Archer (season 7)
season of television series
The following is a list of quotes from the seventh season Archer.
The Figgis Agency [7.01]Edit
- [Malory pours Cyril a glass of champagne]
- Cyril: But, I doubt they've got the disc yet. Isn't it a little premature to be celebrating?
- Malory: Who's celebrating? We're out of liquor. But I admit, I'm cautiously optimistic.
- Cyril: Because out here you can buy liquor at the grocery store?
- Malory: Literally the only thing about Los Angeles that doesn't make me want to vomit.
The Handoff [7.02]Edit
Deadly Prep [7.03]Edit
Motherless Child [7.04]Edit
Bel Panto: Part I [7.05]Edit
- Archer: Guys, come on, what's going on here?
- Malory: I was just explaining some basic tenets of fieldcraft to these three.
- Archer: Yeah, you gotta blend, but I meant what's going on hors d'oeuvre-wise?
- Pam: Wouldn't you like to...
- Malory: Ahem. Blend.
- Pam: [each presenting platters] This is a deconstructed slider made from certified Kobe beef from Hyogo prefecture, with a tarragon aioli.
- Ray: Tapas of pata negra jamon iberica, topped with queso Torta del Casar.
- Cyril: And these are tiny quiches, probably made from endangered quail eggs, or...
- Archer: No, none of this is that. [Takes one from each platter and puts them together] This is the world's most expensive Mc10:35.
Bel Panto: Part II [7.06]Edit
Double Indecency [7.07]Edit
Liquid Lunch [7.08]Edit
Deadly Velvet: Part I [7.09]Edit
- Archer: Because you said we were on a break!
- Lana: So two days later your cock's wet?
- Archer: [scoffs] Oh, I'm sorry, Lana, is there a grace period? Because...
- [they begin arguing over each other]
- Lana: There is an acceptable amount of time...
- Archer: ...if there is, you neglected to tell me about it...
- Lana: ...before you start cramming your trash dick...
- Archer: ...but I guess that's par for the course with you...
- Lana: ...into every woman unlucky enough to walk by with...
- Archer: ...because you never bother to consult with me on... Sterling Archer,
- Lana: anything!
- Archer: And for your information, this stupid break wasn't my idea, it was yours!
- Lana: Because you, prolapsed rectum that you are, are infatuated with Veronica Deane, whose cobwebby old snooch, by the way... [looking at Archer's crotch] I can smell from here!
- Archer: [chuckling] Well, it's not cobwebby anymore.
- [Archer drinks directly from the champagne bottle he had been holding in front of his exposed privates. Lana attacks him]
- Malory: And what the hell are you wearing?
- Archer: I think, technically, it's a... loincloth?
- Archer: Fashioned out of a baby-doll nightie.
- [Malory lifts a finger to say something, then lets out a sigh]
- Archer: Well, sorry, Mother. I didn't know I was going to a funeral.
- Archer: [looks to Lana] I would've worn a black one.
- [everyone gives him a stern look except Lana, who closes her eyes and shakes her head]
Deadly Velvet: Part II [7.10]Edit
- [chatter on police radio]
- Harris: Well, what do you think?
- Deitrich: I think that in my next life I'm gonna come back as a movie star.
- Harris: Yeah, Look out, gay porn.
- Deitrich: Rim shot.
- Harris: Yeah, that could be your name. So what, some movie star lives here?
- Deitrich: Yes, Veronica Deane. Don-don't you remember? She's a person of interest in the other murder we're working.
- Harris: No shit.
- Deitrich: Wait, what are you—? We were just questioning her ten hours ago! He was her alibi.
- Harris: You like her?
- Deitrich: As an actress, or for this homicide?
- Harris: Both.
- Deitrich: Loved her in Shanghai Moon.
- Harris: Oh, my God, that dress?
- Deitrich: Right? But as for Tennessee Tuxedo here, I want to talk to her. See if she knows who tried to weight him down... with an ounce of lead. Found it on the ground, over there, by the table.
- Harris: Is it hers?
- Deitrich: Hard to tell with no serial number.
- Harris: Yeah, probably why they put them on there.
- Deitrich: Rim shot.
- Harris: Hey, you should ask Veronica Deane if her agent reps gay porn stars.
- Deitrich: And maybe if she murdered this guy.
- Harris: Huh, you've got a real knack for this.
- Deitrich: Rim Schott.
- Harris: How was that funny?
- Deitrich: No, as my gay porn name. Not bad.