Animaniacs (season 3)

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Main

Animaniacs (1993–1998) is an American animated comedy musical television series created by Tom Ruegger. The series premiered on Fox Kids on September 13, 1993. It was moved to Kids' WB on September 9, 1995 and ended on November 14, 1998.

Episodes

Super Strong Warner Siblings/Nutcracker Slappy/Wakko's New Gookie/A Quake, a Quake! [3.01]

[After "Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy Op. 71 a Andante ma non troppo" from "The Nutcracker Suite" leaves both Slappy and Skippy dazed...]

Slappy: Hold it! Stop the music there! [the music stops] What's with the sappy music and the dancing? I don't do pathos and I can't dance, don't ask me. [to Charlton Woodchuck] Wait a minute. You look familiar. Unappealing, but familiar.

Skippy: Aunt Slappy, that's the director, Charlton Woodchuck.

Slappy: BAYNARTS! [slaps him on the back] What're you doin' here, you ol' son of a hack?

Charlton: It's "Charlton". It's written in my contract that when I was old enough, I would get to direct.

Slappy: Yeah, Skippy has the same deal.

Skippy: [dressed like Steven Spielberg] Love you, babe, but we're losing our light.

Slappy: [taps the script] What's with six minutes of opening a walnut?

Charlton: Don't you see? It's a parable about man against nature. The nut represents the struggle to achieve our goals.

Slappy: [tears up the script] There! My goal is achieved!

Charlton: [sighs] Let me put it this way, Sloppy.

Slappy: It's "Slappy", Baynarts!

Charlton: That's "Charlton". Either you do this script, or you don't get paid.

[Slappy goes nose to nose with Charlton, glaring... then grins winningly, complete with cash register sound]

Slappy: Hit it, maestro!

[At the end of the cartoon, after finally getting the shell to open...]

Slappy: Hey, von Stroheim! There's no nut inside this shell!

Charlton: Yes, exactly, it's the emptiness of our existence! That's symbolism, that's metaphor!

Slappy: Yeah, but that's not comedy! [stuffs Charlton into the nutshell] Now there's a nut inside!

Skippy: Now that's comedy!

Slappy: You're adorable, but that's my line!

Yakko: This is the city: Los Angeles, California. On a starlit winter's night, when the moon was shining bright...Back in January of 1994, at 4:30 in the morning, and without a single warning, something strange began to move the floor. A quake! a quake! The house begins to shake! You're bouncing 'cross the floor and watching all your dishes break. You're sleeping, there's a quake, you're instantly awake. You're leaping out of bed and shouting.

Dr. Scratchansniff: Oh, for heaven's sake!

Yakko: I ran outside with neighbors, their faces filled with shock. That's because I'm standing there In nothing but my socks. Oh, a quake, a quake.

Dot: Say, it's all a big mistake!

Wakko: Just feel the ground go up and down!

Yakko: Won't someone hit the brake? A quake, a quake, oh, what a mess they make! The bricks, the walls, the chimney falls, destruction in its wake!

Dr. Scratchansniff: I did not have insurance, so I called them from the scene And suddenly I'm listening to an answering machine, saying:

Yakko: Too late! Too late! You shouldn't ought-a wait! So now you're stuck, we wish you luck! Here comes a 6.8! Whose fault? Whose fault? The San Andreas' fault, cause Mr. Richter can't predict her kicking our asphalt! Seismologists all say tectonic plates are in between an encroaching crustal mantle.

Wakko and Dot: Yeah, so what the heck's that mean?

Yakko: It means a quake! A quake!

Wakko and Dot: Oh, really, yeah, no fake? We kinda had that feeling When the ground began to shake!

Yakko: California's great! It's such a lovely state! 'Cause every lawn is sitting on a continental plate! Los Angeles had fires and a riot and a flood and then a drought and a recession and then now we hear this thud of a quake, a quake!

Warners: How much more can we take?!

Dot: We thought that we had seen it all...

Yakko: But this one takes the cake! The dirt,

Dot: The rocks,

Wakko: And all those aftershocks!

Warners: It's just the planet moving granite several city blocks! [to the tune of London Bridge] LA town is falling down while the ground moves around! We won't let it get us down, we're Californians!

Yakko: A quake.

Dot: A quake.

Wakko: It's time to pull up stake.

Yakko: We're all fed up, we can't deny it!

Dot: Fires, quakes, and floods, and riot!

Warners: We want someplace with peace and quiet. So we're moving to Beirut!

Variety Speak/Three Tenors and You're Out/Bingo [3.02]

Yakko: In Hollywood, they have a different language that they speak.

It's spoken by those folks who went to school for just one week.

Dot: It's found inside Variety, a magazine they use.

Yakko and Dot: And no one understands it when they read the movie news.

Dot: Like "Hix makes pix but the flick needs fix"...

Yakko: Means someone made a movie that bombed.

Dot: "The VEEPS in charge are now at large"...

Yakko: Means everyone involved is gone.

Dot: "The plot conflix, no beautiful chix"...

Yakko: So it's comin' out on video soon.

Dot: "They're takin' their licks 'cause the critics say nix"...

Yakko: And the editors are gonna try to fix it in the mix.

Dot: Well, "the stock sees green" on page 13...

Yakko: Means Disney's up a nickel a share.

Dot: "Stallone cuts deal for a major reel"...

Yakko: Means Rocky Number VI, so beware!

Dot: If you want the poop.

Yakko: Or ya need the scoop.

Yakko and Dot: On Hollywood Town this week, you're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!

Chorus Girls: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!

Dot: "A boffo-smash makes Warner cash"...

Yakko: Means there's gonna be a sequel next year.

Dot: But "Paramount hurts and they're losing their shirts"...

Yakko: Means Schwarzenegger's doing King Lear.

Dot: "Oliver Stone does next Home Alone"...

Yakko: Means he's gettin' paid an arm and a leg. The budget goes "crunch!"...

Dot: But his name "packs punch"...

Yakko: So they called up the accountants and they're gonna "do lunch".

Dot: Well, "the ratings smile on the O.J. trial"...

Yakko: Means a movie of the week to premiere.

Dot: "Universal cuts deal with Mr. Spiel"...

Yakko: To do a hundred thousand movies a year!

Warners: You gotta play it smart If y'wanna be part Of the crowd that's hip and chic! You're gonna have to learn to talk that Variety speak!

Chorus Girls: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!

Yakko and Dot: Normal talk makes producers walk. You might as well speak Greek. You're gonna have to learn.

Wakko: Or the meeting will adjourn...

Warners: Unless, my friend, you learn that Variety speak!

Chorus Girls: Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah, Bop-a-doo-bop, a-bop-a-doo-bah!

Warners: Bop, doo, bop, doo, bop, doo, bah, dah!

Deduces Wild/Rest in Pieces/U.N. Me [3.03]

Yakko: U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside!

That United Nations there drives away a fella's care.

183 countries meet down by the East Riverside,

New York, off 42nd Street.

Wakko: See foreign states with a grudge down by the East Riverside.

United Nations tries to fix wars, famine, and oil slicks.

Boutros Boutros Ghali-gee down by the East Riverside,

Leads the General Assembly.

Dot: The gift shop will take traveler's checks down by the East Riverside.

German tourists were not rare buying T-shirts and flatware.

Ate pastry from Liberia down by the East Riverside,

At the U.N. cafeteria.

Warners: Took a tour with some Dutch down by the East Riverside

We had a guide from Japan who had a decent pension plan.

Saw costly artwork from Brazil down by the East Riverside,

On which my soda I did spill.

U.N. me, we had a bag of fun down by the East Riverside.

Saw flags on shiny poles from lands with lofty goals.

We'll beat our swords into liverwurst down by the East Riverside,

But no one wants to be the first.

But then I guess it could be worse.

Wakko: We could still sing one more verse.

Warners: U.N. me!

A Hard Day's Warners/Gimme a Break/Please Please Please Get a Life Foundation [3.04]

[The Warners were in the bathtub. Dot screams]

Wakko: Uh oh! I feel a bubble coming on!

Slappy: Go away!

Slappy: [seeing three Skippys] Well, if it isn't Huey, Dewey and Louie. I haven't seen you guys since Daisy Duck's bat mitzvah.

Yakko: Is this you? Are you happily engrossed in inconsequential cartoon trivia to the point that your socks can probably stand up by themselves?

The Tiger Prince/All the Words in the English Language/The Kid in the Lid/Method to Her Madness [3.05]

Announcer: And now, Yakko Warner sings all of the words in the English language!

Yakko: Aardvark, abating, abet, abdicating. Abandon, abase and abreast. Ablaze and ablution, abhor and abusion. Abbreviate, abbey, abscessed. Abduct and ablation, abridge and abrasion. Abash and abrupt and abride. Abscond and absentia, absent, abstentia. Abdomen, ably, abide. Abominable, abrogate, absolute, absent. Absorbent, abstention, abstraction. Absurd and abundant, abusive, abutment. Acacia, academy, action. Accede and accost and accept and across. And accompany, acre, accord. Accomplish, account and accrue and amount. Acrimonious, active, adored. Adrenaline, adulate, adder and advocate. Advertise, adverse, abrade. Advice, adversarial, advent and aerial. Affluent, after, afraid.

Yakko: [slightly slower] Level and levity, lewd and longevity. Libel, libation, Lanai. Lithium, litigate, legal, legitimate. Liberty, levy and lie.

Dot: Welcome back. Yakko's now at the L's as he tries to sing all the words in the English language. A slight mistake at the F's—here's what it looked like:

[Shows a previous clip]

Yakko: Facial and faction and fractal and fraction. And fraudulent, fragrant, frappé Frankincense, frankinship...frankinsish...shoot!...Yada yada flambé!

Dick: Now, that mistake could have proved costly for Yakko, but he recovered beautifully.

Dot: Now let's watch as Yakko continues with the L's.

Yakko: [starting to get fatigued] Libation and libertine, limited, limousine Limpid and limbo and lime Lima and lipid and literature, liquid And listing and liter and line. There's lobby and loading and loathsome and loaning. And loco and then locomotion. There's lotus and lottery, lobo, lobotomy. Logic and loosen and lotion. Lozenge and lubber and lucky and lover. And lullaby, lumber and Luke. Luster and luscious and lunatic, lustrous. And lurking and lunar and lute.

Yakko: [overly exhausted] Zachary, Zanzibar, zappy and zamindar. Zillion and Zipcode and Zen. Zany and zoning and zeal and zirconium. Zodiac, zombie, zayin.

Dot: Yakko Warner, now moments away from having sung all the words in the English language. Dick Button, is he going to make it?

Dick: If it was anyone else, I'd say no, but he's young, he's resilient; we'll just have to see.

Yakko: Zigging and zagging and zealous and zebra. And zenith and zap and zaffer. Zeppelin and zipper and zephyr and zither. Then zinc and zombini. And zoo and zucchini. And Zulu and Zorro. Then zit and Zamora. And zero and zoom and - ugh! [falls down]

Dot: Guess not...

Yakko: Wait! [struggles up on his knees] Zaire! [falls down again]

[After Yakko sang All the Words in the English Language]

Dot: He did it! Yakko Warner has just sung all the words in the English language!

Dick: Hey, congratulations, Yakko!

Yakko: [gets ready to stand up] Thanks, Dick.

Dick: Join us next time, when Yakko Warner will sing all of the numbers above zero. Good night!

[Upon hearing this, Yakko bulges his eyes and faints]

Gimme the Works/Buttons in Ows/Hercules Unwound [3.06]

[Both Yakko and Wakko run into the hot dog stand guy. The tired Dot walks up normally]

Yakko: Hi. You must be the hot dog stand guy.

Hot Dog Stand Guy: Maybe I am! WHO ARE YOU?!

Yakko: I'm Yakko!

Wakko: I'm Wakko!

Dot: [hops into the hot dog stand guy's arms] And I'm cute, you great, big, hunk of a man you. [stretching her arms]

Hot Dog Stand Guy: Oh, yeah?! Well, either you buy some hot dogs or LEAVE!!!

Yakko: [to the viewers] Our new "special friend".

Dot: Yeah. [yawns]

[Both Yakko and Wakko look at each other]

Yakko: Hey Dot, how about throwing some enthusiasm here?

Dot: Nah. I'm not in the mood today.

Yakko: Hmm...Wanna skip this cartoon? [Dot nods] Okay. [to the hot dog stand guy] See ya.

[The Warners leave]

Hot Dog Stand Guy: Hey. Hey, come back! This cartoon's my big break! HEY! Sheesh. Stars. [takes off the fake mustache, puts it in the mustard jar, takes off the apron, throws it aside, and walks off]

[The sidewalk reveals to be the set; the lights turned off]

This Pun for Hire/Star Truck/Go Fish/Multiplication [3.07]

Yakko: So sister, what's your story?

Dot: Well, I was born in the wagon of a travelin' show, my mama used to dance for the money they'd throw. Papa would do what...

Yakko: Not you! Her!

Bette Midler: [bursting through the door, singing] It's only one eye, but it's open!

Yakko: No, not you either. [referring to Hello Nurse] HER!

Dot: You said sister!

Yakko: [facepalm] All he-man detectives call women 'Sister' in the politically unaware decades preceding Women's Liberation. [to Hello Nurse] So sister [to Dot] who's really not my sister but I'm just CALLING sister... [to Hello Nurse] you're about to describe your caper.

Hello Nurse: Well, there's a little green pickle sometimes found in the salad.

[A You Bet Your Life-style fanfare plays]

Yakko: That is correct! Tell her what she's won!

Wakko: [hops into Hello Nurse's arms] A date with me!

Hello Nurse: Can you find him?

Yakko: Of course, we can find him. [holds Hello Nurse romantically] Now about our fee.

Hello Nurse: [pulls out the money] I'm prepared to pay well.

Yakko: Fine. We only ask one thing.

Hello Nurse: What's that?

Yakko: Never put us on opposite "60 Minutes"; we'll get creamed. [takes the money and drops Hello Nurse on the butt]

Wakko: I'm confused.

Dot: What else is new?

Wakko: Is it about "The Wagon and the Traveling Show"? I don't remember that.

Dot: [to Yakko; annoyed] Can we please move on?

Yakko: [to Hello Nurse] Tell us, where did you last see your boss?

Hello Nurse: In the Mambo Room at the Tropicombo Club. A band was playing Latin dance music. I was with the doctor, he mumbled something. The band had a big dumb guy playing drums and everyone was dancing under a pole, then the doctor vanished.

Yakko: Now, lemme get this straight: He muttered some mumbo-jumbo during the Combo Samba in the Mambo at the Tropicombo. Then there was a jumbo dumbo playing the limbo on the bongos and then he was gone?

Hello Nurse: That is absolutely correct!

[A You Bet Your Life-style fanfare plays]

Yakko: Tell her what she's won!

Wakko: [hops into Hello Nurse's arms again] Another date with me!

Hello Nurse: How come I always get the booby prize?

Dot: I'm not touching that one.

Yakko: to his siblings] Let's hit the road!

Hello Nurse: I claim this statue in the name of Gulf and Western.

Minerva Mink: I claim it in the name of Rupert Murdoch.

Ralph: Uh, by gad, sir. I claim it in the name of Matsu...I mean, Mateshootie...uh...for Seagram's.

Yakko: Ah, I've got it. The mink is working for Fox, the pair of legs is working for Paramount, and the guy who needs rehearsal's working for Universal!

Dot: [dryly] Thank you, Dr. Seuss.

Yakko: 7 x 3 is 21, which, as you know, is just two 10s plus 1, and so, we put the 1 right here, and we carry the 2, one left to the top of the tens place, right next door and we put it on top of the number 4, which is really four 10s that we multiply times 3 in the ones place and that's why we now have 12, which we add to the 2 that we carry to get 14.

See how easy that was?

Oho, it's multiplication it's math education.

Hey, Albert Einstein said that it's so easy to do.

It's simple, it's breezy, it's fun and it's easy,

Just buy a calculator, you can multiply, too!

And now, the second digit. 7 x 8 is 56, Which, as you know, is just five 10s plus 6, and so, we put the 6 right here in the tens place, left of the 1 and we carry the 5 like we did before to the top of the tens place next to the 4, then multiply that 4 x 8 to get 32. See, isn't this great? Then, we add the 5 that we carried before to get 37, then add once more straight down to get 3,901!

Isn't this swell?

Oh, let's give multiplication a standing ovation!

Isaac Newton multiplied a couple times two!

Yakko and Newton: Times two! Times two! Times two!

Yakko: It's simple, it's breezy, it's fun and it's easy,

So buy a calculator and study this stuff later.

Maybe someday, you can multiply numbers 2, 3, 4, 5. Recess!

The Presidents Song/Don't Tread on Us/The Flame Returns [3.08]

[To the tune of William Tell Overture]

Yakko: Heigh Ho, do ya know the names of the US residents who then became the presidents and got a view from the White House loo of Pennsylvania Avenue?

Wakko: George Washington was the first, you see, he once chopped down a cherry tree.

Dot: President number two would be John Adams, and then number three...

Yakko: Tom Jefferson stayed up to write a declaration late at night. So he and his wife had a great big fight and she made him sleep on the couch all night.

Wakko: James Madison never had a son and he fought the War of 1812.

Dot: James Monroe's colossal nose was bigger than Pinocchio's.

Yakko: John Quincy Adams was number six and it's Andrew Jackson's butt he kicks. So Jackson learns to play politics. Next time, he's the one that the country picks.

Dot: Martin Van Buren, number 8 for a one-term shot as chief of state.

Yakko: William Harrison, how do ya praise? That guy was dead in 30 days!

Wakko: Old John Tyler he liked country folk...

Dot: And after him came President Polk.

Yakko: Zachary Taylor liked to smoke, his breath killed friends whenever he spoke.

Wakko: 1850, really nifty, Millard Fillmore's in.

Yakko: Young and fierce was Franklin Pierce, The man without a chin.

Dot: Follows next a period spannin' four long years with James Buchanan. Then the south starts shootin' cannon and we got a Civil War.

Warners: [to the tune of "I Wish I Was in Dixie"] A war! A war down south in Dixie!

Yakko: Up to bat comes old Abe Lincoln.

Dot: There's a guy who's really thinkin'!

Wakko: Kept the United States from shrinkin', saved the ship of state from sinkin'!

Dot: Andrew Johnson's next, he had some slight defects.

Wakko: Congress each would impeach...

Dot: And so the country now elects...

Yakko: Ulysses Simpson Grant, who would scream and rave and rant.

Wakko: While drinkin' whiskey, although risky, 'Cause he'd spill it on his pants.

Yakko: It's 1877 and the Democrats would gloat. But they're all amazed when Rutherford Hayes Wins by just one vote.

Dot: James Garfield someone really hated 'Cause he was assassinated.

Wakko: Chester Arthur gets instated. Four years later, he was traded.

Dot: For Grover Cleveland, really fat, elected twice as a Democrat. Then Benjamin Harrison, after that, it's William McKinley up to bat.

Yakko: Teddy Roosevelt charged up San Juan Hill.

Wakko: And President Taft, he got the bill.

Yakko: In 1913, Woodrow...

Warners: Wiiiiillllllllllson, so, takes us into World War I!

[Military cadence]

Yakko: Warren Harding, next in line.

Dot: It's Calvin Coolidge, he does fine.

Wakko: And then in 1929, the market crashes and we find.

Yakko: It's Herbert Hoover's big debut. He gets the blame and loses to.

Dot: Franklin Roosevelt, President who helped us win in World War II.

Wakko: Harry Truman, weird little human, serves two terms and when he's done.

Yakko: It's Eisenhower who's got the power from '53 to '61.

Dot: John Kennedy had Camelot then Lyndon Johnson took his spot.

Yakko: Richard Nixon, he gets caught and Gerald Ford fell down a lot.

Wakko: Jimmy Carter liked campaign trips.

Yakko: And Ronald Reagan's speeches' scripts all came from famous movie clips, and President Bush said, "Read my lips."

Dot: Now in Washington, DC...

Wakko: There's Democrats and the GOP...

Yakko: But the ones in charge are plain to see.

Dot: The Clintons, Bill and Hillary!

Yakko: [slower] The next President to lead the way, well, it might just be yourself one day. Then the press'll distort everything you say...

Warners: [abruptly change to normal speed] So jump in your plane and fly away!

The Sound of Warners/Yabba Dabba Boo [3.09]

Dr. Scratchansniff: As you know, when nature calls, you have to pick up the phone and say, "Hello. I got your message. I've got a package for you.".

Warners: [disgusted] Eugh.

Wakko: "I've got a package for you"? Excuse me?!

Dr. Scratchansniff: [sarcastically] Oh, look who's talking, Mr. Potty Emergency!

Wakko: Yeah, but I never said "package".

Dr. Scratchansniff: Shh!

My Mother the Squirrel/The Party/Oh! Say Can You See?/The 12 Days of Christmas Song [3.10]

Little Blue Bird:

On the twelfth day of Christmas

My true love gave to me:

Twelve turtle doves

Eleven turtle doves

Ten turtle doves

Nine turtle doves

Eight turtle doves

Seven turtle doves

Six turtle doves

Five turtle doves!

Four turtle doves

Three turtle doves

Two turtle doves

And a gigantic king-size turtle dove!

Dot's Entertainment/The Girl with the Googily Goop/Gunga Dot [3.11]

Warners: [singing about Googy] The censors all protest, 'cuz she's practically undressed, the cartoon vamp.

Dot: She's a tramp!

Yakko and Wakko: Hello Googy!

Yakko: [about the Fleischer animation that brings all inanimate objects to life] This is going to be the most frightening six minutes of our lives.

Wakko's Nose: [comes to life] I know just how you feel. [hops off of Wakko]

Wakko: Hey! My nose is running!

Yakko: [having an idea; takes out the handkerchief along with his siblings] Prepare to wipe!

[The Warners run after the nose]

Censor: We want no kissing in these cartoons, and entirely no lewd behavior and attire [points at Googy] like that outfit for instance take it off this instant!

Googy: [reacts in embarrassment] Oh!

Yakko: Goodnight, everybody!

Runt: Rita, look! It's an oasis!

Rita: Just be quiet, or they'll chase us.

Runt: [licking the pitcher of fruit punch] I'm hot, Rita. Definitely, definitely hot.

Newt: [to Dot] I'd like a cold refreshing drink for myself and for the mink.

Dot: But you'll have to stand in line for Gunga Dot!

Soccer Coach Slappy/Belly Button Blues/Our Final Space Cartoon, We Promise/Valuable Lesson [3.12]

Slappy: [wearing a coach's hat] I'd like to say how very happy I am to be here. I'd also like to be stuck on a deserted island with Morey Amsterdam. But I'm not. I didn't ask for this job, and in fact, i'm missin' a Ricki Lake episode, I'm talkin' sacrifice here! Actually, I'm doin' it for my nephew Skippy.

Skippy: [hugs Slappy] You're the greatest, Aunt Slappy!

Slappy: Coachin' does have it's small rewards.

Wakko's 2-Note Song/Panama Canal/Hello Nurse/The Ballad of Magellan/The Return of the Great Wakkorotti/The Big Wrap Party Tonight [3.13]

Yakko: Got a tramp steamer, my ship's called "Hal".

Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.

Yakko: Got a cargo of sodas, they are low cal.

Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.

Yakko: Sailing 'cross the Caribbean Sea

To the Pacific in a jiffy

Through Panama, but not on land.

I'd look silly with my ship in the sand.

Singers: Yo, Hal, try the canal,

Yo, Hal, the canal is your pal!

You can sail a cargo ship from sea to shining sea

Through the Panama Canal for a nominal fee.

Yakko: You enter a lock, it's a ship corral.

Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.

Yakko: You pay your money then get a decal.

Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.

Yakko: You cross the locks; they number 3,

Full of water for you and me.

100 feet wide, 41 feet deep,

Water enough to drench a sheep.

Singers: High lock, up goes the ship.

Low lock, the ship takes a dip.

First they raise the water level, then lower it again.

'Cross the Panama Canal, it's really zen.

Yakko: We pass the locks with good morale.

Singers: 40 miles on the Panama Canal.

Yakko: The crew yells out.

Singers: Thank you, Hal! 40 miles on the Panama Canal.

Yakko: You're welcome, men! Wasn't that fun?

40 miles, our voyage is done.

From Colón now past Balboa,

Adios, Panama! So long! Aloha!

Dot: [looking at herself in the mirror] Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the cutest one of all?

Yakko and Wakko: Helloooooooo, NURSE!!!

[The sexy music plays]

Wakko: She's the woman of the year, independent, a career,

There's not a thing that she couldn't do.

Oh, she's alert, she's aware, she's got legs like Astaire

And a hundred-fifty-seven IQ.

She has several Ph.D.s, speaks fluent Japanese,

And her shoes will always match with her purse.

Whatever street she's walkin' down, everybody turns around and says...

Yakko and Wakko: Helloooooooo, NURSE!!!

Wakko: She likes cheese and pepperoni, won a Pulitzer and a Tony,

She played the leading role in King Lear.

She never drinks, she never smokes, she never laughs at dirty jokes,

She was ambassador to China last year.

Oh, she's politically correct, she'd never co-collect,

She plays Chopin and she doesn't rehearse.

And when she's walkin' by, I give a little sign And say...

Yakko and Wakko: Helloooooooo, NURSE!!!

Wakko: She gets her math equations right, she reads Tolstoy every night,

She won the Nobel Prize in physics. It's true.

She drives a shiny new Corvette, sings opera at the Met,

Snd volunteers her time at the zoo.

She won a scholarship to Yale, got her Fulbright in the mail,

And took a two-year junior college degree.

She's manna sent from heaven, too bad I'm only seven 'cause,

Hello Nurse, I wish you'd take care of me!

Yakko and Wakko: If she's not everything that we've said, then may lightning strike us dead! [lightning struck] Helloooooooo, NURSE!!! [kiss]

Yakko: There once was a man, his name was Magellan.

A Portuguese skipper, the girls found him cute.

He sailed with five ships to find the East Indies

Then come back to Spain with a bounty of loot.

Warners: Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, oh, happy Magellan!

Starting your journey with hardly a care!

Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, strong, brave Magellan,

You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!

Yakko: They crossed the Atlantic and spotted a country. Magellan said...

Magellan: It's the East Indies at last!

Yakko: But then someone shouted...

Wakko: Hey, that's Argentina!

Yakko: Magellan got cranky and chopped down the mast.

Warners: Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, settle down, Magellan.

Put down that axe! There's no time to despair.

Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,

You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!

Yakko: A great storm arose in the mighty Pacific.

The five little ships were diminished to three.

At last, land was sighted. Magellan was happy.

But then someone shouted...

Dot: Hey, that's Chile!

Warners': Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, cheer up, Magellan.

Check out your map and don't tear out your hair!

Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,

You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!

Yakko: It took them five months, but they crossed the Pacific.

They spotted a land that was dotted with palms.

Magellan proclaimed...

Magellan: Yes! That's the East Indies!

Yakko: But then someone shouted...

Wakko: Hey, I think that's Guam!

Warners: Ai yi yi yi, oops, Magellan!

Your fun little journey's become a nightmare!

Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, keep trying, Magellan,

You'll find the East Indies, you just don't know where!

Yakko: They sailed due west to the Philippine Islands.

Magellan was pleased as the natives drew near.

But then someone shouted...

Warners: I think they're attacking!

Yakko: Magellan said...

Magellan: What?

Yakko: And got hit by a spear.

Warners: Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, farewell, Magellan!

You almost made it! It's really not fair!

Whoopi-ti-yi-yo, oh, ghost of Magellan,

The East Indies Islands were right over there!

Yakko: Come in, be a smarty! The shindig's 'bout to starty!

Wakko: The gang's all here!

Dot: Let's give a cheer...

Warners: For the big wrap party tonight!

Wakko: There's chow galore!

Dot: So open the door...

Warners: To the big wrap party tonight!

Yakko: We're dining buffet style with food from every nation.

So plan to stop a while and join the celebration!

Wakko: They've come for fun and feastin'.

Dot: We've even let the Beast in.

Warners: Let's go hors d'oeuvre-in' and see what they're servin'

At the big wrap party tonight.

There's manicotti for Dotty,

Soft shell taco for Yakko,

And Wakko is ready for a truck load of spaghetti

At the big wrap party tonight.

Hello Nurse is eating liverwurst,

Thaddeus Plotz has red hots.

Ralph the Guard is cooking with lard.

The apron that's cute is Dot's.

Wakko: Take a whiff, Dr. Scratchansniff.

Dot: No veal in the meal for Miss Flamiel.

Warners: The Flame keeps a-glowin'. The punch bowl's overflowin'

At the big wrap party tonight.

The Randy Beaman kid is eatin' fried squid

At the big wrap party tonight.

Wakko: The pasta by Pesto is the besto.

Dot: Bobby helps Squit, who's choking on a pit!

Yakko: The cheese balls are nectar to Mr. Director...

Warners: At the big wrap party tonight.

The Great Wakkorotti has gone to the potty at the big wrap party tonight.

Yakko: Runt bakes the bundt cakes.

Dot: A pocket of pita for Rita.

Warners: Nuttin' but mutton for Mindy and Buttons.

Sylvester wants a parakeet-ah.

Yakko: Katie Ka-Boom can clear out a room.

Wakko: A pie, key lime...

Dot: Is headed for the mime!

Warners: Chicken Boo is eating tiramisu

At the big wrap party tonight.

The entire crew came from Acme Loo

For the big wrap party tonight!

Get another nappy for Slappy.

More bean dippy for Skippy.

Extra chippos for the Hip Hippos.

The Brain's eating pizza that's drippy.

Minerva Mink's leavin' with Steven.

A hot cocoa drinky for Pinky.

Yakko and Wakko: Don't allow tobacco

At the big wrap party tonight!

It's happy hour in the water tower

At the big wrap party tonight!

In our toon careers, these are the golden years!

We've loved the jokes, so thank you, folks!

You've eaten your fill, now here's the bill For the big wrap party...

Yakko: Pay with your credit cardy!

Warners: At the big wrap party tonight!

The big wrap party tonight!