Shrek

2001 film directed by Andrew Adamson and Vicky Jenson

Shrek is a 2001 animated film about an ogre who, in order to regain his swamp, travels along with a donkey in order to bring a princess to a scheming lord who wishes to become King.

Directed by Andrew Adamson and Vicky Jenson. Written by Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio. Story by William Steig (book)
The greatest fairy tale never told. (taglines)

ShrekEdit

  • That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.
  • Donkey, two things, okay? Shut.... up!

DonkeyEdit

  • All right, nobody move! I've got a dragon and I'm not afraid to use it! I'm a donkey on the edge!

DialogueEdit

[Shrek sneaks up on a mob about to enter his swamp]
First villager: I think it's in there?
Second Villager: All right, let's get it!
Third villager: Whoa, hold on! Do you know what that thing could do to you?
Fourth villager: Yeah, it'll grind your bones for its bread.
Shrek: Really? [exposes himself] Well, actually, that would be a giant. Now, ogres - oh, they're much worse. They'll make a suit from your freshly peeled skin! They'll shave your liver, squeeze the jelly from your eyes! Actually, it's quite good on toast.
Fifth villager: [waves his torch in front of Shrek] Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya! [Shrek calmly licks his fingers and extinguishes the torch like a match; he smiles nervously while dropping the unlit torch] Right.
[Then Shrek roars ferociously until the villagers stop screaming and yelling]
Shrek: [quietly] This is the part where you run away. [the villagers do so; laughs] And stay out! "[he picks up a wanted poster and reads it] "Wanted: Fairy Tale Creatures". [rolls his eyes, walks back to the house, and throws the wanted poster as it lands on the ground face up]

Old Lady: [moves Donkey's lips] I can talk. I love to talk! I'm the talkin'est damn thing you ever saw.
Captain: [annoyed and angrily] Get her outta my sight!
Old Lady: No, no! I swear! [Guards took her away]

Shrek: [to Donkey] WHY...are you following me?
Donkey: I'll tell you why. [sings]
'Cause I'm all alone.
There's no one here beside me.
My problems have all gone.
There's no one to deride me!
But ya gotta have friends!
Shrek: Stop singing! Well, it's no wonder you don't have any friends.
Donkey: Wow! Only a true friend would be that truly honest.
Shrek: Listen, little donkey. Take a look at me, what am I?
Donkey: Uh... [looks Shrek up and down] Really tall?
Shrek: No! I'm an ogre! Y’know, "Grab your torch and pitchforks!" Doesn't that bother you?
Donkey: [shakes his head happily] Nope.
Shrek: [surprised] Really?
Donkey: Really, really.
Shrek: Oh.
Donkey: Man, I like you. What's your name?

Donkey: [looks at a hovel] Whoa, look at that. Who'd wanna live in a place like that?
Shrek: That would be my home.
Donkey: Oh, and it is lovely! You know, you're really quite a decorator. It's amazing what you've done with such a modest budget. [looks at boulder] I like that boulder. That is a nice boulder. [eyes the KEEP OUT signs surrounding Shrek's home] I guess you don't, uh, entertain much, do you?
Shrek: I like my privacy.
Donkey: Y'know, I do too! That's another thing we have in common. Like I hate it when you've got someone in your face, you try to give 'em a hint, they won't leave, and then there's that big awkward silence, you know... [silence ensues] ...Can I stay wit you?
Shrek: Uh, what?!
Donkey: Can I stay wit you... please?
Shrek: [sarcastically] Of course!
Donkey: Really?
Shrek: No.
Donkey: Please! I don't wanna go back there! You don't know what it's like to be considered a freak, Shrek! [slight pause; Shrek gives Donkey a look] Well, maybe you do. But that's why we gotta stick together! You gotta let me stay! Please, please!
Shrek: Okay! Okay. But one night only.
Donkey: Ah, thank you! [runs to the chair inside]
Shrek: Ahh! What are you doing?! No, no!
Donkey: This is gon’ be fun. We can stay up late, swappin' manly stories, and in the mornin', I'm makin' waffles!
Shrek: Ohh!
Donkey: Where do, uh, I sleep?
Shrek: Outside!!
Donkey: Oh, well, I guess that's cool. I mean, I don't know you, and you don't know me, so I guess outside is best, you know.

[Shrek discovers the Seven Dwarves have placed Snow White on his kitchen table knocking everything on it, off.]
Shrek: Oh, no, no, no, no! Dead broad off the table!
Dwarf: Well, where are we supposed to put her? The bed's taken!
Shrek: Huh?
[rushes over to his bed to find...]
Big Bad Wolf: What?
Shrek: [Carrying Big Bad Wolf by the scruff of his neck] I live in a swamp. I put up signs. I’m a terrifying ogre. What do I have to do to get a little privacy?!?!?!?

[Shrek, his swamp filled with fairytale creatures, glares at Donkey]
Donkey: Hey, don't look at me, I didn't invite them!
Pinocchio: Oh, gosh, no one invited us!
Shrek: What?
Pinocchio: We were forced to come here!
Shrek: By who?
Little Pig: Lord Farquaad. He huffed, and he puffed... and he signed an eviction notice.
Shrek: All right. Who knows where is Farquaad guy is?
Donkey: Oh, I do. I know where he is.

Lord Farquaad: [sees Thelonius and Felonious dunking Gingy in milk] That's it! All right, that's it! He's ready to talk. [puts him down; Farquaad chuckles, then signals for the table to lower; clears his throat] [playing with Gingy’s legs and holding them up] Run, run, run, as fast as you can; you can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!
Gingy: You’re a monster.
Lord Farquaad: I am not the monster here, you are! You and the rest of that fairy tale trash, poisoning my perfect world. [crushes Gingy’s legs to crumbs as he says this] Now, tell me! Where are the others?!
Gingy: Eat me!! [spits milk at Farquaad who wipes it away]
Lord Farquaad: [grunts and straining] I've tried to be fair to you creatures, but now my patience has reached its end! Now, tell me! Tell me, or I'll… [reaches to pull off one of Gingy's buttons]
Gingy: No, no! Not the buttons! Not my gumdrop buttons!
Lord Farquaad: [shines a lamp on Gingy] All right, then, who's hiding them?!
Gingy: Okay! I'll tell you. Do you know… the muffin man?
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?
Gingy: The muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: Yes. I know the muffin man. Who-Who lives on Drury Lane?
Gingy: Well, she's married to the muffin man.
Lord Farquaad: The muffin man?!
Gingy: The muffin man!!
Lord Farquaad: She's married to the muffin man.
[Door opens]
Captain: My lord! We found it.
Lord Farquaad: Well, then what are you waiting for? Bring it in.

[arriving at Duloc]
Shrek: [observing a giant building] So, that must be Lord Farquaad's castle...
Donkey: Uh-huh, that's the place.
Shrek: Do you think he's maybe compensating for something?

[Shrek enters the tournament]
Lord Farquaad: What is that? It's hideous!
Shrek: Well, that's not very nice. [gestures to Donkey] It's just a donkey.

[Donkey and Shrek are now walking through the field heading away from DuLoc. Shrek is munching on an onion.]
Donkey: Let me get this straight. You're gonna go fight a dragon and rescue a princess just so Farquaad’ll give you back a swamp which you only don't have because he filled it full of freaks in the first place. Is that about right?
Shrek: Y’know, maybe there's a good reason donkeys shouldn't talk.
Donkey: I don't get it. Why don't you just pull some of that ogre stuff on him? Throttle him, lay siege to his fortress, grind his bones to make your bread, the whole ogre trip.
Shrek: Oh, I know what. Maybe I could have decapitated an entire village and put their heads on a pike, gotten a knife, cut open their spleen and drink their fluids. Does that sound good to you?
Donkey: Uh, no, not really, no.
Shrek: For your information, there's a lot more to ogres than people think.
Donkey: Example?
Shrek: Example... uh... ogres are like onions!
[holds up an onion, which Donkey sniffs]
Donkey: They stink?
Shrek: Yes... No!
Donkey: Oh, they make you cry?
Shrek: No!
Donkey: Oh, you leave 'em out in the sun, they get all brown, start sproutin' little white hairs...
Shrek: [peels an onion] No! Layers. Onions have layers. Ogres have layers... You get it? We both have layers.
[heaves a sigh and then walks off]
Donkey: Oh, you both have layers. Oh. You know, not everybody like onions. Cake! Everybody loves cake! Cakes have layers!
Shrek: I don't care what everyone likes! Ogres are not like cakes!
Donkey: You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits! Have you ever met a person, you say, "Let's get some parfait," they say, "Hell no, I don't like no parfait."? Parfaits are delicious!
Shrek: No! You dense, irritating, miniature beast of burden! Ogres are like onions! End of story! Bye-bye! See ya later.
Donkey: Parfaits may be the most delicious thing on the whole damn planet!
Shrek: Y’know, I think I preferred your humming.
Donkey: Do you have a tissue or somethin’? I'm makin’ a mess. Just the word “parfait” make me start slobberin’.

[Shrek and Donkey are crossing a wooden bridge over a moat of lava]
Donkey: Don't look down, don't look down, don't look down, keep on movin’, don't look down... [a board under Donkey breaks, prompting Donkey] Shrek, I'm lookin’ down!

Shrek: That'll do, Donkey. That'll do.

Donkey: So where is this fire-breathin' pain in the neck, anyway?
Shrek: Inside, waiting for us to rescue her.
Donkey: I was talkin' about the dragon, Shrek.

Shrek: Donkey, two things, okay? Shut... up!

Fiona: Where are you going? The exit's over there!
Shrek: [going to save Donkey] Well, I have to save my ass.
Fiona: [shocked] What kind of knight are you?!?!?
Shrek: One of a kind.

Donkey: Hi, Princess!
Fiona: It talks!
Shrek: Yeah, it's gettin’ him to shut up that's the trick!

Fiona: The sooner we get to Duloc, the better!
Donkey: Oh, you gonna love it there, Princess, it's beautiful!
Fiona: And my groom-to-be Lord Farquaad, what's he like?
Shrek: Well, let me put it this way, Princess: men of his stature are in short supply.
[chortles]
Donkey: Yeah! There are those who think little of him!
[Shrek and Donkey laugh]
Fiona: Stop it. Stop it, both of you! You know, you're just jealous that you could never measure up to a great ruler like Lord Farquaad.
Shrek: [grins] Maybe. But I'll let you do the "measuring" when you see him tomorrow!
Fiona: [suddenly anxious] Tomorrow? Will it really take that long? Shouldn't we set up camp?
Shrek: No, that'll take longer.
Fiona: But there's... robbers in the woods!
Donkey: [tense] Whoa, time out, Shrek! Campin' sure is startin' to sound like a good idea 'round here!
Shrek: Hey, come on! I'm scarier than anything we're gonna see in this forest--
Fiona: [furious] I need to find somewhere to camp NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!

Donkey: Why are you blocking?
Shrek: I'm not blocking!
Donkey: Oh, yes you are.
Shrek: Donkey, I'm warning you.
Donkey: Who are you trying to keep out? Just tell me that, Shrek. Who?
Shrek: Everyone! OKAY?
Donkey: Oh, now we're getting somewhere!
Shrek: Oh, for the love of Pete!
Donkey: Hey, what's your problem, Shrek, what you got against the whole world anyway, huh?
Shrek: Look, I'm not the one with the problem, okay? It's the world that seems to have a problem with me! People take one look at me and go "Aargh! Help! Run! A big stupid ugly ogre!" They judge me before they even know me - that's why I'm better off alone...
Donkey: You know, Shrek... when we first met, I didn't think you were a big, stupid, ugly ogre.
Shrek: Yeah, I know.

[Shrek has been hit by an arrow fired by one of Robin Hood’s Merry Men that ricocheted off of a tree]
Fiona: Oh, oh, this is all my fault...
Donkey: Why, what's wrong?
Fiona: Shrek's hurt!
Donkey: Shrek's hurt? Shrek's hurt? Oh, no, Shrek's gonna die!
Shrek: Donkey, I'm okay!
Donkey: You can't do this to me, Shrek, I'm too young for you to die! Keep your feet elevated! Turn your head and cough! Does anybody know the Heimlich...?
Fiona: [grabs Donkey] Donkey, calm down! If you wanna help Shrek, go into the forest and look for a blue flower with red thorns.
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns! Okay, I got it! Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns! Don't die, Shrek, and if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light!
Fiona & Shrek: Donkey!
Donkey: Okay, okay. Blue flower, red thorns! Blue flower, red thorns!
[runs off]
Shrek: What're the flowers for?
Fiona: For getting rid of Donkey.
Shrek : Ah.
Fiona: Now you hold still, and I'll yank this thing out.
[gives the arrow a little pull]
Shrek: [jumps away] Ow! Hey! Easy with the yankin'.
Fiona : I'm sorry, but it has to come out.
Shrek: No, it's tender.
Fiona: Now, hold on.
Shrek: What you're doing is the opposite of help.
Fiona: Don't move.
Shrek: Look, time out.
Fiona: [Shrek has his hand on Fiona’s face] Would you... [grunts] Okay. What do you propose we do?
Donkey: Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. Blue flower, red thorns. This would be so much easier if I wasn't color-blind! Blue flower, red thorns.
Shrek: [screaming] Owwww!
Donkey: [hears Shrek scream] Hold on, Shrek! I'm comin'! [Grabs a blue flower with red thorns from a bush]
Shrek: Ow! Not good.
Fiona: Okay. Okay. I can nearly see the head. [Grunts] It's just about...
Shrek: Ow! Ohh!
Donkey: [he sees Fiona on top of Shrek] Ahem.
Shrek: Nothing happened…
[Fiona falls off]
…We were just, uh-
Donkey: Look, if you wanted to be alone, all you had to do was ask. Okay?
Shrek: Oh, come on! That's the last thing on my mind. The princess here was just-
[Fiona pulls the arrow out]
Shrek: Ugh!
[he turns to look at Fiona who holds up the arrow with a smile]
Shrek: [hoarsely] Ow!
Donkey: Hey, what's that? [nervous chuckle] That's...is that blood?
[faints]

See alsoEdit

TaglinesEdit

  • The greatest fairy tale never told.
  • The Prince isn't charming. The Princess isn't sleeping. The sidekick isn't helping. The ogre is the hero. Fairy tales will never be the same again.

CastEdit

External linksEdit

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