Steven Universe (season 3)

Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 | Film | Future | Main

The following is a list of quotes from the third season of Steven Universe.

Super Watermelon Island

OʼCharleyʼs

Peridot: [pretending to talk like a pig dog] Bleh-bleh!! Didn't you feel that??

Amethyst: Feel what, bitch?

Peridot: [normal voice] The ground shaking. I told you not to fuckinʼ call me a bitch! Stage 1: Slight tremors every quarter hour. Stage 2: Full-scale earthquakes. Stage 3:… [flips the board that shows a drawn picture of the Earth being destroyed with words reading, "CLUSTER EMERGES, BYE BYE EARTH"] THE EARTH IS DESTROYED! We're running out of time! We need to drill, right now!

Steven: No, it's Malachite!

Garnet, Amethyst, & Pearl: Malachite?!

Peridot: What?

Steven: I was on Mask Island. I was in a Watermelon Steven. They have a lovely community, but Malachite, she was there!

[Amethyst coughs out a bite of her sandwich sub]

Garnet: Lapis Lazuli is losing control. Soon, Jasper will overpower her and Malachite will be loose.

Pearl: Who knows what sort of destruction an unstable fusion like Malachite could cause?

Peridot: [sitting on mattress with Steven] So, Lazuli has Jasper trapped in a fusion? You're joking me.

Steven: It's true! But Lapis must be getting tired from fighting Jasper for so long.

Peridot: Just being on a ship with Jasper made me tired. [the ground starts trembling, Steven shouts]

Steven: Ahh! I gotta help them! But they told me it was too dangerous.

Peridot: Why don't you just disobey them? They rebel. Isn't that like, your guys's thing?

Steven: Ah! You're right! Oh, I know! I'll fall asleep and go into a Watermelon Steven again! This way, I can help them and be safe at the same time. [chuckles sinisterly, falls asleep]

Peridot: Wow. You are a real anarchist.

Steven: No one can tell me what to do. [snores]

Peridot: Wait! What do I do now? Don't just leave me here! [sighs deeply]

Malachite: Give up! [breaks free of water chains, sighs] I'm impressed. You really held out.

Alexandrite: MALACHITE!!!

Malachite: [gasps] They're here! [starts groaning, snaps out] Stop! Pathetic. Don't you see? We've been holding us back for too long, and for what? If we're going to be this thing together, why don't we have some fun?

Alexandrite: We don't have to fight!! You're outnumbered. [Malachite grins, raises two huge water-arms]

Malachite: I may be outnumbered, but you're out of your depth. I can't wait to tear you Gems APART!

Alexandrite: Hey! Don't forget about me! [pulls Malachite in towards her and punches her; then turns Sugilite's flail into Sardonyx's war-hammer and launches Malachite in the sky; turns the war-hammer into Opal's bow and arrow again] You two should spend some time apart.

[the Gems and Watermelon Stevens hold on as strong earthquakes tremble up Mask Island]

Garnet: It must be the Cluster! Peridot was right! [to a watermelon Steven] Steven, it's up to you! The warp was destroyed, we won't make it back in time! Wake up! Get Peridot and start drilling! The Earth needs you, Steven! We'll be fine! You can do this. [Pearl and Amethyst join her] We believe in you.

[the crying Watermelon Steven nods and closes its eyes as the Gems slowly fade to black]

Amethyst: You got this, dude! You know the drill.

Pearl: Be careful, Steven! Watch each other's backs.

Garnet: And Steven... we love you.

Gem Drill

Peridot: [being shaken next to drill] If you're done just lying there, maybe it's about time that we STOP THE WORLD FROM ENDING! Where are the others?!

Steven: They're stuck on Mask Island! We have to drill without them!

Peridot: Ugh! Am I the only one who understands the meaning of teamwork?! [Steven comes up, and she grips his shoulders] Okay. Steven, are you ready to drill down into the planet, to depths never before reached by your species, to stop the Cluster before it forms and save your world?!

Steven: I don't know!

Peridot: Don't say that! Say we'll do it together and it's gonna be great!

Steven: We're gonna do it together and it's gonna be great!

Peridot: Liar!

[Peridot and Steven then scamper into the drill's cockpit as the ground continues to shake]

Peridot: Ready or not, we have a mission.

[Inside the drill]

Steven: All right, bracing for impact!

Peridot: It's actually two more hours to the Cluster.

Steven: Oh. Wish I'd brought some tunes.

[Looking annoyed, Peridot presses a button, making some quiet music play]

Steven: Uh, thanks. [short silence; starts to look nervous] It's kinda... freaky down here, huh?

Peridot: Why's that?

Steven: It's just dark, and cramped, [shuddering] and, uh... I can't even... uh, stretch out. [they are both disturbed by a brief rumbling] How'd you think you were gonna get everyone in here anyway?

Peridot: I don't know. They'd... shrink or something.

[As it appears that the Cluster will take form and destroy the Earth]

Peridot: [terrified] It's too late! It's taking form! Steven, I'm sorry I couldn't save you, or the billions of other lifeforms who matter far, far less to me! Do you have any last words?!

Steven: [hugging her] I love you, Peridot.

Peridot: [emotionally] Wow... thanks. [hugs him back] It's still struggling to take its form! This means we still have time! There's still a chance!

The Cluster: Want to stay... But... Can't stop! Going to form! Can't stop! Going to form! Help! Help! Help!

[After Steven helps the Cluster bubble itself]

Peridot: [hugging him] You did it!

Steven: We did it together. And it was great.

[The other Gems arrive, with an unconscious Lapis]

Steven: Guys! You're back! I-is Lapis okay?

Garnet: She'll be fine.

Pearl: [concerned] You look happy! Uh, did you destroy the Cluster?

Steven: No, I talked to it.

Pearl: What?

Steven: It doesn't want to destroy the Earth. It just wants company. And it's got it now! It's like a bajillion people! They'll have lots of time to get to know each other, now that they're in a bubble.

Pearl: [utterly astonished] How on Earth did you bubble that whole thing?!

Steven: We had a little help.

[The Cluster is shown again, still peacefully contained in its bubble]

Same Old World

[Steven peeks inside the barn, seeing Lapis laying on a sack of hay, recovering from her unstable fusion with Jasper]

Garnet: I see you're worried about your friend.

Steven: Yeah. When I saw her in my dreams, it looked like she was fighting so hard to keep Malachite from escaping.

Garnet: Lapis spent an unbearable amount of time fused with Jasper. The emotional and physical strain of that type of fusion, I can't imagine. She's gonna need a lot of time to recover.

Jasper: I did not!!! [Garnet drops herself to the ground, sobbing whilst hugging her gummy bear lamp. Jasper blows a raspberry at her face] Have fun smelling like candy, you two-timin’ bitch!

Lapis: For a moment, I really felt like things were different... but they're not. No matter where I go, I'm trapped.

Steven: But you're not. You're not underwater. You're not in a mirror. This time, you're free!

Lapis: But I'm still on Earth!

Steven: Yeah, but nothing is still on Earth. Everything's always changing—the leaves, the cities... even Jersey changes. My dad says the rest stops used to be pretty gross, but now they have sushi! This isn't the same world that held you prisoner - not anymore. And I know it doesn't feel like home, but maybe that can change too. I know you can't go back to Homeworld, but if you stay here, it'll be your choice to stay here.

Lapis: It's funny... For all the time I spent on Earth, I barely saw any of it.

Steven: That's not funny. That's super sad.

Barn Mates

Peridot: [talking into the tape recorder] And then I'll say, "Hey, as one refugee to another, it isn't so bad that we can't go back to Homeworld, am I right? Why don't we watch the sun come up and figure out what we're going to do with all this time, eh, Lazuli?" And then she'll say, "Yes, Peridot. As impressed I was by you on the ship, I am even more impressed with your new compact look and capacity for friendship! I'm so glad we're going to live together." Peridot, Facet 5. [ends her log] Let's begin.

Lapis: [amused] This isn't gonna work.

Peridot: Wait, what?

Lapis: I really thought I would be living alone here.

Steven: Yeah, but this is even better! Oh here, how about this? I saw this on an episode of a TV show! I didn't see how it ended, but I'm sure it worked out right. We'll divide this place in half, you'll both have your own space. [takes out a marker and divides the barn into two non-equal parts] High ceilings, real wood floors, convenient location on the heart of the country. So what do you think, roomies?

Peridot: [satisfied] I like the cut of your gem, Steven Quartz.

Lapis: No. No way!

Peridot: What's the problem? You're the one getting all the good stuff! You've got the propeller and paint cans on your side! You can do tons with those! Oooh, actually, I kinda want the paint cans - you wanna trade something?

Lapis: I don't care about paint cans. That's not the problem.

Peridot: Bah...

Steven: What's wrong, Lapis?

Lapis: It's her.

Peridot: Egh?!

Lapis: She's the problem. I can't stand the thought of looking at her everyday. She's the one who dragged me back to Earth.

Peridot: Hey, it wasn't my idea. I was headed to Earth and I needed an informant. It should have been a simple mission. Things didn't exactly work out for either of us.

Lapis: You used me like everyone else did!

Peridot: But it's not like that anymore. It's different now - I'M different!

Steven: It's true, Lapis. Peridot has really come into her own since she's been living on Earth.

Peridot: I sabotaged my own mission! I helped save the Earth, I even yelled at Yellow Diamond! She's probably sending a whole fleet to find me and shatter me right now! I'm kind of a big deal; a big Anti-Homeworld deal!

Lapis: Steven, I don't think this is gonna work.

Steven: Ahhhh, ummmm, maybe we could put up a curtain? [Lapis gives him a patient smile, but walks out of the barn and flies to the top of the Silo; to Peridot] Sorry. Thought this was gonna be okay. I forgot the last time you saw each other… wasn't so okay.

Peridot: That was in the past. It's not like that now! UGHHHH!

Steven: I know.

Peridot: But obviously she doesn't! She's the one who needs to know! I want her to understand!

Steven: Aw Peridot, that's sweet! That's the you you need to show her!

Peridot: [confused] Show her my sweet?

Steven: I got you.

Peridot: [hands Lapis the letter] Steven did the outside, and I did the inside.

Lapis: [opens the letter with an unimpressed look; reading] "Sorry I interrogated you. You were just full of such useful information. That's a sincere compliment. Peridot."

Peridot: [on a rubber ring in a miniature lake] H-2-oh my gosh. It's a smaller than an average lake!

Steven: It's from the hole we drilled. Peridot and I sealed it and filled it with water. [Lapis pauses for a beat]

Peridot: It's a gift for you. You know, 'cause like water's your thing? [snickers] Pretty good right? The barn's out here in the country, but now you can get your moisture fix whenever. Do all that water stuff you do.

Lapis: ..Water? Seriously?

Peridot: Yeah!

Lapis: You do realize that I spent the last few months trapped under the ocean, right?

Peridot: Sure! But, I thought—

Lapis: It was an endless, crushing darkness. Wet and bleak and suffocating. Water was the tomb I lived in for those months.

Peridot: [queasy and terrified] Tomb, you say?

Lapis: Yeah. I'm kinda taking a break from water right now. [beat] But thanks…for the lake.

Steven: [grimaces] Uhh…

Peridot: Urrgh…

Lapis: Don't worry, Steven. It's not your fault.

Peridot: A pool! What a cloddy idea. Of course she wouldn't like that. There's nothing! Nothing! Nothing!

Steven: There has to be something. Something, something. Maybe, instead of something she likes, give her something you like. A piece of you!

Peridot: Um…okay. How about my Camp Pining Hearts DVD?

Steven: Which season?

Peridot: Five?

Steven: Trash.

Peridot: I know! Ugh! [falls onto the ground with her back; speaks into the tape recorder] Log Date- whatever. Facet- whatever! WHATEVER! Clearly there's nothing important enough for me to give to Lazuli. At least I have you, tape recorder. [gets an idea; later wraps up the tape recorder with a blue ribbon and presents it to Lapis] Ta-da! [scoots a little closer to Lapis] See, the ribbon is even blue. I got your number. [looks at Steven, who shrugs] Uh, here. I'll unwrap it for you. When I was stuck here, Steven gave me this tape recorder as a gift, and I didn't really get at first, but it made me feel better. [rips away the wrapping] Just to talk about all the weird stuff that was happening. It'll help you too. [gives the recorder to Lapis] You, uh, press the button to record, and then you talk into it.

Lapis: [presses the recording button and speaks into the tape recorder] I don't want your garbage. [raises the tape recorder up, crushes it, and drops it onto the ground]

Peridot: GUH! What, were you trapped in a tape recorder, too?! [Lapis glares enraged at her; frustrated] Look, I get it, you know? You're confused. You can never go back to Homeworld. This place doesn't exactly feel like home yet. You're alone! No one could possibly know what that feels like! Oh, wait, I do! We're the same! Except… [calms down] you don't have to be alone. So, tell me, then, what you want from me. And whatever that is… [sighs] I'll do it.

Lapis: [scowling] I want you… TO LEAVE!

Peridot: [visibly hurt] Okay. [starts walking away]

Steven: Lapis, why are you being so mean to her? She's really trying.

Lapis: Why do you trust her, Steven?

Steven: Because I know her! Lapis, you're not even giving her a chance. You should have at least gotten to know her before you decided you don't like her. Now it's too late. And she's never coming back again. [He and Lapis see Peridot running towards them while screaming] Oh, she's coming back again.

Peridot: THEY'RE HERE!

Hit the Diamond

[Five Homeworld Rubies have arrived on Earth as Steven and the Gems hide in the barn]

Steven: Whoa, look at 'em all.

Peridot: [scared] I knew it! They're after me! This is the end of the line!

Lapis: You really weren't kidding.

Peridot: I disobeyed a direct order from Yellow Diamond, and I called her a clod…to her face.

Pearl: Oh, honestly, you call everyone a clod.

Peridot: Yes. But not everyone has command over all the armies of Homeworld waiting for the word to shatter me! [fearfully hides under a box]

Steven: Peridot! We won't let them get you. [lifts the box, revealing Peridot curled up]

Peridot: Haven't I caused you enough trouble?

Garnet: Don't worry, Peridot. It's our sworn duty to protect anything that calls this planet home, and that includes clods like you.

Peridot: [quietly] That's my word.

Garnet: Listen up, everyone. I have a plan. Or should I say… [holds up her hands] We have a plan? [giggles as she unfuses, separating into Ruby and Sapphire]

Sapphire: Hello, everyone.

Pearl & Amethyst: Ruby! Sapphire!

Steven: [runs over and hugs them both] Hugs!

Sapphire: Hello, Steven!

[Disguised as a human baseball team]

Steven: We're the humans! Steven!

Pearl: Earl!

Amethyst: Amy!

Lapis: [apathetically] Bob.

Sapphire: [flirtatiously] And Sophie...

[Saspphire's Ruby blushes]

[After a baseball bat is accidentally destroyed, Steven goes to get a replacement from the barn]

Peridot: [hiding in the barn] Hey, how's it going? Are we winning?

Steven: [nervously] Ummm, heh-heh...

Ruby: [standing behind Sapphire, guiding her with a bat] Now, what you wanna do is lean with your hips. [Sapphire swings the bat] Yeah, that's pretty good. Let me show you again.

["Eyeball" Ruby watches them, then glares at Steven]

Steven: [sweating] Well, heh... We're doing just fine. [heading back to the field] Everything's going to be A-okay...

Peridot: YOU'RE LYING TO ME!

Steven: To make you feel better!

Peridot: THANK YOU!

[After Ruby and Sapphire accidentally refuse into Garnet after the baseball game]

Garnet: [laughs joyously for a moment] ... Whoops.

"Doc" Ruby: [angrily] THEY'RE GEMS!

"Army" Ruby: [also angrily] WE'VE BEEN TRICKED!

"Navy" Ruby: [in quiet awe] What a turn of events...

"Eyeball" Ruby: [growls]

"Leggy" Ruby: [confused] Huh? W-what?

Garnet: [to the other Crystal Gems] Sorry, guys. The game is over.

"Doc" Ruby: That's it! Rubies... COMBINE!

[The five Rubies fuse into a giant Ruby and roar]

Peridot: WAAAAAAIIIIIIIT!! WAIT! STOP! DON'T HURT THEM! [rushes out of the barn, trips twice, and runs the rest of the way on all fours, panting] Wait, oh please, please! It's me you're after, right? I'm not gonna stand by and let my friends fight my battles!

Steven: Awww, Peri loves us!

Ruby Fusion: Are you the Peridot assigned to the failed Earth mission?

Peridot: [nervously] Not sure if "failed" would be the right word to--

Ruby Fusion: Where is Jasper?!

Peridot: You're looking for... Jasper?

Ruby Fusion: Correct!

Peridot: Wait - but I'm the one who betrayed the mission! Who called Yellow Diamond a clod! The new leader of the Crystal Gems?!

Pearl: What?

Ruby Fusion: Tell us where Jasper is! NOW!

Peridot: Jasper... umm... we know where Jasper is! [Pearl nervously shakes her head]

Ruby Fusion: WELL?!

Peridot: Uhhhhh....

Steven: [pointing to the sky] Neptune! She's on the planet Neptune!

Ruby Fusion: [stares at them suspiciously for a moment, then smiles and shrugs] Well, why didn't you say so?

[Steven sighs in relief, and the Rubies unfuse]

"Doc" Ruby: We all here? One, two, three, four, aaaaand... HA! Five. [points to herself] To the planet Neptune!

"Army" Ruby: Let's move out, soldiers!

"Navy" Ruby: [dreamily] What a lovely sounding planet...

"Leggy" Ruby: But we just... got here.

"Doc" Ruby: [dragging "Leggy" along] Let's go, newbie!

"Eyeball" Ruby: [glares at the Gems for a moment, then speaks in a strained voice] Thank you...

[The Rubies re-enter their space pod and zip into space at hyperspeed]

Amethyst: Man... Rubies are dumb.

Garnet: [Star iris closes in on Garnet's face as she smiles] Not all of them.

Steven Floats

[Steven jumps higher into the sky while a Dhawar Airlines airplane passes by]

Air Hostess: [inside] The captain has turned on the seat belt sign. Looks like we got some boys in the sky ahead of us. Iʼd like to make a toast, but not only to Peridot, but to our sweet little girl… AMETHYST FLETCHER! Thank you and have a wonderful day. BEEP!

[Amethyst walks to the front door before looking at Steven up high in the sky]

Amethyst: Wait, can Steven fly? Yeah, I think I remember that. [enters house and closes front door; comes running back outside seconds later] No, no, I'm thinking of Lapis! Hey, Steven!! How did you learn how to fly?! I-I-I’m Amethyst Fletcher! The only way you should fly is that you’ll have a coupon! Not only to Woo Foo, right?

Steven: Amethyst! Go get help!

Amethyst: Whaaaaat?!!

Steven: Ugh, she can't hear me.

Amethyst: [jumps up high] Hey, Air Steve!

Steven: Amethyst, I need you to... [she falls back down] Dang, too slow. Better ask quicker.

Amethyst: [jumps up again] What'd you say?

Steven: I could really use your assistance dealing with the sudden appearance [she falls down]—aw, rats! [she jumps up again; Steven continues] —of a power previously was unbeknownst to me [she falls] which I can't control... Um... [she jumps up again, annoyed]

Amethyst: Dude, summarize!

Steven: Go get Garnet!

Drop Beat Dad

Mr. Greg

Greg: Bright sunny day don't cost nothing

Light summer breeze don't cost nothing

What do I do with all this money

When the only thing I want is you?

Palling around don't cost nothing

Singing a song don't cost nothing

How do I spend all this money?

I'd rather just spend time with you.

Steven: You could buy a house and a car

Greg: I guess that I can but I've already got a van

I could put you through college

Steven: But I'm with the Gems all the time!

Greg: Or I could buy you all the finest courses online.

Steven: What if we took a trip?

Greg: Do you think?

Steven: Yeah, I do! We could take a vacation

We could go somewhere new!

Pearl: I was fine with the men

Who would come into her life now and again

I was fine 'cause I knew

That they didn't really matter until you.

I was fine when you came

And we fought like it was all some silly game

Over her, who she'd choose

After all those years, I never thought I'd lose.

It's over, isn't it, isn't it, isn't it over?

You won and she chose you, and she loved you and she's gone

It's over, isn't it, why can't I move on?

War and glory, reinvention

Fusion, freedom, her attention

Out in daylight, my potential

Bold, precise, experimental

Who am I now in this world without her?

Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her?

What does it matter, it's already done

Now I've got to be there for her son.

It's over, isn't it, isn't it, isn't it over?

You won and she chose you, and she loved you and she's gone

It's over, isn't it, why can't I move on?

Steven: Why don't you talk to each other?

Why don't you talk to each other, just give it a try

Why don't you talk about what happened?

I know you're trying to avoid it, but I don't know why.

You might not believe it

But you got a lot in common, you really do

You both love me and I love both of you.

Greg: Look, if I were you, I'd hate me too.

Pearl: I don't hate you.

Greg: But... I knew how you felt about Rose and I stayed anyway.

Pearl: That wasn't the problem.

Greg: Then, what was?

Pearl: She fell in love with you.

Greg: Well, you know Rose.

Both: [chuckling in tears] She always did what she wanted!

Steven: I know you both need it, I know you both need it

Someone who knows what you're going through

You might not believe it, you might not believe it

But you got a lot in common, you really do.

You both love me and I love both of you

You both love me and I love both... of you.

Too Short to Ride

[Steven, Amethyst and Peridot are too short to ride the Appalachian ride; Peridot's hair makes her look taller, but Harold Smiley pushes it down, making her throw a tantrum and wave her fists]

Harold: [laughs] Sorry, guys. Looks like this squad has some growing to do before you can ride.

Peridot: I do not have to grow! This height is indicative of my rarity and importance! I demand entry, you CLOD!

Harold: [clears throat] You kids want another lifetime ban?

Steven: [nervously pulls Peridot away] No thanks, Mr. Smiley!

Amethyst: Shorty Squad out.

The New Lars

Steven: Hey, Lars? why didn't you want to hang out with Sadie?

Lars: I see her at work. Why do I need to see her on my day off?

Steven: But aren't you gonna get married, and have kids, and name one of them after his uncle Steven?

Lars: Oh, let me think…No. Me and Sadie aren't getting married. We aren't even dating. And if she thinks we are, that's her problem.

Steven: You're lying! I know how you feel about Sadie!

Lars: You don't know what you're talking about, [squats down to Steven's height] so butt out! [walks off] Go annoy someone else. You little weirdo.

Steven: Why can't you just admit you love her?!

[Lars (Steven) dresses himself up and heads downstairs into the kitchen, finding his parents, Martha and Dante, talking]

Martha: No. We can do this, Dante. We have to talk to him.

Lars (Steven): Hi, there.

[Martha and Dante turn around and notice him]

Dante: Oh, there's our boy. How are you feeling?

Lars (Steven): [sits down at the table] Uh…taller?

Martha: [places breakfast in front of him] Here you go. Oh, it's good to see you this morning, Laramie.

Lars (Steven): [smiling] Who's Laramie?

Martha: I mean…Lars. [sits down next to her husband at the table]

Dante: Now, Lars, we know school is a touchy subject, but we need to talk about this. [shows him his grade report]

Lars (Steven): [literally reading] "F-F-F-F-F-F-B-D-F." That doesn't spell anything.

Martha: Please, Lars. We let you move into the attic, and your grades are still below average. All we're asking from you is…

Dante & Martha: A little effort!

Lars (Steven): Wow. You guys seem so nice. I'm sure I don't want to let either of you down. I, Lars, promise to go out and do my very best at being your son. [gets up and leaves]

Dante: Wow! He didn't even swear.

Martha: And he's wearing the plugs I got him.

Lars: [slowly getting up] Mmm… Huh? Sadie? [gasps in shock as he notices everyone looking at him] How did I get here?! [stands up, panicking] What are you all doing here?!

Sadie: Lars, don't get mad.

Lars: Huh?!

Sadie: But Steven really didn't mean to…

Lars: [furiously turns to Steven] You! What did you do?!

[Jenny, Sour Cream, and Buck rush in front of him, defending Steven]

Steven: [nervously] I spent the day…with my mind…in your body.

[Lars gasps in shock and screams in disgust]

Jenny: Whoa. Where's your chill?

Buck: Buck is no longer pleased.

Martha: I'm so sorry. He wasn't like this this morning.

Lars: I was acting weird all day and you all just LIKED IT?!

Dante: Please don't make a scene, Laramie.

Beach City Drift

[Steven and Connie lie down on a car hood by the "It's a Wash" car wash at night; Steven grumpily sighs]

Connie: Still mad about Kevin?

Steven: Yes.

Connie: Me too. [Steven sits up]

Steven: You don't seem mad.

Connie: [sits up] I'm thinking mad. I still feel like there's something big I want to say to him, you know? Something to make him think, like we're thinking.

Steven: Yeah. Too bad we can't just... race against him—to use the first place ribbon to wipe that smug look off his face!

Connie: But we're kids. Kids can't drive. That's against the law.

Steven: We weren't kids when we met Kevin.

Connie: [smirking] I smell what you're steppin' in.

Steven: Ew.

Kevin: Feel like giving up yet?

Stevonnie: Ugh! Why do you have to be such a jerk all the time?!

Kevin: The truth is, I don't mean to be this way. I-I just lash out because of my little brother. [inhales sharply, sighs] He's sick. Been sick all our lives. Sometimes I think if I act real cool and never let anyone see my pain, then maybe the pain will go away. And maybe... [covers face with his hand] I can take his pain away, too.

Steven: Kevin... I had no idea.

[Kevin starts sniffling with his hand still on his face; he slowly starts laughing idiotically]

Kevin: Dude! I don't even have a brother! I'm like this because I think it's funny!

Stevonnie: URRRGH!!

Stevonnie: No! We have to beat him. He deserves to lose!

Restaurant Wars

Alone at Sea

[amid the dark clouds, Steven sees Lapis on the stem of the boat staring at the ocean]

Steven: Lapis? Um... I have some not-so-good news. There's trouble with the engine, and we might be stuck out here for a while. [Lapis sighs. He pauses] I'm so sorry! This whole thing is my fault. I just wanted you to have fun, but e-everything's a mess. I-I shouldn't have made you come on this trip. [Lapis then walks to the right]

Lapis: It's my fault. I'm the one to blame.

Steven: That's not true!

Lapis: I'm really trying to enjoy it out here, but... I can't stop thinking about being fused as Malachite. How I used all my strength to hold her down in the ocean, and how I was always battling against Jasper to keep her bound to me.

Steven: But it's not like that anymore. You don't have to be with Jasper.

Lapis: That's not it. I... I miss her.

Steven: [shocked] What?!

Lapis: We were fused for so long.

Steven: But... she's terrible!

Lapis: I'm terrible! I did horrible things! I-I broke your dad's leg, I stole Earth's ocean! Go on! Tell me I'm wrong!

Jasper: [holds Lapis' hand and falls to her knees; begging] Let's be Malachite again.

Greg the Babysitter

[Greg, Rose Quartz and baby Sour Cream lie down on the beach under a parasol]

Rose: You wouldn't believe how long it took me to figure out that this and you are the same thing.

Greg: [beat] What do you mean?

Rose: You're both human! You have to admit, it's a little confusing. You're big and can talk, and he's small and can only make noises. How was I supposed to know you were the same species?

Greg: [chuckles nervously] What?

Rose: I know, it's silly. But then I started to notice that... you grow.

Greg: Well, can't play guitar with little baby hands.

[Rose giggles and then pauses for a moment]

Rose: When a gem is made, it's for a reason. They burst out of the ground already knowing what they're supposed to be, and then... that's what they are. Forever. But you, you're supposed to change. You're never the same, even moment to moment—you're allowed and expected to invent who you are. What an incredible power... the ability to grow up.

Greg: [pause] Wow. Those would make some pretty good lyrics. Hold on! Watch Sour Cream a second. [runs off] I gotta write this down!

Gem Hunt

Connie: So, why were there humanoid tracks out there? They weren't ours, and they weren't Pearl's... It couldn't have been the monster, unless it's just some guy in a monster suit. But that kind of thing only happens in cartoons. Usually over a property dispute.

Connie: All we have to do is follow these tracks. [takes a handful of snow and tastes it] Yeah. These are fresh. We trail it until it stops to rest.

Steven: Wow, Connie! You're a wilderness expert.

Connie: Well, I like to be prepared. When civilization collapses and this world ends, I need to be ready to build the new one.

Steven: Yeah. I guess if Homeworld invades Earth, things could get pretty crazy for humanity.

Connie: Forget Gems! Humans are already starting their own demise! Peak oils, Steven! How do we handle terminal decline without alternate energy sources?!

Jasper: [chuckles sinisterly] Hey, Rose, look what I got.

Crack the Whip

Jasper: [confronting Amethyst] I came here to fight Rose, not some runt!

Amethyst: You think you can just keep showing up and picking fights with us? Hah! Why don't you get a life?!

Jasper: Fighting is my life! It's what I was made for! [points at her] It's what you were made for too, runt!

Amethyst: So? I've got other stuff goin' on. I can fight JUST FINE!! [lashes her whip at Jasper, who catches it easily]

Jasper: Well, then... let's see it!

[she pulls Amethyst holding her whip, kicks her, spin-dashes her numerous times on the sand. She struggles to get up in front of Jasper]

Jasper: You're not even trying. Is it because you know you're already a failure? [Amethyst looks up at her] You're a quartz soldier, just like me. But you're not like me, are you?

[cut to show Steven, Connie and Lion fighting the corrupted gem monster; Jasper chuckles as Amethyst gets up]

Jasper: You're small! [begins rapidly punching Amethyst, slamming her down; Steven sees them]

Steven: Amethyst?! [the monster lunges its hand near them]

Jasper: Are you that desperate for troops, Rose, that you keep a defect like this?! [Amethyst slowly stands up]

Amethyst: Rose said... I'm perfect... the way I am!

Jasper: Then she had low standards. [an enraged Amethyst charges at Jasper with her spin-dash] You... could've been me! [kicks Amethyst into the air, falls down as she watches Jasper face to face] And what are you instead? [Amethyst slams into the ground]

Connie/Steven: Amethyst! [a badly bruised Amethyst looks back at Jasper]

Jasper: Just a joke.

Jasper: [shocked to see Steven and Connie fused into Stevonnie] You fused?!

Stevonnie: [catches Amethyst's gem] Whoa! I did!

Jasper: You Crystal Gems would even fuse with a human?!

Stevonnie: [facing Jasper] I don't wanna hear anything you say. [holds up Amethyst's gem] Unless it's "sorry."

Jasper: [enraged after being beaten by Stevonnie] Fusion! Fusion! It's always fusion!

Stevonnie: Are you ready to apologize?

Jasper: This was just a warmup. Get ready for next time, Rose! Jaspers don't give up. Jaspers keep going, until we get what we want. [retreats into the ocean]

Stevonnie: Huh. I guess she lives in the ocean now.

Steven vs. Amethyst

Steven: [loses to Amethyst on "Lonely Blade" video game] That was crazy good, Amethyst! Nice job!

Amethyst: Knock it off, Steven. I know you let me win.

Steven: [stammers] Wha— me? No, I— pfff... nooo... [Amethyst shuts TV off]

Amethyst: You weren't even trying.

Steven: I'm sorry. I just wanted you to feel better.

Amethyst: Great, and now you're even more mature than me.

Steven: Amethyst?

Amethyst: You're supposed to be the rookie but now you're better than me at everything! [sighs] Now I'm the worst Crystal Gem.

Steven: Wha-what?

Amethyst: Ugh! [mutters] You know what I mean, Steven.

Steven: Uhh, not really! I thought you guys wanted me to be strong. An-and now I am, and you're mad at me?!

Amethyst: No! I get mad at myself! That's, ugh, the thing I do! I get mad at myself, and then it makes me suck at everything I do even more.

Steven: [sighs] Amethyst, you don't suck. You do so many cool things. You have two whips. Two whips! And the dash thing? Amethyst, you're so much better than me!

Amethyst: No way. You have Rose's shield, and bubble, and the floating thing, and— [grunts] I'd just be floating all day!

Steven: Floating? I forget to use that half the time! And the rest of the time my powers aren't even guaranteed to work! I'm... I'm way worse than you!

Amethyst: Nuh-uh! I'm the worst!

Steven: No way, I am! I'll prove it! I'll-I'll fight you, and show you how bad I am!

Amethyst: Fine! Let's do it!!

Both: Let the worst gem lose!!

[Steven and Amethyst lie down on the floor for a beat, they start up laughing amongst themselves]

Steven: What's wrong with us? [continues laughing]

Amethyst: Well, I know what's wrong with me. I'm not supposed to be small. And everyone's always acting like there's no problem. "You can be anything you wanna be!" No, I can't! [sighs] I can't even be the one thing I'm supposed to be, you know?

Steven: Of course I do. I'm... not Rose Quartz.

Amethyst: [hits her face] Oh no! Oh, Steven—

Steven: Why do you think I've been working so hard?

Amethyst: Well... it's paying off.

Steven: [chuckling, gets up] I sure hope so.

[Amethyst sees Steven holding out his hand to her, smiles. She swings her arm but misses, laughing; she misses again before she finally catches his hand. She gets up and laughs with Steven]

Amethyst: Thanks, Steven. [Pearl gasps in horror at the entrance]

Pearl: What did you two do?! You've ruined the ruins!

Amethyst: Whoops.

Steven: I don't think we're gonna see the prize pouch for a while.

Bismuth

[Steven and the Gems take Bismuth to the strawberry battlefield]

Garnet: Homeworld's final attack on Earth wiped out all of the Crystal Gems.

Pearl: Rose was able to protect Garnet and myself, and by the looks of it, she was able to protect you as well. [Bismuth picks up a rusty battle-axe]

Bismuth: I knew those Homeworld elites were twisted. How many of us did they shatter? Crazy Lace? Biggs?! Snowflake?! If I was there, I-I coulda stopped it!!

Garnet: It's not like they've stopped trying.

Bismuth: What's that?

Garnet: Homeworld still has its eyes on this planet.

Pearl: We continue to thwart their plans over and over. [Steven runs over followed by Amethyst]

Steven: But they just keep coming back!

Amethyst: Yep. They want us bad.

Bismuth: Good. I thought I wouldn't get another chance to show those upper-crusts who's boss! Let's show 'em what happens when you mess with the Crystal Gems! [slams battle-axe to the ground with a loud roar; Steven smiles]

Steven: Yeah.

Bismuth: Rose Quartz changed my life. I came to Earth thinking this was just another colony. Build another arena for important fighters to fight in, build another spire for important thinkers to think in, and then I met her. Just another quartz soldier, made right here in the dirt, but she was different. And she was different because she decided to be. And she asked me what I wanted to build, and I'd never heard that before. And Gems never hear they can be anything other than what they are, but Rose opened our eyes.

Steven: Everybody always tells me how great Mom was. I just don't feel like I can ever measure up to her. [Bismuth chuckles out loud]

Bismuth: I can't believe this... that I'm the one giving the pep talk to Rose's... Rose's...?

Steven: Son.

Bismuth: Right. You are different. That's what's so exciting. You don't have to be like Rose Quartz. You can be someone even better. You can be you. And you know what? You deserve an even better weapon.

[Steven walks to a severely injured Bismuth holding the Breaking Point]

Steven: Bismuth... this has to stop.

Bismuth: So what are you gonna do, shatter me?! [grabs Breaking Point to her gemstone] Go ahead! JUST DO IT!!!

Steven: ..No! Even if we don't agree, nobody deserves this! [Bismuth pauses, yanks Breaking Point from Steven. He steps back, stops at Rose's sword, draws it out as Bismuth advances—SHING!!]

[for a long beat, Steven sees Bismuth impaled holding Rose's sword]

Bismuth: ..You shoulda shattered me back then. At least if I were in pieces, I wouldn't have to know how little I mattered to you. You didn't even tell 'em. You bubbled me away and didn't ever tell your friends... My friends...

Steven: I'm going to tell them! I'm gonna tell them everything. [Bismuth takes in a surprise, chuckles in her tears]

Bismuth: Then you really are better than her.

Beta

[Peridot and Lapis Lazuli are watching "Camp Pining Hearts" on the truck sticking out over the barn's entrance]

Percy: [on TV] But Paulette, I need you!

Peridot: Oh, get over it, Percy. Go make another friendship bracelet.

Lapis: Seriously.

Steven: Wow, you guys are looking good. And I love what you did to the barn!

Peridot: Aww, I know. But wait, wait - you guys have to see the inside! Lapis, fly us in!

Lapis: [smiling] Nnnno.

[Inside the barn]

Amethyst: You did all this stuff on purpose? Like, you didn't just knock over a bunch of paint cans and go, "Eh, just leave it"?

Peridot: Oh, no. This was all very intentional. You see, I had this idea: What if we made music, but instead of sounds, we use things!

Amethyst: That's dumb.

Steven: Guys, that's art!

Peridot: Art? That sounds ridiculous!

Lapis: I've been calling it "meepmorp".

Peridot: Let us show you our... morps. [chuckles]

[She shows them something made from her broken recorder, some cassettes and a blue ribbon]

Peridot: This piece is called "Wow, thanks". It represents the struggles of intercommunication. The tape is the ribbon that binds our experience on Earth together. It has no functional purpose! It just makes me feel bad! [smiles proudly]

[Lapis shows them a baseball bat, mitt and ball hanging from a stick by string]

Lapis: Here's my meepmorp. This is a baseball bat. It reminds me of when I played baseball. [walks backwards to a leaf sitting on a rock] This is a leaf that Steven gave me. It reminds me of the time Steven... gave me a leaf.

Steven: Hey, yeah, it reminds me of that too! [Peridot grins; Amethyst looks nauseated]

[Next is a TV with two mirrors attached, playing Percy in Camp Pining Hearts saying "I just feel trapped" over and over]

Steven: [worried] Is this one about... the thousands of years you spent trapped in the mirror?

Lapis: No. I just really like that show.

Peridot: Wow, Amethyst doesn't seem to understand morps at all.

Steven: No, it's something else. Amethyst found out…she's supposed to be just like Jasper.

Peridot: Meh?

Steven: Jasper took her down in a fight, and now she's obsessed with getting a rematch, to prove she's good enough.

Peridot: Hmm. Amethyst, Ams, Big A. You are way better than Jasper!

Amethyst: What? Oh. [to Steven] What did you tell her?

Steven: I, uh…

Peridot: What are you even doing comparing yourself to her? Oh, Amethyst, that's ridiculous. I should call you "Ridiculousthyst." [laughs] I mean, seriously, Amethyst and Jasper are two completely different Quartzes. Sure, you're both from Earth, but your Kindergartners are radically different.

Steven: What? Hold-- Hold on. What?!

Amethyst: We're both from Earth?

Peridot: Well, sure. Amethyst, you're from the Prime Kindergarten in Facet 5. She's from the Beta Kindergarten in Facet 9. Have you seen that place?

Amethyst: No!

Peridot: Oh. Well, maybe you should, so you could see how the other half was made… Poorly! [laughs] No, seriously. Let's go. You'll get a kick out of this.

Peridot: Here we are, Jasper's origin: the Beta Kindergarten.

Steven: Am I underwhelmed? It's pretty bright out here.

Amethyst: It's red.

Peridot: No kidding. Red sandstone! Ha! This is what I'm talking about. We're lucky this place hasn't blown away. Beta, am I right?

Steven: [laughs] That's a math joke, right?

Peridot: Come on. It gets worse. I mean, this place has got the right growing conditions in a pinch, I guess, but it's too small! It was obviously a total rush job.

Steven: A rush job?

Peridot: Halfway through the rebellion, Homeworld scrambled to generate extra soldiers on the ground. Look at this-- the holes don't even line up! [scoffs] It's like they just threw injectors down wherever. Oh, and that one? This Carnelian came out sideways. How could she not? The walls are curved! [laughs] What a joke.

Peridot: What you want to see is a vertical alignment; no angle in the exit; a clean, strong silhouette. None of these holes come close!

Amethyst: What about that one?

[They look up at Jasper's big exit hole]

Peridot: Jasper.

Steven: This is Jasper's hole?

Amethyst: It's huge!

Peridot: Oh, come on. We already know she's tall. Let's take a closer look. A Kindergartener can tell a lot about a Gem's makeup and flaws by their exit marks.

Peridot: [walks out of Jasper's exit hole; defeatedly] She's even got frictional rock melt. It's glass all the way to the back. Actually, I uh… I've never seen an exit hole this perfect.

Peridot: These aren't exit holes, anymore.

Steven: Then what are they? [gets startled as a Corrupted Gem appears from the shadows] Corrupted Gems, in cages?

Peridot: Why?! Who would do this?!

Amethyst: [gasps in surprise as she spots a silhouette behind a cloud of dust] That's who.

[The dust cloud clears away, revealing Jasper]

Steven: Jasper!

Earthlings

Jasper: Pipe down! You take orders from me now! You used to be a Quartz too, didn't you? What happened to you? Disgraceful. I can't believe I've resorted to recruiting you freaks! You're almost as bad as that Crystal runt! Just look at you. This planet ruins everything! Well, [chuckles] except for me.

Jasper: Every Gem is made for a purpose—to serve the order of the Diamonds. Those who cannot fit inside this order must be purged! To come out misshapen, to reshape yourself outside your purpose, and to defend this worthless, ruined planet is a disgrace!

[Steven throws his shield over a towering Injector; Amethyst backs away from Jasper as it falls between them]

Amethyst: Steven... I-I can't win. No matter what I do, no matter how hard I work, she came out right, and I came out... wrong.

Steven: That's just what Jasper thinks! She's the only one who thinks you should be like her!

Amethyst: But…

Steven: Stop trying to be like Jasper. You're nothing like Jasper! You're like me! Because we're both not like anybody! And yeah, it sucks! [Jasper lifts up the Injector and throws it aside] But at least I've got you. And you've got me! [tearing up] So stop leaving me out of this!

Amethyst: Us worse Gems stick together... [sniffles] right? [Steven holds out his hand]

Steven: That's why we're the best.

[Amethyst takes his hand, and they hug… and fuse]

Smoky: What a BEAUTIFUL DAY!

Jasper: Huh?! Who are you supposed to be?!

Smoky: Oh, yeah. Who am I? I feel like Amethyst knows this.

Peridot: Forget your name, you've got a fight to win!

Smoky: I think, a Rose Quartz and an Amethyst, make a… [jumps into the air and combines Steven's shield and Amethyst's whip to make a yo-yo, lands safely back on the ground] Smoky Quartz!

Jasper: Is fusion the only trick you Crystal Gems know?!

Smoky: I've got plenty of tricks. Ever say, "Sink the sink?"

Jasper: I will not be beaten by another fusion! [fuses with the corrupted ocean Gem to form Zebra Jasper]

Smoky: What the…?! [Zebra Jasper begins to attack her, but dodges] Hold on, I've got a move that will really blow you away. [twirls her yo-yo around like a fan, pushing Zebra Jasper back, but it is not strong enough as Zebra Jasper regains her footing and approaches her again] It's cool if you don't like it, I've already got three huge fans! [summons two more yo-yos, creating a tornado, engulfing and lifting Zebra Jasper off the ground]

[Zebra Jasper begins separating back into the corrupted ocean Gem, as it tries to escape, and Jasper, holding it back]

Jasper: We could beat them… if we stay together!

[After briefly fusing with a corrupted Gem, the corruption spreads slowly in Jasper's left arm]

Peridot: Eww, that's disgusting!

Smoky: It's... corruption. [defuses back into Steven and Amethyst]

Amethyst: Steven, be careful.

Steven: But this just happened - maybe I can do something! Jasper, it's okay. I'm here. [starts approaching her]

Jasper: [snarling] Rose...

Steven: I'm not Rose, I'm Steven. I just wanna try and heal you. [licks his palm and reaches for her but she slashes at him, tearing his shirt]

Amethyst: Steven!!

[Peridot unsuccessfully tries to mentally move the metal rod again]

Steven: [as Amethyst tries to charge at Jasper] Stop!

Jasper: [chuckles] I see how you do it now, Rose. You want Gems after they're worthless. You wait until after they've lost. Because when you're at the bottom, you'll follow anyone that makes you feel like less of a failure. [as Peridot rushes over] Huh... Just look at this one! You've stripped her of everything! Her limb enhancers, her status, her dignity...

Peridot: I still have one of those things.

Jasper: How can you side with Rose Quartz?! Why? Why protect this useless shell of a planet?!

Peridot: It's not a shell. There's so much life, living here. [smiling] That's what I'm doing! I'm living here! I've been learning new things about myself all the time! Like how I can make metal do my bidding! [tries to show this off, but the rod just falls behind her] The point being: Earth can set you free. [Steven smiles]

Jasper: [angrily, as the corruption spreads rapidly in her body] Earth... is a prison! I got out because I'm better than this place!

Steven: It's getting worse.

Jasper: I only came back to finish you off.

Steven: Try not to move!

Jasper: You can't manipulate me, Rose Quartz!

Steven: I-I'm not manipulating! I'm trying to help!

Jasper: Help? HELP?! I've been fighting from the second I broke free of the Earth's crust! Because of what YOU did to my colony! Because of what YOU did to my planet! Because of what YOU did to my Diamond!

Steven: [confused] I... Yellow Diamond?

Jasper: Wha...?! MY DIAMOND! YOUR DIAMOND! PINK DIAMOND!!! [becomes fully corrupted, barely recognizable, and looks ready to attack; Peridot finally gets the metal rod to move, plunging it into Jasper and making her poof]

Peridot: [after a brief silence] You're... welcome.

Amethyst: [smiles, then walks over to Jasper's gem and sighs] Come here, sis. [bubbles her]

Amethyst: I don't wanna do anything for like a month.

Back to the Moon

[the Rubies walk up the moon base stairway followed by Amethyst (as Jasper), Pearl, Garnet and Steven]

"Eyeball" Ruby: The Earth was Pink Diamond's colony. Everything was going smoothly at first. Kindergartens were incubating their first soldiers—big, warm pieces of quartz, like this mountain over here—were being created from its rich minerals with great success. Then, bam! One of Pink Diamond's very own quartz soldiers started a rebellion and took it too far. Where were you when that happened?

Amethyst: Oh, you know... around. ["Eyeball" turns to Amethyst]

"Eyeball" Ruby: I was there. I saw it with my own eye. I watched the leader of the Crystal Gems, Rose Quartz... [projects her light on the mural] shatter Pink Diamond!

[Steven looks up in his horror; Garnet is frozen still for a beat, Pearl starts shivering in fear]

Steven: No... [beat] Rose Quartz w-would never do that! [tearing up] A-And, sure, she had to fight but... But she would never shatter someone!

Bubbled

[Steven (in his bubble) and "Eyeball" Ruby drift in space far away from the Earth]

Steven: There goes the Earth.

"Eyeball" Ruby: There goes my whole platoon! [growls at him] This is a mess! [walks around his bubble] What'll I say about my report?! How will I even make my report?! This is a nightmare! [looks down at him] And this is all your fault.

Steven: Whoa, hey, no it's not! You were trying to hurt my friends!

"Eyeball" Ruby: But you opened the airlock in the moon base. You sent us flying into space with no hope of ever returning!

Steven: [long pause] Okay, so maybe that was my fault. I'm sorry. There! Are you happy?

"Eyeball" Ruby: No! Lucky you're in that bubble, or I'd pop you right in the face.

Steven: Well, if you're going to be a grump about it, then we can just float in silence until we both die!

"Eyeball" Ruby: Sounds great!

Steven: Fine!

"Eyeball" Ruby: I can't wait!!

Steven: Me neither!

"Eyeball" Ruby: When I heard rumors there might still be Crystal Gems on Earth, I couldn't believe it. A thousand years of fighting were all for nothing! And Rose Quartz might still be alive? [scoffs, rolls on her side] She must be. Why else would someone as important as Jasper be back on Earth? For closure, that's why. I wanted it, too. I wanted to see Rose Quartz with my own eye. At the very least, I thought Jasper might have some answers, but... it wasn't even her. Just another trick.

Steven: How come nobody told me about Pink Diamond?

Garnet: We all did what we had to during the war. Everything's different now.

Steven: But did Mom really do it? Did she really... shatter her?

Garnet: She had to. The Earth belonged to Pink Diamond. Destroying her was the only way to save the planet. For Amethyst to be herself, for Pearl to be free, for me to be together. [clutches her hand] For you to exist.

Steven: But I thought... a-at least she'd never—

Garnet: She didn't always do what was best for her. But she always did what was best for Earth.

Steven: Even... if it meant shattering someone?

Garnet: Yes.

[Steven pauses, takes a deep breath and sighs as the Gems pilot the Rubies' Roaming Eye back to Earth]

Steven: Thanks for telling me.