The Haunted Mansion (film)

2003 film by Rob Minkoff

The Haunted Mansion is a 2003 American fantasy comedy film based on the attraction of the same name at Disney theme parks. The film was directed by Rob Minkoff and written by David Berenbaum. It was released on November 26, 2003 and is Disney's fifth film based on an attraction at one of its theme parks, following Tower of Terror (1997), Mission to Mars (2000), The Country Bears (2002) and Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) (the latter being the first installment of Pirates of the Caribbean film series).

It follows estate agent Jim Evers and his family as they enter Gracey Manor and learn of the curse and its ghost occupants.

The reluctant guest.taglines

Jim Evers edit

  • (opening line) It's fantastic isn't it. Sometimes, when you step into a house, you know straight away whether its good.
  • (catchphrase) Hello, Jim Evers, of Evers & Evers Real Estate?
  • If people see you're scared, they'll use it against you - look, I'm your dad, and I'm not scared!?
  • If you want to kill me, kill me. But when I come round the Other Side, I'll just be whippin' your ass for all eternity; so maybe you should read this before you stab somebody!
  • Yeah, how do we get out of here?
  • The guy is dead, he wants to get jiggy with my wife; of course I'm upset!
  • (reading Elizabeth's letter) "Yes, my dear heart, I will marry you. I will love you for all eternity, and tonight at last, we will be together. I do. Forever yours, Elizabeth."
  • You're a real cold dude.

Ramsley edit

  • I am Ramsley.
  • The storm has flooded the road. There will be no leaving the mansion tonight!
  • (to Jim) May I confide in you? The master is not well. He must leave this house, Mr. Evers, he must move on.
  • (about his job as a butler) Attending to every detail. Understanding priorities. And, above all, knowing one's place!
  • No, Mr. Evers, I am a rational man.
  • Now, for the last time, good night, Mr. Evers.
  • (last words) YES!!! I tried to protect you. All these years, I've sacrificed for you. But what would you understand of sacrifice, duty, or honor? You "loved" her. Well, damn you! Damn you all to HELL!!!

Master Gracey edit

  • (opening line) Haven't you? (about the fireplace when Sarah says she hasn't seen anything like it)
  • (to Jim) Tell me, Mr Evers... do you believe in... ghosts?
  • Elizabeth. Hers is the story that haunts these halls.
  • If you truly love someone, they never leave you.
  • This mansion has waited long for its shroud of darkness to be lifted.
  • But I loved her! Was love my mistake?

Dialogue edit

Madame Leota: Dark spirits from the grave come forth. Lift us from the black. And show us, show us the way back.
Jim Evers: Dark spirits? Hey, no dark spirits! Don't you make no dark spirits come out!

Jim Evers: Hey, honey, you know they have dead people in the backyard.
Sara Evers: Well, some people have swimming pools, others have private cemetaries. It can happen.

[about to go over a steep hill]
Jim Evers: Hold on!
Madame Leota: With what?

Megan: But how do we get out of here?
Jim: Yeah, how do we get out of here?
Ezra: Well... um.... there's always... my way!
(cuts to ghost carriage bursting out the wall)

[Jim, Megan and Michael, are in the carriage riding past all the ghosts in the graveyard]
Michael Evers: Dad?
Jim Evers: Yeah, son?
Michael Evers: I see dead people.

[Jim Evers is getting into a carriage when he notices two ghosts already sitting inside]
Jim Evers: Hey!
Ghost 1: Can he see us?
Ghost 2: Of course not!
Jim Evers: Yes, I can, I'm looking right at you!
Ghost 2: Don't listen to him, he's lying!
Jim Evers: Okay, forget this.
[Jim gets back out of the carriage]
Ghost 1: I could've sworn he was looking right at me.
Ghost 2: He's psychic.

Jim Evers: I gotta help my wife. She'll be...
Singing Busts: [singing] Comin' round the mountain when she comes...

Michael Evers: [of the spider] I don't wanna whack it, Dad!

Jim Evers: [firmly] Why'd you kill her (Elizabeth)?
Ramsley: Because the master would not listen to reason. He had everything in the world, and yet he was willing to throw it all away for love. I did tell him it would end badly.
Jim Evers: You're a real cold dude.
Ramsley: No, Mr. Evers, I am a rational man. It was my responsibility to the house, my duty, sir, to see to it that the boy did not make a foolish error in judgment. Running away with that girl would have destroyed this house. It would have destroyed everything, and I could not stand by and watch it all fall to ruin.
Megan Evers: [encouraging her father] Punch his face in, Dad!
Jim Evers: [furious] Yeah, but first, I'm gonna tell his master what really happened.
Ramsley: The master must never know. Edward and his love will be reunited, and this curse will be broken.
Jim Evers: [shocked] But that's not her. That's my wife.
Ramsley: And what she sees in you, I'll never know. But that is of little importance now. The only thing that matters is that the master's pain must end, and it will end tonight. The curse will be broken, and we can all finally move on.
Jim Evers: [sternly] Alright, that's it, man. Where's my wife?
Ramsley: Getting ready for her wedding, of course.
Jim Evers: What wedding? He can't marry her. He's dead, and she's not.
Ramsley: True, but that can be easily corrected. Life, I'm afraid, is such a delicate state.
Jim Evers: Hey, man, if you put one finger on my wife, I swear, I'll kill you! (Jim launches punches at Ramsley, but passes through the ghostly butler)
Ramsley: How wonderful. You're going to kill a ghost.
Michael Evers: Leave him alone!
Megan Evers: Stop it! (Ramsley locks Megan and Michael inside a small trunk)
Jim Evers: Let them go! (He lunges at Ramsley, but passes through him once again. Jim puts his foot down with Ramsley) You're gonna let my kids out of here, you're gonna take me to my wife, and you're gonna let us out of here right now!
Ramsley: You want out? Fine. Let me show you out. (Ramsley grabs Jim by his throat, and he hoists him up in the air) Now, for the last time, good night, Mr. Evers. (He throws Jim outside of the mansion.)

[Emma is carrying a lot of cases for the trip to Heaven]
Ezra: [indicating the cases] What's all this?
Emma: Well, I don't know what we'll need.
Ezra: What are you talking about? We're going to Heaven. You can't take it with you.
Emma: The Hell I can't!
[starts giggling]

Jim Evers: Wait a minute. You're telling me this guy is dead, and the only reason we were brought here is he wants to get jiggy with my wife.
Ezra: Pretty much. Are you upset?
Jim Evers: The guy is dead, and he's trying to get with my wife? And the house isn't really for sale? Yes, I'm upset.

Master Gracey: (he has just read Elizabeth's real letter) What's the meaning of this?
Ramsley: Must we continue to listen to the ramblings of a lunatic?
Master Gracey:But it is written in her hand!
Jim: Yeah, it's written in her hand, explain that, Ramsley!
Master Gracey: Well?!
Ramsley: Your union was unacceptable. I tried to tell you, but you wouldn't listen.
Master Gracey: So you killed her.
Ramsley: I told you it would be a mistake to run away with that girl.
Master Gracey: But I loved her! Was love my mistake?
Ramsley: YES!!! I tried to protect you. All these years, I've sacrificed for you. But what would you understand of sacrifice, duty, or honor? You "loved" her. Well, damn you! Damn you all to HELL!!!

[during the sham wedding ceremony]
Master Gracey: [extended his hand to Sara] Elizabeth?
[Sara glances at Ramsley, remembers he is holding Michael and Megan captive, and plays her part]
Sara Evers: [takes Gracey's hand] Yes, my love.

[Sara has denied her identity as Elizabeth]
Master Gracey: [on the verge of tears] She doesn't remember! It can't be her!
Ramsley: It is her, sir. The gypsy woman prophesized her return and now the time has come. You'd had best get ready.
Master Gracey: But she doesn't remember!
Ramsley: In time she will, sir. I assure you, she will.

[Emma and Ezra has discovered the children in the attic]
Emma: Are you kids hungry? Does anybody want a cookie?
Ezra: Cookies? Don't offer them cookies. They're trespassers. Trespassers don't get cookies. This is none of their concern.
Emma: [angrily] It is their concern. They're involved.

[during the wedding service]
Ramsley: If anybody has objections...
[Jim bursts in]
Jim Evers: Yeah, I got a few objections!

Emma: [grabbing the reins from Ezra] Move over.
Ezra: What are you doing?
Emma: If you keep driving, you'll kill us all.
Ezra: Well that's where you're wrong, because some of us are already dead. Ha-ha!

Megan: They're ghosts, Dad.
Jim: They're not ghosts. We're just having hallucinations from that dinner that we ate. It was that chicken, it didn't taste right.
[Insulted, Emma turns into mist and re-appears right in front of Jim]
Emma: Hey!
Jim: Whoa!
Emma: It's not the chicken!

[Jim, ignoring the ghosts, just wants to get out of the house]
Megan: But Dad, we have to help them!
Jim: You can't help the dead, honey. They're beyond help. That's the nature of being dead.

[last lines]
Madame Leota: Angels in Heaven, together at last. The tale is well ended for those who have passed. Love endures all, no reason, no rhyme. It lasts forever and forever all the time.
Megan Evers: Mom, Leota won't shut up.
Michael Evers: Are we there yet?
Megan Evers: I'm getting pretty hungry.
Michael Evers: Can we stop for pizza?
Jim Evers: Hey, how long before we get there, Sara?
Sara Evers: 20 minutes, tops.
Jim Evers: Nothing takes 20 minutes.

Taglines edit

  • The reluctant guest.
  • Get Out!
  • Your Future Would Be In Good Hands... If She Had Any.
  • He'll Be Happy To Serve You... On A Plate!
  • Check your pulse at the door... if you have one.
  • Open House
  • It has a living room . . . And a dying room.
  • Two bathrooms: His and hearse.
  • Comes with a fixed morgue-age.
  • With so many ghosts... You're never alone in the dark

Cast edit

External links edit

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