The Casagrandes/Season 3

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Episode 1

Bend It Like Abuelo (1.1)

Ronnie Anne, Sergio, and CJ: Gatos, Gatos, Gatos, Gatos!

Rosa: [bursts into the mercado with a broomstick] Gatos?! Where, where?!

Ronnie Anne: Not real cats, Abuela. [points to the orange team banner] The soccer team!

Rosa: Oh. Well, when those real gatos get here, I'll be ready. [leaves the mercado]

Vito: I don't know what you's are so excited about. Everyone knows the gatos lose every game.

Hector: This is not just a game. [rips off his sweater, revealing a gato t-shirt] It's the Crosslake Championship!

Vito: [mockingly] Oh. So they're gonna be big losers! I've got my money on anyone who's not The Gatos. [rips off his own shirt, revealing a t-shirt with a "No" sign covering the team logo]

Hector: [aghast; comes from behind the counter and bumps Vito] Just wait. Our star player, Picosito, is gonna win this year. When he's hot, ay-yi-yi, he's hot!

Vito: Too bad he's been ice cold for years.

Hector: I'm never washing my head again!

Rosa: When did you start?

Bunstoppable (1.2)

[Stanley is telling Sid, Adelaide, Breakfast Bot, and the three pets a story about their ancestors in a book]

Stanley: [narrating the story] Once upon a time, thousands of years ago, our ancestors lived in Clear Water Village. They farmed the land and enjoyed a peaceful life, until one day, the village was attacked by the infamous Han Family Bandits! [imitating the bandits] "Hand over all your food or we will destroy your village!"

Adelaide: Oh, no! And then they destroyed it?

Sid: Shh! Dad's getting to that! Dad, can you get to that?

Stanley: As I was saying, our calm wise, and very handsome Ancestor Chang, who some say looks a lot like me…

Adelaide: Focus, Dad!

Stanley: [clears throat] He realized that the Han family's hunger had driven them to a life of crime. So, he offered them a challenge. If he gave them something more delicious than anything they'd ever tasted, they'd have to spare the village. The bandits scoffed, but then Ancestor Chang gave them his goldfish bao, it delighted their eyes, filled their stomachs, and energized their bodies! The bandits lost the challenge! The Han family was so moved, that they gave up their evil ways and became the protectors of Clear Water Village. And that's the story of how this bao recipe saved the day. [holds up a goldfish bao, which sparkles] It's been passed down through our family for generations.

Changs: Ooh!

Stanley: [to his daughters] And now, it's time for me to pass the recipe down to you two, so you can make bao for the Chinese Cultural Fair today. [sniffles a bit with tears streaming down from his eyes] My little buns, making their first buns...

Sid: [pats her father on the back; touched] Aw, Dad...

Stanley: I gotta go to the park and snag the best spot before Mike Liu gets there. [chuckles] Oh, and I'm gonna need you to make 800 bao just like those two.

Sid: [giggles weakly] It sounded like he said eight hundred...

Stanley: I did. Better get started. See you at the park. [leaves again]

Adelaide: But it took us forever to make two!

Sid: [whining] At this rate, we'll be DAD'S age by the time we finish! There HAS to be a better way! [gets an idea] That's it!

Vito: [while Hui warms up his nunchucks] Oh, bunch of tough guys, huh? [starts swinging his linked sausage nunchucks around, but manages to snare himself] Is it over? Did I win?

Maybelle: [while wrestling with Woo over her grocery bag] You ain't gettin' these mangoes! [kicks Woo away]

Episode 2

Squawk in the Name of Love (2.1)

[Carl and Adelaide find Sergio laying on the couch, bawling in tears while binging ice cream]

Adelaide: Are you okay, Sergio?

Sergio: Priscilla dumped me…AGAIN! [resumes sobbing]

Adelaide: Oh. I'm so sorry, Sergio.

Carl: You guys break up all the time. Just find a new girlfriend. There's plenty of birds in the sky.

Sergio: I tried. Total fail. [Flashback to the moments of him trying to get a new girlfriend bird] One had terrible manners. [The female pelican launches a fish at him and he falls off] One just didn't listen. [holds up his phone showing a photo of Ronnie Anne to an owl] And for the fifth time, this is Ronnie Anne. [The owl hoots and he face palms himself; then seen having a dinner date with a female eagle] One was too aggressive. So, you like smaller birds? [The female eagle caws and picks him up and flies off into the sky; fading back to present] None lived up to sweet Priscilla.

Adelaide: Why did she dump you?

Sergio: No idea. [holds up his phone, showing them a photo of Priscilla annoyingly massaging his feet] Look at all the fun we had together. This is her giving me a foot massage, [scrolls down to another photo of them at Sancho's place] this is us at Sancho's watching the game, [scrolls to another photo of her massaging his feet while still at Sancho's] this is her giving me a foot massage while watching the game.

Adelaide: She looks miserable!

Sergio: Nah. That's just her resting ostrich face. [scrolls to a photo of Priscilla]

Adelaide: It's clear what the problem is. You didn't treat her like a princess. It's okay, I can teach you how to act like a prince and win her back.

Sergio: I'm not so sure.

[The female eagle caws from outside the window, staring deadly at Sergio]

Carl: Look, the eagle's back for a second day!

Adelaide: You're hopeless.

Sergio: Hopelessly in love! Don't give up on me! [begs with sad eyes]

Adelaide: Ugh, fine. We'll have to make it up to Priscilla, but this time, I'm coming with you, so you don't Sergio it up.

Sergio: [offended] "Sergio it up?" What's that supposed to mean? [the venus flytrap bites on his head again] You got a point.

Sergio: I have way cooler outfits in my closet that don't give me wedgies!

Adelaide: It's not for you, it's for her. Now, I'll be watching nearby and feeding you lines through my dad's old radio equipment. All you gotta do is listen to your earpiece and you'll do great.

Sergio: I sure hope so.

[While Priscilla and her parents, Frank and Estelle, wait for Sergio to arrive, Priscilla paces around nervously; They hear Lalo bark and see him dragging Sergio in the carriage; Sergio exits and walks up to them]

Adelaide: [through earpiece] Bow and kiss the queen's hand, then say the following.

Sergio: Frank, Estelle, it's truly an honor. [bows and kisses Estelle's foot, much to her approval]

Adelaide: Your daughter is my everything. I want to spend every waking breath beside lovely Priscilla.

Sergio: Your daughter is my everything. I want to spend every waking breath beside ugly Priscilla.

Adelaide: I said lovely, you dope!

Sergio: [stammering] I said lovely, you dope! Uh, I mean, you're so dope. High five. What?

Adelaide: The moment I laid my eyes on her, I said to myself… [starts hitting the radio as it starts glitching and randomly plays country music]

Sergio: [starts square dancing] Yee-haw! You're listening to GLC's number one country station.

Adelaide: Aww, so sweet. And they lived happily ever after. Now, if I could just get out of this tree.

Date with Destiny (2.2)

Ernesto: Buenos dias, mis estrellitas. Today, I am talking about the water sign.

Rosa: Oh, Maria, that's you.

Ernesto: A lifetime of happiness is in sight if…

Rosa, Ronnie Anne, and Bobby: If…

Ernesto: You're back with your ex by tonight. Es tu destino!

Rosa: Maria, you're getting back together with Arturo. I knew it.

Maria: Ugh, ay, Mama. You know I don't believe in any of that Ernesto stuff.

Carlos: Yeah, me neither. But it's so weird because the other day he predicted… [flashback to the day he was brushing his teeth, squeezes the toothpaste tube and cash comes out] I'd find treasure in the bathroom. Check it out. It smells like mint.

Hector: Money in the bathroom?! [dashes into the bathroom]

Maria: Well, Ernesto's prediction for me can't possibly come true. I won't even be seeing Arturo today. I'm helping Frida with an art project all day, and Arturo is flying off to a medical convention in an hour. [walks away]

Rosa: Trust me, mis niños, Ernesto's predictions always come true.

Bobby: What if Ernesto is right?

Ronnie Anne: Mom and Dad are not getting back together. Are they?

Bobby: If they did, it would mean a lifetime of happiness for all of us!

Ronnie Anne: I guess it's worth a shot. All we have to do is get them together by tonight and let the magic happen.

Rosa: [pops up between them] You know, your mom and dad had their first date at the pier, so maybe if they met there.

Ronnie Anne: Good idea, Abuela! I'll pick Mom up from the gallery. You stop Dad from getting on that plane.

[Ronnie Anne arrives at Frida's art studio, looking for her mother]

Ronnie Anne: [looking around] Mom! Mom, are you here?

Maria: [in a large orange piñata statue] Ronnie Anne, is that you?

Ronnie Anne: Mom, what happened to you?

Maria: Frida. When I agreed to do this life-size mold for her art installation, I didn't expect to be in plaster for four hours.

[Bobby runs up to Arturo's place as he puts his suitcase in the taxi trunk]

Arturo: Bobby, what are you doing here? I'm just on my way to the airport.

Bobby: In a taxi? No, that's so impersonal. Let your son drive you.

Arturo: No, mijo. It's okay. I don't want to be a bother.

Bobby: It's no bother. And these taxis charge an arm and a leg to get to the airport.

[The taxi driver clears his throat]

Arturo: My company's paying for it.

Ronnie Anne: Oh, no. We didn't do all this work just so another ex could swoop in and ruin everything!

Bobby: Yeah, let that T-Bone find his own lifetime of happiness!

T-Bone: Hey, would you like to have dinner with me tonight at our place?

Bobby: They have a place?!

Maria: [blushing] You remember the pizza place? I'll meet you there tonight at 7:00. I better go freshen up. [rushes off]

Ernesto: You better fix this rapido or you're gonna be stuck with this guy!

Ronnie Anne: We have to get rid of T-Bone and get Dad to the restaurant.

Bobby: I'll grab Dad and meet you there!

Ronnie Anne: Mom, Dad, are you okay?

Arturo: Mijo, what's gotten into you?!

Bobby: We did all of this work to get you two here, so we can all have a lifetime of happiness! You're not leaving here until you get back together again, just like Ernesto said.

Maria: So that's what this is about.

Arturo: Huh? Can someone tell me what's going on?

Ronnie Anne: [sighs] Ernesto Estrella predicted you guys would get back together tonight. Hearing it out loud now, it does kind of sound silly, huh?

Maria: [as she and Arturo smile at each other] I don't think it was silly. I mean, we are together tonight.

Arturo: Just not romantically.

Bobby: [disappointed] Yeah, but, it's just one dumb night. Not a lifetime.

Maria: But we'll be a family for a lifetime.

[The Santiagos all come in for a group hug]

Arturo: And, hey, what if we made it a regular thing? A family pizza night every month.

Ernesto: And BOOM! A lifetime of happiness after all. Ernesto is the best-o! Estrella out!

Curse of the Candy Goblin [Episode 3]

Episode 4

Skaters Gonna Hate (4.1)

Sergio: Hey, Carlos. Who you spying on?

Carlos: How'd you recognize me? And I'm not spying. I'm helping Ronnie Anne beat Tony Hawk's skate team by doing a little…research.

Sergio: You mean, cheating?

Carlos: [annoyed] I am not cheating! It's called [yells loudly] RESEARCH! [dives behind a wall as Tony catches the attention, and his team goes back to practicing]

Sergio: Busted! What's next, Einstein?

Carlos: Plan B. [grabs Sergio by the throat] B for "bird."

Born to Be Mild (4.2)

Carl: What was that all about?

Alexis: Oh, the usual. [cleans out his tuba] Ricky and Julius picking on me like they do every day.

Carl: Dude, you let them do this you every day? Why?

Alexis: What choice do I have? I'm a hugger, not a fighter.

Carl: Well, good luck with that.

Alexis: [on the stilts] Carl, what am I doing up here? [loses his balance]

Carl: It's all about attitude! [on one of the stilts] We're building up your confidence.

Alexis: By walking on stilts?

Carl: It's an exercise. If you want to feel big you gotta act big!

Sergio: You messed with the wrong tuba boy! [munches on his nails, sharpening them]

Principal Valenzuela: What is going on here?!

Carl: Hey, Principal Valenzuela. So, funny story--

Principal Valenzuela: [sharply] My office, now! [Later in her office] Okay, start talking. Who started this and why?

Carl, Alexis, Ricky and Julius: They did!

Principal Valenzuela: [sighs] Fine. Then you're all going to be suspended!

Julius: [in unison] What?!

Ricky: [in unison] Aw, man!

Alexis: Does that mean I can't go to band practice? [starts to cry]

Carl: Wait, it was my fault! Don't suspend Alexis! Suspend me! I wanted him to fight. I thought if he stood up for himself, he wouldn't get picked on anymore.

Alexis: It's not all Carl's fault. He was just trying to help me, and he's right. I do need to stand up for myself. I just have to do it in my own way. [to Ricky and Julius] I really don't like when you guys put weird things in my tuba. It's hard to clean, and it always sounds bad afterwards.

Ricky: But I like the funny sounds. [Principal Valenzuela clears her throat as she seriously looks at both him and Julius; in unison] We're sorry.

Julius: [in unison] We won't do it again.

Alexis: Great! So, now can we hug it out?

Julius: [in unison] Oh.

Ricky: [in unison] What's a hug?

[Principal Valenzuela clears her throat again and grumbles]

Julius: [sighs] Sure.

[Alexis hugs both Ricky and Julius together, they all glow in shimmering gold]

Ricky: I like hugs!

Julius: Me too!

Principal Valenzuela: Since you used your words to resolve this, no suspension this time. Bravo, boys. [The four boys start leaving her office, to Alexis for a second] One last thing, Mr. Flores. Are the rumors true? Did you really revenge-poop on a pigeon? [whispers] All the teachers are dying to know.

Alexis: [shrugs] Maybe, maybe not. [leaves]

Principal Valenzuela: [closes her office door] Sorry, ladies. I can't confirm or deny the rumors.

[Ms. Galiano snaps her fingers in disbelief]

Episode 5

The Bros in the Band (5.1)

(At Ziggy's, the New Bobby approaches Devon and Hernique.)

Devon; Nice makeover.

Bobby: (rolls his Eyes) Whatever, Man. Give me those Lyrics. (Takes a Paper sheet, Checks it and throws it away) Got it. (Scrooches Devon aside) Make some Room, bro. (Takes out a Mic) 1, 2, 3, 4.

(They start.)

Bobby: Rice In a Microwave!

Devon: Heat it Up!

Bobby; Cold Pizza, moldy bagels!

Devon: Eat it Up!

Bobby: Samosa! Dulce! Back to Back! Don't Talk to me! This is my...

Bobby & Devon; After School snack!

Devon & Hernique: After School snack! After School snack! (Bobby drops the Mic)

Devon: (impressed) Whoa, we had you Wrong. Welcome to the band, man.

Bobby; Whatever.

For the Record (5.2)

Episode 6

15 Candles (6.1)

Ronnie Anne: You should have seen her, Sid. I don't think I've ever seen Abuela more excited about anything.

Sid: Aww! I think it's kind of sweet that she cares so much about your party!

Ronnie Anne: Sid, all my Saturdays. You'll never see me again until I'm fifteen.

Sid: Did I say sweet? I meant WAY over the top! I'm on your side.

Ronnie Anne: [sits on the bed] The whole day she was going on about family and tradition. How do I get out of it?

Sid: Without bumming her out too much. [Nico suddenly comes out from under the bed with an idea, and a wrench] Huh. I'll run it by her. Nico says for the small price of a new tire swing and some bananas, he can keep your grandma so busy she won't have time to count to fifteen.

[Nico offers a handshake]

Ronnie Anne: Deal. [shakes Nico's hand]

Sid: Hey, Ronnie Anne. Did your plan work?

Ronnie Anne: No. My Abuela's unstoppable! We need to think bigger, Sid.

Ronnie Anne: What? What? Now I'm gonna lose my Sundays and Friday nights too? I don't know how even she doesn't get tired of all of this.

Sid: Hmm. But what if she did? What if you gave her a taste of her own medicine?.

Ronnie Anne: Oh, Sid, you're bad. So bad it's good.

Ronnie Anne & Sid: GUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ronnie Anne: [Holds up her own drink] I'll cheers to that. Salud.

Sergio: Ooh, a pool party. Don't mind if I do.

Rook, Line, & Sinker (6.2)

[Chavez Academy; Carl, Frida, and Carlos are all waiting for Principal Valenzuela in her office]

Frida: So you have no idea why Principal Valenzuela wanted to talk to us?

Carl: Maybe I'm getting an award for best smile in school.

Frida and Carlos: Hmm.

Principal Valenzuela: [enters her office] Mr. and Mrs. Casagrande… [annoyed] Carl, unfortunately, this isn't good news.

Frida: So he didn't win best smile?

Principal Valenzuela: No, Alexis won that. He flosses between every class. Carl was caught tricking kids out of their pudding snacks!

Carl: [as Frida and Carlos glare sharply at him; not seeing the problem] Come on. It was just one time with the pudding.

Principal Valenzuela: Just one time, huh? [transit to the hallway, opens up Carl's locker and pudding cups fall on him]

Carl: I'm sorry. I just love tricking people. Isn't that what you're always encouraging us do, Principal V, what we love?

Principal Valenzuela: That is not what I meant!

Carlos: We're so sorry, Principal Valenzuela. We're going to take care of this immediately.

Frida: Carl, say you're sorry. (And stop eating the pudding!)

Carl: [licking out a pudding cup, not listening] From the bottom of my heart, Principal V. You know, I'm gonna go home and have a good long think about my actions.

Principal Valenzuela: Oh? Glad to hear it.

Carl: And since I'll be so busy thinking, I'll need to skip homework tonight.

Principal Valenzuela: Naturally.

Carl: Great. Mom, Dad, let's go.

Principal Valenzuela: [realizes] Wait, no homework?! CARL!

Carl: [enters his and CJ's room, eating more pudding, finding Carlos observing the ants in an ant farm] Dad, what's with the bugs?

Carlos: Your mother and I think you need a new hobby other than tricking people, so I thought we'd try science. Check it out a real live ant farm three thousand ants digging a tunnel to their queen.

Carl: [not interested] I wish I could dig a tunnel out of this room. [starts tapping the ant farm] Stop being boring.

Carlos: Carl, let's not tap the plastic.

Carlos: [getting a call from Principal Valenzuela] Hey, Principal Valenzuela. [Frida gasps in excitement to hear the upcoming news] Are you calling to tell us what a good job we did with Carl?

Principal Valenzuela: No! He's somehow worse than before! He tricked the teachers out of giving him tests for the rest of the year! He also keeps calling everyone pawns and saying "checkmate".

Carlos: [gasps in horror] Carl's now using chess to trick people!

Frida: [starts to sob] Oh, no. I'm so sorry, Principal Valenzuela!

Principal Valenzuela: Actually, it's "Hall Monitor" Valenzuela. Carl tricked me out of my job. He's the principal now!

Carl: [comes out of the office] Hey, Valenzuela, quit dawdling. That hall's not gonna monitor itself.

Principal Valenzuela: [growls] Argh! FIX THIS!

Carlos: Ooh. I've created a monster. [looks at the chess board and gets an idea] There's only one thing to do - we have to beat Carl at his own game.

The Golden Curse [Episode 7]

[Evening at the Casagrande apartments; The family are making decorations for Paco and Paulina's wedding while Ronnie Anne, Carl, and CJ work on the cake]

Bobby: Hurry up with the tres leches wedding cake. They just pulled up!

CJ: On it!

[The kids finish up decorating the cake]

Rosa: [enters the apartment with Mama Lupe and Paco] Look, everyone. It's Mama Lupe and Paco, our handsome groom.

Frida: Hola.

Maria: Bienvenidos.

Carlos: Hi, Mama Lupe.

Sergio: [squawks] Primo, ready to clip your wings-- I mean, get married?

Paco: Claro que si. I can't wait to marry mi amor, Paulina. [takes out a photo of Paulina, a deformed female pigeon] She's the wind beneath my wings.

Sergio: Maybe you should keep her beneath your wing. I mean, real catch.

Mama Lupe: Oh, [hugs Paco tightly] I can't believe mi bebe is finally getting married! [sits on the sofa and claps] Oh, I could almost cry.

Frida: [tearfully] Leave that to me!

Sergio: On to more important matters, decide on a best man yet? [clears throat] Say, "Sergio."

Paco: I'm not sure, primo. It's a big responsibility.

Sergio: Ah, come on, I'm responsible. [almost knocks the lamp off; chuckles] Hey, plus, I'll throw the best bachelor party ever! [hugs his primo, beggingly] Please. Oh, please. Por favor. [whimpers while making sad eyes]

Paco: Okay, Sergio, of course you can be my best man.

Sergio: [does a victory dance] Wahoo! Best man, oh yeah! You heard it! Not Bobby! Not Hector! It's me! I'm the best! In your face.

Rosa: Now, Sergio, as best man, you have a lot to do tomorrow. You must pose for photos, sign the license, and make a speech.

Mama Lupe: Mira, the best man must also hold on to las arras. [takes out thirteen gold coins in a sack] These thirteen gold coins have been passed down in our family for generations, and now I am giving them to Paco and Paulina.

Carlos: Las arras bring the couple good luck and a long marriage.

Sergio: [takes one of the coins out and bites it, losing a tooth] Wow, real gold. Okay, primo, bachelor party time. Leave everything to me.

Paco: Promise not to go too crazy. Remember, I have a wedding tomorrow.

Sergio: [waking up] Ah, best bachelor party ever. [checking his pockets] Still got everything? Let's see: wallet, keys, phone, las arras. [holds up the sack and notices a hole in it; worried] Ah, crackers! [shoos some pigeons away] Scram! Shoo! You've gotta be here somewhere.

Carl: [wakes up] What are you looking for, Sergio?

Sergio: Can't find those gold coins.

Carlos: [shocked] You lost las arras?! Paco has to give Paulina all 13 gold coins at the wedding, or it's bad luck. If you don't find them, their marriage will be doomed!

Sergio: [bursts into apartment 2A] Quick! Need help! Las arras fell out of the bag!

Rosa: [horrified] Sergio! How could you?! Now Paco and Paulina will be doomed!

Ronnie Anne: Abuela, we can fix this. We'll help Sergio find them.

Maria: Yeah, and the rest of us can keep Paco distracted in the meantime.

Sergio: Vamos! Before they're doomed.

Paco: Sergio, it's happening. Soon, my love and I will be one. Although I got to admit, I am a little nervous.

Sergio: Oh, come on. What could go wrong? Bring it in!

[The two parrots hug and a ripping sound is heard; Paco's wedding suit has ripped in half and falls off from his body]

Paco: My suit! Must have been the pepperoni I ate last night. It made me bloat.

Rosa: Carlota, can you fix it?

Carlota: I'll try. Paco, you're supposed to tear up the dance floor, not your suit.

Sergio: Not a good start.

Bobby: Does my hand look weird? It feels weird. [holds up his incredibly swollen hand, bigger than his head] Mommy, save my hand!

Paco: Finally, I'm free! [looks in shock to see everything in a disaster]

Stanley: Boy, bird weddings are fun!

Paco: What's going on?

Mama Lupe: Bad luck, that's what!

Rosa: Nonsense. Every wedding has its setback.

[The chandelier suddenly snaps and falls on the wedding arch]

Mama Lupe: This is more than setbacks. It can only be due to one thing: las arras!

[Dramatic guitar riff is heard, revealing Hector having to fix his guitar]

Hector: Ah. I fixed the strings. [the guitar strings break again] Chihuahua.

Rosa: Sergio, I thought you said you got all 13 coins.

Sergio: I did. I'll prove it. [takes out the coins and counts them] 10, 11, 13. Boo-yah!

Carl: You forgot 12, genius.

Rosa: [gasps] That means that one lucky coin is still missing!

Mama Lupe: Missing?! [growls with rage and tries to go after Sergio while the whole family holds her back, slowing her down] Let me at him! [calms down; sadly] Ay, without the last lucky coin, the marriage will be cursed with bad luck forever.

[Paulina suddenly shows up]

Paco: [gasps] Paulina, my love. We don't need luck. [Paulina sobs in tears and runs away; turns to his primo, crossly] Thanks a lot, Sergio! You ruined my wedding! Paulina! Please, come back! [flies after Paulina for consolation]

Sergio: [sadly with guilt] I guess Paco was right to doubt me. I'm not best-man material.

CJ: That coin has to be somewhere.

Ronnie Anne: We must have missed something.

Carl: Yeah, one coin. Keep up.

Sergio: [flying angrily directly at Maybelle] GIMME MY COIN!

Maybelle: AH! [bashes Sergio with the pizza box] Take that! I better put this away for safekeeping.

Sergio: [pops out of the pizza box as Sancho takes the slice of pizza off his head and eats it] Eh, new plan.

Paco: Sergio, I had my doubts, but you really came through for me, primo. Thank you for being the very best, best man. Maybe one day I can be yours.

Sergio: [confidently] Not anytime soon.

Episode 8

Let's Get Ready to Rumba (8.1)

Rosa: Hector, what are you doing under the table?

Ivan: Huh! You're the health inspector who shut down my studio.

Sergio: Ooh, this is gonna be good! [eats a bucket of popcorn]

Rosa: Him? He's not a health inspector. He's my husband.

Mrs. Kernicky: Awkward.

Ivan: It seems like you two have a lot to talk about. I'm going to reopen my studio.

Mrs. Kernicky: Time to bounce, everyone!

[Ivan and the others leave the apartment]

Rosa: Hector Casagrande, explain.

Hector: Well, I was tired of hearing you talk about Ivan and his dance class, okay? So, I thought if I shut it down, that would be the end of it.

Rosa: [sharply with anger] Hector! How could you be so selfish?! I don't want to talk to you right now. [walks to the door, rips it off, and leaves]

Bruno: [walks in along with Vito] Gee, who could have seen this coming?

Hector: Aww. I need to fix this.

Sergio: [burps] And I need more popcorn.

Perro Malo (8.2)

Ronnie Anne: [finds Malo scratching his ear, thinking he's Lalo] Oh! There you are. [picks up the leash and goes towards home as Malo struggles to go the other way] That's enough, Lalo. I took you for a walk. Now, let's go home. [a man passes them as they go and Malo barks at him] What's gotten into you?

Becky: [finds Lalo rolling around in a bush, thinking he's Malo] There you are, Malo! [Lalo licks her in the face, revolted] Ew! Kisses? What's gotten into you?

Ronnie Anne: You're lucky you didn't have to walk Lalo. He is not in a fun mood.

[Malo chews, rips off, and throws the couch's armrest which Hector is napping on, causing him to roll onto the floor, waking him up]

Hector: Hey, Lalo! Why did you do that?! Now I have to go nap in the mercado.

Carl: [after Malo takes a bite out of his El Falcón action figure] Hey! Lalo ate El Falcón's head!

Carlota: [bare-footed as Malo starts chewing on her pair of boots by the door] Those are my new boots!

Bobby: Lalo, what's going on with you? [screams as Malo bares his teeth, growling at him]

Carlota: We better figure it out. Abuelo hates when pets misbehave.

Sergio: [squawks] I woke him up once. Almost made parrot tacos out of me.

CJ: Parrot tacos? Ew!

Sergio: Hey! I'd make a great taco. [Malo visualizes him as a taco and tries to eat him; flies away] I take it back! I'd make a terrible taco!

Maybelle: [after Malo barges into the mercado, knocking her over] This is an awful shopping experience!

Hector: Grab his leash before he destroys my entire mercado!

Bobby: I got this!

Ronnie Anne: I can't believe this is the last time we'll ever see Lalo.

CJ: I'm gonna miss him so much.

Carlota: [starts sobbing] This is the saddest day ever! [waters her eyes like Frida's] Ay, I've turned into Mom.

Carl: Wait a minute. There's two of them?!

[Lalo and Malo go to their real owners after sniffing each other's tails]

Ronnie Anne: [after Lalo licks her] Now this is our Lalo.

Becky: [growls back at Malo after he growls at her] And this is my Malo!

Carlota: Okay, I don't follow.

Hector: I think I know what's going on. When I adopted Lalo, I chose him from a litter of perritos. [Flashback to the day he adopted Lalo as a puppy] But one of them was clearly not for our familia. I called it a perro malo. And the woman giving the puppies away said Malo was the perfect name, 'cause he was bad to the bone. Then I saw another puppy who was the complete opposite, showing me lots of love. So I decided to call him, Lalo!

[Flashback ends]

Ronnie Anne: They must have switched places when I was walking Lalo. I should have been paying attention to him instead of trying to watch the show. [to Lalo] I'm so sorry, boy.

Episode 9

Don't Zoo That (9.1)

Becca: Last badge, habitat maintenance.

Carl: Awesome! I'm great at that. [confused] Uh, what is that?

Becca: It means you'll be building a home for one of our new and endangered animals. Lois, the Galapagos Tortoise.

CJ: She's beautiful!

Becca: Yes she is, CJ, and she needs a special habitat to thrive. [points to bamboos and rocks as materials] Here are some building materials. Okay, good luck. Be back in a sec! Oh, and keep this gate closed. Lois likes to run out. [closes the gate and leaves]

Adelaide: As group leader, I say we use bamboo for the base of a shelter.

Carl: No way, we should use rocks.

Adelaide: Fine, then I'm doing my own habitat.

Maxed Out (9.2)

Vito: Hey, Hector! I waxed your floors! Take a look.

Hector: [comes, slips on the light yellow substance, and goes crashing through the aisles; mad] You used butter! The expensive kind!

Vito: Then what did I put on my toast? [licks the pink substance on his toast, with his tongue all shiny] Ew, wax. Just put it on my tab.

Hector: [enraged at Vito, after he drives the van in reverse and crashes through the mercado door] VITO!

Vito: Oofa doofa, did you know that thing went backwards?

Hector: You broke my mercado!

Vito: Oh, gee, I'm really sorry.

Hector: Take your dogs and get out!

Vito: I'll make this right! I'll work overtime and long weekends and…

Hector: No thanks! You've done enough damage! Now, don't bother coming back here until you pay off your tab!

Bobby: Abuelo, I aced my test! Well, except for the decimal points section. I can never figure out where those little things go.

Hector: Huh? That explains it. You put the decimal point in the wrong place. Vito, you owe $100, not $10,000. [he, Vito, and his dogs growl furiously at Bobby after what they went through]

Bobby: [chuckles nervously, knowing he's in big trouble] Just remembered I got another test tomorrow. Gotta run! [skedaddles out of the mercado]

Vito: [to his dogs] Get him, boys!

[Big Tony and Little Sal chase after Bobby and attack him off-screen as he screams]

Episode 10

Skatey Cat (10.1)

Weather Beaten (10.2)

Episode 11

Race Against the Machine (11.1)

Stanley: Chugga-chugga yoo-hoo! I'm home! [sees his daughters, Ronnie Anne, and Carl at the table]

Adelaide: Dad, please take a seat. How do I put this delicately?

Sid: [loudly shouting] YOU'RE GONNA LOSE YOUR JOB TO THAT ROBOT!

Stanley: What? That's impossible. Robots will never replace humans.

Adelaide: It's true! Mr. Vanderspeed did an evil laugh and everything!

Stanley: I can't believe it. I don't want to lose my job.

Ronnie Anne: Don't worry. We have a plan. Tomorrow morning, we're gonna prove that you're better than GLART-E. Then you can't be replaced.

Stanley: Well, I like the sound of that. Cheers.

My Fair Cat Lady (11.2)

Adelaide: What happened Mr. Scully?

Mr. Scully: I was trying to check the meter to the building, but those darn feral cats won't let me. I finally called animal control to come round them up?

Adelaide: What is animal control going to do with them? Find them a new alley?

Mr. Scully: Well, the nice ones will get adopted probably.

Adelaide: What about the not nice ones?

Mr. Scully: Don't worry, the not nice ones might have to spend a little more time at the shelter, but I'm sure someone will come to… [gets a tin can thrown at him] I hope you enjoy a lifetime behind bars you nasty felines! [storms off]

Adelaide: A lifetime behind bars? I can't let that happen. I have to find a way to get them adopted. But how do I get them to cooperate?

Bobby: Gatos love anchovies. You're gonna need all you can get for their leader, Mr. Wiggles. Tell you what, if you help me back inside I'll give you as many cans of anchovies as you want.

Adelaide: Deal. [effortlessly picks him up and carries him over her head]

Bobby: [amazed] Man, you are strong!

Adelaide: [takes him inside] I know.

Episode 12

Survival of the Unfittest (12.1)

Nixed Signals (12.2)

Frida: [wearing a green sweatshirt with a photo of young Carlota] Mi amor, I'm trying to decide what to wear. What about this? Too much?

Carlos: Oh, a sweatshirt with little Carlota on it.

Frida: Isn't it cute? I made one for all mis bebes. [takes off the sweater and is wearing a matching one with baby CJ, another of baby Carl, and another with Carlitos' ultrasound; takes the ultrasound sweater off and is somehow wearing young Carlota under it]

Carlos: [chuckles awkwardly] Might be a tad too much.

Frida: [sighs] I know, you're right. It's just that our day together means so much to me. My baby's growing so fast and she's been so busy lately. Soon she'll be a grown-up with a career and family and my mija won't have time for mama. [starts sobbing, which gets on the sweater] Aye! I soaked Carlota!

Carlota: Okay, I'm cute, casual and ready to go. What's up with mom?

Frida: Nothing. [spins away the tears, and the sweater] Just my morning cry, I'm so excited for our girl's day.

Frida: [with bangs covering her eyes] Ah, I can't even see with these things.

Carlota: Who needs to see when you look like a supermodel? [takes out her phone] Say cheese!

Frida: No, Carlota, don't you dare! [tries to grab the phone]

Carlota: Just one, they want an after picture.

Frida: Give me that celéfono!

Episode 13

Ay Fidelity (13.1)

Bobby: Par, I can't deal with any more customers. I mean, they just don't know how to treat the merchandise.

Par: Bro, I'm with you some people just don't have any self-control.

Bobby: We should just close the store, that way, no one can come in and touch anything.

Par: Agreed.

Bobby: [takes out the intercom] Attention shoppers, there's a sale on nothing.

Customer: What does that mean?

Bobby: It means we're closing. Everybody out! [everyone leaves the store; turns the sign] Finally.

Par: Now, no one can get in the way of out employee discount.

Cut the Chisme (13.2)

[Later that evening at the apartments, the Casagrandes hold an intervention for Hector about his gossip addiction]

Hector: [enters excitedly] Hola, I'm home! Ho, you guys will never guess what Vito wears to bed! [only sees his family, all glaring mad at him] What? You already know about the bunny pajamas?

Carl: No, Abuelo. This is a convention.

Carlos: Actually, Carl, the word is "intervention."

Rosa: Hector, your chisme addiction is embarrassing your family.

Bobby: And making the customers mad.

Frida: You're a chismoso. And by that, I mean, you're the biggest gossip in town.

Hector: What? [not seeing the problem] I'm not a gossip. Anyway, as I was saying… Vito wears his pajamas with huge bunny ears! [the family grumbles at him; realizes what he's doing] Okay, now I see it. I didn't even know I was doing it. I'm sorry. I never meant any harm.

Rosa: I know, mi amor, but when you talk about people behind their backs, it can be hurtful.

Hector: Ah, you're right. As of today, I am swearing off chisme. Right after I tell you about Mr. Scully's toupee. [snickers, then Ronnie Anne shoves a pillow in his mouth to shut him up]

Sergio: [squawks] This won't be easy.

Ronnie Anne: Don't worry, Abuelo, we can come by the mercado and help you cut the chisme.

Hector: Another intervention? But I was doing good! I got the scratch marks to prove it!

Rosa: That's the problem. We're not getting our chisme.

Hector: It worked! I can gossip again!

Sergio: [spraying Vito with water] Chisme terminated!

Episode 14

Sidekickin' Chicken (14.1)

Alexis: [off-screen] It is I, Tuba Boy!

Sergio: Tuba Boy?

[Carl and Sergio see Alexis, in his Tuba Boy superhero costume with his mom recording]

Alexis: Look, Mama! Tuba Boy, tu-ba rescue!

Carl: Alexis is submitting a sidekick too?

Sergio: And his costume looks amazing.

Carl: Yeah, and mine's trash. I really need to step it up if I'm gonna win this contest!

Carl: [bumps into Adelaide, in her Pandalaide superhero costume] Adelaide, are you doing the contest too?

Adelaide: Better believe it. The name's Pandalaide! I've got panda power and sweet panda dance moves!

Carl: But you don't even watch "El Falcón."

Adelaide: You're right, 'cause the show has no strong female character, but that's where I come in!

Carl: Ooh, the letter from the show! [reading] "Dear Carl Casagrande, thank you for your submission. Unfortunately, we didn't find El Pollito to be a very convincing sidekick." [whimpers with heartbreak] What?

Sergio: Sorry, Carl. Crackers on me tonight.

Alexis: [showing up along with Adelaide] Carl, we made it into the final round! What about you?

Carl: [tearing up, upset] I-I didn't make it. [lays his head flat on the ground, sobbing as Sergio comforts him]

Alexis: Hey, you seem upset. You want a hug? It's one of Tuba Boy's powers.

Carl: No, I'm fine! Everything's fine!

Adelaide: Okay. Well, wish us luck.

Carl: [crumples up the letter, angrily] These judges got it all wrong! El Pollito's not convincing? Oh, I'll convince them all right!

Sergio: Ooh, whatcha thinking? Blackmail? I know a pigeon.

Carl: No, we're gonna make another tape to prove the judges wrong. This time, we'll show El Pollito doing heroic acts.

Sergio: Where are we gonna get a baby? [cut to him tied up in a sandbox at the park, wearing a baby bonnet] Me and my big beak. [Carl stuffs a pacifier into his mouth]

Adelaide: We did it! You're safe now. [unties Sergio]

Sergio: My heroes!

Adelaide: Sergio?!

Alexis: Why are you dressed as a baby?

Sergio: Carl's idea! He wanted to look like a hero for the show.

[Carl frees himself and falls flat on the ground]

Adelaide: Carl, you put Sergio in real danger just to rescue him?

Carl: [sighs sadly] It's true. I wanted to convince the show they were wrong for not picking me, but obviously, I totally blew it. Sorry. Turns out, I'm not much of a hero.

Sergio: You're telling me.

Silent Fight (14.2)

CJ: You broke my base!

Carl: You broke El Falcón's cape!

Both: This is your fault!

Frida: [after doing some sleep walking, whispering] It worked! He's asleep!

Carlos: [whispering] Finally!

Frida: [suddenly hears her mijos screaming and growls, they are about to start wrestling when they feel an extra set of hands, so she pulls them apart; angrily whispering to her mijos] Are you kidding me?! [holds both of them in front of their baby hermano] If either of you wakes Carlitos… [pulls them away; fiercely] you're grounded for a month! No, two months!

[After Carl kicks CJ's El Falcon base, CJ deletes all the games on Carl's handheld, much to his shock, then Carl angrily runs off and throws CJ's hair clippers out the window, shaving Vito's hair]

Vito: Hey, free haircut!

CJ: [whispers] My clippers! [growls angrily at Carl, rushes off, then back with Carl's El Falcón shoes, and throws them out the window]

Vito: (Huh?) Hey, free shoes! [puts the shoes on his feet] Check out my new look!

El Falcón: Mega elote!

[Fires a big piece of elote which bounces off a bust, the table lamp, Frida's canvaed easel, and hits Carlitos in the butt and the face. Once he woke up, he wails again and rewakes up Frida and Carlos]

Frida: [shocked] Who? What? Why?

Carlos: [wakes up from the crying and sees what he's cuddling] Ugh! Lalo?! [Lalo leaves in a huff]

Frida: [sees Carlitos crying, then sees her mijos trying to tiptoe out of the room when they woke him up him and stops them] Hold it right there! That's it! You two are grounded!

CJ: But…

Carl: Mom…!

Carlos: And why are you dressed as sheep?

Frida: I don't even care! No buts, no moms. Go to your room. And I better not hear a peep from either one of you for the rest of the afternoon!

Both: This is your fault!

Frida: [angrily whispering] Hey! I said, not…a…peep.

Carlos: [forgetting to whisper] Look at that, Frida! They managed to make up on their own.

Frida: Shh!

Carlos: Whoops. Sorry, Frida. I got too excited.

[Carlitos Casagrande cries off-screen]

Frida: [angrily] And now, you're grounded! [storms off to stop Carlitos from crying]

Carlos: [shocked] Wait, for how long?! [goes after Frida as she goes to his room]

Episode 15

Kick Some Bot (15.1)

Adelaide: Mom, Sid. Mom. Guess what? My unicorn princess outfit won first place for Cutest Cosplay! [holds up a 1st place ribbon]

Becca: Honey, that is the most amazing news I've ever heard. I'm so proud of you!

Adelaide: Thanks. I deserved it. Look at me! [pulls a string on her party horn, shooting out confetti and lands on Sid]

Becca: I'll add this ribbon to the Adelaide Wall of Fame.

Sid: Keep some shelf space open for me. I finished a whole slice of pizza in one bite. It took a lot of courage in mouth space, but I didn't give up. [stretches her mouth open wide]

Becca: Wow, a whole slice.

Sid: [while braiding Ronnie Anne's hair] My mom was giving Adelaide all the attention, and I was sitting there like, "Hello? I'm your daughter too."

Ronnie Anne: Ugh. Sounds rough. I'm impressed with your pizza eating abilities.

Sid: Thanks, but I feel like I have to do something big to make her proud of me. Ooh! I know! Maybe I'll eat two slices of pizza in one bite! Hit me, Breakfast Bot! [stretches her mouth wide open and Breakfast Bot stuffs the two pizza slices into her mouth] Pretty impressive, right?

Ronnie Anne: Uh, that's cool, but you're also awesome with robots.

Breakfast Bot: You know it, girl.

Ronnie Anne: [holding up her phone] And look! There's a Robotics Competition coming up right here in Great Lakes City!

Sid: Winning that would definitely impress my mom! [burps]

Ronnie Anne: [groans from the smell] Too bad there isn't a Strongest Pepperoni Burp Competition.

Sid: From the looks of things, I could actually win this.

Lisa: [showing up; clears throat] Maybe you need your vision checked because your competition just got stiffer.

Sid: Lisa Loud?! I subscribed to your monthly newsletter! You're competing too?

Lisa: Yep. [presses her wrist watch] Todd, initiate grand entrance. [Todd emerges from the smoke cloud and zooms off with his name written in cloud form, as Sid watches in shock with her jaw dropped] May the best bot win.

[As Maybelle and MangoBot get eliminated from the competition when Mangobot failed to show off his cleaning skill]

Maybelle: We'll get 'em next time, MangoBot.

MangoBot: [sadly] Mango.

[After Vito and Robbie are eliminated from the competition when Robbie failed to make a dunk in the basketball hoop]

Vito: [comforting Robbie as he sobs] Let's get you some ice cream.

Robbie: [happily] Rocky Road always cheers me up.

Breakfast Bot: [presenting his plate of a stacked pancakes to the judges] I make this look and taste good.

Judge #1: [amazed] Ah, looks delicious!

Judge #3: Wow!

Sid: Todd even outdid us at breakfast, and you're Breakfast Bot! This is gonna be harder than we thought.

Breakfast Bot: This isn't your best pep talk.

Lisa: Todd, initiate guitar riff.

[Todd wheels up on stage and makes an incredible riffing on his keyboard guitar]

Sid: Those are some sweet riffs. But we can beat that, Breakfast Bot.

Lisa: Todd, initiate drums.

[Todd takes out an electric drum set and plays both his instruments]

Sid: All right, he can do both at the same time. But we're still not done for.

Lisa: Todd, initiate rap.

Todd: [rapping] ♪ T-O-Double D / Can't you see I'm on a mission? / Coming in hot about to win this competition / Did I say something wrong? / 'Cause you look kind of annoyed / Well, I guess that's what you get / When you try to beat an android ♪

Sid: Ugh, why's it got to be so catchy?! [turns to Breakfast Bot, who's jamming out to the music, snaps him out of it] Stop it! We got to focus. We haven't even picked your talent yet.

Lisa: Initiate mic-drop finale.

Breakfast Bot: [putting on a wrestling mask] Activate Lucha Fight Mode!

Sid: Oh, no! I didn't realize I put the Lucha disc in there! It's programmed to wrestle all the other robots!

Salvador Doggy (15.2)

Frida: [angrily punches her canvas with a hole] Terrible! You call this art?! [throws her painting on the ground and kicks it; sobs] My showcase is tomorrow and I have no work to showcase at the showcase! This is the worst painter's block I've had in years. Oh, I know. I can listen to my favorite podcast. That should help. [later standing upside down while listening]

Podcast Voice: Now that you've tried the first exercise, how does it feel to see the world from a new perspective? Are the creative juices flowing?

Frida: If by flowing, you mean falling! [falls]

Podcast Voice: Remember, your paintbrush is not your enemy. It's your friend. Say hi to your friend.

Frida: Hola, paintbrush.

Paintbrush: [mockingly] Oh, you're going with blue for the sky? How original.

Frida: [growls angrily] Now I'm suddenly seeing red! [tosses the paintbrush and it hits the wall, leaving a blue mark, and lands next to Lalo, whose resting; Lalo grabs the brush and suddenly runs next to her, knocking the paint cans over] Uh, no, Lalo. It's not playtime, it's crunch time. [Lalo rolls into the spilled paint and shakes his body, splattering the paint all over the canvas] No! Bad Lalo! You ruined my canvas!

Sergio: [flies into the apartment, in a scuba suit] Ready for our scuba lesson? [Lalo explains to him, gesturing the painting] You squiggled on paper. Congrats. [Lalo continues explaining] You gotta make ten more? For Frida? What's in it for you? Diddly-squat? Hold up. It's time I teach you about the law of supply and demand. If you're gonna supply, you gotta demand.

[Later, Frida returns with supplies]

Frida: Lalo, I'm back! Ready to paint?

Sergio: [halting her] Not so fast. I'm Lalo's manager. [takes out a fake business card] For every painting my client makes, he's gotta get something out of it too. [roguishly] As does his manager. If you could please sign this contract. [takes out a lengthy contract]

Frida: Ugh, fine. Anything to get more paintings. [signs the contract]

Frida: What's the problem? I bought Lalo his fancy treats, and got you those sneakers.

Sergio: Ahh, should've gotten into the art game a long time ago. [rings the bell] Snack us!

Sergio: And now my client will be retiring for the evening.

Frida: What?! But I need more paintings by tomorrow.

Sergio: And Lalo needs his beauty sleep. He can finish in the morning. [he and Lalo leave]

Frida: [growls angrily and lets out a scream so loud it can be heard outside the apartment; sighs while preparing for bed later that night] Well, hopefully we can get the rest finished tomorrow. [finds Sergio in the bed and shrieks]

Sergio: Excuse me. The artiste is trying to sleep.

Frida: [confused] What? [lifts the covers, revealing Lalo snoring] Lalo?! But this is my bed! Where am I supposed to sleep?! [cut to her sleeping in Lalo's dog bed, angrily twitching her eyes]

[Next morning…]

Sergio: [yawns] Slept like a baby. That bed is comfy. Don't just stand there. Here's our breakfast order. [unveils a long breakfast list]

Frida: [furiously losing her temper] That's it! [rips up the list] The deal's off! I'll find another artist, Lalo! You're not the only dog in town! [storms off]

Sergio: Sheesh. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the doggy bed.

Frida: [sobs] These dogs were useless! And my show is in one hour! I hate to say it, but I think I really do need Lalo!

Frida: [finds and mistakes Malo for his twin brother] Lalo! There you are. I've been looking for you everywhere. [Malo growls at her] OK, I know you're still mad at me, but just allow me to explain. [breaks down sobbing] No dog can paint like you! Oh, please, come back and finish my paintings! [hugs Malo] I need you! [Malo snaps at her and runs off; gasps] Ooh, wait for me! [follows him]

Becky: [coming back] He'll never litter again. Malo? Huh, must be off scaring cats. I love that dog.

Carl: Moms are weird.

Frida: [hurries back to Apartment 2B; gasps in horror as Malo breaks down the door] You're not Lalo! [Malo blows raspberry at her and leaves; enters her apartment, shocked to see the mess] And what you've done es muy malo! Now I have no work to show tonight! [breaks down, bawling]

Romeo: [enters the apartment] Frida, it's showtime! [notices her on the ground; surprised] Ay, mujer! What happened in here?

Frida: I can't live a lie anymore! I didn't paint the piece you loved yesterday! It was Lalo! [continues sobbing] And I just took credit for it because I had painter's block! I'm so sorry.

Romeo: Chica, I wish you had told me the truth. Every artist gets stuck sometimes. It's just part of being an artist.

Frida: [sniffs] Really? Uh, but what about the show and the important collector?

Romeo: Frida, I care about you more than all of that. We can reschedule. I just want you to give yourself a break.

Frida: Oh, thanks. Maybe I need to take some time to find my inspiration.

Romeo: Inspiration will find you. That's what I love about your work, Frida. You always have a way of channeling your life experiences into art.

Woman: That was the strangest thing I've ever seen, and I love strange! I will take them all.

Sergio: [showing up with Lalo] Let's talk numbers. We're her managers.

Woman: Money is no object.

Episode 16

The Wurst Job (16.1)

Sid: Oh, man. I wanna intern at your mercado with Mr. Inflatable. That guy gets to wave hello to people all day.

Ronnie Anne: I wanna work at Bruno's hot dog cart. What could be easier than serving the world's greatest hot dogs for a week? It'll be a breeze.

Vito: Remember, Sameer, a hot dog for breakfast is the most important dog of the day. Let's see how you are at ordering.

Sameer: Two dogs for Mr. Vito, please.

Vito: Whoa! Very good! You are going places, mister.

Ronnie Anne: Sameer, are you interning for Vito?

Sameer: Yeah. I was wondered what he did for a living.

Ronnie Anne: So, what does he do?

Sameer: I don't know. He says he's about to make a comeback, but, comeback to what? It's a mystery.

Bruno: Now that we're done with the morning rush, it's time to study up on the menu.

Ronnie Anne: Not to brag, but, I've eaten your Dragged Through the Garden dog like, a million times.

Bruno: That's great, but, I got 50 other dogs. If you're gonna sell 'em, then you gotta know how they taste.

Ronnie Anne: I thought you'd never ask!

[As Ronnie Anne wakes up the next morning, she notices that her family has disappeared, except for Lalo, whose in charge of the mercado]

Ronnie Anne: Hey, Sid. Have you seen my family?

Sid: Everyone just went to the park for the hot dog eating contest.

Ronnie Anne: [worried with shock] Oh, no! If Bruno sees Bobby there, he'll know I was lying!

Bruno: Ronnie Anne? What are you doing here?

Ronnie Anne: I'm sorry, Bruno. I lied about Bobby breaking his arm. I didn't want to come to work today because I didn't realize how hard your job is. But I'm here now, and I'm gonna help you.

Bruno: I appreciate the apology, Ronnie Anne, but it's too late. I'm a laughing stock.

The Sound of Meddle (16.2)

Sergio: [enters Carl and CJ's room, covering his ears from hearing Carl play the bassoon; squawks] Make it stop!

Carl: No can do, I need to learn the bassoon to get into the junior band. Actually, you know what? I think I'm holding it upside down.

Sergio: You? School spirit? [squawks] What do you got cooking?

Carl: The perfect plan. [takes out a diagram] I'll play with the band at the halftime show, and as soon as they're done, I'll launch into a DJ set.

Sergio: [takes the diagram out of his hand] It's devious, mischievous. [sheds happy tears] I'm so proud of you. And it's a great chance for me to sell your merch. I keep %10 bassoon away.

Clara: [madly disappointed] Look who it is, the boy who RUINED OUR PERFORMANCE! [snaps her mallet over her knee in rage]

Carl: I am so sorry guys. I just wanted to expand my audience. I never meant to ruin your show.

Alexis: [sniffling] Forget it, DJ Carl, it's over.

Episode 17

Alpaca Lies (17.1)

Ronnie Anne: I give up! Beto hates us, and as long as he's here, we'll never get to spend any quality time with Dad.

Bobby: It stinks. Anytime we're at Dad's place, I'll have to sleep with one eye open.

Ronnie Anne: Let's just go home. At least at Abuela's, we won't have to deal with Beto.

Arturo: It's done. Soon, Beto will be on his way back to Peru. Well, if anyone needs me, I'll be behind these crates, crying.

Rocket Plan (17.2)

Phantom Freakout [Episode 18]

Maria: [entering the living room with Rosa; impressed with her daughter and Sid's dancing] That was great, girls. Your hard work practicing these dances all week has really paid off.

Rosa: Even I know the moves now. Hip, hip, double heart fingers.

Sid: No one can resist a 12 is Midnight bop. It's a fact.

Ronnie Anne: And now we've got every one of 12 is Midnight's signature moves down. [she and Sid hold each other and jump while squealing] I still can't believe you won us the chance to be extras in their next music video! Talk about luck.

Sid: Luck and about 300 boxes of 12 is Midnight After Dark Cocoa Cereal.

Ronnie Anne: Yeesh. You sure about this place?

Sid: Yup, it's the old Great Lakes City Concert Hall.

Ronnie Anne: Well, it's definitely old.

Sid: Let's call it character. [the doors creak open by themselves] So much character. And not spooky at all. Come on!

Sid: This is not going the way I planned, but I did get to smell Yoon Kwan just now, so it's kind of going how I planned.

[Everyone jump screams as someone's phone starts ringing]

Ronnie Anne: [takes her phone out her pocket, getting a call from Lincoln; answers the call, revealing Lincoln and Clyde in a car] Hey, Linc. Hey, Clyde. What's up?

Lincoln: Hey, Ronnie Anne. Clyde and I are in Great Lakes City with his dads. Want to hang out later?

Ronnie Anne: Can't make it, Linc. Sid and I are at the Great Lakes City Concert Hall. We're gonna be extras in a 12 is Midnight music video.

Clyde: Oh! I love their smooth tunes!

Lincoln: Cool. How's it going so far?

Ronnie Anne: Well, we haven't gotten to film anything yet because weird things keep happening on the set.

Lincoln and Clyde: What kind of weird things?

Ronnie Anne: The lights keep flashing.

Sid: There's mysterious piano sounds. Also, some stuff is floating.

Ronnie Anne: Wait, when was that?

Sid: Oh, right now.

[Everyone runs out of the concert hall, screaming]

Clyde: These are all the classics signs of a haunting.

Lincoln: We'll be right over.

Clyde: [to his dads] Dads, change of plans. GLC Concert Hall, stat! Please and thank you.

Jin: Okay, what's with the floating lunch?

Ronnie Anne: Apparently we have a ghost.

Director: Please. Ghosts aren't real.

Director: Uh, [scoffs] you're the ghost hunting professionals? How old are you?

Lincoln: Old enough to know you've got a category-three poltergeist. Go ahead and do your thing, and we'll do ours.

Director: Okay. Come on, people. Art stops for nothing. Tie down some of those lights. We're gonna make this work! Action!

Yoon Kwan: AH! MY HAIR! That's it! I'm finding this ghost and giving it a piece of my mind!

Sid: Well, this one was more our fault, but I like where you're going with this, Yoonie. Let's get this ghost.

12 is Midnight: Yeah!

[They see the ghost's lights shining through the storage room door again]

Ronnie Anne: It's in the storage room again. Let's go!

Woo-Yeon: Uh, guys, I'm still in the hole.

Sid: [as Woo-Yeon is turned into a French horn] NO! Woo-Yeon! [tearfully] He was so young, but now he's a French horn-- although a handsome French horn.

Ronnie Anne: Everyone, run! Before we're all turned into instruments!

Yoon Kwan: [jumps and holds onto Jun-Soo's legs as the ghost picks him up] Don't you dare! We need Jun-Soo, or else our dance formation will be totally off!

Jun-Soo: Excuse me?

Yoon Kwan: And because we love Jun-Soo, and he's irreplaceable.

Ronnie Anne: Listen. We're all going to be turned into instruments if we don't do something. We have to figure out who this ghost is and what it wants.

Lincoln: Well, we know this ghost likes the color blue.

Sid: And he was playing music earlier. Maybe that's a clue.

Yoon Kwan: Wasn't the director filming rehearsal? We could check playback.

Sid: [dreamily] Gorgeous and brilliant.

Ronnie Anne: We'll have to get back to the stage though.

Ronnie Anne: [reading the plaque on the wall] "Born in Mexico in 1801, Narciso Grillo was the first renowned composer of the Great Lakes City Music Hall, where he wrote all of his favorite symphonies."

Yoon Kwan: That's it? It doesn't tell us how to stop him from turning us into instruments? Agh. Dumb plaque.

Episode 19

The Oddfather (19.1)

Carl: Wait, who's my padrino? [pan over to Sergio, scratching his butt with a fork and farts; shocked] Sergio is my niño?!

Sergio: Relax. When have I ever put you in danger? [accidentally flicks his fork and it cuts the rope of the chandelier, causing it to crash to the ground]

Frida: [angrily to Carlos] You had one job, Carlos!

Frida: [holding Carlitos as he cries when he crashed into the cake] Mi Bebe!

Carlos: [angrily to Vito] Ugh, see?! Look what you did! This is why I tried to stop you from coming today! [gives Vito back his phone and wallet]

Vito: What? [realizes] Wait a minute. I'm starting to think that you had something to do with my stolen wallet and my scooter getting towed!

Carlos: Ding, ding, ding! What choice did I have?! I'm sorry, Vito. I don't want you to be the padrino. You're just… too much!

Vito: [hurt and heartbroken] Oofa doofa, that hurts. I'll just get out of your hair, then. Here, Carlitos. I know you love turtles and choo-choo trains, so I bought you these toys. I also made you enough meatball puree to last you until you're on solid foods.

Carlitos: [tearfully] Oofa doofa…

Vito: [sniffs] Take care of yourself. [leaves, dejected]

Long Shot (19.2)

Carl: Ah, I love Fridays. I can already smell the weekend. Freedom, pizza…

Ronnie Anne: [desolated] It's Monday, Carl.

Principal Valenzuela: Carlota, I'm here to tell you that you're missing a PE credit. You'll have to make it up, ASAP.

Carlota: Oh, no, see, I don't love sports so, I took extra art classes. That should be enough credits, right?

Principal Valenzuela: [not buying it] I'm afraid it doesn't work that way. If you don't get that PE credit, you can't graduate.

Carlota: [shocked] What?!

Principal Valenzuela: Good news is, there's still time to join a sport. [walks away] Have fun!

Carlota: Worst day ever! First, it's Monday, and now I'm not gonna graduate?!

Ronnie Anne: What? Carlota, you just have to join a sport. Easy-peasy.

Carlota: You don't understand, Ronnie Anne. Sports are really not my thing.

Ronnie Anne: Not yet. Maybe you just haven't found the right one. I can help with that.

Carl: Pfft, good luck. Wouldn't want her on my team.

Ronnie Anne: Maybe soccer's your thing. Abuelo watches the Gatos on TV all the time. I bet you've already picked up a tip or two from their star player, Picosito. [shows her prima an image of Picosito kicking the ball]

Carlota: Sí, Picosito does make it look pretty easy. Let's kick the ball into that… net, thingy.

Ronnie Anne: Uh… it's called a goal.

Episode 20

Flock This Way (20.1)

Carl: Why does Abuela get to pick what we do today? [gasps] Can I pick?

CJ: I wanna pick!

Ronnie Anne: I wanna pick!

Hector: No. It's Abuela's turn. Rosa, get in here before these bobo's steal your pick!

Rosa: Coming! Who's ready for a fun day of birdwatching in the woods?

Ronnie Anne: Uh, say what?

Rosa: Birdwatching is my new favorite hobby, and I want to see how many different pajaros we can spot from my book, "Cuckoo for Birding."

Ronnie Anne: Abuela, I don't know. Birdwatching sounds, uh, how do I put this nicely? Super boring.

[Great Lakes City woods; Rosa leads the way while the others start sweating from the heat]

Carlota: I think I'm literally melting.

Sergio: Melting? I'm literally molting!

Ronnie Anne: So Abuela, where are these famous birds you wanted to see?

Carl: [shrugs] Well, guess they're not here. Okay, come on, let's go.

Rosa: Wait! We haven't even tried all the bird calls that I learned. [squawks, but summons accidentally summons Bitsy] Whoops. That's the elephant call. [tweets, but accidentally summons two hipsters] Sorry, that must be the hipster call.

Hipster #1: Are you guys birdwatching?

Hipster #2: [scoffs] We were doing that before it was cool. Huh?

Carl: [clinging onto one of them] TAKE US WITH YOU!!!

Rosa: Don't worry, kids. Birdwatching takes time.

Carl: Ugh, this is a nightmare. We're birdwatching on the hottest day in Earth, there are zero birds, and now some rando is hanging with us. We have to get out of here.

CJ: But how? We can't leave until Abuela sees some birds.

Carlota: Well, the only bird that seems to be in the woods today is Sergio.

Sergio: I told you! You wanna watch a bird, watch me!

Ronnie Anne: [thinks for a second] Hmm. [gets an idea] That's it! What if we dress up Sergio to look like a bunch of the birds in Abuela's book?

Carl: Yeah! If we do that, we'll be out of the woods in no time.

Carlota: [takes out her accessory kit] We can use my travel accessory kit to dress Sergio up.

Ronnie Anne: Sergio, are you down?

Sergio: [getting covered in bee stings; sarcastically] No, I'm loving this bug-infested dirt hole! Let's do this!

Ronnie Anne: [acting] Hey, Abuela, look! [points up to a tree] Is that one of the birds from your book?

[Sergio is seen sitting on the tree branch, disguised as a woodpecker]

Carl: Sergio, start pecking the tree!

Sergio: You want me to bang my head against a tree? I'm not doing it.

Carl: Then we're not going home.

[Sergio groans annoyingly and starts pecking]

Rosa: Strange. Woodpeckers normally peck trees a lot faster.

Bobby: [noticing something and points up to a tree; acting] Look, an owl!

[Pan up to Sergio, disguised as an owl]

Sergio: Hoot, hoot, hoot.

Rosa: Ooh, I hear they can turn their heads all the way around.

Sergio: Are you kidding me?! [realizes] I mean, hoot, hoot! [tries to rotate his neck and nearly snaps from the force]

David: By Jove…

[As Sergio flies around in the sky, disguised as a peregrine falcon]

Rosa: My book says they're the fastest birds on Earth! They can dive at speeds over 200 miles per hour.

Ronnie Anne: How is Sergio gonna pull that off?

Carl: I gave him El Falcón's rocket blaster.

Sergio: [activates the rocket blaster and speeds off; screams] HOLY ELOTE!!! WHERE'S THE BRAKES?! [crashes into the woods, creating an explosion]

Carlota: [noticing something; acting] Mira, Abuela! Look at that bird!

[Pan over to Sergio on a rock, disguised as a Vogelkop bird-of-paradise, striking poses]

Sergio: Tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet, tweet.

Nababirdy: By Jove, I don't believe it! A Vogelkop bird-of-paradise? Here in Great Lakes City?!

Ronnie Anne: Pretty cool, huh?

Rosa: Pretty rare is more like it. My book says these birds are normally only found in New Guinea.

Carl: [chuckles nervously] Uh, must be your lucky day, Abuela.

Rosa: Well, I don't think we can top that! This has been a wonderful day! Let's head home. Nice to meet you, Señor Nababirdy.

Carlota: I can't believe we let this happen to Sergio!

Carl: I blame Bobby.

Bobby: [offended] Me?! What did I do?!

Movers and Fakers (20.2)

Lori: Boo-boo bear! Are you okay?!

Bobby: No! I can never get any peace and quiet around here! It's a madhouse! You have no idea.

Lori: I'm a Loud, hello. I have a pretty good idea.

Bobby: Sometimes, I just wish I had my own apartment.

Jean-Philippe: Bonjour, buddy! I have big news! I am moving out! I got a job in Paris! Know anyone who might want my apartment?

Bobby: Not now, Jean-Philippe. I'm trying to talk to my girlfriend.

Jean-Philippe: Okay. Well, if you hear of anyone, let me know. Au revoir!

Lori: Uh, Bobby, I don't need to point out the obvious, but your neighbor just literally solved your problem.

Bobby: I can't go with him to France.

Lori: No, Bobby, I meant you could move into Jean-Philippe's apartment.

Bobby: Oh, yeah! That would be amazing! But Abuela would never allow it. She doesn't like when her bebés leave the nest. When Tío Carlos went to college, she moved into the dorms with him!

Lori: Bobby, you're an adult. Your family will understand. You can't live at home forever.

Bobby: You're right! I'm gonna do it. Jean-Philippe, wait! [steps on Ronnie Anne's skateboard, screams, and crashes] Oof! [groans] Ouch.

Rosa and Maria: Bobby?!

Bobby: I'm so sorry. I'm not Jean-Philippe. He moved to Paris and I've been living here ever since.

Rosa: ¿Que?

Maria: But Bobby, why?

Hector: [noticing the canned corn sofa] That's where my canned corn went. [screams as the swarm of bees resume attacking him]

Hector: There's so much chaos at home, and I felt like I needed my own space. Please don't use the super-chancla!

[Rosa and Maria laugh hysterically]

Bobby: [chuckling uncomfortably] Why are we laughing? I'm scared.

Rosa: Bobby, you should've talked to us.

Maria: You're an adult now, and you can make your own decisions, mijo.

Bobby: Oh, really? What about when Tío Carlos went to college and you moved into his dorm with him?

Rosa: That was his idea! He wouldn't stop crying and begging me to stay.

Maria: What a baby.

Bobby: You were so right, babe. And I can't wait for you to visit my new place!

Lori: Me, too! You're so grown up, boo-boo bear. [giggles] Love you! [gives him a kiss]

Bobby: Love you, babe. [kisses in return and ends the call] ♪ All grown up, taking care of myself ♪ [yawns] Time for mimis. [goes to sleep]

Rosa: [watching Bobby through monitor with other monitors showing her familia in a secret lair] Sweet dreams, mijo. [wipes a tear from her eye and leaves the lair, revealing it to be hidden in the apartment complex's water tower]

[End of episode… and the series]