Bob's Burgers (season 5)

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Season 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 | Film | Main

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Bob's Burgers is an American adult animated sitcom created by Loren Bouchard for Fox. The series centers on the Belchers—parents Bob and Linda, and their children Tina, Gene, and Louise—who run a hamburger restaurant.

Work Hard or Die Trying, Girl [5.01]

[About Courtney's Working Girl musical.]

Gene: So it's just a coincidence that you took a beloved '80s movie - some say the sassy sister film to Die Hard - and set it to music and lyrics?

Tina and the Real Ghost [5.02]

Tammy: Where's Tina? At home, crying into her butt?

Tina: No. My butt is dry. And strong.

Friends With Burger-fits [5.03]

(Bob awakes from a nightmare.)

Bob: I'm sorry, Teddy!

Linda: What - what happened - what happened?

Bob: I'm killing Teddy.

Linda: (sleepily) What, you're going to kill Teddy? Alright. Car's gassed up. That's good. Guess I could home school the kids-

Bob: No, Lin, the burgers are killing him.

Linda: (shocked) What?

Bob: The ones I give him every day.

Linda: Oh. Gotcha.

Bob: Good God, Linda, you had all that ready?

Linda: What? I'm just being supportive. Good night.

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Bob: Here's the deal, Teddy: I can make you soup or salad, but I don't think I can serve you my burgers anymore.

Teddy: You cutting me off, Bobby?

Bob: I guess I... am.

Teddy: You're cutting me off!? Is this some kind of sick joke?

Mort: I think it's for your own good.

Teddy: You stay the hell out of this, Mort! [to Bob] Bob, if you take your burgers from me, I will murder you and your mouthy wife!

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Bob: Teddy's not my best friend. He's my best customer. There's a big difference, and I really value that thirty inches of formica that's between us.

Gene: Are you talking about your ding-dong, Daddy? Brag!

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(Zeke eliminates Tina in the Freezer Dome)

Zeke: I did it! I pushed a girl! And not because I like her and don't know how to show it!

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Teddy: Why would you lie to me like that? Who says they're somebody's best friend when they're not!?

Bob: Look, Teddy, I'm sorry I lied because I care about you...

Teddy: Pull over here. Stop the car, Bob!

(Bob pulls over at Dusty's Feed Bag. Teddy gets out.)

Teddy: You're not the only man that sells burgers, you know. I'm going to be a regular at Dusty's Feed Bag now! Friend.

Bob: Come on Teddy, get back in the car.

Teddy: Oh, and one more thing, Bob three years ago, you forgot a tomato on my burger and I said nothing. Nothing!

Bob: Teddy please don't go in there.

Teddy: You don't tell me what to do.

Dawn of the Peck [5.04]

Bob: Oh, right! Because that's what Thanksgiving is all about—running around with a bunch of stupid birds and going on rides. Fine, go. But you know what? I am not making dinner!

Tina: He's handling this pretty well.

Bob: No, you're crying!

Best Burger [5.05]

Tina: I can't believe we're competing against Skip Marooch. He has a book out. I read it! I mean, I mostly read it. I looked at all the pictures.

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Louise: Your name is a verb in this family. We call it "Geneing out."

Gene: I thought that meant taking off your pants after a good meal.

Ron: I was "Geneing out" at work the other day.

Hugo: [swerving the pedi-cab back and forth] I'm "Geneing out" right now!

Gene: Oh my God. I'm a verb. I'm a bad verb!

Tina: You're a "berb."

Gene: I'm a "berb!"

Father of the Bob [5.06]

Gene: One man's trash is another man's Christmas gift for Dad!

Tina Tailor Soldier Spy [5.07]

Gene: Aw, I can't believe you quit the Thundergirls. Are they going to make you turn in your Thunderwear?

Midday Run [5.08]

Regular-Sized Rudy: See, that's why you're going to be a Hall Manatee, and I'm stuck at Hall Minnow. Well, I'm also a Hall Minnow because I'm bad at networking.

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Bob: What am I supposed to draw first?

Edith Cranwinkle: First the gesture then the essence, and then the breasts!

Harold Cranwinkle: Get your charcoal Charlie. Lady's a-waitin'!

Edith: Harold, be my eyes. How's he doing?

Harold: Bad.

Bob: Sorry, I can't concentrate!

Edith: What's the matter? Don't like what you see?

Bob: No! It's just, I wasn't expecting all the hair...

Edith: Well get used to it! It's the human form. It's the most beautiful thing you're ever gonna see in your life!

Harold: It's super-yummy!

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Zeke: Why do you wanna be a hall monitor so bad anyway? It's just tellin' on kids!

Tina: No! It's..."helping" on kids.

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After Tina helps Zeke get the Whaler's costume...

Zeke: Now I'm gonna have a story to tell on our wedding day! You think it ain't gonna happen, but I'm gonna getcha, girl! I'm gonna getcha!

Speakeasy Rider [5.09]

Tina: Mom and Dad might not recognize us when we get back from go-karting. (pulling her hair back) 'Cause our hair will be like this!

Louise: (pulling on her face) And our faces will be like this!

Gene: And our penises will be like this! (pause) You can't see what I'm doing, but it's pretty great!

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Louise: I'm coming for you, T. If I finish the season in first place in B-League, I get a spot in the Kingshead Island Grand Prix!

Tina: But you actually have to win races to finish in first place. Maybe you didn't fully understand that?

Louise: Oh, ho-ho-ho, keep it up, Tina!

Tina: Way ahead of you. Literally.

Late Afternoon in the Garden of Bob and Louise [5.10]

Linda: You know, do what you got to do, Bobby. If you have to sleep with her to get in, it's okay. I don't like her, but whatever it takes.

Bob: Way ahead of you, Lin.

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[Song: "Crappy Place/Happy Place"]

Bob: Tomatoes and green beans and sweet peas

It's a dream come true!

Linda: (glowering at Cynthia) I wanna take her stupid neck and wring it!

Louise: That's what I wanna do, too. But with him! (pointing at Logan)

Bob: The only thing greener than these plants is my thumb!

Linda & Louise: How did we ever get stuck with these bums?

The restaurant's now a crappy place!

Bob: (overlapping) I think I found my happy place!

I'm like a British lady in my garden

And my plants agree!

Plants: Mmm-hmm!

Louise: (about Logan) He's the most annoying person who was ever born...

Linda: (about Cynthia) Oh God, she brought her own tea!

Bob: I'm the world's greatest farmer, things are growing so well!

Linda & Louise: We're living in our own personal hell,

The restaurant's now a crappy place!

Bob: I think I found my happy place!

Linda & Louise: The restaurant's now a crappy, crappy, crappy, crappy

Bob: (simultaneous) I think I found my happy, happy, happy, happy

All: Plaaaaace!

The Millie-churian Candidate [5.12]

(Tina hangs Jimmy Jr.'s Class President campaign poster. Louise assists her.)

Louise: Lower. A little lower. Just a tiny bit lower...

(Camera pulls out to reveal a trash can.)

Louise: ...Yeah, that's it. In the trash. Now stomp it down with your foot.

L'il Hard Dad [5.14]

Bob: We're not leaving Sheldon not until we get our money back for that detected helicopter so do the right thing and give us a refund.

Gene: Well put.

Bob: Yup.

Sheldon Felds: You don't get it do you Bob? Sheldon Felds doesn't give refunds to heliflopter's who crash on their first flight.

Bob: Stop calling me a heliflopter.

Gene: We don't care how fun it is to say.

Sheldon Felds: You see I not only sell these novelty toys to make ends meet, but my real passion is customizing the serious RC choppers.

Gene: Fish in the sky! This was in Revelations! Kirk Cameron was right!

Sheldon Felds Are you done hiding, Bob?

Bob: We're not hiding, Sheldon. We were regrouping. And we still want our refund!

Sheldon: Uh-huh. Swim, my pets. Swim! (snickers)

Bob: Your gently floating fish don't scare me, Sheldon. They're actually kinda pretty. It's a lot like snorkeling, which I've never done but I imagine I would love it! Ow. Ow.

Gene: Dad!

Bob:You're shooting BB's at me. Ow, that one hit me in the nipple.

Gene: That's his good nipple!

Bob: My good nipple is bleeding!!

Sheldon: Are we done here, Bob? You lose, I win. Also I have a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven, so I'm far ready to wrap this up.

Bob: No we're not done!!

Hawk & Chick [5.20]

Tina: We gotta make this samaright.

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Tina: And the only force in all of Japan who could stop them are