Family Guy/Season 21

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Family Guy: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22

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Family Guy is an animated television series created by Seth MacFarlane for FOX in 1999. The show was canceled in 2002, but after a positive response to DVDs and reruns on Adult Swim, productions of new episodes for FOX resumed in 2005.

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Oscars Guy

Chris: [discussing wanting to enter America's Funniest Home Videos] I want to spend $2,000 flying to Los Angeles to win $1,000.

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Peter: You know when I agreed to this, I 100% thought it was American Pie. Always read the second word of the title before you sign something.

Bend or Blockbuster

Lois: [texting] Hey, guys. Home with groceries. It could use hand unloading. And send. [sends text] Now, I wait for them to come out and help their dear old mom.

Peter: [offscreen] Do it yourself!

A Wife-Changing Experience

[Joe finds Lois naked and screams]

The Munchurian Candidate

[Peter and Lois are dining at His and Her's Restaurant]

Lois: Ah, look at this, Peter. A new restaurant in town. What a lightning bolt to the balls for a couple of schmos like us, huh?

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[Lois looks at the pictures of Susie Swanson on Bonnie's Facebook page]

Lois: Ugh, look at that thing's eyes! You know, maybe one glass a night wasn't fine.

Unizpped Code

[Jerome has broken his leg and is in a wheelchair]

Cleveland: Whoa, Jerome. What's with the wheelchair?

Jerome: Well, it was date night with my ladyfriend. Put on some Teddy Pendergrass. One thing led to another. We started making love halfway up the stairs. Then, I lost my footing and tumbles down half a flight!

Quagmire: [appalled] Well! This is hardly a dinner conversation!

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Joe: I bet you're gonna discover some cool new things you couldn't do while walking.

Jerome: Like what?

Joe: Well, have you yelled at someone for using the handicapped stall yet?

Happy Holo-ween

Peter: Thanks to the vaccines, we can all get back to doing the things we hate.

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[Peter sees Roberta dressed as Harley Quinn]

Peter: Whoa!

Cleveland: Careful.

The Stewaway

[Peter and Lois are packing the car while Chris is eating some chocolate. He throws the wrapper upon finishing.]

Meg: Chris? What - oh, who cares? We're in Vermont till Sunday. Call if you have to but, like, let's not call.

Chris: Can we only brush our teeth for 60 seconds instead of the full 90?

Peter: You brush your teeth? Nerd.

Carny Knowledge

Tom Tucker: Okay, final question. Team 3. Who is your child's favorite singer?

Peter: [puts his board up to show the crowd] The Price is Right Yodeler.

Chris: What? No. I said Adele. [puts his board up]

Peter: Judges?

[the crowd laughs after the buzzer goes off]

Lois: Oh, this is more humiliating than my first day working at that Rice Pilaf Company.

[cut to a Cutaway Gag of Lois' first day at the Rice Pilaf Company]

Lois: I think we could start putting pilaf in other things.

Boss: Lois, can I see you in my office for a second?

[we cut to the kitchen where Lois is sobbing at the table while the rest of the family are eating]

Peter: I told you not to rock the boat over there.

The Candidate

Cleveland: Peter, where are we going?

Peter: [offscreen] Relax, it's our nation's capital. I'm just a fan of history!

Cleveland: Uh, Peter? What are you up to?

[The camera zooms out to reveal Peter dressed as the Podium Guy]

Peter: What? I just love our government! Or at least I used to!

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Stewie: Brian, say hello to the new snack captain!

Brian: You actually won? Wow! Congrats, Stewie! I thought you being a mistake ruined your chances. How'd you pull it off?

Stewie: It turns out 70% of the kids' parents aren't married and 30% are mistakes. Nobody gets married anymore! One kid doesn't even have parents. He just kind of appeared. Sleeps in one of the cubbies. I mean, that's the story I would've told this week, but whatever. Oh, and Doug died in a commuter plane crash this morning.

Old West

Allen: And I think margs are gonna be on you after this adventure, huh?

Old West: I don't drink that shit.

Allen: Okay, we'll figure something out.

Single White Dad

[Meg is in the middle of an elaborate domino arrangement in the living room with Gene, but is set off early when Peter bumps into the table setting up]

Meg: Crap! Gene, they're coming! They're coming fast, Gene! Starting recording, Gene! GENE!!

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[Peter introduces Chris to Donkey Kong]

Chris: This game SUCKS!!

Peter: What are you talkin' about?

Chris: Uh, what universe does this even take place in? EVERYTHING needs to take place in a universe!

Peter: It's a warehouse with ladders where a monkey took a girl.

Chris: What about the microtransactions that slowly bankrupt our family? Or the children slinging racist taunts into your earpiece?

Peter: It has two buttons and I have to look down when I press 'em.

Chris: Donkey Kong sucks! I could build the same game on our house.

[This gives Peter an idea]

Peter: Donkey Kong house?

[scene transitions to Peter setting up a real Donkey Kong stage in front of the house]

Peter: Sorry I put you in a dress, Stewie. We needed a damsel.

Stewie: Hey, do I look upset?

White Meg Can't Jump

Ugly Girl: May I join the losers club?

Chris: [sigh] I don't care what yearbook captions you saw. We are not yet an organized club.

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Pizza Bread: The deed to the house is in the drawer, under the phone!

Adoptation

Chris: Keep my name out your fucking mouth!

The Bird Reich

Preston: Peter, what are you doing up there?

Peter: Preston, I'm glad you're here. I'm about to test the prototype for "desk-poline".

[Peter jumps off a stack of cabinets and crashes on top of his desk. Peter grabs out a pad and pen and starts writing]

Peter: Desk will need to be bouncy.