Supernatural (season 9)

Supernatural (2005–2020) is a paranormal/horror/thriller/drama-themed television series on the WB Television Network (now merged with UPN into the new network The CW) that details the lives of two brothers who travel across the country in a black 1967 Chevy Impala investigating paranormal events and other unexplained occurrences. Season nine originally aired from 8 October 2013 to 20 May 2014.

Season 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • Main

I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here [9.01]

Dean: You’re a doctor. You’re a medical professional. You’re trying to tell me that my brother’s life is in God’s hands? What, is that supposed to be a comfort? God has nothing to do with this equation at all.

Dean: Just because you’re dying doesn't mean you’re dead, not yet, OK? We have jimmied ourselves out of worse. We’re gonna fight this. I got the plan, you just need to hang on.

Sam: If you’re you, but you’re really me, and you’re the part of me that wants to fight to live.

Dean: Yes. I have no idea what you just said, but continue.

Biker (to Castiel): I'm going to finish the call, then I'm gonna stab you.

Dean (to Castiel): There is a war on, and it’s on you. There’s thousands of them out there. You said you lost your Grace. That means you’re human. That means you bleed and you read and you sleep and all the things you never had to worry about before.

Dean: Cass, you there? Sammy's hurt - he's hurt pretty bad. And I know that you think that I am pissed at you. But I don't care that the angels fell. So whatever you did, or didn't, do, we'll work it out. Please man, I need you here.

Dean: I've got the King of Hell in my trunk.

Death: [to Sam] I consider it to be quite the honor to be collecting the likes of Sam Winchester. I try so hard not to pass judgment at times like this, not my bag, you see, but you? Well played, my boy.

Sam: [to Death] I need to know one thing. If I go with you, can you promise that this time it will be final? I mean, if I’m dead, I stay dead. Nobody can reverse it, nobody can deal it away, and nobody else can get hurt because of me.

Bobby: All the good you’ve done? All the people you’ve saved? All the sacrifices you’ve made? You’ve saved the world, son. How many people can say that? How many people can say that they have left this God-forsaken hunk of dirt that a much better place? What you call dying, I call leaving a legacy

Dean: We keep it a secret for now. Or until Sam’s well enough that he doesn’t need an angelic pacemaker. Or I find a way to tell him.

Sam: You’ve been driving around with me passed out in the passenger seat for a day?

Dean: I mean, I stopped. Let a few Japanese tourists take some pictures, nobody got too handsy.

Sam: We got work to do

Devil May Care [9.02]

Crowley: Torture? Brilliant. Can't wait to see Sam in stilettos and a leather bustier really putting the S.A.M. into S & M.

Miranda (military lady): This is sergeant Miranda Bates. Who am I talking to?

Kevin: Uhhh.. Kevin... Solo.

Miranda: How old are you?

Kevin: Old enough. And I'm with the FBI, so you have to do what I say or-

Miranda: Listen, kid. I don't have to do anything. [Kevin starts quickly going on his computer] And I don't take orders from the Feeb. So unless you can give me one reason you got a couple of pretty-boy agents poking around my crime scene, I'm gonna put them in cuffs and spank your ass raw. Understand?

Kevin: Cabo, last June.

Miranda: What?!

Kevin: [smirks] That's my reason. Oh, my favorite's you in a sombrero doing a body shot off some naked guy in a luchador mask. Super classy.

Miranda: How did you find that?

Kevin: Cause I'm Kevin frickin' solo.

Sam: You know this is a trap, right?

Dean: Yep.

Sam: And we're just gonna walk right into it?

Dean: Guns blazing. You with me?

Sam: [Chuckles] You know you it.

Abaddon: I so appreciate you boys coming when I call. That's what I like most about you Winchesters. Obedient... and suicidally stupid. I like that, too.

Dean: We going to fight or make out, 'cause I'm getting some real mixed signals here.

Abaddon: You know, I've loved this body since the moment I first saw it. You're the perfect vessel Dean. You give a girl all sorts of nasty ideas. So go ahead and play hard to get, and I'll peel off this "no demons allowed" tattoo and blow smoke up your ass.

Dean: Look Zeke...I'm gonna call you Zeke

Ezekiel (in Sam's Body): [Head tilt]

Dean: And even with Crowley here, this is the safest place there is. And we need you man.

Kevin: Because I'm useful.

Dean: Because you're family. After all the crap that we've been through, after all the good that we've done. Man, if you don't think that we would die for you, I don't know what to tell you. Because you, me, Sam and Cass - we are all we've got.

I'm No Angel [9.03]

Castiel: Do you ever tire of urinating...I'll never get used to it.

Dean: Sam... You here?

Sam: Hey, Morning.

Dean: You been outside already?

Sam: Yeah, Woke up went for a run, beautiful sunrise, anyways cleaned up, went and got breakfast, grabbed you bacon and eggs extra grease not even gonna argue.

Dean: Perfect

Dean: I think it'd be better if you take it easy and didn't act like you were...

Sam/Ezekiel: ...possessed by an angel? He does feel better, a work in progress of course, but I am slowly healing him.

Dean: That's great...umm but...

Ezekiel: I have news, I've picked up chatter among the angels not all are wondering around in confusion.

Dean: Yeah some of them are after Cass.

Ezekiel: There is a faction that is rapidly organizing and finding human vessels to contain them.

Dean: Lead by Naomi?

Ezekiel: I have not heard that name no but it is this factions leadership that wants Castiel found, you see Dean I can be useful.

Dean: So can my brother so why don't you go check your email and if I need your help I'll let you know.

Ezekiel: Dean...

Dean: ...I said I'll let you know.

Sam: I mean Cass is human now, it's gonna take him a lot longer to travel

Dean: I'm gonna get whiplash.

Sam: What?

Dean: Nothing.

Bartholomew: Beautiful Buddy. One of your best.

Buddy Boyle: Oh, well that is a high praise Sir, seeing as your an emissary from that man upstairs himself, Thank you Bart.

Bartholomew: It's Bartholomew.

Woman: Let me be a vessel for the divine. I give myself over to you.

Buddy: Oh, hallelujah.

Bartholomew: Yes, well if you're certain.

Woman: [She nods. An angel tries to possess her and she explodes]

Buddy: Bart!! what the hell?!!

Bartholomew: Buddy, the simple truth is.. not all who are willing are designed to contain heavens grace. We have to expect a casualty now and then. It's a small price to pay when you think about it.

Buddy: Like the lamb of the sacrifice.

Bartholomew: Sure.

Castiel: Food. Sleep or passing gas, it's all very strange.

Guy at homeless shelter: Oh, man, those poor guys were a mess. They must have suffered bad.. But at least now they're with angels.

Dean: I sure as hell hope not

Dean: Where does hedonism come into it?

Castiel: Well, my time with April was very educational.

Sam: Yeah. I mean, I would think being killed is something. [Chuckles]

Castiel: And having sex.

Dean: [Dean chokes on his food. Sam and Dean look surprised] You had sex with April?

Sam: Yeah, that would be where the hedonism comes in.

Dean: [to Sam] Shh

Castiel: [nods]

Dean: [Chuckles] So..Did you have protection?

Castiel: I had my angel blade.

Dean: oh- [turns to Sam] Oh, he had the angel blade.

Slumber Party [9.04]

Charlie: I took down a teenage vampire and a ghost. ...Which sounds like a Y.A. novel when you say it out loud.

Sam: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! S-spoilers. I haven't read all the books yet.

Dean: You're gonna read the books?

Sam: Yes, Dean. I like to read books -- you know, the ones without pictures.

Sam: Well, I'm sorry I haven't hung up the, uh, "Hang in there, kitty" poster yet, Dean.

Charlie: Holy crap! The first case investigated in this bunker involved Dorothy. She and the witch came into this room, and they never came out. This will never stop blowing my mind!

Dean: Okay, pace yourself, Toto.

Charlie: (after learning that several things from the Oz books are wrong) Stop ruining my childhood!

Crowley: [to witch] Hello, darling. (the witch slightly burns herself trying to pass a warding sign) Sorry. This litter box is warded against everything, even wicked witches. Big fan. Love your work.

Crowley: (whistling Somewhere Over The Rainbow)

(Sam and Dean walk slowly into the room with their guns, wary of the wicked witch)

Crowley: Wow. If it isn't the Scarecrow and the Tin Man.. Your new house guest- so misunderstood. [Sam and Dean don't reply] Neither of you saw "Wicked"?

Sam: What did she say to you?

Crowley: Something along the lines of.. [hisses]

(Charlie and Dean are looking for the key to Oz)

Charlie: (looking at the first edition of Voluptuous Asian Lovelies) You keep your porn meticulously organized, but not--

Dean: Don't judge me.

Charlie: [Comes back to life up after being dead] Merry christmas.

Dean: Charlie?

Charlie: [looks over at Dean] Uh. Hey, I know you.

Dean: I told you to stay in the dungeon.

Charlie: [Chuckles] Bet you say that to all the girls.

Charlie: (to the Witch) Now heel! (stabs the Witch in the head with the heel of the Ruby Slippers, killing her)

Charlie: (to Sam and Dean after killing the Witch) Ding Dong, Bitches!

Dog Dean Afternoon [9.05]

Dean: All right, well, let's keep digging. [The camera focuses on an owl.] But, uh, not here. I don't like the way that one's looking at me.

Dean: Always knew I'd find the source of all evil at a vegan bakery.

Sam: What's that smell?

Dean: Patchouli. Yeah, mixed with depression from meat deprivation.

Sam: Hmm.

Dean: Hey. You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.

Dean: (after learning he is taking on dog-like traits) Ruh-roh!

Heaven Can't Wait [9.06]

Sam: Well, maybe if we can decipher the footnotes, then we can reverse the spell and...

Dean: Punt those winged dicks back to heaven.

[Castiel is on a ladder, changing a fluorescent tube bulb..]

Nora: Hey, Steve? I found this in the supply closet. (She holds up a plastic bag) Do you know whose it is?

Castiel: Um... (comes down from the ladder) That's mine. Thanks.

Nora: I also found a rolled-up sleeping bag behind the tool locker.

Castiel: Yes, (thinking fast) I wanted to be thorough with inventory, so I worked late last week, and taking a nap here was easier than going back home to my bed. Which I-I have, of course – a bed...and a home.

Dean: I'm just saying we're not keeping him chained up for the one-liners.

Castiel: My Grace is gone. What did you expect? Do you have any idea how hard it was? When I fell to earth, I didn't just lose my powers. I – I had nothing. Now... I'm a sales associate

Dean: Wow. So you went from fighting … heavenly battles to nuking taquitos?

Castiel: (nodding) Nachos too.

Crowley: If you don't connect me Abaddon right away, I'll be forced to -

Sam: What is it? What happened?

Crowley: I've been placed on hold.

Bad Boys [9.07]

Dean: Hey, kid, what are you doing in here by yourself?

Kid: Fighting monsters.

Dean: What kind of monsters?

Kid: All sorts, with Bruce the monster smasher. (He holds up his action figure doll.)

Dean: Hm. Is that a cape? Little impractical for smashing monsters, huh? You know, you could choke—

[The kid activates the doll which says "I clobber evil!"]

Dean: (chuckles slightly) I bet you do. (holds out his hand) I'm Dean.

Kid: Timmy. (shakes hand)

Dean:Let's try that again. If you're gonna be a man, you got to learn how to shake like one, okay? So give me your best Kung Fu grip. Good. (They shake again.) Now look me straight in the eye. Let me know that you mean business. Shake as hard as you can. (Shake again.) That's it. You shake like that, you'll be all right.

Dean: Hey! Either of you touch him ever again, I'm gonna go all Guantánamo on you.

Young Robin: What's your dad do?

Young Dean: Boring stuff.

Young Robin: Do you like it?

Young Dean: (shakes his head) No, not really. But my dad expects me to follow in his footsteps. So I've kind of gotten used to it.

Young Robin: Yeah. I - I get it. My pops wants me to take over the diner? But that's not happening. So, what do you really want to do?

[Dean hesitates.]

Young Robin: (continues) I want to be a photographer and see the world, go to strange lands, eat crazy food.

Young Dean: I want to be a rock star, but... I also really like cars.

Young Robin: Being a mechanic seems rough.

Young Dean: What? No, no. Not at all. Cars are freaking cool as hell. Fixing them is like … a puzzle, and the best part is when you're done, they leave, and you're not responsible for them any more.

Young Robin: (Kisses Dean, he seems shocked.) Have you kissed many girls?

Young Dean: What? Yeah. Of course. Lots.

Young Robin: Really? (She grabs his collar) Well, I guess we'll just have to keep practising.

[Young Dean is fastening a tie.]

Sonny: Oh, look at you. You clean up good!

Young Dean: Thank you. You know, uh ... I've never actually been to one of these school dances before.

Sonny: Yeah. Look, about that, Dean, your old man's outside … and, man, he's really something. I tried to tell him what a big night it was for you, Dean, and ask him if he could come back later, but he just said to tell you he had a job, said you'd know what that means.

[Young Dean tries to hold back tears.]

Sonny: You know, after I got out of jail, this place gave me a second chance, and it's done the same for you, too.

[Young Dean nods.]

Sonny: So if you want, I'll stick my neck out for you, and I'll fight for you to stay.

[John's car horn honks outside. Young Dean goes to the window to look, and sees a very young-looking Sam holding a spaceship out the window of the car. Young Dean laughs, choked-up, and turns back toward Sonny, holding out his hand. There's a tear trickling out his eye as they shake hands.]

Young Dean: Sonny... thank you ... for everything. But I have to go.

Rock and a Hard Place [9.08]

Jody: You know, I'm thinking whatever this thing is, it's not going after virgins, even born-again virgins.

Sam: It's taking virgins who break their chastity vow. So dragons are off the list.

Jody: I'm sor-- dragons? Those are a thing?

Sam: Yeah. Too many things are things.

Dean: Made me want to join a mariachi band just to be near you.

Suzy: You're not like... the other guys in town, are you? You're kind of a... a bad boy.

Dean: I don't know. Why don't you ask me that in Spanish?

Suzy: ¿Eres un Chico malo?

Dean : Sí

Tammy: I'm calling the cops!

Sheriff Jody Mills: I am the cops!

Tammy: (after Sheriff punches her and her nose starts bleeding) What the fudge, lady?

Vesta: What's wrong with you?

Sam: [worried and surprised] What?

Vesta: Your liver. It's... it's no good. Dear boy, you're all duct tape and safety pins inside. How are you alive?

Holy Terror [9.09]

Castiel: Didn't you say Sam was healed by an angel named Ezekiel?

Dean: Uh... Yeah, why?

Castiel: Ezekiel is dead.

Dean: What?

Castiel: He died when the angels fell.

Sam: What's going on? What are you doing?

Dean: I got to tell you some stuff fast. It's gonna piss you off.

Sam: Okay.

Dean: Those trials really messed you up.

Sam: Yes, I know that, Dea—

Dean: (hurriedly) No, you don't. I mean messed you up like almost dead. No more birthdays, dust to dust. Well, that messed me up, so I made a move, okay, a tough move about you without talking it over because you were in a coma.

Sam: Wait, what? When?

Dean: You were in the hospital, okay, and they said you were gonna die.

Sam: What did you do?

Dean: ... I let an angel in.

Sam: In what?

Dean: In you. He said he could heal you and he is.

Sam: He's still in me? Wait. (laughs) That's impossible, Dean. That couldn't happen. I never invited him in.

Dean: I tricked you into saying yes. It seemed like the only way.

Sam: (sighs) So... Again. You thought I couldn't handle something, so you took over!

[Dean is rounding the corner into the room, as Kevin screams.]

Dean: No! No! No! No! Kevin?!

[Dean runs forward, as Kevin's body drops to the floor.]

[Gadreel; possessing Sam, extends a hand pinning Dean to a wall.]

Dean: Sam?

Gadreel / Sam : There is no more Sam.

Dean: (gasps in pain)

Gadreel / Sam : But, I played him convincingly, I thought.

Gadreel / Sam :(after killing Kevin) I did what I had to do.

Road Trip [9.10]

Castiel: Dean. If the angel possessing Sam isn't Ezekiel, then who is it?

Dean: A dead man walking.

Castiel: What, you're gonna destroy him?

Dean: Damn right.

Castiel: You kill an angel, its vessel dies, too.

Dean: Think I don't know that? If I don't end Sam and that halo burns him out and I... God, I was so damn stupid.

Castiel: You were stupid for the right reasons.

Dean: Yeah, like that matters.

Castiel: It does. Sometimes that's all that matters.

Crowley: How many times am I gonna have to say this? People in your general vicinity don't have much in the way of a life-span.

Crowley: Looks like we need a tiebreaker. Go get moose, squirrel... Unless... Unless, of course, you can't. That's why you're here, isn't it? The poor giant baby's in trouble again, isn't he?

Dean: Yeah, I got played.

Castiel: I thought I was saving Heaven. I got played, too.

Dean: So you're sayin' we're both a couple of dumbasses?

Castiel: I prefer the word "trusting." Less dumb. Less ass.

Castiel: It's his fault -- all of it. The corruption of man, demons, hell. God left because of him. The archangels... the apocalypse. If he hadn't been so weak, none of it would have happened. You ruined the universe, you damn son of a bitch!

Gadreel: It won't work. You will never find your brother. Go ahead. Poke and prod. I can sit in this chair for years and watch you fail over and over again. I've endured much worse than this, Dean. So...much...worse. And I have all the time in the world.

Dean: If you mess with Sam, if you try anything --

Crowley: I keep my bargains. Besides, I don't want to be inside your brother any longer than I have to. I'm not one for sloppy seconds.

Dean: When you find him, say "Poughkeepsie." It's our go word. It means "drop everything and run."

Crowley: Fine. While I'm gone, hands off the suit.

Sam: [heartbreakingly] Did I kill Kevin?

Crowley: No, you didn't. He did. You need to take control, Sam. Blow it up and cast that punk-ass holy roller out!

Sam: (expelling Gadreel) I said get...the hell...Out!

Crowley: Go. The back door. I'll handle this.

Dean: Oh, 'cause you're such a good guy?

Crowley: Right now, I'm the goodest guy you got.

Dean: This don't make us square. I see you again --

Crowley: I'm dead. Yes, I know. I love you, too.

[Dean and Castiel help Sam out.]

Crowley: Pleasure doing business with you boys, as always.

Crowley: See, that's your problem, love. You think this is a fight.

Abbadon: It's not?

Crowley: It's a campaign. Hearts and minds, that's what's important. See, the demons have a choice -- take orders from the world's angriest ginger -- and that's saying something -- or join my team, where everyone gets a say, a virgin, and all the entrails they can eat. So, think on this, lads. Spread the word -- vote Crowley.

Dean: Come on, man. Can't you see? I'm... I'm poison, Sam. People get close to me, they get killed...or worse. You know, I tell myself that I-I... I help more people than I hurt. And I tell myself that I'm... I'm doing it all for the right reasons, and I... I believe that. But I can't... I won't... Drag anybody through the muck with me. Not anymore.

Sam: Go. I'm not gonna stop you... But don't go thinking that's the problem, 'cause it's not.

First Born [9.11]

Dean: You want to hunt? With me?

Crowley: I do love a good buddy comedy.

Castiel: I enjoyed the taste of food -- particularly peanut butter with grape jelly, not jam. Jam I found unsettling.

Sam: So, what? Now you can't taste PB and J?

Castiel: No, I-I taste every molecule.

Sam: Not the sum of its parts, huh?

Castiel: It's overwhelming. It's disgusting. [looks longingly at the sandwich] I miss you, PB and J.

[Castiel is healing Sam]

Sam: What?

Castiel: Nothing.

Sam: You're a terrible liar.

Castiel: That is not true. I once deceived and betrayed both you and your brother.

Sam: Well, they didn't have a guinea pig, but we do.

Castiel: [looks up very confused] You have a guinea pig? Where?

Sam: Me, Cas. I'm the guinea pig.

Crowley: Ah, that's, uh, a funny story, really. Bit of a misunderstanding. We really should --

Cain: [motions with his hand and Crowley is rendered speechless] Shh.

Dean: Oh, you gotta teach me how to do that.

Sam: [weakly] Keep going.

Castiel: Why?

Sam: We -- we -- we have to find Gadreel.

Castiel: [starts to remove the needle] No. Why must the Winchesters run toward death?

Sam: [Stopping Cas] No, don't. Don't. Don't stop.

Castiel: Sam, when I was human, I died, and that showed me that life is precious, and it must be protected at all costs, even a life as... as pig-headed as a Winchester's.

Sam: [Softly] My life's not worth any more than anyone else's... not yours or Dean's...or Kevin's. Please. Please, help me do one thing right.

Crowley: You're good... But I'm Crowley.

Castiel: Sam, I want Gadreel to pay as much as you do..

But nothing is worth losing you.. 
You know, being human, it didn't just change my view of food. It changed my view of you.

Castiel: I mean, I can relate now to how you feel.

Sam: What are you talking about?

Castiel: The only person who has screwed things up more consistently than you...is me. And now I know what that guilt feels like. And I know what it... I know what it means to feel sorry, Sam. I am sorry.

Sam: I know.

Castiel: You know, old me... I would've have just kept going. I would've jammed that needle in deeper until you died because the ends always justified the means. But what I went though... Well, that PB and J taught me that angels can change, so... who knows? Maybe Winchesters can, too.

Cain: I can give you the mark, Dean, if it's what you truly want.

Dean: What are you talking about?

Cain: The mark can be transferred to someone who's worthy.

Dean: You mean a killer like you?

Cain: Yes.

Dean: Can I use it to kill that bitch?

Cain: Yes. But you have to know with the mark comes a great burden. Some would call it a great cost.

Sharp Teeth [9.12]

Sam: [SAM notices a part of a scar on DEAN's arm] What happened to your arm?

Dean: [pulls up his sleeve so he can see it better] Oh. It's a... gift from Cain.

Sam: Like...the wrestler?

Dean: I wish. That would be awesome. Uh, no. The, uh...The Old Testament dude.

Garth: That's Dean. Now, he could start a fight in an empty house, but deep down inside, he's just a big ol' Teddy bear. And Sam here.. Sam can be a bit insecure at times, but for a good reason.

Garth: Yeah, because you two came busting in here like a house on fire. Guns waving, the jawlines and the hair -- it's very intimidating! What'd you expect?

Sam: But something's broken here, Dean.

Dean: I'm not saying that it's not. I... I just think maybe we need to put a couple W's on the board and we get past all this.

Sam: I don't think so. No, I-I wish, but... We don't...see things the same way anymore -- our roles in this whole thing. Back in that church, talking me out of boarding up hell? Or -- or tricking me into letting Gadreel possess me? I can't trust you -- not the way I thought I could, not the way I should be able to.

Dean: Okay, look. Whatever happened... We are family, okay?

Sam: You say that like it's some sort of cure-all, like it can change the fact that everything that has ever gone wrong between us has been because we're family.

Dean: So, what -- we're not family now?

Sam: I'm saying, you want to work? Let's work. If you want to be brothers...

The Purge [9.13]

Dean: Yeah, Why do I gotta be the lunch lady?

Sam: Since when have you ever complained about being around food?

Dean: Okay this is not food.

Alonso: Hey new guy, stop flirting with the trainer and keep scooping.

Sam: What the hell happened?!

Dean: I was drugged.

Sam: Dru... what?

Dean: [still loopy and lying on his stomach] Pudding. It was supposed to be for the clients, but I couldn't resist.

Sam: [picks up the bowl and smells it] What, salted caramel?

Dean: Yeah, man. The best of both worlds ... salty and sweet.

Dean: [looking in the supplement bottle] These aren't "supplements", they're roofies.

Sam: What? How do you know what roofies look like?

Dean: How do you not know? You think I want to end up in a hotel bathtub with my kidney carved out? In Chechnya?

Dean: You know, Sam, I saved your hide back there. And I saved your hide at that church... And the hospital. I may not think things all the way through. Okay? But what I do, I do because it's the right thing. I'd do it again.

Sam: And that... is the problem. You think you're my savior, my brother, the hero. You swoop in, and even when you mess up, you think what you're doing is worth it because you've convinced yourself you're doing more good than bad... But you're not... I mean, Kevin's dead, Crowley's in the wind. We're no closer to beating this angel thing. Please tell me, what is the upside of me being alive?

Dean: [shocked] You kidding me? You and me... fighting the good fight together.

Sam: Okay. Just once, be honest with me. You didn't save me for me. You did it for you.

Dean: [totally confused] What are you talkin' about?

Sam: I was ready to die. I was ready. I should have died, but you... You didn't want to be alone, and that's what all this boils down to. You can't stand the thought of being alone.

Dean: All right.

Sam: I'll give you this much. You are certainly willing to do the sacrificing as long as you're not the one being hurt.

Dean: All right, you want to be honest? If the situation were reversed and I was dying, you'd do the same thing.

Sam: No Dean, I wouldn’t. Same circumstances, I wouldn’t.

Captives [9.14]

Dean: [On his phone] Crowley, it's Dean. Call me when you get this.

Sam: Really, Dean?

Dean: What?

Sam: That's your third unanswered voicemail. You ever think maybe he's just not that into you?

Castiel: I don't want to fight. But if I have to, I will.

Angel: I didn't come to fight. When I fell, I thought I had no choice, but yesterday, you've showed me that there is a choice. And I choose you.

Sam: And you were ours. And we failed you. I --

Kevin: Sam. I know that wasn't you. Go put a blade in that asshat who possessed you and we'll call it square... Guys. Thank you.

Dean: You can thank us when we get you to heaven where you belong. Okay, until then, enjoy your time with your mom. The, uh, uninterrupted, 24/7, no-escape quality time.

Kevin: Dick. Hey, before I go... Will you guys promise me something?

Dean: Yeah.

Sam: Anything.

Kevin: Can you two... Get over it? Dudes, just 'cause you couldn't see me doesn't mean I couldn't see you. The drama, the fighting... It's stupid. My mom's taking home a ghost. You two... You're both still here.

#Thinman [9.15]

Harry:[sarcastically] Ah, the Winchesters. Yay.

Ed: Says nobody.

Harry: Ever.

Harry: And -- and quit raining on my rainbow.

Ed: Rainbows can't happen without rain.

Harry: Don't try to use science with me.

Dean: You know what video would have gone viral, if we still had it? When you were five and you got dressed up as Batman and you jumped off the shed 'cause you thought you could fly.

Sam: After you jumped first.

Dean: Hey, I was nine, and I was dressed up like superman, okay? Everybody knows that Batman can't fly.

Sam: [chuckling] Well, I didn't know that. I broke my arm.

Dean: [laughing] I know you did. Man, I drove you to the E.R. on my handlebars. Hm, good times.

Ed: It's Scooby-Doo time, douche bag. Take off the mask. I know you're not Thinman. You're just a "me-me".

Harry: Ed, it's pronounced meme.

Ed: It's spelled m-e-m-e, though.

Harry: The second "e" is silent. Yeah.

Ed: You're a me-me ... a-a man-meme, and I invented you.

Ed: You roll with a guy so many years, you start to think he's always gonna be next to you. Like, when you're old and you're drinking on the porch, he'll be in that other rocking chair. And then something happens, and you realize that other chair has gone empty.

Blade Runners [9.16]

Dean: He goes missing for weeks on end without a peep? Well, not one that makes sense, anyway. Listen to this.

[Dean sets his phone on the table and plays a voicemail on speaker]

Crowley: Dean. Um... [indecipherable ramblings]

Sam: Wait a second. Did he...Drunk-dial you?

Dean: Look at you. You're a mess. You know, we were counting on you. You let us down.

Sam: Your slimy followers were counting on you to kill Abaddon, and you let them down.

Dean: The man with all the mojo -- Captain Evil.

Sam: Oh, it's pathetic.

Crowley: What is this? An intervention?

Sam: You need to focus, Crowley. Get a grip!

Dean: What, you just gonna let Hell go to Hell?

Crowley: You don't know what it's like to be human!

[Crowley is messing with a vending machine.]

Sam: [exasperated] What is Crowley doing?

Dean: Stealing candy.

Sam: He is ... he's ... he's stealing candy.

Dean: You know, at least when Cas was human, he was an okay guy. Should've known Crowley would be a douche version... [Shouting at Crowley] Hey. Hey! Cut it out, man! Image! You're the king of rotten. Act like it.

Dean: Well, you're looking good for a guy pushing...90?

Magnus: Well, thanks, sport. There's a spell for damn near everything.

Magnus: [Holding the First Blade] Should we fire it up? What do you say?

Dean: Go to hell.

Magnus: [Regarding the First Blade] Next time, it'll be easier. You'll get used to the feelings, even welcome them.

Crowley: I did good, eh, moose? Everything on the list. You're welcome.

Sam: Remember -- stay close, do what I say, and shut the hell up.

Crowley: I'm growing on you, aren't I?

Mother's Little Helper [9.17]

Crowley: You're lying to Sam like he's your wife, which kind of makes me your mistress.

Julia: You're one of them, aren't you?

Sam: Sorry. One of who?

Julia: Men of Letters... They came here in 1958.

Sam: Men of Letters... came here?

Julia: Oh, yes. It was different then.

Crowley: Last time we chitchatted, we agreed that you were gonna line up Carrot Top.

Dean: Yep, well...I'm on it.

Crowley: Unless Abaddon likes 10-cent wings, stale beer, and the clap, I doubt that she's here.

Crowley: What's in that bottle? Delusion?

Jake: For a second there, I thought he made me.

Crowley: He has other things on his mind.

Jake: But he did do exactly what you said he would. He saved you.

Crowley: Of course he saved me. We're besties. And now he's ready.

Sam: So, after all these years, you're still doing Abaddon's dirty work, huh, Agnes?

Sister Agnes: Would you believe it's gotten even dirtier? Used to be folks believed in the church. Heck, the way they would come strolling in here, looking for God. It was like fish in a barrel, really. But times change. You can blame your perverts for that. Now I'm riding shotgun in some smelly van with a handyman and tricking any half-wit I can lay my hands on. But it's worth it.

Sam: Because... Stealing souls is so noble.

Sister Agnes: Stealing souls is winning!

Sam: Winning what?

Sister Agnes: Hell's crown, nimrod. You think Abaddon is just gonna sit there while those pantywaisted demons refuse to pick a side?! And so she made a plan -- if you can't convince 'em, make 'em.

Henry: This -- our work... It's a noble calling, isn't it? I mean, yes, there's risk, but, gosh. I feel the fool for doubting it for even a second.

Abaddon/Josie: Hmm.

Henry: And you, Josie?

Abaddon/Josie: Me? Well, I feel like a whole new person.

Sam: You were right.

Dean: About what?

Sam: Finding Abaddon ASAP. She's mining souls.

Dean: Why?

Sam: To create an army.

Meta Fiction [9.18]

Metatron: What makes a story work? Is it the plot, the characters, the text? The subtext? And who gives a story meaning? Is the writer? Or you? Tonight, I thought I would tell you a little story and let you decide.

[Castiel on speaker phone with Sam and Dean]

Castiel: [looking at the hotel room’s honor bar] Honor bar. What's honorable about a miniature bar in a motel room?

Dean: Everything.

Castiel: [With a smile] How are you, Dean?

Dean: [Monotone] I'm fine, Cas. How 'bout you?

Castiel: [wistfully] I miss my wings. Life on the road... smells.

Castiel: [trying to turn tv off, which is playing ep 13 of 'Casa Erotica'] ...That's inappropriate.

Gabriel: [with a porn-stache] Hello. Remember me, bucko?

Castiel: Gabriel?

Gabriel: [rips the porn-stache off] I'm gonna take that as a yes.

Gabriel: I never watched "Downton Abbey." I was just trying to fit in.

Gadreel: If this is like looking into a fun-house mirror for me, I cannot imagine what it is like for you.

Sam: [barely controlling his rage] How long have you been working for Metatron?

Gadreel: I will not talk, and you cannot make me.

Sam: Yeah?

Gadreel: I have been you, Sam Winchester. Your insides reek of shame and weakness.

Metatron: You have been around since scaly things crawled out of the muck. Would it have killed you to pick up a book, watch a movie? [sighs] Here. I know it's a bit of a retcon, but it's gonna make this whole conversation a lot easier.

Gadreel: So, he acts tough, and you show kindness. Is that how this works?

Dean: [his eyes dark] No. See, I don't care whether you talk. You're gonna pay for what you did to him...and Kevin.

GadreelYou really think Sam would do anything for you?

[Dean is heartbroken but hides it]

Dean: Oh, I know he would.

GadreelI have been in your brother's body, Dean. He would not trade his life for yours.

Dean: Well, thanks for the rerun, pal. Sam's already told me all that crap. Hell, he's told me worse.

GadreelHe told you that he has always felt that way... that he thinks you are just a scared little boy who's afraid to be on his own because daddy never loved him enough? And he is right, isn't he? Right to think you are a coward, a sad, clingy, needy...

[Dean punches Gadreel]

Dean: Keep it up!

Gadreel...Pathetic bottom-feeder who cannot even take care of himself, who would rather drag everyone through the mud than be alone, who would let everyone around him die!

[Dean swings his angel blade to stab Gadreel but stops at the last moment]

Gadreel [opens his eyes in a panic] No. Do it. Do it! Kill me!

Dean: [icily] Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? That's what that whole speech was about? You're not afraid to die, are you? You're afraid to be left in these chains forever. Well, you can sit here and rot, you son of bitch.

Sam: He's late.

Dean: Or he's not gonna show.

Metatron: [appearing] Of course I'm gonna show. I was just waiting for you two to finished setting up your little trap for me. Uh... Am I hitting my mark? Well, come on. Let's go. I'm waiting.

[Dean lights the circle of holy fire Metatron is stood in.]

Metatron: [Fakes a cry of pain then laughs] Either of you bring s'mores? Holy Fire always gives them a delightful minty aftertaste. Make a wish, boys. [Metatron blows out the flames]

Alex Annie Alexis Ann [9.19]

Dean: I don't know, Sammy. Looks like Jody might not need our help anymore.

Sam: Oh, they grow up too fast.

Dean: Don't they?

Jody: Yeah, joke all you want.

Vampire: [The vampire is putting body parts into a wood chipper]

Dean: Hey! Hey, you need a hand with that? [He sees a hand sticking out] Oh! [Chuckles] I guess not.

[Sam is tied to a chair]

Connor Hell of a sight to come home to... Brother lying dead on the floor. [He rams the butt of the gun into Sam's stomach.] No idea it was a Winchester that had done it. So...Which one of you was it? Which one of you took off my brother's head?! Was it you? Was it him? Pretty fitting ... brother for a brother. This place has been a good home to us. But since you two had to come around and ruin it, we're gonna have to hit the road and find a new one. And when we hit the road... we like to pack a lunch.

[Connor cuts some surgical tubing and picks up a bucket and moves towards Sam]

Sam: Dean.

Dean: Yeah, I know. You wouldn't have done the same for me.

Sam: No. Jody.

Sam: Nice work back there. "Look at me, bitch?"

Dean: Well, hey, you got another snappy one-liner, I'm all ears.

Sam: What I'm saying is... it looked to me like you were enjoying it. Maybe too much.

Dean: And? Well, sorry for not putting on a hair shirt. Killing things that need killing is kind of our job. Last I checked, taking pleasure in that is not a crime.

Bloodlines [9.20]

Dean: Listen, uh, Detective... Your, uh, perp fits a certain profile. Now, I could go into detail, but I'm -- I'm not going to.

Ennis: And when I got to her... She...She ...

Sam: There is nothing you could've done.

Ennis: That supposed to make me feel better? Look, this thing wasn't human. So what are you gonna do about it?

Dean: I don't know what to tell you, kid. There's no such thing as monsters.

Dean: [After decapitating a vampire] He looks better with a little off the top, don't you think? You want to run, now's the time.

Ennis: I'm not going anywhere until someone tells me what the hell's going on.

Dean: You should go.

Ennis: No.

Dean: All right, Sammy, give him the talk.

Sam: All right, look, my name is Sam Winchester. That's my brother Dean. We, uh... ...we kill vampires. And werewolves, and demons, and -- basically, we chase down evil... And we cut its head off.

Ennis: So you're, what, monster cops?

Dean: Hunters.

Dean: All right, you're with me, Romeo.

David: Sounds good, Buffy.

King of the Damned [9.21]

Crowley: You betrayed me? No one in the history of torture’s been tortured with torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with.

Sam: I see. I got it. So, you heard a rumor about Metatron's "secret portal", and you decided to run with it.

Ezra: It's not a rumor. He showed me.

Dean: I get it. He's a fan.

Sam: A fan. Yeah.

Dean: You're a fan. Just 'cause you're hot for Metatron... ...or Bieber or Beckham... Just 'cause you know everything about them doesn't mean that you actually know them.

Sam: Or that they even know you exist.

Dean: Ooh, that's cold, Sammy.

Sam: I'm just sayin', man.

Gavin: You sold your soul?! Sold it?! For an extra three inches of willy?!

Dean: (on phone) Damn it, Crowley, the grave is guarded!

Crowley: (on phone) That's absurd.

Dean: (on phone) A Hellhound!

Crowley: (on phone) No, no, no, she was collected.

Dean: (on phone) The hell she was!

Sam: Guys!

Crowley: (on phone) Time was, no one would dare disobey the king.

Sam: Guys!

Dean: (on phone) I'm gonna put you on speaker!

Crowley: (on phone) Juliet? It's papa. Stand down. [She does.] You're welcome.

Crowley: Gavin, listen to your father. I know what's... [Gavin slams the door and locks it] ...best for you....

Crowley: [to himself] Kids.

[Crowley's phone rings. It's Dean. He answers it.]

Crowley: Squirrel! I hope you were nice to your father.

Dean: What? Shut up.

[Dean stabs Abbadon multiple times]

Sam: Dean. Dean! Dean! Stop! You can stop.

Crowley: Please. No one bends the rules like you two bend the rules. He's one misfit kid. He impacts no one.

Crowley: You'll be fine. Just avoid cheap whiskey and cheap hookers. Look at me, getting all fatherly.

Gavin: So this is goodbye, then?

Crowley: Yes. Forever. Unless, of course, I catch you smoking, in which case, I'll smack you stupid.

Gavin: Goodbye, then. And thank you...father.

[Gavin moves to hug, but Crowley stops him.]

Crowley: Whoa, whoa. Easy, easy. As you were. Goodbye, Gavin. Oh, uh... Don't go mentioning that whole "Prince of Hell" thing. Doesn't play too well in most circles.

Dean: First time I touched that Blade...I knew. I knew that I wouldn't be stopped. I knew I would take down Abaddon and anything else if I had to. And it wasn't a hero thing. You know, it wasn't... It was just calm. I knew. And I had to go it alone, Sammy.

Sam: Look...I'm glad it worked out, okay? I am. And I'm glad the Blade gives you strength or calm or whatever, but, Dean, I got to say... I'm starting to think the Blade is doing something else, too.

Dean: Yeah? Like what?

Sam: I don't know. Like, something to you. Look... I'm thinking until we know for sure that we're gonna kill off Crowley, why don't we store the Blade somewhere distant? Lock it up somewhere safe? Okay?

Dean: No.

Stairway to Heaven [9.22]

Dean: He's a weird, dorky, little guy. But he happens to have an army of Angels behind him, and, even though I hate to say it, if we're gonna take a shot at Metatron, they might be useful.

Metatron: Uh...just a second!

[A second later, Gadreel enters. Metatron glares at him.]

Gadreel: I gave you a second.

Metatron: You are such an...angel sometimes. What do you want?

Sam: Uh, roll call? You hold, uh, roll call?

Castiel: They like to hear me say their names.

Dean: I know a couple of women like that.

Castiel: It's Enochian. I believe it's some sort of riddle. "Why is six afraid of seven?" Now, I assume it's because seven is a prime number, and prime numbers can be intimidating.

Sam: [bemused] It's because seven eight nine.

[The door opens with a loud creak]

Castiel: It's wordplay. And the answer is the key, like the doors of Durin in "Lord of the Rings."

Sam: Wait a second. You know about "The Lord of the Rings?"

Castiel: I'm very pop-culture savvy now.

Sam: So, Dean, uh...are we gonna talk about this, or what?

Dean: About what? Yeah, I lied, but you were being an infant.

Sam: Wow. Even for you, that apology sucked.

Dean: Oh, I'm not apologizing. I'm telling you how it's gonna be.

Sam: Dean, that Blade...

Dean: That Blade's the only thing that can kill Metatron, and I am the only one who can use it...so from here on out, I'm calling the shots. Capisce? Look, until I jam that Blade through that douchebag's heart, we are not a team. This is a dictatorship. Now, you don't have to like it, but that's how it's gonna be.

Dean: Cas, you just gave up an entire army for one guy. No, there's no way that you blew those people away.

Castiel: You really believe we three will be enough?

Dean: We always have been.

Do You Believe in Miracles [9.23]

Sam: Something is wrong with you, Dean. And until we figure out what, this is where you have to stay.

Dean: And you two are gonna do what? Take on Metatron yourselves? That's smart. Oh, no, wait. No, you... [motions to Castiel] you lost your Angel army. And you... [motions to Sam] now you're trying to lock up the one guy who has a shot at killing the son of a bitch?! Hell of a plan, fellas!

Crowley: Love, if I wanted a soapy massage from Dr. Phil, I would have hit 3 on the speed dial, all right?

Dean: What the hell's happening to me, you son of a bitch?

Crowley: Liquor before beer, bad taco? How should I know?

Crowley: You never get tired of the rat race? Never get the urge to just...bugger off and howl at the moon? Never ask yourself, "is this it? Is this all there is?" I kicked human blood, you know.

Dean: Oh, so you're full-metal douche again. Well, that's fantastic. Would you like a stuffed bear?

Dean: How's hell, Crowley?

Crowley: Hell's fine. Hell's like a Swiss watch. Don't worry about hell. Hell's complicated.

Dean: "Game of Thrones" is complicated. Shower sex... that's complicated. Hell ain't complicated. Your problem ain't hell. It's you.

Crowley: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You're not gonna eat your food?

Dean: Not hungry.

Castiel: The door to heaven is in a playground?

Gadreel: Guarded by two of Metatron's most loyal. I recruited them myself. So, you said you had a plan... How we might convince them to let us pass.

Castiel: [pulls out handcuffs] Wookiee.

Gadreel: [looks very confused] Brother, I have no idea what that means.

Castiel: It's a reference to a very popular film that... never mind.

Crowley: Excuse me! I'm not exactly demon minion number three here. As the kids say, I've got mad skills.

Dean: Look, I don't know what you expected here. Okay? I don't really care. But you wanted off the hamster wheel. Get off.

Crowley: Well, I guess I've been Winchestered.

Gadreel: I sat in this hole for thousands of years, thinking of nothing but redemption, of reclaiming my good name. I thought of nobody, no cause, other than my own.

Castiel: You've been redeemed, my friend.

Gadreel: The only thing that matters in the end is the mission... protecting those who would not and cannot protect themselves...

Gadreel: Move to the other side of your cell, Castiel, and keep your head down.

Castiel: What are you doing?

[Hannah sees that Gadreel has carved a suicide sigil on his chest and fumbles to unlock the door]

Gadreel: When they say my name, perhaps I won't just be the one who let the serpent in. Perhaps I will be known as one of the many...

Castiel: Gadreel.

Gadreel: ...who gave heaven a second chance. Run, sister. [Hannah runs away from the cell]

Castiel: Gadreel.

[Gadreel stabs himself. The cell he's in explodes]

Castiel: [to Hannah] Do you believe him now?

Dean: You can save the humble pie Jesus routine for somebody who gives a damn.

Metatron: The problem with you Dean, is the cynicism. Always with the cynicism. But most people, even the real belly crawlers, living in filth, or Brentwood, they don't want to be cynical. They just want something to believe in.

Dean: And that'be you.

Metatron: Why not me?

Dean: You've been working those people outside for what, a day? And they've already spilled blood in your name. You're nothing but Bernie Madoff with wings.

Metatron: Ah, ah. So I'm a fake. Do you have any idea how much pancake make-up and soft lighting it took to get God to work a rope line? He hated it. And you know, humans sensed that. So they prayed harder and longer and fought more wars in His name. And for what?ǃ So they could die of malaria? Leukaemia? And all the while, blaming themselvesː "Oh, if only I'd been more prayerful, God would have loved meǃ God would have saved meǃ" You know what?ǃ God didn't even know their nameǃ But I do. Because I've walked among them, and I can save them.

Dean: Sure you can. So long as your mug is in every Bible, and "What would Metatron do?" is on every bumper.

Metatron: And? What, are you blaming me for giving them what they want? Giving them a brand they can believe in?

Dean: I'm blaming you for Kevinǃ I'm blaming you for taking Cas' Grace. Hell, I'm blaming you for the Cubs not winning the World Series in the last 100 freaking yearsǃ :[Showing the First Blade] Whatever it is, I'm blaming you.

Metatron: The First Blade. Nasty piece of work, isn't she? Ok, let's say you win, Dean, and I die. What's the world left with then, hmm? A herd of panty-waisted angels and you? Half out of your mind with lord knows what pumping through those veins?

Dean: You see, the only thing you've said that went in my ear was that you die.

Metatron: Oh, fine. We'll fight. I don't know what you expect is gonna come of all this. Unless... that's why you're stalling. Because you know nothing's gonna come of this unless your pals :[Gadreel and Castiel] succeed upstairs. Well, here's a newsflashː Humpty and Dumpty are starring in their very own version of "Locked Up Abroadː Heaven" right now.

[Dean punches Metatron]

Metatron: Wow, that big blade and that douchy tribal tat sure gave you some super juice. Whooǃ Okay...[They start fighting]

Sam: Shh. Shh. Shh. Shh. Shut up. Shut up. Just save your energy, all right? Oh, man. We'll stop the bleeding. We'll... we'll get you a doctor or... or I'll find a spell. You're gonna be okay.

[Sam takes his brother's hand and presses it to his chest to keep the cloth in place.]

Dean: Listen to me. It's better this way.

Sam: What?!

Dean: [Gasping in pain] The Mark. It's making me into something I don't want to be.

[Dean is dying despite Sam trying to save him]

Dean: I thought you were alright with this?

Sam: I lied.

Dean: Ain't that a bitch.

Metatron: Ah. So Gadreel bites the dust. And the Angel tablet... arguably the most powerful instrument in the history of the universe... is in pieces, and for what again? Oh, that's right... to save Dean Winchester. That was your goal, right? I mean, you draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right? Well, guess what. He's dead, too.

[Castiel's horrified eyes shoot to Metatron's face]

Dean: Sam. Hold up. Hold up... I gotta say something to you...

Sam: What?

Dean: [last words] I'm proud of us.

[Dean lies dead on a bed]

Crowley: Your brother, bless his soul, is summoning me as I speak. Make a deal, bring you back. It's exactly what I was talking about, isn't it? It's all become so... expected. You have to believe me. When I suggested you take on the Mark of Cain, I didn't know this was going to happen. Not really. I mean, I might not have told you the entire truth. But I never lied. I never lied, Dean. That's important. It's fundamental. But...there is one story about Cain that I might have... forgotten to tell you. Apparently, he, too, was willing to accept death, rather than becoming the killer the Mark wanted him to be. So he took his own life with the Blade. He died. Except, as rumor has it, the Mark never quite let go. You can understand why I never spoke of this. Why set hearts aflutter at mere speculation? It wasn't until you summoned me... No, it wasn't truly until you left that cheeseburger uneaten...that I began to let myself believe. Maybe miracles do come true.

[Crowley places the First Blade into Dean's hand and lays them both on Dean's chest.]

Crowley: Listen to me, Dean Winchester, what you're feeling right now... it's not death. It's life... a new kind of life. Open your eyes, Dean. See what I see. Feel what I feel. Let's go take a howl at that moon.

[Dean's eyes open, they are demonic black.]

Cast

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