Murder, She Wrote (season 1)

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Murder, She Wrote (1984–1996) is an American television show, airing on CBS, about mystery writer and amateur detective Jessica Fletcher.

The Murder of Sherlock Holmes

Kitty Donovan: It's a pleasure, Mrs. Fletcher. Grady's told me so much about you.

Jessica: Isn't that a coincidence? Grady has told me absolutely nothing about you.

Chief Roy Gunderson: Folks don't go around having half their heads blown off for no reason. I'm looking for motive.

Peter: For killing Caleb McCallum? Surely, you jest. Half the country had reason to kill him. The other half didn't know him.

Preston Giles: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] He insisted I meet him by the pool at 11:00. The subject was blackmail. I couldn't go through that, not after all these years. I was in a blind rage. I took a gun and shot him. When I realized how easily I could have been seen ... If anyone had been outside, they could have heard the shot. Many years ago, I was betrayed by three partners in a business venture. An apartment house we built collapsed. Several people were killed. Although I had nothing to do with the construction end, I was made the scapegoat. They got off free, and I was sentenced to fifteen years in prison. After two years, I managed to escape. Don't ask the details, but the police assumed I died in the attempt.

Jessica: Like the Count of Monte Cristo.

Preston Giles: As you well know, my favorite fictional character. Well, not everyone was convinced that I was dead. A hotshot detective, third-grade, had a hunch that I was still alive. He became even more positive when, over the next couple of years, like the Count of Monte Cristo, I financially destroyed my three ex-partners from a safe distance. Saturday was the first time I'd seen him in twenty-two years, and I didn't recognize him. But, obviously, he recognized me. He'd changed his name, as I had. But I knew that if the police ever started poking around his files, sooner or later, they'd come across me.

Jessica: Yes, the files. That's why you dressed Baxendale up in the Sherlock Holmes outfit. To make the police think that the killer had intended to kill Caleb. You had to divert attention away from Baxendale.

Preston Giles: Yes. He was a slimy blackmailer, Jess. He threatened to destroy my life. Morally, it was a case of self-defense.

Jessica: Preston, even if I could bring myself to believe that, there's no way that you can justify the murdering of Caleb McCallum. And you did kill him, for the same reason. To divert suspicion from yourself.

Preston Giles: Caleb wasn't much of a human being, either.

Jessica: Oh, but he didn't deserve killing. No one deserves killing. Oh, Preston! I'm so angry! I don't know whether to scream or cry. All the way to the railway station, I was thinking about you. Twice, I nearly turned around and came back. Then when I realized, when I read that newspaper...

Preston Giles: I'm sorry, Jess. I truly am. Another time, a different place, we might have had something. I'm going to talk to Gunderson. Would you go with me?

Jessica: Yes. I'd like to very much.

Deadly Lady [1.1]

Ralph: Yes, ma'am, I've been hoboing for about as long as I can remember but you must understand I am not a bum. I work for what I get. [Picks up a book] Hey, I read this story. Good book. [Sees the author's photo] You wrote this!

Jessica: I did.

Ralph: Mrs. Fletcher, you astound me.

Jessica: Oh, Ralph. You're not astounded at all. As a matter of fact, you're full of clam dip. Now, sit down and eat.

Ralph: Ma'am, you misjudge me.

Jessica: No, sir, you misjudge me. That book is a pre-publication copy. It hasn't even been released yet. Secondly, your clothes may be faded but they are exquisitely tailored. And third, the term is "bo" and not "hoboing". And finally, on your wrist is an imprint where a watch used to be.

Sheriff Amos Tupper: I'm talking about foul play! A hundred million dollars is a whale of a motive!

Captain Ethan Cragg: Amos, you've been reading too many of Jessica's books.

Sheriff Tupper: Well, that's how much you know, Ethan. I haven't read any of them.

Jessica: Mozart?

Ralph: Food for the soul. An empty head is almost as bad as an empty belly.

[When Nancy Earl's ex-fiancée shows up just after her rich father dies]

Jessica: A relative?

Lisa Earl Shelby: No, but he sure would like to be.

Maggie Earl: You're very clever, Mrs. Fletcher.

Jessica: Merely logical.

Birds of a Feather [1.2]

Jessica: Lieutenant Novack, did you notice the small white feather on Mr. Drake's jacket?

Lt. Floyd Novack: Who are you?

Jessica: I'm Jessica Fletcher.

Lt. Novack: Did you see the murder?

Jessica: Well, actually, no. I was sitting out front watching the show.

Lt. Novack: Then, Ms. Fletcher, would you mind doing me a great big favor?

Jessica: I'll do absolutely anything I can to help.

Lt. Novack: Would you please get out of here?

Lt. Novack: You don't seem exactly broken up over Drake's death.

Freddy York: I'll tell you what, I'll split a bouquet with you. Pick whatever kind of flowers you want.

Howard Griffin: [about his former insurance job] Mrs. Fletcher, do you know how hard it is to sit in someone's living room when they'd rather be watching television and tell them how rich they're gonna be after they're dead?

Jessica: We've only had one killer in our family. 1777, I believe, and the Redcoats shot first.

Jessica: Now, look, I've got the name of a very good lawyer. Is there anything else you need?

Howard: How about a pair of pants?

Hooray for Homicide [1.3]

Jerry Lydecker: Nudity is necessary for the story. It reveals Jenny's true character.

Jessica: In my story, Jenny was Jonny, the 10-year-old son of a Presbyterian minister. And he didn't take off his shirt in 200 pages.

Allan Gebhart: In this town, Mrs. Fletcher, we have two kinds of people. Those who are working and those in development. The ones in development spend a lot of time in the unemployment office.

Eve Crystal: [after Jessica exposes her as the murderer] You know, it's, it's funny. I never wanted to be a movie star. It was all Jerry's idea. I would've done anything for him. Jerry. Scott. I sure know how to pick 'em, don't I, Mrs. Fletcher?

It's a Dog's Life [1.4]

Trish Langley: My little niece here is into electronic music: Tweeters, woofers, heavy metal. Still sounds like cats in heat.

Echo Cramer: And so do you, Aunt Trish.

Tom Cassidy: Abby's told me a lot about you, Mrs. Fletcher. It's an honour to meet a world famous writer.

Jessica: Oh, but an infamous writer, I'm afraid.

Abby Benton Freestone: Around here, some of the real beasts walk on two legs.

Marcus Boswell: Hello again, Echo. I'm sorry we have to meet under such sad circumstances.

Echo: Funny. That's what the undertaker said.

Jessica: Just as I suspected. When under stress, the English always head for the teapot.

Lovers and Other Killers [1.5]

Dr. Edmund Gerard: You're a very famous person these days.

Jessica: Oh, no, Edmund. Elizabeth Taylor, now that is famous. Me, I still have to take a number at Hoopers Bakery, same as ever.

Jack Kowalski: You ask a lot of questions.

Jessica: I'm nosy.

Amelia Brown: [after Jessica accuses her of comitting the murder] I went to see Lila Tuesday evening. To confront her. As I pulled up, she was just leaving. Her actions seemed strange, so I followed her. I wanted to see what she was up to. I was afraid she might have been meeting Edmund. I followed her into the warehouse. She saw me. She knew why I was there. She laughed. She threatened to tell Edmund. And I just lost my temper. I reached for the longshoreman's hook, and I just lashed at her! I ran! I r...

Dr. Edmund Gerard: Amelia, for God's sake, why?

Amelia Brown: Because I love you.

Dr. Edmund Gerard: I had no idea.

Amelia Brown: No. None at all. Even after all these years, even after Gwen died. And then when you started up with...

Dr. Edmund Gerard: Amelia, Lila didn't mean anything to me. That was a passing thing. I could have handled it.

Amelia Brown: Are you sure?

David Tolliver: Send me a copy of the book when it's finished?

Jessica: I may do better. You may end up being a character.

David Tolliver: What would I be? A victim, a suspect, a killer?

Jessica: I don't know. I haven't made up my mind yet.

Hit, Run and Homicide [1.6]

Jessica: [About her speech for Founder's Day] Well, how does this sound? "Captain Joshua Wade: A free-spirited adventurer who seized opportunities wherever he could find them."

Lois: Jessica, he was a pirate.

Jessica: Well, I'm trying to state that as delicately as I can.

Daniel O'Brien: A whirlwind courtship. Better nail her down fast.

Katie Simmons: Well, that sure is interesting advice, especially coming from the country's original confirmed bachelor.

Tony Holiday: Ms. Fletcher, anything new on the investigation?

Jessica: Sheriff Tupper is exploring several possibilities.

Daniel: Got out his own Ouija board, huh?

Tonyː [About a psychiatric evaluation for an insanity plea] I know you hate the idea that Uncle Daniel might be unbalanced but what I do know is that neither of us want to see him end up in jail.

Jessicaː No, we don't. Whatever happened to the notion "Innocent until proven guilty"?

Danielː May I offer a toast to the two ladies in my life? To the one who just saved my life and to the other who's been saving it for years, only I was too preoccupied to notice.

We're Off to Kill the Wizard [1.7]

Jessica: A good guest is like Halley's Comet. Seen and enjoyed, seldom and briefly.

Horatio Baldwin: Come, come, dear lady. Why this moral outrage? I read your books. We're in the same business.

Jessica: No, Mr. Baldwin. I write for people who read. You apparently stage your bloodbaths for tots who have not yet learned to differentiate the difference between your sordid charades and the real world. There's quite a difference.

Jessica: Since Mr. Gardner risked bringing me here at the point of a gun, I assume he feels a very strong attachment to you.

Erica Baldwin: For the past two years, Horatio chose a celibate life, Mrs. Fletcher. With Michael's co-operation, I didn't.

Death Takes a Curtain Call [1.8]

Major Anatole Karzof: Major Anatole Karzof, Committee of State Security.

Jessica: KGB.

Major Karzof: Oh well, if you prefer.

Major Karzof: Radicals! So vociferous on camera but quiet as church mice after interrogation.

Major Karzof: You're not being very helpful, Sheriff. I want to find them and now!

Sheriff Tupper: Major, there's no call to raise your voice. I'm doing my best.

Major Karzof: I'm becoming very aware of that.

Skip Fleming: Well, if no one objects, I'll just get the hell out of here.

Jessica: I was about to suggest the same thing, Mr. Fleming. Good night.

Major Karzof: Farewell, my dear Jessica. I look forward to your next novel.

Jessica: I'd like to send you a signed copy if it won't compromise you in the Kremlin.

Major Karzof: Sometimes, a man likes to be compromised, eh?

Death Casts a Spell [1.9]

Jessica: Good morning, Mr. Michaels.

Bud Michaels: Is it? I didn't notice.

Andrew Townsend: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] My father was Bud Michaels's bureau chief, and as such, he okayed the article that Cagliostro tricked Michaels into writing. So when Cagliostro sued Michaels, my father was named too. And when Michaels's career was destroyed, my father's was destroyed along with it. He just couldn't face starting over again, so he killed himself. I wanted to get Cagliostro for years, but I just could never figure out how. But when this thing dropped into my lap, the whole plan came to me just like that.

Capital Offense [1.10]

Det. Lt. Avery Mendelsohn: Maybe you should have been a cop.

Jessica: I am a cop. When I'm at the typewriter.

Jessica: Excuse me, Mr. Chairman. Would it be possible for me to say a few words?

Committee Chairman: I would hope, Mrs. Fletcher, that they will be considerably fewer than those voiced by your colleague from New York.

Jessica: I have studied this bill very carefully. And heaven knows this cannery would certainly bring a lot of new jobs to my district. And if that were the only consideration, I would vote for it without any hesitation. However, I've discovered that there are seven abandoned canneries in my state. Can you imagine? Seven. No longer working, no longer employing people. And why? Because the owners walked away from them rather than spend money to modernize their operations. [to Ray Dixon, who is sitting in the gallery] Now, I believe two of them are your companies, Mr. Dixon. [to the committee] Now, I realize that there is expense involved in updating equipment and perhaps those locations are no longer as convenient as McHenry's Point. But, you know, I'm very upset by this notion that we can just dispose of buildings or people when they become a little troublesome or unprofitable. Almost five thousand people used to work at those abandoned canneries. Now, that's truly disgraceful, to put people out of work, to abandon perfectly good buildings because our tax laws make it financially advantageous. Well, I'm sorry, but I think that sort of attitude is not only preposterous, but it's inhuman. Now, the Pendrake Corporation doesn't need a new cannery. They need to put the canneries they already own back into operation. [to Ray Dixon] Now, Mr. Dixon, you and your fellow canners have been taking a lot out of the state of Maine and I think it's high time you started putting something back.

Joe Blinn: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] I'm no different than anyone else in this town, Mrs. Fletcher. You buy and you sell. People, legislation and influence. There's a price tag on everything and everyone. And I was doing real well, too. Until Martha got just a little too big for her pantyhose.

Jessica: And did you think you were the only one to play the game of buy and sell?

Broadway Malady [1.11]

Rita Bristol: Funny thing about having your name in lights. When the power fails, you learn a lot about yourself and your friends.

Barry Bristol: [after Jessica accuses him of committing the murder] Do you have any idea what it was like to be Rita Bristol's little boy? To have a self-involved, washed-up, penny-pinching lush for a mother? She never gave a damn about me. She hardly even admitted that I was alive.

Jessica: I felt she cared a great deal about you.

Barry Bristol: No. See, that's what she wanted people to believe. No, it was all for my sister. It was "Patti this" and "darling Patti that," as if I didn't exist. Yes, I wanted her money. She certainly wasn't about to give it to me. All those years I could have used it, all those chances I had, here and in Hollywood. But. she always knew better. "Get it from other people," she'd say. "We Bristols supply the talent." Answers. She had them every lousy minute of my life.

Murder to a Jazz Beat [1.12]

Lafayette Duquesne: I always say that whatever time a man's got spending it with good food, good friends, good music and good conversation, man can't die no ways but happy.

Jessica: I see. You're a patron of the arts.

Dr. Aaron Kramer: No, that's someone with class. I'm just a talent broker with a tin ear.

Eddie Walters: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] Ben was the best friend I ever had. He wasn't nice to a whole lot of people. But he wasn't never not nice to me. Not never. He was my friend, and he took real good care of me. Long time ago, Ben, Joey and me, we done somethin' bad. Real bad. Callie told the police we were with her. So they wouldn't arrest us. Now, she did that 'cause she loved Ben. And Ben and me, we love her right back. Ben didn't love her no more. He said he wasn't gonna let her go to Las Vegas with us. That if she found out, she'd tell the police she'd lied. And we'd go to jail. When, qhen we were in that place, South America, Ben told me he was gonna kill Callie. He even went out and got the poison to do it. Now, I couldn't, I couldn't just let him do that. I told him, I said, "Ben, Callie would never do anything to hurt us." But he wouldn't listen to me. He wouldn't believe me! And when I tried to tell Callie, Callie didn't believe me either! So I couldn't just let him kill her, 'cause he didn't love her no more. But I did. But I did. I did, I did, I did!

My Johnny Lies Over the Ocean [1.13]

Carla Raymond: I'll feel much better after I get my hair done!

Phoebe Carroll: You had your hair done!

Carla: That was yesterday!

Jessica: The truth is that you can be married to someone and think you know them intimately. And then... Well, it's hard to know yourself, let alone another person.

Captain Daniels: If she's insane, then I am too.

Jessica: That's precisely what the Bordens said about their daughter Lizzie.

Phoebe: All right, Ms. Pig Out. Don't ask to borrow my bathing suit. No way!

Carla: [scarfing down cake] Listen, Phoebe! Stuff it, will ya?

Phoebe: That's cute. I like that. Look who's talking?

Carla: I happen to be the victim of a very tragic love affair.

Phoebe: You talking about the king of the cowboys? He was a jerk, Carla!

Carla: He was cute! And he was single.

Phoebe: There's a very good reason for that.

Paint Me a Murder [1.14]

Willard Kaufmann: First rule of eavesdropping: Never complain if you don't like what you hear.

Insp. Henry Kyle: Diego's taste in old friends is so egomaniacal it's a wonder any of them speak the same language.

Margo Santana: [after Jessica exposes the murderer] He was your friend. He loved you.

Sir John Landry: But I loved him too, Margo. But you see, Willard was not the only one who was broke. The art business is very volatile. Subject to the whims of a tasteless public. I was in grave danger of losing everything. Everything. You do see my problem, don't you?

Tough Guys Don't Die [1.15]

Harry McGraw: It took a lot of guts to face me down in here, not knowing who I was.

Jessica: Didn't take any guts at all, Mr. McGraw. While I was out, I phoned the Sheriff.

Harry: Look, Mrs. Fletcher, why don't you take some advice? Why don't you devote that boundless energy of yours to needlepoint or bridge club?

Jessica: I tried that and that's precisely the reason I wrote my first book. I was bored out of my mind.

Harry: Well, I read your first book and I was bored out of my mind.

Jessica: It's your privilege.

Det. Lt. Starkey: Archie Miles was like a father to us. We didn't just like the guy. We loved him, all of us. So believe me, we want to see his killer go down. Permanently. And that's why we're all gonna stay out of Harry McGraw's way.

Jessica: So Mr. McGraw can try, sentence and execute him?

Det. Starkey: Naturally, we'd prefer he turn him over to us first.

Jessica: And if he doesn't?

Det. Starkey: Then at least, we won't have to worry about the possibility of some slick lawyer getting the dirt bag off on a technicality.

Harry: You are trouble.

Jessica: Thank you.

Jessica: Mr. McGraw, may I make a suggestion?

Harry: Why should you stop now?

Gavin Daniels: I'm gonna tell you a secret, Jessica. I'm still in love with the woman, always will be. That's why we've enjoyed such a marvelous divorce.

Det. Starkey: Harry, don't do something stupid.

Harry: Is that official or just a piece of friendly advice?

Det. Starkey: Both.

Harry: You know me, Starkey. I never shot a rattlesnake that didn't bite me first.

Harry: [Confronting the killer] You better pray you get convicted 'cause that's the only way you're gonna see your next birthday.

Harry: Life's a circus, do you understand? Now some people, they just see the tents and they drive by. Other people are in there walking on the high-wire. That's me. All I'm saying is don't sit back and watch. Jump in.

Jessica: Harry, I do believe you are offering me a job!

Harry: McGraw & Fletcher. Your brains, my knuckles.

Sudden Death [1.16]

Phil Kreuger: This is Web McCord, my associate. He's the one that collects Leopards.

Jessica: Not the wild variety, I hope.

Web McCord: No, but some of these animals belong in cages.

Brad Lockwood: Phil died intestate.

Mavis Kreuger: How awful! I never knew that about Phil.

Brad: Mavis, that means he didn't leave a will.

Coach Pat Patillo: Mrs. Fletcher, I think you just put my defensive captain on the injured reserve.

Jessica: Does that mean he's not dead?

Coach Patillo: Not quite.

Web: Mrs. Fletcher is something of an amateur detective.

Jessica: No, I'm just trying to help a friend.

Grover Dillon: Be careful, Mrs. Fletcher. People who get hurt by football aren't always on the field.

Jessica: I think someone was just trying to scare me off.

Grover: Looks like you don't scare easily.

Jessica: I scare all right, but at least it proves I'm on the right track.

Tank Mason: I've been watching you and you've got pretty good wind for an old broad... I'm sorry. I bet you're very well-preserved... No, what I mean is-

Jessica: [Laughs] I know what you mean, Tank. And thanks for the compliment.

Footnote to Murder [1.17]

Jessica: Are we going to that reception?

Horace Lynchfield: With free drinks, that is a rhetorical question.

Tiffany Harrow: You know, it's too bad you're not up for an award this year, Mr. Post.

Hemsley Post: Well, even the mighty oak must let a little sunshine on the rising saplings.

Frank Lapinski: I've read a couple of your books. Lightweight, but kind of fun.

Jessica: Thank you very much. I never planned to be Dostoevsky.

Adrian Winslow: I suppose you're going to steal Hemsley's murder for a book?

Jessica: Well, good plots are hard to come by. But of course, this one doesn't have an ending.

Debbie Delancey: [after Jessica accuses her of committing the murder] Frank sent his novel to Post. His only copy. And then we heard later that he was coming out with his own Vietnam novel, and Frank was furious.

Jessica: And you wanted to help Frank.

Debbie Delancey: Yes. I would do anything for him. And then it happened. A way to get the novel back. Mr. Post saw me approaching the other writers in the hotel lobby, so he came over. Somebody had said something to him about my story, and he asked me up to his hotel room after the party to discuss my future. See, I knew what he had in mind. I wasn't really sure what I was gonna do. I, you know, talk to him, or maybe just grab the manuscript and run. But I was not prepared for what happened because ... He was like an animal.

Jessica: He must've taken Horace's sword umbrella by mistake after the cocktail party.

Debbie Delancey: I didn't mean to kill him. It was an accident.

Murder Takes the Bus [1.18]

Miriam Radford: I think you're a wonderful writer. In fact, you're in my top ten most stolen list.

Jessica: Your what?

Miriam Radford: Most stolen. I'm a librarian. We have had to replace copies of your books a dozen times over the last couple of years. People check them out and absolutely will not return them.

Ben Gibbons: [after Jessica exposes him as the murderer] I didn't start out to kill him. I really didn't. I just wanted him to know how much hurt he had caused. Everybody had got off the bus except Stoner and the young guy. I was working around the engine, just stalling, waiting for Stoner to be alone. He was mean, cold-mean. He said he didn't give a damn about some dumb kid that just happened to get in the way. He had done his time and there was nothing anybody could do. "Dumb kid." The sweetest little girl you ever saw in your life. Well, all of a sudden, I just went crazy. I couldn't think about anything but killing him. When I got off the bus, I was shaking so hard, I thought I was going to pass out. I realized what I'd done. I had killed a man. I was no better than he had been. Just then, I saw the captain come out of the diner and get on the bus. I thought I was a goner. But when I looked in the window, the captain was going through Stoner's pockets. Then he grabbed the suitcase and took off. I just, I just stood there for a few minutes. Trying to figure out what to do. That's when I knew I had to stab him in the neck with the screwdriver.

Joe Downing: But why?

Ben Gibbons: Guess you know the answer to that.

Jessica: You knew the coroner would figure out that Stoner died of strangulation and not a stab wound. By confessing to killing Stoner with a screwdriver, no one would figure you were the original killer. As Mr. Downing said a few moments ago, the police would check backgrounds, prior relationships. Downing thought he'd be a key, perhaps the only suspect. You thought the only way to escape arrest for Mr. Stoner's murder was to confess it.

Armed Response [1.19]

Milton Porter: Gross negligence, open-handed! We're looking at $50,000 here minimum

Jessica: Oh, that's ridiculous!

Milton: You're right. We'll make it $100,000!

Dr. Samuel Garver: Ms. Wells, I'm very familiar with Mr. Ogden's complaints. Now, there's nothing wrong with that man.

Nurse Jennie Wells: No, sir. Nothing that would show up on a chart.

Dr. Sam: How nice that we agree. Bye now.

Jessica: (Your cast) looks very uncomfortable. How did you do it?

Sadie Winthrope: Got mine trying to take a shortcut on the Texas two-step.

Nurse Marge Horton: Maine can be beautiful this time of year, Mrs. Fletcher.

Jessica: Maine is beautiful any time of the year, Ms. Horton. Though I must confess I don't miss those 10 foot snowdrifts.

Lt. Ray Jenkins: I just got transferred here from a real rough neighborhood. Now to me, a murder is when a guy in a bar kills another guy in a bar.

Jessica: Of course it's the murder weapon! Whoever heard of framing anyone with the wrong gun?!

Milton: Mrs. Fletcher, is that all you've got to say to me after all we've been through?

Jessica: There is one other thing. See you in court.

Murder at the Oasis [1.20]

Peggy Shannon: Forget it, Jess. I'm not ready for romance.

Jessica: But it's been years since your divorce from Johnny!

Peggy: I survived the divorce. I'm not sure I survived the marriage.

Peggy: Mickey, what do you know about last night?

Mickey Shannon: We both know. Johnny Shannon wasn't loved by his loved ones.

Buster Bailey: [About Mickey] He hates guns. When all the kids were playing Cops and Robbers, he was playing Agents and Accountants.

Peggy: Once, he even took a girl away from Buster Bailey.

Jessica: Buster must have resented that.

Peggy: It broke his heart. Until he made a joke about it.

Det. Sgt. Barnes: I remember rumors of Johnny having mob connections. But why would they want to have him iced?

Jessica: Suppose he had a falling out with Milo Valentine?

Det. Barnes: That wouldn't be a falling out. That'd be a plunge in Lake Michigan with concrete booties on.

Terry Shannon: [Seeing a video recording of her father flirting with a showgirl] That guy on the screen is some stranger. My daddy is the man is this picture with Mickey and me.

Buster: You don't think I would stoop to listening in at keyholes? [Jessica gives him a look] Okay, okay, so I happened to drop a cigar and my ear chanced to rub the door as I went to pick the cigar up.

Murderer: [Surrendering the murder weapon] You really do take the prize.

Jessica: This means a great deal to me.

Murderer: As a trophy of your victory?

Jessica: No, as the only real evidence I have that you killed Johnny Shannon.

Funeral at Fifty-Mile [1.21]

Sally Mestin: What's on your alleged mind, honey?

Mary Carver: You are, ma'am! You are on my mind, you are in my hair and you're on my nerves!