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The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause

2006 film by Michael Lembeck

The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause is a 2006 American comedy film starring Tim Allen and Martin Short, the sequel to The Santa Clause and The Santa Clause 2. This is the third film in the trilogy.

'Twas the fight before Christmas (taglines)

Dialogue

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[First lines]
Mrs. Claus: All right, class, if a reindeer leaves Elfsburg flying west at 20 miles per hour, and another reindeer flies east travelling at 50 miles per hour, how many hours does it take for them to be 210 miles apart? Anyone? Anyone? [One elf raises her hand] Trish.
Trish: How come we can't learn things we want to?
Mrs. Claus: Like what?
Trish: Like, wasn't it weird when you married Santa, and had to move up to the Pole and give up your old life, Mrs. Claus?
Mrs. Claus: Weirder than you can possibly imagine. But then something so gigantic happened that it changed Santa and me forever.
Trish: Like what?
Mrs. Claus: [smiles] Okay.
Carol: [laughs] Come here.
Scott: Okay.
Carol: Ready? Wait for the kick.
Scott: She's brilliant like her mother with rhythm like her dad.
Carol: Yes. But, not amazing timing. I wish that the baby had come this afternoon, or last week like we thought. I'm going crazy. I mean, I'm really going crazy.
Scott: Uh, you need a diversion.
Carol: No, no, Scott. No more gifts. You already gave me a birthstone necklace, oven mitts, the cheese wheel.
Scott: Well, this is not for you. This is for the baby. I'll be back in a jiff. Ho ho! Ho!
[leaves the room and comes back through the fireplace]
[he holds a big bag and then pulls a much smaller one out of it. He then opens smaller bag, and a baby mobile magically appears]
Carol: Oh, Scott! Oh, honey, it's beautiful! The baby's gonna love it.
Scott: Yeah. It spins around like this.
Curtis: Sir! Sir!
Scott: Curtis, stop. If you're gonna tell me that the entire facility is ruined, and Christmas is tomorrow, and for the first time in history, all the kids in the world won't get their gifts because I failed them, stop it. I can't handle one more piece of bad news.
Curtis: Well, then, good news, sir.
Scott: What?
Curtis: Your pants are on fire.
Jack: [after Santa's pants catch on fire] Is there anything I can do?
Scott: Yeah, put a chill on my bottom, will you?
Sylvia: Everyone's just so petite.
Bud: No, Tom Cruise is petite, these guys are short! What's the deal?
Scott: Have you ever been to this part of Canada?
Bud: We got as far as Rochester in upstate New York to see Sylvia’s sister in '67, but no.
Scott: Well...this is what Canadians look like.
Mother Nature: Jack Frost, you are hereby charged with 273 counts of attempted upstaging of Santa Claus. You froze a volcano in Hawaii, you made it snow in the Amazon, and you frosted Mexico, sending all of the geese North for the winter. You have violated the Legendary Figures Code of Conduct in a manner that is both willful and malicious.
Jack: Excuse me, did you just accuse me of being skillful and delicious?
Scott: Oh, please.
Jack: Guilty as charged.
Father Time: Frost, you herald a season. You're not a holiday.
Tooth Fairy: You're the best friend, not the leading man.
Easter Bunny: And you kill fruit.
Scott: I thought the idea was to give them the sleeping powder when we got them in the car.
Sandman: I just couldn't listen to the Yosemite story again.
Lucy: [skips around the workshop, passes Santa's secret Hall of Snow Globes; notices Jack Frost emerging from it with Santa's snow globe in hand] That's Uncle Scott's snow globe. You're not supposed to have it.
Jack: I know. Isn't it great?
Lucy: It's not great at all. You've done a terrible thing. You'll be on the naughty list for the rest of your life.
Jack: But naughty list people have more fun.
Lucy: I'm calling for help.
Jack: I wouldn't do that.
Lucy: [walks back out to the workshop; calls out to her mom and dad] Mom! Dad! Over here! Quick! [Lucy's parents rush into Santa's secret snow globe stash not knowing Jack is behind the door, which he closes]
Neil: Lucy, what's wrong?
Jack: I told you not to do that.
Lucy: Jack Frost took Uncle Scott's snow globe, and he knows it's not his! [Jack blows his frost on Laura and Neil; Lucy screams] Stop! Stop! No! [Jack stops blowing; Laura and Neil are completely frozen] What did you do?!
Jack: I froze them! [inhales; pauses] Now am I going to have to do the same thing to you, or are you going in that closet and not saying a word? [Lucy unwillingly makes her choice and walks into the closet with her frozen parents] Smart girl. Oh, smile, will ya? I've had kids beg me to freeze their parents. And to think I asked you to be my elf. [closes closet with Lucy and her parents in it]
Jack Frost: No one even thanks you for all the effort.
Scott: What do you mean "no thank yous"? What about all the presents, the cookies and the milk? This junk is not what Christmas is about.
Jack: Cocoachinos anyone?
Sylvia: Oh, yes. [Jack pulls out her chair; sits down]
Jack: [handing her a cup] I hope you like it. It's my special recipe [they both sip their cups].
Sylvia: Mmm, minty.
Jack: Doesn't it make you feel refreshed?
Sylvia: Yes, it does! [drinks some more]
Jack: Oh my, I just love your hair.
Sylvia: You do?
Jack: Yeah, I do.
Sylvia: I love yours.
Jack: You do?
Sylvia: Yeah, I do. I've never seen anything like it.
Jack: Oh, you're so adorable. You divine little kitten you. [woofs flirtatiously; Sylvia giggles] I bet you can sing.
Sylvia: No, no, no, no, no.
Jack: Oh, come on, I bet you can sing.
Sylvia: Mmm, a little.
Jack: I knew it! I knew it! Sing something for me.
Sylvia: What do you want to hear?
Jack: How about [singing] chestnuts roasting on an open fire.
Sylvia: [singing] Jack Frost nippin’ at your nose. [continues singing rest of the lyrics]
Jack: No, no. Go back to the other line, the one before the first one.
Sylvia: [singing] Jack Frost nippin’ at your nose.
Jack: Ooh, it gives me the chills.
Sylvia: [singing] Jack Frost nippin’ at your nose.
Jack: Oh, what a lyric! [Carol walks in]
Carol: Hey, guys, what's going on?
Jack Frost: [excitedly] Your mother is fabulous! [Sylvia playfully pinches his nose] Would you like to be my elf?
Sylvia: Huh?
Jack: You heard me.
Lucy: Uncle Scott!
Scott: Lucy, what's happened?
Curtis: I found her locked in a closet.
Scott: What's wrong?
Lucy: You've gotta see what Jack Frost did to my mom and dad.
[elves murmuring]
Scott: It's gonna be okay.
Jack: Ow. Yeah? And?
Scott: Elficers, I have him. [to Jack, sternly] Jack, this isn't funny. Unfreeze the parents right now.
Jack: No way, Claus. I can't unfreeze them without unfreezing myself and that is something I'll never do.
Scott: Mother Nature, help me out here. Can you thaw him out?
Mother Nature: I'm sorry, Santa. Our powers don't work on other legendary figures.
Jack: Isn't that a shame? [chuckles]
Scott: [looks at Lucy and walks to her] What do you say, Luce?
Lucy: Do you think it'll work?
Scott: The question is, do you?
[Lucy looks at her uncle, hands over the snow globe and walks to Frost]
Jack: Okay. This is what you're reduced to. Sending a little girl in to save the day? Whatcha gonna do, adorable-ize me? Sweet me into submission? Cute me to death? Make me change my [Lucy hugs him] WAY--?! [starts heating up] Hey, I feel so strange. I feel so slushy inside. [purrs] Do I smell suntan lotion? I feel so tropical. Miguel, dos platos de nachos, por favor? What's happening to me?!
Lucy: I'm warming your heart.
Jack: But they told me it couldn't be done.
Lucy: But they didn't know about magical hugs.
[Everyone watches Jack Frost warming up as his appearance starts to change]
Jack: [smiles; sincerely] I think I like it.
[everyone looks at the Millers as the ice starts to thaw off, causing them to unfreeze]
Lucy: Mom, Dad!
Laura: Lucy!
Lucy: Mom! Dad!
Neil: Group hug!
[Everyone joins in for a group hug]
Neil: Feel the love.
Laura: Yes.
[Everyone is proud and happy that Neil & Laura Miller are unfrozen; Scott & Carol kiss; reformed Jack Frost laughs and weeps happily in group hug.]
Mrs. Claus: [baby is about to be born] Oh, Scott, I think it's time.
Scott: [checks his watch, not noticing] Oh, about 10:00.
Mrs. Claus: I think it's time to deliver "the package".
Scott: [obliviously] Midnight as usual.
Mrs. Claus: No, I think it's time to deliver "the package". [Scott looks down at Carol's abdomen, then suddenly raises his head and widens his eyes in slightly alarmed realization] Yeah.
Scott: [finally understanding what Carol meant] IT'S TIME TO DELIVER THE PACKAAAAAAAAAAAAGE!!
[Last lines]
Mrs. Claus: And then the most magical thing of all is that I got to deliver just before Santa had to deliver.
Scott: [walks in with baby boy.] Are you tellin’ stories again?
Elves: [seeing Scott's baby boy.] Awww. So cute.
Scott: Make sure you get to the part about Santa changin’ a mean diaper.
[The Elves laugh in amusement]
Child Elf: So, who got to pick out the name?
Mrs. Claus: That was easy. We named him after his grandpa.
Scott: That's right. Say hello to... Buddy Claus.

Taglines

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  • His time at the North Pole is about to go South.
  • 'Twas the fight before Christmas

Cast

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