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Superhero Movie

2008 film directed by Craig Mazin

Superhero Movie is a 2008 comedy film that spoofs the superhero genre. It was written and directed by Craig Mazin and produced by David Zucker and Robert K. Weiss.

Main Character Quotes

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Rick Riker/Dragonfly

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  • If I hadn't pushed her out of the way she would have die...aaaaaaah!
  • I think I have...superpowers!
  • I'm looking seriously over the city...in a squatting position.
  • I met a guy at Craigslist.
  • Those are Celine Dion lyrics!
  • [to Jill] I realize, we can never be together.

Lou Landers/Hourglass

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  • Why yes. This is, healthy cough blood.
  • Good. You're a hard-working fine young man. Let's hope you're not brutally murdered, too!
  • Are you frickin' insane?!
  • No, crazy is hearin' voices, talkin' to cats, datin' Paula Abdul. I am not crazy; I...am a visionary!
  • I just shat my pants.
  • I met a girl at Craigslist.
  • [last words, before being killed by his hourglass bomb] Oh, fuck.

Uncle Albert

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  • With great power comes hot bitches.
  • Look at you, eatin' junk food, wearin' fake beards.
  • You did surgery on me?
  • I can't breathe; you're kneelin' on my balls!
  • And once a month you'll bleed from your vagina!
  • Don't forget about the bitches.

Major Character Quotes

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Lance Landers

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  • Watch where you're going in slo-mo, dipshit!
  • I'll drive.

Stephen Hawking

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  • That's a lie. I think of suicide every single day.
  • Whatever!
  • Hey anyone want to get high? I have some hash with me. White guy in the dreads, you know what I am talking about? Can I get a what-what? Holla! I've got a stiff pole for your sweet hole. Anyone? Anyone? Pussies!
  • You have an incredible ass!
  • [before falling down after Albert pushed him] Shiiiit!...

Dr. Whitby

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  • No, it's not your dead wife.
  • Yes, you see, we confused you with one of our sex-change patients, but don't worry, we didn't remove your penis. We did, however, cut off your testicles, but since your wife's dead, you won't be needin' 'em!
  • Yes I know... [while fainting]

Professor Xavier

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  • How do I know that baby's even mine?!
  • SHIT!
  • Squatting on a glass table...two girls...one cup...you know what to do!
  • We have people who can walk through walls. And we have people who think they can walk through walls!

Minor Character Quotes

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Mrs. Xavier

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  • Because he can do this!
  • Make a costume, shit-head! I swear, they're gettin' dumber and dumber every year!
  • How's that feel, Invisi-Bitch?!

Human Torch

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  • Dude, you're on my gargoyle.
  • What are you doing?
  • Get a blanket or something!
  • Holy shit!
  • Get the fire extinguisher!
  • Aah, stop you idiot!

Dialogue

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Lance Landers: Ah, Rick Riker. How are your parents?
Rick: They died violently nine years ago.
Lance Landers: But, otherwise okay?
Mental Hospital Patient: [on phone] No, you listen to me! This is the Empire City Times, not some two-bit rag. I want that story on my desk by the end of business tonight or you're fired! [Presses button for another line] Wilkins, I've got tomorrow's editorial: When you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with everyone they ever slept with! Does that make you gay? Yes, yes it does! [hangs up phone and turns to Rick] Who the hell are you?!
Rick: Hi i'm Rick Riker, I was wondering if you had a job opening for--
Mental Hospital Patient: Job?! JOB!? How dare you come in here and ask me for a job! I've turned down millions of saps like you, and i'll turn down a million more. I'm the editor-in-chief! I can start fires with my mind. I know the mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the future! Rosie O'Donnell is-[carried out of the office by two men]
Editor-in-Chief: Sorry about this. We share the building with a mental hospital.
Dr. Whitby: [about Aunt Lucille] She can't walk, she can't talk. She has no control over her bowels.
Rick: That's terrible!
Dr. Whitby: I know. I went ahead and set up a MySpace account for her under "Crazyshitmachine" [Rick looks at him, appaled]. She already has 40 friends.
Professor Xavier: Hello, Rick.
Rick: Who are you and how do you know my name?
Professor Xavier: I'm a psychic.
Rick: Prove it.
Professor Xavier: Think of any number between one and a million and I'll tell you what it is.
Rick: Nine.
Professor Xavier: Not out loud, dumbass! Come with me, you dumb son-of-a-bitch.
Chief Karlin: The lady was badly hurt.
Interviewer: How was she hurt?
Chief Karlin: Badly!

Cast

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