Jack Harkness

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I was only saying "hello"!

Captain Jack Harkness is a fictional character played by John Barrowman in Doctor Who and its spin-off series, Torchwood. The first openly bisexual character in the history of televised Doctor Who episodes, he made his first appearance in The Empty Child. In The Parting of the Ways he died in battle against Daleks, but was resurrected and given immortality by Rose Tyler while she contained the energies of the Time vortex.

Before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?

QuotesEdit

You people and your quaint little categories.
You need to figure out who's side you're on here, because if you don't know, you're not gonna make it out of this alive.
  • Excellent bottom!
  • Sorry, old man! I gotta go meet a girl...But you've got an excellent bottom, too!
  • There you go! I can taste it! Oestrogen. Definitely oestrogen. Take the pill, flush it away, it enters the water cycle. Feminizes the fish. Goes all the way up into the sky then falls all the way back down onto me. Contraceptives in the rain. Love this planet. Still, at least I won't get pregnant. Never doing that again.
  • And before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?
  • You people and your quaint little categories.
  • You need to figure out who's side you're on here, because if you don't know, you're not gonna make it out of this alive.
  • You have no idea what it felt like, coming back to life and knowing the world was empty...because you'd gone!

DialogueEdit

Doctor WhoEdit

Series 1:Edit

The Empty Child [1.9]Edit

(21 May 2005)
Jack: [to Rose while she is caught in his tractor beam.] Oh, and could you switch off your cell phone? No, seriously, it interferes with my instruments.
Rose: [as she turns it off] You know, no one ever believes that.
Jack: Thank you, that's much better.
Rose: [slightly hysterical] Oh yeah, that's a real load off, that is! I'm hanging in the middle of a German air raid with a Union Jack across my chest but, hey, my mobile phone's off!
Jack: [amused] Be with you in a moment! Ready? Hold on tight!
Rose: To what?
Jack: [short pause] Fair point.

[Jack catches Rose in his arms]
Rose: [dazed] Hello.
Jack: Hello.
Rose: Hello. [beat] Sorry, that was "Hello" twice, there. Dull but, y'know, thorough.

[after Rose wakes up]
Jack: Hello.
Rose: Hello.
Jack: [cheekily] Hello.
Rose: [blushes] Let's not start that, again...So, uh, who are you supposed to be, then?
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. [hands her a bill fold] 1-3-3 squadron, Royal Air Force, American volunteer.
Rose: [looks at the bill fold, and smirks] Liar. This is Psychic Paper; It tells me whatever you what it to tell me.
Jack: How do you know?
Rose: Two things. One, I have a friend who uses this all the time...
Jack: Ah.
Rose: ...And two, you just handed me a piece of paper telling me you're single and you work out.
Jack: Tricky thing, Psychic Paper.
Rose: Yep, can't let your mind wander when you're handing it over. [hands it back to him]
Jack: [reading the Psychic Paper, amused] Oh...you sort of have a boyfriend called Mickey Smith, but you consider yourself to be "footloose and fancy-free".
Rose: [embarrassed] What?
Jack: Actually, the word you use is..."available"!
Rose: N-no way!
Jack: And another one..."very"!

The Doctor Dances [1.10]Edit

(28 May 2005)
The Doctor: Sonic blaster, 51st century. From the weapons factories of Villengard?
Jack: [surprised] You've been to the factories? [hands over his blaster]
The Doctor: Once.
Jack: Well, they're gone, now. One of the main reactors went critical, vaporized the lot.
The Doctor: [tucks the weapon back in Jack's pocket] Like I said, once. There's a banana grove there now. [grins] I like bananas. Bananas are good!

Jack: [tosses the Doctor a banana] Nice switch!
The Doctor: From the groves of Villengard- thought it was appropriate.
Jack: [disbelievingly] There's really a banana grove in the heart of Villengard, and you did that?
The Doctor: [grins] Bananas are good!

Jack: Okay. This can function as a sonic blaster, a sonic cannon, and as a triple-enfolded sonic disrupter. Doc, what you got?
The Doctor: I've got a sonic...never mind.
Jack: What?
The Doctor: It's sonic, okay? Lets leave it at that.
Jack: Disrupter? Cannon? What?
The Doctor: It's sonic! Totally sonic! I am sonic'd up!
Jack: A sonic what?!
The Doctor: Screwdriver!

Jack: Who has a Sonic Screwdriver?
The Doctor: I do!
Rose: Lights... [looks around]
Jack: Who looks at a screwdriver and says "Oooh, this could be a little more sonic!"?
The Doctor: What, you've never been bored?
Rose: There's gotta be a light switch!
The Doctor: Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?

The Doctor: Okay, that door should hold it for a bit.
Jack: The door?! The wall didn't stop it!
The Doctor: Well, it's gotta find us first! Come on, we're not done yet! Assets, assets!
Jack: Well, I've got a banana, and in a pinch you could put up some shelves.
The Doctor: Window.
Jack: Barred, sheer drop outside. Seven stories.
Rose: And no other exits.
Jack: Well, the assets conversation went in a flash, didn't it?

Jack: Make yourself comfortable. Carry on with whatever it was you were doing.
The Doctor: We were talking about dancing.
Jack: It didn't look like talking.
Rose: It didn't feel like dancing.

Jack: Funny thing...last time I was sentenced to death, I ordered four Hyper Vodkas for breakfast. All a bit of a blur after that. Woke up in bed with both my executioners. Lovely couple. They stayed in touch. Can't say that about most executioners...

Boom Town [1.11]Edit

(4 June 2005)
[Mickey knocks on the door of the TARDIS, only for Jack to open the door]
Jack: Who the hell are you?
Mickey: [confused, irritated] What do you mean, "Who the hell I am"? Who the hell are you?
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. Whatever it is you're selling, we're not buying.

Mickey: [to Rose] You look fantastic! [hugs her]
Jack: Aw, sweet. Look at these two. How come I never get any of that?
The Doctor: Buy me a drink, first.
Jack: Such hard work.
The Doctor: But worth it!

Mickey: [to Rose] So what are you doing in Cardiff, and who the hell is Jumpin' Jack Flash? I mean, I don't mind you hanging out with Big Ears up here-
The Doctor: [indignant] Oi!
Mickey: [to the Doctor] Look in the mirror. [turns back to Rose] But this guy, I dunno, he's kinda-
Jack: Handsome?
Mickey: More like cheesy.
Jack: [thinks for a second] Early 21st century slang...is "cheesy" good or bad?
Mickey: It's bad.
Jack: But "bad" means "good", isn't that right?

[after Jack, Rose, Mickey and The Doctor have just exited the TARDIS]
Mickey That old lady's staring.
Jack : [suggestively to Doctor] Probably wondering what four people were doing inside a small wooden box. [everyone except Mickey laughs]
Mickey: [disdainful look at Jack] What are you captain of? The Innuendo Squad? [Jack makes a 'Whatever' sign with his fingers]

Jack: According to intelligence, the target is the last surviving member of the Slitheen family, a criminal sect from the planet Raxacoricofallapatorius, masquerading as a human being, zipped inside a skin suit. Okay, plan of attack – we assume a basic 57/56 strategy, covering all available exits on the ground floor. Doctor, you'll go face-to-face – that'll designate Exit One. I'll cover Exit Two, Rose, you, Exit Three, Mickey Smith, you take Exit Four. Have you got that?
The Doctor: [sternly] Excuse me. Who's in charge here?
Jack: Sorry. Awaiting orders, sir.
The Doctor: Right, here's the plan... [grins at Jack] Like you said, nice plan.

Bad Wolf [1.12]Edit

(11 June 2005)
Trin-E: Just stand still and let the Defabricator work it's magic.
Jack: What's a Defabricator? [his clothes are disintegrated.] Okay... Defabricator. Does exactly what it says on the tin. Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?
Zu-Zana: Absolutely!
Jack: [grins] Ladies, your viewing figures just went up.

Jack: Now hold on, ladies, I don't want to have to shoot either one of you.
Trin-E: But you're unarmed!
Zu-Zana: You're naked! [Jack reaches behind him briefly, and his hand returns holding a very small gun.] But...that's a compact laser deluxe!
Trin-E: Where were you hiding that?!
Jack: You really don't wanna know.

Female Programmer: [Jack is about to open the door to Archive 6] You're not allowed in there. [authoritatively and loudly] Archive 6 is out of bounds!
Jack: [raises two large guns; shouting] Do I look like an 'out of bounds' kind of guy?

Jack: Hey there.
Lynda: [shakes his hand] Hello!
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness.
Lynda: Lynda Moss.
Jack: Nice to meet you, Lynda Moss.
The Doctor: You mind flirting outside?
Jack: I was just saying "hello"!
The Doctor: For you, that's flirting.
Lynda: [flattered] I'm not complainin'.
Jack: Muchas gracias. [kisses her hand]

Jack: Captain Jack Harkness, by the way.
Male Programmer: I'm Davitch Pavale.
Jack: Nice to meet you, Davitch Pavale.
The Doctor: There's a time and a place.

The Parting of the Ways [1.13]Edit

(18 June 2005)
[Jack is about to leave to rally a resistance to the Daleks]
Jack: It's been fun...but I guess this is goodbye.
Rose: Don't talk like that! The Doctor's gonna do it, you just..watch him.
Jack: Rose...you are worth fighting for. [kisses her passionately, turns to the Doctor] Wish I'd never met you, Doctor. I was much better off as a coward. [kisses him as well] See you in hell.

[The survivors on the satellite are clamoring, Jack fires off a few rounds from his machine gun to silence them]
Jack: ONE LAST TIME! Any more volunteers? [silence] There's an army about to invade this station. I need every last citizen to mount a defense!
Rodrick: Don't listen to him! There aren't any Daleks! They disappeared thousands of years ago!
[a woman steps forward to join Jack and his volunteers]
Jack: Thanks...as for the rest of you, the Daleks will enter the station at floor four-nine-four, and as far as I can tell, they'll head up, not down. But that's not a promise. So here's a few words of advice: keep quiet. And if you hear fighting up above, if you hear us dying, then tell me the Daleks aren't real.

[Jack is out of ammunition and cornered by three Daleks; he stares them down]
Dalek: EX-TER-MI-NATE! [guns point at Jack]
Jack: [defiantly] I kinda figured that.
[Jack stands with a "bring it on" gesture as the lead Dalek shoots him]

Series 3:Edit

Utopia [3.11]Edit

Nice to meet you, Martha Jones.
(16 June 2007)

Jack: [to Martha] Captain Jack Harkness... and who are you?
Martha: Martha Jones.
Jack: Nice to meet you, Martha Jones.
The Doctor: [irritated] Oh, don't start!
Jack: I was only saying "hello"!
Martha: [flattered] I don't mind.

Jack: [to Chantho] Captain Jack Harkness-
The Doctor: Stop it.
Jack: [mildly annoyed] Can't I say "hello" to anyone?
Chantho: [flattered] Chan, I do not protest, tho.
Jack: Maybe later, blue. [winks]

Martha: But the thing is, why'd you leave him behind, Doctor?
The Doctor: [dismissively] I was busy.
Martha: Is that what happens though, seriously? You just get bored of us one day and disappear?
Jack: Not if you're blonde.
Martha: [sarcastically] Oh, she was blonde! Oh, what a surprise!
The Doctor: [spinning around, irritated] You two, we're at the end of the universe. Okay?! Right at the edge of knowledge itself! And you're busy... [struggling to find the right word] blogging!

The Doctor: [regarding Jack's immortality] When did you realize?
Jack: Earth, 1892. Got in a fight on Ellis Island; a man shot me through the heart...then I woke up. Thought it was kinda strange. But then it never stopped. Fell off a cliff, trampled by horses, World War I, World War II, poison, starvation...a stray javelin [the Doctor winces]. In the end, I got the message. I'm the man who can never die...[angrily] and all that time you knew.
The Doctor: That's why I left you behind. It's not easy, even just looking at you, Jack because...because you're wrong.
Jack: [sarcastic] Thanks!
The Doctor: You are, I can't help it! I'm a Time Lord, it's instinct, it's in my gut. You're a fixed point in time and space, you're a fact. That's never meant to happen. Even the TARDIS reacted against you, tried to shake you off; flew all the way to the end of the universe just to get rid of you.

Jack: Last thing I remember, back when I was mortal; I was facing three Daleks, death by extermination...then I came back to life. What happened?
The Doctor: Rose.
Jack: [shocked] I thought you sent her back home.
The Doctor: She came back. Opened the heart of the TARDIS and absorbed the Time Vortex itself.
Jack: And what does that mean exactly?!
The Doctor: No one's ever meant to have that power. If a Time Lord did that, they'd become a god- a vengeful god. But she was human. [Flashback of Rose resurrecting Jack] Everything she did was so human. She brought you back to life. But she couldn't control it; she brought you back forever. That's something, I suppose; the final act of the Time War was life.
Jack: Do you think she could change me back?
The Doctor: I took the power out of her. She's gone, Jack. She's not just living on a parallel world, she's trapped there. The walls have closed.

The Sound of Drums [3.12]Edit

(23 June 2007)
Jack: [uneasily] Since we're telling stories, there's something I haven't told you!
[Jack opens the email. The logo for Torchwood appears on screen]
The Doctor: [disbelievingly] You work for Torchwood?
Jack: I swear to you it's different, it's changed! There's only half a dozen of us left now!
The Doctor: [furious] Everything that Torchwood did, and you're part of it?!
Jack: The old regime was destroyed at Canary Wharf! I rebuilt it, I changed it, and when I did that, I did it for you, in your honour!

[explaining the perception filter on the TARDIS keys.]
The Doctor: [grinning, ignorant] Oh! I know what it's like; It's like when you fancy someone and they don't even know you exist. That's what it's like! [he runs off] Come on!
[Martha looks despairingly after him, then glances at Jack]
Jack: You too, huh?

Last of the Time Lords [3.13]Edit

(30 June 2007)
Jack: [worried] But I keep wondering...what about aging? 'Cause, I can't die, but I keep getting older...The odd little grey hair, your know? What happens if I live for a million years?
The Doctor: [amused] I really don't know.
Jack: [laughs] Okay, vanity, sorry. Yeah, can't help it. Used to be a poster boy when I was a kid, living on the Boeshane Peninsula. Tiny little place. I was the first one ever to be signed up for the Time Agency. They were so proud of me...The Face of Boe, they called me. [The Doctor and Martha look at him in shock]

Series 4:Edit

The Stolen Earth [4.12]Edit

(28 June 2008)
Jack: Whoa! [pushes a filling cabinet off of him] What happened? Was it the Rift? [runs out of his office] Gwen? Ianto? You okay?
Ianto: No broken bones. Slight loss of dignity. No change there, then.
Gwen: The whole city must have felt that! All of South Wales!
Jack: I'm gonna take a look outside! [leaves]

Gwen: Three thousand miles, and closing...but who are they?! [Jack's phone rings. He answers]
Jack: Martha Jones, voice of a nightingale...Tell me you put something in my drink.
Martha: No such luck. Have you heard from the Doctor?
Jack: Not a word. Where are you?
Martha: New York.
Jack: Huh. Nice for some...
Martha: I've been promoted; Medical Director on Project Indigo.
Jack: Did you get that thing working?
Martha: [surprised] Indigo's top secret, no one's supposed to know about that.
Jack: I... met a soldier in a bar. [Ianto looks at him] Long story.
Ianto: [sharply] When was that?
Jack: [to Ianto, firmly] Strictly professional.
Gwen: Fifteen hundred miles, boys, and accelerating. They're almost here.

Harriet Jones: Torchwood, this is Sarah Jane Smith.
Jack: I've been following your work. Nice job with the Slitheen.
Sarah Jane: Yeah, well, I've been staying away from you lot. Too many guns. [gestures to Luke]
Jack: All the same...Might I say, looking good, ma'am.
Sarah Jane: [flattered] Really? Ooh...!
Harriet Jones: [exasperated] Not now, Captain.

Journey's End [4.13]Edit

(5 July 2008)
Jack: [annoyed] Just my luck! I climb through two miles of ventilation shafts, chasing life signs on this thing, and who do I find? Mickey Mouse!
Mickey Smith: [coldly] You can talk, Captain Cheesecake!
[beat, the pair then laugh and embrace like old friends]
Jack: Good to see you! And that's "Beefcake"!
Mickey: And that's enough hugging!

Sarah Jane: So...there's three of you?
Rose: Three Doctors?
Jack: I can't tell you what I'm thinking right now...

The End of Time [4.18]Edit

(1 January 2010)
Jack: So, Alonso... [Alonso looks up] Going my way?
Alonso: ...How do you know my name?
Jack: I'm kinda psychic.
Alonso: Really? [Jack nods] Know what I'm thinking right now?
Jack: Oh yeah. [grins suggestively at Alonso, who returns it]

TorchwoodEdit

Series 1Edit

What you do in private is none of our business.

Everything Changes [1.1]Edit

(22 October 2006)
Jack: And before we go any further, who the hell orders pizza under the name of "Torchwood"?
Owen: Er, yeah, that would be me. Sorry, I’m a twat.

Jack: This is Owen Harper.
Owen: Doctor Owen Harper.

Jack: And this is Ianto Jones [Ianto nods] Ianto cleans up after us, gets us everywhere on time.
Ianto: I try my best.
Jack: And he looks good in a suit.
Ianto: Careful, that's harassment, sir.

Gwen: But hold on, if no one can see it when the lift's coming up, there's a great big bloody hole in the floor. Don't people fall in?
Jack: That is so Welsh.
Gwen: What is?
Jack: I show you something fantastic; you find fault.

Day One [1.2]Edit

22 October 2006
Jack: All right, usual formation.
Gwen: What's the usual formation?
Owen: Varies.
Gwen: How can the usual formation vary?

Gwen: ...Special Ops! I'm Special Ops...I'm with Torchwood.
Soldier: Don't mess with me, little girl. You're not with Torchwood. And even if you were-
Jack: -You'd have put out the welcome banners. Now, first of all, she's no little girl. From where I'm standing, all the right curves in all the right places...but she is Torchwood, we both are, and we'd appreciate it if you'd leave us to do the real work. [holds hand out to Gwen] Shall we?

[at a scene where a man, Matt, has just been vaporised after having sex with the alien-possessed Carys]
Tosh: My god, he just...
Jack: [deadpan] Came and went.
Owen: [snickers] Now that's how I'd like to go.
Tosh: I'm sure we could arrange it.

[Gwen is trying to convince Jack to tell Matt's parents of his death]
Jack: You want to tell his family he died screwing an alien?

[Gwen and Carys are kissing passionately in Carys' cell, while Owen watches.]
Owen: Happy birthday me. [...] Oi, you lot, treat!
[Jack and Tosh come over to see]
Tosh: Wow.
Jack: Wow.
Tosh: I thought she said she had a boyfriend.
Jack: You people and your quaint little categories.
Tosh: We should really get her out of there...
Jack: Yeah... [pauses] I mean, yeah, come on!
[Jack leaves to the cells with Tosh]
Owen: I'll just... record a bit of this.

Gwen: So what's this supposed to do?
Jack: I'm using satellite tracking data to determine the intra-trajectory of the meteorite.
Tosh: He means he's trying to find out where it's come from.
Jack: Hey! Sometimes a little technobabble is good for the soul!

[Gwen hears Carys crying and walks to the screen in amazement]
Gwen: What are we doing, having Chinese while a girl fights for her life? We should be helping her.
Jack: Actually, while we've been eating, the computers have been running a full bio-scan on Carys, profiling her blood, metabolism, organs, the works. So we can see what effect the alien is having on her. They've also been taking samples of the air in the cell, so we can analyse any change in the environment around her. Now, is that enough? Do you want more? 'Cause... gets kind of boring.
Gwen: You've been hidden down here too long. Spending so much time with the alien stuff. You've lost what it means to be human.
Jack: So remind us. Tell me what it means to be human in the twenty-first century.

[After finding Owen in the cell naked]
Tosh: Jack, Carys is out of her cell!
Owen: Cheeky bitch took my swipe card.
Jack: I'll deal with it. Tell Owen he needs to work on those abs a bit harder.

[After finding Carys' ex as nothing more than a pile of dust]
Jack: Tosh was right - she went straight for the ex-boyfriend. Lucky she's young; work your way through my back catalogue, we'll be here till the Sun explodes.

Ianto: Need me to do any attacking, sir?
Jack: Appreciate the offer. Just open the door.

Jack: So, what's our next move?
Owen: Stop the entire city of Cardiff from shagging?
Gwen: Put bromide in the water supply.
Jack: No. Too hit and miss.
Owen: Yeah, and the water company got really pissed off the last time we did that.

Jack: Tosh, get a body of similar height and age. Disfigure the face slightly. Dump it in the river to make it look like a suicide. [he walks down the ramp]
Gwen: [leaning over the bar to talk to him, in a shocked voice] You have a stash of bodies?

Jack: Go home, Gwen Cooper. Eat lasagne. Kiss your boyfriend. Be normal. For me.

Ghost Machine [1.3]Edit

29 October 2006
Jack: This kid, Bernie. Where does he live?
Tosh: Splott.
Owen: Splott?!
Ianto: I believe estate agents pronounce it "Sploe".

Cyberwoman [1.4]Edit

(5 November 2006)
Gwen: What about a rota? Different people on different days?
Jack: We're a secret organization hunting alien technology from an underground base, and you want a rota for who drives.
Gwen: ...Just trying to help.

Jack: [trying to contact Ianto] Ianto, I need to hear those beautiful Welsh vowels!

Jack: [pointing his gun at Ianto] Did you know it was down there?
Ianto: I put her there.
Jack: [enraged] You hid a Cyberman in the Hub and you didn't tell us?! What else are you hiding from us?!
Ianto: Like you care. I clear up your shit, no questions asked, and that's the way you like it. When did you last ask me anything about my life?

Ianto: I'm not giving up on her. I love her. Can you understand that, Jack? Haven't you ever loved anyone?
Jack: You need to figure out who's side you're on here, because if you don't know, you're not gonna make it out of this alive.

Ianto: [pointing a gun at all of them] I've got nothing left to lose.
Jack: There's always something left to lose.
Ianto: I'm going back in to save her. Anybody tries to stop me, I'll shoot them.
Gwen: Ianto, put the gun down-!
[Jack disarms Ianto and points his gun to his head]
Jack: You make a threat like that, you better be prepared to follow it through. [Ianto remains silent] See? You disobey me now, I really will shoot you.
Ianto: Get off me!
Jack: You want to go back in there? You go in to finish the job. If she's still alive, you execute her. [releases Ianto]
Ianto: [crying] No way.
Jack: You brought this down on us. You hid her. You hid yourself from us. Now it's time for you to stand as part of the team.
Gwen: Jack...
Jack: The girl you loved has gone. Your loyalty is to us now.
Ianto: You can't order me to do that.
Jack: You execute her, or I'll execute you both!
Ianto: I won't do it. You can't make me. You like to think you're a hero, but you're the biggest monster of all!

Small Worlds [1.5]Edit

They're part of us. Part of our world, yet we know nothing about them. So we pretend to know what they look like. We see them as happy, we imagine they have tiny little wings and are bathed in moonlight.
(12 November 2006)
Jack: You shouldn't be here.
Ianto: Neither should you.
Jack: What you got?
Ianto: Funny sort of weather patterns.

[talking about his former love, Estelle's, visions of fairies]
Jack: She calls them fairies; I don't.
Gwen: What do you call them?
Jack: Never really had a proper name.
Gwen: Why not?
Jack: Something from the dawn of time, how could you possibly put a name to that?
Gwen: Are we talking alien?
Jack: Worse.
Gwen: How come?
Jack: Because they're part of us. Part of our world, yet we know nothing about them. So we pretend to know what they look like. We see them as happy, we imagine they have tiny little wings and are bathed in moonlight.
Gwen: But they're not?
Jack: No. Think dangerous. Think something you can only half-see, like a glimpse, like something out of the corner of your eye. With a touch of myth, a touch of the spirit world, a touch of reality all jumbled together, old moments and memories that are frozen in amongst it. Like debris, spinning around a ring planet, tossing, turning, whirling... backwards and forwards through time.

Ianto: I blame it on magic mushrooms.
Jack: What you do in private is none of our business.

[after the fairies kill Estelle]
Gwen: It wasn't your dad that was in love with her all those years ago, was it? It was you.
Jack: We once made a vow...that we'd be with each other 'till we died.

Countrycide [1.6]Edit

(19 November 2006)

Jack: Seventeen disappearances within the last five months. Police are clueless.
Owen: Now there's a surprise! [to Gwen] No offence, PC Cooper.

Owen: What's the matter with a hotel?
Jack: People are going missing- do you really wanna stay in a place run by strangers?
Owen: Oh, 'cause sleeping outside's gonna be a lot safer!
Jack: No other race in the universe goes camping - Celebrate your uniqueness!

Jack: You need to know something. A long time ago, I was pretty good at torture. I had quite a reputation as the go-to guy. My job demanded, at the time, see. So I know where to apply the tiniest amount of pressure to a wound like yours...
Cannibal: Stop, you're going to kill me!
Jack: It's in your power to make me stop. Just tell me what I need to know! 'Cause in ten seconds, I'm going to find a sharp object.

Greeks Bearing Gifts [1.7]Edit

(26 November 2006)
Jack: Once, just once, I’d like to walk into one of these tents and find it’s a party, with food, and drink, and dancing; a girl crying in the corner.

Jack: [to Mary] My guess is you're not from around these parts.

Tosh: Why couldn't I read your mind?
Jack: I don't know. But I could feel you scrabbling around in there. [grins]
Tosh: I got nothing. It's like you were, I don't know...dead. [Jack's grin fades]

They Keep Killing Suzie [1.8]Edit

(3 December 2006)
Swanson: At last, you must be Torchwood. My team bitch about you all the time.
Jack: And you are?
Swanson: Detective Swanson.
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness. [shakes her hand]
Swanson: So I've heard. Tell me something, are you always this dressy for a murder investigation?
Jack: What, would you rather me naked?
Swanson: God help me, the stories are true.

Owen: If it's someone we've pissed off, that narrows it down to 4 or 5 million.
Jack: And that's just the humans.

Gwen: Wait a minute, I've taken retcon.
Jack: Then better stay away from sharp objects.

Jack: Ianto, how many people have we given amnesia pills to?
Ianto: Two thousand and eight.
Owen: Hey, what if they all become psychotic?
Tosh: Do you have to sound so happy?
Owen: Yeah, I'm just saying, Mean Streets!

Jack: We've been talking to the wrong corpse.

Jack: [stunning Max] That one's for Ianto. Risen Mitten, Life Knife, and that old classic...Stun Gun.

[The team realises Suzie's plan]
Tosh: He [Max] follows Suzie's programming and starts killing-
Jack: And the whole chain of events forces us to bring Suzie back!
Tosh: And then she escapes.
Owen: You've got to admit, that is not bad. I'm picking her for my team.

Ianto: I've got reception, sir.
Jack: How did you do that? We're sealed off!
Ianto: Just used the Water Tower as a relay.
Jack: Nice work, Ianto! [pause] But who the hell do we phone?

Swanson: Alright Captain Jack, just say that one more time. [grins] Nice and clear.
Jack: We're locked in our base, and we can't get out.

Jack: Thanks for doing this.
Ianto: Part of my job, sir.
Jack: No, I should be doing it. But... [sighs] One day, we're gonna run out of space...
Ianto: [after a pause] If you're interested, I've still got a stopwatch.
Jack: So?
Ianto: Well, think about it...lots of things you can do with a stopwatch.
Jack: [thinks for a moment, then grins] Oh yeah! Heh...I can think of a few.
Ianto: There's quite a list.
Jack: I'll send the others home early, see you in my office in ten.
Ianto: That's ten minutes... [clicks stopwatch button] and counting. [Jack starts to walk away] Oh, Jack? What do you want me to say on the death certificate?
Jack: Good question.
Ianto: She had quite a few deaths in the end.
Jack: I don't know. 'Death by Torchwood'.
Ianto: I'll put a lock on the door. Just in case she goes walking again.
Jack: Nah. No chance of that. The Resurrection days are over, thank God.
Ianto: Oh, I wouldn't be too sure. That's the thing about gloves, sir; They come in pairs.

Random Shoes [1.9]Edit

(10 December 2006)

Out of Time [1.10]Edit

(17 December 2006)

Combat [1.11]Edit

(24 December 2006)
[At a scene where a man has been killed by a weevil, The Crazy Frog Ringtone sounds]
Tosh: Is that his...?
Jack: [annoyed] You don't think I would choose that ringtone?

[Owens phone rings]
Owen: This is Owen's voicemail, 'don't leave a message.
Jack: Nice try, Owen, I want you back at the hub immediately. We've got a Weevil murder, so get your bony little ass over here now.

Jack: Okay Janet [the Weevil], time for a trip out.
Tosh: You call it Janet?
Jack: Barbara just never seemed right.

Owen: I didn't want saving.
Jack: You want us to apologize?
Owen: For a few seconds in that cage, I felt totally at peace...And the you blunder in. Do you always know best, Jack? Is that what you believe?

Captain Jack Harkness [1.12]Edit

(1 January 2007)
Jack: I went to war when I was a boy. I was with my best friend. We got caught crossing the border over enemy lines. They tortured him, not me, because he was weaker. They made me watch him die. And they let me go.
Captain Harkness: Who were they?
Jack: The worst possible creatures you can imagine. I persuaded him to join up. I said it would be an adventure. He hadn't lived.
Captain Harkness: Have any of us?

Tosh: He would have been so proud that you took his name. 'Cause here you are, saving the world. To Captain Jack.
Jack: To Captain Jack.

End of Days [1.13]Edit

(1 January 2007)
Jack: Under any other circumstances, an exuberant Roman soldier would be my idea of a perfect morning.

Jack: [scathingly] You're a united front now. Toshiko, the poor girl who'll screw any passing alien that gives her a pendant. Owen, so strong he gets into a cage with a weevil, desperate to be mauled. Ianto, hiding a cyber-girlfriend in the basement - Your three comrades pumped bullets into her, remember?
Gwen: Jack, calm down, I just need to save Rhys.
Jack: Yeah, 'cause you're so in love with Rhys, you spend half your time in Owen's bed. [Gwen punches him]

Jack: [About Abaddon] Abaddon is the bringer of death, let's see how he goes with me. If he feeds on life, then I'm an all-you-can-eat buffet!

Gwen: So, what sort of vision did you have? We all saw people we loved, asking us to open the Rift. Who did you see?
Jack: Nothing. I didn't see anyone.
Gwen: Jack? What visions would have tempted you?
Jack: [sighs] The right kind of Doctor.
[Jack gets up and walks out of the room. He walks through the Hub, then stops. He walks across the room, staring at something. He bends over with a wide grin on his face in front of the hand in the jar. The hand is bubbling and glowing. The sound of the TARDIS materialising fills the room and blows paper around.]

Series 2Edit

Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang [2.1]Edit

(16 January 2008)
Jack: Hey, kids. Did you miss me?

Gwen: You left us, Jack!
Jack: [sigh] I know, I'm sorry.
Gwen: We knew nothing, Jack!
Tosh: Where were you?
Jack: [smiles] I found my Doctor.
Owen: Did he fix you?
Jack: What's to fix? You don't mess with this level of perfection.
Ianto: [softly] Are you going back to him?
Jack: I came back for you. [to the rest of the team] For all of you.

[Jack's vortex manipulator beeps]
Ianto: Woah, that never beeps.
Jack: That's what I was thinking.

[John has skulled half a bottle of vodka]
Jack: So, how was rehab?
John: Rehabs. Plural.
Jack: Drink, drugs, sex and...?
John: Murder.
Jack: [laughs] You went to murder rehab?
John: I know. Ridiculous. The odd kill, who does it hurt?
Jack: [jokingly worried] You clean now?
John: [deadpan] Yeah, kicked everything, living like a priest.

Jack: You have to go, I don't want you on my territory.
John: What? Time was you couldn't get enough of me on your territory.

John: Do you have a team name? I love team names. Go on!
Jack: Torchwood.
John: Oh...Not Excalibur? Blizzard? Bikini Cops? No? Torchwood. Oh dear.

Jack: [After introducing the team] Meet-
John: Captain John Hart.
Jack: We go back.
John: Excuse me, we more than go back. We were partners.
Ianto: In what way?
John: In every way. And then some. [waggles eyebrows]
Jack: It was two weeks.
John: Except two weeks were trapped in a time-loop, so we were together for five years. [to the team] It was like having a wife.
Jack: You were the wife.
John: You were the wife...
Jack: No, you were the wife...
John: Oh, but I was a good wife!
Tosh: I bet you were! [gets a look off Owen and Gwen] What? Don't pretend you haven't noticed, he's cute!
John: They're just shy.

Jack: Oh yeah, I love that office-y feel. I always get excited in these places. To me they're exotic. Office romances... Photocopying your butt... well, maybe not your butt, although whilst we're here why don't we photo-
Ianto: The rift was active at these coordinates, approximately 200 feet above ground. That means this floor or the roof.
Jack: ...How are you, Ianto?
Ianto: All the better for having you back, Sir.
[pause]
Jack: Can we maybe drop the 'Sir' now? I mean, while I was away, I was thinking, maybe we could...You know, when this is all done...Dinner, a movie...?
Ianto: ...Are you asking me out on a date?
Jack: Interested?
Ianto: [stuttering] Well, as long as it's not in an office! Some fetishes should be kept to yourself.
Jack: Looks like we're going to have to go through every drawer, bin and plant-pot.
Ianto: Right, OK. I'll do this floor, don't want you getting over excited. You take the roof, you're good on roofs. [Pause. Jack starts to leave] Jack? Why are we helping him?
Jack: He's a reminder of my past, I want him gone. [Beat] By the way, was that a yes?
Ianto: Yes, yes...

Sleeper [2.2]Edit

(23 January 2008)
Ianto: 'Just us. In this room. As long as it takes.' Terrifying.
Jack: Really?
Ianto: [nods] Absolutely. Shivers down my spine.
Jack: You don't look scared.
Ianto: Well, it passed.
[Jack growls in mock frustration]

Tosh: You said we weren't allowed to use that again.
Jack: It's just a mind probe.
Ianto: Remember what happened last time you used it?
Jack: That was different. And that species has extremely high blood pressure.
Ianto: Oh, right, their heads must explode all the time.
[Gwen looks up, wide-eyed in shock]
Gwen: Jack, you can't do this. What if you're wrong? If she is human, it'll kill her.
Jack: I'm not wrong. We have to find out what she is.
Tosh: Take it easy, Jack. Stop at the first sign of trouble.
Ianto: Or at the first sign of explodiinggg.

Tosh: Please tell me you can stop this.
Jack: Working as fast as we can. If we don't, we're all at the centre of the blast radius- we won't feel a thing.
Tosh: [sullenly] That's comforting.
Jack: Come on! Have a little faith, with a dashing hero like me on the case, how can we fail?

To the Last Man [2.3]Edit

(30 January 2008)
Gwen: Jack, have you got any more of those pretty boys in the freezer?
Jack: Hands off Missy, Tosh got there first.

Gwen: [about Tommy] He's a frozen soldier from 1918.
Jack: Nobody's perfect.

Jack: [draws a line on a piece of paper] Linear time. [balls the piece of paper up] Screwed up time. Imagine your life is a straight line, from birth to death. Now, try drawing that line on the paper without flattening it out.
Gwen: It's impossible.
Jack: That's why we gotta stop it.

Jack: This time tomorrow he'll be back in 1918.
Ianto: In his own time. [pause] Would you go back to yours, if you could?
Jack: Why? Would you miss me?
Ianto: Yep.
Jack: ...I left home a long time ago. Don't know where I really belong...Maybe that doesn't matter any more.
Ianto: [perches on the edge of Jack's desk] I...know you get lonely.
Jack: Going home wouldn't fix that. Being here, I've seen things I never dreamt I'd see...loved people I never would have known, if I'd just stayed where I was. [looks directly at Ianto] And I wouldn't change that for the world.
[Ianto stares at Jack for moment, then kisses him]

Meat [2.4]Edit

(6 February 2008)
Gwen: Have you ever eaten alien meat?
Jack: Yeah.
Gwen: What was it like?
Jack: Well, he seemed to enjoy it.

Rhys: Well, if you stopped and asked me exactly what I saw in there instead of showin' off round the place-
Jack: [aside, to Ianto] Do I show off?
Ianto: Just a bit.
Rhys: -You'd know that I got out by telling them I wanted a job as a delivery boy! So rather than "cock things up", I found you a way to get in! But if you can't handle that, big boy, then you can stuff it!
[Beat]
Jack: This is quite homoerotic.

Jack: If we go in there, guns blazing, they'll kill the evidence, and run.
Owen: I wasn't suggesting blazing. Just waving.

Jack: [talking about the alien] We're going to save it. Stabilize it, wait for the rift to open, and...send it back.
Ianto: ...And guess who'll have to look after it in the meantime? [sips coffee]

Adam [2.5]Edit

(13 February 2008)
Jack: Now I have to help you all go back. Find a memory that defines you, rediscover who you are. If I'm wrong, he will still be here when we’ve done this. [turns off computer screen] Let me take you back to before we all met. [turns off lights] Feel around for anything that makes you what you are. The hidden and the forgotten. Tell me where you are.
Gwen: College canteen. Rhys is sitting opposite me telling stupid jokes.
[flashback] - :Rhys: where do you find a tortoise with no legs? Where you left it!
Owen: It’s my birthday, ten. My mum spends the whole day screaming, ‘I love you because you’re my son but that doesn’t mean I have to like you.’
Tosh: Maths club. There’s something so reliable about maths. Always the right answer.
Ianto: Meeting Lisa. Falling in love. I never felt so alive.
Owen: Turned sixteen, she packs my bags. That is the nicest thing you’ve done for me in years mother.
Gwen: Kissing in the supermarket. The look on his face.
Tosh: My first flat. I don’t have a flat warming – there’s no one I want to invite.
Ianto: Losing Lisa. Like the world had ended.
Gwen: The way he looks at me sometimes, as if he's scared of what he feels for me. I love him [turns to Jack] but not in the way I love you.
Jack: [to Gwen] Take this [Gwen takes the retcon pill]
Tosh: Knowing there has to be more to life than this, knowing I’m special, waiting for someone to see it.
Jack: I saw it [gives her a pill]
Owen: You save one life, a hundred lives but it’s never enough. Who will save me?
Jack: I will [gives him a pill]
Ianto: Coming here, it gave me meaning again. [Turns to Jack] You. [Jack kisses his forehead then gives him a pill]
Jack: [to everyone] You each have a short-term amnesia pill. It will make you forget Adam. We have to wipe out the last 48 hours from our memories. Go back to who we were.
[Ianto, Gwen and Owen take their pills]
Tosh: [Switches the screen on to look at Adam in his cell] I’m going to lose so much.
Jack: None of it was real.
Tosh: He loved me and I loved him. It’s no different from real memories.
Jack: He forced it on you. You have to let it go
Tosh: [Takes her pill, then looks at the screen] Goodbye Adam.

Jack: Found your diary.
Ianto: Yep, been looking for that. [starts to walk away]
Jack: And for the record? [Ianto freezes] Measuring tapes never lie.
Ianto: [quietly] Fuck.

Reset [2.6]Edit

(13 February 2008)
Ianto: Jack? Your V.I.P guest is here. [Jack runs towards the door to the hub]
Gwen: [suprised] I didn't realise we were having a visitor. [The rest of the team turn towards the entrance to the Hub]
Jack: [grins] Suddenly, in an underground mortuary on a wet night in Cardiff, I hear the song of a nightingale! [The hub door opens to reveal...] Miss Martha Jones!

Gwen: Oh, um, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I get a bit confused, which one's UNIT?
Jack: Intelligence. Millitary. Cute red caps. Acceptable face of intelligence gathering on aliens. We're more ad hoc, but better looking. [emphasis on "better looking" directed at Martha]

Jack: I'd rely on Martha if the world was ending. In fact...I did.

Jack: Tosh, any luck with retrieving those medical records?
Tosh: Not yet. I'm going to have to dig down into the system memory and see if I can find any remnants of deleted or temporary files. Completely illegal, of course. [smiles a bit]

Dead Man Walking [2.7]Edit

(20 February 2008)
Jack: Only in suffering do we recognise beauty.
Owen: Yeah, yeah. Who said that?
Jack: Proust.
Owen: You've read Proust?
Jack: Yeah. [pause] Well, no. We dated for a while. He was really immature.

A Day in the Death [2.8]Edit

(27 February 2008)
[after Owen tries to drown himself]
Jack: [checking his Vortex Manipulator] Thirty-six minutes. Not bad.
Owen: You were watching?
Jack: Skinny guy in tight jeans runs into water? I was taking pictures.

Something Borrowed [2.9]Edit

(5 March 2008)
Jack: [looking through a dress catalogue] Nope, like that one. Good choice.
Ianto: I estimated Gwen's size from the Hub's security laser scans. As you know, my dad was a master tailor; he could size a man's inside leg measurement by his stride across the shop threshold.
Jack: Ah, a family eye. Remind me to test it some time.
Ianto: Well, if later on-
Owen: [walking through the threshold] Jack!
Ianto: Yep, brilliant, like that one.

Jack: You sure you're ready for this, Owen? You know what a Nostrovite can do; you think you've got it covered a hundred feet away, and it's already chewing on you liver.
Owen: I don't need my liver.

Jack: What is it with you? Ever since Owen died, all you've done is agree with him!
Ianto: I was brought up not to speak ill of the dead. Even if they do still do most of their talking for themselves.

Jack: [pointing gun at Brenda] Get back, you ugly bitch!
Rhys: What are you doing, that's my mother!
Jack: No! It's the alien!
Brenda Williams: I'm not an alien!
Jack: Oh, you're good, I'll give you that.
Brenda Williams: But I'm not!
Jack: Yeah, and the Lone Ranger didn't have a thing with Tonto.

Gwen: What will you do while I'm gone?
Jack: Ooh, the usual. Pizza. Ianto. [they laugh] Save the world a couple of times.

From Out of the Rain [2.10]Edit

(12 March 2008)
[talking about Jack in an old film footage of a travelling show]
Gwen: You did stand-up?
Jack: I never did stand-up.
Gwen: Alright... [fake American drawl] A song and dance.
Jack: I was sensational!
Tosh: I don't believe this, Jack, what were you doing there?
Owen: He's part of this freak show.
Jack: Ha, some things never change.
Owen: You being rude about me?

Jack: Ianto, with me. I need your local knowledge.
Gwen: Oh, is that what you're calling it these days?

Christina: Your eyes are older than your face.
Jack: ...Is that a bad thing?
Christina: Yes. It means you don't belong. It means you're from nowhere.

Adrift [2.11]Edit

(19 March 2008)
[After walking in on Jack and Ianto in the hot house]
Gwen: Ianto, hi. I'm sorry. I didn't realize—
Ianto: Doesn't matter.
Gwen: I wouldn't have come in if I'd known—
Jack: Always room for one more. We could have used you an hour ago for naked hide-and-seek.
Ianto: He cheats. He always cheats.

Fragments [2.12]Edit

(21 March 2008)
Jack: Silent types? That's okay. I used to date a guy with no mouth. Surprisingly creative.

Emily: The Torchwood Institute was created to combat the threat posed by the Doctor and other phantasmagoria.
Jack: [laughs] He's not a threat. The Doctor's the one who will save you from your phantasma-hoogits.

Little Girl: He's coming, the one you're looking for. The century will turn twice before you find each other again.
Jack: Ooh. Are you for real? [sees his face on one of the tarot cards, and realises she's serious] You mean I have to wait a hundred years to find him? What'll I do in the meantime?

Jack: Hey, when you joked about the Millennium Bug, I didn't realise it was gonna have 18 legs stacked with poison. Anyone home? Hey! You know you're supposed to party like it's... [stops and sees his dead crew, then a man] Alex?
Alex: Jack! Just in time.
Jack: Alex? What happened? Who did this?
Alex: Me.
Jack: What? Why?
Alex: We got it wrong, Jack. We thought we could control the stuff we found. And what's it brought us? So much death.
Jack: What happened to them?
Alex: It's good you're here. Always did have great timing. This place, it's yours. Torchwood Three. My gift to you, Jack, for a century of service as field operative. Fill this place with purpose. Before it's too late. Please.
Jack: Alex, listen. It's going to be okay.
Alex: No. It's not. It's really not. I looked inside. It showed me what's coming. They were mercy killings. It's the kindest thing I could do. So none of us see the storm. I'm sorry I can't do the same for you. 21st century, Jack. Everything's gonna change. And we're not ready. [points gun to forehead]
Jack: Alex! [gets splattered with blood]

Tosh: Who are you?
Jack: Nobody. I don't exist... and for a man of my charisma, that's quite an achievement.

Jack: And you are?
Ianto: Jones, Ianto Jones.
Jack: Nice to meet you Jones Ianto Jones.

Jack: Thanks for the assistance.
Ianto: Any time. By the way, love the coat!

Jack: [irritated] Okay, this has to stop!
Ianto: No, listen to me-
Jack: I don't have time for this! Look, I don't care what your problem is, I want you out of this city by sunrise! There is no place for you here! Go back to London, and find another life! Keep stalking me, and I'll wipe your memory!
Ianto: No, but the thing is-
Jack: Look, any conversation between us, no matter what the subject, is over, finished, done, forever! I'm getting back behind the wheel of that car; If you're still standing in the road, I'm gonna drive thorough you! [walks away]
Ianto: So you're not gonna help me catch this pterodactyl, then? [Jack turns around]

Ianto: [upon seeing Jack pull out a syringe] Okay, that is the only special equipment you've got?
Jack: Yeah, 'cause I keep dinosaur nets in the back of the SUV.
Ianto: Torchwood London would have. [Jack glares at him]

[talking about the pterodactyl]
Jack: How'd you find it?
Ianto: Rift activity locator.
Jack: Torchwood London.
Ianto: See? Quality kit.
Jack: It's quite excitable!
Ianto: Must be your aftershave.
Jack: I never wear any.
Ianto: [surprised] You smell like that naturally?
Jack: Fifty first century pheromones!
Ianto: Huh.
Jack: You people have no idea! Up for another go?
Ianto: I'm game if you are!

Jack: [to Myfanwy, the pterodactyl] We're not gonna harm you. You can't stay here. Come back with me. I've got somewhere nice and big where you can fly around.
Ianto: Okay, so you'll let the pterodactyl in and not me?!
Jack: I need a guard dog.
Ianto: I could be that! Like a receptionist: Building maintenance. Food and drink. Dry cleaning, even! That coat of yours must take a battering... Like a butler! I could be a butler!
Jack: We don't need a butler.
Ianto: Excuse me, dried egg on your collar.
Jack: It was a busy week!
Ianto: What exactly is your plan?
Jack: I'm gonna be the decoy.
Ianto: ...And it will rip you to shreds.
Jack: Dinosaurs? Had them for breakfast. Had to. Only source of food protein after the asteroid crashed. [Ianto stares at him] Long story. [hands him a syringe] Here you go- One injection into the central nervous cortex. I'll keep it occupied. Move!
Ianto: No. [hands syringe back to Jack]
Jack: [taken back] What?
Ianto: It knows me; I'd a better decoy.
Jack: Way too dangerous.
Ianto: No, I've got a secret weapon; [pulls out a block of chocolate] Chocolate. Preferably dark.

Owen: If you're not a figment of my imagination, then I don't know what's happening anymore. Maybe this is what a mental breakdown feels like.
Jack: You're fine. It's the rest of the world that's delusional.

Exit Wounds [2.13]Edit

(4 April 2008)
[Jack enters the Hub. "I Lost My Heart to a Starship Trooper" is playing in the background.]
John: Come on! Sing along! It's our song!
Jack: We don't have a song! And if we did have a song, it wouldn't be this song!
John: [deadpan] You're no fun!

Jack: What do you want?
John: I want you to know that I love you.
Jack: Funny way of showing it.
John: No, seriously. You have to understand. [turns around] I really do love you. [pulls out two submachine guns and shoots Jack repeatedly. John stands over his "corpse".] 'Cause this is gonna get nasty.

Jack: Now we carry on.
Gwen: I don't think I can. Not after this.
Jack: You can. We all can. The end is where we start from.

Series 3: Children of EarthEdit

Day OneEdit

(6 July 2009)
Ianto: Heh, he thought we were together, like a couple. He said 'You two', the way he said it 'You two'.
Jack: Well, we are; Does it matter?
Ianto: [falters] Dunno. It's all a bit new to me, that's all.

Ianto: You’re right, he’s back.
Jack: I said so.
Gwen: Who's back?
Jack: What's he doing?
Ianto: Waiting, just like you said. He's been there twenty minutes.
Jack: Persistent.
Ianto: Good sign.
Jack: Dogmatic.
Ianto: Always a plus.
Gwen: Oh, Christ, never work with a couple, you two talk like twins! Now tell me who he is!
Ianto: Rupesh Patanjali, he saw the Hitchhiker. He’s the bodies-going-missing man.
Jack: Dr. Patanjali. We need a doctor.
Gwen: What, and you just let him follow you?
Ianto: Ask about Torchwood and most people point towards the Bay.
Gwen: Oh. [Jack and Ianto grin, she laughs] You bastards. That’s exactly what you did to me the first time we met. Well, sod that! I’m promoting myself to recruitment officer.

Jack: We need a child. 'Cause we need to test those frequencies. Find the right frequency, and we can find out who's transmitting.
Ianto: Where'd you get a child, though? I could find you lasers and weevils and hitchhikers, but kids...

Alice: It said on the news that we should send them back to school tomorrow. Do you think it's safe?
Jack: I don't know any more than you.
Alice: Oh, come on-
Jack: I don't. Any word from Joe?
Alice: In Italy, with her. He finally got married. But he phones every now and then and sends Steven postcards, remembers his birthday...There are worse fathers.
Jack: How are you off for money?
Alice: Don't worry about that, you give me enough. [pause] Kind of easy writing cheques, huh?
Jack: Alice, you're the one who asked me to stay away. I'd come round here every week if you wanted me to, every day.
Alice: Yeah...I just can't stand it, Dad. I look older than you do, and that's never going to stop. I get older and older, and you stay the same. One day, you're going to be standing at my funeral. Looking just like you did standing at Mum's. No wonder she was so furious; you make us feel old.
Jack: Actually...I found a grey hair.
Alice: [laughs] Oh! Well, that is the end of the world!

[Jack finds out Gwen is pregnant]
Jack: How long?
Gwen: Three weeks. [both look at the screen]
Jack: Well, that's good, isn't it? [Gwen looks at him] From where I'm standing...it looks good to me.
Gwen: Yeah...bloody hell. It's brilliant!
Jack: [grins] Ianto! We're having a baby. [Ianto comes over, looking surprised and delighted. To Gwen;] Have you told Rhys yet?
Gwen: Only just found out myself.
Jack: Oh, you told me before you told him- he is gonna love that! [Gwen laughs weakly]
Ianto: Congratulations. [pause] Would now be a good time to tell you I lost the car?
Jack: You did what?!
Gwen: [hadn't paid attention] That is just bloody spectacular!

Day TwoEdit

(7 July 2009)
Jack: Who are you? What's this all about?
Johnson: Apparently you can't die, so it would be foolish to tell you anything. But I will say this; If I can't kill you...I can containyou.

Day ThreeEdit

(8 July 2009)
Gwen: So, what do we do? Just sit here?
Jack: Worse than that, do I have to stay in these clothes? I mean, come on! Tracksuit bottoms? Not a good look!

Ianto: What did it feel like? I mean, getting blown up?
Jack: It wasn't the best of days.
Ianto: No, but... Did you feel it? Or did everything just go black?
Jack: ...I felt it.
Ianto: Shit!
Jack: Yeah.
Ianto: Do you ever think that one day your luck'll run out? That you won't come back?
Jack: I'm a fixed point in time and space. That's what the Doctor says. I think that means it's forever.
Ianto: So, one day you'll see me die... of old age... and just keep going?
Jack: Yeah...
Ianto: We'd better make the most of it then.
Jack: Yeah. Suppose.
Ianto: Like...right now?
Jack: [pause, then grin] Ianto, the world could be ending.
Ianto: World's always ending. And I have missed that coat.
Jack: Rhys, do you want to take the car down to those shops by the Wharf? We need some discs for these things. Should take about 20 minutes.
Ianto: [quickly] Thirty.
Jack: 30 minutes.
Rhys: I'll go later; the beans are almost done.
Jack: [disappointed] Beans are almost done.
Ianto: Bloody beans.

Day FourEdit

(9 July 2009)
Ianto: This must been eating away at you. [Jack is silent] Why didn't you tell me? I could've helped.
Jack: [shakes his head] No, you couldn't.
Ianto: I tell you everything.
Jack: [turns around] Ianto, tell me; what should I have done?
Ianto: Stood up to them. The Jack I know would've stood up to them. [sadly] I've only just scraped the surface, haven't I?
Jack: Ianto, that's all there is.
Ianto: No. You pretend that's all there is.

Jack: There's a saying here on Earth. A very old, very wise friend of mine taught me it; An injury to one is an injury to all. And when people act accordingly to the philosophy, the human race is the finest species in the universe.
Ianto: Never mind the philosophy. What he's saying is, you're not getting one solitary, single child. The deal is off.
Jack: Uh, I like the philosophy.
Ianto: I gathered.

Ianto: [holds up gun] If there's a virus, there must be an anti-virus. Release it now, or I'll blow a hole in that tank, and we'll all die together.
Jack: [joins Ianto, holds up his gun at the tank] You've made your point now stop this and we can talk!
456: You are dying. Even now.
[Jack and Ianto shoot at the tank, screaming noise is heard]
Jack: What's that noise? What's it doing? [...] [to Ianto] We need get you out of here. I can survive anything, but you can't!
Ianto: It's too late. I've breathed the air.
Jack: [horrified] There's gotta be something, there's gotta be an antidote!
456: You said you would fight.
Jack: [desperate] Then I take it back, alright?! I take it all back, but not him! [Ianto falls to the ground, and is caught by Jack] No! No, no, no, no, no. Ianto? No, no, no...

Jack: It's all my fault.
Ianto: No, it's not.
Jack: Don't speak, save your breath.
Ianto: [crying] I love you.
Jack: [shakes his head, brokenly] Don't. [Ianto closes his eyes] Ianto? Ianto? Ianto, stay with me. Ianto, stay with me, please. [shakes him, crying] Stay with me! Stay with me, please! Please!
Ianto: [looks up at Jack] Hey. It was...Good, yeah?
Jack: Yeah.
Ianto: Don't forget me.
Jack: [shakes head] Never could.
Ianto: A thousand years time...you won't remember me.
Jack: Yes I will. I promise, I will. [Ianto starts to gasp for breath, then closes his eyes - he is dead] Ianto? Ianto? Don't go, don't leave me, please. Please, don't--
456: You will die. And tomorrow, your people will deliver the children.
[Jack looks up at the 456, the picture of tragedy: he has tears running down his face and is clutching Ianto’s body. He places a gentle kiss on Ianto’s lips and falls beside him.]

Day FiveEdit

(10 July 2009)
Gwen: Couldn't have just chosen a pub, could you?
Rhys: It's bloody freezing! My feet!
Jack: I missed that. The Welsh complaining. [to Gwen] You look good.
Gwen: I look huge.
Rhys: [proudly] She's bloody gorgeous.
[Gwen laughs. Jack manages to smile]
Gwen: You okay?
Jack: Yeah.
Gwen: Did it work?
Jack: Travelled all sorts of places. This planet is too small. The whole world is like a graveyard.
Gwen: Come back with us.
Jack: [shakes his head] Haven't travelled far enough, yet. Got a lot of dirt to shake off my shoes. [looks up at the sky] And right now, there's a cold fusion cruiser surfing the ion reefs just at the edge of the solar system, just waiting to open its transport dock. [looks at Gwen] I just need to send a signal.
[Gwen holds up a finger, and takes Jack's Vortex Manipulator out of her jacket pocket]
Gwen: They found it in the wreckage. Indestructible. [hands it to Jack] Like its owner. [Jack puts it on] I put on a new strap for you.
Rhys: Cost me fifty quid, that.
Jack: Bill me.
Gwen: Are you ever coming back, Jack?
Jack: What for?
Gwen: [tearfully] Me. It wasn't your fault.
Jack: I think it was.
Gwen: [shakes her head] No.
Jack: Steven. And Ianto. And Owen, and Tosh, and Suzie, and...All of them. Because of me. [looks away]
Gwen: But you...you saved us. Didn't you?
Jack: I began to like it. And look what I became. Still, I have lived so many lives. It's time to find another one.
[Jack takes a step back and presses a button on his Vortex Manipulator]
Gwen: [crying] They died, and I am sorry, Jack...but you cannot just run away. You cannot just run away!
[a light surrounds Jack]
Jack: Oh yes, I can. Just watch me.
[Jack disappears from Earth]

Series 4: Miracle DayEdit

The New World [4.1]Edit

(8 July 2011
Jack: The Torchwood Institute was set up by the British Royal Family in 1879 to defend the realm of Great Britain by investigating the unusual, the strange. And the alien.
Esther: I'm kind of guessing alien doesn't mean foreign.
Jack: Alien. As in extraterrestrial.

Rendition [4.2]Edit

(15 July 2011)
Jack: The amazing thing about the miracle is not that no one's dying, it's not that the human race has become immortal. It's that it happened to everyone at the same time. Don't you see? It was instantaneous and that's a morphic event on a scale that I have never seen before. So whatever's happening to this planet, it is massive!

Jack: Hey, could we have something to drink?
Danny: I am not allowed to talk to you.
Jack: Give it to us silently.
Danny: I am not allowed to talk to you.
Lyn: They can have water. It's okay, I'll supervise.
Jack: Water? I'm American, too! Can't I contribute to our global cultural hegemony with a nice frosty cola?!

Dead of Night [4.3]Edit

(22 July 2011)
Rex: Hey, don't touch my pills. I need them for legitimate pain.
Jack: I need them too.
Rex: You weren't impaled.
Jack: You should see the other guy. [takes the painkillers]

Rex: There is no Torchwood! It's dead. Gone. Buried. As far as I can see, you got all your staff killed.
Jack: They were my friends.
Rex: Yeah, dead friends!

Jack: [scratching his arm] My arm is itching.
Gwen: Poor baby.
Jack: I think it's infected.
Gwen: You know, you're worse than Rhys. It's itching because it's healing. Now stop it, Jack.

Jack: I was thinking. About how you're immortal. And I'm dying. And what I wanted to say was... we're good aren't we? You and I? Good team. I missed you.
Gwen: I was thinking that, ah, if this had happened a bit sooner...
Jack: I know.
Gwen: He'd still be here, Ianto.
Jack: Dead friends.
Gwen: I'm sorry.
Jack: I wish he was here now. Not much of a team, is it? But we've still got each other. You and me. Just like the old days.

Jack: I saw you on television, saying you feel forgiven for taking the life of a child. That's a lie. I know that's a lie.
Danes: How do you know that, Jack, with such certainty?
Jack: Tell the truth! The murder of Susie Cabena. You don't feel sorry at all.

Oswald: I felt her life leave, and she left through me. You know that feeling. I think you do. And I relive it, every single night, because that was the best moment of my life.
Jack: Now I understand. You're doing all this because you're searching for one thing. One simple thing. Execution. We're without death, so you get to live. And it's killing you.

Escape to L.A. [4.4]Edit

(29 July 2011
Jack: Our greatest problem is that what's happened to the world is invisible. Quite by chance Oswald's found himself right at the heart of it. George Elliot wrote this chapter in Middlemarch. She said that if you take a piece of metal with random scratches all over it and hold a flame up to the metal, the scratches look like they're forming patterns. Circling around the light. And that Oswald. He's blazin' away. The patterns are starting to revolve around him. And all we have to do is keep watching.

Jack: We're travelling circus folk.
Rex: Yeah, and he's the clown.
Gwen: I'm the bearded woman, but I've shaved.

Rex: What is it with you? You make everyone around you gay?
Jack: That's the plan.

Jack: [after Gwen tries an American accent] You're so never doing that accent again.
Gwen: I am mortified. I'm absolutely mortified.

The Categories of Life [4.5]Edit

(5 August 2011)
Vera: So am I Torchwood now?
Jack: Welcome aboard.
[Jack bumps Vera's fist]
Vera: I'm not sure if that's good or bad.

Jack: [to paramedics, pretending to be upset] You look after him. I love him...That crazy old boyfriend of mine! [Rex flips him off]
Esther: Do you think I'm useless?
Jack: No. I think you're new to all this.
Esther: Yeah, but I'm CIA.
Jack: So's Rex. But he's just pretending. And that's the big secret, Esther. At times like these, the game goes to the person who speaks with the loudest voice. But pretty much everyone just wishes their mother was here.

Rex: Vera, this is Jack Harkness.
Jack: We keep meeting. It's like destiny.
Rex: Yeah. He likes to call himself Captain Jack, but I'm not buying it.

Jack: I'm going with you. I don't know, I could be your... assistant.
Esther: We told you, not a chance. That assassin said that you're too connected. And besides, you're too fragile, Mortal Man. [she kisses him on the cheek]
Jack: All I get is a kiss?
Esther: You look after yourself. You're unique. You're Category Jack.

Oswald: Jack Harkness. I could accuse you of having an obsession with me.
Jack: What happens after this, Oswald? When the fever dies down and the world wakes up to the fact that a murderer's standing center stage? Somewhere out there those men are waiting for you in the dark.

Jack: End the miracle. And you can die. You're cursed with intelligence. Clever enough to know who you are. And wise enough to want it to end. You help me and I promise I will help you to die.

The Middle Men [4.6]Edit

(12 August 2011)
Maitre’d: Love the vintage coat.
Jack: Thanks. Maybe the three of us should have a drink sometime.
Maitre'd: The three of us?
Jack: You, me...and the coat.

Stewart: It's not me you're after. In fact I've been trying to find out the truth just as much as you. I'm not a bad man, Mr. Harkness.
Jack: Captain.
Stewart: I'm not a bad man, Captain. I'm not a good one either. I'm a middle man in every sense of the word.

Jack: So that means everyone's to blame. Everyone and no one.
Stewart: Whoever's behind this, they don't show themselves. Not to me, not to you. But to play the system like this—the markets, the politics, industry—they had to be planning this for a very long time. I wish I knew who they were.

Gwen: You watching?
Jack: I'm here. And I've opened up the radio link. Make your message.
Gwen: This is the truth for the whole world to see. We let our government build concentration camps. They built ovens for people in our names. Now I don't care if the whole of society bends over and takes this like a dog. I'm saying...No. [she blows the complex]
Jack: That's my girl.

Jack: We did it. We're whistle blowers. Every major news organization. The world knows the truth now. Let the outrage begin.
Rex: You really think it's that easy, hmm?

Immortal Sins [4.7]Edit

(19 August 2011)
Gwen: They want to kill you, but why do they want to do that?
Jack: I don't know.
Gwen: What have you done?
Jack: I don't know!
Gwen: Well you've done something haven't you? Way back when in that long bloody life of yours. God, you've lived so long you can't remember half of it!

Jack: If their grammar was wrong, it could mean English is not their first language.
Gwen: I didn't notice anything wrong with it.
Jack: You're Welsh; You wouldn't notice if the vowels were missing.
Gwen: Button it!

Gwen: Have you got what I'm saying to you, Jack? What I'm saying is, no more! Because I know exactly what you’re thinking, Jack; "She won’t do this, not really. Not my Gwen." "No, Gwen, she can’t hurt me. Gwen loves me. She’d never harm me." And, well, this is about my daughter. And I swear for her sake, I will see you killed like a dog right in front of me if it means her back in my arms. Understood?
Jack: Understood. And let me tell you. Now that I'm mortal, I'm gonna hang onto this with everything I've got. I love you, Gwen Cooper, but I will rip your skin from your skull before I let you take this away from me. Understood?
Gwen: Understood.

Jack: Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. So many times. And that's just today.

Angelo: How did you know? About me? That I was like this?
Jack: Just experience, that's all.
Angelo: So, anyone looking at me...Would they know?
Jack: No. Trust me, you're safe.

Angelo: Can I stay with you, like the Doctor? Learn all the secrets?
Jack: Here's one of the secrets: run!

[On an alien encountered during a past adventure]
Jack: It's a species of brainspawn treated as vermin on more than 150 planets that I know and valued as dinner on one other. It tastes like oysters.
Angelo: You didn't...?
Jack: I had to be polite.

Jack: I came back, Angelo. I came back for you. Believe me, I have never done that.
Angelo: You came back... for me?
Jack: Yeah.

[Jack leaving Angelo]
Jack: It always ends the same way - you kill me. [he stands at the edge of the roof] Men like you... kill me... [he falls backwards off the building and then disappears]

Jack: I saw a firebird, once. A tiny little thing, even smaller than a hummingbird. Literally made of fire. It only lives for a minute; It blazes different colours and sings. It gets so bright, you have to close your eyes. And when you open them, it's gone. But the image stays behind your eyelids for longer than it was alive.

End of the Road [4.8]Edit

(26 August 2011)
Jack: [speaking to an elderly, comatose Angelo] Did you see him? Did you see Ianto? You would've liked him...Or not. You would've been jealous. Is that why you never approached me? Or maybe you did approach me...some old guy asking for directions, and I would've looked right through you.

The Gathering [4.9]Edit

(2 September 2011)
Esther: The infection is almost gone.
Jack: Yeah, the gunshot didn't kill me. But I think you will. [laughs]
Esther: I'll go into the village tomorrow, see if I can buy a steak. Get you some iron. As long as they don't start asking questions again- that last guy creeped me out. If he's still there I think we should move on.
Jack: We're in Scotland, we can't go much further north.
Esther: Yes we can. Keep running for as long as it takes...
Jack: I remember when you were too scared to leave home.
Esther: Yeah. A long time ago... [grins] You were the strong one standing tall. Look at you now.

The Blood Line [4.10]Edit

(9 September 2011)
Oswald: Who are you?
Jack: Captain Jack Harkness.
Oswald: No. I spent a long time in prison. And I know the smile of a man who's done terrible things. And your friends. I've been watching them. Sometime they like you, sometimes they love you... and sometimes once or twice, fluttering away in those tiny little gaps, they fear you.
Jack: I'm from the future.
Oswald: Well, now.
Jack: I come from the future.
Oswald: Then you must know. Do we make it through this day?
Jack: The future can change. It's being written right now. One thing I do know. I've seen the stars. I have seen the universe. I have seen the human race become vast and magnificent and endless. And I wish you could see it, Oswald. I wish you could see that, too. Because then you'd know how small you've made your life.

Gwen: You're the expert. What is it?
Jack: The world's been turning for four billion years; There so much buried under its skin. The Doctor used to say there's a Silurian mythology, Huon particles, Racnoss energy...an expansion of their hibernation matrix, maybe.
Gwen: You don't bloody know, do you?
Jack: [grins] No.

Gwen: Just one last thing, Jack.
Jack: What is it?
Gwen: You're never gonna be a suicide. [aims her gun at him]
Jack: Thank you.
Gwen: Face front.

Quotes about Jack HarknessEdit

  • The Doctor: Relax, he's a 51st century guy; he's just a bit more flexible when it comes to dancing.
  • Rose: How flexible?
  • The Doctor: Well, by his time, you lot have spread out across half the galaxy.
  • Rose: Meaning?
  • The Doctor: [gleefully] So many species, so little time.
  • Rose: [shocked] What, that what we do when we get out there? That's our mission? We seek new life, and- and...
  • The Doctor: Dance.
  • And the good thing is, he's not dead for long. I GET TO KILL HIM AGAIN!
  • Owen: So, what's he told you?
  • Gwen: What about?
  • Tosh: Himself!
  • Gwen: [confused] You've been here longer than I have!
  • Tosh: [disappointed] We were banking on you!
  • Owen: You're a copper, you're trained to ask questions.
  • Gwen: You don't know anything?
  • Owen: Not who he is, not where he's from, nothing. Except... him being gay.
  • Gwen: [shocked] No he's not! Really...do you think?
  • Tosh: Owen does, I don't.
  • Ianto: And I don't care.
  • Owen: Period military is not the dress code of a straight man. That's all I'm saying.
  • Gwen: I think it suits him. Sort of classic.
  • Tosh: Exactly! I've watched him in action, he'll shag anything if it's gorgeous enough.
  • Gwen: We know he's from America, right?
  • Owen: Don't even know that for sure.
  • Tosh: No US citizen by the name of Jack Harkness born in the last fifty years.
  • Gwen: Maybe his identity's classified.
  • Ianto: Used to be something big in the CIA, that's what I reckon.
  • Gwen: He must have his reasons for wanting to keep things secret.
  • Owen: Sure he has. Doesn't stop me from wanting to know.
  • Gwen: You should see his manners in bed. They're atrocious, apparently. So I've heard.
  • Ianto: Oh, they are. I remember this one time...
  • ...He is dashing, you have to give him that.
  • You always remember what you kill, don't you, Jack?
  • Martha: So, Jack asked me if I could get you a UNIT cap to wear.
  • Ianto: Did he? Well, red is my colour.
  • Martha: So, am I right in thinking that you and he...
  • Ianto: We... dabble.
  • Martha: Yeah?
  • Ianto: Yeah.
  • Martha: So...what's his "dabbling" like?
  • Ianto: ...Innovative.
  • Martha: Really?
  • Ianto: Bordering on the avant-garde.
  • Martha: Wow!
  • Ianto: Oh yeah... [stares into space]
    • Reset [2.6] (13 February 2008)
  • The problem seems to be an American with no sense of timing or fashion.
  • I swear to you: if your duty is to protect the state above and beyond any other authority, then the one person you need right now is Jack Harkness.
I wanted kids to like him, and I wanted women, men, I wanted everyone to like him. But first I wanted people to hate him…~ John Barrowman

External linksEdit

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Last modified on 9 April 2014, at 11:09