ER (season 4)

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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

Ambush [4.01]

Carol: [to documentary film crew] Actually, it's a myth about doctors and nurses dating so much. I know more nurses who date cops, fireman, paramedics...

[Doug comes from behind and cracks his neck and everyone laughs]

Doug: I'm sorry, I need a nurse in three.

Carol: [smiling] What?

Doug: Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do. What's all this about cops and firemen?

Carol: Huh, jealous?

Doug: Jealous? I just want to know what you're doing for them that you're not doing for me.

Carol: Ooh, I'll tell you later if you bring the cuffs.

Doug: I thought I was going to get some sleep tonight.

Carol: Don't count on it.

George: You'll get a lot of thank-yous from the female population over at Riverview. I don't wanna brag, but...

Carter: Yeah? You a pretty popular guy over there?

George: Well, I seem to be... I never was much of a Casanova in my day. I didn't go in for all the wild positions and so forth. Ladies need that, all the positions.

Carter: So I've heard.

George: And the sweet talk. I was never much for that either. I was mostly meat and potatoes. But now, I'm 82, I'm a man, I'm breathing. The odds are 12-to-1 in my favor. I'm getting it any time I want. Not too bad, old age.

Carter: I'm glad to hear it. Glad to hear it. I tell you, it feels good to save a man who's performing such a service to society.

George: Stud service!

Kerry: [to documentary film crew] Sometimes I hesitate with a family before I give the news. I know I'm going to say something that will change their lives forever.

Carol: You think that if you don't say it, it'll be okay for a little while longer.

Doug: I told this one mother that her son had been killed, and she said, 'Is it broken?' I'm looking at her, I don't know what she's saying. I'm just staring at her. So, she said, 'His arm, is it broken? He's pitching tomorrow.' She just walked away.

Kerry: Did you just let her leave like that?

Doug: No, no. I called Carol and had her take care of it. [looks at camera] That's a true story.

[Doug and Carol talking to each other]

Director: Stewart, stay with them on their mic.

[Doug and Carol continue to talk]

Doug: [Looking at the camera] Look at him, I bet he wishes he can read lips.

[Carol laughs]

Doug: Hi there dumb ass!

[Doug and Carol laugh]

Carol: Doug, he's waving.

Doug: You gotta mic?

Carol: [Gasp] Oh my god, do you think he can hear me?!

Doug: Turn it off.

[Doug and Carol both walk away]

Carter: Time of death is 9:56.

Mark: Call an attending when there's a full arrest. You get help. You don't try and play the hero.

Carter: I've run them before.

Mark: That was up in surgery. You work here now.

Something New [4.02]

Doug: Ketchup or Tabasco? On your scrambled eggs. Do you want something some people consider a vegetable or do you want to go with something a little more daring? You thought I left, didn't you?

Carol: No, I didn't.

Doug: Yes, you did.

Carol: No, really, I didn't. Okay, I did. But you kind of did leave technically.

Doug: Well that doesn't count. If you had gotten up a little earlier you would have seen me here sound asleep.

Carol: Some habits die hard.

Doug: You sleeping in.

Carol: Like you not being here in the morning.

Doug: That's an old habit!

Doug: I've got to talk to you about something

Carol: Oh, Doug. Not another serious conversation.

Doug: You used to say we didn't communicate, so --

Carol: I know, but now you're communicating a little bit too much.

Doug: I know, but this is important. Can I have a drawer?

Carol: [laughs] What?

Doug: A drawer. Something you keep your clothes in. Something that I would keep my clothes in.

Carol: You never wanted a drawer before.

Doug: Well, that's because I always got up and left. If I'm going to stay here, I thought about maybe having some place to keep one shirt and a nice pair of socks. I'd settle for underwear.

Carol: You know, you could always wash your boxers in the sink and drive by in the morning.

Doug: I love sitting out here on the porch with you. It's --

Carol: Something new.

Doug: Something new.

Kerry: You don't mind if I step in and take over a little bit?

Dr. Morgenstern: Praise Allah, no! I don't mind telling you, sometimes I have felt like a sheriff with no posse. Like a general with no grunts in the field. Like a lone shepherd, high up on a hill, with no sheep dog.

Kerry: I completely understand how you feel. You know, I'd like to take -

Dr. Morgenstern: [interrupting] Everywhere you look, there's sheep, sheep, sheep!

Mark: You're in early.

Carter: Yeah, I wanted to be in before my med student.

Mark: Ah, your very own scut puppy.

Carter: Somebody to pick up my labs. Do a patient history. The occasional obligatory rectal exam...

Mark: Someone to abuse.

Carter: No, no, no, this is about teaching. This is completely about teaching.

Mark: The way Benton taught you?

Carter: Or even better.

Friendly Fire [4.03]

Doug: Carol. Hey! I know what you're thinking and you're wrong.

Carol: I'm busy.

Doug: I'm just going to follow you around until you hear me out.

Carol: Why follow me? Why not follow her?

Doug: If I didn't have to do this secrecy tap dance I could have told her --

Carol: I think this secrecy thing works just fine.

Doug: I didn't flirt with her!

Carol: Oh, no. She asked you out for a drink because she likes the way you hold an ice pack.

Doug: I told her that I was attached. I didn't say with whom I was attached. I didn't say Carol Hathaway was my --

Carol: What? I'm your what?

Doug: Come here. I want to be with you and I want to be here with you because I want to be with you. If you don't trust me then this doesn't work.

Doug: [is surprised by Carol kissing him] I had prepared a very elaborate argument. Does this mean I don't need it?

Carol: I already had the argument. With myself.

Doug: I hope there wasn't any name calling involved.

Carol: No, it was very civil. You won.

Doug: Oh, so I do better when I'm not there?

Carol: [laughs] This time, yeah.

Doug: So do you trust me?

Carol: This time.

Doug: Are you keeping score.

Carol: Yep. You're ahead.

Doug: [grins] I'm sorry, what?

When the Bough Breaks [4.04]

Anna: How did you ever go out with that guy?

Carol: What guy?

Anna: Ross. Didn't you used to date him? I mean, if he's that patronizing to me, I can't imagine what he's like with the women he goes out with.

Carol: He's seen that patient before. Mrs. Landetta is just comfortable with him.

Anna: Yeah, because he's a man.

Carol: Well, some people are old fashioned.

Kerry: Doug has difficultly dealing with strong women.

Carol: I don't know about that.

Kerry: If he can't charm or vilify you, he's lost.

Carol: Now that's not true.

Kerry: [after a drug-addicted woman unknowingly gives birth] I heard about your unexpected delivery.

Carol: Oh, whose version?

Kerry: She's screaming for a lawyer.

Carol: She's high on something. Crack, probably.

Kerry: When she comes down, she might see things differently, but you should fill out an incident report. Document your account.

Carol: Kerry, she's a crack addict. That baby popped out. I did not drop it.

Kerry: Yes, but after your suspension last year, her accusations might carry more weight. Can anyone back you up?

Carol: Mark Greene was there.

Kerry: Good. Make sure you're on the same page.

Carter: You know, I'm not your student anymore.

Benton: I know that.

Carter: Then you can treat me like any other colleague.

Benton: You're not a colleague. You're an intern!

Carter: For three years, I did everything you asked of me and more. I deserved your respect because I earned it.

Benton: And you threw it away!

Carter: Why? Because I don't want to be like you?

Benton: No, because you wasted my time.

Carter: This isn't about your time. This is about your egotism.

Benton: Yeah, yeah, right, Carter. I'm egotistical. You know what? I got a lot of people that worked that damn hard to make sure I am where I am and for them, I got be self-centered. I don't take time for anything. But, you... man, man. I did for you, Carter. I did, man. You decide you don't want to be a surgeon, you don't come to me. You go to Anspaugh.

Carter: Well, I was afraid you'd talk me out of it.

Benton: I wish I had the chance to try.

Carter: Hey, okay. You're right. I'm sorry.

Benton: Can I go home now?

Carter: Yeah.

Benton: You know what, Carter? You don't wanna be treated like my student? Stop seeking my approval.

Mark: Carol, I got that autopsy report on the crack baby. He died in utero two days ago.

Carol: Well, I guess we're both off the hook.

Mark: Carol, it wasn't a matter of me believing your or not believing you. I would have been on your side.

Carol: Well, maybe if you'd been on the patient's side earlier none of this would have happened.

Mark: What?

Carol: I checked her chart. That woman had been in here four times in the past seven months. You saw her twice and never once did a pregnancy test.

Mark: Was there reason to?

Carol: Evidently, yes.

Mark: So we're supposed to give pregnancy tests to every female crackhead who comes through the door?

Carol: That's not what I'm saying.

Mark: Then what?

Carol: God forbid this woman ever finds out what her real malpractice suit is. I would back you up. Say there was no reason for a pregnancy test. The fact is, we should have done something.

Mark: What? What should we have done? We can't help people who can't help themselves.

Carol: No, Mark, those are exactly the people we should be helping.

Kerry: [as Jeanie is leaving work] Good. I'm glad you're still here.

Jeanie: I'm surprised that you are.

Kerry: Jeanie, I had every right to be angry. I went to the mat for you. We had a deal.

Jeanie: I couldn't just stand there and watch him die.

Kerry: You don't know that he would have.

Jeanie: We were losing a pulse. It was worth the risk, Kerry.

Kerry: Jeanie, you made a decision to continue working here and I supported it, but sometimes our decisions affect more than just ourselves.

Jeanie: And in this case, a man is still alive.

Kerry: I appreciate that, but we all agreed you'd work under specific guidelines. You have to stick to them.

Jeanie: I know, I know. But if I had to do it again, I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing. I waited as long as I could to put in that chest tube. I didn't have a choice.

Kerry: He had multiple rib fractures. You could have cut your finger and bled inside his chest.

Jeanie: But I didn't.

Kerry: We agreed you wouldn't put your hands into any poorly visualized cavities.

Jeanie: What was I supposed to do?

Kerry: Walk away.

Jeanie: He would have died.

Kerry: That's the risk you assume for your patients when you continue to work here with HIV.

Good Touch, Bad Touch [4.05]

Carter: [on inserting a catheter] Now you are ready to insert, applying gentle, constant pressure.

Med Student Ivan Fu: Isn't this a nurse's job?

Carter: You need to know how, Ivan. So grab that penis, and show it who's boss.

Cynthia: [to Mark] Who peed in your cornflakes?

Elizabeth: Peter Benton, Rocket Romano.

Romano: Dr. Benton. Hey, Lizzie's talked about you. Tell me something. Do you think Chris Rock is funny?

Benton: Excuse me?

Romano: The comedian, Chris Rock. He did that HBO special. Must have used the N-word 50 times; N-word this, N-word that. They're calling him a genius. If I went around saying the N-word, you'd probably want to smack the hell out of me. Am I right?

Benton: [long pause] I think Chris Rock is hilarious. [walks away]

Romano: [calling after him] Good to meet you!

Elizabeth: Have a good night!

Romano: [ironically] You're right. I like him.

Ground Zero [4.06]

Doug: You've been in a bad mood for months and I don't know how to talk to you anymore.

Mark: Then don't. [walks away]

Doug: All right.

Carol: What's the statute of limitations on post-traumatic stress?

Doug: Cut him some slack.

Carol: I think we've all cut him plenty. He needs some help.

Doug: He doesn't need a shrink. He needs friends who support him.

Carol: He's not going to have any friends, supportive or otherwise, if he keeps this up.

Millicent Carter: I looked him dead in the eye and I said, "That might fly with your Hollywood chippies, Mr. President, but I am a lady."

Carol: What did he do?

Millicent Carter: He took his hand off my rear and apologized.

Carol: And that was it?

Millicent Carter: Then I slept with him.

Carol: How many patients do you think we see in the hospital every year?

Mark: Would that be real patients, or turkeys?

Carol: Forget I asked.

Mark: Your count will be about 95 percent higher if you count all the wackos.

Mark: It's not my job to be their best friend.

Carol: No. Just their caregiver.

Carol: I'm going to miss you.

Doug: I love you, Carol. [drives away]

Carol: I love you, too.

Fathers and Sons [4.07]

Doug: He never drove less than 70 miles per hour his entire life. He would think it was funny to drive with his knees, his eyes closed, like it was some sort of game. Idiot. He can't even kill himself right. He has to take other people with him. Leave me to clean up the mess.

Mark: I don't think your dad planned on dying down here, Doug.

Doug: He never planned on doing anything his entire life. He didn't plan to lose our TV in a poker game. He never planned to be gone for more than a couple days. He never planned to hurt anybody in his whole life.

Mark: Your dad lost your television in a poker game?

Doug: I should have killed him myself. Saved everybody the trouble.

Doug: [on the phone, leaving message] Hey, Carol, it's Doug. I was hoping to catch you before you went to work. I'm here in Barstow and we're cleaning up. I was just thinking about you, wishing you were here. I just miss you. I just wish you were here, is all. [Mark walks into the motel room] So, I'll call you tomorrow. Okay, bye. Hey!

Mark: Who was that?

Doug: Somebody I've been seeing the last couple of months.

Mark: Couple of months? That sounds serious.

Doug: Do you want any of these ties before I give them to Goodwill?

Mark: I only wear ties to work. Is it anybody I know?

Doug: I've got a suit here. I've got an Armani. I believe it's double-breasted.

Mark: You don't want to tell me who it is?

Doug: He had a set of clubs somewhere, I think.

Mark: Why is it that you don't want to tell me who it is?

Doug: Because I don't.

Mark: It's not my ex-wife, is it?

Doug: No, it's not Jennifer.

Mark: Cynthia?! You're not, are you?

Doug: No, and neither should you.

Mark: Jeanie? Chuny? Anna?

Doug: Are you planning on naming everybody who works at the hospital?

Mark: She doesn't work at the hospital?

Doug: It's Carol.

Mark: What?

Doug: Carol Hathaway. You're mouth's open.

Mark: I'm speechless.

Doug: Well, I'm relieved.

Mark: You didn't miss much not having your dad around when you were growing up. Believe me.

Doug: That's kind of a crappy thing to say, isn't it?

Mark: It wasn't my idea to come down here.

Doug: Don't stay.

Mark: Don't worry, I won't.

Doug: I'm confused. Your father's still alive, right? He's still with your mother?

Mark: Oh, so that's your criteria for a good father? Longevity?

Doug: Did he smack you around a lot? Used to smack your mom around?

Mark: Oh, poor Doug.

Doug: Wait. Poor Doug? Your father, did he come into your room in the middle of the night and throw up on your bed and pass out? Did he do that? Did he leave you in a hallway in Atlantic City while he screwed some hat check girl, Mark? Did he do that? Did he do that, Mark?! Your father was there for you every night, you and your mother, and that's love. And whether it's the way you want it or not! It's love, Mark. You grew up in Ozzie and Harriet-land. Get your head out of your ass!

Mark: What are you thinking about, Doug?

Doug: Carol... I'm in love with her. I mean, I used to think I knew what love was. I cared about a lot of women, I just don't think I've ever really been in love. I think about her all the time. I don't like it when I'm not with her, I don't want to be with anyone else. That's love, isn't it?

Mark: Yeah... That's love.

Mark: Do you want to say anything?

Carol: A prayer?

Doug: No. I hated the son of a bitch. And I loved him. It's never simple, is it?

Freak Show [4.08]

Anna: Have you considered medical management? Treat the abscess with a course of Flagyl and Cipro before jumping into surgery?

Carter: I'm willing to give a shot.

Anna: No, no, no, wait. Are you just agreeing with me because you think that's what I want to hear, or do you really believe that?

Carter: What?

Anna: I just don't want you agreeing with me just to please me.

Carter: Believe me, I'm not. I've already considered several alternatives to surgery.

Henry: You have?

Carter: Shut up, Henry!

Benton: What about you? You got any kids?

Romano: Ha! None they've been able to pin on me.

Carol: Cynthia, did you give this man permission to bring in all these people?

Cynthia: Well, the clinic's open. I figured that it would be okay.

Carol: Are you a complete idiot? Can't you see we're swamped already?

Cynthia: I'm really sorry, I...

Mark: [Stepping in] What's going on?

Carol: Oh, she invited the entire Hazelton shelter for free physicals.

Mark: Carol, can I talk to you. [Leading Carol to the front desk] So there was miscommunication. If you have a problem with Cynthia or any other employee in the future, have the courtesy to speak to them privately. Don't dress them down in front of the entire ER.

Carol: Anything else?

Mark: No.

Mark: I've been kind of a jerk.

Carol: Worse.

Mark: Pain in the ass?

Carol: Keep going.

Mark: Total schmuck.

Carol: Bingo.

Elizabeth: [operating on a boy with reversed organs] This would be easier with a mirror in the ceiling.

Romano: We could operate in my bedroom.

Obstruction of Justice [4.09]

Carol: [about Kerry] What's up with her?

DOug: The crown is weighing heavily on the queen's head.

Anna: [after Carter's been arrested] What are we doing about Carter?

Mark: I called a bail bondsman and they're going to release him in the morning.

Anna: Wait, so he has to stay in jail all night?

Mark: You want to call the family?

Anna: And say what, "John Carter III's in jail"?

Anna: [to Carter] I was wondering what I should get you for Christmas, and then it finally came to me: bail!

Do You See What I See? [4.10]

Doug: Did you get tomorrow off?

Carol: Not yet. Did you get tonight off?

Doug: No, I owe too many shifts. Christmas Eve will cost me double.

Carol: This is so unfair.

Doug: Yeah, well, flex your muscle. You make the nursing schedule.

Carol: Yeah, which is why I get stuck with it. "Carol can work Christmas, she has no life." They don't even feel guilty about it.

Doug: Make them feel guilty about it.

Carol: Now, that's the Christmas spirit.

Doug: Tell them about us. This is stupid. I'm not going anywhere. You know that.

Carol: I know. I know.

Gina: Look, I don't have AIDS, ok? I don't sleep with gay guys or druggies.

Jeanie: Neither did I.

[Carter has just told a woman her husband has died]

George Henry: You should know that his last thoughts were of you.

Vinnie's Wife: What did he say?

George Henry: I love you, Maria.

Vinnie's Wife: "Maria"? I'm Angela. Maria's Joey's wife.

Joey: Maria?

Vinnie's Wife: That bastard!

[As their ER Christmas party is going on with loud music.]

Carol: Can I have your attention everybody. Hello, can I have your attention please. I have an announcement to make. Can you turn down that music. Okay I have kept this a secret far too long, Doug Ross and I are seeing each other again.... And we are very happy.

Conni: Okay, pay up. Pay up.

Chuny: I was a week too late, I thought New Years for sure.

Lydia: I'm surprised that they kept it a secret this long.

Carol: You knew?

Randi: Oh please honey it was obvious.

Kerry: Well, I didn't know.

Anna: Me either.

Doug: Maybe something you guys didn't know, that we've been seeing each other for a while now, again and I think it would be a great idea if she would marry me.

[Everyone cheers!]

Doug: Everyone talk her into it.

Chuny: Carol and Doug get it right this time.

Carol: You always have to outdo me.

Doug: I had the opportunity and I had to take it.

Think Warm Thoughts [4.11]

Mark: What happened to your student? I thought she was gonna stick around.

Carter: She went up to watch Benton operate. I think she got bored.

Mark: We're not here to entertain, Carter.

Carter: You know, she seemed so interested. I was supposed to inspire those students, but I don't think I did a very good job.

Mark: Inspire them? How?

Carter: Through our passion. For what we do.

Mark: Passion?

Carter: Yeah, you know what I mean.

Mark: Carter, you come here every day. Sometimes you're really cooking, and sometimes you're not. But you're here every day doing your work. And one day you'll look up and maybe 10 years will have passed. It'll be the sum total of what you've done that counts. Not the passion.

Benton: These seminars are a waste of time. All they want to know is if I've ever killed anybody.

Carter: What do you tell them?

Benton: Just med students.

Medical Student: What's the weirdest thing you have taken out of somebody's rectum?

Carter: Umm, a bowling trophy.

Romano: Thanks for taking care of it, Pete.

Benton: Dr. Romano... It's Peter. You called me Pete.

Romano: What, nobody in your whole life's ever called you Pete?

Benton: No.

Romano: "Pete Benton", it sounds so natural, you gotta be kidding me.

Benton: Peter. Just Peter.

Romano: Huh. Wow. Petey?

Benton: Peter.

Sharp Relief [4.12]

Anna: You're leaving in the middle of your shift. It's about your cousin, isn't it?

Carter: I know what I'm doing.

Anna: You don't look like you know what you're doing.

Carter: [annoyed] And you don't know anything about my family, so just drop it.

Elizabeth: It's been a long day. I could use a drink. How about you?

Benton: No. I don't drink.

Elizabeth: Your body's made up of 60 percent water, Peter. You must drink something.

Benton: Elizabeth, you know what I mean.

Elizabeth : Well, have a lemonade, or a Yoo-Hoo, for all I care.

Carol: What are you thinking about?

Greg Powell: I'm thinking I'm not feeling the cold.

Carol: Yeah?

Greg Powell: Yeah. And I'm thinking that cat will come out when she's good and ready.

Carol: Probably.

Greg Powell: And I'm thinking if I look at you one more second, I'm gonna have to kiss you.

Carol: I needed to think.

Doug: About what?

Carol: About you and me. And the engagement and the vows and the rings. I think we're rushing into this. I don't think we're ready.

Doug: I'm ready. But you aren't?

Carol: When I was talking to Greg Powell, it got intense and... and I kissed him. It didn't go any further than that, but it was one of those moments, you know? I didn't want it to...

Doug: Okay, that's good. I just wanted to make sure you were safe and sound. [picks up his coat]

Carol: Doug! I am so sorry!

Doug: Yep, me too. [leaves]

Carter's Choice [4.13]

Carol: [to Doug] I'd have to do the entire Bulls lineup on the damn admit desk before I even began to be equal with you!

Carol: [to Doug] I've spent years, years of my life, changing to fit your needs, working around your schedule, your insecurities, your inability to commit. Well, you know what, Doug? It's not all about you! I know that may come as a shock, but a relationship is give and take; two people as equals, and right now I need something! [crying now] So you can grow up and accept it or you can go on being the same selfish, self-centered bastard you've always been and refuse to give me the one thing, the one thing I've ever asked you for!

Carter: [about the rapist] I wanted him to die. I saw what he did to that old lady and the others before her, and I wanted him to die. I didn't think he should have that blood. I mean, if someone had come in and they really needed it. If some little kid had been hit by a car or some old guy had been accidentally shot. If someone like that had died because we wasted the blood on that guy... I don't know. It was my decision, and I made it, and if he died, I don't know how I'd feel, but I can't say that I'm sorry. [pause] I mean, was I wrong?

Jerry: Carter, what do you think the best approach with Weaver is? Contrition? Indignation?

Malik: Begging.

Carter: I think I would just appeal to her innate sense of fairness.

Lydia: She has a sense of fairness?

Carter: Yeah. Just remind her that you've been on nights now for...

Jerry: Four months.

Carter: And that you think your exemplary work history, and your many years of loyal service, marred only by one minor incident...

Lydia: Blowing up the ambulance bay.

Carter: ...makes it incumbent upon her to bring you back to the land of the living.

Malik: I still say beg.

Kerry: You used me, Ellis. That's what we've been about, right? You used me to get this deal. Well, I don't like being used! You underestimated me once, and you were right to, but don't underestimate me again! I'll see you at the board!

Family Practice [4.14]

Mark: I'm like a magnet for needy people. They find me wherever I go.

Cynthia: Like I did?

Ruth Greene: Dr. Black says that you and your father are responsible for your own feelings. But I know I started. I blamed him. I blamed you. I didn't want a baby. It was too soon. We'd only dated a couple of times. Of course, when I saw you, I loved you. And I tried to make up for it. But I'd already spoiled everything between you and your father. And it just kept going wrong, no matter how much I loved you both.

Exodus [4.15]

Romano: Ah, here's our little action hero.

Elizabeth: How does it look?

Romano: Like ground beef. No, actually, more like chopped liver.

Elizabeth: Yeah, but do you think we have a chance for limb salvage?

Romano: You want my honest opinion? No, I don't think you do.

Elizabeth: Well, I'd like to give it our best shot.

Romano: You got it, Lizzie. No holds barred. One hundred and ten percent.

Jerry: Now that I'm back on days, you can count on a higher level of efficiency at the central work area. If you pass out again, I'll have everything under control.

Kerry: Hey, is that Mr. Arteburn's chart?

Jerry: Yeah, yeah. Actually, check this out. Blue Cross. Not the HMO, not the PPO. Traditional indemnity plan gold.

Kerry: Jerry, we treat everyone the same.

Jerry: I'm just thinking about the budget deficit.

Carol: What if the elevator moves? You could get killed!

Doug: Well, then you won't have to worry about a commitment.

Carol: Doug, I'm serious!

My Brother's Keeper [4.16]

Elizabeth: I took anthropology as an undergraduate. Cro-Magnon man is considered a modern Homo sapien, just like you.

Benton: Thank you very much.

Elizabeth: I didn't say he was as good looking.

Mark: [about Cynthia] She was actually nice to me which is a departure from most women in my life.

Millicent Carter: [about John and Chase] All your lives, you've been indulged, and considered it oppression.

[Jerry is cleaning out the Admit area]

Jerry: Ah, look at that. Twinkies.

Mark: You're not gonna eat that?

Jerry: Why not? They have a shelf life of 7 years. [he checks the label] 1993, I'm in the zone!

Jeanie: I can't go to the movies next Friday, but I can go Saturday. Unless you're too cool to hang out with me.

Scott Anspaugh: You are pretty sorry.

Jeanie: Speak for yourself, Captain Baldy.

Scott Anspaugh: Next month, my hair will grow back, and you'll still be sorry.

Jeanie: Yeah, well, just for that, I get to pick the movie

Scott Anspaugh: No way. No chick flicks.

Jeanie: Oh, right, Mr. "Days of our Lives."

A Bloody Mess [4.17]

Elizabeth: Carol, Anna, do you two have plans this evening?

Carol: You know I did and then I didn't and now I don't know anymore.

Elizabeth: You, Carol, have something that I really envy.

Carol: What?

Elizabeth: A sex life!

Anna: Cheers to that!

Carol: I have no complaints in that department!

Carol: [to Doug and Mark] I don't know what you two are doing, but I have plans for this evening. So have fun.

Mark: Together again.

Doug: [notices blood on the floor] Reminds me of "Carrie". The movie, not the attending.

[Dr. Morgenstern is practicing procedures in the morgue]

Dr. Morgenstern: Kerry Weaver, meet John DeLeo. Welder, father of five. Never retired, despite crippling arthritis. Outlived three of his kids. Never left Chicago.

Kerry: You know all that about this cadaver?

Dr. Morgenstern: No. I made it up.

Gut Reaction [4.18]

Doug: Do you think of me as diplomatic?

Carol: What does that have to do with it?

Doug: Answer the question.

Carol: Well, it's not the first word that springs to mind, no.

Doug: What would the first word be that springs to mind?

Carol: Um, stubborn. Opinionated. Insouciant.

Doug: Insouciant?

Carol: Look it up.

Elizabeth: Have you ever removed an entire stomach before?

Benton: No. Have you?

Elizabeth: In a frog.

Lydia: What are you wearing tonight?

Connie: My velvet dress.

Lydia: The one you wore last year?

Connie: I didn't pass out and rip mine in the parking lot like someone I know.

Mark: Each day we work together as a family because we're a family. It's no secret that it's been a rough year for me, so I want to thank each of you for helping me through some hard times. You stuck by me when I needed you and you've given your best to make our ER a place that we can all be proud of, so thanks for being my family. I couldn't have made it without you.

Kerry: The food was terrible. The music stinks. The drinks are watered down, but you sure know how to throw a great party.

Mark: Thank you.

Kerry: You're welcome.

Shades of Gray [4.19]

Brianna Thomas: Why are you being such a bitch?

Kerry: Because you are being irresponsible.

Brianna Thomas: More likely because you aren't getting any yourself.

Romano: [while performing surgery on a patient] Why don't we give her a heart transplant while we're at it?

Elizabeth: Why don't you stop being such a prick?

Carter: When was the last time anyone bathed this guy?

Chuny: From the looks of these bedsores, about the same time they turned him.

Carter: So much for "honor thy father."

Of Past Regret and Future Fear [4.20]

Carol: After my father was gone, my mom used to go on and on about how you can never depend on men. Now she's head over heels and I'm the one holding back. How messed up is that?

Doug: It keeps me on my toes.

Carol: I say I want time, but the truth is I'm scared to death of losing you.

Doug: Well, don't be.

Carol: I'm so sorry, Doug.

Doug: Don't be.

Carol: I love you.

Doug: I love you, too.

Benton: [talking about Carla's boyfriend] He gets to spend all his time with Reese. How do I compete with that?

Elizabeth: You're his father, Peter. You don't have to compete.

Benton: Then I thought I'd come and see you, but you had that lunch thing.

Corday: Are you jealous? [Dr. Benton smiles] Well, you know, your instincts were right. Romano propositioned me.

Benton: Are you serious? What did you say?

Corday: I lied. I said I don't date colleagues. It's cowardly of me, I know.

Benton: That's okay. I lied today, too.

Corday: What, about me? [Dr. Benton nods] So much for a relationship without complications.

Romano: What kind of salad dressings do you have?

Waitress\\\: Caesar, ranch, Italian, low-cal Italian, blue cheese, honey mustard, Catalina, oil and vinegar, and poppy seed vinaigrette.

Romano: I'll have the soup.

Chuny: Hey, Anna, are you the one who had that voodoo woman yesterday?

Anna: She's back?

Chuny: Yeah, exam 3. Chief complaint: voodoo man has taken over her body.

Anna: Wait a minute, this isn't the same one. My voodoo patient was 60-something.

Carter: I had a voodoo guy last week.

Chuny: Oh, no. Voodoo epidemic.

Suffer the Little Children [4.21]

Tina Marie Chambliss: I can feel the power of prayer right now! I can feel it! It has started!

Emmet Chambliss: We all feel it, honey! Do you feel it, doctor?

Anna: No.

Kerry: [as the baby is coding from a ketamine drip, after discovering Ross and Hathaway working on him] What's going on?

Mark: I found Doug in exam four detoxing this baby.

Kerry: [Furious] What?

Mark: I found him by accident.

Kerry: Carol, did you know about this?

Carol: I was helping him.

Kerry: Helping him?

Carol: The baby was stable...

Kerry: Yeah, this is a violation of every ER policy. Tell them I'll bring him up, set-up with basic too.

Doug: [as they're bringing the baby to the elevator] I'm going up with it too.

Kerry: Yeah, you're damn right. You're going, you're gonna explain this to the hospital administration and the executive committee. Let's go!

Mark: You lied to me, Doug. You looked me right in the eye and lied to me.

A Hole in the Heart [4.22]

Jerry: Come on girls. Sweep, sweep, sweep!

Lydia: Randi's in my way!

Randi: I'm supposed to be in the front!

Mark: Curling, Jerry?

Lydia: We were inspired by Nagano.

Jerry: Only three years and nine months left 'til Salt Lake City.

Connie: These crazy white folk.

Doug: I don't care about your rules.

Kerry: I hope you also don't care about being an ER Pediatric Attending because you've just given up any chance of that.

Carol: I was there because I wanted to be there, not because Doug asked me.

Mark: I'm sure you were. Doug can be pretty passionate about these kids.

Carol: Oh, give me a little credit, Mark. You think I'm a fresh-faced nursing student who can't resist the doctor's spell?

Mark: I'm only saying that Legal and Administration are going to be going over every detail of this case. And I'd hate to see it reflect badly on your record.

Carol: So, you're saying I should fudge my involvement?

Mark: Tell the truth. Tell them you were doing your job. Tell them you were assisting a doctor.

Carol: The truth is I insisted on being there because I believe Doug was working in the best interest of the patient. And that much is my responsibility. Every bit as much as it is his.

Benton: You're running all over the hospital, asking every surgeon to sponsor you.

Elizabeth: Okay, so what do you suggest?

Benton: Elizabeth, you haven't even checked out other hospitals, other parts of the country.

Elizabeth: I've built up relationships here. Or so I thought.

Benton: I'm not saying I would want you to leave Chicago.

Elizabeth: No, but you're not passionate about my fight to stay.