The Weekenders

television series

The Weekenders is a Disney animated series about the weekend life of four diverse 12-year-old 7th graders: Tino Tonitini, Lorraine ("Lor") McQuarrie, Carver Descartes, and Petratishkovna ("Tish") Katsufrakis, voiced by veteran cartoon voice-actors: Jason Marsden, Grey DeLisle, Phil LaMarr, and Kath Soucie


Carver: Curse you modern day technology, CURSE YOU!!!

[repeated line] Tino: Later days!

Tish: {angrily} That DOES it! I'm going home before I say something I'll regret!
Lor: Like what?
Tish: Like-you're all a bunch of insensitive GUTTERSNIPES! {storms off}
Carver: She definitely would have regretted that.
Tino: Oh yeah.
Lor: Good thing she didn't say it.

Tish's Mom: I'll leave you to kitch en mai cub.
Lor: Urgh, kitchen my cub?
Tish: Kiss and make up.

[about Tish]
Tish's Mom: Tishie your friends here for apel chiz.
Tino [Whispers]: That's apologies.

[dragged to Scottish games by Lor]
Tino [Thoughts]: I Don't know what's worse, this or the shoe show...
Carver [Thoughts]: I wonder if I'd look good in a kilt.
Tish [Thoughts]: I think I sat in some Haggis.

[about Lor]
Tino's Mom: Aren't you overreacting?
Tino: Mom, she's wearing pink.
Tino's Mom: Ooh, that is serious.

Tish: If I'm a winter, how about this?
[Comes out of dressing room dressed in a white faux fur coat that covers all but her face]
Tino: Stand absolutely still.
Carver: What if it hunts by scent?
Tish: Ha, ha. Very funny.
Tino: Aah! It's seen us! Run!

Carver: I am going to be CARP!
Tino: Did you say Carp?
Carver: That stands for what I want to be. Cool And Radically Popular.
Tino: It's a good thing you don't want to be Cool RICH And Popular.
Carver: Why?

[repeated line]
Tish's Mom: Is what I say!

Tino: If you try to make everyone follow your plan, you're really no better than a gym teacher.

Tish: Maybe you're confusing us with your imaginary friends.
[Tino turns to the camera and addresses the audience]
Tino: She thinks I have imaginary friends. Ha!

[about his mother's vegetarian Halloween candy]
Tino: That's so healthy, its un-American...

Lor: On our planet we call that a golf course.

Tino: If a game doesn't have rules, it's not a game is it?
Carver: No, it's politics.

Carver: You have a point there, Lor.
[Frantically checking her chest]
Lor: Where?

Tino: We may not be as interesting as the people on Teen Canyon, but at least we aren't made up characters on T.V... or are we?

Tino: Want me to leave so you can say bad words?
Tino's Mom: Yeah that would be nice...

Tino: Why can't you be one of those nice moms who just say "That's Nice, Dear" and leave it at that?
Tino's Mom: That's nice, dear.
Tino: Well it's a little too late for that now.
Tino's Mom: That's nice, dear.
Tino: Okay, you can stop that now.
Tino's Mom: That's nice, dear.
Tino: No talking!

[Tish is forcing her friends to do a radio play]
Carver: I can't work under these conditions! I'll be in my trailer!
[Walks into a closet and closes it]
Tino: That's my closet, Olivier.

[a girl who humiliated Carver is waving at him at the beach]
Carver: SHE'S WAVING AT ME? Isn't there a law against that?
Tino: [Sarcastic] Yeeah, it's enforced by the Federal Bureau of Waving.

[Tino is poking his dinner with a fork, but not eating it]
Tino's Mom: It isn't going to bite you.
Tino: That works out nicely, because I don't plan to bite IT.

Carver: Do you have a compass in there?
Tino: Yup!
Carver: Maybe you can use it to find your way back to REALITY!

Tino: They're coming to get me! Mutant clowns from the Hollow Earth! They're real! It's the clown-pocalypse! Aaah!
Carver: I think he's getting better.He's rolling on his own.

Mrs Duong: Thank you for helping Helpers Helping the Helpless. Your help was very... helpful! And if anyone finds my thesaurus please let me know.

Tish: Me? JEALOUS? I haven't got a jealous bone in my body!
Carver: Do you have any jealous internal organs?

Carver: Excuse me while I spend the rest of my life in the attic.
[Carver walks off]
Lor: Wow! That must be a pretty nice attic! Er... what?

Tish: Lor, don't you think you're being a tad melodramatic?
Carver: A tad? More like five tads and sixteen smidgins.

Carver: Ugh, I think my stomach just resigned in disgust.

Tino: I think your cooking may have military applications.
Tino's Mom: Watch it...

[Tino is upset because he didn't win a category in the yearbook]
Tino: I'm just a fat, ugly, loser.
Lor: You're not fat!

Francis: [dressed as scissors for Halloween] Pointy, pointy.

[repeated line]
Francis: [snickers] I like pointy things...
[snickers again]

Dixon: [playing ball] Try to keep your eye on the ball this time, it won't bite.
Tino: It's not so much biting I'm worried about as much as bone-shattering impact.

Tino's Mom: [Tino refuses to leave his room] He said he won't come out until the city's been cleared of its un-holy clown infestation.

Lor: Have you seen the World's Funniest Medical Blunders?
Carver: I have. Once, this guy swallowed his dentures and when the doctors gave him an x-ray, his kidneys were smiling back at him.

Tino: Hello, could you at least knock before you enter my mind?

Lor: [watching Carver riding Tino's scooter] Huh,you have pretty good posture for someone without a backbone.

Tish: If you need an idea, use your imagination.
Lor: I think I sprained mine.

Tino: Can I have a map to that sentence?

Lor: [Mowing Tino's lawn] Was that a rosebush?
Tino: Not anymore.

Tino: Tish has lost her dignity.
Lor: Look under the sofa cushion. I find all sorts of stuff under there.

Tino: How long have we been here?
Lor: Somewhere between an hour... and a hundred thousand years.

Tish: Don't you want to broaden your minds?
Lor: Our minds are already broad enough.
Carver: Yeah, I already have trouble finding hats that fit.

Carver: How do you spell handsome?
Cherrie: M-e-l G-i-b-s-o-n

Tino: [Carver is wearing a latex suit and helmet] You look like a roll-on deodorant.

Carver: Interesting. And how did you obtain your data?
Tino: I made it up.
Carver: I see.

Carver: Those geeks... those geeks... Those geeks are my friends!
Tino:Way to go Carver! Wait, did he just say geeks?

Tino's Mom: You know, a kite flies on a string, not a stick.
Tino: [pause] Wow, I could see your lips moving, but all I heard was "blah, blah blah".

Lor: It's the crazy, backwards universe.
Tino: Where up is down and boy bands play instruments.

Tino: The cliff-dwellers didn't have skateboards! Cliffs plus wheels equals BAD!

Lor : It's the crazy, backwards universe again.
Tino: Where cats chase dogs and sitcoms are funny.

Lor: If that counts as dancing then it counts as singing when I burp.

Tino: Mom, which one of these shirts projects a mysterious, vulnerable, dangerous, lost puppy quality?
Tino's Mom: Come here. Let me feel your forehead.

Tish: I have here plans for a twelve-foot granite pyramid with twenty thousand miniature workers dragging stone blocks.
Tino: Uh-huh? And I have *here* cardboard, glue, sticks and paint.
Tish: Okay. How about a one-foot pyramid with two miniature workers dragging a sugar cube.
Tino: I know you spent a lot of time on those plans, Tish. I'm sorry you had to compromise your artistic vision.
Tish: And *I'm* sorry you had to sit on a tube of paint.
Tino: Oh great. Looks like I sat on a leprechaun.

Carver: You guys are toast.
Tino: Well you're double toast.
Lor: You're triple toast.
Tish: You're *French* toast.
Tino: *French* toast?
Tish: [sighs] It's been a long day.

Lor: Go fish.
Carver: We're playing Crazy Eights.

Tino: You're going to be combing pudding out of your hair!
Carver: You can't comb dreads!

Tino: Games involve strategy, cunning, and knowledge of the humans psyche. Sports involves me looking like a geek.

One of Lor's brothers: [literally handing Lor over to Tino, Carver, and Tish] She makes waffles, she says "please," she won't punch anybody. FIX HER!

Tino's Mom: You know, there's a lesson in this.
Tino: Why did I know there would be?
Tino's Mom: Sometimes, we think somebody would be perfect if only one thing about them. But when we change that one thing, suddenly they're no that person we knew."
Tino: Yeah, OK."
Tino's Mom: And before you know it, you're divorced and raising a child all on your own."
Tino: This isn't about Lor anymore, is it?
Tino's Mom: Lor who?

Tino: So, Carve, imagine the worst thing that can happen if you went back on the radio.
Carver: Well, I go in, totally choke really bad, get suspended from school, get kicked out by my parents, hop a freight train out west, get arrested for being a hobo, and end up in a chain gang with a guy named Lenny who calls me George and keeps talking about the rabbits.
Tino:'re not allowed to use your imagination anymore.

Carver: I am clearly not fit to be the voice of Bahia Bay. Don't worry, I'm completely content with being the voice of total failure.
Lor: You could start with being the voice of mediocrity and work your way down from there.

Carver: [on the way to sign Tino up for clown school] Don't worry, T., we're all gonna sign up for clown school with you.
Lor: [cheering] Clown school! Clown school! Clown school!
Tino: Great, my friends will be there to see me get scared and vomit.
Lor: [cheering] Vomit! Vomit! Vomit!

Lor: [As the gang celebrates getting yearbook superlatives] I'm gonna have "Most athletic" tattooed to my face!
Carver: Oh man, I was gonna do that, only with "best shoes."
Lor: Why would you wanna tattoo "best shoes" to my face?

Bluke: Gum from the sidewalk tastes best.

Tino's Mom: You can't force yourself to mature.
Tino: Can so.
Tino's Mom: Can not.
Tino: Can so.
Tino's Mom: Can not.
Tino: Can so.
Tino's Mom: Can not times infinity.
Tino: Blast.

[When trying to help Lor study but she cannot stay focused]
Tino: Man, her brain has like totally shut down.
Tish: I think it’s a mechanism evolved by her Scottish ancestors to protect her from bagpipe music.

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