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The Great Muppet Caper

1981 film by Jim Henson

The Great Muppet Caper is a 1981 American British mystery musical comedy film in which Kermit, Gonzo and Fozzie are reporters who travel to Britain to interview a rich victim of jewel thieves and help her along with her secretary, Miss Piggy.

Directed by Jim Henson. Written by Jerry Juhl, Tom Patchett, Jack Rose, and Jay Tarses.

Miss Piggy

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  • [to Nicky] You! It was you! Kermit was right! You are bulking! You are a phony! Yes, you are! And you know what, you can't even sing! Your voice was dubbed!
  • Next time they want stunts, they get a double.

Dialogue

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[First lines]
Kermit: [in a hot air balloon] Pretty nice up here, isn't it?
Fozzie: Kermit? What if we drift out to sea? What if we're never heard from again? What if there's a storm? Or - we get struck by lightning?
Gonzo: That'd be neat.
Kermit: Listen, nothing's gonna happen. These are just the opening credits.
Fozzie: Oh. Where are they? [title card appears] Wow!
Kermit: The Great Muppet Caper.
Fozzie: Nice title.
Fozzie: [pleading] We'll do better next time.
News Editor: Next time? Next time?! [pounds fist into desk] What makes you think there's gonna be a next time?
Kermit: Well, if there isn't, it's gonna be a real short movie.
Fozzie: What does "BSC" stand for?
Kermit: I don't know.
[Lady Holiday has just given Miss Piggy the entire backstory for the movie]
Miss Piggy: Why are you telling me all this?
Lady Holiday: It's plot exposition. It has to go somewhere.
[Kermit is sitting on a bench; a man and his daughter, Jerry Nelson and Christine, walk by]
Christine Nelson: Look, Dad. There's a bear.
Jerry Nelson: No, Christine, that's a frog. Bears wear hats.
Miss Piggy: Please don't go. Kermit, please. Oh, please, I'm sorry. Please! Please!
Kermit: Piggy, hold it.
Miss Piggy: Please! Please! Please!
Kermit: Piggy...? Piggy? You're overacting.
Miss Piggy: ...What?
Kermit: You'e overacting. You're hamming it up.
Miss Piggy: I am not. I am trying to save this movie.
Kermit: [getting annoyed] Oh, yeah? Well, save your performance instead.
Miss Piggy: I am playing eight hundred different emotions!
Kermit: Well, try to play one of them right.
Miss Piggy: Oh, oh! I have a career of my own.
Kermit: I know all about your career, Pig.
Miss Piggy: I don't need this lousy duck pond here.
Kermit: Sure, you don't need a lousy duck pond.
Miss Piggy: I'll just walk.
Kermit: [angrily] Okay, sure. Go ahead and walk.
Miss Piggy: [briefly turning to the camera] Should I walk? Then I'll walk!
Kermit: Walk! Go ahead and walk! [Miss Piggy turns away and whimpers] Oh, Piggy. [sighs] Listen.
Miss Piggy: [in tears] I'm doing my best.
Kermit: Well... I know you are. [moves in to comfort her] Piggy, I'm sorry. We gotta get back to the movie, though.
Miss Piggy: [trying to collect herself] All right. All right, all right, all right. [heaves a heavy sigh and resumes acting]
Nicky Holiday: Miss Piggy...You're a very different looking woman. I'm so tired of the same type, those tall thin creatures with the long legs, the aquiline noses, the teeth like pearls, soft skin...
Miss Piggy: Yeah, well, I can see where that might make you sick to your stomach.
Kermit: [to Cops got Miss Piggy takes her away] Don't worry Ms. Piggy, will you get out of this?!
Kermit: Now if we want to get Miss Piggy out of jail, we're going to catch those crooks red-handed. [Beauregard raises his hand] Yes, Bo?
Beauregard: What color are their hands now?
Miss Piggy: [to the truck driver] Do you know where Lady Holliday's Baseball Diamond is being kept?
Truck Driver: Well, funny enough, I do: it's at the Mallory Gallery, a virtually impregnable fortress many miles from here.
Miss Piggy: Oh! I only have a half an hour to get there!
Truck Driver: On foot? You'll never make it.
Miss Piggy: I know! How about a ride?
Truck Driver: You can read, I presume? "No passengers." [points to the sticker on the truck's door]
Miss Piggy: Oh, couldn't you make an exception for little old moi?
Truck Driver: Not even for little old vous. [laughs]
Miss Piggy: Pretty please?
Truck Driver: No!
Miss Piggy: [strained] I've tried to be nice.
Truck Driver: Huh?
Miss Piggy: Hii-yahh! [throws the driver out of his truck and into the garbage cans]
Oscar the Grouch: [emerges from a trash can] Hey, what's all the racket?
Truck Driver: What are you doing here?
Oscar the Grouch: Well, I'm very brief cameo.
Truck Driver: Me too. Tsk tsk.
[Nicky has just captured the Baseball Diamond and Kermit, pulling a gun on the other Muppets]
Kermit: Why are you doing this?
Nicky: Why am I doing this? Because I'm a villain, pure and simple. Every good movie needs one.
Kermit: [breaking the 4th wall - again] I hate to admit it, but that's an excellent point.
Statler: I guess all's well that ends well.
Waldorf: Doesn't matter to me, as long as it ends.

Cast

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