Night Court (season 8)

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Seasons: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9| Main

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Night Court (1984–1992) is an American sitcom, airing on NBC, about the night shift of a Manhattan court, presided over by the young, unorthodox Judge Harold T. "Harry" Stone.

A Family Affair: Part 1 [8.01]

Dan: Help me.

Harry: Dan, you really got a sister?

Dan: This is true.

Bull: But you told us you were an only child.

Dan: I wanted the attention.

Christine: Gee, big age difference between the two of you.

Dan: She was kind of an accident.

Harry: Not planned, huh?

Dan: No, an accident. I accidentally backed the truck into Papa as he was helping Mama unload the groceries. Nine months later, a blessed event.

Mac: Fertile land, that bayou.

Dan: What am I supposed to do? I don't even know her. I mean, she was three years old when I left home. I can't relate to her. We have nothing in common.

Roz: How about parents?

Dan: Oh, sure. Ma and Pa Kettle. Then what? The truth is, I'm ashamed to face her. I was a pretty lousy brother.

Christine: Oh, come on, Dan. You couldn't have been that bad.

Dan: Christine, my last words to her were, "there is no Santa Claus."

Bull: What?!

Roz: [patting his shoulder] Of course there is. Don't you listen to him.

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Mac: Next case—people vs... Ted!

Harry: Ted?!

Christine: [smugly] Good ol' Ted.

Harry: I don't get it. Why are you dressed like that?

Dan: Apparently, our former colleague was in the midst of an appendectomy when he was arrested for impersonating a surgeon.

Harry: Why would a lawyer want to impersonate a doctor?

Dan: Further complications. It seems he's not a lawyer, either.

Harry: Not a lawyer?

Roz: Not a lawyer?

Mac: Not a lawyer?

Man in court: Not a lawyer?!

Christine: Lisette, could you read that back to me?

Lisette: [in different voices] "Not a lawyer? Not a lawyer? Not a lawyer? Not a lawyer?!"

Christine: Thank you.

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Dan: [seeing his sister and Bull in matching bathrobes] Bull? Please, tell me you didn't sleep together.

Bull: Heavens, no. We only had sex.

Nobody Says Rat Fink Anymore [8.10]

Christine: Rose, do your drive?

Rose: Of course, Miss Sullivan.

Christine: Oh, good, okay. Do you know first aid?

Rose: Yes. Yes, I do.

Christine: Excellent. Okay, first aid. Do you consider yourself to be warm and friendly?

Rose: Absolutely, my dear.

Christine: Good, great, okay.

Roz: [after a wink from Christine] Got any tattoos?

Rose: Three.

Roz: Ever been in the slammer?

Rose: Twice.

Roz: What's the going price for a fifth of scotch?

Rose: $17.95.

Roz: Hit the road, jerkweed.

[Rose leaves]

Christine: You're incredible!

Roz: I know. Part of being personnel.