The Hangover

The Hangover is a 2009 comedy film about four friends attempting to restore their memory about a bachelor party in Las Vegas.

Directed by Todd Phillips. Written by Jon Lucas and Scott Moore.

Some guys just can't handle Vegas. (taglines)

DialogueEdit

Phil: Tracy, it's Phil.

Tracy: Phil, where the hell are you guys? I'm freaking out.

Phil: Yeah, listen. Uh... we fucked up.

Tracy: What are you talking about?

Phil: The bachelor party-- The whole night-- Things got outta control, and, uh…we lost Doug.

Tracy: What?

Phil: We can't find Doug.

Tracy: What are you saying, Phil? We're getting married in five hours!

Phil: Yeah. That's not gonna happen.

Sid: Remember, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Doug: Ah!

Sid: Except for herpes. That shit'll come back with ya.

Alan: I want you to know, Doug, I'm a steel trap. Whatever happens tonight, I will never, ever, ever speak a word of it.

Doug: Okay. I got it. Thank you. I don't think that...

Alan: Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone.

Doug: What?

Alan: You heard me. It's Sin City. I won't tell a soul.

Doug: Okay. I got it. Thank you.

Alan: No, thank you. [the two future in-laws embrace] I love you so much.

Doug: All good with Melissa?

Stu: Oh, yeah. Told her we're two hours outside of wine country, and she bought it.

Phil: Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for three years, and you still have to lie about going to Vegas?

Stu: Yeah, I do. But trust me, it's not worth the fight.

Phil: Oh, so you can't go to Vegas, but she can fuck a bellhop on a Carnival Cruise Line?

Stu: Okay. First of all, he was a bartender. And she was wasted. And, if you must know, he didn't even come inside her.

Phil: And you believe that?

Stu: Uh, yeah, I do believe that, because she's grossed out by seamen.

Alan: I like to say somethin' that I prepared tonight.

Stu: All right, Alan.

Alan: [extracts a sheet of paper; presents his speech] Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City. You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I tend to think of myself as a one-man wolf pack. But when my sister brought Doug home, I knew he was one of my own. And my wolf pack, it grew by one. So, there were two of us in the wolf pack. I was alone first in the pack, and then Doug joined in later. And six months ago, when Doug introduced me to you guys, I thought, "Wait a second, could it be?" And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my wolf pack. Four of us wolves, running around the desert together, in Las Vegas, looking for strippers and cocaine. So tonight, I make a toast! [pulls out a pocket knife]

Stu: What?!

Doug: Whattaya got there?

[Alan tries to cut his palm, to the others' shock]

Phil: What the fuck?!

Doug What are you doin'?!

[Alan groans in pain]

Stu: What is that?!

Alan: Blood brothers.

Phil: [sees Alan with his new satchel] You're not really wearin' that, are you?

Alan: Wearin' what?

Phil: The man purse. You actually gonna wear that, or you guys just fuckin' with me?

Alan: It's where I keep all my things. Get a lot of compliments on this. Plus it's not a man purse. It's called a satchel. Indiana Jones wears one.

Phil: So does Joy Behar.

Alan: Guys. Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out?

Phil: Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there?

Stu: I don't know, because I don't remember.

Phil: Shh! Stu! Stu, keep it down.

Alan: One of the side-effects of roofies is memory loss.

Stu: You are literally too stupid to insult.

Phil: All right. We got the money. 80 grand cash.

Chow: Throw it over! Then I give you Doug.

Stu: I'm sorry. First of all, good morning. We didn't catch your name last night.

Chow: Mr. Chow. Leslie Chow.

Stu: Mr. Chow, it is a pleasure. My name is Stu. And we would very much appreciate an opportunity to see Doug before we give you the money, to verify that he's okay, if that's cool.

Chow: Of course, Stu. That is cool. [claps hands, and a man with a bag on his head is brought out of the car]

Stu: [relieved] Oh. Okay.

Chow: See? He fine. Now, gimme money, or I shoot him, and I shoot all you motherfuckers! And then we take it! Your choice, bitches!

Melissa: I called that bed and breakfast in Napa. They said they had no record of you even checking in.

Stu: That's 'cause we didn't go to Napa.

Melissa: Stu, what the fuck is going on?

Stu: We went to Las Vegas.

Melissa: Oh, really? Las Vegas? Why would you go to Las Vegas?

Stu: 'Cause my best friend was getting married, and that's what guys do.

Melissa: Uh-huh?

Stu: Yeah.

Melissa: That's not what you do.

Stu: Really? Well, then, why did I do it?! Huh?! 'Cause I did it! Riddle me that! Why'd I do it?! You know, sometimes I think all you want me to do is what you want me to do. Well, I'm sick of doing what you want me to do all the time. I think, in a healthy relationship, sometimes a guy should be able to do what he wants to do.

Melissa: That is not how this works!

Stu: Oh, good! Because whatever this is ain't workin' for me!

Melissa: Oh, really?

Stu: Yeah!

Melissa: Since when?!

Stu: Since you fucked that waiter on your cruise last June! BOOM!!!

Alan: You told me it was a bartender.

Stu: Oh. You're right. I stand corrected. It was a bartender. You fucked a bartender.

Melissa: You're an idiot.

Stu: You're a-- You... [struggles] You're... such a bad person! Like, all the way through to your core!