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The Little Rascals (film)

1994 film by Penelope Spheeris
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The Little Rascals is a 1994 American comedy film produced by Amblin Entertainment, and released by Universal Pictures on August 5, 1994. The film is an adaptation of Hal Roach's Our Gang, series of short films of the 1920s, 1930s, and 1940s (later broadcast on television as The Little Rascals)

Dialogue

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[The Little Rascals' clubhouse is a special place. It is big and roomy, and it sits all by itself on a weed-filled lot. It has taken the Rascals a lot of work to get it just the fashion they want. But the best fact about the clubhouse is...girls are never, ever allowed inside. This afternoon, the Rascals are holding an emergency meeting of their club, the He-Man Woman-Haters. Spanky, the club's president, has sent out their dog Petey with the message. Emergency meeting. Be there or die, reads the note. From all over the town, boys stop what they are thinking and hurry to the clubhouse]
Froggy: You're alright...you're alright...you're alright...
[Froggy lets all of his friends in. But suddenly, Butch and Woim show up. Butch is the biggest bully in town. Woim is his sidekick. And now, Froggy faces them, gives them raspberries, and went inside the clubhouse before closing the door behind them]
[The clubhouse is filled with boys. Laughing and joking, they take their seats on wooden benches. Petey, the dog, and Elmer, the monkey, are there, as well]
Stymie: [takes charge. He picks up his gavel, really a can of beans tied to a stick, and smashes it down on the podium] Gentlemen and gentlemen, I give you our president, Spanky!
[The boys cheer as Spanky enters the clubhouse and makes his road through the crowd]
Spanky: How are you? Nice to see you. [whispering] Your fly's undone. [eventually, he arrives at the podium. He takes a deep breath] Vice president Stymie, lead the men in the Pledge of Our Lesions.
Stymie: I, Stymie...
Boys: I, Stymie...
Stymie: ...Member in good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club...
Boys: Member in good standing of the He-Man Woman Haters Club...
Stymie: ...Do solemnly swear to be a he-man and hate women and not play with them or talk to them unless I have to. And especially: never fall in love. And if I do, may I die slowly and painfully and suffer for hours - or until I scream bloody murder.
[Porky then recites this with the other Rascals]
Waldo: We just moved into town. My father bought the oil refinery.
Darla: That explains why you're so refined!
Alfalfa: Yeah, and so oily!
Waldo: [to Alfalfa] Watch it, bud.
Stymie: Porky, you sure know how to make a sand...wich!
Porky: That wasn't sand, that was kitty litter!
Buckwheat: Don't worry, it's pretty fresh.
[Buckwheat and Porky are at a payphone across from the firehouse]
Buckwheat: Quick! What's the number for 911?
Porky: How should I know?
[They run away leaving the phone off the hook]
Alfalfa: Why am I soaking wet?
Porky: Don't worry, Alfalfa. I used to have the same problem.
[The Rascals laugh]
Spanky: It's just a hole in the tent.
Spanky: Howdy, Mister. Me and my buddies have to build a new clubhouse.
Stymie: We have buy some lumber.
Lumberyard Clerk: What kind?
Stymie: Wood!
Stymie: Wood doesn't grow on trees!
[Stymie and Spanky are disguised as Amish men and walk into the bank; someone holds the door open for them]
Spanky: Thank you my good man!
Mr. Welling: [writing] Six kids, hardworking father, honest and trustworthy. Loan...denied.
Spanky: Hello, my good man.
Mr. Welling: Gentlemen, uh, have a seat.
Spanky: [to Froggy, who is holding him up under the coat] Can we sit down?
Froggy: Are you kidding?
Spanky: We can't sit down my good man.
Mr. Welling: And what may I do for you?
Stymie: We wanna take out a hefty loan.
Mr. Welling: Course, of course. Do you have an account with us?
Stymie: [nods] And how!
Mr. Welling: What is your account...number?
Spanky: Uh, seven.
Mr. Welling: Seven?...seven?
Froggy: Try eight.
Spanky: Eight?
Mr. Welling: Heard enough. [pulls the fake beards on Stymie and Spanky]
Spanky and Stymie: Ouch!
Mr. Welling: If you were my kids, I'd punish you!
Stymie: If we were your kids, we'd punish ourselves!
Mr. Welling: Leave the premises post haste!
Spanky: You can't treat people this way, Mister!
Mr. Welling: You're not people, you're kids!
Alfalfa: [secretly writing a love letter, not letting Buckwheat and Porky know] Dear Darla, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You're a scum between my toes. Love, Alfalfa.
[Butch and Woim attempt to steal the Blur]
Butch: This'll be like stealin' candy from a baby.
Woim: Nothin' beats a buck and a duck.
Buckwheat: Hey, you dumb duck, queda!
Butch: Hmm. [takes the key from the Blur, but finds it attached to a string] What's this?
[Meanwhile, Woim looks up to see a Rube Goldberg-like fashion hooked up to the key, and shudders in fear. Soon Butch does the same as they are both drenched in pickles and brine]
Butch: Oh, no, not pickles! Oh, yuck!
[Meanwhile, Buckwheat and Porky have caught up with the duck. And they have gotten the dollar bill, as well]
Buckwheat: Nothing like a security system to give you peace of mind.
[With the smell of pickles all over them, Butch and Woim head for home. As they walk past the dance hall, Butch spots Alfalfa and Spanky, who ran into the dance hall in panic. They need to find disguises. And fast. Frantically, the boys run into the costume room. Tutus, wigs and leotards spill out. Alfalfa looks at Spanky. Spanky looks at Alfalfa. They don't have any choice. Butch and Woim are hot on their trail. The bullies race down the hallway, and push open the first door they see. AAH!! A bunch of girls shriek. Wrong door. Butch and Woim run back down the hallway. They open another door. More shrieks. Next they come to the costume room. The door to the room swings open]
Spanky: [disguised as a ballerina in a brunette wig] Hiya, fellas!
Butch: Say, you two chicklets see a couple of ugly mugs who ran in here?
Alfalfa: [in a blonde wig] You mean behind you? [Spanky pinches him] I think they went in there.
Spanky: Whew. [hey watch Butch and Woim walk in on Ms. Roberts. She frustratingly ushers the bullies out the door] Let's ange-chay and am-scray!
Alfalfa: You took the words right out of my mouth. [pushes the exit door]
Darla: Hi!
[This isn't the exit. It is the girls' changing room. And there is Mary Ann and all of Darla's other friends, as well. Spanky and Alfalfa's eyes grow wide]
Girl: Are you a Sugar Plum fairy?
Alfalfa: [nods. Sweat beads are beginning to form on his forehead. And the frog. He has been holding the frog in his hand all this time] Pardon me. I'm sweating like a pig. It's the recital.
Darla: Here's my handkerchief. [gives Alfalfa her handkerchief. He wipes the sweat off his forehead. And then he scrubs underneath his arms. After he's done, he offers the handkerchief back to her] Uh, you keep it. I'm emotional as well. My boyfriend Waldo is going to be here.
Mary Ann: [grins knowingly] He's driving her to his mansion for tea.
Darla: Do you have any boyfriends?
Boys: No!
Alfalfa: But, there is one boy I'd love to get to know. His name is Alfalfa.
[Spanky gives him a dirty look]
Darla: I used to know on Alfalfa. He took the best years of my life!
Spanky: Same here.
Darla: I don't miss him at all. Except...his voice. If he sings, he makes me melt like a popsicle on the Fourth of July!
[Suddenly, the children are interrupted by Ms. Roberts. It is showtime. The girls head out to take their places]
[The dance hall is crowded. Lots of parents and friends have come. Waldo is there, as well. Against their better judgment, Alfalfa and Spanky are forced to join hands with the girls, and dance out onto the stage. In a panic, Alfalfa tosses the frog to Spanky, who doesn't want the frog either. Where can he put it? Faster, he shoves it down Alfalfa's leotard. Spinning and twirling, the girls begin to dance. Alfalfa and Spanky try to keep up, but it's hopeless. The frog is too distracting for Alfalfa. Jumping in emotion, he dances like a madman around the stage, hoping the frog will jump out of the leotard. The girls stop dancing. They can't take their eyes off the crazy ballerina. Eventually, the music ends. Everyone, including Alfalfa, takes a bow. The audience is confused, but claps anyhow. Ms. Roberts is furious. She can't wait to get her hands on Alfalfa. But before she can muster, he and Spanky are offstage and head out the door]
Alfalfa: Nice fact I eventually caught that frog.
Spanky: Yes. Now all you need to concern about is warts!
[In panic, Alfalfa begins to tear apart his clothes. Then what if he is now in his underwear? He doesn't want to have warts. With a ribbit of relief, the frog jumps from Alfalfa's leotard and onto the ground]
Ms. Roberts: [storms up to Spanky] You've ruined my recital, you ragamuffin!
[The two Rascals spin around and race for the door. Then they come to a halt. They have spotted Butch and Woim waiting for them]
Spanky: I'll distract them while you make a getaway.
Alfalfa: Thanks, Spanky. You sure are a pal.
Spanky: Hello, again.
[Butch and Woim are taken by surprise. They have fallen under the husky ballerina's spell. As they stare at Spanky, Alfalfa slips astray from the dance hall and makes his escape]
[Walking like a fancy movie star, Spanky heads in the same direction Alfalfa has. The only problem is, he doesn't see a big tree branch that hangs over his head. Spanky's wig gets caught on it––and his disguise is destroyed]
[With cries of frustration, Butch and Woim start after Spanky. They lose him. But they find somebody else. Alfalfa]
[Alalfa has been trying to sneak silently down the street. He doesn't think facts can be much worse. He's made a fool of himself at the recital in front of Darla and Waldo. And now, here he is, walking down the street in his underwear]
[With a gasp, he sees Butch and Woim]
Butch: Nice tan. Any last words?
[Alfalfa thinks for a moment]
Alfalfa: Farewell!
[Alfalfa runs as fast as he can. Zigzagging through yards, running down sidewalks-----anything to get away. In front of him stands a giant mansion. This is as nice a place as any, thinks Alfalfa. Tearing up the walk, he squeezes past a woman in the doorway. In her hands are two large cakes]
[He is just in time. The woman shuts the door, right in Butch and Woim's faces]
[Poor Alfalfa. Now that he is in, he doesn't know how to get out. He hurries past an alarmed maid, and out the back door]
(It is Waldo's dog, Fifi. And if that is Waldo's dog, but this may be Waldo's house. But Alfalfa doesn't want to think about that now. He has to get away from Fifi)
[With a splash, Alfalfa jumps into the pool. He kicks up a storm. There. All that splashing shall frighten away the dog. As Fifi stands and stares into one end of the pool, Alfalfa pulls himself out of the other and begins to run again]
[Huh, thinks Alfalfa. What a breezy day this is. He feels so free, so alive, so...so...naked. He is naked. In horror, he turns back toward the pool. His underwear is floating gently on the water. Running back, Alfalfa bends over to retrieve it. But not before Darla and Waldo see him]
[Can anything more embarrassing happen, Alfalfa thinks to himself]
Alfalfa: Darla, there's a perfectly logical explanation– [his eyes dart to the growling Fifi] Which I'll make up later! [takes off]
The Rascals: [singing] We are he-man woman haters, We feed girls to alligators, Our clubhouse burned down mighty low, But we've got a plan to make some dough! Left, right. Left, right.
Alfalfa: [discovers the list of things to do that Spanky and his friends wrote] Skunked by that sleazy sidewinder Spanky! It's his fault Darla hates me!
Spanky: Hey!
Froggy: Well, hello, Mr. Bubbles.
Spanky: That's the most disgusting display she-man woman loving I've ever seen!
[The other Rascals agree)
Alfalfa: Don't talk to me, you Benedict Arnold! You-You Judas Priest! This is all your fault!
Spanky: All my fault?!
Froggy: You torched the clubhouse.
Spanky: And it's all my fault?! Say, you're supposed to be guardin' the go-cart, you muzak-warbling wimp!
Alfalfa: Relax, you double-crossing mud muncher! I parked it right over there! [runs to show the Rascals the go-cart, but it's not there] It was right here!
Spanky: Well, where is it?
Stymie: Boy, you're messin' up left and right.
Spanky: That's it, you sissified tweety bird! I wish I had a club to throw you out of!
Rascal 1: Me, too!
Alfalfa: Well, you sewage-swinging slime ball! [Spanky gasps] If there still was a club, I QUIT!!! Hmph! [storms off]
Rascal 2: Good!
Rascal 3: What a wimp!
Rascal 4: Yeah!
[A bubble comes out of Alfalfa's butt, causing the Rascals to laugh]
Stymie: [to Spanky]: You only make a once in a lifetime, buddy. Once in a lifetime.
[At Spanky's house]
Alfalfa: Is Spanky home?
Mr. McFarland: I'm sorry, Alfalfa. Spanky isn't here.
[At Alfalfa's house]
Mr. Switzer: I'm sorry, Spanky. Alfalfa's not here.
Spanky: Darn!
[At Spanky's house]
Alfalfa: Darn!
Buckwheat: We're goin' to the race. We're going to win first place, and you have an ugly face! [points at Porky, who giggles happily]
Buckwheat: Hey, my mom's here!
Porky: [sarcastically] Whoopi!
A.J. Ferguson: Is that a cowlick, or are you just happy to see me?
[Last lines]
Spanky: Hey, everybody. Uh-Huh's learned a new word!
Uh-huh: Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary, not to mention a phenomenal grasp of grammar and a superlative command of syntax. I simply chose not to employ them.
[Petey barks]
Everyone: Oh tay!! [cheering]
Spanky: Well, I guess things just have to change sometimes.
[Petey rolls his eyes]

Cast

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Animals

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