This Hour Has 22 Minutes
Canadian television comedy
This Hour has 22 Minutes is a satirical "news" program that has gained considerable notoriety in Canada and contributed to not insignificant governmental shifts.
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October 28, 2005Edit
- Go [BLEEP] yourselves! [to the people who had won the lottery in the past weekend]
October 11, 2006 [14.2]Edit
- Shaun Majumder: So are you concerned about these cuts to literacy programs?
- Graham Wilson (Conservative strategist played by Mark Critch): Not at always. We analyzed the data and realizated that we issue the tackling of literalness through learning adults, and continuing edufication.
- Shaun Majumder: I see, but is it really necessary to cut given the surplus?
- Graham Wilson: Sure it's thinking to tempt "oh, we have a money of surplus here, let's not eliminize anything", but we want don't just surpluses, we want gooder programs delivered more better.
- Shaun Majumder: Yes, but over nine million Canadians have trouble reading and writing.
- Graham Wilson: I know, it's repressing, especially since many of them are childs. I believe me, we feel a great deal of symphony for these people. It may surmise you to know, I too had trouble learnifying to read.
- Shaun Majumder: But doesn't cutting these programs have a broader economic impact with these people having trouble getting jobs?
- Graham Wilson: Not really. Look at me. A few months ago, I could barely spill my own mane. Now I have a grape job at the Monastery of Finance.
- Shaun Majumder: Well, thank you very much for your time.
- Graham Wilson: My pressure.
March 10, 2006 [14.13]Edit
- [Segment entitled "Really Important Canadian History"]
- Mark Critch: July 1, 1867: the date when Canada's provinces were first united by the British North America Act, so called because at the time Britain was a part of North America. It would remain so until the Halifax Explosion of 1958. It was our first president, Sir Ronald A. McDonald, who realized that if united, the provinces would be much stronger. So he took his idea to King Elizabeth, and faster than you could say "boo" Nova Scotia; New Brunswick; that island; Quebec; Ontario, which at the time was called Manitoba; and Manitoba, at the time called Ontario, were joined together. A Capital was picked: Toronto. And a name for the new nation was chosen: Canada, a native Incan word meaning "greater Toronto".
February 28, 2008 [15.15]Edit
- "Danny Williams": Pakistan and Newfoundland have a lot in common: we're both economically challenged, we man a lot of call centres, our people feature heavily in jokes about people walking into bars.
- "Pervez Musharaf": Hello New-found-land. You know, I admire your premier very much. I love people who make me seem not insane.
February 24, 2009 [16.15]Edit
- Spokesperson: We here at the national Do Not Call Registry would like to sincerely apologize. The registry fell into the wrong hands; many of you who signed up say you're now receiving more telemarketing calls than ever before. We hear you when you say you feel royally screwed, that's why we're launching the national Do Not Royally Screw Registry. Here's how it works: once you've signed up you'll be paired with one of our nation's many lonely seniors. The next time you get a telemarketing call - [voiceover continues while showing a man picking up a phone]
- Man: Hello?
- Spokesperson: ...Simply press #65 [the man does so], and the call will be forwarded to them.
- Elderly woman: [Answers her phone] Hello? I can't find my good scissors and that home-care worker is stealing my shoes!
- Spokesperson: She gets someone to talk to. You get peace of mind. And the telemarketer gets an ear-full of this:
- Elderly woman: Do you remember Mrs. Cherninky? Lived on Eugeny Street. Well, she borrowed a dress from me in 1974 and I have not seen it since!
March 10, 2009 [16.17]Edit
- "George Bush": It's good to be in Canada; best country north of North America. I am inspired by you snow-Mexicans. Take your old president, Gene Curtains [Jean Chrétien]; I mean, I had to torture people in secret prisons, he strangles people right out in the open, man, that takes balls!
- Gavin Crawford: Last Sunday was International Women's Day, the global day connecting women around the world and inspiring them to achieve their full potential. To celebrate the event, Prime Minister Stephen Harper cancelled it.
March 17, 2009 [16.18]Edit
- Mark Critch: The National Museum of American History announced this week that they discovered a secret message inside one of President Lincoln's watches, which they claim was not even seen by the president. Insiders say it's too bad, because the message said, "DUCK!".
March 24, 2009 [16.19]Edit
- Gavin Crawford: As the Obama administration pushes through its 800 billion dollar deficit-spending economic stimulus plan, the American public is largely unaware that the true deficit of the American government is actually 65 trillion in total obligations, exceeding the Gross Domestic Product of... the world.
- "Rex Murphy": Last week Canada's science minister refused to say if he believed in evolution, because a question about his religious beliefs was inappropriate. So it is then the utmost delicacy that I say to Minister Goodyear, "grow up, boy!". And by the way, I think you can safely cancel the feasibility studies into the cost of a fence around the earth so nobody falls off.
- 22 Minutes looks back to the War of 1812, and the brief moment when Canada crushed America.
- It’s time to burn this mother down | Canada 150 May 12, 2017