My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (season 8)

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The following is a list of quotes from the eighth season which started on March 24 and ended on October 13, 2018. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

School Daze - Part 1

Twilight Sparkle: This happened while we were gone?

Applejack: Wow, those are all the places we went when we left to save Equestria!

Rarity: Ugh, there's that horrid town where we were almost sold!

Rainbow Dash: The pirates! They were pretty awesome! Uh, once they decided not to throw us overboard.

Pinkie Pie: And Mount Aris! Ooh, Starlight, did you know we made seashell necklaces for allllll [inhales] lllllll the sea ponies?

Starlight Glimmer: I— you— really? What about that unicorn, the one who attacked Canterlot?

Twilight Sparkle: Tempest! I invited her to come to Ponyville, but she wanted to spread the word of the Storm King's defeat, and share what she learned about friendship.

Applejack: Y'all think that's why the map grew? Friendship quests beyond Equestria?

Fluttershy: I hope not. I've had quite enough life-threatening adventures, thank you very much.

Pinkie Pie: How many friendship quests do you think we need to go on before we have to expand the throne room?

Twilight Sparkle: We can't do it all alone.

Pinkie Pie: Sure, we can! We just need to knock this wall down, get some paint...

Rainbow Dash: It's too much. Too much!

Rarity: Ugh, you think so? I had hoped dressing the part would make me feel the part!

Rainbow Dash: Not your dress! This! Us! Teaching?! They're gonna think I'm an egghead!

Twilight Sparkle: The EEA is very clear about how schools should be run. We have a huge responsibility, and I need you all to do this by the book. That means no cannons in class, Pinkie.

Pinkie Pie: Aww, not even a teeny cannon?

[tiny party cannon fires]

Rainbow Dash: Call me "Professor Egghead".

Pinkie Pie: [screams] First day at school! So many new ponies!

Twilight Sparkle: About that, one thing I forgot to mention. It's not just ponies!

[students chattering]

Pinkie Pie: That was unexpected.

Sandbar: Whoa, sorry! I'm Sandbar! Are you a student here too?

Gallus: [sarcastically] No, I thought I'd just randomly stand here and assume any ponies would walk into me. [blows feather]

Silverstream: What is that? No way! I didn't know ponies could turn into... um... what are you?

Thorax: A changeling.

Silverstream: Ponies can turn into changelings?!

Fluttershy: No, the changelings can turn into ponies.

Silverstream: Huh, that's confusing!

Silverstream: Is this what boring is? Am I bored?

Smolder: Oof! Is there anything in Yakyakistan that isn't the best?

Yona: Yes! Wait. No! Yaks best.

Gallus: Aw, are we not being sweet and friendly enough for you, pony?

Silverstream: That was sarcasm, right? 'Cause you weren't being sweet or nice?

Twilight Sparkle: I get it, things are getting off to a rougher start than expected. But that's okay!

Spike: Who are you and what have you done with Twilight Sparkle?

Fluttershy: Oh my! What are you all doing? Aren't classes that way?

Ocellus:: Ah— [clears throat] A generosity field trip, daaaaarling. [giggles] I'm taking the students to the lake to look at our divine reflections.

Smolder: I take back everything I said about you! That was cool!

Ocellus: Thanks! Wait, what did you say about me?

Gallus: And that's why griffons breathe fire when we get mad.

Silverstream: They do not! Wait! Do they? No! Really?

Yona: Griffons just full of hot air!

Twilight Sparkle: My school teaches for all of us to work together through friendship.

Chancellor Neighsay: Then how do you know these creatures won't take what they have learned here and use it against us?

Twilight Sparkle: Friendship isn't just for ponies!

Chancellor Neighsay: It should be.

Prince Rutherford: Unicorn think yaks no need friendship? Maybe yaks no need pony school!

Neighsay: Well, perhaps you should return to your kind.

Ember: "Your kind"?! Smolder, let's go!

Seaspray: Queen Novo will want to hear of this!

Grandpa Gruff: Well, this place seemed lame anyways.

Thorax: [despondently] It's fine. We know not every pony sees us the way you do. We're used to it.

Twilight Sparkle: Princess Celestia helped me reach out to every creature in all the kingdoms! When she hears you closed the school because—!

Neighsay: Because you failed to meet the EEA's standards?

Twilight Sparkle: What?!

Neighsay: Irresponsible teachers, students skipping class, endangering ponies! Your school is a disaster. Perhaps if you had had higher standards for who was admitted, this could have been avoided. Regardless...

[magic noises]

[chains rattling]

Neighsay: By order of the EEA, I am shutting this school... [stomps] down!

Twilight Sparkle: [sad gasp]

School Daze - Part 2

Spike: Ugh. Look on the bright side - sure, the EEA closed your Friendship School, but now you've got time to do other stuff! It's like being on vacation!

[flumph]

Spike: Whoa!

Twilight Sparkle: A failure vacation! I'm supposed to be the Princess of Friendship, a leader of the free world—and all I did was make enemies with Equestria's allies, upset my friends, and get my school... [eye twitching] unaccredited! There is no bright side! [blows nose]

Pinkie Pie: [stage whisper, to Spike] You didn't tell me this was a pity party! I would've brought ice cream!

Twilight Sparkle: Everypony's already tried to cheer me up. It won't work.

Starlight Glimmer: [short laugh] I'm not going to cheer you up. I'm going to tell you what you did wrong.

Twilight Sparkle: What?!

Starlight Glimmer: You gave up too easily. [beat] Hey, you made me a guidance counselor. That means tough love.

Twilight Sparkle: But the EEA rulebook—

Starlight Glimmer: Doesn't matter!

Twilight Sparkle: Guess what? The School of Friendship is back in business!

Rainbow Dash: What?!

Rarity: But why?

Fluttershy: Oh no.

Applejack: Bad idea.

Pinkie Pie: Do we still get to guess?

Prince Rutherford: Where Yona?! This all pony's fault!

Ember: You're pretty quick to blame them! What are you hiding, yak?!

Prince Rutherford: [snorts]

Thorax: C-Can... Can we just focus on finding our lost students?

Grandpa Gruff: Nice try! You grubs are probably hiding the whole lot of them!

Princess Celestia: Please, every creature! If you can just explain what happened...

Seaspray: The students left us notes before they disappeared. When the school closed, they didn't want to say goodbye to each other. They claim they ran away to stay together.

Twilight Sparkle: I can't believe it! They did learn friendship!

[beat]

Twilight Sparkle: Sorry.

Seaspray: The students couldn't have done this by themselves. Some creature is hiding them! If the niece of our queen is not found soon, I promise there will be retribution!

Ember: Yeah? Well, my dragons will burn every kingdom until we find which of you is hiding Smolder!

Grandpa Gruff: Tell it to the griffon army!

Prince Rutherford: Yaks fight griffons and dragons!

Thorax: The Changeling Hive Empire can't afford an international incident. My people have made far too many enemies throughout the centuries. If any creature blames the Changelings for this—

Ember: What are you up to, shapeshifter?!

Thorax: B-But we're friends!

Princess Celestia: Find the students quickly, Twilight, or I fear our world will be at war!

Twilight Sparkle: Okay. Let's review what we know.

Spike: Smolder, Ocellus, Silverstream, Yona and Gallus disappeared together. [beat] That's all we know.

Pinkie Pie: Maybe they were attacked by a ferocious shrimp! Nopony ever expects that!

Fluttershy: [gasps] Shrimps can attack?

Pinkie Pie: Nope! That's why no pony expects it.

Rarity: We need to think like our students. If someone told us we would never see each other again, what would we do?

Pinkie Pie: Go someplace we could all hang out and eat lots and lots of cupcakes! [beat] What?

Yona: Yona not really like school. But, Yona like new friends! [bear hugs Smolder]

Smolder: [grunts] [strained] Smolder... like breathing!

Silverstream: You guys! I just found stairs!

[beat]

Gallus: Aaaand we care because...?

Silverstream: Stairs are awesome! We don't have anything like 'em underwater 'cause you know, [magic zap] no way to climb 'em!

Rest of students: Ohhhh.

Gallus: Is that Professor Egghead?!

Yona: Not bad! [quickly] For pony.

Princess Celestia: Hold on, please! I'm sure Princess Twilight Sparkle has a good explanation for all of this.

Twilight Sparkle: I do! It's true that my School of Friendship is EEA unaccredited...

Spike: Look! She said it without doing the eye thing!

Chancellor Neighsay: Then it is not a school!

Twilight Sparkle: It's not an EEA school. It's a Friendship school, with its own rules. I should know; I wrote the book.

Ember: Ugh, fine! If you promise to stop singing, Smolder can stay!

Smolder: Wahoo!

Prince Rutherford: Uh, if dragon stay, yak stay.

Thorax: I know you will make the changelings proud, Ocellus.

Seaspray: You belong here. Now, can you show me those stair things you mentioned?

Silverstream: [incoherent excited noises]

Grandpa Gruff: [to Gallus] What? You belong at home! You think I care if you've made friends?

Gallus: Please, Grandpa Gruff? [whimpers]

Grandpa Gruff: Alright, alright! Stop doing that!

[students cheering]

Starlight Glimmer: Guess I make a pretty good guidance counselor, huh?

Twilight Sparkle: Yes! Writing the rulebook was the most fun ever! I can't wait to start working on the new lesson plans!

Applejack: [clears throat]

Twilight Sparkle: ...with some help from my friends.

The Maud Couple

Maud Pie: [deadpan] What do you call an Alicorn with no wings and no horn? [beat] Earth pony.

Pinkie Pie: [laughs]

Maud Pie: [deadpan] But seriously, being an Earth pony isn't so bad. We've got magic powers, too. Like walking around. And picking stuff up with our teeth.

[ponies questioning punchline]

Maud Pie: [deadpan] That's sarcasm, by the way.

Pinkie Pie: [laughs] That's funny, 'cause it's true!

Mudbriar: [to Unnamed Unicorn Mare #3] Goodbye.

Pinkie Pie: That's what you've been standing here all this time to say?

Mudbriar: I was deciding between "goodbye" and "see you later".

Pinkie Pie: Uh... but, they're the same thing.

Mudbriar: Technically, they're very different. "See you later" implies an event in the near future wherein we see each other. "Goodbye" expresses good wishes where parting or at the end of a conversation.

Pinkie Pie: Yyyyyeah, same thing.

Mudbriar: I will not apologize for speaking with precision.

Maud Pie: [deadpan] Pinkie, the reason I've been so busy is that I have a boyfriend now.

Pinkie Pie: A wha...?!

Maud Pie: [deadpan] A boyfriend.

Pinkie Pie: A wha...?!

Maud Pie: [deadpan] A boyfriend.

Pinkie Pie: A wha...?!

Maud Pie: [deadpan] A boyfriend.

Pinkie Pie: That's so exciting! My sister, in love!

Maud Pie: [deadpan] Technically, we're in "like".

Pinkie Pie: You?

Mudbriar: Yes.

Pinkie Pie: You?

Mudbriar: Yes.

Pinkie Pie: You.

Mudbriar: Yes.

Pinkie Pie: I mean, [laughs] you! You, you, you!

Mudbriar: Yes. Yes. Yes.

Pinkie Pie: I'm... really into sticks, too! They're great for hitting piñatas! Huh?

Maud Pie: [deadpan] Pinkie...

Pinkie Pie: Oh. You wanna go first?

Mudbriar: That is stick abuse.

Pinkie Pie: [crying] I don't understand! How could Maud like Mudbriar? Is it Opposite Day? Nothing makes sense!

Fluttershy's apparition: I'm not shy, and I hate animals!

Rarity's apparition: Fashion?! Not for me, darling!

Applejack's apparition: [spits] An apple a day is downright disgusting!

Rainbow Dash's apparition: Slow and steady wins the race!

Twilight Sparkle's apparition: I never learned to read!

Mane five's apparitions: [laughing]

Pinkie Pie: What if I don't like cupcakes?! [screams]

Fake It 'Til You Make It

Pursey Pink: I need something classic but modern. Something with drama but also understated.

Fluttershy: Um, aren't all those things opposites?

Pursey Pink: Yes. So?

Rarity: Why not try a new outfit? Think of it as the costume for your role as... Shop Pony! Ha ha! You know what they say – "clothes make the pony".

Fluttershy: Um, who says that?

Rarity: You know, "them".

Fluttershy: [snooty voice] It's an unique play on the old standard. We call it a Rarity cut with a triple-cut stitched hem and a guacamole chevka pattern fabric.

Silver Berry: Don't you mean "chevron"?

Fluttershy: [snooty voice] If I had meant "chevron", then that's what I would've said.

Fluttershy: [hipster voice] Okay, I've got, like, this high-key savage look for you? It's a totally live ensemble with a little, like, thingies that sparkle and make the whole squad go, "Whoa! That pony is 'woke'!"

Fluttershy: [goth voice] It's not like the futility of shopping can be made better with black leather and metal studs, but they help.

[raccoons chittering]

Spike: So, Rarity is busy at an important fashion show, and Fluttershy is running her shop in Manehattan, but to do it, she's playing different shop pony characters that are all mean?

[raccoons chittering happily]

Twilight Sparkle: How in the world did you figure that out, Spike?

Spike: I'm not Dragon Charades champion for nothing!

Fluttershy: [snooty voice] Ugh, honestly! These small town ponies come to the big city and think they can behave any way they please!

Rainbow Dash: What?! You are a small-town pony! And your cottage isn't even in the town!

Fluttershy: [hipster voice] The shop is, like, a no-rodent zone now.

Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Twilight Sparkle, and Spike: [gasps]

[raccoons gasping]

Pinkie Pie: She called them "rodents"?!

Rarity: That's it! Fluttershy, I'm afraid you've left me no choice! You are terminated!

Fluttershy: [snooty voice] Well! Good luck replacing me! Humph!

Rarity: [sighs] Well, thankfully I— [shrieks]

Fluttershy: [goth voice] I always thought she was too controlling.

Rarity: You— you— you are terminated, too!

Fluttershy: [goth voice] Whatever.

Rarity: Now, I— [shrieks]

Fluttershy: [hipster voice] I know, right? I mean, uh, ugh?

Rarity: Actually, you're, like, totally terminated as well!

Fluttershy: [hipster voice] Like, okay.

Fluttershy: I'd definitely rather be myself anyway, even if I don't exactly have what it takes to be a shop pony.

Twilight Sparkle: I wouldn't sell yourself short. Those sales pony characters all came from you!

Rainbow Dash: Yeah! I think you totally have what it takes.

Pinkie Pie: Maybe a little too much.

Grannies Gone Wild

Rainbow Dash: It's the coolest ride ever to exist in the history of Equestria!

Applejack: So, when did you ride it?

Rainbow Dash: Oh. [laughs] I haven't.

Rainbow Dash: [reading] "Make sure they get their naps". "Eat only soft foods". "Careful when dancing"? "Don't get too excited"? Seriously?!

Applejack: And don't let 'em out of your sight. Ever.

Rainbow Dash: Wait. Then how am I supposed to go on the roller coaster?

Applejack: You'll find time. And you might even learn a thing or two about havin' a good time from these old gals.

Apple Rose: You know, this hot air balloon ride reminds me of the time I climbed a tree. Have I ever told you that story?

Auntie Applesauce: Only about a million times.

Apple Rose: Huh? What did you say?

Rainbow Dash: [echoing] They said they've heard the tree story!

Apple Rose: Oh, you wanna hear the tree story? Okay.

Goldie Delicious: Here we go again.

Auntie Applesauce: Oh, my. You are a strong pony. Aren't you, sugar hocks?

"Luggage Cart": [gulps]

Auntie Applesauce: I think he was sweet on me. Maybe I should ask him to accompany me to the magic show tonight.

Granny Smith: Ha-ha! You sure your name's not Applesaucey?

Granny Smith: I love me some nachos. I'mma set my dentures loose on these vittles until the crumbs cry uncle!

Auntie Applesauce: Sugarcube, we never miss your show.

Jack Pot: Fabulous. We'll save a spot for you on stage.

Big Bucks: And in our hearts.

Rainbow Dash: So gross.

Goldie Delicious: You keep ruining our fun! I had a hot hoof going in that game you decided to lose for us!

Granny Smith: And I wanted to eat those nachos at the buffet!

Apple Rose: And I could have torn up the dance floor if you didn't keep stopping me!

Granny Smith: They're being too polite to say it, so I will! Rainbow Dash, we thought you'd be a hoot, but I ain't never met a wetter hen!

Rainbow Dash: I'm sorry I misjudged you for being older ponies. You mares are actually pretty cool.

Granny Smith: Rainbow Dash?

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, Granny?

Granny Smith: The gals and I have been talking, and, well... We think you're a hoot after all! We'd like to invite you to become a permanent member of the Gold Horseshoe Gals!

Surf and/or Turf

Sweetie Belle: Some pony needs our help?

Apple Bloom: We're being called by the Map?

Scootaloo: Did I mention we're glowing?!

Apple Bloom: Then, in the Battle of Canterlot, when Applejack defeated the Storm King—

Twilight Sparkle: Wait, what? She told you she defeated him? By herself?

Apple Bloom: Uh, maybe she didn't say that exactly. But it makes for a better story.

Sweetie Belle: Woo-hoo! Yeah! Awesome! I love this!

Terramar: Uh, is she okay?

Apple Bloom: Did you say... "problem"?

Sweetie Belle: You have a problem?!

Scootaloo: Yes!

Terramar: Mount Aris is one great place to live. That's why Silverstream and my dad and some of my cousins came back here. But Seaquestria is another great place to live. That's where my mom is.

Scootaloo: This must be just like flying! Woo-hoo!

Ocean Flow: Both my children are so smart. Would you like to see their baby pictures?

Terramar: Mom!

Apple Bloom: Sweetie Belle said to tell you it's your fault that Terramar ran off.

Scootaloo: Well, you tell Sweetie Belle that if it weren't for her, our mission would've been over by now! And a success!

Apple Bloom: [sighs] Scootaloo says this whole thing is your fault.

Sweetie Belle: Well, tell her that I'm not the one who dashed all of Terramar's hopes and made him give up on the world! Both worlds!

Apple Bloom: [sighs] Sweetie Belle says it's your fault that Terramar ran— Oh. Wait. I already told you that, didn't I?

Ocean Flow: Yoo-hoo! Princess! We're having a seashell-crafting circle. Care to join us?

Twilight Sparkle: Actually, we're right in the middle of—

Sky Beak: There you are! The flag-folding ceremony's about to begin!

Twilight Sparkle: Thank you, really. I've had a great time in both places today, but... [whispering, to Cutie Mark Crusaders] Wow. This must be how Terramar feels all the time.

Terramar: Ugh! (to Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo) If you all can't even agree amongst yourselves, how am I supposed to make up my mind?! It's hopeless!

Sky Beak: Your friends told us how you've been feeling.

Ocean Flow: And we're sorry if we ever made you think you had to choose between worlds. That wasn't our intention, honey.

Sky Beak: Your Hippogriff heritage is something to be proud of, certainly.

Ocean Flow: But you're more than just where you're from or who you live with. We love you because you're you, no matter where you choose to be.

Sky Beak: You don't have to decide. You can keep doing what you've been doing – going back and forth.

Ocean Flow: And enjoying both places.

Scootaloo: Something we forgot to add that both places have – family and friends who love you.

Sweetie Belle: I hope you come visit your sister in Equestria.

Apple Bloom: Yeah, come see us! You'll love it!

Scootaloo: Who knows? You might even want to live there!

[beat]

Scootaloo: Yeah, that was a joke.

Horse Play

Twilight Sparkle: To commemorate your first sunrise, I've written a play. We'd like to perform it at my School of Friendship, if you don't mind.

Princess Celestia: [giggling happily] Mind? Oh! Of course not! Oh! I think a play is a fantastic idea!

Spike: Did she just... prance?

Applejack: Wormy apple cores, Pinkie! How many times have I told you to keep your special effects away from my sets?!

Pinkie Pie: Three hundred twenty-seven. Oh! Unless you just did. Then it's three hundred twenty-eight. [squee]

Starlight Glimmer: I can't believe you've memorized your lines already, Fluttershy.

Fluttershy: Once you get past terrifying, paralyzing stage fright, the rest is easy.

Princess Celestia: [flat and stilted] It is time for a new day in Equestria-aaa.

Rainbow Dash: Uh... did I miss something?

Twilight Sparkle: Just the bright light of hope being snuffed.

Raspberry Beret: Whoosh! Whoosh! Oh, it's so snowy today! Brrr! I'm getting chilly!

Princess Celestia: Should I get you a blanket?

On Stage: All aboard! The Ponyville Express is leaving the station! Whoo-whoo! Chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga...

Princess Celestia: It is? But I don't see anything.

Twilight Sparkle: Uh, Pinkie? That looks unsafe.

Pinkie Pie: Why would untested magic fireworks that I bought in a back alley from Trixie at midnight be unsafe?

Twilight Sparkle: I can't take it anymore! It was supposed to be a simple play! Just one simple play! And then everything goes wrong, from the stage to the props, right down to the worst! Lead! Actress! In Equestria!

Princess Celestia: You had good intentions, Twilight. But you know that the truth is always better than a well-meant lie. Didn't Applejack remind you?

Twilight Sparkle: [sighs] About a hundred times.

Princess Celestia: Fluttershy will be our new lead.

Fluttershy: Oh, my. Me? Playing you? While you watch me playing you? Oh, no. Oh, no. I think my stage fright is coming back. [hyperventilating]

Princess Celestia: I had so much fun tonight, I've decided to give up my crown, step down from the throne, and devote all of my time to the theater!

Twilight Sparkle Y-You... what?!

Princess Celestia: Gotcha! Maybe I'm not such a bad actress after all.

Princess Celestia: You had good intentions, Twilight. But you know that the truth is always better than a well-meant lie. Didn't Applejack remind you?

Twilight Sparkle: (sighs) About 100 times.

The Parent Map

Sunburst: My cutie mark is glowing! I know what this means! Why am I yelling?!

Spike: If you need some pointers, let me know. I've been on my fair share of missions.

Twilight Sparkle: You've been on one, Spike.

Spike: And that's my fair share.

Starlight Glimmer: We'll just have to explain to our parents that we're on an important friendship mission so they can't bother us.

Sunburst: Do you really think that will work?

Starlight Glimmer: Nope!

Firelight: Listen here, Stellar Flare! I'm not gonna let you turn our historical heritage into Las Pegasus!

Stellar Flare: And I'm not gonna let you turn it into a museum!

Starlight Glimmer: [whispering] We need to find this friendship problem now!

Starlight Glimmer and Sunburst: (to their parents, Stellar Flare and Firelight) We don't want your help!!!

"Ever Essence": [whispering] Why are we whispering?

Organic Baker: They're avoiding their parents.

"Ever Essence", "Raspberry Latte", and "Minty Mocha": Ohhhh... [various agreement]

Starlight Glimmer: Why couldn't we have been sent to stop a war or something?!

Firelight: I just know how hard things were for you when you left home. I guess I wanted you to feel safe, like... when you were young.

Starlight Glimmer: Dad, I know I've made some mistakes, and I'll probably make a bunch more. But I learn from them. I think that's what growing up is.

Stellar Flare: I remember how lost you were when you flunked out of magic school. I thought as long as you had a plan, you'd never feel that way again.

Sunburst: You don't have to worry, Mom. I need to find my own way. And I definitely don't feel lost anymore.

Non-Compete Clause

Twilight Sparkle: Who better to model the importance of working as a team?

Pinkie Pie: Um, Rarity? Fluttershy? Me? Spike? This flowerpot?

Applejack: [deep inhale] Now take a good, deep breath. What do you smell?

Gallus: [inhale] Uh, yak?

Yona: [sniffing] Mm-hmm!

Ocellus: Um, professors? I'm a little confused about teamwork now.

Rainbow Dash: That's because you need a different teacher.

Rainbow Dash: Stroke! Stroke! Stroke! Harder! Put your backs into it, newbies!

Applejack: Stroooooke... Stroooooke... Stroooooke... Slower... Focus on your paddle technique, y'all.

Silverstream: Woo-hoo! We're really going now!

Smolder: So... when do we get to the part when we move?

Yona: Help! Yak not swim!

Ocellus: That's okay! Your friends can change into creatures that do!

Twilight Sparkle: How's the canoeing... going?

Smolder: About as good as the apple shed building.

Twilight Sparkle: You're not teaching teamwork! You're competing with each other! I thought you were past that!

Rainbow Dash: We are! Mostly.

Sandbar: We got to get our professors out of there! Any creature have a plan?

Gallus: Leave 'em hanging?

Silverstream: What?!

Gallus: I'm kidding! ...Kinda.

Twilight Sparkle: You were actually just competing the entire time, weren't you?

Applejack: To tell you the truth... yeah.

The Break Up Breakdown

Discord: I'm a realist. And love, like all things warm and fuzzy, isn't real.

Spike: Aw, come on. You act tough, but deep down, you're a softie. I mean, you don't have tea with Fluttershy every weekend because you like tea.

Apple Bloom: Mysterious package, smudged address, no idea who it's from... Hm. I know what this is. You've got a secret admirer!

Mrs. Cake: Just be honest with him.

Sugar Belle: You're right. Okay! "We're finished."

Big McIntosh: [gasps]

Big McIntosh: She takes pie-baking seriously! Why'd I even try?! I bet she thought I... I was making fun of her!

Apple Bloom: Excuse me! Pipsqueak? Mind answering a few questions? No? Late for something? Are you Sweetie Belle's secret admirer?!

Scootaloo: [to Button Mash] Excuse me! I'm doing a research survey about sending pie in the mail anonymously. Would you say you're pro-that or anti-that?

Sweetie Belle: [to Snips and Snails] Happy Hearts and Hooves Day! Did you boys happen to send any packages to me recently? It's okay to say no! I won't be offended! [whispering] Please say no, please say no, please say no.

Spike: Wow. You're really going all out to cheer up Big Mac. I'm impressed.

Discord: Yes, yes, I'm amazing.

Big Macintosh: She used to do this thing where her-her nose would wrinkle when she laughed. Right there, in that hole where your nose used to be. I never told her how much I loved wrinkle-nose cutie-face... [wailing] and now I never will!

Big Macintosh: This is why I don't like talking! Words can hurt! Words hurt! Goodbye, Sugar Belle!

Sweetie Belle: I can't stand having a secret admirer who's too scared to tell me who he is!

Big Macintosh: Maybe he doesn't like talking!

Sweetie Belle: But that doesn't make any sense!

Big Macintosh: Maybe he used to talk too much, and it only ever got him into trouble!

Big Macintosh: Even though I'm hurting, I wouldn't trade this feeling for anything. Because it'd mean giving up the good times we had, too. I only broke up with you because you were gonna break up with me. I respect your decision, and you should know you'll always be in my heart.

Sugar Belle: I didn't want to break up with you.

Sugar Belle: [giggles, snorts]

Big Macintosh: Hee-hee. Wrinkle-nose cutie-face.

Sweetie Belle: It's funny. I've been sitting here feeling sorry for myself for not having a special pony on Hearts and Hooves Day. But remembering all the fun we had, I think I have two special ponies – my two best friends.

Spike: Seriously?! Discord, come on! I can't believe you!

Discord: Who do you think broke Sugar Belle's wagon wheel?

Molt Down

Spike: It's a stone scale. It isn't magical or anything like the call of the Dragon Lord. It's just... red. And itchy. [groans] And embarrassing.

Rarity: Ooh, precious pants, that does look uncomfortable. But even I get the odd blemish from time to time. It's nothing to be embarrassed by. You could pay Zecora a visit. She makes a cream that works wonders. Just don't get the shampoo.

Twilight Sparkle: I used to get terrible breakouts any time I had a final exam with Celestia. Who probably never had a blemish her whole life.

Smolder: [to Spike] If you're trying to hide, you need to do a better job. All I had to do was follow the smoke.

Spike: [strained voice] Leave me alone...

Smolder: What?

Spike: [strained] Leave... me... alone...

Smolder: I can't under-- Was that "sleeves made of foam"?

Spike: [strained] I said leave [voice turns loud again] ME ALONE!

[He belches and blasts out flames, burning some brushes and mops to ashes and forcing Smolder to fly up to the ceiling]

Smolder: [laughs] Wow! I have seen some pretty bad molts in my time, but yours takes the cake!

Spike: Molts?

Smolder: The molt. Super painful stone scales, fire burps, uncontrollable volume shifts - it's all part of growing up dragon. Congrats! [slaps him on the back, making him groan in pain] Oh, sorry.

Smolder: That molt stench is a magnet for predators. Tatzlwurms, hydras, rocs...

Spike: Dragons are scared of rocks?

Smolder: R-O-C-S. Rocs. Humongous birds of prey that can snack on a molting dragon like candy!

Spike: [strained] So Twilight's kicking me out, and the only creatures who don't find me disgusting want to eat me?

Smolder: Seriously, I heard none of that.

Spike: [loudly] TWILIGHT'S KICKING ME OUT, AND THE ONLY CREATURES WHO DON'T FIND ME DISGUSTING WANT TO EAT ME?!

Smolder: Congrats!

Rarity: [in the roc's talons] This isn't the first time I've been in the clutches of a horrible giant creature, [sobbing] but it doesn't get any easier!

Rarity: Sorry, you'll have to speak up. My ears are a little bit clogged or something.

Zecora: The feathers of that bird can affect ponies' ears. It's a magic ailment I've treated for years.

Rarity: [loudly] I only know you're talking 'cause your mouth is going up and down.

Spike: Did I forget to mention the molt smell attracts predators?

Zecora: That's something that would've been quite nice to know! But it's not worth discussing right now! We should go!

Spike: If my stone scales didn't itch so much and we weren't in immediate danger, this would be [chuckles] really embarrassing!

Spike: Did I just sprout wings? I just sprouted wings!

Zecora: I know that the molt produced surprising things. But I'm glad that the last was a new pair of wings!

Rarity: [loudly] Yes! And also, I'm glad you've got wings!

Twilight Sparkle: I don't need to carry you anymore, do I? You have wings.

Spike: They are new, and I don't want to overdo it.

Marks for Effort

Scootaloo: [groans] That class was sooo boring!

Sweetie Belle: Not even Miss Cheerilee can make the history of radishes exciting.

Twilight Sparkle: I know you're upset that I won't let you come to my school, but to teach Cozy all the wrong things out of spite? That's just cruel.

Sweetie Belle: But we taught her all the right things!

Twilight Sparkle: Then how do you explain these friendship test answers? [reading] "What are the six Elements of Harmony?" Five turtlenecks and a cheese grater? "Who is the Princess of Friendship?" Your mom?

Sweetie Belle: And I thought our school was fun!

Scootaloo: Yeah! Miss Cheerilee never lets us play buck ball in class. I know. I've tried.

Applejack: Apple Bloom! You know better than to leave our good tools out like that! And aren't you supposed to be on harvest duty right now?

Apple Bloom: Eh, it's not like the apples are going anywhere.

Sweetie Belle: Please can I go to Twilight's school?!

Rarity: [screams, sighs, sighs again]

Sweetie Belle: Please? Please?!

Rarity: I'm going to call you "Repeatie Belle"!

Rainbow Dash: I never told that story to my students before. Scootaloo!

Scootaloo: [laughs nervously] Never met her.

Cozy Glow: I'm Cozy Glow. It's very nice to meet you, but I don't know if I'll stay long. I'll probably flunk out. I'm having so much trouble with my friendship lessons.

Cutie Mark Crusaders: [gasps]

Sweetie Belle: We can help with those!

Scootaloo: We know all about friendship!

Apple Bloom: And studying with you would be almost as good as being in class!

Sweetie Belle: Not even Miss Cheerilee can make the history of radishes exciting.

Twilight Sparkle: I know you're upset that I won't let you come to my school, but to teach Cozy all the wrong things out of spite... That's just cruel!

Sweetie Belle: But we taught her all the right things!

Twilight Sparkle: Then how do you explain these friendship test answers? [reading] "What are the six Elements of Harmony?" Five turtlenecks and a cheese grater? "Who is the Princess of Friendship?" Your mom?

Starlight Glimmer: Welcome! Can I get you a comfort pillow? Security blanket? Empathy cocoa?

Cozy Glow: Uh, I just need some advice.

Starlight Glimmer: Oh! Well, I have plenty of that! Anecdotes, insight, midnight confessions... I'm babbling.

Scootaloo: [sighs] I still don't get how Cozy failed her test after all that studying.

Sweetie Belle: Or how Twilight could blame us for it!

Apple Bloom: Or how gum can be so sticky!

Applejack: They're honorary diplomas, making y'all official graduates of this here school.

Rarity: You've more than earned them.

Rainbow Dash: Without even having to study!

Cutie Mark Crusaders: [chanting] We are graduates! We are graduates! We are graduates!

The Mean 6

Starlight Glimmer: I'll help you set up your—

Queen Chrysalis (as Crackle Cosette): Princess Twilight, thanks so much for this!

Twilight Sparkle: Get ready for fun!

Rainbow Dash: Are we talking fun fun, or learning pretending to be fun?

Twilight Sparkle: Both!

Queen Chrysalis: Yes, I know! We have been planning this for quite some time. [laughing evilly] Oh, thank you, Applejack. My spell can create a copy of anypony I desire. All I need is an image and a piece of the pony. [sniffs] Oh, and this. [magic zap] Why copies, Rarity? Because Princess Twilight and her friends controll the Elements of Harmony, the most powerful weapon in all of Equestria. [magic zap] Which means you - will - be - able - to - use - them - too! [magic zap] And serve me! [magic zap] Together, we will destroy Twilight Sparkle and her meddlesome friends! [magic zap] Of course I haven't forgotten Starlight Glimmer! She stole my hive. Turned my subjects against me! So I'll take her friends away while she watches! And then, I'll destroy her! [maniacal laughter and magic zap] With the Elements under my control, I'll build a new hive of Earth ponies, unicorns and Pegasi, and I will rule as Queen once again!

[magic sounds]

[cracking]

[magic sounds]

Queen Chrysalis: Listen to your queen! We must retrieve the Elements of Harmony!

[The Mean Six are mirror opposites of the Mane Six]

Mean Pinkie Pie: Hunting down some lame Elements? This is the worst day ever! [depressing anger]

Mean Fluttershy: [kicks dirt into Mean Pinkie's eyes] No. Now it's the worst day ever! [laughing cruelly]

Mean Rarity: Those Elements are mine! Along with this rock! Oh, and that twig! [proceeds to hoard every worthless item]

Mean Applejack: I got all kinds o' Elements right here under my hat. I'll let you see them for five bits. [unconvincing liar]

Mean Rainbow Dash: [scoffs] Losers. [lazing in the canopy]

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Why didn't you just attack them? [arrogant and spiteful]

Queen Chrysalis: Excuse me?

Mean Twilight Sparkle: You were close enough to pull hairs from their manes. Why not just take your revenge then?

Queen Chrysalis: They've defeated my army. I know better than to strike alone. I need—

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Friends?

Queen Chrysalis: Servants! And the power of the Elements!

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Right. So where are these Elements of Harmony?

Queen Chrysalis: The location of the most powerful weapon in Equestria isn't something made known to just anypony. I learned they were hidden somewhere in this forest.

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Yeah, well, it is a big forest.

Queen Chrysalis: [growling]

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Permission? You need us way more than we need you, “Your Majesty”. The others are fools, but with me to lead them, there’s no reason we can’t find the Elements and keep the power for ourselves!

Fluttershy: Oh, Rainbow Dash! I'm so glad you're here. I was lost.

Mean Rainbow Dash: Bummer. Later. [ditches her]

[beat]

Fluttershy: ...What just happened?

Mean Applejack: The party password is "rutabaga".

Queen Chrysalis: [eye twitches]

Mean Fluttershy: I hope you all freeze this winter!

Mean Rarity: This is mine! And this as well! Oh, and this is absolutely mine!

Applejack: Rarity, what in the hay are you gonna do with a fishing rod?

Mean Rarity: I don't know. But I wants it! My precious!

Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash! I think something's wrong with Pinkie!

Mean Rainbow Dash: Not my problem. [ditches her]

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Can we hurry this up? We're on a schedule here! Everything must be perfect!

Pinkie Pie: Twilight, your schedule can wait! Fluttershy's upset.

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Well, tell her to get over it! I’ll go get the others. Stay here!

[She trots off, then...]

Real Twilight Sparkle: [appears from the other side] Oh, great. You upset Fluttershy, too?

Pinkie Pie: You know what, Twilight? Maybe if you weren't so worried about schedules, you'd realize you're the one ruining the retreat for your friends!

Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Well, if my friends don't care about the retreat I planned for them... maybe they should've stayed home!

Fluttershy: Can't we all just get along?! [crying]

Queen Chrysalis: Grub-sitting you six is nothing like controlling my hive! Give me one good reason why I shouldn't just destroy you all and start over!

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Because I know where the Elements of Harmony are. You need me. (So I can overpower you.)

Mean Applejack: ...So there I was. Just me and, uh, a bucket of honey. Yeah, yeah, that's the ticket. Uh, b-but I-I survived all by myself and this here forest for, uh, a hundred and... twenty-seven hours!

Rarity: [calling out Mean Applejack for insulting Starlight] I'm going to make sure that she doesn't break a hoof out there, and then you and I are going to have a serious talk.

[Everypony is thoroughly irritated by each other's horrible social behavior and worst character traits]

Twilight Sparkle: Of course I care about Fluttershy!

Pinkie Pie: Then you've got a super weird way of showing it!

Rarity: W-What in Equestria's going on here?

Pinkie Pie: Twilight is so into her "retreat" that she doesn't even care if her friends are upset! She just wants us to "Stay. On. Schedule"!

Twilight Sparkle: Well, I'm sorry, Pinkie, if I knew you thought this was a "boring, lame, no-fun retreat", I wouldn't have invited you in the first place!

Pinkie Pie: I never said that!!

Applejack: Sorry, y'all. We would've been here sooner, but we had to take the long way after Rarity ran off with all my stuff.

Rarity: Wha—?! I most certainly did not!

Applejack: What?! You know I ain't no liar! [to Starlight Glimmer] Where's all your gear?

Starlight Glimmer: Why? So you can laugh at me some more?!

Rainbow Dash: Hey, hey, we're all friends here!

Fluttershy: Friends?! You left me alone in the woods! [sobs]

[Others arguing]

Twilight Sparkle: EVERYPONY, QUIET!!!

[Silence]

Twilight Sparkle: Listen. We know each other really well — the great stuff and how to get on each other's nerves, too. I wanted a fun trip with my friends, but instead I got carried away with plans and ruined everything. If you want to forget it all and head home, I won’t be offended. I just want us to stop fighting.

Applejack: [to Starlight Glimmer] Hey, sorry if I got carried away with all that camping stuff.

Starlight Glimmer: I'm sorry, too. I should've just told you I'll never like camping. Also, I'll never like camping.

Rarity: Well, if we're all being honest, I can't survive with just this tiny yet fashionable little saddlebag! I miss my things!

Mean Pinkie Pie: [groans] What's this garbage?

Mean Applejack: Badger installation art! Ya see--

Queen Chrysalis: Just! Retrieve! The Elements!

Mean Fluttershy: [laughing cruelly]

Mean Rarity: Mine! Mine! Mine! [crazed laughter]

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Once we get the power of the Elements, no creature, not even her Majesty, can tell us what to do. Just follow my lead. Got it?

Mean 6 Ponies: [laughing evilly]

Mean Rarity: Ooh! That one's mine! [crazed laughter]

Mean Fluttershy: Oops. I'd say sorry, but I'm not!

[both grunting]

Mean Twilight Sparkle: Stop it, fools! We need the Elements to take out Chrysalis! [gasps]

Queen Chrysalis: How dare you! I created you!

[magic zap, thud, dull pulsating and ping!]

Mean Pinkie Pie: [laughing]

Mean Twilight Sparkle: [groaning, gasps and she is being destroyed by the Tree of Harmony] Imbeciles! You ruined everythiiiiiiiing!

[shimmering sounds and clattering]

[After the Mean 6 were destroyed by the Tree of Harmony, Queen Chrysalis admits defeat...]

Queen Chrysalis: Servants always fail you in the end! Just wait, Starlight. I will have my revenge!

[The actual Mane 6 discover the destroyed campsite]

Twilight Sparkle: [gasps] Are you kidding me?

Pinkie Pie: [laughing] This was... the worst... day... ever!

[Everypony laughs.]

Starlight Glimmer: Come on, everypony. We can fix this campsite in no time.

Applejack: Spoken like a true camper.

Starlight Glimmer: Eh, don’t push it. [Chuckles]

Twilight Sparkle: You know, if we can survive a day like this, I think our friendship is strong enough to handle anything the world can throw at us.

[As they clean up, Queen Chrysalis flies off into the night sky above them.]

A Matter of Principals

Ocellus: They're all legendary magical artifacts!

[beat]

Ocellus: Heh-heh. I've read ahead in Equestrian Cultures and Camaraderie: Volume Seven.

Silverstream: [excited squeal] Learning and fun?! Does it get any better than that?!

Gallus: You've been underwater a long time, haven't you?

Spike: Eh, being a princess for Twilight was hard enough.

Starlight Glimmer: I'm gonna pretend that made sense.

Starlight Glimmer: This is your first time at our new school, isn't it?

Discord 1: Oh, was I not invited to the grand opening?

Discord 2: Friends and Family Day?

Discord 3: Baccalaureate?

All three Discords: I hadn't noticed.

Yona: [clears throat, quietly] Be my friend.

Iron Will: If you're quiet, I don't buy it!

Yona: [louder] Be my friend!

Iron Will: I've heard pudding that's more convincing!

Yona: [huffs, even louder] Be! My! Friend!

Starlight Glimmer: You hired a tree as a teacher?!

Discord: Its schedule was free.

Discord: [California accent] Yo! Greetings, fellow creatures!

Voice on banana phone: [garbled sped-up gibberish]

Trixie: Um, what exactly is a long-distance plan?

Spike: What's your problem?

Discord: My problem? How is the fact that Twilight decided to put an incompetent, power-hungry unicorn in charge of her school my problem?!

Silverstream: You paid attention in class!

Gallus: What?!

Discord's Ghost: Headmare Starlight! Look at me! Look! I won the Spell-venger Hunt! Well done, me! Now what's my prize?

Spike: Detention.

Discord's Ghost: Well, that's disappointing.

Starlight Glimmer: No pony ever invited you to the school. And when you offered to help, I didn't listen. I was so worried about doing things Twilight's way, I didn't stop to think about being a good friend. I'd like to apologize for that. And offer you the job of vice headmare.

Spike: Huh?

Silverstream: Really?!

Gallus: What?!

Ocellus: Why?!

Yona: No!

Smolder: Him?!

Sandbar: Totally confused.

Rarity: A glamour spell on our cutie marks?

Rainbow Dash: A fake summons from the map?

Pinkie Pie: Hey, at least we got to go spelunking in that really creepy cave with all those eyeless worm creatures chasing us.

The Hearth's Warming Club

[This episode is a parody of "The Breakfast Club"]

Smolder: Yeah. Dragons don't do pony holidays.

Spike: Sure we do! I love Hearth's Warming Eve! It's all about friends and presents and family and... presents!

Gallus: Two whole weeks without classes. How will Ocellus survive?

Rainbow Dash: One of you must have done this! But... why would any of you want to sabotage Hearth's Warming Eve?

Young Six: [muttering nervously]

Yona: Ugh! Yak not do this! Yona offended by accusation!

Twilight Sparkle: The guilty party won't be going home over Hearth's Warming break. She or he will stay here for some one-on-one friendship lessons.

Silverstream: But what if none of us confesses?

Twilight Sparkle: Then... [sighs] I guess there's no holidays for any creature. You'll all stay over the break.

Sandbar: How do you celebrate Hearth's Warming in Yakyakistan, Yona?

Yona: Yaks do not. Our holiday much better. Is called Snilldar Fest. Night before, yaks gather things to smash and put them in big pile. Then in morning, we smash them! In afternoon, we smash them again! In evening—

Gallus: So it's just about smashing stuff, like all your other holidays.

Yona: No! How griffon get that idea?

Ocellus: You must do something in the winter for fun.

Smolder: Well, we do have the Feast of Fire. Every dragon gets together and tells stories. The best one wins a pile of gemstones.

Smolder: [sarcastic] That's a great story. And you told it really well.

Sandbar: Yeah. It was a Hearth's Warming miracle.

Silverstream: I can't miss the Three Days of Freedom Celebration!

Gallus: [sarcastic] How long does that last?

Silverstream: It used to be only one day, but now to commemorate our escape from the Storm King, we're adding two more days of awesome!

Gallus: Wait. Hold on. "Cousins"? What are those?

Ocellus: Your aunts and uncles' children. You know, part of your family.

Silverstream: At least you get to be with your family.

Gallus: No... because I don't have a family.

Gallus: Don't worry. You won't have to tell our teachers. I will.

Twilight Sparkle: You don't have to. We already know.

Rainbow Dash: We kinda guessed it was you.

Sandbar: Hey, this reminds me of another story! "The Time I Almost Spilled Grape Juice on the White Couch"!

Smolder: Does it have a depressing ending?

Ocellus: I'm not sure pony stories work that way.

Smolder: Does it have a depressing ending?

Ocellus: I'm not sure pony stories work that way.

Yona: Gallus want Yona braid feathers?

Gallus: Uhhh... pass.

Silverstream: [singing proudly] Hearth's Warming Eve is here once again!

Friendship University

Rarity: It must be gratifying to have your idol writing to you about the friendship lessons he's learning.

Twilight Sparkle: I'm not sure I'll ever get used to it. Of course, if he really wants to learn about friendship, he could just come to our school.

Smolder: It isn't just another friendship school. It's a university!

Ocellus: It says they teach the same lessons of competing schools in half the time. That's twice the learning!

Gallus: And it's in Las Pegasus? If Professor Rarity lets us skip her sewing class – road trip!

Flim: [echoing] Welcome, friends! You are about to embark on a journey of amazing magnitude! One that will change your lives forever!

Flam: [echoing] Prepare yourselves to embrace a new path and become students of...

Flim and Flam: Friendship U!

Twilight Sparkle: How can any pony learn friendship in half the time?

Flam: Our coursework is so accelerated, to take longer would be a crime!

Chancellor Neighsay: The Equestria Educational Association has taken an interest in institutions that teach friendship in a pony-first environment. Surely you didn't think your school has a monopoly on the concept?

Twilight Sparkle: Star Swirl? What are you doing here?

Star Swirl the Bearded: Why, studying friendship at Flim and Flam's wonderful school!

Rarity: Oh, please. I think I know a disguise when I see one. Take off that ridiculous beard... Flam!

Star Swirl the Bearded: I spent several thousand years thinking the worst of a "bad" pony. You taught me to look for the "best" in them. Whatever Flim and Flam's past may be, starting this school demonstrates they're desire to change for the better.

Chancellor Neighsay: I understand feeling threatened by competition, but my word, Princess. I wonder if the ill manners of the creatures at your school aren't contagious. I think I will take my leave before I become infected.

Rarity: The key to going undercover is rehearsing your backstory. [clears threat, in affected voice] I'm "Plainity". and I love bland old normal stuff. No frills for me. [normal voice] Okay! Your turn.

Twilight Sparkle: [groans] My name's Eyepatch. I have an eye patch.

Rarity: Perfect!

Flam: Oh, honestly, Princess Twilight, envy does not look good on you.

Twilight Sparkle: I'm not envious! I know these two are up to something. I'm just trying to find out what.

Star Swirl the Bearded: The only pony I see who is up to something is the pony in this picture, and it is not the princess I know.

Rarity: Twilight, maybe I should take over the investigation. Think of your reputation!

Twilight Sparkle: My reputation isn't worth much if I won't risk it for what I think is right.

Twilight Sparkle: You can destroy my reputation if you want, but using your students' bits to expand your resort is wrong, even if the lessons you teach are good ones.

Flam: Of course they're good. We copied them from your book.

Flam: Plainity? My star pupil?

Rarity: [affected voice] Not Plainity, but... [normal voice] Rarity!

[beat]

Flim: Who?

Star Swirl the Bearded: It seems I'll never stop learning from your example, Twilight. It is a valuable lesson to stand up for what you know is true. I wish I had known it, too.

Rarity: I still don't understand how Flim and Flam could have gotten a copy of your book.

[door opens]

Cozy Glow: Uh, I finished straightening up in the library.

The End in Friend

Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash and Rarity have very different interests that keep them busy. But being friends is so important to them, they always manage to make time for each other.

Gallus: You guys have nothing in common. How can you be friends?

Starlight Glimmer: It may seem like Rarity and Rainbow Dash don't have that much in common when you try to put it into words, but sometimes friendships can't be explained. You just have to see them in action to understand.

Rainbow Dash: Rarity! Are you even paying attention?!

Rarity: What? Oh! I mean, of course! Uh, I held my bucket and everything!

Rainbow Dash: But you have to catch the ball!

Rarity: Really? Well, that sounds dangerous.

Rarity: Are they too in style?

Rainbow Dash: Uh, isn't that what you want them to be?

Rarity: Oh, yes, yes. But they should be ahead of the curve. If they're in fashion right now, then they're practically already out.

Rainbow Dash: That doesn't make any sense.

Rarity: You ruined my gems!

Rainbow Dash: Yeah, well, you ruined my treasure hunt!

Rarity: Ugh! This wasn't about treasure! It was about finding gemstones for my winter collection!

Rainbow Dash: Who cares about clothes?! We're supposed to be on an adventure together!

Twilight Sparkle: Rainbow Dash and Rarity are just, uh, showcasing an aspect of friendship called "banter", the playful and friendly exchange of teasing remarks. [laughs nervously] It's all in good fun.

Rainbow Dash: You don't care about any of the things I like! It's always about you and your boring fashions!

Rarity: Oh, puh-lease! You don't even give my interests a chance! You have absolutely no respect for the finer things! No respect, I tell you!

Starlight Glimmer: Guidance counseling is for talking out your problems, not telling me everything that's ever happened in the history of Equestria!

Rarity: You see, if you didn't know that Sir Fluffingsworth von Radishfield wears only silk, double-breasted waistcoats, you'd never deduce that he, in fact, was the culprit!

Rainbow Dash: W-Wait. He was?

Rarity: [gasps] You didn't even read it!

Rainbow Dash: Don't worry, Twilight! I know tons about searching for lost treasure!

Rarity: And if I follow the culprit's clues, I'm certain I can find who took your amulet!

Twilight Sparkle: Thank you! I'll feel so much better knowing you two are looking for it together!

Rainbow Dash: Seriously?! After giving me all that grief, you didn't read mine either?!

Rarity: Oopsie?

Rarity: The S.S. Cragadile, at your service!

Rainbow Dash: Uh, that... is... awesome! Uh, I mean, it's all right, I guess.

Rainbow Dash: How did you know how to do that?

Rarity: Mmm. We may have been friends for a super-long time, but you don't know everything about me yet.

Rainbow Dash: High heels could do that?

Rarity: And you called them "useless".

Rainbow Dash: [sighs] I shouldn't have said that. Or made fun of the other stuff you like to do. Some of it's actually sort of neat. [whispers] Don't tell anyone I said that.

Rarity: I... owe you an apology, too. Buckball may not be my thing, but it's something you enjoy. And you're very good at it. I never should've treated your interests like they were worth less than mine.

Rainbow Dash: Soooo... does this mean we're still friends?

Rarity: I would very much like that.

Smolder: So even though you don't like any of the same stuff, you two are friends again?

Rarity: Heh. Always. I think we just needed a teensy reminder.

Rainbow Dash: Yeah. We don't have to love the exact same things to have fun together. I mean, imagine if we did! How boring would that be?

Rarity: When we give each other a chance to share the different things we enjoy, it can be surprisingly wonderful!

Yakity-Sax

Twilight Sparkle: [sighs] You're absolutely right, Spike. Sometimes it is nice to get out of the library and be in the sun.

Spike: Especially when you take the library with you.

Pinkie Pie: And a-one, and a-two, and a-I know what to do!

[plays instrument]

Pinkie Pie: And that's with only a few days of practice! Can you believe it?!

[honk!]

Rarity: Yes. Yes, I can.

Applejack: I can honestly say I've never heard anything like it in my life.

Applejack: Any pony else think that sounded like an apple core cut up in a pulp grinder?

Rarity: Apple-solutely! Uh, absolutely.

Twilight Sparkle: Maybe we can just pretend she's really good, and then I'll find a spell that will—

Applejack: (to Twilight) Oh, no, no, no! We're not going through that again! Remember how that all worked out when you weren't honest with Celestia about her actin' ability? (Horse Play)

Twilight Sparkle: (groans) You're right.

Twilight Sparkle: Pinkie, we all support you, but we're afraid you're just not good at the yovidaphone, and none of us want you to waste your time on something you can't do well.

Pinkie Pie: Oh. [upbeat] Why didn't you just say so?

Pinkie Pie: [gleefully] No more yovidaphone playing for me-e-e!

Pinkie Pie: [sadly] No more yovidaphone playing for me.

Applejack: Uh, Gummy? You were supposed to bring Pinkie Pie. What happened?

Gummy: [blinks slowly]

Rarity: Is she still coming?

[beat]

Twilight Sparkle: Fluttershy, can you understand what he's saying?

Fluttershy: I could... if he was talking.

Twilight Sparkle: Um, Maud? Can I ask you a question?

Maud Pie: [deadpan] You just did.

Applejack: Well, can I ask you a question?

Maud Pie: [deadpan] You just did.

Rainbow Dash: [groans] Fine! How about if I ask you a— Wait.

Rarity: Oh, for goodness' sakes! Maud. All of your sister's things are gone. Explain.

Maud Pie: [deadpan] No, they're not. They're right here.

Fluttershy: Have you seen Pinkie Pie?

Maud Pie: Lots of times. I grew up with her.

Rarity: Terribly sorry, Maud. Must've misheard you. It almost sounded like you said Pinkie's [chuckling] moved to Yakyakistan!

Applejack: Uh, Rarity? She did say that.

Rarity: Uh, terribly sorry, Applejack. Must've misheard you. It almost sounded like you said [chuckling] she did say that!

Pinkie Pie: [despondent] Gimme another.

Yak waiter: But pony already had twenty-five ice—

Pinkie Pie: I said gimme another! OW!! [gets knocked unconscious with a cauldron by Zombie and Squid]

Rainbow Dash: We respect your decision to move to Yakyakistan.

Twilight Sparkle: But we just wanted to remind you how much you mean to us, and how much we'd miss you if you decided to move here for—

Pinkie Pie: [despondent] Fine. I'll move back to Ponyville.

Rainbow Dash: Wow. That was a lot easier than I thought. We're awesome!

Rainbow Dash: Pinkie Pie, you get up on that stage and play. If these yaks don't like it, they'll have to answer to us!

Pinkie Pie: Let me play you the song I just wrote two seconds ago! It's called "I've Got the Best Most Supportive Friends a Pony Could Ever Ask For"! [aside] It's a working title.

Road to Friendship

Twilight Sparkle: There's nothing better than a bond with another pony. You can share all kinds of things.

Twilight Sparkle and Princess Cadance: Sunshine, sunshine, ladybugs awake! Clap your hooves and do a little shake! [giggle]

Starlight Glimmer: I think we'll stick to the stage magic for now.

Trixie: The Great and Powerful Trixie doesn't chant.

Hoo'Far: If I cannot convince you to bring your tour to Saddle Arabia, I must be prepared to relate its magnificence to your many fans there.

Trixie: "Many fans", you say? [laughs] Well, I suppose I could consider the trip.

Starlight Glimmer: Thank goodness we're not like Twilight or the others. They'd probably sing a song about it.

Trixie: You said there'd be plenty of places to stay. "Don't even worry about it," you said. Ya might've thought to make a reservation!

Starlight Glimmer: Um, I've been with you singing and standing in line. When would I have done that?

Trixie: Your snoring is a bit, um...

Starlight Glimmer: Loud? [nervous laugh] Yeah, I do that. I had my village convinced we were being attacked by bears every night.

Starlight Glimmer: Do you suppose the Terrifying Trunk Escape is too much for a pony who drinks all the juice and talks non-stop in her sleep?! What if the Great and Powerful Trixie can't...

[poof]

Trixie: Sleep?! Because her roommate snores like an ursa major?!

Trixie: I'm so exhausted, I could sleep through a stampede of wild boars! Which, you'll be delighted to know, is only slightly louder than your snoring.

Starlight Glimmer: Well, I'm looking forward to rehearsing the act with you all night. So diligent of you to go over it and over it in your sleep.

Hoo'Far: It seems there is trouble on the road to friendship.

Starlight Glimmer: [derisive laugh] Ya think?!

Starlight Glimmer: I didn't realize you were better friends with that beat-up old wagon than you are with me!

Trixie: Well, it's easy when the wagon is a better friend! It would've never traded you away!

Starlight Glimmer: That's ridiculous.

Starlight Glimmer and Trixie: [out of sync] Magic, tra-magic... poof of smoke... Want to wave your hooves... and tell a... little joke!

Starlight Glimmer: I'm sorry your Saddle Arabian tour was ruined.

Trixie: Honestly, I don't think I could've stood one more second on the road. At a certain point, I don't even like traveling with myself.

The Washouts

Scootaloo: First order of business – [quickly] Let's-celebrate-the-one-and-only-Rainbow-Dash-yay-she's-amazing-now-if-there's-nothing-else-that-concludes-this-meeting-of-the-Rainbow-Dash-Fan-Club-thank-you-all-for-coming-any-questions?!

Scootaloo: You eavesdrop on every meeting? That's weird.

Rainbow Dash: Well, sure it sounds weird when you say it out loud.

Rainbow Dash: Can you believe she actually said that?!

Pinkie Pie: Pfft, well, yeah! Eavesdropping on every meeting is kinda weird.

Announcer: Say it with me now, the Washouts' official motto...

Announcer and Crowd: Leap before you look!

Rolling Thunder: Name's Rolling Thunder. I got booted out of Wonderbolt Academy because of "flagrant disregard for hazardous weather". Pfft! If doing barrel rolls through nine hundred million volts of electricity in a raging thunderstorm is wrong, then I don't wanna be right.

Rainbow Dash: What's your story?

Short Fuse:[furiously screaming]ANGER ISSUES! GET OFF MY BACK!

Rainbow Dash: Uhhh... Okay.

Rainbow Dash: Lightning Dust! I should've known you were the brains behind a crazy idea like the Washouts! Or should I say, "lack of brains"!

Lightning Dust: Your "friend" got me kicked out of the Wonderbolts.

Scootaloo: Oh. That's, uh, less cool.

Lightning Dust: And it was the best thing that ever happened to me!

Spitfire: You know what happens when something goes wrong with the Crushinator Jaws of Smashalot?

Rainbow Dash: Patent pending?

Spitfire: You end up in a full body wing-and-hoof cast drinking through a straw!

Rainbow Dash: It's like the harder I try to convince Scoot they're dangerous, the more she likes them!

Twilight Sparkle: You can't control her actions. Only yours. Teach her what's safe and what isn't, like a good role model. Then hope she makes the right decisions.

Scootaloo: There's nothing you can do to stop me!

Rainbow Dash: You're right. You're your own foal, and you have to make your own decisions.

Scootaloo: Good! Because I already have!

Rainbow Dash: I know I was supposed to let you make your own decisions, but that doesn't mean I can't swoop in and save you from time to time.

Lightning Dust: RIVALS FOR LIIIIIFE!

Rainbow Dash: I've been lucky enough to have some pony who thinks I'm the coolest. But there's nothing cool about making you feel like you'll never be as awesome as me.

A Rockhoof and a Hard Place

Rockhoof: That's what this is for.

Professor Fossil: Maybe in the past. [blows] Now it belongs in a museum. Safe. Preserved. Untouched.

Rockhoof: I know I'm new to your "modern" world, but there's one thing I learned when I saved my village from a rushing river of hot lava. There's nothing you can't do with hard work. And a shovel!

Yona: Yona like new teacher. He big like yak!

Gallus: And he smashes things like a yak, smells like a yak...

Yona: Yes! He perfect!

Twilight Sparkle: Our school is about finding your own special way to teach.

Applejack: And we can already tell you're a... smash with the class. [chuckles]

Twilight Sparkle: But maybe you could do a little less smashing in the classroom?

Yona: Professor Rockhoof best teacher ever! [sighs] Day cannot get better.

[crash!]

Rockhoof: Let's get you outside, wee ones!

Yona: Day just got better!

Rockhoof: Professor Fossil made it clear I'm not welcome back in my old village. Seems I don't belong here either.

Rockhoof: [yelling] Do you know where I can find Cranky Doodle Donkey?! I need to deliver his medicine! He has a rash in a very embarrassing place!

Rockhoof: I can't do my old job like Flash. Or adapt like Mistmane. Or succeed at something new like Somnambula. Or go home, like you.

Mage Meabowbrook: Give it time. Even Star Swirl's still learning about friendship.

Seaspray: I know how hard it is to adapt to a new home. After our many years below the waves, land customs seemed strange.

Rockhoof: Like you didn't fit in, no matter how hard you tried?

Seaspray: As though the world had moved on without us. Never fear, Rockhoof. We shall be as brothers in this bright future above the waves.

Rockhoof: I heard there's a statue spell that sends creatures into stone sleep. I want you to cast it. On me.

Twilight Sparkle: Why would you want to be turned into stone?

Rockhoof: Because I'm a relic of a bygone age. I belong in a museum. Safe. Preserved. Untouched. I don't belong in this time.

Yona: Professor Rockhoof best pony!

Yona: [reading] "When Yona come to pony school, Yona not fit in. Pony ways strange. But Yona find friends! Yona meet Professor Rockhoof! Pony brave and strong as yak! Not afraid! Hero! When Yona grow up, Yona want to be just like Professor Rockhoof!"

Twilight Sparkle: As the Princess of Friendship, I'd like to appoint you as Equestria's official keeper of tales!

Spike: Can you do that?

Twilight Sparkle: Eh. You are a living record of our history. Your stories can inspire and teach generations to come. If you're a statue, that's all lost.

Rockhoof: Will I ever really belong in your world?

Yona: Rockhoof Yona's friend. So Rockhoof belongs!

What Lies Beneath

Silverstream: Was that before or after Discord made chocolate rain?

Cozy Glow: [whispers] After.

Gallus: That's a plumbing diagram on how to fix a sink.

Silverstream: [giggles]

Sandbar: What does that have to do with Equestrian history?

Silverstream: Nothing. I just can't believe that's how sinks work!

Cozy Glow: Just consider where you all came from. If Sandbar hadn't sacrificed so much of his time to get you up to speed, who knows how behind you'd be?

Sandbar: That's... not what—

Cozy Glow: [to Ocellus] I mean, growing up as a love-starved changeling? [to Silverstream] Or hiding underwater from an evil king all those years? Trusting anycreature must be so hard for you. [to Gallus] And griffons never want to be around anycreature, even other griffons. [to Smolder] And dragons are so fierce compared to us. There must be days you can't wait to get away from all us cute ponies. [to Yona, imitating Yona] "Everypony know yaks think yaks are best!" Making friends with any other creature must seem like a step down. It's just so impressive how you keep trying to understand friendship, even though it isn't in your nature.

Ocellus: We were studying friendship's effect on history, but then...

Gallus: Since friendship just isn't in our nature, what's the point?

Tree of Harmony: [stilted] You do not believe friendship is in your nature? That is NOT acceptable!

Silverstream: Mount Aris? Headmare Twilight sent me home? Wait. Am I suspended?

Silverstream: [terrified] He's back, and I'm never gonna see another sunset or fly through a cloud bank or study plumbing! He's gonna take away everything I love! I'm gonna be trapped down here forever!

Stepford Pony 2: Ohhh! Aren't you just the most adorable thing? Come join us.

[beat]

Smolder: No. On so many levels. No.

Sandbar: [gasps] My first friendship adventure! Yes! Count me in! Oh, I've been waiting for this— Wait! The others!

Illusion Rainbow Dash: We don't need them! We need you!

Gallus: If this is a test, there's got to be a way out. It's just a puzzle... that will squash you if you don't figure it out.

Stepford Pony 2: Seems like she's afraid to be cute and adorable, doesn't it?

Stepford Pony 1: Or maybe she's just afraid to admit she likes being cute and adorable.

Stepford Pony 2: Mm-hmm!

Smolder: Just this once. [clears throat, cute voice] May I have some tea, please?

Gallus: Any other dragon or griffon would save themselves and get out of this crazy cave.

Smolder: Guess we aren't just any dragon or griffon anymore.

Gallus: Guess not.

Illusion Rarity: Darling, it was so generous of you to take the time to teach those other creatures about friendship.

Illusion Rainbow Dash: But if you're going to join us and do something that really makes a difference, we need to know where your loyalty lies.

Illusion Rarity: You do want to impress us, don't you, Sandbar?

Smolder: Chrysalis! Where's Ocellus?!

Ocellus: It's me! I'm hideous!

Silverstream: Uh, hey! Storm King! You're nothing but a big, old bully with a silly name and a goofy crown! You thought you could scare us into doing whatever you wanted! But we learned that together, we're stronger than you! And now that we're rid of you, we're gonna soar through the sky and go on adventures and never give you another thought ever!

Smolder: [muffled] I like cute, silly stuff.

Ocellus: I'm sorry, what?

Smolder: I like cute, silly stuff! But ever since school started, I've realized that sometimes I kinda don't mind cute stuff.

Yona: Yona always scared of spiders. But then Yona meet Spindle.

Spindle: [chitters]

Yona: Yona realize no reason to be afraid. Spiders and yak friends!

Sandbar: I've always looked up to you. You would never turn your back on each other, and that's what makes you strong. Now I have a group of friends that I think is every bit as amazing as yours. If I have to give up on them to make you proud, then you aren't the ponies I thought you were. I don't care if I disappoint you. You disappoint me.

Tree of Harmony: You were more concerned with each other's well-being than your own. You were strong when your friends were weak. You let each other in and showed that you would be there for each other, no matter what. Friendship is in your nature.

Gallus: W-We just learned a friendship lesson from a tree, didn't we?

Cozy Glow: You get some rest. Don't give any of this another thought. Just let Cozy take care of everything.

Sounds of Silence

Twilight Sparkle: I can't believe you two are going on a friendship quest! This is amazing!

Applejack: What do you mean, Twilight? We've been on one together before.

Twilight Sparkle: Exactly! This is the first time the map has teamed up the same ponies for a second quest!

Fluttershy: The Peaks of... P-P-Peril?!

Applejack: Aw, it's just a name. It doesn't mean anythin'.

Fluttershy: Like how Cloudsdale is in the clouds and the Crystal Empire's made of crystal?

Applejack: Fair point.

Fluttershy: Maybe you should go instead of me, Twilight. [laughs nervously]

Twilight Sparkle: Sorry, Fluttershy. Flanks don't lie.

Ticket Taker Pony: I'm not used to seeing any pony taking the train to... [ominously] the end of the line. The final destination. The last stop!

Applejack: We get the picture.

Applejack: How are we gonna solve a friendship problem if none of them will tell us what it is?

Applejack: Oh, for the love of Celestia! Can't ya just say something?!

Autumn Blaze: [giggles] Gotcha! Sorry, sorry, but that was too good. Oh, you don't know how much I missed jokes. Hi-larity! Am I pronouncing that right? Some words I haven't said in a will. While! While. Hi, I'm Autumn Blaze. You've just arrived, and perhaps you're tired or hungry or reflective and want to sleep and eat and journal? Which you should do, of course! But first— Oh! Oh, what joy to talk with another creature! It's been so long! You must tell me everything about you! There's so much to say, so much to do! Oh, look at me. I'm going on, and you haven't seen— I mean, have you seen—? W-What am I saying? Of course you haven't. So just— I— yeah— I will j— Follow me!

[beat]

Applejack: That... was something, all right.

Applejack: I hope it's not a sore subject, but... you mind explaining why y'all went quiet in the first place?

Autumn Blaze: It's a long story.

Applejack: [sighs] You'd rather not talk about it?

Autumn Blaze: No.

Applejack: I-I under—

Autumn Blaze: [begins singing] I'd rather... siiiiiiiiiiiing!

Applejack: That's no reason to stop talking.

Fluttershy: Yes, it is! Fire is dangerous, especially in a forest like this. Why, think of all the animals it could hurt.

Applejack: Not if they don't turn into fire-breathing Nirik in the first place.

Fluttershy: And how can you be sure that won't happen?

Applejack: There's gotta be a better way than givin' up all your feelings!

Fluttershy: Applejack, you're not listening!

Applejack: 'Cause you're not talking any sense!

Fluttershy: I thought Niriks were dangerous when they're angry. How did you know you could control your temper?

Autumn Blaze: I didn't. Huh. I guess anger's like other feelings. It's not about having them. It's what you do with them.

Applejack: And giving up happiness to keep away anger is no kind o' life.

Fluttershy: I never thought of it that way. I can't imagine not being able to talk to my animal friends.

Fluttershy: Every pony gets mad sometimes. Even Applejack and I argue.

Applejack: What?! When do we ever argue?

Fluttershy: [clears throat] On the way here? And about the Kirin being silent? And right now!

Applejack and Fluttershy: [growl, laugh]

Applejack: I accept your apology.

Fluttershy: Why?

Applejack: 'Cause if your kindness hadn't made you stop to help the squirrels, we never would've found this here flower.

Fluttershy: And if your honesty hadn't convinced the Kirin to talk, we wouldn't need to find it.

Applejack: [chuckles] Guess it's a good thing the map sent both of us, huh?

Rain Shine: Autumn Blaze, you have given us a gift. The realization that anger is within us, but it is our choice how we let it out. We would very much like it if you came back to live with us. I can't say how much we've missed your beautiful voice.

Father Knows Beast

Spike: I just don't understand why none of your advice is helping.

Smolder: Because she's teaching you to fly like a pony instead of a dragon.

Spike: What's the difference?

Smolder: Well, we don't have feathers, for starters.

Sludge: Hey there, young dragons. [coughs] Name's Sludge. How are yours tails shaking?

Spike: You're hurt and need help. So I'm taking you to Twilight's castle whether you like it or not.

Sludge: Castle, eh? [groans]

Sludge: Dragons take care of themselves. I don't need help from a bunch of castle-living ponies.

Spike: I was orphaned as an egg and Twilight raised me. So these ponies are more than my friends, they're my family."

Sludge: I have a confession to make. Coming to Ponyville wasn't an accident. I was looking for you. Spike... [sighs] I'm your father.

Mane Six: [gasp]

Pinkie Pie: [continues gasping] Sorry.

Spike: How did you know I was a boy?

Fluttershy: Whatever happened to Spike's mom?

Rainbow Dash: And how did the egg make it all the way back to Equestria by itself?

Pinkie Pie: Hmm?

Sludge: I wish I had all the answers. [crying]

Sludge: If I had a castle like this with all this stuff, I'd probably just lay around all day doing nothing like a real dragon.

Spike: Like a real dragon?

Sludge: Sure! I'm not surprised you don't know any better. Twilight basically raised you as a pony. She has made you soft. You're barely a dragon at all.

Twilight Sparkle: [witnesses an awkward moment] Oh! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to barge in on you!

Sludge: [grunts, sighs] Ah, don't worry about it. Mi castle es su castle.

Spike: [sighs] Isn't he the best?

Rarity: [disgusted] I'm not sure that's exactly the word I would use.

Sludge: Uh, Spike? The bath isn't going to fill itself, son.

Spike: Be right there... Dad.

Twilight Sparkle: It's nice to have someone show your Dragon culture, but are you sure that is what Sludge is doing?

Spike: What do you mean?

Twilight Sparkle: Well... taking over your room, making a mess of things, hoarding our possessions...

Spike: [blows raspberries] That is dragon culture, he's showing me how dragons claim territory for themselves.

Twilight Sparkle: You never acted like that.

Spike: That's because you raised me. Now I finally have a chance to see how I'm supposed to be.

Twilight Sparkle: [remembering spike as a hatchling] I know that I've have not been a perfect mother... I don't think you're supposed to be any different then who you are.

Spike: Maybe you just don't like that I have a real parent now.

Twilight Sparkle: [heart breaks] That's not true! I'm glad Sludge is here. I-I just wish he wasn't such a—

Spike: Dragon? [disgusted] Of all ponies, I can't believe you would have a problem with that.

Smolder: Sludge just lays around while you wait on him claw and tail? Uh, dragons are rude and rebellious, but they aren't lazy lumps who take advantage of their kids.

Spike: You pretended to be my dad?

Sludge: Don't look at me like that, kid. I did what any dragon would do.

Smolder: No, you didn't.

Sludge: Hey. I saw an opportunity, and I took it. That's what dragons do. We take what we want.

Smolder: No, it isn't.

Sludge: You know what? I don't need this. I'm outta here! Enjoy loving pony town!

[Spike sighs as Sludge came back to take a pillow]

Sludge: I'm taking this pillow!

Twilight Sparkle: I'm not surprised. There's no way a dragon like that was related to you. But if you still want to search for your real family, I'd understand if you spent more time in the Dragon Lands.

Spike: I don't think so. I already know who my real family is.

Twilight Sparkle: Aww! It's me, right?

School Raze - Part 1

Cozy Glow: I also color-coded your teaching schedule by friendship element and catalogued all the magical artifacts in the school. I hope that's okay.

Twilight Sparkle: Okay? Cozy, that's amazing! You're like my right-hoof pony! I don't know what I'd do without you.

Ocellus: It's okay, Yona! You like flying, remember?

Yona: Flying, not falling!

Starlight Glimmer: I don't understand. It-It's like my spell stopped working. That's... never happened before.

Twilight Sparkle: I'm glad you're all okay, but I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, Starlight. Maybe you did your spell wrong.

Twilight Sparkle: I didn't drop that book.

Starlight Glimmer: [sarcastically] Maybe you did your spell wrong?

Rarity: [sobbing] My magic is go-o-o-one! I even had to use my hooves to coif my tail!

Cozy Glow: Um, didn't we learn in class about a creature that eats magic? Ter, Tee... Tir-something?

Fluttershy: [gasps] Tirek!

Princess Celestia: If he has found some way to escape his prison or work from within it, he could be responsible for this.

Smolder: It's just kind of weird, isn't it?

Cozy Glow: I don't know what you mean.

Smolder: Like, why'd she change her mind? Why did Starlight write a note instead of saying goodbye to us herself? Doesn't make any sense.

[students murmuring]

Cozy Glow: [giggles] Oh, Smolder, you forget. We're not scheming dragons. We're ponies. Sounds like some creature needs to do a little extra friendship homework.

[students laughing]

Smolder: [growls]

Rarity: Ugh! I have had it with these horrible flies! [whines] I miss my magic!

Twilight Sparkle: Have you tried using your tail to shoo them away?

Rarity: [gasps] Bite your tongue! It's for decorative purposes only!

Gallus: You get the feeling Cozy's trying too hard to make us like her?

Ocellus: Or maybe she just wants to help us keep our minds off of how scary it is that magic's disappearing.

Smolder: I don't trust her. What's she up to behind those big eyes and bouncy curls?

Chancellor Neighsay: Where is Princess Twilight?!

Cozy Glow: Oh, golly. She's away on a quest. I'm watching the school for her.

Chancellor Neighsay: Magic is failing across our land, and she left a foal in charge of this facility?

Lord Tirek: The Princess of Friendship here for a visit. What have I done to earn the honor of your company?

Chancellor Neighsay: From now on, this school is pony-only! As nature intended.

Sandbar: I don't want anything to do with creatures that could threaten Equestria!

Chancellor Neighsay: Wisely put, colt.

Sandbar: Will you help me?

Apple Bloom: Do mulberries have seeds?

[beat]

Apple Bloom: That's a yes.

Lord Tirek: What a pity. Well, for you. Sweet revenge for me. It seems my little protege's plan worked after all.

Mane Six: [gasp]

Applejack: Which little protégé?

Lord Tirek: Oh, we’ve never met. We’re pen pals. Each letter had so many questions about draining magic.

Pinkie: And you answered them?!

Lord Tirek: Well, I was bored. So I simply pointed, uh, my pen pal in the right direction.

Fluttershy: Can't you just tell us your pen pal's name? I mean, since we’re stuck here anyway?

Lord Tirek: Oh, why not? The irony is too perfect. Her name is...

[Cut to Sandbar]

Sandbar: ...COZY GLOW! ...I-I-I coulda sworn I saw her come down this way when she left her office.

Cozy Glow: Enjoying yourself in there, Starlight? I'm sorry I had to push you in, but what else could I do? You were going to ruin all my plans.

[Sandbar and CMC gasp]

Cozy Glow: You might get some company soon, if I can’t make that annoying Neighsay back off! [inhales] All this magic needs time to drain from Equestria before my vortex sucks it to another realm! [giggles] Three days can sure seem like forever, huh? You know, you ponies got it all wrong. Friendship isn't magic. Friendship is power. With Twilight and her lackeys out of my way, all of Equestria will bow to me! The future Empress of Friendship! [laughs evilly]

School Raze - Part 2

Twilight Sparkle: Cozy Glow is behind all of this?!

Lord Tirek: [laughs] I'm not usually a fan of ponies, but draining your precious world of magic so she could trap the six of you was inspiring! [laughs, coughs]

Spike: Um, there's seven of us.

Ocellus: If Sandbar's turned his back on us, every other pony probably has, too.

Yona: Sandbar not turn his back! Sandbar is our friend!

Smolder: Uh, did you miss the part where he said he didn't want anything to do with us?

Silverstream: Maybe he just said that so one of us could be free to snoop around and figure out what's going on.

[lock unlatches]

Sandbar: I don't know. That sounds too clever for a pony to come up with.

Chancellor Neighsay: The reign of Princess Twilight is over!

Cozy Glow: Are we going to give the pony who already tried to wreck Twilight's school once another chance to do it?

Cozy Glow: Friendship is Magic, and Knowledge is Power. And no pony—not even Starswirl—is more knowledgeable or has more friends than Twilight Sparkle, the greatest spellcaster to have ever lived! Gee whiz... I wonder why?! If there's one thing I've learned here, it's that friendship is the most powerful thing there is on this world. And as headmare of the School of Friendship, no pony will have more friends than me! Making me the most powerful pony in Equestria!

Chancellor Neighsay: Oh, wonderful. I suppose you've all come to gloat?

Silverstream: Actually, we've come to undo all these chains and free you!

Chancellor Neighsay: But... But why?

Yona: Now that nasty pony met even nastier pony, maybe nasty pony not be so nasty.

Twilight Sparkle: Have you even thought about what losing magic would mean?

Lord Tirek: It means the six of you will be trapped here! Like me!

Spike: Seven!

Twilight Sparkle: [to Tirek] Exactly. It means you're trapped here. Forever. With us.

[beat]

Lord Tirek: Uhhhh... I hadn't thought of it like that.

[Pinkie being "Pinkie": i.e. doing her best to "cheer up" Tirek]

Pinkie Pie: I can do this all eternity.

Lord Tirek: Fine! I'll help you leave! Just please stop!

Pinkie Pie: Tirek is in!

Cozy Glow: [to Cutie Mark Crusaders] Do you three think you can fool me?! I know a diversion when I see it!

Gallus: This is just like chapter twelve in "Ked Facca's Facts and Artifacts" from Twilight's class!

[beat]

Gallus: What? I've been studying. Finals are coming up, you know?

Twilight Sparkle: Without magic, there's no way we'll get back to the school in time!

Fluttershy: What does that mean?

Twilight Sparkle: It means... we've failed!

Cozy Glow: You've ruined everything! Now Twilight and her ridiculous friends can escape from Tartarus!

[The Mane 6 and Spike appear before her, angrily.]

Cozy Glow: I mean... Yay! All my friends are safe!

Applejack: You can drop the act, Cozy Glow! Your pen pal Tirek told us all about how he helped you suck up all that magic!

Twilight Sparkle: But I still don't understand why.

Cozy Glow: [growls] Why?! Because friendship is power! Everyday your power grows with each new friend you make. You might be the Princess of Friendship, but as headmare of this school, I can collect even more friends than you!

[The students are confused.]

Twilight Sparkle: You're the one who doesn't get it, Cozy. Friendship is powerful, but power isn't why you make friends. I'm sorry couldn't teach you that.

Gallus: Well, you taught us.

Silverstream: You can't let one bad apple make you think you failed.

Sandbar: And we never could've stopped her if we hadn't learned what you taught us about friendship.

Cozy Glow: Honesty? Loyalty? Generosity? Blah-blah-blah! I can make more friends without using any of them! And if I can't do it here, I'll do it somewhere else!

Female Student: Yeah, I don't think so!

[She is blocked everywhere by the students, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Chancellor Neighsay, then the royal guards who captured her.]

Twilight Sparkle: Saving Equestria is nice, but I'm afraid it'll take more than one semester to learn all there is to know about friendship.

Spike: [belches] Told ya.

Young Six: Awwww...

Apple Bloom: [yelps] We held her off as long as we could!

Scootaloo: But she locked us in this closet!

Sweetie Belle: What happened?! Is everything all right?! Where's Cozy Glow?!

[Twilight, Spike, Princess Celestia, Neighsay, and the Young Six laugh]

Twilight Sparkle: Everything worked out just fine.

Princess Celestia: As for Cozy Glow, I can assure you — where she's going, she won't be causing any more trouble.

Cerberus: [whimpers]

Lord Tirek: Of course it's boring here now! But at least you're not in a cage!

[Cozy is imprisoned in Tartarus next to Tirek by Princess Luna and the two royal guards who lock her up in a cage and leave]

[magic surging]

[clang!]

Cozy Glow: Hey, neighbor. Wanna be friends?

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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic (season 8)