[to Andrea] Do you know why I hired you? I always hire the same girl- stylish, slender, of course... worships the magazine. But so often, they turn out to be- I don't know- disappointing and, um... stupid. So you, with that impressive résumé and the big speech about your so-called work ethic- I, um- I thought you would be different. I said to myself, go ahead. Take a chance. Hire the smart, fat girl. I had hope. My God. I live on it. Anyway, you ended up disappointing me more than, um- more than any of the other silly girls.
Is there some reason that my coffee isn't here? Has she[Andrea] died or something?
Emily: [on telephone] She's on her way. Tell everyone.
Nigel: She's not supposed to be here until nine.
Emily: Her driver just text messaged and her facialist ruptured a disc. God, these people.
Nigel: [points at Andy and mouths] Who's that?
Emily: That, I can't even talk about.
Nigel: [opens the door] Alright everyone, gird your loins! [as he's leaving] Did someone eat an onion bagel?
Andrea: [looks slightly embarrased, starts smelling her breath]
Miranda: I don't understand why it's so difficult to confirm an appointment.
Emily: I'm so sorry, Miranda, I actually did confirm –
Miranda: Tales of your incompetence do not interest me. Tell Simone that I'm not going to approve that girl that she sent me for the Brazilian layout. I asked for clean, athletic, smiling; she sent me dirty, tired and paunchy. And RSVP yes to Micheal Kors' party. I want the driver to drop me off at 9.30 and pick me up at 9.45 sharp. And then call Natalie at Glorious Foods and tell her no, for the fortieth time, no, I don't want dacquoise. I want tortes filled with warm rhubarb compote. And then call my ex-husband and remind him that the parent–teacher conference is at Dalton tonight. And then call my husband. Ask him to please meet me for dinner at that place I went to with Massimo. Also, tell Richard I saw all the pictures that he sent for that feature on the female paratroopers, and they're all so deeply unattractive. Is it impossible to find a lovely, slender, female paratrooper? Am I reaching for the stars here? Not really. Also, I need to see all the things Nigel has pulled for Gwyneth's second cover try. I wonder if she's lost any of that weight yet. Who is that?
Emily: Nobody! Oh, uhm, well, Human Resources sent her up about the new assistant job, and I was sort of "pre-interviewing" her for you, but she's hopeless and also totally wrong for –
Miranda: Well, the last two you sent me were completely inadequate, so … send her in. That's all.
Miranda: And before today you had never heard of me?
Miranda: You have no style or sense of fashion.
Andrea: I think that depends on –
Miranda: No, no, that wasn't a question.
Emily: When I am not here... Andrea, you are chained to that desk!
Andrea: But what if I have to...
Emily: What? No! Nothing! One time an assistant left the desk. Oh, because she sliced her hand open with a letter opener, and Miranda missed Lagerfeld just before he was about to board a 17 hour flight to Austrailia. She now works at TV Guide.
Andrea: Man the desk at all times. Got it.
Miranda: Emily … Emily.
Nigel: She means you.
Miranda: That's not what I asked you; I couldn't have been clearer … there you are, Emily; how many times do I have to scream your name?
Andrea: A-a-actually, it's Andy. My name is Andy. Andrea, but everybody calls me Andy.
Miranda: [chuckles] I need ten-or-fifteen skirts from Calvin Klein.
Andrea: Wh-what kind of skirts do you –
Miranda: Please bore someone else with your … questions. And make sure we have Pier 59 at 8 a.m. tomorrow … and remind Jocelyn I need to see a few of those Satchels that Marc is doing in the Pony. And then tell Simone that I'll take Jackie if Maggie isn't available. Did Demarchelier confirm?
Andrea: D-did D-Demarchel –
Miranda: Demarchelier. Did he – get him on the phone. And Emily?
Miranda: [glances at Andrea's shoes] That's all. [turns to the others] It's just the cavalier disregard for clear directions.
Andrea: So none of the girls here eat anything?
Nigel: Not since two became new four and zero became the new two.
Andrea: Well, I'm a six...
Nigel: Which is the new fourteen.
[Miranda and some assistants are deciding between two similar belts for an outfit; Andy laughs]
Miranda: Something funny?
Andrea: No. No, no. Nothing's... You know, it's just that both those belts look exactly the same to me. You know, I'm still learning about all this stuff and, uh...
Miranda: 'This... stuff'? Oh, OK. I see. You think this has nothing to do with you. You go to your closet and you select, I don't know, that lumpy blue sweater, for instance, because you're trying to tell the world that you take yourself too seriously to care about what you put on your back. But what you don't know is that that sweater is not just blue, it's not turquoise. It's not lapis. It's actually cerulean. And you're also blithely unaware of the fact that in 2002, Oscar de la Renta did a collection of cerulean gowns. And then I think it was Yves Saint Laurent, wasn't it, who showed cerulean military jackets? I think we need a jacket here. And then cerulean quickly showed up in the collections of eight different designers. And then it, uh, filtered down through the department stores and then trickled on down into some tragic Casual Corner where you, no doubt, fished it out of some clearance bin. However, that blue represents millions of dollars and countless jobs, and it's sort of comical how you think that you've made a choice that exempts you from the fashion industry when, in fact, you're wearing the sweater that was selected for you by the people in this room from a pile of stuff.
Andrea: [on phone] Hello Miranda?
Miranda: [on the phone from Miami] My flight has been cancelled. It's some absurd weather problem. I need to get home tonight. The twins have a recital tomorrow morning at school.
Miranda: AT SCHOOL!
Andrea: Absolutely. Let me see what I can do.
Miranda: Good. [hangs up on her]
Andrea: [answering the phone few minutes later] Miranda, hi, I'm trying to get you a flight but no one is flying out because of the weather.
Miranda: Oh, please... it's just- I don't know- drizzling. [Background in Miami shows a huge storm and smashing thunder] Some one must be getting out. Call Donatella. Get her jet. Call everybody else that we know that has a jet- Irv?- Call every- This is your responsibi- THIS IS YOUR JOB!- Get-me-HOME! [hangs up on her]
Andrea: Oh, my god! She's going to murder me.
Richard Sachs: What does she want you to do, call the National Guard and have her airlifted out of there?
Andrea: Of course not! [beat] Could I do that?
Andrea: She hates me, Nigel.
Nigel: And that's my problem because... Oh, wait. No, it's not my problem.
Andrea: I don't know what else I can do because if I do something right, it's unacknowledged. She doesn't even say thank you. But if I do something wrong, she is vicious.
Nigel: So quit.
Nigel: I can get another girl to take your job in five minutes... one who really wants it.
Andrea: No, I don't want to quit. That's not fair. But, I, you know, I'm just saying that I would just like a little credit... for the fact that I'm killing myself trying.
Nigel: Andy, be serious. You are not trying. You are whining. What is it that you want me to say to you, huh? Do you want me to say, "Poor you. Miranda's picking on you. Poor you. Poor Andy"? Hmm? Wake up, six. She's just doing her job. Don't you know that you are working at the place that published some of the greatest artists of the century? Halston, Lagerfeld, de la Renta. And what they did, what they created was greater than art because you live your life in it. Well, not you, obviously, but some people. You think this is just a magazine, hmm? This is not just a magazine. This is a shining beacon of hope for... oh, I don't know... let's say a young boy growing up in Rhode Island with six brothers pretending to go to soccer practice when he was really going to sewing class and reading Runway under the covers at night with a flashlight. You have no idea how many legends have walked these halls. And what's worse, you don't care. Because this place, where so many people would die to work you only deign to work. And you want to know why she doesn't kiss you on the forehead and give you a gold star on your homework at the end of the day. Wake up, sweetheart.
Nigel: I don't know what you expect me to do. There's nothing in this whole closet that'll fit a size six. I can guarantee you. These are all sample sizes- two and four. All right. We're doing this for you. And...
Andrea: A poncho?
Nigel: You'll take what I give you and you'll like it. We're doing this Dolce for you. And shoes. Jimmy Choo's. Manolo Blahnik. Nancy Gonzalez. Love that. Okay, Narciso Rodriguez. This we love. Uh, it might fit. It might.
Nigel: Okay. Now, Chanel. You're in desperate need of Chanel. Darling, shall we? We have to get to the beauty department, and God knows how long that's going to take.
Emily: [talking about Andrea] I absolutely have no idea why Miranda hired her.
Serena: Tell me about it. We were in the Beauty Department and she held up this Shu Uemura eyelash curler and said "What is this?"
Emily: [laughing] I just knew that when the first moment I saw her, she was going to be a complete and utter disas...
[Andrea walks in with a new outfit]
Andrea: [answering the phone] Miranda Priestly's office... No, she's not in right now but I'll leave word... OK, thanks. Bye.
Emily: [shocked by Andrea's new look] How... Are you wearing the Ch...
Andrea: Chanel Boots? Yeah, I am.
Serena: You look good.
[Emily's mad about what Serena said]
Serena: What? She does...
Emily: Oh, shut up, Serena.
Andrea: My personal life is falling apart.
Nigel: That's what happens when you start doing well at work. Let me know when your entire life goes up in smoke, means it's time for a promotion.
Andrea: Is there anything else I can do to help?
Miranda: Yes. Your job.
Andrea: [as she and Christian through Place Des Vosges, after both have been intoxicated] I never understood why everyone was so crazy about Paris, but now... [she laughs and swirls around a pole] It's. So. Beautiful.
[Christian dances with her for a brief time and kisses her]
Andrea: I can't do this.
[he kisses her again]
Andrea: Nate and I only split up a few days ago
[he kisses her again]
Andrea: Oh, I've had too much wine and my judgement is impaired
[he kisses her again]
Andrea: I barely know you and I'm in a strange city
[he kisses her again]
Andrea: I'm out of excuses.
Christian: [smiles] Thank God.
[he kisses her once more]
Christian: Andy, baby, it's over, it's done.
Andrea: I'm not your baby.
Miranda: You thought I didn't know. I've known what was happening for quite some time. It just took me a little while to find a suitable alternative for Jacqueline. And that James Holt job was just so absurdly overpaid that of course she jumped at it. So I just had to tell Irv that Jacqueline was unavailable. Truth is, there's no one that can do what I do. Including her. Any of the other choices would have found that job impossible and the magazine would have suffered. Especially because of the list. The list of designers, photographers, editors, writers, models, all of whom were found by me, nurtured by me and have promised me they will follow me whenever and if ever I choose to leave Runway. So he reconsidered. But I was very very impressed by how intently you tried to warn me. I never thought I would say this, Andrea, but I really, I see a great deal of myself in you. You can see beyond what people want, and what they need and you can choose for yourself.
Andrea: I don't think I'm like that. I couldn't do what you did to Nigel, Miranda. I couldn't do something like that.
Miranda: You already did. To Emily.
Andrea: That's not what I... no, that was different. I didn't have a choice.
Miranda: No, no, you chose. You chose to get ahead. You want this life. Those choices are necessary.
Andrea: But what if this isn't what I want? I mean what if I don't wanna live the way you live?
Miranda: Oh, don't be ridiculous. Andrea. Everybody wants this. Everybody wants to be us.
Andrea: Learned a lot. In the end though, I kind of screwed it up.
Editor: I called over there for a reference, left word with some snooty girl. Next thing you know, I got a fax from Miranda Priestly herself... saying that of all the assistants she's ever had... you were, by far, her biggest disappointment. And, if I don't hire you, I am an idiot. You must have done something right.
Andrea: Hey Emily! It's Andy. Don't hang up. I have a favor to ask you.
Emily: [Accusing] You have a favor to ask of me?
Andrea: You see, I have these clothes from Paris, and I don't have any place to wear them, so I was wondering if you could take them off my hands.
Emily: [smiling] Well, I don't know. It's a huge imposition. I mean I'll have to get them taken in, I mean they'll drown me. But I suppose I could help you out. I will have Roy pick them up this afternoon.
Andrea: Thanks Em. Good luck!
Emily: [Hangs up and smiles] [to Andy's replacement] You have some very large shoes to fill. I hope you know that.