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Superhero Movie

2008 film by Craig Mazin

Superhero Movie is a 2008 comedy film that spoofs the superhero genre. It was written and directed by Craig Mazin and produced by David Zucker and Robert K. Weiss.

Contents

Main Character QuotesEdit

Rick Riker/DragonflyEdit

  • If I hadn't pushed her out of the way she would have die...aaaaaaah!
  • I think I have...superpowers!
  • I'm looking seriously over the city...in a squatting position.
  • I met a guy at Craigslist.
  • Those are Celine Dion lyrics!
  • [to Jill] I realize, we can never be together.

Lou Landers/HourglassEdit

  • Why yes. This is, healthy cough blood.
  • Good. You're a hard-working fine young man. Let's hope you're not brutally murdered, too!
  • Are you frickin' insane?!
  • No, crazy is hearin' voices, talkin' to cats, datin' Paula Abdul. I am not crazy; I...am a visionary!
  • I just shat my pants.
  • I met a girl at Craigslist.
  • [last words, before being killed by his hourglass bomb] Oh, fuck.

Uncle AlbertEdit

  • With great power comes hot bitches.
  • Look at you, eatin' junk food, wearin' fake beards.
  • You did surgery on me?
  • I can't breathe; you're kneelin' on my balls!
  • And once a month you'll bleed from your vagina!
  • Don't forget about the bitches.

Major Character QuotesEdit

Lance LandersEdit

  • Watch where you're going in slo-mo, dipshit!
  • I'll drive.

Stephen HawkingEdit

  • That's a lie. I think of suicide every single day.
  • Whatever!
  • Hey anyone want to get high? I have some hash with me. White guy in the dreads, you know what I am talking about? Can I get a what-what? Holla! I've got a stiff pole for your sweet hole. Anyone? Anyone? Pussies!
  • You have an incredible ass!
  • [before falling down after Albert pushed him] Shiiiit!...

Dr. WhitbyEdit

  • No, it's not your dead wife.
  • Yes, you see, we confused you with one of our sex-change patients, but don't worry, we didn't remove your penis. We did, however, cut off your testicles, but since your wife's dead, you won't be needin' 'em!
  • Yes I know... [while fainting]

Professor XavierEdit

  • How do I know that baby's even mine?!
  • SHIT!
  • Squatting on a glass table...two girls...one cup...you know what to do!
  • We have people who can walk through walls. And we have people who think they can walk through walls!

Minor Character QuotesEdit

Mrs. XavierEdit

  • Because he can do this!
  • Make a costume, shit-head! I swear, they're gettin' dumber and dumber every year!
  • How's that feel, Invisi-Bitch?!

Human TorchEdit

  • Dude, you're on my gargoyle.
  • What are you doing?
  • Get a blanket or something!
  • Holy shit!
  • Get the fire extinguisher!
  • Aah, stop you idiot!

DialogueEdit

Lance Landers: Ah, Rick Riker. How are your parents?
Rick: They died violently nine years ago.
Lance Landers: But, otherwise okay?

Mental Hospital Patient: [on phone]No, you listen to me! This is the Empire City Times, not some two-bit rag. I want that story on my desk by the end of business tonight or you're fired! [Presses button for another line] Wilkins, I've got tomorrow's editorial: When you sleep with someone, you're sleeping with everyone they ever slept with! Does that make you gay? Yes, yes it does! [hangs up phone and turns to Rick] Who the hell are you?!
Rick: Hi i'm Rick Riker, I was wondering if you had a job opening for--
Mental Hospital Patient: Job?! JOB!? How dare you come in here and ask me for a job! I've turned down millions of saps like you, and i'll turn down a million more. I'm the editor-in-chief! I can start fires with my mind. I know the mayor of Venus! Hamburgers can see the future! Rosie O'Donnell is-[carried out of the office by two men]
Editor-in-Chief: Sorry about this. We share the building with a mental hospital.

Dr. Whitby: [about Aunt Lucille] She can't walk, she can't talk. She has no control over her bowels.
Rick: That's terrible!
Dr. Whitby: I know. I went ahead and set up a MySpace account for her under "Crazyshitmachine" [Rick looks at him, appaled]. She already has 40 friends.

Professor Xavier: Hello, Rick.
Rick: Who are you and how do you know my name?
Professor Xavier: I'm a psychic.
Rick: Prove it.
Professor Xavier: Think of any number between one and a million and I'll tell you what it is.
Rick: Nine.
Professor Xavier: Not out loud, dumbass! Come with me, you dumb son-of-a-bitch.

Chief Karlin: The lady was badly hurt.
Interviewer: How was she hurt?
Chief Karlin: Badly!

CastEdit

External linksEdit