Saturday Night Live/Season 42
Saturday Night Live: Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49
Tom Hanks/Lady Gaga [42.3]
edit- Tom Hanks: A magazine cover recently called me "America's Dad," [takes off jacket and puts on sweater] and I would've preferred "Sexiest Man Alive," but I will take it. Anyhow, America is feeling nervous these days, and I'm a responsible father, so I thought maybe it's time we had a little chat.
- [Walks to the left side and takes a seat]
- Hey, buddy. There's my big, growing nation. How you doing, champ? So, rough year, huh? Yeah, I hear ya. You got a lot goin' on inside ya. Feeling anxious and conflicted and scared about what's gonna happen next. Well, you are gonna be fine. Remember when you went through that Depression? This is nothing. You're just growing up, and you're in an awkward phase. For example, you may have noticed that your...your complexion is changing? You're getting a little darker, and you're freaking out about it? Well, that's natural for a nation of immigrants like yourself. Also, you're a lot gayer than you used to be. That is cool. That is trill. It's fleek, whatever that means.
- So, how you doin'? You okay with money? Really? 'Cause I heard you're in some debt. I'd like to help you out, but if I do, you're never gonna learn. Also, I don't have $19 trillion, I have $230 million.
- Something else I wanna talk to you about. You got a lot of guns, kiddo. You need all those guns? Alright, alright, I don't wanna have that fight again. Let's just drop it, you know. Drop it.
- Hey, one thing you should know. We can smell it, the weed. It's like you're not even trying to hide it anymore. But don't worry, I won't tell your mom, because I don't need to because she can smell it, too.
- Look, all I came in here to say is, you are great. I know some people are saying China's better than you. Sure, you know, China might be popular right now, but people don't understand how hard it is to be you. I mean, you got a summer birthday, that's always tough. Also, you know, you are so dang creative. Think of everything you have done. You went to the moon, you invented the Internet, you created a cannon that shoots T-shirts.
- Alright, alright, look, I'm gonna get outta your hair. You got a big decision in the next couple weeks, but I know you're gonna make the right choice, as long as you think from [points to head] here and [points to heart] here, and not so much down there. And no matter what happens, I'm proud of you. Now, enough of the sulking. I want you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and go show the world what else you can stuff inside a pizza crust. [Holds fist out] Pound it, pound it. [Takes a fist bump] Ah, that's my man. [Walks back to center] That kid is gonna be fine because that kid is a Hanks!
- Chris Wallace: Good evening, I'm Chris Wallace, and welcome to the third and final Presidential debate. Tonight is going to be a lot like the third Lord of the Rings movie. You don't really want to watch, but, hey, you've come this far.
Benedict Cumberbatch/Solange [42.5]
edit- Beck Bennett (runs out on a game show podium): Hi, and welcome to my new game show where we get to the bottom of something that's been throwing me for a loop all week. Let's meet our contestants.
- Vanessa Bayer: Hi, I'm Vanessa Bayer, and I'm here because you asked me to be.
- Beck Bennett: Great. Contestant number two?
- Aidy Bryant: Hi, I'm Aidy Bryant, and, Beck, what is this exactly?
- Beck Bennett: You'll see. Contestant number three?
- Benedict Cumberbatch: Um, hello, I'm Benedict Cumberbatch, and I don't remember this sketch at dress rehearsal.
- Beck Bennett: Fantastic. And now, it's time to play...
- Audience (as splash screen for game show appears): Why Is Benedict Cumberbatch Hot?
- Benedict Cumberbatch (realizing what he just got himself into): Oh...Beck.
- Beck Bennett: Yeah, that's right. Every girl in the cast has been so horny for this dude all week, so, as a guy, I'm just trying to figure that out.
Dave Chappelle/A Tribe Called Quest [42.6]
edit(After Kate McKinnon, dressed as Hillary Clinton, plays Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah")
- Kate McKinnon: I'm not giving up, and neither should you.
(during a sketch in which Hillary Clinton supporters are shocked to find that Donald Trump, despite his controversies, is winning the election)
- Supporter #1: Why isn't everyone turning out for Hillary Clinton the way they did for Barack Obama?
- Chris Rock: Maybe because you're replacing a charismatic black man with a 70-year-old white woman. That's like the Knicks replacing Patrick Ewing with Neil Patrick Harris.