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The Muppet Movie

1979 film directed by James Frawley

The Muppet Movie is a 1979 live-action/puppet musical comedy film featuring Jim Henson's The Muppets in which Kermit and his newfound friends trek across America to find success in Hollywood, but a frog legs merchant is after Kermit.

Why're there so many songs about rainbows
And what's on the other side?
Directed by James Frawley. Written by Jack Burns and Jerry Juhl.

Dialogue

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[First lines]
Statler: I'm Statler.
Waldorf: I'm Waldorf. We're here to heckle "The Muppet Movie".
Gate Guard: Gentlemen, that's straight ahead. Private screening room D.
Statler: Private screening?
Waldorf: Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public.
[They laugh as they ride off to the studios]
Bernie the Agent: [rowing his boat] HELP! HELLO! THIS IS A SERIOUS CALL FOR HELP!
Kermit the Frog: Uh, Yeah?
Bernie the Agent: [rowing up to Kermit] SOMEONE? HELP! Oh, You, you with the banjo. Can you help me? I have lost my sense of direction!
Kermit the Frog: Have you tried Hare Krishna?
Bernie the Agent: [chuckles] No. No, I mean, I'm really lost.
Kermit the Frog: Uh, one second. [snaps at fly] Darn, I missed. You know, that's the first thing to go on a frog, his tongue. The tongue goes and you can't catch flies.
Bernie the Agent: Oh, that's rough, I'm sorry about your tongue, but, I have to get out of this swamp. I have to catch a plane.
Kermit the Frog: With that tongue? No way! But seriously, there's a boat dock just downstream.
Bernie the Agent: Thank you.
Kermit the Frog: Just watch out for the alligators.
Bernie the Agent: I will. [widens] Alligators?!
Kermit the Frog: That's right.
Bernie the Agent: Did you say "alligators"?
Kermit the Frog: Read my lips "Al-li-ga-tors".
Bernie the Agent: It's just that I'm not used to alligators where I come from. See, I'm an agent. I winged in from Hollywood.
Kermit the Frog: Hollywood?
Bernie the Agent: That's right.
Kermit the Frog: Did you say "Hollywood"?
Bernie the Agent: Read my lips, Hol-ly-wood. You know, [singing] Hollywood. The dream factory, the magic store. Hey, don't you ever go to the movies?
Kermit the Frog: Oh, sure, there's a double feature in town every Saturday.
Bernie the Agent: [naps his finger] Wait a minute, wait a minute. [grabs the newspaper ad to Kermit to read] There's an ad in here that you should be very interested in. Feast your eyes on that.
Kermit the Frog: Uh, "World Wide Studios announces open auditions for frogs wishing to become rich and famous?" Well, thanks, anyway, but I'm really pretty happy where I am.
Bernie the Agent: Oh, oh, if I were you, I would give this audition very careful consideration. You've got talent, kid--singin', tellin' jokes, I mean, if you get your tongue fixed, who knows? You could make millions of people happy.
Kermit the Frog: [wonders] Millions of people happy...
Bernie the Agent: Millions! Hey, if you ever come west to Hollywood, look me up, Bernie the Agent.
Kermit the Frog: Hey, listen, Bernie the agent, why don't you say hello to Arnie the alligator?
Bernie the Agent: What?! [rows away in a panic, yelling as the alligator pursues him]
Kermit the Frog: Arnie! Arnie, wait a minute. Careful, Arnie.
Bernie the Agent: STAY! STAY!
Kermit the Frog: Arnie, that's okay, leave him alone! He's from Hollywood!
Kermit the Frog: The El Sleezo Cafe. Hmm, Foreign food. Well, It doesn't smell promising. But a frog's gotta eat. [gasps when a man is kicked out of the cafe] Wow! Rough place, Huh?
The El Sleezo Cafe owner: That's the toughest, meanest, filthiest pest over the face of the earth!
Kermit the Frog: Well, why not complain to the owner?
The El Sleezo Cafe owner: "I" am the owner.
[Fozzie and Kermit speed away from Doc Hopper]
Doc Hopper: Max! [Max pulls over] Follow that frog! [Max drives off leaving Doc Hopper behind] MAX!!! [Max stops and reverses the car] Follow that frog with me in the car!
Max: I'm sorry, Doc, I just got excited. Isn't the frog terrific?
Doc Hopper: [getting in the car]: Terrific, Max, terrific, now go!
Max: But you promised me a reward.
Doc Hopper: Later, Max. Now follow that frog!
[Max then drives off with Doc Hopper]
Fozzie: Kermit, where're we?
Kermit: [looking at a map] Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little green line here, and uh, just crossed that little pink line over here.
Fozzie: [takes his eyes off the road to focus on the map] Look, why don't we just take that little blue line, huh?
Kermit: We can't take that. That's a river.
Fozzie: Oh. I knew that.
Kermit: Yeah sure.
Fozzie: Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...
Kermit: [cutting him off] Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?
Fozzie: Yeah?
Kermit: Who's driving?
[They looked up, and screamed before Fozzie drives away from crashing the church and stops the car]
Kermit: Where did you learn to drive?
Fozzie: I took a correspondence course. [backing up next to the church]
[discovering that their car was painted by The Electric Mayhem]
Fozzie: I don't know how to thank you guys!
Kermit: I don't know why to thank you guys.
Sweetums: Jack not name, Jack Job!
Used Car Store owner: [quietly] How many times did I tell you not to talk to my customers?
Sweetums: Yeah, I know!
Used Car Store Owner: Just move it. You understand?
The Beauty Pageant host: Before we announce the winner, We would like to thank the judges of today's contest! Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy!
Charlie McCarthy: You are not gonna believe who is the winner is, folks.
Edgar Bergen: Come on, Charlie. It's their movie.
Charlie McCarthy: So, it is.
[They both laugh]
The Beauty Pageant host: And here she is! The winner of the Bogen County Beauty Pageant is: MISS PIGGY!
Kermit: [watching Gonzo, who's holding a bunch of helium balloons, fly by] Gonzo! What're you doing?!
Gonzo: About seven knots!
Kermit: [giving directions to Fozzie] Bear left.
Fozzie: Right frog.
Rowlf: Oh. Broken heart, right?
Kermit: [sadly] Does it show?
Rowlf: Listen. When you've been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you've seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every falling star.
Kermit: Exactly. She just walked out on me.
Rowlf: Yeah, typical. That's why I live alone.
Kermit: You do, huh?
Rowlf: You bet. I finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk and go to bed.
Kermit: Nice and simple.
Rowlf: Stay away from women, that's my motto.
Kermit: But I can't.
Rowlf: Neither can I. That's my trouble.
Kermit: [over the phone] Hello?
[We see Doc Hopper and the tied-up Miss Piggy]
Miss Piggy: Kermie, help! I've been kidnapped! [Doc Hopper covers her mouth]
Kermit Uh, Miss Piggy, Is that you?
Doc Hopper: Yes, That's her. And this is Doc Hopper. Let me tell you something. Come outside of the hotel right now. My guys will be waiting for you.
Kermit: But what if I don't?
Doc Hopper: Then your pig friend will be ham-hocked for breakfast.
Miss Piggy: [muffed screams] No, Kermie! Don't, don't...
[Doc Hopper hangs up the phone and laughs at Miss Piggy. Kermit quietly and nervously enters outside the restaurant, and is held gunpoint by Doc Hopper's henchmen]
Kermit: [frightened] Um, aren't you the guys I'm supposed to meet?
[As Miss Piggy karate chops the henchmen]
Doctor Max Krassman: What the heck's goin' on here? A pig that goes bananas? What is this, a luau?!
Doctor Max Krassman: I must reach the switch, I must. Reach it....
Miss Piggy: HAI-YAH! [crashes into the machine] Come out, Kermit!
Kermit the Frog: [in tears of joy] Oh, Thank you!
[Miss Piggy kicks the mad doctor and sets off the machine]
Doctor Max Krassman: [screams when he leans on the chair] Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit! Ribbit! Ha! [faints]
Kermit: I didn't promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood, anyway? Just a dream I got from sitting through too many double features.
Kermit's Conscience: [heard] So why did you leave the swamp in the first place?
Kermit: 'Cause some agent fella said I had talent. He probably says that to everybody.
Kermit's Conscience: On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp, you'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow.
Kermit: Yeah. But then it would just be me feeling miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear and a chicken, a dog, a thing, whatever Gonzo is. He's a little like a turkey.
Kermit's Conscience: [appears, similar to Kermit, on the rock] Mmm - Yeah. A little like a turkey, but not much.
Kermit: No, I guess not. Anyhow, I brought them all out here to the middle of nowhere, and it's all my fault.
Kermit's Conscience: [walks up to him] Still, whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember - they wanted to come.
Kermit: But...that's because they believed in me.
Kermit's Conscience: No, they believed in the dream.
Kermit: Well, so do I, but...
Kermit's Conscience: You do?
Kermit: [realizes] Yeah! Of course I do.
Kermit's Conscience: Well, then?
Kermit: Well, then...I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.
Sgt. Floyd Pepper: When do you dudes have to be at the audition?
Kermit the Frog: 2:00 tomorrow afternoon!
Dr. Teeth: Well, then climb aboard the bus! We will have breakfast at Hollywood and vine!
Kermit the Frog: A motorcycle cop is chasing us! [we see a police officer on motorcycle chasing the bus] Hey, Dr. Teeth, you better pull over.
Dr. Teeth: Easier done than said. [the police officer gets off his motor cycle]. Hey! Hey! Hey! It's the man with the badge. The police, the cops, the fuzz, the P.I.-
Miss Piggy: DON'T! YOU! DARE!
Dr. Teeth: I wouldn't think of it.
Kermit the Frog: Did we do something wrong, Officer?
[The police officer takes off the helmet and reveals to be Doc Hopper's friend Max].
Crowd: [shocked] Oh, look!
Miss Piggy: Kermit, it's him!
Kermit the Frog: Okay, guys. Let him explain.
Max: This whole disguise is so that I can warn you.
Fozzie :[sarcastically] Yeah, sure.
Max: I never thought Doc was gonna hurt Kermit, I thought he was gonna lean on him! But now he's got this frog killer in from the coast! And the man's deadly!
[Everybody gasps]
Fozzie: Oh, no! Kermit, what are we gonna do?!
Floyd: It's time to beat feet, green stuff.
Fozzie: Yeah, get out of here, Kermit.
Dr. Teeth: I love it. Chase music is one of our best riffs.
Kermit the Frog: Hold it, Dr. Teeth! What's up ahead?
Dr. Teeth: Uh...only an old ghost town.
Kermit the Frog: Fine. [to Max] Listen, you go back and tell Doc Hopper, I'll be waiting for him there.
Max: [shocked] WHAT?!?!
[Miss Piggy gasps]
Fozzie: Kermit, you'll get killed!
Kermit the Frog: Listen, guys. Listen. I can't spend my whole life running away from a bully. It's time for a showdown.
[Animal mighty roars at Doc Hopper and his villains before they're gonna run away]
Doc Hopper and Clan: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[Max, who's not screaming, gives Kermit and the gang thumps up with a smile and leaves]
Kermit the Frog: [surprised, relieved, then turns to his friends] Everybody, on to Hollywood!
[Muppets cheering]
Lew Lord, CEO and chairman of World Wide Studios: [to the intercom] Miss Tracy, prepare the standard 'rich and famous' contract for Kermit the Frog and company.
[The Muppet gang are surprised, and they cheered, while Kermit is stunned with relief]
Scooter: [holds the clapboard the wrong way] Okay, Muppet Movie, Scenery 1A, Take One! [urts his hand from the clapboard] Ow!
Beaker: Makeup's ready!
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Sound's ready.
Kermit the Frog: [on Megaphone] Okay, stand by, here we go!
[Last lines]
Animal: Go home! Go home! Bye-bye. [faints]
[Cuts to black]

Cast

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Cameo Guest Stars

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The Muppet Performers

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  • Jim Henson as Kermit the Frog, Rowlf the Dog, Dr. Teeth, Waldorf and The Swedish Chef
  • Frank Oz as Miss Piggy, Fozzie Bear, Animal, Beaker, Camilla the Chicken, Marvin Suggs and Sam the Eagle
  • Jerry Nelson as Crazy Harry, Floyd Pepper, Robin the Frog and Lew Zealand
  • Richard Hunt as Scooter, Statler and Sweetums
  • Dave Goelz as The Great Gonzo, Zoot and Dr. Bunsen Honeydew
  • Caroll Spinney as Big Bird.
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