Eddie Griffin

Eddie Griffin (born July 15, 1968) is an American actor and comedian.

Eddie Griffin in 2008

Quotes

Dysfunktional Family (2003)

• Y'all can relax about that Osama bin Laden shit. I'm a handle the shit myself. Because I can't understand how they can't find the motherfucker, six foot six with a nappy beard and a towel on his head, but they can find my cousin four foot eleven in Compton. You know what I mean? The mother fucker worth half a billion dollars. Look for the cave with the satellite hook up. If a Rolls Royce is parked in front of the cave, nigga probably in there. If you walk in the cave and he got velvet paintings of Saddam Hussein, I think the nigga in there. Who the fuck they got hunting this mother fucka, Gomer Pyle?

• Nigga, give me 5 Bloods, 5 Crips, 4 Mexicans and 3 rednecks, this shit would have been over! Niggas and Mexicans, we would've went over there and stole all the tracks off their tanks. Nigga, them tanks be on bricks. Niggas come back home, "Nigga, who want some tank tracks?" And you know rednecks love hunting. Nigga, a redneck, you give that mother fucka a 30.06 with a scope on it, he can hit a fly off a deer's ear from 500 yards. They don't fuck around. And they all got a hunting dog named Petey, you know them pointer motherfuckers. Nigga, a redneck be like, [Redneck accent] "He's got them goddamn clothes with that boy's scent on it. Take a whiff of that, Petey! Smell it good, boy! We're goin' in!" Nigga, you drop their ass off in Afghanistan, Petey gonna point at the right cave. [Mimicking Petey] "Mofucker in there. Motherfucker in there!! I smell him!!"

Freedom of Speech (2008)

• We live in a three dimensional plane. Life is on the third planet from the sun not the second. Ain't nobody lying on a piece of paper looking at each other
• There's only three major elements. Air, land, which is your flesh and water, which is your blood. You're walking on a third of yourself. She's called Mother Earth. She gave birth to your ass. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, your maggot food ass going right back to her!
• You know how we built the pyramids? You gotta ask yourself a question always flip the script. What if up was down and down was up? What if you looked down into space standing up on Earth? This is how we built the pyramids.