ER (season 14)

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ER (1994–2009) is a long running medical drama, airing on NBC, that follows the lives of doctors and nurses in a Chicago emergency room.

The War Comes Home [14.01]

Abby: You're not lost, are you? If you need directions...

Moretti: No, no. [pauses] You know why we're here? Because of war. Without it, you would be a pediatrician or an oncologist. I'd probably still be losing my mind in the ICU.

Abby: War, huh?

Moretti: Uh huh. Emergency medicine is actually the result of centuries of warfare. It's a field that was defined by doctors and nurses, in bombed out buildings, trying to take care of patients on dirty canvas stretchers. And performing procedures in tent hospitals that were literally hundreds of feet away from where the battles raged. And these people, our predecessors, they had a simple primary focus: survival. And down in the bunkers they dug in deep, to try to save their patients lives and to try to save their own lives. And they ended up giving life to this whole new art form. This great collaborative enterprise, that we still carry on today. That's why we're here.

Abby: [nods her head] You don't get out much, do you?

Broderick: You know, when I touch you like this, we are exchanging matter on a subatomic particle level.

Gates: Right, well, I don't know where your atoms have been, so it's best if you just keep them to yourself.

Sam: Do you have any medical problems?

Broderick: No... my skin becomes transparent occasionally, I can see my organs, but...

[Neela is a patient after being trampled at a rally]

Abby: Trauma panel, and a catheterized urine. Sorry, we gotta do it.

Neela: Bollocks.

In a Different Light [14.02]

Morris: Where you girls going?

Dawn: Speed dating at Ike's.

Frank: What the heck is speed dating?

Morris: It's a way for losers to meet other losers fast.

Abby: Hi. I got some magazines. And your favorite, gummy worms.

Neela]: [not paying attention] Thank you.

Abby: And um, and Brad Pitt. He's outside. He's over Angelina and the whole adoption thing, and he wants you.

Dubenko: [to Abby] You think after years of doing this you start to get a handle on people. The reality is, everybody lies and manipulates to get what they want.

Moretti: [over the loudspeaker, to a hung-over patient who is yelling to God that he's going to die] Bernie, this is God! Hurry it up already!

Sam: A toast: to meeting nice guys.

Chuny: To falling in love.

Dawn: To sex without batteries.

Officer Down [14.03]

Gates: Hey! What are you doing out here?

Sarah Riley: I figured you'd be home soon, and we could go get something to eat.

Gates: Ok, what do you want?

Sarah Riley: Chinese?

Gates: Chinese it is.

Sarah Riley: Can we go to the movies after?

Gates: No, after we have Chinese food, I'm gonna take you back to Wisconsin.

Sarah Riley: What?! [Gates nods, pause] You changed your mind, didn't you? You don't want custody of me.

Gates: Yes, I do.

Sarah Riley: Come on, Tony-

Gates: Sarah, sometimes... sometimes, you have to do things you don't want to... so that you can get what you really want in the end.

Sarah Riley: What's that supposed to mean?

Gates: Well, I'm trying to make it so that we live together forever- but if you keep running away from your grandparents, that's not gonna happen. You gotta work with me here.

Sarah Riley: I guess we should probably call them.

Gates: [nods] I already did. [pause, smiles] Chinese?

Sarah Riley: [smiles] Yeah.

Gravity [14.04]

Sam: [to Abby, after her son Joe is injured and being sedated] I remember, when Alex was three... I took him to one of those bounce-houses at the carnival. Of course, he's in there with five and six-year-old kids, so he gets knocked down, right? And every time he tries to get up, he keeps getting knocked down- and he's crying, "Mommy, Mommy!" And- the attendant won't let me in because he thinks I'm some stupid teenager, right?

Abby: So, what'd you do?

Sam: I stood there, and I... cheered him on. And, every time he got knocked down, I told him, "I know you can get up!" But... that's when it hit me. They fall. And all you can do is be there... and hope they keep gettin' up.

Neela]: You know, when Ray got hurt, I was in a lot of shock. We all were.

Katey: Poor you.

Neela: What happened to Ray had nothing to do with me. He's the one that got pissed drunk at Abby's wedding. He's the one who stumbled in front of that truck. Not me. Even he says that.

Katey: You done?

Neela: You can hate me as much as you like. I couldn't care less, but I will not take the blame for what happened to Ray. You got that?

Neela: Are you ever gonna tell me why you call me that?

Gates: May Day? Well, she was my favorite Bond girl. Grace Jones in A View To A Kill. Started off as a bad guy, then she saved the whole world. Hey, you're lucky. Could have been Pussy Galore.

Morris: I'm getting my pretty boy on for my last night with Hope. I ordered the works package. I can't wait.

Frank: It's gonna take more than the works to save that mug of yours.

Javier: Oh my God, so mean.

Pratt: That's his baseline. You'll get used to it.

Abby: [about Joe] You know, it's totally different when it's your kid on the table. And it would be a lot easier if I wasn't doing this alone.

Under the Influence [14.05]

Morris: Okay, you're feeling some pressure? Excellent. Name me three bacteria for neonatal sepsis.

Pratt: Bend over and kiss my ass.

Morris: Those are not bacteria!

Sam: Moretti's looking for you.

Gates: I'm taking this guy to ICU.

Sam: He's in the break room.

Gates: Well he's gonna have to wait.

Sam: He said it's important.

Gates: What the hell does he want?

Sam: Don't shoot the messenger! Jeez...

Pratt: So, Harold, how do you like your iPod?

Harold Zelinsky: Yeah, it's cool.

Neela: Abdomen's soft and non-tender.

Pratt: I remember when you had to go to the record store to buy music.

Harold: I bought my first CD when I was 10.

Chuny: Sonosite's ready.

Pratt: So, when was that, like mid-'90s? Eminem? Huh?

Harold: He wasn't around yet.

Pratt: Right, right. Probably, uh, Spice Girls then?

Harold: Mozart Clarinet Concert in A Major, Richard Stoltzman, soloist.

The Test [14.06]

Harold: [to Neela, talking about his "first time" with his girlfriend] I've never been to the dance. I don't know how to do the mambo or pin the corsage.

Abby: [on Frank relentlessly chasing her down with some information] I think Frank has a crush on me.

Skye: What kind of creepy loser hangs out in the break room all night, second-guessing the Attendings when he's not even on the schedule? I don't know if I'm being Punk'd, or if you haze all new Attendings this way, but I don't need you double-checking my work. The only reason I am here is to make some extra cash for a surf trip. Come December, I am gone. So you can stop worrying that I'm after your job, or your promotion, or whatever you and your micropenis are so afraid of.

Morris: Hi. Archie Morris. I have no idea who you are or what you're talking about. Gotta bounce. You good?

Skye: [about working nights] It's much better than being stuck in a hospital all day when it's beautiful outside.

Frank: I hear you. I'm a big hiker, myself.

Haleh: You bump your head?

Blackout [14.07]

Abby: I didn't go to med school to check boxes and push paper.

Morris: All this wasted energy is severely inflating my carbon footprint!

Morris: I hooked myself up with a tight, little sex machine. Energy-efficient to the tune of 40-plus miles per gallon, and draws babes to Archie like bees to honey.

Sam: Ew, that made me throw up in my mouth a little.

Frank: So did the Medical Board make another deadly error in judgment?

Pratt: Yes they have, Frank, I passed.

Dubenko: I'd like to discuss Zelinsky's progress.

[[w:Neela Rasgotra|Neela: Yeah, about that...

Dubenko: Tomorrow, not now.

Neela: Tomorrow?

Dubenko: Yeah, I don't want to say anything too cruel, which I'm at risk of doing if we discuss it at this moment, so we'll talk about Dr. Rain Man tomorrow.

Coming Home [14.08]

Harold: What I lack in experience, I make up for in enthusiasm.

Ronny: What?

Harold: Yeah, this being my first chest tube ever, I am really committed to getting it right.

Morris: I will be the keeper of the cheese!

Julia: You don't like ballet?

Gates: Not about haunted girls in the woods. I like sugar plum fairies. It's Christmassy.

Julia: I don't like sleeping over this early in a relationship.

Gates: Wow. All right, well, just leave the money on the dresser on your way out.

Skye's The Limit [14.09]

Morris: [after Amspaugh announces a temporary Chief] Here we go again.

Morris: I took the liberty of getting you some fitness balls. Start with the lighter one, and you squeeze...

Sam: Archie, you couldn't pay me to touch your balls.

[Sarah is having a sleepover]

Sarah: Oh, you should know, Steffie's a vegan, Kiki has a soy allergy, and Mary Claire is lactose intolerant.

Gates: What's left to eat, air?

Skye: When it comes to relationships, I guess you could say I have a 'fluid' attitude.

Dubenko: Uh-huh.

Skye: When I'm with someone, I'm with them and when I'm not, I'm not.

Dubenko: 'Love the one you're with'.

Skye: So if you can handle a relationship with no strings, sex with no commitments... then we're cool. [gauges his reaction] Does that freak you out?

Dubenko: No, I'm all good.

Dubenko: You know what really relaxes me?

Skye: Hm?

Dubenko: Yoga.

Skye: Oh yeah?

Dubenko: Yeah. After a couple of long hours in the OR, a few poses can really mellow me out.

Skye: I'm not into yoga. [rips his shirt open]

Dubenko: [gasps] No.

300 Patients [14.10]

Julia: Everyone could use a blessing now and then.

Abby: Or a memorial.

Julia: We have our dead, and we have let them go. Now let's turn our attention back to the work of the living.

Abby: I started drinking again.

Luka: When?

Abby: The night Joe got hurt. And I.... [long pause] can't stop.

Luka: I thought when I came back, we just had to get used to being married again. But then things didn't get better and I thought... [long pause] So what do we do?

Abby: I need to fix it. I need to go somewhere, a facility, with professionals, and get better. And I need to believe it this time, and I need you to believe it. [long pause] And I need you to help me. [another long pause] So... so, take Joe... go to Croatia, for your father, while I do that.

Luka: You want us to go without you?

Abby: Yeah, I just...

Luka: But you're his mother!

Abby: I know that! I know that! [pause] But I haven't been a very good one. And I honestly don't think I can be until I deal with this.

Luka: Can't we do this together?

Abby: This is how we do it together! You have to help me do it... alone.

Status Quo [14.11]

Jeanie: You're not so bad, Dr. Pratt.

Pratt: I know. It usually takes people a while, but I eventually win them over.

Neela: Not every Indian has been to India, Morris.

Harold: It's like assuming every African-American has been to Africa.

Morris: Yeah, well, I mean, I just assumed... arranged marriages, India. Hello?

Harold: You assumed wrong, butt-head!

Believe the Unseen [14.12]

Neela: Jaspreet's gone, and she's never coming back.

Morris: Where'd she go?

Neela: Well, I could tell you that, but then I'd have to kill you. She asked me to relay the following: Archie, thank you for a wonderful night. It was great, but please stop calling. And don't ever call again. Ever. Harold, thank you for a wonderful night. It was great, but please stop calling. And don't ever call again. Ever. So, there you go. And I'd very much appreciate it if we never speak of this again. Ever.

Morris: Welcome back. How was Croatia?

Abby: Oh, you know... European.

Frank: Morris, are you sick?

Morris: No, Frank, I got this IV because I'm feeling a little parched.

Abby: I know some of you have been wondering and I appreciate the concern. I wasn't in Croatia for the last few weeks after Luka's father died. They left without me and I was in a residential detox facility. I'm an alcoholic.

Abby: I was a bad friend, I was a bad doctor, I was a bad wife, I was a bad mother, uh...

Pratt: No. We see bad mothers come to here, all the time and you do not qualify. We all have flaws, Abby, but how many of us actually work to fix them?

Atonement [14.13]

Dr. Truman: Why? Why would God do that? Why would he have me kill 17 people to save one?

Pratt: We may not understand it, but that little boy is alive because you were there! Now, whatever you need that to count for, it counts!

Dr. Truman: [takes a long pause, then shakes his head and buries his face in his hands] It doesn't make sense.

Pratt: [places his hand gently on Dr. Truman's shoulder] It doesn't have to make sense. That's why it's called faith.

[Neela injures her hand in a hockey game]

Neela: If I can't operate, you're dead!

Morris: Wuss!

Crenshaw: You hack!

Harold: Beeyotch!

Gates: Who are you yelling at, Harold?

Harold: I don't really know.

Morris: Hey, what's the definition of a double-blind study? Two ortho docs looking at a chest film!

Robert Truman: When men try to do God's work, bad things happen.

Owner of a Broken Heart [14.14]

Abby: I'm going to go! I promise, this time I'm going to go.

Coburn: It's been a week. He's been waiting a week for you.

Abby: I'm not so sure about that.

Coburn: You can't keep putting it off.

Abby: What if it doesn't work?

Coburn: It works, as long as you believe in it.

Abby: I'm not talking about the program. I'm talking about my marriage. I just... I don't know if I can fix it.

Luka: This is my marriage, Janet.

Coburn: Luka, we shouldn't even be discussing this.

Luka: She won't tell me!

Coburn: That's her choice then.

Luka: Okay, I've tried to accept that, because I wanted her to get better, but how am I supposed to take...?

Coburn: I can't talk to you about this and I don't know anything that is going to help you. All I can tell you is if you stay committed to each other, everything can work out.

Pratt: [to Brenner] You know, I know this is your first day and I really don't want to embarrass you, but this is a teaching hospital, so that means that you have to actually teach! You see, those guys look up to us as examples... [looks at the medical students in the next room] So this is me, trying to preserve their illusion that you are actually, worthy of the admiration. Okay?

Kelly Robinson: Dr. Brenner's superb. He put this in, it didn't even hurt!

Brenner: If I had a nickel for every time a woman said that...

[Morris wants Greg to stun-gun him for a medical experiment]

Chuny: It's like a sterilization scene out of some bad sci-fi movie.

Frank: If it means no more children for Morris, it's a service to mankind.

Pratt: [Two elderly patients start bickering] Larry, Laverne, they're all yours.

Brenner: You think those two can handle it?

Pratt: Yeah, I think they could handle a lot if you'd let them.

Brenner: That's right, you said that before.

Pratt: You know, no disrespect Brenner, but you're making it real hard for me to respect you. You're taking the procedures away from the residents, you're not even letting them do physicals.

Brenner: They don't know what they're doing.

Pratt: They've been to med school.

Brenner: So what, look you've either got it or you don't.

Pratt: Excuse me?

Brenner: You know what I'm talking about. Some people catch on, other people never get it.

Pratt: Yeah but it's our job to train them.

Brenner: That is sweet Greg, but it's also a complete waste of time.

Pratt: Are you serious?

Brenner: Look, I teach people that can benefit.

Pratt: And what about Larry and Laverne?

Brenner: They're, they're adorable, and eager, and absolutely clueless. Look I could spoon feed them everything I know, and it'd just pass straight through them like a bad case of cholera.

Pratt: And so what do you suggest instead?

Brenner: Encourage them to find new careers.

Pratt: I don't know where you came from, but this is a teaching hospital. So if you can't accept the fact that everybody needs to learn, then you don't belong here.

Brenner: Okay, sorry, remind me again Greg, you're not the chief of the department, right?

Pratt: No I'm not.

Brenner: Okay, that's great. So you do things your way, and I'll stick with the way that works. Now, my shift's over, it's been an absolute pleasure, but I gotta go, I got a date, I got two actually.

[Dr. Brenner walks out of the room]

Pratt: Hey I'm not the only one that thinks...

Brenner: Night, Dr. Pratt

...As the Day She Was Born [14.15]

Neela: [on the phone with the cable company] I'm a doctor and I'm single! All I have is Project Runway!

Dubenko: [to Neela] I don't care how many babies people have, or how many dates you miss. Very few people could have done what you did today. Hey, hey! You have a gift, Neela. You have a gift. The minute you start comparing yourself to others is the minute you forget you're doing exactly what you're meant to do.

[Neela is looking at a picture of Abby, Luka, and Joe]

Frank: You should get one of those.

Neela: A husband or a baby?

Frank: Yeah.

[Harold has decided he doesn't want to be a surgeon]

Harold: Neela, it's over.

Neela: Was I not a good teacher? Did we not spend enough time together?

Harold: We both did our best to make this work.

Neela: Well, was it something I said, or didn't say?

Harold: It's not you, Neela. It's me.

Neela: The closest thing I have to a personal relationship is Harold Zelinsky, a 19-year-old intern... and he just dumped me!

Truth Will Out [14.16]

Morris: Brenner is not so bad. I think he has a refreshing energy.

Pratt: And I think you've got a man crush.

Morris: Don't be ridiculous. Why?

Pratt: I see the way you look at him.

Morris: Just because I can see the appeal of another man... [Pratt raises one eyebrow] Forget it!

Abby: What am I supposed to do? I told you the truth and it wasn't easy for me and you know how badly I feel and how sorry I am.

Luka: We're not doing this now.

Abby: What? What do you want? Just tell me. I swear to God I don't care what it is, I'll do it. What do you want?

Luka: Did you think coming to Croatia and apologizing was all it would take?

Abby: No! I didn't.

Luka: You tell me you were weak, you screwed up, you broke my trust, you put our son in jeopardy. What the hell do you expect?

Abby: I don't know!

Dubenko: Forgive me for being so slow, Skye. I'm finally getting it now.

Skye: Get what?

Dubenko: That the whole Bohemian, drifter, 'love the one you're with' thing is nothing but a bogus justification to screw anything that catches your eye.

Skye: Well... good. Good, you finally figured me out. And you're absolutely right. I've done everybody: Pratt, Morris, Gates, security guards, Mel the Roach Coach Guy. And I'm having a damn good time with Simon Brenner. We've worn the varnish right off my desk. You know, it's too bad. It really is. I was starting to let my guard down with you. [hands him a gift bag] I bought this to keep you company while I'm on my dive.

Dubenko: Skye...

Skye: Gotta run, scheduled a quickie with Frank.

Under Pressure [14.17]

Brenner: What's the rush, Dr. Pratt?

Pratt: It's a personal appointment.

Brenner: How much is she?

Pratt: [laughing] Luckily your mom gives me a discount.

Tandem Repeats [14.18]

Dubenko: [about Neela's dying patient] I know what it's like to be close to a patient, but you're not a little intern anymore and I expect you to handle bad outcomes like a professional.

Neela: What does that mean? That I should stop giving a damn?

Dubenko: No. It means that no matter how much we care, sometimes the people we try to save die.

Neela: Are you actually trying to rationalize this? 'Cause we both know you should never have left that room this morning!

Dubenko: That's enough. Please. There are more patients than there are doctors in this place and I can't be everywhere. None of this should be news to you, this is the job.

[the staff has found some grainy security footage of Tony and Sam having sex in the hospital]

Frank: I know it's been a long time, but that does not look like sex to me.

The Chicago Way [14.19]

Pratt: Hey, Abby. It's a beautiful spring day, the Cubs are playing at Wrigley Field, and we live in America.

Abby: I think I solved the case of the missing Lexapro.

Pratt: Sorry. I was looking for some un-depressed person that I could be happy around, and uh... heh.

Abby: You chose me? Must be slim pickings.

Moretti: Hi, Dr. Kovač, I heard you were working here, and I wondered if I might be able to talk to you-

Luka: Well, you really have balls to show up here and ask for anything.

Moretti: Look, I'm at a very difficult time in my life-

Luka: [sarcastically] Really? Me, too.

Moretti: [nods] I know that. And, I'm sorry for any part that I've played in that. But, I just wanted to tell you that... whatever happened with... me and Abby... was just the misguided, messed-up flailings of two people- two very troubled people.

Luka: [nods, sarcastically] That's beautiful.

Moretti: [pause] Look, she loves you. Anybody can see that. And, as somebody who has squandered that kind of thing before, in his own life... I wanna implore you, not to make the same mistake, so...

Luka: Are you done?

Moretti: Uh, yeah. I think I am. [Luka nods, then drops his grocery bag and punches Moretti once in the jaw] Guess I had that coming, huh?

Luka: Thanks for stopping by.

Abby: [to Luka] Do you know that I love you more than I could ever explain? [pause, then Luka kisses and embraces her] Let's get out of here.

Anspaugh: [during the M&M] Sit down, Lucien! You're out of line!

Dubenko: No. I won't sit down and I'm not out of line, I'm not out of line at all. That's a joke. Wanna know what's out of line? I'll tell you what's out of line: a system so pathetically underfunded that we have a single trauma attending to cover the entire hospital at night. That's out of line. Letting a patient bleed out in the ICU because of a stupid rule; that's out of line. And you wanna know what else? Wanna know what else? Sitting by and watching my resident try and hide the fact that I left her alone in the OR; that's out of line. It's all out of line.

Drunk Patient: [while standing on a bed] Listen up, everybody! I'm the last guy you want in the ER. [falls off the bed]