Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness

Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness is an American-British CGI animated television series broadcast on Nickelodeon, starring the characters from the 2008 film Kung Fu Panda.

While James Hong and Lucy Liu reprise their roles as Mr. Ping and Master Viper from the movies, the rest are replaced by other actors; Jack Black is replaced by Mick Wingert as the voice of Master Po, Angelina Jolie is replaced by Kari Wahlgren, Jackie Chan is taken over by James Sie as Master Monkey, Seth Rogen is replaced by Max Koch as Master Mantis, Amir Talai replaces David Cross as Master Crane, and Master Shifu is now voiced by Fred Tatasciore.

Season 1

Episode 1: Scorpion's Sting

[first lines of the series, In the Training Hall, Master Shifu walks into view]

Shifu: Panda, you're next! Ten seconds to get to the other side unscathed!

Po: [Begins through the Gauntlet of Wooden Warriors; he blocks two of the Warrior's arms] Cat-like reflexes!

Monkey: [Flies in from the roof] HUAH!

Po: Monkey?!

[The two briefly battle each other before Monkey gains the upper-hand]

Monkey: [Stuffs his fingers up Po's nose] Ha ha! Two points for Monkey! [Pulls back his fist] Lights out, Po!

---

[A brainwashed Monkey throws a boulder behind Po; Po turns around and sees the boulder]

Po: What are you trying to do?

Monkey: [Dazed voice] Destroy Po!.

---

Crane: [When a sick Tigress keeps sneezing on him] Master Shifu, can we take five so I can go sterilize my beak with hot coals?

---

Po: Cat-like reflexes!

---

Po: Friends love the sneezy trick!

---

Po: I've got a secret weapon: AWESOMENESS!

---

[Mr. Ping, as "Mr. Clown", is performing a homemade goat puppet to try and entertain Tigress, who is resting in bed and has River Fever]

Mr. Ping: [As the puppet] Oh, someone has a sad face! What's your name, little girl?

Tigress: Back away.

Mr. Ping: [As the puppet] Oh, and would Back Away like a pretty flower?

Tigress: No.

---

[While Mr. Ping is trying to cheer Tigress up by posing as "Mr. Clown" and performing a puppet]

Tigress: Those "flowers" are made out of coupons.

---

Po: [Pretending to be sick] Uh-oh! I think I've caught T-- Tigress' cold!

Tigress: I do not have-- [Puts her fist to her mouth while coughing] --A cold! [Coughs, then frowns]

---

[Repeated line]

Tigress: I do not have a cold!

Episode 2: The Princess and the Po

[During an argument between Po and Mei Li]

Mei Li: How dare you!

Po: I dare because when I say something's wrong, it's wrong! I don’t care how royal highnessy you are! You are mean, rotten, bossy, bratty, and nobody likes you!

Episode 3: Sticky Situation

Taotie: With machinery comes power!

---

Tigress: I am not afraid of you!

Po: Yes you are. Scaredy cat, scaredy cat, scaredy cat!

Episode 5: Fluttering Finger Mindslip

[A pig hands Taotie a scroll]

Taotie: Ooh, the mail!

[He rolls out the scroll]

Taotie: Aha! The Jade Palace! What did I tell you?

[Taotie begins to read the scroll]

Taotie: A bill? "For the destruction of the Training Hall"?

[He puts down the scroll]

Taotie: A bill?! [Looks off into the distance] Enough of your petty humiliation, Shifu and friends! I'll make you rue the day you were ever born! Rue, do you hear me?! RUE!!

Bian Zao: Dad, they're, like, 4 miles away.

---

Shifu: [to Po] Behold scrolls 51 to 10,000

---

Shifu: The Sacred Scrolls should be read in proper order

---

Bian Zao: Seriously how, I need to forget him (his father, Taotie) too. [Taotie looks at his son]

Viper: Wait, if you expected us to know who you are, you must know who we are

Taotie: I am Taotie, your, uh... Kung Fu master!

Furious Five: [Bowing] Master Taotie.

Taotie: [To Viper] You, you're uh... Noodle. [To Monkey] You're Doodie. [To Mantis] Little Britches. [To Tigress] Whiskers Kitty-poo. [To Crane] And you're, uh, El Storko. [Laughs]

Bian Zao: [Does a fake cough] Loser. [Taotie looks at his son again after hearing this]

---

Taotie: They call me a brilliant genius!

Mantis: Wasn't this supposed to be about us?

Taotie: Oh, sorry. But then at the peak of... of my... our glory, there arose a terrible menace. A dark lord of evil known as Shifu...'s-An-Idiot. Yeah, Shifu's-An-Idiot and his nefarious confederate, Po...-Chews-With-His-Mouth-Open.

Bian Zao: Lame

Taotie: And although we have defeated them at every turn, Shifu's-An-Idiot and Po keep coming back. By the way, last time we fought those guys, I saved your lives. That's why you should be really nice to me. And then... there was a giant cake with eyes and uh... the end.

Mantis: I think I remember that cake!

Episode 8: Jailhouse Panda

Tong Fo: What a beautiful day... to be destroying the Jade Palace!

---

Tong Fo: My eyes aren't big! I have a small skull! My brain barely fits inside it!

Episode 9: Owl Be Back

Po: You... you must be Fenghuang!

Fenghuang: [Sarcastically] Yes. And you must be 300 pounds.

Po: No. 290, tops.

---

Fenghuang: You're good, Panda. But you can't win.

Po: Why not?

Fenghuang: Because I cheat.

---

Shifu: Po, the Furious Five have protected the Valley of Peace for thousands of years. How old do you think, say, Tigress is?

Po: I don't know. 40? Okay, well, less than a hundred, so... so this was another Furious Five.

Shifu: Yes.

Po: Okay, but who's that? [points to the female owl, x-ed out]

Shifu: [sighs] That is Fenghuang. She was the greatest fighter of us all, but she… changed. Over the years, the most powerful of us have all had one thing in common: they've become dark, twisted, villainous. In a word, evil. Po, you are the most powerful.

Po: Wow, Shifu thanks. I mean, coming from you that means a... wait, what?! So that means, I'm gonna turn evil?!

---

Po: Let's get this baby out in the wind!

---

Po: Monkey, you don't think I'm going to become dark, twisted, and villainous, do you?

Monkey: Oh, you heard about Fenghuang?

Po: How do you know?

Monkey: Well, they say Fenghuang had very special skills that Oogway recognized and refined. [voice-over during a 2D animated flashback of her training in the training hall under Oogway's supervision] As he trained her, she just got stronger. Until she was the most powerful of the Five, and that's when she started to change. She challenged Oogway to fight, declaring that she would be the master of the Jade Palace. But Oogway had been expecting this. He had built an inescapable owl-shaped cage.

Po: [voice-over] An owl-shaped cage?

Monkey: [voice-over] But, he would have to defeat her to get her in it. [Oogway and Fenghuang start engaging in a fight and after that, Fenghuang is left injured] She could not defeat Oogway, but she could run. [Fenghuang flies away, leaving the Jade Palace as Oogway and the old Five watch her; end of 2D animated flashback] There's a rumor she's been up in the Northern Mountains, too afraid of Oogway to return.

Po: And now everyone thinks that I'm gonna go bad just like she did!

---

Po: [To Shifu] I've been wearing these same pants for three days!

---

Crane: He smells evil.

Tigress: That's not new.

---

Po: [To the Qidan warriors, referring to Monkey] All right, who threw this?

---

Po: Up, kitie, kite, kite--

[Crash]

Po: ULGGGhhH kite, kittie...

---

Temutai: You cannot defeat me!

Po: I defeated you last time.

Temutai: Yes, but... I had a head cold!

---

Po: [To Fenghuang] What's evil like? Is it tingly? Are my eyebrows gonna go all pointy and I'm gonna get some evil laugh that turns into a cough?! [. . .] What if I end up with a hook and a shaved head?!

Episode 10: Bad Po

[Bad Po enters the Training Hall and shoves Tigress to get her attention]

Bad Po: Hey, Good Lookin'. What's shakin'?

Tigress: [Growls furiously]

---

Bad Po: [To Tigress] I'm the Dragon Warrior, honey!

---

Po: Hey, Dad.

[Mr. Ping squawks loudly; Po frowns]

Mr. Ping: How could you treat me like this?!

Po: What?!

[Mr. Ping walks away, disappointed]

Episode 11: Sight for Sore Eyes

Mr. Ping: Junjie is holding Shifu prisoner, and Po went the Jade Palace to rescue him, all alone. You have to help him.

Tigress: [wearing bunny ears] Ha, help Po? After what he did? Are you serious?

Mr. Ping: Would you mind taking off those ears?

Crane: He probably just made that up about Shifu. I mean, Junjie is a Shaolin master.

Mr. Ping: [grabs Crane by the beak and pulls him down to his face] Listen to me, limp-beak! My son may be not perfect. He may be big and loud and clumsy and annoying and impatient and hot-headed and...where...where am I going with this?

Episode 14: Ghost of Oogway

Oogway: [Smiling] Awesome.

[He then ascends back to the Heavens]

---

Junjie: No, you fools! Not Oogway!

---

Junjie: What a nitwit! With Shifu gone and me pulling the string with my little puppet Po, I'll finally rule the Jade Palace! [Chuckles to himself]

---

Shifu: [To Po] You are now demonstrating your new skills with the Tri Bo Yao.

---

Junjie: [To Master Shifu as he fights him] I am your master now!

---

Po: You don't deserve to rule the Jade Palace, Junjie!

Junjie: [Pushing down on Po's nose] It's you who can't rule, Panda!

Po: No kidding, but I'm not a disgrace to the name of Oogway!

Junjie: Luckily, he's not here to see this!

Episode 15: The Kung Fu Kid

Shifu: What's your name, son?

Peng: Peng. The name is Peng.

Episode 20: My Favorite Yao

Shifu: [To Master Yao] Get your hands off this flawless speciman of Kung Fu perfection!

Season 2

Episode 19: Crane on a Wire

Crane: Sorry, Po. I spent my last few coins on a new nasal irrigator. Ain't she a beaut? But, uh, I'd be happy to donate my services in any way I can. Uh, excuse me.

Po: Wait a minute, great idea! We can all donate our services!

Tigress: Which means?

Po: We'll hold a Jade Palace Fancy-Pants Auction!

Monkey: You mean get people to bid money on us?

Po: Right. Whoever bids the most gets to spend the day with their favorite kung fu master. Is that an incredibly awesome idea or what?

Tigress: I doubt Master Shifu would approve.

Po: He won't know. He's off on his yearly pilgrimage to enhance his spiritual powers.

Shifu: [getting his back massaged by a bunny woman jumping on him; sighs in relaxation] Just a little to the left. There-Ah! Thank you.

---

Mr. Ping: [standing on a pedestal] Hello! And welcome to the Jade Palace Master Kung Fu Charity Auction! And brought to you by Ping's Noodle Shop. This week only, all noodle soup profits go directly to the new children's hospital. [a group of kids cheer] But not dessert profits. [the kids groan sadly] What? Let's not go cuckoo crazy here. Hmm… okay… dessert profits too. [the kids cheer again] Okay, okay, let's get right to the bidding! First up, Master Tigress!

Tigress: [to Po; smugly] Watch and learn, charitable chump.

---

Crane: [sneezes and snorts the mucus back in his nose and sees the disgusted crowd looking at him] Excuse me. Lot of allergens in the air. [sneezes twice] It'll…uh…it'll clear up in a second. [sneezes loudly]

---

Mr. Ping: [appearing out of cover after Fenghuang flees] Let's hear it for the Dragon Warrior and the Furious Five!

[Everyone cheers]

Duck villager: More like the Furious Four.

Crane: [still stuck on the wall] I'm okay! I got this! [frees himself by landing in the center of the crowd, they all laugh mockingly at him] Ha, ha. Why don't you paint a picture? It'll last longer.

---

Mantis: Where have you guys been? Fenghuang's been spotted up by the mountains!

Viper: And she's still nursing her wing!

Tigress: This is our chance to capture her! Come on! We gotta get up there while she's still weak.

Crane: I… I'm not going.

Po: Huh? Crane, no! We need you.

Crane: Po, you saw me freeze up when Fenghuang attacked. And you heard everyone laughing when we went down to the village.

Po: [optimistically] So? That's something. [laughs nervously before Crane gives him a sad look] Crane, we're friends. And being friends means we can always count on each other. No matter what anybody else thinks.

Crane: Sorry, Po. [sadly looks away]

Po: Crane…

Tigress: [putting her hand on Po's shoulder] He's made his choice, Po. We gotta get going.

---

[Crane is helping Zeng broom-sweep the training courtyard]

Crane: And that, Zeng, is how my uncle decided to re-insulate the nest with thatched reed instead of the more popular doubled-up bundled straw.

Zeng: [laughs weakly] That's very… interesting, Master Crane.

Crane: Yep. True story about thatched reed--

Zeng: Uh, Master Crane? Forgive me, but, uh, why didn't you go with the others?

Crane: [looks down with sadness, having to have heard that] Because I'm a joke, Zeng. At any moment, I could freeze up. At least here, I can't hurt anyone. [sneezes violently and coughs, almost making him hit Zeng with the broom]

---

Mr. Ping: It is with great pleasure that I announce the grand opening of the new children's hospital! Master Crane, as one of the most respected and loved members of the Furious Five, will you do the honors?

Crane: Well, uh… Me? [two bunny kids give him back his hat before putting it back on his head]

Po: [giving him a thumbs-up] Way to go, buddy.

[Crane cuts the red ribbon with his beak as a pair of scissors, declaring the children's hospital open, and everyone cheers]

Crane: [coughing and wheezing] Was that ribbon made of silk?! [snorting]

Tigress: [sighs] Let's get him inside.

Monkey: He's allergic to silk?

Mantis: Of course.

Mr. Ping: [laughs nervously] Let's hear it for Master Crane, the hospital's first patient!

Episode 23: Mama Told Me Not to Kung Fu

Shifu: Crane, if you'd done that in combat, someone could have gotten hurt!

Po: [yelling in distant] Someone did!

Crane: [snapping] Someone always gets hurt! Kung fu isn't safe! It's just like my… Like, someone said. I have to go.

Shifu: What? Where?

Crane: I'm resigning from the Furious Five. [pushes the door open, accidentally hitting Po in the face] Goodbye, everyone… Forever.

---

[Po finds Crane in his father's noodle shop]

Po: Hello. Why do you want to leave the Furious Five, buddy?

Crane: I don't want to talk about it.

Po: Come on, you can tell me.

Crane: [defiant] I said no!

Po: Tell me.

Crane: No.

Po: Tell me.

Crane: No.

Po: Tell me.

Crane: No.

Po: Tell me.

Crane: No.

Po: Tell me.

Crane: No.

Po: Tell me.

Crane: No. NO!

Po: I could do this forever. Is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?

Crane: [sighs] It's my mother. She's always been kind of… overprotective. [voice-over during a 2D animated flashback] She made me wear a full suit of armor till I was six years old. I wasn't allowed to run or play, and she tied pillows to all the sharp corners in the house. She just didn't believe I could take care of myself. But one day, I snuck out and went to… a kung fu class. It was amazing! I knew right then it was what I wanted to do with my life. Of course, the class may have been a wee bit advanced for me. I don't know how my mom found out, but ever since then, she's hated kung fu. The slightest hint of it gives her dangerous heart palpitations. So I had to promise I would never, ever, ever have anything to do with kung fu.

[Back to the present]

Po: [surprised] Whoa.

Crane: Po, my mom has a weak heart. If she knew I was a Kung Fu master, it would kill her.

Po: Are you sure she doesn't know?

Crane: Yes, 'cause she's not dead! I've been telling her that I… [sighs] Manage an inn. It's what she always wanted.

Po: Not like you… own an inn? Or you own a bunch of inns, or you invented inns?

Crane: No. Mother believes in keeping her expectations low. Anyway, I figured I could get away with it 'cause she hates traveling. So I thought she'd never come to visit. And now she's coming to visit!

Po: Huh?

Crane: [nervously worried] Oh, Po. What am I gonna do?

Po: [thinking; then gets an idea] Got it! You don't have to quit. We'll just pretend you're an inn manager. How long is she staying?

Crane: Just for the day. But it gets worse. I told her my inn is the Jade Palace. And that you and the Five work for me. And that Shifu is a poor, underprivileged simpleton who cleans the toilets!

Po: [shocked] What?!

---

Yan Fan: [looking around for her son] Where are you? [finds him; happily] Oh, my baby! Look at you. [hugs her son]

Episode 26: Huge

Po: [sits up, putting his hand on his head; groaning] Did we save the lychee nuts?

Shifu: You're lucky to be alive, panda.

Mantis: [sighs in disappointment] It's my fault. Lidong was too big.

Monkey: You did what you could, considering you're so… Uh, green?

Mantis: I should have been able to take that guy.

Po: How? Lidong once fought Tigress to a stand still.

Tigress: His size is formidable. You never had a chance.

Mantis: Yeah, because I'm comically tiny! That's what you're all thinking, isn't it?

Shifu: A true master realizes his limits. Only then can he push past them.

Mantis: Well, maybe it's time I pushed my limits. I'm not gonna be the weak link on this team. No way! [hops away]

Crane: Tiny people can be so sensitive.

---

Crane: Is "biggen" a word?

Season 3

Episode 1: Shifu's Ex

Zeng: Master Shifu, it's Mei Ling!

Shifu: [alarmed] Mei Ling?! Lock the doors! Man the gates! Double the guard!

Po: Mei Ling? Oh, no!

---

Zeng: Mistress Mei Ling.

Mantis: Mmm, razza frapsit.

Mei Ling: Good to see you, Zeng. Miss me?

Zeng: Uh, maybe a little.

Mei Ling: Mm, let me guess. Shifu's students, right?

Po: Yeah, sorry, Miss Ling, uh, you just missed Shifu. He's…not here.

Mei Ling: Oh, such a shame. I was hoping he'd be hiding in that cabinet. [opens the cabinet and finds Shifu clinging onto the cabinet door]

Shifu: Gah! Stay back! Don't come any closer.

Po: [whispering to Monkey] Why is Shifu so afraid of her?

External links

• Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness quotes at the Internet Movie Database