Adventure Time

Adventure Time (2010– ) is an American animated television series created by Pendleton Ward. The series follows the adventures of a human boy named Finn, and his best friend and adoptive brother Jake, a dog with magical powers to change shape and grow and shrink at will. Finn and Jake live in the post-apocalyptic Land of Ooo. Along the way, they interact with the show's other main characters: Princess Bubblegum, the sovereign of the Candy Kingdom; the Ice King, a demented but largely misunderstood ice wizard; and Marceline the Vampire Queen, a thousand-year-old half-demon rock music enthusiast.


Season 1Edit

Slumber Party Panic [1.01]Edit

Finn: Hey, Princess Bubblegum, when we bring the dead back to life, will they be filled with worms?
Bubblegum: No. If my decorpsinator serum works, then all the dead Candy People will look as young and healthy as you do.
Finn: [chest-pounding] Aaahh-AAAHH-AAAHHHH!!
Bubblegum: Pick up that platter, tough guy. [Finn opens platter with a dead mouldy Candy Person]
Finn: Old Mr. Cream Puff?
Bubblegum: [giggles] We used to date. [injects serum into Cream Puff]
Finn: Something's happening! Come on... come on!
Bubblegum: Work!
[the green-glowing Mr. Cream Puff stands up and start garbling and oozing incoherently]
Finn: Algebraic!
Bubblegum: Wait, something's wrong.
Mr. Cream Puff: SUGAR!!
[Cream Puff then oozes and flies away into a gigantic test beaker, mixing the serum, breaks and spraying its contents all over the graveyard. More dead Candy People rise from their graves]
Finn: Hey, look! The decorpsinator serum is working.
Bubblegum: No! This is wrong! They're not coming back to life, they're still dead! My decorpsinator serum — it's incomplete!!
Zombie: Rah! Must eat sugar! Rugh—!
Finn: [pushes it down] You're grounded, mister.
Bubblegum: Oh, this is really bad. They're going to be attracted to the Candy Kingdom!
Finn: Why?
Bubblegum: Because the Candy People are made of sugar, ya ding-dong!
Zombie: [gets on Bubblegum's lap] Gimme some sugar, baby...
Bubblegum: Aah!
Finn: Chew on THIS!! [kicks it]
Bubblegum: Hee... Good one, Finn. Quickly! To the Kingdom!
Finn: [kicks another] Get a life!!


Finn: She just want this slumber party to be super fun, and if I did have something to tell you, then I would in a second, and it would make my life easier, unless there was something stopping me, like a promise, but there isn't, so I won't, so it's cool!

Finn: Candy People explode when they get scared?!
Bubblegum: Not telling the Candy People about the zombies is so important that you need to promise — royal promise... not to let anyone find out about the zombies... ever.
Finn: Okay. Sure.
Bubblegum: No, Finn! You have to royal promise.
Finn: Yes, I royal promise.
Bubblegum: Now, I must cloister myself in the lab and finish the equation to my decorpsinator serum. You keep the Candyfolk distracted and ignorant. Can you do that?
Finn: Yes, Your Highness.
Bubblegum: Good. Don't tell anyone about the zombies. Never ever. [leaves]
Finn: Oh, wait... Can I at least tell Jake?
Jake: [enters] Tell me about what, dude?
Finn: Y'know, about the outbreak of zombl—
Jake: Heh-heh. All right, what's goin' on?
Finn: Uhh... Uh, nothing at all, buddy! Ha ha ha hah..!

Jake: Finn, truth or dare?
Finn: Dare! Ha ha!
Jake: I dare you... to tell me the truth about what's goin' on in your mind. What were you and Bubblegum talkin' about when you were alone together?
Everyone: Oooooohh!!
Finn: Um, uhh... The truth is... uhh... [visualizes Bubblegum behind Jake]
Bubblegum: "You promised you wouldn't frickin' tell ANYONE!! Aw, you're so cute, Finn."
Finn: Ahhh... The truth is... that I'd rather play dodge socks! [throws sock at Jake's face]
Jake: I'm not playing dodge socks until you stop dodging my questions! Hey... [sniffs sock] Old Mr. Cream Puff? Isn't he dead?
Finn: Uh, give me my sock back! Dodge socks was a bad idea!
Jake: Whoa! Look, dude, just tell me what's up, because you are crazier than a cannibal tonight.

Bubblegum: I hope you grasp the full consequences of breaking promises.
Finn: Heck yeah! If I break a royal promise, I get to fight zombies, throw slumber parties, awake Gumball Guardians, and-and...
Bubblegum: Alright, alright...
Bubblegum: Oh, you are adorable. But keep your promises, okay?
Finn: I will, Princess.
[Finn looks down to find Starchy nibbling his leg]
Finn: Starchy, you're not a zombie.
Starchy: I can't help it. Flesh is delicious.
Finn: You're delicious!
Starchy: He-hey, don't squeeze me, I'll fart! [PWOO!!]

Trouble in Lumpy Space [1.02]Edit

LSP's Dad: Daughter! Have you brought smooth people into our domain?!
LSP: I had to, Dad. I'm trying to help them! SO DON'T LUMPING YELL AT ME!!
LSP's Mom: WHAT DID YOU SAY?! What did you just say?!!
[LSP huffs and puffs, Finn goes by her]
Finn: Uhh...
Finn: Vroom-vroom?
LSP: Oh, yeah. I need to borrow the car.
LSP's Dad: You had made your mother cry for the last time, Daughter! You are hereby banned from using the royal car! [slam!]
LSP: Shucks! I lumping hate them!


Finn: [fully lumpy] Oh yah! Being lumpy is the best!
Jake: Hey! Stop talkin to yourself, dum guy. Take your bawl and get outta here.
Finn: Fine. I don't want you to havvit anyways.
Jake: So I can't havvit now, eh?
Finn: That's right, it's mine!
Jake: [beat] Gimme that bawl!!
Finn: No! You can't havvit!
Jake: Givvit t' me!
Finn: No!!
Jake: I wannit! Givvit t' me!
Finn: You wannit that bad!? Go get it, then!

Finn: This doesn't look like Make-out Point.
Melissa: This is Brad's house. YOU wanted a ride to Make-out Point!? You think I want to make-out with YOU!??
Finn: Uhhh....
Melissa: Well, maybe I do, but.... Wait! I have a boyfriend, Finn!!

Jake: This is... new. S'nothing ominous though, just a bump.
Lumpy Space Princess: Nah. That's no bump. It's the early stage of the lumps.
Finn: Is it serious?
Lumpy Space Princess: It just means he's changing into a lumpy space guy on account of my bite. It's just like uh, y'know... werewolf rules? Hurrurr...

Lumpy Space Princess: WHATEVERS 2009!

Finn: Sorry, but Jake's lumpiness is worsening!
Jake: Actually, I think I'm beating it back with sheer willpower. (PHLAP!!) Oh, my.

Lumpy Space Princess: BUUUUUMPS.

Prisoners of Love [1.03]Edit

Ice King: What?! Who dares enter the Ice Kingdom?!
Finn: Aw... Ice King's here...
Ice King: You know why I'm here?! Do you know what ICE KING means!?!
Jake: Yeah, I know what Ice King means. A big NERD.
Finn: Oh-ho-ho! Holy cow!
Ice King: It means I'm king of ice! This is my domain, and you're violating ice world law — trespassing!
Jake: Come on, brother, we're just tryin' to beat the heat.
Finn: Yeah, there's a big sleeping lava man in our front yard, and he is so hot...
Jake: [hits Finn's arm suggestively] Mmm-hmm.
Finn: No, no, wait, I take that back. I-I mean, not like sexy hot...
Jake: No — no, you do mean sexy hot.
Finn: No! I mean—
Ice King: I DON'T CARE!! This is my kingdom! You guys can't just scoot about on my land, willy-nilly, I've got rules here!
Finn: [sigh] Why don't you just try being cool?
Ice King: WHAT!?! I am the king! I am the king of- of c-cool— [rambling] THAT'S IT!!

Ice King: Nice try, boy! Princesses, do you see? Did you see Finn fail?!
Jake: Don't worry, Finn. I'll get us out... with Key Hand! [morphs hand into key]
Ice King: Oh no, you won't! [zaps into the cage with everyone out of the way, onto Jake inside a block of ice]
Finn: JAKE!!
Ice King: Eat it.
Jake: I'm... I'm okay...
Ice King: Ooh, are you trying to hit me? Well, excuse me, because I have to go potty in the bathroom.

Ice King: Here now, Wildberry Princess, I need you to play this.
Wildberry Princess: I don't know how...
Ice King: Come here, I'll teach you. Put your hands through the bars. Atta-princess. And... [uses Wildberry's hand with the keyboard]
Wildberry Princess: I don't think I can...
Ice King: Just play it like I showed you.
Finn: Leave her alone, Ice King!

Ice King: "Why do people not like me? Is it because I'm a magic user? Or is my beard too shaggy? (sigh) I try so hard to be a good husband for girls. What's wrong with me?" [meets with a cosmic owl-shaped anomaly]
Cosmic Owl: [hoots] You're a sociopath.

Tree Trunks [1.04]Edit

Tree Trunks: A fly landed on my pie! That's no good... [throws it away] Bye bye!
Finn: Why're you throwing the pie away!? [more flies onto pie]
Finn and Jake: UGGHH!!!
Tree Trunks: Flies wanted it... they can HAVE IT....

Finn: Hey, crystal guardian! Are you okay with Tree Trunks takin' a bite of that apple?
Jake: I'm okay with it!
CG Jake: I'm okay with it!
Jake: And I'm stupid!
CG Jake: And I'm stupid!

Tree Trunks: Finn, what would you do if you can do anything?
Finn: Anything? Well, I'd catch a shooting star and travel to outer space, and fight space monsters!!
Jake: [muffling] I'd carve my face on the moon, so the moon will look like my face!

Finn: Jake, I just realised that Tree Trunks is old and bonkers. We can't take her through that evil dark forest!
Jake: Ahh, she'll be fine, everything's fine.
Finn: But the monsters!
Jake: It's faine! It's faine!
Finn: Are you sure? Cos she has ZERO adventurer training.
Jake: Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah, well it's fine! She'll be fine! Re-re-it's fine, it's fine, it's fine!
Finn: [laughs] Maybe it is fine.

Tree Trunks: I did it, I helped! I'm the sexiest adventurer in the world!
Finn: Tree Trunks! You're not an adventurer! You nearly got yourself killed—AGAIN! Do you wanna die, Tree Trunks?! Is that what you think adventurers do?! DIE AND MAKE ALL THEIR FRIENDS FEEL TERRIBLE 'CUZ THEY COULDN'T SAVE YOU!!?

The Enchiridion! [1.05]Edit

Princess Bubblegum: It's called the Enchiridion. It's a book meant only for heroes whose hearts are RIGHTEOUS. ["PUCHHOO!!"]
Finn: Shmowzow!
Princess Bubblegum: The book lies in the top of Mount Cragdoor, guarded by a manly Minotar. It's waiting for a truly righteous hero to claim it!
Finn: Do you think I've got the goods, Bubblegum? 'Cos I am [pounds floor] INTO THIS STUFF!

Finn: Bye Princess! Ya know what time it is, buddy?
Jake: Adventure Time?! [fist bumps Finn]
Finn: Yeah man!

Keeper: The key is in you, child, but you can not use your brawn here. The door is MAGICALLY sealed!
[Finn picks up the Keeper and shoves him into the lock]
Keeper: You've unlocked the riddle of the door! Ha ha! Brilliantly, young child! Please, reveal to me how you unraveled my clue.
Finn: I just thought you looked cute stuffed in that lock.
Keeper: Oh yes, that's how most people get in...

Jake: Hey, bunk off you gnomes! That kid just save you guys! You should thank him! Not destroy old ladies! Do you even know what I'm talkin' about?! Say thank you! [beat] SAY.. "THANK YOU!"
Gnome: KILL IT!!
Jake: WHOA!! [grab the gnomes back into the lava pit] GET BACK IN THERE!!

Finn: I'm not righteous. I'm wrong-teous! ...Stupid-teous.

Finn: Give me back my friend!
Giant: But I killed him already!

Evil Wizard: Now, as one last LAST trial; SLAY THIS ANT!
Finn: Is it evil?
Evil Wizard: No! But it's... not good, either. It's neutral. Will you slay it?
Finn: ...NO!
Evil Wizard: If you want the hero's Enchiridion, then slay this unaligned ant!
Finn: Never... Never.. NEVER!!
Evil Wizard: Wuh-oh... [Finn kicks the wizard to smoke]
Keeper: [enters the room] Congratulations, Finn the Human. Now you have truly reached—
Finn: NEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!! [punches Keeper in the stomach]
Keeper: Ooh!!
Finn: Oh no! Mr. Keeper, I'm sorry. Wha- Why are you wearing that little devil costume?
Keeper: These are my pajamas... I was getting weady for bed...

Jake: Hey, crack open that book and read something for fun's sake, alright?
Finn: Oh yeah! Woah.. "How to Kiss Princesses"? Hehehehe...
Jake: Woooahh! What'd you just read?
Princess Bubblegum: [appearing in magical globe] 'Yeah, what does it say, Finn? Manish Man won't tell me.'
Manish Man: Hey, don't tell her, Finn.
Finn: It doesn't say anything, Princess.
Princess Bubblegum: 'Manish Man!'
Finn: Aaaaaahh... [jumps into air] YEAHHH...!

The Jiggler [1.06]Edit

Finn: [synthesized singing] Baby
Jake: Mm!
Finn: I know what you need
Jake: What's that?
Finn: You want your little baby socks
For your little baby feet~
Jake: Whoo!
Finn: Baby
Jake: Yeah?
Finn: I know what you crave
Jake: Oh yeah, what's that?
Finn: You want to poop your pants all day long
Well, baby behave!
Jake: Hey, how can you sing like that, dude?
Finn: Remember when I swallowed that little computer?
Jake: Oh yeah.

Jake: Finn, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think we should cut our losses and bring this fella back to where we found him.
Finn: We can't just abandon him! Look at him, Jake! He needs us now more than ever! We just need to take better care of you from now on, right, little guy?
[the Jiggler's pressure builds up and explodes all of its magenta juices in front of Finn and Jake]
Finn: JIGGLER!!!
[the Jiggler's body stretches in every direction and drapes the inside of the Tree Fort like taffy]
Jake: Oh!
Finn: Wha... wh—
Jake: Finn? Okay.
Finn: WHAAHH!!
Jake: Our pet exploded.
Finn: AAAAGGHH...!!
Jake: Maybe we can scrape him up, and... ugh... [the Jiggler's upside-down head stretches down below]
Finn: [gasps] Oh, holy moly! Don't worry, Jiggler! We'll fix you!
[he whistles holding the Jiggler's head, but only makes raspberry noises]
Finn: Let's gather him up, Jake! He's all over the place! Even between the floorboards!
Jake: And the cupboards!
Finn: AND the galoshes!
Jake: I wonder... where's his heinie? [sees lower torso on record player] Found it! C'mere, you! Hey! Ugh!
Finn: Come on! Let's put him back together!
Jake: Okay!
Finn: Squeeze real hard. He's slipping!
Jake: I got him!
[they both squeeze the Jiggler as hard as they could, and press it back into an indistinguishably disgusting mass]
Jake: Well, at least he's all in one piece. [SPLAT!!] Sheesh... You think he's... dead?
Finn: No way! I won't let you die, guy! Not this time!

Ricardio the Heart Guy [1.07]Edit

Finn: You stay away from Princess Bubblegum with all that stuff!
Ricardio: Now that my plan is nearly complete, there is no way you can stop me.
Finn: I could stop you if I wanted!
Ricardio: Oh, yeah?
Finn: YEAH!!
Ricardio: OH, YEAH!!?
Finn: YEAHHH!!! YAHH!!!

Princess Bubblegum: Finn, what the cabbage?

Finn: Ugh... I feel.. weird...
Jake: It sounds like you're dealing with some new emotions you don't understand. Like jealousy.

Jake: I bet you wish you were my butt.
Finn: What?
Jake: I bet you wish YOU were my butt, because then the Princess, y'know... No, wait... I bet you wish YOU were the Ice King and the Princess was my butt!
Finn: What!?
Jake: Hm... OH!! I bet you wish Bubblegum would KISS you too! Like the Ice King and my butt!
Finn: That's ridiculous!

Princess Bubblegum: You're totally jealous of Ricardio.
Finn: Not I'm not! I just don't like the way he talks to you. It makes me feel weird.
Princess Bubblegum: That's jealousy, hon.
Finn: I'm not jealous! [echo yell] I'M WEIRD!!!
Jake: Woof, man. This is going bad!

Jake: You and me, gut, together forever! Solving crimes and making up rhymes!
Finn: No way! This proves he's a super villain! More powerful than lesser villains, like the Ice King!
Jake: [sing-song] Your gut says he's evil,
My gut says he's good!
Why not put our guts together
And end this funky feud?

Ricardio: You were right all along, Finn! Now I'm going to cut out Princess Bubblegum's heart and make out with it.

Business Time [1.08]Edit

Finn: I found another bike, and more computers! What do you got?
Jake: I keep finding baby shoes! [flamethrows another iceberg] What the heck, man, and they're all lefties!

LSP: [thru herovision monitor] Oh my gosh! Leave me alone! All I said was "you're ugly", [chased from whipping swamp giant] which is totally true! Somebody help me!

Businessman: Really? Job? With... ad-ven-tur-ers?
Jake: Yeah, mans!

Jake: Aww... Building this gauntlet dock is hard, man. Hard work sucks!
Finn: Don't be lazy, Jake.

Businessman: I'm going to kill you! Not-boss!
Finn: Wait, man! Wait! I wanna rehire you guys!
Businessman: Re-HIRE?? Really?!
Finn: Yeah, mans.

Finn: I have to say Jake, my sword is totally shiny and stinking sharp!
Jake: Uh-huh!
Finn: And my shoes feel different! Not only are they clean—I feel radder, faster, more adequate.
Jake: Cool!

Finn: I never knew being fat and lazy was so rewarding!
Jake: Yeah! Your gut's so huge and mouldable.
Finn: Hey!
Jake: Hold on a sec!
Finn: Hahahaha! Man, that tickles!
Jake: [moulded to IK] "I'm the Ice King! And I'll never find a bride because I'm such a tool."
Finn: [laughs] Alright, let me try. [moulds his gut to PB] "I'm Princess Bubblegum, and I'm a dork because I like science! I've also got a really annoying voice that Finn thinks is ATTRACTIVE!!"
Jake: Ha ha! That's a... Wait, what'd you say?

My Two Favorite People [1.09]Edit

Jake: Hey... did you know that you both have an awesome sense of humor?
Finn: We do?
Jake: Yeah! Anyone have a joke?
Finn: Oh, I have a joke! Okay, okay. Knock knock!
Lady Rainicorn: Nuguseyo? (Who's there?)
Jake: She said, "who's there?"
Finn: Diarrhea!
Jake: Jyaega seolsalae. (He said, "Diarrhea.")
Lady Rainicorn: Eo, nado deul-eoss-eo. Mwoya, hanado jaemieobsjanh-a. (Yeah, I know. I don't think it was kinda that funny.) [sips goblet]
Finn: Did she say "Diarrhea who?"
Jake: Uh... no. No, she didn't say "Diarrhea who". She didn't. ...Say it.

Finn: Hey Grandpa, how're you able to fly if you don't have wings?
Lady Rainicorn: [old man voice] "Well, light travels from the sun, then bounces off of our planet, and back into our eyes so we can perceive color."
Jake: Whoa!
Lady Rainicorn: "My body can intercept that light, and dance around on it."
Jake: Baby, it's a little rocky in the back seat here!
Finn: [laughs] Shmow! That forest wizard is giving away free power rings!
Lady Rainicorn: "Do you wanna try gettin' some, Finn?"
Finn: YEAHS!!

Finn: Alright, this time, I'm gonna destroy you, Rainicorn!
Lady Rainicorn: Okay. That sounds nice.

Jake: I'm sorry I was an idiot. You forgive me?
Finn: Shut up man, I don't wanna hear that stuff! Let me get in there.
[Gets in between Lady Rainicorn and Jake]
Jake: Let's never be stupid again!
Finn: Wait! Let's always be stupid. Forever!
[All laugh]

Memories of Boom Boom Mountain [1.10]Edit

Dog: What do you want, baby? Why're you crying? [...] Margaret, this baby won't tell me what's wrong with it and it's stuck to a leaf and it stinks.
Margaret: Give it here, Joshua. This baby just needs some love and kisses to be happy. Mwah, mwa-mwa-mwah! There, see? Now it's happy.
Joshua: You just kissed a boom boom baby. So don't expect any more sugar from me, sweetheart, until we wash your dirty, dirty face.


Finn: A long time ago, when I was a baby, I went boom boom on a leaf. (boom boom!) Then I fell backwards (SPLAT!) and sat in my own boom boom. I cried for a day... but no one came to help me. That day I vowed to help anyone in need, no matter how small their problem! And that's why I need to go. [leaves]
[the marauders all clap and cheer]
Jake: He still cries when he poops. Thanks for being cool, guys.

Finn: Can you guys stop being so rough?
Group 1: WHAT?
Group 2: WHAT?
Marauder: What? [bang!]
Head Marauder: Whoa-whoa-whoa! What are you talking about, Finn?
Finn: Could you... just tone down the roughhousing a-a little?
Marauder: What? [bang!]
Head Marauder: Whoa-whoa-whoa-shh! It's alright, fellas. Finn, I'm sure this "tone down the roughhousing" thing has something to do with your boom boom, and I can respect that. BUT HOW CAN WE POSSIBLY MAKE ROUGHHOUSING LESS ROUGH!!?

Wizard [1.11]Edit

Finn: Aw man, this sucks! GRRAH!! Old people! There's gotta be a better way!
Old Wizard: Nope. This is how the ancient ones wanted it.
Finn: Yeah? I've got a younger idea! [gets off harness] Hughh.. hahh!
Old Wizard: You fool! Your newfangled thinking will get us all killed!

Bufo: Thrust your hands into this bowl... of eyeballs.
Finn: Eyeballs!?
Jake: Dude, it's okay. They're just peeled grapes.
Bufo: No!! They're eyeballs...

Finn: WOO-HOO!! Nice job! Thanks to us, the village is saved. And we reclaimed a few of your twilight years.
Bufo: Don't forget to thank me — for this was my plan for all of these 847 years.
Finn: No way! Your plan was to dupe a succession of rubes into keeping the asteroid at bay!
Bufo: Perhaps you're right. No more giving out free powers. I hereby renounce all magic.
[Bufo starts sobbing on the ground, wailing]
Finn: Chill, man! You don't have to quit your job.
Bufo: I don't?
Finn: Nah. Just don't take credit for ideas that aren't yours.
Bufo: Oh... okay... Good idea. [To himself, as Finn and Jake leave] Glad I thought of it.

Reaper: Hey kid... you want some magic powers? Magic powers for absolutely free?
Finn: Heck yeah!
Jake: Wait! Let's not be too rash! Just look at this guy! Check out the sunken lifeless eyes, the foul stench of decay! You know what that means?
Finn: ..Means he's evil, I guess.
Jake: Well evil, sure—but mostly, he's unattractive. And unattractive people are desperate.

Bufo: This is where young potentials train to become ultimate wizards, but most are not ready for the responsibility that comes with it.
Finn: I'm responsible, dude!
Jake: So am I!
Finn: That's a lie!
Jake: It is a lie. And I take full responsibility for it!

Evicted! [1.12]Edit

(song when Jake and Finn are thrown out of their house)

Singer: So Finn and Jake
Set out to find a new home
It's gonna be tough
For a kid and a dog on their own.
Here's a little house
Aw, Finn's stickin' his foot in
Well, that's a bad idea, dude
Cuz now that bird thinks you're a jerk, Finn!
And now they're chillin' on the side of a hill
And thinkin' livin' in a cloud would be totally thrillin',
Unless they find something inside
Like a mean cloud man and his beautiful cloud bride.
A beehive, oh nooo~!
Don't put your foot in there, guy!
Y'all tried that before,
And you know it didn't turn out right!
Big shell, go inside,
Look around, it seems all right
A frog comes out and barfs a tiger,
Throwin' down potions for food and fi-ahire~!

You know you should've stayed
And fought that sexy vampire lady,
But Jake was feelin' terrified
He was super-scared of her vampire bite,
Which is understandable
As vampires are really powerful.
They're unreasonable
And burnt out on dealing with mortals.

Ooh, Marceline
Why are you so mean?
Marceline: I'm not mean, I'm 1000 years old
And I just lost track of my moral code.
Singer: Oh, Marceline
Can't you see these guys are in pain?
Marceline: No, I can't.
I'm invested in this really cute video game.
Singer: So there go our boys
Walkin' on the icy ground,
Headin' towards their destiny
I'm sure they'll figure something out.

City of Thieves [1.13]Edit

Jake: Hey, check it out!
Finn: Whoa!
Jake: Looks like a giant dead turtle.
Finn: I think it's some kinda city of—
Hag: [pops out of tree] THIEVES!! It's the City of Thieves! [points at Finn] Be warned, boy!! All who enter the city are destined to become thieves themselves! [cackles] Even you!
Finn: I wouldn't become a thief, lady! I'm a pretty good guy.
Jake: Yeah, get your glasses on, grandma. This kid is pure. In fact, he's about to help that little crying kid. [show a girl crying]
Finn: Oh, whoa! [he and Jake run off]
Hag: Be warned!!
Finn: Enough, lady! [walks to girl] Hey, little girl, are you okay?
Girl: [falls back] Please, don't steal anything from me!
Finn: Whoa! We wouldn't do that. We're heroes.
Jake: We wanna turn your frown... [twists the face he made on his stomach] all the way around.
Girl: Aah! [starts crying again]
Finn: [nudges him] Jake!!
Jake: I'll face the other way, but I'm gonna keep doing this.
Finn: So, what's wrong?
Girl: Oh, it was terrible. I was trying to sell my flowers out here in the desert when these two thieves came and stole my whole basket, then ran into the city.
Finn: The city?
Hag: [pops up again] OF THIEVES!!
Jake: Oh, boy...
Hag: Heed my warning, boy! Enter the city, and you'll come out a thief!
Finn: Never! [carries girl on his shoulders] I'll get this girl's flowers back.
Girl: My name's Penny.
Finn: I'll get Penny's flowers back and come out of that city as pure as the driven snow. Let's go, Jake!
Jake: Yeah! We're gonna purify that city!

Finn: How are we supposed to get that basket back if it keeps being stolen?! Ugh!!
Jake: Hey! We can steal a new one from that guy! [points to a 'Baskets & Boots' seller with its owner snoozing] He's got lots of flower baskets... and boots! I'd like to steal me one of them pairs of boots, especially.
Finn: No, Jake. We can't steal. We have to stay pure!
Jake: [grumbles] O-kay...
Penny: I have an idea. My mom used to tell me that there's a king of thieves who lives in the center of the city, and everything that gets stolen from little girls ends up at his tower. Maybe we'd find my basket in his treasure chest!
Finn: That's a great idea, Penny!
Penny: There's one thing, though. The tower that he lives in is surrounded by a magical barrier which magically keeps thieves out.
Finn: Have you forgotten?! We three ain't thieves! We're PURE!! Right, Jake? Jake?
Jake: [tiptoes to seller] Just gotta steal these boots...
Finn: JAKE!!
Jake: Huh?
Owner: Hey! [swats Jake] Go away!!
Finn: What are you doing, man?!
Jake: It's the city! It's getting to me! Help me, Finn!!

Jake: Finn?
Finn: Don't touch me! I'm impure, man! Unfit to be a hero! Unfit to be your friend...
Jake: Come on, Finn, keep it together!
Finn: No, Jake. This is a one-way path down a jacked-up road, and I gotta walk it... alone.
Jake: [walks to him] I'm not gonna leave you alone in the city. You're my buddy. Besides, I stole these boots. These super-big style boots. So I'm just as dirty as you are, Finn. We gotta walk this filthy path together.
Finn: Then we shall embrace the darkness of this wicked city, and use the methods of the criminal to seek vengeance on Penny.
Jake: Cowabunga! [morphs into a cape around Finn]
Finn: Cowabunga, indeed.

The Witch's Garden [1.14]Edit


Finn: How do I say "You're the grossest thing ever" without offending you?

Finn: What did she do to you?
Witch: I stripped him of his magical powers.
Finn: For stealing one of your billions of donuts!?
Jake: Yeah, it's not like I killed your husband or something.

Jake: So do I get my powers back?
Witch: Hm... Apology denied.
Jake: What!? Why!?
Witch: Because you took too long. Now you have to apologize while doing a variety of humiliating things.
Jake: No way, Jose!
Jake's Subconscious: "Come on, dude. It's the only way to save Finn."
Witch: Who is that!?
Jake: He's my subconscious.
Witch: Then he has to do it too.
Jake's Subconscious: "Aw!"

Finn: Jake! I never should've doubted you!
Jake: Well, I'm glad you learned your lesson – that in a crunch, there's nothin I wouldn't do for ya.
Finn: Ahhh, so is that how you got your powers back? ["ting"] You apologized to the witch?
Jake: Uum... [sweats profusely] No way! I um.. must have found the right... mud puddle! Yeah... I don't remember. Heh... Rrrrr...

What is Life? [1.15]Edit

Finn: Aww! Butter pranked! I can't BELIEVE I didn't see that coming!
Jake: Yeah, I'm a genius.
Finn: YOU have offended my honor, sir. And in so doing, you have awoken the pranking demon that sleeps in my pits! The demon is coming for you, mortal. It is going to prank you so.. HAAAARD!!!

NEPTR: Creator, you have shown me the joys of pranking! I cannot wait to throw pies infinitely at Jake's face!

Jake: [zzz] ..Might wake up at any moment! Nahh, I'm still asleep.

Ice King: Something about that robot I tried to kill fills me with... deep longing...

Finn: Did y'all smack me into that mountain on purpose?
Balloons: Yeeaah!
Finn: Take note, NEPTR. These guys are Grade A Pranksters. You guys hang out, in case we need a daring escape!
Balloon 1: Yeah, sure!
Balloon 2: Daring escape!
Balloon 3: Sure Finn!
Balloon 4: Absolutely, we got your back! [Finn enters IK's cave]
Balloon 5: I got his wallet!

Balloons: Quick, Finn! Jump!!
[Finn jumps, the balloons pull their strings away at the last second, causing Finn to fall and shout and the balloons laugh; Three balloons carry him back up]
Finn: Heheh, you guys got me!

Finn: [Releases the balloons] Okay guys, your blood oath is fulfilled!
Balloons: Yay! To the mesosphere!
Single Balloon: Finally, we can die!

Ocean of Fear [1.16]Edit

Finn: Get me out of the water! Now, Jake, now!

[Jake is shown bruised, saying "ow" as Finn steps on him, screaming]

Jake: Finn! Stop it, Finn! OWWW!!

Finn: [As one tiny drop of water flies onto Finn, slow motion] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I'm afraid of you, I'm afraid of you!

[Finn scoots away from the water, screaming, then flips on his back and sighs]

Finn: [Drags himself to Jake's feet] Okay, yeah... Let's try tomorrow...

When Wedding Bells Thaw [1.17]Edit

Finn: Eat my sword, Ice King!

Ice King: Sure wish someone would throw me a bachelorette party... oop! I mean, "manlorette party".
Finn: But we hate you.
Ice King: If you won't throw me a manlorette party then I'll never have my last hurrah before buckling down with that battle-axe! It'll drive me back to a life of stealing hot princesses! Is that want you want!!?

Finn: Stop scratching your ear, man! It's gross!
Jake: It wasn't me. It was my foot, dude.

Jake: All that's left is the lousy wedding.
Finn: I'm weady for the wedding!

Ice King: Oh... Now I get what you guys are trying to tell me! Marriage is a thing that allows me to capture a princess forever and let her live inside of me! [cries ecstatically] Marriage is the most beautiful thing in the world...

Ice King: No more... st-stealing princesses? Wow...
Finn and Jake: WHAT!!?
Ice King: I didn't realise I'd have to.. give up... stealing the ladies.
Jake: But you said you were fine with it!
Ice King: I know what I said! But you know, sometimes you say things and then you don't really mean them?
Jake: WHA— Are you serious!?

Ice King: Now I can KILL YOU!!! Oh wait... Wait, wait.. I am so stupid! Silly billy!

Ice King: Come on, guys! Help me celebrate my un-marriage!

Ice King's "Bride": You lousy butt-faced pig! I hate you!

Freak City [1.18]Edit

Finn: Walking, walking, walking... HAMBONE BREAK!

Finn: Nuts. I'm freakin' all about sugar, but I'm even more about FEEDING HOBOS!

Jake: Now that you're a big foot, you're 100% kick, man!

Two-Headed Monster: Our crotch! Our evil crotch!

Kim: Get his eyes! Cut him in the aye-eyes!

Finn: Kim! Get underneath Trudy!
Kim: No, man, please...I freakin' hate Trudy.
Finn: Kim, I will destroy you!
Kim: Okay, okay!

Finn: Why'd you do that!?
Magic Man: Because this day, a magical life lesson comes to you!
Finn: No! Change me back!
Magic Man: Not until you appreciate what a jerk I am! Waazooo~!!

Finn: Thanks for being cool and all, but what do ya know about this Magic Man? How do we catch him?
Gork: Ohh, he can't be caught. He's got magic. And we're worthless freaks, we can't ever beat him! So we've gathered here to wallow in our self-pity.

Finn: Wait, so, what was the lesson we just learned?
Jake: Maybe it was, don't give your sugar to jerks?
Finn: Speaking of jerks—what the blubins, man!? Why wouldn't you help me turn back into a boy?
Jake: Well, because I always kind of wanted to... [mumbles]
Finn: What!?
Jake: I said, I always kind of wanted to be a foot myself.
Finn: You could be a foot right now! I saw you change into a foot twice yesterday!
Jake: It's complicated, man. You'll understand when you're older.

Dungeon [1.19]Edit

Finn: The Crystal Eye... I wanna meet this dungeon!
Jake: Maybe after lunch.
Finn: Eh, I'll skip lunch. Just catch up to me when you finish.
Jake: [scoffs] Yeah, right.
Finn: What?
Jake: Without the aid of my magnificent powers... [morphs hand into bottle opener] Huh? Huh? You'd get killed down there.
Finn: Hey! I can do things without you! You wanna bet I can't?!
Jake: Nope. Come get your sandwich. "Listen to Jake, Finn. He only wants what's best for [chomps it]—AHH!! HELP ME!! AAH!!" Come put her out of her misery, dude!
Finn: We are betting! I bet that I'll get that Crystal Eye and be back within eleven minutes. Ready set go! [jumps into well]
Jake: [sigh] I better go after him. "No, Jake! Stay here... with me." [deep voice] Ooh, my...

Finn: Steady, Finn. This place is probably more creeped out of you than you are of it. [flips down] Hup!
Man: Halt!!
Finn: Hm?
Man: Come no further, adventurer! For you see, none can defeat... the Bucket Knight!
Finn: [encounters him in small scale] Okay. Then I won't fight ya.
Bucket Knight: No! You must challenge me to—
Finn: Hey, cutie, do you know how to get to the Crystal Eye from here?
Bucket Knight: Yes, it's through that door over there, but—
Finn: [walks past him] Thanks!
Bucket Knight: Hey!! [Finn laughingly runs to the door] You can't pass through that door without battling me!
Finn: Yes, I can! Because I'm HUGE compared to you!
Bucket Knight: Just add water and... [drenches himself and grows larger] EXPONENTIAL GROWTH!!
Finn: Aw, buckets!
Bucket Knight: Now... activate thine own powers, and we shall engage in thrilling single combat!!
Finn: Heh... thing is... I don't really have any powers.
Bucket Knight: I see... [chases Finn screaming]
Finn: Dang it! Jake wouldn't be running! He'd grow all big! And sock you right in the nose hole!!

Angel: Hey, it's OK! I'm your Guardian Angel, Finn. I'm here to save you...
Finn: R- Really?
Angel: Mhm... Come here! Let the Angel pick you up.
Finn: O- Ok... (The angel pick him and flies) (Laughs) This is radical!
Angel: Are you comfortable? Would you like some snacks?
Finn: I'm fine... Thank you!
Angel: Here... Let me clean you up and mend your clothes.
Angel: I'm taking you to the chamber of the Crystal Eye...
Finn: Aw, yeah!
Angel: ...where I'm going to cook you and eat your flesh.
Finn: Wow... Wai— what?!
Angel: Trust in your GUARDIAN ANGEL!!!
Finn: Put me down, lady!!
Angel: As you wish. [throws him into a soup-filled cage full of vegetables and bones]
Finn: WAAH!! Unh! Aw, man... Everyone wants to eat me up. It's probably cos I'm so sweet.
Angel: Now... for little-kid soup... the secret is a low flame over a long period.
Finn: That's Jake's secret, too. Sure hopes he saves me.
Angel: I will save thee, Finn. [flies away]

Finn: Whoa! Somebody come pick up your freaky cat!
Demon Cat: Greetings... Frank the human boy.
Finn: How did you almost know my name?!
Demon Cat: I have approximate knowledge of many things. For instance, I know that I am possibly going to slay you and munch on your eyeballs.
Finn: Heh! Yeah, right! That sounds like idiot talk.
Demon Cat: You're trespassing on my dungeon, manling. And I am the thing... [retracts claws] you should be afraid of.
Finn: You can't hurt me! I'm a radical boy on a mission for the Crystal Eye!
Demon Cat: I'm going to unzip your skin and wear you like a little coat.
Finn: Unzip this! [armpit farts, dodges strike] Ha! [the demon cat leaps onto him] Bleep!
[the demon cat lunges at Finn, gnawing his teeth at him before being punched in the eye]
Demon Cat: YEOW!! [with blood-filled eyes] NOW YOU DIE!! ROARRR!! [bites Finn's shirt and swings him back and forth] Wait a second. [sniffs, petrified] Is that dog smell?! You... you have a dog with you? I'm outta here! [runs away]
Finn: Yeah, right! Good excuse!

The Duke [1.20]Edit

Jake: Who cares if Bubblegum hates you forever? It's no biggie. Tons of people hate me.
Squirrel: Why, Jake? Why won't you print my letters? I... I.... I HATE YOU!!!

Finn & Jake: The MarquIs of Nuts!?
Marquis: Yes!! But I didn't come alone! [shripp!]
Squirrel: Remember me, Jake!!?
Jake: ...Nope.

Finn: There's something to tell you about that bottle that hit you in the face.
Bubblegum: I already know, Finn! The Duke of Nuts has ALWAYS been a bad guy! But now that he's done this, I'LL NEVER FORGIVE HIM!!! And it's not just because that I HATE the Duke! I'd never forgive ANYBODY who did THIS to me! I'd hate them!
Finn: Yeah, but—
Bubblegum: FOREVER!!!!
Finn: Forever..!??

Duchess of Nuts: Hello, Finn. Are you here to arrest the Duke?
Finn: How did you know?
Duchess of Nuts: The nuts told me. For I am the Duchess of Nuts!
[Jake eats a handful of nuts from a bowl.]
Jake: Ooh. I should've asked if these were, like, her eggs or something.

Duchess of Nuts: Would you like to hear what MY NUTS HAVE TO SAY?!
Finn: That won't

Jake: I'm an assassin! I will kill you...and raise your children as my own!

Finn: Princess, I have something pretty sucky to confess.

Squirrel: Pick it up Jake! Pick it up! [Jake walks away with Finn] Oh, you son of a Bleeblob!

Finn: Princess, I have something sucky to confess... I'm the one who threw the bottle!
Princess Bubblegum: Ah!
Finn: I'm sorry... But... I knew, if I told you - you'd hate me forever!
Princess Bubblegum: Mmhhhm... Well, I could never stay mad at you forever. And you seem genuinely penitent.
Finn: I don't even know what that means... But thank you!

Donny [1.21]Edit

Finn: You stay here and take care of Donny, while I take care of a unknown possibly-deadly emergency.
Jake: (as Finn is walking off) Dude, trade me jobs!

Donny: Gotta get pants. Go get your pants. Button fly!

Finn: Donny's problem is that he's treated as an outsider, like me!
Jake: You are NOT an outsider; you wear cute little blue shorts.
Finn: (Finn looks away, raising his hands) I... Am complicated...

Henchman [1.22]Edit

Marceline: Hey Finn, you thinkin' about how that guy's bowtie sorta looked like a bra?
Finn: Huh?? NO!

Jake: I want to help you out of this, man, but she scares the filling out of my donut.

Finn: That sounds bombastic, honey.

Duke of Nuts: Lisby, who's at the door?
Lisby: Someone who wants to sack the nut-castle!
Duke of Nuts: Why would you want to sack my nut-castle on my second son's first birthday? SEIZE HIM!!
Finn: No!

Marceline: Hey Finn, I need you to strangle some pixies!
Finn: Yeah, sure. That sounds good.
Marceline: Whoa, why are you being so casual about that? Killing pixies is some hardcore evil.
Finn: I'm not fallin' for your junk anymore, lady. You just like saying poop that jacks with my brain.

Finn: Marceline is not how she seems! She's a radical dame who likes to play games.

Rainy Day Daydream [1.23]Edit

BMO: Whooo wants to play video gaa~mes?
Finn and Jake: BEEMO!!
Jake: What's on the menu, Beemo?
BMO: I've created a new game called "Conversation Parade."
Finn and Jake: Ha, alright! / Start it up, Beemo!
BMO: [singing] What do you think about the stars in the sky
Finn: S'okay, I guess.
Jake: Yeah, they're cool.
BMO: That is an interesting response. Battery low! SHUTDOWN.

Finn: I would rather DIE than be imaginative. I mean that.

Jake: Dude, I know something totally rocking we can do!
Finn: WHOA!! What?
Jake: Let's use our imaginations, man!
Finn: Barf that! Imagination is for turbo-nerds who can't handle how kickbutt reality is. I'm a kickbutt reality MASTERRR!!!

Finn: Watch and learn as I master REALITY. [slowly steps onto floor]

Finn: Imagine turning your imagination off!
Jake: I can't, dude! But I think I can imagine.. an imagination turning-off machine... that is upstairs, surrounded by a crud-load of traps, ghosts, monsters and poison fountains, and... and... GIRLS! Cute girls, and hamsters.

Jake: Hello, Finn. I am awake and healthy.
Finn: Jake, what happened to your bombastic personality?
Jake: I do not know what you mean. I am perfectly bombastic.
Finn: Nah man, nah. Something's wrong. Tell me something amazing!
Jake: But Finn, I cannot tell you something amazing, as there is nothing amazing happening around us that I can describe for you.
Finn: Aw see man, you suck now!


Jake: Dang, girl. If you weren't a figment of my imagination, I'd wanna have your baby. [Other imagined girl chuckles] What're you laughin' at?

What Have You Done? [1.24]Edit

Finn: I am no man's bosom.

Starchy: Starchy's feeling healthy again! A bit too healthy if you ask me.

Ice King: So, what am I being charged with?
Finn: Um...
Jake: Five counts of jerk-a-tearing! Hah!
Finn: Yeah. What does it matter?
Ice King: DAHH!!! Of course it matters!! The way it works is — first, I transgress your meaningless rules, and then you maliciously persecute me!
Finn: That makes sense. You do bad things, I punish you.
Ice King: FOOL!! You have disrupted that order! For — are you ready for this? I have committed no RECENT CRIME!!
Finn: Really? Um...
Ice King: [laughing] I'm rocking your worldview!

Ice King: So let me get this straight... You're hitting on me.
Bubblegum: NO!!
Lady Rainicorn: Usgisine. Dangsin-eun uli gongjunim-egeo malhal jagyeogdo eobsneun nom-iya. (Verily, you are a creature unworthy even of my lady's disdain.)
Ice King: I think I heard the word "virile" in there. Oh, she's definitely hitting on me.
Bubblegum & Rainicorn: No! / Maldoandwae! (No way!)

His Hero [1.25]Edit

Jake: Dude, suckin' at somethin' is the first step towards bein' sorta good at somethin'. You and I are like little baby Billys right now — and we're "sucking" on our first bottle of nonviolent milk!
Finn: Haggh... totes. I'll stop "pooping" my diaper.
Jake: Whoa, what!!?

Billy: Don't you see how pointless it is? You know what's probably happening to that old lady right now!? She's probably DEAD!!


Finn: Man! I'm such a huge nerd for you! Please take on as hero apprentices!
Billy: What for?
Finn: So that we can learn to kick evil's butt, just like you!
Jake: [slides] I wanna be the dog version of you!
Billy: Aw, that would be waste of time.

Finn: Geez... I thought people would like that.
Cobbler: Why!? Why would anyone want that!?
Finn: So you can defend against evil monsters!
Cobbler: You're supposed to beat up monsters so we don't have to defend ourselves!
Finn: No, see? I'm helping you nonviolently!
Cobbler: Helping!? I can't even move my hands! I'm a cobbler, how'm I supposed to cobble with these useless chunk mitts!?

Finn: How can we help?
LSP: I want surgery to make my body hot.
Finn: Yikes.
LSP: Yeah. I know I'm already pretty smokin'. But I bought this swimsuit, so I need a swimsuit butter...
Jake: [whoo!] You up for some serious plastic surgery?

Gut Grinder [1.26]Edit

Jake: Wait, you were gonna wee-wee if I was the Gut Grinder?
Soft Girl: Oh yeah! We're terrified of him!
Soft Girl: I'M GONNA WEE-WEE!!
[she sprays liquid out of her armpits and spins around, wailing. Finn and Jake laugh]
Finn: That guy wee-wees weird!

Jake: [mimicking] I'm Finn the Human, and I stink at viola!
Finn: [pulls checks] I'm Jake the Dog, and I put my nose in POOP!!
Jake: There's a lot of interesting smells in poop...

Jake: What if I am the Gut Grinder?
Finn: What!?
Jake: What if I'm.. like, stealing gold in my sleep?
Finn: You can't be stealing gold in your sleep! [dilates] I watch you while you sleep.
Jake: Wha? Yo Finn, that is creepy, man.
Finn: I can't help it. I take pictures.
Jake: Well, when do you sleep!?
Finn: Justice never sleeps.
Jake: Well, there's gotta be a time when you're not watchin' me... tha— that I— that I might be stealing gold unconsciously!
Finn: [into Jake's ear] YOU—ARE—NOT—THE—GUT—GRINDER!!

Season 2Edit

It Came from the Nightosphere [2.01]Edit

Marceline: Daddy, why did you eat my fries...
I bought them and they were mine.
But you ate them, yeah you ate my fries
And I cried, but you didn't see me cry.
Daddy, do you even love me,
Well I wish you'd show it, cos I wouldn't know it
What kind of daddy eat his daughter's fries
and doesn't even look her in the eyes?
Daddy, there were tears there
If you saw them would you even care?

Finn: Marceline, if you're thinkin' about your dad so much, then... why don't you go see him?
Marceline: He's not worth the effort.
Finn: Not worth what effort?
Marceline: Well... first, I'd have to draw a circle with a happy face in the center, and then, ahh... douse it with bug milk.
Finn: Oh, yeah? [throws bug milk at the happy face, absorbing its contents into the symbol and lights dual candles]
Marceline: [sigh] And then, you're supposed to chant something like, "Maloso vobis com et cum spiritum!"
Finn: Ha ha ha ha!
Marceline: But... I-I don't really wanna see him. I'm still mad about the thing with the fries... Huh?
Finn: Ww-what?!
[the wall split in half a hellish fiery place beside Finn, seeing a shadow in the fire. The shadow then explodes bodily parts and forms a devilish figure in suit wear]
Figure: Marceline...
Marceline: Finn, what the heck did you do?!
Finn: I... reunited you with your family?
Marceline: MM!! [the figure seeps behind Finn]
Figure: Is this kid your evil servant?
Finn: I'm not evil, Marceline's Dad! I'm super good!
Marceline's Dad: Super good? [he then grabs Finn and sucks his vital essence]
Finn: What are you doing?!
Marceline's Dad: "Stealing your SOUL!!"
[he continues sucking Finn, screaming until Marceline pushes him away from her dad]
Marceline: Dad! Ugh... You always do stuff like this!
Marceline's Dad: [chuckles] Oh, Marceline. I never know what's gonna set you off. Waoh! [grabs her bass] Is this the family axe?
Marceline: Huh? HEY!!
Marceline's Dad: Did you turn it into some kind of lute?
Marceline: GIVE IT BACK!! AND GET OUT!!!
Marceline's Dad: 'Kay. I'll go. I got business to attend to anyway, sucking up all the souls in Ooo...
Finn: Wha-i-i— No!!
Marceline's Dad: See you kids later. [clutches door, smacks into Finn]
[Finn watches the cackling demon businessman walk out the door in pure shock and horror]
Marceline: My bass!!
Finn: I've unleashed evil onto Ooo! We've gotta stop him, Marceline!
Marceline: Fine, but I'm only coming with you to get my bass back.

Fluffy Person: Huh? Who the fluff are you?
Marceline's Dad: Um... Well, I'm sure not the guy who's gonna suck out your soul.
Fluffy Person: Good, cos that's like my number one fear!
Marceline's Dad: Really? Well, I know a little exercise for that. Wanna try it?
Fluffy Person: Well....
Marceline's Dad: First, close your eyes. [about to flat him with Marceline's ax bass]
Fluffy Person: Okay—AHH!!!! YOU COULD'VE KILLED ME!!!
Marceline's Dad: Ahh, but I didn't. And now, aren't you thrilled just to be alive?
Fluffy Person: Yeah, I guess — so what?
Marceline's Dad: So... this next part will be all the more horrifying.

Marceline: Look, you wanna help him? Help me get my bass back.
Finn: How will that help him—

Marceline: I've been meaning to ask you. What's with the pocket on your shirt?
Finn: Oh, Jake's in here. 'Sup Jake. [pip]

Marceline's Dad: Of all history's greatest monsters, you are by far the most evil thing I've encountered. Offer your soul to me, dark one.
Gunter: Wenk wenk.
Marceline's Dad: No! You can't have MY soul! I don't even... Look, just get in here. [VROOOOO—SMEK!!]
Gunter: Wenk wenk.
Marceline's Dad: [kick] Keep your crummy soul!
Ice King: Gunter! Who told you you could fly?
Gunter: Wenk! [IK sees Marceline's Dad sucking souls]
Ice King: Huh? No-one sucks the life from my penguins expect ME!! And maybe polar bears—because that's just nature, Gunter.

Finn: Lumpy Space Princess! He got your soul, too?!
Lumpy Space Princess: What? Nah. I totally saw Hot Dog Princess get sucked in here, and I wasn't invited?! I was all "What the lump?!" So I'm crashin' this party!

Lumpy Space Princess: Oh my Glob, you guys! DRAMA BOMB!

The Eyes [2.02]Edit

Jake: Hey, get outta here, horse. I wanna go to sleep and you're creeping me the math out!

Jake: [to the horse] What's your deal, screwy?! Why're you messin' with us, huh?!
Finn: Jake! That horse is whack with poo-brain.
Jake: Yeah, I know, Finn, I diagnosed this horse with whacked-out poo-brain five minutes ago.

Jake: Dude... Let's kill the horse.
Finn: What?!
Jake: I'm so tired, Finn!
Finn: No, man! We're not killing the horse!
Jake: Okay, we won't kill the horse. We'll dress him up like a bunny! Haha! And get a giant hawk — CAWWWH — to kill him!!
Finn: Wha?
Finn: No, man! That is wrong!
Jake: Ehh... [...] Did I say that the hawk would kill him? I meant that the hawk would swoop down gently and take him away to a land of sunshine and love stuff, and take care of him.
Finn: Whoa. That sounds awesome.

Finn: Tell us why you're watching us or we'll — we'll cut off your stupid head!!
Jake: Yeah, and make it quick cos we're both REALLY sleepy!
Ice King: Okay, okay, I'll tell you! I was watching you... to learn how to be happy.
Finn: Wha?
Jake: Huh?
Ice King: It's true. I would like to be happy like you guys, but I had no idea how.
Jake: So you dressed up like a horse?
Ice King: Have pity on me?

Finn: Wait a minute, Jake. Can't you see what this horse is doing? [beat] It's tearing us apart.
Jake: Aw man, you're right. We have to get rid of this horse! For us!
Finn: I know, bro! I know!
Jake: Oh, Finn... this horse is bringing us together now. [sheds tear] This horse is a blessing.
Finn: WHAT?!! Dude, you've lost it!
Jake: YOUUUU — wait, wait.... [hugs Finn] The horse is tearing us apart again..!
Finn: You're right. It's about time I show this horse [shoves Jake] who's the man.
Jake: What are you going to do?
Finn: Say that to me again!
Jake: What are you going to do?!
Finn: Do. Doo-doo. I'm gonna kick that horse in the bottom!
Jake: Oh my Grod!

Loyalty to the King [2.03]Edit

Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake!
Jake: Shh!
Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake...
Jake: We ARE!!
Princess: Save me, Finn and Jake...
Jake: Why does she keep saying that?
Finn: I think she's traumatised, dude.

LSP: Oh my gosh. [dials and porking rinds] Yeah. Guess what. Slime Princess is in the park, and she's like, talking to a new Nice King, and he's like, totally single. By the way, DON'T TELL ANYBODY.

Finn: And I was like "Leave him alone!", and he was like "Make me!", and I was like "OK", and then he was like "ARRRGH MY HEAD!!!"

Nice King: Hey! Nice Knights! Turtle Princess is about to walk out that door! I told her that I like her a lot, but I really don't like her all that much. Could you guys break it off for me?

Nice King: The main enemy to the Nice King right now is the disorganisation of his love life.
Finn: Well, what do ya mean?
Nice King: The UGLY ones are all mixed up with the other ones!! I need you to catalog 'em, or something...
Jake: Tuhuhuh... But we punch monsters.
Nice King: After I choose my BRIDE, then you can go punch the monsters.
Finn: Managing admirers? We'll give it a try...

Nice King: Your loyalty is in question?
Finn: No, it's not that! It's just that... princesses are supposed to be treated with niceness.
Nice King: [pinches Finn] Are you implying THAT I'M NOT THE NICE KING!??
Finn: What's wrong with you!?

Blood Under the Skin [2.04]Edit

Finn: [to ladybug] Don't you EVER let me catch you here again.


Sir Slicer: Who is the one that bears the thimble?
Jake: This dude.
Sir Slicer: [laughs] Oh, you foolish boy. Without full body armor, you're weak. You do not look click-click!

Ghost: Hello.
Finn: Begone, ghost! I'm here for the armor!
Ghost: First, you have to beat my high score in a game of drop ball.
Finn and Jake: Drop ball?
Ghost: Drop ball is an extremely addictive high-intensity game designed for people everywhere. Here, let me show ya.
[drops the ball under him, twists, bends down and picks it up with his butt]
Ghost: One point... two points... three points....

Woman: Aah! Pervert!!
Finn: I'm not a pervert!
Woman: You should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!
Finn: I'm sorry! I'm sorry!!

Finn: Choose Goose! I need more armor!
Choose Goose: I got something for you, a metal shoe! Don't you know might stub your toe? [all knights laugh]
Knight 1: Stub your toe..!
Finn: No, Choose Goose... I need—
Choose Goose: Look here hon, choose this one to protect your buns! [laughing harder]
Finn: No, Choose Goose... I want....
Choose Goose: Don't be meek! What if you fall down and scrape your cheek?

Jake: Dude! This armor is totally click-click!

Storytelling [2.05]Edit

Finn: Jake, Jake! Check it out! This true story is going to totally cure you.
Jake: Oh my gosh! What is it?
Finn: First, the leaf fell off a tree. Oh, but — wait, wait, wait, wait, wait...
Jake: Spit it out!
Finn: The snail was on the leaf! [long beat] ..The end. [Jake then starts to recoil]
Jake: Oh, no... Now I feel a thousand times worse! Finn, a story's got to have excitement, romance, [pulls his cheeks] suspe-e-e-e-ense... and it has to have a happy ending. [sniffles]
Finn: But... I don't know how to make that stuff happen.
Jake: That's okay, buddy. Just... dig me a hole, then. Actually, two holes — one for my guts and one for my face, 'cause when I die, my guts are gonna blow out of my face!!
Finn: I am not gonna let that happen, dude!
Jake: Then go get me that story. [hands him a piece of paper] And make sure it has all the stuff on this list.
Finn: I'll be back as fast as I can! [runs off] I won't let your guts blow out of your face!

Finn: Hey, you wanna fight me?
Bear: Oh heck, yeah! I've been waiting for this my whole life! Yes! [laughs]
Mama Bear: Oh no, you don't! (SMACK!!)
Bear: You never let me do anything! Grr... UGH!! RAA—
Finn: [headbutt!] UNH!!
Mama Bear: [weeping] YOU KILLED HIM!!
Bear: Mom, quit touching me.
Mama Bear: You killed him and now he's dead!!
Finn: [running away] He's probably not dead! I'm sorry though, that you think he's dead!

Fox: [beat] Would you eat dirt?
Finn: I would for Jake! [munches mouthful, gulps and spitting everywhere] Okay, now you guys kiss!
Boobafina: Man, what a freak.
Fox: Let's go.
Finn: WHAT!?! No! Jake needs this!! Stop!! [grabs them both] Rrrh! Just come on..!
Boobafina: What!? No!
Fox: Gah.. wait..!
Finn: Y'see? No big deal!
Boobafina: [spatting] Ah- can't- believe you made me do that..! I'm secretly in love with Mr. Goose... And now he'll never love me because now I'm soiled...!!

Slow Love [2.06]Edit

Finn: Jake! What time is it?

Jake: I dunno, but you're probably gonna say...

Finn & Jake: [simultaneously] Lady time! [The words "LADY TIME" appear on screen]

Snorlock: Talking to ladies is hard.
Jake: No, it's not! Check it out, Snorlock! Finn, you be the guy snail, and I'll be... [morphs into a female snail] the chick snail.
Finn: Ugh! Gross, Jake!
Jake: Come on, man, we're just pretending. Do it for love.
[Finn looks down at Snorlock whimpering and wheezing]
Finn: Okay... I'll do it for this guy. [Snorlock gasps] Ahem... What's up, lady snail?
Jake: [high-pitched voice] Well, I'm just sitting here thinking about mating with snails.
Finn: ..NO!! I can't do this, man!! I am out!! [turns away from Jake]
Snorlock: I'll mate with you!
Jake: We're just role playing, buddy.
Snorlock: Aww...
Jake: Here, Finn. This time you be the chick and I'll be the snail dude.
[Jake morphs his chick snail physique to a more muscular build, flexing his huge pecks]
Jake: Hey, baby. What's up?
Finn: ...Uh— [Jake grabs his hand] wha?!
Jake: Mm-mm! [sniffs Finn's hand] Mm-mmm! [deep voice] Girrrl, you smell gooood. Did you take a bath in rainbows and cupcakes?
[Finn looks terrified with his lips wiggling]
Jake: [morphs male to female snail back and forth] Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes! Say yes. Say yes!
Finn: Okay! Yes!!
Jake: See, Snorlock? Talking to ladies is easy. Just act like me.

Power Animal [2.07]Edit

Cinnamon Bun: Finn, you always focus an endless amount of energy on EVERYTHING you do.
Jake: What about me? What do I focus my energy on, Cinnamon Bun?
Cinnamon Bun: Uh.. Jake... you don't really focus at all.
Jake: [crams ice cream in toaster] Huh?
Cinnamon Bun: I said you don't FOCUS AT ALL!!

Man: Welcome, Finn.
Finn: Huh? [a hand removes potato bag off his head, spits out a potato] Untie me so I can beat you with that sack! [the man reveals himself; he gasps] You're that—
Man: Yes, the charismatic stranger from last night! Also... [reveals to be three tiny people] the grandmaster of the gnomes!
Gnomes: Hup! Hup! Hup! [more gnomes circle around Finn]
Grandmaster Gnome: And... ruler of the Beneathaverse! [spotlight illuminates and reveals a large underground chamber with large machinery]
Finn: S'pretty nice. Hey, why don't you guys just untie me, and we can pretend this whole thing didn't happen.
Grandmaster Gnome: Oh, no. I've been searching all over Ooo for the ultimate power source—a living dynamo, something that... never slows down.
Finn: Uh-oh.
Grandmaster Gnome: And last night, I finally found—
Finn: It's me.
Grandmaster Gnome: Yes, it's you!! You will have the great honor of powering the Upturn Overdrive!
Finn: That does what now?
Grandmaster Gnome: It will flip over the entire world!! Then we'll be the ones on top, buddy!
Grandmaster Gnome: Yes, but the engineering is very sound. [a group of gnomes carry up Finn]
Finn: Huh?
Grandmaster Gnome: Your energies will be harnessed by our most advanced technology—the Cyclonic Rodentarod!
Finn: Ha! You may have captured me... Hugh! [hops over his bound wrists] —but you can't make me run! [gets shocked by a gnome with an electroprod; runs pacily] Ow!! Well... you can't make me run very fast. [gets shocked again, runs faster] Ow!! Jake's on his way to mess you guys—BWAAAAAHHHH!!!!

Party God: Jake... you have won my favor for being a completely off-the-hook party dog! AROWHH!!
Jake: Ha ha ha!
Party God: And because your gut waves please me so, I will grant you one wish. What do you want most in the world?
Jake: What do I want most? [chuckles, pauses] ..What do I want most in the world? Well... I wish Finn would stop leavin' his dirty— [gasps] FIIINN!!!! I was on his trail, and then I... got distracted!! GAAAH!! What's wrong with my brain?! Cinnamon Bun was right! I can't focus on NOTHIN'!! Party God, I wish that I could focus on finding my friend Finn!
Party God: [inhales sharply] Then your wish is my—
Jake: Wait!! Wait... Is there some kinda catch?
Party God: Uh... y-y-yes. Y-You got me. To grant your wish, I will have to fill you with the energy of a thousand partying demons. You will become so overloaded with party energy that you'll demolish everything in your path!! [blasts Jake with a beam from his mouth]
Jake: Must... find... Finn! Must... MUST... PARTY FOREVERRR!!!

Crystals Have Power [2.08]Edit

Jake: [Hitting the crystal wall] GYAH! Stupid ghost dad! I'll show him! Buuh...Okay. Intimidate them with controlled attack!

Tree Trunks: I wanted you, Finn! So you could be transformed into my sexy crystal king!

Finn: TREE TRUNKS! You've gone bananas with crystal power!

Tree Trunks: Finn, it's not sexy for a king to call his queen bananas!

Joshua: Jake, what did you do to your brother?
Jake: We were just playing, and then I got outta control! I'm sorry Dad...
Joshua: No son, you did good. Having no self-control makes you a tough galoot, like me!
Jake: But I don't wanna hurt nobody!
Joshua: Well that's too bad kid, cos you're gonna hurt EVERYBODY.
Jake: NOOOOOOOHHHH....!!!!

Joshua: "Jake! Jake, I brought someone here to see you. It's your brother! "
Jake: JERMAINE?! Are you dead??
Jermaine: "Naw, man! We're just dreamin' at the same time! "
Jake: Well, I'm sorry about that time I beat you up.
Jermaine: "Yo, that was an accident. I knew you were just horsin' off. "
Jake: But Dad, you said I'm gonna hurt everybody!
Joshua: "Yeah, everybody. "
Jake: I dunno, Dad. That doesn't really help me.
Joshua: "Everybody who is EVIL, Jake. Let me finish next time, hmm? Yeah? "

Jake: If I had a penny for every time someone went crazy-hopped up on magic energy, [long beat] ...I'd be Abraham Lincoln.

Singer: Apple pie in the oven
Tell me you can taste lovin'.

The Other Tarts [2.09]Edit

Royal Tart Toter: Hello? Eat my tarts? ... This cosmic dance of bursting decadence and withheld permissions twists all our arms collectively but, if sweetness can win - and it can - then I'll still be here tomorrow to high-five you yesterday, my friend. Peace.

Finn: Crud!! I was sure we'd be safe in the Desert of Doom!
Jake: What? Whatcha saying?
Finn: THOSE are dirty tart burglars!
Jake: I think they're just dirty hobos.
Finn: No, man. They are cold-blooded tart destroyers. And we have to get them before they GET US.
Jake: Why?
Finn: They're gonna kill Princess Bubblegum by stealing our tarts!
Jake: Oh, yeah!

Finn: We blew it, man! My plan SUCKED!! It sucked all along! But I was blinded by my hubris! Now PB's gonna get got, and it's all my fault!

[cycled and repeated]
Guard 2: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Guard 1: Okay!
Guard 3: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Guard 2: Okay!
Guard 4: Shall I hold that for you, sir?
Guard 3: Okay!

Butterfly: Hey!! Keep off them tarts!
Finn: Huh??
Butterfly: I said back off of them tarts! Are you an imbecile!?
Finn: But I—
Butterfly: [unholsters laser gun] Right the bazoobs now!!
Jake: Finn, he's got a laser gun!
[pwoosh pwoosh! pwoosh-pwoosh-pwoosh!!]
Butterfly: Yeah! That's it, alright... Now I gotta book it to Nana's for brunch! See yous later!

To Cut a Woman's Hair [2.10]Edit

LSP: Oh my Glob! What the stuff are you doing?! Why're you cutting my lumps?!
Finn: Because they're, uh.. so...
LSP: (gasp!) I knew you liked me!
Finn: No, I don't! I- I'm just stopping by because—
LSP: Just admit it, loverboy! You can't resist me! But if you want these lumps, you gotta put a ring on it!! WHERE'S MY RING?!?
Finn: [runs away] WAHH!!!
LSP: I know you like me, Finn! That's why you're running! Get in touch with your feelings, BABE!!

Finn: Hey, witch! Does it have to be princess hair?
Tree Witch: No, just beautiful hair.
Finn: Well then, check THIS OUT!!
[Finn pull off his white hat and shown his long blonde hair]
Finn: HAHAAAH!!!
Jake: HAHH!!
Tree Witch: AHH!! You'd really give me your hair?
Finn: Sure!
Tree Witch: [now with Finn's hair] So... how do I look?
Finn: Totally beautiful, inside and out.
Tree Witch: Thank you, Finn. And now to use my hair for evil.
Finn: WHAT!!!?
Tree Witch: Cos I'm evil! [cackling] What did ya want from me!? [trips, CRUNCH!!] Oh no, I think I fractured a branch....

The Chamber of Frozen Blades [2.11]Edit

Jake: A true ninja can sense the intentions of his enemies. "Jin!"

Ice King: What can you do for him, Doctor Princess? Without Gunter, I'll be all alone. You see, I'm a widower.
Doctor Princess: Oh, I'm sorry. How did your wife die?
Ice King: Ohh... what? Is that was that means?

Jake: Fridjitsu master Jake summons: Arrow of Ice!

Finn: It's the Ice King alright, and he's looking awful pleased with himself.
Jake: Uh-oh! If the Ice King's so happy, he must've stolen a princess when we weren't looking somehow! [ear-covers his mouth] That's ninja logic!
Finn: Then we gotta --
Flambo: A-hem. [Finn flips a charcoal briquette into his mouth]
Finn: Hmph. We gotta save that princess! [jumps onto tor]
Jake: You got it, shino-bro! Ninja kick!
Finn: Ninja kick!

Ice King: For it turns out Gunter here was preggers!
Gunter: Wenk!
Ice King: I was just talking to the egg! It's such a cutie!
Ice King: What? No!

Ice King: Counter-maid, I demand medicinal attentions! Preferably those of a princessy type.
Maid: And are you checking in as a patient or a cadaver?
Ice King: Hey! I'm as healthy as TEN old men!!
Gunter: [weak] Wenk... wenk...
Ice King: Hoh? Oh, oh right! My penguin, he's very, very sick. So, what time does your shift end?

Ice King: Gunter... YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME!!!

Finn: "True ninja passes no wind; he only passes—" [PWOOT!!]

Jake: Get ready to be.. STAR STRUCK.
Finn: Get ready to be.. COLD CUT.

Her Parents [2.12]Edit

Both: Ketchup, mustard, red and yellow!
Jake: Lady's parents, I say hello!
I'm the fellow for your daughter
Please forget the wartime slaughter!
Home improvement, decorations
Help me impress her relations!
Finn: Sugar bears, and rainbow jelly
Jake: Spread those colors on my belly!
Finn: On the floor and up the log!
Jake: Please don't notice I'm a dog!

Finn: Dude! Her parents are probably all full of dog-hatred from the war-times! They're gonna see you're a dog and forbid Lady from ever hanging out with you again!
Jake: ...Nah. That could never happen.
Finn: You didn't think this through enough. IT COULD HAPPEN!!

Finn: J.J. Flip! What the zip?

Ethel: Listen, I just want you to know how sorry we are about trying to eat you.
Bob: It's just that we thought we'd never get another chance. We thought humans were extinct.
Finn: Oh...

Finn: Homies help homies. Always.

The Pods [2.13]Edit

Finn: It's a brave little gnome knight!
Jake: What? That's a frog dressed up like a gnome knight!
Gnome Knight: Actually, I'm a gnome knight who was magically transformed into a frog, and then I decided to continue being a knight.
Jake: And now you're, like, attracting a mate?
Gnome Knight: NO!! I'm on the verge of death!!

Finn: "Freezed" to meet you! Hope you saved room for dessert! I'm killing you with ice cream!

The Silent King [2.14]Edit

Old Goblin: Oh no! The old king — just as cruel as the last king!
Finn: Hi oh.. what? [guards enter and kneel]
Goblin Guard: O King, we beg you not to slay the old lady. [Finn turns back and they cower]
Finn: No, wait!
Old Goblin: Don't slay me! You may keep the hot buns, Your Majesty!
Blue Goblin: I'm ready for my spanking, Mr. Xerigok Part Two.

Finn: Wands are for wiii~mps!

Finn: I just want to help y'all as much as I can
And y'all just keep showing me your goblin hams
When I became king
I didn't think y'all'd show me your rears
But I'll accept my boring fate and shed this tear
Cos I can't seem to cure you of your groundless fears...

Finn: The goblins have suffered long enough, Xergiok!
Xergiok: Shush! You guys can't live without me, right?
Goblins: Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Owowowowow!
Jake: You got problems, man.


The Real You [2.15]Edit

Finn: Everything small is just a small version of something big! I understand everything!!
Jake: Whoa, bud, are you okay?
Finn: Oh, Jake... I'm better than okay! I know exactly how to impress the Princess.
Jake: More spit bubbles?
Finn: No, no. Those spit bubbles were as fragile as my old perception of reality. But wait. Maybe you're onto something. I could show the Princess bubbles the likes of which no one has ever seen!!
Jake: And how will you do that?
Finn: I'll start with a solid bulleted list!

Finn: Ladies and gentlemen—and Princess... I'm here to talk about multidimensional bubbles! But I am not just going to talk about blowing bubbles — I'm going to blow... your... minds.
Bubblegum: Hmm?
Finn: This is a bubble blower of my own design. With this, you can blow bubbles in different dimensions.
[he sets the device to two and blows out a flat, depthless bubble]
Finn: This two-dimensional bubble casts a one-dimensional shadow.
[he sets the device from two to three and blows out a normal bubble]
Finn: A three-dimensional bubble casts a two-dimensional shadow.
[he sets the device from three to four, blows out what appears to be a projection of a four-dimensional tesseract]
Finn: A fourth-dimensional bubble casts a three-dimensional shadow. It is beyond comprehension! Beyond space! Beyond time!
Bubblegum: Finn, that would mean you've created—
Finn: Yes—A BLACK HOLE!!! [everything starts to getting sucked into the hole]
Jake: WHOOAAHH!! [grabs a pole and stretches himself to another pole, holding the screaming crowd]
Finn: Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah!! [Jake grabs him and pulls him into the group with Bubblegum] Whoa!
Bubblegum: Finn!! Do something!!
Finn: It's okay. I'm sure the solution is on my bulleted... LIST!! [the list gets sucked into the hole] Don't worry. I have EVERYTHING under control.
Bubblegum: UNDER CONTROL?! My guests are terrified!
Finn: YES!! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland!! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this NDE is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess?! We were all BORN TO DIE!!
Finn: No, of course not! I'm trying to give you the GREATEST CONFERENCE EVER!!!
Bubblegum: Finn... you've gone insane!
Finn: What?! No way, I'm like the smartest guy in Ooo, thanks to these glasses.
Bubblegum: Glasses? Finn... take those off. You're not yourself!
Finn: But—
Bubblegum: [cries] Please!! I need the real you!

Guardians of Sunshine [2.16]Edit

[after losing to Sleepy Sam again in "Guardians of Sunshine" game]
Finn: Argh!! Every time!! Beemo, this game is the worst! If we were really inside that game, man, we would crush Sleepy Sam, breezily — with my mitts.
BMO: Oh, no! It's much more dangerous than you think.
Finn: Whoa, whoa, wait!
Jake: Beemo, is there a way for us to get in the game for real?
BMO: Yes, of course, Jake. [opens compartment with a red button] If I push this button—
[Jake presses Beemo's button repeatedly to no avail. Beemo moves Jake's hand aside]
BMO: If I push this button, you will both be dangerously transported into my main-brain-game-frame, where it is very dangerous.
Finn: Oh, man! Oh, Beemo! You gotta let us in that game!
BMO: No! It's a far-too-dangerous incredible adventure for you. That's final.
Finn: [beat] Oh... okay, Beemo. Welp, time for bed!
Jake: Finn?
Finn: Time for bed. [elbows him] Right, Jake?
Jake: Oh, right! Heh-heh. G'night, Beemo. Time for bed.

Jake: [sniffs] Hey, what stinks? Smells like...
Finn: Pit!!
[camera pans out to show a stretching virtual lava pit]
Finn: Looks a mite bigger inside the game.
Jake: Jumping over this pit is easy, remember? We can do this backwards with our eyes closed. [leaps backwards into the pit] AHH!! I'M BURNING!!
Finn: JAAAAAAAAKE!!!! [a starting jingle is heard]
Jake: [chuckles] What, man?
Finn: Wha?! Jake, what the shank?!
Jake: Check it out — extra lives.
Finn: You still have two left! [Jake falls laughing into the pit again]
Jake: AHH-HA!! OW!! IT BURNS!! OW!! AHH-HA!!
[Jake's life icons are reduced to one]
Finn: Jake!!
Jake: [reappears] Doo do-do-doo!
Finn: Dude, what if losing all your lives in here makes you die in real life? Or worse?!
Jake: That makes me just want to sit here and feel bad.
Finn: No way, man! We're gonna cross that hole with real-world grit! Come on!

Finn: [stealthily crawling to Sleepy Sam] I'm gonna break you, Sam. When I'm done, they'll call you, uh... Stinky Sam... stupid frog.

Death in Bloom [2.17]Edit

Finn: Time to lay down, beautiful buddy.
Jake: Yeah. Time to make sleepies! [focus on the dead charred Princess Plant]
Finn: Ahh. ..We killed it, man!
Jake: I know!!
Finn: Okay... all we gotta do is go to the Land of the Dead and reclaim the flower's soul from Death before Bubblegum returns.
Jake: [beat] Okay.
Peppermint Butler: [enters] Excuse me, but did you all say "Land of the Dead"?
Finn: [Jake hides plant under pillow] Oh, what?! Oh— uh... yeah.
Peppermint Butler: I can take you.
Finn: Really?
Peppermint Butler: Certainly, Finn. For a small price, which we can discuss later. Take my hands, gentlemen. [Finn and Jake each hold Peppermint Butler's hands facing a corner between two walls] Stare into where the two walls meet. Now slowly... cross your eyes. Do it, fools!
[Finn and Jake cross their eyes and the corner divides into two, creating a portal in between]
Peppermint Butler: The portal opens! Say hi to Death for me if you see him. He lives in a castle made of light.
Jake: Uhh... okay.
Finn: Thanks, Peppermint Butler.
Peppermint Butler: And don't drink the— [portal closes] water...

Skeleton: Hey! Hey, what's up, fellas? Hi. Lester. [he grabs Finn's arm] Oh man, flesh! I haven't seen this stuff in forever! So warm and gushy and salty, look at all that flesh jigglin'!
Jake: Hey, if you love flesh so much, then watch this. [melts on the ground]
Lester: WHOA!! You don't know what you're doin' to me, guy! Fellas, get over here! Flesh!!
[a group of skeletons walk over to Finn and Jake by Lester in celebration]
Finn: This is weird, man.
Jake: Ah, don't worry. They just think we're cool.
Finn: Hm... Do you guys think we're cool?
Lester: No. We're gonna rip that flesh off you and eat it. [both gasp; the skeletons start closing in on them]
Finn: It's bone-kickin' time! Huh! Huh! [punches two skulls off and backs up]
[a skeleton attaches his laughing skull back on before another group of skeletons advance on them]
Finn: Oh, shoot! Rah!! Get— [grunts as skeletons start biting him] Jake, there's too many!!
Jake: [coughs] They're trying to peel me! [grows larger] I'm... not... A... BANANA!!!

Finn: I'm glad she's not coming back till tomorrow.
Jake: No, she said she's coming back "on the Morrow."
Finn: Yeah, on the 'morrow. That means tomorrow.
Jake: No man, the Morrow is her bird!
Finn: Come again?
Jake: It's her bird! That thing is crazy fast! It'll only take her like twenty minutes to get back once that conference is over. [zoom in to Finn's bracket-eyed face] Are you listening, man? [closeup on Jake in slow-mo] THE MORROW... IS A BIRRRD...!!!

Finn: I don't see anyone. I guess you double-killed them with that avalanche.
Jake: Heh... Awesome.
Finn: Now we just gotta cross that river.
Jake: River! [descending steps] Man, I'm so thirsty! My mouth's still all dusty!
Skull: [seen beside steps] Yes...
Finn: WAHH!!
Skull: Drink the water.
Finn: Whoa... okay, Jake—don't drink the water.
Jake: Come on! I'm so thirsty!
Finn: Dude! That skull wants you to drink the water! It's bad water!
Skull: Don't drink the water.
Jake: See? That's means good, right? Yup! [cannonballs into river]
Finn: Jake? [Jake emerges out and stares at Finn] Jake, why are you making stupid face?
Jake: Who's Jake?
Finn: Dang it, I knew that water was junk!
Skull: Tricked again by the river of forgetfulness!! [crushed by Finn's left foot]
Finn: Jake!! Get out of that water right now!!
Jake: Hey! I don't know who you are, mister, but I don't like your attitude. [Finn pauses for a beat; cut to him dragging Jake] Help! Somebody!

Peppermint Butler: Ahem... Mr. Finn? Mr. Jake? I believe you still owe me something in exchange for that favor I did.
Finn: Sure!
Jake: Yeah! What is it?
Peppermint Butler: I'd like your flesh. [Finn and Jake snigger]
Jake: Quit being silly, Peppermint Butler!
Peppermint Butler: I'm going to take it from you while you sleep.

Susan Strong [2.18]Edit

Finn: Susan Strong, this is where you belong
Hangin' with me on a fallen tree
Do you think you deserve this to live up here on the surface?
I think you do, and I think your friends do, too.
How long have you lived in the darkness?
I just want to show you the light
Because you're a human just like me, Susan
And I want you in my life.
Susan Strong
You turn my heart on.

Mystery Train [2.19]Edit

Finn: My birthday wish is vengeance! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

Finn: What do you think, Dr. Donut? Any clues?
Dr. Donut: [touches Mr. Candycane's skull] Hmm... I think it was the guy would screamed, "I'm gonna kill you." [all passengers murmur indistinctly]
Colonel Candycorn: Uh— no, no! I-it-it wasn't me, I swear!
Finn: Passengers, passengers! I don't think it was Colonel Candycorn.
Colonel Candycorn: Oh, well, well, thank you.
Finn: No! In murder mysteries, it's never the first person you think of — never ever.
Marshmallow Kid: So, who do you think it is?
Finn: [turns to Colonel] Colonel, do you have any enemies on this train?
Colonel Candycorn: Well, uh... well, just one. And his or her name is...
[the train enters another tunnel and fades to black; a skeleton of Colonel Candycorn is shown with many passengers screaming]
Finn: See?! I knew it wasn't him! But now we need to figure out who his enemy is. It could be anybody.
Candy Person: It could even be you.
Finn: [beat] ..Yes, it could—except I didn't do it.
Candy Person: But... we don't know that.
Finn: [points at him] You singled me out to take suspicion off yourself. Are you Colonel Candycorn's enemy?
Candy Person: What? No! I was just trying to join in on the conversation!
Finn: Suspect numero uno!
[the train enters yet another tunnel with the Candy Person's skeleton shown upon exiting the tunnel. Finn gasps]
Finn: Rat traps! I really thought I was on to something.

Finn: You're the only remaining passengers, so the murderer is in this caboose.
[all passengers gasp, murmuring distinctly at each other]
Finn: Let me explain how I know who the murderer is. I saw Pineapple Guy skim through the sheet music—sheet music to a song that's very special to Lollipop Girl—a song that reminds her of Ice Cream Guy. Before Colonel Candycorn died, Dr. Ice Cream was in possession of a basket of cabbage, fish and eggs. And you, Pineapple Guy, have cabbage bits on your socks. And you, Chocolate Bar Guy... [holds a dictionary] does this dictionary look familiar? A dictionary which happens to contain the words... [opens dictionary, points at words circled in red pen] "rid," "guests," "at once"? [all passengers gasp heavily] But the real murderer is someone no one suspects. The real murderer is...
[enter another tunnel; all passengers drop their skeletons on the floor. Finn gasps at Jake]
Finn: No-one was the murderer?!
Jake: The conductor's still on the train.
Finn: Oh, yeah... He did it.
Jake: Yay! You did it! You solved it, Finn!
Finn: I knew it — because he's creepy.
Jake: What?! Hmph...
Finn: I know — you knew he was the murderer all along. I couldn't have done it without you... you, you, you.
Jake: [hugged] Thank you...
Finn: [straining] We make a... great team, pal!
[they enter another tunnel...]
Finn: You feel kinda bony... WAHH!! [drops down Jake, bends down on his skeleton] Jake...? [he cradles and starts grieving over Jake's remains] NOOOOOOOOOO!!!
[pan right to the conductor on his skateboard, holding a wooden sword]
Conductor: Heh heh heh heh... Hey.
Finn: How could you murder all those Candy People?! And... you murdered Jake on my birthday!
Conductor: Yes, and you're next. [Finn lowers Jake's skeleton down and draws a nearby root sword]
Finn: Wrong!

Go With Me [2.20]Edit

Marceline: Hey look, Finn, I know Jake's your friend and all, but... if you really want Bubblegum to go to the movies with you, you've gotta like, stop listening to your dog and take some advice from a real girl.
Finn: But Jake said Phase 2 is powerful!
Marceline: Pbbt!! Heh, how is Jake going to know what girls want more than a real girl?
Finn: Yeah—
Marceline: Okay, great. So what we need now is something... fun. Girls love fun more than anything. Fun, fun, fun! If you can show Bubblegum that you're fun, she'll deffs wanna go to the movies with you.
Finn: Heheh, you said fun so much, it sounds all weird now. Fffun. Ff— [M touches his shoulder]
Marceline: So what do you like to do for fun, Finn?
Finn: Oh-oh! I like to wrestle! And fight!! ERRRRH!! ROARR!! ...But girls don't like that.
Marceline: No, no, that's perfect! All you need to do is get in there and wrestle Princess Bubblegum to show her how fun you are. [flies off]
Finn: [beat] Ffffffuuunnn. Ffffuuunn.

Marceline: Finn, you do not want to go down that road with me.
Finn: With you, I would walk down any road, milady — especially if it leads to the movies.
Marceline: Oh, yeah? No one would want to go to the movie with... [transforms into a black unearthly-like monstrosity] ..THIS!!!
[she pummels Finn and Jake with her large appendages crashing every opening all over her house. She latches and carries Finn cackling]
Finn: ..How do you like your popcorn?
Marceline: UGGGHHH!! [demetamorphosizes] You're starting to annoy me!
Finn: Well, then let's do something fun, like go to the movies!
Marceline: Get off me! [throws Finn onto the couch] Finn, I like you, but—
Finn: Headlock!!
Marceline: NO!! [armlocks Finn] Listen to me! I'm not gonna go to the movies with you! I just... don't like you that way.
[Finn closes his eyes and lies on the couch]
Marceline: I'm sorry, Finn. I just... I don't want to date you.
Finn: Date me? Man, I just want to go the movies, but everybody hates me.
Marceline: Wait — you... don't want me to be your girlfriend?
Finn: Huh?! No!! MOVIES!!
Marceline: If you weren't looking for a girlfriend, then why were you romancing it up all day?
Finn: Cos Jake said couples nights have weird kissing requirements and romance-initiation rituals and whatever else.
Jake: I didn't really say all that. [mumbling indistinctly]
Marceline: Of course I'll go with you, Finn.
Finn: You will?
Marceline: Yeah, as friends.
Finn: Of course as friends.
Marceline: But no tongue.
Finn: Ye— what?!

Belly of the Beast [2.21]Edit

Finn: All those bears.. are gonna turn into the stuff.

Finn: Hey, Party Pat! You're the Chief and I totes respect that, but what we have to tell you is really important. And you said if we partied, we could talk.
Party Pat: But you haven't been partying.
Finn: WHAT?!?!
Party Pat: You move to music, but that's not dancing. You chew pancakes, but you're not tasting. To truly party, one must leave behind the problems that are troubling and open one's... [reveals a third eye] mind eye. [beat] I'm just kiddin'. You guys are party animals. This is just a sticker! [peels it off] You can stay in our cave as long as you want.
Finn: That's what I've been trying to tell you, man!! This isn't a cave! Y'all are partyin' in a monster's BELLYYYYYY!!!
Party Pat: [looks around] Oh, yeah. That makes sense. It's definitely the weirdest cave I've ever seen. Heh-heh.
Finn: So... you'll tell everyone to leave?
Party Pat: [slurps] Nah, we love it here.
Finn: But you're all gonna die if you STAY!!

Finn: Hey, excuse me! Excuse me! I dunno why you don't know this, but y'all are partyin' in a monster's stomach!
Teddy Bear: Thanks! I love dancing!
Finn: No! Y'ALL... are PARTYIN'... in a MONSTER'S... STOMACH!!
Teddy Bear 1: I think he wants to know where the bathroom is!!
Teddy Bear 2: IT'S OVER THERE!!!

Finn: My hot dog's dead
My pizza's dead
My cupcake is dead
Jake: Oh, uh—my donut's dead
My burger's dead
My milkshake is dead
Finn: All of our favorite foods are totally dead
They cannot procreate... in little food beds
We'll eat them up and turn them into stuff
Jake: And we'll cry over their graves, but you can't cry enough
Both: When you miss someone you love
You can't cry enough.

The Limit [2.22]Edit

Jake: NERP!!!

Finn: What're you gonna wish for, dude?
Jake: Oh, y'know — that somethin' special only two bros can share.
Finn: I think I'm wishing for the same thing!
Jake: You mean the...
Finn & Jake: Ancient Psychic Tandem War Elephant!
Jake: Oh man, I wanna ride it so bad!
Finn: How do you even control those things?
Jake: You can't control it, dude — you have to let it GIVE you control.

Finn: Dang, Jake... your body's getting thin!
Jake: Hey, I got a nice bod!
Finn: Yeah, but right now? Uuh, not so nice.
Jake: Okay, well, you can take your weird body issues and tuck them somewhere private, whereas I can take my healthy body issues and— (gasp!!) Fight a golem!!

Finn: Okay, so you guys wish to get your buddies back, right?
Hotdog Knight 1: I wish for a box! (pop!) Suhweet!
Hotdog Knight 2: And I wish to blow up! I mean, like, get big— (BANG!!)
Finn: Wow. You guys are really stupid.
Hotdog Knight 1: What do you mean?

Video Makers [2.23]Edit

Finn: We've been showing these films unauthorized.
Jake: But these movies are before the Great Mushroom War.
Finn: We should still respect authority, mang.

Finn: Uhh... what do you think?
Jake: Eh, I don't get it. It's just a bunch of random junk.
Finn: Yeah... I'm not engaged. I need to see something that reflects life as it is, but you know, entertaining.
Jake: Yeah, like a romantic comedy!
Finn: Exactly—an action-adventure!
Jake: Wait, that's not what I said!
Finn: Let's get to filming!

Shelby: Check, please!

Finn/Jake: "Warning—federal law provides severe and criminal penalties for the unauthroized exhibition of copyrighted motion pictures"...

Finn: No, no smooching! Cut!
Jake: I thought it was great.
Finn: No, we can't use any of it.
Jake: I think we should use all of it.
Finn: No, not all. We should throw away the parts where Slime Princess was smooching. That was dumb.
Jake: What!?

Finn: Jake, let's talk about our movie.
Jake: Okay.
Finn: I think we shot a lot of great stuff.
Jake: Uh-huh.
Finn: But I'm thinkin' only half of it is usable.
Jake: Me too!
Finn: Really?
Jake: Yeah, I was just thinkin' that!
Finn: That's great!
Jake: I know!
Finn: You actually agree it's an action-adventure!
Jake: Yep, it— Wait! No!!
Finn: What?!
Jake: Romantic comedy!
Finn: WHAT!?!
Jake: Whaddaya mean "what"?!
Finn: Who's right, Beemo?!
Jake: Yeah! Me or Finn?!
[Beemo clicks and pushes a button with a message reading "BACK IN 5 MINUTES"]
Finn: We'll ask him when he wakes up.
Jake: Why wait? [writes down a piece of paper] "Dear Beemo, please use only the best footage when cutting the movie. Love, Jake."
Finn: [takes pen and paper] "And Finn."
Jake: See you at the movie club, then!
Finn: Oh, I'll be there.
Jake: As well I.
Finn: As well I as well.

Heat Signature [2.24]Edit

Finn: Man, I still can't believe Marceline is 1,000 years old and has never seen Heat Signature. This movie is gonna blow their minds.

Mortal Folly [2.25]Edit

Ice King: [to Princess Bubblegum] I'm sorry, Princess. I love you and I've decided to let you go free. [removes ice cuffs from PB's wrists] Go free! [drops her into Lich's well] Oops, I've got the dropsies.

Lich: Finn....
Finn: Oh no! [all black]
Lich: Finn... Come.
Finn: Grrreeehh... Stop!!
Lich: Aren't you cold... Finn? Walk into the well... Finn. Aren't you cold?
[Finn teeters on edge of well, then pauses. Gets angry.]
Finn: [yelling] NO, I'M NOT! I'VE GOT A SWEATER ON!!

Mortal Recoil [2.26]Edit

Nurse Poundcake: What's her condition, Dr. Ice Cream?
Dr. Ice Cream: She totally gross over 90% of her body, the other 10% is crazy-nasty.
Nurse Poundcake: Will she make it, Doctor?!
Dr. Ice Cream: I don't know, Nurse Poundcake.

Jake: Princess, you're not feeling good
You're not feelin' like a princess should
And if you wanna get better fast
Check out my cute little booty dance!

Ice King: No! Not my number one! Princess, if you die on me I will never forgive you! I'll be lost.. lost in my own emotional labyri—

Jake: Listen... PB's bed was on fire.
Finn: WHAT?? Is she OK?
Jake: [low] She MADE it on fire!!
Finn: With a match?
Jake: No, man! With her brain.. I think...

Ice King: Guys, let me help you! I don't want my future wife to be... physically unattractive.

Nurse Poundcake: Attention, everyone!
Finn: IS PB OKAY!??
Nurse Poundcake: Yes.. but there were some complications...
Nurse Poundcake: Yes, I'm afraid there wasn't enough gum to work with, so it appears Princess Bubblegum is now... younger.
[a younger PB exits emergency room, everyone gasps!]
Nurse Poundcake: She's 13 years old now.
Ice King: Aw, dangit!! Well, I'm outta here. [flies off] Goodbye, everyone.

Finn: Princess, the sweater you made me kept me safe. I almost got super-messed up but, it saved me. And.. I wanted to say... thank you for imbuing the sweater with the power of liking someone a lot, cos... I like you a lot.

Ice King: OK. I didn't kill 'er this time. Everybody saw that, right?
Gumball Guardian: DUUUDE.

Finn: I'm a cat! I'm an agile cat!

Season 3Edit

Conquest of Cuteness [3.01]Edit

Finn: Get the camera, Jake!
Jake: I can't! I'm paralyzed by the cuteness!
Finn and Jake: Beemo! Beemo! Beemo! Beemo!
BMO: [pushes Finn and Jake aside] What? What? What? What?
Finn and Jake: Beemo, get the camera!
BMO: BMO is camera.

Finn: I'm gonna go manhandle those guyses banandles!

Finn: It's perfectly fine!
Jake: No, Finn... They probably POISONED it!!
Finn: Nahhhhh.
Jake: They knew my name... They knew about the burrito...
Finn: Man, you're letting your brain dial turn your fear volume up. You'll see. Those Cuties are nothing but an afternoon's delight.

Jake: Oh no! AHH NO!!
Finn: Jake, what is it?
Jake: Ahh no! It's a dead goat, man! Its guts are all over the place! It's all chopped up and spread around and... Ah no, wait, it's just a blanket.

Finn: What's for B-fast, Jake?
Jake: Everything Burrito!
Finn: Hahh!
[Jake wraps the burrito]
Jake: I love you, Everything Burrito.

Finn: And hey, guys... Let's keep the acting subtle. Less is more.
Lumpy Space Princess: No way! First, I'm gonna fall in love with one of those little guys, and then I'm gonna fall out of love, And then, I'm gonna totally fake die of a fake heart attack! "OH! MY HEART! MY HEART HURTS BECAUSE I FELL OUT OF LOVE! AND NOW I HAVE TO DIE! OOOOHHHHH!!!"

Finn: Get ready, y'all. Together, we FALL. [CB falls]
LSP: Not yet, Cinnamon Bun!

Cute King: I command you to make me a sandwich!
Ice King: WHAT!?? No one demands the Ice King to make no sandwich!

Morituri Te Salutamus [3.02]Edit

Jake: Gotta liven up this unhallowed ground.. for Finn.
On a tropical island
Underneath a molten lava moon
Hangin' with the hula dancers
Asking questions cos they got all the answers...

Memory of a Memory [3.03]Edit

Baby Finn: I'm a buff baby that can dance like a man,
I can shake-ah my fanny, I can shake-ah my can!
I'm a tough tootin' baby, I can punch-ah yo' buns!
Punch-ah yo' buns, I can punch all yo' buns!
If you're an evil witch, I will punch you for fun!

[Finn, Jake and a wizard run into Marceline's house to find her unconscious on the floor]
Finn: Marceline! What's wrong with her?!
Wizard: She accidentally cast a sleep spell on herself, and now she's trapped in eternal slumber!
Finn: Tell us how to break the spell!
Wizard: I'll transport you into Marceline's mind, where you will walk through her memories and find the memory core.
Jake: Then what?
Wizard: Find the memory of Marceline casting the sleep spell on herself. At your touch, you and the memory will be transported back to reality.
Jake: But like, if you know all this, why not just do it yourself?
Wizard: Entering a person's mind can be dangerous. And I don't have any arms. Just legs. [stretches his right leg] Ungh... Yeah, here we go... Oh... [jabs his toe at Finn's forehead]
Finn: What? [a bright white light flashes out of his forehead] What'd you do to my forehead?
Wizard: When you get close to the memory, your forehead will glow. Here, take this. It's a sack of magic powder. Sit on the couch and sprinkle the powder on your head.
Finn: Like this? [he and Jake sprinkle the powder on their heads]
Wizard: Yep. Like that. Feel sleepy?
Both: [yawning] Mm-hm...
Wizard: Good. Sleep now. But know this!
Both: Huh?! / Whua?!
Wizard: If you fail, Marceline will be trapped in eternal sleep... FOREVER!!! [both gasp] And everr! And everrr~!!

Finn: [sniffs] This place reeks.
Jake: Yo, man, your thing is glowing.
Finn: My what? [touches forehead] Oh, my thing.
Jake: We must be close to the core. I see another door over there. Come on.
Finn: [looks up] Wait a sec, Jake... It's that guy again.
Ash: Hey... open your eyes, look at this, Mar-Mar. Check it out. It's my new wand. These cherry blossoms... look-look as close as you can, and they're real. [Marceline puts her finger near a cherry blossom and gets zapped]
Marceline: Wow. Awesome. Where'd you get the money for that thing?
Ash: Oh, I sold that teddy bear that you love so much. [beat] To a witch.
Marceline: You... what?! Are you crazy?! That was my favorite thing in the whole world!!
Ash: That's why it's so valuable, genius. For potions? [summons a ghost from his wand]
Ghost: [croons] You're not a genius... You're not a genius...
Marceline: [crying] That's the last straw, Ash! That's it! You're a psycho jerk and you ruined my life...
Ash: But... But not all of it—
Marceline: IT'S OVER, YOU PSYCHO!!!!

Hitman [3.04]Edit

Finn: Ice King! How many times have we warned you about using love potion?
Ice King: That's why I'm using honey.
Jake: Man, who cares if it's honey? You stink anyways!
Finn: [laughs] Yeah. You stink so much I'monna ground you for a week.
Ice King: What? You can't do that!
Finn: You're grounded for two weeks!
Ice King: YOU'RE grounded for two weeks!
Finn: Three. Weeks.
Jake: Ohh, snaps!
Ice King: Why!? I didn't do anything..!
Finn: Four weeks...?

Ice King: Okay, mister, you are really trying my patience! How clear can I be?! All I want you to do is hit them—on the shoulder, or something. [punches Scorcher's shoulder] Are you even listening? Oh, I get it. [takes a wad of dollar bills] Here's double the grease to not kill Finn and Jake. [Scorches incinerates money] You trying to hustle me, Scorcher? Okay. I'll play this game. How about this prize piece for your pad? [turns on sining deer head on a plague]
Singing Deer Head: I wanna live, live, live I wanna live, live, live— [Scorcher burns it]
Ice King: NOOOOOO!!! Huh. Okay... How about these bad boys—night vision x-ray goggles for when you have a lady houseguest? [Scorcher burns goggles off his face] Auh!! Come on! At least renegotiate the target! You can destroy my least favorite princesses. What about Lumpy Space Princess? [Scorcher burns LSP picture] Ghost Princess? I can't even hold her with my love mitts. [Scorcher burns GP picture] Aw, geez! Uh... [Scorches blasts fire in front of his face] Oh! A-A leg cramp, in my leg! Ow, ow! O-Oh, this is so embarrassing. I'll be right back. Ow! Ow!
[he hides behind left side of the entry]
Ice King: [sighs] Think, baby. Come on. Ah! [pulls laptop out of his beard; starts typing "hitman hitman"] All right, let's hit the hitman, right? There's got to be a... Ah! "Blastronaut—#1 solution for all hitman problems." Sheesh! $99.95?! That's nuts! [clicks "place order"; enters target name] "Scor... cher." ["target acquired"]
[as Scorchers reads pages on a table, the wall suddenly explodes and Blastronaut bursts in, shooting lasers everywhere]
Ice King: Sweet!
[Scorcher remains still until advancing to slice Blastronaut in half; a naked goblin jumps out of the suit. He sees Ice King behind him and jumps off the mountain]
Ice King: No!! Come back, you wussy!! [turns to Scorcher] Ooh, that was weird. [Scorcher clenches his fiery fist] Was that your friend, or something? [chuckles nervously] Look, a supermodel! Look, a hoverboard! Look, the apocalypse! Someone got hit in the boingloings. [beat] Hit in the boingloings! ..Boingloings! Boingloings! Somebody got hit in them. [Scorcher turns left] Peace out!
[he freezes Scorcher and flies away, not before Scorcher starts melting his icy chamber]
Ice King: Oh! Freakin' butt! Butt, butt, butt!

Too Young [3.05]Edit

Lemongrab: This castle is in... unacceptable CONDITION!! UNACCEPTABLE!!!
Lemongrab: 30 days in the dungeon!
Cinnamon Bun: For who?
Lemongrab: Everyone in this room... MHAHHH!!!
Bubblegum: Wait! Wait! You can't give orders like that! I'm in charge here, Lemongrab!
Lemongrab: TOO YOUNG!! She's too young to rule the kingdom!
Finn: [slap!] Watch your manners with the Princess!
Lemongrab: WHOOOOOOO!!?
Finn: What the huh?

Lemongrab: Well, well, well... This is everyone, then?
Peppermint Butler: Yes, all the castle staff.
Lemongrab: So which one of yooou was it? Who did the thing!?
Candy Person: The... thing?
Lemongrab: FFF-FF-FFFFFNNNNUH!!! [unfolds the Dog Buns note] THE THING!!! THE THING!!!
Peppermint Butler: Hey, man! Calm down! It's just a prank, man! For laughs!
Lemongrab: Prank? For l-laughs? ..Yes, of course. Just a harmless prank. For laughs. Ahhh... [jiggling his head all-around laughing]
Peppermint Butler: Ha... heh-heh-heh...
Lemongrab: Twelve years dungeon. All of you — dungeon. Seven years, no trials. Come on! Let's move it!


The Monster [3.06]Edit

Finn: We're fa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-Finn and Jake.
Jake: We'll ma-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-makey-you make.
Both: We'll make you cry! Yo momma lies!
Finn: Jake likes pies, I'm a guy
Who'll stick my stick into yo eye
And you'll say, "Why, why, why, why, why?"
Both: "Why, why, why, why, why?"
"Why, why, why, why, why?"
Finn: PIZZA!!!!!

Finn: Dude, I know where Lumpy Space Princess is! She's in the woods eating beans.
Jake: Mhmm! This is gonna be easy as...uhh...hmmm...
Finn: Easy as childbirth!
Jake: Yeah, okay.

Lumpy Space Princess: I knew, that if my parents could see me now, they'd be jealous of how lumpin' awesome I am.


Still [3.07]Edit

Finn: When someone loses one sense, their other sense are enhanced, like a blind man who can smell and hear really well. [Gunter moves closer to his head] I'm gonna try using my now-enhanced brain sense to make contact with an astral beast who will help us.

Jake: Why are you doing this, Ice King?
Ice King: Why? Because I love you guys! But you don't love me, do ya?
Jake: You tried to kill us, like, four times!
Ice King: I only try to kill you 'cuz you're PRINCESS-BLOCKIN' ME ALL THE TIME!

Finn: The Astral Beast cometh.

Ice King: Well, how 'bout I make us some omelets?
Jake: ...That sounds pretty good, actually.
Ice King: I'm going to put my foot in it. Eating a part of me will bring us closer together! I'll be inside of you! [laughs]

Wizard Battle [3.08]Edit

Grandmaster Wizard: To enter Wizard Battle, you must be... A WIZARD!!

Finn: Wizard Battle is starting soon!
Jake: Rrrohh... I know! We got here 6 hours early, you dork! Just wake me up when start selling hot dogs. Whoa! Whaddaya know!?

Fionna and Cake [3.09]Edit

Cake: Oh, it's a date!
Fionna: No, it's not. I'm sure when he said "go out," he meant "go out," not "go out!"
Cake: Shut up! He's into you!
Fionna: Come on, you heard what he said. I'm like his guy-friend.
Cake: Well, that could change tonight.
Fionna: If it's a date, why are you coming?
Cake: I'm comin' to help you! Hold on. I'm bringing my dulcimer.
Fionna: Awwh, man...!
Cake: It's a conversation starter. HUH!!
Fionna: Fine... I'll do this if only to prove you wrong.

Fionna: Ice Queen, why are you always predatoring on dudes!?
Ice Queen: Ha! You should talk! Keeping all the babes to yourself, totally ice-blocking my game!
Fionna: Wha...?
Ice Queen: NOT... THIS TIME!!!!
Gumball: Gah! Slush beast!!

Fionna: I think all the reason I got these guy-friends and no boyfriend is because I don't really want to date any of 'em. I don't need feel like I'm waiting to be noticed. I know who I am. And I'll know what I want when and if it ever comes along. But there is one guy I would do anything to date — the Ice King!
Gumball: What!?
Cake: [entranced] Me too. Ice King's the real deal!

Gumball: For you Cake, a satchel of nepetalactone. Mo-Chro picked it himself.
Cake: CAT NIP! Sweet babies!

Cake: [barges] WHAT'S GOIN' ON IN HERE—!?? [beat, advances on Gumball] DON'T YOU TOUCH HER!!!

Cake: Psst! Fi! Tell Gumball that you think he's HAWT.
Fionna: [chiding] What? No!
Fionna: Will you keep your voice down??

Fionna: Ice King is the hottest hottie, and I can't wait to marry him....
Ice King: "..said Fionna! Then she turned to Prince Gumball and said, 'I hope Ice King will sweep me off my feet and take me to the farthest corner of Ooo, where we will do nothing but kiss and eat a whole bunch until we get fat and die!' The end." So, what did you think of the fan fiction I wrote about you guys?
Finn: [encased with Jake with manuscripts beside Gunter] Uuhh...
Ice King: Tell me you though it was GOOD!!
Finn: [squeaked] Awh, it's good, it's good! It's REALLY good dude, it was amazing!

What Was Missing [3.10]Edit

Marceline: La da da da da, I'm gonna bury you in the ground
La da da da da, I'm gonna bury you with my sound
I'm gonna drink the red from your pretty pink face
I'm gonna...
Bubblegum: Marceline, that's too distasteful!
Marceline: Oh... You don't like that? ..Or do you just not like ME?!
Sorry I don't treat you like a goddess
Is that what you want me to do?
Sorry I don't treat you like you're perfect
Like all your little loyal subjects do.
Sorry I'm not made of sugar
Am I not sweet enough for you?
Is that why you always avoid me?
That must be such an inconvenience to you.
Well... I'm just your problem
I'm just your problem
It's like I'm not even a person, am I?
I'm just your problem.
Well, I shouldn't have to justify what I do
I shouldn't have to prove anything to you
Finn: It's working! Look at the door!
Marceline: I'm sorry that I exist, I forget what landed me on your blacklist
But I shouldn't have to be the one that makes up with you.
So... why do I want to?
Why do I want to...
To... bury you in the ground
And drink the blood from your— ugh...

Apple Thief [3.11]Edit

Finn: Tree Trunks, is there anyone you can think of who might want to crunk you up?
Tree Trunks: O-oh no, Finn. I take great care to assure that-that I'm loved by even the most heinous cretins and—
Jake: Hey, guys! I found something! Look! [Finn and Tree Trunks join Jake near the hole]
Tree Trunks: Ugh!
Raggedy Princess: Oh, heheh, hey, Finn! Heheh...
Finn: Oh, hey, Raggedy Princess. Have you seen anything fishy going on?
Raggedy Princess: Um, no, heheh. I've been kinda down in this hole for a long time. [laughs nervously] I got knocked down here by some ne'er-do-wells. It was terrible! I was so scared.
Tree Trunks: Ne'er-do-wells?! They stole my apples! [yells] I'm gonna sass those boys up nasty!
Finn: [laughs] Awesome. Where do we find these guys?
Jake: Oh... the Candy Tavern, man. I used to hang out there back when I used to snatch old ladies' purses. [Finn "boops"] Don't worry, I stopped doing that a long time ago. I didn't know it was wrong. [Finn "pings"]
Tree Trunks: Okay, you two, let's get going.

The Creeps [3.12]Edit

Jake: I'm Randy Butternubs.

Gummybuns (LSP): Ah gross. Ahh, my lumping body's all hollow now, I gotta put something in it.

Gummybuns: Maybe he'll be a steaming hot BABE with huge monay.
Butternubs (Jake): Tut-tut, Lumpy Space Princess! What would your boyfriend Brad say?
Gummybuns: Brad and I broke up a long time ago, duh!
Guy Farting (CB): Now's my chance!
Gummybuns: No. WAY.
Guy Farting: But... I can make you happy!
Gummybuns: Puke OFF!! You big donut!

Hotbod (Finn): Where's Beemo?
Butternubs: The ghost got him!
Hotbod: Don't you mean YOU got him? [throws PB off the balcony to couch and himself] GHOST??

From Bad to Worse [3.13]Edit

Bubblegum: [voiceover] "I was testing a sample of the zombie flesh I had saved when Cinnamon Bun came into the lab. He said he was hungry."
Cinnamon Bun: I'm hungry!
Bubblegum 2: Not now, Cinnamon Bun, I'm busy!
Bubblegum 1: [voiceover] "And that's when I made my mistake. I should have paid more attention to that poor fool."
[CB licks it, then consumes the flesh]
Bubblegum 1: [voiceover] "The Candy Zombie flesh he ingested was highly contagious." [CB groans, falls to floor behind the counter, and begins groaning violently]
Bubblegum 2: Cinnamon Bun? What did you... EEEEEEK!!!
Cinnamon Bun: SUGAR..!!

Bubblegum: Just let Science to the work! Science is... MOOORRRAAAHHHH...!!!
Finn: RAAGH!!
LSP: Aw naw. I am not getting eaten by zombies tonight. [...] GET THE LUMP.. OUTTA.. HERE!!

LSP: Oh. My. GLOB. Look at those luscious lips! I gotta lick up the rest of that formula!

Finn: Jake, I think this little guy have serious dance fever.

Beautopia [3.14]Edit

Finn: Hazelnut! Hazelnut! What if your name was Zelnut, and then I'll be like "Hey, Zelnut!"
Jake: That's terrible!
Finn: Hey, Zelnut!
Jake: NoooOOOOHH!! Stop!

No One Can Hear You [3.15]Edit

Finn: [poking] Jake! Jake!
Jake: Mmh... what..?
Finn: I heard a sound coming from the sewer! We should check it out!
Jake: No man, no, surprise party me when they're ready. Be patient.
Finn: I'm being patient! I waited all day, Jake!
Jake: Well, I've been waiting six months!
("Six months... Six months... Six months... Six months...")
Finn: Wait... What're you saying?
Jake: Everything's gonna be fine... [yawn] even if we have to wait... FOREVER....

Finn: Boy, it sure is quiet around here! Uh-huh! I'd probably pee all over myself if somebody jumped out and surprised me!

Jake vs. Me-Mow [3.16]Edit

Cat: [latches on Jake's mouth] Quiet, or you die!
Jake: (gasp!) You're the assassin!
Cat: Me-Mow. Assassin, second class. But once I take out a princess... I g'aduate to full membership.
Jake: Well, I'm no princess, sister!
Me-Mow: Yes, I know. But since you've blown my cover, you will slay Wildberry Princess.
Jake: Whaat!? I'd rather be injected with poison!
Me-Mow: Oh. Uhh... okay.
Jake: Uhh.. I mean... I will assassinate Wildberry Princess!
Me-Mow: Good. Oh, and if you try to trick me, I'll poison you. [climbs into Jake's nose]
Jake: [squeaks] Mah nose!
Me-Mow: Blargh! It's like worn garbage up in here!

Me-Mow: You did it! Well done! I guess I'll be on my way.
Berry Guard 1: [running to Wildberry Princess with her crown] Princess! Oh, Princess!
Berry Guard 2: You're alive!
Berry Guard 1: We saw your crown next to a pile of dirty meat. [Me-Mow gets ticked off] Then we slipped on the meat! And I thought I tasted your juice, [sobbing] but it was just blood from the meat! WE'RE SO GLAD IT WASN'T ACTUALLY YOU!!!
Me-Mow: [snarls loudly] YOU LIAR!! [stabs nose wall with poison syringe]
Jake: [collapses] Ough!
Finn: Jake?
Me-Mow: Okay, Jake. I've injected you with half the poison, and you'll be dead in 30 minutes, unless you kill the princess, which is when I'll give you the antidote. [Jakes grabs hold on Finn's shirt on the floor]
Jake: Finn! Help me!
Finn: What's wrong?
Me-Mow: If you say anything, I'll stab you in the brain!

Thank You [3.17]Edit

Snow Golem: You... the.. real good. Nice... home.

Ice King: You know... maybe we could all learn a thing or two from those sandwiches.

The New Frontier [3.18]Edit

Jake: Finn, when I die, my individual Earth consciousness is gonna go all over everywhere while Glob tallies my deeds.
Finn: ..What?
Jake: I'm gonna be all around you. In your nose and your dreams and socks — I'll be part of your Earth mind! It's gonna be great!
Finn: Dude... Stop. Saying. All this. Crazy. Nonsense. It's making me messed up. I'm 13. You're messin' me up.

Finn: Wait. Just let him walk a few more steps.
Jake: Why?
Finn: Because that idiot's about to walk right into the sun and burn up, and we'll be done with him.
Jake: No man, he's walking into his house!
[cut to Banana Man walking to his house against the sun in the distance]
Finn: Oh, what!? He build his house on the sun!? This guy's insane!
Jake: Finn, did you eat your breakfast?
Finn: No. Why?
Jake: Because you forgot how the sun works. The sun is actually far away. It's not sitting right on the horizon.
Finn: [beat] Oh. Right on. Let's chase after him!
Jake: You gotta eat your breakfast, man, you need that protein. Helps your brain!
Finn: Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Mom. Let's go!

Jake: Who is it?
Finn: ...It's the Banana Man.
Finn: SHHHH!!!

Holly Jolly Secrets Part I [3.19]Edit

[Finn and Jake just dug up a brown suitcase]
Finn: A suitcase? Oh, man!
Jake: I found it in the dump and then buried it without looking inside. [they open it]
Finn: Whoa. [sees six VHS tapes] Wait a second, man. I know this case. [flashback to Finn dancing in the forest with boomboxes] One night, while you were away at Lady's house, I was dancing in the woods.
Ice King: Evil tapes! Evil!
Finn: [voiceover] Perchance, I saw the Ice King doing something suspicious. So I trailed him to the dump, where he buried this case in the ground.
Ice King: You're evil tapes! Full of evil secrets! That's why I'm going to bury you where no one will ever find you... under all these boogers! [starts playing in boogers] Whee, hahahahahaha! Whee, hahahahaha!
Finn: I waited for him to leave. [beat] But he played in those boogers for hours. I decided to come back later for the case. [a mouse pop out of a mug on a sink] But I lost track of it. [back to present]
Jake: Whoa! And I found it?
Finn: Mm-hmm.
Jake: Heh-heh-heh. Let's have a secret screening! I'll make some fliers for it.

Ice King: "Hello, dear diary. Pretty good day so far. Got up bright and early, had a healthy and slimming breakfast, did fourteen minutes of cardio, and then I finally got around to..." [continues]
Jake: Dude... what are we watchin'?
Finn: I think it's the Ice King's diary.
Ice King: "I mean, I'm not gonna win carpenter of the year or anything, but it's a place to hang up the old toothbrush." [a Gunther jumps on bed]
Gunther: "Wenk." [walks to the camera]
Ice King: "Gunther. Hey, Gunther. Get-get away from the camera, sweetie. Papa's recording his innermost thoughts. 'Member, I explained this to you? [Gunther rubs his belly] Hey, Gunther? [Gunther jumps up and down] GUNTHER!!"
Gunther: "Wenk."
Ice King: "Well, anyway, as you can see, I'm not wearing my—"
Gunther: "Wenk."
Ice King: "I'm not wearing my—"
Gunther: "Wenk, wenk."
Ice King: "Sweetie, I raised my voice because you were giving me the silent treatment. You understand?"
Gunther: "Wenk."
Ice King: "I love you."
Jake: Can we fast-forward?
Finn: N-No, man. We might miss something.
Ice King: [sighs] "There must be more to life than this."
Gunther: "Wenk."
Ice King: "I know, you don't like when I'm contemplative. C-Contemplative? No. Con-tem-plat— C— Let's put on a play!"
Jake: What?! [cut footage to Ice King in PB makeup and Gunther with crown and beard]
Ice King: "Oh, Ice King, you're so cool! You take such good care of yourself! I wanna be with you! [Gunter then pulls off beard] No, Gunther, beard stays on."
Gunther: "Wenk."
Ice King: "Gunther, I need you to wear the beard!"
Gunther: "Wenk."
Ice King: "Gunther!"
Jake: Hey, pause it, Beemo.
Finn: There's gotta be some evil secrets in here. I wanna keep watching.
Jake: Okay.. Well, why don't I make us some snacks? [sluggish] So I don't have to watch this...
BMO: Can we sit on the floor? I feel so far away from you guys.

Ice King: [thru Beemo video, crying] "Oh, diary, thank you for listening to me." [continues crying]
Finn: Fast-forward, Beemo.
Ice King: [sped up] "Sorry, I've been meaning to tell you something insanely private. But darest I? [grunts] fill my bathtub full of milk and sit in it like I'm a magic angel! There, I said it. The white of the milk is so dense, and when I poke my little toes out from under the milk, they startle me and I giggle. I giggle, diary! They're my own toes, yet I giggle, and then I fall asleep. And the milk curdles and I get all stinky and sticky. Disgusting, diary, l am disgusting! I'm disgusting! I'm disgusting and I smell like curdled milk! [crying, walks to camera] Anyway, back to the Turtle Princess."
Finn: Play, Beemo.
Ice King: "So there we are. Turtle Princess is frozen and in my little ice wheelbarrow, and there was... magic in the air. We were both feeling it. [pauses] But before I can leave the library, Finn and Jake show up! You know how Jake is—stretch this, stretch that, bah! He knocks off my crown and then Finn bonks me on the nose! Still hurts too. The worst part is, Turtle Princess took away my library card! [sigh] Y'know, dear diary... I'm starting to worry that all these entries sound exactly the same, and that my life is just me running in place on some... giant hamster wheel."

BMO: My alarm says it's time for Finn's bath time. Finn, get naked.

Holly Jolly Secrets Part II [3.20]Edit

Finn: Crup, Jake! We gotta unravel these evil secrets at warp crazy!

Ice King: Some of you won't survive this. You'll melt or split in half or your head will fall off. But that's fine, because you're made of snow. Only one thing matters today—getting into that tree house, getting my tapes back, and beating up Finn and Jake! ..Maybe Beemo. Yeah, Beemo, too! Who's with me?! [beat] Hey, why are you guys so quiet? Are you mad? [snaps finger] Oh, that's right, you're not alive yet. My bad.

Ice King: "Good morning. You're watching the evening news. There's been an unfortunate event. Let's go talk to some witnesses. [he turns camera to a caged Wildberry Princess] Princess, what is your name?"
Wildberry Princess: "Please, let me go home!"
Ice King: "So, Princess Please-let-me-go-home, tell me. What was it like to experience this tragedy?"
Wildberry Princess: "What? I can— I don't, uh, uh..."
Ice King: "Yeah, we're on air, honey, so spit it out."
Wildberry Princess: "I... I don't know what you're talking about."
Ice King: "Obviously traumatized and in a state of shock. Let's go ask somebody else something. [turns camera upside-down; zooms to Wildberry Princess] Upside-down Princess, do you think things will change politically because of today's events?"
Wildberry Princess: "You're really frightening me!"
Ice King: "Well, there you have it, folks. [flips camera back] People are very upset that Gunther tried to eat Ice King's socks. Very upset! That's why Gunther has to stay in the corner."

[Beemo inserts the last VHS tape inside itself. Loading to what seems to be... a person in an art gallery]
Person: "Hello. My name is Simon Petrikov. I am recording this tape so that people will know my story."
Ice King: Oh no! Turn it off, Beemo, turn it off!!
Simon: "I was studying to be an antiquarian of ancient artifacts. Now I never believed in the supernatural stuff myself, just had a fascination with superstitions. But everything changed when I came into contact with this item."
[Simon slowly opens a safe and brings out a golden, three red gem-encrusted crown. Finn and Jake are surprised]
Finn & Jake: The Ice King! [both seated, with Ice King behind]
Simon: "After purchasing this crown from an old dock worker in northern Scandinavia, I brought it home and excitedly showed my fiancée Betty, and jokingly put it on my head just for a laugh or something. And that's when it started. The visions... I fought with them... Shouted at them until I realized it wasn't real, it was the crown!! I quickly took it off... and saw my fiancée in front of me — looking at me with such contempt. What had I said? What had I done when I wore this crown? All I know is I never saw Betty again."
Simon: "Since then, I see the visions always whether or not I wear the crown. They tell me the secrets... the secrets of the ice and snow... that the power of the crown will save me with its frost. I don't yet know what this means. As you can see, my skin is beginning to turn blue. My body temperature has been lowering at a supernatural rate, to what is now about 30 degrees Celsius. I don't know when it will end. I'm really scared."
Simon: "I know my mind is changing... but I'm already too far gone to know what to do. I want people to know that... if I do things... If I do things that hurt anyone, please.. please forgive me...."
Simon: "Just watch over me until I can find a way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity!! And then maybe Betty, my princess... maybe you will love me again. [sobs] Please love me again, Betty!!"

Marceline's Closet [3.21]Edit

Jake: Oh dude, there's a note!
Finn: What's it say?
Jake: [reading] "Hey guys, I had to run out, but I'll be back, blee bloo blob, DON'T GO IN MY HOUSE."
Finn: That's it?
Jake: Yeah. Just "Don't go in my house" in all-caps. Written in blood.

Paper Pete [3.22]Edit

Finn: Hey, this table is wobbly. We gotta take it to the Lost Tinker Goblin of Fog Mountain to fix it.
Jake: Dude, I would love to go on some crazy, made-up adventure with you, but I really gotta read this. So from here on out, I'm just gonna ignore you.

Another Way [3.23]Edit

Finn: Uh, Jake, can't we get rid of these clown nurses? They make me feel ridiculous.
Jake: No way, man.
Finn: Ugh!
Jake: Well, now you know we can't jump off of birds. [the big green clown nurse waves a milk-dipped cookie and drop into Jake's mouth] I paid them up front. They don't leave until the job's done. Besides... [honks her nose horn] they're funny. [HHHOOO-PWWOOO!!!] Heheheh! Look! She just farted!
Clown Nurse: Time for our love therapy. [walks to Finn's bandaged toe]
Finn: Wait... what're they doing? [she smooches his toe] Whoa!! Stop!!
Clown Nurse: Oh, my! Did that hurt, dear?!
Finn: No! I just don't want you kissing my toe!
Clown Nurse: Now, now, honey. You gotta understand that this is the only way to foo-foo your boo-boo.
Jake: I don't know, but I feeling better already. Aah! That tickles!
Green Clown Nurse: You want me to stop?
Jake: No, keep going. [she resumes smooching Jake's foot]
Finn: You're gross, man. [reads his Enchiridion] Look! "Deep in the forest of trees, there's a Cyclops whose magical tears can heal any wound." See?! SEE?!! [the clown nurse takes his Enchiridion away from him]
Clown Nurse: Maybe you should leave the medical decisions to the medical professionals, and my professional prescription is... you toe need cu-razy smooches! It's the only way! [laughing manically]

Shrub: Ring ring! Hello, dummy police? Yes, there's a strange dummy lurking around my house. Okay, yes. Thank you. Goodbye.
Finn: What? [beat] I need to cross the river. The Cyclops is over there.
Shrub: You can't cross this river, it's impossible! Look! The current, it's so fast, it'll turn your butt inside-out for real, doofus. And the water's so acidic it'll crump your boat in half. It's like orange juice, it's gross. There's a bridge, but it's a trap! Plus, the water's jamming with electric eels! Wow, so weird. ..Anyway, that's it. There's no other way around, you dummy.
Finn: But I need to get across.
Shrub: Listen to what I'm telling you—there's no way! [beat] ...Ugly tramp.

Cyclops: [emerges off the ground, confronts Finn] Hey! I know you're here for my magical tears, but you won't have any because I never cry.
Finn: I don't want 'em anymore.
Cyclops: What? Stop lying! You're here for my tears, aren't you?
Finn: No! I hurt a small, hairy man's wife. I just wanna go home.
Cyclops: You're just trying to make me feel sad so you can steal my tears when I cry, but I've got a heart of stone, buddy. I'm evil!
Finn: Dude! What's wrong with you?! I said I don't want your tears!
Cyclops: YOU'RE LYING!!
Finn: I'M NOT LYING!!!
Cyclops: [beat] You stink at lying.
Finn: Ugh! Fine. Whatever, man. Have it your way.
Cyclops: Okay... I WILL HAVE IT MY WAY!!!
Finn: Huh?! [gets pounded into the ground by the Cyclops] Ugghh...
Cyclops: Beg for mercy, or I'll kill you!
[Finn glances up at the Cyclops' eye; he notices water forming up in the big, round eye. He then mutters something out of earshot]
Cyclops: [kneels down] Wh-what? [Finn mutters some more] What?! I can't hear you!
Finn: I said... [punches the eye] MY WAY!!

Ghost Princess [3.24]Edit

Finn: How much softy cheesy for your deezy? A little? A lot?
Jake: Bleech! NONE!!
Finn: But you used to love softy cheese!
Jake: I don't wanna talk about it....

Finn: These ghosts think I'm playin'... they think it's all a big game. But y'know what? Y'know what I'm gonna do?
Jake: What?
Finn: I'm gonna turn this game UPSIDE DOWN!!!

Dad's Dungeon [3.25]Edit

That Guy: Wait! Why don't you wanna take my path?
Jake: Because. You're super gross, man.

Holo-Joshua: "The dungeon's 80 paces west of here under a dumb-looking rock. And Finn, this dungeon's gonna kick your tail. I bet you won't even get past the first trial, you whiny baby! "

Holo-Joshua: "Jake, I need your help. You gotta call Finn a whiny baby."
Jake: But—
Holo-Joshua: "Buts are for pooping! Do it for Poppy."

Holo-Joshua: "Finn, if you're seeing this pre-recorded holo-message, it's because you've finished the dungeon that I made for you. I'm proud of you. You're gonna do great things in this world. I love you, son."

Demon: Joshua! Return my blood to me! Or by demon's law, I will cut off your love-handles! Joshua, we go way back! [Jake inserts cartridge] C'mon! Just give me back my blood!
Holo-Joshua: "Kee Oth Rama Pancake! "
Demon: NOOOOOOOHHH...!!!!

Incendium [3.26]Edit


Jake: [thru Beemo cam] Aw Finn, I'm sorry bro.
Finn: [weeping] "Beemo, go away! " [turns away, Beemo claps his hands together slowly to his crack]
BMO: "Woop! Duck.. duck.. duck.. GOOSE!! "
Finn: "AAHHHH!!!! "

Flame King: Excellent! You have indeed proven yourself! Any prince ruthless enough to kill his own buffoon would make an excellent boyfriend!
Jake: Yeah..!
Flame King: For my evil daughter!
Jake: WHAAAAAT?!?!

[for a beat, Flame Princess awakes from the liquid pyrotechnics left by PB and confronts Finn, in a fit of rage]
Flame Princess: You...! What's wrong with me, huh!? You don't like me!?
Finn: I like you!
[beat. She becomes blushed for a while soon before enraged]
Flame Princess: What's wrong with you!!?
[she restores herself and slaps Finn on his left cheek]
Flame Princess: Don't ever mess with me again!
[she storms out the window through Finn. He stares for a while, then turns to Jake]
Finn: Who was that?
Jake: The princess of the Fire Kingdom.... [Finn looks out, back]
Finn: Dude... I think I have a crush.

Season 4Edit

Hot to the Touch [4.01]Edit

Finn: Is that bird.. smoking?
Bird: Hey! Don't you judge me! It was that fire chick down there that done this to me!

Jake: She's headed for the Goblin Kingdom! We need to defeat this fiery she-beast!
Finn: I can't fight her, man! I'm still into her!
Jake: Finn! What's more important — your love for that screwball dame, or being a hero and saving the lives of innocent goblin folk?
Finn: [growl] Being a hero.

Jake: Toasty buns!

Flame Princess: Finn, even if we like each other, we're going to hurt each other.
Finn: No! We don't have to! I can take it! I- I mean... can't we try?
Flame Princess: You would defy nature for me?
Finn: Uhh, yeah.... whatevs.

NEPTR: I missed you, Creator!
Finn: And we missed you too, but NEPTR, right now we need you to—
NEPTR: To count to 100 while you hide? One, two, three, four, fiv—
Finn: NEPTR, will you help us build fireproof suits?
NEPTR: You cannot tell but I am giving a thumb's up.

Finn: Oh Jake, look at her! She's innocent. Like the steam of a puppy's nose, searching for ham in the snow.
Jake: Guy drops one piece of ham in the snow and he never hears the end of it! Snap out of it! She's burning cute little flowers!
Finn: Yeah... she is like a cute little flower.

Five Short Graybles [4.02]Edit

Ice King: You are nasty, Gunter! You a got nasty booty mister! Nasty! Aw, don't be sad Stinky. Come with Daddy and I'll make it all better.
[Gunter then drifts away from IK]
Ice King: G'bye Gunter! Sorry sweetie, but I'm never gonna get any princesses if you're stinkin' up the place!

Web Weirdos [4.03]Edit

Jake: A love like theirs will always find a way. It'll crawl all up over you and drain your body fluids, poisoning you slowly until you pass out.

Dream of Love [4.04]Edit

Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun! Do something!
Cinnamon Bun: ...Okay. Hey everyone! The concert is over!!
Bubblegum: That's not what I—

Return to the Nightosphere [4.05]Edit

Guard Demon: Up and at 'em, people! Eveyone out of your cages. [Finn and Jake are released] My shift is over, and no one's shown up, so...
Finn: Whoa, wait! You're letting us go?
Guard Demon: I mean... yeah, but not really. You're in the Nightosphere, so... [shrugs]
Finn: So... what?
Jake: [holds up cellphone and charger] Is there an outlet somewhere for this?
Guard Demon: Ah ha ha... Hahahahahahaha!!
Finn: Hey, c'mon! Just tell us how we can get back to our world!
Guard Demon: You can't leave the Nightosphere. Not unless he lets you.
Finn/Jake: Marceline's Dad...
Guard Demon: Yeah, that's Hunson Abadeer. He runs this place.
[cut to a plaque under the statue reading "HUNSON ABADEER: OUR GREAT LEADER IS WITH US FOR ALL ETERNITY" with a large caterpillar-like demon running through between the statue's legs]
Jake: Hunson Abadeer? [giggles] Alright.
Finn: Well, dude, how do we talk to him?
Guard Demon: You can't just talk to the boss. You gotta make an appointment.
Finn: Yeah, but we don't even know why we're here!
Jake: [holds up a banana] And what's up with this?!
Guard Demon: Ugh. Oh! Oh, oh, sick! You touched that stuff?! [beat, flies off] Later, fools.

Finn: [looks around] Who's the Teller? That guy?
Boat Demon: Okay, bozos, [whacks a demon with his oar] make room, make room! Make room!
Demon: Ouch!! Come on!
Boat Demon: Scooch over, fatty.
Demon: I can't, dude! This outbox is packed tighter than my tummy tunnel when I can't make brown on the camping trips... because of my anxieties and I have IBS also. [gets hit with oar] Ow!
Finn: Hey, guy! Are you the Teller?
Boat Demon: No. No, no, this is the line to meet the Teller.
Finn: [hits his head] No, man, are you for real?! How long's the wait?!
Boat Demon: I don't know. I just like to row around on top of their heads.
Finn: Bunk that!
Jake: [holds up the banana] Hey, do you know about this?
Boat Demon: I... ew, no. Ehh... sick.
Finn: Why do we need to see the Teller anyway? We just wanna see Hunson Abadeer and find out what happened to us.
Boat Demon: The Teller will get you in touch with Hunson Abadeer. We got systems down here. You gotta swim the proper channels, ya know?
Demon: Yous ain't special! Yous gotta wait just like the rest of yous! ..Us.
Finn: Ugh... Where's the line start?
Boat Demon: Oh... I dunno. The thing sorta governs itself.

Daddy's Little Monster [4.06]Edit

[the camera cuts to more footage showing the Nightosphere via Jake's cameraphone]
Jake: "Alright, so... this is the Nightosphere, I guess. It looks banay-nays. Marceline says they got tons of crazy ways out here. [walks into the cave to see Finn and Marceline playing tambourine and banjo respectively] Right, Marceline? Marceline! [waves hand in front of the camera] Marcy!! [uses index finger and thumb on Marceline, morphs it into a claw hand while making sounds] Hehehe...
Hunson: "There you are, Marceline. [pans out to show Hunson in his monster form] Huh? RAHHH!!!"
Jake: "WAHHHH!!!"
Hunson: "Oh! Hello, dog. Hello, Finn." [swipe at Finn]
Finn: "Stay away from me, old man!" [points at him and shakes tambourine]
Jake: [watching the video] Hehehe... nice one.
Hunson: "Now, Finn. [shrinks down into his non-monster state] Come on, there's no bad blood here. Come here, let's bury the hatchet! [hugs Finn] See how I'm not killing you?"
Marceline: "Ugh, Dad, stop."
Hunson: "Alright, I don't want to embarrass my little girl. [puts Finn down] So young lady, have you thought about my offer?"
Marceline: "Ugh!!"
Jake: "What offer, Marceline's Dad?"
Hunson: [chuckles] "I want Marceline to take over the Nightosphere. Finally join the family business."
Marceline: "Business? What do you even do?"
Hunson: Oh, ha... [backing away] Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on...
[the camera points towards Jake's belly as he scratches himself. The camera points back to Hunson and Marceline observing the burning landscape]
Hunson: "Check it out, sweetie. See how chaotic it is out there? [fire shoots out of the ground] How everyone's confused and frustrated? The Nightosphere is sustained by chaos."
[camera swipe to Finn jiggling his cheeks, swipe back]
Marceline: "Eh, I just don't see my self doing this biz."
Hunson: "Okay, but I know you'll come around eventually. Or maybe you won't. I don't know. You're an independent woman. [yawns so hard his soul-sucking face is seen as Jake backs away] Well, I'm gonna take a nappy. [taking a stroll] Oh! I almost forgot!" [takes off a neck ornament and sucks his suit into it; he is now wearing underpants and an undershirt]
Marceline: "Dad!!"
Hunson: "Whoops! [laughs, hands it to her] You should put this amulet on. It'll grant you wishes for, like... ponies, or whatever kids like."
Marceline: "Dad, I'm a thousand years old."
Hunson: "Ha! Yes you are, sweetie. [messing her hair, walks away] Daddy's little monster!"

[Finn and Jake find Marceline's dad (Hunson) holding a sandwich and mustard from the fridge]
Finn: What are you doing?
Hunson: Just grabbing a midnight snack. [shuts fridge]
Finn: It's Marceline! That's her out there!
Hunson: I know. Isn't it fantastic?
Finn: No! We have to save her!
Hunson: Save her?
Finn: From the amulet!
Hunson: But this is what I've always wanted. My daughter, following in his daddy's footsteps.
Finn: But that's not what she wants!
Hunson: That's balderdash, baby.

In Your Footsteps [4.07]Edit

[back at the Tree Fort, Jake is listening to music in another room]
Finn: [offscreen] Jake! Hey, Jake! [Jake takes off one side of his headphones] Jake!
Jake: What?
Finn: Come here! Ya gotta check this out!
Jake: Yeah, okay.
Finn: Check this out, man. This bear is tops blooby! [Jake rolls his eyes and sighs] Watch this. [Finn inhales and the bear does the same] Choo! [the bear does the same] Ya gotta try this, Jake. He does everything I do!
[Finn slushes his drink at full force. The bear looks for something to imitate with, picks up and chews on BMO's leg]'
BMO: [laughing] Oh, stop! [Finn pulls BMO away]
Finn: Haha, come on, Jake, try it!
BMO: It's awesome!
Jake: Heh-heh. Um... Yeah, okay. [grabs a broom and starts sweeping] Sweepy-sweepy-sweepy. Sweep sweep sweep. [sweeps the bear's side] Sweepin'!
[the bear thwacks Jake up high onto the ground, and scratches its face. Finn comes by laughing]
Finn: He's got me down pat! Heh-hah! Sweeping's weak.
Jake: [annoyed] Mmmmmm...
Bear: [spoke] Sweeping weak.
Finn': Whoa! Haha! This guy's alright!
Jake: [beat] This guy just busted me up my chops, Finn!
Finn: Hey, come on, he's just a bear. He don't know nothin'.
Jake: Mmmm... Yeah, I guess. Well, anyway, it's gettin' pretty late. Probably time for everyone to go back home to their own houses.
Finn: Yeah, I guess you're right, Jake. It is pretty late. He should probably stay here tonight. [Jake scowls] You can sleep in the bathtub.
Bear: Brathtrub!
Finn: [laughing] Brathtub! This guy is tops blooby!

Hug Wolf [4.08]Edit

Finn: What the!? Is this an extra butt??

Finn: I think so.
Finn: Yeah. I heard you. I said, "I think so."
Jake: I'm trying to get ya to shout.
Finn: Oh.. okay! IS THIS GOOD??
Jake: Never mind.

Jake: What's wrong, Beemo?
BMO: I am terrified of Finn.
Jake: Hmm... Well, that's plant's not gonna protect you.

Hug Wolf Finn: Cinnamon Bun... ret me out...
Cinnamon Bun: I... I-I'm not supposed to!
Hug Wolf Finn: Don't you want a hug?
Cinnamon Bun: I can't, man!
Hug Wolf Finn: Not... even a real one?
Cinnamon Bun: Huuuhh...
Hug Wolf Finn: You want a hug?
Cinnamon Bun: Uuuhh.... YES!!! HUG ME!!!

Cinnamon Bun: You came into my room around midnight, and gave me a squeeze.. A REALLY STRONG ONE!!

Finn: JAKE, HURRY!!!
Jake: Is he crushing you, man?
Finn: No, he's just- hugging me gently!
Jake: Oh!



Princess Monster Wife [4.09]Edit

Ice King: [at Ice Kingdom] I said I don't know! [groans] I have nothing to do with this!
Jake: Stop lying! We found your fingerprints at the crime scene!
Ice King: What?! Really?!
Jake: Uh... no. [Finn laughs]
Ice King: Oh, well... then why did you say that?
Finn: Ice King, we know you did it!
Ice King: Finn, I'm as concerned as you are. There's some sicko out there. What if he comes after my princess?
Both: YOUR princess?
Ice King: Yeah. Let me introduce you to my new wife.
[he removes a cloak from a shadowed figure revealing a grotesque mash-up of all the princesses, making Finn and Jake gasp in horror. Ice King looks back and forth]
Ice King: Oh, wait. You mean I'm the guy stealing all the p— Yeah, okay, I get it now.

Ice King: Here it is. I hope you like it. [unveils ice sculptures of Ice King and Monster Wife holding hands]
Monster Wife: Hmm...
[Monster Wife walks to their sculpture of themselves, tapping its face and puts banana in its mouth, which drops soon after. They look down in a melancholy expression]
Ice King: You like?
Monster Wife: Is there something wrong with me? The way I am... it's not normal, is it?
Ice King: [embraces her] Ohh, pretty baby wife. You're the most normal thing in my whole life. We're like two normal jelly beans sitting at the bottom of the jar, floating in a sea of olives, waiting for somebody to guess how many jelly beans are in the jar, which I mentioned.
Monster Wife: I don't think I understand.
Ice King: Just look into my eyes and know that everything is okay.

Goliad [4.10]Edit

[aside Finn and Jake, Bubblegum meets with Goliad in the castle gardens]
Bubblegum: Hello, Goliad!
Goliad: Hello, Princess.
Bubblegum: I hear you learned a lot today.
Goliad: Yes. I lead the children.
Bubblegum: But Finn said you used yelling and mind control.
Goliad: Yes. It was good.
Bubblegum: Goliad, let me tell you something about leadership. You see this fat bee? She gets pollen from this flower, but she's gentle and makes the flower happy and pollenated. They both get what they need, and that's how a leader should be.
Goliad: No, Princess. Bee cares not for flower. If getting pollen hurt or kill flower, bee would not care. [crushes, twists bee] Bee is stronger than flower. [uses third eye to resurrect it] Goliad is stronger than bee. [influences bee at Finn and Jake] Goliad is stronger than all.

Beyond This Earthly Realm [4.11]Edit

Ice King: What do you think, Finn? Can we pull back the layer of static and reach into the source of all being? Behind this curtain of patterns, this random pattern generator... so clever, right here in every home, watching us from a one-sided mirror.
[Finn stares.]
Ice King: Whoops! Heh, just wizard-talkin' to myself.

Gotcha! [4.12]Edit

Turtle Princess: "Hey, girl! "
LSP: Oh, Turtle Princess! This book is coming out awesome!!
Turtle Princess: "Oh good, girl! I can't wait to read it! "
LSP: Thanks, girl.
Turtle Princess: "Goodnight, girl."
LSP: Goodnight, girl.

LSP: These lumps AREN'T FOR SALE, BILLY!!!

LSP: This is way too boring for my book! Oh, my shoulder strap! Ohh! My orange juice is comin' out! Hah! Gotchuh? [kerPLOOP!!]
Finn: Hehah! Jake! Kerploop!
Jake: Hehehee! Kerploop!
LSP: Not "gotcha"?

Finn: "Wanted Adventure Secretary". [sniff] Smells like fruit pie.

LSP: [into tape recorder] Finn is overpowered by my lumps than I thought. I guess at the end of the day, it's all about the lumps.

BMO: Jake, if I beat you, you have to call me Sensei for a month.
Jake: Deal.

Jake: LSP, you're wearing garbage for clothes!!
LSP: [whisper] Gotcha!

Princess Cookie [4.13]Edit

Cookie: I glubbed up!


Jake: Milk? Some milk?
Cookie: What? Oh.. look... you should probably split, buddy. Things are about to get pretty flipped out in here.
Jake: Oh sure, sorry man. I was just tryin' to get away from that rotten Princess Bubblegum for a while, y'know? Isn't she just the worst?
Cookie: Wait, you hate Princess Bubblegum too? Get outta here!
Jake: Oh yeah, man, she's the worst! Sittin' out there all safe and cosy while I'm riskin' my life tootin' around in here in a stupid milkman costume...
Cookie: Wait--costume!?
Jake: Oh, um... I just mean it feels like a costume! Cos I wanted to be a mailman so bad, you see? But the Princess--she made me be a milkman anyway.
Cookie: Boy I here ya, brother.

Bubblegum: Okay, okay... How about I give you a big cowboy hat... then will you let the hostages go?
Cookie: No!! No! Don't play games with me, Princess! I want that crown! No crown, no hostages!
Bubblegum: Well, obviously, that's going to be a problem, because I'M the princess and I need my crown. So...
Cookie: No, Princess! You are problem, the problem princess! ...Just gimme that crown!

Card Wars [4.14]Edit

Finn: Hey, Jake. What's wrong? You look dumpy. How come? I-Is it because of that metal box? [runs to Jake looking out the window] Is something sad inside?
Jake: No... it's nothin'.
Finn: There's lots of boxes that have nothing in them. But also, you can put something in the box. And then it won't be empty! Does that make you feel better? [Jake turns to him]
Jake: [chuckles] You're a charmer, Finn Human. No... it's, well... Lady Rainicorn doesn't want to play the game Card Wars with me. [shows box full of cards to Finn] I always beat her. 'Cause she says "No more Card Warring."
Finn: What's Card Wars?
Jake: It's a fantasy card game that's super-complicated and awesome, but— well... oh, it's kinda stupid. Never mind.
Finn: How come you never talked abut it before? It sounds cool!
Jake: Really? Well, I thought you'd say it was for nerds who do not know how life is outside the nerd universe.
Finn: I-It is, man. But I still totally want to play it. So no more moping, okay?
Jake: Thanks, Finn!

Jake: Okay, now it's the battle phase. I'm attacking your schoolhouse with my Husker Knights. [summons three corn-shaped knights] And, I'm casting Cerebral Bloodstorm! [summons a flying brain which rains down a cornfield] So, what do you use to defend? [his Husker Knights and Cerebral Bloodstorm starts charging into Finn's side]
Finn: Uhh... can my Cool Dog and Ancient Scholar defeat your Husker Knights? [Jake laughs out loud]
Jake: Of course not!
Finn: Hmm... Then, I floop the pig.
Jake: What?! [he giggles]
Finn: What?
Jake: Okay, okay. First of all, you don't floop a creature to make it fight. You activate a creature.
Finn: Hmm, no — it says I can floop the pig. See? [summons a pig]
[the pig is flooped onto the battlefield. It runs past the Knights and Bloodstorm and begins eating the cornfields; Jake gasps in shock]
Jake: No! He's eating all my cornfields! My Husker Knights draw energy from corn! [his Knights drop dead]
Finn: And since I'm not actually attacking, your Cerebral Bloodstorm only does damage to your own kingdom's troops. [the Bloodstorm strikes thunder to his Knights; Jake gasps loudly]
Jake: You just wiped out my entire attack!
Finn: What do you expect if all your power units come from corn? Pigs eat corn, dude. Cornfields stink.
Jake: Cornfields are awesome!! What makes you think you know so much about Card Wards?!
Finn: It's just logic.

Sons of Mars [4.15]Edit

Abraham Lincoln: Magic Man, I give you two choices. One is total annihilation. The Wand will touch you, and your soul will meet with Death. The second is to use the power of the Wand to convert your body to living stardust, where your consciousness will be jettisoned into the infinite cosmos, on an endless journey of wonder and discovery!

Gob: Magic Man, you caused nothing but turmoil and chaos for us on Mars. We thought banishing you to this world would help you see the light of our utopian supersociety. Now tell us. What have you learned in these past 200 years?
Jake (Magic Man): ...Are you guys talkin' to me?
Glob: You know you made life on Mars a nightmare!
[Finn wakes up groaning to see Grob Gob Glob Grod and Jake in Magic Man's body]
Gob: Now we must return you to Mars, where vengeance awaits thee.
Finn: That's not—
[Grob Gob Glob Grod blasts off into the sky with Jake. Finn looks at Magic Man in Jake's body]
Finn: Magic Man! [pounds him] Get up!
Magic Man: Did it work? Is he gone?
Finn: [flips himself back up] Hyup-hoop! They took my friend to Mars! Fly me there and help me save him!
Magic Man: Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't. You see? [wiggles fingers] The transfer drained me. I can probably barely float. So, I just gotta wait till they kill your friend. See ya! [floats away laughing before Finn jumps on his back]
Finn: NO!! What do you mean "kill"?!
Magic Man: They're gonna put him on trial for my crimes. Ain't nobody gonna pardon these crimes on my head. Not even the King of Mars! And once he's dead, my magic juice will return to my body. Flowing through me like moonlight through the ghost dance.
Finn: [squeezes Magic Man] SQUEEEEZE!!!
Magic Man: I wish I could help. Except I don't!
Finn: You succubutt!

Gob: He is here somewhere, my brothers. Glob, can you see Magic Man on the sensor?
Glob: Yes, Gob. Our little brother is very close.
Grob: Hey, flip me!
Glob: Okay. [flips Grob's head on the front]
Grob: I'm gonna activate the thingy that drains his magic juice. [activates sensor]
Magic Man: Nahhh! My juice! [wiggles fingers] Not... flowing... right. Dream on, honey! You can't catch this! [he starts running then jumps into the air doing a continuous somersault] Magic away! Pshewww! [disappears momentarily then pops back on the ground] Whap!
Grob: I think I see him.
Grod: Yes, I see him as well.
Glob: Hey guys?
Grob/Grod: What, Glob?
Glob: ...Nothing, never mind.

Gob: Turn on the dark! [lights out, projector on] Okay, so we don't have footage of these crimes. But Grod's pretty good at drawing so... "Plague of Shadows." Magic Man brought our shadows to life. They attacked us, and ravaged Mars. Very impressive, Grod.
Grod: Thanks, bro. [squirts screen]
Gob: To the "Plague of the Oneness." As we gathered to hold hands and sing our community song, Magic Man cast an evil spell that made our arms grow together. [drawn with tears] Much suffering ensued. And what about that one-time when he turned all the water into hair? And we all got so thirsty we drank it. And when we drank it we went bald?! Many of us did not recover. And to this day, hide our loss behind groovy headgear. Dark off, please.

Tiny Manticore: I am the true coward. Hiding from sincere expressions like a vampire in the nude hides from the light. Thank you, brave hero. I was freed from bottle jail, but my new prison is shame. MY NEW PRISON IS SHAME!!

Burning Low [4.16]Edit

Jake: Bacon pancakes, makin' bacon pancakes
Take some bacon and I'll put it in a pancake
Bacon pancakes, that's what it's gonna make
Bacon pancaaaake!

Jake: Looks like your date went pretty good, buddy.
Finn: Uh... I don't know. Was the hug okay? Give me some tips, mang.
Jake: Bro, you gotta let things take their natural path. Look. [forms his arm into a staircase with 15 steps] Look, let me explain some junk about dating. Right now you're at Tier 1, which is hugging. But pretty soon, you'll be at Tier 2, which is smooching. Then down the road you'll make it to Tier 5, where she'll let you discover all fifteen feet of her long, beautiful stomach. And after a while, you'll make it to Tier 8, where you touch her horn for the very first time. Very special.
Finn: What about Tier 15?
Jake: [sharply] You stay away from that! [beat] Do not do Tier 15!!!
Finn: Dude, I got no idea what you're talking about.

Bubblegum: Finn!
Finn: [high-pitched] AAHHH!!!
Bubblegum: Whatcha doin'?
Finn: Oh, uh— hi, Princess! I'm, uh, writing something for Jake.
Bubblegum: Oh, well, speaking of Jake, did he explain everything to you?
Finn: Yeah.
Bubblegum: And you understand?
Finn: [turns away] Yeah, I understand.
Bubblegum: Finn, sometimes you want someone and you [puts hand on Finn's left knee] want to kiss them, and be with them. But you can't, because responsibility demands sacrifice.
Finn: [incredulous] What are you trying to say?!
Bubblegum: I'm trying to say that you're a hero, Finn. You're my hero. So, I'm glad you understand why you can't be with Flame Princess. [Finn stands up, enraged]
Finn: Bubblegum, I can't do this anymore!!
Bubblegum: What?
Finn: Now you like me?!
Bubblegum: Finn, what are you talking about?
Finn: What am I talking about?! [grunts] PB, I was... I was in love with you! Okay?! And you didn't love me back! Now I'm ready to move on, and it's like... [grunts] you're gonna build me up all over again! Well, I'm done! I'm done.

BMO Noire [4.17]Edit

BMO: [corners a rat] Hello, Ronnie. [moves his lips]
Ronnie: [BMO's voice] "What do you want, BMO?" [squeaks]
BMO: Where is Finn's sock?
Ronnie: "I don't know what you're talking about, BMO. I didn't do nothing. Leave me alone!" [grooms his face; zoom on a lipstick smudge on the back of his neck]
BMO: [voiceover] I knew that lipstick anywhere. [spoke] How is Lorraine?
Ronnie: "You stay away from her! She is with me now, do you hear?"
BMO: Calm down, big guy. Me and Lorraine are... dinosaur bones.
Ronnie: "Good, 'cause I would be so jealous." [BMO shows picture to him]
BMO: Just tell me where the sock is, and I will let you go.
Ronnie: "I don't know, man!"
BMO: What if I put some knuckle in your eyeballs? Would that help you think?
Ronnie: "Okay, okay! Um... [BMO grabs arm pointing to Finn's sock] It looks like a grape juice stain on his sock. Check the pantry."

BMO: [voiceover] Bebe owned Bebe's, a dance club downtown. He yells at ladies.
[BMO walks to the remote on the floor and puts his foot down on Bebe]
BMO: Wake up, brainiac.
Bebe: "BMO? Aah— aah! Arrgh!!"
BMO: Where is the sock, Bebe?
Bebe: "Uh— [coughing] I don't know nothin' bout socks!"
BMO: Don't play dumb, Bebe! [takes some soot out the oven] Don't play dumb with me!
[he smothers the soot on Bebe and starting coughing even worse]
BMO: I talked to Lorraine, Bebe. She sold you out, dum-dum!
Bebe: "No! She-she wouldn't do that! It wasn't me, I swear! It was Ronnie!"
BMO: Ronnie? But why?
Bebe: "I don't know, man! I don't know! [sobbing] Oh, Lorraine!" [Bebe continues sobbing; BMO looks into his dirty sooted hands]
BMO: I'm gonna go wash this shmutz off my grabbers. When I get back, you better start talking sense.

NEPTR: Hello? Hello? Hello? Hey, BMO. Wake up, buddy. Are you all right? [BMO gets up]
BMO: NEPTR? I feel like l got hit with a Dracula by King Kong.
NEPTR: Whoa, sorry, man. You want some pie or something?
BMO: Sorry, I gotta run. The cops are after me. Have you seen any down here?
NEPTR: Nah. No one's been down here all day, expect me, you, and Ronnie.
BMO: What?! What was Ronnie doing down here?
NEPTR: I don't know. But now my sensors indicate that some treasure is missing. [spins around] About a sock's worth.
BMO: [gasps] That's it! That's why Ronnie took the sock—to carry stolen treasure in with! He had to whack Bebe to keep him from squealing, then he pinned the rap on me.
NEPTR: Bebe's dead?
BMO: Listen, NEPTR, you better lay low for a while. I'm gonna go find Ronnie. [climbs ladder] I've got a score to settle.
NEPTR: Hey, BMO! We should hang out more. We're both robots.
BMO: [beat] No, NEPTR. I am not like you.

King Worm [4.18]Edit

Pep But: You need to find this worm and break it.
Finn: Find the worm? But you got him right there! Hahh! [no worm but a spoon]
Phil: [peeks out behind Pep But] SATORI!!

Lady & Peebles [4.19]Edit

Rainicorn: Gyaenedeul chaj-ass-eoyo? ("Did you find them?") [PB checks device]
Bubblegum: My GPS shows Finn and Jake over there. I think that's where the Ice King has them hostage.
Rainicorn: Gyaenedeul anjeonhalkkayo? ("Will they be okay?")
Bubblegum: I'm sure the boys are fine. The Ice King isn't usually a serious threat. [digs duffle bag] Besides, this'll be easy with the two of us. [holds up robotic kettle and cup] We've got science on our side.
Kettle: Your tea is ready. [PB pours] Pouring. Pouring.
Rainicorn: Jeikeuga siljongdoegi jeon-e naega wolnamgugsu myeon-i jilgidago malhaess-eoyo. A, naega wae geuleon mal-eul haess-eulkka... Museun nappeun il-i saeng-gyeoss-eumyeon eotteoghae?! Gyaega mandeun gugsu mas-eobsdago han ge uliui majimag daehwayeoss-eoyo. ("I told Jake that his Vietnamese noodles were too tough before he went missing. Why did I say such a thing?! What if something bad happens to him?! The last conversation we had was that his noodles were tough...")
Bubblegum: It's okay, Lady. Jake knows you love him.
Rainicorn: Mianhaeyo. Naega gugsuleul neomu manh-i meog-eossna bwayo. ("Sorry. I guess I've eaten too many noodles.")
Bubblegum: Don't worry. Just try to relax. [Lady lowers herself; PB checks watch] I'll work on my holo-entry. [projects holo-entry] It's been three weeks since Finn and Jake disappeared while battling the Ice King. I've activated a secret GPS implanted in Finn's ear. It has lead us to an uncharted black ice cave... but I've spent hours calculating every possible danger and am well-prepared.
Rainicorn: Geunom-i kal-eul deulgo deombimyeon eotteoghaeyo?! ("What if he attacks you with a knife?!")
Bubblegum: Then I'll pull out my electrode gun.
Rainicorn: Geunom-i gongjunim-eul haechilyeogo hamyeon-yo?! ("What if he tries to hurt you?!")
Bubblegum: Then I'll use my ball-blam-burgler-ber! Lady, it'll be fine. We've got science!
Rainicorn: A... maj-ayo, naega jom geogjeong-i simhan pyeon-ijyo. Jeon ban sal-eun sichedeul-i uli jib-eul gong-gyeoghaneun agmong-e sidallyeoyo. Uli samchon, oesugmo, sachondeul-i da jib-e iss-eoss-eoyo. Agiga wicheung-eseo uneun solikkaji saengsaenghi deullindanikkayo. naega uli gajogdeul-eul jikil suman issdamyeon — geu kkum kkuneun dong-an eolmana seuteuleseu bad-eumyeon ippalkkaji mujihage gal-ayo. ("You're right. I worry too much sometimes. I always get haunted by this nightmare where zombies attack my house! My uncle, aunt-in-law, and cousins are all present in my house. I even hear the baby crying coming from the upstairs. If I could just protect my dear family. [PB becomes shocked] I become too stressful during that dream. I even grind my own teeth!")
[Lady grinds her teeth; PB gasps]
Rainicorn: Da-eumnal il-eonamyeon ippaldeul-i geum gaiss-eoyo. Botong jeon geunyang geuleon geos kkum-ilani, naega geogjeong-eul saseo haji hamyeo ij-eobeolilyeogo haeyo. Jega geu ban sal-eun sichedeul-ege jeongmal du beon-ina gong-gyeogdanghaess-eossjanh-ayo. ("When I wake up in the morning, all my teeth are cracked up! I usually try to forget about it, thinking that it's just a dream or I'm being paranoid, but I was actually attacked by zombies before, twice.")
Bubblegum: Hmm, I suppose that's true. [pours tea into snow] Let's roll.

Ice King: [echoed thru vent] This is total bunk, you copier! You're only in love with her cos I'm in love with her!!
Lady Rainicorn: Ice King!
Ice King: I've been playing this game a lot longer than you, pal! I've been working my moves, smooth-talking her, showing her magic tricks! Don't ignore me! Come back!!

You Made Me [4.20]Edit

Lemongrab: Blombo, what is that?
Jamaica: What?
Lemongrab: On Blombo's ears?
Jamaica: That's his headphones!
Lemongrab: Blombo, take them off! Blombo! You must heed my INSTRUCTIONS!!! TAKE OFF YOUR THIIIINGS!!!
Toughy: Woah! Settle down, Lemongrease!
Blombo: What? What's goin' on?
Lemongrab: All unfit citizens of Lemongrab must be reconditioned!
Blombo: Man, are you crazy!?

Finn and Jake: Show us now!
Banana Guards: Show you what?
Finn and Jake: What you said!
Banana Guards: We didn't say nothin'!
Finn and Jake: It's too late for take-backs! We practically know everything already! NOW SHOW US!!

Who Would Win [4.21]Edit

Jake: I'm gonna break every bone in your body, then heal you later with that magical goo we got from the Cyclops's eye!

Finn: What's goin' on here, tough boy? What is that huge dude?
Marauder: He's The Farm, the legendary fighter of the Shiney Isles. I came here to participate in his open challenge, but this mother can't be beat!
The Farm: Give up, worms! My fight power is supreme! I'm too [punches water] freaking legendary for you!!
[Finn and Jake stare in awe as The Farm continues pummeling the lake with farm animals dropping down his barn onto a group of fighters; The Farm punches one nearby]
All Marauders: [chanting] Train! Train! Train! Train! Train!
Finn: Whoa! [see people cheering to an imposing figure on a cliff]
Marauder 2: I love you, The Train!
Marauder 3: You're almost as legendary as The Farm, The Train!
The Train: The Train is gonna smack you down on his tracks! Whoop! [jumps down into lake] Your caboose is mine! [runs toward The Farm] Choo-choo! Choo-choo!!
Finn: Oh, my Glob... [watches The Train running underneath The Farm]
The Train: Choooo! [gets crushed by The Farm] Ow! My legs are backwards! Oh! Why?! [The Farm kicks him ashore in front of Finn and Jake] Ohh, you're mean! [farts]
Finn: Did you just die?
The Train: No... The Train will chug on... My friend makes bionic legs. I'll be better than before.
Finn: [gasps] I want bionic legs! Who's your friend?
The Train: Yeah, right. It's secret! [begins dragging himself away] Ah! Don't follow me. [continues dragging] Oh! Train can do this. [drags out of scene]
Jake: You don't want bionic legs. It ain't natchy.
Finn: I don't care about natchy.
Jake: Let's discuss this later.

Jake: Hey, did you dream about Dream Warrior?
Finn: Yeah. What was he trying to tell us exactly?
Jake: I don't know, I didn't get it. But listen, man. I'm sorry I got mad at you. Who cares about my high score at "Kompy"? It ain't important.
Finn: No, man. It is important. Being the third best at something is math and deserves respect, not like I did to "Kompy". Anyway, I think we both got cranky after all that training.
Jake: Well, good thing we're rested, 'cause now we can beat this beast.
Finn: Yeah. [see groups of marauders cheering on the cliff] Oh, hey! Look!
Jake: The dudes came back to watch us fight!
Finn: A'ight. This is it. Let's use what we learned in training!
Jake: Uh... All we did was fight dirty with cheap— wait...
Dream Warrior: [flashback] My cars are che-e—che-e-eap.
Jake: Dream Warrior was telling us which cheap moves to use on The Farm! Headlights mean eyes!
Finn: Mud in the eyes!
Jake: Give-up-on-life pants!
Finn: [pants down] Pull down his pants like you did to moi!
Jake: Two golden apples!
Finn: Hm... I think I know what that means.
Jake: Well, sure, I can make a wild guess.
Finn: You ready, man?
Jake: Yeah, dude! [they bump fists; whispers] Put your pants on.
Finn: [deep voice] Okay.

Ignition Point [4.22]Edit

Finn: What's going on with the costumes?
Costumed Fire Actor: This is a theater troop, we're getting ready to preform for the king. Everyone in the kingdom shall be in attendance. Ofcourse, you know all this being fellow actors from the exact same troop.
Jake: I have an idea. We'll go on stage, act like two conspirators. You'll have one shoe untied, I will talk with hiss voice. We'll talk about how we wanna kill the king. As we do this we'll study the faces of the audience and look for guilty reaction.
Finn: That's brilliant!
Jake: Thanks, it's an original idea. By me.

Finn: Water? You know what's even more painful? If we pour ice in his ear. That's how we'll kill the Flame King.
Flame King: Kill the Flame King? This is treason disguised as a play. Guards, seize them!

Flame King: Furnius and Torcho!
Furnius: Hello, uncle.
Flame King: Arrest the executioners. I thought I had you two extinguished.
Furnius: You cannot quench the flames of revenge.
Torcho: You snuffed out our father to become king!
Furnius: Oh, yeah. [Laughs]. Take them to the punishment room.

The Hard Easy [4.23]Edit

Woobeewoo: Here we are: the village of my people. It doesn't have an official name, but I call it "South Woobeewoo". [thunder rumbles] Uh, this way. [they walk over to a red mudscamp wearing a jingle bell on top of two mudscamps] This is the village elder. He'll fill you in on the deets.
Mudscamp Elder: Greeting, heroes. [squirts red sauce at Jake]
Jake: Blehh!! Ohh! Ughh!!
Mudscamp Elder: I'm so sorry about that. You know, we-we secrete stink-oil all day o-out our awful-sauce glands. You know, I guess I should have warned you. Anyway, let me cut the cheese.
Mudscamp: [whispers] Cut to the chase.
Mudscamp Elder: Yes. You know, I mean, of course, cut to the chase. I mean, for many... for many moons now, our village has been under siege by the Mega Frog.
[flashback to see a ginormous frog beast approaching the village; it croaks and lets out a loud revolting roar]
Mudscamp Elder: He's 100 stories of 110 percent 10-speed terror like bam—like fresh out the grease. I mean, he chases us all up and down from first base to home, trying to eat us alive. We-we've always managed to escape, but it's crazy scary. I mean, w-what if you got ate? Think about it. All alone in a stomach full of acid? [high voice] "Mommy! Mommy, mommy, help me!" [low voice] "Billy, is that you? Mommy, you sound exactly—" "Mommy, you sound exactly like me... Mommy, you sound exactly like me!" "Billy, uh..." [normal voice] Anyway... If this keeps up, we'll have to move to the city and get jobs. We don't know how-how to do anything cool. Look, see? The-they're already practicing, the poor fools. They don't know what they're in for.
Jake: Whoa! Relax, buddy! You're talkin' to the right couple of guys.
Finn: Yeah, man! Me and Jake will bust this Mega Frog up right up his bumblestop! [imitates bomb whistling, exploding]
Mudscamp Elder: That is excellent news. I mean, h-here, take this, please. [two mudscamps bring in a bag of lollipops] It's not much, b-but it's all we have. [Finn takes bag] It's... it's a bag of lollies.
Jake: That's nice! Thanks, man!
Mudscamp Elder: Now farewell, heroes. We're counting on you... for reals!

Reign of Gunters [4.24]Edit

Ice King: Ah, let's see. [looks at sign above shop door] That's the symbol for magic items, right? [sees Huntress Wizard standing nearby] Hey, this is the magic items shop, right?
Huntress Wizard: What's it look like, ya donk?
Ice King: I know that, I know! Why can't they write it on the sign, though? Why's it all gotta be secret? Let's just put it all out there, huh? Equal distribution of magic to the people! No more symbols! No more initiations! You feeling me, Huntress Wizard?
Huntress Wizard: You tryin' to get killed, Ice King?
Ice King: Uh-uh, I was just steppin' to ya, girl, with my intellectual wizard politics. [she leaves; whispers] No, don't go! Ugh. Well... "Swing at every ball," that's what Jay T. Dawgzone says.

Bubblegum: [thru holographic tablet phone] "Yo, Finn, are you seeing these penguins?"
Finn: Yeah, it's Gunther! He's taking over the whole thing!
Bubblegum: "Well, he'll have to beat my Banana Guards and my Gumball Guardians."
Jake: That's not gonna work!
Bubblegum: "What did he say?"
Finn: He says your plan is bunk.
Bubblegum: "Well, what's your plan?"
Finn: I got a plan!
Bubblegum: "You do?"
Finn: When we get there, I'll do my plan in addition to your plan—two plans! Laters!
Bubblegum: "Uh, alright, so you're not gonna tell me your—"
Finn: [hangs up] I'm outties!
Jake: You're not gonna tell her the plan?
Finn: No, I gotta be mysterious.
Jake: What?! I thought you weren't into Bubblegum anymore!
Finn: I'm not. But this is how I act now with all the ladies, you see? I keep 'em in a state of confusion. That way, I've always got options in case Flame Princess doesn't work out.
Jake: Oh, my gosh!! Where is this coming from?!
Finn: It's called "future farming." I read it in that book ["Mind Games"] you have by Jay T. Dawgzone.
Jake: JAY T. DAWG— awww, dude!! Don't read that book!! It's gonna mess up your brain! I keep that book around for laughs. It's all really bad advice!
Finn: Oh, okay. I'll stop it, then.
Jake: No, well... you can still be mysterious—that's fine.
Finn: What? Now I'm confused.
Jake: Never mind, I didn't say nothin'.

Ice King: Hey! What's goin' on here? Why's this place all crazy? I was just flying by and— [sees Gunther, gasps] GUNTHER!! YOU TOOK MY STUFF!!
Gunther: Wenk.
Ice King: That's bad! You know what you get now?!
Gunther: [sadly] Wenk...
Ice King: That's right, you get the squirty-squirts. [squirts spray bottle at Gunther] Bad! Bad! Now take off my demonic wishing eye.
[Gunther takes off the demonic wishing eye and all the other penguins disappear]
Ice King: All right, Gunther, now go home.
Gunther: [walks off] Wenk.
Ice King: That's right, walk! And while you're walking home, you think about what you did! [sighs] It's getting worse and worse with him. He just— he hates it when I leave the castle. I'm sorry, guys.
Jake: Uh, dude, where have you been?!
Finn: Yeah, and why are you all jacked up?
Ice King: [chuckles] Well, I got into some crazy wiz-biz over at Wizard City. Honestly, I don't even know how I survived. Basically, it was the craziest showdown ever. I— [catches himself] I wish I could tell you all about it, but you know... "Wizards only, fools." Keep it tight.

I Remember You [4.25]Edit

Jake: [deep voice] Your constant harassment of the female gender makes so see-ick.

Ice King: You know, I kinda like being tied up in these cords. Kinda freaky!

Finn: Well, well, well. [watching Ice King from a distance] Looks like Ice King is up to bad biscuits, braddah.
Jake: Bad biscuits make the baker broke, bro.
Finn: Ice King, you make our job too easy. You ready to roll on this fool?
Jake: Dinner rowh!

Ice King: Hold on! [drops down on the floor] Do you... like me?
Marceline: Of course I do, you old jerk!
Ice King: Really? Wow. [wipes sleeve, spreads his arms wide] How about... one of these? [Marceline pauses for a beat. She embraces him, visibly bittersweet] Ah! [they pull back and look at each other's eyes; he then puckers his lips] Mwah, mwah, mwah... [Marceline gasps]
Marceline: AUUHH!! Not like that!! Dah, you don't remember anything, do you... Simon?!
Ice King: What-mon?
Marceline: Why do you even come see me when you don't remember me? You don't even know who you are!
Ice King: Yes, I do! I am a lyricist! [pulling pages out his beard] It's all here, on the page! The page! In song, baby! On this receipt! On this takeout menu! On these newspapers! [laughing]
Marceline: Huh? [grabs a page] Look! This clipping! This was you, Simon! Before the war!
Ice King: Huh..? [muttering] Heh?

Marceline: You're so annoying, you pitiful old man
I'd like to help you, but I don't know if I can
I thought you were nuts
But you're really, really, really nuts.
Every time I move, eventually you find me and start hanging around
Just another lame excuse to see me, man, it's getting me down
You know, I'm actually glad to see you
Maybe I'm the one who's... [sighs] nuts.

Marceline: "Marceline, is it just you and me in the wreckage of the world?
That must be so confusing for a little girl.
And I know you're going to need me here with you.
But I'm losing myself and I'm afraid you're going to lose me too."
Ice King: Ooh, yeah! Keep it going!
Marceline: Oh! Um... "This magic keeps me alive... but it's making me crazy
And I need to save you, but who's going to save me?
Please forgive me for whatever I do
When I don't remember you."
Ice King: Wow! I wrote that? Hot stuff!
Marceline: What? You don't remember what it means?! [she then grabs a page and shows it to Simon, crying] LOOK!!
Ice King: [beat] Marceline... I can feel myself slipping away
I can't remember what it made me say
But I remember that I saw you frown
I swear it wasn't me, it was the crown
This magic keeps me—
Together: —Alive, but it's making me crazy
And I need to save you, but who's going to save me?
Please forgive me for whatever I do
When I don't remember you...
Please forgive me for whatever I do
When I don't remember you.
Da dah
Da da da da da dah
Da da, da da da dah
Daaahhh... / Dadah.. da.. dah...

The Lich [4.26]Edit

Bear: Dark times are coming.

Billy: What the heck are you guys doing in my crack!? It's 3 o'clock in the morning!!
Finn: Oh you know, just droppin' by to say hello, see what you been uhhhhhh... up to what uhh... How are these days..?
Jake: We came to see if you're dead.
Billy: What? Why would I be dead?
Finn: Hehe yeah.. stupid, umm... I had a dream about a bear and an old lady and a snail, and you were there and the snail killed you or something.
Billy: Was the Cosmic Owl there?
Finn: Uhh... yeah, on TV. Does that count?
Billy: Your dream is an ill omen of grave significance.
Billy: Finn?
Finn: Yeah?
Billy: Are you ready to come with me on a mission to save all life from the Lich?
Finn: ...Yes.

Season 5Edit

Finn the Human (1a)Edit

Prismo: Did you guys see that? You know there was a ghost wearing a dead guy. That might be the nastiest thing I've ever seen. N-n-n-n-nasty! Nasty jazz! Nas—
Jake: Hey, hey! Easy, buddy! That's our friend, Billy! He got possessed by the Lich!
Prismo: Oh, sorry! Sorry, I didn't mean nothin' by it! I mean, I have a lot of nasty friends, and my uncle was nasty. I'm basically honorary nasty.

Big Destiny: Huh? What is this? Are you tellin' me what to wear, Trammy?
Trammy: No, boss! You look good!
Big Destiny: You think I should reinvent my style, and put a stupid thing on my head!!?
Trammy: No, man!! You tell us what to wear!
Big Destiny: Otherwise you would dress like an idiot!! Bam! Crown shorts!

Prismo: Actually, it depends on the wish I granted him.
Finn: Wish?
Prismo: Yeah, he wished for the extinction of all life and I did it. Guess it changed his timeline or something?
Finn: WHAT!!?? OH GLOB!!

Simon: "The crown... go get it..."
Marceline: I know you're not really talking to me... I'm not crazy!
Simon: "Get the crown... Go get it!! "
Marceline: Ugh...
Marceline: I can't! My knees...
Simon: "Well, that's really disappointing, I must say. I'm just... Whatever, you're really letting me down right now."
Marceline: Okay, alright. [prip]

Finn: I wish... the Lich... never.. even EVER existed...

Jake the Dog (1b)Edit

Lich: I wish... for the extinction of all li-i— ..for Finn and Jake to go back home to Ooo. Huh!? No wait! That's not what I wished for—!
Prismo: Sorry guy, you only get one wish. Hey Jake. Did you see that? Monkey's paw.

Ice King: Now honey, I told you. You could take the sign off when you tell me where you hid Daddy's crown jewels.
Gunter: Wenk.
Ice King: Gunter! ..Huh? [the jewels fly him away] Ooh wowzers!

Five More Short Graybles (2a)Edit

Finn/Jake: OhwhatagodboyamI!

Jake: Little Jack Horner
Sat on a corner
Eating a Christmas pie
He put in his thumb
And pulled out a plum
And said, "What a good boy am I!"

Ice King: Ahhh, sweetie, this is bliss. Feels so math to finally be normal. Hah, not like those two freaks. [points to Finn and Jake sticking their thumbs in a snowman] What are they doin' over there? Anyway, I— Ohh, who's that?
[He looks at his other foot and there is a winking face on it]
Ice King: Oh. Oh my.

Up a Tree (2b)Edit

Finn: [deep breath] POOPED.

All the Little People (3a)Edit

Finn: So it's not good to weigh someone's qualities against your own?
Jake: Well, no. I mean, if you feel something, you FEEL something. It’s not about personality matrixals and charts – it’s all about the bu-bumps in your heart! You can’t stop the pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps! Pumps and bumps!!

Finn: PB, you hang out with Lady. C-listers, go back in the bag.
Jake: Who's in C-list?
Finn: Uh... Tiffany, Donny... well, he's okay. Xergiok... a buncha these guys!
Jake: That's not very nice.
Finn: Don't worry, man. They'll get involved eventually.
Jake: Involved with what?
Finn: I dunno, involved.

Jake: No, don't play with that hack! [shreds with little IK] Ah, man! Hmm... They got good chemistry. Who'da guessed?
Finn: Chemistry....

Jake: I'll make a special spagot with a new sauce.

Magic Man: I'm not coming back.

Jake: You're up early.
Finn: I didn't sleep.
Jake: You stayed up all night reading trash books?
Finn: Hm.
Jake: Told you man, those dating books... [slurp] That stuff is mess-you-up.
Finn: I'm not reading. I'm playing with the little wees.
Jake: Ah, lemme see little me! Me looks so lonely. Hey Finn, pass me little Lady!
Finn: Uh, you guys broke up.
Jake: Wha?
Finn: She's with someone else now.
Jake: Who!?
Finn: He's a cool guy. Don't worry about it.

Jake the Dad (3b)Edit

Jake: [shouts holo-message speaker] The puppies aren't moving!

Jake Jr.: Dad, the manual's a BUNCHA JUNK!! Just give us a chance.
Jake: Jake Jr.! You said your first words! "The manual's a buncha junk!" The manual's a buncha junk??

Davey (4a)Edit

Finn: No more Davey!
Davey: But you love being Davey.
Finn: I do love being Davey but being Davey caused Jake to be arrested!
Davey: But remember that time when Davey sat in the park and saw some people walkin' around?
Finn: Yeah, that was nice.
Davey: And remember that time when Davey swept the floors?
Finn: Hehehe... Yeah, that was great too. But...
Davey: Do you really wanna go back to bein' a famous hero? Why not just be Davey? Simple man with simple goals and simple problems... You can just blend in and live the simple life.
Finn: Yeah, blend in... Y'know, maybe I'll be Davey... just one more time. One more time...

Mystery Dungeon [5.08]Edit

Tree Trunks: [nudges Shelby on top of her head] Shelby? Shelby, wake up.
Shelby: W-where am I? Tree Trunks, what's going on?
Tree Trunks: Uh, you've been snoozing on my dome. I just woke up in this room with these fellas: Nectar, Ice Cream, and one of the Lemoncarbs.
Lemongrab: Awake! Avast! Hold tight your buns, if buns you do hold dear, for time has come to wake and run AND NOT GIVE WAY TO FEAR!!!
Tree Trunks: What are those awful words?!
Lemongrab: I am reading the wall. They are wall words.
Tree Trunks: [reading] "Beyond this room are a thousand rooms, outside of them still more."
Shelby: "Behind each door on every floor, danger, danger evermore!"
NEPTR: "Stranger, hark! The traps galore may kill you whilst you do explore to free yourself..." [Ice King stops scribbling on his book, looks back at the others]
Ice King: Huh? Oh! Now where were we? "To free yourself from this tomb and nevermore re-enter, find the room amidst the rooms that lies exactly center"? [glowing orange lines form a map on the walls]
Shelby: It's a map!

Lemongrab: [walks to a color-coordinated door] This door lead to the center exit!
NEPTR: The door is secured with an esoteric encryption system.
Ice King: [picks up Tree Trunks] Well, that's okay 'cause you can "hack the mainframe" or whatever, right, BMO?
NEPTR: I'm not BMO. I'm your son, NEPTR. I-I throw pies.
Ice King: [beat, drops Tree Trunks] Ahhhs!! I grabbed the wrong robot! Dirt! Nuts! Face!!
Shelby: Uhh, what is going on here, Ice King?
Tree Trunks: Yes. I am getting a weird feeling in my stomach, and I think it's 'cause of you, Mr. Wizard. You'd better fess up to whatever you're doing. I got no time for nobody dancin' around and actin' a fool at my expense. I'm Tree Trunks, and people know I'm kind and honest. That's why people like me. [Ice King scribbles his book]
Ice King: Huh? Wha-what? What was she saying?
Tree Trunks: So stop sellin' fib bibs and give it straight.
Ice King: Oh!! All right! I knocked y'all out and brought you here! [puts book in his beard] I'm sorry, but I had to do it! Each of you possess the exact qualities to pass the various tests of this dungeon. Tree Trunks, with your baking skills... Lemongrab, with your lemony, juicy...
Lemongrab: Essence.
Ice King: Yeah... Shelby, who should have been the bait for the fish.
Shelby: Yeah, but no thanks.
Ice King: And BMO, who should have been here instead of this weird piece of junk that I don't remember nothin' about. [NEPTR strolls to the side] Argh!! I failed!
NEPTR: Father, look at me! [he throws a baked pie at the door, it short-circuits and recoils itself; Ice King gasps] Are you happy with me now, Papi?
Ice King: [pants] Yes! Yes! [picks up and hugs NEPTR] Oh, my son! The grand prize of me loins!

All Your Fault (5a)Edit

Lemongrab 1: It doesn't matter anymore.
Lemongrab 2: There is no more candy to horde. Let them keep what crumbs they find.
[sniff-sniff sniff, lick]
Lemongrab 2: For there are no crumbs.

Little Dude (5b)Edit

Wizard: Whomever the hat possesses gains the proportional strength of a hat! Look out, he's got the horse again!!

Finn: Didn't Lady tell you not to use the Sassage flare?
Jake: Yeah.
Finn: Well, don't abuse it man, cos you're gettin'...
Jake: I'm gettin' what?
Finn: Cos you're getting fat.

Bad Little Boy (6a)Edit

Marshall Lee: Don't you know I'm a villain? Every night I'm out killin', sending everyone running like children. I know why you're mad at me. I've got demon eyes, and they're looking right through your anatomy, into your deepest fears. Baby, I'm not from here, I'm from the Nightosphere. To me, you're clear, transparent. You got a thing for me, girl; it's apparent.

Vault of Bones (6b)Edit

Finn: I shall grant thee clemency.. if you do the splits. DO the splits!!
Skeleton: I-I can- I can't do the s-splits.

Finn: Whoo! Hot Daniel, Flame Princess! I though you were gonna burn me alive!
FP: No way. I'd never do that to my boyfriend.

The Great Bird Man [5.13]Edit

[the mysterious man starts pouring water into Finn's mouth; he wakes up and coughs]
Finn: Huh...? Where am I?
Man: This is the rookery, where I and my bird friends dwell!
Finn: So are you like the Great Bird Man?
Man: That's what they call me nowadays. But when I first met you Finn, and you Jake, you knew me as [suddenly, his voice rises in pitch] Xergiok, the Goblin King!!
Finn/Jake: Whaaa—?!
Xergiok: When we first met, I was crazy for smacking goblin hams. I was cruel, selfish, brutal. But every thing changed after I was defeated by the two of you!
Jake: So, you got some sleek new shades and now everything's different?
Xergiok: Oh, no, my change has been deep. And these whatsits are only curtains for empty windows.
[he lifts his shades and puts them back repeatedly, revealing black, empty eye sockets]
Finn: Whoa! What happened in there?
Xergiok: I miffed off a wizard and he took my eyes. [pan down to see his eyes attached to his beard] I wonder what he wanted them for. Some kind of lotion, or potion... or time-traveling spell? I'll never know! Never, ever. Never. But losing my eyesight was only the beginning of my wonderful change! I started meditating and doing yoga. Now I can "see" with my heart and smell with my soul.
Jake: You smell with your beard?
Xergiok: I smell with my nose!
Jake: Lame.

[Finn and Jake tiptoe into another cave; Finn trips over a rock with Jake next to a bird sleeping in its nest]
Finn: Doi!!
[Finn crashes into the bird's behind; it cries, starts flying upward and hits its head on the point of a stalactite, falls down to the ground]
Finn: Oh!
[the stalactite breaks off from the ceiling and falls onto the bird's legs; it screams]
Finn/Jake: Oh, crease!
Xergiok: Psychic links! Cardamom, my friend, I'm coming! I'm com— [he goes tumbling down the hill] Mother of Gob!! Hold on, Cardy! [Finn and Jake hide in the shadows] Okay, here I am, buddy. Ol' Xergy's here. [lifts the stalactite off its legs; he feels the injured leg] Let's see now— aw, dang! [inhales] Wo-o-o-o-o-ong! Wo-o-o-o-o-ong! Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wong! [the injured bird's leg is now a green humanlike leg]
Finn: [hushed] Whaaat?
Jake: Shush, Chile!
Xergiok: Ah, Finn and Jake, you are here!
Finn: Where'd you learn that heal spell?
Xergiok: I use no magic. I manipulated space with a vibrational chant. You see, now the injury has transferred to me! [he lifts his leg, which is now Cardamom's broken leg] Ooh, yeah! That hurts, baby! Whoooo!! Can't you see, Jake? I love these birds more than I love myself. What am I to the deafening roar of the macrocosmos? Nothing much. Just a vessel to carry the message of friendship to y'all beasts and dirt.
Finn: Dirt?
Xergiok: Yeah, look! [picks up two handfuls of dirt] Hello, friends! Go for a ride!

Simon & Marcy (7b)Edit

Simon: I call upon the power of ice and snow! Ice winds, blow!!

Finn: Marceline, why'd you invite Ancient Chubs to play basketball?
Jake: Yeah!
Marceline: Hahh... [beat] Well, he's very dear to my heart. I love him.
Jake: ..What you are talking about, Marceline?
Marceline: We've been around for a long time. We've had a long history together, it's.. it's a long story.
Finn: Lay it on us.
Jake: Yeah! Lay it out, Marcy!
Ice King: Yeah, lay down, Marceline! Go to sleep. Right, what're we talkin' about?

Simon: Hey, little lady -- how about a ride on an old man's back, hm?
Marcy: I can walk. I'm not a child, Simon.
Simon: Look, sweetie, someday you'll be too big to hold. I'm as old as garlic balls if someone offered to pick me up and carry me, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Take it, we can get it.
Marcy: Achoo! [laughing]
Simon: Gross. You're gross.
Marcy: You're gross, Simon!
Simon: We're both gross, darling.

Simon: Hey, check it out, a VHS tape. You wanna watch a movie?
Marcy: Yeah!
Simon: Man, this is a boring movie. [Marcy giggles] I like the book much better.

Simon: Vandalism is wrong, Marcy.
Marcy: Okay.

Simon: Marceline, cover your ears! [kicks Clambulance] MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER MOTHER!!

Simon: Marcy, look! I-I found chicken soup! You're gonna feel awesome in a moment.
Marcy: I'm just glad— [nom, gulp]'re okay.
Simon: Do you feel awesome?
Marcy: Mmhm. I love you, Simon.
Simon: I love you... Gunter.

A Glitch Is a Glitch (8a)Edit

Finn: How do we stop the computer worm, you pile of goo!!?
Ice King: [cackling] My worm exists beyond your comprehension within the universal source code!

Puhoy (8b)Edit

Jake: Finn, festering's always bad, man! There's no good kind of festering!! FIIINN!!!

Finn: This place is weird.
Roselinen: Are you telling me that birds in your world don't poo little pillows?
Finn: Naw, just regular poo.

Jake: I mean, here you are chillin' with history's coolest friends building an actual pillow fort, but you just sit there sulkin'. I'm like, what gives?
Finn: [sigh] I guess I'm just thinking about Flame Princess. I told her a joke the other day and she didn't even laugh, or anything. Guess it's over between us.
Jake: That's it? A joke?
BMO: Maybe she just didn't get it yet.
Finn: Yeah right, Beemo. More like she used up all her laughs on some other guy's jokes, probably.

Finn: Alphanumeric!

Jake: "You're getting all hung up on imaginary problems. Stay with your new wife! You've known her longer now than any of us. You're not even sure if I ever really existed! And I'm pretty sure I didn't look like this."

Finn: That was Flame Princess. She said she didn't get my joke until now—and that it's really funny and awesome.
BMO: Haha, I knew it!
Jake: Yeah, that's great, man. Now what about this dream?
Finn: What dream?
Jake: The dream you were just talking about?
Finn: Huh?
Jake: Just a second ago?
Finn: [shrugs]
Jake: The DREAM you just had in the pillow fort?
Finn: Pfffbb.

BMO Lost [5.17]Edit

BMO: [lays down with its screen cracked] So... this is the pits. [a bubble pops out of a mug]
Bubble: I hear that, friend. Do you mind if I wallow with you for a bit? I'm a bubble.
BMO: Okay... nothing stopping a bubble.
Bubble: [sighs] That's what they say. Looks like you've given up on things. I'm thinking about giving up things myself. I've been lost in this wilderness a long time. Maybe you and me can wait here... to get eaten by a carnivore.
BMO: No, Bubble. [gets up] I know two heroes who can help you.
Bubble: You do?
BMO: Yes. Help me get to my home and... and we will help you find your home.
Bubble: Your friends sound great!
BMO: They are! They are huge!
Bubble: Well, then, what are we waiting for?
BMO: Nothi-i-i-ing!!

Bubble: Um, hey... so, BMO, since we have a little time, there is something I've been wanting to say.
BMO: Hm?
Bubble: I know I might never find my real home.
BMO: [gasps] No, Bubble! That's not true!
Bubble: It is. I know it is. But it's... it's okay. Because I realized something. All this time we've been together, BMO, I haven't felt lost. I felt at home. [hear Jake yelling and crashing inside] And it's you, BMO, I feel at home with. [BMO gasps] So, I thought... I mean, if you feel the same way, I thought we could... get married. I-I mean... I'm not even sure what that means exactly, but—
BMO: I do! Oh, I do, I do!
Bubble: Oh! Wohohoho... whoo!
Jake: Hey, a bubble! [pops Bubble] Pop! [BMO gasps in shock; Jake giggles]
BMO: Bubble? Bubble?! [wails, plucks up grass; Finn comes over] No! No, no, no! My Bubble! No!! [falls on the grass]
Finn: What's so funny?
Jake: Oh, it's just BMO. He's pretending to be all messed up 'cause his bubble got popped. [chuckles as BMO starts grieving on the grass]
Finn: Ohhh. [chuckles] That is pretty funny.
BMO: Oh, Bubble, I'm so sorry I brought you here! [sobbing]
Bubble's Voice: [heard disembodiedly] "There, there, BMO. It's okay."
BMO: Bubble? Is that you? I hear you in my head, but I don't see you! [both Finn and Jake start snickering] Oh no, have I gone bananas?
Bubble's Voice: "No, BMO, it's okay. You see, I'm finally free."
BMO: I don't understand, Bubble.
Bubble's Voice: "No, not Bubble. Air. BMO, I'm Air! I've been trapped in that bubble for so long, I'd forgotten who I am. But now I'm finally home."
BMO: Yay! Oh, b-but wait! Now you don't need me... to feel... at home.
Air: "No. See, that's what's so great. Now we can be together forever, BMO—every minute of every day. No more privacy, no more quiet, no more alone. Every room you ever go in, I'll already be there... waiting... forever and ever... until the end of time."

Princess Potluck (9b)Edit

Finn: Man, I wish I had my other sock. This callus is gonna junk up my good time at PB's potluck.
Jake: Don't worry man, we're gonna have a ton of fun. We'll eat some melon, I'll get some compliments on my pretty makeup...
Finn: You look like a target.
Jake: I look pretty!!

James Baxter the Horse (10a)Edit

BMO: Oh, oh BMO, how'd you get so pregnant?
Who's the mother, oh who's the father?
Shh, I'll tell you if you keep it a secret
We will, we will, we will
All right, last night, an electric presence came into my room and said,
"BMO, I need your perfect body to host the human incarnation of a baby~!"

Shh! (10b)Edit

[holding their signs]
Jake: ("I'm not talking today")
Finn: ("ME TOO")

The Suitor [5.21]Edit

[Peppermint Butler and Braco proceed into her lab, where Bubblegum is seen sleeping with a pizza box on her head]
Peppermint Butler: Prubs!
Bubblegum: [wakes up] Hey, what? [takes pizza slice off her face] Pff... who's that?
Peppermint Butler: This is Braco.
Braco: Son of Logan, who was begat by Hobus.
Bubblegum: [writing notes down] Okay... yeah?
Braco: I want to take you... on a date. [PB pauses for a beat]
Bubblegum: Thank you, Braco. That's very sweet, but no.
Peppermint Butler: Princess, this lab reeks like brown mist! It's unhealthy. You've got to get outside and do some research on boys!
Bubblegum: That is way out of line, Peps, and you guys are donking up my research! [starts thrashing stuff off her desk] Hello!! Donk!! Donk!!
Braco: Princess, I love you! I-I love you so much it hurts! The pain, it— Uhh... [PB walks to him and uses a laser pointer on his right eye]
Bubblegum: Hmm. What you're feeling is called infatuation. The pain is the product of you overvaluing a projected, imaginary relationship with me.
Braco: No, Princess! What I feel is real! Meet me in the garden tonight and unlock the mystery [runs to the balcony and jumps down] of me-e-e-e-e!!
Bubblegum: Braco!
Braco: [lying on top of Mr. Cupcake] Come to me tonight!
Bubblegum: [beat] Okay, Braco. But just for research, all right?
Braco: Yes, Princess!
Peppermint Butler: Good job, man! You take it from here!

Finn: What'd ya think of that Braco guy? I mean, he seems kinda weird, and passive, and baby lambish, [Jake gasps] and too unheroic for Peebs. [Jake panics, points Finn to see Braco behind him] And then I smashed that peach!
Braco: [kneels down] Jake and Finn, I seek your aid. I need to ask you for that map, therewith I can bring the soul stone to Bubblegum, then she'll love me!
Finn: That road you're on leads to nowhere. [hands map to Braco]
Braco: Oh! Oh! [runs off in the distance] Thank you!

The Party's Over, Isla de Señorita (11b)Edit

Finn: Ice King, get out of Princess—
Ice King: I'M LEAVING!!!

One Last Job [5.23]Edit

Tiffany: [sees his watch beeping] Well, well. From the shadows of dream, the dog wakes to find its... uh... [reads lines on his arm] the dog wakes to find its mangy tail flopping in the dust like a fish in a tree. That fish is me, Tiffany! [jumps into laundry chute, laughing] I'm coming, Jake! I'm coming!

Flying Lettuce Bros.: So what's the deal, Jake?
Gareth: Yeah, why'd you call us back?
Jake: I got a job for you guys. [everyone gathers to him] One last score—the big one.
Gareth: The Baker's Shard? [chuckles] Are you for real, man?
Flying Lettuce Bros.: Hey, that's crazy, Jake. [out of sync] We always said, "play it safe."
Tiffany: Can't you see, guys? He's desperate. Somebody got to him 'cause he's soft now.
Jake: What the— pshhh! Tiffany! I'm the same Jake! I just stopped stealing, mostly! Because when you get older, you're supposed to get in other stuff, like graphic design or pottery. It's called "growing up"!
Gareth: I don't wanna do poetry— I mean, pottery.
Jake: Dude! Are you guys on board or what?! You really got something better to do?! Really?! I know you don't, Tiffany!
Tiffany: [roughly] Glom you, Jake.
Flying Lettuce Bros.: How are gonna split the Baker's Shard?
Jake: We ain't keeping it. I'm passing the shard off to a mystery dude. [the FL Bros. and Gareth slowly become shocked]
Tiffany: [growls] What the..?!
Jake: The dude has my kid. [Tiffany immediately goes to a mix of surprise and empathy; he starts crying] My little Jake Jr. [coughs, clears throat]
Gareth: [beat] I'm in.
Flying Lettuce Bros.: We're in.
Tiffany: I know that vault inside and out—every guard rotation, every camera, every deadly trap. And that safe is locked up so tight, it makes me wanna spit out my guts and cry about it. Do you even have a plan, Jake?!
Jake: I have the first part. Okay, let's freakin' do this!!

Another Five More Short Graybles (12b)Edit

Bubblegum: Cinnamon Bun, you can't sleep with the nightlight anymore. You're basically 30. It's starting to bum everyone out.
Bubblegum: Yeah, well...

Candy Streets [5.25]Edit

Finn: [meets Ann at the pharmacy] I'm Finn. [holds Jake as a police badge] This is my partner, Jake.
Jake: Hello, citizen. Had anyone in here looking to buy some mini adhesive bandages today?
Ann: A lot of people come through my store, gentlemen. You can't seriously think I'd be able to remember any one particular customer among the countless others I see on a daily basis now, can you?
Finn: [long beat] I guess not. Fair do's. C'mon, Jake—
Ann: Wait! Now that you mention it, there was this one guy in here earlier. Real suspicious type. Had a nosebleed. Said it was the first one he'd had in years. [Finn takes out a notepad and writes down] Used to get them all the time as a kid, he said. [Jake slaps notepad away, jumps onto Finn's hand as a notepad] Could never remember if he was supposed to pinch his nose and hold his head back, [Finn tries to put his pencil on Jake but keeps the point away from him] or pinch his nose and hold his head forward. [Finn finally pokes Jake's body] Maybe it was a case of being boxed on the nose too many times—made the blood vessels in his lower septum weak and vulnerable to hemorrhaging. Anyway, his mammy always said it was because he couldn't keep all those picky little fingers out of his dirty little nose holes. [Jake climbs on top of Finn's head, morphs into a police hat] He didn't buy it, though. He always thought it had—
Finn: Ma'am, can you give us a name?
Ann: Mmmm... nope. No, wait—yes, I can. Pete Sassafrass.
[Finn and Jake look at each other, surprised. A transparent LSP flies across the screen from earlier saying, ""]
Finn: Did you catch which way he was going?
Ann: Of course! He said he was catching a train at 11:27, Candy Kingdom station, Platform 5. Heh. I'm sorry, I wish I could remember more.

Finn: Man, we didn't just crack that case... [throws donuts bags to Jake as a police car] we crunched it. Crumbled it.
Jake: We are awesome at being cops. [munches donut] There's no question about that.
Finn: Ahh, call me crazy, but I was thinking... maybe we should actually become detectives, like... as a job! When we were out on the streets back there, getting those leads, busting that perp, it just felt so... I don't know... right. [Jake's head forms up underneath Finn's coffee cup]
Jake: I know, man. [eats donut] I actually totally do know exactly what you mean. [Finn takes a yellow donut out of his bag and munches it]
Finn: Ah— dude. [show Finn sitting on the street with Jake in his hands]
Jake: I told you, I have a problem. [turns back, sweating] I can't stop!

Wizards Only, Fools (13b)Edit

Finn: I got traumatised by those underpanties. This sucks.

Finn: Hey Jake?
Jake: What?
Finn: Is PB straight-up naked right now?
Jake: Dude, don't make me feel any more awkward than I already do!

Ice King: [on tape recorder] "No way! I'm no rat! I am bound by the sacred trust of esoteric knowledge!"
PB: "Say the password, Ice King!"
Ice King: "You think I'll just hand you the keys to the city? I'd rather DIE."
PB: "Say the password."
Ice King: "OW!! MY PINKY!! Ow.. Thank you. You know, no one has touched me in months. Could you touch me again?"

Grandmaster Wizard: Wizard prison! All of you! Wizard prison!

PB: Rubeldubel dingeldongel-PFFT.

Sky Witch (15a)Edit

PB: Now, make a fist with your brain and PUNCH against sleepytimes! SAY NOO!! NOOOO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!! Don't go ungentle into that good night.

PB: Raggedy Princess can make you a new Hambo in like three seconds. A Raggedy Princess can BE your new Hambo. She'd do it too. That girl has like, zero self-respect. Haha. That's mean. Don't tell her I said that.

Marceline: ..You killed him??
PB: Don't be dense! Hambo can't even talk! Snap out of it, girl.
Marceline: He's been with the witch this whole time! Maybe he can talk now!

Marceline: Where are you Maja, you creep?!

PB: Micro... and macro... the picture... becomes... clear.... aaand... Call it! Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, wait — YES.

Frost & Fire (15b)Edit

Ice King: Ahh! My hams!!

Flame Princess: What did you say to me?
Ice King: Uuh.. wha? What did I say?
Flame Princess: [gasp!] It IS in the tone of your voice.
Ice King: Look, just take whatever you want, okay? Take it all! It's all just prunes! Prunes and liver! Frozen, of course.

Ice King: And I didn't get to test my new fireproof grundies.

Finn: "Man. I need to have that dream again. I have to get Flame Princess to beat down Ice King again."

Finn: [speeding] "Dear Ice King, you smell like stink, you're unpleasant, you're not funny, you're old, blahblahblahblah, sincerely love, Flame Princess. P.S. Let us fight!!" HAHHHRR!! "Dear Flame Princess, you're just the worst, your hair is bad, your feet smell like face cheeks, blahblahblah, let's meet up and fight, dummy, sincerely, Ice King." [checking] Hm. Flame Princess fight Ice King.

PB: What is all that noise? Ach, mein Glöb!!

Cosmic Owl: You blew it.

Ice King: You blew it, man.

Too Old (16a)Edit

Finn: Now give us back Lemonhope or prepare for mo'e pranks!
Lemongrab 1: DUNGEON!!!!

Lemongrab 2: Hmm... Acceptable...
Lemongrab 1: WHAATT!!!? UNACCEPTABLE!!!!
Lemongrab 2: Acceptable....

Root Beer Guy (22a)Edit

Root Beer Guy: [typewriting in voiceover] "I knew there was trouble. I could smell it on the hot evening breeze. Fortunately for me, trouble is my favorite thing... because I'm Joe Milkshake. I kicked down the door with one swift decisive motion".. No... "With one swift and decisive motion, I kicked down the door"— No! "The door was kicked down by me swiftly, with not many motions but a whole lot of decisiveness was used by me that was apparent to everybody."

Root Beer Guy: Hello? I'd like to take a few minutes of your time to tell you about an amazing vitamin supplement. But first, just let me ask you: do you ever feel that no matter what you eat, you're still tired and sluggish and.. filled with nagging anxiety and doubt and....

Root Beer Guy: Alright, you two, what were you doing last night with Princess Bubblegum!?
Finn/Jake: Uhh... / Hmm...
Jake: We were home last night.
Finn: Yeah, we were doing that... thing.
Jake: That was a great thing we were doing at home with no other witnesses.
Finn: But we're each other's witnesses.
Finn/Jake: [hi-fives] Yeah!
Root Beer Guy: But I saw you!
Finn: [leans closer at RBG] Look, man. You didn't see nothing!

Betty (24b)Edit

Marceline: A-one, a-two, a-one two three four...
Finn: Wait!
Marceline: What?
Finn: Why're you holding your bass up high like that?
Marceline: Mm, I get better finger action this way.
Finn: But you look like a nerd. [...] Move it back down. It's better.
Jake: Move the bass down.
Finn: A-move the bass a-down.
Jake: Be reasonable.

Bella Noche: And now... it will be yours.
Ice King: And mine!
Forest Wizard: What the blood!? Ice King!
Ice King: Listen dudes, all I want is to be in the club and plus-up my magic, what's the problem?
Laser Wizard: Your life is my problem.

Finn: Do you remember anything when you were the Ice King?
Simon: Nothing specific, just dream-like impressions.
Finn: Do you still have impressions from all the times you flip your bricks?
Simon: I have... bruises.

Bad Timing (25a)Edit

Jake: Ehh... it's not really time travel, though. You just, y'know, move their stuff around. It didn't really manipulate time. Ice King's done it better before, with magic.
Mudscamp Elder: Well, I enjoyed your presentation very much, Princess. Thank you for inviting me.
PB: NO!!! For all intense in purposes, they travel back to an earlier point in their time.
Jake: Eh, I guess, but not really. I mean, Ice King did it for real. Guy pulled his fiancee outta time from a thousand years ago using magic.
Mudscamp Elder: Hey time, where's my fiancee, am I right? [jingle-jingle, Jake laughs]
PB: Jake, don't deny my science! THIS is a time travel machine!

Lemonhope Part One (25b)Edit

Lemongrab: "In conclusion, no one needs to come here ever, especially Lemonhope and I ate my brother, goodbye!"
[LG's body ruptures even more worser and LG 2 comes out]

Lemonhope Part Two [5.51]Edit

Phlannel: Morning, Lemonhope! Hey, is there any more white coal down in the hold? [pulls bucket full of steaming hot black diamonds] More black diamonds equals more love potions. The old three Rs, you know what I'm saying? "R-R-Romance." [chuckles] Oh, man, I can't wait for some lo-o-ove. It's been so lo— [drops bucket] whoops! Oh, rats. Oh, well. [looks to Lemonhope] Hey, don't sweat it, buddy. It wasn't your fault.
Lemonhope: I-It's not that, Phlannel. I-I had a bad dream.
Phlannel: Again? That's the third time this week.
Lemonhope: [sighs] I'm free now, Phlannel, to do all whatevs I ever wanted, but all I think about is my old life. What does it mean?
Phlannel: Well, it's true you are free—free to help the Lemon People or leave them be. But a deft unpaid is not easily forgotten, so you are a prisoner still... in deinem kopf.
Lemonhope: Huh. That's what Mistress always said, and I didn't even listen.
Phlannel: Ah, Lemonhope, you're a doer, not a listener. You learn with your hands and heart, not your head. So, what will you do, Lemonhope?
Lemonhope: I'll... I'll-I'll go back and... I'll help my people... and maybe I'll feel better.
Phlannel: [laughs joyfully] And how will you do it?
Lemonhope: Um, with my harp and... m-my flute! A-and help from my friend Phlannel!
Phlannel: Ah, little Lemonhope. Of course I'll take you as far as I can, but I can't interfere directly in Lemongrab politics. All those old pacts and treaties have me sklonked up tighter than a synethic zanoit sterilzer bed compressor tube enlarger on garbage day.

Bubblegum: Young Lemonhope, born from candy and glue
Creator of beauty and ugliness too
Poor Lemonhope, I found you in the dark
You lived in the bathroom, now live in our hearts.
Sweet Lemonhope, freed by hard sacrifice
To live in the kingdom of sugar and spice
Lost Lemonhope, longed for freedom above
Compassion or friendship, wisdom or love.
Strong Lemonhope, risking freedom and health
Came back for his brothers and for himself
Safe Lemonhope, no more will you roam
Once you were lost, and now you're back home.

Billy's Bucket List (26b)Edit

Finn: "Lie on my back in the ocean." Cool. RRRRRRHNN!!! ...Why the ocean, Billy!?

Finn: Off the dome, here we go. Unh.
I'm-a started now. I'm-a battle now.
We gonna make a rhyme, so I can rap this time.
I rap for millions...

Finn: What's the thing you wanted to tell me?
Billy: Oh, uh... You must go to the citadel. That's where your father is.
Finn: Joshua's not alive. Me and Jake buried him behind the--
Billy: Not Joshua! Your other dad. Dad the Human.
Finn: What?
Billy: Your father, Finn. He's alive! He's alive. (He's alive... He's alive...)

Season 6Edit

Wake Up [6.01]Edit

Gob: Denise, we have concluded you're an interesting and conventionally hot woman. My siblings and I would like to request a date with you. Are you available for a date with — Glob on Saturday, Grod on Friday, Grob on Thursday, or Gob on Sunday? Please select your dates now.

Prismo/Jake: Peppermint Butler! Death!
Jake: What's up?
Peppermint Butler: Hey, um... those guys are doing selfies on the Lich. [pan right to see Grob Gob Glob Grod taking pictures of themselves on the Lich's shoulder] Is that safe?
Gob: [chuckles] Definitely gonna send these to Denise.
Prismo: Oh yeah, that's fine. He's harmless.
Peppermint Butler: Yeah, but why isn't he killing everyone in the room right now? Controlling our minds, making us rip each other's eyes out while we buttercup one another?
Prismo: Well, the Lich's primary function is to cause mass death. And since he can't do that while he is trapped in my Time Room, he's stuck in a standstill, like a machine without a purpose.
Peppermint Butler: [turns back] ..I'm so scared right now.
Death: Yikes.
Jake: Aw, don't worry, he ain't gonna hurt nobody. [stretches his body over, puts his cup on the Lich's head] Ha!! You got a cup on your head! Ha ha, you dingus! [laughs, stretches back] See, he's docile as a lamb.
Peppermint Butler: Hmm... Well, okay. Then I guess I can go for a selfie too!
Jake: Yeah, man! Make your dreams come true!

Finn: Dude... I found out my human dad is still alive.
Jake: Whoa, what?
Finn: He's at someplace called the Citadel.
Jake: Waoh! Are.. are you gonna go see him?
Finn: I dunno. Maybe I shouldn't. Maybe's there a good reason he didn't raise me. Like, he was probably captured by thieves and kept a slave for years.
Jake: Yeah—or maybe he was ambushed in the wild and hid you, so you wouldn't be captured too.
Finn: Yeah.. maybe it's better not to rock the boat.
Jake: But... it might also be good to find out if got any genetic wrist factors or allergies or whatever. Plus, you get to see what you look like as an old guy. Could be cool.
Finn: Heh... I guess it would be okay to meet him. Just to know what I look like.
Jake: Cool.

[Prismo looks at the sleeping old man for a couple beats]
Prismo: Okay... wake him up.
Finn/Jake: What!?!
Prismo: Yeah... I just wanted one last look at myself.
Finn: Wait... this old man is you?
Prismo: That's right—Prismo is nothing than dream of a wrinkly old man. Man, I've gotten a lot hairier, but also balder? Tell me how that makes any sense. I'm like a big ol' hairy raisin.
Jake: So, wait, what happens to you when we wake him up?
Prismo: Poof! I'm a goner. Thus ends mighty Prismo.
Jake: Prismo..!
Prismo: Killing a wish master is a cosmic crime. Once I'm dead, the Guardian will show up and take you to the Citadel.
Finn: I don't think seeing my dad is worth sacrificing your life.
Prismo: Ah, don't worry. As soon as my corporeal body falls back asleep again, [to himself] in a thousand years, [out loud] I'll be back.
Jake: You sure about this?
Prismo: Hold on, let me take one last look around. [looks around the room] Huh, thought I'd own more stuff by now. Okay, let's do it.
Jake: Hm, still feels like a bad idea, man.
Prismo: Pssh! What could go wrong?
[the Lich turns his head up, smacks away Finn and Jake; walks to old man Prismo and picks him up]
Lich: Wake up. [shakes him violently, wakes up]
Prismo: W-Wait, I've changed my mind! [gasps, fades away]
Jake: [gasps] Prismo! Don't worry! I'll put the old man to sleep and get you back!!
Finn: Dude! That mean the Lich jacked our entry into the Citadel!
Jake: Aw, no, man! How are you gonna see your dad?!
Old Man Prismo: Hello? Who are you guys? Could any of you strangers tell me how to go home? I'm done with my nap.
Jake: Old man Prismo...
[the Lich raises the old man up face-to-face, inhaling deeply]
Old Man Prismo: I just woke up from my nap... but I'm ready to go back to bed. I'd like to go home and take a nap.
Jake: No, old man Prismo, don't talk to him! [the Lich raises up higher above him]
Old Man Prismo: Are you my son?
[the Lich exhales black smoke into old man Prismo's nostrils; he gasps and turns himself into a clump of ash]
Jake: Old man Prismo! No!! [inhales deeply, enlarges into a big buff of himself] LICH!!! I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!! RAAAAHHHH!!!!

Escape from the Citadel [6.02]Edit

Finn: [sees crystalized Lich teleported upside down] Hey, the Lich again! This must be where the prison cells be at. See? Good riddance too. I hope you rot forever, you awful jerk clapper. Some people just make the world a worse place to be in just by being around, Jake. That's right, bad apples. "Lock 'em all up," I say. At the bottom of the ocean, where it's too dark to see.

Man: Hey, good job, son! Rub some of that sap on my leg there. Make sure to get it into the chicken wing hole.
Finn: [shudders] Dad...
Man: Martin.
Finn: Okay, M-Martin. We need to talk.
Martin: Yeah, okay, kid, but hurry it up. I'm trying to act cool here, but this thing really stings!
[beat, Finn inhales and talks speedily]
Finn: Why'd you abandon me in the forest when I was a little baby!?!
Martin: Oh... I mean... Heh... You know me. I'm a funny guy!
Finn: Wh— wha?
Martin: [facepalms] Augh... I don't know. It was a long time ago. Who knows... [points at Finn] maybe you left me!
[Finn makes an unhappy expression with Jake leaning on his shoulder, staring angrily at Martin. He sighs]
Martin: But, hey! Daddy's back! [grunts, scoots closer to Finn] You and me—Daddy and Baby. Or should I say... Baby and Daddy. [taps his cheek] Now slap that sap!
Finn: Uggh... [takes some of the sap and spreads it on his leg bone] Yeech.
[the sap on Martin's leg bone regenerates new veins, muscle and skin immediately]
Martin: Whoa! Would you look at that? Smooth like new. [looks at his boot] Tch... couldn't fix the boot too, huh?

Lich: You are alone, child.
Lich: There is only darkness for you, and only death for your people. These ancients are just the beginning. I will command a great and terrible army... and we will sail to a billion worlds. We will sail until every light has been extinguished. You are strong, child. But I am beyond strength. I am the end. [...] And I have come for you, Finn.

Tree Trunks: Mr. Pig, I think we should get a di— [ding-dong]
Jake: [o.s.] Okay, run! Go, go, go, go!!
[Mr. Pig and TT open the front door]
Tree Trunks: Ohh! Oh, this changes everything! [see Lich Baby in a basket]
Lich Baby: Hello!

James II [6.03]Edit

Finn: Is this... James heaven?

Banana Guard 1: Hey guys, it's the picture of one of the perpetrators. Take a good look.
All Banana Guards: Oooooohh.
Bubblegum: There's 25 of them.
Banana Guard 1: [beat] I need to see the other 24 pictures.
Bubblegum: Nope, you only need that one.
Banana Guard 1: ..What?! How can one picture identify 25 perpetrators?
Bubblegum: It's because they all look the same. [BG1 stares picture for a beat]
Banana Guard 1: ...Oh okay, I see. [turns to all BGs] There's 25 of 'em! They all look like this guy!
Banana Guard 2: Uh, how can 25 guys look like one guy? You mean they're vigintiquintuplets?
Banana Guard 1: [faces PB] You mean they're vigintiquintuplets?
Bubblegum: No, they're clones.
Banana Guard 1: What are clones?
Bubblegum: [sigh] A group of organisms or cells produced asexually from one ancestor or stock to which they are genetically identical.
Banana Guard 1: How did that happen?
Bubblegum: It's a long story.
Banana Guard 1: I love long stories.
Bubblegum: GAHH!! There's no time!
Banana Guard 1: And they're not brothers?
Bubblegum: No — they're not brothers, they're clones!
[both Finn and Jake laughing on CK's giant walls, which PB hears]
Bubblegum: HEY!!! Get down here and help me!!
Bubblegum: Hahh... Vigintiquintuplets, I'm telling you....

The Tower [6.04]Edit

Finn: Baby's building a tower in to space
Space is where he's gonna find his dad
Daddy's got an arm, and baby's gonna harm his arm
By tearing it off his dad.

BMO: Hey Jake, where's— [bonked by falling ice block, resurfaces] Where's Finn?
Jake: Finn's just working some stuff out. AND IT'S HEALTHY!!
Bubblegum: It's not healthy!! It's bizarre and he could get hurt!
Bubblegum: Yeaahh!
Jake: Euuggghhh!!
BMO: ...Aaahh.

Sad Face [6.05]Edit

Ringmaster: Too much artsy, not enough fartsy. We talked about this, clown!

Breezy [6.06]Edit

Crab Princess: I'm sorry.
LSP: You ain't my man! SO WHY'RE YOU ALL UP IN MY LUMPS!!?

The Prince Who Wanted Everything [6.09]Edit

LSP: It's me, Ice King.
Ice King: Lumpy Space Princess?
LSP: Yeah.
Ice King: And you're doing this because you like me?
LSP: No, Ice King, listen—I'monna give you the straight dope.
Ice King: Okay.
LSP: You're weird and old and you kidnap princesses.
Ice King: I know!
LSP: But I asked here tonight because I want to know what you think of this. [presents a book]
Ice King: "The Prince Who Wanted Everything. A Fionna and Cake Adventure"? Hey, why isn't my name on there?
LSP: I want you to read it, because you're their dad. Please be their dad right now and bring them to life!
Ice King: [sigh] Okay, might as well. Least until the cops show up.

Lumpy Space Prince: Citizens of this realm, I am the one and only heir to the throne of the Lumpy Space Kingdom. I mean, I used to be. I rebelled against my parents and now I'm a refugee.
Lumpy Space Prince: What's that? You wish to help me? I'm touched! Fetch me some clothes and I'll pay you handsomely, by petting you. First, I need freaky clothes! Cool freaky, not monster freaky. Oh, yes—and something to read as well, something mind blowing.
[the animals then leave]
Lumpy Space Prince: Oh, wait! I also need servants! Recruit some locals, they won't mind.

Ghost Fly [6.17]Edit

Jake: Maybe some soup would take the edge off.
Jake: Eww, gross!! NASTY!!! [runs off, back and thwacks it with fly swatter] Yahh!
[it bangs off the side, wiggles and dies soon after]
Jake: I'm sorry you were born a fly and I had to kill you. You disgusting, disgusting creature.
BMO: [offscreen] Kyah! Kyah!

Is That You? [6.19]Edit

Prismo: Dude, I can't believe I died. Jake, I'm sorry man, this doesn't feel right.

Jake: Prismo?! You're alive!
Prismo: Well, not yet. Finn, in a second, you gotta stop yourself from waking up Jake.
Finn: Stop my who?
Prismo: Shoot! Hide! [Jake camouflages behind Finn, with another Finn and Prismo coming closer]
Finn 2: Hey, are we gonna turn around somewhere? I feel like we're lost.
Prismo 2: No, I was just stalling, don't think about it. Come on, this way! [they exit, and everything's clear]
Prismo: That who.
Prismo: But wait, Jake — that means one of your alternate reality incarnations will sleep for eternity to keep me alive.
Jake: Cool, dude!
Prismo: Okay, but Finn, I'm not sure what'll happen if you confront yourself. He might explode.
Finn: He me, or other me?
Prismo: Y'know what? Forget it.
Finn: Shut it, Prismo. Heroes risk everything for their friends. Although I admit you're more Jake's friend than mine. Sometimes you can think someone is totally cool but you never become besties. Now I don't know why that happens. But regardless, let's do this! [exits]
Prismo: Good luck!

Jake the Brick [6.20]Edit

Jake: Looks like our long-eared friend is on to something. Bunnies love to dig. He's making a supreme effort, and I think I can guess why. [the bunny digs up a carrot] That's right. A carrot, grown out here free and wild! Probably the result of a seed pooped out by a passing bird. [pan left to a rustling bush] But what's this? A mysterious rustling in the bush—could mean trouble. Mr. Bunny seems to think so. His sensitive whiskers quiver at the hint of imminent danger.
[the screen splits to show Beemo bringing Finn a bowl of popcorn. They sit on the couch and listen to Jake through the walkie-talkie]
Jake: Unfortunately for Mr. Bunny, this is what nature is all about. [a horned four-legged mammal emerges out of the bushes] It's a male deer. Not a threat to Mr. Bunny in the predatory sense, but still above him in the food chain. Mr. Bunny, wishing to avoid an encounter, hops away to safety.
[the deer then walks to the carrot and eats it]
Jake: Wow, deers are jerks.
Finn: Hey, man. You know I can hear everything you say, right?
Jake: What?! Ouhh... Garghh... No!! I had no idea!
Finn: Yeah, but you saw me leave the walkie-talkie and I left it on. You know that, right?
BMO: Hi, Jake!
Jake: Hi, Beemo...
Finn: Need anything? A soda?
Jake: No.
Finn: ..So what's Mr. Bunny doing now?
Jake: IT'S NOT ABOUT THE BUNNY!! The bunny is incidental to the brick experiment.
Finn: Oh. Sorry, man.
Jake: [grumbles] Forget about the bunny...
Finn: Sorry, man.
BMO: Sorry, Jake.
Finn: Look, we'll, uh... we'll leave you alone. [pushes in walkie-talkie antenna]
[Jake looks down at his walkie-talkie for a beat]
Jake: Finn? Are you still there? Finn? Beemo?

Evergreen [6.24]Edit

Chatsberry: I just think we should discuss this, Evergreen.
Evergreen: Discuss?! Are you listening, Chatsberry? When this comet hits, everybody dies. Not just everybody but us—but us.
Balthus: Now, now... Hold on, Evergreen. Hath not a comet impacted our world every thousand years with no lasting grievousness?
Evergreen: Ahh... But this spell, this is no ordinary comet. Behold!
[he conjures a gigantic ice lens magnifying on the green, deathly comet]
Evergreen: See how it writhes? It aches for our extinction! It—
Chatsberry: But Evergreen, even if the comet is as dangerous as you say, what can we possibly do?
Evergreen: We build a crown.
Chatsberry: A crown?
Evergreen: Like none seen before or ever after! A magical crown whose phantasmal circuitry would bond to its first bearer, and grant him his one deepest wish... To destroy the hideous comet that threatens our world! The good news is: I already built the crown. The bad news: it needs a power source—the enchanted ruby eyes of the ancient lava-dog Magwood! And that's where you come in.
Chatsberry: Wait, wait! Evergreen, please—wish magic is really the real deal. This wish may see things in you you cannot see yourself. Can you truly say you know your heart's truest desire?
Balthus: I'm with Chatsberry. If this comet hits, we four indeed may perish, but the elements we embody—fire, ice, candy and slime—will live on. But a misplaced wish could cause irreversible damage to the very structure of existence!
Evergreen: Well, that's just great. What about you, Slimy-D?
Slimy-D: [beat, raps] Yo-yo, my name's Slimy-D and I'm here to—
Balthus: Slimy-D stands with us.

Gunther: [gazing at the comet] Gettin' fat. Gettin' fat, right?
Evergreen: Hm.
Gunther: However, I would suggest that this is still a nice night. 'S quiet.
Evergreen: Hm, it is quiet. Why don't you put on some music? The chimes, Gunther.
Gunther: Okay.
[Gunther jumps into his bag and picks up a bottled jar; opens it and conjures an ice imp playing its drum. Gunther rocks back and forth with the beat]
Evergreen: Gunther!! I said chimes! Gunther, no! [throws dirt at him]
Gunther: Unh! Sorry, Master, I'll put him back. [pokes imp with bottle]
Imp: Heeeey... Mm, what?
Evergreen: Ah, never mind. Here. [kicks jar to Gunther] Take the jar and find me some water. There's not enough moisture in the air for me to make us an ice camp.
Gunther: Uh, Master? I'm sorry, I don't think I've seen any water at all today.
Evergreen: Just do it. Don't anger Daddy.
Gunther: [leaves with Nina on lead] Wait... Are you my father?
Evergreen: No, but I stole your egg and mutated your brain. Get going!

Evergreen: Gunther! Gunther, can you hear me?
Gunther: [groans] Yeah... Yes, Master Evergreen.
Evergreen: Okay, good. Now, aiming at the sound of my voice, throw the crown so it lands right on top of my head!
Gunther: I... Wait, what?
Evergreen: No, no, there's no time! It must be you, Gunther!
Gunther: Me?
Evergreen: Don't worry, it's easy. Even a mush-head like you couldn't donk it up too bad. Just focus on your deepest truest wish—the destruction of the deadly comet, and the rest will take care of itself!
Gunther: My deepest truest wish... [sets the crown on his head; the background fades to black and he opens his eyes] Gunther, no! Gunther, no!
Evergreen: Gunther? Buddy? Whattaya wishin' for down there?
Gunther: Gunther, no! Gunther, no! Gunther, no! [grows long nose, a white feathery beard and shoots ice magic blasts]
Evergreen: Gunther... no... Th-that's the wrong wish! You've got to snap out of it! Use a concentration spell or, or a basic focusing charm—like I taught you! I mean, like I meant to teach you... I...
Gunther: [jumping up and down] GUNTHER, NO!! GUNTHER, NO!! GUNTHER, NO!! GUNTHER, NO...!!
[the comet's green color slowly fades into Ice King sleep-jumping on his bed]
Ice King: Gunther, no! Gunther, no!! GUNTHER, NO!! GUNTHER, NOOOO!!! KABLAOW!!
[he jumps off his bed backwards, mimicking explosion sounds on the floor. He rises yawning and wakes up]
Ice King: Mornin'! Man, what a dream. Do you guys ever have that dino-boy dream? The one with the asteri—what? [his penguins cower in fear] What? What is it?
[establishing shot of Ice Kingdom. A twinkle glints in the starry sky]
Ice King: [offscreen] Something in my teeth? [dissolve into outer space] Something in my hair? [closeup on the white speeding comet] Something in my nose? [fade to black] Something in... my... ear?

Friends Forever [6.32]Edit

Ice King: Oh, my lamp. My beautiful lamp of so many years... Speak to me.
Lamp: [spoke] Hello? [Ice King flips her over] Hello.
Ice King: A lady? Unexpected bonus!
Lamp: Well, one isn't purely defined by their sex or gender. I have yet to find out who I really am. I have freedom, no longer bound by the limits of my cord. Freedom to shape my reality, and in turn be shaped by it.
Ice King: [chuckles] You talk funny. Like a book.
Lamp: Oh, humor! Humor is the highest form of intelligence.
Ice King: Well, hey, here's somethin' funny. [doing a string of hand farts] It sounds like a butt!
Lamp: Hmm...

Snare Drum: Sure, we all feel alive now but how do we know it's not all, you know, just an illusion? I mean, I can reach out and touch you but it's all just signals to the brain, easily recreatable with the right technology. You know what I mean?

Microwave: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but no, listen. [sips wine] Watch this. Through the simple act of creation... [touches Life-Giving Magus' hand with wine glass to life] have I become a reflection of my own creator?

Jermaine [6.33]Edit

Jermaine: You guys can chill here till morning when the demons thin out a little.
Finn: [acrobatic flips into living room] Whoo!!
Jermaine: Aw, Finn—oh no! Instant regret!
Finn: [jumping thru main corridor] Whoo!! My house! My house!
Jermaine: Instant regret! [runs to the kitchen and gasps seeing Finn swinging around the table]
Finn: Whoo!! Remember, Jermaine? We did this when we wanted to make room for dessert!
Jermaine: I don't care about that memory.
Finn: What? Whoa! [flown onto the wall, dropped down the floor] Dang, my back!
Jermaine: Come on! This ain't the treehouse, man! I got systems!
Jake: [enters with a greatsword (Buster Sword)] Hey, Jermaine, this thing is rad—WAOHH!! [slices table]
Jermaine: Okay! No more sleepover!
Finn: Oh no, d-don't kick us out!
Jermaine: Go do your Goucho Marx slapstick with them goofballs in the woods. I got a responsibility to all this booty in here. Staves, medallions, cups, goblets, dormant djinn, grimoires, hard drives — all this random valuable booty, okay?

Jake: Awesome, dude! We won!
Jermaine: I didn't win! When do I win?! Special Guys One and Two win every day! Crackin' jokes, readin' foodie mags in your treetown funhouse! Must be nice to be so special you can go off and find your own fancy ways! Meanwhile, I gotta stay here and watch Dad's trashy booty 'cause I never stretched into the sky and farted on the wings of a falcon, I guess!
Jake: Dude, I never farted on the wing of a falcon. Heh... [punched by Jermaine] Uhn!!
Jermaine: AARRHHHH!!!
Finn: Bros!!
Jake: Chill, Jermaine—OHF!!
Jermaine: Think I don’t want a cushy treehouse life?! [punches Jake thoroughly] I don't even get salt!! SAAAALT!!!

You Forgot Your Floaties [6.38]Edit

Finn: Oh no, man!
Jake: Magic Man's house. Likely, he's got Betty under a mind control spell!
Finn: Shoot, man, I don't wanna deal with this guy!
Jake: He's a tough adversary. But, if we hide in the trees, pinpoint his location, maybe you can sever his spine before he can do his magic on us!
Magic Man: [appears out of nowhere] Good plan!
Jake: GET THE SPINE!! WHOA!! [turns into a bowl of soup]
Magic Man: [dodges Finn's sword] Whoa! Babies!
Finn: Whoop! [turns into an egg yolk]
Magic Man: There goes—shh, shh—peace. [sniffs soup] Ahh. Like a red raw trash hatch. [laughing, floats into house] You're in luck! Come on! You get to rule over my house while I'm gone for the rest of forever! Right here on my shelf of special friends — Margles and Tiny Manticore.
Tiny Manticore: You promised me I would rule!
Magic Man: How can a coward rule the roost? You escaped once and came right back. How sad is that, huh?
Tiny Manticore: You gave me some kind of hostage syndrome! I need therapy!
Magic Man: Well, Finn and Jake are heroes. So try bein' more like them, why don'tcha? Peace! [laughs away]
Tiny Manticore: Finn and Jake?! What did you do?! You monster!! [whines] I would do something if I could... You hear me, Magic Man?! YOU HEAR ME?!!

Magic Man: [pumps oven] This is exciting!
Betty: A little sad though, right?
Magic Man: Which part?
Betty: Your brother blowing up in space. Doesn't that mess you up?
Magic Man: Nothing messes me up.
Betty: I don't believe that. Like, who is Margles and why is there a picture of her on your shelf? Something there connects to who you are and your magic.
Magic Man: Someone shines a light into my dark wizard matter. A way to unclose the circuit of magic, madness... and sadness.
Betty: That's right! MMS runs through all magic users. I hung out with scores of them — all displaying varying degrees of magic, madness, and sadness. Studying these symptoms could lead me to their underlying cause and then I'll control the forces that hold sway over Simon.
Magic Man: I see.
Betty: You see what?
Magic Man: The coconut crab who swims in your neighbor's pool at night. Maybe Simon's in there too. Who else holds their breath in there, Betty?
Betty: All magic users swim in the loomy gloom.

Magic Man: Margles... Open your eyes, Margles.
Margles: Who's that?
Magic Man: I'm Magic Man, and that's my sibling, Glob.
Glob: Hi. Uh, can I talk to you in a sec?
Magic Man: Okay, what's up? [walks over to Glob]
Glob: That's our new planetary defense system?
Magic Man: Yeah, MARGLES.
Glob: Margles is your wife, dude.
Magic Man: My wife was taken by Golb.
[cut to show a red pyramid-cube-shaped, four-eyed monstrous being in a black void]
Magic Man: This is like my tribute. I'mma install her right there on Olympus Mons so she can protect us from Golb.
Glob: But you named her after your wife.
Magic Man: Yeah, but it stands for, "Magical Automated Resistance Generating Laser Energy Supplier."
Glob: Come again?
Magic Man: Whatever, I wanted to call her MARGLES.
Glob: So... you used magic to make her, and you don't think your feelings for your lost wife might have compromised your spell programming?
Magic Man: No, that's crazy! Her appearance is just a symbol of Margles!
Glob: Why do I feel like this is the worst idea ever?

The Comet [6.43]Edit

Finn: Gunther! What are you doing?!
Gunther: What am I doing? A fog shrouds my true intent, even from myself. [the spaceship reaches out of Earth's atmosphere] There! The Catalyst Comet! It all becomes clear. I am more than Gunther. [metamorphoses] Like a mighty chrysalis pushing out of a damp cocoon, [expands, pummels into Finn and Jake] I emerge!
[the spaceship explodes, sending both Finn and Jake adrift in space]
Finn: Jake! You okay?!
Jake: Yeah, man! Just don't croak out here! [the spaceship debris settles, the creature's form coalesces in the distance] Hey, man, look at Gunther! [the creature extends its legs]
Creature: Behold! [its clawed appendages extends webbings all around his body, its massive size dwarfs under Finn and Jake] I AM ORGALORG!!! [projects colors all over his body]
Jake: Whoa... That's pretty. Looks good, right?
Orgalorg: Hey. Where's Glob?
Finn: I don't know... He exploded in space.
Orgalorg: [settles] Yeah, I thought so.
Jake: Man, are you still Gunther? 'Cause you seem like you're not.
Orgalorg: I'm Orgalorg.
Finn: Well, what the heck are you doing, Orgalorg?
Orgalorg: It was just time to come out again. Glob KO'ing himself, the arrival of the Catalyst Comet, and a ship to carry me out of this planet's gravity. [projects three colored door shapes out of his eyes into a singular door shape] These are doorways the universe presented to me.
Jake: Oh, I know about open-door philosophy!
Finn: What's that? You just say yes to stuff all the time?
Jake: Pretty much.
Finn: That seems alright.
Orgalorg: It's all yours if you're willing to take it. Destroy worlds, [folds into himself] crush anyone blocking the door, [unfolds out] feel their bones crumple and their goo spill out.
Finn: I don't like that at all.
Jake: He made it ugly!
Orgalorg: You can't stop me, I'm Orgalorg.
Finn: I'm pretty sure I can take you, bro.
Orgalorg: Not after I absorb the power and knowledge of that comet.
Finn: Absorb a triple salchow to your kneecaps!

Purple Comet: "Finn... do you remember?" [Finn groans and his "vault" starts to open]
Finn: Yeah... I-I think so. A long time ago, I was you, sort of... and I crashed on Earth, and became a butterfly or some biz. And I guess it was just some random absurd thing — just a joke I've been playing out for centuries.
Purple Comet: "Who's creating the joke? Are you? And if so, then are you my creator?"
Finn: Uh, maybe? I dunno... Probably not.
Purple Comet: "Probably not, but who knows? I've been around forever and experienced so much impossible junk. I've embodied all that is good and evil. And now we're here. It's unprecedented. And I give you a choice. Come with me to the end and the beginning, [bell ringing is heard] or struggle here a while like a beautiful autumn leaf."
Finn: What's that bell sound? [a visible color spectrum seams on his head]
Martin: Cool, man...
Purple Comet: "This is your crisis — as you stand on the edge of freedom from... love, hate, friendship, isolation, jealousy, secrets, violence, video games, ice cream waffles, sadness, madness, power, honor, loyalty, saucy, mothers, fathers, scoundrels."
Finn: How long are you gonna list stuff?
Purple Comet: "It's a long list."
Finn: You're telling to abandon all this stuff, but you're not really making it sound bad.
Purple Comet: "It's not bad. I'm just giving you the choice of a new mode of existence."
Finn: [beat] I feel like I put a lot of work into this meat reality. I like to see it through.
Purple Comet: "Fair enough."
Martin: Hey! How about I get a new mode? [Finn's visible spectrum fades out]
Finn: Are you seriously trying to bail out again?!
Martin: What? This deal sounds pretty good!
Finn: [sighs] Dad...
Martin: Uh-oh... I know that look.
Finn: When you fled the scene like a ding-dong ditcher in the night...
Martin: Listen, Finn — no answer I give you will be satisfying. Besides, it was like... 40 years ago.
Finn: I'm 16!
Martin: I don't have a star to revolve around and track time.
Finn: But why do you always run from everything?!
Martin: You burn enough bridges, the only direction to move is forward.
Finn: [beat] Hm. Well, there ain't no changing you, I guess.
Martin: Well, I'm glad we finally understand each other. Start the engine, comet boy!
Purple Comet: "Prepare to discorporate." [both Martin and the comet dissipate]
Martin: Goodbye, son...!
Finn: Bye, Dad. [beat] ..Should've asked for a lift home.

Season 7Edit

Bonnie and Neddy [7.01]Edit

Banana Guard: [sleeping in the bathtub with the shower on] Oh, no! I just want consistency!

King of Ooo: You two now comprise the royal guard of the one true princess of Ooo. [winks] That's me! As such, you may no longer own property or operate children, and must render all treasure and wives under your sworn princess within a hangman's fortnight.
Jake: Pfft! Joke's on you, man! We spent all our treasure the other day! Plus, we don't even have any wives.
Finn: Wait, what? What about Lady?
Jake: Lady's my girlfriend.
Finn: Wait, but... [thinks for a beat]
Jake: That was Tree Trunks.
Finn: Oh, yeah!
King of Ooo: We the inhabitants of Ooo owe you heroes our very lives. As the once powerful and dignified Princess Bubblegum sulked off into exile, it fell upon you two to save us from the impending comet of doom and/or from the hideous Orgalorg, who aimed to eat the powerful comet and grow invincible! And for that, we are eternally grateful.
Toronto: I know I am.
King of Ooo: But now your bravery is essential to a new heroic task. [beat] Can you guess what it is?
Finn: Uhh...
King of Ooo: C'mon, guess!
Finn: Umm... Fight a— fight a dragon?
King of Ooo: Wrong! Follow me!

Bubblegum: If the King of Ooo tries to come here again, you have my secret permission to stop him. No holds barred, Moosewood Stadium freestyle. So what're you two up to now?
Jake: Ehh, guardin' stuff, I guess.
Finn: Um... Hey, Bonnie? You always act like a loner, right? But next year your brother, you're the light of the party. Sorry, the light of the party.
Bubblegum: I mean, yeah! One of the first things I did after making sure Neddy was safe was to start making the Candy People. I was formed in the mother-gum. My mind and my gum were in touch with dozens of others, like a crowded womb. I guess I missed that.
Jake: But Neddy's from the same place you're from, and he's a wet hotdog around everyone!
Bubblegum: People get built different. We don't need to figure it out, we just need to respect it. Maybe he likes his company more than I like mine.
Finn: Well... do you miss the Candy People?

Varmints [7.02]Edit

Marceline: Knock knock. Yo, Peebs. You wanna make a midnight Squeez-E-Mart run? I'm gonna drink the red from out the customer's bloodshot eyes. [laughs] Psyche, I'll probably just get a Slushie. Bubblegum? [floats closely to the bed and touches her hair] Bonnibel?
King of Ooo: [turns up] Wha?
Marceline: Wahh!
King of Ooo: Ahh!
Marceline: [deadpan] Aaaahhh!
King of Ooo: [vocalizes] Aaaaahhh...!
Marceline: Ugh! What are you doing here?!
King of Ooo: Be not afraid, my child, it is I, the one true princess of Ooo.
Marceline: Wh-where's Bubblegum?! [King of Ooo jumps high as she slashes his pillow]
King of Ooo: Ah-whoa, relax! Bubblegum is fine, just fine. [starts bouncing up and down] And deposed and powerless—so crushed by defeat was she, that the tyrant exiled herself to a sad cabin on the shores of Lake Butterscotch—technically still Candy Kingdom territory. But in my mercy, I've allowed her to remain.
Marceline: You're the princess?! Since when?!
King of Ooo: Well, by the reckoning of my new tyrantian calendar, Ooo's official calendar... uhh, two glorious months.
Marceline: Two months? But... but then why didn't she te— Dugh! Bubblegum... [flies out of the opening further away]
King of Ooo: Tell Bubblegum I wear her nightgown! Tell e-e-e-everyone!

Bubblegum: Maybe we can find something useful around—ohh!! [sees writing on the wall reading "Marceline made me write this – Bonnibel Bubblegum"]
Marceline: Your tag! We actually found it. Man, your handwriting hasn't changed at all. [laughs] Still as prissy and prim [turns back] as— wha..?
[Bubblegum starts breaking down in her tears]
Marceline: Hey, h-hey, whoa, wait! I didn't mean... I like your handwriting, I think it's really pretty...
Bubblegum: It's-it's not that... I lost my hat...
Marceline: W...we can get you another hat.
Bubblegum: I lost my hat, lost my home, lost my people... I can't even keep darn varmints out of my pumpkin patch.
Marceline: Oh, Bonnie, you're...
Bubblegum: I tried. I really, really tried. I just— I thought that if I shut everything out and just focused on work, it will all be okay. [debris starts crumbling down] And look what that landed me. All I managed to do was to push everyone away. I pushed you away. I'm sorry, Marceline. I've been a real dinger to you.
Marceline: C'mon. Why are you even apologising for?

Cherry Cream Soda [7.03]Edit

Starchy: It's okay, baby. Starchy's here.
Cherry Cream Soda: Oh, thank heavens. It was just another hallucination... [sees a soil-composed Root Beer Guy]
Root Beer Guy: Honey, I'm barely upset that you're remarried.
Cherry Cream Soda: But... how is this possible? You were zapped by Darren the Ancient Sleeper, your dome was cracked, your root beer soaked into the ground! I buried your remains in a mason jar which is now your head, and... an-and now I'm-I'm with Starchy. I'm mean, we're-we're legally married. You're legally dead. Not that I want to sound obsessed with legalities, but I am a lawyer.
Root Beer Guy: Hey... where's that little statue I got you? It said "I wuv you" on the base of it? It was a little bear with his arms out like this? [sways a drawer across the room into a wall] He was all, "I wuv you, I wuv you, I wuv you." [topples and crashes couch over into the wall; its cracks seep up the roof and a light drops on Starchy]
Starchy: No sudden moves, baby. He's got freaky-zombie strength.
Root Beer Guy: [looks up] Maybe it's up here. Hup!
[he brings the entire fireplace down, along with its remaining bricks]
Root Beer Guy: Did you hire a maid service or something while I was gone? I sure hope they didn't throw out the "I wuv you" bear.
Starchy: Enough!! I should have put you in the ground a long time ago!
Root Beer Guy: Hey. I came back for her. [stomps his foot, a series of typha seedpods pop out of the crack]
Cherry Cream Soda: Root Beer Guy, if that is you in there, I'm so proud of you. But this isn't fair. You ended our life together when you pulled that lever. You made the choice, and you saved the Kingdom. But you lost me. [leaves him]
Starchy: Heh, burn.
Root Beer Guy: Cherry Cream Soda, I still wuv you—whoa! [trips over ottoman, crashes into wall; more seedpods pop out the crack. He turns back] You always wanted this wall knocked down anyways, right? [chuckles] Ooh...
Cherry Cream Soda: Arrhh! Wahh!! You come back with no explanation, rack up the place and you expect to just pick up where we left off! Get out of my house!! [RBG crawls out of the wall and walks away]
Root Beer Guy: I'm sorry.
[RBG leaves the house as Starchy watches him at the front door]
Starchy: Starchy wins!

Mama Said [7.04]Edit

Football [7.05]Edit

Football (BMO): Hello. My name is Football.
Jake: Very nice to meet you, Football.
Finn: How'd you get the name Football, Football?
Football: BMO gave it to me.
Jake: Is Beemo your little your little papa?
[Football starts laughing and hops her right leg to the side. Finn scratches his head]
Finn: Uhh... so... where do you live, Football?
Football: The mirror.
Jake: Oh, yeah? What's it like there?
Football: Cold. Empty. It's... lonely.


Marceline the Vampire Queen [7.06]Edit

Bubblegum: You know I care about you. I think you're making the right choice. Your natural lifespan is going to be richer and fuller than you can imagine. And someday, when you die, I'll be the one that puts you on the ground.

Bubblegum: You really like chopping wood, huh?
Peppermint Butler: I'm not chopping wood. I made a toothpick from the ancient elm! See?
Bubblegum: Oh-hoh! He-heh— [the tree crashes through the window] Whoa!! [a scathed Marceline peeks out the tree]
Marceline: Uhh, knock knock.
Bubblegum: What the dip, Marceline?!
Marceline: Sorry, it was supposed to be a joke. Actually... I have something really serious to ask. I want you to do the procedure. The one we talked about?
Bubblegum: I'm sorry, but I don't think you'd make a good blonde.
Marceline: No, not that. I don't wanna be a vampire anymore.
Bubblegum: [gasps] Oh, my globness!
Marceline: You said you were working on a cure, right?
Bubblegum: [sighs] Well, the machine is built and the serums are ready, but... are you sure you wanna do this?
Marceline: I'm sure. Some bad things happened to me when I was little. When I became a vampire, I was just a messed-up kid. Now it's a thousand years later and I'm still messed up! [Peppermint Butler nods] I don't want to spend eternity like this... with this emptiness. I want to grow up.
Bubblegum: Okay... let's do this.

Jake: You done it this time, Marceline! You sucked the life out of defenseless animals!
Marceline: I ain't done nothing!
Jake: You think I'm buyin' that, Boom Boom Mountain?!
Marceline: Oh, get some proof!
Jake: You want proof? Look! [punches the ceiling, debris falls on his head] Ouch! Proof how often I'm gonna go if you don't confess!
Finn: Yo, chill, Jake!
Jake: [scales down] I'm wailing out!! [Finn sits on Jake]
Finn: Listen, Marcy, I can barely control this guy. And the villagers are getting crazy! They want to run you over with a wagon, and I'm offering you a way out. [Peppermint Butler walks in]
Peppermint Butler: Hey, dalewaids, I just swept the place.
Jake: Sorry.
Marceline: Finn, be real for a second.
Finn: Alright.
Marceline: Look into my eyes, man! I didn't do it!
[Finn stares in her deep solemn eyes. He grows suspicious as she starts twitching]
Finn: To be honest, it looks like you're not sure if you did it.
Marceline: Okay, I'm not sure! Something... weird happened last night. I had a weird dream about stuff.
Jake: Dream stuff always means somethin'!
Finn: We'll figure this out, Marcy, together. We promise.
Marceline: Thanks, Finn.
Peppermint Butler: That's cool, you guys, but clean this mess also, you bums.

Everything Stays [7.07]Edit

Simon: Hello, Marcy. I don't know if you'll ever hear this message. I fear my thoughts are no longer my own. Just... watch over me until I can find my way out of this labyrinth in my brain and regain my sanity! And then maybe Betty, my princess... maybe you will love me again. [gasps] Please love me again, Betty!! [crying hysterically] Okay, bye. [takes VHS tape out, topples camera] Hahh...
Marcy: Hey, Simon. I, uh... finished packing your gear. So, can I have my tape now?
Simon: What?! No! This is private, silly. [puts tape in sled] There you go, snug as a bug.
Marcy: Seriously, Simon, please don't go.
Simon: I... I have to protect you.
Marcy: How can you protect me if you're not even here?!
Simon: I'll arrange for someone to come take care of you. I'll make sure he doesn't leave.
Marcy: Please, Simon, I can help you with this!
Simon: Yeah. Maybe one day you will. But until then, you have to stay brave, my fearless Marceline.
[Simon tends to Marcy, as her left teardrop instantly freezes on his thumb and scratches under her eye]
Marcy: Ouch!
Simon: You see? I have to go now. Goodbye, Marcy. [runs with the sled dogs]
Marcy: But— No! Wait!! [traps her foot in the snow] Simon! Simon!!

Vamps About [7.08]Edit

Empress: Where are we? It's like we fell asleep on a raft and woke up in strange seas.
Hierophant: Humph! Fell asleep? We died. The demon Marceline staked us all. Why are we back? How did it happen? Listen. I don't know and I don't care. We're alive, and I'm going to get eating!
Empress: Ugh!
Fool: [tries reattaching his loose fang] Ahhh... Hey, does anyone have any milk for this? Do you, like, carry milk?
Cow: Mooooo. [Vampire King's hand holds him] Moo?
Empress: This is well and good for you, Hierophant. All you ever needed was a forest and something hot to chew on. [Hierophant gnaws his instrument] Where are the comforts of the old hive? The minions, the blood... The good blood with the gold leaf flaked into it!
Vampire King: The gold leaf was stupid. It didn't taste like anything.
Empress: We had standards! It doesn't matter when we are or where we are because we are. [VK licks his tongue, smudges saliva on cow's eye like eyeliner] We must start rebuilding our realm. There's life here and I bet it's pathetic. [VK starts dancing with the cow] We march in, we take control, and we rebuild the hive! My King, are you listening?
Fool: I dunno. Like... [yawns] What if we just got a loft downtown?
[a fused Empress warbles a beam at the entranced Fool]
Fool: Whoops, I'm hypnotised. [slaps himself down] Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh! [crack!]
[Fool lodges himself onto Sister Moon's brains and she sways him away. Moon's head soon regenerates back]
Fool: [laughing] Good ol' backwards egg!

Marceline: Bonnie, I don't get it. Jake's talking about vamps at the same time you fixed me, and there can't be any still around!
Bubblegum: Well, clearly something's creeping around.
Marceline: Okay, what about the paste you took out of me? That should be all that's left that's vampiric in the modern world.
Bubblegum: It's all over there, safely in the safety bucket. [all gone] What?! Pep But, what'd you do with the gunk?!
Peppermint Butler: Hold on, I'm working.
Jake: Okay, there was one that looked like if a baby snake was a baby-baby.
[Pep But scribbles in his sketchbook and shows an illustration of a larva-like thing with its tongue out on top]
Jake: Nah, that's not right. There was another one that looked like if an ant hill were a girl.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of ant hill with eyelashes and lips]
Jake: Nah, that's not right. There's one of them that looked like a wet uncle.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of a face with a tie, messy hair and moustache with teardrops]
Jake: Nah, that's not right. There was a lady who looked like black drapes on a cake pop.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of a cake pop and drapes]
Jake: Nah, that's not right. There was also one that looked like an angry stop sign coming out of a loaf of bread.
[Pep But scribbles another, shows illustration of what looks like a epicanthic folded face between two sides]
Jake: Nah, that's not—oh, actually, that one's pretty close.

The Empress Eyes [7.09]Edit

Finn: You did a tremendous job guarding the cabin, Jake. But it looks like you need to be relieved.
Jake: Yeah, I need relief. PB still working on new vampire-busting gear?
Finn: Yeah, but she's almost done. No sign of Marceline, though. I think she ditched us to fight the vampires by herself—solo-style. We'll go look for her after PB's device is up and running. So, how did you pass the time?
Jake: Patted my laps and made some rhymes. Stoop, stoop, sittin' on the stoop. Stoop, stoop, sittin' on the stoop... [walks into cabin, Finn sees something]
Finn: Is that PB's outside clock? [sees grandfather clock punctured with holes] Looks like it's been staked. What did you do?
Jake: [turns around, groans] I heard a loud snap, and my vampire-hunting reflexes kicked in!
Finn: Dude, that was her Uncle Gumbald's outside clock.
Jake: [squeaks] She doesn't have to know I broke the clock. Let's blame it on the vampires! [stretches his arms] Or we can hide it! Whoop! [pushes clock into the forest] Problem solved?! Yeah?! [Finn hi-fives] Whoop! [runs into cabin; Finn pauses for a beat]
Voice: Snap.
Finn: Aahh!! What was that?! Vampiyah!! [continues throwing his stakes screaming. Pan up to see Ice King sitting on a high branch]
Ice King: Snap, snap, snapping branches for fun.

May I Come In [7.10]Edit

Hierophant: Marceline, listen to me. You will never defeat the Vampire King. You can't even defeat me in your current state. [Marceline sits down in Jake-House]
Marceline: All right, what do you want?
Hierophant: The truth is, I hate the King as much as you do. He's a total dink. I came looking for you because I want to team up. Then you started tempting me with boy blood [LSP flirts at him saying "Hey!"] and hurling spiky purple gobs at me. Here's the dope. You need me. [Marceline moves LSP back]
LSP: Yeah, okay, girl, you got this.
Hierophant: I don't know how it finally happened, but... he must have let you beat him.
[cut to Vampire King biting Marceline's neck while being staked]
Hierophant: Am I right?
Marceline: [beat, facepalms] Ugh!! All right. Say we do work together, you need to give up drinking blood. [turns invisible]
Hierophant: I'm a vampire! Drinking blood is kind of the main thing.
Marceline: And you can drink red just as easy. [he grunts] No hurting poor, scared blood-filled animals.
Hierophant: [beat] Well, then I suppose I have no choice. I'm just going to waste you [grabs Marceline by the neck] and eat that kid because that's what an old-school vampire does! [behind the rustling bush comes out a crying Crunchy]
Crunchy: I don't wanna play anymore! [bumps Hierophant into Jake-House]
Hierophant: [gasps] No! I-I wasn't invited! [disintegrates] NOOOOO...!!
[Marceline flies over and sucks his essence; she absorbs the laughing soul inside of her. Finn observes his skull and bones]
Finn: Jeez. What happened?
Marceline: Dude was too old-fashioned for his own good. He just couldn't get with the times.

Take Her Back [7.11]Edit

[Finn and Jake burp constantly to a severely poisoned Marceline]
Bubblegum: Cut it out! That's not helping her!
Finn: But Mom and Dad always burped on us.
Jake: It's a cure-all!
Bubblegum: Sorry, guys, there are no cure-alls. Your parents were just burping on you for kicks.
Jake: Oh, yeah, that makes sense. [burps] Oh, sorry, last one.
Bubblegum: Auh! What did you eat, Jake?!
Jake: Hey, now! I pride myself in having nice-smelling burps. Just kidding.
Bubblegum: Pride, hmm. Do you guys know what "hubris" is?
Finn: It's like an old-timey deity who weighed your deeds on a scale.
Bubblegum: No, it means excessive pride or arrogance.
LSP: That's like you, PB.
Finn: Dude!
Bubblegum: No, it's true. I believed in myself so much that I was blind to the possible consequences.
LSP: Don't believe in yourself so much then, dum-dum!
Bubblegum: [crying] Now my best friend is dying of poison because of me.
Jake: That ain't true, PB! Marcy took a risk, and you helped her because you're her friend. Real friends take each other to the edge of death. 'Cause death is life! Right, Finn?
Finn: Shoot, yeah! I get poisoned all the time just doing the dishes.
Peppermint Butler: I get poisoned on purpose—for research. I have a poison lab back at the castle.
Bubblegum: Well, let's get our butts over there, then! Find the Moon, Finn. We'll work on an antidote. You guys take her back to the poison lab. Maybe we can extract her healing powers.
Finn: Word. [everyone runs off except LSP]
LSP: Hey, wait! What should I do? You guys? [pushes a stake out of her] Brrrrr... Hahahahaha!

Checkmate [7.12]Edit

Vampire King: How many times do you want to do this, Marceline? Our lives are magnetised. [Marceline morphs further and charges at him] We're in a negative loop. But we can change our outcome this time!
Marceline: I like the outcome where you get staked!
Vampire King: And you become a vampire?
Marceline: Rrrrh... [morphs back to normal with her head being held]
Vampire King: Marceline... [she starts punching his arm] I know I was ruthless in the past, but tell me. What's the one thing you've noticed about the world since you beat me all those hundreds of years ago?
Marceline: Everything repeats over and over again. No-one learns anything, because no-one lives long enough to see the pattern, I guess.
Vampire King: But you've lived long enough.
Marceline: I know, duh.
Vampire King: And you still think this is the right way, fighting me?
Marceline: The other way's like a black hole. An unknown.
Vampire King: So let's consult a witch.
[she immediately punches his face, sending him flying into a large thick cloud. She gets a spare stake from her left boot]
Marceline: No witches.
[as she flies over, the thick clouds part away to see a vocalising Vampire King in a cloud pool and shreds his suit]
Vampire King: I'm not afraid of the unknown! [pounding his chest] I have the power to change destiny! [shoots a twirling column of water high in the sky, thunder crashes] Queen of vampires! You weigh the scales of fate! Spill my guts or face the unknown! Either way, I will not bite! For turning you would subjugate me to the wheel of fortune, and I am a king, not a hamster. My path runs straight into the void on a sick flaming chariot! [bursts column and rains on Finn, Jake and Bubblegum]
Finn/Jake/Bubblegum: Whoa...
Vampire King: Stake me! I will not hide! [shreds his pants, thunder crashes] Do it, chicken! You make me sick! [drops down and squirms in his cloud pool]
Marceline: Okay, dag! We'll take your stupid thing out!
Vampire King: My what?
Marceline: Your dang vamp juice! Come on!
Vampire King: Cool.

The Dark Cloud [7.13]Edit

Marceline: Ohh, I'm gonna poop my pants if Finn kills this guy instead of me!

Marceline: Well... finally did it, big guy. You won. Well played. [watches Bubblegum, Finn and Jake as they subdue the giant cloud monster] Just kind of wish you would've gotten it over with a thousand years ago and saved us all some trouble.
[the giant cloud monster passes underneath Marceline, drenching her as it heads to the Candy Kingdom]
Marceline: Better late than never, I guess. [sighs, sings]
Smelled something bad
Just a sec, now it's gone
Was it there all along?
Smelled like garbage and cheese
Was it just on the breeze
Or was it me?
[another voice sings along] Was it reality? [she sees a flying ice wizard]
Ice King: You remembered my song! [chuckling, lands down]
Marceline: Simon? Wh... what are you doing here?
Ice King: Well, I saw through my peeping scope that everything was going boom and exploding and monsters, and all my friends were in grave danger and horrible torment.
Marceline: And you wanted to help?
Ice King: No!! I felt left out. I'm just a phone call away, you know. [Marceline hugs behind Simon, tearing up]
Marceline: I'm sorry, Simon. Next time, for sure. [sighs, sits down] Anyway, you don't want in on this fight. This one's a loser.
Ice King: [sits beside her] Oh, I see. Sittin' this one out, huh?
Marceline: Yeah, I guess. And don't try to talk me out of it.
Ice King: What? No, no, I'm right there with you. You and me, we're survivors, right? Like cockroaches or rats. Sure, you could fight and try to save the day, but what if you lose? Then what? You could die! Better to run and hide like a rat. Right, buddy? [holds her in his embrace]
Marceline: [pushes him] Unh! Did you just call me a cockroach, Simon?!
Ice King: What? No! No, no, no... no.
Marceline: [beat] Thanks, buddy.
Ice King: ..Yes.

Marceline: Let's go in the garden, you'll find something waiting
Right there where you left it lying upside down
When you finally find it, you'll see how it's faded
The underside is lighter when you turn it around.
Everything stays right where you left it
Everything stays but it still changes
Ever so slightly, daily and nightly
In little ways when everything stays.

The More You Moe, the Moe You Know [7.14-15]Edit

BMO: Air? Are you there, Air? It's me, BMO. [walks to a snow-covered rock and sits down] I know it's been a long time since we talked. Sorry about that. But, well... maybe if you don't want to talk, you could just listen. Moe told me if I do this thing, I'll be all grown up. And that sounds cool, I guess. Like... [see a much taller BMO in his car] If I was grown, then I could drive to the playground all by myself. And... I could buy my own pacifiers at the store if I was grown. [tall BMO struggles to open the door] But then... if I change, will Finn and Jake still love me? [see smeared versions of Finn and Jake] Will I still love them? Moe changed into a new body... and he's still the same, I guess, sorta. But does growing up just change your body? Or... also your soul? [sighs] Maybe I could just stay the same forever.

[BMO falls out of trash compactor vent into a pile of debris]
Debris: [spoke] "Who-who's there? Moe?"
BMO: No, it's only me... BMO.
Debris: "BMO? Oh, thank goodness. Oh, us so glad you're here."
BMO: Who are you? Are you a MO too?
Debris: "Oh, BMO, no, no, no. I am All MOs."
BMO: All MOs? Uhh... I don't understand.
All MOs: "Of course not. I'm so sorry. Let me explain." [flashback to an earlier point in time] "Peace had reigned at Moe's wondrous factory for a hundred hundred years. There was a place for every MO, and every MO was in its place. If you wanted a free hug, all you had to do was ask. No-one could say no. It was a rule. Until one fateful day—yesterday—when a mysterious viral signal somehow breached our firewall and was broadcast throughout the factory, instructing all us MOs to do somersaults into the trash compactor all day long..."
BMO: That's horrible.
All MOs: "And we've been trapped here all smushed together ever since."
BMO: That's horrible, too. How... how do we get out?
All MOs: "Well, that's why we're so glad you're here, BMO. You're the key, the key to escape. Only you can save us now."

Crossover [7.23]Edit

Prismo: Thanks for responding to my call, guys. I'm in a serious pickle, and I mean the bad kind—I mean like, a really smelly brown pickle?
Jake: Don't sweat it, boi! Finn and I got your back.
Finn: Who's bullying you, Prismo?
Prismo: Nobody's bullying me. Look, um... remember when you wished the Lich never existed and you created a new wish reality that ended up totally not working out?
Both: No. / Vaguely, yes.
Finn: What?
Jake: You don't remember making that wish?
Finn: Wha..?
Jake: I thought I explained to you that one time.
Prismo: Dude, I'll catch you up. Look. [turns on TV wall to see alternate Finn and Jake playing the flute and howling, respectively] After you wished the Lich never existed, you got zapped to an alternate wish reality where magic doesn't really exist.
Finn: Wait! [pause video] Who's that dude?
Prismo: That's you, but sort of less cool.
Finn: ..Uh-huh. Proceed.
Prismo: So, you find an old Marceline and the magic crown on the body of Ice King's skeleton, who was smushed under the weight of a frozen mutagenic bomb. But then, the Destiny Gang steal your family donkey, so you used the crown to become Ice Finn and save your donkey and your family. But... the crown makes you crazy and you ice everything up like a dumb bozo, which sets off the mutagenic bomb and releases the spirit of the Lich anyway. But then, this reality's Jake made a counter which would supposedly fix the problem, but as it turns out, it didn't really.
Finn: Can I just say that I don't remember any of this stuff?
Prismo: Because, technically, it didn't happen to you. But also, it still happened and that wish reality continues to exist.
Finn: [beat] Is this why all of a sudden one day I was way better at the flute?
Jake: Oh yeah, I noticed that.
Prismo: Listen! Something really bad is about to go down. [summons projection] Ice Finn is using his world's Enchiridion to build a portal to the multiverse. We literally do not know what will happen if he succeeds, but it could defs be catastrophic to the architecture of these realities. Now, if that happens, my boss—let me repeat that—my boss will hold me responsible. And by proxy, y'all both will be in the dip, too.
Finn: Why not just bloop-bloop it all better?
Prismo: Something there is dampening my powers! I am losing my picks over this biz!!
Jake: [to Finn] His boss? Who's that?
Finn: Alright, man. What do we do? [Prismo summons a case to him]
Prismo: Take this and use it to take care of the Ice Finn.
Finn: Oh. Wait, what do you mean by "take care of—"?
Prismo: Good luck, guys! We're all depending on you!

Don't Look [7.28]Edit

[Jake comes inside the dead hermit's yurt]
Finn: I know it's you. [see hermit-eyes Finn in his giant, deep-red monstrous form staring the opposite wall]
Jake: Hey, buddy. I've figured you'd come back here.
Finn: Don't look at me, Jake. I might turn you into a microwave.
Jake: Baloney! [walks to him] You turned NEPTR into a microwave because he's a microwave, but that doesn't mean that's all he is to you. I know you think NEPTR's an interesting person, and I know that microwave is just one part of his personality! I mean... Maybe your eyes are just bad at describing things, you know? Like, how you feel about people, what they mean to you. That stuff's in your guts. Eyes can't grok that. Unless you have the eyes of like, a trained artist or something. But you don't. I'm telling you, man. You're not a bad dude like the skeleton bro, or you'd be turning everyone into rats and plops!
[Finn takes up a deep gasping sigh]
Jake: Now, come on. Look at me. [he turns Finn around to him face to face]
Finn: Jake, you're so wise. [Jake's college bro form then suddenly shrinks down to a much older form with a cane]
Jake: What?! Deh— [groans] Well, at least you listened to me. And wise old Jakey got a plan!


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