Mercutio~enwikiquote

Billy

" 'Bird pedophile' is a summary of Hooper's life in two words."

"This guy obviously doesn't know how debilitating a ten-foot wing span actually is."

"So is it a no on the whole 'bun juice' thing?"

"You just got zinged by a dead man."

Duncan

"One more hooker then it's my turn."

"Hey look, a grape!"

"I am still a pea!"

Hooper

"HOW DO YOU KNOW I'M HETEROSEXUAL!?"

Joe

"When I"m on a greased surface wearing slick pants, I tend to be lurching forward."

"You drowned our children?!"

"Psh. Scientific butt pirates maybe..."

Mike

"Biting off things that are attached to you is unpleasant."

"Monty, I didn't read the book, what happens after they get to Babylon?"

"I'm disappointed, I expected more groping."

Mitch

"This carpet smells like peanut butter!"

"Steve, I don't want you to ever come near one of my orifices again."

"Monty, quit pulling at my pants."

"You're supposed to look at it! Not touch it!"

Monty

"Ok, I suppose I'll give this so-called 'heterosexuality' one more try."

"Mike, you need a stronger groin."

"Logic isn't as important as incest."

"Martin Luther King did wonderful things for the Civil Rights movement, but his real passion was the nunchaku."

Rachel

"And Monty can be your crotch."(to Rich)

Rich

"Pain is so much more interesting than McGee's lecture."

"I'm Gene Hackman!"

Sam

"She doesn't have to be good, just enjoyable."

Smitty

"Just because I'm friendly doesn't mean I'm your friend."

Steve

"I often mistake cars for women, but I tend to prefer the former."

"By that you implied that I was having sex with Davy. Believe you me, when I'm having sex with Davy, you'll know."

"Guys, I think I'm the Messiah."

"Just because they have a penis does not mean they are a man."

"How do you think dark matter would feel if it knew we were gossiping about it behind its back?"

"I don't think it gets much better than peanut butter and poon tang."

Dialogue

James: "I got the tail end of that conversation."

Steve: "You seem to get the tail end of a lot of things."

Hooper: "Have you been peeking at my virginity again?"

Steve: "Oh yes, Hooper."

James: "It's called deductive reasoning! You look in the back of the book and-

Duncan: "And write down the answer. It's called cheating."

Steve: "Just because they have a penis does not mean they are a man."

Doug enters

Steve: "Take Douglas for example."

Doug: "Yeah! Take me for example! What were we talking about?"