
- D.J.: I would, but Kevin didn't ask me.
- Kimmy: Then ask him. It's very simple, watch. (Turns to Bitterman) Hey, Bitterman, you wanna dance?
- Bitterman: Sure, why not?
- Kimmy: Maybe later. I'm busy.
- Jake & Kimmy (after they kiss): Whoa, baby!
Mr. Egghead [3.18]Edit
- Michelle: Joey broke Stephanie's nose.
- Danny: [to Joey] You broke Stephanie's nose?!
Those Better Not Be Those Days [3.19]Edit
(Danny, Jesse and Joey look into the future and see that Stephanie, DJ and Michelle are adults and still living at home)
- Adult Kimmy: (Walks in) Hola, Tanneritos!
- Jesse: Kimmy Gibbler! Oh, my God!
- Adult Kimmy: Eat your hearts out, boys. (Smirks) Too bad you weren't nicer to me when I was a kid.
- Jesse: That was so depressing.
- Joey: Yeah. Can you imagine the girls still living here?
- Jesse: No, not that - my hair.
Honey, I Broke The House [3.20]Edit
(when there was a car in the kitchen)
- Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
- DJ & Kimmy: WHOA BABY!!
- DJ: There's a car in the kitchen!
- Michelle: I told you so.
- DJ: Michelle, do you know how Joey's car got in here?
- Michelle: Yes, I do!
- DJ: How?
- Michelle: Through the window!
- Danny: Joey, are you all right? You had us worried sick!
- Joey: Danny, I'm fine.
- Danny: In that case, you're in big trouble, mister!
- Stephanie: I dru--- I dru--- I dru---
- Rebecca: You dropped something? Did something break?
- (Joey leans on car, sobbing.)
- Michelle: Don't cry. Be a big boy.
- Michelle: There's a car in the kitchen!
Just Say No Way [3.21]Edit
(Kevin, Paul and Sam are in the hallway, drinking beer. DJ comes by)
- DJ: Kevin.
- Kevin: Hey, DJ.
- DJ: What are you doing out here?
- Kevin: Just hanging out.
- Paul: The dance was lame, so we started our own party. (DJ sees Kevin holding a beer can)
- DJ: (shocked) You're drinking beer!
- Kevin: Yeah. Tastes horrible. Want some?
- DJ: No, I don't want some. You guys aren't supposed to be drinking beer.
- Paul: (while shaking the can) Big deal! We're just having some fun. Try it! (He sprays DJ with it)
- DJ: (gasps in shock) Cut it out!
- Kevin: (furious at Paul) You didn't have to do that! (to DJ) I'm sorry, DJ. I'll go get some paper towels. (He goes to the bathroom)
- DJ: Why don't you guys just get out of here?
- Paul: You are so uncool!
- DJ: Oh, and you think you're cool? (She takes his beer and paraphrases Paul's line in a mock voice, while Jesse sneaks behind the doors at that moment) "The dance was lame. Now we're having a party."
- Paul: Forget it, DJ. We don't want any beer.
- Sam: Yeah, we're only 13. (They run away. Jesse walks up to DJ and is not happy at this)
- Jesse: DJ Tanner!
- DJ: Uncle Jesse.
- Jesse: You're in big, big trouble, young lady. (DJ sighs)
Three Men and Another Baby [3.22]Edit
- Jesse: (about the baby they're watching) You see cute, I see smelly diapers.
Fraternity Reunion [3.23]Edit
(after the TV fell off the banister)
- Danny: What? Why? How? Who?!
- Michelle: Daddy's a girl.
- Stephanie: No, he's a woman.
- Kimmy: An ugly woman.
Our Very First Telethon [3.24]Edit
- Danny: I close my eyes for two seconds and it's a Kimmy Gibbler telethon.
- Joey: Danny, you've been out for four hours.
- Danny: (checks his watch) Four hours. Why didn't anyone wake me? Oh no, I'm ruined, I ruined the telethon, my career is over...
- Rebecca: Danny, we're still on the air.
- Danny: (to camera) That concludes the dramatic portion of our show
Greek Week [4.1]Edit
- Papouli: [talks about a traditional wedding from his town] He gives her the flowers, they dance around the table and... that's what it's all about.
- Danny: That's not a wedding. That's the Hokey-Pokey.
- Joey: [after someone at the party breaks a plate like a true partying Greek] Now it's a Greek party! OPA!!!
- [he throws a plate down to the floor, and it breaks]
- Everyone else: OPA!!!
- [they all do the same thing]
Crimes and Michelle's Demeanor [4.2]Edit
- Michelle: Can we watch Arsenio?
- Danny: What do you think?
- Michelle: I think it's time for bed.
- Danny: That's right. It's time for bed. To bed, I said.
- Michelle: Daddy, am I still your little princess?
- Danny: Oh, you got it, dude.
- Danny: [after reading Dr. Seuss, Michelle refuses to go to sleep] Don't shake your head. Your story's read. It's time for bed. To bed, I said.
- Jesse: Gotta lay off that Seuss, man.
Slumber Party [4.4]Edit
- [after catching Michelle and Danny dancing to "Shake Your Booty"]
- Jesse: Now I know why disco died.
- Jesse: [reads paper] Rebecca Donaldson, award-winning journalist and host of 'Wake Up, San Francisco' to wed... "Jersey Katsopolis"?
- Danny: Jersey Katsopolis. Sounds like a Greek cow.
A Pinch For A Pinch [4.6]Edit
- Michelle: Uncle Jesse, Aaron ate my elephant!
- Jesse: That's not fair, go eat his cookie. If somebody does something to you, do it back.
- Michelle: Works for me.
- Michelle: Give me your cookie.
- Aaron: That was my camel!
- Michelle: It's in my tummy now. [laughs tauntingly]
- Michelle: I saw lions and tigers and bears.
- Danny: Oh my.
Viva Las Joey [4.7]Edit
- Michelle: [having heard the big news] Joey's opening a fig newton in Vegas....and the chimps have lice.
- Stephanie: I think you're a little mixed up.
- Michelle: I'm a lot mixed up.
Shape Up [4.8]Edit
- Michelle: [to a bodybuilder] Hey, mister, you are very lumpy.
- Jesse: I hope you're not offended. But if you are, that's her father over there.
Happy New Year [4.13]Edit
- Danny: [surprised after seeing Stephanie kiss Rusty wildly] Whoa! Stephanie, where'd you learn to do that?
Stephanie Gets Framed [4.16]Edit
- Jesse: Steve... Steve, Steve-o. I can't help but notice that you walk like you still have the hanger in your shirt.
- Steve: Oh, well, thank you.
- Jesse: You're welcome. Steve, I'd like to help you because, uh, quite frankly, you need help. See, when you're walking, you gotta kinda be loose, man, like let it be cool. (starts to slowly bounce) That's it. Loosen up, be very fluid. Be very fluid-y. That's it! Now... once you get it going, you shift the weight and you go. (starts walking) And it's a strut, and it's cool, and it's a strut, and it's cool. See? Like that?
- Steve: Very inspiring. (tries to walk, but instead of a strut, he walks sideways on his toes bouncing highly)
- Jesse: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's, uh, that's close.
- Steve: Really? Well, oh. Well, that was a walk on the wild side. But, you should try it with your elbows out. It's much better for circulation.
- Jesse: Oh, really? Like this? (sticks elbow out)
- Steve: Yeah. (Jesse starts to walk) You're doing fine!
- Jesse: You, know? I do feel the blood flowing better.
- Steve: Yeah.
- Jesse: It's very - WHAT AM I DOING?
- Steve: Well, here's another fun way to kill time. Let's share a life story. I'll go first. I was born on a cold night in Chicago, 1976, the year of America's bicenntinal. My mom was in a great deal of pain and I was charging through! And -
- Jesse: Uh, I think I hear the girls in the kitchen. Why, don't you just go and... yeah. Right in the kitchen area.
- Steve: Thanks! [enters the kitchen] Oh, ladies?
- [he, D.J., and Julie shout inside the kitchen]
A Fish Called Martin [4.17]Edit
- DJ: (getting ready to square dance) I hate to get technical but we formed a triangle.
- Rebecca: It will be much more square when my parents get here.
- Jesse: You ain't kidding.
- Rebecca: What?
- Jesse: Oh, I said... I'll do your bidding.
- Rebecca: That's all I ask.
The Wedding (2) [4.19]Edit
- Stephanie: The Making of a Wedding, the saga continues. The groom is now 25 minutes late, and here's the man who let him jump out of a plane on his wedding day, Joey Gladstone. Joey, how do you feel right now?
- Joey: Sad, hurt, angry, bitter, scared, used, and I'm pretty hungry. I forgot to eat breakfast.
- Stephanie: Poor Joey, breakfast is the most important meal of the day. And here's Becky with her loving family. Any words for Uncle Jesse?
- Rebecca: Darling, I just hope you're all right. But if you are all right, I'll kill you.
- Michelle: [as the flower girl] Stop the wedding!
- Danny: Michelle, what's wrong?
- Michelle: I ran out of flowers. I'm sorry.
- Danny: Michelle, it's not your fault you ran outta flowers. The problem is the church is much too long.
Oh Where, Oh Where Has My Little Girl Gone?Edit
- Michelle: (Walking down stairs and sees bags of chips Jesse got for Becky) Wow! A million bags of chips and no one's in the room?
Happy Birthday Babies (1)Edit
- Michelle: Is it almost time for my party?
- Becky: You're still two and a half hours still.
- Michelle: How long is that?
- Jesse: 2 Sesame Streets and a Mister Rogers.
- Michelle: I'll never make it.
- Danny: Am I the raddest, baddest dad a kid ever had?
- DJ: You were until you said that.
- Davey: Stephanie, I'm sorry. I gotta go home for dinner.
- Stephanie: Hey, if you quit, you forfeit, Chu-meister. Dad, next word, please.
- Danny: This is gonna be the last word. "Sarsaparilla".
- Stephanie: Sarsaparilla. S-A-S-P-A-R-I-L-L-A. Sarsaparilla.
- Danny: I'm sorry, Steph.
- Stephanie: Why?
- Davey: Because it's: Sarsaparilla. S-A-R-S-A-P-A-R-I-L-L-A. Sarsaparilla.
- Danny: (looks it up) Man, that's right. You really are the human dictionary.
- Stephanie: Now, there's a silent "R"? I hate this language!
- [Danny teaches Michelle to read using his own method]
- Danny: "A" is for Ajax, "B" is for Brillo, "C" is for Clorox, "D" is for Drano.
The Devil Made Me Do ItEdit
- Stephanie: Kimmy, you're so dumb you don't even know how dumb you are.
- Kimmy: You're the one who's dumb. Capital D-U-M!
- D.J.: Kimmy, there's a "B".
- Kimmy: Where?!
Girls Will Be BoysEdit
- Aaron: Let's play superhero.
- Teddy: I'll be Batman!
- Aaron: I'll be Superman!
- Michelle: I'll be the Little Mermaid.
- Aaron: That's not a superhero. That's a fish.
- Rebecca: How about if Michelle is Wonder Woman?
- Aaron: That's impossible. She doesn't have black hair.
- Rebecca: What was I thinking?
- Teddy: You can be Superman's mother.
- Michelle: What does Superman's mother do?
- Teddy: She lays out Superman's pajamas.
Captain Video (1)Edit
(Mike Love and Bruce Johnston of The Beach Boys visit; Jesse enters with his hair wrapped in cellophane for dying)
- Jesse: Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, the Beach Boys!
- Mike: Whoa-ho-ho-ho-ho, Miss Clairol!
- Jesse: Dr. Love, how ya doin'? Bruce, how ya doin'? Heh heh, I've got my hair in a... heh heh, heh heh... (aside to Becky, annoyed) Thanks for the warning.
- Rebecca: Well, how was I supposed to know you'd be dyeing your hair - why are you dyeing your hair?
- Jesse: Because I'm worth it.
Come Fly With Me [6.1]Edit
- Flight Attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to flight 40, we should be arriving at our destination... Auckland, New Zealand, in 14 hours.
- Stephanie: Auckland, New Zealand?
- Michelle: 14 hours?
- Stephanie & Michelle: Aaah!!
The Long Goodbye [6.2]Edit
- Mrs. Knotts: Michelle, very good printing, but is there something missing from your letter I's?
- Michelle: I save the dots for last.
- Mrs. Knotts: I do too.
- Michelle: Teddy, wanna dot my I's?
- Teddy: Oooh! That's my favorite thing!
- Mrs. Knotts: Boys and girls if you thought dotting I's was fun, you're gonna love, crossing T's!
- Denise: Excuse me!
- Mrs. Knotts: Everyone, say hello to Denise!
- Kids: Hello, Denise!
- Mrs. Knotts: She's joining us from Mrs. Harris's class! (To Denise) Denise, why don't you take that empty seat there next to Michelle!
- Denise: Hi, Michelle!
- Michelle: Hi!
- Denise: Do you wanna trade lunches?
- Michelle: No thank you.
- Denise: I've got a bologna sandwich!
- Michelle: I have tuna, I don't think that goes with bologna!
- Denise: I've got potato chips!
- Michelle: What kind?
- Denise: Sour cream and onion!
- Michelle: Really!
- Denise: Sure! Why would lie about potato chips?
- Michelle: Sour cream and onion is my favorite!
- Denise: Me too!
- Michelle: The taste stays on the tongue for a really long time!
- Denise: Yeah, sometimes when my mommy kisses me, she says, "Ew! What have you been eating!"
- Mrs. Knotts: Shh!
- Denise & Michelle: Shh!
- Michelle: I'm making T's wanna cross mine?
- Denise: Cool!
The Play's The Thing [6.8]Edit
- Derek (acted by Blake McIver Ewing): Uh, excuse me, I didn't have a chance to try out
A Very Tanner Christmas [6.12]Edit
- Rebecca: Jesse, this is not snow, this is gunk, from a can!
- Kimmy: (attempting to get some mistletoe kisses) Come on, don't be shy.
- Comet: (Comes running in and starts licking Kimmy)
- Kimmy: Miles, you animal.
Subterranean Graduation Blues [6.19]Edit
- Michelle: Excuse me sir, littering is bad for the Earth!
The House Meets The Mouse (1) [6.23]Edit
- D.J.: Stephanie, she's just a little kid.
- Stephanie: Yeah, and Chucky was just a doll.
The House Meets The Mouse (2) [6.24]Edit
- Danny: Michelle, you know you're not supposed to wander off by yourself.
- Michelle: But Daddy, I was so mad.
- Danny: Now, that's no excuse. We're gonna have a long talk about this later.
- Michelle: But Daddy, I'm the princess, and nobody would do what I told them.
- Danny: Sounds like you were trying to be the boss.
- Michelle: The princess is the boss.
- Danny: Bruce Springsteen is the boss.
Tough Love [7.4]Edit
The Bicycle Thief [7.11]Edit
- (Jesse and Michelle return home with Michelle's bike, which is not really hers)
- Michelle: Hey, everybody! Uncle Jesse got my bike back!
- Jesse: It's no big deal, all I did was outwit a 9-year-old. Not like he was Jeopardy material or anything.
- (they encounter Danny, who has the same bike)
- Jesse: What the heck is that?
- Danny: Michelle's bike. What the heck is that?
- (Joey comes in, and also has the same bike)
- Joey: Hey, guys. Guess who found Michelle's... bike?
- Danny: Seems to be the question of the day.
- Michelle: Wow, I got three bikes.
- Danny: No, honey. Not all of them are yours. One of them is. But which one?
- Michelle: I like this one. It looks brand new.
- Danny: Sweetheart, I didn't ask which one you like the best. I asked you, which one is yours?
- Michelle: Let's see. Mine has a Kermit sticker on the basket.
- Jesse: Well, would you settle for a Care Bear on the chain guard?
- Michelle: None of these bikes are mine. Mine's still stolen.
- Danny: So are all these.
- Joey: And we're the stealers.
- Michelle: You're all going to the slammer!
- Michelle: Daddy, if I have a stomachache, could you stay home from the slammer?
- Danny: Sweetheart, we are not going to the slammer. We're just gonna return these bikes to their rightful owners.
- Michelle: So everybody gets their bike back except me? That's fair.
- Jesse: How am I supposed to return this? I stole it off a kid named Davey. All I know about him is I should've stolen his trumpet too.
- Danny: I found mine leaning against the library. This horrible thing, a little girl goes in, checks out Curious George, comes out, her bike's gone. It turned a kid off to reading forever.
- Joey: I grabbed mine off the back of a pickup. (notices a card in the basket) Oh, great. There's a card in it. "Happy Birthday, Lisa. Love Mom and Dad."
The Last Dance [7.14]Edit
- Jesse: Papouli, you remember Rebecca.
- Papouli: Who could forget Rebecca?!
- Michelle: I bet you could.
Kissing Cousins [7.18]Edit
A Date with Fate [7.22]Edit
A House Divided [7.24]Edit
Comet's Excellent Adventure [8.1]Edit
- Danny: I've just been notified that our family dog Comet is missing.
- Stephanie: (runs up to Danny) Dad, Comet is missing.
- Danny: I've just been notified again.
Breaking Away [8.2]Edit
Making Out Is Hard To Do [8.3]Edit
- Danny: Do you have any idea what your daughter's been up to?
- Claire: Do you have any idea how ridiculous you sound?
- Danny: When children seem the least lovable, it means they need love the most.
- Claire: Do you always talk like a fortune cookie?
- Danny: Actually, it was the Thought for the Day on my Ziggy desk calendar.
- Danny: Steph, let me put it this way. Before it can soar like an eagle, the young baby bird must stumble and fall, and spend two whole weeks grounded in the nest with no TV.
- Stephanie: Hey, is that from your Ziggy calendar?
- Danny: No, but I'm thinking of submitting it.
On The Road Again [8.7]Edit
All Stood Up [8.22]Edit
- Stephanie: Listen, we kind of got off on the wrong foot, actually, we didn't off on any foot. Do you think we could start over?
- Ryan: I'd like that. I'm Ryan, want to go get some pizza?
- Stephanie: Yeah, OK. But it's on me. Dad?
- Danny: Here's twenty grand, your inheritance. Bye, have fun.
- (Ryan and Stephanie leave, then Stephanie comes back in and hugs Danny)
- Danny: What's this for?
- Stephanie: For being an involved, loving father, who sticks up for his daughter.
- Danny: Thanks, honey.
- Stephanie: But don't ever do it again!
Michelle Rides Again (1) [8.23]Edit
Michelle Rides Again (2) [8.24]Edit
- (final quotes of the series)
- Michelle: How out of it was I?
- Jesse: Oh, pretty out of it. I mean, you were here, sweetheart, but it was like part of you was missing. It sure was like part of all of us was missing. But, we stuck it out and we got it through.
- Joey: Just like we always do.
- Danny: Just like we always will.