The Diamond Arm

The Diamond Arm is a Soviet crime comedy film made by Mosfilm and first released in 1969.

Semyon Semyonovich Gorbunkov

I slipped. I fell. Closed fracture. I lost consciousness. I woke up — there is plaster.
- Поскользнулся. Упал. Закрытый перелом. Потерял сознание. Очнулся — гипс.
I'm not coward... but I'm afraid.
- Я не трус... но я боюсь.
It's a great thing he's not a smuggler. Nice guy... Why did I get so drunk, eh?
- Хорошо, что он не контрабандист. Хороший мужик... Зачем же я так напился?
How could you think that?! You, my wife, mother of my children! Oh Lord! Oh, woe to me...!
- Как ты могла подумать такое?! Ты, жена моя, мать моих детей! О боже! О, горе мне!..
They might even give me an award... post-humo-usly...! [sniffs]
- Может быть, меня даже наградят... посмертно!..

Gennadiy Kozodoyev

These cretins said he was unconscious. So this dope doesn't know anything. Excellent...
- Эти кретины уверяли, что он был без сознания. Значит, этот лопух ничего не знает. Отлично...
Come on, puppy, get out of my way! Get out of here!
- А ну, щенок, в сторону, пшёл отсюда.
Fedya, another hundred and fifty [grams] champagne, and that's it.
- Федя, ещё по сто пятьдесят шампанского — и всё!
[Gena and Lyolik are with the chief] [psychically] Chief, it's all over! It is all over!! The cast is going to be removed! The client is leaving! Hahaha! He, he... I'll kill him! I will...! [Lyolik covers Gena's face with his beret] Mmmm... [bites Lyolik's finger] Eh! Eh! Eh! [Lyolik: Ah!!] Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh! Eh!
- Шеф, всё пропало! Всё пропало! Гипс снимают! Клиент уезжает! Ха-ха-ха... Я убью его! Я во!.. М-м-м-м... Э-э! Э-э! Э-э! Э-э! Э-э!

Varvara Sergeyevna, building manager

Well, maybe in London a dog is a man's best friend, but here it's the building manager!
- Может быть, в Лондоне собака друг человека. А у нас управдом друг человека!
Our people don't take taxis to the bakery!
- Наши люди в булочную на такси не ездят!

Lyolik

In our business, the matter is this very realism.
- В нашем деле главное — этот самый реализьм.
If you drink champagne in the morning, you must be an aristocrat... or a degenerate!
- Шампанское по утрам пьют только аристократы и дегенераты!
I hope to see you in a coffin! In white slippers!
- Шоб я видел тебя в гробу! У белых тапках!
As our beloved Chief likes to say, even teetotallers and those with stomach ulcers will have a drink on someone else's tab!
- Как говорит наш любимый шеф, за чужой счет пьют даже трезвенники и язвенники.
As our beloved Chief likes to say, I haven't yet seen a husband who didn't want to become a bachelor just for one hour!
- Как говорит наш любимый шеф, нет такого мужа, который не мечтал бы хоть на час стать холостяком.
As our beloved Chief likes to say, idiot is for long time!
- Как говорит наш любимый шеф, если человек идиот, то это надолго.
As our beloved Chief likes to say, forge iron before leaving the cash register!
- Как говорит наш любимый шеф, куй железо, не отходя от кассы.
- It is a portmanteau of a proverb "Forge the iron while is hot" and an instruction for customers by each Soviet cashier's desk: "Count your money before leaving the cash register".

Nadezhda Gorbunkova

Drop these jokes! You have an open fracture there... not a closed one. [drinks cognac in one gulp] Come to sleep...
- Брось эти шуточки! У тебя там не закрытый... а открытый перелом. [залпом выпивает коньяк] Пшли спать.
"... I saw your ‘special mission’. After such a terrible lie, I don't want and can't be with you! I am sure that the children will understand me when they grow up; I'll file for divorce myself. Farewell!"
- «... Я видела твоё „спецзадание“. После такой чудовищной лжи, я не хочу и не могу быть с тобой. Уверена, что дети, когда вырастут, поймут меня; на развод подам сама. Прощай».

Dialogue

Semyon: ...Also I love the song about hares.

Gena: About whom...?

Semyon: ...About hares.

Gena: Senya, about hares... is not relevant. "Island of Bad Luck"! [sings]

А я люблю песни про зайцев.

Про кого?

Про зайцев.

Сеня, про зайцев — это не актуально. "Остров невезения"!

[Prostitute in Orient city speak a foreign/fictional language]

Prostitute: [invites Semyon] Oh, ay byokh ana baden! Tom ascaro ronal! Yo moradere colossal jarif mogarello! Tsigel, tsigel, ay-lyu-lyu! Luchi baron, ay-lyu-lyu!

Gena: [to Semyon] Are you mad?!

Semyon: She calls me somewhere... Maybe something happened?

Prostitute: [to Gena] Oh, byokh via! Mundo, eshi habala tsigel, ay-lyu-lyu!

Gena: Ay-lyu-lyu — later. Non, nicht, nyet, not at all!

Semyon: Why not? Does she need anything?

Gena: I'll tell you later WHAT she needs. [to prostitute] Lady, signora, frau, miss! Unfortunately, nothing will come of it. Russo touristo! Obliko morale! Verstehen? It's all. Quick, let's go.

Prostitute: [scornfully] Akhmak, parserono!

[Smugglers in Orient city speak a foreign/fictional language, with Russian voice-over translation]

Smuggler №1: Inkes? Ki oro per? [Voice-over translation: Now, where is he?]

Smuggler №2: Nuor burritto, yes of cos. [Easy, he has to come!]

Smuggler №1: Purgen laste, shyort pobery? [Password remains the same, "Dang it!"?]

Smuggler №2: Shyort pobery. ["Dang it!"]

Smuggler №1: Shyort pobery... Re nen ranto chusy Mykhail Svetloff? ["Dang it..." And is he exactly from the ship "Mikhail Svetlov"?]

Smuggler №2: Ankate tasibo to fanche fa. [We were told that...]

Smuggler №1: Dele dios prek moment trezi! [Will the ship leave in an hour?!]

Smuggler №2: Ayte cupadon! Misen tak-not pinto! Bastujo nek-nem trulyalya!!! Nyet chachacha, trukadello vit!!! [Shut up!!]

Smuggler №1: Porco madonna, dium pesto per baco castello! Dene brano hemare, inches arvestih, tsham durala! [Sorry, I overreacted!]

Gena: Dang it! Hicc! Dang it! Shyort pobery!

Smuggler №1: Uyot kals man? [Who is this man?]

Smuggler №2: Un blanchine goof...! [I don't know...!]

[Smugglers go to Kozodoev]

Smuggler №1: Russo?

Gena: Russo, russo, russo...!

Smuggler №1: "Mykhail Svetloff"?!

Gena: Mikhail Svetlov! It's me, me, me!

[Smugglers speak a foreign/fictional language, with Russian voice-over translation]

Smuggler №1: Detsy ain shmatsi? [Voice-over translation: Where were you lookin', you old donkey?!]

Smuggler №2: Vzjerra mod...! [But he too said the password: "Dang it"!]

Smuggler №1: Shyort pobery, shyort pobery! Krok iskus tobenshlak morduke!

Smuggler №2: Krok iskus morduke tobenshlak!

Voice-over: What follows is an untranslatable wordplay using local idiomatic expressions.

Smuggler №1: Tsigel, tsigel, ay-lyu-lyu!!!

Gena: Gentlemen, gentlemen! It would be good to ay-lyu-lyu! Tsigel, tsigel...! It's time, gentlemen!

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: I've got an idea: what if we could...

Colonel: We couldn't.

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: I see... Then, maybe we should...

Colonel: No, we shouldn't.

Captain Mikhail Ivanovich: Okay... In that case, maybe I'd rather...

Colonel: Why not, you could try that one.

Semyon: How is it possible to cut off a plaster cast from a person imperceptibly?!

Cpt. Mikhail Ivanovich: It's possible. I really don't know how they will work. But a person can be drunk...

Semyon: Uh-huh...

Cpt. Mikhail Ivanovich: Drugged...

Semyon: Uh-huh...

Cpt. Mikhail Ivanovich: Stunned... Well, in general, from an insensible body. Finally, from the corpse!

Semyon: Uh-huh... From whose corpse?

Cpt. Mikhail Ivanovich: Well, I'm sure it won't come to that...

Как же можно с человека срезать гипс незаметно?!

Можно... Я, правда, не знаю, как они будут действовать. Но человека можно напоить...

Угу.

Усыпить...

Угу.

Оглушить... Ну, в общем, с бесчувственного тела. Наконец, с трупа!

Угу... С чьего трупа?

Ну, я уверен, что до этого не дойдёт...

Big guy with cigarette: Hello! Dad, can you find some light for me? Ah?

Semyon: A-a-ah... e-e-eh...

Big guy: What? Are you deaf-mute?

Semyon: Yes.

Big guy: I see.

Аллёу! Папаша, огоньку не найдётся? А?

Ы... м... х...

Ты что, глухонемой, что ли?

Да!..

Понятно.

Gena: Well, and what about my alibi?

Lyolik: Oh, yes. You'll remain at the crime scene with signs of violence on your face, also as a victim of the unknown attackers.

Gena: But Lyolik, please...

Lyolik: Don't worry, Kozlodoyev! I'll punch you carefully, but hard!

Так, а моё алиби?

Ах, да. Ты остаёшься со следами насилия на лице, так же, как жертва нападения неизвестных.

Лёлик, только я тебя прошу, чтобы...

Нэ бэспокойся, Козлодоеу!.. Буду бить аккуратно, но сыльно!

Lt. Volodya: [gives Semyon a gun] Hold it.

Semyon: Why?

Lt. Volodya: Well, as they say, just in case of dire need. Take it.

Semyon: I didn't hold combat weapons since the war time.

Lt. Volodya: Well, this is not a combat, but rather psychological. In occasion, you can scare, or give a signal. Charged by blanks.

Semyon: Give me one live cartridge!

Lt. Volodya: Why?

Semyon: Just in case of dire need.

Lt. Volodya: No need.

Semyon: I see. [puts pistol to his stringbag]

Lt. Volodya: Semyon Semyonovich, what are you doing?!

Semyon: Aah...! Uh... [puts pistol to his pocket]

Держите.

Зачем?

Ну, как говорится, на всякий пожарный случай. Берите.

С войны не держал боевого оружия.

Ну, это не боевое, а скорее психологическое. При случае можно пугнуть, подать сигнал. Заряжен холостыми.

Дайте один боевой!

Зачем?

На всякий пожарный.

Не надо.

Ясно...

Семё-он Семёныч, ну что вы?!..

А-а-а!.. У-у...

Ladyzhensky: Well, when you will be with us on Kolyma... when you will be with us on Kolyma, you welcome! [There are famous penitentiaries for dangerous criminals on the Kolyma River, Siberia]

Gena [choking and coughing]: No, you better come to us.

Ну, будете у нас на Колыме... будете у нас на Колыме — милости просим!

Нет, уж лучше вы к нам!

Varvara: So... We'll have to take action, what should we do? Fight against drunkenness!

Nadezhda: But... you know, Varvara Sergeyevna...

Varvara: I know everything more than you, my dear. Where did he get the money from?

Nadezhda: His friend invited him... he received a bonus...

Varvara: But according to the police record, your husband paid 97 rubles and 18 kopecks for one broken mirror glass. Where did he get that kind of money? After returning from there, your husband has changed. The corrupting influence of the West... These idiotic toys! And this strange phrase: "A dog is a best friend of man"... It's strange, to say the least. And what is it? [she points at the drunk Semyon] Dolce vita elements! And you know, I wouldn't be surprised, if tomorrow it turns out... that your husband... is secretly... visiting his mistress.

Nadezhda: [unbelieving] What...?!

Cpt. Mikhail Ivanovich: And what, all these ten years he drank, rowdy and, so to speak... morally decayed?

Varvara: Oh no! You know, all this time he skillfully disguised himself as a decent person. I don't believe him.

Cpt. Mikhail Ivanovich: Well, if you know a person well, then you should always trust him.

Varvara: Oh no! I believe that a person can be trusted only in the most extreme case.

— И что же, все эти десять лет он пил, дебоширил и, так сказать… морально разлагался?

— Ну, нет! Вы знаете, всё это время он искусно маскировался под порядочного человека. Я ему не верю.

— Ну, если хорошо знаешь человека, то ему нужно верить всегда.

— О нет! Я считаю, что человеку можно верить только в самом крайнем случае.

Semyon: STOP!!! HOLD ON!! Wait up!! <...> Please take me to the town!

Chief: So what happened?

Semyon: A matter of state importance; a pursuit is possible.

Chief: I will take you, I'll take you, fine. [he starts to dig into the engine]

Semyon: Hurry. Hurry up!

Chief: I am still just learning!

Semyon: Oh no! It's time!

Chief: Time is money! As it is said: "When you see money, don't waste time. Forge iron without leaving the cash register"!

[Semyon sees a ring on the chief's hand]

Lyolik: HANDS... UP! BOTH OF YOU...! KILL YOU!

<...>

Semyon: Ha-ha-ha! They made a mistake... [to the chief] There are no diamonds there!

Chief: [confused] Why not?!

Semyon: No, that's it. [looks at the chief] And how do you know they were there? And this one with the glued mustache thought they were there too...? Even they have been in the police for a long time, chief!

Chief: Wait! Wait up, you idiots!! [Lyolik and Kozodoev look around at the car and run back] As one of my friends - a dead man - used to say... "I knew too much!" Heh-heh-heh...

External links

Wikipedia

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The Diamond Arm

The Diamond Arm at Allmovie
The Diamond Arm quotes at the Internet Movie Database