Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo
1999 film by Mike Mitchell
Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo is the first film released by the Happy Madison Productions film production company.
- Passerby: Freak!
- Passerby #2: Holy shit! It's Bigfoot!
- Passerby #3: Hey, keep it in the circus!
- Man: That's a huge bitch!
- T.J.: See this ring? Topaz, my mother's birthstone. Know where I got the money for it?
- Deuce: Where?
- T.J.: Man-whoring! See this keychain? Mini yo-yo. Know where I got the money for it?
- Deuce: Man-whoring?
- T.J.: Stock market! But I got the money for the stock market from man-whoring.
- T.J.: I prefer to think of myself as more of a... male madame. That didn't come out right.
- T.J.: Don't make me he-bitch man-slap you!
- T.J.: You know, Antoine's got a really bad temper. One time, I dropped a cigar ash on his carpet, and he made me pick it up with my anus.
- Fowler: Do the letters T and J mean anything to you?
- Deuce: I don't know. Turkey Jizz?
- T.J.: Goddamn white boy.
- T.J.: What about Antoine's apartment?
- Deuce: I'm going to get the rest of the money the old-fashioned way.
- T.J.: You going to steal it?
- Bartender: There you go. That's uhh... $11.50.
- Deuce: Ahh. No, no. Perhaps you misunderstood me. I wish to cancel my original order of the martini and two olives, and go for just the plain cranberry juice, by itself, for the $3.00. And I apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused you.
- Bartender: Ahh, perhaps you don't understand. Ahh... if you don't pay me now, I'm going to uhh... take this swizzle stick, and uhh... I'll be shoving that right up your pee-hole.
- Deuce: I couldn't help overhearing your Spanish.
- Claire: It was French.
- Deuce: Oui, French... Nice people.
- Deuce: Look, I think there's been a mistake.
- Fluisa: Did you say steak?
- Deuce: No, mistake.
- Fluisa: Oh. See, now you got me all excited.
- Antoine: This is a 14th-century Hungarian crossbow. It has killed a king and changed the history of Europe. If anything happens to my apartment... I'll shove it up your ass.
- Deuce: Where am I supposed to get $6,000. in three weeks?
- Deuce: Wow! What are those?
- Antoine: Medieval weapons. I'm a colletor. They're worth twice as much if they've killed somebody.
- Deuce: I collect Canadian quarters... I've got about six of 'em.
- [The aquarium attendees catches Deuce cleaning a fish tank naked. He is shocked by their disgusted looks.]
- Man: Yuck!
- Woman: EWW!
- [The next moment, he is escorted out of the aquarium by two burly security guards under orders from his boss]
- Deuce: Swim trunks are loaded with detergents and other hazardous chemicals that could be harmful to fish.
- [The security guards tosses him out of the facility with his gear and clothes in tow]
- Rob Schneider as Deuce Bigalow (as Rob Schneider)
- Bill Forsythe as Det. Chuck Fowler (as William Forsythe)
- Eddie Griffin as Tiberius Jefferson "T.J." Hicks
- Arija Bareikis as Kate
- Oded Fehr as Antoine Laconte
- Gail O'Grady as Claire
- Richard Riehle as Bob Bigalow
- Jacqueline Obradors as Elaine Fowler
- Big Boy as Fluisa aka Jabba
- Amy Poehler as Ruth
- Bree Turner as Allison, fish tank girl
- Andy Shaifer as Neil (as Andrew Shaifier)
- Allen Covert as Vic
- Elle Schneider, Rob's Daughter, as Cookie Girl
- Pilar Schneider, Rob's Mother, as Old Lady in Japanese Restaurant
- Norm Macdonald as Bartender (uncredited)
- Marlo Thomas as Client with Vicious Dog (uncredited)
- Adam Sandler as Robert Justin (uncredited, voice role)