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Three Men and a Baby

1987 American comedy film directed by Leonard Nimoy

Three Men and a Baby is a 1987 comedy film starring Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg, and Ted Danson, directed by Leonard Nimoy, in his first non-Star Trek movie directorial role.

It was followed by the 1990 sequel, Three Men and a Little Lady.

They changed her diapers. She changed their lives. taglines

Dialogue

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Michael: How can something so small create so much of something so disgusting?
Peter: Beats the shit out of me.
Michael: She did a doodle; your turn to change her.
Peter: I'll give you a $1,000.00 if you'll do it.
Jack: Angelyne! Whew! Boy, you look different. What happened?
Angelyne: I'm dressed.
Rebecca: Jack has a baby?
Peter: I realize such a concept tends to negate our belief in a benevolent God, but yes.
Mrs. Hathaway: I love kids. Unfortunately, Mr. Hathaway and I aren't able to have children. He has a low sperm count.
Michael: Some guys have all the luck.
Peter: All we have to do is feed it, it'll shut up.
Michael: I don't know what babies eat.
Peter: Soft stuff. We were babies once, for God's sake. What did we eat?
Michael: I don't know, but it couldn't have been very good. I can't remember!
[Peter has gone to the store for baby supplies, leaving Michael to take care of a wailing Mary by himself]
Michael (singing): Hush little baby, don't you cry. When Peter gets home, I'm gonna punch him in the eye!
Peter: Feel her teeth.
Michael: What?
Peter: The druggist said you can tell how old she is by feeling her teeth.
Michael: I'm not going to feel her teeth, YOU feel her teeth!
[Peter wets and cleans his finger, then sticks it in Mary's mouth]
Peter: I can't feel anything.
Michael: What does that mean?
Peter: It means she doesn't have any damn teeth!
Michael: Well, neither did Gabby Hayes and he was 90, so what?
Peter: I'm an architect, for Christ's sake, I build 50 story skyscrapers, I assemble cities of the future, I can certainly put together a goddamn diaper.
Michael: Whoa, these diapers are way too big!
Peter: They're ultra absorbent! The more absorbent, the better, if you ask me.
Peter: Where'd you put the baby powder?
Michael: Down the hall, I'll get it.
Peter: What'd you put it out there for? We're bathing her in here.
Michael: It's just down the hall!
Peter: Well, we're not bathing her in the hall, are we?
Michael: Well, maybe we should START, goddamn it!
[slams baby powder container on pool table, causing powder to pour everywhere]
Peter: You're going to clean that up.

Taglines

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  • They changed her diapers. She changed their lives.
  • Peter, Michael and Jack know a thing or two about women. But when it comes to babies, they're all wet.

Cast

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