Wikiquote no longer allows unsourced quotations, and they are in process of being removed from our pages (see Wikiquote:Limits on quotations); but if you can provide a reliable, precise and verifiable source for any quote on this list please move it to Ellen DeGeneres. --Antiquary 18:10, 13 August 2009 (UTC)
- It must be so humiliating to have such a public break-up.
- My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
- This business manipulates and screws up women's — and men's — views of what we're all supposed to look like… My gender-bender style is apparently a bore.
- On appearing in a "worst dressed" list
Ellen Degeneres :
My name is Ellen and I'm a vegetarian . Just to add another label to me : I am a lesbian, aquarian and vegetarian . I've said it... I love animals ...well not in that way...but I love animals and I watch Discovery Channel , I watch Animal Planet . That crocodile guy is insane , isn't he? Whew...that almost got me ...He holds it in front of his eye , what is he expecting? You learn fascinating things watching that , I'm always amazed of all the animals . I mean... penguins ...I like animals that are monogamous...to me that's an amazing thing . Penguins are monogamous , they mate for life , which doesn't surprise me that much because they look exactly alike. It's not that they're gonna meet a better-looking penguin someday , you know...Even if they were cheating , how would they know? 'Is that me? That looks like me ...I think that's me she's with . I love her.'
I means animals are incredible , nature is amazing . Caterpillars: they spend half of their lives as a caterpillar and they turn into a butterfly for the second part of thei life, they become a whole different thing , that is just incredible . You name one person that can do that , that can transform in that way , besides Cher , and I will be ...amazed. I get a lot of people quoting the Bible , specifically to me , which I don't know why , but a lot of people quote the Bible to me. And a lot of people evidently are praying for me and I thank you for that . Extra prayers for me. Thank you. I would like those people to start praying for the animals , because I think the animals need all the prayers that they can get , and I think God would agree. I would like to quote something , I actually like some of the things in the Bible myself . I would like to quote Thou shall not kill and it doesn't say in fine print 'except for the animals ' , it just says Thou shall not kill . And how about Do unto others as you would have them do unto you ? How about that ? Thank you very much ! PETA Awards
“My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.”
“In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.”
“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”
“"I think people talk too much anyway. Sometimes people are talking to me and in my mind I'm just like "shut up, shut up, shut up...blah blah blah blah blaaaaah
“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.”
“"I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises."
“Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.”
“Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.”
“I gotta work out. I keep saying it all the time. I keep saying I gotta start working out. It's been about two months since I've worked out. And I just don't have the time. Which uh..is odd. Because I have the time to go out to dinner. And uh..and watch tv. And get a bone density test. And uh.. try to figure out what my phone number spells in words.”
“I was raised around heterosexuals, as all heterosexuals are, that's where us gay people come from... you heterosexuals.”
“"I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But...I'm a loving, spiritual person."
“"So, I bought a new cd and I was trying to get it open but couldn't with all the layers..I mean plastic and then tape and the tape is like government tape. It says open here..is that sarcasm?, and buy batteries and they are in there with layers and layers of cardboard and then scissors....you need scissors to get into scissors, what if you were buying them for the first time? you wouldnt be able to get them open. Then you try and buy a light bulb and it's this thin thin cardboard .....what are they thinking? "Ohh they'll be fine"”
“"I don't understand the sizes anymore. There's a size zero, which I didn't even know that they had. It must stand for: "Ohhh my God, you're thin."
“The sixties were when hallucinogenic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.”
“[Golden eagles have an interesting way of mating, where they connect in the air while flying at eighty miles an hour] and then they start dropping and they don't stop dropping until the act is completed. So it's not uncommon that they both fall all the way to the ground, hit the ground and both of them die. That's how committed they are to this. I thought to myself, 'Boy, don't we feel like wimps for stopping to answer the phone.' I don't know about you, but if I'm one of these two birds, you're getting close to the ground... I would serioulsy consider fakin' it.”
“I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.”
"Go to bed in your fireplace, you'll sleep like a log."
“"I'm feeling so good. I feel like a million bucks. I'm focused, I'm alert, I'm zippy and top of my game.. I've never felt better! I'm sharp as a tack right now. And what's weird is that I didn't get a good nights sleep last night. And they say that's the most important thing..Or is it breakfast they said?..That's the most important meal of the day, breakfast...yes. And then it's 'i' before 'e' I know that..Um.. diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dog is a man's best friend.. What was I talking about?..Oh that's right, that I feel great and I'm at the top of my game. And it's odd because I didn't get hardly any sleep last night. And, they say that's the most important thing." ”
“Our egos tells us we're the only ones that have any kind of feelings. We're the only ones with a relationship. We're the only ones with family. You know, I think that if you kill a spider, there is a relationship that you're ruining. There's a conversation going on outside with the other spiders. 'Did you hear about Chris?....Killed yeah....Sneaker. And now Stephanie has nine hundred babies to raise all alone. Well, she's got her legs full I'll tell you that right now. Chris was so kind, wouldn't hurt a fly. It's just been tough for them lately. They just lost their web last week. Those humans think they're so smart. Let them try shooting silk out of their butt and see what they can make.'
“I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.”
“I'm on the patch right now. Where it releases small dosages of approval until I no longer crave it, and then I'm gonna rip it off.”
“The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.”
“For me, it's that I contributed, ... That I'm on this planet doing some good and making people happy. That's to me the most important thing, that my hour of television is positive and upbeat and an antidote for all the negative stuff going on in life.”
“Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.”
“There are a million people who are refugees, ... Life goes on, and if it didn't impact you directly, you may not realize how devastating this is.”
“The first person I learned I could make happy with laughter was my mother, whom I idolize. It was a powerful thing to realize. I knew I had found my life's work.”
“Somebody who was glorious in their ability to be who they were and to tell the world. ... It, to me, was my dream come true.”
“I think I let go of the need for approval,” “It certainly feels good when you get it, but I used to be more desperate for it. Once I felt better inside about myself ... I could do everything based on how I want to do things.” DeGeneres to The Associated Press.